#lindsey goes to adulthood

[iamschnazzleberry]

I'm so fuckin campsick rn. (long rant, sry)

Like. My first theater camp is hiring rn. Hiring a woodshop counselor. And it's making me think of all the things I could should might have accomplished over the past 3 years.

I should know how to properly operate a chainsaw by this point. I should be certified in digging and solidifying hiking trails. I should be able to build shit. I should be able to get this job no fucking problem. I should be able to go back to the place that taught me who I am. But some fuckin global crisis has pushed me into the middle of nowhere and I have.......nothing before me.

I have the fucking Midwest before me. I'm failing the only class I'm taking. I have trash bags full of laundry I haven't washed yet. I'm supposed to support my partner through his mental health journey while I feel like I'm hardly able to make it through my own.

The last time I remember feeling truly fulfilled and satisfied without my partner was when I was working at camp. But going back would mean leaving my partner alone. Abandoning him. Leaving behind happiness. Again. And I care more about that than about my own satisfaction. But is that what he wants for me? Am I detracting from both of our senses of satisfaction by making this decision?

Idk. I just hate leaving him alone. I feel like he needs me here. We have 3 cats and he's gotta take care of all of them by himself if I'm not here. I feel like going off to chase my own satisfaction means leaving him alone with all my burdens. Because it's just not practical to take him with me. Everything is so confusing. Everything sucks. hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[herinsectreflection]

What are your thoughts on season 4? I know it's not a fan favorite and Adam does pale in comparison to other villains of the show.

I've been rewatching and in retrospective, it seemed like they were setting the watcher's council as the next big bad on season 3. The Initiative was a nice thought but it soon became boring and kind of the same over and over and Adam was just not interesting as there was not human motivation within him (and in that sense the original idea of Maggie as the big bad was better). Riley is nice but he doesn't bring a lot to the plate other than being our eyes into The Initiative and being Buffy's boyfriend.

It does has some good points such as the introduction of Tara and Anya to the main cast, but other than that it does not feel that connected to the rest of the show (which kind of make sense as it is the transitional season from teenagers to adults?).

I actually love S4. I think it’s clear that not everything the writers had planned worked out - partially due to issues with actors like Lindsey Crouse, but also partly due to the structure of the main plot. The way the Initiative plot plays out means that the protagonist of that story is Riley. He’s the one who has his perspective on the world challenged. He’s the one being faced with the most difficult choices (choosing between his mother figure and friends, and his new girlfriend). He goes from a loyal military stooge to punching his senior commander in the face.

Buffy, on the other hand, has a pretty static arc. She starts off mistrusting the Initiative and their methods. Then she has one episode of tentatively working with them, before Maggie betrays her, and then she goes back to mistrusting the Initiative and their methods, and that remains until the end of the season. She ends up guiding Riley through his struggles. And this is just completely backwards. This is Buffy’s story, and other characters exist primarily to service her arc. She should be facing the biggest emotions and hardest choices. Even if Riley was an extremely likeable fan favourite (and he most definitely is not), it would be a problem for Buffy not to be the protagonist of this story. I think this is the central issue that causes the main arc of S4 so feel so needless and flabby.

Otherwise though, S4 is doing a lot of interesting things. The gradual drifting apart and clashing of the scoobies is handled really well (better than when the same attempted story in S7 to be honest), and it feels appropriate for the point in Buffy’s life she’s in that the bonds that were so strong for her through adolescence are beginning to fray. They do a great job handling the one major cast shift of the series. Riley was a bit of a misstep in a few ways, but Spike, Anya ad Tara are immediately engaging and even in S4 feel more important and less shoehorned-in than Angel and Cordelia were by the end of S3. And the general zip and humour of the dialogue is at its peak; the writers clearly extremely comfortable with the actors and characters, and able to write great lines for them in their sleep. S4 is kind of a comfort season for me, one that I throw on when I want some fun Buffy.

I think it is a transitional season but I don't think that means it is disconnected. It is vital connective tissue between the story of adolescence that formed S1-3, and then story of adulthood that forms S5-7. It's a messy, weird season that leads the characters from their graduation to the world of "real" adulthood, just as student life is a weird, messy time where you throw a lot of stuff at the wall. It ends up oddly appropriate for the story.

Plus, I think any season that contains Restless deserves every plaudit and then some.

[saetangfm]

( twenty - one , cisfemale , she/her ) ✉ ― hey babes, have you met MALI SAETANG. they’re vacationing here, a few villas down from where you’re staying. you might hear LOTTERY BY KALI UCHIS playing from their villa, it’s their favourite song. yes, they hear that they look like LALISA MANOBAN alot, actually - it’s really uncanny. their friends back home in SAN FRANCISCO , CALIFORNIA say that if they were on a tv show, their trope would be THE DITZ , how funny is that? ✎ bunny, 18, she/they , est.

[ paris hilton’s vc ] “that’s hot !” hiii , my name is bunny !! i am a very chaotic person. hopefully all of my ideas for mali is coherent enough. i’m SO SO SO excited for this rp and for you all to meet mali. i am very forgetful due to my neurodivergency so if you ever send me a message to plot don’t be afraid to send it twice to remind me. OK OK , HERE IS MS. SAETANG <33

full name | mali saetang

age | twenty - one

birth date | december 24

zodiac | capricorn

father’s name | aran ( last name to be found )

mother’s name | chailai saetang

orientation | bisexual

label | the ditz

I. BIOGRAPHY

COMES from a long line musician and music moguls well at least on her mother’s side her mother is currently a music mogul , retired musician. her mother quite reminded her of cher. a very forward thinking and independent woman. didn’t need anyone to do anything for her. incredibly talented , beautiful , funny. the whole PACKAGE really. she looked up to her mother very much. her dad on the other hand was more of the scumbag more of the DIRTBAG type. he was a one time fling for her mom. a big scandal when it happened. such a famous woman like her mom sleeping with a nobody. he came and go when he pleased when she was growing up. one day , he just never showed back up. she still loved him regardless even though he showed little interest in her. no matter how hard she tried. she just wanted VALIDATION. craved it. this trend would follow her into adulthood. her mother treated her well though , she had a problem staying at her house busy with work and all. her mother always felt HORRIBLE and GUILTY for this so she gave her money , gifts , and vacations. anything to help her conscience but she always meant well because she loved mali. so mali spent her childhood rotating through nannies , craving the validation from her dad knowing she’ll never get it , and getting PITY gifts and money from her mom.

II.

MALI took up singing as well but more as a hobby to her mother’s disappointment. mali just has a lot of doubts in her singing ability and just doesn’t know if she’ll ever live up to her mother. she’s much more of a typical SOCIALITE. lots of parties and hook ups rather than spending time being typically “productive”. her mother funds these habits out of guilt of her past behavior in mali’s childhood. her current life is just filled with her in the tabloids. MALI’S GONE WILD makes the headline like two times a week and don’t get me started on her dumb tweets that genuinely makes people question her intelligence on a daily.

III.

TYPICALLY , mali is a pretty sweet person. always has her friends back regardless if their friends are in the wrong or not. she’s a little bit of a airhead. think of the DUMBEST quote you can and she has probably said it or tweeted it. she’s one of those people who just goes with whoever she has the most fun with. this gets her in a lot of trouble because the people she hangs out with can be the nastiest bitches girls on earth. tend gets her in a lot of drama. her SWEET and QUIRKY personality makes up for most of this though since she can really charming. she’s not a person who kicks people down to get her way but she will if she has too. can charm her way out of anything truly. just put a smile and twirl her hair. works every time.

IV. WANTED CONNECTIONS

bad  influence  . generally all of her friends are kind of bad influence on her but this one in particular is bad. always getting in trouble especially during parties. think of lindsey lohan and paris hilton when they were friends. just a whole mess , a lot of fun , and a ton of bad decisions.

best friends . a group of people she hangs around constantly. this group definitely has to be a lot of fun. doesn’t necessarily have to be the nicest group of people.

frenemies . party buddies or just a person she only hung out with a couple times who she honestly doesn’t really like. just hangs out with them for fun. talks badly behind their back.

flings . this could be multiple people. she kinda falls in “love” with people at parties a lot. maybe it’s the alcohol that brings it out but absolutely loves being loved or at least wanted. keeps them around for a couple and then breaks up them.

enemies . a lot people find her airhead socialite personality annoying.

| honestly just throw any other plots my way if you want !! <3

[isobel-thorm]

Lindsey probably beat me to all for wide man so all for Cal 😌

🍍  :    how comfortable is my muse in their body? how do they feel about their height,  weight,  strength,  and body type?  how important is being attractive to them?   // 🍑  :    how meticulously does my muse look after their physical appearance?  do they spend a lot of time on their hair,  makeup,  grooming,  and clothing?  is there a particular reason why they do or don’t?  He’s okay with his appearance for the most part. He thinks he’s a bit odd-looking, but also figures that if he’s John’s spitting image and everybody was supposedly in love with the guy’s looks, he couldn’t be that bad either. That said, when he found out he was technically a Seed he tried to distance himself from being ‘John’s spitting image’ like everybody considered him. He kept trying to keep himself clean-shaven and put a bunch of lemon juice and such to lighten his hair so it wasn’t as glaringly obvious. He dropped it once he and John finally talked things through. As far as clothing, it’s not like he has much to choose from considering the Collapse, so he usually sticks with overworn jeans, a T-shirt and a button-up over it and a pair of workman’s boots.

🍅  :    how does my muse feel about plastic  /  cosmetic surgeries   &   procedures?  is it something they have done or would do?  do they mind if others do it?  He’s only ever heard about it in theory but doesn’t like it regardless. ‘Sounds like a lot of trouble for something that needs to be replaced again and again.’ 

🍏  :    how stable is my muse’s physical health?  do they go for regular or semi-regular checkups by a physician?  do they have any diagnosed illnesses and / or take any medication?  how often do they get sick?  // 🍎  :    how stable is my muse’s mental health?  have they been diagnosed with any mental illnesses and  /  or conditions?  do they have any undiagnosed mental illnesses and  /  or conditions?  do they or should they attend therapy?  His physical health is usually pretty good. He got majorly sick when everyone first left the bunker when he was seven, but it was really just a bad adjustment period that eventually evened out. After that he mostly just got a doozy of a cold every so often. Once he gets Eden’s gift, any illness became a thing of the past/a non-issue. Mentally he was also pretty good, though again the Seed reveal was a major point in his life, and he was depressed over it for a while but anxiety took over quickly and overrode everything. Actually, all things considered between that and his Uncle dropping all of the Shepherd nonsense on him, Anxiety became a permanent fixture in his life. 

🍒  :    how much does my muse value companionship?  do they constantly keep people around them,  or do they prefer to be alone often?  do they have or desire to have many friends?  do they see every meeting as an opportunity to make a new friend?   He absolutely needs friends and family around him to function. He’s okay being alone, but he vastly enjoys people being there more. He goes out of his way to be friendly, even for people who he figures shouldn’t exactly be given the time of day. Even when Mickey and Lou showed up he mentioned thinking talking it out might work- until they threaten his sisters, and then it’s about game over as quickly as it was for John. 

🍇  :    how would my muse describe their childhood?  how much has it impacted the person they are now,  or will become as an adult?  around what age did they or will they start to mature,  and why?  do they wish to go back to their days as a child,  or have they embraced adulthood?  As a kid, he loved his life, knew he was taken care of, loved all the adventure etc. After the Seed reveal and into his adulthood, he still would say he loved his childhood and all the adventures, but he also figures he was partly living a lie, even if he knows it was probably for the best. Again, that event made him grow up really quickly and really evaluate his stance on good and evil and if people could really come back from being monsters. 

🍐  :    how intelligent is my muse overall?  are they smarter than the average person,  or less than?  are they primarily self-taught,  or did they acquire most of their knowledge in school?  are they more street smart or book smart?   He’s pretty smart. Between the homeschooling that came from the people in Prosperity as well as the Survival skills taught alongside that, he’s pretty well-rounded skill and intelligence-wise. 

🍉  :    which of the four seasons suits my muse best,  and why?  Spring. Bright colors, the idea of rebirth and nice weather fit his personality most. 

🍌  :    is my muse inclined to help others,  or will they only do it when it benefits them,  if at all?  what makes them this way?  has it ever gotten them into trouble,  or inconvenienced them?  Nic and John raised him right. He wants to help people no matter what, without expecting anything in return. The closest thing he gets to that backfiring is having Mickey and Lou come to town, but that gets resolved quickly. After that, his desire to try to mend the rift between Joseph and John makes everything extremely tense for a while for the entire family. 

🍊  :    does my muse desire romance?  is it something they would actively seek out,  or prefer to happen more  ‘  naturally?  ’  what is their love life like?  do they have any exes or past flings,  or crushes?  Cal and Carmina were the resident Simba and Nala essentially from day one, so even they kind of figured they’d end up together/be expected to do so.  That said, it did help that they were best friends and a mutual crush developed so they pursued things and end up together 5ever. 

🍓  :    how is my muse typically seen by others?  does it ring true to who they really are?  does their reputation matter to them?  He tries to make a name for himself, but even he knows that the public’s mostly going to know him as “John and the Deputy’s son” and be expected to be a perfect blend of their personalities. He’s a little insulted, but at the same time, he can’t really talk because that’s how he ended up - street smart, charming, uses humor to cope, charismatic, an explosive temper but it takes him a while to get to that point, etc. 

🥝  :    does my muse have any  ‘  unusual  ’  habits, interests,  and  /  or talents?  do they hide it,  or are they proud of it?   He absolutely ends up using Eden’s Gift as a party trick for the most part. “Hey, look how far I can jump!” “look how far I can punch this rock.” Also, he’s a ridiculously good shot with a bow and arrow. 

🍋  :    what kind of diet does my muse have?  do they eat regularly,  or the standard 2-3 meals a day?  do they have to be reminded to eat,  or are they likely to remind others?  do they cook,  or have others cook for them?  do they eat healthily,  or not so much?  Eats whatever is available whenever it’s available. He just about dies for any sort of bread whenever anybody can manage to make it, though. 

🥭  :    how important to my muse is their hometown,  or where they’re from?  are they proud of it,  or considered a hometown hero? did they move away,  or do they wish to?  From an early age he knew there was probably no chance of leaving Hope County, and even when he and Carmina leave for the train to get Rush and Sydney, even his time on there and seeing everything is nice, but it makes him ridiculously homesick. Once he inherits New Eden he redesigns and builds a lot of it up to make it his own, and that’s enough for him. 

[articlesbyem-blog]

The Need for a New Standard

By EMMA LINDSEY

Art and Photography Editor

In 1965, students from Des Moines, Iowa, protested US military involvement in the Vietnam War by wearing black armbands. Administrators quickly instituted a dress code, forbidding arm bands by claiming they were disruptive. The case went to the Supreme Court which ruled in favor of the students in Tinker v. Des Moines Independent Community School District. High school students have challenged the dress code since the 1960s. The school dress code is hardly a new topic.

Although, students at MBHS are not exactly protesting a war, the issue seems almost as personal to some students at such a young and confusing time. Girls attach so much significance to their personal style. We often identify ourselves by the clothing we choose to wear.

However, MBHS principal Mrs. Amanda Hood, argued, “With any role that we have, there are standards that we have to meet, whether that be as a job or a student, and dress code is one of those things.”  

Mrs. Hood believes the code prepares students for future adulthood, teaching standards of work and adherence to rules. “In the workplace there will be some type of standard that you have to meet, even if that is a standard of dress. Being a student is no different.”  

While, the intent of the dress code may be well-founded, I believe in practice the school takes the code too far. Regarding dress code, the school website states, “No student shall dress in such a way as to distract from the learning process of other students.” However, the dress code acts as the distraction. The code seems to do exactly what it claims to prevent. To my knowledge, students are not distracted by exposed shoulders. Meanwhile, a student being called out by their teacher or flagged down in the hallway and sent to the office is distracting in a learning environment.

That student may miss an entire class period, and this interruption may even extend into the next class. Missing any class time, especially an entire period, can be difficult to make up. That student misses lectures and assignments. Nothing should infringe on a student’s right to learn.

One of my biggest concerns with dress code is that, in my experience, the code targets female students. The school dress code prohibits common female clothing items such as tank tops, short shorts, distressed denim shorts, backless dresses, short skirts and any shirt exposing midriff and shoulders.  The rules oriented towards females run along a common theme to “cover up.” Besides gender-neutral rules such as head gear and clothing sporting obscene language, male students only face regulations against spike rings, spike bracelets and wallet chains. Personally, I have never seen, nor expect to see, any MBHS male student wear a wallet chain.

Building a wardrobe excluding everything the school forbids can be nearly impossible while maintaining a sense of fashion that appeals to a teenage girl. The majority of clothing marketed to girls is out of dress code. As time goes on and styles change, what the school deems as appropriate should evolve as well. Walk into a store such as Urban Outfitters or SOCA, and the store is filled with violations. The availability of what the school deems “appropriate” and “non-distracting” clothing items is lacking in today’s stores. From distressed denim shorts and skirts to off-the-shoulder tops, the majority of clothing available to young girls is in violation of dress code. Before citing girls for inappropriate attire, the school administration needs to take a hard look at whether their code is up-to-date.

It is important to note that the school’s dress code is nothing new. The school has had the same standards for years. However, recently, fashion trends have emerged that violate the rules. Mrs. Hood said, “We have never seen trends like these before, prompting us to address the dress code in a way that we have never seen before.”

She added, “Standards do not change because of trends; the standard is the standard.”

However, I believe that we should revise the standard precisely because the code has remained unchanged for years. Standards should evolve as time passes. Girls are not still required to wear knee length skirts as they did in the 50s and 60s.

The sudden rise in dress code violations at the start of every school year always raises a conversation amongst the student body. If there is a gap between the administration’s standard and what the students see as appropriate, then we need to have a discussion about revising the standard.  

I do not believe students should purposefully disobey the dress code, rather that the students and the administration should revise the code to incorporate the student voice.

Mrs. Hood recognizes the code is dated. “I have considered forming a focus group of students and saying, ‘Lets throw [the code] out the window and completely rewrite it.’”

I agree that the best strategy to bridge this rift between the student and administration would be a focus group.  This proposal would add a much-needed student voice to the code.

The code, as it stands, restricts what students wear every day based on an ancient standard. Currently, students’ opinions on the topic are largely ignored and need to be heard.

One other factor about Mountain Brook High School’s culture connects to the school dress code issue. From the moment I entered the high school as a sophomore, I have heard of the freedom and trust that the school gives the students. Mountain Brook is the only school in the state to have a free period. They seem to value personal responsibility and freedom with a strong emphasis on student voice in the school.

Assistant principal Mr. Philip Holley said, “When I tell other schools that y’all have a free period they are blown away. They ask, ‘How does that even work?’”

“I think it is because of y’all. Our students are amazing. It goes back to personal responsibilities. Our students know how to handle the freedoms we give them. You are aware of where you are supposed to be and what you are supposed to be doing.”

Yet, students are policed for their clothing and are pulled out of classrooms. When it comes to female’s clothing choices, the school’s view is radically different from the independent and trusting spirit they present elsewhere.

[thediscoveryhouse]

How to Kick Start a Healthy Lifestyle in Recovery with Antonio

It’s National Nutrition Month, and we all know how important a healthy lifestyle is in recovery. So today we’re talking with one of our alumni, Antonio, who not only has a passion for healthy living but has experience working in the health and fitness industry.

Lindsey (L): Could you share a little bit about your experience with addiction?

Antonio (A): Addiction is not just about using drugs and alcohol. I think it’s about behaviors and attitudes. For me, it started at a young age. It consumed my life, obsessions, and compulsions. It carried on through adulthood and plagued me for a long time. My thinking, my behaviors – it brought me near death and to my knees. Then I reached out for help.

L: You have a lot of experience in the fitness industry. Can you tell us about that?

A: My whole life, my entire family, we’re pretty much thoroughbred athletes, and we come from a long line of military. Physical fitness has a lot to do with all of that. It was a release that my brothers and I utilized our whole lives. It carried on through high school and college. Paid for my college and related to what I decided to do as a career. I was a personal trainer and personal training director for LA Fitness for a long time. I would bring people in who were new to fitness, get them signed up for a membership, put them on a fitness journey which included diet, exercise, and routines. I would act as their coach. I excelled in that and became one of the top guys in the country for LA Fitness. I became a general manager and started opening up all the new locations, hire staff, training, and development. Get them up and running and set people up on their journeys.

L: How has a healthy lifestyle helped you in your recovery?

A: The cool thing about recovery and fitness is they are intertwined. The principles that you have in health and fitness carry over to recovery as well. So, you get out of it what you put into it. You build yourself a good healthy routine, and you stick to it. It’s about discipline, consistency, and having the right attitude. It’s all about building better well-being for yourself.

With recovery, it’s a physical, emotional, and spiritual journey and it’s the same thing that goes on with fitness as well.

L: What do you do in typical day to implement a healthy mindset and lifestyle into your recovery?

A: Try to get 7-8 hours of good sleep. I like to hit my knees and pray and thank my Higher Power for another opportunity at life and for giving me the vessel to help other people. I love to start off by drinking a lot of water. I take my vitamins. I’m conscious of everything that I eat. Lately, I’ve been on more of a plant-based diet, so I like to stick with natural and organic products. I stay away from animal bi-products, dairy, and white carbohydrates. I want to lead a healthy lifestyle and a healthy routine every single day. Every two and a half to three hours I stay consistent with putting fuel in my body. So smaller and cleaner meals. Stay hydrated. I pray throughout the day. And most importantly I like to be conscious of how I treat other people.

L: Even though you’re not in the industry anymore, do you still get a lot of people asking you for advice about eating healthy and working out?

A: Yeah they do. It’s infectious and contagious. There is good mood and bad mood food so if you eat like crap you’re going to feel like crap most of the time. The whole thing with health and fitness in recovery – it’s an inside job. It will benefit the exterior, and you’ll feel better about yourself, but it is an interior job. I try to be a role model, too. I get my friends to come to the gym. That’s another thing I didn’t touch base on – I go to the gym 5-6 days a week. It’s not just about exerting energy, and feeling better about myself it’s to get my out of my head. Some people enjoy meditation; I like to put headphones on and press weights. It’s weird, but I feel most comfortable when I’m exhausted and have sweat all over – that’s when I’m at peace the most.

L: Do you ever have days where you don’t feel like doing this stuff?

A: Yes. Sundays. Every Sunday I take a day to relax, step back, and do a self-care day. I like to get a manicure, a pedicure, a facial maybe. Get my eyebrows done or get a massage. Do my step work, get with my sponsor, and go to church to pay homage to my Higher Power.

L: How do you stay motivated to be healthy and on point all the time?

A: I keep it green from where I came. For me to get where I’m at I had to go through a lot. I had to step over a lot of dead bodies to get here, so death is a huge part. A lot of my friends and family members have died along the way. Any day above ground is a blessed day so even when I’m feeling down about myself I like to take a recap of what it took for me to get to where I am. I say a little prayer to get me out of my attitude or my mood and kind of stay positive and keep it moving.

L: Do you have a gratitude practice?

A: When I open my eyes I’m grateful. I’m thankful to have my family and friends back in my life and for the opportunity to stay clean and to affect other people positively. It translates into what I do for a living. I work in the addiction treatment industry now, so I’m able to give back what was so freely given to me. Giving people better opportunities in life and a chance at life in recovery, so that keeps me grateful on a daily basis. To stay on the front lines and hear about people’s pain and despair and having them reach out for help that keeps it green for me.

L: What are some of your favorite ways to indulge? Do you ever have cheat days?

A: Yeah. With health and fitness and staying on a diet or routine that cheat day or that cheat meal (everyone says it’s a cheat day but it is a cheat meal. If you cheat the whole day it explodes everything) but that one cheat meal can raise your metabolism. Your body is going to work two to three times as hard to get the bad foods out of your body, and it’s going to raise your metabolism. I like to indulge in a big breakfast. That’s where I get in all the excellent breakfast meats and the potatoes and all that good stuff. I like treats. One of the big things is Taco Bell has those little Cinnabon things with the cheesecake filling. Oh man, I’ll take a nice 24 piece to the head.

Because I eat so healthy all the time when I don’t eat a healthy meal I can feel it. It’s like I’m hungover. It motivates me to get up the next day and stay on top of my diet and get to the gym.

L: Let’s talk about meal prepping. Is that something that is a big part of your week?

A: Like anything, having a plan and executing it will leave the smallest margin for error. So when you do have those weak moments where you want to indulge or grab a burger, you don’t have to because you have everything regimented out for you. So it’s always a good idea to have your meals prepped. 

You can make it into a team event. If you want to motivate your friends, invite them over and show them how to do it and it’s just like the program.  Just as you have to have a sponsor that’s going to show you the steps and how to stay clean on a daily basis, you have to do the same thing with your health and fitness. Also, if you don’t have the time and you have the money, there are meal prep programs that you can get your meals prepared for you.

I’ve also been juicing lately. I get my fresh produce, get it juiced, and drink some with my meals instead of eating them to help reboot my metabolism.

L: What is your favorite go-to meal?

A: Asparagus, chicken, and sweet potatoes. 

[blaxpoetix]

Mount Zion Missionary Baptist Church 1. A navy blue suit A clip on tie Patent leather shoes so tight Every Sunday morning without fail... I recall much ado always to get Booker, my foster father ready for church. I was his constant companion. He in a very nice suit and tie; Me in a meager Sear Robuck semblance of a suit. The house clamors with breakfast preparation. My little sisters search the house for church shoes and tie pins, cuff link, good socks. I feel like an alien. The only kid on my block who goes to church, in a suit no less. By this time of morning my friends are usually already gathered in the South Gregory Street cul d sac playing football or riding bikes, full of the vigor of youth, drunk on the freedom afforded by a last reprieve from school week. I am gathering his tattered bible and getting into the Company car, a blue El Dorado which bears the logo of his Masonary Concrete business, the cursive announces ' Silver Strand Construction Company. ' The name is derived from the Coronado Bridge in San Diego. The church is quite huge. Situated in the heart of Barrio Logan. Nearby are my school, the Boy's Club and the community pool. We pull up to a parking spot, the acrid smoke of his Roi Tan cigars permeates the cab of the truck. I notice always the kids who are on their way to have fun either at the Boy's Club, the nearby Memorial Park or the pool. I feel like an alien. Booker is a deacon, so I guess it's a point of pride to have your son, even your foster son attend church along with you. I recall the great anxiety induced by my baptism. I was teased endlessly by the group of older foster kids there at 638 South Gregory St. You see, the Nash's had raised a previous batch of foster children who were all close to adulthood by the time my sisters and I had arrived there. So, often they would relish the chance to belittle us as we went through the same routines I am now completely sure they were compelled to, like church when the whole world was outside playing, running around like normal children. My baptism and joining the church were things I had to do. Being the son of a deacon and all. The night I was baptised I will never forget. Charlene, Booker's wife, had a tremendous habit of watching Biblical Hollywood films. In particular, a scene from one stood out for me then. We find the Christ meeting John the Baptist at the river...The I baptise you, no you should baptise me dialog... John dips Jesus in the river water and lo, the Christ arrises stiff as a board, glorious, magnanimous, all cheap 70s Hollywood special effects like...the glare of fluegelhorns and cornets Canned choruses implying glory....that image was glued in my head for weeks prior to my scheduled baptism. I swear on my very skin that was exactly what i expected would occur when I was baptised...I would errupt out of the water and stand enshrined in light and technicolor bombast... I never told anyone this, it just lingered in my mind and still does...funny guy... J Lindsey was our pastor. Needless to say, he performed my baptism with appropiate ceremony. I did not burst out of the water like Jesus in that cheesy film. No, J Lindsey dunked and admonished blessings on me. I went to the back of the church, dried off and slipped back into my cheap Sears suit. I wondered if I was supposed to feel anything, which, for the most part, I did not. J Lindsey was an awfully good showman. I do honestly believe that all my notions and gleanings of the value and use of stage presence came from this man. He had this thing he'd do with his left eye rolling back every time he reached a peak in his sermons. He eould always start out his presentation fully enrobed and by the time he reached his fever pitch we would see him having flung the robe and often his suit jacket off onto the stage or pulpit. The buttons of his vest unbuttoned, his tiny quick hands would oft dishevel his small neat afro, pulling his not so thick by now hair over his bald spot repeatedly as his voice all the while gutturally intoned a " Wellllll, ah..." and a " Can I get an Amen,ah..." He was a slight little dark man Who had the kind of voice which was breezy and calm, sweet even. That is, until he got himself worked up in sermon. There was always that one woman in the congregation who would get up and go off along with him. A tall, buxom light skinned and very well coiffed lady who'd get up and all but pass out hollering yes Jesus, fanning herself frantically with the church logo fans, nearly passing out, like clockwork every Sunday without fail. At this point also one could invariably witness the row of deacons lining the front of the pulpit, Booker chief among them, fast asleep, nodding, snoring even. It never ever changed. They would awake to collect the offering, then back to sleep. After many months of having witnessed this routine, i became bored with it all. I sang in the children's choir as well. Music was a relief from the boredom. I really relished the synchopated walk we did to the stage, the robes, the songs. I could really sing pretty well and was one of two boys in the choir. Often when the children's choir was dismissed, as my time as member of the church wore on, I would find myself sequestered to a backmost pew reading the book of Revelations over and over again. J Lindsey put on foot stomping show, deacons slept, the lady glorified in her extemporations. Occasionally I would sit close to the organ to watch the way the player worked it. Ever now and then a vocalist would catch my ear. Please be patient with me, God is not through with me yet became my favorite gospel song. There was one lady in choir who particularly cut this tune beautifully, still it resonates in mind. She had a wonderful alto voice and enough bass properly applied to make me grow to love this song, she owned it every time. So, I would read that strangely poetic last book of the bible as often as I could to stave off my boredom. You may see herein where a lot, a great deal of my poetic influence was born from. After church we would return to Gregory St. Early dinner, haze of cigar smoke all over me, hang up suit, slip out of too tight patent leather shoes...rush outside to catch up with my friends. Me, church boy, foster son of sleeping deacon. More tales of Mount Zion to come. Thanks for coming along. Until next time. Blessed be!! #blaxpoetix

[iamschnazzleberry]

Need to put my thoughts about the future somewhere. Read if you want, this is mostly for me.

It’s the end of June. I’m supposed to be at camp right now. I’m feelin’ wicked campsick this year. It’s the first year in a really long time that I’m home for the whole summer. Other than treatment 3 years ago and my “gap years” in 2008 and 2012, I’ve been at camp every summer for the past 14 years.

I have a big adult job now and, even if camp wasn’t closed, they most likely wouldn’t be okay with me just taking 3 months off to be in the forest. I really do love my job and I think it’s important work. It’s stable, it pays well, it has good benefits. By all means, it’s very impressive. But this isn’t what I want to keep doing forever.

Even though I fucking love working at camp, I also feel incredibly guilty when I go because I just drop everything and leave for 3 months and I feel like I’m just abandoning Cory. He doesn’t deserve that. I get so fucked up inside when I start thinking about moving away for camp and figuring out how to work with Cory’s job. It’ll be easier to move to a new place now that his department has gone completely remote, but I have to decide on whether I want to keep my current job, go full time at my current camp job, find work at a different camp and work there, or get a stable non-camp job that I’m good at.

If I keep my current job, we’d have to stay in the Bay Area but I’d still have this big fancy job. I could talk to my supervisor about going completely remote but I’m a pretty low level employee and I doubt they’d say yes.

If I want to keep working at Family Camp, I’d be making us upend everything and move 3 hours away just to accommodate my own wants. Plus it’s so hard to find reliable high-speed internet around there which would SEVERELY impact Cory’s work.

If we decide to move somewhere else, I could look for a camp around there where I could work. I know it wouldn’t be hard for me to find a camp position given my experience and qualifications. The big issue with working at camp is the salary. If it was just me, I would love to just live at camp making a camp employee’s salary. Free room and board, free food. But it’s not just me. It’s me and Cory and Winnie. It’s my family. I don’t know which, if any, camps would provide those same benefits for all of us. (Well, obviously not for Winnie since he’s, y’know, a cat). We’ve got bills. We’ve got groceries and clothes and medical expenses we need to cover. It’s just not realistic for us to only depend on Cory’s income for everything. 

I think the most likely option is to find a place we want to move and find work around there. Job hunting is a bitch and, even with my experience in different fields, it’s even harder without a bachelor’s degree. I don’t even have an Associate’s degree. Hell, I don’t even have a certificate. Granted, I got my current job without one but I can’t help feeling like that was just a fluke. I want to have a good job with good benefits. I want to be able to be on my own without having to depend on my parents for anything. I feel like I have that with my current job but I don’t know how much longer I can stand living in Silicon Valley. The cost of living here is just a fucking nightmare and it’s almost impossible for me to save any money when so much of it is just going to rent and utilities and internet. 

On top of all this, we’re tired of renting so Cory wants to buy a house. I’m excited for that, but neither of us wants a house in the Bay Area. At least not in Silicon Valley.

I guess my big big main top ultimate goal is to be able to completely cut off contact with my family without any worry of them being able to hunt me down or whatever. I’m basically there right now except for the fact that I live so close to them. I’ve got my own income, insurance, phone service. I just need to get control of my student loans from my mom. That’s the one financial tie I still have to her. Once I get that done, I’m home free to go wherever I want. 

This is just so much to think about. I’d talk to a therapist about it, but I can’t fucking afford that.