#liking women and playing a million instruments (including guitar) go together well

[lifeisstrange-incorrectquotes]

Steph: *listening to Alex play the guitar* That's some nice finger work, Alex.

Steph: A shame it's wasted on that guitar.

Alex: What?

Steph: What?

[natromanxoff]

Queen live at Wembley Stadium in London, UK - July 12, 1986 (Part-1)

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The second night at Wembley Stadium is probably the most famous and well-documented concert of Queen's career. It was filmed by 15 cameras with the initial intention to air it on TV in October. David Bowie was rumoured to join the band on stage for Under Pressure, but it never materialized. Mick Jagger was in the audience, and hung out with the band before the show.

The band, particularly Freddie, seem to be a bit nervous at various points tonight, knowing well that this was the big show that was being filmed to be seen by millions of people throughout the ages. His voice is in not quite as good shape as it was last night, which led to many vocal overdubs being done for the TV/radio simulcast and official releases. Brian's nerves also reveal themselves early on, as he messes up the tapping solo in the middle of One Vision (the only time he ever missed it), and later he completely omits the first half of the Hammer To Fall solo (which he also did in Brussels).

All of these slight flaws aside, the video demonstrates how Queen had simply mastered their craft, having arguably orchestrated the perfect stadium show. It reveals a band who, through the unparalleled showmanship and charisma of Freddie Mercury, were able to connect with every one of the 72,000 people on hand. Brian May would later refer to Queen's touring work ethic as becoming "a well-oiled machine" when in the swing of things.

Pics 4 is a great shot of the blow-ups of the band members released into the sky during A Kind Of Magic. One of them was found by an old lady in her back yard the next morning.

Before Who Wants To Live Forever, Freddie insists, "we're gonna stay together until we fucking well die, I'm sure." There is a mighty truth to the statement which he certainly may have been aware of at this point.

After the impromptu, Brian May puts on a clinic of how to construct a guitar solo. A polar opposite of last night's mediocre solo spot, tonight's rendition is simply magnificent, and perhaps the definitive example of his musicality in the spotlight.

This is another one of those shows where Freddie shouts "Go Johnny!" during the instrumental part of Now I'm Here, referencing Johnny B. Goode by Chuck Berry.

The bobby hat Mercury is seen with in the acoustic set he stole from a side stage officer during the Newcastle show, in clear view of the audience!

The band attempt a couple more covers tonight, both for the last time - Gimme Some Lovin' and Big Spender. The songs had been tried out earlier in the tour, and the latter had been performed often throughout the 70s.

A fan recalls: "Freddie was perfect, he managed to bring the audience into the show in a way that felt really encompassing and natural. He was on our side and we were on his. Outside of Prince I can't think of any performer I've seen that has managed to bring an audience together as well as he did. It felt communal. His posteuring was always accompanied by a sly tongue-in-cheek understanding that this was a show and he was performing, but he always had a little wink or tongue poke that broke any sense of pomposity. The love for Freddie from the audience was palpable in a way I haven't felt since."

After the show, billed as "Dicky Hart And The Pacemakers" for fun, Queen and some other stars, including Cliff Richard and Samantha Fox, had a jam session at the Kensington Roof Gardens Night Club. Tutti Frutti and Sweet Little Rock And Roller were among the songs played. Short video clips have turned up in documentaries, like The Magic Years.

Samantha Fox recalls: "I sang with Freddie Mercury at a party once and that was fantastic. I couldn’t believe it when he pulled me up. It was their private party in Kensington. As soon as you got into the lift there were naked women painted green, like a forest. They had midgets with little trays of drinks. You just knew it was going to be a brilliant party. Queen took the stage and they jammed for about an hour [the party itself went until about 9am]. It was amazing. And Gary Glitter got up, too! He pulled me up and asked me what songs I knew. And you know when you can’t think? I asked if he knew Touch Me and he laughed and said, 'What about Go Johnny Go?’ We ended up singing that together. It was amazing to do a duet with Freddie."

The party itself was a tame affair for a mere 500 guests, including designers Yves St Laurent, Giorgio Armani, Calvin Klein, David and Elizabeth Emanuel, and Queen's old colleague Zandra Rhodes, who'd designed outfits for them in 1974. One publication recalls, "Queen held a famous party after their Wembley concert in July 1986 at the Roof Garden above Kensington High Street where 500 guests included Cliff Richard, Spandau Ballet and Gary Glitter. 'The uniform of every waiter, boy or girl, was body paint,' remembers Gary. 'At first you didn't notice they had nothing on, then you did a double take and thought, Wow! Only Queen would have thought to do this.' Among the other delights laid on for the guests were a scantily-clad woman on duty in the men's toilet and an equally under-dressed gent in the ladies ready to render whatever assistance was asked. That night Freddie made a point of being seen with Mary Austin on his arm. His boyfriend Jim Hutton was nowhere in sight."

Pics 2 through 4 were taken by Mark Alexander.

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Part-2

[vanderlindemangofarm]

The Van der Linde Gang - Jobs in a Modern AU

I’ve been really inspired to write about this lately and I’d love to hear your takes! These are the occupations that I think each gang member would have in a modern AU. Some were more challenging than others, but hopefully you guys can see where I’m coming from with each! 

Arthur: Film location scout. His natural eye for photography and framing makes Arthur the perfect member of a pre-production team. His no-bullshit approach to everything means he keeps to deadlines, although he’s known to go wandering off into the wilderness for unknown amounts of time. He enjoys the lone working side of his job and finding exactly the right spots that would make the film come to life. He doesn’t always like the films once they’re finished (in fact he’s often bought cinema tickets and walked out half way through, grumbling that it wasn’t worth the popcorn) but he can’t deny the excited buzz he gets every time he gets hired. In his early years as an assistant he met Bertie Mason, a nervous but talented photography intern. Despite an ill-advised hookup after a week joined at the hip they have remained close friends and still go out on shoots together. 

John: landscape gardener. John? Flowers? Yes, alright, I found it hard to believe too. But look, it’s not about the flowers, even if he does get misty-eyed at the sight of a sunflower in the early morning light. It’s about the challenge, the outdoors, and solving problems. After all the renovations he did to his house and garden (some more successful than others) John found how much satisfaction he got from digging and reshaping and planting. Don’t get me wrong, he’s often without a shirt, even in the colder months, much to the delight of some and the horror of others. He always makes friends with the household pets and is wonderful with the kids, always dropping his task to throw a frisbee around for a bit or cheekily accept an ice cold glass of lemonade from their mothers. Whenever he drives past one of his projects he feels himself glowing with pride - “I did that!”. 

Dutch: philosophy lecturer. As always, late with Starbucks. Will he actually grade your essay? Will it mysteriously disappear? Keeps you on your toes, doesn’t it? Sitting precariously on the very edge of his desk, leather jacket hanging off his shoulders and losing his balance every 15 minutes, Dr Van der Linde is nothing short of a wonder. For the love of all that is holy, do not get him started on Kant. Kant has no place here. You want to talk about your precious Kant? Get your butt down to Dr O’Driscoll’s class, he has plenty to say about Kant. Perhaps a little too fond of Socrates. Plato who? Completely illegible handwriting and definitely sleeping with several members of the faculty. But somehow his students always walk away with excellent grades. At the end of each term Dutch takes everyone out to a local bar for drinks, insists on buying tequila which no one really fancies at 11am. Claims to ride a motorcycle called The Count which no one has actually seen. Impossible to hate, and he writes everyone great references for their summer internships. 

Hosea: social worker. In a crisis, there’s no one better to knock on your door. Hosea has seen it all and he’ll see it all again, but that doesn’t stop him from treating every single case he gets with the upmost respect and care. His no-nonsense approach to his work means he gets things done, but he never sacrifices his compassion. He mostly works with teenagers and has a way of being able to connect to each individual without coming across as patronising. He’s been in the field for over two decades and is an invaluable mentor for any newcomers, always willing to share a word or two of advice or be a shoulder to cry on. 

Javier: guitar teacher and music therapist. During his worst years, Javier’s guitar was his lifeline. And he wants to help others find their lifeline, too. He works on a freelance basis, mainly going into mental health hospitals, schools and prisons. He runs workshops focusing on guitar playing, but brings other instruments (mainly percussion) to try too. He’s a gentle teacher, always with a joke in his back pocket for when you need it most. He has nicknames for everyone and remembers everything they’ve ever told him. He’s patient and never lets anyone feel bad for making a mistake. Javier also runs an after-school guitar club at the local middle school alongside playing his own music at gigs whenever he can. No, he doesn’t reply to DMs no matter how thirsty they are. 

Sadie: self-defense instructor. After surviving an attack several years ago, Sadie used her ferocity to get her qualification in self-defense to teach other women how to fight back should they need to. Her husband Jake helps out in her classes, happily allowing himself to be thrown around and slammed onto the mat as many times as required. Her students are terrified of her in the best and nicest way. Sadie also volunteers at a women’s refuge, providing emergency care and taking phone calls. 

Charles: environmental campaign manager. Charles has always been drawn to charities and started doing voluntary work for Greenpeace when he was at university, securing an internship with them in Canada which led to a full time job. Whilst Charles mainly hosts meetings and organises events, he also works closely with elementary schools and runs workshops with outdoor activities, crafts and music. Last week they made bird feeders! It was awesome. He’s also a keen activist and regularly meets up with Javier to go to protests and community events, most recently for BLM. 

Micah: motorcycle mechanic. Micah is massively invested in motorcycle culture and treats his beloved bike better than his own mother, if he still spoke to her. Although he pretends not to care, fixing bikes is his greatest passion and almost looks...happy when he’s doing it? Maybe? He likes knowing more than the people who stop by his shop and makes sure they know it. Occasionally he leaves his number on a scrap of paper inside women’s handbags when they’re not looking but for some reason none of them call. Like it or not, he’s incredibly skilled and will have your motorcycle singing a tune if that’s what you want. Euphemism? Of course not. 

Abigail: nurse. She was so shy when she realised she wanted to pursue nursing - would people laugh at her? Was she too impatient, too nagging, too shrill? Her dyslexia always put her off going into further education and she was always discouraged by her parents. But with lots of encouragement from Hosea (who helped her to fill out her applications and other forms) and her friends, Abigail went to university in her 30′s to get her degree. She graduated top of her class and now works full time in her local hospital, based mostly in the emergency room. From drunken brawlers to tearful children and grumpy old men with lumbago, Abigail has learnt to keep her cool and to have faith in her own ability. 

Molly: holistic therapist and masseuse. It took years to get that bastard of a philosopher out of her head (and out of her bed - damn those happy hour drinks “for old times’ sake”), but she’s finally free. Molly radiates a kindness that few took to the time to see, and she wanted to take strength from her past struggles to help others who may need someone to listen, just as she did. Molly took a bunch of online courses in various holistic therapies, including aromatherapy and massage, as this was something she had always been interested in. She runs a tiny clinic on a quiet street, the rooms filled with sunshine and the scent of geraniums. She also has a quite popular ASMR YouTube channel, Emerald Eyes ASMR, which she shyly admits just reached 500k subscribers. Her most popular video, ‘Irish Girl Helps You Fall Asleep (soft spoken, tapping, mouth sounds)’ just reached over a million hits. 

Kieran: veterinarian specialising in equine care. Much like Abigail, Kieran didn’t like the idea of going back into education. He’d had a rough time of it as a teenager, dropping out of high school early and working a string of menial jobs for the next decade. They paid his rent, but he still felt poor. His favourite job, however, was working at a stable. The horses made him feel calm and he found that he could read them better than most people. He went to the library and read as much as he could about them. From there, he got himself an apprenticeship which paved the way for him to earn his degree in veterinary science. He smiled so hard in his graduation photo his eyes disappeared into his cheeks. He travels all over the local countryside, visiting farms and ranches to care for the horses. His confidence picked up after the first few blunders, and little by little he’s saving up to buy his own ranch one day. 

Lenny: political science student. You know that kid who always looks amazing, even in 9am lectures? Yeah, that’s not Lenny, but he’s sat just behind. See him? Yep, the one rubbing sleep from his eyes as he pushes through the effects of another all-nighter. It’s not due to procrastination, but from perfectionism. He spends hour agonising over references, appendixes and even titles. One time he was so tired he signed his work “Ynnel”. He’s completely in love with his course and relishes every class he takes. Oh, he’s taking Dutch’s ‘History of Western Philosophy’ module by the way. Sitting in the front row, middle seat, directly in front of Dutch, his eyes glinting wickedly. Poor Dutch. Lenny has a counterpoint for absolutely everything and can barely stifle his laughter as Dutch gets more and more flustered. He’s been dating Jenny Kirk, an English Lit student, for the past few months and it’s going well. So well in fact, that he might stop hiding his Doctor Who merchandise every time she comes to his dorm room. 

Tilly: business student. Tilly started university at the same time as Lenny and they still always go to the library together, rolling their eyes at each other over their morning peppermint lattes. Tilly is at the forefront of any and all on-campus activism. Think of Sam from Dear White People - that’s our Tilly. She wears her Ravenclaw scarf all autumn and winter long and posts scathing Instagram stories about the cafeteria food. But she’s powerfully kind and very ambitious, taking on a part time job tutoring kids with dyslexia in their reading and writing. 

Susan: midwife. Think having a baby is scary? Try crossing Nurse Grimshaw. She’s here now, and that baby is coming out of you one way or another. She’ll hold your hand through thick and thin but if you dare say “I can’t do it” one more time she’ll unleash hell. Susan will make sure everyone has a job to do. Partner just standing there like a lemon? Not on her watch. She’s harsh but kind to her trainees and will always offer a cup of coffee and a shoulder to cry on, but there’s a time and place for slacking and it’s not on her labour ward. 

Trelawny: talent agent. Our Josiah is cunning, infuriatingly charismatic and with an eye for the best of the best - what else could he do so effortlessly? He’ll wrangle you a 10 second role as a latrine cleaner in a non-profit film and he’ll still make you feel like the next DiCaprio. You’re a diamond, don’t you know? Of course you could nab Elphaba, we’ll worry about the singing later. How do you feel about cat food commercials? No no, it’s not pornography, it really is cat food this time - he double checked. On top of this, he knows everyone in the business. No, really. He can’t move 3 feet down Broadway without someone booming his name. The tone of said boom depends, of course, but who hasn’t been caught with his bottom out in that director’s wife’s en-suite? 

Sean: outdoor activity centre instructor. You mean you can actually get paid to swim in lakes, ride ziplines through the forest and eat roasted marshmallows?! Sean couldn’t believe his ears. But it was true, and he’s living his best life. He may be on his penultimate warning for unruly behaviour, but he knows he could never really get fired. How could they? Everyone loves him. And to his credit, he’s a fantastic instructor, especially with kids. Everything from canoeing to caving, wild swimming to climbing, Sean has mastered it all and he always makes it fun. No one is allowed to feel left out or silly for not being able to do something. Sean has a way of making everyone feel included, even if you can only make it up the first few rungs of the ladder. Hey, that’s still off the ground! He once knew this feller Bill who cried because a moth flew into his face. You’re doing fine. 

Mary-Beth: librarian and YA author. Sweet Mary-Beth, how could she be anywhere else but surrounded by books? She adores her job at her small, local library and is always looking for ways to make it even better. She often gets tangled up in the stories she reads whilst organising shelves, but it’s quiet enough most days that she’s rarely caught. She loves helping people find their books or recommending her favourites. She also runs the toddler storytime groups and a writing club for older kids. Of course, she’s also writing her own books. The first of her ‘Valentine Mysteries’ books made a modest profit and she’s excited to write more about the adventures of Leslie Dupont. 

Karen: actress. Realising that she had a knack for accents and even after an especially successful high school lead role as Roxy Hart, Karen didn’t really acknowledge her would-be passion for acting for a long time. But she used her talents to get herself and her friends into X-rated films, dive bars and successfully pull off dozens of prank calls. It wasn’t until one of her friends was going to an open-call audition for a short film and wanted someone to go with her that Karen had her epithany. She was cast on the spot, much to the dismay of her friend. Since then, she’s been in a handful of arthouse films, a commercial here and there, and recently enjoyed a short run as Hermia in A Midsummer Night’s Dream at a small theatre downtown. Does she want fame and fortune? Honestly, she hasn’t really thought about it. Right now, she’s just enjoying the ride. And the phone numbers left for her at front of house from many admirers. 

Strauss: financial loan adviser. Oh boy, perhaps you saw this one coming. Then again, maybe not. Old Leopold isn’t quite the two-pronged-tongued eldritch horror people often mistake him for. In fact, he actually advises people against loan sharks. He had his fair share of debts y’see and he genuinely doesn’t want anyone else to go through the same thing. He’s not exactly sweet and cuddly, but he might let you have a free pen if you call by his office. I mean, technically they’re not free but...never mind, just take it. 

Bill: plumber. It was purely accidental that Bill bashed his way into his career. No, really. His sink was blocked and after an hour of poking and prodding the pipes he started hitting the poor thing with a spanner out of pure frustration, cursing all the way. To his shock, it worked, and he suddenly had running water again. What shocked him more is that he realised he wanted to know how. So, he bought a book. And he read the book. And one thing led to another, and now he’s the proud owner of Williamson Plumbing Inc. The money is very good, but for Bill that’s not it. You have to understand that for him, it’s the act itself of fixing something that brings Bill immense satisfaction. And Bill isn’t used to knowing more about something - anything - than those around him. For the first time perhaps in his life, he can sit down, solve a problem, and know that he’s done a good job. 

Swanson: AA group leader. After getting completely sober almost a decade ago and staying that way, Orville wanted to give something back to the people who had helped him out so greatly. Becoming a volunteer to help those who were trapped where he was seemed like the only path, and it felt so right. Orville is there in meetings, making coffee, handing out donuts and training new volunteers. If anyone wants to talk about their faith he’s all ears, but he never pushes it as a cure-all in any situation. Orville’s sobriety has also meant that he’s learnt to make the most phenomenal mocktails. 

Pearson: grocery shop manager and cooking teacher. Simon has his small grocery shop on the edge of town which has a wide range of regular customers. But he wanted to do more, so he set up a small class to teach fellow veterans how to cook. His wife helps out, and they grow the ingredients together in their garden and down at the allotment. It’s just an therapeutic for him as it is for his students, as he’s only just realising how much he wants to talk about his time in the navy. 

Uncle: unknown. For the longest time, everyone thought Uncle worked at one of the worst dive bars in town, as whenever they stumbled in for a nightcap he was there, behind the bar, happy as a pig in shit. Turns out that he just started going there one night and no one could get him to leave. And so every evening he’ll appear like a phantom, sit himself in the half-broken chair behind the bar (clearly labelled “not for customer use”), order the cheapest beer on the menu and sit there until midnight. No one can understand how he gets the means to live as he ragingly denies receiving any government handouts despite his lumbago. Claims to be a veteran but hasn’t fought in any wars anyone has heard of. 

[mizzprouds]

Get to know PENELOPE “PENNY” PROUD who is often mistaken for DIAMONTE “SAWEETIE” HARPER. People say she reminds them of PENNY PROUD from THE PROUD FAMILY. 

the little things. 

hometown: wizville, corona

birthday: august 12 / 25 (leo) 

occupation: employee at the sugar rush arcade, aspiring singer/rapper & soon to be ceo of viperion records. 

education: senior at corona college

extracurriculars/things she’s a part of: member of the roller derby team. on the soccer and basketball teams. the first girl to be on the varsity football team. part of gaming squad. prescott’s acting class 

headcanons. 

Penny first starts dancing when she’s seven years old. She signs up for a talent show at the Wizard Kelly community center. Another group of kids were thinking of doing a dance to Independent Woman by Destiny’s Child and she joins their group. They lose the talent show in the end but she had fun. 

Shortly after this she begs her parents to sign her up for dance classes. At first Oscar is adamant that he’s not wasting money on dance lessons, even when her mom tries to reason with him. In the end Suga Mama ends up paying for the dance classes. 

It’s no secret that Penny is extremely close to her beloved grandma. Often times when she couldn’t see eye to eye with her parents she’d go to Suga Mama’s house for some clarity. Suga Mama always found a way to meet Penny in the middle and provide her with the guidance and wisdom she needed to make the right choice. Suga Mama’s house was also the birth place of her love for music.

Uncle Bobby, who still lived with Suga Mama after his own music career failed, would never know what to do with his frustrated niece when she’d come by looking for a reprieve from her parents. All Bobby knew was music and the way it healed, and so he’d put on his old records and they’d dance around the house until there was nothing but smiles and good vibes.

Bobby insists on teaching Penny how to play at least one instrument. She initially has no interest in learning the guitar or piano. The music she likes is heavy with bass and 808s. But then she hears Fallin’ by Alicia Keys and she changes her tune. Penny dedicates every bit of free time she has to learning how to play. She never gets to be as good as Alicia Keys, but she can read sheet music and has an easier time composing because of it and that’s helped her exponentially in her studies. 

The first song Penny ever performs by herself is One, Two Step by Ciara. She choreographs a dance to it with the help of some of her dance class friends, and she even copies Ciara’s outfit from the video. Her mother loves to show everyone the tape of the performance any chance she can. If you’re invited to the Proud house chances are you’ve seen that video and Penny hates it. 

Avid Hip Hop Helicopter fanatic. It being the island’s version of TRL, Penny would rush home so she could catch the video countdowns and special performances. She rewatches her favorite videos and tries to mimic everything the artist does. One time her father caught her trying to do the ‘Check On It’ choreography. He took away her TV privileges for five months. 

Growing up in the Proud household was never easy. Penny and her father have never been able to see eye to eye on literally anything, and Trudy could be just as hard to deal with as Oscar at times. Penny often felt trapped under her parents set ways, and there was never any chance of expressing those frustrations out of fear of her parents taking it as disrespect. What her parents didn’t seem to understand was the tighter the leash the more willing she was to pull on it. Penny knows she gave her parents their fair share of headaches with how often she snuck out of the house and disobeyed their wishes, but she just couldn’t help it. She was young and curious. Hell, she still is. She was always a good kid at her core though, and she tried her best. Her dad just never seemed to see it that way. 

Their fighting turned to near radio silence over the years, especially now that she’s away from home. She understands his feelings ultimately, and misses him of course, but she’s not necessarily sure she wants to be the one to make amends. Or even how to go about it. Penny feels as if she’s always the one bending over backwards for her father and he never once tries to see things from her point of view. She’s a little tired of constantly being the bigger person in their relationship.

Penny and Oscar are cut from the same cloth. Theyre both hard headed, passionate, persistent and stubborn. It’s the main reason why they can’t see to eye to eye. She thinks he’s overbearing, annoying and unbearable, and no matter how much she loves him she can’t change the fact that in the end she can’t stand him most of the time (when she’s not getting her way.). Trudy has once implied that Penny and her father have a hard time with each other because they’re so similar and Penny did not take it well. So, never compare her to her dad. Ever.

Boy! Crazy! Mostly when she was a teenager. Oscar banned her from dating until she was his age, and Penny never listened to a single thing he ever had to say. You could always catch her chatting up the cutest boys at the mall or at school. She’s still a little stuck in the habit of having to keep her relationships a secret. It takes her a while to feel comfortable posting a significant other on social media out of fear her father will see. 

Penny was originally on the high school cheerleading team, but she realized she much rather preferred football. Getting into football was literally just because one of the boys said girls are too weak for football, and if there’s one thing about Penny; she’s not going to be underestimated. 

Not the best driver. In fact, one would argue she’s a terrible driver. She failed her drivers test three times. She’s easily distracted. If the radio is on she can’t focus, and Penny is almost always listening to music. 

Her brief brush with fame was humbling. LPDZ’s (and more so her own as a solo star) failure made her re-analyze what she wanted out of the industry in the first place. She and Luka are currently working on starting their own label together, but in the meantime she’s focusing her efforts on perfecting her own sound. Penny would best describe her sound as undefinable. She doesn’t want to be classified as a rapper or an R&B singer. She just wants to make music. Women are often put in a box when it comes to the entertainment industry as a whole, and Penny doesn’t care much for the idea of playing by the rules. Because of this she is willing to try her hand at everything, experimenting with anything new at least once. 

The rise to fame is moving slow without the backing Wizard Kelly Records anymore. She kind of hates it. In an effort to keep herself occupied and build a name for herself independently, she utilizes social media. She has a YouTube account where she posts covers of songs bi-weekly, as well as the new music she’s been working. She also has a YouTube series called The Icy Life, which is literally just her vlogging about her stupid ass life. The channel is doing extremely well, thanks both to her bright personality and her proximity to various celebrities from the island (The Muses). She also livestreams on Instagram a lot, sometimes she writes songs on live but mostly she just interacts with her fans. She’s content with her 600k followers but she personally won’t stop until she has millions of followers. She wants to be as big as Beyonce. 

Penny, while focused on achieving her goals, is still the fun loving girl she’d always been. You can’t keep her from a party and she’s easily spotted on the dance floor having the time of her life, or hanging with friends.

Penny has always been understanding and passionate, and she likes to think that she will always stand up for/do the right thing in the end. She’s the queen of the pep talk and long winded speech about what’s right. She’s a leader and doesn’t even really realize it.

Penny’s biggest musical influences include: Janet Jackson, Mariah Carey, Lil Kim, Lauryn Hill, Beyonce, Rihanna, and Missy Elliott.

[theliterateape]

Hell in a Handbasket

By David Himmel

SHE TAKES ONE LAST LONG DRAG FROM HER CIGARETTE. She pushes the smoke past her gleaming teeth and full lips and crushes the thing beneath her boot. Her black coffee has finally cooled to a barely drinkable temperature. She takes a sip as she enters the radio station. Another fucking morning show. This one in San Francisco. It’s still dark out and, between the cigarette and the coffee and all of the whiskey she drank last night, she has the worst morning breath in recorded human history.

She didn’t have time to brush her teeth. She overslept and was rushed out of her hotel room by Gavin the tour manager. The clothes she had worn at last night’s show were strewn across the floor. Gavin threw the jeans and Superman t-shirt at her as she struggled to get her naked body out of bed. She didn’t have to fuss with makeup or her hair; she looks the same at five in the morning in the grips of a hangover as she does at eleven at night when she’s in the grips of stage lights and adoring fans.

Way back before she was famous and had dreams of being interviewed by radio deejays, it didn’t matter what you looked like as much. The listeners couldn’t see you and the deejays looked just barely put together themselves. But today, everything is visual, and if this show is anything like all of the others, they’ll be recording the interview for the radio station’s YouTube page. She hates the beautification and objectification of women in the entertainment industry. However, she sees nothing wrong with not wanting to look like hammered rat shit, which is exactly how she feels. This morning, as she has been most mornings this past year, she’s self-aware enough to be thankful for her easy-to-manage looks.

Gavin makes the introductions in the studio. She smiles her big, brilliant smile—the one that makes men and women fall in love with her—and begins to charm the three morning show hosts.

“Good morning. I’m really happy to be here,” she says into the microphone. Her mouth is dry and it tastes like a circus floor. She reaches for the bottle of water one of the hosts handed her when she walked in. She thinks she should have had a piece of gum instead of that cigarette.

“You’re wearing a Superman t-shirt,” the fatter of the hosts says. “Are you a fan of the comics?”

“This isn’t a Superman t-shirt,” she says. “It’s a Supergirl t-shirt.”

“Hear, hear, sister!” says the woman host.

“And yes, I’m a fan of the comics.”

“For those of you just tuning in, we’ve got Jane Hadley in the studio with us this morning,” the thin host says in a well-rehearsed broadcaster’s voice. “If you’re not familiar with Jane Hadley then you’ve likely been in a coma trapped in a mine shaft for the past year. Her debut album, Hell in a Handbasket, is this year’s runaway hit and iTunes’ most downloaded album ever. Right now, Jane Hadley is a bigger deal than Taylor, Adele and Beyoncé.”

“Combined,” Fat Host says.

“And she’s performing a sold-out show at Decker Hall tonight,” Thin Host continues.

“But don’t worry,” Lady Host says, “if you didn’t get tickets for the show, we’ll be giving a pair away a little later on this morning. And I think—Jane, correct me if I’m wrong—that these tickets also include a backstage meet and greet.”

“They do,” Jane says. “I’ve even got my Selfie-Stick for photos.”

“Did you bring that Selfie-Stick with you this morning?” Fat Host asks. “I’d love to get a photo with you. You have to be the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen this early in the morning.”

Jane smiles and laughs a hearty laugh that not even the most high-tech lie detector test could determine its authenticity one way or the other. “I didn’t bring it but I’m sure we’ll find a way to take a photo without it.”

“And you’re going to play a few songs for us this morning, too, right?” Lady Host asks.

“I brought my guitar and will even take requests.”

The three hosts celebrate over this surprise. Thin Host says, “You hear that, K–POP listeners? The beautiful and talented, Goddess of Rock Jane Hadley will be taking your requests for a live, in-studio acoustic session! Don’t go anywhere. You’re listening to the Manic Morning Show on 97.1, K–POP.”

Thin Hosts glances at Fat Host who taps a series of buttons on the control board and clicks a wireless mouse linked to the monitors. A station bump plays followed by a commercial break beginning with an ad for a local diamond dealer. The hosts take their headphones off.

“Do people actually listen this early?” Jane asks as she also removes her headphones.

“Not anymore,” Thin Host says.

“We’ll replay everything with you in the eight o’clock hour,” Lady Host says.

This is not how Jane saw her life. For one thing, she never thought she’d be a smoker. But divorce can promote bad habits as diversions from the heartache. And for another thing, she never thought she’d be divorced at thirty-seven years old, though she was only thirty-five when it all happened, which only makes it worse. She is too young to be divorced and too old to only now find herself at rockstar status. Unfortunately, without the divorce, the fame and fortune—and morning radio show interviews—would have continued to elude her.

Before she was Jane Hadley, the rock ’n’ roll singer/songwriter—the Goddess of Rock, bigger than Taylor, Adele, and Beyoncé combined, she was Jane Hadley, the folk ’n’ roll singer/songwriter who never sold more than a thousand albums and a few hundred t-shirts. Before she had a #1 album flying off the shelves and being downloaded to the Cloud by millions, and an entire merchandising department, she was just a girl who played in a few bands: the Stargazers, Rosie’s Dream Catcher, Jane and the Jaded Cowboys.

None of these were good band names and she knew it. But she liked the music they made. Sweet, folky, only as loud as the all-acoustic gear would allow. All her bands looked the same. Jane played rhythm guitar and sang lead. The lead guitar, keyboard, upright bass and percussion were played by men. This wasn’t intentional, it’s just how things played out. They sounded similar, too, although each incarnation sounded more practiced than the last, a byproduct of age and gig experience.

The Stargazers was her high school band. It lasted long enough to play mostly Simon & Garfunkel covers at a few garage shows and the school’s Battle of the Bands. She formed Rosie’s Dream Catcher in college with her then boyfriend, keyboardist Matt. They recorded one CD of ten original songs. They sold all one hundred copies for two bucks a piece by the time the band, and Jane and Matt, split three years later.

She wonders why they are waxing intellectual about Kurt Cobain and the meaning of “Smells Like Teen Spirit?” She just wants to plug tonight’s show, play a few songs, maybe answer a call and give vague, recycled answers about what inspired her to write the album. Instead, she’s bemoaning about the trappings of fame and denying any intention of making an album that will last the test of time. How Gen X of her. How Fiona Apple of her. How awful of her.

Jane always figured that if success in the music business was ever going to come to her it would have been with Jane and the Jaded Cowboys. It took her a little while to become comfortable with her name being segregated from the band name. She didn’t want to be a Diana Ross or Gloria Estefan but Adam, the guitarist, thought they should capitalize on the gender difference and put their radiant leader out front while her boys backed her up. Adam was a marketing major in college and while he was a gifted guitarist, his real talent was in hype.

Jane and the Jaded Cowboys were prolific. Their songwriting was a science. Jane would come to practice with lyrics ripped from her many tattered Moleskin journals and a tune she thought worked with the words. From there, all five would flesh the thing out until they had a nice little folky pop song. They were a good team and their musical tastes and abilities complemented each other well.

With the freedom provided by quarter-life adulthood, they toured a lot in the sixteen years they were together. They earned fans but none who would bleed for them, really. They played the festivals and a few of the storied concert halls spread throughout the country. They headlined some shows and shared the bill with acts that would go on to the kind of fame and success that Jane and the Jaded Cowboys were chasing but never caught up to.

Because being in the band didn’t pay a livable wage, everyone had real jobs. Jane tended bar at Queen Lizzie, a hipster hotspot in Chicago where the drinks are overpriced and the customers happily overpay. She hated the place and the customers but the money was too good to walk away from. She was able to afford the necessities: instruments, rent, food, clothes, tour van, gas money for the tour van and Moleskin journals. She even managed to save a fair amount and really hack away at her student loans. Not that her degree in art history was worth more than the paper the degree was printed on.

The songs she wrote reflected her life. They featured themes of loneliness, desire, road trips and regret. The songs weren’t bad. But they weren’t great either. Their most popular song among their few loyal fans is called “Photographic Art History.” It’s about wasting time and energy. One critic, writing for an online publication about the lineup of a summer festival in Chicago, described Jane and the Jaded Cowboys as, “a band that makes perfect background music for the perfect lazy day of napping.” On the band’s Facebook page, Adam spun the opinion by posting the review and writing, “IndieRock.com says ‘Jane and the Jaded Cowboys makes perfect music for the perfect day!’”

Jane hated the hype. But it was the best her band ever got.

And speaking of hype…

“Rolling Stone called you the voice of women of this generation,” Thin Host says. They are back from commercial break. “That seems like it could come with a lot of responsibility. Do you feel responsible to speak for your generation?”

Since Hell in a Handbasket dropped, many critics had echoed Rolling Stone’s claim. Jane used to see herself as a Joni Mitchell type, or Carole King or Carly Simon. Women from a very different generation. And one that isn’t hers. She isn’t even sure which generation the critics are talking about. At thirty-seven years old, she’s no longer part of the youth culture but she’s too young, still, and new to fame, to be a music veteran. And in the entertainment industry, the young and the old were the major markets. Everyone in the middle is white noise. Jane feels that if she’s the voice of any generation right now, it’s the White Noise Generation. But she can’t say that.

“First of all, it’s an insanely flattering thing to say about someone,” Jane answers. “But it’s also an insanely broad generalization and a little presumptuous. I didn’t make this record to be a statement about women or for all women or anything like that. And if we look at music history, we don’t ever really know how representative a musician was or wasn’t to her generation—or his—until the music has had time to mature and that generation, or whatever, has adapted from it in some way.”

“Well, take Kurt Cobain. In a way, your situation is similar to Cobain’s,” Thin Host says. “He was considered the voice of Generation X right out of the gate. And he was dead before his music and his generation really even had a chance to—what did you call it?—mature. But everyone was right. Kurt Cobain was, and still is considered to be, the voice of his generation.”

“So if you don’t already have a heroin addiction, you better get on that,” Fat Host says.

“No, then she’d just be compared to Courtney Love. And no woman wants to be compared to Courtney Love,” Lady Host says.

“Yikes. God no. That’s even worse than being compared to Yoko Ono,” Jane says.

“There are so many awful women in rock ’n’ roll,” Fat Host says.

“You named two,” Jane says. “The awful men in rock ’n’ roll still outweigh us twenty-to-one.”

“And that’s why she wears that t-shirt,” Lady Host says.

They all have a laugh as Jane glances at the clock on the studio wall. She’s booked for an hour. It’s only been eleven minutes. She wants to go back to sleep. The coffee isn’t working. She considers what it would be like if she did start using heroin. It’s cheaper than booze, cigarettes and even coffee. And on the road, it’s often easier to get.

“Okay, I understand that you’re reluctant to accept your influential role in today’s culture,” Thin Host says.

“It’s not a reluctance,” she says.

“A rejection then,” he says.

“No. I mean, they’re just songs.”

“But don’t you want your songs to mean something? Isn’t that what every artist wants?”

“Sure. In a way. This album means what it means to me. I can’t control what it means to anyone else. It’s nice that it’s been so well received. I’m touched that people are finding their own meanings in the songs.”

“So you’re saying that the song, the first single, ‘Onward,’ isn’t symbolic of the woman’s place in today’s society.”

“I think Hemingway said something about the foolishness of trying to include symbols in your work on purpose,” Jane says.

“So no.”

“‘Onward’ is a song about my ex-husband moving out of our apartment and me, a woman, having to make sense of what he, a man, had left behind. If that is perceived as anything other than that—”

“I understood it as a break-up song,” Lady Host says.

“But things can be perceived by any number of people in any number of ways. That’s the great thing about art. Let me ask you guys a question. Since you brought him up, what does ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’ mean to you? What’s that song about?”

“Making trouble,” Thin Host says.

“Cheerleaders,” Fat Host says.

“Disaffected youth,” Lady Host says.

“All I ever think about when I hear that song is deodorant. That song is a deodorant jingle to me. Because when that song came out, I was eleven years old and Teen Spirit was the brand of deodorant I used.”

“Commerce,” Fat Host says. “Cobain is rolling over in his grave.”

“Nah,” Jane says. “He knew damn well what he was doing when he titled that song. He was being funny—Oh crap, can I say the ‘D’ word?”

The hosts laugh. “Yes, ‘damn’ is allowed. ‘Crap,’ is not,” Thin Host says. They laugh some more then he presses on. “Symbols or not, this album is incredible.”

“Thank you.”

“I doubt that you’d call it a concept album.”

“Not in the traditional meaning of concept album, no. I mean, it’s not The Wall. But it was conceived by specific events. There’s a theme.”

“It’s a break up album,” Lady Host says.

“It is indeed a break up album. A break up and all of the, um, crap, that comes with it.”

She knows she sounds like a pedantic blowhard. They are baiting her into it and she is too strung out on exhaustion and weak coffee to resist. She wonders why they are waxing intellectual about Kurt Cobain and the meaning of “Smells Like Teen Spirit?” She just wants to plug tonight’s show, play a few songs, maybe answer a call and give vague, recycled answers about what inspired her to write the album. Instead, she’s bemoaning about the trappings of fame and denying any intention of making an album that will last the test of time. How Gen X of her. How Fiona Apple of her. How awful of her.

But after two weeks of horrendous heartbreak, isolation, and alcoholism, Jane had come to one conclusion: right or not, fuck Keith.

She is saved from falling deeper into these asinine rock critic musings when the hosts go to break again. They’ve cued listeners to call in with questions and requests. The first three callers request “Onward,” to no one’s surprise. Jane pulls her guitar from its case and gives it a gentle tuning. She gets the familiar sinking knot in her stomach as she does.

Her departure from acoustic folk to electric rock was the best way for her to get through the pain of her divorce. It allowed her to turn the deafening sadness into rollicking anger. And every time she plays these songs with an electric guitar and her banging, thrumming, clanging tour band alongside her, she becomes more and more removed from the origin of the source material. She’s healed each night. And in quieter moments in between cities on the bus, when she finds herself descending toward that sadness and regret, she can listen to the album at top volume through her headphones and relive the anger and gravitate toward getting over the goddamn thing.

But there’s no escaping the raw bones of truth when she plays the songs acoustically on radio shows like this. She wanted to bring the band with her and at least have a bigger sound so the songs weren’t so stripped down and she didn’t feel so naked. But her management vetoed it. The fans wanted Jane Hadley naked. And that’s what they were getting. And every time she tunes the guitar to play “Onward,” she is rocketed into a wretched reverie of when she first tuned the guitar to write the song.

Keith had just closed the door of the apartment with his last box of stuff under his arm. It had been the first time they’d seen each other since he asked for a divorce two weeks before and fled to wherever he had been staying. Jane spent those two weeks crying, substituting alcohol and cigarettes for meals, sleeping on the living room floor because she couldn’t bear the thought of sleeping alone in their bed and didn’t feel that she deserved the comfort of the couch. She was emotionally destroyed and she thought it best to destroy herself physically, too.

He said some pretty nasty things when he left. There were accusations of infidelity because she played songs that weren’t about him. He blamed her for his inability to secure a steady and well-paying gig because she was not supportive enough. He called her a manipulator and a user and chastised her for having more friends than he had.

None of these accusations were true and he was clearly taking his own self-loathing out on her. How could someone’s likability make her unlikable? Keith had found a way. The two therapists they had seen every week since getting married eight months before, called it projecting. Keith denied it and Jane believed everything he said.

But after two weeks of horrendous heartbreak, isolation, and alcoholism, Jane had come to one conclusion: right or not, fuck Keith. Watching him leave with a box of his mother’s old stained Tupperware was enough to pull her off of the floor and begin writing music again. “Onward” became Jane’s life’s statement of purpose. And as the first single and the album’s first track, it became the album’s statement of purpose, too. And thus, it became a generation of women’s statement of purpose.

She didn’t even have to write the lyrics down and work them out in her notebook like usual. She just played and sang and it all came together. She scribbled it down once she was done and the song, at first, resembled every other song she had written. Soft, slow, melancholy. She didn’t want that. She wanted something different. Because the same old song hadn’t done her much good for her career or her internal struggle. She didn’t feel soft, slow or melancholy. She felt hard, fast and fucking pissed. She dusted off her electric Gibson and amp and played the song faster and louder. She felt alive again. She felt angry. She felt inspired.

She lit a cigarette and played it again. She recorded it and upon listening back, she heard a voice she didn’t recognize but loved. The chorus made her smile, even though it felt strange on her face.

You took my love And let it burn Scorched and ashen I move onward

✶

SHE MET KEITH LESTINGHOUSE AT A SHOW IN PEORIA, ILLINOIS. He was a videographer and had been hired to document the headlining band, the Dandelions, who a year later would win the Grammy Award for Best New Artist. Keith’s art direction in the documentary was lauded for its grit, the way it “captured the essence of budding rock ’n’ roll success,” according to some well-respected blogger somewhere online.

She found Keith smart and funny, and thought his patchy beard and thin, lanky body made him handsome. He seemed to genuinely like Jane’s music and her band. And he seemed to like her. By the end of their first date, they realized that they had been a match on each other’s online dating profiles.

“Why didn’t you ever send me a message?” she asked him.

“Why didn’t you ever send me one?” he replied.

He was a feminist and she liked that about him, too.

Six months in, they were engaged. Two months after that, they were married. It was a small ceremony held in her parents’ barn at their farm in Dowagiac, Michigan. She wore cowboy boots with her consignment wedding dress, he wore black Chuck Taylor sneakers with his new suit from an online custom clothier. An hour before the wedding, Jane cried all of her makeup away when Keith requested that her father not walk her down the aisle. Well, he didn’t have any family at the wedding, therefore, her father’s obvious presence was her way of rubbing it in that he was an estranged son. Jane conceded. Then Keith decided that it was okay for her dad to walk her down the aisle after all. This was the first crack in the façade of perfection Jane had placed Keith behind. Then, at the reception, Jane and the Jaded Cowboys played a song she wrote just for Keith, just for their wedding. Drunk, he mistook it for a song about some other guy and stormed off into the Dowagiac fields. Jane—the consummate professional—finished the song then ran into the fields after her husband. When she found him, he continued accusing her of infidelity until she managed to convince him otherwise and they screwed right there in rows of soybeans.

He moved into her place. His video equipment crowded and nearly ousted her music equipment. Space in the small Chicago apartment was the crux of their Cold War—Keith acting like Reagan with his finger constantly on he Button and Jane acting as Gorbachev, desperate for some kind of peaceful and reasonable resolution.

Two weeks later, they were in therapy. The only discussion they could have without Keith’s demanding a therapist’s intervention was about what they’d have for dinner. It helped that Keith’s veganism limited their dining options. Keith was a volunteer for Greenpeace and convinced Jane to sell her 1967 Pontiac GTO. It was left to her in her grandfather’s will. It was her grandfather who taught her to play guitar and encouraged her to pursue a career in music. He was a sound tech for bands like the Byrds, Leslie Gore, the Lovin’ Spoonful and even the Beatles once. Anywhere she had to be, Keith told her, she could ride a bike, walk, run or use public transportation, if she must. And that inspired the second song on the album, “Red Meat Wishes and Gasoline Car Dreams.”

You’re sidewalk stalking Good people on God’s green earth I honk and rev my motor And slide back a Quarter Pounder

Still, Jane loved him. But what Jane loved more than Keith was love itself. Though she was never far from her friends or family and had an incredible bond and unwavering trust with her bandmates, Jane feared being alone. Alone in that romantic sense. It was that fear that empowered her to stay with Keith, which left her otherwise powerless. And that’s where “Distracted by Loneliness,” the album’s third song, came from.

Covered in hearts Well wishes from friends and family Their undying love can’t compare to the misery you give to me I’d rather be lonely with you than never alone again

✶

WHEN THEY RETURN FROM THE BREAK, JANE PLAYS “ONWARD.” Fat Host cues up another recorded caller and the conversation they had with her during the break.

“Hi, Jane. I’m Claire. I think you are so talented.”

“Hi, Claire. Thank you.”

“I just broke up with my boyfriend of three years.”

“This ought to be good,” Fat Host says.

“I’m sorry to hear that, Claire,” Jane says.

“No, please, it’s for the best. I was miserable. We both were. Your album inspired me to leave him. Funny thing was, it was his record. He bought the album.”

“Men love her, too,” Thin Host says. “Is there a song you’d like Jane Hadley to play?”

“I’d love to hear ‘Two Week’s Notice,’” says Claire. “I quit my job last week, too. This song inspired me to do that.”

“This song isn’t about quitting a job,” Jane says. “It’s about the abortion I had.” The studio goes quiet—never a good thing in radio. Jane recognizes the silence and quickly readjusts her response. “But, uh, sure thing, Claire. Let me know if you need a reference or anything.”

The recording ends and Lady Host throws her finger at Jane like a stage manager would on the set of a live news show. Jane plays the first chord and sings “Two Week’s Notice.”

It’s not something I am ready for I’m sure neither are you I’ve already got a child I can’t raise two It makes no sense to drag this out It’s the right thing to do I’ve already got a child That child is you

“I’m not really sure how that song would inspire someone to quit their job,” Thin Host says when Jane is done playing. “I bet you get a lot of that. You know, people mistaking the intentions of your songs for something else.”

“Like we were saying earlier, that’s what happens with music and art,” Jane says. “People listen to music in different ways. Claire, I guess, doesn’t listen to the lyrics all that closely. And that’s fine. I just hope she find a new job soon and lands on her feet.”

“Guess you can’t judge a song by its title,” Fat Host says.

“We’re going to take another quick break and we’ll be right back with more music by request from our in-studio guest Jane Hadley, who is performing at Decker Hall tonight and we’ll be giving away that pair of tickets to see her. You’re listening to the Manic Morning Show on 97.1 K–WOW.”

There it is, the missing piece to Jane and Keith’s old fight, his calm condescension. Finding herself in familiar territory, she habitually lights a cigarette in her mouth.

They never take calls live on-air. It’s a recipe for disaster. You could get a Baba Booey or a suicide or someone who just wants to yell “Fuck” on the radio. Answering calls off-air lets the hosts screen and edit the calls for the best possible radio. Fat Host takes the next caller.

“Hi, Jane. Since you’re single, maybe we can hook up after your show tonight. I’m hung.”

Fat Host immediately hangs up on the caller.

“Hey, wait a minute,” Jane says. “Maybe he was cute.”

She’s joking but only a little bit. Among the whiskey and cigarettes, her after-show parties have been filled with men. Lots of men. At least one every night. The show in L.A. had two, the one in Salt Lake had three.

Two more calls, both women, both requesting “Onward.” The third call is a man.

“97.1, Manic Morning Show,” Lady Host says.

“Jane?” the caller asks like he was calling Jane directly and not a San Francisco morning radio show.

“Hi, do you have a request for Jane Hadley?” Lady Host tries again.

“Jane. Are you there?”

“Okay, weirdo, goodbye,” Lady Host says as she signals Fat Host to drop the call.

“Wait,” Jane says. Lady Host looks at Thin Host who nods as a sign to let Jane play this one out. “Keith?”

The three hosts look at each other with confusion before Thin Host chimes in, “Jane, you’ve got a friend here in San Francisco. And a K-WOW listener to boot!”

“Keith is my ex-husband.” The three hosts drop their jaws and sit back in their chairs like they’re ready to watch the unbelievable, certain shit show commence. “Keith, what are you doing?”

“I was listening to the radio and heard you.”

“What are you doing in San Francisco?”

“I’m living with my brother.”

“You have a brother?”

 “I have three brothers.”

“Three!? Why didn’t you ever say anything? Why weren’t they at the wedding?”

“My family is complicated.”

Jane is stunned. She, too, is now sitting with her mouth agape in disbelief. “So you’re living here now?”

“For the moment. There was a job, so…”

“What’s the job?”

“It’s a documentary about San Francisco suicides that don’t take place on the Golden Gate. There’s a large population of suicidals that is overlooked because of the attention that the Bridge gets. It’s tragic. And these people aren’t even polluting the bay when they kill themselves. It’s an important topic.”

Thin Host jumps in again. “So, Keith—Keith, right?—would you like to hear a song by Jane Hadley?” Jane shoots Thin Host a look that says, “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Let’s hear that one about abortion again.”

Jane cringes. She is no longer stunned, now she’s pissed. Of course she never told him about the pregnancy. By their third date, it was clear that he had baby fever. Because Keith had such a foul and complicated relationship with his own family, he was desperate to build a new one. And though Jane wasn’t opposed to being a parent someday, she was in no immediate rush, but also knew, deep in her gut, that Keith would make a terrible father. That having a child would provide him with another person to manipulate and break down until nothing was left but a desiccated husk of a human. He would do to his child what his parents did to him and what he had nearly done to Jane.

Jane and the hosts are frozen but the digital phone recorder rolls along.

“Can I hear it? Can I hear the song about you killing my child?”

 “Whoa!” Thin Host says as Fat Host laughs in shock.

“She didn’t kill your child,” Lady Host says. “She’s the mother and she has the right to make any decision she wants related to her body.”

“I agree,” Keith says. “But in the interest of true sexual and gender fairness and whatever, doesn’t the father have a right to know and at least be part of the discussion? When were you pregnant, Jane? Were we married? Because if so, then you absolutely owed me that.”

Lady Host defends her. “She doesn’t owe you anything.”

“No, he’s right,” Jane says. “I probably should have said something. I agonized over telling you about it for two weeks before.”

“Oh, you agonized, did you? That was my child.”

She can hear his special brand of angry panic in his voice. She knows she should have the deejays hang up. But that anger and panic of his was always delicious bait to her. She can’t help herself from engaging. “It wasn’t a child, Keith. And if it had been, it would have been ours. And that, that right there is why I didn’t tell you. I mean, I knew I couldn’t keep it because of your selfishness and controlling impulses. I would have had the abortion twenty minutes after I peed on the stick but I held off, debating if you should be there with me. But I knew that you’d never agree to it and that the idea of it would only lead to this.”

“And what’s this?”

“You accusing me of killing your child.”

Thin Host speaks up. “So Keith, what do you think about the rest of the album?”

“I didn’t know she could play electric guitar.”

There it is, the missing piece to Jane and Keith’s old fight, his calm condescension. Finding herself in familiar territory, she habitually lights a cigarette in her mouth.

“Uh, Jane, you can’t smoke that in here,” Fat Host says.

She exhales a large cloud of smoke emphasizing it with two small rings at the end. “I’ll make you a deal,” she says, “you promise not to air this and I’ll put it out.”

“It’s just that, well, it’s a federal regulation that you can’t smoke inside of buildings. It’s nothing personal. Hell, we all smoke,” Fat Host says.

“Promise me.”

Fat Host looks at Lady Host and Thin Host. Thin Host nods and fat Host says, “Promise.” Jane snuffs the cigarette out on the bottom of her boot. She walks to the small trashcan across the studio, drops the cigarette in and pours a few ounces of coffee on it for safety. She returns back to her microphone and puts her headphones back on.

“What do you want, Keith?” she asks.

Silence.

“Keith? Are you still with us, Keith?” Thin Host asks.

“Yeah, I’m here.”

“What is it you want, Keith?” Thin Host asks again as if Jane’s voice was the problem the first time.

“I want you back,” Keith says.

Jane bursts out in laughter. “Are you fucking kidding me!?” The hosts are shocked. “Sorry,” she says to them.

“It’s okay, we’re not live,” Lady Host says. She leans over to Fat Host and whispers, “Bleep it out.”

“Duh,” Fat Host whispers back.

“I’ve missed you and I have a new therapist out here who says that I’m ready to be in a relationship with you again.”

“Then sue your therapist for malpractice,” Jane says, “because he’s a fucking quack.”

Fat Host holds up his arm to grab attention and says, “We are coming out of break.” He turns on his microphone, does a quick station I.D. and lets the audience know that Jane Hadley is in the studio and that they’ll be back with more from her, then plays music. As he finishes and the red ON-AIR light outside of the studio door turns off, Gavin, Jane’s tour manager storms in.

“I think we’re done here,” he says. Everyone ignores him. This is something he’s used to so he shrinks back out of the studio.

“Jane, I—”

“Shut up, Keith. It’s not happening. But I’ll put your name on the will call list at the door tonight if you want to come see the show.” She looks at Fat Host. “Hang up on him.”

Fat Host again looks around at his co-hosts for a confirmation. They both deny her request. Jane sees this and as Keith begins pleading to her in a breathy panic, she stands up, throws her headphones on the console, walks around to the control board where Fat Host is sitting and rummages around with her eyes for the phone. “Hang up. Where is it? Hang up on him. There’s nothing more to say.” Fat Host uses his bulk to keep her away. “Okay then, I guess you don’t want those backstage tickets to my sold out show tonight for your listeners. I guess you’d rather fuck with me than keep a promise to your listeners. Fine then.”

She walks back around to her guitar and coffee, puts the guitar in its case, throws the nearly empty coffee cup into the trashcan. She lights another cigarette before storming out of the studio, the station, and into the parking lot where Gavin is waiting.

“I need a drink,” she says.

It’s barely past six-thirty in the morning so Gavin suggests hotel room service. Jane agrees. She admits that after a few mini bottles of Dewar’s and Tanqueray she’ll be ready for a nap.

✶         

IN THE HOTEL ROOM, GAVIN SLEEPS IN THE DESK CHAIR WITH HIS FEET PROPPED UP ON THE DESK, a small bottle of gin delicately rests in his curved fingers of his dangling arm. It’s eight-thirty and Jane lays drunk in bed. She’s tuned the nightstand clock radio to 97.1 FM, K–WOW. The idiots are playing the phone call with Keith. They’ve bleeped out her cursing. They’ve edited it to make her seem more erratic than she thought she had been. She’s pissed about it but she knows that this is only going to help her reputation and lead to more album and concert ticket sales.

She fumbles for her phone and calls Keith. After recording Hell in a Handbasket, Jane set out to remove any traces of him from her life. She built a fire in the alley behind her apartment next to the dumpster burning anything associated with their time together. Photos, a pair of his socks she loved to sleep in, the Dandelions t-shirt she bought at the show the night they met, that stupid crystal duck he gave to her on their first Christmas together. She never understood the significance of it. He was so excited to give it to her, so proud of himself that she never bothered to ask him why he thought she might like it. Of course, the crystal duck didn’t burn, so Jane smashed it to pieces with a hammer. The one thing she didn’t do during her Keith purge was delete his contact information from her phone. He answered her call before the first ring finished.

“Come to the show tonight,” she says to him.

“Do you want to get back together?”

“No. But I want to see you. Actually, if you can, come to my hotel right now. I’ll text you the address.”

She hangs up before he can respond and sends the text. She knows she has made a destructive decision and that there is no way any of this will end well. But that’s not what Jane wants. Keith has reopened her wounds as easily as if they’d never healed at all. Jane wants to bask in the familiarity of the disrespect and jealousy and anger that defined their relationship. One more chug of the poison, she tells herself, then she’ll be done. She’ll even delete him from her phone.

Keith texts back that he’s on his way. Jane wakes Gavin up and kicks him out of her room.

“You called Keith, didn’t you?” Gavin asks.

“I’ll see you later,” she says, closing the door in his face.

She picks up her guitar and writes a new song. It comes to her as easily as “Onward” did. Maybe even easier. She realizes that Keith is her muse. The thought of that is a good reason to open another mini bottle of whiskey. Maybe she won’t delete him from her phone. Just in case her creativity ever runs dry.

This is not the type of musician or person she thought she’d be but it’s the one the music industry needs, the one her generation needs—whatever generation that is. And certainly, it is the one she needs to be in order to remain being anything at all.

[iamebonybones]

Huge Delight Speaking With The Guardian’s 

Brilliant Nadja Sayej About The Upcoming New 

Album

Written by - Nadja Sayej

With a blonde afro and a London accent, Ebony Bones is a visionary artist who works across genres and disparate sounds. What sets her apart is that she writes, composes, produces and releases her own punk-inflected, alternative soundtracks, many of which are graced with dark pop undertones. Studying alongside Amy Winehouse Bones has been enlisted by Yves Saint Laurent and Alexander Wang to score campaigns and runway shows, and is also noted for her collaborations with Yoko Ono. With a forthcoming third album featuringThe Beijing Philharmonic Orchestra, Bones is a self-produced artist and one of a few women in the male-dominated production world. Making her one of the most prominent female producers and redefining voices in the music industry today.

Bones was born to an immigrant father from the Caribbean who ran a vinyl stall in Brixton Market in London, and her mother, a fashion agent for top fashion designers, including Moschino. She studied at London’s Sylvia Young Theatre School alongside classmate and friend Amy Winehouse. At 12-years-old, Bones was discovered by Oscar-winning actor Sir Mark Rylance, then the artistic director of the Shakespeare Globe Theatre, and enlisted for his production of Macbeth as the First Witch.

At 15-years-old, she starred as a rebellious teenager in the British TV show Family Affairs. Starring alongside Idris Elba, she stole the spotlight as the feisty young character - Yasmin Green. She garnered nominations for British Soap Awards as one of the longest-running actors on the show, which was syndicated globally, staring from 1998 to 2005.

Becoming friends with punk legend and drummer Rat Scabies, from 70s punk band The Damned, Bones began writing songs alongside Scabies in 2005, who gave the artist her eponymous stage name and taught her a DIY punk ethic and “trial and error” approach to making music. “It’s perfection comes from its imperfection,” said Bones. “In an age where human flaws are erased from music, the imperfect can be very striking.”

In 2008, Bones uploaded an anonymous demo to MySpace. The Orwellian-themed anthem “We Know All About U,” was premiered by BBC Radio 1 Dj Zane Lowe, as ‘Hottest Record in The World,’  garnering millions of radio plays and raving reviews, becoming the BBC’s most played record by an unsigned artist.

In 2009, Bones released her debut album Bone of My Bones to critical acclaim. With tracks like ‘W.A.R.R.I.O.R’, ‘Guess We’ll Always Have NY’ and ‘The Muzik’, the album was used for runway shows and campaigns by Yves Saint Laurent, EA Sports FIFA and various Citroën car commercials including the controversial commercial featuring John Lennon.

Photographed by legendary photographer Jean Baptiste Mondino for New York Times T Magazine, her concerts were heralded by the publication as a “riotous jungle-punk stage act”. Bones goes above and beyond with a high-watt stage presence, bringing a whirl of energy to the stage with her fashion antics. Known for her multiple costume changes, she can often be spotted donning designer pieces by Iris van Herpen and Manish Arora

Her music, however, isn’t the traditional punk trio. Pushing boundaries as one of the first and few female music producers to work alongside orchestras, there is a real cinematic feel to her work. Traveling the world collaborating with symphony orchestras from India and China she asks classical musicians to step outside their comfort zone to perform her unconventional compositions.

“It’s about changing people’s perspectives. By breaking down existing genre boundaries, my approach to music including collaborations with The Mumbai Symphony and The Beijing Philharmonic Orchestra, reimagines orchestral music while challenging the prevailing mainstream mentality, that classical music is an art form that can only be performed by, for and about white males such as Beethoven” said Bones.

“I’m always pushing myself into unknown territory, I enjoy the challenge of stepping outside my circumference and learning from other cultures. There’s always a huge risk of recording alongside musicians you’ve never met, and don’t even speak the same language. Will it work? will you be able to communicate? In many ways it could be a recipe for disaster but these are all the elements that drive me as a creator. Music is the galvanizing force that brings people together.”

In 2013, her sophomore album “Behold, A Pale Horse” was released on her label 1984 Records. Premiered by NPR, who described Bones as “a major player for years to come,” the apocalyptic inspired album was recorded in India at YRF Studios aswell as Miloco Studios, London and featured tracks alongside The Mumbai Symphony Orchestra, and The New London Children’s Choir on a playful cover of The Smiths' ‘What Difference Does It Make’.

With its stringed percussion and harmonious chants, Behold, A Pale Horse is said to have “jagging guitars, jungle-inspired drums, and fierce vocals that seem to taunt as they go,” according to SPIN Magazine. The Independent praised the album as “a beguiling blend of chants, afrobeat, and the darker end of post-punk,” the self produced album also featured contributions from Liquid Liquid’s Sal P for the remix of ‘Bread & Circus’. The video, directed by Al Pacino’s daughter Julie Pacino and Jennifer DeLia, was premiered by Jay-Z via his lifestyle website Life & Times, heralding Bones as a “producer with a wide variety of influences, inspiring others through that journey."

In 2015 Bones released Milk & Honey, Pt. 1, her debut EP, which included the catchy disco-punk track ‘Oh Promised Land’. The song was used by Ray-Ban for their summer campaign which also featured Bones. She then headlined ‘Pop-Kultur’ festival to a sold out audience at Berlin’s legendary Berghain venue, that same year. Speaking to The New York Times about music production, Bones explained “It was an ambitious thing; I saw a deficit of female producers, and it’s still that way,” she said, noting that every non-classical Grammy Award for Producer of the Year had gone to a man.

Catching the attention of Yoko Ono with her avant-garde approach, Bones was enlisted by the art legend to re-work her song ‘No Bed For Beatle John’, for Ono’s ‘Yes, I’m A Witch Too’, her first album in nine years. Released in February 2016, it was heralded by The Guardian as “a brilliant track produced by Ebony Bones that pairs Ono’s eerie falsetto with majestic horns.” Featuring artwork by designer Karl Lagerfeld, the song was originally recorded by John Lennon in 1969. 

                                             *   *   *

As a self-produced artist, Bones is one of a few women in the male-dominated production world, making her one of the most prominent female producers in a burgeoning feminist movement within the music industry today. Given that less than 5% of solo music producers are women, Bones alongside Grimes, Linda Perry and Tokimonsta were the few producers featured by HBO/VICE for their 2017 special. Her production is as important as the music itself, and her skills are informed by self-produced musicians like Kate Bush, Missy Elliott, Linda Perry and Lauryn Hill. “Gender and ethnic diversity are markers for many of the key things that make music and art vital and resilient,” says Bones. “However, with the frighteningly low proportion of female music producers, there is currently only one dominant voice that determines what we all hear, and what music gets made.”

Her highly anticipated forthcoming album Nephilim, released July 20th sees Bones continue to push her musical ingenuity. She makes her directorial debut with the breathtaking new video of ‘Nephilim’ released May 4th, which may possibly be her most stunning visual yet. Featuring collaborations with The Beijing Philharmonic Orchestra, Bones took time away from touring to write and produce the new album, recorded in Beijing, New York and London. Collaborating alongside the orchestra at Beijing’s Tweak Tone Labs Studio, the album explores several themes including censorship; the conspicuous kind in China vs the more insidious kind in the west; as well as the emergence of nationalism in the world, post-Brexit and post-Trump.  

Unafraid to break down existing genre boundaries, the songs on Nephilim have an otherworldly, futuristic sound. She demonstrates an electronic avant-garde prowess, with experimental jazz, a sophisticated symphonic sense, teamed alongside afrofuturist overtones. There is a real cinematic feel to Bones' productions, displayed on orchestral tracks like 'Nephilim' and instrumental passages like 'Truth or Treason' that serve almost as a soundtrack for a film.

Bones reached out to the orchestra following her collaborations with Yoko Ono and The Mumbai Symphony Orchestra on Behold A Pale Horse. “China boasts some of the worlds best classical musicians and it was an honor to collaborate with them. I sent the Beijing Philharmonic the scores I had composed, and they were excited for the collaboration,” said Bones, who was invited to perform at the World Exposition in Shanghai 2010, which saw over 73 million visitors.

“Many people asked about recordings in Beijing and censorship in China, and while I didn’t directly experience any, it got me thinking about all the ways in which censorship manifests itself in our culture,” says the artist. “It takes on covert forms, like who gets to speak and who doesn't get to speak, and all the ways we silence the voices of people we don't want to hear” said Bones. “Beginning with the theme of religious censorship, I made ‘Nephilim’ conscious of the fact that these were not subjects females usually write about.”

The manifesto-like lyrics in the punk-inflected track ‘No Black In The Union Jack’ begins with an audio clip of British Member of Parliament Enoch Powell’s notorious ‘Rivers of Blood’ speech attacking immigration in 1968. “This hate speech was so vile, it has never been broadcast in full,” said Bones. “It is one of the most incendiary racist speeches of modern Britain and this year marks it’s 50th anniversary.”

The new album also explores the emergence of nationalism in the world post-Brexit and Trump. “Xenophobia aswell as fear of immigrants and foreigners was strongly associated with support for leaving the EU; post-Trump and Brexit have created a hostile environment for immigrants, fanned by nationalist bile and scapegoating as displayed throughout these songs.”  

Bones expanded on the larger issue of censorship “While writing the album, I began thinking about how women have been erased historically and all the ways we silence the voices of people we don't want to hear,” she said. “While I have accomplished a level of success in my art, I am not ignorant to the fact that for the majority of women, and especially women of colour, invisibility, not being seen or heard is a through-line for most of our careers.”

The album was engineered by Grammy Award-winning masterer, Mandy Parnell of Black Saloon who also engineered Behold A Pale Horse. Bones enlisted a host of musicians for the album, including a horn section featuring saxophone legend, Jimi Hendrix and James Brown collaborator - Lonnie Youngblood. Among the new 11 tracks on the album, there is a stunning cover, of the Junior Murvin/The Clash classic ‘Police & Thieves,’ which is performed by The Bones Youth Choir.

Speaking truth to power, the afrofuturistic anthem ‘Kids of Coltan’ touches upon the subjects of neo-colonialism and human rights violations. “The song is about the culture of complicity, as I began thinking of the young child laborers who make our smartphones and electronic devices,” said Bones. “Modern day communication is built on coltan mining, by young children in the Democratic Republic of Congo. From picking cotton to picking coltan, I realised this is today’s modern slave trade, of which we are all complicit.”

From ‘Kids Of Coltan’ and ‘Police & Thieves’ to ‘I See, I Say’ and ‘What Difference Does It Make’, children are a constant theme in Bones’ work. “A child's innocence allows for greater perception. Kids tend to be good at expressing their creativity, but then as adults people tend to lose this as they grow older, it’s something we have to protect and nurture.”

The giant themes and futuristic sounds of Nephilim are a reference to Bones’ own avant-garde approach, and as science fiction author Philip K. Dick once said, “Artists have the capacity to accidentally predict the future, it’s in their essence as creators.” Bones proves to be a step ahead.

New single ‘Nephilim’ featuring The Beijing Philharmonic Orchestra is out digitally May 4th

Written by Nadja Sayej

Photo Credits:

Photo by: Antonello Trio

Hair: Ernesto Montenovo

Styling: Ramona Tabita

Make-up:  Elena Pivetta

[aion-rsa]

The Concert for Bangladesh Set the Standard for Benefit Concerts

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The Beatles are credited with a lot of “firsts” in rock history. They were the first band to play stadium concerts, put intentional feedback, backwards instrumentation, and faded introductions into songs. Because of their ever-experimental guitarist, they were also the first rock band to put sitar and tamboura drones in pop rock and perform the first Indian modality prog piece. George Harrison didn’t stop expanding possibilities away from his bandmates. His first solo release after The Beatles’ break up, All Things Must Pass – which will have a celebratory remix release this week, was the first triple album coming from a single act in rock. In 1971, his Concert for Bangladesh was the first rock benefit concert.

The Aug. 1, 1971 show, and subsequent record and film, set the standard for musical contributions to charity. Mistakes were made, and Harrison himself paid out to fix them, teaching a valuable lesson for rock benefits to follow. But it all began very personally. “My friend came to me, sadness in his eyes, and told me that he wanted help before his country dies,” Harrison sings on the song “Bangladesh.” It is an almost verbatim version of the truth.

The Beatles’ Apple Films were producing Raga, a documentary about the renowned sitar virtuoso Ravi Shankar. In the spring of 1971, Harrison and Shankar were in Los Angeles working on its soundtrack. Shankar, a Bengali, told Harrison about things in his country. India and Pakistan were divided into two independent nations in 1947. East Pakistan declared independence, and became the People’s Republic of Bangladesh on April 17, 1971. This prompted a massive wave of migration, with between 300,000 and 3 million relocating to the mostly-Hindu nation. The move was violent, and it was reported 400,000 women were raped by Pakistani military personnel and Islamist militias, according to Smithsonian Magazine. The crisis deepened when the 1970 Bhola cyclone, floods and famine created a humanitarian disaster.

Shankar wanted to draw attention to the situation through a benefit concert. He was hoping Harrison or actor Peter Sellers might introduce the show. Shankar believed he could raise about $25,000 for the refugees. Harrison had a better idea. 

My friend came to me

Harrison met Shankar at a dinner party for the North London Asian Music Circle in 1966, a year after the guitarist first picked up a sitar while the Beatles were filming Help!. Harrison brought the instrument into the studio to bring an exotic feel to John Lennon’s “Norwegian Wood (This Bird Has Flown)” from the Rubber Soul album. Upon hearing it at the time, Shankar, one of India’s most venerated musicians, told a reporter “If George Harrison wants to play the sitar, why does he not learn it properly?” Harrison took him up on it, and Shankar schooled him on melodic structure and technique, but also noted the importance of the instrument’s part in spiritual discipline.

Harrison’s spiritually infused All Things Must Pass and its lead single, “My Sweet Lord,” both spent weeks at the number one spot on the charts. He had been writing with Bob Dylan, and playing with Eric Clapton and Delaney & Bonnie. “Straightaway I thought of the John Lennon aspect of it, which was: film it, and make a record of it, and, you know, let’s make a million dollars,” Harrison said, according to George Harrison: Interviews and Encounters by Ashley Kahn.

Lennon wrote a song for breakfast, recorded it for lunch and copies were pressed shortly after dinner with the Plastic Ono single “Instant Karma.” Harrison played guitar on the song, and it was produced by the studio legend Phil Spector, who would ultimately run the sound board and record the album The Concert for Bangladesh. Spector didn’t get to see the show. He was stationed in the Record Plant truck getting the perfect mix of a full horn section, two drummers, almost half a dozen guitarists, and over a dozen background singers.

A Beatles Reunion?

Harrison’s initial idea was to recruit the other Beatles. Paul McCartney, who had just put Wings together, initially agreed, if he and Lennon also performed separate solo sets. Lennon first balked at performing because Harrison didn’t want Yoko Ono to perform, then agreed, but flew to Paris after the decision led to domestic distress. He missed the show, and it caused a rift between the two former bandmates. McCartney ultimately backed out, citing the legal problems of being in the same room as Allen Klein.

Harrison didn’t have to ask Ringo Starr. According to reports, Starr was nervous about playing in front of an audience, but if you look at the footage of the two drummers playing, mostly in tandem, while joking with each other, it is plain he just wanted Jim Keltner’s company. Harrison gets to trade guitar licks with Clapton, Davis, Don Preston, and Ham. Starr and Keltner throw their own percussive party, doubling their beats in beautiful unity. Keltner held back his hi-hat cymbal on the two and four, a technique Levon Helm of the Band used, so he’d never step on Ringo’s backbeat. Starr visibly enjoys the freedom of new sound equipment to throw in all the fills.

Awaiting on Us All

Harrison began recruiting friends to play the one-time only concert in April, and had commitments by June. All the players agreed to perform without a fee. He also arranged for a film and recording to be made of the event, to add to the proceeds which would go toward the refugees. According to Pattie Boyd Harrison, George consulted an astrologer before he finally booked August 1 at Madison Square Garden. Tickets were set at $10 or less, so the show sold out in a few hours, and a second show was added.

The musicians rehearsed in a space above Carnegie Hall for about a week, but because of the various musicians’ schedules, the first time the group played together was at the show. Clapton was invited to be the lead guitarist, but missed rehearsals because the low-grade heroin he was supplied forced him to go two days cold turkey, he admits in his book Clapton: The Autobiography. Deeming the guitar god possibly unreliable, George also recruited Taj Mahal’s guitarist Jesse Ed Davis, who could move easily through playing rhythm, lead, slide, country, and jazz. In the book Do You Feel Like I Do, Peter Frampton reveals he could, or should, have been on that stage as well. He mistook his invitation as one to be in the audience. Harrison reportedly turned down offers from Mick Jagger and David Crosby to appear.

The 24-piece band included Klaus Voormann on bass, Pete Ham, Tom Evans, and Joey Molland on acoustic guitars, and Mike Gibbins on tambourine and maracas. Don Preston played electric guitar and Carl Radle played bass for the song “Jumpin’ Jack Flash/Young Blood.” The stage also accommodated the Hollywood Horns, which was its arranger Jim Horn, as well as Jackie Kelso, Allan Beutler on saxophones, Chuck Findley and Ollie Mitchell on trumpets and Lou McCreary on trombone. The Soul Choir included singers Claudia Lennear, Joe Greene, Jeanie Greene, Marlin Greene, Dolores Hall, and its organizer, songwriter Don Nix.

Pianist Leon Russell was the musical director, just as he had been on Joe Cocker’s Mad Dogs and Englishmen tour, which Harrison and Clapton played on. Oklahoma-born legend Russell had been an essential part of The Wrecking Crew of Los Angeles studio musicians as well as an important brick in Phil Spector’s Wall of Sound. He played on thousands of recordings, including piano on “Strangers in the Night” by Frank Sinatra.

“Have we forgotten anybody,” Harrison asks the audience after introducing the band mid-show. “We’ve forgotten Billy Preston.” The Beatles history with Preston goes all the way back to their early tours, just before megastardom. Preston played organ in the ensemble which backed Little Richard, who had the Beatles as an opening act. He was also the musician Harrison called in during the Beatles’ “Get Back” recording sessions. Preston, who’d also played with Russell on the pop music series Shindig! in May, 1965, brought more than an electrifying organ to the main act’s arsenal of sound. Harrison produced several of Preston’s albums and studied the idiom of Gospel music to capture the master player’s work blending it into secular funk overdrive. The collaboration between the two musicians is evident all over All Things Must Pass, which blurred the lines between the eastern and western religions by mixing modalities. The all-star rock concert to beat all all-star rock concerts was a spiritual revival in more ways than one.

The Performance

The shows open like Hindu pujas with traditional Indian music. Before the performance Harrison introduced the players, Shankar on sitar, Ali Akbar Khan on sarod, Kamala Chakravarty on tambura, and Alla Rakha on tabla. He explained how Indian music was more serious than the rock they’d be enjoying later, and to give it respectful concentration. Shankar requested the audience not smoke during their segment, as the ragas sought to help them “feel the agony and also the pain and a lot of sad happenings in Bangladesh and also the refugees who have come to India.”

After the musicians calibrated their tones, the audience burst into applause. “Thank you, if you appreciate the tuning so much, I hope you will enjoy the playing more,” Shankar smiled from the stage, before launching into “Bangla Dhun.” It begins with an improvisation on the raga’s melodic themes before the tambura drone and tabla push the rhythms until they explode by the end of the piece. The audience wasn’t respectful. They were floored. The rock audience who went to see fingers fly got to see stringed interplay between Ravi and Ali which was every bit as good as the guitar duel between Harrison and Clapton at the end of that night’s performance of “While My Guitar Gently Weeps.”

It is Harrison’s evening and he opens it himself. The spotlight illuminates his white two-piece suit with the Om symbol, and the first sounds the audience hear is his single guitar playing the opening riff of “Wah-Wah,” before Davis doubles it and the band kicks in. The Concert for Bangladesh was the first time Harrison played songs from All Things Must Pass live, but the audience was already familiar. The live version of “My Sweet Lord” is as uplifting as the studio recording. A particularly beautiful moment catches Harrison losing himself in the mantra towards the end of the song.

George blows a line in “Awaiting on You All,” but who cares, he’s ripping it out with a positively religious fervor. Preston takes on the spirit, and lifts it further with the power of gospel in “That’s the Way God Planned It.” Not content with electrifying his congregation through organ and voice, Preston gets up on his feet in an impromptu celebratory dance, not even Harrison saw coming. It is harmonic euphoria with heavenly promise.

Ringo brings things back to the Garden, grounding the proceedings with jubilant blues. The drummer paid his dues, and is enjoying its fruits as he kids around with Keltner after scatting over forgotten lyrics. His chosen tune, “It Don’t Come Easy,” was produced by Harrison, spent time on the top five of the charts and was still riding the high hat of heavy radio rotation.

“Beware of Darkness” bridges east and west, gospel and Hindu, rock and roll and country and western. Harrison begins the song, faithful to the album version, until Leon infuses a verse with melodic possibilities in a mere tease of things to come. Harrison’s plaintive rendition of “While My Guitar Gently Weeps” is wrought with personal demons. He gets those behind him when he and Clapton trade improvisational riffs to close the song. They duck, they weave, punch every modal challenge with the counterpunch of blues purism.

Rhythm and blues is at its most authentic when Leon Russell invokes his trinity for a roof blowing medley of The Rolling Stones’ “Jumpin’ Jack Flash” and the song Leiber and Stoller wrote for the Coasters: “Youngblood.” Russell turns Madison Square Garden into a tent revival orgy, preaching to the choir with exhilarating call and response exaltations which encapsulate the subtle motif of the day’s performances. This is where the show hits its jubilant peak, and marks the time to exhale.

“Here Comes the Sun” is George’s most intimate and assured performance of the evening. Blanketed only subtly by Don Nix’s gospel choir, George and Badfinger’s Pete Ham duet on acoustic guitars, filling their intricate unison fingerpicking with different configurations, and never missing a run on the prog time changes masquerading as seamless simplicity. The sparse arrangement takes nothing away from the majesty of the original recording, it augments it by transforming the space between notes into exultant expectation.

George was as surprised as his next guest was to be announced to the stage. As Harrison strapped on his white Fender Stratocaster, he checked the wings before bringing “on a friend of us all, Mr. Bob Dylan.” Even though the singer’s history of appearing at historic events went back to his performance at the March on Washington, no one knew if Dylan was going to make the show until he walked on the stage. It took Harrison’s cajoling to get Dylan to play the Isle of Wight in 1969, and he was happy playing Napoleon in rags, exiled in Woodstock since his motorcycle crash.

While Dylan had shown up at rehearsal, Spector got concerned when heard the musical icon had been bicycle riding all morning. Harrison had just asked if Bob would play “Blowin’ in The Wind” at the show, and Dylan hurled back “You gonna do ‘I Want to Hold Your Hand?’” But after handpicking Starr on tambourine and Russell, who strapped on Voormann’s bass, to augment his rhythm guitar and Harrison’s slide, not only did Bob blow wind through his shoulder-mounted harmonica, he strummed through his old favorite “Mr. Tambourine Man,” and dipped into folk blues with “It Takes a Lot to Laugh, It Takes a Train to Cry.” Harrison’s guitar lines slide delicately around Dylan’s vocals on “Love Minus Zero/No Limit,” while Russell and Harrison blanket his rendition of “Just Like A Woman” with harmony as well as irony. It may be the finest rendition of the song.

As beautiful and exquisitely rendered as it is, the best part of “Something” is when Harrison gets lost in his guitar playing to the detriment of his vocals and cracks himself up. It’s very visible in the film, and it lifts the performance because it almost shocks him into enjoying it and how comfortable he is performing it.

The evening show had a slightly different set list and sequence. “Hear Me Lord” was dropped. Dylan played “Mr. Tambourine Man” in place of “Love Minus Zero/No Limit.” But both ended with the song written for the event, “Bangladesh.” Anchored by Leon Russel’s propulsive and suspenseful A minor, it is a self-effacing call for bread. Harrison freely admits he couldn’t feel the pain, and suggests that’s what makes it so personal. He leaves the band and the audience alone to jam out the end of the song, as if an invisible plate were being passed by spirited hands.

The concert raised $243,418.50, which was given to UNICEF, who gave Shankar and Harrison their “Child Is the Father of Man” award for fundraising. The George Harrison Fund for UNICEF continues to this day.

But in the rush of putting the Concert for Bangladesh together, Harrison hadn’t specified a charity and lost any charitable tax breaks. A lot of money went missing, and an inordinate amount went to taxes. Harrison paid his own money to maintain the fund. The concert record, which was the second triple album in a row from Harrison, topped charts and won the Grammy for Album of the Year, but that also didn’t stop the delays in money being sent to help the Bangladeshi refugees. Years later when Bob Geldof reached out for tips for the 1985 Live Aid concert event, Harrison advised “Do your homework.” It was an important lesson. Nearly $12 million was tied up in an Internal Revenue Service escrow account for 11 years because organizers didn’t apply for tax-exempt status. Harrison’s initial attempt laid bare exactly what had to be done not only to stage a major music benefit concert for a humanitarian cause, but how to get the money where it belonged.

The Concert for Bangladesh album was released on Dec. 20, 1971. The film was released in the U.S. on March 23, 1972. They can be enjoyed together or separately. Each of the two are high marks reached for live albums or films, there is not a moment of downtime, and all the notes are in harmony.

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All Things Must Pass 50th Anniversary Edition will be available on Aug. 6.

The post The Concert for Bangladesh Set the Standard for Benefit Concerts appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[lostin-my-music]

A Heart That’s Broke Is A Heart That’s Been Loved (SL with @EverSoPatiently)

Josh: -I had no idea what was going on out in the woods. Hell, I had no real idea what was going on around here in general. Amiee hadn’t been lying when she’d said wolves. There were more than wolves around here. From what she and Logan had filled me in on as we drove, there were witches, shifters, a few humans, probably a troll and and an ogre in the basement. That is, if this house had a basement.

It probably didn’t considering it was perched up in a tree. If someone had been afraid of heights this wasn’t going to be the place for them to live. It was almost surreal, like the thing had grown out of the tree it was clinging to organically rather than being built. Maybe it had. Who the hell knew?

It was weird to say the least. There was shit going on here I didn’t have any kind of reference for. I’d spent my life living in what I called the real world. That was just the surface of what was real. And here I was falling head first into the deep end of all of it, stuck between two warring factions of supernatural creatures I didn’t even know weren’t part of a movie plot until a few hours ago.

Amiee was outside with the rest of them, while I was stuck in the house with the pregnant girl I’d met just after arriving here. Amiee had told me she was a wolf too, just that she wasn’t allowed to go outside during whatever was going down because of the baby. She was the big guy’s wife. And then there was Leah. A mass of curls and attitude, but I liked her. The attitude was a protective mechanism, something to hide behind. So was the hair. And she was worried. That was clear in the way she clung to Logan once he walked through the door.

Her eyes were filled with something I knew pretty damned well. She missed him. She felt guilty about something, though I didn’t know what it might be. Probably had something to do with all of what was going on. But most of all she just wanted to be as close to him as possible. She couldn’t be. He had to be part of whatever was going on out there. It was some kind of smash up between the three witches, which I guessed included Amiee, and two of the wolves.

Amiee tried to explain it to me before she went out there with the rest of them, but my head was already swimming with all the shit I’d learned today. I couldn’t wrap my head around the details of what they were planning while I was still learning that all of this stuff even existed.

So here I was stuck in a strange house, with a couple of women I’d just met, both of whom could become wolves whenever they wanted and eat me alive. It was either fascinating or terrifying. I was going with the former.

I guess I could have had a freak out, but I didn’t see what good it was going to do anyone. I had a lot to learn, so rolling with the punches here was the best option I had. We were all sitting around the living room in the Treehouse. Well, I was sitting, so was Rora, but Leah was pacing between the living room and the kitchen, never taking her eyes off the windows like she was just waiting for the boogie man to come running up out of the woods and take the whole place down.

My guitar was resting across my lap while I played with the pegs, tightening and loosening the strings while I tested each note to make sure it sounded just right. Amiee had hauled this one hours away from home after it sat in a corner collecting dust. Then she put it into the back of a closet to collect dust here. I’d think about what that meant later, but for now, I could focus on getting it back into shape to play while I was sitting in the house being useless.

Glancing up at the pretty, young and obviously pregnant woman across the room from me, I shot her a friendly smile- So, you think Leah is going to wear a track in the floor or am I just being an asshole here?

Rora: ^I could only laugh as Josh asked if Leah was going to wear a hole in the floor. And he wasn’t far off. But I knew why she was going nuts. There was a lot of risk with what Logan and Mal were doing. And that was the roughest part of being here. The waiting.

I knew that Josh didn’t understand anything. He knew what was going on, but he didn’t really know it. He hadn’t really asked any of his questions that I knew he had to have. To this day, I still had a million and one questions. I still didn’t understand everything, and I was a huge part of what was going on.^ She’s worried about Logan. I mean, I’m worried about Malachi, but there’s more to it with Logan and Leah. They’re tied together in a way that no one else is. It’s more than just them being married. I mean, I worry about Malachi because it’s not just me anymore. I need him to be safe so that he can actually be a father to Dinah.

^I saw the look on Leah’s face as I said the name Dinah. I wasn’t surprised that she knew who we named her after. There was no name that was a better fit for us. The name Dinah was everything to Malachi. It wasn’t just the name of his mother, but it was the name of someone he wanted and needed to protect at all cost. So naming her Dinah had been a non-issue.^ You know, I can answer any questions you may have. I know you’re lost in a world of the supernatural. I have to imagine that it’s a little hard to understand a world that you didn’t think could exist. So ask them. And if it’s in my power, I’ll answer them.

Josh: -Leah paused for a minute when Rora said Dinah. I didn’t know what that name meant to any of them, but I was certain it did mean something. It was easy to feel a little lost with all that was going on, and I had to admit that I had a million questions ranging from mundane to astronomical. It was nice to have someone I thought I could talk to about all of it.

It seemed that she was going to be my source for all of it, and she was pretty much as helpless in this as I was. Maybe it was even more frustrating for her since she had the ability to shift, and theoretically should be able to help, but given that she was about to have a baby at any day,  it didn’t seem that she was going to be much use in a fight.-

I mean… -I strummed the guitar again and looked back up at her- There’s a million things I could ask. I know the basics. I know that most of you are werewolves and the rest of them seem to be witches, including Amiee. I guess I can wrap my head around all of that. It’s the details that I get lost in. I know you’re married to Beezer… That’s his name right? - I hoped like hell I wasn’t messing this up- Leah and Logan are together, even though they’re different. So, that’s ok? I mean I don’t know if there are rules or anything. -I felt kind of stupid asking the questions, but I supposed there was no way I was going to learn if I didn’t ask. -

Rora: ^I could only laugh softly as I shook my head. I knew that this was going to be a thing. I knew it was going to be hard for Josh to understand everything. And I couldn’t help but wrinkle my nose as Josh referred to my husband as Beezer. But it was what everyone besides me and Colette referred to him as. I could understand why the name stuck with Josh.^ Everyone calls him Beezer. I call him Malachi, Mal, or Shadow. Him and I both agree that Beezer just sounds wrong coming from my lips. Leah married Logan on a whim before either of them knew what the other was. Doc Spencer is with Tatiana. Colette is just Colette. And you know how you feel about Amiee. Are there rules? No. There’s nothing that says a witch has to be married to a witch, or a were has to be married to a were. Logan’s a witch that’s married to a were, and Doc Spencer is a human in love with a were.

^I could only shrug my shoulder. There was a lot that Josh needed to understand. And he had pretty much been thrown into everything without an explanation. I felt Dinah shift under me as I let a groan out. She liked to put pressure on my stomach at the most inopportune time.^ You can’t help who you fall in love with. I fell in love with Malachi the moment I saw him. He put his life on the line to protect me before he knew my name. Tatiana tried to hide who she was from Spencer before she realized he loved her and would do anything with her. Leah and Logan were much like Mal and I. It was instantaneous. It’s just like anyone else in the world.

Leah is worried because even in our world, Tatiana is different from all of us. Leah, Malachi, and I can all shift at will. Tatiana has had her shifting controlled by the planets. She can only shift when Mercury is retrograde. Logan thinks he can adjust that. He thinks that he can give her control of her shifting. It’s something that hasn’t been done. None of us know how Tatiana is when she shifts except Tatiana. Logan and Colette thought it was a good idea to have Amiee out there to see how Logan does this.

^My fingers spun my wedding band around my finger as I thought about what to say. I knew there was enough information in my head to scare the shit out of Josh but I wasn’t sure if it was something I needed to tell him.^ There’s a lot going on these days. And I know that everyone is just expecting you to be okay with everything. I know it’s a lot. And I know that it’s okay for you to not be alright with all of this.

Josh: -I watched her talk for awhile, not paying attention to the instrument in my lap. Watching people was one of the few things that I really enjoyed as much as music. It was part of writing songs that mattered to people. To know what really meant something to them and to myself, I needed to observe them, to pay attention to the things they said and the things that they didn’t say.

I could see how the baby was more than she’d ever expected she’d get, even if I didn’t know her backstory or her husband’s. Malachi. The way her eyes looked when she said his name, and how she refused to call him the same thing that everyone else did.

They could have been an odd couple. He was so huge, and she was dainty in comparison, even heavily pregnant. But there was something about them that just fit, like it was meant to be. Same thing went for Leah and Logan. I’d watched the two of them when we’d arrived at the house. She’d all but run to throw her arms around her waist and plant a kiss on the scar that ran across his cheek, like she’d been doing that every day of her life. It was nice to see.

I could even understand why she was terrified. I didn’t know exactly what was going on and it scared me. She knew more details than I could ever hope to understand and had so much more riding on it than I did. I could get behind that even if I couldn’t exactly empathize or hope to understand it all.- It’s ok. I’m learning. There’s a lot to learn, but I’m good at it sometimes. -laughing softly and giving her another grin- So, you said Leah and Logan are tied in a way no one else here is? -I screwed my face up as I thought about that for a moment. I knew they were married, but they weren’t the only ones here married. Rora and Malachi, Logan and Leah, Doc and Tatiana; they were all couples. What could possibly make Leah and Logan’s relationship that much different than the others here?-

Rora: ^I looked over my shoulder at Leah before I went on with this story It wasn’t exactly mine to tell, and I didn’t know all of it. I just knew what Malachi and I had been told. And even then, that wasn’t everything.^ I told you that Leah is a were, and that Logan was a witch. We’re all different from each other, even though we’re the same. Leah comes from a tribe in the Northwest. They know they have found their other half by imprinting on them. Essentially, the moment they meet eyes with the person they are meant to be with, everything changes. Leah’s priority wasn’t to run away from everything. It was to run straight into Logan’s arms. Wherever Logan decided he wanted to be.

^I felt my lips curve into a smile as I considered Logan and Leah. They were very different from me and Malachi. But all relationships were different. It was just a fact of life.^ Malachi and I have a different story. We kind of had something similar, but not as intense. Mal and I were destined to be together if you ask Colette. She was the one that married us before we found out we were pregnant. It was right in the middle of all of this. And I had no idea how anyone was going to react. I told Mal just before I met Leah.

Mal and I were coming home from my mother’s compound up in Wyoming. Mal had called Leah to let her know about the danger we were all in. And Leah came home with Logan. The two of them made it back before the two of us. And, at that point, Leah and Logan knew the truth about each other. Logan did a ceremony to tie himself to Leah.

^I felt my teeth press into my lip as I thought about what was going on. What was actually happening with everything. And it still seemed like everyone was risking so much to be here to help us when I could do nothing in return.^ Leah’s life force is tied to Logan’s and vice versa. The reason she’s pacing is because this isn’t just about Logan’s safety. It’s about both of their lives. And she’s lucky she has that. Because she doesn’t have to go through life without him, and he doesn’t have to go through life without her.

Josh: -Aurora’s story distracted me from my strumming as I listened to how they were all tied together in various ways. It made me understand a little more about what had been going on around here. I didn’t quite get the way it all worked. The magic was more than I could wrap my head around. Before today, the only magic I’d ever believed in was smokes and mirrors. Magic tricks. I understood those. I’d seen my fair share of them on the road. Real magic? That wasn’t something I’d been prepared for.

And the fact that it was something Amiee was capable of was even more bewildering. I’d always known there was more to her than meets the eye, but I could never have fathomed this- Its all a little intense around here. I mean, I’ve been through some crazy things on the road. That is basically the definition of a band on tour. But this is all a little more than I expected.

I’m going to get used to it, I think. It’s just like something I dreamed up after drinking too much. -I laughed to ease the tension I felt building inside myself- And the pack in New Orleans… why are they after you? Well, I guess I mean us. I’m in on this as much as the rest of you, even if I’m no help at all.

Rora: ^I heard the soft curse come from the kitchen, and I knew what that meant. Logan was starting the spell. He had warned me before they left that he was going to have to use some of his blood to help Tatiana. And I knew where the cut had been made on Leah’s hand. Logan had cut himself in the same place he had used for their binding ceremony. It was his way of letting her know that she was still a prominent presence in his mind. Turning my head towards the kitchen, I raised a brow as I looked at Leah with a worried brow^ He’ll be fine, Lee. He cut himself in that specific spot for a reason. And if I had to guess, he’s already healed thanks to you.

^The huff that was a response was typical. As logical as I was being with Leah, I knew my own fears were building in my chest. I didn’t like Malachi being out in the clearing. I didn’t like him this far from the Treehouse. But Logan had reassured me that out of everyone, Mal was the most protected because of the cloaking spell Logan had put on us. Turning my attention back to Josh, I thought about his words. Why was the St. Pierre pack after us?^ Funnily enough, it didn’t become a problem until I came into the picture. Both Leah and Mal have a long history with the St. Pierre pack. Both of them used to run with them for a time. Well, I mean. Mal was forced to run with them.

^I could see the confusion written on Josh’s face when I said that. It took me a second to realize that Josh had only known Malachi as a Wheeler and not for what he used to be.^ The New Orleans pack is Mal’s old pack. The only way you can be forced to run with a pack is to be born into that pack. The St. Pierre pack is Mal’s family. His dad’s pack to be more specific. We go by his mom’s last name. Which is a whole different story.

^I knew there was going to be more to explaining this. It was a lot to tell. And it wasn’t just my story. It was Leah and Mal’s story. A story that I didn’t know all the details to. And it was still a story that intimidated me on a good day.^ Mal’s dad tried to kill Leah. Mal saved her. And in doing that, he put a target on his back. He had to run. Leah gave him a safe place to be when she built this place. And when Mal left, he got cursed. It’s something he’s had to deal with for years before I came into the picture.

^I could only feel the shame start to wash over me. Because this was the real reason that everyone was gathered here. Granted it would have happened sooner or later, but the truth was that it was my fault we were all getting ready for a battle.^ I used to live in Wyoming. I was an outsider in my pack. They decided to kill me, and I ran. I ended up in New Orleans, which is where I found Colette. She told me I needed to run up this way and run into a gym. When I did that, I’d find what I was looking for. My brother followed me and ended up joining forces with the St. Pierre pack. None of us know the cost of this, though. We just know the reward is insanely great if they somehow succeed in this battle. If the St. Pierre’s win, Mal, Leah, and I are dead. Malachi can’t challenge for alpha status, Leah is no longer a problem, and the outcast is dead.

^I could feel Dinah starting to move around. She was exactly like me in this regard. I knew she could hear us. I knew she could understand us. And she knew that Mal was her Daddy. She didn’t like hearing about the fact that he could be killed in this battle. It was a fact I didn’t like to think about.^ That is the story. Without some interesting details about my family.

Josh: -I winced when I heard Leah’s cry from the kitchen. I knew that the two of them were tied together, but I didn’t know exactly what that meant until I heard what Rora had to say to her. Logan had cut himself; Leah felt it. That meant they were linked, and anything that happened to one happened to the other. I didn’t exactly want to think out the implications of that, but when she talked about the consequences of what was going to happen if they lost, then I knew. If Leah died, Logan was dead too. That meant he was going to fight to the death to keep her safe, just as she would for him.

There was something poetic about it, and the musician in me didn’t fail to see the romance in it. But there was tragedy in it as well. At least neither of them was going to ever have to live without the other. That in itself was a huge commitment, probably bigger than marriage or anything else that existed in the world I had come from before now.

Filling in the rest of the details meant I understood more than I had before, but it also meant I got a glimpse into the beauty and the savageness that was this world. Here was this family of wolves that was willing to die for each other, to keep each other safe, and yet another that was coming after those that had been once been their own pack, their family and their blood, simply because of some perceived slights. It was like the best and the worst of the human world were magnified to a huge degree in all of this, and I didn’t know how I felt about all of it.

At least I was here. If I’d had to choose between the two options, this was the one I’d have chosen every time. I knew why Amiee was drawn here without the magic. Family… It had been something she’d never really had, and even I had left her in the end. Yet, here were a group of people, not all related by blood willing to fight for each other with everything they had.

I also understood why there was a need to get all the help they could manage, why they were out in the woods trying whatever they could to get an upper hand in all of this, because losing… Well, losing wasn’t an option here.

I nodded a little at Rora, processing everything that she had been telling me. There was more between the lines that she didn’t say. I could see the guilt in her expression when she spoke. How she thought all of this was her fault, when I could clearly see that it was her family’s fault instead. She was just trying to live her life, just like Beezer and Leah were trying to do the same. It was the rest of them that wouldn’t let it happen. So they had to fight to have the right to be themselves. In my eyes, she didn’t have anything to take the blame for. -

Well, that’s a hell of a story then. -my fingers picked out a few familiar notes on the guitar out of habit. I could see her moving around trying to get a comfortable spot, but it seemed the baby wasn’t going to let her get comfortable. I knew how that could be, not personally, but I had a couple of older sisters who’d done all of this before. I also thought I could help.-

So, I notice that Dinah’s kicking you in kidneys you didn’t know you had. -I tried to smile up at her and kept strumming a few notes.- I think I’m going to try something to calm her down if you don’t mind. -I barely waited for a reply before I went ahead and started playing something I’d been working on for awhile. I didn’t know how the baby was going to react to any of it, or if I could help, but it gave me something to try to do instead of just sit around the house and be useless-

Rora: ^There was no denying that he knew what would calm Dinah. As soon as he started to sing, she just stopped moving. It was like she knew he was singing this to her. But I couldn’t help but laugh softly at my little girl. Letting my hand rest gently over my belly, I let out a soft coo to my stomach.^ You know your Daddy won’t let you have a crush on Josh, right? I think Miss Amiee would have just as much of a problem with it.

^I could see the smile playing on his lips as I brought up Amiee. And for a second his fingers fumbled against the strings. I knew what that meant. I knew what he was doing. He was hiding everything from her. He was letting her run the show with their relationship. I didn’t know the story. It wasn’t something I had asked about. And they had no reason to tell me about it. But I knew that this was going to kill him if he didn’t say anything. I felt my eyes narrow into slits as I stared at the man sitting across the couch from me.^ You’re risking your life by being here. You don’t get the option any more. You tell her how you feel, or I’m taking things into my hands. And I’m the last person you want involved in your relationship, Josh.

^The pain was in the song he had sung. But there was also patience in it. It was like he wanted her to come to him. He wanted the two of them to be together. But something was holding him back.^ You don’t know what the next day will bring, Josh. Don’t hide your feelings for Amiee. You have to talk to her. You have to be honest. The truth is in your music. Don’t doubt that. But don’t rely on your music to tell her what you need to say

Josh: -I finished the song and let Rora tell me what she needed to  say. She was right, and it wasn’t that I didn’t want her involved in my relationship. It was just that I didn’t know what kind of relationship there was to be involved in. I had gone on tour. She had pushed me away, and both of us were at fault here. The last time we tried this she got scared and tried to run, and I let her. It was scary. The last thing I wanted to do was push her too hard when there was something this scary going on. I had no clue if it would set her off again.

I rested my arm over the neck of my guitar and settled my chin against my hand, listening to her talk as I processed everything that was going on, not speaking for a moment. I didn’t really have any options left here. We were at the breaking point, and things needed to go one way or another with so many things going on around here. -

I told her I love her back at the apartment before I came here. I meant every word of it. But things aren’t the same. I don’t know if she trusts me. I don’t know if I deserve to be trusted. I left. Maybe it was stupid of me, but I was doing what she told me she wanted. I came back, and she was nowhere to be found until she showed up at my doorstep with stories about werewolves and witches.

I don’t want to lose her again. I don’t think I could take it. I just don’t know how to tell her that without scaring her off and making sure she never speaks to me again.

-I was rambling and making excuses, but I knew Rora was going to call me on it. It was in her personality to not let anyone bullshit her for too long. I knew that much just from the short time we’d known each other.-

But I’m all ears here if you have any ideas. I’m not leaving her until she leaves me this time.

Rora: She brought you here for a reason, Josh. Colette asked if there was anyone out there that any of us cared about in any capacity. Colette knew that we needed to have everyone protected from the St. Pierres. Amiee didn’t hesitate. She knew she had to go back to New Orleans for you.

^I knew it was a lot to take in. There was never enough time to wrap your head around things. It always made you question what was going to happen in the future. And Josh had even more questions. He wasn’t from our world. And that was something I understood. Trying to wrap his head around things that didn’t make sense was hard. Love didn’t make sense. I knew that better than anyone else. You did insane things when you were in love. And being in love was something that made you question everything.^

The only thing you can do is tell her how you feel. With someone that likes to run, you have to be honest. You can’t play games with them. You want to start over with Amiee? Prove it. Don’t run from her. Especially not while you’re here. Don’t run from her when all of this is over. Be there for her. Because I have a terrible feeling in my gut that this is not going to be as easy as everyone wants to think it is. She’s going to need someone she can trust to lean on. She’s learning a lot in a very small amount of time. She’s going to need someone to keep her grounded in all of this. And I think it needs to be you.

^Shaking my head, I felt the worry start to consume me. Amiee was lucky. She had someone who knew her before all of this started. Josh knew what kind of a person Amiee was before this. He could remind her of that when everything got to her. But I didn’t have that luxury. I had Mal, but I was the reason all of this was happening. He hadn’t known me in a time of calm, and I was starting to get scared that he wouldn’t think any of this was worth it in the end.

I couldn’t focus on that, though. I needed to be focused on what was in front of me. I had to help Josh with Amiee. It was the only thing I was going to be allowed to do until everything was over. I needed to be useful somewhere or I was going to go crazy.^ There’s only so much we can do to support her. She’s going to need you. She may not think so, you may not think so. But the truth is that you need each other. And the only thing you can do is be there to prove that you want to be there for her.

Josh:  -I knew Rora was right, no matter how much I didn’t like admitting when I was wrong. It happened more than I cared to admit. Amiee was a runner. I sort of was too, but I alternated between running away and running towards something. What I needed to do now was commit to actually running back towards her.

I was stuck here, but it wasn’t against my will. We were stuck here together. I’d told her I loved her, but in the end that wasn’t going to be enough. I had to prove a lot of shit to her. I had to prove I wasn’t going to leave again. I had to prove I was going to be here for her no matter what happened. I had to prove that I was going to accept her for exactly what she was, even if that meant I got pulled into all of this.

This world, and everything in it, was going to take a lot of getting used to. Never mind I had about a million things that were normal everyday human things to worry about, now there were monsters and werewolves and witches and probably ogres and fairies and who knew what the hell else. It was hard enough trying to convince the woman you’d been in love with for as long as you’d known her that you weren’t a giant asshole after pulling a Harry Houdini without all of that. But in the end, it didn’t matter. I had to convince her. I had to wrap my head around all of this. It was going to happen with or without me. Being the thing that held everyone back was just going to make it all that much harder.-

I know, I know. If there’s anything I know, I know I need her. I’ve needed her since the moment I laid eyes on her. That’s never going to change. I just have to figure out how to make her know it the way that I know it.

Rora: ^I could only give Josh a small smile. There was only so much that could be done until he decided to talk to her. And it needed to be on her terms. I knew what it was like to run. I knew what it was like to be alone. But Mal changed all of that. He made me want to be a part of something. He gave me a reason to put down roots.

I could have gone back to Wyoming. There was no doubt in my mind. After my Dad was killed, I could have stayed there. But it was the man whose last name I now had that mattered. I didn’t care if my family accepted him. None of that mattered to me.^ It’s not going to be easy. But being here and asking her questions about what’s going on is going to help. Show interest in her life, Josh. She’ll be taken aback by it, yes. But you’re showing an interest in something.

She needs to know that this is where you want to be. Regardless of the fact that a choice was taken from you, you are choosing to be here with her. That is what she needs to know. The Treehouse is big enough for you each of you to have your own space. Invite her into your space. Ask her to talk about her days. Ask her if she’s scared. She needs someone to talk to. And she needs someone she can be honest to. Colette and Logan? They’re going to push her to get her magic down. She’s going to question everything. Just be there for her.

Josh: -I knew what it was like to have everything about your life questioned. I’d gone on the road and cut a record while having producers and song writers who thought they knew my own work better than me take everything I knew and loved and try to tear it to shreds and turn it into their own. I knew how hard it was to learn something knew, to practice playing til the ends of my fingers were sore and aching, til sometimes they would bleed. I knew how hard it was going to be on her, maybe not in every way, but I understood the way it could rip your soul to shreds when you thought everything you were was a failure, when you thought you were never going to catch onto things.

The way things were coming hard and fast told me that everything was urgent. We were all going to be on a time crunch here. Well, maybe not me. I could hurry up and wait. That was about all I could do, except be there for her when she needed me. It was going to be hard to ask her questions. I was genuinely curious. I wanted to know what was up with her. And if she was scared or tired or lonely or just down, I wanted to be the person she came to. I’d always wanted that no matter what was going on in the world around us all.-

Alright then… I think I can more than manage that. I just hope she doesn’t decide I’m not worth the trouble. That’s the one thing that scares me I think. Maybe she’s going to decide that if I left her once, I don’t really matter now.

-I’d given voice to the thing that terrified me the most out of all of this. It tasted bad coming out of my mouth, but it was a real fear. It was possible she’d just come to get me because she felt bad about my life being in danger. To say it felt like taking five steps backwards though. I was an ass just for thinking it.-

Rora: ^I knew what it was like to give a voice to your loudest fear. It was something I had been avoiding. There was a lot that I wanted to not give voice to. I hated admitting that I had a weakness. But we all had our weaknesses. It was how we responded to those weaknesses that made us strong.

I gave Josh a small smile as he went back to fiddling with his guitar. It was a safety blanket for him. It gave him something to focus on when everything else got to be too much, and I couldn’t blame him.^ Bringing you here wasn’t because you were in danger. None of us knew that Amiee felt anything for you. When we asked if there was anyone we needed to protect for her, the answer was you. It wasn’t anything to do with obligation. Hurting you hurts her. So even if she has that wall up, she wants you around. It’s going to take time, Josh. And there is only so much you can do when she’s trying to protect both you and her from yourself.

^It brought me back to the days where I had first met Mal. The things that hurt to remember. The guilt for bringing everything down on him. And I still wasn’t entirely sure that he didn’t blame me for all of this. There were days I wondered if he regretting getting involved with me. But there was only so much I could do. I could only rely on him to tell me the truth about how he felt.^ The scariest part of being in a relationship is putting yourself out there for the world to see. Putting those emotions into the world, and having someone tell you no. It’s something I struggle with to this day. You can put it into lyrics. Playing it for Amiee may take some time, but you can tell her how you feel in song. Even if you don’t sing it for her, but you just give her the lyrics. You know the way to her heart, Josh. You’ve been there. And you can get there again. It just takes some time to get there.

^I felt myself jump as the door to the Treehouse slammed open. Colette and Amiee came rushing in, and Leah just kept looking. I knew she was looking for Logan. I had been hoping Mal would be right behind them. But I wasn’t going to pretend that this situation was easy. There was a lot to deal with in regards to Tatiana. And I knew why both Logan and Mal would have sent Amiee and Colette back here. With a pointed look at Josh, I let my eyes travel to Amiee. There wasn’t much more to be said between the two of us. In almost the same instant, Dinah pushed against my stomach.

I could only let out a sigh as Colette gave me that look. I knew what that look was. It was a look that meant I needed to do something. I needed to take care of the baby. Glancing at the clock on the wall, I could only let out a growl. Dinner was going to have to wait a while longer. Standing, I carefully made my way to the kitchen. I wanted to give Josh the opportunity to talk to Amiee without any of us interfering. Looping my arm through Leah’s, I gently pulled her and Colette off towards Doc’s office. It was time for Doc to check and see how the Little Miss was doing. Granted, I was sure she was going to be stubborn without her Daddy around.^ Keep me company, and give them some space, okay?

Josh: -I didn’t pay much attention to anything that happened after the old woman I’d just recently learned was named Colette and Amiee came running through the door. They were out of breath, and it was clear that they’d run from the clearing where everything was supposed to be going down out there.

I didn’t know what that meant, whether it was a good sign or a bad sign, but she was here. Rora excused herself and Leah went along with her with Colette tagging behind. They said they were going to look for Doc, but I knew better. It was Rora’s way of getting them out of the room to give us some time together.

For a minute, I didn’t know if I had word to speak. I was always bad with talking.  I could sing, I could write a song to explain just about anything and the way it made me feel. The guitar was my shield and my weapon, but it was also the only way I could express myself sometimes. I looked up as she came in the room, strumming the strings gently when she settled into the chair that Rora had just left.

I knew the song I wanted to sing before my fingers found the right strings and started to play as simple tune along with the words that said everything I wasn’t certain I was going to be able to get out on my own while I studied her expression for a sign that I wasn’t screwing everything up all over again.-

#AHeartThatsBrokeIsAHeartThatsBeenLoved

[damajority]

DaMajority Fresh Article https://www.damajority.com/our-top-5-female-caribbean-recording-artiste-in-2018/

Our TOP 5 Female Caribbean Recording Artiste in 2018

Our TOP 5 Female Caribbean Recording Artiste in 2018

The Caribbean is blessed with some of the most talented women in music industry. Today we feature five of our favorite female Caribbean recording artiste for 2018.

  Patrice Roberts

Patrice Roberts (born 11 April 1985) is a Trinidadian soca singer.

She came to national attention in 2005 with the huge hit collaboration “The Islands” alongside Bunji Garlin, written by Kernal Roberts and produced by Shawn Noel (Da Ma$tamind), which was used in promotional commercials by the Ministry of Tourism.[1]

It was in 2005 when Patrice Roberts shocked the entertainment industry in Trinidad and Tobago with her talent. Her introduction through a vocal collaboration was with Bunji Garlin,who at that time was in the spotlight. It was her refreshingly soothing and powerful vocals that quickly got her the attention that many established entertainers desired. Very few were able to provide accurate answers about her and her career, appearing mystery like. Patrice Roberts has assumed her position in the Caribbean music industry as a force to be reckoned with.

Music was always an instrumental part of her life and would inevitably become her career. As far as her mind allows her to journey Patrice recollects always being in love with music and singing. It was at the tender age of seven she began taking her passion seriously.Since then Patrice has not regretted surrendering to her passion.

In 2006, shortly after Patrice shot into the spotlight she became one of the frontline vocalists and the only female vocalists in the internationally recognized Soca Band, which at that time was known as Xtatik (now HD). For Patrice her professional career had just begun and she was in full flight. It would be a challenging and difficult journey for Patrice but one that she would embrace and make her own when given the opportunity.

Fresh out of school, Roberts experienced what many would consider “culture shock”; moving from her countryside dwellings in Toco to city lights. Her transition from a calypso consumed lifestyle to Soca meant that the life she was accepting would attract obstacles beyond her understanding, “I had to adapt to the culture, the atmosphere and now compete with established artistes.”

Prior to her collaboration with Bunji Garlin and her alliance with Machel Montano and HD, Patrice had numerous Calypso accolades under her belt. Her journey from then to now was crafted by ace songwriter and producer, Kernal Roberts. The male Roberts was approached by Patrice’s then mentors; Dan Nero and George Stanisclaus for her introduction into the “Soca World.” This is how 2005 began. One of her greatest achievements followed soon after when she was named the youngest female Road March winner for her collaboration with Machel Montano titled “Band Of The Year”. This achievement would solidify her existence in the Soca world and prove to critics that she was more talent than they expected. Her talent has provided her with opportunities to travel extensively throughout the Caribbean, The USA and Europe with more opportunities still presenting themselves.

To understand her career one must understand her struggles, obstacles and successes, a simple word of advice from her to anyone interested in following their dreams is, “Believe in them.” To date Roberts has been recognized for some of her hit singles namely, ‘Big Girl Now’, ‘Old and Grey’, ‘A Little Wine’, ‘Bruk Out’, ‘I am Soca’, ‘Unforgettable’, ‘Tempa Wine’, ‘

Sugar Boy’, Wukkin Up’, ‘Rollin’, ‘Always Be’ and among others.

Shenseea

HyperFocal: 0

Shenseea (born Chinsea Lee) is a Jamaican dancehall reggae performer and deejay (Jamaican). Her real name is Chinsea Lee and she grew up in St. Elizabeth in a Christian family.[1] Romeich is her manager.

After performing on a side stage at Reggae Sumfest in 2015 she took the main stage as her notoriety grew in 2017 and she toured internationally.[2]

She received corporate sponsorship deals from telecom firm Flow and Pepsi-Cola Jamaica sponsorship as a representative of their ginger flavored soda in Jamaica.[3] At the 2016 Youth View Awards she won Young Hot and Hype Artiste; Break Out Celebrity of 2016, and Collaboration of The Year for her song Loodi with Vybz Kartel.[2]

In additional to dancehall she has shown skills freestyling as a rapper.[4] She teamed up with Sean Paul for the 2017 single Rolling[5] and on a leg of his 2017 European tour.[6] She has also worked with Tommy Lee Sparta. In June 2018, she will be featured on Christina Aguilera’s new album “Liberation”, in the song “Right Moves”.

Spice

Grace Latoya Hamilton (born 6 August 1982),[1] known professionally as Spice, is a Jamaican dancehall recording artist, singer and songwriter. Beginning her career in the early 2000’s, she had her first major success with the controversial single “Romping Shop” with Vybz Kartel in 2009.

Her debut EP So Mi Like It, which included the hit single of the same name, was released in 2014 through VP Records. In 2018, Spice joined the cast of VH1‘s reality television series Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta for the seventh season.

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  Nailah Blackman

   Instagram    Facebook    Twitter    Youtube

Nailah Blackman is taking Trinidad & Tobago, the Caribbean and the World by storm. Nailah is born in music, music is part of her DNA.

Daughter of well- known Trinidadian Calypso Artist Abbi Blackman, and Granddaughter of the late Ras Shorty I, the founder of Sokah Music and the related genre Chutney Sokah.

With this ancestry in Sokah royalty, Nailah has been immersed in music her entire life and is an accomplished musician not only classically trained in voice but also in various instruments including the guitar and keyboards. Nailah is also a prolific songwriter and composer and continues to write and compose her own songs.

2017 has been her break out year with 3 mega hits back to back including “Work Out” featuring Kes the Band, with over eight million views on YouTube.

“Baila Mami” may be her biggest hit to date with over 6 million views as it features Nailah on her own and shows her playful versatility.

“Badissh” featuring Jamaican rising star Shenseea was another runaway hit with over 3.3 million views and again showcases another side of Nailah.

She closed off 2017 on a high note celebrating her 20th birthday on December 2nd, launching her first EP “Sokah” and her live band by the same name. The concert was a huge success and brought together some of the most talented upcoming Trinidad artists.

The title track of the EP “Sokah” is a trendy tribute to the Trinidad and Tobagonian culture and to the love she has for her country. The video features Len Boogsie Sharpe on steelpan and Mungal Patasar on sitar.

The video is already at 1.4 million views.

As she continues to release songs from the EP, her fans the #naiarmy as they call themselves are impatiently waiting to see what the new Queen of Sokah has to offer.

Dame Lorraine

O Lawd Oye

In total she has combined over 19 million views on youtube, placing her in the top 5 of most viewed artists in Trinidad & Tobago.

If 2017 was her break out year, 2018 will be the year Nailah Blackman stamps her name as a force to be reckoned with in the music industry. Bookings are already currently flowing in from North America to Europe and all over the Caribbean.

Rich musical talent, fresh, playful yet strong willed, mature and hard working, Nailah is destined for certain stardom.

Hood Celebrityy

  HoodCelebrityy, known for her spit fire lyrics, and ability to merge her hustler persona and her Jamaican background, creating a new genre in itself. She has become one of the fastest rising reggae artist to date!

HoodCelebrityy was born Tina Pinnock. Hood spent her early childhood in the hills of St. Catherine and Port More, Jamaica. It was then that the unbeknownst artist, HoodCelebrityy fell in love with the energetic and contagious rhythm of reggae music.

 At the curve of becoming a teenager, HoodCelebrityy relocated to the states. HoodCelebrityy landed in the northernmost of 5 bouroughs in the concrete jungle, New York City, The Bronx.  “At the age of 14, I chose to focus on dancing and music”, states HoodCelebrityy.”

The thought provoking question, why the name HoodCelebrityy arises amongst many inquiring minds. HoodCelebrityy explains, “Im a hustler at heart and Ive done it all.  I worked in one of the most popular urban clothing stores in the Bronx on Fordham Road, to running around in these crazy streets with my family trying to trap a dollar.  Whether it was Clothing, music, or street sh*t, I could move it.   At my store I was the girl that would get you right, Hood says with a laugh. All the customers looked towards me to put together that special outfit for the wkd. While at work, I would upload quick 15 second video freestyles that started to go viral.  My instagram page started to become very popular at the same time Ive solidified a reputation on the street as the girl not to be played with, thus the name HoodCelebrityy.

t was the summer of 2015 that HoodCelebrityy’s long time friend and confidant, social media phenomenon and recording artist, Cardi B called her up. Cardi exclaimed with question, “I didn’t’ know you did music? Your sh*t is fire!” “From there, Cardi posted my video and the rest is history. I went from 2,000 followers to 12,000 overnight. From Cardi’s post, I got so much love and recognition”, states HoodCelebrityy. The next day, I recorded my first single, “Wine Pon It”and shot the video. That too went viral and from there, it was no turning back. I had to give the people more of me and I wanted to”.

HoodCelebrityy has been driven by the sounds of legendary lyricists and artists. One major influence has been Vybz Cartel. When asked about Vybz and the motivation he’s provided to Hoods rapidly growing career, Hood explains, “Vybz Kartel’s music has been a major influence towards my artistry. He is a genius. He can make music about any topic. Not all artists can do that. His music motivates and uplifts my spirit and that is exactly how I want to impact fans with my music”, states HoodCelebrityy. “50 Cent is my favorite Rapper of all time. He is creative, smart, and he knows how to stay relevant, and is at the top of his game. I aspire to be just like that!”

HoodCelebrityy’s debut mix tape, “Can’t Believe It’s Just A Girl” is scheduled for an early 2017 release. “The reason for my mixtape’s title is because people hear my music, look me up, and then they say, “I can’t believe it’s just a girl” smiles HoodCelebrityy. They go on to say, “She is too dope to be a girl.” “I don’t try to do what females regularly do, but whatever I put my mind to, I know that I can do it”.

With a sound so well versed and well rounded, from Reggae to Pop music, Hoodcelebrityy has initiated a “new wave” that shes hand crafted, and has added to her flows.  With the appropriately tilted track “The Takeover”, she introduces a fresh sound she calls “Trap Reggae”.  “Its like rap infused with Jamaican urban culture.  I am a huge fan of hip hop, so I wanted to create a sound that incorporates the witty flows and gangsta beats, with a dance hall edge!”

HoodCelebrityy can be found across multiple social media platforms, with a mass following, totaling over 150,000, @Hoodcelebrityy. Her viral video freestyles, and game shaking music videos can be found on her youtube channel, titled HoodCelebrityy with over 1.5 million views to date!

HoodCelebrityy has opened for multi-platinum artist, Shaggy, Barrington Levy and most  recently Cardi B! Needless to say Hood is becoming an all around entertainer! Her stage presence is phenomenal and can be felt throughout the entire audience! her performances are an experience within themselves! Hood states,

“I love to perform. I put on a real show when I am performing. I am a true performer”, states HoodCelebrityy. You can hear HoodCelebrityy’s Music being played in clubs and radio stations all over the world!

[eversopatiently-blog]

A Heart That's Broke Is A Heart That's Been Loved (SL With @LostInMyMusic_)

Josh: -I had no idea what was going on out in the woods. Hell, I had no real idea what was going on around here in general. Amiee hadn’t been lying when she’d said wolves. There were more than wolves around here. From what she and Logan had filled me in on as we drove, there were witches, shifters, a few humans, probably a troll and and an ogre in the basement. That is, if this house had a basement.

It probably didn’t considering it was perched up in a tree. If someone had been afraid of heights this wasn’t going to be the place for them to live. It was almost surreal, like the thing had grown out of the tree it was clinging to organically rather than being built. Maybe it had. Who the hell knew?

It was weird to say the least. There was shit going on here I didn’t have any kind of reference for. I’d spent my life living in what I called the real world. That was just the surface of what was real. And here I was falling head first into the deep end of all of it, stuck between two warring factions of supernatural creatures I didn’t even know weren’t part of a movie plot until a few hours ago.

Amiee was outside with the rest of them, while I was stuck in the house with the pregnant girl I’d met just after arriving here. Amiee had told me she was a wolf too, just that she wasn’t allowed to go outside during whatever was going down because of the baby. She was the big guy’s wife. And then there was Leah. A mass of curls and attitude, but I liked her. The attitude was a protective mechanism, something to hide behind. So was the hair. And she was worried. That was clear in the way she clung to Logan once he walked through the door.

Her eyes were filled with something I knew pretty damned well. She missed him. She felt guilty about something, though I didn’t know what it might be. Probably had something to do with all of what was going on. But most of all she just wanted to be as close to him as possible. She couldn’t be. He had to be part of whatever was going on out there. It was some kind of smash up between the three witches, which I guessed included Amiee, and two of the wolves.

Amiee tried to explain it to me before she went out there with the rest of them, but my head was already swimming with all the shit I’d learned today. I couldn’t wrap my head around the details of what they were planning while I was still learning that all of this stuff even existed.

So here I was stuck in a strange house, with a couple of women I’d just met, both of whom could become wolves whenever they wanted and eat me alive. It was either fascinating or terrifying. I was going with the former.

I guess I could have had a freak out, but I didn’t see what good it was going to do anyone. I had a lot to learn, so rolling with the punches here was the best option I had. We were all sitting around the living room in the Treehouse. Well, I was sitting, so was Rora, but Leah was pacing between the living room and the kitchen, never taking her eyes off the windows like she was just waiting for the boogie man to come running up out of the woods and take the whole place down.

My guitar was resting across my lap while I played with the pegs, tightening and loosening the strings while I tested each note to make sure it sounded just right. Amiee had hauled this one hours away from home after it sat in a corner collecting dust. Then she put it into the back of a closet to collect dust here. I’d think about what that meant later, but for now, I could focus on getting it back into shape to play while I was sitting in the house being useless.

Glancing up at the pretty, young and obviously pregnant woman across the room from me, I shot her a friendly smile- So, you think Leah is going to wear a track in the floor or am I just being an asshole here?

Rora: ^I could only laugh as Josh asked if Leah was going to wear a hole in the floor. And he wasn’t far off. But I knew why she was going nuts. There was a lot of risk with what Logan and Mal were doing. And that was the roughest part of being here. The waiting.

I knew that Josh didn’t understand anything. He knew what was going on, but he didn’t really know it. He hadn’t really asked any of his questions that I knew he had to have. To this day, I still had a million and one questions. I still didn’t understand everything, and I was a huge part of what was going on.^ She’s worried about Logan. I mean, I’m worried about Malachi, but there’s more to it with Logan and Leah. They’re tied together in a way that no one else is. It’s more than just them being married. I mean, I worry about Malachi because it’s not just me anymore. I need him to be safe so that he can actually be a father to Dinah.

^I saw the look on Leah’s face as I said the name Dinah. I wasn’t surprised that she knew who we named her after. There was no name that was a better fit for us. The name Dinah was everything to Malachi. It wasn’t just the name of his mother, but it was the name of someone he wanted and needed to protect at all cost. So naming her Dinah had been a non-issue.^ You know, I can answer any questions you may have. I know you’re lost in a world of the supernatural. I have to imagine that it’s a little hard to understand a world that you didn’t think could exist. So ask them. And if it’s in my power, I’ll answer them.

Josh: -Leah paused for a minute when Rora said Dinah. I didn’t know what that name meant to any of them, but I was certain it did mean something. It was easy to feel a little lost with all that was going on, and I had to admit that I had a million questions ranging from mundane to astronomical. It was nice to have someone I thought I could talk to about all of it.

It seemed that she was going to be my source for all of it, and she was pretty much as helpless in this as I was. Maybe it was even more frustrating for her since she had the ability to shift, and theoretically should be able to help, but given that she was about to have a baby at any day,  it didn’t seem that she was going to be much use in a fight.-

I mean… -I strummed the guitar again and looked back up at her- There’s a million things I could ask. I know the basics. I know that most of you are werewolves and the rest of them seem to be witches, including Amiee. I guess I can wrap my head around all of that. It’s the details that I get lost in. I know you’re married to Beezer… That’s his name right? - I hoped like hell I wasn’t messing this up- Leah and Logan are together, even though they’re different. So, that’s ok? I mean I don’t know if there are rules or anything. -I felt kind of stupid asking the questions, but I supposed there was no way I was going to learn if I didn’t ask. -

Rora: ^I could only laugh softly as I shook my head. I knew that this was going to be a thing. I knew it was going to be hard for Josh to understand everything. And I couldn’t help but wrinkle my nose as Josh referred to my husband as Beezer. But it was what everyone besides me and Colette referred to him as. I could understand why the name stuck with Josh.^ Everyone calls him Beezer. I call him Malachi, Mal, or Shadow. Him and I both agree that Beezer just sounds wrong coming from my lips. Leah married Logan on a whim before either of them knew what the other was. Doc Spencer is with Tatiana. Colette is just Colette. And you know how you feel about Amiee. Are there rules? No. There’s nothing that says a witch has to be married to a witch, or a were has to be married to a were. Logan’s a witch that’s married to a were, and Doc Spencer is a human in love with a were.

^I could only shrug my shoulder. There was a lot that Josh needed to understand. And he had pretty much been thrown into everything without an explanation. I felt Dinah shift under me as I let a groan out. She liked to put pressure on my stomach at the most inopportune time.^ You can’t help who you fall in love with. I fell in love with Malachi the moment I saw him. He put his life on the line to protect me before he knew my name. Tatiana tried to hide who she was from Spencer before she realized he loved her and would do anything with her. Leah and Logan were much like Mal and I. It was instantaneous. It’s just like anyone else in the world.

Leah is worried because even in our world, Tatiana is different from all of us. Leah, Malachi, and I can all shift at will. Tatiana has had her shifting controlled by the planets. She can only shift when Mercury is retrograde. Logan thinks he can adjust that. He thinks that he can give her control of her shifting. It’s something that hasn’t been done. None of us know how Tatiana is when she shifts except Tatiana. Logan and Colette thought it was a good idea to have Amiee out there to see how Logan does this.

^My fingers spun my wedding band around my finger as I thought about what to say. I knew there was enough information in my head to scare the shit out of Josh but I wasn’t sure if it was something I needed to tell him.^ There’s a lot going on these days. And I know that everyone is just expecting you to be okay with everything. I know it’s a lot. And I know that it’s okay for you to not be alright with all of this.

Josh: -I watched her talk for awhile, not paying attention to the instrument in my lap. Watching people was one of the few things that I really enjoyed as much as music. It was part of writing songs that mattered to people. To know what really meant something to them and to myself, I needed to observe them, to pay attention to the things they said and the things that they didn’t say.

I could see how the baby was more than she’d ever expected she’d get, even if I didn’t know her backstory or her husband’s. Malachi. The way her eyes looked when she said his name, and how she refused to call him the same thing that everyone else did.

They could have been an odd couple. He was so huge, and she was dainty in comparison, even heavily pregnant. But there was something about them that just fit, like it was meant to be. Same thing went for Leah and Logan. I’d watched the two of them when we’d arrived at the house. She’d all but run to throw her arms around her waist and plant a kiss on the scar that ran across his cheek, like she’d been doing that every day of her life. It was nice to see.

I could even understand why she was terrified. I didn’t know exactly what was going on and it scared me. She knew more details than I could ever hope to understand and had so much more riding on it than I did. I could get behind that even if I couldn’t exactly empathize or hope to understand it all.- It’s ok. I’m learning. There’s a lot to learn, but I’m good at it sometimes. -laughing softly and giving her another grin- So, you said Leah and Logan are tied in a way no one else here is? -I screwed my face up as I thought about that for a moment. I knew they were married, but they weren’t the only ones here married. Rora and Malachi, Logan and Leah, Doc and Tatiana; they were all couples. What could possibly make Leah and Logan’s relationship that much different than the others here?-

Rora: ^I looked over my shoulder at Leah before I went on with this story It wasn’t exactly mine to tell, and I didn’t know all of it. I just knew what Malachi and I had been told. And even then, that wasn’t everything.^ I told you that Leah is a were, and that Logan was a witch. We’re all different from each other, even though we’re the same. Leah comes from a tribe in the Northwest. They know they have found their other half by imprinting on them. Essentially, the moment they meet eyes with the person they are meant to be with, everything changes. Leah’s priority wasn’t to run away from everything. It was to run straight into Logan’s arms. Wherever Logan decided he wanted to be.

^I felt my lips curve into a smile as I considered Logan and Leah. They were very different from me and Malachi. But all relationships were different. It was just a fact of life.^ Malachi and I have a different story. We kind of had something similar, but not as intense. Mal and I were destined to be together if you ask Colette. She was the one that married us before we found out we were pregnant. It was right in the middle of all of this. And I had no idea how anyone was going to react. I told Mal just before I met Leah.

Mal and I were coming home from my mother’s compound up in Wyoming. Mal had called Leah to let her know about the danger we were all in. And Leah came home with Logan. The two of them made it back before the two of us. And, at that point, Leah and Logan knew the truth about each other. Logan did a ceremony to tie himself to Leah.

^I felt my teeth press into my lip as I thought about what was going on. What was actually happening with everything. And it still seemed like everyone was risking so much to be here to help us when I could do nothing in return.^ Leah’s life force is tied to Logan’s and vice versa. The reason she’s pacing is because this isn’t just about Logan’s safety. It’s about both of their lives. And she’s lucky she has that. Because she doesn’t have to go through life without him, and he doesn’t have to go through life without her.

Josh: -Aurora’s story distracted me from my strumming as I listened to how they were all tied together in various ways. It made me understand a little more about what had been going on around here. I didn’t quite get the way it all worked. The magic was more than I could wrap my head around. Before today, the only magic I’d ever believed in was smokes and mirrors. Magic tricks. I understood those. I’d seen my fair share of them on the road. Real magic? That wasn’t something I’d been prepared for.

And the fact that it was something Amiee was capable of was even more bewildering. I’d always known there was more to her than meets the eye, but I could never have fathomed this- Its all a little intense around here. I mean, I’ve been through some crazy things on the road. That is basically the definition of a band on tour. But this is all a little more than I expected.

I’m going to get used to it, I think. It’s just like something I dreamed up after drinking too much. -I laughed to ease the tension I felt building inside myself- And the pack in New Orleans… why are they after you? Well, I guess I mean us. I’m in on this as much as the rest of you, even if I’m no help at all.

Rora: ^I heard the soft curse come from the kitchen, and I knew what that meant. Logan was starting the spell. He had warned me before they left that he was going to have to use some of his blood to help Tatiana. And I knew where the cut had been made on Leah’s hand. Logan had cut himself in the same place he had used for their binding ceremony. It was his way of letting her know that she was still a prominent presence in his mind. Turning my head towards the kitchen, I raised a brow as I looked at Leah with a worried brow^ He’ll be fine, Lee. He cut himself in that specific spot for a reason. And if I had to guess, he’s already healed thanks to you.

^The huff that was a response was typical. As logical as I was being with Leah, I knew my own fears were building in my chest. I didn’t like Malachi being out in the clearing. I didn’t like him this far from the Treehouse. But Logan had reassured me that out of everyone, Mal was the most protected because of the cloaking spell Logan had put on us. Turning my attention back to Josh, I thought about his words. Why was the St. Pierre pack after us?^ Funnily enough, it didn’t become a problem until I came into the picture. Both Leah and Mal have a long history with the St. Pierre pack. Both of them used to run with them for a time. Well, I mean. Mal was forced to run with them.

^I could see the confusion written on Josh’s face when I said that. It took me a second to realize that Josh had only known Malachi as a Wheeler and not for what he used to be.^ The New Orleans pack is Mal’s old pack. The only way you can be forced to run with a pack is to be born into that pack. The St. Pierre pack is Mal’s family. His dad’s pack to be more specific. We go by his mom’s last name. Which is a whole different story.

^I knew there was going to be more to explaining this. It was a lot to tell. And it wasn’t just my story. It was Leah and Mal’s story. A story that I didn’t know all the details to. And it was still a story that intimidated me on a good day.^ Mal’s dad tried to kill Leah. Mal saved her. And in doing that, he put a target on his back. He had to run. Leah gave him a safe place to be when she built this place. And when Mal left, he got cursed. It’s something he’s had to deal with for years before I came into the picture.

^I could only feel the shame start to wash over me. Because this was the real reason that everyone was gathered here. Granted it would have happened sooner or later, but the truth was that it was my fault we were all getting ready for a battle.^ I used to live in Wyoming. I was an outsider in my pack. They decided to kill me, and I ran. I ended up in New Orleans, which is where I found Colette. She told me I needed to run up this way and run into a gym. When I did that, I’d find what I was looking for. My brother followed me and ended up joining forces with the St. Pierre pack. None of us know the cost of this, though. We just know the reward is insanely great if they somehow succeed in this battle. If the St. Pierre’s win, Mal, Leah, and I are dead. Malachi can’t challenge for alpha status, Leah is no longer a problem, and the outcast is dead.

^I could feel Dinah starting to move around. She was exactly like me in this regard. I knew she could hear us. I knew she could understand us. And she knew that Mal was her Daddy. She didn’t like hearing about the fact that he could be killed in this battle. It was a fact I didn’t like to think about.^ That is the story. Without some interesting details about my family.

Josh: -I winced when I heard Leah’s cry from the kitchen. I knew that the two of them were tied together, but I didn’t know exactly what that meant until I heard what Rora had to say to her. Logan had cut himself; Leah felt it. That meant they were linked, and anything that happened to one happened to the other. I didn’t exactly want to think out the implications of that, but when she talked about the consequences of what was going to happen if they lost, then I knew. If Leah died, Logan was dead too. That meant he was going to fight to the death to keep her safe, just as she would for him.

There was something poetic about it, and the musician in me didn’t fail to see the romance in it. But there was tragedy in it as well. At least neither of them was going to ever have to live without the other. That in itself was a huge commitment, probably bigger than marriage or anything else that existed in the world I had come from before now.

Filling in the rest of the details meant I understood more than I had before, but it also meant I got a glimpse into the beauty and the savageness that was this world. Here was this family of wolves that was willing to die for each other, to keep each other safe, and yet another that was coming after those that had been once been their own pack, their family and their blood, simply because of some perceived slights. It was like the best and the worst of the human world were magnified to a huge degree in all of this, and I didn’t know how I felt about all of it.

At least I was here. If I’d had to choose between the two options, this was the one I’d have chosen every time. I knew why Amiee was drawn here without the magic. Family… It had been something she’d never really had, and even I had left her in the end. Yet, here were a group of people, not all related by blood willing to fight for each other with everything they had.

I also understood why there was a need to get all the help they could manage, why they were out in the woods trying whatever they could to get an upper hand in all of this, because losing… Well, losing wasn’t an option here.

I nodded a little at Rora, processing everything that she had been telling me. There was more between the lines that she didn’t say. I could see the guilt in her expression when she spoke. How she thought all of this was her fault, when I could clearly see that it was her family’s fault instead. She was just trying to live her life, just like Beezer and Leah were trying to do the same. It was the rest of them that wouldn’t let it happen. So they had to fight to have the right to be themselves. In my eyes, she didn’t have anything to take the blame for. -

Well, that’s a hell of a story then. -my fingers picked out a few familiar notes on the guitar out of habit. I could see her moving around trying to get a comfortable spot, but it seemed the baby wasn’t going to let her get comfortable. I knew how that could be, not personally, but I had a couple of older sisters who’d done all of this before. I also thought I could help.-

So, I notice that Dinah’s kicking you in kidneys you didn’t know you had. -I tried to smile up at her and kept strumming a few notes.- I think I’m going to try something to calm her down if you don’t mind. -I barely waited for a reply before I went ahead and started playing something I’d been working on for awhile. I didn’t know how the baby was going to react to any of it, or if I could help, but it gave me something to try to do instead of just sit around the house and be useless-

Rora: ^There was no denying that he knew what would calm Dinah. As soon as he started to sing, she just stopped moving. It was like she knew he was singing this to her. But I couldn’t help but laugh softly at my little girl. Letting my hand rest gently over my belly, I let out a soft coo to my stomach.^ You know your Daddy won’t let you have a crush on Josh, right? I think Miss Amiee would have just as much of a problem with it.

^I could see the smile playing on his lips as I brought up Amiee. And for a second his fingers fumbled against the strings. I knew what that meant. I knew what he was doing. He was hiding everything from her. He was letting her run the show with their relationship. I didn’t know the story. It wasn’t something I had asked about. And they had no reason to tell me about it. But I knew that this was going to kill him if he didn’t say anything. I felt my eyes narrow into slits as I stared at the man sitting across the couch from me.^ You’re risking your life by being here. You don’t get the option any more. You tell her how you feel, or I’m taking things into my hands. And I’m the last person you want involved in your relationship, Josh.

^The pain was in the song he had sung. But there was also patience in it. It was like he wanted her to come to him. He wanted the two of them to be together. But something was holding him back.^ You don’t know what the next day will bring, Josh. Don’t hide your feelings for Amiee. You have to talk to her. You have to be honest. The truth is in your music. Don’t doubt that. But don’t rely on your music to tell her what you need to say

Josh: -I finished the song and let Rora tell me what she needed to  say. She was right, and it wasn’t that I didn’t want her involved in my relationship. It was just that I didn’t know what kind of relationship there was to be involved in. I had gone on tour. She had pushed me away, and both of us were at fault here. The last time we tried this she got scared and tried to run, and I let her. It was scary. The last thing I wanted to do was push her too hard when there was something this scary going on. I had no clue if it would set her off again.

I rested my arm over the neck of my guitar and settled my chin against my hand, listening to her talk as I processed everything that was going on, not speaking for a moment. I didn’t really have any options left here. We were at the breaking point, and things needed to go one way or another with so many things going on around here. -

I told her I love her back at the apartment before I came here. I meant every word of it. But things aren’t the same. I don’t know if she trusts me. I don’t know if I deserve to be trusted. I left. Maybe it was stupid of me, but I was doing what she told me she wanted. I came back, and she was nowhere to be found until she showed up at my doorstep with stories about werewolves and witches.

I don’t want to lose her again. I don’t think I could take it. I just don’t know how to tell her that without scaring her off and making sure she never speaks to me again.

-I was rambling and making excuses, but I knew Rora was going to call me on it. It was in her personality to not let anyone bullshit her for too long. I knew that much just from the short time we’d known each other.-

But I’m all ears here if you have any ideas. I’m not leaving her until she leaves me this time.

Rora: She brought you here for a reason, Josh. Colette asked if there was anyone out there that any of us cared about in any capacity. Colette knew that we needed to have everyone protected from the St. Pierres. Amiee didn’t hesitate. She knew she had to go back to New Orleans for you.

^I knew it was a lot to take in. There was never enough time to wrap your head around things. It always made you question what was going to happen in the future. And Josh had even more questions. He wasn’t from our world. And that was something I understood. Trying to wrap his head around things that didn’t make sense was hard. Love didn’t make sense. I knew that better than anyone else. You did insane things when you were in love. And being in love was something that made you question everything.^

The only thing you can do is tell her how you feel. With someone that likes to run, you have to be honest. You can’t play games with them. You want to start over with Amiee? Prove it. Don’t run from her. Especially not while you’re here. Don’t run from her when all of this is over. Be there for her. Because I have a terrible feeling in my gut that this is not going to be as easy as everyone wants to think it is. She’s going to need someone she can trust to lean on. She’s learning a lot in a very small amount of time. She’s going to need someone to keep her grounded in all of this. And I think it needs to be you.

^Shaking my head, I felt the worry start to consume me. Amiee was lucky. She had someone who knew her before all of this started. Josh knew what kind of a person Amiee was before this. He could remind her of that when everything got to her. But I didn’t have that luxury. I had Mal, but I was the reason all of this was happening. He hadn’t known me in a time of calm, and I was starting to get scared that he wouldn’t think any of this was worth it in the end.

I couldn’t focus on that, though. I needed to be focused on what was in front of me. I had to help Josh with Amiee. It was the only thing I was going to be allowed to do until everything was over. I needed to be useful somewhere or I was going to go crazy.^ There’s only so much we can do to support her. She’s going to need you. She may not think so, you may not think so. But the truth is that you need each other. And the only thing you can do is be there to prove that you want to be there for her.

Josh:  -I knew Rora was right, no matter how much I didn’t like admitting when I was wrong. It happened more than I cared to admit. Amiee was a runner. I sort of was too, but I alternated between running away and running towards something. What I needed to do now was commit to actually running back towards her.

I was stuck here, but it wasn’t against my will. We were stuck here together. I’d told her I loved her, but in the end that wasn’t going to be enough. I had to prove a lot of shit to her. I had to prove I wasn’t going to leave again. I had to prove I was going to be here for her no matter what happened. I had to prove that I was going to accept her for exactly what she was, even if that meant I got pulled into all of this.

This world, and everything in it, was going to take a lot of getting used to. Never mind I had about a million things that were normal everyday human things to worry about, now there were monsters and werewolves and witches and probably ogres and fairies and who knew what the hell else. It was hard enough trying to convince the woman you’d been in love with for as long as you’d known her that you weren’t a giant asshole after pulling a Harry Houdini without all of that. But in the end, it didn’t matter. I had to convince her. I had to wrap my head around all of this. It was going to happen with or without me. Being the thing that held everyone back was just going to make it all that much harder.-

I know, I know. If there’s anything I know, I know I need her. I’ve needed her since the moment I laid eyes on her. That’s never going to change. I just have to figure out how to make her know it the way that I know it.

Rora: ^I could only give Josh a small smile. There was only so much that could be done until he decided to talk to her. And it needed to be on her terms. I knew what it was like to run. I knew what it was like to be alone. But Mal changed all of that. He made me want to be a part of something. He gave me a reason to put down roots.

I could have gone back to Wyoming. There was no doubt in my mind. After my Dad was killed, I could have stayed there. But it was the man whose last name I now had that mattered. I didn’t care if my family accepted him. None of that mattered to me.^ It’s not going to be easy. But being here and asking her questions about what’s going on is going to help. Show interest in her life, Josh. She’ll be taken aback by it, yes. But you’re showing an interest in something.

She needs to know that this is where you want to be. Regardless of the fact that a choice was taken from you, you are choosing to be here with her. That is what she needs to know. The Treehouse is big enough for you each of you to have your own space. Invite her into your space. Ask her to talk about her days. Ask her if she’s scared. She needs someone to talk to. And she needs someone she can be honest to. Colette and Logan? They’re going to push her to get her magic down. She’s going to question everything. Just be there for her.

Josh: -I knew what it was like to have everything about your life questioned. I’d gone on the road and cut a record while having producers and song writers who thought they knew my own work better than me take everything I knew and loved and try to tear it to shreds and turn it into their own. I knew how hard it was to learn something knew, to practice playing til the ends of my fingers were sore and aching, til sometimes they would bleed. I knew how hard it was going to be on her, maybe not in every way, but I understood the way it could rip your soul to shreds when you thought everything you were was a failure, when you thought you were never going to catch onto things.

The way things were coming hard and fast told me that everything was urgent. We were all going to be on a time crunch here. Well, maybe not me. I could hurry up and wait. That was about all I could do, except be there for her when she needed me. It was going to be hard to ask her questions. I was genuinely curious. I wanted to know what was up with her. And if she was scared or tired or lonely or just down, I wanted to be the person she came to. I’d always wanted that no matter what was going on in the world around us all.-

Alright then… I think I can more than manage that. I just hope she doesn’t decide I’m not worth the trouble. That’s the one thing that scares me I think. Maybe she’s going to decide that if I left her once, I don’t really matter now.

-I’d given voice to the thing that terrified me the most out of all of this. It tasted bad coming out of my mouth, but it was a real fear. It was possible she’d just come to get me because she felt bad about my life being in danger. To say it felt like taking five steps backwards though. I was an ass just for thinking it.-

Rora: ^I knew what it was like to give a voice to your loudest fear. It was something I had been avoiding. There was a lot that I wanted to not give voice to. I hated admitting that I had a weakness. But we all had our weaknesses. It was how we responded to those weaknesses that made us strong.

I gave Josh a small smile as he went back to fiddling with his guitar. It was a safety blanket for him. It gave him something to focus on when everything else got to be too much, and I couldn’t blame him.^ Bringing you here wasn’t because you were in danger. None of us knew that Amiee felt anything for you. When we asked if there was anyone we needed to protect for her, the answer was you. It wasn’t anything to do with obligation. Hurting you hurts her. So even if she has that wall up, she wants you around. It’s going to take time, Josh. And there is only so much you can do when she’s trying to protect both you and her from yourself.

^It brought me back to the days where I had first met Mal. The things that hurt to remember. The guilt for bringing everything down on him. And I still wasn’t entirely sure that he didn’t blame me for all of this. There were days I wondered if he regretting getting involved with me. But there was only so much I could do. I could only rely on him to tell me the truth about how he felt.^ The scariest part of being in a relationship is putting yourself out there for the world to see. Putting those emotions into the world, and having someone tell you no. It’s something I struggle with to this day. You can put it into lyrics. Playing it for Amiee may take some time, but you can tell her how you feel in song. Even if you don’t sing it for her, but you just give her the lyrics. You know the way to her heart, Josh. You’ve been there. And you can get there again. It just takes some time to get there.

^I felt myself jump as the door to the Treehouse slammed open. Colette and Amiee came rushing in, and Leah just kept looking. I knew she was looking for Logan. I had been hoping Mal would be right behind them. But I wasn’t going to pretend that this situation was easy. There was a lot to deal with in regards to Tatiana. And I knew why both Logan and Mal would have sent Amiee and Colette back here. With a pointed look at Josh, I let my eyes travel to Amiee. There wasn’t much more to be said between the two of us. In almost the same instant, Dinah pushed against my stomach.

I could only let out a sigh as Colette gave me that look. I knew what that look was. It was a look that meant I needed to do something. I needed to take care of the baby. Glancing at the clock on the wall, I could only let out a growl. Dinner was going to have to wait a while longer. Standing, I carefully made my way to the kitchen. I wanted to give Josh the opportunity to talk to Amiee without any of us interfering. Looping my arm through Leah’s, I gently pulled her and Colette off towards Doc’s office. It was time for Doc to check and see how the Little Miss was doing. Granted, I was sure she was going to be stubborn without her Daddy around.^ Keep me company, and give them some space, okay?

Josh: -I didn’t pay much attention to anything that happened after the old woman I’d just recently learned was named Colette and Amiee came running through the door. They were out of breath, and it was clear that they’d run from the clearing where everything was supposed to be going down out there.

I didn’t know what that meant, whether it was a good sign or a bad sign, but she was here. Rora excused herself and Leah went along with her with Colette tagging behind. They said they were going to look for Doc, but I knew better. It was Rora’s way of getting them out of the room to give us some time together.

For a minute, I didn’t know if I had word to speak. I was always bad with talking.  I could sing, I could write a song to explain just about anything and the way it made me feel. The guitar was my shield and my weapon, but it was also the only way I could express myself sometimes. I looked up as she came in the room, strumming the strings gently when she settled into the chair that Rora had just left.

I knew the song I wanted to sing before my fingers found the right strings and started to play as simple tune along with the words that said everything I wasn’t certain I was going to be able to get out on my own while I studied her expression for a sign that I wasn’t screwing everything up all over again.-

#AHeartThatsBrokeIsAHeartThatsBeenLoved

[wavenetinfo]

Gregg Allman, a survivor of tragedy, knew the blues musically and in a painfully personal way.

Raised by a single mother after his father was shot to death, he idolized his guitar-slinging older brother, Duane, and became his musical partner. They formed the nucleus of The Allman Brothers Band, which helped define the Southern rock sound of the 1970s.

Their songs such as “Whipping Post,” ”Ramblin’ Man” and “Midnight Rider” laid the foundation for the genre and opened the doors for groups like Lynyrd Skynyrd and the Marshall Tucker Band.

Gregg Allman, whose bluesy vocals and soulful touch on the Hammond B-3 organ helped propel the Allman Brothers Band to superstardom, died Saturday. He was 69.

Allman died peacefully and surrounded by loved ones at his home near Savannah, his manager, Michael Lehman, told The Associated Press. He blamed cancer for Allman’s death.

“It’s a result of his reoccurrence of liver cancer that had come back five years ago,” Lehman said in an interview. “He kept it very private because he wanted to continue to play music until he couldn’t.”

Allman played his last concert in October as health problems forced him to cancel other 2016 shows. He announced Aug. 5 that he was “under his doctor’s care at the Mayo Clinic” due to “serious health issues.” Later that year, he canceled more dates, citing a throat injury. In March, he canceled performances for the rest of 2017.

Born in Nashville, Tennessee, the rock star known for his long blond hair was raised in Florida.

In his 2012 memoir, “My Cross to Bear,” Allman described how his older brother was a central figure in his life in the years after their father was murdered by a man he met in a bar. The two boys endured a spell in a military school before being swept up in rock music in their teens. Although Gregg was the first to pick up a guitar, it was Duane who excelled at it. So Gregg later switched to the organ.

They spent years in bands together, but failed to crack success until they formed The Allman Brothers Band in 1969. It featured extended jams, tight guitar harmonies by Duane Allman and Dickey Betts, rhythms from a pair of drummers and the smoky blues inflected voice of Gregg Allman.

Based in Macon, Georgia, the group also had drummers Jai Johanny “Jaimoe” Johanson and Butch Trucks and bassist Berry Oakley. They reached the pinnacle of the burgeoning music scene, partying to excess while defining a sound that still excites millions.

Their self-titled debut album came out in 1969, but it was their seminal live album “At Fillmore East” in 1971 that catapulted the band to stardom. Considered one of the greatest live albums ever made, the two LP record opened with their version of Blind Willie McTell’s “Statesboro Blues,” with Duane Allman on slide guitar. The album introduced fans to their fusion of blues, rock and jazz.

Duane Allman had quickly ascended to the pantheon of guitar heroes, not just from his contributions to the Allman band, but from his session work with Aretha Franklin, Wilson Pickett and with Eric Clapton on the classic “Layla and Other Assorted Love Songs” album. But he was killed in a motorcycle accident in October 1971, just months after recording the Fillmore shows. Another motorcycle accident the following year claimed Oakley’s life.

Keyboard player Chuck Leavell joined the band following Duane Allman’s death and the band continued to soar. Their follow-up to the Fillmore album, “Eat a Peach,” became their first top 10 album and featured some of their most popular recordings, including “Melissa” and “Blue Sky.”

Gregg Allman said in a 1998 interview with The Associated Press that he and Betts mourned his brother’s death in music.

“We used to write songs in a graveyard in Macon,” Allman said. “One thing everybody thought was Duane would come back to haunt us if we did not keep going. He had the most passion for music of any man I’ve ever seen.”

In a 2012 interview with The Associated Press, he said Duane remained on his mind every day. Once in a while, he could even feel his presence.

“I can tell when he’s there, man,” Allman said. “I’m not going to get all cosmic on you. But listen, he’s there.”

The 1970s brought more highly publicized turmoil: Allman was compelled to testify in a drug case against a former road manager for the band and his marriage to the actress and singer Cher was short-lived even by show business standards.

In 1975, Cher and Allman married three days after she divorced her husband and singing partner, Sonny Bono. Their marriage was tumultuous from the start; Cher requested a divorce just nine days after their Las Vegas wedding, although she dismissed the suit a month later.

Together they released a widely panned duets album under the name “Allman and Woman.” They had one child together, Elijah Blue, and Cher filed for legal separation in 1977. Allman said in an interview with Viva magazine in 1977 that he regretted marrying Cher and said that they probably could have fallen in love if it hadn’t been for his drug abuse.

The Allman Brothers Band likewise split up in the 1980s and then re-formed several times over the years. A changing cast of players has included Derek Trucks, nephew of original drummer Butch Trucks, as well as guitarist Warren Haynes.

Starting in 1990, more than 20 years after its founding, the reunited band began releasing new music and found a new audience. In 1995 the band was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and they won a Grammy Award for best rock instrumental performance for “Jessica” the following year.

In 2000, Betts was ousted from the band via fax for alleged substance abuse and poor performance and he hasn’t played with the band since.

Butch Trucks died in January 2017. Authorities said he shot himself in front of his wife at their Florida home.

In his memoir, Allman said he spent years overindulging in women, drugs and alcohol before getting sober in the mid-1990s. He said that after getting sober, he felt “brand new” at the age of 50.

“I never believed in God until this,” he said in an interview with The Associated Press in 1998. “I asked him to bring me out of this or let me die before all the innings have been played. Now I have started taking on some spiritualism.”

However, after all the years of unhealthy living he ended up with hepatitis C which severely damaged his liver. He underwent a liver transplant in 2010.

After the surgery, he turned music to help him recover and released his first solo album in 14 years “Low Country Blues” in 2011.

“I think it’s because you’re doing something you love,” Allman said in a 2011 interview with The Associated Press. “I think it just creates a diversion from the pain itself. You’ve been swallowed up by something you love, you know, and you’re just totally engulfed.”

The band was honored with a lifetime achievement Grammy in 2012.

————

Hall reported from Nashville, Tennessee. Associated Press Writer Hillel Italie in New York City contributed to this report.

28 May 2017 | 4:22 am

Source : ABC News

>>>Click Here To View Original Press Release>>>

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