#like. you're really gonna marry someone you can't go camping with

[all-purpose-dish-soap]

thinkin about ex-husband keegan p russ. 

thinkin about how there's no way he doesn't show up at your front door within hours of the first ODIN attacks. 

keegan fucking russ standing at your door at three in the morning without so much as a cursory greeting. makes you pack a suitcase with whatever bare essentials you can't live without. there's a lot of arguing involved but not a lot of conversation, as usual. you talk, sure, and he listens, nods, and then looks at his watch and says you need to move your ass or he's gonna move it for you. 

next thing you know, you're in his passenger seat and he's driving you to his military base six hours away.

he doesn't bother to explain anything, but he does bother to ask you what happened to that fiance of yours.

you give him a heated look, one that says you're ready to square up. defensive, aren't you. that tells him what he wants to know and he scoffs, adjusting his one-handed grip on the steering wheel. good riddance.

you're one of the few civilians on base. you try to be civil with keegan, but falling into old habits is too fucking easy. you and keegan married young--it was a boot camp wedding for the benefits--and the marriage itself wasn't good. well--parts of it, certain parts, were good. really good. 

none of it was healthy, mind you. just this cycle of arguing all day and then settling the argument in bed all night. sometimes well into the next day. you couldn't go twelve hours without picking a fight, and he couldn't let it go. not without putting you on your back and railing you until you forgot whatever the hell you were mad about.

something about keegan just makes you aggressive. just makes you want to bare your teeth and go for his throat. something about how impassive he is, how hard he is to rattle, makes you want to push him until he reacts.

you're in the perfect situation to piss him off on base by sleeping with some other dude. 

or at least that's what you think. 

keegan makes sure the other soldiers know you are one hundred percent off-limits. keegan's ex-wife? yeah, none of the other soldiers are gonna touch that with a ten-foot pole. 

one or two joke around about how dumb he was to let a bombshell like you divorce his ass, but keegan shuts it down real fucking quick.

then he starts showing up at your door just to give you the chance to pick a stupid fight. 

he finds himself pushing you farther and farther, finds himself craving that satisfaction he gets when you turn that heated look of pure loathing on him. he wants you to throw your barbs his way. not just the lighthearted teasing you toss out to his teammates--he wants you to lash out at him. give him everything you've got. make it hurt.

if you're glaring at him, belittling him, insulting him, you're not out there flirting with someone else. your attention is his.

he always seems to show up at your door when you're moody and listless. pent up with tension. your method of dealing with it involves this, mm, push and pull he enjoys. sometimes his squadmates send him to your door when they catch attitude from you.

"heard you got on everyone's nerves today," he tells you. "you gonna be a handful?"

you swing the door closed, wanting it to slam in his face, but you find it bangs into his boot instead. he bullies him way inside easily and shuts the door behind him.you skip past asking him what he wants and instead tell him to fuck off. straight to business. he's always liked that about you.

"keep talkin' like that and i'll really start enjoying myself," he tells you.

you retreat just to grab your cigarettes and light one up. he swipes your lighter faster than you can snatch it away.

you quit smoking after the two of you broke up. so did he. and here you both are.

"just came to check on you," he tells you. you both know that's a lie. you both know why he's here, and you both know why you aren't trying any harder to send him away. "you could use some friendly company."

you tell him in no uncertain terms that he's not friendly company.

he flips open a carton of cigarettes--your carton, you realize with a start. you didn't see him take it. he pulls out a cigarette and  lights it up, but pockets the carton, a wry little smirk on his face.

"don't act like you hated it last night."

you snatch the cigarette out of his mouth and tell him he'd better not say a goddamn word about last night.

"sure, baby," he tells you, he watches your lips intently as you take a drag of his cigarette. "you know I can keep a secret."

...

this is on you @keegansshark

more Keegan / masterlist tag

[7ndipity]

Dating Yoongi headcanons

Yoongi x Reader

Warnings: swearing, lil suggestive, not proofread.

A/N: Alright, if we're gonna do this series, then it's time we talk about my ult. The man, the myth, the meow meow(I'm sorry Yoongi)

(Also, I'm already planning a pt.2 for this series that's more on the crack side, so if anyone wants to send me headcanons for the members to possibly be included in future lists?)

Masterlist

Requests are open

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

Dating Yoongi is comfortable.

So soft for you, I can't even begin. Like, I don't understand how people ever think he's cold, he is the epitome of soft boi.

Blushes when you complement or brag on him.

Turns into a scrunched up, spluttering mess if you call him cute(we love our tsundere).

Very cautious at first with his feelings, but once he feels comfortable enough to open up, he's very straight forward.

To call it dating is a bit generous though. Like, y'all immediately go from 'kinda dating' to 'married-but-not-married'.

Tells you he loves you for the first time in one of those long ass, 3am texts like he sends to the members.

Random,(half-)joking proposals(Marry me, Yoongi uno reverse card!)

"What kind of ramen do you want?" "Marry me." "Both it is."

So many songs about you, but you will not know until they're released(or he makes them into a playlist/mixtape for your birthday or anniversary)

Actually really hesitant about letting you in his studio(sorry fellow writers). He just prefers to have a level of separation between his work and you.

Dates are usually pretty chill(except for special occasions or when he wants to flex and rents out a whole fucking skating rink for y'all or smth)

Another who lives for domestic activities with you, like cooking together or even just grocery shopping. Idk, he just likes getting to be with you.

Probably would love going camping with you in one of those little camper vans.

Likes to teach you things?

I mean, he won't want to be your full time teacher, but if you show an interest in smth like piano or producing, he'll get a kick out of teaching you the basics.(let him teach you about basketball, he'll lose his gd mind)

Not big on nicknames(big shock🙄). Like, you have a perfectly good name, why not just fucking use it? Also calls you 'Jagi', but that's if he's feeling particularly soft or needy.

Acts of service King.

Have you eaten? He's making food. Are you cold? Makes you take his jacket. His top priority is making sure you're taken care of.

Gets lowkey jealous of Holly getting too much of your attention. "Yah, are you dating me or my dog?!"

Sass and bickering are basically a second language for you two.

Subtle about pda. If he's not holding your hand, he has to have one resting on your back.

SOMEONE HOLD HIS FUCKING HAND FOR THE LOVE OF-(sorry, I'm calm)

Not always vocal about wanting physical affection, but when he is, he's lowkey dramatic.

*laying on the couch*"If you don't kiss me, I'm gonna die." *kiss* "Better?" "Hmm, still in critical condition. Keep going."

Another who gets more than a little enjoyment in winding you up into a flustered mess, and is smug about it(again, shocking no one, I'm sure)

Slow, lingering kisses as he holds onto you like you're the most precious thing in the world.

Gets really quiet if you fight(and sulks), but is usually the first to apologize because he absolutely cannot stand y'all being mad at each other.

Holds you to go to sleep.

"Marry me." "M'kay."

Okay, that's enough delulu for right now, Imma go cry.

[neverchecking]

Can you please make a part 2, maybe even a part 3 for your recent post?

Your ‘Does it count as a marriage if only one of them is aware?’

Like the chains reaction to there being another Link married and asking Sage how it happened and who the lucky girl is.

Maybe them meeting the girl and how she really is and her telling the story in a quick version of the long version on how they got married. Maybe she plays a trick/prank on them before revealing herself as Sage’s Wife?

Just some ideas I thought could go well after reading the post that I love a lot!

Yes i ABSOLUTELY can. Im not gonna say when, but I DID start it. I saw this a while back and got so excited because i write Aaliyah yeah but i never actually expect people to like her bc i barely like her ngvigbng Thats a lie i love that bastard.

Here I'll give some spitballed ideas for now.

So, Aaliyah has never met the chain. Period. Like even right now? Never. I think even in constellations she's only met a few in passing and in the smut shots they were simply there. but in her Canon timeline? Has not met them.

Sage wants to keep it this way. I've mentioned it to Bailey, but Sage, even if he whores out, is a loyal bitch. He picks his person and that's his person until they die. And he'll do anything to keep it that way. However, because of his personality they have to be...special? I guess? Like it can't just be someone who rolls over and expects every one to just love them bc oh look at me! Im a helpless lil doll <3 UwU /Ref (Thats a very niche ref guys dw i love you all and your lil ocs <3)

Which is kind of why Aaliyah is the way she is? Sage needs someone whose gonna challenge him. Not necessarily bow down, or someone who will demand him to do this or that, but someone who takes what he says, challenges his ideals and will fight to prove theirs are better. Like Aaliyah will fight him, but if Sage can prove he's right, she'll fall in line. Unlike some dragons princess'.

Sorry sorry anyway, that being said, Sage doesn't share. He doesn't play well with others either. Neither does Aaliyah and Sage knows that.

ANYWAY

So obviously the chain is SHOCKED bc how tf? Did Sage get married? BEFORE THEM???

Either way, a few of them are pretty invested, bc lets be honest. Traveling that long, with men? Not entertaining. they have zero tea. At all. So this is new and exciting to them. They want to KNOW okay? they are all secretly tea hungry housewives.

He refuses to tell them anything tho. Absolutely anything. Well okay thats a lie. He'll tell stories but only the WORST ones.

"She blew me up once. I think that's when i fell in love."

"Really?"

"Fuck no."

"Thank Hy-"

"I knew i was in love with her when she stabbed me and left me in the desert. Petty bitch. Just because I forgot dinner that night."

They're in love i swear

My point earlier with Aaliyah never meeting the chain is just to say that i have total freedom here. I can do this however I want.

And my all time favorite way of doing it? in my head with my lil tiktoks that I use to maladaptive daydream?

The Hunters being Hunted.

Aaliyah would find them long before they found her. She'd watch them and stake them out.

She's stay out of sight for a while, but eventually she'd do something small that would let Sage know she was there.

Probably drops a bomb flower in the middle of camp <3

it's the thought that counts <3

The others think their under attack but Sage knows. He's cackling and throwing his head back going "You crazy son of a bitch!" because that's his girl.

and you're probably going, "Aaliyah appears after that right?"

Wrong.

She fucks around with them until she grows bored then probably even then only sits in a tree until one night Sage goes "Isn't that right, cupcake? You're a fucking barrel of sunshine."

And she nearly decks him. "Oh a ray of absolute shits and giggles."

Scares the piss out of Sky for sure,

I just nvogng

I need the chain to meet one of the wives and then being terrified of them. Not even in a 'damn am i attracted to this?' way. No no no, I need them to be terrified for their lives <3

[titoist]

(with lyrics that are in actuality just particular parts of the song that i really like, because the full thing would be too big for tumblr to let me post) Well, Sasha had heard about the Emigratzia, (aliyah) And the talk wasn't just in the family anymore, But in the Kharkov streets, there was a kind of thaw… "We're going home!" said old Saminsky when he filed his application to leave, And Anya already had family in Tel Aviv… But Sasha didn't know; 200 years among Slavs being called "Hebrews", He knew they'd only be called "Russians" by the Jews. And then on the prospekt lenina ovtobus, he heard the Saminsky's lost their apartment and were denied their pass… The weather seemed like it was never gonna pass. He chose to make an Inner Emigration! He chose to keep his alien inside! And all the bureaucratic frus-tra-ations… He chose to keep his status bona fide. And what's the bother of finding a new nation! A border isn't art, it's just a frame! Just make a secret Inner Emigration… The Holy Land and Exile are the same. [...] Anat was a Sabra. The daughter of a Sephardic Kibbutznik nurse, And a Yekke lawyer from Bonn. She fell in love with Khais, Born in a PLO refugee camp in Lebanon, And they married in Cyprus. He almost got arrested living with her family in Ramat Gan, So she tried wrapping her hair and serving coffee with his family, in Hebron… But that didn't work either…. They thought about leaving to live with her cousin David in Brookyln, But he and his boyfriend Patrick wanted to get married, and were maybe moving to Berlin… So she went to the Jaffa beach, and stared at the sea, and thought about how someday all of this would pass… If she could only find someone to help Khais pass… So, should she make an Inner Emigration? Tell me what you think she should decide…. Considering the couple's situation, She'd be better off as someone else's bride. But she and he comprise a kind of nation! The kind we build inside, when we're alone… But if they just make Inner Emigrations, Then they'll only have a home when they're at home. Compare yourself! What does all this have to do with you? How does your experience ring true? You're where, yourself? You aren't suffering anyone's regime. You're free to follow every little dream. Be fair to yourself, You needn't be oppressed to feel alone! You don't have to be driven from your home! To spare yourself, From feeling like a part of the control! With an internal diplomatic role… SOOOOO, Make a kind of Inner Emigration! It's a kind of shift accomplished easily! We all have made our disassociations, Whether on the job or in our families! And what could be more irrelevant than Nations?! When everywhere you go, it's buy or sell? But if we all make only Inner Emigrations…Then everything will only go to hell.

my favorite daniel kahn song, probably. though nakam also just has a certain allure to it that i can't quite quantify...

[gnattyplayssims]

1932 Pt2 - Anabelle Stays

After a few weeks it became evident that Anabelle had no intention of leaving the camp. "Weren't you supposed to be getting on a boat?"

She shrugged, "I didn't really have a destination, I just couldn't stay where I was. This is as a good a place as any."

She grabbed a stick and stabbed it into a sausage. "If you want me to go..."

"No, no...I was just wondering." He paused "Why did you have to leave?"

"It just wasn't a good situation. It was taking it's toll on me, I was becoming someone I didn't like. I just needed to get out."

"Oh..." Kye lifted his hands to the fire not sure what else to say. He hadn't decided if he liked having Anabelle around. She had a bright way of looking at the world that would make everyone laugh but sometimes she would speak her mind and say something just a little too blunt.

Hannah yawned loudly. "I think I'm gonna head to bed. She rounded the fireplace to where her new husband was sitting, "Come to bed with me?"

He sighed, "It's still early, if you want to go to bed just go."

"But it's dark and there might be bears out here."

"Ugh okay!"

Much later Anabelle was sitting by the fire alone until the mosquitoes got out of hand. She stood up in irritation trying to brush them away.

"We can't stay here." Anabelle froze when she heard Micky's voice whispering through his tent. "Your sister would try to stop us."

Anabelle didn't want to listen in to their private conversation so she went back to sit by the fire, stretching out her sore shoulders. A moment later Hannah came out of the tent.

"Can't sleep?"

"Oh you're still awake."

"Yeah I like when things are quiet."

"Oh sorry to disturb."

Hannah started to get up but Anabelle stopped her. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Are you going to keep it?"

"What?"

"Your baby...are you going to keep it." Hannah shifted uncomfortably.

"Can you blame us if we don't, the economy-"

"No I get it. Just makes me wonder."

"Wonder about what?"

Anabelle rolled her eyes. "Come on, I'm not stupid, you might have everyone else fooled but I know an act when I see one. The you-don't-have-to-marry-me's, his hero act, leaving his family. You guys got pregnant on purpose."

"What!?"

"It's honestly brilliant. The economies terrible but farms still need help, you both needed an excuse to get away from your families and now..." she motioned to her stomach.

"I don't like what you're implying."

"Whatever" Anabelle shrugged, "it's none of my business."

Meanwhile back in Henford all the lights were on at the Hoffman farm despite the late hour. Young Rachel dozed on a chair, her poor health making it difficult for her to stay awake. "I don't know if I can do this William. Is Kinley here yet?"

"Not yet, just keep breathing."

"I'm here!"

"Finally, I don't think this baby can wait much longer."

"Okay Will, it's time for you and the boys to GET OUT. Tell Elena to bring some towels and warm water upstairs, now go."

"Okay okay." He kissed his wife on the cheek, "You've got this My Sweet."

"I can't do this! Oh Watcher what if something happens to me, to my baby."

"Easy Darling, nothing's going to happen, you're young and in good health and Kinley is a wonderful midwife."

Elena and Kinley stayed by her side until finally the newest Mizrahi entered the world.

"Congrats, Will, you're a father. Lizbeth is healthy and waiting to see you."

"Oh thank the Watcher. And...and the baby?"

"A healthy baby girl."

"A girl!" William could hardly contain his excitement as he raced up the stairs to see his wife and meet his daughter.

Lizbeth was exhausted after the long night of labor and she felt like she might be coming down with something on top of it. "Hey Sweets, why don't you go get some rest."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course, I'll take care of the baby."

"Ivy?"

He kissed her, "I love it, our little Ivy"

The next morning Kailee was hanging the laundry. The Unger's were either at the junkyard finding useless treasures or at the Harbor trying ot sell them. She could see Kye a little ways off trying to catch fish for dinner. Anabelle on the other hand was sitting alone at the fire.

Later that evening Kailee had had enough. "I'm getting real tired of your freeloading. Everyone around here contributes and if you're going to keep eating our food you need to pull your weight."

Anabelle looked ashamed, "I'm sorry, I just don't know what I can help with."

Thankfully Anabelle wasn't actually a lazy sim, just a little spacy sometimes and too nervous to ask what she could do. After some encouragement from Kailee she decided to find her niche and soon discovered that she enjoyed gardening and found some edible plants in the forest.

She also found she enjoyed fishing, but if she were honest with herself that didn't have nearly as much to do with the activity as it did with the company. Kye was irristitable and though he never gave her any reason to think he might be interested, she couldn't help but be drawn

Finally, after two years of camping together, the Unger's finally decided to move on. "It's been great camping with you, but it was never our intention to stay this long. The fall season is here and believe me you don't want to be living here in a tent when winter gets here."

"We still have a few years before the season cycle hits winter. We'll be okay for now. But seriously thanks for everything. You've taught us so much."

Callen shook Kye's hand, "Glad we found you when we did. Maybe we'll run into you again in the future."

"Watcher only knows."

They said their goodbyes and then the Unger's left. "I think I'm only kind of going to miss them." Kailee said as they disappeared over the horizon.

Kye laughed, "And here I thought I was the only one."

"Definitely not. They helped us a lot but good Watcher, the drama."

1933 Pt1 - It Doesn't Mean Anything

[queenofhearts7378]

Reasons why I love The Other Woman completely and with my whole heart based only on the quotes

"I need to go to brain camp [....] like you go lay on a beach and get tan and drink gingko balboa all day and you come back and you're super smart." "It's gingko biloba. Balboa was Rocky." "..........Right. See? See? That's why I need to go to brain camp."

"I don't see why you work so hard. The best part of being pretty is you don't have to. You don't see me walking around worrying about my job do you? 💅"

"You wrecked two marriges!" "First of all one of them was mine so it doesn't count."

"I'm not equipped to go on dates! Last time I went on dates I was 24 and the dating pool was everyone! Now it's like a shallow puddle of age appropriate men who are old and gross and I don't want to do that!"

"If I let you in we are NOT braiding each other's hair and drinking cosmos alright?" *gets drunk and braids each others hair*

"I am not situated. I can't even remember to shave my legs. I need like, a week of prep minimum."

"I am like Martha Stewart, but with like....big underpants."

"I can't believe I'm in the mistress' closet." "I'm not a mistress. A mistress knows she's dating a married man. I didn't know, so I'm not a mistress. Can you say that please?"

*pulls out a box of lingerie* "This looks like a box of bungee cords."

"I told you to get your ducks in a row. This? This is not getting your ducks in a row. This is putting your ducks in a woodchipper."

"I bet your dad is hot." "Alright you and your vagina need to *claps hands*"

"Okay if you killed him; don't tell me. I can't defend you if I know you did it."

"Today is a light recon day." "A grappling hook? Really?!?!"

"I lost my shit because I was a mistress virgin and you were my first one. Now I'm all worn in like an old glove."

"It's like a mid life crisis mistress! She's a cliche version of every wife's waking nightmare!"

"I really thought we were soulmates 😔 Oh my god I am so sorry, I can't believe I just said that. You're his soul mate I'm a whore!"

"You smell amazing! What is that?" "I think it's just sweat."

*Talking about his other mistress* "Can we keep her?" "No we can't keep her, we already have a dog at home."

"I think it's good that she's super hot. I feel like it brings up our group average." "This isn't frickin' Sister Wives honey."

"If we find any more mistresses I'm gonna have to send her to rehab."

"You're talking about maximum pain, right?" "We should kick him in the balls!" "....You know that's a really good thought, and I like the way your brain works. But we're thinking about something a little bigger than that."

"When you put the lawyer, the wife, and the boobs together, you've got the perfect killing machine."

"What happened to you?" "I had a fecal incident. And the only person who didn't try to rob me was a hipster."

"Stop frowning before you break you face." *smiles a big smile* "Better?" "I don't know. That's the Evil Genius smile, is someone about to get screwed?" "You screw me, I screw you back. I'm a lady like that."

"I have a friend who could do it!" "No. No no no. We are not gonna hire a hooker to sleep with my husband." "She's not a hooker, shes just a slut."

*laying on the floor in a wedding dress and holding a can of whipped and a bottle vodka* "I think I'm having a nervous breakdown."

"I can't join a gang! I don't know how to make shanks! I have soft hands and a small mouth, I will be the bottom!"

"I swear to God, every time I look into another pair of binoculars this guy has another mistress."

"My wife's not some criminal mastermind! SHE NEEDS FREAKIN BRAIN CAMP!"

"Even though it brought us together, let's never sleep with the same guy again."

[jkbabies]

A LONGGG RANT!

People on twitter would really woobify Eren AND shame jeankasa shippers who are Mikasa stans for shipping her with a "drunkard", "someone who's taking advantage of her grief", or the very classic "a second choice". And then proceed to ship him with someone else, and suddenly he's okay. Like damn, if you're gonna be this obsessed with a ship you hate, please pick one struggle🙃

First of all, shipping Jeankasa doesn't mean I don't care for Mikasa's feelings. I know she loves Eren. That is clear as day. It is an irrefutable fact. They have a bond that can never be touched upon by anyone else. But being a Mikasa stan does not equate to forcing myself to ship her with a guy I personally see as someone who has very weird relationship dynamics with her for someone who's supposedly so in love with her. Despite that, you won't hear me talking smack about them ALL THE TIME like I'm a little shit with no other reason to exist.

And just because I want her to move on with someone else doesn't mean I'm a traditionalist whose only expectations of women are to be married and have a family. Like, HOW are you going to come to that conclusion when you're the ones who praise the shit out of a "translator" who depicts Mikasa as "marked" by Eren and only loved one man for the rest of her entire long life. HOW?? Address the issues in your own fandom first, because you talking about feminism only when it comes to the fictional characters whose pair you self-insert to have the perfect loyal pretty wife but stay mum on actual women issues??? IT'S NOT IT. YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING. You can stop accusing Jean of being a traditional nice guy when you're the one patting yourself in the back for "fighting" for women aka tweeting about how Mikasa shouldn't be with him because she's independent and strong and doesn't need a man. You're nothing but an entitled shipper who can't see past your own misogyny.

Also, Mikasa was shown to have a family. That's the fucking point. Who else would I want it to be other than Jean, aside from it's obviously him?? Jean has always been respectful of her, has always known his boundaries, and has never been the 'bare minimum' you always paint him out to be. Because he's not just 'nice' to her. In fact, he isn't afraid to make her uncomfortable. He isn't afraid to challenge her, and tell her when she's wrong. He doesn't allow his admiration for her to stop him from being his own self and bringing his own game to the table. But does he act entitled whenever he does it? No. He always explains afterward the reason for his doubt or transgression. He doesn't say something and let it simmer in the air for god knows how long only to mean something else. And for someone like Mikasa whose always left out to figure things on her own, a man with his forwardness is a fucking blessing holy shit.

Not every ship has to have too many fucking red flags for you to like it. Not every "boring" ship that you don't like has to be twisted in so many forms, either. All these mental gymnastics going on with the fandom to dispute the man as Jean and her having a family with him (it was Armin, or she adopted a baby and was "pure" along, pls cue in gagging noises amidst their cry for feminism, etc. etc.) is just so telling of the misogyny inside the fandom.

Seriously. Sit down, Romeo. Mikasa ain't your fucking Juliet. She's not going to die alone and lonely and 'loyal' like you want her to.

And block the tag. You have so much content to gush over, the amount of insecurity you must feel to wanna camp on a ship tag that you hate all day every day must be depressing af.

[headinthestaticsky]

Frozen Within the Night Wind: Jasper Hale x Fleur Swan, Chapter 10

None of the characters in Twilight belong to me, all rights go to Stephenie Meyer.

"Having you close My head is damaged I get closer, everything trembles me

Now I have the certainty That I have not lost the desire Wake up with you in the morning But I'm looking for your gaze And your eyes, baby, don't tell me anything."

Nuestro Planeta by, Kali Uchis Featuring Reykon. Translated lyrics.

Jasper, Jacob, and I were all standing in a large field awaiting the arrival of Bella and Edward. The very field we were standing in would be the battleground between us and the newborn army.

"Hey, le... Fleur?" Jacob asked."

"Hmm?"

"Why haven't your diluted eyes at all? They still look like a rose." Jacob observed.

"I mean it hasn't been a full year yet."

"Yes, darling but... they should've at least diluted a little by now, amber should start to peak through." Jasper added.

"That's strange...I haven't had any human blood I swear."

"Yeah right..." I heard Jacob mumble.

"Oh shove it, Jacob, at least I'm not in the middle of a toxic, manipulative, love triangle."

"Can it leech. You know nothing about Bella."

"Keep telling yourself that."

Before Jacob could rebuttal, Edward and Bella finally showed up. Edward didn't look thrilled at all and Bella had a blank look on her face.

"I don't like this idea at all." Edward grumbled.

"And we need you for the fight but you aren't coming to that so...tough, get over it." I rebutted.

"Leave him alone Fleur...he's doing it for me. Bet Jasper hasn't done that for you." Bella said a dreamy look was in her eyes.

"Uh...he didn't have to, because I didn't cause chaos where ever I went and didn't piss off nomads you dumbass." I heard Jasper let out a short laugh.

"Wait, pretty boy isn't fighting, aww did you pull a muscle?" Jacob mocked.

"Can we get on with this... I wanna be anywhere but here." I interrupted.

"Whatever, just tell me the plan." Jacob said.

"Edward and I are going on a campsite, even if he carries me they’ll still pick up our scents." Bella explained.

"Your stench, however, is revolting." Edward interrupted

"Dude, you really don’t wanna start comparing stinks." Jacob snapped

"What he means is that your scent will mask mine if you carry me," Bella said.

"Done."

"This is not a good idea."

"You've already established that Edward," I said.

"Edward, they won’t wanna get anywhere near his... odor." Jasper carefully.

Jacob picked Bella up before saying... "Odor-de-wolf comin’ up."

Edward glared at me when Jacob was gone. Jasper noticed this and tensed up.

"You need to stop talking to her like that!"

"Like what? Truthfully, honestly?"

"It's not truthful it's insulting!"

"Dude...have you been living without any of your senses? The amount of shit she has said and done to me is a lot more disgraceful than how I am acting. Like I am petty, I know I am, but her pretending to be all innocent is hilarious."

"Oh please..."

"Okay so when she insults me and brings up that my mother completely hates my guts it's fine but when I rebuttal it's like I'm opening the gates of hell huh?"

"You don't know anything about her... she isn't malicious!"

"You sound just like Jacob."

"Don't even compare me to that...fleabag."

"What are you gonna do about?" I said he then got up close to my face, he looked like he was going to hit me.

"Don't test me Fleur... I will put you in your place if I have to."

"I'd love to see you try...boy." Jasper said getting between the two of us.

Edward snarled at us and walked away, stalking off to the far side of the field.

"Man... being a vampire has definitely amped up my attitude. Good thing you're here to stop me from doing something stupid." I joked.

"I think you're spending too much time with Rosalie darlin." Jasper said, smiling at me.

"This whole love triangle thing makes me want to set myself on fire. I kinda feel bad for Jacob...I know she's just manipulating him."

"I wouldn't put it past her darlin."

"I really wish we didn't have to do any of this...we should be getting married right now... not fighting a battle they could possibly be getting us killed." I confessed.

"Well one, we just have to wait until November... and two we will be fine, we've been training all this time."

"I know but...it's still a terrifying thought, this is the first fight I've ever been with another vampire."

"Did you forget about James love?"

"Well... with me as a vampire."

"You're going to be fine... Alice told me the vision she had of you fighting James, you cracked his skin by throwing a rock.... if you're that strong as a human I'm scared to see what you can do as a vampire."

"Okay, okay... stop trying to boost my ego." I said smirking, I pulled him in using some of my strength. I kissed him before pulling apart, biting his lip to tease him."

"You're cruel darlin, just cruel... Oh forgot to say something..."

"What is it?"

"Bella and Edward got engaged."

"Oh my god... are you serious?"

"Yeah, and Alice said they planned on eloping in Vegas."

"She must be really angry with those two..."

"Actually, she isn't really that mad."

"Okay, what happened to Alice?"

"I think she's starting to get a little... annoyed with Bella."

"It was bound to happen... Dad is going to kill Edward."

Edward ran toward us again and told us to be quiet. Before I could ask why Bella and Jacob came back into view.

"Well Jasper and I will do a quick sniff check... you three can stay here and.... mingle." Before they could protest we took off into the woods.

"The stench is revolting."

"It is pretty bad."

"I can't make up any Bella though, so the plan worked."

We quickly ran back down to the field, both of us had stepped down off of a broken tree laying on the ground.

"Just picked up wolf stench, no Bella." Jasper stated

Timeskip: 2 hours later

I was waiting for Alice in the Cullen's house, knowing that Alice told dad we were all going on a camping trip. I thought it would be good if we all hunted before the battle to power up. I needed all the strength I could get.

"I swear if Bella and Edward do anything in our room I am going to kick Edward to the moon." I grumbled.

"Don't worry Fleur...I'm sure Edward won't do anything." Jasper reassured, a guilty look was on his face, however.

"You threatened him didn't you?" Not buying his innocent act.

"Yes, yes I did."

"Alright everyone, we can go!" I heard Alice say outside, Dean, Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett, Esme, Carlisle, and I all made our way outside quickly.

Timeskip: 6 hours later

"Damn Emmett, at this point you're going to put bears into extinction."

"Serves them right short stack."

"Dude I am 5'9, that's pretty tall for a girl."

"But pretty short for someone who's 6'5."

"Oh shut it and hit your head in the doorway again."

"Darlin, if he keeps doing that the support beams are going to give out in the house." Jasper added.

"Nah they'll be fine, he's as tall as a support beam." I joked.

"Can't wait to kick some newborn-vampire ass," Dean said, jumping up slightly in excitement. Alice giggled and wrapped her arms around him

"Are the newborns still making their way to the field Alice?" Carlisle asked.

"Yes, they should be here at 5:15 pm tomorrow."

"We'll be ready," Carlisle said.

"You guys go ahead in, I need some quiet. I'm going to try and track Victoria."

They all nodded and went inside, I saw them all however observing me through the glass walls."

I got into my trance, rolling my eyes behind my head and I was flying through the city once again. I stopped in an underground tunnel, the likes of which was located in Seattle. I finally found her, she was talking with that man that turned me... the name I finally found out to be Riley Biers.

"You’re not coming with us?" He asked angrily.

"It’ll be a last-minute decision. I told you how it works." Victoria replied she seemed bored.

"The Cullen’s have powers according to one of your friends," Riley said skeptically.

"Yes, my friend told me... my DEAD friend. Don’t underestimate them, Riley. One of them made me have hallucinations of my friend. You’ll have the numbers, but they’ll be able to anticipate your every move. You don’t trust me do you?"

"I trust you with my life. I’m just saying…"

"I’m doing this for us so that we can feed without their…retaliation and I can’t live in fear anymore waiting for them to attack."

"I won’t let them. I’m going to end the Cullen clan. I swear."

I broke out of my trance before I could get anything else out of the conversation. I rushed inside, eager to tell them what I found.

"It was Victoria guys!" I said.

"What? I would've seen it." Alice replied.

"She was hiding behind that kid, Riley... She's letting him lead the army to us..."

[merry-andrews]

Omg! Morbell?!! Score!! Lil cute micah with dem flowers, ugh my heart❤️🐁🐀💋. Also would Micah and Arthur do pranks och play wrestle with each other? I could totally see this happen, also marry me love/ Shy Joey

OH MY GOD!!!!!! MY FIRST MORBELL ASK I'M JUST...😭😭😭 THANK YOU SWEET ANON!!!! I want to kiss you hard on lips right now!😆 you just made my day!💕💕💕(I started dancing when I saw this ask in my inbox, I'm just..soo sooo thrilled!!)

Thank you! I'm happy you liked my little drabble! The idea of Micah giving Arthur lovely flowers was just too cute so!😆 I 'had to' draw it, yup.

They have a prank and then they start wrestling? That's a very cool idea! Ok so now imagine this, they wrestle until Micah can take upper hand, pins Arthur down while he straddles his thighs, licks his lips with a proud smirk on his dust-covered face "I win, cowpoke...I always win" they both are panting. Their clothes are dusty. They're kinda dirty but Arthur's eyes still shine when he looks up to Micah. Will mirror Micah's smirk with a huff. They keep eye contact until Arthur tries to roll out from Micah's grip on him but Micah would clinch to his shirt tighter "and..for my prize", brings his head closer to kiss on Arthur's lips cus he suddenly feels too affection when other outlaw just pushes him back playfully. He's blushing "let me up, you fool! Gonna get clean firs_" Micah presses back, pushes his lips hard on Arthur's. His laugh muffled, Arthur's arms come up to wrap around him when he kisses Micah back with same vigor. They stay laying on the ground just kissing for a while..

Marry me? Yes yes yes!!!! God! I have many many many many imagination about how their 'marry me' is going to be so!😂 (and I also headcanon it Micah asks Arthur to marry him 'whenever' they're in bed in the heat of the moment..?)

Marriage proposal is going to be a bit 'hard'. Because both sides don't know how to start asking it so! They both buy rings for eachother without letting 'other one' know😆. This isn't like Valentine's gift that you just go, pick your lover's fave flowers so Micah would seek totally all jewelry stores in Saint Denis(because that's a big city and you can always find the nicest things over there!😁) to find a special ring but no.. he can't find it. the ring he wants for Arthur should be the best ring between all, he also can't decide between 'diamond' or 'azure' too.

He soon gets frustrated. Gets back to camp with a grumpy face. Goes straight to sit between some bushes with a whiskey bottle in hand, mind still busy with that ring he wants to give to Arthur when someone's voice startles him

"you there!"

He comes out of his hiding just to see Mrs. Adler on guard duty, pointing a gun at him. She lowers the gun when she sees it's Micah, puts her free hand on her hip.

"Bell? You're really lucky I don't feel too well today to shoot you right now" Sadie huffs. Then she gets curious, worried when she gets abit closer to Micah to see his face better. His mind still thinking desperately over ring and it must be shown on his face too because Saddie asks "something happened to Arthur?!?"

Micah narrows his eyes "what? No! I'm ju_"

"I swear Micah! If anything happened for Arthur.." she raises her fist with a threating face_

"I just can't find a ring for him!"

Micah explain fastly, his holds hands in surrounding gesture and takes a step back from Sadie.

"...you what?"

Sadie laughs while Micah blushes. He pouts and puts an angry face but Sadie talks without giving him a chance to react "just go to a shop and buy him a ring that...makes you think about Arthur!" her expression is soft now, though a smirk is still hanging on her lips.

"And another thing" she says when Micah turns to leave, Sadie's suggestion wasn't exactly what he wants to do but he got some ideas.

"Make it special for him. Take him out for a drink or..maybe take him to some lovely place? I'm sure Arthur would like a small trip too"

Micah was about to snap 'I don't need your advice!' But instead he just nods once, tips his hat toward Sadie then he walks aways.

Micah leaves the camp to find a ring. Riding back all way to Saint Denis, 'buying a ring' process takes more than three hours but when he left the story, he's satisfied. Makes sure that little velvet box is secure enough in his pocket(he even wrapped it in a cloth carefully) before he mounts Baylock, returning to camp.

Thinking all the way just about 'Arthur'. He doesn't want to accept but actually short talk with Saddie helped him a lot, he plans on taking Arthur to a lovely place near seashore..or maybe taking Arthur to that meadow around Strawberry that he's too fond of? Taking a week break from the camp for spending in a decent hotel in Valentine with Arthur sounds nice too..

It's midnight when he rides past trees toward their camp. He dismounts, quietly hitches Baylock_

"Where were you?!"

A firm hand on his shoulder turns him suddenly to face an angry Arthur. "I was worried! You could at least tell me you're going to stay late out of the camp for tonight!" Micah smiles that only causes Arthur's frown deeper. "Sorry, sweetheart" kisses that same hand on his shoulder "was in the town, taking care of...some jobs" he then sidles up to Arthur's side, wrap a hand around his waist. Arthur rolls his eyes when Micah says "I can make it up to you.."

"you're a moron!"

Micah chuckles "now don't be like that with me, cowpoke. I said I'm sorry"

he turns Arthur's face gingerly to kiss his lips. They walk toward their shared tent.

"..you really stayed up waiting on me?"

"Shut up" whispers Arthur with a smile he tries to hide but fails, even blushes a bit and Micah falls more in love with him.

"Next time you go out, you're going to let me know exactly where you go" Arthur says as he yanks his boots off. A hand fiddling with his bandanna at the same time. Micah finishes undressing, he pulls Arthur closer to help him out of his blue shirt.

"Bossy, ain't we?" Micah grins when Arthur gives him a look. Micah kisses on his nose.

Arthur yawns, he hugs Micah when both lay on the blankets. Nuzzles in Micah's neck and they sleep like that.

It takes near two days for Micah to finally gathers enough courage to go, ask Arthur to spend some time with him away from camp. He has doubts on 'what if he says no?!?'

"Arthur"

Micah approaches Arthur while he's choping woods for campfire. He stops working when he sees Micah. A bright smile on his face.

"I..I was wondering.. say, what you think of spending some time alone together? Just you 'n' me, sweetheart" he tries a nervous smile. Heart beating fast in his chest. Arthur quirks an eyebrow, he offers a teasing smile "don't we get 'enough' free times here and there?" Their shared moments when they kiss or secretly touch eachother behind tents or between trees. Micah blushes. Stumbles on his thoughts "no! Like.. getting out of here. Together!for a few days or more, setting a tent under damn night sky or going to a goddamn hotel or..uh.."

Arthur's chuckles "like a honeymoon?"

God, Micah swears Arthur's just making this harder for him to say.

"I say yes! That..really sounds nice, Micah" Micah released a breath he didn't know he was holding. Arthur leans in to kiss his cheek "a hotel then. I'll appreciate a nice meal with hotbath"

They pack some of their clothes and other things that Arthur thinks they may need. Micah's hand brushes on small box in his pocket from time to time when they arrive at Strawberry hotel. Arthur likes this place.

Days passed, they went for a short picnic to lavender meadow, had breakfasts on the balcony with waterfall view, walked under night sky hand in hand over Starwberry's wooden bridge, and other things that Micah never thought one day he actually would enjoy doing them. The last day of their little vacation, the pair decided to just spend all day soaking in hot tub with flowers perfume around them. There were even candles and wine for them too.

"I'm gonna miss this place.." Arthur sighs, he leans back on Micah's arm. Micah rubs on his shoulders, kissing his ear then whispering "we can always come back" he smiles in Arthur's hair "I can take you to other interesting places too, sweetheart"

Arthur humms, he turns to face Micah. Takes sponge and starts washing Micah's chest. Fingers lingering to trace on knife scars on Micah's chest. Micah swallows, is it the right time for proposal? He mentaly kicks himself once he thinks of it, maybe other time..? Arthur's eyes move to Micah's face.

"You're thinking again" he says.

"Uh.."

"Just say it, Micah" Arthur stops washing him. Water sloshes around them as Arthur leans back waiting for Micah to speak.

Micah decides 'now or never' then.. "will you marry me, cowpoke?"

Arthur shakes his head with a smile "you always ask me this whenever we're in bed"

"It's not like that!" Micah can feel his face getting hot "I_I.. wait!" Arthur starts laughing when he quickly stands, goes to fetch the small box from his vest's pocket. He kneels beside hot tub with a box in his hand and totally naked.

"Will you marry me, Arthur?" He offers the ring with a wide grin. The situation can't get more ridiculous than what it already is, him naked, wet and kneeling in front of an equally naked Morgan sitting in hottub but Micah's just thankful he 'finally' did it. Arthur is silent for a moment, eyes locking on the ring ".Micah.." he reaches forward. Hand tracing on blue stone sitting on a flourish golden ring beautifully. The ring has lovely vine engraving on it too.

"It's real pretty.." He says in awe. Micah licks his lips nervously, lets out a chuckle.

"Well then..what do you say?"

Arthur slips the ring on his finger, takes a moment to appreciate it before taking Micah's face in both hands, softly. drags him in slowly for a kiss. Wears a smug face "like you don't know. My answer is always 'yes'!" Micah grins widely before they kiss.

.

I was about to answer in short sentences but instead i ended up writing a complete fic. I guess 'marry me' just got me too motivated for making morbell😅 i hope you like it dear anon⚘

[amalthemir]

OC Interview!

I was tagged by @nuka-nuke (luv u bab) for this, so here I go!

1. Choose an OC.

2. Answer them as that OC.

3. Tag 5 people to do the same.

I’ll tag @scarecrow-forest @lamorellenoire6 @chibikinesis @ryu-no-joou and @beetleboo

1. What is your name?

Would be sitting comfortably in a chair, whiskey glass in hand

"We'll aren't you straight to the point. If you've got to know, name's Texas, doll~."

2. Do you know why are you named that?

"Dunno, mama once said somethin' about her ancestors bein' from a place called Texas back before the world went t' shit. Might've all jus' been some bullshit for all I know."

3. Are you single or taken?

Smirks

"Well that answer depends on if I find ya interestin' or not. But for t' sake of time, I'm seein' someone, well, a few someones. That satisfy yer curiosity yet, doll?"

4. Have any abilities or powers?

Laughs

"Sure do princess! I've got a this cute lil' trick where if I say someone is dead, they'll show up dead the next day! World works in strange ways, darlin'."

"Aside from that, I'm killer with an automatic rifle, you'd be dead in a secon' if I wanted it. The rest of my talents are... well, let's just say I'm good with a rope."

5. Stop being a Mary Sue.

"Who t' hell is that Mary Sue lady? You better not be playin' me for a fool if you know what's good for you..."

6. What’s your eye color?

"Brown, plain an' simple. Mama said I had papa's eyes, always said that his were like chocolate- or caramel or some shit. Don't rightly give a fuck to be honest."

7. How about your hair color?

"Brown again, dark brown to be frank, but you can prob'ly see the color better in good lightin'."

8. Have any family members?

"No, mama got sick and died like a dog, and papa left and never came back, fucker probably got himself killed years ago, wouldn't be surprised if he's still in a ditch somewhere back in Vegas."

9. Oh? How about pets?

Sits up a bit straighter

"Well... don't rightly have one unless you count that quantum deathclaw egg I stole- rescued from an empty nest after its parents were... killed in an unfortunate hunting expedition. The thing hasn't hatched, but it hasnt rotten yet either, so don't know what's gonna happen with it."

10. That’s cool, I guess. Now tell me something you don’t like?

"Well now that you mention it, havin' someone waste my time askin' stupid questions is pretty high on my list of things I don't like."

11. Do you have any activities/hobbies that you like to do?

"You mean besides tying people up, takin' people's shit, or getting myself a new "toy" to play with? Dunno, all that takes up most of my time."

12. Have you ever hurt anyone in any way before?

"You... are you fuckin' serious? I had a feelin' you were a dumbass but boy, you're somethin' else. Yeah I've hurt people, sometimes they even like it when I do it."

13. Ever… killed anyone before?

"Well sorry to disappoint, darlin', but you don't get t' where I am without poppin' a few heads. If it makes ya feel any better, I prefer playin' with my toys rather than breakin' 'em... at least at first."

Chuckles

14. What kind of animal are you?

"What kind of- the hell kinda question is that? I don't fuckin' know, a damn coyote for all I care."

15. Name your worst habits?

"Do you really want me to? There's a lot of 'em. Off the top of my head I'd say maybe drinkin' on the job, not bein' able to stop myself from wanting to... get a taste of something I find interesting, and dunno, maybe, just maybe, I like to stay a bit too clean sometimes, old habit really."

16. Do you look up to anyone at all?

"Nope, nobody at all. Other people are just pawns, though I like to play with some more than others."

17. Are you gay, straight or bisexual?

"I'm whatever you want me to be, baby doll."

18. Do you go to school?

"Do we fuckin' look like we have a damn school here at Nukaworld? Or do I like like a damn brat that should be sittin' on a desk takin' damn notes about some bullshit? Yeah, thought so."

19. Ever want to marry and have kids one day?

"Hell no, don' wanna get caught up in any of that business. Like hell that I'm ever gonna allow myself to get tied down to one por sod for the rest of my life. That's what mama did, and look at her now, six feet under cuz she was sure papa would come prancin' on in like nothin' happened. No thanks. As for kids that's another can of blood worms I ain't touchin' anytime soon."

20. Do you have any fangirls/fanboys?

Laughs

"Sure do, people line up to see me every day, all eyes on me whenever I walk in the market, real ego booster if you ask me."

21. What are you most afraid of?

"Dying of boredom, so right now I'm pretty much on death's row."

22. What do you usually wear?

"A suit. I know, I know, you must be wonderin' why the hell I wear a suit, well, to be the best you gotta look the part, don't cha' think? Plus, it's catches people's attention, makes it easier to lure them in. Guess keeping it all clean is a hassle, but I've got people for that."

23. What’s one food that tempts you?

"Hm.... maybe some mirelurk cakes, damn things are pretty good when you find someone to cook 'em right."

24. Am I annoying to you?

"Nooooo of course not. I'm having the time of my life, can't you tell?"

25. Well, it’s still not over!

"Christ sake... this better be worth it."

26. What class are you (low/middle/high)?

"High and mighty, darlin'."

27. How many friends do you have?

"Yes."

28. What are your thoughts on pie?

"Pies? Why fuckin' pies of all damn things? I don't know, them pre-war ones looked good I guess, never had one. Might try to get someone that knows how to make one."

29. Favorite drink?

"Whiskey, plain and simple. Used to have Susnset Sarsaparilla back in Vegas, but they don't have those over here. Nuka-Wild comes close enough I guess, doesn't quite taste the same though."

30. What’s your favorite place?

"Anywhere that's mine, that's private, and a place that I can drag a new toy into in order to have some fun."

31. Are you interested in anyone?

"You could say that... there's a certain pup that I'm training into being more... well behaved. Gotta say, I'm hooked so far."

32. That was a stupid question…

"I'd say the same for all the other questions you've asked, but sure, whatever floats yer boat."

33. Would you rather swim in a lake or the ocean?

"Neither."

34. What’s your type?

"Hm... guess I like a challenge. Don't get me wrong, being able to do what I please with someone from day one is always fun, but there's something about breaking them and making them mine that turns me on intensely."

35. Any fetishes?

"Yyyyyup, let's see... domination, bondage, being rough, puppy play, being very physical, etcetera, too many to name."

36. Camping or outdoors?

"Pretty much everyone has slept outdoors before in their lives, how else you think I traveled from the west all the way to the east?."

[pinkpaganofficial-blog]

Content and trigger warnings for:

- eating disorder[s] (eds), i.e anorexia, bulimia

- me talking about my suicidal thoughts and venting (I'm ok i just need to like... "word vomit" i guess)

- abandonment by friends

- feeling repression

~~~\\

So i doubt most people on here who follow me know that I suffer from mental illness but I do and have for a very long time. All of the symptoms and effects really came out after my grandfather/best friend passed away when I was 11, 12 years ago. I fell into a hole of depression, anxiety, and disordered eating. From the time I was 11 until I was around 14 I had a very hard time with food. I was suffering from bulimia and I would do the routine binges and purges I had set for myself through the day. I'm surprised my teeth survived all of the stomich acid assaults on them honestly.

I was lonely. I felt so fucking alone in the world. I didn't have many friends. The friends I had were pretty fairweather at the time, as we were kids. They'd hop to the coolest person in their opinions on sight and leave me in the dust, and then come back when they were done, or something happened, whatever. It wasn't stable, and I was always afraid of just being deserted again. My friend who stuck with me, my grandfather, was gone. My grandmother was so in shambles that she doesnt even remember the year after he died at all. My mother is chronically ill, and even though she is and will always be there for me as long as is possible I just couldn't tell her how bad I was feeling. Maybe it was guilt because she has problems that I felt far outweighed mine (haha oh god there's the tears that actually stings).

And my dad is... well.. a dad. Sometimes dads just don't understand things like mental illness, or being an unwell person. My dad loves me. I know that, and I love him a lot too. But he can't understand how these things affect me as he's basically neurotypical in every way. He tries. But I can't find empathy there, and a lot of the time there's misunderstanding when we talk about mental illness. So I didn't tell him anything then either.

I would stay in my room a lot, or be out in the woods a lot. I would scratch up my arms with my nails until they would bleed and I would cry. I felt like I didn't care if I died at that time. My parents raised me religiously in the church and I tried very hard to have a relationship with their concept of a god. But I couldn't because to me in was just emptiness. For me, in that sense, there is nothing there. So my loneliness was running even deeper than just the physical. It was spiritual as well. And idk if anyone reading this has experienced spiritual emptiness, or even is a spiritual person, but please believe me when I say it's Hell.

When I was 14 I rode my bicycle out to a bridge near my home out in the back woods type country. The old train bridge kind with the big cement blocks at the bottom of the pillars holding them up. I remember sitting on the very edge of it just looking down at the cement. I really wanted to jump. Honestly the only reason I didn't was because of my mom. She's the reason I stepped back, got on my bicycle and rode home. Albeit I was crying the whole way home, stayed out in the garden to finish crying, washed my face in the creek and went inside and straight upstairs to my bed and I slept until the next day.

When I was around the end of being 14 I tried repression. I started trying eating normally (which has wrecked me internally, I have major digestive problems as I've always refused to go to a rehab centre, which in itself is not good for me). I started pretending to have a relationship with "God". I tried the whole "cool hip Christian kid" spin from when I was that age until 17 or so. I pushed back my depression, my fears and anxieties and eds to see if I could be happy. And I pretended to be happy for a while. And I fooled a lot of people.

Things weren't by any means okay though. My school work was suffering as it always had, but since the work was harder it was also suffering harder. I picked up smoking cigarettes. I also picked up alcohol more and more. I dated a 21 year old and lost my virginity to him at 16, after much coaxing from him. That was an extremely bad 8 months.

My saving grace and my recharge at the time was a Bible camp I'd attend in the summers. I went for 12 years. Now that I think about it.. that camp was my only constant thing for a very long time. It was always there. And even when it wasn't camp time, the place was so close I could just go talk to the live in managers when I had questions. While my relationship with a god I don't believe in was strained and a facade, the people I met are amazing and have helped me a lot.

In fact, at that camp I spilled a lot of my struggles to my group of close friends. We were just a few girls, only 17 or so. But they had all been through things just as bad as me. Some so close it scared me. I felt accepted by those girls who are now beautiful strong women. So I opened the flood gates of what I had been through. All of my dark times and feelings, thoughts of dying and plans to do it, the bulimia and how it hurt my body, my 21 year old ex and what had happened to me, my struggles in school, my guilt towards my mother as her pregnancy with me put her in her wheelchair, my panic attacks and the anxiety that I'd felt for so long, my loneliness and my desperate want to not be alive. Basically just like, ALL of it. I don't really think that was a gate I could've closed even if I tried at that point. It was just a lot.

It took a while to talk about everything, and by the time I'd covered everything even more young folks like us had come over to sit. I was sobbing. My friends weren't very far behind either. Someone was rubbing my back and another person brought me tissues. I finished and everyone was kinda quiet and sad. One of my friends said "Hey can we all just kinda sit together and pray?" and I said that I thought that was a good idea. So we sat. And we just prayed. Even if they were words floating up to an empty space where I see no god, the solidarity that I felt with my friends and those around showing that they cared about me was overwhelming. I wasn't alone. I had friends. REAL friends who weren't looking for the next best thing. And I didn't feel as empty anymore. Knowing that I had people who genuinely cared for me and everything I'd been through and everything I was made me feel so much more worthy of living, it showed me I wasn't nothing.

A lot has happened since those dark times. I've had other dark times. Anorexia claimed me at 18 as a sufferer, and I still struggle with it to this day. I had a physically and emotionally abusive sociopathic partner in the Autumn of my 21st year. I had a whole 2 year ordeal with someone that I'm not even going to talk about, as this person and I have BOTH put it behind us and forgiven each other and are now friends. I alsp dropped out of high school in grade 11.

But I've had a LOT of light times. I started actively loving my body at 21, which was the first new constant in my life. I took action and got a breast reduction from G to C cup for my health at 18. I left the church and started understanding science better. The spiritualist in me called for more, so I delved into research on Paganism and Wicca. What I found was what I needed. It was the second new constant I needed. So now instead of 1, I had 2.

I live with my fiance now. He's someone who I was schoolmates with in highschool. After a few years of not keeping in touch, we hung out. We got close again. And after a few years we started dating. We've had bumpy patches. 1 break up due to his mental illness (again, it rears its ugly head). But that was short lived. And we are actively improving ourselves while being there for one another. Last March I asked him to marry me to which he said "Well, I was gonna ask you when we got our own place, so obviously yes." (I've dated a lot of people, so I am so happy that it was him I'm going to be with, no offense to any of the guys, girls and other folks I've been with and am friends with). He's my third constant.

I have so much more now than I ever dreamed I could in those dark times, friends.

Moral of the story is:

Friends come and go. But you'll find someone, or multiple people who will care about you enough to stick with you as much as you wanna stick with them.

Don't give up on yourself. You're gonna have a lot of bad times. Life happens and we can't do shit about it. But life also has a lot of really good times worth looking forward to and holding close to heart. You can love yourself no matter who you are or what you look like because you're more than a name or a number on a scale. You're a complex person with real feelings who is worthy of self love. And love from others too.

Pain sucks. Life can suck a whole fucking lot. So much you want it to end. But through all the struggle, the hurt and the mental illness, you still very much deserve a good life. If not more, because you're actively trying to enjoy being alive in a very hard time.

So yeah. Thanks for reading this. I just needed to talk. I felt like I was going to explode and my Instagram isn't really the place to put this.

Take care of yourselfs. Cherish yourself and your time here. Make the best of your situations as much as you can. Hold your loved ones close in mind and heart. And don't be afraid to talk.

[annaphoenix1994]

Colter - Enter, Pursued by a Memory (2)

"Goddamn, this cold!" Arthur groaned as he entered the morning freeze, using the sole of his boot to light the match for his cigarette, taking a long and slow puff of the tobacco as if his life depended on it. He forced himself to walk through the snow, mentally preparing himself to feel the cold wind cling to his skin through his clothing.

He rushed into the main cabin, seeing Missus Adler struggling to stay warm while she kept her distance from everybody else while Abigail Roberts, Tilly Jackson, and Mary-Beth Gaskill were surrounding the hearth for warmth. "Hello, Arthur," Abigail started as Arthur chucked a fresh log into the small fire.

"Abigail." He replied gruffly, holding his palms to the fire.

"Arthur...how you doing?" She said nervously as she approached him. He looked at her nervously, taking her in. He had always scolded himself for not marrying her when he had the chance, but he knew that wasn't how things were supposed to be. He cared deeply for her and young Jack, but in a way, he still loved her from when she had been friendly with not only him, but almost every man in the gang at one point.

He gulped as he held those memories at bay, where they needed to be, "Just fine, Abigail, and you?"

"I need you to...I-I'm sorry, I'm sorry to ask but..." She stuttered.

"It's little John...He's got himself into a scrape again." Arthur replied with annoyance and a bit of jealousy coating his voice. He brushed her off as he continued to find warmth from the fire.

"He ain't been seen in two...two days!" Abigail protested.

"Your John'll be fine," Arthur said, opening his arms at her. He hated arguing with her, but she needed to hear it. "I mean, he may be as dumb as rocks and as dull as rusted iron but that ain't changin' because he got caught in some snowstorm!" He argued.

"At least go take a look," Hosea intervened as he closed the book he was reading to young Jack. "Javier?"

"Yes?" Javier Escuella replied, looking up from cleaning his gun.

"Javier, will you ride out with Arthur and take a look for John?" Hosea asked. "You're the two best-fit men we've got."

"Now?" Javier questioned, exhaling a puff of smoke from his cigarette.

"She's...we're all...we're pretty worried about him." Hosea continued, taking note at the look of jealousy on Arthur's face as well as a bit of concern eating at him.

Hosea had played a major role in Arthur's life in the earlier years, seeing Arthur as a son to him. He could tell when things were bothering him or when he was keeping something to himself. Hosea knew Arthur and Abigail had a brief romantic history and that Arthur at some point thought that young Jack was his son, but he couldn't stop Abigail from falling in love with John Marston, who was his fellow brother, but also his competition.

"I know if the situation were reversed, he'd look for me." Javier said as he handed Arthur his sewed-off shotgun. Arthur nodded as he took the gun before turning on his heels, pushing out Abigail's 'thank you's out of his head as he walked through the doorway.

"This way! Last I know, John was headed up the river!" Javier said over the wind as he took the lead.

"For all we know, he kept ridin' north and never looked back," Arthur grunted, bowing his head so that the brim of his hat would shield his face from the wind.

"He wouldn't leave. Not like that." Javier doubted.

"Well, wouldn't be the first time," Arthur replied, clutching the reins tighter, wishing he had on two pairs of gloves instead of one. He and Javier trekked north, both of them encouraging their horses to continue on their journey. Arthur may not have had a bond as strong with this horse like he did with Boadicea, his fallen horse after the failed ferry robbery in Blackwater, but the mahogany bay stallion was pushing through. "Good boy!" Arthur encouraged as he gave the stallion an encouraging pat to the neck. "So... You were there, Javier, what really happened on that boat?" He asked.

"We had the money, it seemed fine, then suddenly they were everywhere," Javier explained.

"Bounty hunters?" Arthur guessed.

"No, Pinkertons. It was crazy. Raining bullets," Javier continued as the horses were now on steeper terrain. "Watch out for this crevice!" He warned. "Dutch killed a girl in a... bad way, but it was a bad situation."

"That ain't like him, though." Arthur replied.

"They continue along the cliff wall here!" Javier said, referring to the horse tracks he and Arthur found shortly after they left camp. "Davey got shot. Mac and John... Both shot too. Sean, we don't even know. I'm surprised we escaped at all. By the time you boys showed up from the other side of town, we were only just holding on." Javier continued.

Arthur sighed, "Bad business alright."

They were now trotting through fresh snow, which was too much for Arthur's liking, so he decided to slow his horse down to a walk as he knew the fresh and deep snow had to be hard on his horse. "You're alright boy," He encouraged. "The horses are struggling."

"Yeah, a lot of fresh snow here."

"I don't know about this, Javier. W-we can't follow nothing." Arthur doubted.

"Let's push on a little bit, maybe we'll pick up the trail again," Javier encouraged as their horses continued to push on up the steep embankment.

"Almost there, boy, c'mon now!"

"Hey, look! Over there, you see that?" Javier pointed as the men stopped their horses before nudging them to a lope. Upon closer inspection, it was a deceased horse. "John was riding that horse when we left Blackwater." Javier sighed.

"Oh... That's..." Arthur grunted. He didn't mind killing an animal when it came to hunting but seeing a dead horse hurt him on the inside. Aside from a buck, horses were his favorite animal as they represented so much freedom, beauty, and spirit. Something Arthur wrote fondly about in his journal was Boadicea. He sighed as he looked away from the deceased animal before turning his attention back to Javier.

"Let's see if he can hear us!" Javier said before firing his revolver, the gunpowder echoing through the icy canyon and empty mountains.

"Hey! Help! Here!"

"Come on... Up there!" Javier suggested as he pushed Boaz into a steady lope up the embankment.

"Hello? Over here!"

"It's coming from up ahead somewhere. I don't think we can go much further on the horses. We'll have to walk from here." Javier said as he dismounted Boaz. "I'd grab that shotgun from your horse. Who knows what's up ahead."

───※ ·❆· ※───

"That's quite a scratch you got there." Arthur said as he and Javier were now looking at John Marston from over the cliff he had sought shelter.

John looked up at the pair with his new three lacerations, "Never thought I'd say this, but it's good to see you, Arthur Morgan."

Arthur sighed as he eased himself down to where John was, looking him over briefly, "You don't look so good." He said as he slung John's arm over his shoulders.

"I don't feel too good neither," John groaned as Arthur easily lifted the man up, helping him get atop the cliff so Javier could help. "I'm freezing!"

"Don't die just yet, cowboy." Arthur said as he hoisted himself back up before slinging John over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes, slowly walking behind Javier as he figured out a way to get back to the horses without having to go through the rough terrain they had encountered on foot.

"You see that on the ridge?" Javier said as distant howls echoed from afar. Arthur felt John shift his weight as he was still slung over Arthur's shoulder, looking up at what damage the animals had caused.

"Shit," Arthur mumbled as he helped John to his feet. "I'll distract them while you get to the horses. Go, I'll draw 'em off you." He insisted.

"Let's get back to the others!" Javier exclaimed after Arthur had successfully terminated the three wolves after a brief scrapple. Arthur clutched his wrist to rid the pain as he had gotten bitten, but it luckily didn't pierce through his skin, only his coat.

"I don't feel too good," John complained.

"You'll be fine. It's just like a...a dog bite."

John sighed, "I knew a feller, got bit by a dog. Died an hour later."

"You ain't gonna die! Not yet-" Javier assured. "More of 'em to the right!" He shouted.

Arthur quickly pulled out the sewed-off shotgun Javier had given him, hoping that his new horse wouldn't spook too bad from the shots and the wolves coming at his fetlocks. "Easy boy!" Arthur said as he shot two wolves quickly, regaining control as his horse's natural instincts took over.

"You see any more, Arthur?" Javier called.

"Don't think so." He grunted.

"Jesus!" John whined.

"You still with us, Marston?" Arthur teased.

"Just about." He groaned.

"You're gonna be okay. We have some shelter now." Javier assured.

"Thanks for coming for me."

"Of course. That bullet in Blackwater, now this? You had a hell of a time."

"And Arthur always says... I'm lucky." John croaked.

"You know, we're gonna need to come up with a better story for that scar!" Arthur teased as the horses trudged through the current of the river in an attempt to cover up their scent.

"So, freezing, bleeding, starving, damn near getting eaten to death, ain't good enough for you?" John questioned.

"Yeah...c'mon. Let's push hard and get back."

"See those buildings up ahead John? That's where we're camped. Nearly there." Javier assured as the camp was inching closer.

"Come on! Someone help John down off this horse!" Javier exclaimed.

"Can we get some help here?" Arthur intervened as he pulled his horse to a halt, dismounting as he heard the main cabin's door squeak as Abigail came running out. "You're alive! Oh, you're alive!" Abigail cried as she gripped onto John's jacket.

"Ay, careful idiotas, it's his leg!" Javier warned as he was still atop Boaz.

"Come on, let's get you warm!" Abigail said as Bill was acting as a crutch for John, leading him to the cabin. "Thank you! Thank you both!"

Arthur and Javier nodded as they were soon joined by Hosea and Leopold Strauss. "Thank you, Arthur. Thank you." Hosea said, patting his shoulder.

"You got any other lost maidens need savin'?" Arthur groaned.

"Yeah, that Minnie Barlow," Hosea teased, referring to the brief conversation he and Dutch had about the woman after they brought Sadie Adler to camp, Dutch explaining to Hosea that Arthur had kept asking questions about the fellow outlaw relentlessly, making it clear to Dutch and Hosea that he may be under the impression of a crush, which Hosea loved to play "matchmaker."

"I don't know what you're talkin' about," Arthur scoffed. Hosea chuckled as Javier and Leopold Strauss retreated slightly, "Dutch told me about your crush."

"Whatchu talkin' about? I don't have no crush!" Arthur blushed.

"You're forgetting that we know you better than you do, Arthur. Since when have you been so curious about an outlaw when you're an outlaw yourself?" Hosea questioned. Arthur shook his head as he wanted to get the topic of love interests from his head. 'Yeah, like a woman like that would have me anyways.' He scolded to himself.

"Have you and Dutch talked about how we're gonna get out of this?" Arthur asked, changing the subject.

"I was just discussing with Herr Strauss when the weather breaks I suppose we'll have to keep heading east."

"East? Into all of that civilization?" Arthur objected.

"I know," Hosea replied. "The west is where our problems are worse. C'mon, Herr Strauss, let's get warm."

Arthur nodded as he thrust through the snow, rubbing his palms up and down his upper arms in an attempt to generate heat, but he felt as if he was getting nowhere. He quickly shut the door to the cabin, retreating to his room for a brief bit of isolation, something that he needed. He had a sudden urge to write as if nothing that was going on even mattered. He sat on the edge of his cot, pulling the nightstand closer to him to make a table:

𝓦𝓮 𝓱𝓪𝓿𝓮 𝓫𝓮𝓮𝓷 𝓻𝓾𝓷𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝔀𝓮𝓮𝓴𝓼. 𝓦𝓮 𝓯𝓸𝓾𝓷𝓭 𝓼𝓱𝓮𝓵𝓽𝓮𝓻 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓫𝓮𝓮𝓷 𝓻𝓮𝓼𝓽𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓮 𝓲𝓷 𝓼𝓸𝓶𝓮 𝓸𝓵𝓭 𝓪𝓫𝓪𝓷𝓭𝓸𝓷𝓮𝓭 𝓶𝓲𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓽𝓸𝔀𝓷 𝔀𝓱𝓲𝓵𝓮 𝔀𝓮 𝔀𝓪𝓲𝓽 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝔀. 𝓗𝓪𝓻𝓭𝓵𝔂 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓼𝓹𝓻𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓘 𝓱𝓪𝓭 𝓫𝓮𝓮𝓷 𝓱𝓸𝓹𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓯𝓸𝓻.