#like. do you think we haven't heard it 6 trillion times before?

[dirtytransmasc]

trying to explain to those around me how I can't just "get up and move around a bit" or "just do some light exercise everyday" because it's technically beneficial for chronic pain.

like. I'm tired. everyday, after going about my life, whether that has been school, or work, or going shopping, or simply existing. I'm tired. and not a tired they seem to understand.

when you're in pain, you're tired, a special kind of deep, achey, in your bones and your flesh and your soul, type of tired. and when you have chronic pain, especially when your going on decade number 2 of constant, unending pain (especially considering my pain started when I was young), this tiredness is just forever with you, I doubt it will ever truly leave me even if I was cured of all my chronic sickness and illness and pain, I would continue to be this tired.

so no. no. I can't just do a little bit of exercise after I get home, I can barely stay on my feet to do anything more than make myself dinner. no I can't stretch a bit before I go to bed, I've been there for hours and getting up sounds like torture. no I can't go on a walk, my insides hurt because they're tired of doing their job and I would probably fall into the street.

and for me personally, I look healthy, very few of my symptoms present to the eye in any way, so they don't understand how I can be in so much pain, so tired, so done.

it's also not like I don't do anything all day, they say this after I've been out of the house since 6 and back after 4-6 in the afternoon, after I've had to PT appointments this week and come home with PT exercises noted with the words "only if possible" by the physical therapist cause she, the trained professional can acknowledge that sometimes, most times even, I just. can't. it's not like I do nothing, but living, on its own, takes everything from me and more.

but they just can't understand and I'm glad for that, I don't want them to know, I don't want them to experience it, but I would just like them to take what I've begged to understand to heart for just a second.