#like. More often than i usually do to the point where i feel like it's overwhelming or annoying or looks desperate but hey maybe i am

[doctormohansamira]

Samira's direct honesty is something I find so fascinating about her as a character. She's the most empathetic doctor in the department, but she really isn't soft in the way one would typically expect of a character like that.

She asks Santos how thick her skin is, then provides blunt, direct feedback without being concerned about how to say it "nicely". When her patient with the butt injections from a guy on Tik Tok asks how bad it looks, she admits freely and without hedging that it doesn’t look great. She gets deeply offended at the claim she’s lying: both Whitaker and Pugliesi accuse her of it, and she points out to both of them that what she said was totally true – she gave him a morphine-like drug that binds to the same receptor to treat his symptoms. But most interestingly is the way it manifests in her relationship with Robby.

She tells Dana directly that just because Robby's having a bad day, there's no need to take it out on her. She defends her treatment choices, even when Robby is getting mad about them. The one time we see her not being vocal about something she knows? When Robby's working on Leah.

We see Samira initially helping there. But then after she puts in the IO, the next time we see her, she's working with Abbot on a different patient. The time after that, she goes to help Langdon. And when Langdon asks how Robby's doing with Leah, she doesn't answer out loud and instead shakes her head. She knew full well Leah wasn't going to make it. And later, she goes back to Robby's side and asks if there's anything she can do, more softly than we ever heard her say anything else, still not telling him that she thinks he should give up and go help someone he could still save. Robby is in so many ways the exception in terms of Samira's reactions to things.

It's such a cool example that highlights the differences between them. I'm usually more focused on the ways in which they're the same, but there are also these crucial differences. In the cases where we see Robby doing the "unnecessary tests" and spending too much time that he berated Samira for, he's often more motivated by the families than the patients due to his own Adamson trauma, whereas Samira is patient focused – wanting Joyce to feel safe and comfortable when she's terrified of intubation, trusting Nandi when she's scared her symptoms are being dismissed – and less concerned with the families. Her exception is Pugliesi, who is in some ways to her what Joyce was to Robby – she is absolutely, legitimately concerned about doing no harm and treating his symptoms. However, she's also reacting very strongly due to her own personal experiences losing her father and visceral reaction to the idea of someone rejecting help.

Robby's reaction to Joyce feels so similar – in contrast to so many other patients, he's not talking to her wife and trying to make her feel better. He's angry at the thought of any delay, driven by the idea that maybe they could have saved Adamson if they'd moved faster.

They're just so similar, but they're approaching their work through very different traumas, and it's all so fascinating.

[enuratled]

it's not necessarily that i disagree but I think loss of autonomy is loss of consent, loss of ability to consent and I think that's very much what the rose deflowered imagery is pointing us towards.

like, I don't think it has to be taken as literally as a depiction of sexual assault, but I don't think it's the wrong thing to link the two images, especially because a lot of good readings of the weird route comes hand in hand with discussions about comphet, and how dangerous it is to force these very gendered roles onto kids (or teens) who explicitly don't conform, or want to conform to these things. snowgrave, as much as it is about autonomy, power and player control, can also be read about gender and sexuality, especially with how it utilises this imagery of marriage. like neither of them wants this, neither of them have these feelings towards each other, but it is forced upon them. they're forced to conform to these roles, the end line of Carol saying "Noelle said she's really looking forward to seeing you?" ... if you think about the player as the invisible hand of Society or How You're 'Supposed' To Think/Act/Behave/How The Story Goes, and carol as an in-universe enforcer of this, this reading of unwanted gestures/forced upon acts becomes very prescient. like it's a basic facet of the narrative that kris is nonbinary and noelle is the obvious 'Girl' character (whatever that means). it's also a basic facet that kris is blatantly (and often to the dismay of others) themself, and noelle tries to repress anything too weird about herself, because of how she's been forbidden too and because she's generally anxious about revealing these things. what does it mean to force these two into boxes they don't want and do not belong in? this scene is an answer and a direct portrayal of how awful and harmful the effects of this can be.

there's the more obvious meta-readings of deltarune, where everything can come down to player versus character autonomy, what does it mean to control a game, what does it mean to be attached to these properties and never let them go ... but there's also obvious in-universe themes of the body, not wanting [even hating] the one you have, of kids being really vulnerable, how they find escape, and what it looks like when they have no means of it (snowgrave). like even the set-up of kris and noelle sharing a private moment in noelle's room and noelle trying to get closer and closer while kris literally shrinks back in fear, because noelle is a character who is very complicit with the things asked of her, even if her desires are otherwise, and kris is someone who is always trying to rebel against these things, but is never heard.

I understand that [c]sa is a very taboo topic, and it's not necessarily in-line with the usual host of 'dark' themes we expect to see in games like this, but that doesn't mean the narrative can't utilise the commentary that comes with it, or the imagery used for it. again, I don't think it has to be read as an allegory/metaphor for sexual assault, but I don't think that's an unfair or unearned reading. I think we as an audience obviously are more uncomfortable with it than we are murder or violence, actions that have far less morality associated with them in video games, but that doesn't make it forbidden territory, especially when a game is so much about autonomy and the lack thereof.

it uses the same dialogue, noelle begging herself to move but being unable to, it has the rose being deflowered, it has kris forcing the ring onto her hand, it happens in her fucking bedroom! her most private space! the place where she's supposed to be the safest! she asked them to come in! in this case, the imagery of sexual assault is being used to convey the inability to consent. it's not so one-sided as to be 'kris assaults noelle' because it's also kris' who we're forcing this act upon. both of these characters are extremely vulnerable: noelle's mom is the mayor, her dad is in the hospital, her sister is gone; kris is extremely quiet and very isolated, whatever cries of help they make, get seen as either them being weird or being disruptive/disrespectful/mischievous. part of the story is how much can you get away with doing these things to these characters? that is scary, that is part of the horror, because of the awful things it implies. I don't think it's a coincidence that noelle is the single character who can really clock that something is wrong with kris, and she's also the only one who you can hurt as much as kris.

again, I don't think the reading of autonomy is wrong, but I also don't think there is such thing as 'off-limits' when it comes to interpretation. there's many ways to read the story, and I think this is one that is implicit within the text. I really hope you don't mind my addition to this post, I just really do think part of interpreting the scene is acknowledging the way it treats consent and the imagery it uses to do so. I think the really important reading is that both characters have been violated. obviously not sexually, but that implication is being used to show how the player is directly going against the things they want and the things they value and the little control they want to have, at the very least, over their own bodies. that's the thing they're so scared of, that's the thing that makes this scene so awful to watch.

so..... kriselle. right guys?

⚠ DELTARUNE CHAPTER 3+4 SPOILERS ⚠

tw// csa mention

horror has always had somewhat of an inherent sexual (and queer) undertone to it but it doesnt mean that you cant write it without it- i love horror that blends real life psychology and human experience with the otherworldly because there is SO MUCH you can do with it and it gets scary because most of the time it feels like something that could actually happen under the right circumstances… although when youre including a supernatural element (such as the player) the circumstances change and you need to recategorize and take more care to understand certain actions while still being conscious so that you are not just writing something torture porn-esque. this is an otherworldly entity (the player) taking the place of the human (kris) and acting within human bounds (kris cannot shapeshift or anything like that, we're limited to what their human body is capable of) to perpetuate the horror.

in context of the couch scene this is the moment that kris can no longer hide the existence of the other entity inside them from noelle. the secret is entirely out in the open and noelle knows that there is something unbelievably wrong with kris. i dont think noelle understands that it's us, the player, doing this to her because she doesn't know its a game but she absolutely knows that whoever it is is not kris. we are forcing noelle to confont that it was all real, it wasn't a dream, and it finally snaps her when we put the thorn (i.e. thornring) back on her finger. we've pushed noelle to her limit, 'used up' all of who noelle originally was and forcibly turned her into another vessel for our actions.

i dont think it represents her innocence/purity being tarnished or taken really. the loss of innocence is a common trope explored in horror, but i personally feel like this is more the loss of autonomy than the loss of innocence. the thorn is representative of our control over noelle, we force kris to pierce it back through her hand during the couch scene which cements our authority over her. i understand why people could interpret the scene as the loss of innocence, with the rose wilting it could be read like an allegory for deflowering, but i believe that the scene is moreso just us removing her limitations. even not on the weird route, noelle exhibits behaviours of wanting to strangle berdly and take control of her life for once, whether joking or not. she was already really fascinated by her own power in ch2, finding out that yes actually she isnt powerless and she can take things for herself, as long as she listens to kris- hence her saying 'Thank you.' towards the end of the route. i honestly dont think this is the game, the characters, or the fandom to explore that kind of topic with. keep in mind, kris and noelle are kids- i would rather die than have one of the big ships and driving forces for the weird route in deltarune be sexualized minors. a LOT of people in this fandom are minors as well. it being an allegory for csa would just be... too heavy and too out of place for deltarune. if it was csa, for it to happen this early honestly concerns me for how the weird route would continue in the future because you can't really get worse than that without abandoning all your morality to enjoy the game. also, this is a switch 2 launch title with some of the most hype surrounding it ive seen for a game. not sure if nintendo would be cool with one of their big launch titles having a blatant csa scene between two kids, but then again im not nintendo and you are allowed to view it this way if you want to.

another big point is that these actions are our own. they're our choices. this isn't kris, its us, the player. i do not want to be responsible for the sa of noelle, i wouldnt want to play a game where im forced to commit csa. it doesn't feel right. i don't think toby would put that into deltarune.

what makes weird route kriselle so interesting is that kris doesnt want this. when noelle is close to kris and she begins to trigger the downfall of events, kris is trying to cover her mouth desperately to stop her. kris wants nothing more than to keep noelle from experiencing everything all over again. it's not just kris abusing noelle torture compilation. with not only closet scene where kris is trying to hit us with the hockey stick but also the bathroom scene we see just how fucking ANGRY kris is at us- literally beating the shit out of the soul…. both in a 'why would you ever make me do this?' way but also in a 'you broke her' way.

we've taken these childhood friends with such a strong connection and forced them to rip themselves to shreds. we've broken them to their core. i don't think noelle is capable of saving kris, i don't think she wants to anymore. in the few moments she had left between the start and the end of the couch scene, she's lost that will.

noelle's now broken, she's lost herself because we took her autonomy. just like kris. a cage. a vessel. we've given her the power to take whatever she wants, we've removed her limitations, we've made her stronger.

as long as she listens to us.

[atiny-for-life]

I agree that Mingi is always in on the joke… that said, he did say that the "I cannot englishi" clip makes him uncomfortable and that it was the staff that told him to say something funny (this was right before his hiatus when he had started feeling anxious but the staff kept pushing him into the comedic relief role)

atiny made that line into something huge (+ they made fun and KEEP making fun of his english using it) to the point that he's not comfortable w it anymore, if he ever was to begin with…

anytime I see that clip I cringe thinking about how the fandom makes fun of him for everything he does (yes, he's in on the joke… but he's not a fool, he understands that 99% of the time people laugh AT him, not w him)

This might be my protective Seonghwa bias speaking but people need to leave Mingi alone!! sometimes it feels like they don't even see him as a human but just as a circus animal to point and laugh at (or drool over like he's just a piece of meat)

I think it'd be best not to share that clip, hopefully one day only veteran atiny will remember it but the rest will have forgotten or never know

I personally came into the fandom shortly after he went on hiatus and I never saw anything about him saying he's uncomfortable with the clip, just that it was staged. If you can remember where to find that Vlive though, that'd be really useful so I can clip and spread it!

I 100% agree that some Atiny have taken the bit way too far before, and still do. They don't seem to understand the difference between sharing a lighthearted inside joke and being an asshole bully. But those people can likely not be changed, no matter how often we all tell them to grow a brain and develop some emotional intelligence.

I definitely don't think it's most of the fandom though - far from it. Especially now that a big part of us have been sticking by them for years. But then again... the worst people always shout the loudest so they seem more abundant than they are, unfortunately.

Regarding spreading the clip: when I've mentioned Treasure Film before, I intentionally never included the clip since I never liked it when people make fun of his English, but I realized now that newer Atiny will stumble over it no matter what - Treasure Film is one of the most well known pieces of content from their early days after all - which is why I added the disclaimer about it being staged and not taking the bit too far.

I think with the context, people will know how to view it and won't do anything bad with it, especially in this little corner of the fandom here on Tumblr.

I also definitely get being protective of Mingi! I feel very protective of all of them and I'll call stuff out when I see it because of that, but I also feel a bit reassured these days since they've all grown far more confident in themselves and they're also much, much more outspoken than ever before.

So if someone pulls some shit (be that staff on set, an interviewer, or a "fan"), I think we can trust they'll address it right there and then with their usual poise instead of feeling the need to turn the other cheek like they likely often did in their early days when they still had to be scared of losing their chance at a place in the industry due to their origins being in a small company.

Ultimately, I think the best thing to do for all of us is to be vocal in our appreciation of Mingi (and the other members) and to ignore the shitty "fans" so they don't get any engagement and eventually just disappear back into the ether where they belong~

I hope I could explain myself well here and that my intentions come across right!

[on-a-carousel]

Cass joins the bats early AU (title is a wip)

~22y/o Babs first meets ~13y/o Cass on patrol, having seen Cass fight off a group of would be harassers. She's understandably concerned about this grimy kid who is clearly well trained- easily Robin level, and drops down to apprehend the attackers and say hi. She ends up struggling through communication to feed Cass, and overtime starts to see her more often.

Cass starts stalking Batgirl whenever she sees her, watching what she does and occasionally going to her for help if she needs food/water. Babs tries to teach her how to speak, and they're making real progress. Cass starts bringing information to BG, at first it's just stuff that other street kids overheard etc. I'm thinking we just speed up most of the Batgirl(2000) to happen earlier.

So Mark of Cain happens and Barbara sees a now 14 Cass save her father from a well known hitman. She also finally manages to convince Cass to live with her. Cass has ~1 year of learning how to talk now, so is much better than canon, and Babs starts to teach her other things as well, mostly life skills and just fun stuff, but also a bit of heroing and self defence skills.

I'm thinking Cass becomes 'Blackbird' BG's sidekick, kind of a take on Robin in a way. This is when Cass meets Batman, Robin and Nightwing (although she might meet Dick sooner depending on the timeline) Bruce also helps mentor her and gets her a costume.

Anyways BG 2000 stuff happens and as part of getting Cass a civilian identity and stuff like better financial support + cause B and Robin adore her, Bruce adopts Cass. So now she has a Mum/Big Sis, Dad, Big brother and little brother (though Jason says that since he got adopted first she's his little sister). She's ~15 now and being homeschooled through the power of both parents wanting her to have a civilian identity.

Anyways I feel like with the longer timeline I don't feel the need to have Cass meet that mind reader meta, so she's slowly learning to speak with the help of her family and later speech therapists.

Idk where to fit Shiva into this timeline, but really anywhere can work, but because she doesn't meet the meta, she doesn't need to learn from Shiva, but she does kinda need to die sooner rather than later so that it doesn't stick and she can make progress. What to do, what to do?

~1 year after she's adopted, Jason dies and Barbara is paralyzed.

Cass has a Dick Grayson moment and kills the joker. She very quickly brings him back, but the guilt is tearing away at her and her mental health has gone back to before she died levels of bad. Maybe in this AU this is when Shiva shows up? Or maybe Bruce/Barbara holds her back and stops her? Maybe Hallucijason does.

Barbara also takes her on as BG, but I'm not entirely sure when with the timing. But yeah, this does a lot to help her, and also Barbara with processing everything.

Cass also works closer with Bruce now, making sure he doesn't go too far, and it does help Bruce that he has another kid to look after, but they're all grieving and messed up. She still saves him from a lot of the pain and horror just by being there, and they process their guilt together.

Anyways I usually use this AU in non-bat Tim works so stuff from this point on changes depending on the direction I want to go. This AU can also just result in Jason not dying because he either confides in Cass and they both go to Ethiopia, or she convinces Bruce Jason didn't kill that guy / there are so many ways this can go.

[maclediumzeyheri]

How I Draw: PART 2

I’m currently a poor college student battling through final exams — and as if that wasn’t enough, one evil professor is making us undergrads write a full research paper on top of it all. So yes, it’s been a rather painful time... which sadly means I haven’t been able to draw much lately. But! Once June is over, I’ll finally be free! I’m hoping to dive back into drawing a lot more then.

Anyway, thank you so much for all the love on my last art post. It’s honestly been years since I wrote a post like that, so it was a pretty fun experience for me too! Today, I thought I’d continue the series — this time diving into the highlights of my process: coloring and post-editing!

…So, in my last post, I covered everything up to laying down the base colors. Now, it’s time to add some shadows!

When adding shadows, I only use Multiply layers. I usually pick low-saturation colors for this step, pretty much the same way I do when laying down the base colors. If needed, I’ll also use a watercolor edge effect.

To be honest, there’s really nothing too special about my process. After all, I’m not someone who’s formally trained in art. So no fancy, elaborate techniques here when it comes to adding shadows! (As for considering the direction of light… well, I sometimes try to think about it when adjusting the overall colors later on. But most of the time, I don’t bother too much — and this particular piece is one of those cases.) I simply go by instinct and paint the areas where shadows feel right.

Anyway, that’s how I go about coloring the clothes as well.

There was a little something special when it came to coloring the gloves. To give them a slightly transparent look, I added a light layer of green.

Once I’m done adding all the shadows, I move on to adjusting the line colors. Well, anything looks better than plain black lines, after all.

So at this point, this is what the piece looks like. Now, let’s move on and make it even prettier.

Use Ctrl+A and Ctrl+C to copy the entire coloring layer. Then, paste it and apply a blur effect to the copied layer (this is a feature available in SAI 2).

Now, copy the blurred layer as well. Set Blurred Layer 1 to Multiply, and Blurred Layer 2 to Overlay.

Then, adjust the opacity of these layers to your liking. This creates an effect where the image looks slightly soft, yet the colors become more vivid at the same time. It’s a technique often used to give artwork a bit of a retro vibe.

Next, use the Multiply and Overlay layers to adjust the overall color tone. With Multiply, you can create a darker, moodier atmosphere across the whole piece. And with Overlay, you can tweak the color tones to get the look you want.

(That’s right — just changing the color on the Overlay layer can completely change the color tones of the piece.)

For the finer details, keep using Overlay, Multiply, and Screen layers to refine the look.

-If you want to brighten certain areas, use a Screen layer. -If you want to adjust colors or add light and atmosphere, go with an Overlay layer(The image above is an example of this). -And if you want to deepen the shadows, a Multiply layer is your friend.

After that, I do some additional color adjustments in PaintShop Pro(If you have Photoshop, that would actually be an even better tool for this step).

In my case, since I was planning to lower the saturation later on, I intentionally boosted the saturation a bit during this stage. And don’t forget — before moving on to the next step, it’s a good idea to add an overall paper texture to the piece(Of course, this is a built-in feature in SAI).

From here, I use Corel Painter’s Thick Paint feature to add visible brushstrokes. The process of picking colors with the pipette tool and painting over them takes quite a long time.

In my experience, if you carefully paint with the smallest brush size (1.0), it gives the piece a texture that feels almost like embroidery. On the other hand, if you use a slightly larger brush and paint more loosely, it ends up looking more like an oil painting.

And if you duplicate the layer where you used the Thick Paint brush, you can get some really fun effects during the editing process.

Then, it’s really a matter of lowering the saturation, adding layer effects where needed, and repeating this process until you’re happy with the result. As I always say — I don’t have any strict rules for this part. It’s all based on personal satisfaction. For this particular piece, I went through even more steps (and a lot more second-guessing!) than usual.

And that’s it — the piece is finished! Thank you so much for reading all the way through.

As I was writing this, I realized that a lot of my process is based on instinct, so this post might not have been all that helpful in a step-by-step sense. But if there’s any part you’d like me to explain in more detail, please feel free to ask anytime!

[katerinaaqu]

I just realised that every person who has bad takes about Odysseus or the Odyssey as a whole always has odyssey in their name or if you visit their blog they will claim to be a greek mythology enthusiast. So it makes me wonder do they actually love love the Odyssey, like they said they read it only to brings out poor analysis about the epic, just baffling at this point. Rather a full ignorant person by now rather than whatever those people are.

I think there is some sort of wave going on these days which saddens me honestly and that is the wave as you said of people who want to show how enthusiastic they are of the myths and how much they appreciate the originals and are not afraid to speak of the flaws

But here's the problem

As you said I have seen myself arguably the worst takes on characters such as Odysseus from accounts that do that. More often whatnot they bring the retellings to the picture as if to make their point stronger but as you said I find it from sad till oftentimes ridiculous that people feel almost the obligation to say "that person is the absolute monster! He is a killer a murderer and a rapist but that's okay things were different back then and I wish people stopped babying them!" Yada yada

But here is my problem:

For starters i see picturing of characters that turn almost to evil caricatures of the ancient tales like people say "Odysseus killed Astyanax and felt nothing" like where does that come from? Iliou Persis which is the main source of it rescued only in a fragment says "Odysseus kills Astyanax by throwing him off the wall" where on earth does it even state his psychological world? How do people know he felt nothing? If anything the Odyssey shows the exact opposite. That Odysseus has a deep rooted guilt inside him enough to blow his carefully constructed cover while crying his eyes out. In Euripides plays we see him more "evil" but ironically through OTHER PEOPLE'S views, Odysseus's own thoughts are not expressed (I love it how the same people who claim these are also saying that Odysseus is a liar that lies with every breath but apparently he DOESN'T lie when he is "evil" nope. Then he is honest he absolutely is NOT wearing a mask...he is wearing a mask only when he is kind apparently...) and when Odysseus is the center then he is much more sympathetic. Not to mention the context of the plays is that oftentimes Euripides writes them for criticism to Athens hence the characters being cruel to cause controversy etc

Or of course the classic "cheat" or "rape" thing because again apparently in 2020s there are a few things worse than murder and rape accusation is one of them because the evilest of men in the public conscious MUST be rapists or rapists wannabes. And we usually go to war prizes because apparently someone having a war prize means they MUST be using them for sex (even if Odysseus had 50 of them and all of them worked as servants in the palace and there is zero evidence that he used any of them for sex but sure Agamemnon mentioning a hypothetical scenario of him taking "Odysseus's war prize" means Odysseus DEFINITELY used his for sex and even if he did sure he MUST have been terrible to them I mean his name is not Patroclus to be gentle puppy...) or many others

That of course is an issue because people think for some reason ancient Greeks were all about murder and rape for some reason as if their society didn't have people with different opinions. They go about "Odysseus DEFINITELY did all that because that was normal for that time bla bla bla" I mean excuse me but tax invasion is pretty common these days as well. Does that mean that every single person around is invading taxes? Sunbathing in the summer is common. Do people who avoid the sun not exist? I don't get it really

I don't understand why people who want (and I believe they do) to love the original myths feel some kind of obligation to trash talk the characters and then end it with "it's okay because different times" to show that they understand the past...? Even if they tend to make generalizations and daresay use the 21st century view on the past to do so more often whatnot? Honest I am not sure why. It is as if for someone to study mythology is to admit that all of them are the absolute worst and that you wouldn't even wanna spit on them in real life rather than imagine the complicated background of theirs

(And of course usually for men. Lord forbid someone badmouth Clytemnestra or Medea or Circe. These are victims of the patriarchy that did nothing wrong or even if they did they have the right to because the evil men we saw above. Circe was not a witch goddess that took advantage of Odysseus and his men. Odysseus was willing. Clytemnestra killing Cassandra was wrong but hell yeah girl kill that mother motherfucker Agamemnon even if Clytemnestra tormented her daughters and sons as if we cannot admit her wrong doings and speaking with compassion for her condition at the same time etc)

So yeah I think sometimes at best we see people trying WAY TOO HARD to show that they know the myths and not the retellings and they try WAY TOO HARD to show the difference between retelings and originals even if sometimes their immediate reaction to cancel the lore of retellings brings mistakes (one of mu favorites being the great despise of the movie Troy to the point of people being more angry about the movie "inventing Achilles and Patroclus being cousins" even if them being cousins is a Canon thing in mythology). In the worst occasions yes sometimes I wonder if you have THAT negative view of the protagonist do you REALLY like the Odyssey or any myth for that matter?

If you deny the humanity of the characters in the name of the idea of "different times" and spread this across the internet is that really appreciation? Or is it someone trying way too hard to show that? Do you REALLY care about the past where your views inheritently paint a living and breathing culture with the worst colors as if the worst thing that could happen to any individual would be to live in ancient Greece because it was a place where murder and rape were "as common as someone drinking their morning coffee"?

Dunno. Not sure if I can solve that riddle.

[shiny-jr]

you've probably mentioned this previously but what is your fave disney movie and your least favorite? you seem so knowledgeable on them (or at least the ones related to twst) so i'm curious

have a great day!

Gonna take this as an opportunity to procrastinate on writing (yes, I actually have been writing, believe it or not), and rate the movies that inspired TWST. I will not be including the events or any other Disney movie, but I can add that later if y'all wanna hear me yap more.

ELEVENTH: Cinderella.

You know what? I'm about to say it. Cinderella is not a good movie. It feels like it's 50% plot with Cinderella and her story, and then the other 50% is Tom and Jerry kinda tomfoolery with the mice (Jaq and Gus Gus) and Lucifer the cat. I'm not kidding. Watch it again and you'll realize how much precious time was spent on them. Why? I couldn't answer that. It seems like a waste to me when the time could've been spent on other more creative and important scenes.

TENTH: Alice In Wonderland

Like Cinderella, Alice In Wonderland has a similar flaw where time is spent on a scene where Alice or any of the other main characters are not involved at all. However, I don't believe it's as much as Cinderella. I just don't think this movie is very good, I mean, it does a good job at feeling like nonsense but each scene feels like it could be it's own short and it literally would not make a difference.

NINTH: Sleeping Beauty

I'm just not the biggest fan of this movie. I mean, I can give them credit where credit is due. The prince here, Prince Philip, is one of the best of the early princes. He's actually pretty funny. Maleficent carries the film hard, to no one's surprise. Again, I see the same pattern of unnecessary scene, where the kings are drinking wine, singing, then arguing, then making up.

EIGHTH: Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs

Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs, higher than Sleeping Beauty? You must think me insane. I swear, I have a valid reason. I just really appreciate the historical aspect of it. That's my main reason. I like history. Call me a nerd, I don't care.

SEVENTH: 101 Dalmatians

I like dogs. A lot. Beyond just that, this was one of those films I watched a lot as a kid, and as I got older, I came to appreciate it more and more. The music for it is genuinely solid, even if the plot may not be entirely interesting throughout the entire thing. Plus, they gave one of the most iconic villains of all time (I LOVE the Cruella movie, but that's not the point). One of my favorite things about this movie is the animation. It's old, it's hand drawn, you can see the lines!! I just love that, and I can't explain why, I just do.

SIXTH: Beauty and The Beast

Some might be shocked that this movie is this low. Maybe it should've been higher. Don't get me wrong, I like this film, but I just like the others more. Belle actually isn't my favorite character, but I will say, she's a good character, just not something I'm drawn to. Gaston is an entertaining villain with one of the better villain songs. I will add this, the best addition to this film from the live action was the song "Evermore." We love to hear some male yearning.

FIFTH: Aladdin

The humor carries this film hard. Genie and the duo Jafar and Iago? My favorites. They're great. They are what make the movie special to me, because you don't usually see that type of humor often in Disney movies. It likely has to do with the fact that Genie and Iago are voiced by comedians. The music is great too, but the humor is my favorite part of this film.

FOURTH: The Little Mermaid

Historically speaking, this film is known as the one to start off the "Disney Renaissance" which is just a term used to describe the films that came and did really well after they struggled to create a good film for a while. Ariel is a decent character, but y'all know who I'm here for. URSULA. Did you know, supposedly, they struggled with her design for the longest time until they finally found her look which is based off the drag queen Divine? Look it up. Ugh, she's so iconic.

🥉 THIRD: The Princess and The Frog

Speaking of banger music. This film probably has the best songs, or at least, it's definitely up there in competition. It's also somewhat a bit familiar to me, because I spent many years in one of the neighboring states. Here's where the explanations are gonna get long as we get closer and closer to first place.

Compelling princess? Definitely. Tiana is one of the best princesses, and I will die on this hill. It's not like she was born royalty, she's humble and hardworking, and that's what makes her so unique. If you really think about it, there's not a lot of other Disney characters like her and I appreciate her for that.

Charming prince? Check. I think Naveen is one of the best princes to date. He's definitely in my top three. The design? The ego? The accent? Oh, he's definitely got it. The way he goes from insatiable flirt to down bad for one girl to the point of changing his entire lifestyle is SO GOOD.

Intimidating villain? Oh, for sure. I think people forget about Dr. Facilier a lot. And that's a shame, because he's probably like one of the last great Disney villains we've got. He was a real menace, securing deals like that and then controlling literal shadow creatures? That's terrifying?? I love it.

The cast overall does a really good job, with some household names among them (voicing Eudora, Dr. Facilier, Mama Odie) and Disney legends (voicing Big Daddy La Bouff, Ray (I met his voice actor!!)). I think my only issue with the film is that they stay frogs for longer than they're humans. That's the only real problem I can currently think of. Other than that? Great film.

🥈 SECOND: The Lion King

Make it Hamlet but lions. I'm gonna go back for a second, and remind y'all of my earlier complaints: unnecessary scenes. This movie feels like it has none of that, and that's is GREAT. Immediately it get points from me for that. Aside from that, if you go and watch this movie again right now, it still holds up amazing. It may not be no princess and prince movie, but that doesn't mean it's bad. Not at all.

Catchy soundtrack? Yes! Each song is a banger. Each. One. Even when there's no singing. What I love about it are the influences from African cultures, like the lyrics in Zulu as soon as the movie opens with "Circle of Life" among other details like the instrumentals and background singers. Not to mention, this soundtrack is written by LEGENDS. Hans Zimmer (I listen to his soundtracks all the time for writing) and Elton John. Yeah, that Elton John. My favorite villain song is from this movie. Y'all know the one. Be Prepared. FUN FACT: The voice actor for Scar actually struggled with the later part of Be Prepared, so much so that his voice gave out and someone else had to complete the song. That someone else was the same person who voices Ray from The Princess and The Frog and Ed from the Lion King (I have the signed Scar merch :)). Don't believe me? Listen to the song, and if you listen carefully, you can hear the difference with and after the line "so prepare for the coup of the century."

You can probably guess, that my favorite thing about this movie is Scar. He's such a wretched villain, literally so cunning and evil and manipulative. If you really think about it, and I mean really think about it, he technically won. I mean, for a while, he did win while Simba was gone. The only reason he lost later was because he didn't think Simba was alive. He got what he wanted for a while. What other villain can you say that for?

This movie probably has the smoothest plot out of all the ones on this list. I love revisiting this movie whenever I'm doing research for TWST. I actually did it a lot of times recently for development of lore in the Empyrean AU, and each time I check it out again, I always learn something new about this movie. Every single time.

🥇 FIRST: Hercules

Humor. Music. Characters. Plot. Action. Romance. What doesn't this movie have? Y'all can't seriously tell me you didn't expect this, especially since I've stated multiple times that it's my favorite Disney film and most of y'all know I very much enjoy Idia. Ever wonder why I love Idia's character? It's because of this movie.

I literally used to watch this movie all the time as a kid. Can you guess who was my favorite? I'll give you a hint. It wasn't Pegasus, or Phil, or Zeus, or Hercules, or Megara (although she's super iconic) ... It was Hades. Hades has always been my favorite, y'all do not even understand. Let me try to break it down, why I love not only this character but this entire movie.

The vibe is giving Caesars Palace in Vegas, and I mean that in the best way possible. Which is like so weird and specific, I know, but I think it's because it has the inspirations from Greece, right? But also, the film feels modern too with the whole fame, marketing/merchandise, and fangirls in the movie. So the vibe in itself is very unique and odd to see.

I'm gonna save the best for last, which is why I won't dwell on Hades too much yet. Yet. I'll start with how the movie starts: music. Notice how when I was talking about The Princess and The Frog, I didn't explicitly state it had the best music of all the films. Well, it was because of this one. While I will admit, none of the songs in The Princess and The Frog miss, Hercules has one less than decent song (One Last Hope, sorry Danny DeVito). The others though? All top tier songs. The Gospel Truth by the Muses? BANGER. The I want song by Hercules with Go The Distance? BANGER. Zero to Hero by the Muses? BANGER. I Won't Say by Megara? BANGER. A Star Is Born by the Muses again? BANGER. It's just banger after banger, and the fact that most of them is gospel is just amazing. It's probably the most creative take they could've gone with when composing the songs. I cannot express how much I love the Muses, their voice actors are just so talented. They ate.

Hades. My favorite Disney villain of all the time. Lord, where do I even start? I could probably write a whole essay on this character. First, I think I'll go with his actions. He's a bastard, but god is he a fun one. The way he talks, reactions, and the scenarios play out? It's so amusing, it always made me want to see the whole movie revolve around him even if he was the villain. Hot take? I think he's the strongest Disney villain. I know everyone likes to think Maleficent is the strongest, and yeah, she's strong, but Hades is a GOD. With a capital G. He released and commanded titans that took out MULTIPLE GODS. Yeah, he's evil, but technically, we can say he's like Scar in the sense that he won for like a single minute tops. But a win is a win.

The humor won me over with him, like why is he actually kinda hilarious. And that voice? That is such an unconventional voice to go with, but oddly enough, it works so well? Usually Hades in different media is portrayed as a brooding silent intimidating type of character, but this Hades is nothing like that. He's a fast talker, like a con/business man, and gives some of the most iconic lines. I can recognize that voice anywhere. Actually, I was doing research for TWST (specifically Ignihyde) once, and out of curiosity, I ended up watching part of the movie in Japanese. For research, you know. Y'all, when I tell you that Hades in the Japanese dub sounds EXACTLY like the original English version–– I lost my mind that day.

[mcybree]

Ok ok ok I'm not Tryna start discourse but bluestars prophecy was my first ever warriors book and bluestar will always be my favourite so I'm gonna make some counterpoints to you about her being a Smajor character

bluestar has always been led by an intense loyalty and dedication to those she loves and cares for - this includes her mum, her sister, her clan, eventually Firepaw when he joins the clan, and she has a VERY strong moral compass when it comes to doing the right thing - when she sees thistleclaw teaching tigerpaw to hurt a then baby scourge she very much discourages it and is against it

Afaik scott is Not like that, he doesn't have an emotional or love-driven moral code, he does things because they're smart decisions in the long term or because he wants to. Granted I havent seen a ton of his stuff but I have seen his limited life and 3rd life perspectives and he is very much a singular team player there, there to look after himself and well if people align with him that's great he's got allies (jimmy and Martyn) but he won't go out of his way to care for them

Bluestars defiance of starclan in the first series is BECAUSE she gave herself to them and what the warrior code demanded so much - yes she broke clan rules by having kids with crookedstar but she did everything in her power to make sure they'd have a happy life and felt terrible that thrushpelt was willing to say they were his to save her reputation. She didn't do it out of a selfish want, she only ever wanted to help her clan and those she loved, and her becoming clan leader is emblematic of that want. When she rejects starclan so wholeheartedly in the first series it's because THINGS KEEP GOING WRONG WHEN SHES TRIED SO HARD TO STOP THEM FROM DOING THAT - starclan has never cared about the sacrifices she made to keep her loved ones and clan safe, she lost her mother, her sister, her kits, her mate, literally everything, and things STILL KEEP GETTING WORSE. it's not a demand that she deserves to have everything good, it's a cry for help that shouldn't something go right after she's tried so hard???

C!Scott isn't like that. He puts himself above others and inherently believes he will get the best if he just plays his cards right, and he is good at it, he's very competent at lasting a long time in life series and getting what he wants - the ruthlessness of gem driven by desperation kills him in secret life, Martyn's complete fucking about face kills him in limited life, and I'm pretty sure it's etho who gets him out in 3rd life by luck. He doesn't plan to look after the ones he cares about, because he cares about himself first and foremost. Yeah you can argue when he doesn't get what he wants he gets annoyed, but his is less of a 'why don't I get this don't I deserve it' and more of a 'oh fuck this didn't work. Ok new plan double down on getting what I want by appeasing to people cos they're easy to read and therefore account for'

I don't doubt Scott would make a bluestar adjacent character if he made a warrior cats oc BUT his character would honestly be closer to darktail or ashfur than bluestar and that's that on that.

(sorry you activated 13 year old me's unskippable cutscene sjdjsjsjja this isnt meant to be a serious argument I just love bluestar a lot and love talking about her)

OKAY 1. this is fucking awesome thank you 2. i am going to do something new and exciting (advocate for scott instead of beating him to death with sticks) because unfortunately this bluestar info has only made me believe she is a smajor character even more.

As a general note when I talk about smajor characters as a collective here I’m referring to characters more in the realm of esmp/traffic/rats/pirates/etc, less vampire scott or necromancer scott who are intended to be villainous.

Scott characters tend to operate under a “If I am not a Good Person I may as well die” rule, and consequently abide by a strict moral code to keep themselves feeling clean. For instance: traffic Scott will never go back on his word, he will avoid dishonesty, and he won’t take from others unless he is sure that he can repay them. He will never betray his seasonal primary ally (even when they betray him first), and will often give people things just because they asked him nicely. He stakes a lot of his own identity on this, because it is through being a “good person” that he justifies his superiority (and, by extension, his own existence); in his mind he deserves the best and *is* the best because he is such a good person. When things don’t go his way, he thinks he doesn’t deserve it because he has been nothing but good, so he tries to place a reason. He often assumes that somebody must “have a vendetta” against him, even if this somebody is the world (see: him asking if limlife episode 1 boogeyman is some kind of joke played on him for not giving in to the boogey curse in Last Life.) which is very Bluestar to me, convinced that her misfortunes are a divine punishment.

This is all to say that Scott does have a strict moral code and deep sense of loyalty. Being a “good person” and devoted partner in the ways he understands it are so ingrained into what he is that I think he definitely has the capacity to be a Bluestar if he were raised being taught clan values, even if his internal systems are often built around never letting gross emotions be fully felt rather than what those emotions compel him to do.

[smute]

90% of the time i hate my brain but occasionally it surprises me. a couple days ago i was trying to get through this journal article and it was a complete disaster. like i just kept getting distracted, i had to start every sentence over like 5 times and im sure it took me 2 hours to get through the whole thing. in the end i felt like i had retained absolutely nothing. anyway, fast forward to last night and im suddenly recalling things from that article? how does that make sense? like sure some texts you have to digest... but how did my brain do that without me noticing? its as if my subconscious just sat on these thoughts for days and now they're coming out. lmao

[mindthelspace]

Putting my kink talk under the cut:

Your claim seems to be that feederism IS NOT about feeders seeking to render feedees immobile/dependent on the feeder for care.

Usually, it isn't. Most people either don't want that dynamic or cannot practically have it. Lots of people engage with the fetish without a partner (I've seen lots of gainers who don't have a feeder, or who started without one.)

Saying that 'feederism' (or 'feedism', which is the term we actually use when talking about the whole community) is about making someone immobile, is like saying that all of BDSM is 'about' the hardcore 24/7 TPE relationships. Do those exist? Yes. Does everyone into BDSM want that? No. Is that what the fetish most commonly looks like for regular people? No.

If you can accept that D/s relationships vary massively in terms of what the couple does, how much of their lives revolve around doing it, and how well they communicate and negotiate, then all you need to do is treat feedism the same way.

The only way I’ve seen it presented makes it seem like the point is seeing how far you can go.

To me feederism (at least as I’ve heard it described, where the goal seems to be an immobilized feedee with a feeder as a kind of combo caregiver and tender dom)

Makes sense, that's the only type of feedist relationship the mainstream is interested in. Makes for a great shock value documentary!

Can't get a good documentary out of..

- "Dave gained to 350lbs, with some weight fluctuations in the middle, and then naturally plateaued. If you see him he looks like any other big guy." Or "Ashley is a feeder, but their partner isn't into it so they don't practice in real life. They draw kinky fanart instead."

Or

"Claire is into stuffing but not into weight gain. She indulges her kink sometimes but her body doesn't really change."

All more common scenarios in real life than the ones where someone's bedbound. Just like couples who enjoy impact play in bed are more common than TPE couples, even though the latter are more attention-grabbing and therefore, potentially more visible.

What is feederism?

To give a very brief/simple explanation: feederism is getting off on other people overeating and/or gaining weight. Feedeeism is getting off on yourself doing one or both of those things.

Feedism- the actual umbrella term- encompasses both of the above.

How much weight does the gainer gain?

Varies a lot.

Is the amount of weight enough to affect the gainer’s… I’m gonna use the word health even though people are set off by it just because it’s a broad word? I know for me, increased weight is something I notice—my mobility goes down very fast even with gains that seem small.

Again, varies a lot based on the person, how much weight they gain, and how quickly they gain it. Also how they themselves feel about health changes- a condition that's a deal breaker for one person might be part of the appeal for another.

But it may be that most people aren’t as affected as I am because most people don’t have an underlying disability to start with?

I don't know, maybe? There's definitely a lot of individual variation in terms of how weight gain affects a person.

Anyway, whether or not I’m an anomaly: how is that discussed or dealt with? Is there negotiation around it?

Again, it's BDSM.

Do people have stopping points?

For deliberate weight gain? Generally yes. Sometimes people will pick a point at which they'll stop in advance. Sometimes they'll just sort of see how they feel as they go and stop when they think they need to. Often, people will just find themselves unable to gain past a certain point, or unable to make space in their lives for a lifestyle kink. Sometimes a health issue will force someone to stop.

For those reasons, I don’t recommend TPE to most people. I can’t honestly think of anyone I WOULD recommend it to.

I agree with you that kink dynamics which involve an extreme power differential are risky, especially if they're under-negotiated or under-considered.

I also would not want to take part in a risky, all-encompassing kink like TPE or extreme feedism. But some people do, and I tend to see them similarly to people who want to, I dunno, freesolo El Capitan. I don't get it, but I'm not yer Mum.

If it’s not about that, then I can see why that would be a bad comparison.

The type of feedism you're talking about and TPE are a good comparison. Your mistake is in thinking that all feedism is equivalent to TPE, when that makes about as sense as saying all BDSM is equivalent to extreme feedism.

…wasn’t it though? Every deep dive I’ve seen says that men who fancy fat women were a big part of the movement’s beginning.

Am I looking at biased sources?

(Please note thst “the origin of this movement was people with kinks” does not mean “this is mostly people with kinks now.” Kinky people are very often driven out of movements they helped start. Pride would be another one.)

[moreaujeans]

got my nails done for the first time btw i fear this will become an addiction

[bandtrees]

something i find really interesting about the tma fandom (genuinely) in terms of like fanon attitudes and character portrayals is how much you can tell most people binged it and at exactly what point they did

[luna-azzurra]

Body Language Cheat Sheet For Writers 

╰ Facial expressions

These are your micro-signals, like the blinking neon signs of the soul. But they’re small, quick, and often lie harder than words.

Raised eyebrows — This can mean surprise or disbelief, sure. But it can also be a full-on, silent “Are you serious right now?” when someone’s being ridiculous. Or even curiosity when someone’s too emotionally repressed to askthe damn question.

Furrowed brow — That face people make when they’re doing long division in their head or trying to emotionally process a compliment. It’s thinking, yes—but also confusion, deep frustration, or quiet simmering rage.

Smiling — Can be happiness… or total fake-it-till-you-make-it energy. Some smiles are stiff. Some don’t reach the eyes. Show that.

Frowning — Sure, sadness. But also: disappointment, judgment, or the universal “I’m about to say something blunt, brace yourself.”

Lip biting — It’s not just nervousness, it’s pressure. Self-control. Anticipation. It’s the thing people do when they want to say something and decide, at the last second, not to.

╰ Eye movement

The window to the soul? Yeah. But also the window to when someone’s lying, flirting, or deeply trying not to cry in public.

Eye contact — Confidence or challenge. Eye contact can be gentle, curious, sharp like a blade. Sometimes it’s desperate: “Please understand me.”

Avoiding eye contact — Not always guilt. Sometimes it’s protectiveness. Sometimes it’s “I’m afraid if I look at you, you’ll see everything I’m trying to hide.”

Narrowed eyes — Calculating. Suspicious. The look someone gives when their brain’s saying “hmmm...” and it’s not a good hmm.

Wide eyes — Surprise, yes. But also sudden fear. The oh-God-it’s-happening look. Or when someone just found out they’re not as in control as they thought.

Eye roll — Classic. But try using it with tension, like when someone’s annoyed and trying very hard not to lose it in public.

╰ Gestures

This is where characters’ emotions go when their mouths are lying.

Crossing arms — Not just defensive. Sometimes it’s comfort. A self-hug. A barrier when the conversation is getting too personal.

Fidgeting — This is nervous energy with nowhere to go. Watch fingers tapping, rings spinning, sleeves tugged. It says: I’m not okay, but I’m trying not to show it.

Pointing — It’s a stab in the air. Aggressive, usually. But sometimes a desperate plea: Look. Understand this.

Open palms — Vulnerability. Honesty. Or a gesture that says, “I have nothing left to hide.”

Hand on chin — Not just thinking. It’s stalling. It’s delaying. It’s “I’m about to say something that might get me in trouble.”

╰ Posture and movement

These are your vibes. How someone occupies space says everything.

Slumped shoulders — Exhaustion. Defeat. Or someone trying to take up less space because they feel small.

Upright posture — Not always confidence. Sometimes it’s forced. Sometimes it’s a character trying really, really hard to look like they’re fine.

Pacing — Inner chaos externalized. Thinking so loudly it needs movement. Waiting for something. Running from your own thoughts.

Tapping foot — Tension. Irritation. Sometimes a buildup to an explosion.

Leaning in — Intimacy. Interest. Or subtle manipulation. (You matter to me. I’m listening. Let’s get closer.)

╰ Touch

This is intimacy in all its forms, comforting, protective, romantic, or invasive.

Hugging — Doesn’t always mean closeness. Could be a goodbye. Could be an apology they can’t say out loud. Could be awkward as hell.

Handshake — Stiff or crushing or slippery. How someone shakes hands says more than their words do.

Back patting — Casual warmth. Bro culture. Awkward emotional support when someone doesn’t know how to comfort but wants to try.

Clenched fists — Holding something in. Rage, tears, restraint. Fists mean tension that needs somewhere to go.

Hair tuck — Sure, flirtation or nerves. But also a subtle shield. A way to hide. A habit from childhood when someone didn’t want to be seen.

╰ Mirroring:

If two characters start syncing their body language, something is happening. Empathy. Chemistry. Shared grief. If someone shifts their body when the other does? Take notice. Other human bits that say everything without words...

Nodding — Not just yes. Could be an “I hear you,” even if they don’t agree. Could be the “keep going” nod. Could be patronizing if done too slow.

Crossed legs — Chill. Casual. Or closed-off, depending on context. Especially if their arms are crossed too.

Finger tapping — Time is ticking. Brain is pacing. Something’s coming.

Hand to chest — Sincerity, yes. But also shock. Or grounding—a subconscious attempt to stay present when everything feels like too much.

Tilting the head — Curiosity. Playfulness. Or someone listening so hard they forget to hide it.

Temple rub — “I can’t deal.” Could be physical pain. Could be stress. Could be emotional overload in disguise.

Chin stroking — Your classic “I’m judging you politely.” Often used in arguments between characters pretending to be calm.

Hands behind the back — Authority. Control. Or rigid fear masked as control.

Leaning body — This is the body betraying the brain. A tilt toward someone means they care—even if their words are cold.

Nail biting — Classic anxiety. But also habit. Something learned. Sometimes people bite because that’s how they self-soothe.

Squinting — Focusing. Doubting. Suspicion without confrontation.

Shifting weight — Uncomfortable. Unsure. Someone who wants to leave but doesn’t.

Covering the mouth — Guilt. Hesitation. The “should I say this?” moment before something big drops.

Body language is more honest than dialogue. If you really want to show your character’s internal world, don’t just give them lines. Give them a hand that won’t stop shaking. Give them a foot that won’t stop bouncing. Give them a mouth that smiles when their eyes don’t. And if you’re not sure what your character would do in a moment of fear, or love, or heartbreak, try acting it out yourself. Seriously. Get weird. Feel what your body does. Then write that down.

[dreams-inbetween-dying-realities]

Hi again, Elliot. :).

It's ok to call me by my first name, I don't mind.

I understand needing a sort of manual for things. You structured your post similarly to how I would structure something, so I wrote you a manual of sorts. I need things to be that way too, as a system we are autistic (I am just learning this today, it was a recent thing.) and as I am a fusion, it helps to organize my own spiraled mind. It also serves as a good barrier, or a good reference guide in case someone can't figure something out. A good flowchart guide, in a way. I'm very glad to know this structure was what you were after, and I'm very glad to know that my detailed descriptions and everything made you feel understood, and that it helped.

The writing method is something I came up with in the system, and I probably get it as a carry over from someone that is or was a part of me before the fusion. I feel as if people steal my words away as well, although I've let myself believe that getting them out is better than bottling them up inside. It was difficult for me to get to this point where I'm able to do it, so don't feel like you need to rush into it. It's something you take time with, to be comfortable with your own words, and understand the process of them leaving your active memory.

I am glad to hear you like the art method as well. I often spiraled as well before doing this, this particular way. One part of me was an artist before, and she struggled with perfection. That carried over into me as I am now, and I have had to get over it myself. I started with throwing paint on a canvas. As in picking up the bucket and just blanketing the canvas. I understand you can't do this digitally, but a good idea would be to cover the canvas in scribbles, so you loose the idea of a "perfect canvas." That really helped me to understand the more intricate workings behind craving perfection, loosing the standard, or clean canvas helped me to focus not on the fact it's a clean space, but to focus on the chaos of it all. It wasn't ordered, or held to anyone's standard, and as a good starting point, I believe it's worth putting time into. My spirals would usually trigger a violent response/reaction to whatever stimuli caused it, resulting messes and feeling like I had no control over anything. That stems from a deeper issue I am working on, but I won't go into length here.

Music is a very.. emotion dependent method I find. Certain songs will trigger different responses in the right mindset. We as a system bottle emotions as well, and our current host relies on this method to process every day life. I learned it from him, and I'm glad to have gotten to share it with you. I understand why it wouldn't always work, as there's a lot of different emotions, and different ways that you would feel them, and songs vary just as much, as does attention, care, and other related factors.

I do not mind being here if you would like to discuss more, or simply talk about this all. I'm offering support, or at least someone that understands, to listen.

I hope you're able to feel better, and process everything.

How do you deal with/process grief?

My name is Elliot. I'm a trauma holder specifically for a past relationship of ours that was very abusive. But I don't resend them. In fact, I long for their attention, their contact. I even went as far as to send them a message on TikTok, which they saw, but didn't reply to. Which is absolutely okay, just... I really don't know how to process it.

Recently we turned to spirituality. It's something that was in the makings for a long time and we get a lot of comfort from it. Today, the cards said to process this relationship we need to process the guilt and grief, feel it.

But... how?

We're a verbal processor, but our partner is currently not in a mental place to listen to it. In fact, they spiralled two times because of it, and it only made us (specifically me too) even more afraid to speak up about the bad but also the good things from that relationship.

So... how? How do I process guilt if I'm sentenced to silence? How do I feel the grief if I'm not allowed any of what I'd instinctively do? How do I live with this without any available therapy...?

-Elliot

[hayatheauthor]

10 Flaws to Give Your Perfect Characters to Make Them Human

If you're tired of the usual vices like arrogance or impatience, here are some unique (or at least less basic) character flaws to give your perfect characters: 

Pathological Altruism

A character so obsessed with helping others that they end up doing more harm than good. Their inability to let others grow or face consequences creates tension.

2. Moral Narcissism

A character who sees themselves as morally superior to others, constantly justifying selfish or harmful actions because they believe they have the moral high ground.

3. Chronic Self-Sabotage

A character who intentionally undermines their own success, perhaps due to deep-seated feelings of unworthiness, pushing them into frustrating, cyclical failures.

4. Emotional Numbness

Rather than feeling too much, this character feels too little. Their lack of emotional response to critical moments creates isolation and makes it difficult for them to connect with others.

5. Fixation on Legacy

This character is obsessed with how they’ll be remembered after death, often sacrificing present relationships and happiness for a future that’s uncertain.

6. Fear of Irrelevance

A character-driven by the fear that they no longer matter, constantly seeking validation or pursuing extreme measures to stay important in their social or professional circles.

7. Addiction to Novelty

Someone who needs constant newness in their life, whether it’s experiences, relationships, or goals. They may abandon projects, people, or causes once the excitement fades, leaving destruction in their wake.

8. Compulsive Truth-Telling

A character who refuses to lie, even in situations where a lie or omission would be the kinder or more pragmatic choice. This flaw causes unnecessary conflict and social alienation.

9. Over-Identification with Others' Pain

Instead of empathy, this character feels others' pain too intensely, to the point that they can’t function properly in their own life. They’re paralyzed by the suffering of others and fail to act effectively.

10. Reluctant Power

A character who fears their own strength, talent, or influence and is constantly trying to shrink themselves to avoid the responsibility or consequences of wielding it.

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[caelum-in-the-avatarverse]

Fandom can do a little gatekeeping. As a treat.

So I finally decided to archive-lock my fics on AO3 last night. I’ve been considering it since the AI scrape last year, but the tipping point was this whole lore.fm debacle, coupled with some thoughts I’ve been thinking regarding Fandom These Days in general and Fandom As A Community in particular. So I wanna explain why I waited so long, why I locked my stuff up now, and why I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m a-okay with making it harder for people to see my stories.

Lurkers really are great, tho

I’m a chronic lurker, and have been since I started hanging out on the internet as a teen in the 00s. These days it’s just cuz I don’t feel a need to socialize very often, but back then it was because I was shy and knew I was socially awkward. Even if I made an account, I’d spend months lurking on message boards or forums or Livejournals, watching other people interact and getting a feel for that particular community’s culture and etiquette before I finally started interacting myself. And y’know, that approach saved me a lot of embarrassment. Over the course of my lurking on any site, there was always some other person who’d clearly joined up five minutes after learning the place existed, barged in without a care for their behavior, and committed so many social faux pas that all the other users were immediately annoyed with them at best. I learned a lot observing those incidents. Lurk More is Rule 33 of the internet for very good reason.

Lurking isn’t bad or weird or creepy. It’s perfectly normal. I love lurking. It’s hard for me to not lurk - socializing takes a lot of energy out of me, even via text. (Heck it took 12 hours for me to write this post, I wish I was kidding--) Occasionally I’ll manage longer bouts of interaction - a few weeks posting here, almost a year chatting in a discord there - but I’m always gonna end up going radio silent for months at some point. I used to feel bad about it, but I’ve long since made peace with the fact that it’s just the way my brain works. I’m a chronic lurker, and in the long term nothing is going to change that.

The thing with being a chronic lurker is that you have to accept that you are not actually seen as part of the community you are lurking in. That’s not to say that lurkers are unimportant - lurkers actually are important, and they make up a large proportion of any online community - but it’s simple cause and effect. You may think of it as “your community”, but if you’ve never said a word, how is the community supposed to know you exist? If I lurked on someone’s LJ, and then that person suddenly friendslocked their blog, I knew that I had two choices: Either accept that I would never be able to read their posts again, or reach out to them and ask if I could be added to their friends list with the full understanding that I was a rando they might not decide to trust. I usually went with the first option, because my invisibility as a lurker was more important to me than talking to strangers on the internet.

Lurking is like sitting on a park bench, quietly people-watching and eavesdropping on the conversations other people are having around you. You’re in the park, but you’re not actively participating in anything happening there. You can see and hear things that you become very interested in! But if you don’t introduce yourself and become part of the conversation, you won’t be able to keep listening to it when those people walk away. When fandom migrated away from Livejournal, people moved to new platforms alongside their friends, but lurkers were often left behind. No one knew they existed, so they weren’t told where everyone else was going. To be seen as part of a fandom community, you need to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known, etc. etc.

There’s nothing wrong with lurking. There can actually be benefits to lurking, both for the lurkers and the communities they lurk in. It’s just another way to be in a fandom. But if that is how you exist in fandom--and remember, I say this as someone who often does exist that way in fandom--you need to remember that you’re on the outside looking in, and the curtains can always close.

I’ve always been super sympathetic to lurkers, because I am one. I know there’s a lot of people like me who just don’t socialize often. I know there’s plenty of reasons why someone might not make an account on the internet - maybe they’re nervous, maybe they’re young and their parents don’t allow them to, maybe they’re in a bad situation where someone is monitoring their activity, maybe they can only access the internet from public computer terminals. Heck, I’ve never even logged into AO3 on my phone--if I’m away from my computer I just read what’s publicly available. 

I know I have people lurking on my fics. I know my fics probably mean a lot to someone I don’t even know exists. I know this because there are plenty of fics I love whose writers don’t know I exist.

I love my commenters personally; I love my lurkers as an abstract concept. I know they’re there and I wish them well, and if they ever de-lurk I love them all the more.

So up until last year I never considered archive-locking my fic, because I get it. The AI scraping was upsetting, but I still hesitated because I was thinking of lurkers and guests and remembering what it felt like to be 15 and wondering if it’d be worth letting a stranger on the internet know I existed and asking to be added to their friends list just so I could reread a funny post they made once.

But the internet has changed a lot since the 00s, and fandom has changed with it. I’ve read some things and been doing some thinking about fandom-as-community over the last few years, and reading through the lore.fm drama made me decide that it’s time for me to set some boundaries.

I still love my lurkers, and I feel bad about leaving any guest commenters behind, especially if they’re in a situation where they can’t make an account for some reason. But from here on out, even my lurkers are going to have to do the bare minimum to read my fics--make an AO3 account.

Should we gatekeep fandom?

I’ve seen a few people ask this question, usually rhetorically, sometimes as a joke, always with a bit of seriousness. And I think…yeah, maybe we should. Except wait, no, not like that--

A decade ago, when people talked about fandom gatekeeping and why it was bad to do, it intersected with a lot of other things, mainly feminism and classism. The prevalent image of fandom gatekeeping was, like, a man learning that a woman likes Star Wars and haughtily demanding, “Oh, yeah? Well if you’re REALLY a fan, name ten EU novels” to belittle and dismiss her, expecting that a “real fan” would have the money and time to be familiar with the EU, and ignoring the fact that male movie-only fans were still considered fans. The thing being gatekept was the very definition of “being a fan” and people’s right to describe themselves as one.

That’s not what I mean when I say maybe fandom should gatekeep more. Anyone can call themselves a fan if they like something, that’s fine. But when it comes to the ability to enjoy the fanworks produced by the fandom community…that might be something worth gatekeeping.

See, back in the 00s, it was perfectly common for people to just…not go on the internet. Surfing the web was a thing, but it was just, like, a fun pastime. Not everyone did it. It wasn’t until the rise of social media that going online became a thing everyone and their grandmother did every day. Back then, going on the internet was just…a hobby.

So one of the first gates online fandom ever had was the simple fact that the entire world wasn’t here yet.

The entire world is here now. That gate has been demolished.

And it’s a lot easier to find us now. Even scattered across platforms, fandom is so centralized these days. It isn’t a network of dedicated webshrines and forums that you can only find via webrings anymore, it’s right there on all the big social media sites. AO3 didn’t set out to be the main fanfic website, but that’s definitely what it’s become. It’s easy for people to find us--and that includes people who don’t care about the community, and just want “content.”

Transformative fandom doesn’t like it when people see our fanworks as “content”. “Content” is a pretty broad term, but when fandom uses it we’re usually referring to creative works that are churned out by content creators to be consumed by an audience as quickly as possible as often as possible so that the content creator can generate revenue. This not-so-new normal has caused a massive shift in how people who are new to fandom view fanworks--instead of seeing fic or art as something a fellow fan made and shared with you, they see fanworks as products to be consumed.

Transformative fandom has, in general, always been a gift economy. We put time and effort into creating fanworks that we share with our fellow fans for free. We do this so we don’t get sued, but fandom as a whole actually gets a lot out of the gift economy. Offer your community a story, and in return you can get comments, build friendships, or inspire other people to write things that you might want to read. Readers are given the gift of free stories to read and enjoy, and while lurking is fine, they have the choice to engage with the writer and other readers by leaving comments or making reclists to help build the community.

And look, don’t get me wrong. People have never engaged with fanfic as much as fan writers wish they would. There has always been “no one comments anymore” wank. There have always been people who only comment to say “MORE!” or otherwise demand or guilt trip writers into posting the next chapter. But fandom has always agreed that those commenters are rude and annoying, and as those commenters navigate fandom they have the chance to learn proper community etiquette.

However, now it seems that a lot of the people who are consuming fanworks aren’t actually in the community. 

I won’t say “they aren’t real fans” because that’s silly; there’s lots of ways to be a fan. But there seem to be a lot of fans now who have no interest in fandom as a community, or in adhering to community etiquette, or in respecting the gift economy. They consume our fics, but they don’t appreciate fan labor. They want our “content”, but they don’t respect our control over our creations.

And even worse--they see us as a resource. We share our work for free, as a gift, but all they see is an open-source content farm waiting to be tapped into. We shared it for free, so clearly they can do whatever they want with it. Why should we care if they feed our work into AI training datasets, or copy/paste our unfinished stories into ChatGPT to get an ending, or charge people for an unnecessary third-party AO3 app, or sell fanbindings on etsy for a profit without the author’s permission, or turn our stories into poor imitations of podfics to be posted on other platforms without giving us credit or asking our consent, while also using it to lure in people they can datascrape for their Forbes 30 Under 30 company? 

And sure, people have been doing shady things with other people’s fanworks since forever. Art theft and reposting has always been a big problem. Fanfic is harder to flat-out repost, but I’ve heard of unauthorized fic translations getting posted without crediting the original author. Once in…I think the 2010s? I read a post by a woman who had gone to some sort of local bookselling event, only to find that the man selling “his” novel had actually self-published her fanfic. (Wish I could find that one again, I don’t even remember where I read it.)

But aside from that third example, the thing is…as awful as fanart/writing theft is, back in the day, the main thing a thief would gain from it was clout. Clout that should rightfully go to the creators who gifted their work in the first place, yeah, but still. Just clout. People will do a lot of hurtful things for clout, but fandom clout means nothing outside of fandom. Fandom clout is not enough to incentivize the sort of wide-scale pillaging we’re seeing from community outsiders today.

Money, on the other hand… Well, fandom’s just a giant, untapped content farm, isn’t it? Think of how much revenue all that content could generate.

Lurkers are a normal and even beneficial part of any online community. Maybe one day they’ll de-lurk and easily slide into place beside their fellow fans because they already know the etiquette. Maybe they’re active in another community, and they can spread information from the community they lurk in to the community they’re active in. At the very least, they silently observe, and even if they’re not active community members, they understand the community.

Fans who see fanworks as “content” don’t belong in the same category as lurkers. They’re tourists. 

While reading through the initial Reddit thread on the lore.fm situation, I found this comment:

[ID: Reddit User Cabbitowo says: ... So in anime fandoms we have a word called tourist and essentially it means a fan of a few anime and doesn't care about anime tropes and actively criticizes them. This is kind of how fandoms on tiktok feel. They're touring fanfics and fanart and actively criticizes tropes that have been in the fandom since the 60s. They want to be in a fandom but they don't want to engage in fandom 

OP totallymandy responds: Just entered back into Reddit after a long day to see this most recent reply. And as a fellow anime fan this making me laugh so much since it’s true! But it sorta hurts too when the reality sets in. Modern fandom is so entitled and bratty and you’d think it’s the minors only but that’s not even true, my age-mates and older seem to be like that. They want to eat their cake and complain all whilst bringing nothing to the potluck… :/ END ID]

-

“Tourist” is an apt name for this sort of fan. They don’t want to be part of our community, and they don’t have to be in order to come into our spaces and consume our work. Even if they don’t steal our work themselves, they feel so entitled to it that they’re fine with ignoring our wishes and letting other people take it to make AI “podfics” for them to listen to (there are a lot of comments on lore.fm’s shutdown announcement video from people telling them to just ignore the writers and do it anyway). They’ll use AI to generate an ending to an unfinished fic because they don’t care about seeing “the ending this writer would have given to the story they were telling”, they just want “an ending”. For these tourist fans, the ends justify the means, and their end goal is content for them to consume, with no care for the community that created it for them in the first place.

I don’t think this is confined to a specific age group. This isn’t “13-year-olds on Wattpad” or “Zoomers on TikTok” or whatever pointless generation war we’re in now. This is coming from people who are new to fandom, whose main experience with creative works on the internet is this new content culture and who don’t understand fandom as a community. That description can be true of someone from any age group.

It’s so easy to find fandom these days. It is, in fact, too easy. Newcomers face no hurdles or challenges that would encourage them to lurk and observe a bit before engaging, and it’s easy for people who would otherwise move on and leave us alone to start making trouble. From tourist fans to content entrepreneurs to random people who just want to gawk, it’s so easy for people who don’t care about the fandom community to reap all of its fruits. 

So when I say maybe fandom should start gatekeeping a bit, I’m referring to the fact that we barely even have a gate anymore. Everyone is on the internet now; the entire world can find us, and they don’t need to bother learning community etiquette when they do. Before, we were protected by the fact that fandom was considered weird and most people didn’t look at it twice. Now, fandom is pretty mainstream. People who never would’ve bothered with it before are now comfortable strolling in like they own the place. They have no regard for the fandom community, they don’t understand it, and they don’t want to. They want to treat it just like the rest of the content they consume online.

And then they’re surprised when those of us who understand fandom culture get upset. Fanworks have existed far longer than the algorithmic internet’s content. Fanworks existed long before the internet. We’ve lived like this for ages and we like it.

So if someone can’t be bothered to respect fandom as a community, I don’t see why I should give them easy access to my fics.

Think of it like a garden gate

When I interact with commenters on my fic, I have this sense of hospitality.

The comment section is my front porch. The fic is my garden. I created my garden because I really wanted to, and I’m proud of it, and I’m happy to share it with other people. 

Lots of people enjoy looking at my garden. Many walk through without saying anything. Some stop to leave kudos. Some recommend my garden to their friends. And some people take the time to stop by my front porch and let me know what a beautiful garden it is and how much they’ve enjoyed it. 

Any fic writer can tell you that getting comments is an incredible feeling. I always try to answer all my comments. I don’t always manage it, but my fics’ comment sections are the one place that I manage to consistently socialize in fandom. When I respond to a comment, it feels like I’m pouring out a glass of lemonade to share with this lovely commenter on my front porch, a thank you for their thank you. We take a moment to admire my garden together, and then I see them out. The next time they drop by, I recognize them and am happy to pour another glass of lemonade.

My garden has always been open and easy to access. No fences, no walls. You just have to know where to find it. Fandom in general was once protected by its own obscurity, an out-of-the-way town that showed up on maps but was usually ignored.

But now there’s a highway that makes it easy to get to, and we have all these out-of-towner tourists coming in to gawk and steal our lawn ornaments and wonder if they can use the place to make themselves some money.

I don’t care to have those types trampling over my garden and eating all my vegetables and digging up my flowers to repot and sell, so I’ve put up a wall. It has a gate that visitors can get through if they just take the time to open it.

Admittedly, it’s a small obstacle. But when I share my fics, I share them as a gift with my fellow fans, the ones who understand that fandom is a community, even if they’re lurkers. As for tourist fans and entrepreneurs who see fic as content, who have no qualms ignoring the writer’s wishes, who refuse to respect or understand the fandom community…well, they’re not the people I mean to share my fic with, so I have no issues locking them out. If they want access to my stories, they’ll have to do the bare minimum to become a community member and join the AO3 invite queue.

And y’know, I’ve said a lot about fandom and community here, and I just want to say, I hope it’s not intimidating. When I was younger, talk about The Fandom Community made me feel insecure, and I didn’t think I’d ever manage to be active enough in fandom spaces to be counted as A Member Of The Community. But you don’t have to be a social butterfly to participate in fandom. I’ll always and forever be a chronic lurker, I reblog more than I post, I rarely manage to comment on fic, and I go radio silent for months at a time--but I write and post fanfiction. That’s my contribution.

Do you write, draw, vid, gif, or otherwise create? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you leave comments? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you curate reclists? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you maintain a fandom blog or fuckyeah blog? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you provide a space for other fans to convene in? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you regularly send asks (off anon so people know who you are)? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you have fandom friends who you interact with? Congrats, you're a community member.

There’s lots of ways to be a fan. Just make sure to respect and appreciate your fellow fans and the work they put in for you to enjoy and the gift economy fandom culture that keeps this community going.