#like you have to understand a lot of jrpgs were this big long anime epics

[goodshipskypirate]

When I played Mother 3 a few years after the fan translation came out, I was burning out on the JRPGs I was playing, most of which seem to follow Final Fantasy’s train of thought where every emotional plot twist or character moment were often overexposed fifteen minute cutscenes usually accompanied by excessively dramatic music and the cast knee deep in expositions as they explained in anguish why They Are Sad and whatever relevance it had to the plot (it’s what happens when gaming got better graphics and bigger budgets, everything had to be a cinematic masterpiece that nowadays is standard).

Mother 3′s simplicity, including its deliberate use of a silent protagonist (whenever you control them, that is), meant the game conveyed this moment through their actions. Instead of a long ass cutscene where Flint goes on a I Feel Sad rant, this scene is just raw. Flint gets violent and attacks anyone within range until Lighter knocks him out. For me, the most damning is Tessie covering up Lucas and Claus’ face so can shield them after the traumatic experience they endured.

And this took all but like a minute. And they were the most uncomfortable, saddest, emotional minute of my life. It was a thousand times better than whatever Final Fantasy was doing at that time, really took me off the hook way back then, and has stuck with me to this day. 

[goodgameposts]

Xenoblade Chronicles 2 Review

Note:  This Xenoblade Chronicles 2 review is Good Game Posts first review so go easy! The review will be split into sections; introduction, story and characters, visuals and audio, game play and the conclusion. Let us begin! Xenoblade Chronicles 2 is a game which I have a love and hate relationship with. Considering it is the successor to one of my favourite RPGs of all time, I went in with a benchmark of what to expect. What I got was exactly what I wanted - but only a slice of it. The slice also came with a lot of completely unwanted toppings that hampered the experience too. This Xenoblade Chronicles 2 review will make comparisons throughout with the first game. Have elements of the series improved, gotten worse or even need to be removed completely and never thought of again?

Xenoblade Chronicles 2 Review: Story and Characters

XC 2 opens with a scene similar to the first -  a brief overview of the context of the world. Species live on titans whom are great beasts of various sizes who roam above what is known as the cloud sea ; an endless ocean. In the centre is Elysium, an alleged paradise that supposedly cannot be reached. Elysium is now thought of a fairy-tale of some sorts where individuals in the game's context would stop believing when they grow up. Main character Rex is an optimistic boy who ends up being likeable. The immediate character that sticks out like a sore thumb is Reyn from the first game, the similarities are uncanny. Rex lives on the titan he calls Gramps - the character who (successfully) acts as the boy's mentor. In Xenoblade Chronicle's 2 world there are Drivers and Blades. A blade is a life form with the ability to be a weapon too  - they can be attached to Drivers, who are extraordinary individuals of one of the game's species with the ability to wield a Blade. For instance, Rex is a Driver so by using what is known as a Core Crystal, he can bond with Blades who can help him in battle and outside of it. Think of Pokemon, but your Pokemon are creatures who can look human or any other in game species. The main plot of Rex's story is heading to the paradise known as Elysium under direction of main female character, Pyra. Pyra has had, understandable, controversy over her weird design that ''reeks of animu''. This can, unfortunately, be put offing to players who dislike anime which may cause the game to be judged prematurely. Even I (nearly) did so. Actually, I have a little overall. The game would clearly be better if the character designs were better. Odd and fan service character designs makes it difficult to take such characters seriously - especially when everything else about such characters are supposed to be portrayed as serious. It's a contradiction in design. The game's camera also ogles female leads body parts during some emotional scenes which damages the impact of such scenes. Have a look at the following screenshot, which is cropped to avoid spoilers, for a nice laugh:

Yes Pyra, because she needs to wear a thong for pants like you do... The first Xenoblade Chronicles was renowned for going against these anime and JRPG tropes. It is hugely disappointing to see the sequel take a massive step backwards as what looks like a desperate attempt to ''fit in'' with other JRPGs. Xenoblade Chronicles 2 starts off really, really slow. I was astounded by how bad the intro to the game is, especially when you consider that the original game has one of the best introduction scenarios of all time and pushes the player to care about it's world so quickly. However, when things get started in Xenoblade Chronicles 2, they really do get started. The last moments of the first chapter is the moment the game starts picking up so it is recommended you play up to that part as a minimum to gather first impressions. Pyra states that she needs to go to Elysium but... why? It is absolutely astonishing that throughout the majority of the game, none of the characters even question this to an acceptable degree. The plot never really deviates from it's initial path of ''let's go to Elysium!'' Unlike the original where crazy plotwists change the end goal and where each of these moments feel like a final boss fight, Xenoblade Chronicles 2 decides to opt in for a much more simpler story. There's nothing bad with that per se but I would not call it my preference. The story's biggest issue is the laughable lack of explanation and it's inconsistency. There are moments especially later on which tease certain characters, concepts and they amount to absolutely nothing. The game, no real spoiler, will obviously feature death like any RPG. Now, usually these have a strong emotional impact for the player. However, the problem with Xenoblade Chronicles 2 is that on occasion, a character will die and the game will make a big deal out of it. I would love to care , if I actually knew the significance of the character. Characters, who have barely been explored, then get killed so are difficult to have sympathise with. It's definitely not that I don't want to, I do, but the game makes the decision to explore the character's background after they die. On the bright side, the game delivers on what I was hoping for a lot - what I describe as ''epic set pieces''. There are definitely not as many as there was like the first but what is here is good enough. If you have played a JRPG before, you will know what I mean. Those story moments where amazing, fitting music plays and emotional strings get plucked. Even the soundtrack that plays is a complete reminder that the Xenoblade series does this best: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6TLtJ4epT0 Which is uncannily similar to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_wdc_cDaUNQ The characters on the most part are, just about good. Just about. Character development for Rex is done well as the player learns more about his struggles, past changes and goals. For some characters such as the mighty Morag, I wished that the writers put more effort into it all. Morag is presented as a character with mystery and ... that's literally it. There is subtle development for her but for a 50 hour plus story, there simply isn't enough. Don't get me wrong, there are hearts to hearts which return in a better form, which do help characters like Morag get sprinkled with a bit more personality. However, in a 50 hour story a small amount is simply not enough. Hearts to hearts are optional scenes which help flesh out the relationship between the characters and even offer more characterization. They are great, similar to Person's social links just without a huge emphasis on being a social sim. Hearts to hearts in the original required affinity between the characters. For instance, Shulk and Dunban's affinity would increase from level 1 to 5 depending on the player's dialogue choices during conversation, if team work is deployed in battle properly and how you interact with sidequests. The affinity between characters needs to reach certain level before you can see the heart to hearts. Character affinity also impacted on raising characters' morale during battle and hence, how well you can battle in the original game. This time however, there is no requirement to view them and even better, they are all voiced. Voicing the heart to hearts was also wanted in Xenoblade Chronicles X so it is good that Monolith have finally delivered on this. However, one step forward and two steps backwards. Since there is no emphasis on character relation building based in the game play, the affinity system is made more exclusive to the blades instead. Now, this is not a problem until you realise what the requirements are. Some blades are straight forward to work on, you just have to use them well in battle to build trust. Others, however, send you off in some of the worst side quests in RPG history. Take Ursula for instance, an ice user with a cute bear. Great blade to have on the side and her side quest story is actually good. But the ''game play'' is atrocious. The game has a mercenary system where you can send your blades to complete tasks in a certain time frame with EXP, Weapon Points (which are used to upgrade each Blade's arts) and items as the rewards. This system is very similar to Assassin's Creed Origins and Metal Gear Solid Peace Walker where you can send side characters to complete optional tasks. In Xenoblade Chronicles 2 however, they are forgettable for the most part. You send X amount of blades onto a task and each blade needs to fulfil A, B and C requirement(s). Then the task will automatically be completed in usually 30 to 50 minutes. The problem with this is... How is any of it fun? It merely just becomes a hassle to cause the player to remember to open the menu  - again - to move some settings around every 30 minutes or so. Oh and menus - more on why how much of a hassle Xenoblade Chronicle's 2 menu system is. So, with this mercenary system, Ursula needs to complete tasks to get singing practise. Each class goes from level 1 and upwards to what I believe is level 3 at maximum. There are 3 classes and each last 10 minutes long. The problem? You need to complete each one nine times to progress to the next. Nine times. This means remembering to open up the menu, choosing the right blades to complete a 10 minute task, again. And again. Oh and there are 3 classes in total. As a result, you need to complete the same 10 minute tasks a total of twenty seven times. TWENTY SEVEN TIMES. Monolift Soft, why is this fun? Can anyone explain? My honest advice to people yet to try Xenoblade Chronicles 2 is to not bother with the side quests. They are off-putting and your time is better spent taking part in the game's decent story mode and excellent battle system. What the game nails completely is the villains this time around. The group is called Torna; I can't help but compare them to Kingdom Heart's organization XIII. I would dare say Torna is an even better version of them. They are likeable with one certain character's entire motivation and back story being one of the best in series. And that's saying a lot.

Riku is looking great in Kingdom Hearts III   For the most part, the game does explain the motivations and backstories of each of its villains and does this even better than the original Xenoblade Chronicles. The towns and cities have some life to them but it is hard to care about each random NPC talking about their lives - due to the side quests being so repetitive and boring. You are compelled to keep pressing A to skip through the endless amount of dialogue as a result of how mundane the side quests are.

Xenoblade Chronicles 2 Review: Visuals and Audio

Aside from some silly and trope-y character designs, the art style of Xenoblade Chronicles 2 is good. Such an art style allows for easy portrayal of facial expressions which helps with dramatic moments of the game. At times however, textures in the game look like they are from the PSX era. It doesn't help with when the game zooms up in such areas during story cut-scenes, as seen below for example:

                      Here we have a main character walking through the PSX era The game performs quite well too. During my 88 hour play through, I did not encounter any noticeable or problematic frame rate issues. This is an improvement from the other Xenoblade games as I do remember performance drops during chaotic battles in the original. Upon opening the menu, players can see a colourful display of character designs and drawings. These all look great - apart from some character designs in general, the art itself is drawn well and brings out life from how the characters would look like if the game was an anime. As aforementioned, the game's soundtrack has no problem in making the context of the moment emphasised. Fitting, dramatic music plays during emotional scenes - most of the time. There is a wide range of tracks too. Some are fittingly haunting which perfectly capture the sense of a mysteries town, as another example below: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5az9ZdtkrEU On to the character voices. British voice actors have been used again which is great - it feels more fresh than most games. At first, even I found it difficult to like the voices of the main characters whilst in the original game, the voices immediately captured my intention in a positive manner. There is a good range of accents too which include Northern and Welsh. Most characters have a voice which suit them too for the most part - especially Welsh Nia who also happens to one of the best characters. However, there is a fair amount of lines which are delivered poorly - mostly from obscure side characters. This is in relation to the tone, speed and any emotion behind the lines. Thankfully, during the game's most epic sequences, the quality of the voice acting does deliver. What is completely inexcusable is the pathetic lip syncing in the game's dub. This is 2017, not the PS2 era ala Metal Gear Solid 3. It is astounding Nintendo and Monolift Soft think it's fine to release a game in such a state. The biggest concern is that the poor lip syncing impacts on the game's many dramatic scenes. I couldn't help but feel that the game was rushed - hint, it was - and that is disappointing. The game released only around eleven months after it was first announced. This is quite unusual for a game of this scale. Indeed, director Tetsuya Takahashi has recently shared that there were development problems with the game.

Xenoblade Chronicles 2 Review: Gameplay

Alas, this is where Xenoblade Chronicles 2 shines. At least, during battles and some sections of exploration exclusively. The game's battle system seems to be a developed version of the original. As before, you can play as one character in a party of three. In battle, the player you control will automatically attack. An auto-attack is the weakest form, usually, when dealing damage. Each of the driver main characters will be able to control up to three blades. One blade is a main character themselves. Blades have arts which are stronger abilities which get recharged with every hit from an auto-attack. Arts were also in the original game and Xenoblade Chronicles X but are handled differently with this change. Each blade also has a special gauge which fills up with every successful hit by an auto-attack. Further, you can find core crystals which allows you to get new blades for each of the main characters. Some of the blades are common types - which you will probably just use to send on mercenary quests. Others are considered rare blades who have their own characterisation, one blade side quest dedicated to them as a minimum and have their own personality. There is a really cool Easter Egg if you unlock them all too. You have the ability to recharge the special gauge quicker by doing an 'auto-attack cancel. This means, as soon as your attack connects with an enemy, using an art will increase the special gauge quicker. Special attacks range from level 1 to level 4 and get stronger depending on the level. Further, you can chain special attacks with your other two party members. So, the first character to use a level 1 special attack can then be followed up with a level 2 special attack and finally, a level 3 or 4 special attack. The player can use ZL and ZR to use special attacks of the AI characters to assist. An issue presented here is that special attacks are chained by using the correct level and element. For example, you can chain a Fire Level 1, Water Level 2 and a Fire Level 3 or 4 to finish the combo. You cannot do Dark Level 1, Fire Level 2 and then Water Level 3 or 4. Each element can only be followed by two specific elements in order for the combo to progress. Hence, the AI might have a blade which can carry out the correct element but sometimes will switch to a blade which does not have the right element. In such occasions, it is frustrating that the AI can ruin a combo as the player is given a short time frame to chain each attack. When a full combo is complete, the enemy attacked will be given one element orb. This corresponds to the element used in the final special attack of the combo. Chain attacks from the original make a return thankfully. In a chain attack, each party member can use a special attack once each turn. However, if you break and element orb attached to an enemy, you will get another round with each attack given a damage multiplier. Hence, the idea is to create as many element orbs by completing blade combos on an enemy and finish them off with a chain attack. The system is quite complex and clearly somewhat hard to explain too but works a charm. Further, enemies have weaknesses to certain elements which you can use to your advantage and as usual, status effects, stat buffs and debuffs, are all present here. As a result, this all works together immensely well, especially for the game's longer main boss fights and optional boss fights. It is extremely satisfying to deal so much damage from a complete blade combo and reap the rewards. Now, the game's battle tutorial does a lot of waffling so I needed to figure out the above mechanics out myself. Which isn't necessarily bad - it is rewarding when you unearth a game's mechanics. Exploration for the game is done decently. You can freely explore fairly large areas if you want to take a break from the main quest. Such areas will have treasure chests with useful items and optional boss fights which net good rewards. Exploration can also uncover hearts to hearts which are valuable. Finding locations and secret areas nets you experience points too. However, you need to rest at an inn to use these experience points. Side quest experience points can only be applied after resting at an inn too. Credit here is definitely due as this prevents the problem from being over levelled if the player does too many side quests. The player has the freedom to balance their own difficulty which suits them. One problem is that early game areas have large level 80+ enemies which can randomly interrupt an otherwise good fight you are having and one hit kill you. How is this good game play design? Make no mistake, the series has made this silly design choice since the first. Onto the side quests and oh boy, are they bad.  Essentially, quoting from this article: '' The best improvement is the convenient ZR button which allows the player to quickly see the next objective for a sidequest without needing to open the menu. The original Xenoblade Chronicles was known for having countless MMORPG style sidequests. The game has more than 400 sidequests. The advice from those who have completed the game is to not feel obligated to do any sidequests. Stop when you feel you have had enough to prevent being overwhelmed. Many of the collection sidequests are automatically completed as soon as you start the sidequest.In such circumstances, the game conveniently tells the player the quest is completed without the need for the player to manually walk back to the NPC who gave you it. This was a small touch which rewarded the player for engaging with the NPCs in the game’s amazing towns and prevented unnecessary padding. ''   The game has Field Skills which are Pokemon Hidden Machines. Just worse. Field Skills have levels so even if you have the right field skill, you cannot traverse some part of the environment unless it is the right level. This destroys the pacing of some side quests. You may be going along then all of a sudden, a Field Skill comes and prevents you from progressing. By the time you return to complete the quest, it will be likely that you have forgotten what the side quest was all about considering the dozen of things that happen in the game normally. This ruins the Blade Quests which are story focused quests that help flesh out side characters you can obtain. More examples as to why the side quests and Field Skill system damage the experience can be found here. In short the conclusion is, quoting from that article: '' Xenoblade Chronicles 2 side quests are basically checklists of fetch-tasks which are very tedious to complete. The rewards do not stack up at all to the effort required to complete them. Further, the character development between the NPCs is minimal and not very interesting so that weakens the reason to do them further. To conclude, Xenoblade Chronicle 2’s field skill system impedes and ruins the flow of the game’s sidequests. I hope the developers use a better system for sidequests in a sequel. The need to come back to the quests after the development of blades and field skills simply breaks the flow of the quest and increases the chances of the player forgetting (or even caring ) about what is going on.  However, most importantly, the process in completing the sidequests is simply not fun. '' There is a salvaging system which means Rex will dive into the Cloud Sea and collect items. This mechanic is a complete gimmick and completely forgettable. If anything, the mechanic works well with the side quest systems to make them worse and even more repetitive. Further the menu system is cumbersome. You have a menu that opens to characters, their blades, who is assigned to each character, in within each blade, their affinity skills, gems (which increase stats as usual). Hence, you need to equip the driver to power up their abilities but you also need to do this with each and every blade if you want to optimize your team set up. This makes it all very time consuming and navigating between each character is not that intuitive. On top of the mercenary quest system, this all adds up to a lost of stretched out time being in the game's menus. Even when you use a Core Crystal to get a new blade, there is an animation that cannot be skipped. Well, the recent March update now allows you do. However, it is very silly... It is split into two parts, you can actually skip the second part but you couldn't skip the first originally. With the update, you have the choice to skip it all but  that's the thing. When the rare blades are obtained, there is a cool awakening animation. Hence, by skipping the first part you will miss out on seeing the second part if you happen to obtain a rare blade. My point is, why is there no option to skip the first part - the part no one wants to see - but still be allowed to see the second part? YouTube exists for such occasions but spoilers on YouTube do as well. Xenoblade Chronicles 2 has one decent mini game. It's called ''Tiger! Tiger'' and is a 8 bit game where you play as a Nopon - a small comic relief species - who salvages for treasure. There is not much to say here, the mini game was quite difficult so was patched with an easy mode recently. It was necessary to do the side quest to help upgrade a certain characters parts. This lack of flexibility makes it an issue for some.  

Xenoblade Chronicles 2 Review: Conclusion

  In all, Xenoblade Chronicles 2 was a game with so much potential but falls flat on so many missed opportunities. Despite all of this, what the game does well is done very well, especially how the game's intricate game play mechanics mesh so well together. It is a shame that there are so many quality of life issues and boring side quests which stampede it from it's path to greatness. Alas, I believe this is all down to having a rushed development time. I am serious when I say I wished the game was delayed.   GG (Pros) Soundtrack is one of the best in gaming Battle system, once learnt and used properly, is very engaging and rewarding Epic and memorable story sequences, even if there are less than the original No GG (Cons) Atrocious lip syncing and quality of life issues Side quests and terrible Pokemon style hidden machine mechanics Step backwards in regards to JRPG design   Final Score : 8/10. Definitely worth a try if you have the system the game is for!   GG     Read the full article

[mode7rap]

genoboost reviews the Final Fantasy VII commercial

via Game Music 4 All

I hate Final Fantasy VII.

Well, I love Final Fantasy VII, but don't tell Final Fantasy VII I said that. FFVII doesn't deserve my love, but I often find myself thinking about all the good times we had together. We laughed, we cried, we bitched about Cait Sith. Those were the days. But it was such a toxic relationship. I can never go back.

It's going to take a few more therapy sessions before I'm comfortable digging deeper into that. Today, I simply want to discuss a small portion of the very rich meal that is Final Fantasy VII. There are a lot of layers to this RPG onion, and I want to focus solely on the dry, dusty, useless onion skin, slowly rotting beneath the produce section lights. I'll be dissecting Square's game changing game commercial which appeared on US television ahead of the games stateside release. That's not a joke.

How did we all think Final Fantasy VII was so great? Clearly opinions have splintered in the 20 years since the game's release. It's hard to stay unbiased after many years worth of extraneous FFVII games, movies, and more games, and anime shorts. It's now pretty hazy just exactly what convinced me to love this game so much in the first place. Then I saw the original commercial again. My very sudden and brand new hypothesis is that the marketing blitz put on by Sony and Square (now Square-Enix) made sure we thought this game was going to kick every ass. It did. The commercials that aired constantly on cable television also made sure that viewers had no idea what the 'game' part of this game was. 

   So it's time to dissect a thirty second long and twenty year old commercial. This advertisement was the first glimpse of Final Fantasy for much of the US, except for nerds like me that is. That glimpse made Final Fantasy VII look like one bad ass mother fucker of an action movie, er, action game. It's a game.  You can play on the "Play Station." Somehow.

What do you even do in this game? It would appear to be some sort of motorcycle riding, helicopter chasing, explosion causing and/or preventing type action game. Maybe you get to play as an ass kicking, motorcycle riding protagonist that is also a soldier of fortune, as mentioned in the commercial! Mystery solved.

I don't know what's happening here, but it doesn't matter because I'm dead now.

Actually, I think the Soldier of fortune is the only thing this commercial gets right about Final Fantasy VII. But only if I'm being generous and assume when the voice over said "soldier" he meant SOLDIER. 

It's hard to think back to a time where we didn't know about sephiroth, JENOVA, and Cloud, the only three characters that very briefly appear in the commercial. Each with a haircut sillier than the last. None of these highly integral characters are established in any way. It's just some insane fever dream. Was that a monster?  Did it explode? Does CG hair have to look this ridiculous?

Absolutely.

I know I come hard at Final Fantasy VII like the old, jaded gamer I am, but back in '97 I was just as enamored by it as any other kid that got their kicks from playing Chrono Trigger and FFIII, I mean VI, I mean, ah fuck it. Square knew exactly what a young American gamer wanted to see. Explosions, revenge, motorcycles, soldiers of fortune, more revenge, another explosion, and another explosion and revenge, plus it's a video game!

This isn't a commercial for a hundred hour, story driven RPG from Japan (this is, and it gets me pretty damn hyped). This is a commercial for a high budget Hollywood action movie. It has more in common with trailers for Men in Black and The Fifth Element, the latest sci-fi blockbusters circa '97. This was long before Lord of the Rings made everyone very very familiar with the Fantasy genre. Back in 1997, no one in the US cared about grass or trees or magic or elves or none of that shit. Those were good times. Anyway, the folks behind advertising Final Fantasy VII knew what's up. They showed off nothing but the heavily industrial, very metallic side of Final Fantasy VII. Cannons, helicopters, motorcycles. This was some epic futuristic realism here. No magic airships, no swords, no riding on big dumb chickens! 'Wark' your ass on out of here you stupid chocobo, or is it 'kweh' now? Go 'kweh' yourself! 

"Did you unlock the motorcycle?"

"Not Quite."

Give Square some credit where it's due though, twenty years later, every major game release is marketed this way. Only cut scenes, no game play footage, and only the vaguest half paragraph outline of the plot. Makes me nostalgic for the storyline to Bosconian. Make sure your way dope commercial includes anything that would be cool to own or pilot, as long as it's a machine and not an animal, such as a very large, very colorful, very inbred bird. 

There isn't a single company fool enough to include actual gameplay in the commercial for said game. Some commercials these days don't include any images from the game at all. Even Nintendo themselves cut that shit out a few console generations ago. Well, Nintendo still tries to shove a little gameplay footage in at the end of their commercials. Unfortunately, Nintendo's stubborn respect for consumers makes for terrible marketing. Not to mention the incredible difficulty in conveying fun game play to a passive audience. Just make some jokes, or throw some babes at me, and/or a few explosions and I'm in! Buy me Bonestorm or go to hell!

Square-Enix has made a ton of missteps since the release of FFVII, which lead to the name Square-Enix itself, and my endless confusion on whether to call them Square, or Square-Enix when referring to the company when it was called Square, or was it Square LTD, I don't think it was Square EA yet, or was it EA Square in the US and Square EA in Japan… Ah fuck that too.

Actually (fixes glasses) the full name is… 

As I was saying, Square whatever has had some misfires in their long and expensive history, but damn were they on the cutting edge of logically baffling but ridiculously effective commercials.

If I'm generous, I could understand that there could be some difficulty in explaining a 70 hour epic within a 30 second teaser. Ungenerously, since this is a commercial after all. Please be skeptical of anyone selling you anything. Please? This is 30 seconds of random images and blatant lies created solely in an effort to take your money. Square got my money. Don't let them get to you too!

I'm not sure if this is the first RPG to be marketed to popcorn shoveling mongrels and not the elite console gamer class that knew what a JRPG was, or, as we called them at the time. RPGs. We didn't need more specific definitions because all console RPGs came from Japan. American companies made Bass Fishing and Bubsy, and a game starring the fucking president's cat. Who cares! Until FPS games gained some traction, US game developers would do their best to serve up nice bland plates of whatever Japan created first. 

Despite Square's best efforts, and explosions, the most insane thing about this commercial was the ending. 

:Record scratch

Appearing in the final moments of the commercial was the title "Final Fantasy VII." Wait a minute! I know what Final Fantasy is! I know exactly what Final Fantasy is! Hold on, where did four, five, and six go!?

I had already played Final Fantasy VI, although we called it Final Fantasy III back in my day. Whatever this commercial was that my eyeballs were subjected to was certainly unlike any previous Final Fantasy. Final Fantasy is about wizards and spell casting and swords and a bunch of numbers going up, sometimes down. You collect money, which you can use to buy new weapons, and you can find treasure, which is hopefully new weapons. There's just loads of text and menus. Honestly, it's all just text and menus. The point being, that there ain't none of that in this commercial, and we all know damn well there is plenty of that shit in the game. Conversely, I think every exploding building, crashing meteor, or giant energy weapon in the game is shown off in this commercial.

Before I watched this commercial several dozen times in order to form this deep and absolutely necessary analysis, I decided to make a list of a few words and phrases that come to mind when I think about Final Fantasy VII.  Play along at home. Just close your eyes and think of some of your most cherished memories with this very ridiculous game. 

Giant Swords

Armageddon

Bigger swords

Corporate greed

This guy are sick

Leveling Up

Great Music

Unlikable characters

Huge world

Huge monsters

Double crossing

Ancient stuff

Fancy wigs and dresses

Cait Sith… Fuck you Cait Sith! I never wanted you on my team in the first place you traitorous, plot advancing piece of-

Okay, I should stop there, but I think that's a good synopsis of FFVII to be honest. 

Now time to live blog this ephemeral seizure of a commercial.

There's an evil empire.

So evil it's a whole evil planet?

Giant cannon!

Modern day helicopters

Modern day motorcycle, is this Terminator?

The world is in danger! So it might be Terminator!

To Aerith: "Come with me if you want to live." No wait!

More cannons! These cannons shoot lasers!

It can shoot in this single direction though.

Was that a monster?

Quiet down in there!… You!

Everything is so shiny

At least this evil empire has some showmanship.

Great graphics!

...for the time.

There's seven of these!?

Another record scratch

This is a video game!?!?

and it's on the playstation!?

Whaaaaa…

As you can see, a few major elements of Final Fantasy VII seem to be lacking in the commercial. In a game with nine different playable characters, each with plenty of backstory, we see Cloud's dumb hair for a second, and Sephiroth staring down a robot. I remember staring at the print ad of this scene and having not a single clue what I was even looking at. Did you notice any swords in this commercial? Catch someone using a spear or inaccurately enormous shuriken shaped boomerang? There wasn't even magic. No magic in a game called Final FANTASY. No feathers, and not a single blade of grass.

If this commercial is to be believed (and who am I to not believe the very people who are trying to take my money) then this is pretty much James Bond, Blade Runner, and Armageddon, but playable. I wouldn't be shocked if this blonde haired soldier of fortune was voiced by Bruce Willis himself. Yippee ki yay Sephiroth. It's time to save the world from lasers and cannons and meteors and all kinds of other crazy crap.

Somehow…

Oh, I almost forgot, this game commercial doesn't feature any game play. Maybe it was an oversight. It's certainly not necessary to include gameplay footage. Why, Square gave us all the information we need to understand the gameplay, right in this very commercial, if you just look closely enough!

I can easily imagine the control scheme for this wild ride.

X = Motorcycle

Triangle = Revenge

Square = Explosions

Circle = Explosion based Revenge

L1+R1 = Run Away

This lack of gameplay footage is what changed video game commercials forever (except Nintendo). Nintendo was trying their hardest to show off some quality games back in the mid 90's, but that integrity lost them valuable MTV commercial real estate. Square and Sony on the other hand, began to create commercials that were more like existential references to the games in the PlayStation library, rather than provide actual details or information about why you should purchase the product featured. Nintendo clearly wanted to emulate these highly effective commercials, all while still conveying the inherent fun of Nintendo games. This meant that Nintendo became stranded in some horrible middle ground. Wanting edgy commercials with a bunch of crazy crap happening, while still conveying the style and quality of the gameplay. Don't forget to wedge some game footage in there somehow.

As reference, here is a 1996 Nintendo commercial. Coincidentally, I chose the commercial for Super Mario RPG, the final Square produced game for a Nintendo system for nearly a decade.

   Dammit Nintendo, it's like the head of your PR department is my mom. SO LAME. This commercial needs it's own analysis. I'm a life long Nintendo supporter through and through, but I have made no bones about their inability to create engaging commercials. Nintendo has been getting their asses kicked in the marketing department ever since Sega said 'Nintendon't.' Luckily Nintendo's games often speak for themselves in terms of quality game play. Of course, you would have to purchase the game to know that. Oh the irony! Every Nintendo commercial feels like the boxart to Phalanx. Baffling and unintuitive.

In fact, here's another one from 2005!

   Even after many years in this brave new world of logic free commercials, Nintendo still slides in that gameplay footage. Will they never learn?

Conclusion

Hey Square, I love all the convoluted stories, convoluted hair, and pompous cut scenes, but I also like the part where I rummage through menus to equip insane materia combinations, or just simply stealing from as many different enemies as possible. This commercial, and the frenzy for Final Fantasy VII upon launch reinforced those former attributes, sending Square into an anti-gameplay spiral that we've only begun to unravel. In the immediate aftermath of FFVII, Square gave us both the amazing 'cinematic RPG' Parasite Eve, as well as the bankruptcy inducing Final Fantasy The Spirits Within. 

Now they go by Square Enix, a little wiser, and a little less bold. They still waver between quality game play and an overzealous cut scenes, second only to the Metal Gear series (which also made Konami hemorrhage money, hmm). 

Next FFVII anniversary, I'm going to review the Knight of the Round (AKA the longest fucking thing in video games ever) in the same amount of time that the animation of Knight of the Round takes to play out. 

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