#like you don't realize how low your self confidence and esteem is inside until you wanna change your life and make the best decisions for

[colorsinautumn]

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[moonshineboyz]

Stupid Sorry || Kim Sunwoo

Pairing: Sunwoo x fem reader

Genre: angst, lovers to exes

Word Count: 2.8k

Warnings: cheating, Sunwoo is an asshole, tiny tiny bit mention of alcohol??

a/n: sunwoo baby i'm so sorry, ily okay? xjwodowndw i got a little too engaged in this one and it may or may not has been based on some personal experiences,,,

masterlist ♡

You should've listened when everyone told you that high school sweethearts not always are meant to last, or that you were too young and naïve to enter a relationship during that time. But you chose to ignore all of it, following what your heart wanted. You were too infatuated with Sunwoo to say 'no' when he asked you out for the first time, fidgeting with his own fingers and trying hard to maintain eye contact with you.

You were part of the same group of friends, even though you didn't talk much to each other back then. But you found yourself head over heels for him since day one. Sunwoo was absolutely handsome and a kind person, his sweet voice echoing in your ears every time he laughed. It was impossible not to fall for him.

And that's how you two ended up dating throughout the years of high school.

Everything was perfect in the beginning; you were always together in between classes and during breaks of his soccer training, sharing small displays of affection and little pecks on the lips. You had lovely dates at cafes, movie theaters and parks whenever it was possible. You felt so happy with him, and he seemed so happy with you too.

All your friends used to gush over how you and Sunwoo were such a cute couple, even daring to say you guys were relationship goals. Everything just felt so right with him, just a simple look into his eyes and it was enough for you to feel just as loved as he was by you.

One year into the relationship already and it was like you were living in a fairytale. But then it happened.

Sunwoo was napping in your bed while you finished a book you were reading; you had come home after your last exam for the semester and Sunwoo promised he'd treat you to some ice cream since you hadn't had much time for each other in the past two weeks. But he said he needed to rest just a little, due to the past late-night trainings with his team. You agreed and offered him your bed.

It wasn't long till his phone started vibrating on your desk, to which you brushed it off at first. But it didn't stop, and then you thought that maybe it could be something important. You grabbed his phone and a female name appeared in the notifications, there were several messages attached to it. Your heart sank. It was the same name as the girl he swore that wasn't his ex but only an old crush of his, and that they didn't even talk anymore.

"Did he lie?" Was all you could think. You couldn't seem to understand if nor even why he would lie about this, you were very open with each other and there wouldn't be a problem for him to tell you about his past lovers, or who they were.

With his phone still on your hand, you glanced at his sleeping figure and back to the screen, wondering if it was okay to take advantage of the fact that you knew each other's passwords. You didn't want to look through his stuff, it was his privacy, you felt bad in doing that but something inside you was screaming to do it. You could already feel the guilt creeping up. His phone vibrated again and it was the last straw for you.

You unlocked the screen and opened the texts, your eyes running through them. She was saying things like "I miss you"; "When are we going to see each other again?"; "It's been such a long time"; and even some suggestive pictures from her. The worst part was that your boyfriend was responding to the girl, flirting back, saying he missed her too.

You didn't even realize when you fell to the floor on your knees, hands shaking almost dropping the cellphone. Putting the item aside, the shock consuming your body, you sat there in the middle of your room, hugging your knees close to your chest while tears were starting to blur your vision, and you let them out. Crying so much but trying hard not to sob loudly so Sunwoo wouldn't wake up. Heart miles per hour and mind a total mess. For how long has this been happening?

It was hurting so bad, like a thousand knives cutting through your chest. You didn't know what to do. You didn't know what to think. Should you break up and end everything after confronting him? And how should you do it? What should you ask exactly? Even though it was painful, part of you didn't want to break up. You knew it was ridiculous to not want to do that, to not want to put yourself in the first place, but you didn't want to be alone. Sunwoo was the first guy who showed any interest in you and you felt like the only girl in the world. And not to mention, you didn't want to have to tell your parents and friends the reason why you two broke up. What would your parents say about it? And your friends? Your family liked Sunwoo so much, he was already part of it, and both you and Sunwoo had mutual friends. You didn't want to go through it.

The young boy eventually woke up to you pacing around with heavy steps, he looked at you confused and called out your name, making you jump startled. You rubbed your eyes wiping the remaining tears and faced him, waiting for him to say anything while you thought of what to say, heart beating fast again. He let out a "Baby, what's wrong?", and you felt sick at the nickname. Tossing the phone on his lap you asked who was that girl and "What the fuck does that mean?", chocked voice trying to sound firm.

Sunwoo immediately approached you dropping to his knees and holding your waist, his teary eyes looking up at you while he mumbled a lot of apologies, saying he didn't know why he was doing that and begging you not to leave him. You could only stare back at the wall in front of you, a blank and expressionless face. He hugged you even tighter burying his crying face in your belly. You wanted to scream, to yell at his face. You wanted to be swallowed by a hole in the ground and just disappear. But you couldn't even move, just listening to his lame excuses and stupid "I'm sorry"s, his voice sounding far away.

After demanding him to go and leave you alone, you let your body fall on the softness of your mattress, where he was just a few minutes earlier and his scent was still there on your pillow, which made your heart hurt even more. You hugged your pillow and cried your eyes out, until your head started to ache and you fell asleep.

On the next day you met Sunwoo and he swore he didn't do anything with the girl, it was just texts, and yes that was his ex. Didn't matter how you looked into it, it still counted as cheating for you. But you decided to give him another chance anyway, because as you stated to yourself, you didn't want to be alone. However, the time that followed wasn't easy, at least not for you. You still felt bittersweet towards all that situation and your stomach almost churned every time he touched you or looked into your eyes saying he loved you. But it was nothing like that to Sunwoo, he never mentioned the occurred and acted as if nothing had happened.

Everything was seemingly back to normal and you were living in your fairytale once again. You could ignore that fact easier now, even though there were still times where you'd catch yourself wondering if you lacked in anything for Sunwoo. He knew very well how insecure you were, how you were afraid of him finding someone better and prettier. You always thought he deserved better and questioned what had he seen in you, and he'd say he loved you to the moon and back, that you were oh so beautiful and you were his only one. You also knew some of his own insecurities, but you just couldn't care less about other guys when you had Sunwoo.

But even though he was aware of your fears, low self-esteem and lack of confidence, it happened again.

You thought of spending the soccer training's break with your boyfriend since your class got dismissed earlier. And there he was, sitting on the side bench with one of his teammates, their backs facing you as you approached them. It seemed like they were arguing and something the other guy said made you stop in your tracks.

"Okay, but if you tell my girlfriend about me, I'm telling Y/N you kissed my sister at my party last week. I don't think she'll like that."

Your world collapsed for the second time; you could almost hear the sound of your own barely mended heart shattering again. Not wanting to believe it. You already knew that feeling but it felt way more painful in the second time.

You were still frozen when Sunwoo looked back and saw you standing there, his eyes widening. You only scoffed at him and turned to get out of there before he could even move towards you. But he was faster and reached you, grabbing your wrist to make you face him.

Silence.

He stared into your eyes for what felt like a whole hour until you snapped and yelled at him to get away from you. You didn't notice the tears rolling down your cheeks as you angrily stared back at him. The boy started weeping trying to hold your hands as he kept on babbling about being drunk at the party and saying he was sorry. "Another stupid sorry", you thought. It was comic how he believed that shedding some tears and mumbling halfhearted apologies were enough to make everything alright.

That night you cried yourself to sleep once more, ignoring all his texts and calls from the moment you stepped into your house. The hurt was so much that even your body experienced physical pain.

You spent the entire following week pretending you were too sick to get out of bed, but the truth was that you didn't want to face Sunwoo and any of your friends. Every day felt like a torture, you woke up with swollen eyes and a massive headache due to crying so much, crying over someone who didn't deserve your tears, let alone any piece of your attention. And you knew that. But you still were too pathetic to let go.

If it was hurting that much, if you knew you should just walk away, then why were you still holding onto it? It wasn't even the first time. Why even bother to stay in an already broken relationship like that? Only because you didn't want to be alone? To feel lonely? To be ashamed by the other's reactions? Especially now that you'd given him another chance before and were planning on giving one more?

Unfortunately, you couldn't deny that you loved Sunwoo. But God was it painful to love him. You didn't know if you could blindly trust him like before, but you were too deep in love with him to care. Even if it hurt.

After a whole week avoiding any and every source of contact with him, you finally sat down to listen, although you shouldn't, already cursing yourself for being in this situation again.

Sunwoo told the same lame excuses, one more time saying he didn't know what he was doing, blaming the alcohol, and that the kiss meant nothing because he still loved you. To be honest you barely even listened, just wishing to go back and pretend you had a beautiful relationship where he was very loyal and honest to you.

And so you did.

You went back to your classes next morning swearing you had a really bad flu the past week and no one seemed to doubt it. Great. You and Sunwoo were acting like lovebirds again and everything looked fine.

This time you were feeling kind of numb and didn't cry every night, but obviously this didn't mean your heart wasn't broken. You wondered how he could be so insecure like you, saying he was also afraid of some more interesting guy getting your attention but still, he was the one who cheated. Twice. Or at least you thought it was twice.

Honestly the time that passed from the second heartbreak was quite okay, Sunwoo did everything you wanted to do, treating you well and telling you sweet things. But it didn't last long.  

It was scary the fact that he never felt distant for you to suspect anything, not even in the two other times and not even now. He could manage this character so well, acting all nice and sweet but doing you dirty behind your back. Apparently, he wasn't that transparent and easy to read as you were, you couldn't see through him. He was like a foggy mirror. Not even a glass window, but a mirror, only reflecting your own image because you just couldn't see his true self. And you realized it a bit too late.

This was what you were thinking right now, seeing Sunwoo seated on a bench in the park both of you used to go to have your favorite ice cream. Under the moonlight, ready to kiss this girl, face too close, hand on her chin just like the way he always did to you. You didn't know your heart could break even more.

This time you were even seeing him shamelessly cheating on you, and you wished you didn't because it hurt so damn much. But in a way you felt thankful you were aware of this trashy behavior of his, or else you wouldn't give much credit when a random guy you've never seen messaged you in your social media saying he believed his girlfriend, which happened to be Sunwoo's classmate, was cheating on him with your boyfriend. And you wanted to see it for yourself even more after the guy told he checked the girl's phone location, went to the park and actually saw them.

"Are you done making a fool of me?"

He pulled away quickly from the girl and got up, looking at you with those fake pleading eyes saying the typical "That's not what you think it is", but you knew it was. You stared at him coldly, chewing on your bottom lip to suppress your tears. The girl quietly got up mumbling something you didn't care to listen and left.

Sunwoo took a step closer and that was when you finally broke into tears, filled with anger and sadness. You pointed a finger at him asking how could he do such a thing. Running your fingers through your hair in frustration, you took a deep breath, tired of dealing with his bullshit.

"Let's break up."

"What? But we're fine." You scoffed at this; he must had been kidding.

"No, Sunwoo, we're not fine. I'm not fine. It's enough, I'm tired." He tried to hold your hand but you pulled it. "Do you even care about how you hurt me? Have you ever been honest with me for once?"

"Oh, you want me to be honest? Fine, I'll be honest with you." He furrowed his brows. "You know that first month we started dating? I cheated on you twice. Why? Because I didn't know if what he had was going to last."

And then it hit you like a truck, more than you've ever imagined. A pain that could dilacerate you. Sure neither of you knew whether or not it'd work out, but the scene of Sunwoo shyly asking you out replayed in your head. And then on your first date he confessed he'd already been in love with you for quite some time, and you felt so happy. If he was that in love, wasn't he supposed to at least give his best and try to make the relationship work?

You looked at him in disbelief. So this was his true self? He wasn't even sorry, never had been.

Glaring into his boba eyes for the last time, your entire relationship flashed in your mind. The shared sweet kisses, shy smiles and lovingly glances, the small dates and slow dances in the quiet of his room. Everything now destroyed.

"Don't ever talk to me again." You gulped feeling a lump in your throat, not having any more strength to argue with him.  

You turned your back and began to walk away, tears falling from your eyes again.

Sunwoo didn't say his stupid sorry this time.

[cottoncandy-jester]

✨Lie down darling it's time for a dream✨

Faking it pt 2(mom squad)

Thought i would do a part two except with the mom squad cause...yeah i like the thought of this scenario plus yaku makes my heart race

This is very much 18+ also like before reader is a girl

Sugawara koushi

Okay so starting with sugamama

he knows something isn't quite right when you guys do it mostly cause he knows your body

He knows your soft spots and little twitches during climax

Hell he knows the exact moan you maie when cumming

He is the type to catch you redhanded

Like when you guys do it and you claim to cum

He just stares at you for a looong time before giving you a look that just oozes with "you sure bout that?"

Honestly he is pretty upset that you would just lie right infront of him

He calls you out and when you try to come up with some excuse he doesn't want to hear it

"c-cumming! A-ah koushi!"

Your loud whine and arching of your back made the male above you grunt lowly as he cummed inside you but something wasn't quite right. There was no tight clenching feeling around his cock and the way you looked under him made him question the words that just spilled from your lips

"you came?"

His question made you shudder as you looked into his eyes only to see darkness staring back at you, he was dead serious and it was a little scary. As you wrapped your arms around his neck and leaned up kissing his lips quickly a soft laugh escaped you

"of course I did koushi! What a weird question"

Your playful tone made him relax but something still wasn't right, he knew your body almost better than you did. He knew what you having an orgasm felt like and that did not feel like that, as he stared at you a feeling of embarrassment and pain flooded him at the thought of you faking an orgasm, was he that bad at sex now?

"sweetie, did you fake that orgasm?"

He noticed how pale you got from just a question and that was the evidence he needed to confirm his thoughts. Without thinking the male rocked his hips now slamming deep into you earning a shocked gasp from your lips.

"k-koushi what ar-"

"shhhh I'm going to make you cum, then we can talk about this but for now I need to see you at least squirt so it seems we are going to be here a while"

Akaashi keiji

He likes to think that you enjoy having sex with him

He doesn't brag or anything but he feels confident in his sex life

You never complained to him so he didn't think anything was weird

Sure sometimes your moans sound a little overdramatic and weird at times but maybe it's cause you really like it

One day after a session and a ton of aftercare he decided to jump into the shower

You two normally shower together but today you two decided to take separate showers

You were desperate for the orgasm that keiji failed to give you so you figured you would use a toy while he showers

You were not expecting to be caught

A shaky sigh escaped you as you shoved the toy deeper inside, the vibrating feeling driving you close to climax. You felt a little bad for telling keiji that you cummed when you really didn't but you honestly didn't want to hurt his pride so you would usually just make yourself cum afterwards when you're alone.

"so close, ah..I'm going to cum"

Your needy little whines that escaped you only got louder but before you could even do anything someone gripped your wrist tightly, you flinched only to be face to face with akaashi who had a curious Expression.

He slowly pulled the toy out of you before dropping it on the floor. He honestly didn't know what to think, you two just had sex and you were using a sex toy right after either you were still horny or not satisfied

"tell me, what exactly are you doing?"

You glanced down to see the male was still a little wet from the shower, you must have been too busy to notice the shower stopping and him getting out. A gulp came from you as you decided to confess the truth

"i-im sorry keiji, I didn't quite cum so I decided to just-"

"tell me you did and handle it yourself? That's quite rude. As your partner you should tell me these things"

His tone was brimming with pain as a large sigh came from him and he settled between your legs his tongue now trailing along your thigh.

"guess I have to make you cum over and over until I feel better about this"

You looked down and could see the light smirk on his face and honestly that scared you. You two spent the next hour fucking so hard that you were sobbing and shaking

Iwaizumi hajime

Okay so it takes him a while to find out

You keep it a secret pretty good

You two don't really talk about sex much except for when you want to try a new kink

Oikawa thought it would be funny to get you drunk and make you spill all your secrets

He learned your breast size, your favorite songs, and another interesting secret

"h-hajime is always sooooo busy and we barley fuck it's sooo awful"

Oh? Yes do tell more you drunk cutie

"then when we do have sex he has his moments where he just can't hit it right..ughhh I have to fake it sometimes..isn't that the worst tooru?"

Oikawa is SHOCKED

And offended like iwa chan how you neglect this poor girl of her proper needs

The idiot talks to iwaizumi the next day telling him everything

Iwaizumi is not pleased no he's pissed that you went to oikawa and blabbered about how unhappy you are

Jealousy is quick to set in and before you know it you find yourself in the back seat of iwaizumi's car facing his wrath

"did you tell shittykawa so he can fuck you? You think he can fuck you better than me?"

Iwaizumi's harsh tone as he pumped two fingers in and out of your wet cunt watching your body writhe in pleasure again the leather seats.

He had asked you out on a date but during the date he was cold and distance the entire time and you just realized why. The male pulled back only unbuckle his pants whipping his hard cock out as he looked down at you with a look of pure rage before he took out his phone and started to record you

"you're gonna soak these car seats with your juices and prove to shittykawa that I'm enough for you"

You two fucked for hours and when done iwaizumi sent the video to oikawa with zero explanation.

Yaku morisuke

Okay for this one yaku is a little mean but...I mean it's yaku.

Okay so yaku is terrifying when angry

You honestly didn't even mean to fake it the first time but he didnt catch it and you were way too scared to say anything

After your third time faking you were wondering what to do

He is really good at sex but there are just some times where he doesn't quite hit the mark

Like the dumbass you are you asked lev for advice

Lev honestly said to just talk to him but you decided you rather die than do that

So lev did it for you- AND BOY

You hummed as you cut up carrots for the curry you were making for dinner while yaku was gone, you definitely wasn't expecting him to show up early and by the slam you heard you can guess that he was very upset.

Before you could turn around you felt arms wrap around you locking you in place, a hand swiftly reached and gropes your breast. You tensed before glancing back and seeing angry eyes glaring at you

"h-hey, sweetie what's-"

"so, I can't make you cum huh? That's what you think yeah? What did you and lev laugh behind my back about it?"

His tone was sharp as he calmly reached past you to turn the stove off before pushing you against the counter bending you over it and quickly exposing your already wet pussy with a low growl

"fuck you, fuck both you and lev for making a damn fool of me."

When you tried to speak he simply wrapped a hand arounf your throat before giving it a firm squeeze while his other hand quickly released his cock from his pants.

"shut the hell up, do you know how fucking embarrassing it is to hear that you told lev that you faked an orgasm or two with me? Damn it that really sucks to hear but I suppose it makes sense"

Yaku lined himself up before shoving himself inside you with little to no warning, he pulled you back against his chest his hand still around your throat as he started to mercilessly fuck you in the kitchen.

"it's fine, just means I gotta break you a little..all you're going to think about is how good I make you feel. I'll make sure to make up for those times you didn't cum by making you cum all over the floor, you'll be my littlw dumb cock whore once I'm fucking done with you"

Yaku did make good on his statement and fucked you while whispering filthy words and Insults in your ear til you started to cry. You wounded his ego so it was only normal for him to be your self esteem just a little bit.

[jelaii-littleminds]

Chapter 4 ( The psychological perspective of the self )

We are the one who really know about ourselves, of who truly we are?

Nowadays people are easily to criticize things based on what they see most specially in social media, they believed what they read and hear from other people without knowing the truth.

No one has a right to judge each one of us, due to one mistake coz they didn't know the reasons behind it nor they didn't see the real of you.

So, how will you know your real self and ideal self ?

There were many concept explaining the understanding of self but they are just a basis, it's up to you on which or what will you choose to follow or not to follow.

But honestly, sometimes there are some questions circulating in my mind that who I am really? Am I really good for the others ? Am I better now than before ?

Such things that are difficult to answer.

When the day that I was born, my parents gave me name that signifies my identification among the others, as years goes by, I've started to explore things that is new for me and I've began with questions of who, what, where, when, and why things happens.

And eventually during my elementary days that was the time that I am conscious about myself, on what I want to become in the future? and what kind of person I am ?

Until years passed, I've met different people that helps me to know and to understand things, some people stayed others just passed away and left me a lessons about life.

Regarding about my real self I am actually a kind of person that is what we called "introvert" I usually thought of as a quiet, reserved, and thoughtful individual. Pero sometimes nagiging armalite tong bibig ko, kasi nga malikot ang anak ko.

I am a secretive person coz there are instances in my life that I don't like sharing information or letting other people know how I really feel/problems that I've been struggling coz I am afraid of discrimination. Coz nowadays, if you try to explain your problems to others instead of advice matatanggap mo from them, but full of discrimination and judges, akala nila ang dumi-dumi muna. Sad reality but it's true. Iba nga number 1 critics nila are members of the family pa.

I am a friendly one, I've treasured friendship as part of a family also I am cheerful person, I always smile not because I am happy but because sometimes a smile can hide what I really felt inside.

I have a Low self-esteem maybe that is the reason why I feel like unlovable, awkward, or incompetent in some ways.

In connection, I have a fragile sense of self that can easily be wounded by others and oversee rejection and disapproval even when there isn’t any.

I am also a generous one, I will help others kahit wala ng matira sakin, basta kay ma contribute ako sa kanila coz I am afraid kasi to be alone.

Thus, I am a kind of person na anak and family first bago para sakin, ewan ko ba, I feel guilty when I've buy something for me.

Lastly I am dependent type of person, lalo pa ngayon na may partner na ako, It's really hard for me to make a decision lalo na when it terms in budgeting, palagi talaga ako ma short sa pera. Kaya i really need his opinion first before I did something.

My Ideal self on the other hand ,is like I really wanted to be an extrovert type, open minded, competitive, full of confidence, having a skills/talent, to be successfully someday and disregarded all the " what if's in my mind. In order to make my life more productive, successfully achieving my goals and to be better one than my past.

And lastly I want to learn cooking and baking. Tamad kasi ako pag dating diyan, maybe it's because I have an allergic in sea foods.

But honestly, as of now I am still in the stage of processing to achieve my ideal self. Coz I believe everyday is a learning, and I don't need to be rush to fulfill all of those as long as I can do better things than yesterday, and realizing my mistakes before.

The most important thing is strive harder until we succeed. Don't stop learning and exploring new things. Always believe in yourself that you can do it.