#like yeah there’s the question ‘where does the asexuality stop and Traumaᵀᴹ begin’

[my-darling-boy]

Sorry if this is a bit personal, but how did you know you were ace? I have been questioning ace or demi (homo-romo) for a while and haven't been sure

I knew I was ace before I knew I was gay. When I was younger, the only thing that really stood out clearly to me, even though I couldn’t tell who I liked at first, was how I liked people when I happened to. Crushes at school were always really short lived and never developed beyond crushes. I couldn’t understand how everyone around me was having thoughts about people beyond, “they’re cute”. I never understood this preoccupation with sex other people had, cos the whole thing to me felt completely uninteresting. While kids in health class would giggle at all the sex talk, I couldn’t understand why they had a reason to act like that. I have different thoughts about people now, but I still have a lot of tendencies I did when I was young. I mean, I still think about a guy I met for like 10 minutes 3 years ago cos... I just haven’t sustained a romantic attraction since then? To this day he’s one of the only guys I know I’ve had a consistent liking for. I’m not “stuck on him”, I know he’s gone and that’s fine, it’s just that..... I’ve not found anyone since him who’s peaked my interest the way he did. I can’t think to any recent legitimate men I like because... I just don’t have any. There are maybe...... 3 guys I KNOW I’ve liked in the past 22 years?

I’m still learning things I’ve always done thinking “Oh everyone does that,” is actually something I find out is part of being ace. I learned less than a year ago that when people say someone is sexy, they usually mean a person is sexually exciting, and not just, ”That person is nice :)” and a few days ago I had an hour long conversation with my mom and sister about dating cos it occurred to me I didn’t fundamentally understand what dating meant even though I’d been using the word for years. I don’t experience attraction the same way as allo people, so stuff they view as “normal” to me is abnormal for me. Like, I could never accept a date from a person I just met and people who approach me immediately and admit their feelings for me make me uncomfortable—which, not their fault—it’s only that I have a period of time I have to take, usually 2-6 months, where I determine if I like someone and allo people are not used to that. Someone coming right out with their love makes me anxious cos while they’re head over heels for me, I feel really bad not knowing how I feel... which is why I prefer the friends-to-lovers scenario which gives us time to steadily gravitate. I’ve only gone instant, genuine Heart Eyes over a guy those 3 times.

And of course, the thought of having sex with a person never crossed my mind and made my skin crawl every time I tried to imagine it. Though I have differing thoughts on things I’d do with a partner now as an adult than I did at 13, the asexuality obviously still remains, because the fact is I still don’t feel that way towards people, no matter what acts I feel comfortable carrying out with a person. Sorry this got long, but I guess that’s sort of how I’d describe it!