#like yeah he goes in submarines and skydives and does all this stupid shit. but that has a specific element of control (dk staff oversight)

[tokiwarcube]

thinking about your post.. ugh skwisgaar would be such a giant pussy not even just with horror movies (although that’s ADORABLE) but like on amusement park rides and any thrills. UGH SKWISGAAR GRIPPING ONTO UR HAND WHILE HES TRYING NOT TO LOSE HIS SHIT AHH!!!!!!!

SO TRUE!!!!! I think before he gets on the ride, he really does think he'll be fine. Like, he does so much stupid shit with the boys on the daily, that really, a silly little amusement park ride should be boring in comparison, right? Right.

He believes that up until the ride actually starts moving, and suddenly he's slapping the restraints, searching blindly for your hand, and this man does not let go of the absolute death grip he has on you until both of his feet are back on the ground

Give him like 15 minutes though, and you'll be back on the same one again.

[everymovie2020]

Godzilla (2014)

Date watched: 1 September 2019

After the 10/10 banger that was Godzilla: King of the Monsters, I decided to revisit the “original” (in this series) Godzilla, which I have only seen one time before.  Ultimately it was a Sunday afternoon and I just wanted something brainless with a bunch of big, scary monsters knocking shit down and this movie really filled that hole in my life.  Also, it helped give some context to what was going on in G:KOTM because I was a bit confused.

Plot:

So the whole idea of this franchise is that there are these big monsters lying dormant under the surface of the earth, just waiting to burst forth and fuck shit up.

Except for Kong – he lives above ground.  He’s chill like that (and trapped on an island). Also, he doesn’t breathe fire or fly like so many of these other creatures do.

In this movie, some miners in the Philippines unleash these mootoos.   And look, I could google what the actual spelling is, but I think it’s funnier for the purpose of this review if I just refer to them as mootoos, like they’re some kind of giant cow creature.

So this one mootoo flits over to Japan where it sets up shop in a nuclear power plant and proceeds to chow down on radiation (they eat radiation.  I don’t really get it).  In the course of this, Bryan Cranston’s wife, Juliette Binoche, dies (they worked at the power plant) and he goes a bit nutso about it.  I mean, seeing your wife die a horrible death will do that to you, probably.

Fast forward some years into the future. Aaron Taylor-Johnson is SUPER HOT and the grown-up version of Bryan Cranston and Juliette Binoche’s son. He’s married to Elizabeth Olsen (Wanda and Pietro Maximoff, shacking up) and they have a kid who I’m pretty sure is one of the kids from It?  The one with the asthma inhaler?  I’ve definitely seen the kid from this movie in other subsequent movies.  Or TV shows.  He could be one of the kids in Single Parents.

Anyway, ATJ comes home from the navy, then has to immediately leave because Bryan Cranston is up to some fuckery in Japan and has been arrested.  So he goes over there, they break into their old town near the power plant that was mootoo’d, figure out some shady shit is going on, and then the mootoo chooses that exact moment to wake up and head off across the Pacific, not before killing a bunch of people and Bryan Cranston.

So ATJ catches a flight to Hawaii, trying to get back to San Francisco, and wouldn’t you bloody know it, that pesky mootoo has picked itself up a tasty snack in the form of a nuclear submarine (no word on any survivors, I’m guessing no – jfc so many people die in these movies) and is partaking in that tasty snack on Oahu in the mountains overlooking Waikiki.

Because of course.

There are thousands of islands in the Pacific, but it chooses the most populated.  Hollywood just wanted to see Oahu fucked up, I swear to god.  I mean sure it’s less cinematic if they follow the mootoo to some random island and nobody gets killed, but like, the civilian casualties, guys.  Think about the civilian casualties.

So ATJ is on a monorail to the airport (I don’t remember seeing that when I was in Hawaii, but then I didn’t transfer from the domestic to the international terminal), and this kid gets separated from his parents so ATJ is like, I’ll look after you lil’ bud, but then the army pissess off the mootoo enjoying its tasty snack, and it decides to fuck up the airport.  Specifically the airport where ATJ is currently located.

I swear to god, in this movie, ATJ is a harbinger of doom.

Meanwhile, over at Waikiki beach, who should roll in but ol’ Godzilla, bringing with him a tsunami because, of course?  Like I get that you’re a gigantic monster, Godzy, but can you cool it with the tsunamis?

Anyway, the Hilton Hawaiian Village gets fucked up guys, which is disappointing.  Actually, it’s weird watching this now and recognising landmarks?  I don’t think that’s ever happened for me before in a movie set in America.  I was watching it going, hey, I’ve been there!  Look, I was kind of hoping for a shot of Godzilla stomping on the Moana Surfrider (we did NOT like that hotel), but clearly the Hilton had some advertising in this movie because it was getting jacked up all over the place.

So we have a Godzilla/mootoo showdown in the middle of Waikiki, and then the mootoo buggers off and Godzilla is like “grr” “grumble grumble” “grrrrrrr” (insert various Godzilla noises here). And then, for reasons unknown to me, both the mootoo and Godzilla decide to head for San Francisco.

THERE ARE PARTS OF THE WESTERN SEABOARD WITHOUT MASSIVE CITIES ON THEM, YOU STUPID MONSTERS.  I mean, you’re having these fights in the middle of the cities, knocking buildings on each other, like, that’s got to hurt a bit.  I’m just thinking about the wellbeing of the monsters, that’s all.

Meanwhile in Nevada, the other mootoo (yeah there’s another one that can’t fly, is female, is laden with eggs and wants to fuck some shit up) barrels right through the Las Vegas strip because OF COURSE IT DOES, because there’s NO EMPTY DESERT OUT THERE OR ANYTHING.

I mean, I get it, but also at the same time… WHY DO THEY KEEP SOLELY FOCUSING ON FUCKING UP CITIES?

So ATJ gets involved with the army again, and they have this plan to lure the mootoos and Godzilla out to sea with nuclear warheads that they can eat.  But of course the mootoo gets wind of this plan, purely because it’s lurking around waiting for someone to give it a tasty, tasty nuclear warhead, thwarts the plan, steals the warhead and nicks off to San Francisco.

But don’t worry guys, because the military have figured out that Godzilla is actually a good guy.  All three monsters converge in San Francisco – a city they don’t evacuate, by the way, despite knowing the monsters are all headed there – and proceed to have an all-out brawl.  While this is going on, a hero bus driver saves a bunch of children before the Golden Gate bridge is annihilated, Elizabeth Olsen hides underground (don’t really know how she didn’t die, tbh) and ATJ skydives into the city with a group of army dudes to retrieve the nuke and continue with the plan of sending it out to sea.

Actually, the scenes when they’re parachuting in are really spectacular.

But all you really need to know is that our hero, Godzilla, takes out to the two mootoos, has a bit of a snoozle then heads back out to sea, on his merry way, to do whatever it is Godzilla’s do when they’re off the clock.

Other random thoughts:

It felt like this movie was very dark, because all the action happens at night.  I think the scenes in Las Vegas are the only destruction scenes that take place during daylight.

What does Godzilla EAT? He’s a big, rotund boi!

You know how they’re making Gozilla vs Kong, well… whose side am I supposed to be on?  Because they’re both good guys.

I’m probably on Kong’s side.  NGL.

And is ATJ going to be in that movie?  Fingers crossed

Look I just think he’s hot. It was nice to have a bit of eye candy.