#like with no image attached! that's fine I'm up for that if anybody feels like it

[arvoze]

hi everyone i appreciate the support but i never said i was taking team suggestions on tumblr 😭 maybe in the future but i've got a lot to go through on twitter as is (i've only received a couple asks but i just want people to know that i won't be able to get to anything for a long long time)

[ookybatt]

can i have a madeleine cookie x depressed reader oneshot??? is fine if you can't do it

I should be asleep but instead I'm doing requests<3

Its 1am and I have school today but fuck it. Request time!

Also if your request hasn't been done yet, it's because I'm going though the easier to harder requests :)

Tw: depression, self harm, Suicidal thoughts, violence

Madeleine x depressed!reader

I have been feeling like shit but that never changed.

Y/N's pov

I couldn't even get out of bed at the moment.

It pains me to think that this is how I live. This is how I was going to live if nothing could save me.

I feel bad. Not for myself but for Madeleine. He wants an s/o that's happy and wanting to go on adventures but I'm just laying here, an empty shell of a human being.

He's probably out finding someone new. I wouldn't be surprised at this point.

I just feel so useless. Maybe I should break up with Madeleine and let him be free to find someone better. I felt pain in my chest thinking about it.

I'm too attached to Madeleine but I'm running out of time.

My life is like an hourglass, slowly running out and losing more and more of my reasons to live.

My time was going to be cut short and nothing could stop it.

I always have the urge to swallow pills or to stab myself until my organs are spilled on the floor or even to jump off the highest building in this damned kingdom.

But I couldn't.

What was stopping me though?

That dumb tall blondie.

Everytime I think of suicide, the thought of him holding my dead body comes to mind.

It breaks my slowly dying heart.

I love when he's with me. It makes me feel something for once instead of being alone with this horrible emptiness.

He keeps me alive.

I'm just too paranoid and anxious to admit it.

I think he had caught onto my happy act. I'd seen the worried and desperate glances he gave me everytime he was with me.

I think Espresso has something to do with it.

Espresso was the first person I had told after I got diagnosed since he also had diagnosed depression. He hadn't promised not to tell anybody so i guess it's also my own fault.

My head turned to my bedside table where my razor blade sat.

I reached towards the blade and held it in my hands, sitting up to get a closer and more observant look at the small shiny weapon.

I nod at myself silently, agreeing with nobody but myself that I was allowed to do this.

I press the thin metal blade against my skin and drag it across my skin swiftly.

The wounds always stung for a minuet or two but it hurt less if I forgot about them.

I repeatedly drag the blade across my already scarred wrists.

I don't know how Madeleine hasn't found out yet. Maybe its because my arms are always covered by the fabric of my clothes.

I sigh, finishing my bloody artwork. The razor I had used serves me no use at this moment anymore so i simply hid it under a sheet of paper that was laying on my bedside table.

At least Madeleine doesn't know.

Suddenly, I got shocked by hearing the loud, booming footsteps walking towards my bedroom door.

The only people who had access to my house were the two I didn't want to see.

It's either Madeleine or Espresso.

Espresso only visits me on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays though and it was a dull Saturday morning.

That could only mean one thing.

Madeleine burst though my door, wearing no armour or anything protective.

He had worry painted on his beautiful face.

I think he knows.

Madeleine looks down at my revealed and bloody wrists and his eyes widen.

After a few seconds, which felt like a lifetime, Madeleine looked up at me with tears.

The image of Madeleine crying was too much to handle in my mind right now so I simply looked away.

He walked to me, sitting carefully in front of me on the bed. Madeleine's large hand held my smaller one and turns my arm the other way up so he had a better view of my artwork.

Madeleine was, for once, speechless. He just stared at my cuts with tears in his beautiful blue eyes.

"Oh my love.." Madeleine practically grabs me and pulls me into a hug, holding my head and laying if on his shoulder carefully.

I had not expected this but it was a pleasant surprise. I hug him back, not wanting to talk about what he just saw moments ago.

"My love, what have I not been doing to cause you to do this to yourself? I've tried my hardest to be there for you and make you smile but I'm always put on the hardest quests so I rarely have time to visit you. I practically ran here after what Espresso told me had been going on." He put his hands on my cheeks, cupping my face.

I hadn't realised I was crying until I felt Madeleine wipe away one of my tears with his thumb.

"It's not you Madeleine. It never has been. It's my own fault for feeling like this." He shakes his head. "I know you like keeping secrets but this mustn't be kept a secret. I need to know whats wrong so I can help you. I will take all the time in the world off from work if it means your okay."

I felt myself tear up more so I hug him tight, crying into his shoulder.

I'm such an asshole.

I should be grateful to have him, not wanting him to be free.

I spent the next hour or two explaining to Madeleine my problems and he just sat and listened, wanting to know more about my sadness.

When I had finished, Madeleine was holding my now bandaged hands and rubbing our thumbs together.

"You should never, and I mean never, be afraid to reach out. Whether that be to me or professional help, you need to tell someone. I know you and Espresso had conversations about this before but he can't give any help other than coffee related help. That sod is useless towards feelings." I smile at him and kiss him, stopping him from badmouthing Espresso again.

I felt Madeleine smile into the kiss and hold me close.

A/N: AAA THIS IS SO LONG AND SORRY FOR ANY SPELLING MISTAKES<\3

Maybe I should stay.