#like what i wrote at 12 w/ no plan is nowhere near what i can write now

[whoviandoodler]

(putting this here instead of in the replies bcs it's too long)

I hate outlining fics and i write long ones (100k+) bcs it fits most naturally w how my brain works, so what i do is find an idea im really excited about, introduce a decent amount of stuff in chapter 1 and then continue doing the pose qs-answer qs in every chapter (or, otherwise, do an introspective chapter if its necessary, which doesn't progress the plot but can be still useful).

You can write without a real plan, but u have to 1) like problem solving (aka using the snippets of info you've introduced in previous chapters for plot progression, answering the Big questions that u posed etc), 2) like thinking about the fic outside of writing it so that you come up with fun answers to questions and more ideas and 3) be ready to work with messy notes comprised of ideas and possible solutions and things that came to your head randomly (and, if ur memory is as bad as mine is, reread chapters occasionally).

Writing like this does mean that you'll at times forget some pieces of info you introduced, you just want to make sure that they aren't major things (like for example i said a char of mine wore an odd necklace around their neck in chapter 1 and fully forgot abt it, but it was just an avenue of exploration i could've chosen and it was minor enough that it isnt likely to haunt readers or me, AND it isnt contradictory to anything else i introduced as part of the world later).

My main point is that you absolutely can write without a plan and yes it will be a tad messier than if you wrote with a plan, but planning can be tedious and make you lose interest in your project, and at the end of the day the point of fic writing isn't producing the best possible product, it's having fun and engaging with your readers and fandom (this also goes for your other projects- one of the writing skills is being able to balance the tedious and fun parts of writing in a way that works for YOU (another is ignoring people who try to tell you that there's only one way to write and that any other way is Wrong and Won't Work- you do you!))

Do you have any advice and how to write a long fic?

I'll encourage long fic writers to add on in the notes, but as someone who tends to prefer short and medium-length fic, I'll tell you how I go about it.

Get a premise that you just absolutely love. You're going to be writing this thing for months, if not longer, so you want it to be something you're willing to spend a lot of time thinking about.

Embrace subplots. You'll have your main plotline that you want to see through from beginning to end, but you can also weave in some subplots here or there. The way I do this so that I don't get lost down a rabbit hole is that I always make sure that every chapter has at least 1 thing that moves the main plot forward and then if I want to spend 1-2K with some side characters doing something fun I can do that as well. Subplots can extend for the length of the full narrative, but they can also just last a chapter or three. If you're used to writing short fic, these might give you that familiar feeling of "completion"

A chapter is only as long as it needs to be. Don't get hung up on having a consistent chapter length. Don't get hung up on hitting some arbitrary number every time. Instead, figure out what the next part of your story needs to include and write however many words it takes to get that chunk across. Varying your chapter lengths is a normal thing to do and not something to stress about.

The next thing that I find important personally may or may not be relevant to you, but I find that I can't plot anything in much detail. If I get too into the nitty gritty with my plotting, it just feels like I've already written it. I need to keep it at the level of "And then A and B meet C and hijinks ensue." I can figure out the particular hijinks later. It's the characters meeting up that's the next important thing for me to figure out. Getting too far ahead of myself is a death knell for me in writing long fics, but there are other writers who swear by it. Test out different ways of approaching it and see what works for you.

As someone who tends to write more briefly, another feature that's common to longer fics is more extensive descriptions. People spend time painting visual pictures of the setting or the characters or the actions that are happening. Write the more bare-bones style that focuses more on dialogue (if you're like me) and then go back and read through what you've just written and see if there are opportunities to add in more detail. This can lead to some really interesting characterization choices and also help you out with worldbuilding.

When it comes to worldbuilding, you don't have to get it all on the page. You just need to share what's relevant for the reader in that moment and what is useful to lay out now so that it's already there in a future chapter. You can have an encyclopedic knowledge of how your world works in your head, but it's not actually necessary. No one is going to be quizzing you later - and if they do, you can always figure it out at that point.

Most important for me when I'm trying to get myself to the end of a longer fic, have a friend or a group of friends who are also into what you're writing - or at least willing to hear you get excited about it. Being able to get excited about your work is so important. It's like a bottle of water being handed to you on mile 10 of a marathon.

[shawty-writes-a-little]

Chapter 6

Note: I wrote this chapter for two hours and it’s suddenly 4 am

Warnings: None just fluff

Word count: 1.6k

They took y/n inside to a tent, followed by the general. The healers places her on the bed and started performing that usual practises. Checked pulses, blood pressure, heart rate. General stood there through the whole process until they wanted to check further.

One of the healers turned to him with “general.“ she said pointing to y/n and glanced at the exit of the tent.

General was blank what she was indicating to “Yes?”

“W—We have to check her.”

He sighed and stood there firmly “well go on! who’s stopping you?”

“We have to take off her clothes, do you mind?” She said hesitating.

General cleared his throat and nodded “Call me immediately once you’re done.” He said stepping outside of the tent.

—

It had been evening since y/n gained consciousness. Turns out over using her power and lack of practise resulted in being unconscious for, well 12 hours. General had been checking in on her every hour.

Y/n was lying on bed she had been placed on, quite a shock to herself. Given everything she had done in ketterdam she fainted out of lack of energy? Maybe because she didn’t have to use her powers that much pack there? She kept staring around the room with all these thoughts before the general stepped in. More like barged in.

“Miss y/n!” He said out a sheer relief to himself seeing her awake.

“General.” She sat up letting out a groan form lying in the bed.

“Oh no no please—you need rest.” He told her walking to her beside.

Y/n shook her head and chuckled slightly “it’s alright”

“So? Do you feel better?” He asked sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Yeah-I feel much better..”

“That’s pleasant to hear.” He said giving her a smile.

“Yeah-“ she nodded not knowing what to say.

“I—“ he cleared his throat “I wanted to apologise for earlier.”

“For?” She asked blankly.

“I yelled at you insensitively before-just because I couldn’t swallow my defeat.” He said meeting up her gaze.

Yelling at each other because you don’t agree with them? Nothing new at the crow club she thought. “Oh-That? It’s fine.”

“No it wasn’t-it wasn’t right at the slightest of me to treat you that way.” He admitted.

“I mean it, it’s quite alright.” She shrugged.

“Is there any way I can make it up to you?” He asked with a generous look.

“General like I said it’s not-“

“Alecksandar. Call me alecksandar.”

He cut her off trying to sound as smooth as possible.

“Alecksandar?”

He nodded smiling looking at her from the corner of his eye.

“Alright well for now can you just fetch me a cup of water? My whole body screams in pain if I move.” She said with a sarcastic remark.

He stood up to and walked to the table, poured her a glass of water and walked back to the bed she was sitting on. “You said you were alright?” He asked handing her the glass.

“Thanks! I am. It will go away with a good sleep.”

“Ah well maybe I was right with you lacking training. We’ll have train more once we get back.” He said chuckling.

“What? No-I am properly trained.” She said in a stiff voice.

He sat to the edge of her bedside again but closed this time. “Yes of course, it explains all this.” He teased again.

“Well your training ways are pretty stupid!”

“Pardon?” He said raising a brow.

“They’re stupid.” Y/n admitted mockingly shrugging her shoulders trying not to laugh.

“That’s harsh, they’re not!” He added a sarcastic gasp.

She hit his elbow playfully “sorry to break it to you then.” She hit him again laughing as an annoyed expression was spread across his face.

“Stop it-“

She hit him again with a pillow this time. He had enough now. Alecksandar pushed the pillow away from her and gripped her wrists bringing her closer and a giggle escaped her mouth had he looked into her eyes heartily.

After a while he let go off her wrists still having her face just as close to his not breaking eye contact.

“Y/n...” he whispered. “I’m about to do something very stupid.”

“I like stupid things.” She said smiling.

Before y/n knew he leaned in and crashed his lips onto hers. Cupping her cheeks, she smiled into the kiss as he brushed his lips onto hers.

He broke the kiss to look at her and they were both grinning like children, none of them knew what to say but to look at each other and smile-it wasn’t awkward it was just stupid between them.

“I’ll see you in the morning then.” Alecksandar said with a smirk and stood up.

Y/n nodded at him with a wide grin spread across her face as he bent to plant a peck on her cheek before leaving the tent.

For a while y/n kept blushing to what just happened lying in the bed, but the it hit her what is she going to do when they get back?

——

Y/n and alecksandar hadn’t talked after yesterday yet. Moreover y/n had avoided talking to him until she could figure out what would she tell her friends? Would this even work out nevertheless? The other day when they reached back to the little palace alecksandar had shown eager attempts to talk to y/n, sometimes he would be snatched away to war meetings, sometimes y/n would slip away with an excuse. Y/n didnt plan to do this for long just until she could talk to Jesper. Obviously she decided not to tell kaz and Inej about it rather scared of the outcome. Kaz may plan to leave the very day with our without plan. Inej might as well just loose her mind and threaten to kill the general if he tried to come near her. Y/n avoided alecksandar until she could talk to Jesper who was nowhere to be found she did talk to Kaz and Inej when she returned. Even told them about what happened with the white walkers Kaz not that amused, as long as it wasn’t gonna affect him why would he be? Inej on the other hand was stunned with it. She refused believe when y/n said she killed a white Walker.

It was evening now and y/n finally got hold of Jesper, he came to meet her himself and hugged her tightly. After a moment she pulled away from the hug and looked at him.

“I’ve been looking all over for you for the whole day! Where were you?” She said with an annoyed tone.

“Kaz sent me to get a raven to send letters.”

“A Raven?” Y/n asked confused.

“Yes turns out, the letters kaz had been sending out for months never left little palace.”

“What? They’re not sending out the letters?”

“That’s why the Raven.”

“Wait but who is he sending these letters to?” Y/n asked as they walked by the corridors.

“Hell if he’d ever tell anyone about his plans.” Jesper snorted.

“Ah who am I kidding? It’s Kaz-hey but how did you get a raven?”

“D-don’t ask.” Jesper said with a disgusted look on his face.

“Oh—alright-I need to talk to you about something.”

“Yes?”

“Not here.” She walked both of them to the garden making sure no one was around. “Promise me you can’t tell kaz and Inej.”

“You killed someone?” Jesper asked with a common expression.

“No-why would I come to you if I did?” She said putting emphasis on you.

“Point. Don’t tell me you broke kaz’s cane again? You’ve only been back for a day y/n!”

“I didn’t! Just promise me you won’t tell them.”

“Oh-well then it can’t be that bad I promise you I won’t tell them.”

Y/n told him about her and alecksandar, about what happened and Jesper didn’t say anything even until after she finished narrating.

“Jesper?” Y/n asked nervously what he might say.

“YOU KISSED THE GENERAL?!” He said looking shocked.

“SHH—Jesper! Someone will hear you!”

She shushed him.

“You kissed the general?!” He whispered this time with the same tone.

“He kissed me-well-“ y/n said trying to sound defensive.

Jesper just gave her a really displeased look that read “are you kidding me” on his face.

“Alright alright-we kissed.” Y/n admitted.

“I don’t know if this is or is not worse than breaking kaz’s cane.” Jesper said scoffing.

“Not the time for jokes.”

“Have you talked to the general yet?”

“About what?”

“About ravaka’s future.” Jesper made a sarcastic comment to with y/n narrowed her eyes. “About the two of you. Certainly he doesn’t know we plan to run off does he?”

“That’s why! See-so I don’t know what to do about it now!” Y/n said with a sigh.

“Do you like him?” Jesper asked.

“I shouldn’t.” Y/n admitted dryly.

“Well-he did try to kill us, but he does have a pretty face.”

“And hes a good kisser.” Y/n said blushing to which Jesper rolled his eyes.

“Look—its gonna take kaz more time with letters sent by ravens so in the mean time....” he said shrugging his shoulders.

“You’re not suggesting—“

“We’re eitherways running away eventually but till then you can maybe not break General good kisser’s heart. I mean what’s the harm if you like him back?” Jesper said raising his brows.

“That’s actually not a bad advise Jesper. Coming from you—“ y/n teased.

“Fine then I’ll just tell kaz and Inej.” Jesper said turning back and y/n grabbed his arm.

“Okay no no no-that was a great advise thank you Jesper.”

“Anytime. Just don’t do something stupid hmm?”

“I won’t.”

———

Tag list 🏷

@lazycherri @aleksanderwh0r3 @mygardenmentality @supernaturalcat7 @mizelophsun11 @edithsvoice @lilmaymayy

[dancer-me]

Fic Writer Questions

@hopeintheashes tagged me (that was pleasantly surprising, so YAY) as well as anyone who wants to play (so if you want do - just do it!!!) 1) How many works do you have on AO3?

I have nine!

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

106,461! I broke 100,000 on AO3 and didn't notice =O

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

For posted fanfiction, I have written for 5 fandoms at this point. Naruto (this was my early days, around 2007 to 2015, with pretty huge gaps inbetwen), Merlin (oops), High Seas (just the one small fic because Netflix had me angsting hard enough to break my hiatus), and of course 9-1-1 and 9-1-1 Lone Star!

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. Express to Nowhere (911 / 911 Lone Star) 2. Giving up Ground (911 / 911 Lone Star) 3. Quarter Life Crisis (911) 4. Pull me Under (911) 5. Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You (911)

5) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I hesitate to say this about a WIP but I'm pretty sure it's going to be Giving up Ground when it's done. Not that it's going to have a sad ending, but that it's part of a continuous series and I already have the next part planned out and partially started (titled "Overdrawn" for anyone interested) so it will leave things feeling hopeful but open-ended, which can be construed as angsty. But really, all my other stories, while they have angst for the most part, have happy endings because I'm a sucker for it. Chaotic Energy is slow burning itself to the happiest of endings.

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Hmm... I think it's Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You! This story was just such a fun blast of drama, hijinks, and hilarity, with our two leads getting their love story at the end of it all :) All my completed works have very happy endings, but this one resonates because there really wasn't any angst at all in the whole thing. Just good fun!

7) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

The only cross-over I have ever written or been compelled to write in my life has been with 9-1-1 and 9-1-1: Lone Star, and that's my Chaotic Energy series. I don't know if it's "crazy", though it's turning out to be crazy long, since my original plan for it was 5 separate one-shots and Captain, that ship has long since sailed. We're deep at sea now, SOS. I love what it's become, though, and I hope everyone who reads it is enjoying the journey :)

8) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Weeeeeeeeell. Here's the thing. I wrote m/f smut back in the day, on ff.net and carried my one shots over to AO3 when I made the move. I'm talking way back in the day - those two "E" stories are dated 2015 but I actually originally posted them in 2011 - TEN years ago!! I haven't written smut since (I'm not counting TK and Carlos getting frisky in chapter 2 of Giving up Ground). It's not that I wouldn't, but that I haven't been inspired and with time somehow I have also become ragingly self-conscious over whether I could still do a good job. My smut has always been emotion based though, as I've never been able to truly go PWP. That said, I'm actively open to and considering some m/m smut for my current fandom. Fingers crossed I don't embarrass myself.

9) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I do on all my recent work on AO3 (basically my 9-1-1 and lone star fics that I've written since coming out of hiatus).

10) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not on any of my AO3 work, though I have received hate on my much older work on ff.net to varying degrees of reasonability. So far the AO3 community has been very kind to me! I’ll get some comments where I think readers had hoped I’d go in a different direction, but nothing has ever been too much.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of! Imitation is the greatest form of flattery but also no, stop, don’t do that.

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, actually! I wrote my first ever published fic for Naruto called “Stand Alone” back between 2007 and 2011 (took a couple years off in the middle there to, you know, finish high school…) that someone asked me if they could translate into Russian. At the time I thought that was super cool, and it still is, but now I look back at that story and I think oof, now we can cringe at it in multiple languages. (more on that later)

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but I’m not opposed to it! I’ve seen some excellent fic partnerships and it’s so great seeing writers leverage the creativity and talents of their friends and peers.

14) What’s your all time favorite ship?

Y’know, before 9-1-1, it was Merlin x Arthur, but Buck x Eddie have 110% of my heart and attention now.

15) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

On the topic of Merlin… I started writing “The Quest for the Knife” back in 2015 at the peak of my Merlin fixation after painstakingly planning it out. I have pages upon pages of outlines and notes for a 14 chapter adventure… somewhere. I found a piece of it like an archeological dig when I was moving this pandemic season, but the rest seems lost to time. I’m sad because I had gotten so excited about it and loved my first two chapters, but I don’t think I’ll ever finish it. I might take it down so I can stop wallowing in guilt.

16) What are your writing strengths?

I like to think I write good action / adventure scenes and plot lines, because I love painting vivid pictures of what I see playing out in my head whenever I think through my stories. I like to incorporate subtle (and not so subtle) humour as well in my work, which is born from my very active internal narrator voice as I go through my day-to-day and try to find the humour in everything. I also like to make outlines before all my bigger stories too, which ‘usually’ means I avoid cringey plot holes and can make some fun connections.

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

*looks at the camera very seriously* writing convincing smut. Well, that, and the kind of emotional, flirty love and fluff that I love devouring in fics. I don’t think I do nearly as good a job there. Get in a character’s head and angst them up? Sure. Wax poetic in a convincing and not jarring way about how much Character A is in love with Character B without making it seem like it was a bit too much of a leap? Debatable.

Also… I tend to require my readers to suspend a lot of disbelief to enjoy my fics with elements of adventure, because I tend to do exactly 5 minutes of Google research for something before I decide I’ve had enough and go ahead.

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Here we revisit the cringe of “Stand Alone,” where I tried in the first half (the 2007 portion) to incorporate Japanese since I watched the anime in Japanese and felt this was the best way to try and have the character’s voices come off the page. It… is really just a big ol’ cringe, because I didn’t know the language, and I definitely didn’t use suffixes right at ALL. So… I tend to avoid it personally because I don’t want to cringe at how wrong my use of other languages is.

But if it fits you, your story, fits your character, and you know the language confidently enough to not embarrass yourself? You do you *carefully side steps around discourse and leaves the room*

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Naruto!

20) What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

I think it has to be “Express to Nowhere” these days. It was wanting to write that fic that pulled me out of hiatus and helped me find joy in writing and sharing my work again, and I have nothing but love for it and how it turned out.

Holy Cow I was warned that this level of introspection was going to take a minute but whew this was a good chunk of time. Fun to do and think about though!

Tagging: @221bsunsettowers, @onelonelytortillachip, @blueeyedbuckley and anyone who sees this and thinks, "hey, I have an answer for these questions." Because I am madly curious and would love to see your take!

[fighting-styless]

neighbor!harry

i love him so muCH

contains smut, swearing, and some fluff :)

i originally wrote this on wattpad, but never posted it bc i didn’t think it was that good ¯\_ツ_/¯ ngl i think it’s p bad. feedback would b appreciated ig

word count is about 2.5k

************

i step off the bus, putting my hood over my head to guard my already frizzy hair from the rain. it seemed to come out of nowhere, testing my luck as i neared my stop. i speed walk towards my apartment complex, feeling the wind start to pick up.

had i known the weather was going to do a complete 180 on me, i would have dressed appropriately. however, i didn't believe the forecast shared by my weather app on my phone. i didn't think it would actually rain.

i scurry up the stairs and to my door, seeing my next door neighbor fiddling with his keys to get into his as well. when we make eye contact, i give him a smile. his lips barely curve up in response as he goes back to what he was doing prior to my arrival.

"better get inside, little one. you'll freeze." he says as i reach into my book bag to get my own keys, ignoring the fact that he called me 'little one'. he'd been calling me that ever since i moved in, considering our height differences.

"almost missed the bus, would have frozen up like a popsicle." i nervously laugh, finally finding my keys under one of my many books.

"that bag is bigger than you are, heavy yeah?" he nods towards the bag on my back.

"i-you get used to it after a while." i blush, finally unlocking my door. "have a nice night, harry."

he smiles at me right before i close and lock my door.

my bag is thrown on the floor, making a loud 'thud' noise. i remove my shoes and run to my bedroom, and immediately change into an oversized t-shirt, my fuzzy pajama pants, and some fuzzy socks. i've been waiting for this moment all day.

sighing loudly, i go into my small kitchen and decide to make dinner, seeing as i hadn't eaten since about 12:30 this afternoon, and it's nearly 6:30 now.

i scan my shelves and notice that i've run out of boxes of mac and cheese and packets of ramen, and nothing good in the fridge. great. i would go to the store, but the weather isn't permitting me to do so. pizza it is, then.

i decide to just order myself a pizza and a 2 liter of my favorite soda, and binge watch movies all night, seeing as it is friday night and i have nothing planned for the next day.

i get myself comfy on my couch, pulling up my first movie right as someone knocks on my door. i quickly get up with my wallet, knowing it's the pizza.

i thank the delivery boy, handing him a tip and wishing him a safe drive back before shutting and locking the door again.

i set the pizza and soda on the coffee table and go into the kitchen to grab a cup and some napkins before making myself comfy again.

about two slices of pizza in, another knock is delivered on my door. i groan in obvious annoyance and pause my movie, setting my slice of pizza back in the box. i wipe my hands on a napkin before opening the door to see harry standing before me, in a pair of black skinny jeans and a plain white t-shirt.

"sounded a bit irritated there, bug." he chuckles.

"i was comfortable, and watching a movie. which you interrupted." i sass, knowing he can sense my sarcasm.

"jus' wanted to check on yeh, been some suspicious activity in the complex recently. did you get a pizza?" he peeks his head in to see my box of pizza.

"yeah, didn't have anything to make and i wasn't going to go back out in the rain to get groceries, so i decided to play it safe." i shrug, looking st the box and back at harry.

"would yeh mind if i joined? got nothin' planned and figured you could use some company." he asks.

"yeah, sure, um, come in." i step aside and let him in.

he isn't wearing shoes, seeing as he's right next door, and casually walks over to my couch and sits down right in my comfy spot. i walk over to him with my hands on my hips.

"somethin' wrong, pet?" he looks up at me.

"you're in my spot." i say, shifting my weight to my left foot.

"yeh? and? i'm your guest." he smirks.

"this is my apartment. not yours." i smirk back.

"and what are yeh g'nna do about it?" he stands up, towering over my small frame.

i take this opportunity to slide past him and quickly hop back in my spot, giggling as he turns around in disbelief.

"i'm gonna take it back, that's what i'm gonna do."

he chuckles and shakes his head. "lucky you're cute, otherwise i'd be mad." he sits next to me and reaches for a slice of pizza.

——————

about halfway into the third movie, i find myself spooning harry on my couch, my head back against his chest.

sleep is clearly trying to take over, but i keep nodding off. harry gently rubbing my sides isn't helping either.

"getting sleepy?" he asks, and i nod. "wan' me to carry yeh?"

i nod again, and he turns the tv off before scooping me up and finding his way to my room. he flicks the light on and gently lays me on my bed.

"stay with me?" i look up at him, sad at the loss of warmth.

he shuts my light off and lays down next to me, pulling me close to him.

"you're warm." i yawn, looking up at him. the only light is the light shining in from the street lights, and i can hardly see his face.

"you're too cute, doll." he kisses the top of my head right as i fall asleep.

————

in the dead of the night, i wake up in a sweat. i feel myself restrained, but quickly realize it's only harry's arms, and i wriggle myself free. i get up, careful not to wake him. i pad into my kitchen to grab a glass of water, and down it immediately.

after putting the glass away, i throw away the empty pizza box and soda bottle and rinse out the cups before going back into my room.

"everythin' okay?" a sleepy harry asks as i lay back down.

"yeah, just needed some water." i say quietly. i snuggle back up to his chest and can't help but smile.

"you're a cuddly little thing, yeh know?" harry chuckles lightly.

"you're warm." i say against his chest. "can't help it."

"also talk in your sleep." he nuzzles his nose in my messy hair. "said somethin' about me.”

i feel the heat rush to my cheeks. what did i say? i don't remember dreaming about him...

"w-what?" i asked, sitting up. "what did i say?"

"not tellin'." he smirks.

i can hardly see him with the low light, but i can tell he's smirking.

"tell me!" i push his shoulder.

"nope. not gonna."

"harry!" i whine. "tell meee!"

"nope. sorry, little one." he pats my thigh. "gonna keep it to meself."

"you're mean." i pout.

"now, don't be like that, poppet. yeh know i'm just playin'" he smiles.

"you're still mean." i fold my arms over my chest.

"c'mon darling, don't be like that." he pulls me back down and makes it so he is hovering over me.

i move my arms and look up at him.

"i wouldn't be mean to you." he says lowly. "you're too cute."

i blush and cover my face with my hands.

"hey," he grabs my hands and pins them to each side of my head. "wanna see that pretty little face."

"h-harry," i blush harder, looking away.

he nuzzles his nose into my neck, his hot breath sending shivers down my spine.

"wanna kiss you all over, doll." he whispers against my neck, his hands trailing down to my hips.

"no one is stopping you." i tangle my hands in his soft hair. he raises his head to look down at me before slowly leaning down and pressing his lips to mine softly.

as soon as we make contact, i feel as though lightning goes through my body. my face begins to feel hot, and my stomach does flips. his hands are firmly gripped to my hips, and his lips move slowly against mine. a man as attractive as harry always knows how to use his lips.

my hands trail to the back of his neck, playing with the baby hairs and slightly pulling at them. he pulls away slightly and rests his forehead on mine.

"i'm not gonna be able to control myself, pet. jus' want all of yeh." he whispers.

i bite my lip and whimper at his low voice.

"i'm all yours, h." i whisper back.

he presses another kiss to my lips before trailing down my face, to my jawline, and to my neck. my skin starts to tingle as he lightly kisses the base of my neck, trailing down to my collar bones.

his hands trail down to my shirt, gripping the hem of it. i lift my arms and he pulls it off of my body. his hands move to cup my breasts, lightly sucking on my nipples. i suck in a sharp breath, moaning lightly as his tongue massages my skin. he looks up at me, smirking slightly.

"got a beautiful body to match yer beautiful little face, petal." he whispers.

i bite my lip and pull him up to kiss him again, and he reaches a hand into my pants and slips into my underwear, rubbing over my slick center.

"so wet fo' me, yeah?" he rests his forehead on mine.

he eases two fingers into me, a breathy gasp escaping my lips. my eyes are shut, but i already know harry is looking down at me. his fingers slowly thrust in and out, slightly curling up.

"f-fuck... harry, feels so good." i moan quietly.

"yeah? like my fingers fucking yer tight hole?" he says lowly.

"mhm." i moan, opening my eyes to meet his. he doesn't break contact as he moves his fingers faster and harsher, causing me to curl my toes.

"if you need me to stop, don't hesitate to tell me, alrigh'?" he looks at me sternly.

i nod furiously, too caught up in my pleasure to care about him stopping. i didn't want him to stop.

he takes his fingers out, sticking them in his mouth, sucking them clean.

"taste so sweet, baby girl." he smirks.

he leans down and kisses me sweetly, his tongue massaging mine. his hands cup both my cheeks, trying to deepen the kiss more.

he trails kisses down my face, to my neck, stomach, then to where i want him most. he pulls my pants and underwear down, throwing them on the floor. he presses a kiss to my clit before sucking on it harshly, causing a high pitched squeal to come out of my throat.

"fuck, harry, god-" i moan out, tangling my hands in his curls.

he looks up at me as he nips and sucks at the sensitive bundle of nerves, being sure i see his expression. his tongue expertly laps at my center, making me curl my toes.

"harry, please... fuck!" i cry, still trying to be a bit quiet so i don't wake the neighbors.

"you'll be screaming louder than that, doll." he smirks, pulling his shirt off and tossing it to the side. he quickly unbuckles his pants and does the same with them, along with his boxers. his length is already erect, and leaking precum.

"gon' fill yeh up, alrigh'?" he whispers in my ear, rubbing his tip along my slit.

he slowly pushes himself in, carefully filling me to the hilt. my mouth falls open, a breath being let out. harry groans lowly, gripping my hips.

"harry," i whine.

"say 'yellow' if yeh need me to stop." he whispers in my ear.

"god, fuck..." i mumble.

he pulls his hips back and thrusts harshly, causing me to bounce backwards. he continues this a few times, creating a steady pace. my eyes roll to the back of my head and my mouth falls agape, unable to comprehend words.

"feels so good, darling." he moans. he puts his hands at either sides of my head and starts to thrust faster.

"i-i, aaah!" my mind is fuzzy and my hands and feet are numb. i've never felt this much pleasure before, and i sure as hell don't want him to stop.

"y/n." he says sternly, pausing his movements.

i whine, putting my hands on his waist.

"harry..."

he lifts my chin with his finger.

"do you need me to stop?" he asks, almost sounding like a father scolding his child.

"fuck, no. please." i whimper. i move my hips in an attempt to create something. "don't stop."

he pulls his hips back and starts harshly thrusting slowly, making me moan out again.

"mmm-" i whine.

"fuck baby, love your tight cunt around me." he moans in my ear. "feels so good for daddy."

i feel a fire in my gut as he moans the word. daddy. i would have never suspected that harry had a daddy kink.

"f-fuck!" i whine.

he connects our lips, speeding up his thrusts. his mouth expertly moves against mine, concealing my moans.

"not gonna last much longer, pet." he slightly pulls away.

he flips me over so i'm on my stomach, and my ass is in the air. he grips my cheeks and continues his thrusts. i bury my face in my sheets, grabbing a fist of them in each hand as i moan out into the mattress. harry delivers light smacks to my ass as i feel my high approaching.

"cum for me, baby girl. cum all over daddy." he encourages.

i leg out a high pitched squeal as my entire body starts to shake. i squeeze my eyes shut and let my body fall limp as i feel his cock twitch inside me before he quickly pulls out and releases on my back.

i lay still for a couple of seconds trying to catch my breath. my fingers, toes, and lips are tingly and my chest is quickly rising and falling. i feel a weight off of the bed as i hear harry leave the room and quickly return. i feel a tissue being rubbed down my back as he cleans up his mess, and throws the tissue in the trash can.

he pulls his boxers back up and reaches for my shirt on the floor, carefully sitting me up and pulling it over my head. i look up at him with doe eyes as he leans down and kisses me gently but sweetly.

i lay down exhausted, and he lays next to me, pulling me close. he wraps an arm around me and rubs my back soothingly.

"yeh alright?" he whispers.

"mhm..." i nod. "just overwhelmed."

“g’nna be sore tomorrow. better stay home.” he winks.

[shytiff]

May Small Wins

1 - lazed, went to racheel’s place and put my motorbike there, went to slipi jaya with silvi devi reza to watch seobok (it was fun!!), had iftar at the yumz green sedayu. It was raining when we get back. prayed maghrib and isya in some random mosque. went back and arrived at like 8 past sumn. showered, slept like a babyy

2 - lazed, slept and woke up at like 11, went to nila’s house, practiced doing eyeliner by borrowing nila's (focallure brand), iftar at green sedayu foodcourt (originally intended to go to the yumz but it enforces actual distancing) with angkot ppl minus tik will. Arrived home at about 9-ish.

3 - magang as usual. Went to rm. Took mrt to lebak bulus. My inaco salary finally came. My head kinda hurts after tarawih. Ended up skimming over bj alex lmaooo. Did not shower today lol,,,,

4 - added dr dafsah's revision to the excel database otw to rsf. Pak nardi took a while to arrive. Left rsf early to go to the bank. I (((finally))) activated m-banking lmaooo wow the features are neat wow im not jahiliah anymore. Found this method of just let it sweat anyway during tarawih lmaoo. Preferably with long sleeves bcs somehow you feel less of the sweaty feel compared to tshirt.

5 - sampling - data entry - RM as usual. Theres no new RM. Read a goood dramione fic by bex chan even if its not complete, its okay. Im okay :"))). Iftar was soup, salad, chicken katsu and french fries. Its been 2 days that i practiced sleeping-to-rain-sound. The first night was spent as a dreamless quick sleep (its over before you knew it), but tonight i dreamed abt almira's wedding lmaoo.

6 - no sampling today!! Still went to rsf tooo go to the mall w regen lmao. Did some data entry. Went to PP by mrt. Went back by going to halte gbk and thankfully the kalideres one arrived after only waiting for 5 mins. Its surprisingly quick, compared to lebak bulus - pesakih trip. Took abt 20 mins to jelambar.

7 - no sampling today too. Dr vera gave us lebaran cookies! Did gcp for bu suryati a5. Went to rm, finally finished the available rm. Went home early. Can finally relax since its the weekend.

8 - literally laid in bed til my body hurts. Rly want to read sumn but dunno what. Finally decided to read momoiro heaven. And rere hello. And after iftar i read lack of love. And just like tht, my saturday was gone. Cant bring myself to do things

9 - its another day of lazying (or self sabotaging, cant tell). Read spy family and its effin hilarious. Wasted my sunday. Cant bring myself to even move and i just laid in bed all day.

10 - last day of work in the weeekend lmao. Felt better than being in AR, but still not that much productivity. Went to RM. Phone call w fianti along the way to plan food in almira's bridal shower. Went back at 12-ish. Picked up my dress from risma busana. Walked to and fro halte kebon jeruk. Prayed zuhur close to ashar in kfc's mushola. Felt better after ~8k steps. Had homelab's green tea mixed with vsoy. It honestly made me feel better. Matcha, or caffeine, sure is amazing. At least i had a sense of normalcy before losing all the will to self-care

11 - consumed internet entertainment u til i was sick and tired of it. Watched a lot of cut videos. Granny came and stayed over. So i slept upstairs

12 - same as 11 but upstairs. More relatives came near iftar time so i excused myself to shower. Slept in mom n dads room at like 12-ish. Watched hp goblet of fire since keisha and karins newest obsession was draco. We squealed together over liking enemies to lovers trope haha,,,,

13 - Somehow all of dad's jakarta relatives came for lebaran. the last time i checked, there were some bridges being burned. prayed eid at home. watched perempuan tanah jahanam (which was surprisingly not scary). ate. napped. talked about personal things w keisha and karin. i cant believe the time has finally come where we talk about this kinda stuff. watched you’re next (it barely has any plot, just gore). they went back at about 8 pm and i just sleptttt yall lmao i didnt shower today. disgusting, i know

14 - cam barely get out of bed. Managed to shower at zuhur time. Watched dalbang and laughed like crazy bcs its just that funny. Read fanfics. Tiktok. Ate once and had greenfield yogurt at the evening. Fell asleep. Woke up at 1 and snacked on 1 pack of oat krunch

15 - run bts. Originally planned to go to flavola but it was still closed, so i went to dm's dunkin. Ordered orange juice and oeanut choco donut but somehow the price wasnt package price hhh. Turns out my clires account was somehow banned. So i contacted the admin. Instead of doing dr dafsah's excel i ended up taking off the makara sticker from my laptop. Bought some stuff for almira's bridal shower. Bought arirang at hari2 (its funny bcs yesterday i was seeing online marketplace, planning to buy it, but turns out hari2 the magical place had buy 2 get +1 deal for arirang.

16 - run bts. Managed to move my body a bit. Did 20 squats (ill elaborate on this later). That improved my mood. Tidied up some of my stuff. Saw the paper bag of random memorabilias by friends.

17 - went to rsf by tj. left kalideres 06:45 and arrived at RSF 8:15. sampling. went to RM (still no new ones). picked up by mom. went to salemba for almira’s bridal shower. originally planned to get padang at citra minang behind BK but it was closed. so we drove around looking for open ones. ended up buying it in a small (but crowded) padang place near a big padang restaurant lmao. was the first one to arrive at acacia. checked in, pulled the bed near the wall. showered. its hilarious sometimes with a bit more serious discussion anjayy. went home w febby who drove and clara

18 - went to mcd to get lunch (since everyone’s fasting) and tried to muster the will to do something. i didnt manage to do anything except shopping online (brought dusty pink hijab at hijup). got spicy chicken and iced coffee. (spoiler alert: tomorrow i got mencret2 lmaooo). read my suha and beyond the skidipapap its actually rly good

19 - went to RSF (with mom as usual. quickly snapped RM pictures while mom was waiting. went with her to mami’s house bcs she and uwak will fly to banjar. finally got to meet haekal, he’s such a smiley babyy its basically free therapy. planned outing with nisa lmao. from soekarno hatta we went to vintage vibes lmao since we’re already out. vintage vibes is more crowded now. and there’s less good findings now. went back emptyhanded. ate chicken arirang since there’s no food. fell asleep at like 06:30 until early morning lmaooo

20 - woke up at 2-ish am, played my phone, fell asleep at like 9?, woke up again at 11 lmaooo. went to sbux. had matcha latte. did some inaco work. todays the most productive ive been this week.

21 - went to gi with febby to also meet up with fi, bought falsies and glue (later proved to be of a horrible quality), siraman and pengajian almira (first time seeing an actual siraman), went to blok m w nes ren ara gen. Tried naruto takoyaki at little tokyo, went to daitokyo (i didnt eat anything), and got matcha cake, sakura and mango raspberry gelato at kebun ide. Picked up by mom. Renata gifted me bts 2021 winter package photocard 🥺🥺

22 - iluni internship webinar by dr naldo. Grabbed fried chicken master. Stupid time management etcetc made my start makeup at 12 (febby went out at 13:30). My falsies and hijabdo was done by herrr thank god for the help. Went to swissbel. Didnt take a pic w almira bcs time. Almiras wedding at damai indah golf pik. My skin was TERRIBLE at the wedding. The make up didnt stick prolly bcs of vitacid. Thank god for masks,,, went back home w febbyy. Made tiktok lmao

23 - lazed. Went to flavola. Its finally daytime caffeine again w kopsuscok. Did dr triya's translation work and finished it at home. She transferred the fee at like 11pm

24 - off to RSF with mom. no new medical records. wrote fuad’s name on the medrec borrowing form. continued to nisa’s place w mom. lazed, played w haekal, put some patient’s phone number on the inaco excel. Off to GBK with nisa and sarah. parked at abc field (shouldve parked near GBK’s H gate). saw moja museum 2.0, took lots of pics. mo paint (moral lesson: draw the background first!! not the foreground). finished at 16:30. ashar at masjid al-bina. nisa dropped me off at gbk tj station. prayed maghrib on the bus since the traffic was so ughh. met atikah in lippo puri. decided to eat seirockya so we walked to puri. talked about a certain someone along the way. we rly talked about it while walking until we arrived at seirockya. atikah treated me uyeyy since she and racheel will stay in depok for 2 weeks starting tomorrow. got the shoyu ramen and gyoza. took the taxi to atikah’s place. mom’s waiting there lmaoo i was like “noo dont wait at jco, just wait at atikah’s”. still felt energized that night in my bed. no sleepy2. like 100% awake. 

25 - woke up at like 9:30. i basically did nothing today. didnt even shower lmao (i showered last night). read the good teacher in one go. zoom meeting w dr eva. i rly need some structure in life, goshhh

26 - showered and went to mcd. got nasi uduk, breakfast wrap and milo for 26k (thanks mcd app promo and mcd duta garden’s menu machine, i dont have to interact with another human). planning to do dr dafsah’s excel after all the data is complete, and still no new inaco data, so i ended up.... online shopping at bobobobo....... (bought outer and white culotte). tidied up the writings on my stickies (plenty of words has accumulated). ordered onejai for emir juan (expensive!!! 79k no promo lolll but free delivery. i was baited by gojek’s 1k 2 week subscription and felt like hmmm i should get something since we live in the middle of nowhere and free deliveries felt significant at that particular time when im holding my phone lmao). fell asleep after drinking vsoy + matcha lol its soft caffeine no longer works i guess

27 - woke up late as usual, went to sbux at 1 pm. tried white peach matcha frapp. the peach overpowers and u can barely taste the matcha. tried to read something useful (in medicine) but skimmed 2 ppt and then i saw solid’s bitly for isip. finished reading banana fish. couldnt bawl my eyes out because im outside.

28 - checked out rsf. Still no new ones. Immediately went back. Lazed and wasted my time

29 - iluni webinar. Here comes the impending life crisis. Ate nasi uduk and mie goreng telor today. Tried vsoy golden grain with matcha. It has almond aftertaste. Line call with kris for almost 4 hrs until 11 past sumn pm.

30 - more iluni webinar. Dr Eric, SpPD, PhD was rly cool. Tried daily box (butter soy chicken). Quite tasty. Mkg w regen. Videocalled in the mall w silvi racil bcs its ale and nadaa's wedding today. Bought gooma 500ml matcha w gofood pickup discount. Ate sushi go (the shoyu has mirin btw). 50k+ you get 6 piece of sushi (2 salmon) and matcha cake and ocha. Quite a nice deal. Talked abt cryptocurrency lmao. Went back and forth w TJ. All hail tj

31 - planned to do at least some productive stuff at home. turns out nila is outside and had some time to spare. so we went out. i met her in citra 6. we went to pik’s white beach. its scorching hot since its 2 pm. spent like 15 mins there. we had wanted to stop by monsieur spoon but THERES A QUEUEEE even if its a hot afternoon. so we ate tom sushi at green sedayu. talked a bit afterwards in nila’s place and then i was picked up by emir. tried gooma’s matcha. its not sweet like sbux. approved by mom (who doesnt like sweets). but its more expensive than sbux’s 2L 100k promo lol. (45k after gopay pickup promo for 500 ml). reread bj alex lmaooooo found new tidbits

[sapphirethesexyone]

2017 came in like a bitch and went out like a champ. It’s been a hell of a year. My whole life changed.

 I know this to be true because I went back exactly one year and read My end of the year blog post from 2016. It starts like this

 “I’m living a double life (or maybe triple lol) but I’m definitely living more than one. I appear online through My photos to be a vixen, a woman of the world who can make men fall to her feet. That’s a part of Me but not one I let out regularly. I play vixen.  Those who only see My words and never My pics would think I’m a nerd. Outside of My modeling, I am a paid blogger who writes 3 days a week for an urban blog. I am a magazine columnist for a monthly mag and on staff for another urban magazine, which I write for bi-monthly. Additionally, I work on My own writing projects and am completing My first book of erotic stories.  I also run a talent promotion and resource website. I build websites. I love to help people reach their dreams as I’ve been lucky enough to do a few times. I love knowing I’m on the cover of a book and magazines. I love that My xxx business led me to the top. I fucked the man himself, Ron Jeremy in 2012. I am ecstatic that My talent promotion business is opening a whole different set of doors for Me. I can’t wait to add published author to the list.

Outside of My work, I spend most of My time on the couch honestly. I love to spend a day lost in documentaries, a good book, or raunchy cartoon. I’m a pothead. I’m generally quiet because I find that the people I send time around are not as intelligent as I and we can’t communicate on a level I feel peaceful on. I hate arguing with an idiot or   trying to explain something to someone whose mind is closed. I rather tell them just do your own damn research and shut up. I LOVE to agree to disagree. It keeps the peace.

I don’t date. I tried. I quit. Men suck, no seriously. They look at Me   and form and idea of what I am, what they want from Me and they run with it. They don’t give a fuck that I don’t want the same. I’m tired of saying no more than once, tired of fighting men off Me, tired of men hanging around Me thinking I’m going to be the fantasy they’ve concocted in their heads. I’m not, I’m just plain ol’ Me. I don’t date.” Read the rest of this blog post http://sapphirethesexyone.tumblr.com/post/154933706857/2017-sapphirewho-is-this-chameleon-now

 Just reading those 5 paragraphs, I have no choice but to acknowledge how far I’ve come in 12 short months. A year is 365 days and this year, they flew by so fast, it felt like we had only half of that. My whole life is different. When I look back at the words I wrote last year, I am so proud of myself.

 Not even taking my individual accomplishments into account, I am extremely proud of the mindset shift that I’ve had in 2017, which led to a life I would have never anticipated 365 days ago.

 This time last year, I hated Myself and life. I felt lost. For the first time in My adulthood, I felt that I had no choice but to stand on My own two feet. I didn’t think I was ready. Since the age of 20 I have had a guardian angel, a man I called My best friend, he was so much more. He was My everything. He was My father figure, My best friend, the man who loved Me most in the world, My spiritual guide and My role model. I was mourning him this time last year, in a way, I have all year still.

 In April on 2017, we went out for a typical day out, lunch, movie and a long walk around the harbor talking. It was the last time we spent real time together, the next day I was at the hospital as he was rushed in for emergency surgery. His appendix had erupted and at the age of 73, he had other complications. He never woke up. His extremely religious family wouldn’t let him go. It’s been a year and a half, he’s still in a vegetative state I hear, he may have had a leg amputated.

It was My best friend that I always spent holidays with because I’m not close to My family. I hadn’t had him for the holiday season, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years’ Eve…..without him, I was miserable. Instead of My closest friend, I was spending the holidays with the person who had stepped up to fill his spot. The problem there, was that we weren’t getting along. After three years, we were still having a hard time finding balance in our relationship, like most men I encountered, we met through something sexual. We weren’t sexual, but he met Me as a cam girl.

 Because of how we met, as our friendship evolved, I had a hard time understanding if he was looking at Me as a friend or as a woman who turned him on. Some of his actions and gifts felt more like manipulation. He had recently helped Me get My dentures, which cost 6K. After helping Me, he started to say things that were borderline “you owe me” and I couldn’t deal. We were fighting constantly. On New Year’s Eve, we had a huge blowout. I was inspired to create a yearly goal for 2017, to strive for total independence because to Me, independence meant freedom.

 I live on My own, but I’m legally disabled. I work in the ways I can when I can but normal day to day activities and schedules don’t work for Me. I pay My bills with My disability check and whatever money I make is a supplement, it helps but I haven’t gotten to a point yet where I even make steady money to pay My own bills. This time last year I was in a much worse situation. I was barely making any money from My side business. Every month I needed help. My friend was paying My phone and cable every month and I still would be struggling.

 January 2017 was like every other January for Me, I was broke, miserable and trapped in the house for the most part. In the winter, My fibromyalgia flares up so badly that I am pretty much incapacitated in pain. February found Me hopeful, I was going to work towards independence and freedom. I just wanted to be happy, but getting there would be an adventure.

 February found Me hopeful of a new start, I didn’t realize just how different it would be. For Valentine’s Day in 2017, I decided to give Myself the best gift that I cold, freedom. I had been sexually chained to men whom I felt had no real use for Me beyond sex. If they had any other use for Me, they hadn’t made it known in so long, I had forgotten. Truthfully, I had little use for each but craved a friendship at least with the men I was sleeping with. All we had was sex. I told them all for Valentine’s Day that it was time to end it. This included men I had been sleeping with for 10 years down to men I had been sleeping with for 10 months.

 Life hit Me with another curveball right after that, another loss. I had been working intensively with My therapist for 7.5 years at least 1 to 3 days a week for over 7 years. I walked into my therapist’s office one day and she floored Me. After 7.5 years of weekly interaction, she told Me she couldn’t see Me any longer. Since I had started seeing her, she’d returned to school and obtained more degrees. At this point, she no longer could accept My state sponsored insurance.

 I went into a deep depression, I stayed in bed for about two weeks, crying and trying to figure out how I would go forth. Eventually, I dragged Myself out of bed.

 In late February, early March, I attended a workshop that changed My life. I thought I was going to learn how to publish a book in 30 days, I didn’t what I was attending was a sales seminar. The facilitator wanted to sell us her program, not give us her knowledge. I could respect that, but because of where I was in My life, business and writing career, I was able to take the knowledge she did give and figure out how to publish a book.

 I mapped out a plan of action and was ready to take the leap….as soon as My tax returns came in. After preparing My taxes, I realized I would only be receiving $300 back and that was nowhere near the $2000 I was expecting. I was discouraged. Realizing I didn’t really need that much to get started, I started thinking about how I could publish My book. I told a fan/customer My dilemma. They offered Me money, no strings attached. He started with $1.,000 Canadian money which turned out to be a little over $750 U.S. I took that and published My first book, SapphirErotica, bought a few domains names, built a few sites and purchased a bunch of marketing materials. I also paid to be a apart of a women’s empowerment tour that was popular at the moment.

 Once I published that book I felt like I had accomplished My main goal and it was time to move forward. I had 20 books in Me, I knew it. I immediately published a second book, then a 3rd and fourth. I started to publish anthologies, which I hadn’t anticipated doing from the beginning. Learning what I did in that workshop, I knew it was the way to go to gain real attention as a writer and make money as a writer at the same time.

 I had no clue the attention My new business and movement would start to attract. I told people I was stronger than my struggles. I had been fighting to be stronger than the things that had been trying to break me for a long time. I already had started to share My story via My Youtube series, The Sexy Sapphire Chronicles and Sapphire Says and had been blogging about My life for 10 years on and off. I had been wanting to connect with more women because I knew that My story and determination would resonate with Me. Because of My past in the sex industry, I had a hard time connecting with women. I had no female friends and though I was putting My story out, I wasn’t connecting with women like I wanted to.

 I’m shy and quieter than people would expect as I quoted from My post last year. In May, I decided that I would challenge Myself for the month of June to do 30 days of Facebook live. I had been wanting to do live videos but had been avoiding them because I was terrified about who I am and how it would display itself on camera. I’m unpredictable and prone to saying whatever, My mouth is reckless. I didn’t know how I would be received or how it would appeal to women. I didn’t want to sell, I wanted to connect, I wanted to be real.

 When I started my Facebook live challenge in June, I had only published two books and was working on My third. I started telling people about My aspirations, how I really wanted to move into office space or start earning enough money that I could easily rent space for the events that I wanted to have, including a free weekly writing workshop. I went in depth about how I wanted to be an asset to survivors and my community both/ I also talked about support and love. I was still beefing with My male friend who had been doing so much for Me, now I wanted and needed someone I could talk to who held no resentments, wanted nothing from Me and who would hear Me out. I had already cut off all My lovers and this point, not only did I feel friendless, but alone.

 Through My almost daily Facebook live videos, I found Myself opening up in a way I hadn’t in years. I’d get on cam and talk sometimes for three hours straight and people would turn in from start to finish. It was then I realized that I wasn’t alone. I just didn’t have the conventional support that I had been seeking. These strangers via Facebook started to become a part of My life in a way, they were My support, My family. I couldn’t wait to log in and share My day.

 By the end of June, I had amazing news to share. In My boldness and happiness from feeling so free and accepted I had filled out an application to move into the Impact Hub. I had first found out about the place a little over a year prior to My joining. I had been attending free monthly networking meetings there and had attend a few other events in the space. The building was beautiful, and the vibe was familial. I had checked out the costs of membership a few times and hated life because it was out of reach for someone like Myself, on a fixed income. Something drew Me back in June, the same voice that said that it was time to go live.

 When I went to the website, there was a link that had not previously been visible. It said scholarship. I filled out the form, hopeful but not thinking they would pay Me much mind. I bared My soul, telling them how I used to be a former whore and that I was working to now run legit businesses and I wanted a creative space to belong and rejoin the community.

 Within a week I had received a message that they wanted to meet Me, once I arrived, I was told that I was in. I immediately leapt into action on putting My workshops into play.

 I wanted to get acclimated at the new office, but I had to wait until July 5th for My member ship to start, after the holiday. I had recently started spending time with a woman I had met in a writing workshop a few years back, one day she suggested we go to lunch. I had recently discovered HoneyGro and took her there to eat and then to the museum to enjoy the sculpture garden. I had the bright idea that I’d show her the building where I would be having My new office, we stopped past the Impact Hub.

 As we left to head back to our respective homes, it started to rain and instead of our normal bus, we hopped the first one that came, a free purple route circulator. The moment we stepped on the bus, My eyes were immediately drawn to the back of the bus. There in the back, in the center seat, sat the most perfect chocolate man I had seen in years. He was Black, dark, locs cascading down his back. He looked up and smiled, his smile was gold, literally. He had fronts but his smile was still beautiful. He was on his phone and I was on the prowl.

 My girlfriend and I sat across from each other on either side of him and I started to engage her in convo that I hoped would get his attention, it did. He spent the rest of the bus ride engaging us both but focusing on Me. When she got off the bus earlier than us both, we weren’t complaining. Turns out he worked near My house and was headed to work. I could have enjoyed some time with him on the rest of the 40-minute ride, but I had to make a post office run in the rain. We parted, he immediately text Me. We’ve been seeing each other since, in 2 days it will be 6 months.

 He’s far from perfect, in fact, he’s stronger than his struggles and that is why I have fallen for him. On our first visit and time spent alone, I was overwhelmed by the chemistry between us two. I felt like a snack and could tell he was hungry. I told him day one that I had herpes and had been infected for 19 years. He held Me while I cried, kissed Me and then told Me it was okay. We made love. He also came clean about himself that day, he was a former street dude, a thug in a lot of ways, a criminal in others, he had been to jail and for a 10-year period or so, he was an addicted deadbeat. He had fallen into this culture of pill popping and lean sipping and went years without a proper job, he had been homeless, he has 8 children.

 He was honest that at the time, he was living in a transitional housing situation. Technically, still homeless. However, his personality was so refreshing, so humbling and his spirit so beautiful, that none of this mattered to Me. In fact, for two months or so, we were happily moving along until he told Me who one of his two baby mothers was. It devastated Me, she and I used to be like best friends in high school and he has 4 kids with her. I immediately cried and stressed, loving him felt wrong but I wasn’t willing to walk away either. I asked him to tell him, it’s been 4 more months, he hasn’t yet. But we had a good convo about it yesterday because he’s ready for Me to start meeting his kids I think. He started talking about it and I told him I have no problem, after she is aware of who he is dating. She can only hear it from one of us, I would hate for her to find out any other way, though we sure don’t hide in public.

 I couldn’t believe how My summer was going. By August 1st, I had gotten comfortable at the Impact hub, published a third book, was head over heels for the guy I had met and had facilitated My first two workshops. I was on top of the world. My year had started tumultuous, but I noticed that since I started making determinations and plans in February, My life had changed. It was as if I took control.

 From August forth, I was unstoppable. There were workshops and speaking engagements. I saw Myself on a skyscraper billboard. I published 3 more books and made plans to launch a publishing company. My blogging had led to such great assignments as being paid to interview r&b legend Kenny Lattimore. My curiosity led Me to attend networking events that would have before scared Me in size and nature. I learned to walk into room that I once would have felt uncomfortable in, with My head held high. I met celebrities, heard media and business icons speak live in person. I even met a Ghanaian Queen.

 In October I launched My coaching programs. I had been doing coaching sessions, which are almost like therapy here and there but was unhappy with the way I could monitor the progress of the people who were paying Me for help. Launching My signature program gave My coaching structure and allowed Me to help them in a better way and also to keep track of their progress.

 I was shocked when a woman whom I had met in August at one of My workshops signed up for coaching. In August, she had driven from Connecticut to attend My book publishing workshop and have a one on one meeting with Me. We really got along well, but truthfully, I was a little intimidated by her. She was tall, beautiful, outgoing and had the letters PhD, behind her name. I’m glad I took her one as a client, Over the last few months, she’s taught Me more than she knows and has helped Me grow in more ways than one.

 She’ll be publishing her book this month and I can’t wait. She approached Me in the last week twice with statements that made My day. Once she asked about investing My business, the next time she came back and told Me she wanted to write a book with Me. I was amazed, not only do we make a great team and work well together, but I can’t get over the thought of seeing My name on the cover of a book next to that of a doctor. I’m here for it though, you hear?

 A woman I met in the summer has become My closest friend, My business bestie if you will. I had been doing local radio spots and promo to advertise My book in June or July. After a few appearances on a particular show, the host told Me about another show he thought I’d be a good fit for as co-host. Once I met the main host of the show, it was obvious that she had checked out. I could see her passion beneath the surface for another project she had That was her baby and where he energy flowed. I told her I’d come out and support her event. I did the following month.

 I went in shy, not sure what to expect and by My 3rd month there, I felt like family. I found Myself anticipating the day of the month that we could go fellowship. The woman was so nice and open that I felt comfortable enough to ask her to support My writing workshop, she obliged. Back and forth it seems we would trade favors or compliments until I looked up to and realized that I trusted her. We had become friends. I haven’t had female friends in so long. The bonus? Her wife is just as cool and down to earth. I made one friend and got two.

 2017 was a year of progress and growth with just a sprinkle of real life bullshit thrown in. My ex has continued to weave his way in and out of My life, getting my hopes all up that he’ll change. He won’t’ and in 2018, I won’t even allow Myself to be fooled into thinking he will. We spent Christmas night together. I think I will look at that as closure. My son has determined that he will be a lost cause and there is nothing I can do to stop him. My step mother has joined his cause. I’m literally so tired of her undermining My authority as a parent that though I know she has been allowing My son to run the streets of Baltimore at all times of night when I have not approved of it, I’ve said nothing. Instead I’ve checked out and went back to basics. The government said food, clothing and shelter, I provide those, leave Me alone for the rest.

 Giving up on your kid is hard but condoning who he is becoming is not an option and trying to change someone else is fruitless. He has to decide eh is tire do f living the way he is. Sadly, in less than a year, he will be 18. I’m not the cut you off at 18 type parent, IF you’re doing what you’re supposed to as a young adult. He has no hope. I don’t see him getting it together til about twenty. I’ll be here then.

 The biggest obstacles I faced all year were trying to make My son care about his future, figuring out who I am love and relationship wise, (am I monogamous or poly?) missing the two people who had been the most influential parts of My life, My therapist and best friend and the constant battle for respect with the guy who stepped into the role of best friend when Mine no longer could fill the role.

 The biggest wins I had in 2017 were

 ·         Becoming a published author and releasing 6 of the 9 books I finished

·         Moving into a co-working space

·         Launching My Stronger Than My Struggles

·         Becoming more a part of the local arts community

·         Falling in love

·         Being taken seriously as a coach

·         Being booked to speak in front of so many people

·         Getting closer to My goal of financial independence. I now pay My own bills every month.

·         Cut off the men who were using Me sexually

·         Found out that I was indeed capable of being successful without My shrink

·         Learned so much about entrepreneurship

·         Being named honorary BADD Girl of the year by BADD Magazine

·         Interviewing Kenny Lattimore

·         Made female friends

  And there were so many more wins. 2017 was great. For the first time I even beat the holiday blues season. I didn’t get depressed, hate life and avoid everyone after thanksgiving. Thanksgiving was a little hard on Me, it was the second without My best friend who was really My everything. I was better afterwards though and Through Christmas and the new year, the holiday blues never took hold of Me.  For once, I looked at engagement pictures and happy family photos on social media and said, “they deserve that”, instead of why not Me. I have come a long way.

 Yesterday was New Year’s Eve and I didn’t make any significant plans. Thanksgiving I had chosen to spend alone. Christmas eve into Christmas morning I spent with My ex, getting the closure that a woman deserves after almost 3 years of nonsense. Christmas Day, I spent with the friend who had taken My best friend’s place. I already knew the guy that I’ve been seeing had to work, besides, he has eight kids, there was little hope of spending time with him. Though I hadn’t planned on seeing him, I found Myself bothered by his lack of communication over the holiday. I was ready to call it off.

 I snapped at him and told him I felt insignificant and I don’t allow that. He apologized and said he wanted to do better and that he loved Me. It was the first time he had said it and it caught Me off guard. He surprised Me on New Year Eve and wanted to spend the day together before work. I was ecstatic, I understood not only did he want to see Me, but he wanted Me to not be mad, he wanted Me to know I matter. I already had plans to hang out with a friend but cut them short with the swiftness. I made us some dinner, cleaned up and prepared to feel loved on. He didn’t disappoint.

 When he walked in My door looking like God in human form I was reminded of the day we met and how this attraction has been instant from moment one. We spent the day in bed, laughing and talking, cuddling and figuring out our future. We discussed what we wanted from each other and where we were both at mentally in the relationship. It was so different and needed. I was able to confess to him that I was glad he wasn’t ready for commitment because I was afraid I wasn’t ready either and the idea of Me fucking up and losing him totally scared Me all the time. He mentioned Me meeting his kids finally, I told him how My son could benefit from hearing his story.

 All day, we did what we do best, comfort each other, listen to each other and watch cartoons. Before it was time for him to prep for work, I got up and made him a plate then kept him company while he ate. After he left, there were still 3 hours before midnight, I called a long-time associate and told them come bring in the new year with Me. We got stupid high and watched the new Dave Chappelle stand ups on Netflix until I finally passed out near 2 a.m.

 I woke up at quarter to five this morning, on the couch, hung over from weed and smiling. I sat up and started to finish typing this on the brand new 2018 laptop I received for Christmas. My new best friend still does things for Me, but the dynamics of our friendship has changed. He does them now understanding that it gives him no leverage at all. With or without him I will have the things I need and want and I won’t tolerate any bullshit being sent My way. We’ve found balance.

 I had spent the prior day with 3 men but had only been intimate with one. For those who know about My sex ocd, that was a big step, right? I am secure in the fact that while I currently don’t want anyone but the guy I am seeing, that if I slip up and exchange physical energy with someone else, it won’t ruin what I have, I just have to be safe unlike when I fucked My ex unprotected.  I took control of My life in 2017. I called all the shots and visualized the things I wanted before getting them.

 In 2018 I will continue to move forth with the same purpose and passion. I have things in store for Myself and My business that I can’t wait to embark on.

 Yet, the most important milestone of 2018 will be October 11th, the day My son turns 18. I have tried for years to get My son back on track and it has been disastrous. As a parent, for the last year, I’ve wanted to check out. The law doesn’t allow that however, and I’m fully responsible for My son, no matter how fucked up he decides he will be. That changes on October 11, 2018. I will always be his mother, but no longer will I be his scape goat or the one they call when he fucks up. This kid has 10 months left to blame Me for why his life is shit and then I get to say oh well. I’ve been looking forward to it and I can’t wait.

 2017 I set myself up for a life of financial freedom, in 2018 I will claim it and My son will no longer be My responsibility, just My son.

 2018 here I come. You ready?

Check out My books on Amazon https://www.amazon.com/Melony-Hill/e/B071NF1ZCL/ 

Check out My website and other blog at http://www.strongerthanmystruggles.com 

Add Me on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100011090133858 

Follow Me on Instagram http://www.instagram.com/strongerthanmystruggles 

[happyshawol]

70 horrible questions

i was tagged by @jong-fetti thank u i lov u!!

i’m tagging anyone that wants to do this?? bc its really long sjksdks everything is under the cut !

01: do you have a good relationship with your parents? mm.. more with my dad but not really im not really close to them

02: who did you last say “i love you” to? i just wrote “i lov u” to arooj like five lines ago does that count

03: do you regret anything? not really? i guess there are some things but its just because they were embarrassing 

04: are you insecure? yea man  

05: what is your relationship status? single

06: how do you want to die? in any way possible please

07: what did you last eat? cereal

08: played any sports? uh. i fenced for like two years n then i got some fracture or something in my ankle and i stopped

09: do you bite your nails? no but i bite the skin like?? around my nails?? idk its nasty

10: when was your last physical fight? uh... idk i used to beat people up but they never really punched back? it was in middle school tho

11: do you like someone? jeon jungkook

12: have you ever stayed up 48 hours? nope

13: do you hate anyone at the moment? not really? there r some classmates i guess but i dont hate them to the point im constantly thinking abt it or annoyed by their presence or something like that

14: do you miss someone? yeah man

15: have any pets? no n im so sad someone get me a pet :c

16: how exactly are you feeling at the moment? im okay, i guess. ive been feeling very very tired but its just because i put myself through too much

17: ever made out in the bathroom? no

18: are you scared of sp*de*s? i mean i dont want them near me but they dont scare me. sometimes they kinda cute

19: would you go back in time if you were given the chance? nah. id like to see the future

20: where was the last place you snogged someone? nowhere i never snogged anyone man

21: what are your plans for this weekend? yoga!!

22: do you want to have kids? not really. if i do i’d adopt. also i wanna make money off my ovaries so im planning on selling them LMAO

23: do you have piercings? just my ears

24: what is/are/were your best subject(s)? art

25: do you miss anyone from your past? yes..

26: what are you craving right now? a hug

27: have you ever broken someone’s heart? i dunno, i never meant to or wanted to

28: have you ever been cheated on? no

29: have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? nah

30: what’s irritating you right now? no one wants to hold my hand

31: does somebody love you? i hope so, i just think its getting harder for me to believe but thats my fault

32: what is your favourite colour? ohh ;u; i dunno man colors are so lovely ;; ive been really into red and maroon recently everything i buy is red

33: do you have trust issues? yes it dominates the entirety of my life

34: who/what was your last dream about? i was d*ing and people were watching and laughing

35: who was the last person you cried in front of? my yoga teach :-( it was embarrassing bc i hate crying in front of people but i was so stressed and shes like a mom to me

36: do you give out second chances too easily? i used to

37: is it easier to forgive or forget? forget just bc i have a shit memory and cant remember anything

38: is this year the best year of your life? i dunno. i hope not. it would be kind of sad if it was

39: how old were you when you had your first kiss? i havent had mine yet but probably 57

40: have you ever walked outside completely naked? nah but sounds like a good time

51: favourite food? dal dhokli hell uea

52: do you believe everything happens for a reason? yeah. i think that thinking is starting to get bad for me, and that some things just happen because they happen but.. i cant seem to sway myself from thinking everything is for a reason

53: what is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? i literally cannot remember i think i video chatted w/ a friend

54: is cheating ever okay? no never never fuckin cheat on someone its so bad

55: are you mean? i try really hard not to be so i hope not :-( some people say it as a joke but im still like !!aaa!!!!!

56: how many people have you fist fought? idk no one ever fought back i just punched ppl

57: do you believe in true love? yes, whether its friends or family or a s/o

58: favourite weather? its sunny and warm n you can sit in the grass and feel a little wind going around~

59: do you like the snow? yes

60: do you wanna get married? i dunno

61: is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? ??i guess? no ones ever really done it

62: what makes you happy? my friends, shinee, art, animals, plants, music, clothes, food, blankets

63: would you change your name? not anymore, i used to dislike my name but i like it now

64: would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? i never kissed any1 on the lips but on the cheek no

65: your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? idk what the gender part of any of these questions has to do w anything but id prolly freak out and have a mtbd just bc the thought of someone liking me romantically scares me

66: do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? yeap

67: who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? my dad?

68: who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? idk man

69: do you believe in soulmates? id really like to but idk!

70: is there anyone you would die for? yes many people

[meraenthusiast]

The Psychology Of Happiness (What’s Really Important?)

Psychology Of Happiness – Can Money Help?

During the COVID-19 pandemic, our periodontal practice (along with all Louisiana dental practices) were mandated to shut down. Now granted we could still see emergencies but for the most part, we didn’t treat or see patients for seven weeks.

During that down time I was able to get a small glimpse of what retirement life might be like and also reflect on life and priorities.

Honesty, I thought our family needed much more $ to live on but I was wrong. Food, clothing and shelter costs were nowhere near what I thought which forced me to start paying more attention to our household budget.

The down time also allowed me to focus on what’s important and what’s not important. It also gave me time to realize what really makes me happy which encouraged me to do a little research on the psychology of happiness.

What we think makes up happy and what we strive for on a daily basis doesn’t make sense. I’ll explain shortly.

Related article: The Hedonic Treadmill – Why Stuff Won’t Make You Happier

Life Is Short

I’m currently coaching my son’s little league baseball team. One of the kids on the team is a friend of mine’s son, Andrew. You see, Andrew’s dad and I, Andy, used to play doubles together in a local tennis league.

Andy was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer at the age of 33. He never smoked a day in his life.

When the baseball league started this summer, Andy wasn’t doing well and unfortunately passed away a few days ago at the young age of 40.

I coached his son during his last night on Earth and it breaks my heart to know that he went home to see his dad for the last time.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” – Joshua 1:9

Initially, Andy was only given 6 months to live but several different experimental treatments allowed him to spend an extra seven years with his wife and three kids.

Each time I’ve walked out on to the ball field, his son reminded me just how precious life is. Whenever he stepped up to the plate, his dad wasn’t able to be there, only watching via Facetime.

Praying over Andrew after his dad’s passing.

If I had a difficult day at work, the only thing I had to do was reflect on Andy’s situation. It made me realize what was really important.

So why do we chase the things each day that we think will make us happy? Money? Fame? Material items?

Andy’s situation and our pastor’s recent sermon encouraged me to look into the psychology of happiness a bit further.

How To Think About Life

Our pastor gave a sermon during the pandemic that really got me thinking. He explained how a recent experience he had with completing a census card showed him how to start thinking about life.

He found an old census card with his dad’s name on it and noted it was strange to see that his dad was only 8 at the time. He had his whole life in front of him but had no idea how it would turn out.

Who would he be?

Who would he marry?

Would he have kids?

What was really strange was that Bill, our pastor, already knew everything as his story was completed. Bill knew that his dad would fight in the Korean War, have three kids, live in Texas, retire and eventually pass away.

Priorities

Viewing his dad’s life from beginning to end made him aware of how short our time on Earth really is.

What if instead of using a calendar to count UP our time, we used a scoreboard clock to count it down?

So instead of celebrating birthdays to tell the world how many years you’ve lived, what if we had to focus on how many years we have left?

Think about how that would change your priorities.

Do you think that changed my friend Andy’s priorities?

“So teach us to number our days, that we may present to You a heart of wisdom.” – Psalm 90:12

The Psychology Of Happiness

What makes you happy?

Have you ever stopped and given thought to what really makes you happy?

Is it spending time with the family?

Is it taking the vacation or planning it? (for me it’s planning)

Buying the new car or saving for it?

The thought of moving into that dream “doctor” house?

Sports?

Entertainment?

Relationships?

What did King Solomon do?

King Solomon wrote the Book of Proverbs early in his life and Ecclesiastes later. He had EVERYTHING given to him that a person could possibly want.

From wisdom to riches, this guy had it ALL!

So he set out to find happiness and he ended up trying most of the things our society does today.

Intellectualism didn’t satisfy him so he moved onto pleasure. He had the best comedians and entertainers brought him to make him laugh. I guess I’d have started with Will Ferrell or Jerry Seinfeld myself.

He grew weary of being entertained and moved onto chemical pleasure. When that didn’t work he focused on materialistic pleasure next.

Ecclesiastes 2:4 – “I also tried to find meaning by building huge homes for myself and by planting beautiful vineyards.”

When the mansion and garden didn’t do it for him he moved on to women. Speaking of women, this guy had 700 wives and 300 concubines.

I don’t know about you, but if I wasn’t happy with wife #4 or #5, I don’t think I’d have kept going to 700. Just saying….

After none of those panned out, he stated in Ecclesiastes 2:11 – “But as I looked at everything I had worked so hard to accomplish, it was all so meaningless—like chasing the wind. There was nothing really worthwhile anywhere.”

The Pursuit Of Pleasure

Solomon realized that the pursuit of pleasure wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.

He experienced firsthand about the “Law of Diminishing Returns” which states that what WAS satisfying will NEVER stay satisfying.

For instance, in his pursuit of pleasure from chemicals, one high only lead to another and another, etc.

When he tried to find pleasure via materialistic means, he realized that enough is NEVER enough. He always wanted more. Sound familiar?

Why is that? Well Mr. Dave Ramsey may have an answer. He says, “We buy things we don’t need with money we don’t have to impress people we don’t like.”

This constant dissatisfaction pushes most to overspend and never be satisfied with how much money we make.

The Adaptation Principle

Whatever happens to us, more than likely we’re going to adapt to it, but you don’t realize initially that you will. This is the basis of the adaptation or hedonic principle.

This is why we expect a certain level of service when staying at resorts/hotels because we’ve adapted to the Ritz Carlton experience. 🙂

In the book, The Happiness Curve: Why Life Gets Better AFTER 50, author Jonathan Haidt states, “We don’t just habituate, we re-calibrate. We create for ourselves a world of targets, and each time we hit one we replace it with another. We keep aiming higher after a string of success, but we aim lower after a massive setback.”

If you make Hedonism your goal then pleasure will always allude you.  Pleasure is a byproduct of other things. When it becomes the focus it becomes unattainable.

In the long run, it doesn’t much matter what happens to you. This is the basis of the hedonic treadmill. We continue to strive, all the while doing things that we think will help us win at the game of life.

Ever feel like you’re the hamster on the wheel running and running and never going anywhere? Yeah, me too.

Haidt also states that, “We’re all stuck in a zero-sum game, a world in which rising wealth does NOT bring rising happiness.”

How Much Money Makes Us Happy?

You’ve probably read studies regarding how much money it takes to make us happy.

Actually, money is important to bring us happiness, but only to a certain point.

As stated earlier, I experienced this during the pandemic when we noticed that when our basic needs are met (food, clothing and shelter), we’re just as happy as before.

Most income studies tell us that we don’t need to make a million bucks a year to be happy.

Maybe you’d have skipped out on medical/dental school if you’d learned this sooner!

It seems that the sweet spot is somewhere around the $70,000 – $75,000 range.

So if we’re only happy up until a certain amount, then what are we supposed to do?

Glad you asked…..

Dave’s Answer

It’s funny how God works. Well maybe “funny” isn’t the right word but during the several days I’ve been researching and writing this article, my YouTube subscription from the Dave Ramsey show entered the inbox.

The title of the video (9 min segment of the show) was, “Americans Have A Problem.”

Guess what that problem is? Living life to acquire stuff.

Dave calls this disease “stuff-itis“.

He also makes a point within the first two minutes that possessions that once brought him joy at one phase of his life didn’t later on.

  I can certainly relate to this as there are many items (i.e. vehicles) that I thought were the most important thing at one time that aren’t now.

We’re seeing this same situation play out with our 15 year old and his new (used) vehicle purchase. He’s very excited and talks daily about the new stereo, tires and other bling items he can add to it.

For him, the 2004 Toyota 4Runner is his main focus. More than likely when he’s married with kids, he’ll move on to something else. What brings him joy now is probably not going to when he’s 35 with two kids.

This, to me, is how the psychology of happiness works. It’s an ever moving target that changes with life’s stages and circumstances.

Don’t Worry Be Happy

If your life is geared toward the pursuit of pleasure then I’ve got bad news for you…you’ll never obtain it. Just ask King Solomon.

He had it all and was still ticked off!

The pursuit of pleasure (hedonism) is built on 2 things:

Dissatisfaction

Selfishness

For those that are believers, we realize that the only way to become satisfied is from Christ and NOT from stuff.

Ecclesiastes 2:24 – “So I decided there is nothing better than to enjoy food and drink and to find satisfaction in work. Then I realized that these pleasures are from the hand of God.”

Stop living for yourself

Ecclesiastes 2:26 – “God gives wisdom, knowledge, and joy to those who please him.”

If you want to find TRUE joy and happiness then focus on others. Wait a minute Jeff. You mean building the dream home or traveling to Fiji isn’t going to bring me ever-lasting happiness?

Survey says………….Nope.

The HAPPIEST people I know are GIVERS and live a purpose-driven life.

Have you ever given someone a Christmas gift that didn’t know you? It could have been a meal or a kid’s bike. Doesn’t matter.

How did it make you feel to see the look of surprise on their face? Were you happier serving that person rather than opening gifts Christmas morning? There’s only so many pairs of socks you can wear, right?

Remember, happiness is going to change depending on what stage of life you’re in. A child is going to care more about birthday gifts than when they’re older adults. Well maybe!

From a personal perspective, I’m MUCH happier on the giving rather than receiving end of stuff. How about you?

In the book, “The Geometry of Wealth”, author Brian Portnoy discusses how happier people live with a purpose. He teaches that the first step is figuring out where you want to go.

Money serves to push us in that direction. It’s hard to find freedom to do what we really want to do without money. I’m not saying it can’t be done….but money makes it easier.

So what’s freedom mean to you?

More Valuable Than Money

You’ve probably heard the phrase “Time is MONEY.” The older I get, the more I realize how important time is. Time with kids. Time with my wife. Time with my parents and friends.

Do you see a trend here? Relationships and time are important and can’t be bought with money.

This site is dedicated to give you resources on what it takes to build passive income streams.

You can do what you want with your new found wealth but for me, it’s using it to free up my time away from the practice.

Passive income is so important that I’ve dedicated myself to sharing my personal experience on how I’m acquiring it so you too can do the same.

So I’ll ask you again. What’s freedom mean to you?

Passive Investors Circle

Are you ready to take the next step to freedom? Consider joining the Free Passive Investors Circle today.

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