#like we see nothing of any organic gender non-conformity but it would not be treated as well as frelkdom

[dullahandyke]

I have a feeling my lecturer isnt gonna think my essay idea is relevant so some time tomorrow I'm setting myself up with speech to text and rambling to yis abt aye and gomorrah and its colonial gender identities

[yourtoradorasextendedwarranty]

Define Woman

So this is going to piss some people off, but frankly speaking I don’t give a damn. 

The words woman and man were words used to define the sex of a person. However, we ended up with a situation where gender is no longer a reference to sex, but instead to some strange amorphous concept with no meaning whatsoever. 

Gender in it’s original context was just and only “Man” and “Woman”. In their original meanings. Which was, “Man: Adult Human Male” and “Woman: Adult Human Female”. The reason these distinctions are important, is because gender originally had no difference from biological sex. Somehow however, because of bad actors like John Money (A child abuser, pedophile, and scientific hack) he both was the foundation of and the root cause of the normalization of terms like gender fluid, gender non conforming, and other stuff related to the term gender. 

Basically this monster is the reason the term gender now means nothing at all. What’s worse, there are politicians and parents worried about their kids now, and are asking biologists, doctors, and scientists, to define what a woman is. Asking if only women can get pregnant. If only women can get periods, and resoundingly, a lot of them have bowed down to the new radical norm that is, “Trans women are women”. 

And yes. It is a radical ideology. You might ask why. Simple answer? Because woman is SUPPOSED to mean as stated above, “Adult Human Female”. So by claiming that trans women are women, you are falsely claiming that trans women, who are biological men, are SOMEHOW able to ignore science, and just by the logic of claiming as such, have become biological women. 

The dangers to this are vast but let me explain one of the biggest ones. I recently saw a doctor, though I question her credentials, say that “...trans people should be able to change their sex assigned at birth on their licenses...” First of all.....no one is “Assigned a sex at birth”. If you really believe that you should be stripped of any ability to practice medicine. Sex is observed at birth. Not assigned. 

Secondly, men and women have biological differences. Not just sex organs. The types of medication and the amounts of those medications are VERY different. There’s a reason that drugs need to be tested on both men and women and women that are pregnant and may become pregnant. Because there was a lawsuit in early years that found that drugs were not universal, and affected men and women differently. 

Imagine walking into the doctor, and they see your ID, and it says, “F” on the license. And you tell them, “I’m a woman, give me the drugs you would a woman”. And it injures you permanently or kills you. Congrats. You are a moron with no one to blame but yourself. Because fun fact about medications. They don’t just affect you differently based on your sex, but also your size, and other medications and health complications. 

Though as things would have it, there are trans people that think the most inclusive thing is to NEVER be asked about if they are trans, and always HAVE to be treated like the “gender” they identify as. I’m sorry Susan, who used to be named Steve. Medication isn’t “Bigoted”. Biology isn’t “Bigoted”. Your entire life is based on a fabrication that you can be literally anything you want to be. We don’t live in a fantasy world though. Medications, much like biology is rooted in fact. And it doesn’t discriminate. And no amount of screaming into the wind, will change that. 

And there are people that are going to find this post to be, “Transphobic”. Well sorry you are offended by reality but the ideology you are trying to push is dangerous. Why? Well aside from the medical risks in regards to medications, there are also the complications that come from transition surgery. Which frankly there are a lot of. Contrary to the popular activist pushed idea that surgeries, and hormones will have zero negative effects whatsoever. 

It gets more rough when you realize how many people are not sterilized because rushed transitions. Wonder how many dead bodies will be enough from detransitioners, and people who don’t realize they are not trans, who need mental health help instead, but just get told to medically and chemically castrate themselves. How many have to die? How many lives need to be ruined before it’s too many. 

The answer? For the people I’m directing this at, it will never be enough. Because most of you believe that a 2yo can decide they are trans, and should just get put on hormones immediately, and have their junk cut off. The sooner the better right? God forbit they are too young to know that on their own. God forbid parents are capable of abusing their kids. Like Jazz Jennings. Who’s mother is basically abusing “her” and using “her” for fame. And you might say, “Why are you putting her in quotes?”. Because I don’t think Jazz is a girl. I think that Jazz’s mother wanted a daughter, and decided to take advantage of how easy kids are to impress upon, and created a daughter. Said mother also on the Life of Jazz show mentioned that she has to wake Jazz up in the middle of the night to dilate. And they will personally take the dilator, lube it up, and wake Jazz up to use it. Even when Jazz doesn’t want to. 

And said, “Oh no, when Jazz goes to college, I better not find out that they are not dilating themselves, she’s going to strangle Jazz”. Sure call it humor. I see it as a, Jazz better not take this dream of having a daughter with a fake vagina away from me”. No normal human talks like that. She basically got famous for transitioning her 2 yo and she is loving the attention. 

What kills me the most though is the attempt to change what woman means. So what did they change it to in order to be more “inclusive”? “Woman: An adult human female, or a person who otherwise identifies as a woman”.......Which is a funny as hell definition, because it cites itself in the definition. Meaning you get caught in an endless loop of what the word means, which is nothing since it can’t have a meaning while citing itself. What’s worse though is that the definition also doesn’t renounce it’s association with biological sex. Which is more or less criminal in my opinion. Because if “woman” is only a reference to “gender” then it should remove it’s association with biological sex fully. And I’ll just start calling everyone male or female. 

Right up until they decide that they need to change the definition of Female to something it’s not. Though I will admit, it’s going to be comical watching feminist loose their shit when they start losing rights because when words change definitions, so to do laws. 

So again. Define woman. 

And before someone tries to imagine this whole rant is because, “You clearly hate trans people”, realize what I want is less harm in the world. Less harm means NOT chemically castrating kids. Less harm means not cutting off body parts of kids who are not even old enough to consent to the consequences of sex, much less permanently cutting parts of their bodies, and chemically stunting their growth. 

Pretty sure if most of the suicides of trans people were looked into, it wouldn’t be because of lack of acceptance. It would be lack of proper mental and emotional health. It would be the fact that rather than addressing the mental health of a person we just rush them to transition. 

The last point I will make is this. Once upon a time, you could be a guy or a girl, and rather than being taught from childhood to hate yourself, we just told guys, hey if you want to wear a dress, wear a dress. We might think you are gay, but ya know, maybe you just want to wear dresses. We told girls, hey if you want to wear a suit or jeans, you can do that. We might think you are a lesbian, but maybe you just like looking more masculine. Who knows. It was kind of a given for a number of years that you didn’t have to conform to gendered norms. Hell, in the 90′s girls started wearing baggy clothing in mass. That didn’t make them not women. It just means they wanted to dress comfortable, or act more masculine in general. 

Now a days, if the wrong people, see that, they will go out of their way to convince that girl, that she is NOT in fact a girl but a boy in a girls body. I consider that to be harm. Because what happens when that girl is peer pressured and led into believing she IS a boy. Then as soon as she transitions all of a sudden, her life gets a lot harder. She is stuck on chemicals for years, and might have a number of medical issue crop due to cross sex hormones or the surgeries done to the body not lasting. Her life goes from however hard it might have been, to 100x harder, which she won’t be prepared for, because no one is going to tell her what all is going to happen. And no one except people not following this narrative, are going to tell her the truth about the risks. No one except people that are not following this narrative are going to tell the person to go to a NON affirming therapist before they make any medical choices. 

I can’t count the number of people I’ve seen share stuff like off market CSH’s and blockers to minors. I can’t count the number of people I’ve seen share information on shrinks that will just give you a note so you can start hormones SAME DAY. And that’s scary to me that the people harmed the most by this are kids and those whom are autistic. And when they eventually do off themselves, the people who suggested all of that will go, “IT”S NOT MY FAULT! MAYBE IF SOCIETY WORSHIPED US THIS WOULDN”T HAPPEN!”. It’s sad but this really is a sick form of eugenics. And the people falling for it will end up never able to have kids or in fully developed bodies. And I feel bad for them. *sigh* This is a lot longer than I wanted it to be. Maybe I’ll turn it into a video with just audio and repost later. Just stay safe out there.  

[classicalafros67]

On Why I Refuse to Talk to My Grandmother

This is not meant to be educational. This is not meant to slander my grandmother. This is only meant to be therapeutic – a way to organize my thoughts and release my emotions in a healthy way. I want to note, before I begin, that I am talking to my grandmother, but only out of necessity, for logistical and business reasons, until we come up with a recompense or I have to cut her out of my life altogether. I’m not even sure that I am going to share this, but I still wanted to write it, so maybe for a time, my anger, bitterness and disappointment can be placed elsewhere.

Recently, I wrote this piece, didn’t really share, but I didn’t finish it either on an example of how my grandmother has treated me and continues to treats me.

“I feel like I’m a pretty outspoken person when it comes to talking about gender expression, sexuality, gender, feminism and activism, EXCEPT when it comes to my family. Living all as a queer and gender non-conforming African-American, living with ones (loosely) religious, judgmental and controlling family members is anything but easy. In fact, it’s fucking hard as hell, and I’m pretty sure it’s the base of all of my mental illnesses. I’ve grown up to be silent and speak when spoken to. I believe that my guardian (grandmother) believes that she must rule with an iron fist and control and repair me at any cost, so I can be properly digestible for society. As I’ve grown older, I’ve begun to heavily resent her as these repairs and plays for control are disguised as concern and unconditional love. Recently, it has gotten pretty rough between us. I resent having to go home, so I go out as often as possible either spending the night with my friends or my boyfriend in the city.

One of her plans to repair me (and by repair, I mean “masc me up”) was foiled this week when I spent most of it in the city with my boyfriend in order to get away from her. The car that we are currently sharing got a majorly avoidable flat tire. I agreed to help pay for a new tire, but she wanted me to watch the tire get changed?? I could always google, but, hey, what do I know I guess? So, like always, she got upset that I had not come home, (mind you, I am 22 years old, recently graduated from college, and working multiple jobs to move out of there) and had started calling up a storm and MARKING all of the locations I was at. (She forced me to get this app on my phone where she can track me. Again, I am 22 years old.) I eventually went home because she was holding the car hostage and refusing to get it fixed until I came back, knowing that I needed it to get to work.

She tells me that we need to talk, but every time I attempt to talk to her about anything heavy, my sexuality, how I express myself, gender expression, ect., it turns into her talking at me and justifying, for herself, how she feels and why she acts a certain way. I have always been bad at having these conversations with family, but I am tired of the way my grandmother treats me. I haven’t been talking to her for the past couple of days because I refuse to go to business as normal and move on like nothing is going on, and I’ve been making a list of reasons why I’m upset with her which has become… extensive.

This list is disorganized and mostly just the tip of an iceberg talking point that we need to settle. It overall encompasses her disguising her homophobia, embarrassment and desire to control and socialize me (i.e. other toxic behaviors) as concern and unconditional love. Her forcing me to get an app that allows her to track and mark everywhere I go is her ploy to keep me under control, yet she disguises this as a way for her to let me know that she is home when I could careless, and she ignores that I am old enough to go where I damn please, don’t do drugs, don’t smoke, don’t party, but “there is too much going on in the world right now, I just need to know where you are.” Ask me… This will also lead me to my next point on how I express myself. I like, no, I fucking love makeup. My fashion sense, as I’ve mentioned before extends from dad to literal queen mom. If I want to wear a suit, I’ll wear a suit, if I want to wear a dad outfit, I’ll work that. If I want to wear sweats all day, girl yes. If I want to wear high heels and a floral top, I will WORK that. And if I want to wear makeup with any of those outfits, I WILL! Can you guess which one grandma absolutely hates? She’s horrible at addressing things too, so she gets passive aggressive. She always has a snide comment about what I wear or my makeup and “how bad it is for [my] face.” Even today, she looked at my Facebook and demanded me to take down my cover and profile picture because I’m wearing a full face of makeup and a floral shirt and my cover photo is the pride flag with the male, female, and intersex signs. It got to the point where I blocked her because I can’t mentally handle all the controlling.

I don’t know. I think I just want her to admit that she’s embarrassed of me if nothing else, recognize that I’m only living here circumstantially, that I am still an adult that she can’t/shouldn’t try to control, and that we should really learn to live with each other.”

We did eventually sit down in the kitchen one late night as I returned home and attempted to express how I felt. I wanted the conversation to be an eye opener for her that she couldn’t police how a grown person could express themselves be it online or in real life. Instead, it turned into an interrogation about, “who molested you?” “where did we go wrong?” and fake tolerance. I just ended up having to face my grandmother, someone who I had deeply respected and revered, someone who helped me through college and through life when I moved out of my father’s house, express her homophobia and internalized misogyny towards me in words disguised as concern and worry.

“Why are you wearing makeup?”

“Boys don’t wear makeup”

“I thought you were doing it to get back at your daddy”

“I’m getting a handle on the whole gay thing. I’m getting a handle on the fact that one day you’re gonna bring a man home. But, now, this makeup is too much! And the clothes you’re wearing. And you’re growing out your hair…”

These are some of the words that were shared with me on that night. It has been a couple of weeks and the conversation still rings in my head back and forth. There are so many petty rebuttals I both wish, but am glad that I didn’t, say. I understand that you care so much about the products I buy and put on my face. I understand that the rules to this binary society so strongly holds on to and polices how one performs their assigned sex at birth. I understand that with that in mind that anything outside that expectation is therefore repaired, most commonly through violence. I especially understand the fragility of masculinity and how anything that easily breaks that line is met with violence.

But I also wish that my grandmother knew that she was and is inciting the violence that she’s afraid will be inflicted on me. Violence isn’t just physical. She understands that as my grandmother, she has a power of influence over me, but instead of using this power and seemingly unconditional love as a force for good, a force to uplift the grandchild and encourage them to be themselves unapologetically while advocating for a better and more accepting world to others, she uses this power to police, criticize and repair my expression, my sexuality, my identity.

Imagine the mental, emotional and psychological damage that inflicts on someone. Every article of clothing you wear – judged. The shoes you wear – judged. Growing, styling or curling your hair – judged. How you talk – judged. What you talk about – judged. Every little thing about you – judged and threatened with getting kicked out of the residence you live in.

“Well, as long as you live under my roof, I don’t want you wearing makeup or girl’s clothes.”

All of this violence inflicted, while the attacker continues to pretend that there is nothing wrong with the relationship, and sweeps everything under a giant rug. This violence which affects so many other queer youths. To tell you how bad it is, I have contemplated being homeless, even at VERY low times suicide, just to be away from her. This is horrible considering that despite the violence, I will love my grandmother no matter what, I would like to mend our relationship, and I feel so guilty for feeling that way. But I cannot possibly see that happening until she magically addresses her own problems and stop projecting her societal desires onto me and my siblings.

So, for now, until I am in a financial position to move out and never come back, I refuse to talk to her unless absolutely necessary. I refuse to pretend to be her friend. I refuse to pretend I can tolerate her being around me. I refuse to pretend that I’m not purposefully avoiding her as much as I can. I refuse to let her involve herself into my life for her to gossip and disapprove. I refuse to let that toxicity invade my life again, and I shall seek help and refuge where I can in continuing therapy and being with the family and friends who accept me and love me for exactly as I am.

Postscript—

I think in terms of making this a discussion, because I could use advice on how else I can move forward. Am I missing something in this situation? I’ve talked about this several times in real life with friends and family, and I keep getting the same answers — “She’s just worried about” “She’s stuck in her ways” “She’s your grandmother, she’s supposed to act that way” But I call absolute bullshit. People can change at ANY age from ANY era, and this situation, I feel is WAY more nuanced than her being worried about me. I’d rather her not die a bigot, so I want to open up ways that I can have discourse with her and show her tools to learn more about the LGBTQIA community.

[sophygurl]

Navigating Body Image While Genderqueer / Genderfluid / Non-Binary - WisCon 41 panel write-up

These get long to click the clicky to read.

Disclaimers:

I hand write these notes and am prone to missing things, skipping things, writing things down wrong, misreading my own handwriting, and making other mistakes. So this is by no means a full transcript.

Corrections, additions, and clarifications are most welcome. I’ve done my best to get people’s pronouns and other identifiers correct, but please do let me know if I’ve messed any up. Corrections and such can be made publicly or privately on any of the sites I’m sharing these write-ups on(tumblr and dreamwidth for full writings, facebook and twitter for links), and I will correct ASAP.

My policy is to identify panelists by the names written in the programming book since that’s what they’ve chosen to be publicly known as. If you’re one of the panelists and would prefer something else - let me know and I’ll change it right away.

For audience comments, I will only say general “audience member” kind of identifier unless the individual requests to be named.

Any personal notes or comments I make will be added in like this [I disagree because blah] - showing this was not part of the panel vs. something like “and then I spoke up and said blah” to show I actually added to the panel at the time.

Navigating Body Image While Genderqueer / Genderfluid / Non-Binary

Moderator: Theo Nicole Lorenz. Panelists: Lee Bauersouth, Sam Einhorn, Jack Evans, Kris Mayer, Mo Ranyart

#NavigateGNCBodyImage for the livetweets and such

[I feel like I’ve both moderated and been on a version of this panel in past years, so it was neat to just be in the audience this time. Also - while looking around me at the panelists and my fellow audience members while waiting for the panel to start, my internal monologue was just a bouncy repetition of the word “Gender! Gender! Gender!” because IDK folks, I just adore gender and it’s many permutations and discussions of it all.]

Theo began the panel by acknowledging that the panelists were mostly white AFAB folk and that they wanted to invite other perspectives to join them. They also said everyone uses their own language for their own bodies and identities and if people use any words that make you feel uncomfortable, you should do what you need to take care of yourselves and no one will judge you for leaving if you need to.

Jack, referencing pre-panel joking around, introduced themselves by saying “I am goat, and I’m a goat.” Then seriously added that they are a non-binary trans man - but kinda wooshy-washy about it. They added that, as Theo’s assistant, the two talk about gender a lot. 

Sam began their intro with “I am Sam and I am *not* a goat”, and then added that they are genderqueer or maybe non-binary - they have trouble figuring it out. But mostly ID as a genderqueer butch person depending somewhat on the day. 

Sam also talked about how they discovered all of this gender stuff around the time as discovering fat acceptance movement and wanted to talk about how those two things informed each other.

Lee’s introduction began with “I’m questioning if I’m a goat or not...” - then worried some about if they’d offended anyone by calling themselves a goat and added “This is SO Sunday.” Lee introduced themselves as actually being agender, which they consider to be under the umbrella of genderqueer. 

Lee added that genderqueer and gender dysphoria are not a circle but a venn diagram and said “I’m in that sliver.” 

Mo left off the goat-joke intro and introduced themselves as being a femme non-binary trans dude - sort of. They also talked about fat activism in addition to having a history with an eating disorder. They said that they do have trans-related body dysphoria. 

Kris introduced themselves as non-binary and butch - mainly due to how they are read by society. They added that internally, they feel like there are rules to butchness and they don’t follow them, so they don’t necessarily identify as butch. They also talked about how we often worry about doing gender right - even as we tell others and ourselves that there is no right or wrong to how to do gender.

Lee added that they forgot in their intro to say that they are also coming at this topic from the perspective of a professional therapist.

Theo began their introduction with “I describe my identity as .... oh gosh... non-binary or agender or both?” They also said that they are stepping their toe tentatively into the trans pool and it kind of fits for them. 

Theo, author/artist of the coloring book Fat Ladies in Spaaaaace, created it while still thinking they were a cis woman. After discovering genderqueerness, they realized this thing they created for body positivity no longer fit for their own body. This was a loss to Theo. 

Theo then posed the question to the panelists - how has your relationship with body acceptance changed since realizing you’re not cis, and what do you need out of body acceptance movements now?

Jack acknowledged how Theo’s example was a loss, but for Jack there was something they gained when realizing they weren’t cis. It was so freeing because they suddenly didn’t have to fit a model of what a man or woman should be. But Then they started the transitioning process and felt they had to be more serious and conform again, which was hard.

Sam said they really didn’t know about trans, genderqueer, etc. for a long time. They discovered gender discourse and fat positivity around the same time. They were finding it was okay to be butch but not fat on the one hand, on the other in the fat pos. movement there were all of these expectations around femininity. So these two parts of Sam’s identity were constantly criss-crossing.

Lee talked about coming from the angle of chronic health conditions and the disability acceptance movements. They were being told to celebrate being a woman while having 9 week painful periods. They were being told to nourish their body while thinking - no, my body’s an asshole. They had an ablation, which they described as “I had my uterus electrocuted to send a message to my other organs”. 

Lee discussed the frustrations of feeling weaker and being treated as a delicate flower and how that made them want to find some plaid real quick. [I found myself nodding vehemently to this - nothing makes me wanna butch up more than getting sympathy for my chronic health issues]

Mo talked about having issues with “body positivity” - it felt like this was just a way to say it’s not okay to be fat but let’s celebrate other bodies! They talked about how “love your body” can feel like a kick in the teeth and loving one’s body can be really hard for some people. What about a truce instead? Can I have a friendly acquaintance with my body?

Mo also asked - can you be not-a-woman and be part of the fat acceptance movement? They had difficulty finding space for non-binary bodies in body acceptance. Instead of being part of the larger group, they’ve found smaller groups of people just huddling together. 

It can be hard to get all intersections covered so these movements need to be much larger and much more inclusive. 

Kris posed the question of - what if there are parts of my body I don’t want to make peace with? They talked about feeling violent towards certain body parts. When complaining about menstruation, they were told that it was a spectral of the goddess. They replied - no deity owns a part of my body.

Kris also talked about having dysphoria around their breasts. Am I allowed to say I don’t want to be positive about this?

Theo discussed how they were able to get top surgery and how that decreased their feelings of violence with their body. Post-surgery, Theo thought - “I hope they’re happy wherever they are now - maybe on a farm upstate somewhere - frolicking with all of the other breasts.” [I about bust a gut laughing - and had to share this with my friend who is about to have a double mastectomy because we’ve been making all sorts of jokes about her breasts post-surgery. Now we get to imagine them out there in a field romping around with other boobs - thanks Theo!! lol]

Theo posed the next question for the panelists - what do we need from these movements?

Lee answered with acceptance of the fact that chronic pain is not something they’re going to love. They compared their pain to a large dog shredding the sofa continuously and saying - “look, I’m trying to take care of you but you’re not making it easy! But if I stop taking care of you - you’ll crap on the bed.” [yes yes yes]

Jack answered - inclusion of all intersections. They talked about how they got into power lifting in order to build up masculine strength but then realized that health issues meant some days they couldn’t even lift a pencil. They don’t see many examples of trans guys like themselves.

Sam answered with more acceptance of different kinds of bodies - not just size related but gender, and other differences. The importance of not only letting these other kinds of bodies be there in the movements, but of actually making space for and including/welcoming them as well.

Mo talked about the problems with body acceptance focusing on the line of thinking like “you, too, can be attractive!” That’s good, but it’s not the whole thing. You should not have to love or accept parts of your body that are causing you actual harm or trauma, pain, dysphoria, etc. 

Mo also talked about things like “info for all the ladies out there” and being - what about me? Can that be for me too? Mo just wants more general awareness that not all people are like you - is that a big ask? It feels like it some days.

Kris brought up the decentering of attractiveness in these movements. Prioritizing beauty when not all of us are going to or even want to fit societal beauty norms. [wow this sent a lightbulb off in my head so big! need to think/write more about this myself]

Theo talked about more acceptance of bodies in liminal spaces. Bodies in transition are often treated like an unbaked cookie - someone adds in that those can be tasty so the panel finally settled on uncooked waffles as the analogy. So this uncooked waffle is treated like - well, you have potential to be something cool. What if I already feel done though? What if I’ve transitioned as much as I plan to? What if I don’t want to be fully cooked? 

Lee gave an example of a friend with many complicated health issues who was able to get phalloplasty but can’t take T - so there are some parts of the transition process they could and couldn’t do.

Jack added that in that example, the person had the phalloplasty without having a vaginectomy - they wanted to add that so that folks would know you could do it that way.

Mo talked about ways in which non-binary becomes it’s own box to fill in next to Male or Female instead of being an opt-out altogether. Often the idea of non-binary that people carry with them is an androgynous thin person in men’s clothing that’s tailored for people with breasts. And that’s great that those kind of clothes are being made and people who fit that archetype can find acceptance - but that’s not all that being non-binary is or all that non-binary clothing can be.

Kris talked about how they identified as genderqueer for a decade but then switched to non-binary because it felt like a shrug when it comes to gender. For years, Kris chased masculinity as the only model they knew. Now, they are having fun with nail polish and earrings. They added they get most of their accessories from Claire’s because inside they feel like their gender is a 13 year old girl. (Several panelists agreed with this notion for themselves)

Kris added that since exploring more of this feminine side, they find themselves worrying about outside perception of their gender - am I still non-binary enough? Trans enough?

Theo also related to the idea of chasing masculinity. They said they’re much happier since feeling more comfortable playing with femininity. 

Jack brought up sex positivity for a variety of different bodies - especially intersex bodies and for trans people who haven’t had “The Surgery.” 

Theo posed the question of where they’ve found what they needed as far as body acceptance and all of the panelists said at WisCon [me toooooo :)]

Theo also talked about finding a photo, on a website where there were hundreds of photos of trans bodies. This one photo looked like Theo’s body and the person in the photo looked so happy and free with their body and it really helped Theo to feel more acceptance and hope for themselves.

Sam discussed how getting positive reinforcement on twitter about both their gender exploration and their fatness has helped. This was Sam’s first WisCon and seeing so many people who look like them was also very powerful. Most of their friends don’t share all of their intersections. 

Jack reiterated what Sam said and added that they need WisCon for their soul - just to be with people like themselves. Jack then talked about how they didn’t use makeup until they came out as trans - it became more of a choice to them then. They started sharing selfies and got positive feedback and that helped too.

Mo also talked about how taking selfies has helped them. In particular, it’s helped them to gain a greater sense of themselves. Between the gender dysphoria and eating disorder, Mo spent a lot of time not knowing how their own body looked. The first time Mo shared a selfie online, they almost threw up. Then they got home and had 20 positive comments. So they kept trying to do it and have recently realized that they no longer feel sick when doing so. 

Mo also added that having good sexual experiences with people who are not assholes has helped. [I had some *feels* here]

Kris discussed the difficulty they’ve had in finding a network of friends, but they rely on support from friends online. They also feel lucky to have genuine family support.

Lee said - I guess I lied earlier. (Theo asked - so you ARE a goat?) Lee clarified that when they said earlier that they didn’t have any dysphoria, they’ve realized that they do have some around their breasts. 

[At this point, I became triggered by something said and stopped taking notes. This was through no fault of any of the panelists btw - they were only speaking from their own experiences but it was upsetting to me based on stuff going on in my own life so I closed my notebook and just listened to the rest of the panel, which was still really great and I’m sorry I didn’t get it all down. However, do check the hashtag for the panel for much more that I didn’t get! #NavigateGNCBodyImage]

[bornpurple]

So I realize that Rachel Dolezal is this really dated topic but my friend recently posted a story regarding cultural appropriation. And in our discussion on it I referenced the difference (from a black perspective) in the participation of Eminem vs Rachel Dolezal in "black culture" and community and how one came off as pretty acceptable and okay by black people and another came off as offensive. And I stated that intent + owning up to your [white] privilege is a big factor in what's okay vs not okay. Eminem for instance knows and states that he's taking a part in and profiting off of black culture/a black art form (one can reference some of his early lyrics) while also knowing that he's specifically non-black. Rachel Dolezal on the other hand is offensive because she does NOT acknowledge nor recognize that as a fact.

My friend then asked a very good follow up question (since he's cis and Desi/Singaporean and I'm trans and black) what the difference is between being trans racial (in the way that Rachel Dolezal states it, not the use of the term for trans racial adoptees) vs being transgender. After a bit of searching I realized that I couldn't find any good articles on it so I thought I'd just dissect the nuances myself. And after a bit of thinking I thought I'd copy/paste it here as well.

The initial question: “ Zade, great points, but I have to ask..in this world where we are having more and more conversations about the gender people identify with, are transracial people to be taken less seriously about the race they identify with?”

My response:

I wrote a long response but then my phone ate it so let me see if I can rehash. In summary I was saying that though race and gender are both a mixture of socially constructed concepts and biological markers they're also two separate things. Speaking of gender, it is a socially constructed class that is formed by both genetic and biological influences (nature) and experiences in the world (nurture). Though gender is socially constructed it seems to have some biological influence to it. Children often get a sense of their gender identity at around two or three. This is the age where they separate themselves into different play groups based off of who they view as similar to them and who they view as other, often prefer a certain set of toys, and usually model off of one parent or another. In cis people this aligns in the way you would expect it to, so for a cis boy it could look like him declaring that girls have cooties, only preferring to play with other boys, preferring trucks and trains over dolls, and wanting to wear his father's ties and hats. For trans people it could appear in a number of ways, such as not really understanding why their peers are separating themselves into alternate groups or mixing up preferences at different times if nonbinary, or preferring things seen as opposite to their assigned gender if binary trans (and probably getting shamed for it as in the case of young trans women which is why so many go through a hypermasculine period before coming out to overcompensate and remain safe and hidden). Though not every trans person experiences a strong gender identity in their youth and many only develop words for their internal feelings of dissonance later on in life or after several experiences have made it clear about the way they prefer to live, it is often thought that there is some sort of a genetic basis that ties into the formation of their identity in the same way there is for cis people even if it doesn't show up until later on. There's also the fact that majority of gender non-conforming kids actually grow up to be cis rather than trans, which is probably explained by the fact that existing as openly trans and transitioning in society doesn't have many benefits. It leads to unemployment, harassment, discrimination, and being beaten, raped or killed (especially for trans women of color). It's similar to being gay in society but with further chances of being ostracized. The majority of trans people come into their trans identity and their transition after many instances of being alienated, shunned from their families/friends/communities, recovering from suicide attempts, and constantly being belittled and disrespected along the way. Being gay is much more accepted now. Most people just see gay people as the same as them outside of their sexual preference. Trans people are still seen as aberrant, deviant and strange or criminal even within the lgbt community. There is no benefit to being trans in the eyes of society and despite how much media attention it's gotten now, the actual reality of being trans in the world has not yet shifted. In order for the identity to be held it follows that it would have a stronger genetic marker than a social one because if it were mostly socially based there would be no logical reason to exist in a trans space rather than a gender non-conforming cis space. It would be a lot easier and the risk of being a target of serious abuse, rape and death is lessened. Race on the other hand exists a bit different. Race is made up of both phenotypical differences (common features, skin color, common ancestry) and social experiences (shared history, common experiences of bigotry, communal "in" vs "out" group). There are some black people who do not feel a strong connection to the black community, usually due to ostracization within it (like multiracial people, black people with albinism, black geeks and queer people who are not seen as "black enough" due to not conforming to cultural norms and stereotypes). And there are of course several non-black people who feel a strong connection to the black community due to similar experiences or similar interests or what have you. The difference is that race was a socially constructed category devised to isolate and subjugate us, which was then flipped on its head and turned into a category to build common community and strength to fight back against oppressors. (When you think WHY black identity is brought up in society by black folk it's usually used in a way to uplift black people and bring them together against some sort of injustice being leveled against them. Think Black Lives Matter and the Civil Rights Movement during the era where black people re-embraced afros and were re-exploring their historical African roots. Prior to that black people were forced to assimilate into white culture, straighten their hair, lighten their appearance in order to achieve the same boons. Now black people were embracing the very characteristics that were held in detest by the social class in power and fighting for equal rights at the same time. Similar to the Black Lives Matter movement. Black identity is embraced not only as phenotype and shared experiences but as a political weapon to combat societal injustice. If one hasn't experienced those things then how can they call themselves black? How can they be a part of the NAACP as a BLACK person and claim to have the same experiences and history as the other black people in the room? If Dolezal recognized her whiteness while also being frank about the fact that she identified with the black community and its struggle this would be a non-issue. But she treats blackness like a costume rather than an actual identity that has been formed based off of societal injustice done to people of our heritage. You could argue what TERFs do and say that trans women for instance haven't experienced what it's like to be a woman in the world and thus they can't call themselves a marginalized class. However these TERFs are ignoring the reality of what it is to be trans. The transfeminine experience is entirely different from the cis male experience. Even in a feminine cis male he could theoretically find community and shelter within certain groups of the cis male community who could bolster and affirm his identity (think metrosexuals and femme gay men). Transfeminine people are even ostracized from that and shamed as a part of those communities for being aberrant and weird. They are alone even within those communities because their sense of self is not validated as a man not on the same axis. Being a woman posits a very different experience than being a man, even a feminine one. There are many trans women who have written on the subject of how the socialization is different. I'm not exactly an expert on it since I haven't experienced it. But there are many articles on the internet. Basically the issue is trans women have not received male privilege during any time of their being misgendered as male. Thus while it is not the same experience as being a cis woman in society, it IS the experience of being a woman in society albeit a trans one, and that is what makes it very different from being a man.

Dolezal's position in society is as a white woman. She has not experienced the same issues that black people have simply by virtue of existing as black in America. She has not been shamed for identifying with or participating in black culturally rooted things. In fact white people are usually hailed and praised for participating in things outside of their culture. They are seen as creative and unique vs black people for instance who participate in those things and who are seen as "too ghetto" or "too militant" or "unprofessional". In the case of a trans woman there are no boons for her to participate in the social class of women. In the case of a white person participating in the social class of being black? They get all the affirmation, love, respect and attention while black people still get nothing. It's very strange. Also gender (aka gender identity) is a social construct mostly based off of gender norms (which are a social construct and change in accordance to their culture). Sex (aka genitalia, reproductive organs, chromosomes, hormonal makeup) is a biological reality but it is far more complicated than it's usually stated (it's not binary; intersex conditions and intersex people exist). Gender is often treated as the same as sex but actually it is only a social category based off of sex but entirely separate. There is some biological influence to what social category of gender you will or will not identity with but everything else is rather superfluous and can be put on or taken off at will. There is discrimination against people based off of gender and male privilege does exist but cis people by far have tons of privilege in comparison to trans people. And thus the scale goes more like cis men>cis women>trans men>trans women and nonbinary folk. (Some of these categories are intersectional and fluid though; for instance a stealth trans man might achieve equal privilege to a cis man until his trans status is announced) Trans women do not jump from cis male to cis female status nor are they trying to attain it. They jump from closeted transfeminine to out transfeminine status with all the danger that does entail. And even in closeted transfeminine status they don't have full access to the same privilege that men do by any measure due to ostracization and attacks. Race is a social category based off of phenotype primarily but shared discriminatory experiences secondarily. And in this way it is separate from the class of men or women. The class of women is expansive enough to include those experiences of both cis women AND trans women because they are both not seen as male and not treated as male in society and share the discrimination of being non-male and feminine-gendered in society. The class of race (at least in America) can ONLY be concluded based on existence of class of "other" with "other" being defined as having access to privilege that the initial racial class has been denied AND not being subject to the same bigotry that the initial racial class is often affronted with. Outliers include people who "pass" as the oppressor class (aka pass as white), people with albinism and multiracial people whom may not be usually read as black but as soon as their black status is noted are immediately relegated to the class of substandard racial status and treated accordingly. And thus due to common ancestry and experience they too have full access to the category of "black". A transracial white woman does not have this same hold on identity due to lack of commonality in experience/bigotry and lack of denial of privilege. With Dolezal she faces the opposite effect. Though she might pass as black and be accepted into the community due to phenotype, once it is found out that she is really white and has white ancestry, she will once again be relegated to the white class and be given privilege once more and affirmation and acceptance by society at large. To compare this with trans women. When trans women are found out to be non-cis/assigned male-at-birth they are NOT given cis male privilege and affirmed or accepted by society at large. They are taken down a notch in status yet again and treated as inferior and lacking humanity. Often times if a trans woman has not come out to her partner yet and her trans identity is exposed, her (statistically in these cases, usually cis male partner) will beat, rape or kill her simply by virtue of being trans (male-assigned-at-birth rather than female-assigned-at-birth). If she is in a circle/community of cis women and her history is exposed, she is also not relegated back up to cis-male privilege and status. She is seen as inferior and aberrant and as a threat and shunned from the community or treated as criminal. She does not have a safe circle where she can obtain male privilege again and be affirmed and accepted for her decisions and internal identity (as in the case of femme gay men or straight metrosexuals). Her status is forever inferior. Does this better denote why these classes are different? They're both defined slightly differently with different emphasis on certain aspects of the experience and they’re not equal in respect to how one is perceived when one's "true history" is exposed in contrast to their identity. There's also some sort of genetic basis for gender identity where there is none for racial identity [though there is the basis of phenotype] and racial identity is instead formed based off of common experiences with bigotry and injustice.

[itscoldinwonderland]

If you look at the criteria for gender dysohoria it isn’t just an “uncomfortable feeling about gender”, like any mental illness it has to be significantly distressing.

“It sounds like you believe that gender dysphoria is anything bad in reference to your sex/gender”

No, I know that gender dysphoria is a mental illness defined in the DSMV. To claim that gender dysohoria is anything but the actual criteria for the diagnosis, is well, just false. You can have your opinion on how you think the diagnosis should change but you can’t outright claim the disorder is something it isn’t.

The term transgender isn’t a medical term, and has never meant gender dysohoric.

http://www.apa.org/topics/lgbt/transgender.aspx

https://www.glaad.org/reference/transgender

http://tsq.dukejournals.org/content/1/1-2/232.full

Transexualism doesn’t mean the same as transgender, but don’t take my word for it,

“Transgender is a non-medical term that has been used increasingly since the 1990s as an umbrella term describing individuals whose gender identity (inner sense of gender) or gender expression (outward performance of gender) differs from the sex or gender to which they were assigned at birth. Some people who use this term do not consider themselves as matching a binary gender category. In addition, new terms such as genderqueer, bigendered, and agendered are increasingly in use.

Transsexual is a historic, medical term that refers to individuals who have undergone some form of medical and/or surgical treatment for gender reassignment (historically referred to as sex reassignment). Some transsexual individuals may identify as transgender, although others primarily identify as the male or female gender to which they have transitioned.

People who identify as transgender but who do not seek medical or surgical treatment are not transsexual.”

- https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/gender-dysphoria/expert-qa

(or see the 3 links above)

Actually Gender Identity Disorder is still used by the World Health Organization (WHO). The ICD, which is what the majority of the world uses, has a catergory of “gender identity disorders”, one being “transexualism” which uses the old criteria of GID from the DSM 4.

http://www.icd10data.com/ICD10CM/Codes/F01-F99/F60-F69/F64-/F64.0

If you look at the actual criteria it becomes clear that transexualism or GID is not the same disorder as Gender Dysohoria.

To start, Gender Dysohoria encompasses a wider group of people. The criteria for GID was heavily based on gender roles, and if you follow the criteria correctly you would not fit the diagnosis if you lacked social dysphoria/gender conformity. (The unfortunate truth is that this aspect of how we veiw these gender issues still hurts dysphoric people as they can be denied surgery if they are gnc, look at the WPATH criterias for transitioning.)

Another notable difference is that Gender Dysohoria allows for a person to only have social dysphoria (or only have physical dysohoria).

The criteria for Gender Dysohoria also clearly reconizes the existence of “nonbinary” dysohoria, if you want to call it that. Something GID does not do.

There is nothing in the criteria (of gender dysohoria) that says a diagnosis cannot be made for people who are dysphoric due to internalized hate. In fact to claim a diagnosis shouldn’t be made in these cases, is almost absurd. The point of diagnosis is treatment and gender dysohoria would best explain what these people are going through which would help those treating them know what’s wrong. Let me give you a different scenario, if I was having horrible depression because I was suffering from a lot of self hate I’d still be diagnosed with a depressive disorder. Knowing the problem is the first way to figure out the reason and to treat it.

I dont know where you’re getting you’re information but it’s not from the right places. The pychology community has made plenty of statements on transitioning. Pyschologist do seem pretty aware that gender dysohoria, like all mental ilnesses, can utilize different treatment methods based on the person. Ofc they’re not going to say that transitioning is the best treatment, because for some it isn’t.

“Some are satisfied with taking hormones alone. Some are satisfied with no medical or surgical treatment but prefer to dress as the felt gender in public. Some people make use of Trans affirming social networks online and in local supportive communities to cope with gender dysphoria and claim a gender identity and forms of expression that do not require medical treatments.”

https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/gender-dysphoria/expert-qa

“The gender conflict affects people in different ways. It can change the way a person wants to express their gender and can influence behavior, dress and self-image. Some people may cross-dress, some may want to socially transition, others may want to medically transition with sex-change surgery and/or hormone treatment.”

https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/gender-dysphoria/what-is-gender-dysphoria

Using all these terms incorrectly only hurts us and causes confusion.

What Gender Dysphoria is.

The vast majority of questions I get on this blog are about dysphoria, what it is, how it works, how to know when you have it, etc. So I’m going to try and lay this out in a comprehensive manner to answer some of those frequently asked questions. 

Before beginning it’s important to understand that this is a typical transmedicalist approach to defining gender dysphoria. Gender dysphoria as defined by the DSM is different and in the general opinion the trans community, inadequate. Dysphoria (in the traditional sense of the word) is defined as, “A mood of general dissatisfaction, restlessness, depression, and anxiety; a feeling of unpleasantness or discomfort.” It is essentially an umbrella term for ‘feelings of ickyness’. 

Gender dysphoria is the same concept, except confined to a specific area… gender (or sex, whichever term you prefer). It’s a negative emotional state caused by a disconnect. Your brain believes you are a different sex than you physically are. Trans medicalists believe this is caused by a neurological difference, while others believe this is caused by what I would refer to as a “spiritual disconnect” (I’ll go into more of that later). The true reason why this disconnect occurs is unknown, but it is witnessed through it’s symptoms that we throw under the umbrella term ‘gender dysphoria’. 

Gender dysphoria is not one simple feeling. It is a series of feelings, experiences, desires, and more. The reason we use the term dysphoria is because it is so incredibly vague. We cannot conceivably place concrete parameters around what that feeling is because it is so fickle.  

Why doesn’t every trans person have the same experience? The answer is simple, because people are different. 

Dysphoria is a stress response. Your body expects you to be something you are not, and that causes stress. Think about all the people in your life and how they handle stress. Is it all the same? There are people who respond quickly with anger. There are people who shut down and cave into themselves. There are people who continue on like nothing is happening in an attempt to seem completely okay… Not only do people not handle stress the same way, but some are much more effective at handling it than others. Some spirial into panic and depression when anything goes wrong, some are barely fazed. And other thing, not everyone deals with stress the same way their whole life, people go through moods, phases, etc. Sometimes trauma causes people to lose some of their ability to cope, and sometimes people grow into their own and can handle things better. 

So what is the commonality? Trans people have a disconnect with their sex. The body is only truly concrete way to determine sex/gender across cultures. Therefore it’s the only way to define what being trans means. You have to have a disconnect with your sex to be trans. 

Going back to the “spiritual disconnect” thing, we have to address the most common way of looking at trans people, and why I believe it is… for the lack of a better term, horse shit. 

If you look at any common trans narrative, it is almost always accompanied by a extremely common piece of circular logic… “I identify as trans, because I know I am trans and I know I am trans because I identify as trans.” It’s believed that there is this feeling, almost a spiritual connection, with the concepts of male and female. And that these are created by society, in order to… I don’t know… oppress everybody? But I see differently. Masculinity and femininity are associations with bodies. Male and female bodies are different, and as a consequence men and women often act and think differently. You can associate with anything but that doesn’t make you that thing. For example, I love dogs, I often prefer their company over humans, and I connect with them easily. That does not make me a dog. It makes me a person who likes dogs. Same way a person can be a woman who likes masculinity without them compromising their womanhood. 

But this neurological difference (and there has been some studies on neurological difference in trans people, which if you are interested I’ll let you find that on your own cause I’m lazy af) is real. It’s concrete, it exists. We have a name to describe it, a common experience to define it, and we have the solution to how to better these people’s lives (transition). 

So. For all the people messaging me worried about the idea that they aren’t ‘dysphoric enough’, I invite you to consider the possibility that you simply handle dysphoria differently. It’s not a bad thing to be okay sometimes. That disconnect that you know is there doesn’t go away when you have a good day. And if you truly feel you aren’t dysphoric enough to worry about transitioning… why are you worried about transitioning? 

Most of you I know are probably trans because questioning yourself makes you seek more truth. Cis people pretending to be trans don’t seek truth. They fight it with every bone in their body when it disagrees with them.

Go forth and be awesome.

[chiefbeck]

Chapter 28: Politics and Freedom

I was invited to Washington DC to walk the halls of congress to speak to politicians on both sides of the aisle, the liberal and tea party alike. I was invited to tell my story; the story of a Navy SEAL. It is a dramatic story in its breadth from a SEAL to a Transgender American citizen finding happiness. A few of them said yes to 5 minutes, many of the meetings went well past what was expected.

All of us have a story, and all of us have congressmen and senators that represent us as American citizens. Talk to them; they want to hear your stories as it will get them more in touch and give them some ammo to fight the good fight.

Our system is based upon “representation” yet most of us are NOT represented.

Tell your story; give them the ammo to represent you and your community whether it be gay or straight, gun toting or pacifist, Plebeian or aristocrat; if you don’t stand up and speak, then you will not be represented.

I spent a week on the hill speaking to many leaders both republican and democrat. A few asked what party I was aligned to. At this time in life after seeing so much, I choose to remain independent and focus on people and policies. The next generation of voters between 18-24 years old agree. They are voting 45% independent, 33% democrat and 23% republican. The days of being fed data from one or two sources are over; we have so much information at our finger tips that we can be “informed” if we choose. More and more people wish to be informed and it is not necessary to vote along strict party lines. I for one vote for the person and the platforms that the person supports. I think many more people are on this same line of thought.

Back to the story. I spent a week talking to many politicians and sharing my story. My story is one of the approximately 70,000 other Americans. That number may surprise folks, but it is estimated that 1 in 330 people are transgender. Another surprising number is about 50% of this number join the military.

Oh yeah, the story, so I am in DC on the hill telling my personal story.

I was in with a congressman just off the floor from a vote. He and his aides sat at the table and said they have five minutes. I started talking about the SEALs and my life at war. It was a couple of combat stories and my work that was outstanding and attributed to awards and accolades. Then the story moves into who I am as a person and my new life as a woman: a “transgender American.”

The meeting with this congressman started out with him sitting back in his chair arms crossed and soon he was leaning forward and interested in my life. He asked what a “drag queen” was and if that is something that I did?

I spoke to him in plain language. I am not a drag queen. A drag queen is typically a gay male who performs a show for his living. A drag queen “dresses up” and is flamboyant and fun. I dress in the gender I identify; I do not do this for “entertainment” or fun. This is my life and most of the time a transgender person will lose money and not make money due to our attire. He asked why I lose money. I said that in 31 states in America I can be fired on the spot for wearing a dress to work. There are no protections for transgender Americans. We have no recourse to bigotry and hate in the work place. Commonly we are made fun of and ridiculed and this is supported by the company. If not outright ridicule and hate, then it is seen with lower wages and less hours and many other strategies that are brought down upon us to make us leave and go somewhere to hide. They do not want us and they will make us leave.

The congressman was surprised that he knew nothing of these facts and wanted to speak more. He was now 10 minutes late and had to hurry off to a vote on the floor.

We later found out that this certain congressman while on the senate floor, sought out Congresswoman Tammy Baldwin, an openly Lesbian politician. He told her he just met a transgender SEAL and wanted to know more about Transgender and the LGBT community. When can we meet?

It was a mini-victory.

I later met with Congressman Ted Deutch from Florida in his capitol building office. He was informed on the plight of transgender persons and the unemployment figures that we face. Transgender Americans face a 35% unemployment rate and 60% earning less than $16,000 per year.

Congressman Deutch was very open to discussions and full support of the current bill that was on the floor called the “Employment Non- Discrimination Act” (ENDA) in which there would be protections for transgender people in the work place. This bill has leeway for religious organizations and other institutions to alleviate some of the controversy surrounding the LGBT community and the religious right. He made and released special video that states some facts about the issue. Search ENDA and Congressman Deutch to find out more.

It was a great trip and progress was made... but, still not enough.

After a week and thinking more on the trip to DC and what actually happened.

It was good; I spoke to many politicians, but what was the impact?

Laws and attitudes need to change in our country to catch up with times and start treating every AMERICAN equally no matter what color, gender, creed, religion, sexual preference, height, weight, size or whatever. WE ARE HUMAN; WE ARE ALL ONE!

Enough is enough and we need to really become the "LAND OF THE FREE."

We talk about being leaders of the world; we talk about how “free” we are; yet the debate continues, and the hate groups gain while regular old Americans like me are beaten down and prejudiced against on a daily basis.

What is the biggest issue? Religion and the dang bathroom seems to always come up.

The restroom debate continues to be a hot button. California has passed legislation that a child is authorized to use the restroom of their gender identity. What does that mean? Can a boy just “claim” his new gender as a girl one day and be in their restroom “peeking”??? NO, there

are so many protections and hurdles to achieve before this could happen. There is already enough peer pressure and ridicule for the slightest “non- conformity” among school kids that I can’t even imagine a young kid “making believe” just to be a peeping tom on one occasion. Yes, one occasion, because once this is done one time, that person is busted and suspended or worse. It will not happen, and if it does once, a long shot, the repercussions will be harsh. Anyway, this kid that is “making believe” would have to have parents’ consent in attire and all sorts of other “support” from administration. In the end, the idea is preposterous, but that is the idea the religious right keep pushing to prevent these types of protection.

Now put the shoe on the other foot.

This is me as a child in 5th grade. I am a trans-girl and under psychological oversight as well as parental support as required in these cases. I start going to school as the girl that I am. I use the girl’s restroom, no big deal.

Or, I use the boy’s room as a 5th grader with my dress, nail polish and hair done in ribbons. How are the other boys going to treat me? I would be beaten up on a regular basis if that was to happen. That little girl would be beaten to a pulp and never be able to return to a normal school life. Learning would stop and a constant danger of bodily harm would be the norm.

This same thing happens in my life, and I am 47 years old. I am in constant fear for the entire last year when I use a restroom. It is a real fear. I wish the young kids in this situation had adults and politicians that would wake up and understand the problem and PROTECT them and give them a chance to just live without fear.

Bathrooms in Europe? Europeans have actually been the leaders in freedom on many fronts, and we just don't get it. Europe has had genderless restrooms for decades. They have no problems with this!!!

Europeans do not see sex as "bad" or "evil" or something that needs to be controlled by religion, AND there is a drastically lower percentage of sexual predators in Europe than in America.

WHY IS THAT?

What I think: America was settled by puritans and we are totally stifled by our heritage of this religious ultra-conservatism, and we have never grown past that ideal, compared to Europe who was never hindered by theology as they are a true melting pot of culture and ideas. How can we get past this? I think Religion needs to grow up.

It seems the “religious zealots” are forcing the politics of our current age. The far religious right seems to rule the Republican Party and I for one cannot support that idea. I believe we need to separate church and state or tax the heck out of them.

I propose that if religion continues to interfere with politics and contribute funds to politicians and super pacs, political agendas and political parties that RELIGION should START paying TAXES.

How in the heck did I go from “politics” to “religion” and does this make sense? Welcome to America... Religion and politics are intertwined if you like it or not.... the next generation are voting 45% independent and so are many of us old folks. Each Party had better wake up to the new tide that is rising and understand that we are getting fed up with the same old thing. I want to be represented; I am an American no different than any other.

[chiefbeck]

ACT III: A new beginning Chapter 22: What changes?

!Since starting on a journey toward the feminine in my life I have gone through changes of the physical, mental, emotional and the spiritual.

I have been on hormones for a couple of years now and I will not claim anything beyond what I know from living this journey. The experts can ply their mumbo jumbo to enhance or discredit many of the things I have to say and thats ok; I don’t know everything. I will not attempt to present you with every angle or show you “realness” or how to live you life. I pass this on to you as I know I learn many things from the most unlikely places.

I want to dive into the changes that I have succumbed first hand, going from a bearded viking, caveman, Navy SEAL into a delicate flower of a woman. Alright, maybe not a delicate flower, but I am getting closer and who knows where I will end up?

Physical:

The physical changes are the easiest to see if you wish to look. There are any number of books and films on Transgender people that spend 90% of the time on physical. They go into operations and photo montages of the effects of hormones. In all of my work I have tried to avoid this topic as it is over done and is a stereotype of a transgender person. We are more than our bodies, we are more than our jobs, we are more than this time on earth.

The little I will add to the physical changes that I have seen is the following:

I have gained weight in places that I normally would not have. I am developing breasts naturally and I have extremely increased sensation in some of my private areas, you would not believe how sensitive some areas have gotten.

My skin is softer and I have found less hair growth all around my body.

!

The one thing to point out is this is ALL due to a “chemical” change in my body, lack of testosterone and increase of estrogen. These hormones are amazing and the balance that we all have in our bodies is very delicate. This minor change in my chemical make up has had immense physical changes; makes you want to ask how different are we as men and women?

! ! Mental:

Women are smarter, thats about it. Next topic.... just kidding. But there are people out there that think one gender is superior to the other. People are living in a world that is built on misinformation. We all have potential and if you limit that potential to the physical world then yes, there are divisions to be made. Not everyone can make the cut to be on a professional football team, nor can everyone achieve the talent to be in a philharmonic. We all have gifts that let us wander along this life and learn what it is to be a person, we also have the ability to witness, enjoy and learn from others talents. There are many people that are smarter, faster, stronger, taller, darker, bigger, more compassionate, more graceful, and also the contrary. This is not a contest in any of the attributes that are measurable on this earth. This is an experience to bring to the next place. What are you doing with your talents and with your experiences you gain while walking on this journey?

! ! Emotions:

Women contain an innate divine of service and compassion that men do not have; I think this can be traced back to caveman instinct. The men hunt and kill and to have thoughts of compassion or nurturing pop

into your head during a kill will only get you killed. Women on the other hand were back at the home taking care of everything, expressing love through giving, nurturing and cherishing life. Women are the life givers and men were the life takers.

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Spiritual:

I am a spiritual being, made up of energy or a spirit. That spirit energy does not have a gender, your penis is not going to any type of heaven or valhalla. I have come to understand that we are what we are and gender doesn't define who I am and it is not my spirit. We need to stop defining everything in terms of gender and stop the hierarchy of gender with women subjugated and inferior to men.

Since starting this new journey of the feminine I am coming closer to myself as a spirit. I understand the Native American “Two-Spirit” idea and why many two-spirit people were shamans within the tribes. I can see both sides of gender male and female and can exist in between and bring the two closer to the middle where they should reside.

Why should male and female reside more in the middle?

Think about it for a minute. Wage in equality, subjugation, mis- treatment of women in religion, division of labor and all of the stereotypes that keep women in an inferior position to men. Think of all of the underutilized intellectual capital that was never fulfilled because of prejudice against women for thousands of years. (Take this same thought and apply it to color, race, religion and all the other aspects we constantly prejudice against in society)

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Where would humanity be RIGHT NOW if throughout history there was NO LIMIT on any person except their own motivation or potential?

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OoO

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My current focus is just on gender and the problems that have persisted when it comes to gender.

Gender, Male and Female are totally divided. One one hand you have the radical feminists and on the other are the chauvinistic man. In the middle is everyone else and we are ALL affected by gender norms that are engrained into culture and thought over thousands of years.

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First I want to go into Gender a little bit and then go into some of what I am feeling and what I have learned about gender over the past few years on this journey. Three things that Gender can be divided into for study and understanding.

1. Gender Expression is in almost everything, its all the way from how we dress to how we act... its perpetuated by corporations and the media. This is just the outside covering and mannerisms that appear to be “gender” normalized.

2. Physical Gender in your body is the anatomy of yourself. Male and female genitalia, but as we look deeper into the subject we find that this is a very very gray area and there are thousands and maybe millions of combinations of “gender” and there is no 100% male or female.

3. Intellectual Gender is our thoughts and deep inside our “spirit.” This aspect of gender is the hardest to come to terms with and understand. I liken it to being born with blue eyes. You don't have a choice as to your eye color; it is just part of you.

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Notice that sex is no where in the discussion. Sex and sexual orientation have nothing to do with gender and this is constantly confused by many people. Sex and Gender are separate and different.

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Gender when you get right down to it is NOT ONE OR THE OTHER... it is all fluid and gray.

But our LAWs are set up for one or the other. our SCHOOLS are set up for one or the other. our clothing is designed for one or the other.

our sports, our jobs, our expectations, our salaries, our color schemes, our shoes, our jewelry, our models, our hair styles, our EVERYTHING....

Most of the media perpetuates this concept of total exclusion of one gender over the other. Religion for the most part does the same.

AND it is WRONG....It is a MYTH and a MISTAKE. How do we fix this if the two biggest influencers on peoples lives are behind the curtain and keeping the genders DIVIDED?

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The general population needs to see GENDER NON- CONFORMING people and actions. The population needs to see transgender and queer people for who we are.... we are you and we are the same. 


Basically I am at peace with both genders in one body and accept both genders as equal. I have been able to move past gender to just what the spirt of a human is at its core. I have also now see past gender in other people and can treat them as who they really are as a human and as an “energy being.”

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Have you ever seen old people acting like tough guys or primping around like peacocks on the seashore? When you see most people in their 80s or 90s they are closer what we should be as people. BUT we never see it, because we lack the respect for elders. We take to long to get there also and waste all of this time acting like animals with no compassion, no patience and just running around like Tarzan and Barbie and living in our body and not in our souls. It is too bad we can’t live till we were 200 so we could have a good hundred years to live and step into the next level of humanity. Can we become more if we had a chance to develop or evolve

into something greater than the animals who still fight over race or religion and any other difference we find on the surface?

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OoO

Here is a further thought on the subject just to bounce around.

Evolution of every species on earth or the universe occurs because the organism has a potential and has a NEED.

Orcinus whales and some other higher beings have developed an enlarged limbic system or the area of the brain where emotions are processed. Some people refer to them as a "super-herd" and with this super herd mentality they are able to be much more than just a fish.

Can you imagine if we as humans acted as a “super-herd” with an emotional connection to each other with a common goal of becoming better and rising to a new level of humanity? If we continue to separate and divide each other and be negative with this constant struggle against each other we will never be able to know our true potentials as humans. We will always just be animals and not even as evolved as an orca in the wild.

What if there was a thousand acres of land where the only rule was to be human and endeavor to evolve the limbic system. If you think it then it could become real.