#like truly long i just mcfucking lost it

[bodyinthebog]

do y’all want some mcfucking err parker angst:

Your name is Parker MacMillan IIIII, you're 19, a newly-made intern, and you don’t stop to question the numeral before things go to shit.

The new ballparks are a welcome surprise, the new teams even more so, but the Boss promises smooth sailing, and you’re too innocent not to believe her. Why would she lie?

Redactions, consumers, replicas - the fans are not happy, and neither are the players, but your m - your Boss says everything is as it should be. The ratings are going up!

(That’s probably good, you think. You stopped watching TV a while ago, you’re far too busy.)

You’re not curious about the Commissioners who came before you. Apparently, you’re more uptight. More official. Surely that’s better? The Commissioner should be distanced, should be a vaulted figure.

(Oh, the irony.)

The Boss seems to be doing a good job. She’s confident, and positive, and the League is paying off its debts.

(You wonder idly just who the League could be in debt to, or how it got in debt in the first place, but you don’t dwindle on it. You’ve got obituaries to write, and sponsorships to handle. There’s a complimentary bag of coffee beans from a long-ago sponsor hanging around in your office. You hate coffee, you’ve no idea why the previous commissioner let them be a sponsor.)

And then, the number of Suns increased. Sum Sun, Sun .1, you lost track a few seasons ago. The Boss says she knows what she’s doing; she’s still as confident as ever, but her words are starting to leave a bad taste in your mouth.

You don’t know what to do, or what you can do, so you proceed as normal.

The Reader is - confusing, for lack of a better word. Under, over, the status quo remains the same. It’s the same with Lootcrates and the Library. Namerifeht, whoever the fuck he is, remains as elusive as ever.

The gods of this world are incomprehensible, and you are too tired of recording pain to truly care. Let them have their own agendas, who are you to meddle. You’re just an intern.

However.

However.

There’s an idea for rebellion, there.

But then the Library, an institution that delights and terrifies you in equal measure, is unredacted some more.

There once was a player named Parker MacMillan, and you have no memory of him.

It’s almost like a fairy-tale, the slow, winding narrative of the player-who-is-not-you, making his way through a dying league whose skeletons you now play on.

(I wonder, do you feel guilt over the players this Parker killed? He roamed, he moved all over the Immaterial Plane, leaving fire and burning and destruction in his wake.

Who’s to say.)

The Exhibition Match, the Semi-Centennial, draws ever closer. You anticipate it with a kind of dread - you know what happened on Day X, people told you, caught you up and sent recordings. The Fans are kind like that. Except, the Boss would never let something like that happen, surely? The Shelled One was evil, the Monitor was good, it was easy to understand.

Hah.

The Vault is revealed, with the you-who-is-not-you, an alternate, a replica, stuck inside.

(Who’s the replica in this situation? You don’t want to ponder that, do you. Don’t want to consider the implications, or consider the fates of those who came before you. Poor Parker. You never could catch a break.)

You watch your double (your original?) try to leave the Vault every week like clockwork. How long has he been in there? Longer than you have been around, certainly. You just wish you could remember how long that is, you haven’t aged in a while.

The Vault must be so trapping, you think while writing yet another memorial tlweet. So claustrophobic. The Fans have differing views on what it might be like inside - bright, dark, burning, freezing. You hope Parker’s at least comfortable. You hope he’s got a place to sleep, and something to eat.

(Deep down, you know he’s not comfortable. Like the Boss, the Vault is probably decorated with rotten glitz, a decomposing institution. But it’s okay. You’re good at forgetting things. What happened to Parker IIII, IIIII?)

The Fans anticipate the Semi-Centennial with dread, furiously organising and planning how to save themselves from incineration. The Boss wouldn’t let that happen, though. Surely.

And then you remember the Consumers. And the Debt. And the redactions. All of the pain the League, your League, has gone through under your watch. You’re in shock at your inactivity, at your uselessness. You’re meant to be the Commissioner.

(You’ve been standing on the sidelines, idly powerless, for too long, haven’t you Parker?)

The Sun(Sun) explodes. The original Parker roams out of the Vault. An apocalypse is coming, and it’s all caused by her, the god standing in front of an imploding sun.

You’ve known it all along, deep down. You just haven’t wanted to confront it. It’s your Boss’s fault, all of this.

You’re still fumbling to concoct a plan when the Election is postponed, or when teams begin to be incinerated. The Coin recites an associated phrase in her sickly-sweet fashion, before returning to her patronising reassurances. Your heart breaks.

You don’t know how you didn’t notice how false she was earlier. How obvious her facade was. None of this is fair, and you’re the only one with any power to change things.

(With some help, of course. Hello, you.)

Earlsiesta rolls around as always, the Coin pronouncing how the League is winning, how profits are soaring. How dare she, you think, sitting at your desk and watching the dark sky. Wondering how you can console an entire team’s friends and family.

Suddenly, there’s a crack in the sky that looks like lightning. It hurts to look at, blindingly bright, it’s too much. You look down at your right hand. Where there should be skin and flesh and bone, there’s only static.

It doesn’t hurt. In fact, you smile.  

The Coin is panicking. The fans are gleeful. You’ve talked to the Monitor, arranging a meeting in the Trench behind Her back. The time for action has come. You hope Parker I, wherever he has roamed to, is proud of you.

(He is.)

You take a breath. And start to speak.

(I’ll put down the Mic now, just for you - Parker IIIII, Commissioner, have hope.)

[sweetsmalldog]

The Horrors of Staying Alive pt 14

Part 13 Part 15

Warnings: Self-Hatred, Alcholoism

Description: Curt’s still not coping at all really now he’s just hungover

Author’s Note: It has been a hot minute and I’m so sorry guys. I’m also sorry I’m updating this at 11:05 at night but I don’t really regret that. I’d like to apologize for almost dropping off the face of the earth for several months, I went into a bad depressive episode and spent 99% of my free time watching Critical Role to try and cope. But I’m back! And it’s good to be back 🌻

He couldn’t tell you how long he lay there. Or when he fell asleep. He woke up to his back aching and his head pounding, empty bottles surrounding him. Cola curled by his feet. He felt colder then he had before, like a winters wind has just washed over him. Or the cold North Atlantic sea had just swallowed him under the waves and he was slowly drowning surrounded by freezing salt water with no hope of survival.

He stood with a groan. He’d almost forgotten the horrible mix of the crushing disappointment of being alive and throbbing pain of a hangover. At least he didn’t feel like he was going to puke, he didn’t really have anything in his stomach anyways. He’s been forgetting to eat.

He managed to grab himself a glass of water before stumbling to bed (Owen’s side of course, his was freezing to the touch). The sun filtered threw the window. Cola curled on his chest.

He closed his eyes knowing he wouldn’t rest.

Everything felt cold and horrible and unreal. Like he was slowly being frozen under the ice forced to watch the world change while he remained trapped in place, unable to help, unable to move, unable to truly exist.

He watched the sun slowly rise. He heard the phone ring but everything was cold and cloudy and no matter how many times he tried he couldn’t focus on anything like the idiot he was.

He knew deep down it was his mother. And he knew she hated it when he didn’t pick up the phone, made her worry that something had happened to him. He hated making her upset, he hated being a burden on her more then he already was.

But he couldn’t gather the strength to do anything but stare out the window. He’d never looked out this widow before. It wasn’t much different then the view outside his bay window. A beautiful but seemingly desolate landscape of mountains. It made him feel even more alone and even more insignificant then before. He was nothing.

After what felt like days night fell and with it Curt gathered the strength to give his body the nutrients it had been craving. After he quickly stuffed some fruit in his mouth, trying not to take in the mess he’d left the kitchen. He put more cat food in Cola’s bowl then grabbed a glass of water and got the sleeping pills.

His dream was flashes of blood and bullets old buildings and older faces, His mother, Cynthia, and Barb. He saw Paris, the night he and Owen confessed being in love, before Curt ruined everything. Before Owen lost his mind, before everything came crashing down.

He woke up to two warm hands shaking him, “Curt! Curt Mega I swear to God if you don’t wake up right now!”

“O-Owen?” Curt asked groggily.

“Yes Love I’m here.” Owen smiled then his voice got darker, “What the fuck happened?”

Taglist: @robertstanion @haniawritesthings @dumbidiotjuice @agent-megagirl @purplegori @showstoppingnumbrr @imtooaromanticforthis @gayrudeboys @thatweriddoodlingllama @bi-gstupid @supreme-overlord-bubbles @meredithandlaurenaremyqueens @semoka @renegadepear @are-those-real-gators @ready-to-mcfucking-die @ethan---green @craphole-is-lord

[bluesimba]

Pink Paper Wristband

Fandom: Haikyuu!!

Pairing: Terushima/Reader

Warning: Mild swearing.

Soulmate au where significant words your soulmate says to you are tattooed on your body.

A bright pink paper wristband coddles your wrist. The line you’re in trails the sidewalks from outside the concert venue—the concert venue with its doors closed even when you all should’ve been in there forty minutes ago with your screams reaching up from the back of your throat and blending with everyone else’s. The line is colorful with all the neon clothes around you, and the line is like an exclamation point to tacked on at the end of the city’s name, the city that snaps awake at night and crashes in the morning with a vibrating hangover.

Just as you’re about to shift your weight from foot to foot again, just as your papery wristband is about to slide around on your wrist and let cursive letters peek out, the venue’s doors fling open.

The bar is in full panic mode. Debit and credit cards and whatever other kind of cards, all plastic, tap against the wooden bar as drinks fly to waiting hands that cradle them. Biting your lip, you peer above a row of heads between you and the bar. The colorful spectrum of drinks (some look like a pink evening sky, others clearer and straight to the point) are launched to waiting hands that cradle them.

Throbbing music from the DJ on stage slinks its way over to you and convulses through your body. Everything from the songs are lost but the rhythmic beat ricocheting off the walls. And swallowing you. It does that too.

��Hey!” His voice spears through the rows of people crowding the bar. Your eyes stay locked on the drinks skirting around. Could’ve been talking to anyone.

A finger hurriedly taps on your shoulder, and when you turn your head to glance at whoever’s doing it, eyebrows furrowed, your eyes are hit by a blinding orange jacket that makes you blink.

“Yeah?” Your shout must sprint and dodge the music trying to eat it up, because he smiles, dyed blond hair slicked back with a strand hanging down in front. His grin is the kind that splits his face. There’s a pink papery wristband hanging off his wrist.

Gotta be at least 21. Your eyes look at him, really, truly look at him, from his eyes bursting like fireworks to the silver piercing on his tongue that darts out every now and then. Cute. Maybe you shouldn’t be going there, or maybe your mind should definitely go there because the pulsating music as the opening singer comes out and the waves of cheers makes it easier for your mind to go there.

“Which one do you want?!”

Tempting. Flickering back over to the bar, it feels like each drink is calling your name and the blasting song bass is egging you on. “Sorry—” your tongue wishes you knew his name—“I’m driving after this. Can’t!”

He deflates a little but shrugs his shoulders. Just as he’s about to turn away and head to the mob swarming around, you call out, and he’s immediately reflated, grin widening. “But do you want to dance or something?! We can grab spots in the front row if we’re quick!”

Fingers lightly latching around your wrist, he tugs you to the front (your coordination being impeccable with how many stray ice cubes your feet have to hopscotch around). The space between swarming bodies is small, but with the right amount of pushing on his part and yelling a “sorry!” on your part, the front row barely makes room for you two. Your shoulders are touching. They’re touching and with how both of your hips bump against each other when dancing, you decide this is good. Very good.

Screams and shrieks and yells and every possible noise in-between hurl from all of your mouths when they take the stage, clad in clothing that shouldn’t work but does, mics in their hands and stage lights glaring down at them from above. He’s closer to you now, the blond with the orange jacket, and your bodies are packed together like, well, bodies pushed together at a concert. Pretty accurate. Maybe it’s the music’s heartbeat, maybe it’s the way the duo on stage banters back and forth and seem to carry the music on their shoulders and in their expressions, maybe it’s all of it wrapped up in a little impulsive package—but this is worth it. Definitely worth it. Positively absolutely worth it.

You tap his shoulder. “Hey!”

“Yeah?!” His voice effortlessly carries over the rest of the shrieks.

“What’s your name?" Your lungs are searing hot, maimed by the lyrics your belt out and the chorus that’s louder than an ambulance’s siren.

Flying by him, his ears don’t catch your question, so he leans over and down, with his ear right next to your mouth. “I said,” you start, plumes of bravery blooming in your chest (yes, definitely worth it), “what’s your name, pretty boy?”

His expression warms up in delight, and he’s barking out a laugh that’s almost swallowed by the crowd. Another second later, your nerves flaring and all, embarrassment starting to reach its hand up to and curl itself around your neck, he flashes you a grin that puts the others to shame. “Just keep calling me that!” he says. “Sounds great to me!”

Before the response can crawl out of your mouth, the one of the artist’s voices cuts in. “Anyone got change? We gotta flip heads or tails to. . .” The crowd eats up his sentence, and there’s a collective shuffling, a collective jumping with pennies, dimes, and the likes stapled between people’s fingers so that maybe, maybe he’d grab theirs.

But above all else, the blond next to you jumps with his debit or credit card locked between his fingers. “Here!” he shouts. “Here!”

Streams of laughter spill down your lips, and your incomprehensible response (other than playfully hitting his shoulder) is lost as the avalanche of laughter continues. “Are you serious? That’s—” it takes a second to get out “—that’s fuckin’ great!”

The blond laughs again, and when the artist plucks his card from his fingers, eyes combing it over on stage and saying, “I mean, I can flip it. Should I?” before ultimately giving it back, the blond files away the card somewhere.

Unzipping his orange jacket that’s easy to spot even in a room like this, a plain white shirt is revealed. Oh wait, your eyes focus in on the microscopic, lowercase lettering in the middle of his shirt that reads: nut. “Do I look like I’m serious?” he screams back.

“Nut! Where the hell did you get a shirt that said nut on it, pretty boy? I McFucking need that nut!”

Fading, the music becomes background noise when he rolls up the sleeve of his jacket. “What’d you just say?” he asks, pointing to letting scrawled on his arm.

“I said—” you start, eyes trailing down. The words hook themselves to your throat and refuse to come out when you see that exact phrase scrawled on his skin. I McFucking need that nut! is permanently etched in his skin. Oh, God.

You’re moving your papery wristband out of the way. His eyes widen, and an indescribable ring of fire blazes through them when they land on your own tattoo. Just keep calling me that! Sounds great to me! You hadn’t noticed. All this time. And it took him to realize everything when you screamed about nutting. Or wanting that nutting shirt. Both.

“So, how long are you here for? Going back soon?” he asks.

“I can stay long enough.” A smile curls your lips. “Are you gonna tell me your name now, soulmate?”

Humming, he pretends to think about it. He winks at you. “You’re gonna have to work for that, babe.”

[antialibi]

STUDY    :    CHARLOTTE     .    tagged by .   @aestva , thank you !   tagging .  @sangrantc , @chilledspines , @traumnas , @seraphids , @sanctamater , @icomply, @stealsyou, & anyone that would like to have this!

—    basics

▸     is    your    muse    tall    /    short    /    average ? charlotte is outstandingly,   immensely averaged height.   standing at five foot six.   and she normally doesn’t wear heels or anything to augment her height.

▸      are    they    okay    with    their    height ? she has no complaints.   tall enough to get on rollercoasters,   not too tall that she has a hard time blending into crowds,   but not too short that ‘yeah,   she was short’ can be used to describe her.   it’s a good and convenient medium.

▸      what’s    their    hair    like ? blonde.   at it’s most accurately perceived,   it’s a very warm and sunny blonde   -   just on the verge of being golden,   but not quite so shimmery or bright.   however,   it can also be perceived as near - white,   bright yellow,   ashy blonde,   dirty blonde    -   but for some reason,   never strawberry - blonde.     the length is variable :    with the shortest overall length having the tips just over her collarbones   and   the longest overall length having the tips below her ribcage.     she has a lot of hair,   but the strands themselves have average width.     she doesn’t do much to take care of it aside from washing it with cool water,   shampoo,   and occasionally conditioner if she can get her hands on it.     it’s often tousled and tangled,   making it appear voluminous.     her split - ends are plentiful.     she also doesn’t often style it,   and if she does,   she might need a helping hand ;    otherwise,   she wears it down and wild,    but also likes to pull it up into a tight ponytail when working or it’s hot out.     it’s soft to touch,   but too knotted to run your fingers through.

▸     do    they    spend    a    lot    of    time    on    their    hair     /    grooming ? like i said above,   not really no.     just basic hygiene.     sometimes,   putting it up into a ponytail or tucking it under a hat is her way of styling it.    charlotte learned early on that no matter how much she might brush her hair,    it’ll always get knotted very quickly.

▸      does    your    muse    care    about    their    appearance    /    what    others    think ? to an extent and for conditional reasons,   yes.     similar to her mindset when it comes to her average height,    charlotte knows it’s better for her and her plans if she can blend in.    so,   going around looking like a terrible,   disheveled mess doesn’t really help with that.    but at the same time,   she’s not looking to impress anyone with her looks or appearance either.     she dresses for her comfort and wears the pieces she’s picked up at thrift shops with a sort of subdued pride.     she likes the way she dresses,   and while she does see the benefit of dressing up nicer  /  fancier every once in a while for a specific purpose or to fit in or to attract others,    she’s not going to do without good reason.     she cares if others can pick her out of a crowd,    but she doesn’t care whether some passing stranger dislikes her slightly mismatched and sometimes ill - fitting outfits.

—    preferences

▸      indoors    or    outdoors ?     depends,   she spends a lot of time indoors in creepy places and whatnot.   but ultimately ,  she does prefer the outdoors.  ▸      rain    or    sunshine ?      sunshine . ▸      forest    or    beach ?      forest . ▸      precious    metals    or    gems ?      precious    metals . ▸      flowers    or    perfumes ?   perfumes because those are fun to collect meanwhile flowers die and that’s boring . ▸      personality    or    appearance ?      personality . ▸      being    alone    or    being    in    a    crowd ?   being   in a  crowd!  ▸      order    or    anarchy ?     anarchy ... duh . ▸      painful    truths    or    white    lies ?   painful   truths . ▸      science    or    magic ?   magic ,   but science is kind of like magic to her anyways so . ▸      peace    or    conflict ?   conflict . ▸      night    or    day ?   night . ▸      dusk    or    dawn ?      dawn . ▸      warmth    or    cold ?   warm,   but she only ever gets cold  . ▸     many   acquaintances    or    a    few    close    friends ?      a    few    close    friends ,  but many acquaintances is better for business and chaos... ▸      reading    or    playing    a    game ?      game .

—    questionnaire

▸      what    are    some    of    your    muse’s    bad    habits ? really poor sleeping schedule :   she’s not extremely sleep deprived or anything,   but her circadian rhythm has been out of whack since day one and she’s only making it worse.    sometimes goes without sleep for days only to sleep for nearly 20 hours afterwards,   or only takes a couple naps through the day for weeks , sleeps during the day,   sleeps in improper locations and uncomfortable positions.     she also has a bad habit of constantly snacking.     another one is that she has a tendency to ask off - putting  /  rude  /   unanswerable questions,   which usually kills conversations.     and another one would be that she tends to become invested in people ;   meaning she doesn’t just stop at deciding that they’re going to be a victim or whatnot,   but actually become invested in their lives and begins to care for them  (  but never enough to leave the desire to ruin their lives and sanity behind  ).

▸      has    your    muse    lost    anyone    close    to    them ?      how    has    it    affected    them ? over the past five years,    there have been a handful of people that charlotte did get close to,   but still destroyed in the end.     in her warped perception,   she doesn’t count these people as losses,   even though that’s exactly what they are.     the void has got her thinking that these people are losses but her winnings since she ‘beat them at the game,’    but very little is done to address that fact that every time she loses a friend or lover,    she goes deeper into her loneliness.     most of charlotte’s emotions are regulated properly ;    either they are disproportionate,    inappropriate,    too long - lasting,   or too brief.     and when it comes to things like grief,    charlotte never makes it through the process of emotions because it all gets warped and twisted.     all of this affects her in two ways.   one  -   she is learning to avoid investing care,   fondness,   and love into people ;   that is,   she will still attach to others but in the same way a parasite will attach to a host   /    and she will still invest in people but again,   the same way farmers might invest in livestock that are meant for eventual agricultural processing.    and two   -    for the people and times where she can’t help but fall in love with,    she’s going to do her darnedest to save them from ruination. 

▸      what    are    some    fond    memories    your    muse    has ? honestly,   these are rare.   very  rare.    there was the time she saw her first snowfall  /  her first hot chocolate,   the first time she and pen/ny/wise showed potential in being able to work together and crashed some poor kid’s birthday party,   there was a quiet night that she spent with teddy when they snuck into a library and spent the night reading,    most memories involving @ensavaged in our au.    and honestly,   any sweet and calm moment that char might have shared with anyone or any muse here....it’ll fall into that category.    her life is constant chaos and confusion,   any moment where she isn’t actively nauseous from reality warping or seeing someone’s sanity melt in front of her is a nice moment.    that being said,    there are a lot memories that she is proud of....although not necessarily fond of ;    things like her first kills,   or that one time she watched a dude have a total meltdown in front of her,   or the time she scared someone so badly that they tried to run and fell down their own marble staircase and died.   so.

▸     is    it    easy    for    your    muse    to    kill ? as easy as it is to kill any human.     but some difficulties might be the fact that you might think it’s not possible to kill someone that’s not really there,    or you might forget she exists and forget to kill her.    or you might take a swing but it turns out she was actually standing behind you or across the room.    maybe you can’t bring yourself to kill her because you don’t know why you should,    you don’t realize her for the monster she is,    or you believe you must be mistaken because charlotte,   the charlotte you think you know,    doesn’t deserve to die , does she?    and ultimately,    seeing as she will be reassembled by the void and its handy - dandy dark matter after being killed....  does that really count as a kill anyways?

▸      what’s    it    like    when    your    muse    breaks    down ? there’s two ways that charlotte breaks down :  the first is when she mcfucking loses it and snaps  -  this happens occasionally.    and the other way is when she is over - wrought with unregulated instability and despair.     but let me tell you more about that first one,   where she snaps and loses her grip on the little self - control that she has.    this almost always results in a violent,   homicidal,   cold - blooded,   and senseless display of untethered and unreasonable rage.     here,   charlotte is blinded with red and fully becomes chaos’ vessel.    in this state,   she’s killed with her bare hands before,   destroyed property,   and broken her own bones and limbs.   she’ll scream and hiss,    uncaring about how terrible the things she’s hurling at others may be .   but the worst part is,   because her physiology and tied to the chaos / entropy,   in this state,  reality doesn’t stand a chance.     it’s torn apart and ruined,   chaos abounds and confusion overwhelms.     in that moment,   charlotte is truly the void and its entropic forces come to wreck havoc,  and there’s very little one can do to bring her back from this.    eventually,   she just passes out or hurts herself so badly that she can’t continue. 

▸      is    your    muse    capable    of    trusting    someone    with    their    life ? yes!     often does so when working with partners in crime.     of course,   she doesn’t just give the trust away,   but it’s not terribly difficult to earn either since it’s only under specific conditions.    like ‘we’re not gonna get this job done unless we stick together and watch each other’s back so for now,   you got me and i got you ok!’     but charlotte also knows,    from instinct and experience,    that most people will likely betray her.    she used to giving out the trust,   but also used to being wrong and having to defend herself later on.    to her,   it’s all apart of the game and it’s not that big of a deal.

▸      what’s    your    muse    like    when    they’re    in    love ? down - right,   embarrassingly,   and pathetically cheesy.    just go on tv - tropes dot com and look up all the tropes in every rom - com and sappy romance ever and you’ve got her.     there’s the way she probably can’t get you out of her mind,    constantly missing you even though it’s been 1.5 seconds since she saw you,    wanting to keep in touch as much as possible,    clingy.     she enjoys your company no matter the activity.     she gets all smiley and giggly.     loves listening to you,   loves sharing with you,    loves supporting you.     will take so many pictures,    will hold your hand ,    will be the Most Playful.     she will cherish you,    try to know and memorize you down to the tiniest most insignificant detail.     will hurt when you hurt,   will laugh when you laugh.     she wants to do her best to look after your well - being despite knowing that her presence is actively ruining you.     thinks the world and more of you,    and will be absolutely devastated when she ultimately destroys or kills you.

[foxes-evermore]

Hey,,,, if you wanna you know,,,, whip me some of that angst you got,,,, that could,,,,,, that could work,,,,, that could be cool,,.

listen,, im in physical pain and also am not able to sleep at the moment so im sitting up in the kitchen getting ready to eat a whole cheesecake and preparing to cry,,,, the angst hour is upon us,,, lets do it

if this is about the thing i said yesterday, the specific angst i was talking about was a Kevaaron Song of Achilles AU, which, im not sure if that’s what you were hoping for, but im emotional,,,, just @ me again if you meant something different sjksldjlksdf

anyway here we go its long im so sorry alksjlskdfj

I’ve said this a lot before but like

Sporty-Boy-With-A-Destiny Kevin Day

Boy-Whom-Was-Treated-Like-Shit-By-The-Only-Parent-He-Knew-But-Succeeded-Out-Of-Spite-And-Became-A-Healer Aaron Minyard

t his writes itself

originally….. listen… originally i was like “of course Riko is Paris and Ichirou is H*ctor,,,, and Jean is Helen”

bUT then i got to thinking

and i’ll be damned if the mcfucking USC Trojans aren’t the for real trojans

and like this adds a whole knew level of angst because like

hear me out, i want Jeremy to be Paris just because of the Jerejean™,, but in reality,, the boy is H*ctor. Honorable and Loyal to a Fault, and best of the best right after Kevin.

which also means that Riko is actually Menelaus, and Ichirou is Agamemnon. and that makes a lot of sense because honestly the tension between them and Kevin with everyone going “no, IM the Most Important, fuck you” is 100% there.

Back to the boys though,,

like here’s Kayleigh Day, a simple sea nymph whose only desire is to protect her son and also make sure he is remembered and worshiped forever,,, and young Kevin is so on board,,,,

meanwhile

Aaron gets in some Trouble for killing a man who dared to lay a hand on his twin brother, and Tilda is overly happy about getting rid of him for the crime, so she sells him to a king who is known for adopting outcast orphan boys for his army. Aaron never hears from/sees his mother or brother again, but ,,, he meets the stupidest boy he has ever encountered in his LIFE. the kid is an absolute IDIOT, but he is half a god and destined for greatness and everyone dotes on him. 

Aaron doesnt care.

Kevin does.

Why is Aaron ignoring him?? Why doesn’t Aaron fawn over him like the other boys do? why won’t Aaron pay attention? it’s frustrating but intriguing.

The second time Aaron gets in trouble with royalty, the king wants to know why Aaron isn’t training and sparring with the other boys. He doesnt care about anything anymore, that’s why.

But he still knows pain and fear, so he does the only thing he knows how to do when a superior is angry: he finds a small/dark place and he hides.

Of Course someone finds him, and OF COURSE it’s that talented brat.

Kevin drags him to the king because its the right thing to do, but instead of leaving him for the wolves, Kev is like “I choose him. as my brother-in-arms. i want him by my side at all times” and obviously the king is like “why” because look at this fucking tiny pale stick-boy,,, he’s not even 5 feet tall yet,,, will he ever even get over 5 feet?? (spoiler, the answer is no)

and Aaron is also like “????” and Kevin just smiles for the king and then gives Aaron this look that says “try to ignore me now, you piece of shit” :))

So these 2 spend some quality time together and for a long time it’s basically just like that one part in SoA where Achilles is training and Pat goes I stepped forward. ‘’fight me.’’

There’s so much bickering and whatnot and, just like in SoA, they don’t even truly realize they’re falling for each other until the Big Bad Ocean Mom comes and tells Aaron to fuck off and then sends Kevin away to train with the horse dad, Wymack, to keep him safe.

Aaron follows him and Kevin is like “I knew you would come :)” and Aaron is like “shut the hell your mouth” and they finish their journey together.

and they fall in L

they fall in Love on that mountain.

just two bois dicking around and experiencing foolishly strong emotions where no one can stop them.

But Then Aaron’s past that he conveniently forgot to mention catches up with him when men come to tell them that it is time to die to fight Troy. Kevin is an amazing warrior and it’s expected that he go to fight in the war, but Aaron can hear his own blood pounding, because he Remembers something that he hopes everyone else might’ve forgotten.

He’d made a promise to Jean of Sparta. not a promise. A blood oath, to go to war for the most beautiful boy in the world if something like this ever happened. and now it was happening.

Kayleigh warns him that if Kevin goes to fight the trojans, he’ll die, but she cant elaborate anymore, aside from telling them that Jeremy will die first.

Who can kill Jeremy, though? N o   o n e. Kevin is the only swordsman good enough to best him, and why would he kill the devout trojan prince? he’s an honorable man. an admirable man,,, in fact, Kevin has heard so much about him, and he adores the prince,,

and What has Jeremy ever done to him?

Kayleigh tries one more time to save her son, spirits him away to an island at night,, weds him to a beautiful princess named Thea, they promise her a child and in return she disguises him as one of her lady dancers whom she calls her “ravens”

Aaron finds him though, recognizes him, because he would know those green eyes a n y w h e r e.

Thea invites Aaron to stay, too, says that the three of them could work something out. The two agree cautiously and they start to get comfortable, incorporating Thea into this thing that used to be just them 

But eventually men come and find them,,, find Aaron,, and they’re dragged off to Troy to fight with Riko and Ichirou,, one man determined to bring back his caged lover and one determined to seize the city.

It’s exciting at first, in that “we could die any second” sort of way. everything happening all at once, arrows and spears flying, swords clanging, and fire on the beach.

but Aaron watches from day one as Kevin loses himself. the way comes back to camp the very first day of battle covered in blood and sweat and grinning like he just won the world.

Something about it twists Aaron’s stomach, but he pushes it down because there’s only room right now to be glad that his love is alive and that they’ve successfully arrived and that maybe there is hope and the war will end with both of them on the other side of it, going home.

The night after that first battle, Aaron sees a trojan girl being handed off as a spoil of war, probably to Ichirou or Riko, and demands that Kevin take her as his prize. Kevin is high off the fighting still and doesn’t really question this.

The girl’s name is Katelyn and she’s eternally grateful to Aaron, but even warier than he is of Kevin’s lust for battle and glory.

Anyway.

time passes. years. Aaron and Katelyn save as many of the captured girls as they can, and they make a family and they get close, and one day Katelyn admits that she loves Aaron.

he’s shook.

But he’s not as shook over her feelings for him as he is over her justifications for why they should be together and forget Kevin.

“He’s a monster,” she tells him. “He’s not a person anymore. He doesn’t love you, he can’t, because he doesn’t know how to love.”

and that can’t be true, but it is, isn’t it?

he only knows how to fight and kill. he only feels the need for glory, and nothing else, doesn’t he?

When did it become like this? When did Aaron lose Kevin? a few months back? years? the day they arrived at Troy? earlier?

had he ever even really had Kevin? he’d never had him to himself, at least, had he? It was always Aaron and Glory. Kevin was born to be remembered, and they both knew it. and Kevin wanted it more than anything, didn’t he?

did he want glory more than he wanted Aaron?

but it’s like Kevin is reading his mind,, every time Aaron has these thoughts, Kevin is there, on top of him, kissing him, holding him, touching him with these burning hands that leave Aaron wanting more, more, more.

he’s driving Aaron crazy and Aaron is fine with it because they have each other and they’ll be back home together one day and that’s all that matters.

and then Riko pisses Kevin off,

and the gods see this story and how it ends, and some laugh at the tragedy of it, and some hurt for the poor souls involved.

Kevin won’t let his men fight anymore, and the Trojans are taking ground back and hope is lost, but Riko and Ichirou won’t swallow their pride, and neither will Kevin.

Aaron begs. “These are our friends,” he says, “if the trojans just see you, they’ll retreat”

“You’re letting them die,” he tells Kevin from down on his knees, “you could save them. please.”

his lover’s tears are enough to snap Kevin out of his rage, but not enough to make him fight. 

“You dont have to,” Aaron bargains, “let me ride out in your armor.”

[rigelicn-blog]

just a transcript of a discord chat for future reference under the cut lmao

nvp-Yesterday at 10:39 PM

ok real talk before they like threw in the brand and everything i kinda believed alm could 100% follow rudolf's plans about how to save valentia?? i mean it could still be the same way i'd have to wonder tho would rinea and celica also swap or nah?

foxy grandpapa-Yesterday at 10:39 PM

my rudolf muse : rubs grubby little hands together

Fish Pond (crueltythroned)-Yesterday at 10:40 PM

Good question they very well could swap thinking about it, I wasn't thinking of them just Alm and Berkut. What do you think N which ones better?

nvp-Yesterday at 10:41 PM

i kinda like the idea of rinea and celica stay in their same positions?? it's interesting to explore the dynamics of how alm would interact with rinea and how berkut would interact with celica

foxy grandpapa-Yesterday at 10:41 PM

tru

nvp-Yesterday at 10:42 PM

tho i do think the most interesting au i had heard was where all four of them swapped roles?? like it was rigelian princess celica, fiancee alm, deliverance leader rinea, and zofian prince berkut

foxy grandpapa-Yesterday at 10:42 PM

oooooooo

Fish Pond (crueltythroned)-Yesterday at 10:43 PM

Omg that does sound like a cool AU swap I like both those ideas mainly the latter.

nvp-Yesterday at 10:43 PM

YE tho it's kinda hard to organize unless you can find all four roles

foxy grandpapa-Yesterday at 10:43 PM

regardless berkut will still get treated like garbage by rudolf

Fish Pond (crueltythroned)-Yesterday at 10:43 PM

He can't win in any situation

nvp-Yesterday at 10:43 PM

rest in pieces berkut

pls imagine a young rinea being trained by mycen tho

foxy grandpapa-Yesterday at 10:44 PM

also I low key feel like the main reason why rudolf kept berkut out was bc he really did care (but not about him)

he didn't want alm to fucken die(tm) by berkut's hands, and even tho his nephew failed repeatedly, he's still a competent warriorand alm could be killed

nvp-Yesterday at 10:45 PM

hmm okay rudolf's like. caring about berkut or not is always a super weird thing for me but i've been open to literally any explanation??

Fish Pond (crueltythroned)-Yesterday at 10:45 PM

But I'm used to NPcing characters because of Nessa, even if one controls the other we always sometimes swap control to process the roleplay here on Discord. So we'd have to find a Celica and a Rinea to do this with them. Berkut tries he really does

foxy grandpapa-Yesterday at 10:45 PM

and rudolf respects that

nvp-Yesterday at 10:45 PM

i know i've heard some folks also say that berkut was told he was too weak so that berkut wouldn't be killed by alm in the fight against rudolf? but rudolf didn't expect berkut to have some Fun(tm) with God

foxy grandpapa-Yesterday at 10:46 PM

low key tho I just do it for the crack,,, , I truly believe that deep down rudolf cares abt his nephew

also that's what I thought too

Fish Pond (crueltythroned)-Yesterday at 10:46 PM

Yeeaaahhhhh, Berkut lost his mind and gave in to Duma's call.

foxy grandpapa-Yesterday at 10:46 PM

berkut got himself a stand and a lot of trouble

Fish Pond (crueltythroned)-Yesterday at 10:47 PM

Honestly, the reason why my Berkut at least tries so hard is because he wants to impress Ruldolf and for a reason that's purely HC on my side.

nvp-Yesterday at 10:47 PM

if we ever find a rinea and a celica tho to be down with this au GOD BLESS

foxy grandpapa-Yesterday at 10:47 PM

do tell

nvp-Yesterday at 10:47 PM

oooo?

Fish Pond (crueltythroned)-Yesterday at 10:50 PM

Okay so, I have it so Berkut's Dad was a Duma fateful that gave his soul to Duma a long time ago, and his mother was just a normal noblewoman. When he was about six his father wanted more power then he bargained for from Duma so he tried to take Berkut's mother and sacrifice her. She wasn't a good enough offering to Duma because his father cared very little for her, so as punishment for a lackluster offering, they both died of the Plague. So because Berkut is only six at the time it was Rudolf that took him in and raised him from a child to what he is now, this is also where Berkut gets his intense hate for the Duma Fateful and their stupid power.

foxy grandpapa-Yesterday at 10:50 PM

oh my god,,,,,can i like 

hug berkut

Fish Pond (crueltythroned)-Yesterday at 10:52 PM

You are free too but I can't promise he won't make that distraught face he makes when he fails at something.

foxy grandpapa-Yesterday at 10:53 PM

god all i want is an actual moment of familial respect between rudolf and berkut like ,, give him a pat on the head and tell him he tried his best maybe throw around a baseball or something god damn give him the childhood he missed out onCrack A Cold One With The Nephew

Fish Pond (crueltythroned)-Yesterday at 10:55 PM

please do this boy needs love 

Even when his parents were alive they didn't really do anything with him, his dad always forced him to train every waking moment of every day. His mother is where he inherited his hate for commoners from she was that type of woman so he just, always spent his time training trying to get stronger. Fun fact: His dad only forced him to train to offer him to Duma when he was strong enough

foxy grandpapa-Yesterday at 10:56 PM

and rudolf knows of Duma's madness and all so that could give him more reason to dislike it

i- oh god

concept ; either rudolf doesn't die or berkut gives up and attempts to sacrifice himself & rinea to Duma earlier and like ,, rudolf tries to coax him out of it or somethin idk(edited)

nvp-Yesterday at 10:57 PM

WOAH I REALLY LIKE THAT HC

it has really good parallelism to act 5 too so i'm like Immediately Weak

foxy grandpapa-Yesterday at 10:59 PM

another concept ; when rudolf lives, he can't manage to coax berkut out of it and berkut ends up sacrificing both of them to Duma

Fish Pond (crueltythroned)-Yesterday at 10:59 PM

I like that idea omg, I already have Berkut didn't die HC. He took the power but he was hanging on such a thin string of life that Duma actually took his power back, so Berkut was just down there at the alter trying to rip off his armor to get to his shirt Where he made lousey field stripped bandaging out of it, becase he got Mcfucked up by Alm.

nvp-Yesterday at 11:00 PM

ooo see the thing is i wonder if berkut had sacrificed rudolf, if alm might've had a much more explosive reaction to finding out??

foxy grandpapa-Yesterday at 11:00 PM

yes

nvp-Yesterday at 11:01 PM

i still wanna know what tf happened to alm's mom who tf was she

i kinda assumed she died in childbirth but still

Fish Pond (crueltythroned)-Yesterday at 11:01 PM

Good question

Unless Rudolf had green hair when he was younger.

nvp-Yesterday at 11:01 PM

idk i like the idea rudolf's hair is naturally white? then it gets passed down to walhart eventually

foxy grandpapa-Yesterday at 11:02 PM

tru

Fish Pond (crueltythroned)-Yesterday at 11:02 PM

Come to think of it Alm's hair color is like a darker version of Milas right?

foxy grandpapa-Yesterday at 11:02 PM

also uh if I may, I would like to quote this chat

Fish Pond (crueltythroned)-Yesterday at 11:02 PM

LOL

foxy grandpapa-Yesterday at 11:05 PM

tho tbh I feel like rudolf's hair is naturally white

since Walmart™ has it and everything

nvp-Yesterday at 11:05 PM

hmmm i wouldn't say alm's hair is a darker version of mila's cause i think it has a bit more blue to it but then again i just add blue when i color it so hold up i'll actually check

Fish Pond (crueltythroned)-Yesterday at 11:06 PM

Yeah the white hair thing is better, but hair color can be really funny in a way too. I know someone with like brown hair x2 can have a blond child it's something to do with past ancestors having the color. So the ressesive gene wins out.

foxy grandpapa-Yesterday at 11:06 PM

yep

alm's hair looks like a really saturated tone of duma's to me tbh

etc, etc.

[survivorathena-allstars]

Episode #8: “I'll Fall on the Sword” ~ Charlotte

Let me be like my favourite simpson and Merge. GOD

UGH I THOUGHT WE WERE MCFUCKING MERGING JFLADKJFALSD ANYWAYS I GUESS NOT!!!!!! I'm happy with how tribal panned out but GOD this is an ugly turn of events! At least I don't have school tomorrow and the vote went how it should have. I was in auditions for over four hours tonight and I wasn't able to game talk like AT ALL but I love my allies and they covered it for me. I'm so happy! I think that maybe after THIS vote we'll merge or something... I don't know. Why didn't we merge at 13 if Duncan's power is like??? You know??? You can run and hide from final 13 to final 10 idk it's just weird. And ugh I just,,,,, I WANT TO WIN THIS CHALLENGE SO I DONT HAVE TO VOTE OUT RUTHIE OR KEVIN FDKAKFSD this sucks. I like them both. I'd rather Kevin than Ruthie but that might be difficult because of like,,, how this vote went down lmao. But it was cute how Autumn, Ruthie, and Kevin didn't even stick together after that 3-3-1 vote like WOW JFKDSJFLKAS iconic and I love it. Now I'm hungry and I'm gonna go eat something bye

I literally hate this task challenge with a passion I don't have the reaction time for it rip me and my life and my tribe

I'm forever an Emily & Owen stan but can they go to sleep. PLEATHE

Not to be full of myself but I did #that and more. I mean I'd like to think it was my move bc I suggested her name first so. Her vote said that I was like playing both sides but tbh I wasn't even playing her side at all??? (I accidentally forgot to message her skdkdkd) I just hope that doesn't like...marr my reputation, as small as it already is. Anyways I'm upset about no merge and just hoping we can win this challenge because we were already uncertain last time who knows what'll happen tomorrow night. 

Plz ask for a mutiny so I can go to the other tribe even though they are losing please and THANK YOU

CameronI think I speak for the entirety of Loronha when I say I HATE YOU OWEN AND EMILY ________________________________________________________________ *narrator voice* he does not have faith in his tribe

If I was a Pokémon I’d be Ekans. Hiss hiss

Losing this badly is so hard to deal with after winning so well the last few rounds. I so desperately want to make merge, you know? And if this is the thing that does me in... well that would suck.

this is the most DISHEARTENING challenge, we are always just a second behind the other team and i am so frustrated and sad and everyone on our tribe is trying their hardest but it's just not working for us 

I love losing. It's okay, I'll fall on the sword if we do lose bc I literally couldn't do any of these tasks because I am an adult and I have to work.

I’m really sad and disheartened and this is so so so devastating. This is the first time in any game where I’ve felt this close to a group of people and I’m so upset that one of us has to leave. We tried so damn hard and we were so close and I’m so upset and sad and I. Want to cry 

i cant believe i won!!! im shaking!!! ali is the devil but we won anyway because god always prevails over evil amen!!! britain tell me how my ass tastes!!!! can we please merge!!!

I hate being mad like this. I hate feeling like I want to scream at people and tell them how angry I am. But that's how I feel, so I'm gonna put it in a confessional. Emily and Owen, I'm so sorry in the future and know that likely 10 hours from now I'm not gonna feel this way but. FUCK YOU EMILY AND OWEN. DO YOU FOOLS NEVER SLEEP? DO YOU NOT HAVE LIVES? EMILY DONT YOU GO TO SCHOOL? DID YOU SKIP SCHOOL TO DO THIS CHALLENGE? WHAT THE HELL!

I'm glad my tribe won even though I wish there was a mutiny where they could have lost a TON of points and lost one of their own in the 'Alliance Against Ruthie TM' 

i cant fucking believe i got 5 points for steamed hams, and then emily said eggs was a fun fact and ruined my only contrifuckinbution! i still love her but kdjshgkjdshgkdjshhkj

You all know me as the heartless meanie who lost his shit multiple times during Azores, but right now I'm gonna fucking cry I don't wanna have to vote anyone off this tribe. Like I thought I felt bad before making the move against Madison or having to give up on trying to save Jack, but this is the absolute HARDEST thing that's happened yet. Even if it's Charlotte because apparently she wants us to vote her out, I'm still gonna be crying during this one. This sucks.

Someone from Loronha is winning this game. No ifs, no buts. We all fought SO HARD to win. So hard. And we all got so many points, despite the odds and just stuff being against us. With my strategy, any plans I had of voting against Dana/Will/Cameron? they are gone. I love them all SO MUCH, and have no intention of voting them out. At merge, the war on Atalaia begins. ________________________________________________________________ Like ugh I love me some Emily but come merge? Emily and Lily are outta here.

Thank GOD we won that challenge. I did SO MUCH and if we had lost I would’ve probably wanted Kevin to go home since he contributed the least to the competition at least from what I saw. And also, not to toot my own horn or anything, but I did SO MUCH for our tribe. Like whenever I was at auditions or sleep they were like,,,, we need Emily!! Like? That’s a good feeling. Don’t vote me out because I’m pulling my weight hehe! But also why the fuck did they need me so bad these things aren’t hard you just gotta be speedy!! Whatever. Also I cracked an egg on my head for no reason. I’m the queen of eggs though so it’s fine.

There's something especially depressing about the fact that Charlotte is so willing to go, whether it's because she really is truly over the game or she has stuff going on... It's just sad watching a pseudo-quit like this happen, especially coming off of last night's outright devastation. If y'all thought the Emily boot in Azores was sad (when literally everyone cried on live cam), then this is gonna be even worse - idk how but it's worse. But looking at the bright side, at least it's gonna get me through to the next round.

Charlotte has asked/offered to go tonight which I really respect and appreciate. I am so devastated to see her go though. Charlotte is an icon, a legend, an inspiration. She is truly the most justified all star in this cast. Come merge, the Loronha tribe is literally going to be F6. I'm speaking it into existence. ________________________________________________________________ God Charlotte going tonight is gonna be such a tragedy. But unfortunately a queen must fall for an empire to arise. Its time for the Loronha dynasty to begin.

Hi I feel awful about everything and this game is making me have a heart which should honestly be a crime. As long as I am not being tricked by everybody on my tribe (always a possibility, I am impossible to blindside), I think Charlotte is going home on her own accord tonight. I feel SO bad about it, but at the same time I think she would have gone home either way (idol plays aside), which I'm not sure she expected. Also i'm feeling kind of good about the game right now because I think the dynamics on both tribes are good for me going into a merge situation. 1) Will and Duncan aren't close, and I'm close with both of them. 2) Duncan is close with Zach, who I am close with, and will use for information and then vote out expediently so I can win (probably tbd). 3) I still have my alliances from both my tribes with most members in tact (rip Autumn a quen) 4) I didn't even have to lie to anybody yet.. Wig! I just withheld a lot of information, but weirdly, people have been spilling their game tea to me which honestly ya girl loves! 5) Everyone i'm working with wants Emily out and amazing because i sure do too. 6) Ashvika is close to Duncan and also mad that Autumn was voted out, me too girl. Ok wig I have more thoughts but umm this is all for now ladies. See u on the flip side hopefully xoxo

I have no idea whether I’ve done a confessional or not this round and ideally it’s not my last one. So Loronha finally lost again after WE DIDNT MERGE AT 13! *side eyes emoji*  and honestly the tribe’s moral was shot, right in the gut. Like they all felt so bad about losing it must’ve beeen a rush to be a part of that challenge. Lots of emotions are out and people are in their feels. Apparently Charlotte is very okay with going home and says she has no ulterior motives. I wanted Cameron out first but if Charlotte is willing to go and wants us to vote her out, who am I to stand in her way? I ain’t shit. And I know if I was in that position I’d prefer to go home too. I just don’t think she was as invested as she should’ve been and she realizes that. It’s just sad and I hope she’s not fronting and that we Merge soon.

I THINK I'M MAKING MERGE GIRLIES!!!!!!!! So, with that, I'm going to talk about all the people left in the game and my opinions on them for merge because I've been slacking on confessionals this round!

Okay starting with Ali: Ali has an idol and I'm hoping I'm the only one that knows that still. I'm a little worried not being on his tribe right now because 1. he could build closer relationships with people that are not me 2. he could tell other people about his idol 3. he could tell other people I know about his idol. 3 is bad because then people will know Ali and I are very close. Though I haven't been discreet about any of my relationships in the game thus far, I guess another very out there tie to a player will just? Happen? I guess? I don't know. I'm definitely going to spill all the tea from our 3-3-1 6-0 vote because he's going to get the tea eventually and I'd rather it be from me. I also wonder how close Ali and Duncan are right now because I remember them being a bit rocky before the joint tribal, so who can be sure? I can't.

Ashvika: Really sweet girl and I'm glad we got Autumn out. Ashvika was wanting to save Autumn during the joint tribal and that means they were close, especially because they just played together. I figure Ashvika and Duncan are close because of what I know from Duncan. I wonder if that relationship is still in tact or if Ashvika is now closer to Will and Dana. I remember them being close for some reason. This could be inaccurate but? Idk.

Charlotte: I honestly don't know where I stand with Charlotte! I have no idea where her allegiances are and like? I just really don't know. I remember her and Zach being close but now that they're on different tribes, I don't know where she stands. And I also know that Duncan low key wanted Charlotte out in the earlier days of this game so like... she could be going out next because of her lack of allies and Duncan kind of wanting her out. I don't know how much power Duncan has over there. But also, Charlotte got Jack's vote last time Elaenia went to tribal council so... it's likely? I guess? I don't know. We'll see.

Dana: I don't really know much about Dana other than her and Will are tight. And Zach. And probably Ashvika. That's going to have to be a group I either 1. work with or 2. look out for when we merge. I can just like... sense it. But I also think that Will and Ali are close and then Dana and Zach are close and they're my closest allies so like??? Ali and Zach can probably keep me safe or at least differ targets off my back if my name happens to come up. And I like that!

Duncan: I love Duncan. He has an idol. Idk who else knows other than Ali and I. I hope that's it. Oh wait this is me remembering mid-type that I told Lily about Duncan's idol lol. FUNNY EMILY anyways. Lily probably won't tell. I hope she doesn't. Whew. I think Duncan should be okay 1. because he has an idol 2. because he like??? has a good social game?? I'm hoping to see him in merge.

Kevin: Honestly don't know how I feel about him because we saved him last round but he voted for Lily the round before and like... wtf I don't like that? fjkldsfalsd I thought he and Lily were TIGHT and then he just goes around and votes Lily out like WOW idk man. I know he's my secret santa but he's SKETCHY!!! If we were to have gone to tribal this round, I would've wanted to vote him out. I know that's flip-floppy because we saved him last round and kept Ruthie out of the loop but that's the truth lol

Lily: My absolute fav person ever!!! In a game sense, I would say I'm like ... 4th closest to her. Zach, Ali, and Owen are above her. But everything else I love her! She has that vote negator and I'm happy she FINALLY got something good from the arch*p*l*go!! 

Cameron: Love him love him love him! I feel like we won't work together in this game though. Not sure why I just... don't see it happening? It might. We shall see. He reminds me to take my medicine every night. I <3 him. And for the short period of time we've been together in this game I've been decently honest with him. He was one of the few people I told before the Madison vote that I was gonna vote for Autumn rather than Madison just because she's my friend and it hurts :( so I'm hoping he's willing to vote with me even though he thinks I'm a major snake. God.

Owen: I was doubtful about him at first but I think I've made a genuine connection with him! I was like high key scared he was gonna flip on Lily/Zach/Myself for Autumn/Kevin/Ruthie but he DIDN'T and I'm so happy about that. I really like him and he's been very helpful in challenges so I'm thankful for that!! He's so sweet and we have a snapchat streak and anyone that puts up with my streaks is a blessing

Ruthie: I really love Ruthie and keeping her out of the loop last vote was really something dksjfkasld I'm sad that it happened but like we needed to just in case an idol was played or something. I hope she's willing to work with me later down the line but I think our relationship definitely needs some healing.

Will: Love Will and I really hope we can ACTUALLY work together this game! I know things were messy with the Madison vote but I'm hoping that that doesn't get in the way of our game relationship. Though me fucking things up with Ruthie might also hinder it... I'm not sure. I think Ali and him are close and I'm close to Ali so like? Yeah keep me safe Will xoxo. Will is also definitely close to Dana since she exposed some of his tea during the scavenger hunt. I would never expose tea from any of the people I'm not close with you know? yeah they're close. Her draft name in Azores was "Dana I want Will to win" and I remember that because I had to read it like ten times to finally understand what it said

Zach: I love Zach so much and he's my number one ally despite me not like telling him about either one of Ali or Duncan's idols lmao. Ugh I just love Zach so much and I trust him with ??? MY LIFE????? I'd go to rocks for him I love him. He's so honest with me (I think) and I just love him omgjdklfjaskldflasd god I love Zach he's great he's so sweet I can tell we're going to stay friends after this which is my favorite thing about him!! AHHHHH!! 

Well this confession was super long and I started it around 3:00 and I'm just now submitting it (7:27 PM lol)

Charlotte becomes the 8th person voted out of Athena All Stars in a 7-0 vote. You can see Charlotte’s preseason interview here.