#like they could continue a conversation twice as longer than he intended bc it was just so fun to write them. that’s scc for me

[the-meme-monarch]

I’m a big proporter of “k_k isn’t stupid he just likes to act like it bc he thinks it funny to make people mad or confused”. and other such doodles of him

if you ship scc go away👍

references for the last one under the cut

[yesimwriting]

Crossing lines

General Kirigan/the darkling x reader

Summary: This was requested by my friend @vvsdiamond28 who also writes and has a really good kirigan x reader story up right now! The request was basically for a fic in which the reader is out wandering at night and runs into kirigan while he’s in the banya and then they get to talking and some other stuff before he admits to only trusting the reader and giving her his real name. This gets kinda steamy bc of the request and bc the story called for it lol but it’s not full smut bc i decided that it would be better to do that as a part 2 so that i could add some jealousy tension haha

a/n i think im back?? Ive been working on requests a lot and ive really enjoyed writing regularly again. A small side note, after rewatching revenge of the sith im kinda in the mood to try writing an anakin fic 😭 pls he was my OG fictional crush,, so either send help or a request for him or something, Anyways,, back to this fic--ahh i had fun writing it but i still feel awkward writing steamier stuff so be nice!! 

-- 

Those that wander in the night, lost in uneasy thought--there’s probably a lot that can be said about them. But I can’t think of anything to be said about me. Nothing good comes from walking around a place full of powerful and tense people in the middle of the night. It wouldn’t take much effort to interpret my actions as suspicious, and yet I continue forward. I’m an idiot--just because I can’t sleep doesn’t mean I have to wander around campgrounds. My presence is barely tolerated here, I shouldn’t try backstroking in waters I can barely tread. 

But still, I walk, eyes more fixated on the open night sky than anything else. The moon is as full as an overflowing glass, the stars twinkling as if desperate to compete with a light it will never be able to duplicate. I sigh, pressing my lips together. Maybe the stars and I have more in common than I thought. Normally, that would be a good thing. 

Letting out a weary breath, I continue forward, away from the relative safety of the main tents. I’m still on the grounds, I’m approaching the border where the tents of higher ranking officials are. That should make me more nervous, but if anything it almost eases me slightly. 

General Kirigan is not the type to be friendly, and yet our interactions have always been laced with a touch of intimacy I can’t quite explain. We’ve been alone together more and more frequently, and I think that’s how I like him best. It’s strange, but when we’re alone some of his sharpness dulls, leaving space for something I might consider humor or actual personality on anyone else. He probably speaks to many girls like that when they’re alone together--a fact I have to fight to remind myself of--but it’s the closest thing to friendship I have here. Maybe it’s foolish to hold onto that, but I can’t bring myself to release my grip on those sentiments. At least not yet, when the kind moments are still rare and fleeting and no line has been crossed. 

The danger, however, comes from the prospect of not recognizing lines before they’re crossed. Even now, as I walk aimlessly in the night, pacing in hopes of exhausting my thoughts, I’m crossing lines in a much more literal way and even these are ill defined. I must be in new territory now, and even that I can only vaguely recognize because of the strangely humid scent that surrounds this area of the grounds. 

I’m near the banya. I didn’t intend to wander here, but the thought of splashing water on my face is too tempting to pass up on. I move closer, finding a sense of peace in having some direction, even in a small way. 

When the promise of water is only steps away, I begin to regret everything. There’s a figure in the bath. I freeze, ready to attempt to shrink away in hopes of disappearing before I’m caught. This could easily turn extremely awkward even though I technically haven’t done anything. Most people don’t bathe at this hour. Who bathes this late at night? 

I keep my eyes on the individual, trying to make out who they are and how aware they are of their surroundings in the dim light. Pale skin, dark hair--unbelievably attractive torso. My eyes linger there longer than they should. I force my gaze upwards, towards their face as if that can erase my ogling. Embarrassment leaves my face burning--I’m not the ‘ogling’ type, and this person doesn’t even know I’m here. I keep my eyes on them as I step back, taking in unaware features as best I can in the dark. 

I know them--I--Saints, it’s Kirigan. 

Fantastic. Of course he has to be even more impossibly attractive while shirtless and wet. I turn my head upwards sharply, more desperate to not be caught than ever. I would never, ever recover from being caught. Whether he’d tease me or be angry with me, I don’t know. I also don’t know which option I’d prefer. 

I step back again, my gait wider due to my urgency. Snap. The sound of both a twig and my chance of a stealthy escape being shattered. I cringe, craning my neck to the left in a desperate attempt to make it clear that I wasn’t watching him. I take another desperate step, ready to duck behind a nearby tree. Maybe he hasn’t seen me--maybe he’s distracted and assumed that some kind of rabbit or something passed by. He may not actively dislike me, but I’m not sure any semblance of favor he may have for me extends to this situation.

“Y/n.” His tone reveals nothing but his level of certainty. Ignoring him will only make me seem guilty. 

I pause, keeping my gaze off of him. “Yes.” It wasn’t really a question, and yet I still answer it like one. “I was--I couldn’t sleep so I thought I’d get some air, and I was walking kind of aimlessly and I ended up here and I didn’t think anyone would be here.” Why do I feel like I’m making this situation worse? “I’m sorry--I’m gonna--I’m going to go now.” This is the kind of embarrassing moment that will come back to me when I’m trying to fall asleep at night. I know it.

“You know the polite thing to do after intruding is to make eye contact.” 

I don’t think my face has ever felt this warm before. At least he doesn’t sound angry, but his voice doesn’t reveal that much. I raise my gaze carefully, turning my head slowly. “I didn’t mean,” I exhale slowly, “It wasn’t my intention to intrude.” 

He straightens slightly at my words, exposing more of his chest. I stay still, eyes trained on his to avoid an accidental lapse. “You could make it up to me by offering conversation.” Kirigan’s tone is deliberate, his words measured and calm. I don’t speak, feeling like I’m being presented a test I don’t understand, but most of our conversations leave me feeling like that. “Only if you’re comfortable.” 

And just like that, I’m backed into a corner. A challenge. To deny him now would be to expose the effect he has on me. My chin raises a fraction of an inch as I take in that assured half-smirk. “Why wouldn’t I be comfortable?” 

Kirigan arches a dark brow, assessing my response. “Then sit,” his voice has not changed, “You want air and I want company.” 

I don’t think anyone that looks as good as he does shirtless has ever had trouble finding company, especially with the smooth way he speaks. Despite this, I step forward to accept his challenge without calling him out on his coyness. Each step is the crossing of another invisible line until I’m near the water’s edge. I make sure to keep my nightgown at a respectable length as I sit down. 

I make a point of extending my legs towards the water while leaning back so that I can’t be easily accused of being a coward. “I feel the need to warn you that I might not make particularly interesting company.”

He angles his head to the side slightly, drawing attention to his jawline and neck. I force my stare to focus on the water. “I’ve never found you uninteresting.” 

There’s something resigned in the way he says this. On instinct, I look up, taking in the slight softening of his features. The release of his usual sternness only adds to his beauty, a fact that I’m already resenting. 

“You may be the only one.” It’s not meant to be a deprecating comment, but I’m not sure my partial laugh softens my bitterness. I hope it does--I’d rather his interest than the interest of my entire unit. 

Kirigan shifts forward, the water moving with him. “Do you think that any coldness you’re experiencing has to do with you?” 

The question has me drawing my eyebrows together. What else could it be? I shrug, “I’ve considered it.” 

He nods once, eyes hardening slightly. “Do you always have trouble sleeping?” 

The personalness of the question shouldn’t surprise me as much as it does. Kirigan seems to only understand boundaries when he’s the one setting them. “Not really.” A partial lie--this time I’m glad I can’t quite bring myself to look at him. “It’s not uncommon for me, but it’s not something I deal with every night.” 

I risk shifting my eyeline when I hear the sound of water moving. Kirigan’s now resting an arm on the rim of the pool, wet skin dangerously close to my ankle and lower calf. “It’s not always easy,” his voice is low now, “Being alone with your thoughts.” 

That’s not the kind of reply I’d expect from him. I blink twice before turning to study his expression. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him seem so tired--so weary and human and in need of something. The line between his eyebrows and the far off quality of his eyes leave me with the strong desire to give whatever it is he needs to him. The urge to reach out, to touch him in hopes of breaking him free from his odd trance leaves my stomach knotted. That line is too clear to cross so recklessly.

I need to chase away the serious atmosphere he’s created. “Is that why you bathe so late at night?” I let myself smile, “To avoid thoughts?” 

“I like the peace of it.” Something akin to amusement touches his words. “And for the record, little dove,” the nickname is pointed and earns him an eyeroll, “The warm water doesn’t exactly chase away thoughts so much as encourages others.” He pauses. “You understand, considering you can barely look at me.”

This is the most embarrassing thing to have ever happened. The suggestive jilt to his words has to be intentional. Damn him. I turn my head, forcing myself to meet his gaze. “I can look at you just fine.” 

“And if I were a Heartrender and could hear your heartbeat your pulse would be normal?” The question is teasing, a small smile pulling at his lips. 

The warmth in my face increases, spreading down my neck. Kirigan’s expression remains smug. “You’re not as funny as you think you are.” 

“No?” He leans forward, angling his head so close to me I can faintly feel the warmth of his breath on my lower calf. “I find myself amusing.” 

At least being around him like this is getting easier. I open my mouth, ready to provide some sarcastic comment I haven’t thought out yet. My mouth clamps shut on instinct when I feel his touch on my ankle. The faint contact quickly grows, his fingers brushing up my ankle and calf, leaving drops of cool water across my skin.

“What are you doing?” That’s a--a fair question, right? I’m not sure, rational thought slipping from me more and more with each passing second. 

“Nothing, really,” his reply is quick. “Nervous?” 

There is no way he doesn’t know what he’s doing. I roll my eyes, fighting against my instinctual fluster. “No,” a full lie, “You’re just getting me wet.” 

“Barely.” When he’s not busy being brooding he’s not much better than an irritating child. He retracts his hand slowly, fingers grazing my skin slowly as he submerges his hand beneath the water. The loss of contact should feel like a victory. It doesn’t. “Y/n,” he shifts closer, back straightening.

There’s an odd seriousness to his demeanor that almost leaves me reeling. “Yes?” 

He beckons me forward. I hesitate, but comply, letting myself shift closer to the water’s edge. Kirgan’s lips part, but no words leave him before he moves his arm, purposefully splashing water over my thighs and bottom of my nightgown. I let out an instinctively annoyed sound. “That is getting you wet.” 

“Kirigan!” My tone is as menacing as I can make it, but he continues to grin. There’s such a lightness to the look I almost forget to be annoyed. Almost. “I should tell the entire Second Army how much of a child you are.” 

My threat does nothing, his smile softening without fading. “They fear me too much for your stories to make a difference.” He says this flatly. “All of them except you.” 

I don’t know if I’m supposed to make something of that comment. A brief moment passes in which I think his eyes come close to softening. Maybe that’s a side effect of seeing the world as you want. Wait...what do I want? Him? No, no, I can’t. 

Okay, he’s objectively attractive and sometimes I think I may see more depth in him than he wants to be capable of. But that doesn’t mean I’m allowed to want anything with him. Even if he was trustworthy enough for me to be with him in any capacity...even casually, it could never happen. Nothing good could come from having relations with the highest ranked general and I doubt he’d ever want me like that. He likes to fluster people and I’m an easy target. I just accept it because being some level of entertainment to him is better than being nothing to everyone. 

“I don’t think there’s much point in fear.” It feels like a fair answer. The fairest answer I can manage, anyways. 

He sighs, the sound heavy. His hand stretches forward cautiously. I watch him and make no attempt to stop him from touching my lower calf. His fingers trace absentmindedly across the skin. “Of course you’d think that.” 

Again, I don’t know what to make of his words. Or his actions. He couldn’t find anything wrong with me just slightly adjusting my position. It’d be a polite way to remind us both of the natural order of things. But then again, someone like him is allowed to be mad about anything. And I’m not sure I want to remind us of our place. 

Actually, I’m completely sure that I want the opposite of that. But admitting that to myself is enough of a risk. I’ve already crossed thousands of tiny lines and what I want will require us to cross a thousand more. 

“I’m a little surprised you’re not reminding me how foolish a notion like that can be.” 

He lets out a tiny breath as he shifts even closer to me. “Maybe I’m enjoying your foolishness.” 

“I’m not sure if I should take that as a compliment or the opposite.” 

The slightest hint of a smile is visible to me beneath the moon’s glow. There’s something about darkness that adds beauty to things. I wait for him to reply, but instead of speaking his  hand moves further up my leg. I struggle to hide my reaction to his long fingers trailing up my skin.

He’s touched me before, sure. Tiny moments in which he’d push a strand of hair out of my face or wipe at a bit of dirt on my cheekbone. More recently, he had gripped my hip firmly to guide me through a crowd of soldiers. He had been in a hurry, stealing me from a conversation with the only member of my unit that’s been somewhat friendly to me. It wasn’t serious--he had just been rushing me because he only had a minute between meetings and apparently he had too long of a day to not take a moment to speak with me. 

“Are you alright, Dovey?” Normally, the nickname and all of its variations earns him an eyeroll. But everything is a lot less humorous with his hand half up my lower leg, leaving a trail of cool water wherever he touches. 

His fingers press more firmly into my skin. “Yes, I’m fine--it’s just late.” 

“Hm…” Kirigan breathes before tilting his head slightly. “You’re warm.” I stay silent as his hand shifts slightly. “Perhaps too warm.” 

If I’m hot that has absolutely nothing to do with fever. “I’m fine, General, I promise.” 

“Come closer,” he says, “It’ll take me no time to check.” 

...A little too convenient. My nightgown is still embarrassingly damp from the last time I eased tonight. “Please tell me you don’t find me that naive.” 

“Naive? No.” He lifts his hand slightly. “Warm? Yes.” I still don’t trust him. “I’m not going to do anything. I promise.” 

His eyes are dark and the limited lighting of the moon doesn’t offer me much in my analysis, but what I can see makes him seem genuine. “Why do I feel like that’s not the first time you’ve had to say that?” Despite my comment, I move towards him. 

The back of Kirigan’s palm is pressed to my forehead for less than a second. He brushes his hand down the side of my temple, rotating his wrist so that his fingertips can touch my cheek. His hand then continues to move down my jawline and then my neck...and then finally trails down my collarbone. I bite my tongue to avoid exhaling audibly at the contact. 

“Warm,” he concludes with a tsk, and yet he doesn’t withdraw his hand. “Though that could just have to do with the climate.” His thumb slips beneath the sleeve of my nightgown. “Perhaps you could benefit from joining me.” 

I bite my tongue to avoid letting out a surprised, embarrassingly enthusiastic squeak. I don’t know what’s gotten into him...maybe it’s the night air and the prospect of being fully alone. I should be strong enough to break whatever spell he’s starting to place on me. But I’m not. I’m really, really not. 

He pulls on the sleeve of my nightgown slightly. “I’m…” 

“Unless you’re nervous?” Another damn challenge. To shy away from this would be to expose myself. He tugs on the sleeve a little more assuredly, exposing my shoulder to the humid night. “Do I make you nervous?” 

His voice comes out a shallow rasp. I feel it straight in my core. “...Not more than you should.” 

“More than I should?” 

Ugh--too honest. I let myself get distracted. It shouldn’t be too difficult to explain what I meant. He knows he’s feared. He wants to be feared. “I’m sure we’re both aware that there are a fair amount of cautionary tales revolving around you.” 

His hand falls next to my lap. Oh? I didn’t expect to miss the contact between us so much. His expression seems to have fallen slightly as well. Was it my response to his question? It felt fair and straightforward without being too blunt. “And you believe every cautionary tale you hear?” 

There’s something stiff about the way he asks the question. His moodiness is making me miss his touchiness even more. At least then I didn’t have to feel like I made a mistake. Did I say something wrong? “Should I?”

“It depends on whether or not you plan on being brave.” 

“I told you...I don’t see much point in fear.” 

“And yet you’re still there.” A bit of humor returns to his voice. “Why is that?” 

Rolling my eyes, I shift forward, letting my legs dip into the water. This is as far as I should let this go. I’ve already lost too much more control. “Better?” He’s strangely tense again, a hint of something bitter playing at the smug look he tries for. “You alright?”

“Of course you’d ask me that.” He says this with a tired sigh. “You can never make things easy.” 

“I don’t understand.” 

He shifts backwards slightly. I can feel the distance between us like I’d feel a pebble in my shoe. “Do you believe all the stories about me?” 

Is he still bothered by that? “I didn’t mean it as literally as you’re taking it. All I meant is that people are intimidated by you, but that’s not a bad thing. It’s the way things have to be, you’re the only Shadow Summoner in existence and the army needs you to be intimidating so that they can act on your guidance.”

“The way things have to be,” he echoes, his voice strangely weighted. “There’s a specific kind of loneliness that comes with being feared by everyone.” 

Oh--I don’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t that. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him feel defeated like that. I reach for his hand without thinking, pulling his fingers towards my lap. “I don’t--I’m not scared of you.” It’s a weak attempt to comfort him, but it’s the only one I can think of. “That probably doesn’t mean anything, but I--” 

His hand turns in my lap, squeezing the exposed part of my thigh. “It means something.” Kirigan’s voice has hardened in a different way. “You’re the only person I’m certain of.” 

Everything in me seems to tighten at that. At the implication of something so personal from someone so closed off. “Kirigan, you don’t have to be as alone as you feel. You talk to me all the time and you do so in a way that makes it easy to forget the cautionary tales.” His hand moves further up my thigh. I fight as I try to remember our usual dynamic. “You’re the only one that talks to me like that.” 

“Have you ever considered that maybe the others refuse to take to you because of the favor I’ve shown you? The instinct to stay away from me is strong enough to extend to those around me.” Kirigan’s hand moves higher up my thigh. “To be near me is to involve solitude.” 

“I don’t care.” The answer leaves me too quickly. “Being near you is worth it.” 

He leans closer before resting his chin on my knee with no hesitation. “Careful, you don’t understand the line you tread.” Kirigan places his hand more firmly between my thighs. “Or perhaps you do...perhaps you know what you want to cross.” 

This time I can’t help the airy sigh that leaves me. Kirigan pushes against my thigh slightly, separating my legs. I feel his breath on my inner thigh before I know what’s going on. I can’t move, I can’t think, I can’t even breathe. That inability to do anything but feel my heart pound against my chest only worsens as I feel his lips press into the inside of my thigh. His lips trail up my skin before his teeth gently sink into the top of my thigh. 

“Is the line you want to cross?” He breathes the question so softly I feel like I’m being coddled. Everything in me feels too hot to think of any kind of coherent response. Kirigan uses his free hand to pull the fabric of my nightgown as high up my thighs as he can from his position below me. “Or maybe this is the line you want to cross?” Kirigan pulls me forward so suddenly I let out a tiny gasp. I’m not fully on the edge of the banya. “Or perhaps this one?” He kisses the skin of my inner thigh gently. Each time I exhale too loudly, his teeth graze my skin. He gets harsher with each passing second. “Lay down.” 

My body listens to him on instinct. How is this happening? How am I this powerless to fight against something that’s so clearly wrong? The sound of water shifting causes my entire body to tense. He’s pulled himself out of the water. Kirigan moves above me instantly, water dripping from his toned chest and dark hair and onto my still damp nightgown. 

Before I can speak, he’s on me completely, his lips pressing against my jaw. He kisses down my neck, his teeth grazing against my skin sporadically. He pulls away from me by tracing his tongue across my collar bone. I let out something dangerously close to a moan. “Such pretty, little sounds.” 

“Kirigan--” 

“The only name I want you to hear from your lips is the only name that I’ve not given myself. The only name that holds meaning to me.” 

His lips graze where my skin meets the hem of my now soaked through nightgown. I’m not sure the poor lighting is offering me enough coverage now. There’s no way the thin fabric leaves much to the imagination while being this wet. He kisses up my chest and neck until his lips reach the shell of my ear. 

“Aleksander.” The name is grace in the form of a breath so soft it’s more like I’m feeling the name than actually hearing it. 

He presses his lips against the spot on my neck directly beneath my ear. I exhale into the contact. “Aleksander.” As I test his true name on my tongue, his teeth dig into my skin much more harshly than before. 

I let out a partial squeak at the sudden shift in pace as his hands grip my waist. “Say it again. Say my name again.”

He traces his tongue gingerly over the skin he just aggravated with his teeth before I can speak. The soothing sensation is so much I can barely find my voice. “Aleksander.” 

His hand bunches the bottom of my nightgown, raising the fabric to my hips. “...Say it just like that.” Kirgan’s rough hand slips between the bone of my hip and the fabric of my hip. “Like I’m the only one that knows you like this.”

“Aleksander.” I breathe as he traces invisible patterns into my skin with his lips. “Aleksander.” Each use of his name earns me extra attention--a stronger hold on my hip, a more adamant nip at the base of my neck. I feel my need for him so heavily I swear it’s leaked into my bones. “Aleksander.”

When he pulls away, I fight the urge to whine. The night is still humid, but with the absence of his touch I feel like I’m shivering. He regards me silently for a long moment before shifting his weight again. I feel my heart stall in my chest as his hand softly brushes a strand of hair out of my face. He lets his hand linger there, at the apple of my cheek. The entire world seems to stall as he leans down, his hand cupping the side of my face as his mouth inches closer to mine. 

“I can feel the fluttering of your heart.” 

Any poor defense dies in my throat as his lips meet mine. He gives me no time to think about what’s happening as he presses into me even harder. Kirigan holds my face as his teeth graze against my bottom lip. My mouth opens slightly in surprise, giving him the opportunity he needs to slip his tongue into my mouth. His tongue slowly brushes against mine, coaxing me into total, delirious, compliance. When he starts to pull away, I react, my hands flying forward to grab his hair. He lets me get away with tugging him towards me, prolonging the kiss as he bites my bottom lip. 

One of his hands leaves my face and travels up the hands holding onto his hair. He pulls me off of him easily, pinning both of my wrists above my head with one hand. “Easy,” Kirigan warns, “You’ve been such a good girl, let’s not ruin it before we’ve started.” 

A tiny sigh leaves me. I can feel the pride he takes in that as his hand trails further down my body. His fingers ghost along the hem of my underwear teasingly. 

“Is someone there?” I’ve never damned the voice of a stranger more. 

Panic and dread roll in my stomach. I’m going to get caught like this, with my nightgown bunched at my hips beneath the General Kirigan. An unclothed, wet, General Kirigan. “I’m bathing.” 

Okay...good...Aleksander spoke. Anyone with common sense would run at the thought of invading on Kirgan’s privacy. It’s a good thing that the soldier had the sense to linger behind a thicket of bushes. “Pardon General, but there’s been a crucial development. A new strategy should be thought of as soon as possible.” 

No. No. The thought of losing contact so entirely, of having a moment that should have never happened be ripped from me before it’s even really happened is overwhelming. I feel my lips pull into a pout. Kirigan’s hand adjusts on me, his thumb pressing teasingly over where I’m neediest. I bite my tongue to avoid making an inappropriate noise. 

“Five minutes--I’ll be in the strategy tent in five minutes.” 

“I’ll tell the others, General.”

Great. I hear the stranger disappear, his feet crushing twigs and grass as he leaves us. Aleksander’s attention returns to me quickly. Disappointment swells in my chest as I take in the solemn look that crosses his features. His hand moves to my chin quickly before pulling me into another deep kiss. It’s too short lived. 

“I have to go.” 

Frowning, I lift my hand to trace my fingers up his arm. It’s softer than I should allow myself to be, but it doesn’t really matter anymore. Not when this is probably never going to happen again. “Do you?” I mumble to myself, half joking.

He sighs once, his thumb brushing against my cheek. “No pouting.” 

Now that whatever little bubble we were in has popped, I’m capable of normal feelings. Including shame. “I am n--” 

“Easy, little dove, I’ll remember all of this when I find you again.” 

This...this is going to happen again? “You’re going to find me?” 

“I haven’t yet heard your voice crack on my name as I undo you.” He punctuates the promise with a kiss to my jaw. “Again.” Another kiss. “And again.” Another brush of his lips as he finally pulls away. “And again.” 

My breath catches itself in my throat as he moves off of me entirely. Damn whatever change in the war that’s pulled him away from me so suddenly. I sit up as he stands. I’m not sure where to look now that he’s not in close enough proximity to cloud my thoughts. I should leave as he dresses, but I can’t quite bring myself to. It doesn’t feel safe, not when the man that interrupted us could reappear at any moment. Not when I want to hold onto his presence like this as long as possible. 

 He squeezes my shoulder warmly as he passes before bending down to press one more kiss next to where his hand is. 

“Soon,” he promises again. 

--

General taglist: @theincredibledeadlyviper, @grishaverse7 @benbarnes-supremacy  @tranquilitymoon @kaitlyn2907 @lunamyangel @christinawxxx @deceivedeer @real-mbappe @tonks33

[zecretsanta]

Fic: Christmas at the Kashiwabara's

To: @miiversian​ 

From: @bookworm-2692​

I used the following prompt: the 999 cast hanging out together again for the holidays! (sans Ace bc… obvious reasons). There’s also bonus Nona and Ennea, since Hazuki is hosting the party!

This possibly isn’t quite as happy as you were hoping for - but as we know from VLR and ZTD, post-999 Junpei isn’t in a good place, so a bit of angst snuck its way in. I hope you enjoy it anyway!

Thanks for this prompt! I love the 999 cast, so this was really fun to write. I hope you enjoy it, and I wish you a wonderful rest-of-December!

AO3 Link

Summary: After the Second Nonary Game, Hazuki Kashiwabara hosts a Christmas Party for the other participants of the Nonary Game. They try to enjoy themselves and get into the Holiday Spirit, but as they’re still processing what happened last month, this doesn’t always go to plan.

———

Hazuki places the last knife and fork on the table, and sighs. It’s mid-December, mere weeks after the ordeal in Nevada, where she had been kidnapped and made to play some sick game, all to ensure the survival of some paradoxical girl’s existence. That same game was also where she finally learnt what her daughters had gone through nine years prior, and why they had returned from those nine days as shells of their former selves.

She still wasn’t entirely sure how she felt about the other participants of the Nonary Game. Two of them had caused the original game her daughters went through – Hazuki was free to hate them unreservedly, and feel gleeful that one was in jail and the other dead, blown to smithereens. Seven was the detective who had rescued Nona from the incinerator all those years ago – for all that he was annoying and loved to rile her up, she would be forever grateful that he had saved her daughter’s life.

Clover and Light were also victims of the first Nonary Game, the same game that Nona and Ennea had been kidnapped for. Hazuki felt nothing in particular towards them, other than pity that they had been forced to go through the game twice, and relieved that they had survived. The other set of siblings during Hazuki’s game, Aoi and Akane, had also gone through Nona and Ennea’s game as well. However, while she didn’t feel much specifically towards the Fields, she felt much more strongly about the Kurashikis, even though most of those emotions were conflicting and confusing. She felt the usual pity that as children they had been forced into such a cruel game, but she also felt anger that they then staged their own version of the game, endangering a further seven people (or nine, depending on how one counted). Their game however ultimately punished the four behind the first Nonary Game, with death and life in prison, and for this Hazuki was grateful. Nine years ago, Hazuki wanted anything to punish the culprits of her daughters’ kidnapping – now she had it, and she wasn’t sure if the price was worth it.

Then there was also the question of the paradox surrounding the siblings. Surrounding Akane Kurashiki in particular. Apparently, she had died on the boat nine years ago, but Hazuki had gone with Akane (and Aoi) behind every single door during the Nonary Game. Door 4. Door 8. Door 6. One of the Door 9s. She definitely seemed real behind each of those doors, and between the doors themselves. Somehow she had died nine years ago, and also masterminded the game six weeks ago in order to save her own life when she was twelve years old. This really increased Hazuki’s anger towards the siblings – that they would put on such a dangerous game, but then not even fully explain why, or how actions now could save a life in the past. Hazuki deserved a better explanation. But she was still glad they had ultimately survived. Probably.

The final participant of the Nonary Game was Junpei. Junpei, who had been friends with Akane when they were children, before Akane had died (or something. Hazuki had resolved to not think about that part of it too much). He had apparently not seen her or even thought about her for years, and yet now he cannot stop obsessing over her. He had immediately quit school to go find her. Hazuki wishes Junpei would just let it go and get over her. She was ultimately glad that Akane had decided not to be part of their lives anymore – she just wants Junpei to join the rest of them in moving on. As it is, every time she speaks to Junpei now, he’ll either be talking non-stop about her, or otherwise moping because she hasn’t gotten in contact with him yet. He had joined Seven’s detective agency, so Hazuki hopes he will be able to keep a closer eye on Junpei, and keep him from going further over the edge.

So, despite feeling conflicted or neutral about most of the others who had been kidnapped for the Nonary Game last month alongside her, they had all decided to keep in touch, and this evening’s Christmas Party was born. Since Aoi and Akane could not be contacted, they had not been invited. Junpei was devastated when he found out, although Hazuki is privately relieved. She isn’t sure she wants to confront the Kurashiki siblings about what had happened anytime soon, so knowing they won’t be here will give her some much needed space to process those emotions. Hazuki still isn’t entirely sure why she got stuck with the hosting job – until Seven pointed out that they were the two “most adulty” adults, and thus had the most established homes out of the group, and that his was a small flat since he lived alone, whereas her house was the largest because it was where she had raised Nona and Ennea. So here she was, setting the table, and hoping that tonight would not go horribly wrong somehow.

Just then, Hazuki hears the door unlock, followed by a loud “We’re home!” in Nona’s voice, and a smaller “With Clover and Light” in Ennea’s. Hazuki looks up, and indeed sees all four of them entering.

After the Nonary Game last month, Hazuki had learnt that her daughters had been kidnapped nine years prior in order to participate in an almost-identical Nonary game. Hazuki was shocked to learn that the morphogenetic field, pseudoscience she brought up to distract Junpei from whatever his funyarinpa nonsense was, was real, and that Nona and Ennea were intimately embedded within it. More disturbing was that their abilities with the fields were the reason they, and the other sixteen children, were kidnapped for that Nonary Game. Nona had met Light during their Game, and Ennea had met Clover, although somehow (Hazuki wasn’t sure she’d ever fully understand it) they were all aware of each other through the fields.

After escaping the Game, the Egyptian woman, Alice, had directed the car to the SOIS base for questioning. Following that, SOIS had attempted to track down all 18 children from the first Nonary Game, and offered them jobs. From what Hazuki could gather, Aoi and Akane could not be found, but the other 16 young adults now, all accepted the government job. Hazuki’s daughters had been reunited with their friends from those nine hours, nine years ago, and they were all workmates now. Nona and Ennea had thus offered Clover and Light a lift back to the Christmas Party following work that day, and now they had all arrived.

“Hello, hello!” Hazuki calls out. “Welcome to my home!”

“Hello, Lotus! It’s great to see you again.” Clover ran over to give Hazuki a hug, while Light walked over more calmly, and shook her hand.

“Thank you for agreeing to host us, I’m sure your home is very beautiful.”

“I’d appreciate being called Hazuki now, rather than Lotus, but you’re quite welcome.”

After Nona and Ennea each give her a hug, Hazuki directs Clover and Light to place the Kris Kringle gifts on the coffee table, where three brightly wrapped boxes already sit.

“I’m so surprised we’re the first to arrive,” Clover comments, “since it usually takes me forever to get ready.”

“It helps that we came straight from work though,” Nona adds.

“True.”

“Even so, I would have expected Seven to be more punctual – or even early,” Light interjects, looking thoughtful.

As if on cue, Hazuki’s phone buzzes with a message from Seven. He had told the group his real name after the SOIS questioning, since by that point everyone else’s was known, and codenames no longer mattered, but then Clover had declared that he would always be “Seven” to the group, and since he hadn’t introduced himself nine years ago when he was rescuing her brother and the others, then he lost the privilege of being known by a name (or at least, it would take at least another nine years for his name to sound like a usable name). Seven just shrugged at that, and said he didn’t mind the nickname anyway, and only disclosed his name to be fair. So Seven he still was.

Seven was texting Hazuki to explain he would be late, since Junpei was more unresponsive as usual. Junpei was extremely erratic when it came into keeping in touch – he would often go a week at a time before saying anything. Seven had taken to checking on Junpei when he didn’t respond to texts, and so he was giving Junpei a lift to Hazuki’s place (even if he, quote, had to drag him kicking and screaming).

“You’re right,” Hazuki announces to the group. “Seven was intending to be right on time, but he’s picking up Junpei, and today is apparently not one of Junpei’s better days.”

Nona and Ennea glance at each other as she says this, while Clover purses her lips and looks away. It’s Light who responds.

“Well, Junpei will be coming to the right place. We’re his friends, hopefully we can distract him tonight with food and jokes.”

Noises of affirmation heard all around, Hazuki sighs with relief as the conversation smoothly continues on. As a mother to children Junpei’s age, she worries about him. He rarely seems to discuss his parents or other family, or even other friends. His focus is completely trained upon Akane, and little else seems to occupy his time. She doesn’t want to baby him, though, and does her best to treat him as a regular adult, and avoids mentioning Akane Kurashiki whenever she can.

After about twenty minutes of conversation, the ringing of the doorbell cuts through and interrupts. Hazuki excuses herself, opens the door, and finds herself face to face with a grim Seven and a sullen Junpei. Upon seeing her, Seven grins, says “Merry Christmas”, and holds out his gift for the Kris Kringle. Junpei offers a small “Hi”, and Hazuki ushers them both inside.

“Ayyyy! They’re here!” Clover calls out.

“Junpei! What are you wearing?” Light says. “The colours clash horribly – I think it’s going to blind me!”

Junpei looks down at his all black outfit and scowls at Light but doesn’t say anything. Hazuki still chalks it up as a win – he doesn’t look as listless as he did before anymore.

Nona then steps up with Ennea following. Hazuki smiles when she sees this, as it has been their dynamic ever since they were small, Nona charging up and speaking for both of them, and Ennea being quieter behind.

“Hello Seven! And you must be Junpei. I’m Nona, and this is Ennea,” Nona introduces. “Nice to finally meet you after all these years.”

“Y- years? What do you mean years?”

“Akane mentioned you nine years ago. You were the one who told her about checking if the elevator was dry, to make sure we wouldn’t drown.” Nona steps closer to Junpei. “I was one of the four who went down the elevator at first, to check on Door 2 with Ren. Because of you, we didn’t drown. Of course we’d remember your name.”

“Of course,” Ennea adds, stepping forward as well, “we didn’t imagine at the time that you’d be an adult. But it was only weeks ago for you, wasn’t it? And not years, like it was for us.”

“And what on Earth did you mean by ‘boys don’t drown’? Of course boys drown! You idiot!” Nona flicks Junpei on the nose, and giggles when he takes half a step back, eyes wide and bewilderment clear on his face.

“Wh- what? You heard all that?”

Light smirks. “We didn’t hear your conversation, but Akane certainly repeated it for the rest of us.”

Junpei groans, and drops his head into both palms, just as Clover pouts and bemoans how it’s not fair that she didn’t get to witness that conversation, and that it’s not fair that her connection to Light is not two-way, like Ennea’s is to Nona. That’s news to Hazuki. She assumed all morphogenetic field connections were two-way, since that’s what she’s witnessed for years in her daughters. Hazuki raises an eyebrow and glances at Seven, who just smiles fondly at the others.

Ice broken, they begin to move to the table. The turkey is sitting in the middle, surrounded by various dishes, including a whole leg of ham and a potato bake. There are slices of cured salmon, meatballs and lingonberry jam, roasted vegetables, halved boiled eggs, bread rolls, and frankfurter sausages. Sitting on each plate are the Christmas crackers.

Soon enough, cracks fill the air as the crackers are pulled. Brightly coloured tissue paper crowns rest atop of everyone’s heads, and terrible jokes are being shouted across the table. The plastic items inside the crackers are looked at with mild curiosity before being forgotten for the rest of the meal. Long after all the crackers are gone, Junpei, Seven, and Nona have engaged in a heated pun and dad joke war. There’s a comment shouted over that din that the terrible jokes are supposed to end when the crackers end, as everyone digs into the food.

The clatter of cutlery against the plates begins to die down as everyone finishes. Hazuki is feeling comfortably full as she looks around the table, a feeling of satisfaction at seeing almost everyone’s empty plates. Junpei’s is still mostly full of food, and it looks as though he barely touched it. Hazuki doesn’t take it as a slight against her cooking, as Junpei’s appetite has been lacking lately, and mostly feels sorry for him. She doesn’t dwell on it though, as she doesn’t want to lower the otherwise lively mood – Clover and Ennea are excitedly chatting and practicing some of the ASL that Sachiko has taught them, while Nona, Light, and Seven are chatting about what each of them got up to in the nine years since they first met.

Nona glances over at Hazuki, then looks at Ennea, and then both of them get up to start clearing the table, telling Hazuki to stay sitting. Hazuki still can’t quite believe that the “twin thing” she had joked about all those years ago was real, and not just limited to twins.

“Ah, is it Kris Kringle time?” Seven says. “I’ll grab the gifts, you four stay put”

Junpei complies – Hazuki isn’t entirely sure he was even paying attention – but Light grumbles that being blind and missing an arm doesn’t make him incapable of helping, and gets up anyway to assist Seven. Clover takes one look at her brother, and stays seated, explaining that when he’s like this, he’d rather not have help either, so it was simpler to just… let him be.

Soon enough, the table is cleared and the gifts are in a pile in the centre of the table. Ennea fetches a couple of dice and Clover takes one look at them and bursts into laughter. She points to Junpei and says “no dice”, continuing to laugh. Hazuki smiles in wry amusement and Seven chuckles at this, when the doorbell rings unexpectedly. Still standing, Ennea goes to the door and opens it, silent shock radiating from her. A shout of “No way!” from Nona, before she leaps up and runs to the door.

Curiosity piqued, Hazuki begins to rise from her seat, when Nona says, “Well don’t just stand there, let them in Ennea!”

It’s two people Hazuki was beginning to think she’d never see again. The two people who orchestrated the entire game last month.

“Aoi? Akane?”

At the mention of “Akane”, Junpei finally looks up, and sees her.

“Akane? You’re here? Why?” Junpei is just staring in shock and disbelief – which is exactly what everyone else is doing, too.

“I’m sorry for turning up uninvited,” Akane begins, but Junpei interrupts her.

“Don’t apologise for that! I’m just so glad you’re here! But… why didn’t you come find us sooner? How did you know we would all be here?”

“We couldn’t come earlier,” Aoi says sternly. “What we did was not exactly within the bounds of legality, and we couldn’t be sure you wouldn’t turn us into the police. And if you start to do so now we’re marching straight back out again. I didn’t even want to show up here and now, but Akane… she insisted. She said we had to do this.”

“Junpei, I’m so sorry. I just. I had to disappear like that.” Akane tries to be gentle but Hazuki can detect a hint of impatience in what she is saying.

“Okay so you had to leave or whatever, that’s fine,” Clover interrupts. “But like, I know Lotus wasn’t able to contact you two. Because you left. So how on Earth did you know we’d all be here? Like not to make you feel unwelcome or anything but…?”

Akane places her head in her hands, and sheepishly says “I got it from Junpei, via the Morphogentic Fields. We’re still connected.”

“Wait… you got my location via the field? Why couldn’t I get yours?”

“Well um, Junpei… I have a bit more experience with the fields…”

“What she means to say,” Aoi interrupts, “is that she’s amazing at them and your abilities are non-existent. You were only able to connect to her before because she was able to reach across the nine years and connect. You can’t do jackshit on your own. She was able to read the invitation Lotus sent you, but even if Akane was standing in a room with flashing neon lights saying ‘we are here’ you would get nothing from her, unless she chose for you to get it”

“So Akane is able to spy on Junpei whenever she likes, and he gets no say in the matter?” Light asks quietly.

Akane says nothing, and looks to the ground. Junpei glares at everyone and no one. Aoi freezes, as though he hadn’t considered it in those words before.

“No… I don’t think that’s quite right,” Ennea pipes up.

“Yeah. We’re able to block each other out if the other is annoying us too much,” Nona adds.

“So if we don’t want to be connected… then we won’t be.”

“And since we know Junpei quit uni to search for Akane, he wants to find her. He opened himself up to her. She can connect to him through the morphogenetic field because, on some level, he wants her to.”

“No!” Junpei suddenly shouts. “I don’t want her to, to, to spy on me! I just… don’t want her to disappear!”

“I can’t block Light though.” Clover turns to her brother. “Can I?”

Light looks thoughtful. “Well, I can’t say I’ve ever been aware of you blocking me. Sometimes I don’t get anything from you, but I don’t know if that was intentional on your part or just…”

“So can we only block each other because our connection is equal in each direction?” Nona asks.

“But so was ours!” Junpei bursts out. “Back in the incinerator, I could hear her, and when I spoke, she responded! It’s like we were talking in real time!”

“She’s just that much better at it then you. She can transmit and receive powerfully enough that she could simulate that. I don’t think you can block her,” Aoi says. “For what it’s worth, I don’t get a choice either. She either chooses to give me something, or get something from me, and otherwise I can’t connect to her either.”

“I don’t want to be spied on,” Junpei repeats in a quiet voice, staring at the floor.

There’s silence for a moment, as though no one knows how to respond to that.

“Well, you’re here now aren’t you? So you may as well join us and sit down, right?” Seven looks at Hazuki in confirmation, and she nods. “Have you eaten yet? Yes? That’s good, I think we pretty much demolished everything here, we were just about to get on to the Kris Kringle game. Perfect timing for you to show up, Santa Claus. What have you got in your sack of goodies?”

“My. Name. Is. Aoi.” Aoi says through gritted teeth. “Yes, we did bring gifts, but stop calling me Santa!” He holds up two wrapped boxes, a cylinder and a flat rectangle, and places them on the table sharply.

“Is that another thing you stole from my brain?” Junpei retorts.

“I mean,” Akane begins, “it is a Christmas party, is it not? So gifts were an obvious thing to bring.” Junpei’s glare doesn’t abate, and Akane sighs and adds, “Okay yes, I read that on the invitation too. Happy now?”

Before another argument could get under way, Clover picks up the dice Ennea brought over earlier, and says, “Okay forget about all that. Let’s play! I’m the youngest so I should start!”

Relieved by the distraction, Hazuki raises her eyebrow and says “Sure. Provided you don’t insist on age order for the rest of it, and settle for a simple clockwise direction.”

Clover says “Deal” at the same moment that Junpei mutters “You just don’t want it to be obvious that you’re like the oldest one here or close to.”

“Oi! Just because you’re grumpy is no excuse to turn on me young man!”

Before Hazuki could continue yelling at Junpei’s blatant disrespect (how dare he!), Clover throws the dice down onto the table, perhaps harder than necessary, where they clatter for a few seconds before turning up as a one and a three.

“Aww,” Clover whines, as she pushes the dice to her left to Nona. Nona rolls the dice less forcefully than Clover, and ends up with a three and a five. She just smiles, and passes the dice to Light, making sure they drop into his hands. He rolls, and Nona cranes over to see what he got.

“First double,” she announces. “Two ones.”

“Wait, seriously?” Clover asks, and gets out of her seat to see for herself.

“She’s right,” Seven, to Light’s left and at the head of the table, says. “Snake eyes, huh? What are the chances of that?”

Light smirks. “Clearly I chose the right name for myself six weeks ago.” He reaches out and grabs the closest gift in the pile, as Seven grabs the dice and rolls.

The game continues. Doubles on the dice are rewarded with choosing a present from the centre, until they’re all gone, and then the players are free to steal the gifts from each other. Hazuki doesn’t miss how Junpei keeps on snatching the gifts brought by the Kurashiki siblings, despite the intermittent glares he keeps on sending them.

Soon enough, the timer on Ennea’s phone goes off and the game ends. Everyone stops to take in each other’s hoards. Clover has a pleased grin on her face as she notices that she has the largest hoard, with three gifts. Light and Ennea managed to snag two each, while Aoi and Junpei each have a single gift. Hazuki, Seven, Nona, and Akane all have no gifts. Ennea immediately hands one of her gifts to Nona, seated across from her, while Light offers one of his gifts to Hazuki, seated across from him. After a beat, Clover notices everyone looking pointedly at her, sighs long-sufferingly, and gives a gift each to Seven and Aoi.

The group then opens the gifts. Hazuki unwraps the small package from Clover, and finds a deck of playing cards. Hazuki turns to Clover to thank her, but is greeted by the sight of Clover staring suspiciously at a packet of chips, and then putting one in her mouth. Almost immediately, she yells at Junpei about the chilli flavour while simultaneously offering them to everyone around her. Aoi absent-mindedly takes a chip and eats it without flinching while fiddling with the three-dimensional puzzle he received from Light, trying to pull it apart. Next to Aoi, at the end of the table, is Akane with the mini succulent that Ennea bought.

Just then, a loud shout sounds out. Nona is holding what appears to be a Pringles can, but instead of Pringles inside, is a giant stuffed snake. Nona glares at Aoi, while he just grins and offers her a thumbs up, leaning back on his chair and thoroughly enjoying himself. She stuffs the snake back inside the Pringles can, closes the lid, and throws it at Aoi. It hits him in the face, dislodging the lid, so the snake leaps out again. Aoi falls off his chair, and glares at Nona, and then at his sister when she also starts laughing.

Hazuki tears her eyes away from the sight, and looks back at Light. He received the bottle of wine she had bought, and is sniffing it to identify it. He seems to sense that she is watching him, as he turns to face her and thank her for the gift.

“A joke book!” Ennea exclaims from Hazuki’s left. “And they’re not even good jokes. They’re terrible puns and dad jokes. Almost worse than the Christmas crackers earlier! Seven, why do you wish for me to suffer in this manner?”

Seven just laughs and holds up the notebook and coloured gel pens he received from Nona. “Your sister has just granted me the means to create even more jokes, and worse ones. Just you wait for next year!”

Ennea groans, dropping her face into her arms. “Just kill me now. End my suffering, please,” she jokes.

Hazuki laughs and looks beyond Ennea to Junpei to see what he received. He’s holding yet another book, looking between it and Akane and back again.

“What’s wrong with it, Junpei?” Hazuki asks.

“It’s a Sudoku book!” Junpei exclaims. “It’s like she’s taunting me about last month!”

Clover starts laughing. “Oh man. That would’ve been terrible for any of us to receive since we’ve all been in that incinerator – but especially you!”

Junpei glares again. “Akane! Did you do this on purpose?”

“Do what?” Akane asks serenely. “I did indeed exchange money to obtain that book… but I didn’t purposely give it to you. You kept on grabbing it yourself!”

Aoi smirks. “She was pretty sure you’d go for the one from her though.”

“Hey! Don’t expose me like that!” Akane turns in her seat and playfully hits her brother, before turning back to Junpei. “I’m sorry, this wasn’t meant to cause distress. You at least don’t have a time limit for any of these.”

Junpei scowls. “I guess.”

“Junpei – you’ve been trying so hard to find Akane,” Hazuki begins. “Now that she’s here, why are you being so hostile towards her?”

“I- I don’t… she’s just confusing! Why a Sudoku book? Why does she get to disappear and then come back without warning? Why is she allowed to spy on me? I don’t understand!”

Aoi leans over to Akane, and quietly says, “I think we’ve overstayed our welcome. We should go before we make things worse.”

Akane nods and stands. “Hazuki, thank you so much for opening your home to us. It was lovely seeing you all again one last time but it’s time for us to go.”

“Yeah, thanks,” Aoi adds. “Merry Christmas, happy holidays, all that jazz.”

“Wait.” Junpei gets out of his chair. “What do you mean by ‘one last time’? Are you leaving again? Why’d you come back if you’re only going to leave again? Why are you leaving me?”

Akane just looks heartbroken as Junpei keeps on talking. Junpei’s arm reaches up, reaches for her, but stops before touching her. Akane doesn’t look at Junpei, mumbles another apology, and turns around and back towards Hazuki’s front door. Aoi offers Junpei a final, “Sorry, man, we both wish we didn’t have to do this,” before following his sister out the door. Junpei’s arm continues hanging in the air where Akane used to be, before it drops to his side. Junpei bows his head, and Hazuki can see his body shaking, while everyone else stays sitting at the table in stunned silence.

Clover is the first to break the silence. “They’re… gone. Just like that. They’re gone.”

Seven gets up, walks past Hazuki to Junpei and grips his shoulder. “Hey man. How are you holding up?”

Silent sobs continue wracking Junpei’s body as he struggles to draw breath, let alone respond. Seven draws him into a hug, enveloping him and shielding him from the stares of the others.

“I think we’ll head home now,” Seven says, not releasing his hold upon Junpei. He meets Hazuki’s eyes over the top of Junpei’s head. “Thank you so much for your hospitality. I hope you have a wonderful holiday. Thanks everyone for an enjoyable evening. Come on, Junpei.”

One arm still around Junpei, and they too leave.

“Poor Junpei,” Ennea whispers.

“How did Akane change so much?” Nona wonders. “She’s nothing like what she was nine years ago.”

“The incinerator,” Light says. “None of us can know exactly what she went through in there.”

“But… she survived, didn’t she?” Clover asks. “She’s here now, we did the Nonary Game last month to save her life. So she shut it off. So it’s just like what happened when Junpei shut it off for us last month, or when Reed solved it for Ennea’s group nine years ago, right?”

“There are infinitely many timelines where she died,” Light says. “There’s only one where she survived.”

“But that’s this timeline! She survived here!”

“I still remember her dying. I remember her screams and I remember Aoi collapsing on the floor when the door opened and all he saw was ash. I also remember Akane surviving. I imagine if I can remember Akane dying, so can she. She probably fully remembers burning to death until she no longer existed. That would change a person.”

“I remember her dying,” Ennea mumbles. “Nona remembers her surviving.”

“Y-yeah. I think I can understand how she would remember dying too,” Nona says.

Hazuki doesn’t know what to say. She didn’t even find out about the first Nonary Game until she had already been through her Nonary Game, and even during her game she didn’t have the pressure of either finding or sending information through a, a, a pseudoscience! These four had that extra pressure, as well as being actual children at the time.

The silence stretches for a moment longer, and then Light says, perhaps a little too brightly, “This was a wonderful evening, Hazuki. However, I think we need to head home now as well. It’s late.”

Clover startles out of her thoughts and agrees. “You’re a wonderful cook, Lotus! If that’s what Nona and Ennea had growing up, they’re so lucky.”

Hazuki smiles. “Thank you. Happy holidays, and get home safe.”

“We will! I’m driving!” Clover grins. “Bye Ennea! Bye Nona!”

“Bye! See you soon!” Nona and Ennea chorused.

Once the door closes behind the Field siblings, Hazuki begins chewing her lip, worried.

“Did I somehow make it worse for Junpei, doing this?” she asks her daughters.

“No, Mum,” Nona says. “I think it was good for him to actually interact with people again.”

“Besides, you couldn’t know that Akane would show up, nor that that would affect him like that,” Ennea adds.

“I suppose,” Hazuki concedes. She still isn’t entirely convinced, but it isn’t just Junpei she worries about. Everyone who has been through a Nonary Game will carry those scars for life. They just have to take this one day at a time.

She wraps her daughters up in a hug, reminding herself that they’re still here, still alive. One day, this will all get easier. They just have to get there.

[dovechim]

After a hectic week I can finally sit down and dedicate the next hour or so to continue my story because I really want to get to the part which I'd like to hear your opinion - and everyone else's - about!! ☆ Long Story Anon

So we kept messaging for the following days, both busy with our respective classes; but before I knew it and I can't say I was surprised, he invited me to do something again less than a week later. We're from a considerably small city, there isn't much to do around here, so we had a hard time coming up with an idea. Well, he suggested to pick me up and we'd go back to his house to eat something, to which I agreed. I was with my friend and we were both jumping around from excitement ☆ 1

Needless to say my friends all loved him; they were happy that after such a long time and with such bad luck in love I finally found what seemed to be the last guy on earth who was worth more than two seconds of my life. I knew going to his house implied something more serious than making out could happen, but honestly I didn't mind if it did. In context, he lived with his little brother and parents; where we're from it's common at our age to still live at home since we've not graduated yet ☆2

But he'd mentioned during the first date that his parents were away for an anniversary holiday and his little brother was staying with the oldest one who lived in his own apartment with his fiance; meaning we had the house for ourselves. As planned he picked me up and took me there, had some food delivered and we watched terrible horror films on netflix. He'd cheesily try to put his arm around me on the couch and I'd move closer, ending up snuggled together with my heart about to burst ☆ 3

At one point both brothers and the fiance show up with some food, for some reason and that's when I knew half his family on the second date lol. But they moved upstairs quite quickly after eating and left us alone to watch the movies. Eventually he'd kiss my cheek, not-so-subtly letting me know he wanted to KISS-kiss me, but me being the nervous little shit I am didn't really know what to do. It'd been two whole years since I even attempted to make out with someone!! ☆ 4

So he had to move even closer and he said, which I'll never forget: "you're so shy", which I wasn't surprised about, it's not common for a 22 year old to be that reserved, I guess, but with a little bit of patience that single moment turned into the best first kiss I've ever had. I was so scared he'd be a terrible kisser, like I'd experienced before bc that's just a deal breaker for me and everything else about him was so perfect; but boy...was I wrong. We ended up making out for so long that ☆5

Our lips hurt, and he didn't even try to go too far, already noticing that I wasn't the kind of girl to tear off our clothes and start fucking (not that I didn't wish I were lol), so he just held me tight and took me home eventually. God, the memory of his kisses will never leave my mind. To this day I still get butterflies because it was the kind of kiss that makes you feel like your bodies fit together and makes your toes curl :') ☆ 6

im so soft for you and him already :”)))) it’s so sweet that he wasn't afraid of scaring you off and still went for it!! a lot of guys i know are hesitant about dating an inexperienced girl bc they’re scared they will scare her off, and once my friend asked me how he should chase after a girl who has never dated. i literally got so pissed lmao i just said “just fucking treat her like a fucking normal person!!! what are you intending to do that might scare her off???” 

We had a third date after that, about a week later. We went out to eat and it was the day he started posting instagram stories with me and tbh I was surprised. In our generation it takes more than just a couple of dates for a guy to 'announce' he's not 'single' anymore. You know, like if he had intention of seeing other girls at the same time he wouldn't be parading me around for everyone to see, which only fed my hopes of him being 'the one' even more ☆ 7

omg yes :/ the dating culture is so complicated lmao like ppl can be going out with different people at the same time and there’s a certain time after which you’re considered exclusive... it’s so tiring tbh

Another week passed and out of the blue he was asking me to meet his parents. He was very lowkey about it; he said he missed me, mentioning they'd returned from NY and asking if we could meet again that night, but "my parents would be there too, is that a problem?" lol. So I said no, obviously, even though I was shitting my pants, I'd never met a boy's parents in that context before but he seemed excited. He picked me up and we drove back to his place where they were waiting for me ☆ 8

I decided I didn't want to read too much into it back then, but still couldn't help but notice that the older borther+fiance had dropped plans to go to dinner with us so 'the whole family would be there to meet me'. Did that mean him bringing a girl home wasn't that common? Was I actually that special? As if I didn't notice myself falling fast and hard for me enough, his whole family welcomed me with huge open arms. His little brother, extroverted as they come at the age of 10 did everything ☆9

To include me in the conversations; the older brother would tell embarrassing stories. The parents, both doctors, both dating since college and pretty much the whole family (fiancee included) were some of the most welcoming people I'd ever met. They treated me like a family member from the very beginning and noticing how nervous I was they would try to make the dinner as easy going as they could. The guy in question, let's call him Jed? Would hold my hand under the table to calm me down ☆ 10

Or rub soothing circles over my the fabric of my jeans to distract me when a family member would embarrass him. I fell in love with his family as fast as I fell in love with him and I just couldn't believe I'd found someone so perfect. We'd make out until our lips were sore and he'd drop me off at home always leaving me with a feeling of sadness that I had to say goodbye. He made me so happy that I started to go out more, meeting my friends I was just in such a good mood because of him ☆ 11

no you must have been so nervous!!!!! i mean i get that he was low key but  still... parents are a big deal. i hope his intentions were rly pure and that he was that into you!! but im glad they were nice :”) 

I'd even dare to say he made me a better person in ways only I can understand. He'd text me what he was doing or who he was with every day, all the time, even if I didn't ask -which I never did. Sure, he wasn't perfect; sometimes he'd forget we had plans. I have a feeling he lied to me a couple of times but about nothing really major; sometimes he'd be in a bad mood and be sarcastic and annoying af but honestly nothing too bad. All in all I had absolutely nothing to complain about him☆ 12

It wasn't until around a month and a half into the 'relationship' that we went out for drinks and then back to his place that he tried to have sex with me (he'd waited to bring it up more than any other guy I'd ever met lol). I didn't directly tell him I was a virgin, he kinda guessed, and he was more than okay with it, even saying 'I'll wait as long as you want to'; and damn I didn't really want to wait that long, it was just that the time was never right! ☆ 13

At this point we'd both had dinner with his parents several times already. They told me in that household they'd set the habit of having dinner together every night, and were more than happy to let me into their little tradition. At more casual nights we'd sit down and watch some film on netflix, the parents and little brother always moving upstairs at the end and leaving us both alone to make out some more lol. I was even invited to his dad's birthday dinner at a fancy ass restaurant ☆ 14

this is so cute 😭 im just very ugh whenever a guy kinda hints at sex bc dude u gotta make me WANT it not just ask for it :/ but it sounds like he was super respectful!! and tbh im just very bad with other ppl’s parents, but his sounds rly perfect  😭 do such ppl even exist??? i cant even remember the last time i ate w my family :/ 

So by the third month I already felt part of that family tbh. I'd cooked alongside the mother like lifelong friends, and sat down for coffee after dinner to talk about how fast technology is moving with his dad. His little brother would tell jokes or ask me to teach him some guitar and I think they began to love me as much and as fast as I loved them, honestly. I was even invited to the dog's birthday part lmfao I was just unable to attend but was kindly provided with video memories ☆ 15

Everything was going so perfect, I think we could've lasted so much longer but maybe just the timing wasn't right. I still remember him dearly though, but back then I had my heart broken so bad that I simply wish I'd never met him. What hurt the most was growing so attached to his family and then out of the blue, and without a single chance to say goodbye I never saw any of them again. I should've known life isn't a movie or a book and nothing that starts so well can end just as happily ☆ 16

WHY ARE YOU USING PAST TENSE?????????? NO!!!!!!!!!!! IM SO SHAKEN RIGHT NOW bc this feels like that part in a book where the author’s just leading u towards that horribly devastating ending and that’s exactly what ur doing  😭

The last night I went to his house - btw we never visited MY house because MY family as much as I love them to death aren't as welcoming as his was with me, so until I knew FOR SURE this guy and I were serious, I decided to suggest activities that required not being at my place lol - the whole evening started weirdly. He'd been taking longer than usual to text me, and it was getting too late so I though we just weren't doing anything but he insisted he wanted to see me ☆ 17

And fuck, I wanted to see him to, once or twice a week just wasn't enough anymore and I missed his touch so badly. So I agreed for him to pick me up, even though he kind of strung me along for a few hours. By the time he picked me up I hadn't eaten, not knowing wth we were going to do but he said he'd had dinner before picking me up. Why would he though? He knew we had plans, which usually involved dinner, why not wait for me for eating? Either way, I'd missed him, I wasn't about to fight ☆ 18

We reached his place and his mom was already going upstairs for sleeping along with the little brother; the father was performing a surgery so we were alone at the living room together. He was a little tense and I didn't understand why, he said he was tired because he'd had class up until late and I asked if he just wanted me to leave but he asked me not to; he wanted to see me, he wanted me to stay. We cuddled on the couch and I had to wake him back up several times, growing annoyed ☆ 19

And when the dad got home he quickly got up and pretended to do something in the kitchen. The man had to eat and we had to wait for him to leave to sit back together, the whole situation was awkward af. I was wondering if I should just call a cab and leave, but he insisted not to. At around 2am (it was a friday) while making out he asked if I wanted to go up to his room, to which I said yes. He knew what that meant, so he was excited about it, going upstairs to check if his room was clear ☆ 20

Damn, I hit ask limit again :'( I'll have to leave it here right now but I swear I'll get to the point eventually lol I'm sorry!! also thank you for giving me your patience and space to tell this story, I feel like this way I can tell it without filters about what really happened or how I felt and actually receive honest unbiased opinions

omg i literally cannot believe u ended right there??????? i hate tumblr’s ask limit. im on the edge of my seat right now!!! thank you for taking the time to send me these, im so invested in ur story now its insane!! 

come back whenever you have time bb