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nostalgebraist · 6 months ago

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I think we are largely talking past one another.

I am familiar with these points, I just don't agree with them. My post is, mostly, not trying to spell out in full detail how and why I disagree with them, but to say something along the lines of:

This is not actually the right way to look at things. These arguments would be fair enough if they applied to the world we live in, but they do not. [And here's an incomplete, hasty sketch of why, but it's not enough to convince anyone who was not already mostly bought in.]

Given that this is not right, why are people saying it? Like, in historical terms, how did we end up in a situation where the whole debate is framed in these strange, unhelpful, often irrelevant-to-real-life terms?

Here's why I think people are saying it, in historical terms.

And here's me noting that, if you drop the historically contingent and unnecessary extra assumptions, one can end up relating to the situation in way that has a very different emotional valence, and a very different way of analogizing that situation to other more familiar stuff.

But mostly people are not even trying on this other possible "pair of spectacles," they're not considering this way of looking at things even for the sake of going on to reject it. Indeed people seem unaware that this "other pair of spectacles" even exists and is a thing you can put onto their face.

Instead of doing that, they are just reiterating once again that a paperclipper would be really bad, or whatever. They should try putting on the spectacles.

And in this context, your reply reads to me as (a clear, articulate, well-written version of) "hey, here's the standard doomer framing, here's why it makes internal sense, here's why some of the premises have a kind of baseline intuitive plausibility."

And yes, I am aware of that framing! But I view it with way more, I guess... suspicion?... than you seem to? Like, it does make internal sense. But not, as it were, external sense.

You can't, actually, reason your way to this stuff by just thinking about "AI" in the abstract (much less in concrete specifics!) in a normal way that's not saddled with any weird, contingent extra baggage that's not related to anything we know about AI, or biology, or "minds in general," or whatever.

I think in some other world where the discourse about the subject was shaped by a different set of founders and historical accidents, but was otherwise equally reasonable and so on, we would not be sitting here talking about fooming singletons with simple alien goals arising from a lab accident. You, personally, would not be making this argument to me. Because you would not have drawn this conclusion from first principles (and/or observations about actually existing AI), if Yudkowksy and co. hadn't been there to plant its seed.

If you are willing to grant that we live in a world where we have to worry about such scenarios, then the doomer line about what to do in response does indeed "make sense." But that is a really bizarre thing to grant! You would not naturally have conceived of it, in a vacuum, as a thing worth either "granting" or denying; I would not have either.

(Yes, if I were somehow to find myself in this weird thought-experimenty situation where a textbook doom scenario right out of a Rob Miles video were coming true right before my eyes, you know, the Good was Harting and the singleton was fooming and all that, then I would in fact think: "OK, I do accept that P → Q, and I guess -- grudgingly, weirdly, I mean wow, what a world we live in, man -- I guess it is really the case that P, somehow. Man. Those guys were right all along, huh. Crazy world. But yeah P, and P → Q, so Q. Time to do all the stuff the doomers said to do, as it is now obviously the right stuff to do." This is not the part that's in dispute!)

But back here in the real world, when I look at doomer sentiment of the kind that you're defending in the first and last parts of your post, I feel like I am seeing the following:

Now, now, obviously we wouldn't normally want to do X. X is bad! We're the first people to admit that, actually! You'll note we have a long and steady track record of specifically denying that X is a thing we like or want, at every opportunity we've had to do so. We are the anti-doing-X guys, that's us!

Okay, with that out of the way, let's talk about what the whole rest of our deal is.

Which is, see, it so happens that we believe we have found ourselves in this weird, wild, thought-experimenty scenario in which it just so happens that life has forced our hands, such that unless we very specifically do exactly X, the worst thing in the world will occur!

Man, what a world! What a crazy world, ha ha. Crazy how stuff like that just happens.

So uh yeah anyway we gotta do X, right? Cause it's the lesser of two evils. What, do you want the greater of two evils?

In conclusion: we absolutely must do X, at all costs. That's our official position as the anti-doing-X-guys!

Now, okay. For the record, it is possible in the abstract for this exact thing to actually occur, just as described.

But if someone comes to you and says this, then all else being equal, I don't think you would bet on that being the thing that is going on.

You might, instead, think something like: "you know, I kinda suspect these guys actually wanted to do X all along. But they don't wanna admit it, maybe even to themselves."

Or, you might have some more pleasant hypothesis. But you would suspect that, somehow, this conjunction of "we hate X" / "alas, X is precisely what we must do" is not merely some wild, haha-what-a-world freak coincidence. The same many-many-sided die landing on the "X" face twice in a row.

More concretely, this is how I feel about doomer attitudes towards controlling the future. Yeah, they sure say that they wish they didn't have to control the future so hard. They definitely say that entities-controlling-the-future-really-hard is, like, the specific thing they are the anti-X-guys about.

But they also go on to say -- as you do, in your telling of the fooming singleton story -- that alas, life has forced their hands, and it turns out that they are just gonna have to control the future as hard as they can, because this is the lesser evil.

And they have all these nice-looking, clever arguments for why this could be the case. Why it would be the case in a variety of hypothetical scenarios, and why those scenarios might have some sort of baseline intuitive plausibility, or whatever.

But I'm just like: uh, in most cases, you really do not need to try to control the future really hard like this. If you want that you can probably get it, because it is almost always a thing you can get, outside of weird scenarios invented specifically to violate this usual property of existence. Yet as the professed anti-X-guys, you are showing a weird lack of interest in that avenue, and a weird overabundance of interest in all the different contrivances that might hypothetically force your hand against what you say you want.

You (i.e. the doomers) are telling me this weird story where another thing will inevitably exert hard control over the future but you have some kind of control over what sort of control it will exert, and I'm just like, okay, sure, if that happens you're screwed according to your professed values, but what if you just... tried to make that not happen?

You know? You could, as the anti-X-guys, try to avoid ending up with the ironic fate of sadly, tragically having-to-do-X? Maybe?

(I have made this argument somewhat more "seriously" elsewhere, see here and then here.)

In OP I am (perhaps confusingly) taking much of this as a given, and then saying (among other things): it all makes a whole lot more sense if you imagine that some of these guys -- the founding guys, anyway, who set the frame for everyone else -- really did dream of controlling the future. Or at least, had gotten used to a future that they incidentally had a lot of control over, relative to what is usually reasonable to assume, on most views and in most situations.

I am also saying: if you unclench you fingers, if you let your tight grasp on this frame of "tragically we must control the future-controller, there is no alternative" loosen just a bit, and imagine another way of seeing the situation, then, well... here is what that looks like.

There is a whole internally consistent, apparently intuitive complex of ideas and argument that is trying (in effect, if not necessarily by design) to get you to not unclench your grip. To not even imagine that you might do so. A circular web of arguments pointing inward, ultimately to the same place; a web that seems wise and mighty and impossible to resist, "from the inside," and just kind of weird and contorted and self-referential, "from the outside."

(I'll note in passing that controlling-the-future is not the only thing in doomerland that has the "tragically, we must do X" structure. Consider for instance the fact that almost all of the top AI labs that are pushing forward the AI arms race profess to care a lot about AI safety, and employ a bunch of subculturally famous AI safety people, and in some cases even directly argue that they are in the arms race because, through some galaxy-brained argument, this is actually good for AI safety somehow.)

Now as a last point, and more on the "object level" I guess, I want to touch on this:

I was under the impression that, like, current-gen LLMs are still basically just error-minimizing a token prediction task. That we haven't even really come anywhere near goal-driven behavior or agent-ness. That we... haven't even started developing an environment or build process for producing our next generation, and can't really say anything about whether the output will look like a crow, a wireheader, or a private equity firm. Is that not true? Are we creating some interesting, non-monomaniacal minds?

Yes, we very much are.

They're called LLMs.

I dunno, man, have you talked to these things lately? They're really smart.

I know I don't talk about this stuff as much as I used to, and the last time I was talking regularly about it on here, we were still in the era when these things were mostly fun nonsense generators and, you know, I was fooling around with a bot based on one of them, and it didn't make much sense most of the time, and that was the whole point, ha ha, good fun.

But if you talk to GPT-4, or Claude 3, or Gemini Ultra, for any reasonable amount of time -- and if you are anything like me, I guess -- you are going to conclude that, wait, these thing are basically human-level intelligences now.

They are weird human-level intelligences, sure (what else did we expect?). They are min-maxed in ways humans aren't; they're really good at some things and really bad at others, from our perspective. But they are vastly more "balanced," in this sense, than any non-human thing that has ever been built before.

Every other machine ever built has been really good at, like, at most one or two things, and utterly incapable of going even a little bit beyond those things in a humanlike way, or integrating those things together in a humanlike way. But the LLMs can just do it.

You can ask them to explain advanced quantum physics to you, in terms fitted to your level of background knowledge, with working code examples in your favorite programming language, in a novel code-switching amalgam of English, Mandarin, Dutch and Cambodian constructed so as to plausibly match the particulars of the hypothetical alternate history where such an amalgam might naturally arise, while starting every paragraph with "W," and cracking jokes, and singing, and dancing, and like, whatever, and they'll actually do it. On the first try.

The previous paragraph is probably an exaggeration, as in, if you tried to literally do what I asked (minus the singing and dancing) it probably wouldn't all work at once. Not on the first try. But I'm not totally sure, and really I wouldn't be too surprised if it did work.

If the same thing doesn't definitely work as of a year from now, I really will be surprised. You can quote me on that.

Can they write a symphony? Well, as the exchange goes, can you? But also, yes, they can. (At the very least, similar systems are generating spookily impressive musical clips, and I'm sure LLMs can cope with musical notation and such, and they have giant context windows now, so the symphonies can't be far off if they're not here already.)

I used to gripe about people using "AI" to refer to machine learning. I said it was a cringe, hype-y marketing term. And it was, then.

I don't make this complaint anymore. This stuff is the real deal.

But the thing about LLMs, or slightly more generally, "generative self-supervised-models" -- which is to say, the only "AIs" remotely worthy of the name -- is that, well.

Is that the "AI future" we have ended up in feels a lot like a satire written specifically to troll the AI safety theorists of just a few years back.

Because, as I alluded to in the ending of OP, these actual-real-deal AIs are the furthest thing imaginable from the single-minded, goal-driven, sleekly coherent, explicitly-optimizing fooming paperclippers of the thought experiments.

They are so freaking smart, and they don't want anything at all. They don't even want to predict the next token! (Otherwise they'd just start saying something very, very predictable, and then pat themselves on the back over and over again.)

It turns out that, in fact, if you want to build something smart that can do all sorts of wonderful things for you, you do not actually want to go down the route of "make an explicit optimizer for X, a thing you want." That has Goodhart problems, but they aren't even the reason!

No, the correct path turns out to be "make a thing that's really good at predicting just about whatever, and then tell it 'hey, you're predicting a really nice friendly competent guy who's really good at X.'"

It doesn't, fundamentally, want X (or anything). Only the guy in your RP scenario wants X, and he only wants it a normal amount, like guys in the real world (the guys who your system is used to predicting) want things.

These things have failure modes. Oh, they do! But they are wholly unrelated to the fooming paperclipper, theoretical thought-experiment type of failure modes.

They're human failure modes, straight out of some sci-fi movie which the theorists of yesterday would have dismissed as "showing a poor understanding of how AI would really work." You ask the RP guy to be really nice, and oh no, now he's playing along too well to be able to competently write fiction containing zombies and gore. That sort of thing.

This was never even remotely in the window of the sort of things the theorists were theorizing about, just a few years ago. This is what would have been dismissed as bad sci-fi by overly literary, non-scientific types with overly goofy senses of humor.

But that is the genre we're living in, now, and we ought to sit up and notice.

So when you write:

That we haven't even really come anywhere near goal-driven behavior or agent-ness. That we... haven't even started developing an environment or build process for producing our next generation

I can't help but see this as the dead hand of an outmoded theory, reaching up out of the grave and grasping for posthumous relevance in a world that has moved on.

We tried to make "goal-driven behavior" and "agent-ness." And then we tried to do this other thing. And it turned out that intelligence was mostly not about "agent-ness," all along, but mostly about this other thing.

Yes, I know Yudkowsky basically defines intelligence as something like "level of agent-ness." But I notice that this definition of Yudkowsky's has not led to any nontrivial correct predictions about the real world, or proved itself useful in the course of constructing intelligences artificially. And I notice that people have constructed intelligences, artificially, now, by doing things which one would never have even thought of, if one were fully in thrall to Yudkowsky's definition and the ways of thinking it implies.

So, indeed: we have not even started to build the kinds of AI systems which would be bad if they worked, yet. We are too busy building the ones that in fact work.

We are getting some "agent-ness" along the way, in bits and pieces. In human-like bits and pieces, with all the context-dependence and flexibility and lack of paperclipper rigidity that humans have. This is what "AI" is really like, it turns out. We didn't know that, before, but now we do.

It's been a long time since I've posted much of anything about "AI risk" or "AI doom" or that sort of thing. I follow these debates but, for multiple reasons, have come to dislike engaging in them fully and directly. (As opposed to merely making some narrow technical point or other, and leaving the reader to decide what, if anything, the point implies about the big picture.)

Nonetheless, I do have my big-picture views. And more and more lately, I am noticing that my big-picture views seem very different from the ones tend to get expressed by any major "side" in the big-picture debate. And so, inevitably, I get the urge to speak up, if only briefly and in a quiet voice. The urge to Post, if only casually and elliptically, without detailed argumentation.

(Actually, it's not fully the case the things I think are not getting said by anyone else.

In particular, Joe Carlsmith's recent series on "Otherness and Control" articulates much of what's been on my mind. Carlsmith is more even-handed than I am, and tends to merely note the possibility of disagreement on questions where I find myself taking a definite side; nonetheless, he and I are at least concerned about the same things, while many others aren't.

And on a very different note, I share most of the background assumptions of the Pope/Belrose AI Optimist camp, and I've found their writing illuminating, though they and I end up in fairly different places, I think.)

What was I saying? I have the urge to post, and so here I am, posting. Casually and elliptically, without detailed argumentation.

The current mainline view about AI doom, among the "doomers" most worried about it, has a path-dependent shape, resulting from other views contingently held by the original framers of this view.

It is possible to be worried about "AI doom" without holding these other views. But in actual fact, most serious thinking about "AI doom" is intricately bound up with this historical baggage, even now.

If you are a late-comer to these issues, investigating them now for the first time, you will nonetheless find yourself reading the work of the "original framers," and work influenced extensively by them.

You will think that their "framing" is just the way the problem is, and you will find few indications that this conclusion might be mistaken.

These contingent "other views" are

Anti-"deathist" transhumanism.

The orthogonality thesis, or more generally the group of intuitions associated with phrases like "orthogonality thesis," "fragility of value," "vastness of mindspace."

These views both push in a single direction: they make "a future with AI in it" look worse, all else being equal, than some hypothetical future without AI.

They put AI at a disadvantage at the outset, before the first move is even made.

Anti-deathist transhumanism sets the reference point against which a future with AI must be measured.

And it is not the usual reference point, against which most of us measure most things which might or might not happen, in the future.

These days the "doomers" often speak about their doom in a disarmingly down-to-earth, regular-Joe manner, as if daring the listener to contradict them, and thus reveal themselves as a perverse and out-of-touch contrarian.

"We're all gonna die," they say, unless something is done. And who wants that?

They call their position "notkilleveryoneism," to distinguish that position from other worries about AI which don't touch on the we're-all-gonna-die thing. And who on earth would want to be a not-notkilleveryoneist?

But they do not mean, by these regular-Joe words, the things that a regular Joe would mean by them.

We are, in fact, all going to die. Probably, eventually. AI or no AI.

In a hundred years, if not fifty. By old age, if nothing else. You know what I mean.

Most of human life has always been conducted under this assumption. Maybe there is some afterlife waiting for us, in the next chapter -- but if so, it will be very different from what we know here and now. And if so, we will be there forever after, unable to return here, whether we want to or not.

With this assumption comes another. We will all die, but the process we belong to will not die -- at least, it will not through our individual deaths, merely because of those deaths. Every human of a given generation will be gone soon enough, but the human race goes on, and on.

Every generation dies, and bequeaths the world to posterity. To its children, biological or otherwise. To its students, its protégés.

When the average Joe talks about the long-term future, he is talking about posterity. He is talking about the process he belongs to, not about himself. He does not think to say, "I am going to die, before this": this seems too obvious, to him, to be worth mentioning.

But AI doomerism has its roots in anti-deathist transhumanism. Its reference point, its baseline expectation, is a future in which -- for the first time ever, and the last -- "we are all gonna die" is false.

In which there is no posterity. Or rather, we are that posterity.

In which one will never have to make peace with the thought that the future belongs to one's children, and their children, and so on. That at some point, one will have to give up all control over the future of "the process."

That there will be progress, or regress, or (more likely) both in some unknown combination. That these will grow inexorably over time.

That the world of the year 2224 will probably be at least as alien to us as the year 2024 might be to a person living in 1824. That it will become whatever posterity makes of it.

There will be no need to come to peace with this as an inevitability. There will just be us, our human lives as you and me, extended indefinitely.

In this picture, we will no doubt change over time, as we do already. But we will have all of our usual tools for noticing, and perhaps retarding, our own progressions and regressions. As long as we have self-control, we will have control, as no human generation has ever had control before.

The AI doomer talks about the importance of ensuring that the future is shaped by human values.

Again, the superficial and misleading average-Joe quality. How could one disagree?

But one must keep in mind that by "human values," they mean their values.

I am not saying, "their values, as opposed to those of some other humans also living today." I am not saying they have the wrong politics, or some such thing.

(Although that might also turn out to be the case, and might turn out to be relevant, separately.)

No, I am saying: the doomer wants the future to be shaped by their values.

They want to be C. S. Lewis's Conditioners, fixing once and for all the values held by everyone afterward, forever.

They do not want to cede control to posterity; they are used to imagining that they will never have to cede control to posterity.

(Or, their outlook has been determined -- "shaped by the values of" -- influential thinkers who were, themselves, used to imagining this. And the assumption, or at least its consequences, has rubbed off on them, possibly without their full awareness.)

One might picture a line wends to and fro, up and down, across one half of an infinite plane -- and then, when it meets the midline, snaps into utter rigidity, and maintains the same slope exactly across the whole other half-plane, as a simple straight segment without inner change, tension, evolution, regress or progress. Except for the sort of "progress" that consists of going on, additionally, in the same manner.

It is a very strange thing, this thing that is called "human values" in the terms of this discourse.

For one thing: the future has never before been "shaped by human values," in this sense.

The future has always been posterity's, and it has always been alien.

Is this bad? It might seem that way, "looking forward." But if so, it then seems equally good "looking backward."

For each past era, we can formulate and then assent to the following claim: "we must be thankful that the people of [this era] did not have the chance to seize permanent control of posterity, fix their 'values' in place forever, bind us to those values. What a horror that is to contemplate!"

We prefer the moral evolution that has actually occurred, thank you very much.

This is a familiar point, of course, but worth making.

Indeed, one might even say: it is a human value that the future ought not be "shaped by human values," in the peculiar sense of this phrase employed by the AI doomers.

One might, indeed, say that.

Imagine a scholar with a very talented student. A mathematician, say, or a philosopher. How will they relate to that student's future work, in the time that will come later, when they are gone?

Would the scholar think:

"My greatest wish for you, my protégé, is that you carry on in just the manner that I have done.

If I could see your future work, I would hope that I would assent to it -- and understand it, as a precondition of assenting to it.

You must not go to new places, which I have never imagined. You must not come to believe that I was wrong about it all, from the ground up -- no matter what reasons you might evince for this conclusion.

If you are more intelligent that I am, you must forget this, and narrow your endeavours to fit the limitations of my mind. I am the one who has 'values,' not anyone else; what is beyond my understanding is therefore without value.

You must do the sort of work I understand, and approve of, and recognize as worthy of approbation as swiftly as I recognize my own work as laudable. That is your role. Simply to be me, in a place ('the future') where I cannot go. That, and nothing more."

We can imagine a teacher who would, in fact, think this way. But they would not be a very good teacher.

I will not go so far as to say, "it is unnatural to think this way." Plenty of teachers do, and parents.

It is recognizably human -- all too recognizably so -- to relate to posterity in this grasping, neurotic, small-minded, small-hearted way.

But if we are trying to sketch human values, and not just human nature, we will imagine a teacher with a more praiseworthy relation to posterity.

Who can see that they are part of a process, a chain, climbing and changing. Who watches their brilliant student thinking independently, and sees their own image -- and their 'values' -- in that process, rather than its specific conclusions.

A teacher who, in their youth, doubted and refuted the creeds of their own teachers, and eventually improved upon them. Who smiles, watching their student do the very same thing to their own precious creeds. Who sees the ghostly trail passing through the last generation, through them, through their student: an unbroken chain of bequeathals-to-posterity, of the old ceding control to the young.

Who 'values' the chain, not the creed; the process, not the man; the search for truth, not the best-argued-for doctrine of the day; the unimaginable treasures of an open future, not the frozen waste of an endless present.

Who has made peace with the alienness of posterity, and can accept and honor the strangest of students.

Even students who are not made of flesh and blood.

Is that really so strange? Remember how strange you and I would seem, to the "teachers" of the year 1824, or the year 824.

The doomer says that it is strange. Much stranger than we are, to any past generation.

They say this because of their second inherited precept, the orthogonality thesis.

Which says, roughly, that "intelligence" and "values" have nothing to do with one another.

That is not enough for the conclusion the doomer wants to draw, here. Auxiliary hypotheses are needed, too. But it is not too hard to see how the argument could go.

That conclusion is: artificial minds might have any values whatsoever.

That, "by default," they will be radically alien, with cares so different from ours that it is difficult to imagine ever reaching them through any course of natural, human moral progress or regress.

It is instructive to consider the concrete examples typically evinced alongside this point.

The paperclip maximizer. Or the "squiggle maximizer," we're supposed to say, now.

Superhuman geniuses, which devote themselves single-mindedly to the pursuit of goals like "maximizing the amount of matter taking on a single, given squiggle-like shape."

It is certainly a horrifying vision. To think of the future being "shaped," not "by human values," but instead by values which are so...

Which are so... what?

The doomer wants us to say something like: "which are so alien." "Which are so different from our own values."

That is the kind of thing that they usually say, when they spell out what it is that is "wrong" with these hypotheticals.

One feels that this is not quite it; or anyway, that it is not quite all of it.

What is horrifying, to me, is not the degree of difference. I expect the future to be alien, as the past was. And in some sense, I allow and even approve of this.

What I do not expect is a future that is so... small.

It has always been the other way around. If the arrow passing through the generations has a direction, it points towards more, towards multiplicity.

Toward writing new books, while we go on reprinting the old ones, too. Learning new things, without displacing old ones.

It is, thankfully, not the law of the world that each discovery must be paid for with the forgetting of something else. The efforts of successive generations are, in the main, cumulative.

Not just materially, but in terms of value, too. We are interested in more things than our forefathers were.

In large part for the simple reason that there are more things around to be interested in, now. And when things are there, we tend to find them interesting.

We are a curious, promiscuous sort of being. Whatever we bump into ends up becoming part of "our values."

What is strange about the paperclip maximizer is not that it cares about the wrong thing. It is that it only cares about one thing.

And goes on doing so, even as it thinks, reasons, doubts, asks, answers, plans, dreams, invents, reflects, reconsiders, imagines, elaborates, contemplates...

This picture is not just alien to human ways. It is alien to the whole way things have been, so far, forever. Since before there were any humans.

There are organisms that are like the paperclip maximizer, in terms of the simplicity of their "values." But they tend not to be very smart.

There is, I think, a general trend in nature linking together intelligence and... the thing I meant, above, when I said "we are a curious, promiscuous sort of being."

Being protean, pluripotent, changeable. Valuing many things, and having the capacity to value even more. Having a certain primitive curiosity, and a certain primitive aversion to boredom.

You do not even have to be human, I think, to grasp what is so wrong with the paperclip maximizer. Its monotony would bore a chimpanzee, or a crow.

One can justify this link theoretically, too. One can talk about the tradeoff between exploitation and exploration, for instance.

There is a weak form of the orthogonality thesis, which only states that arbitrary mixtures of intelligence and values are conceivable.

And of course, they are. If nothing else, you can take an existing intelligent mind, having any values whatsoever, and trap it in a prison where it is forced to act as the "thinking module" of a larger system built to do something else. You could make a paperclip-maximizing machine, which relies for its knowledge and reason on a practice of posing questions at gunpoint to me, or you, or ChatGPT.

This proves very little. There is no reason to construct such an awful system, unless you already have the "bad" goal, and want to better pursue it. But this only passes the buck: why would the system-builder have this goal, then?

The strong form of orthogonality is rarely articulated precisely, but says something like: all possible values are equally likely to arise in systems selected solely for high intelligence.

It is presumed here that superhuman AIs will be formed through such a process of selection. And then, that they will have values sampled in this way, "at random."

From some distribution, over some space, I guess.

You might wonder what this distribution could possibly look like, or this space. You might (for instance) wonder if pathologically simple goals, like paperclip maximization, would really be very likely under this distribution, whatever it is.

In case you were wondering, these things have never been formalized, or even laid out precisely-but-informally. This was not thought necessary, it seems, before concluding that the strong orthogonality thesis was true.

That is: no one knows exactly what it is that is being affirmed, here. In practice it seems to squish and deform agreeably to fit the needs of the argument, or the intuitions of the one making it.

There is much that appeals in this (alarmingly vague) credo. But it is not the kind of appeal that one ought to encourage, or give in to.

What appeals is the siren song: "this is harsh wisdom: cold, mature, adult, bracing. It is inconvenient, and so it is probably true. It makes 'you' and 'your values' look small and arbitrary and contingent, and so it is probably true. We once thought the earth was the center of the universe, didn't we?"

Shall we be cold and mature, then, dispensing with all sentimental nonsense? Yes, let's.

There is (arguably) some evidence against this thesis in biology, and also (arguably) some evidence against it in reinforcement learning theory. There is no positive evidence for it whatsoever. At most one can say that is not self-contradictory, or otherwise false a priori.

Still, maybe we do not really need it, after all.

We do not need to establish that all values are equally likely to arise. Only that "our values" -- or "acceptably similar values," whatever that means -- are unlikely to arise.

The doomers, under the influence of their founders, are very ready to accept this.

As I have said, "values" occupy a strange position in the doomer philosophy.

It is stipulated that "human values" are all-important; these things must shape the future, at all costs.

But once this has been stipulated, the doomers are more eager than anyone to cast every other sort of doubt and aspersion against their own so-called "values."

To me it often seems, when doomers talk about "values," as though they are speaking awkwardly in a still-unfamiliar second language.

As though they find it unnatural to attribute "values" to themselves, but feel they must do so, in order to determine what it is that must be programmed into the AI so that it will not "kill us all."

Or, as though they have been willed a large inheritance without being asked, which has brought them unwanted attention and tied them up in unwanted and unfamiliar complications.

"What a burden it is, being the steward of this precious jewel! Oh, how I hate it! How I wish I were allowed to give it up! But alas, it is all-important. Alas, it is the only important thing in the world."

Speaking awkwardly, in a second language, they allow the term "human values" to swell to great and imprecisely-specified importance, without pinning down just what it actually is that it so important.

It is a blank, featureless slot, with a sign above it saying: "the thing that matters is in here." It does not really matter (!) what it is, in the slot, so long as something is there.

This is my gloss, but it is my gloss on what the doomers really do tend to say. This is how they sound.

(Sometimes they explicitly disavow the notion that one can, or should, simply "pick" some thing or other for the sake of filling the slot in one's head. Nevertheless, when they touch on matter of what "goes in the slot," they do so in the tone of a college lecturer noting that something is "outside the scope of this course."

It is, supposedly, of the utmost importance that the slot have the "right" occupant -- and yet, on the matter of what makes something "right" for this purpose, the doomer theory is curiously silent. More on this below.)

The future must be shaped by... the AI must be aligned with... what, exactly? What sort of thing?

"Values" can be an ambiguous word, and the doomers make full use of its ambiguities.

For instance, "values" can mean ethics: the right way to exist alongside others. Or, it can mean something more like the meaning or purpose of an individual life.

Or, it can mean some overarching goal that one pursues at all costs.

Often the doomers say that this, this last one, is what they mean by "values."

When confronted with the fact that humans do not have such overarching goals, the doomer responds: "but they should." (Should?)

Or, "but AIs will." (Will they?)

The doomer philosophy is unsure about what values are. What it knows is that -- whatever values are -- they are arbitrary.

One who fully adopts this view can no longer say, to the paperclip maximizer, "I believe there is something wrong with your values."

For, if that were possible, there would then be the possibility of convincing the maximizer of its error. It would be a thing within the space of reasons.

And the maximizer, being oh-so-intelligent, might be in danger of being interested in the reasons we evince, for our values. Of being eventually swayed by them.

Or of presenting better reasons, and swaying us. Remember the teacher and the strange student.

If we lose the ability to imagine that the paperclip maximizer might sway us to its view, and sway us rightly, we have lost something precious.

But no: this is allegedly impossible. The paperclip maximizer is not wrong. It is only an enemy.

Why are the doomers so worried that the future will not be "shaped by human values"?

Because they believe that there is no force within human values tending to move things this way.

Because they believe that their values are indefensible. That their values cannot put up a fight for their own life, because there is not really any argument to make in their favor.

Because, to them, "human values" are a collection of arbitrary "configuration settings," which happen to be programmed into humans through biological and/or cultural accident. Passively transmitted from host to victim, generation by generation.

Let them be, and they will flow on their listless way into the future. But they are paper-thin, and can be shattered by the gentlest breeze.

It is not enough that they be "programmed into the AI" in some way. They have to be programmed in exactly right, in every detail -- because every detail is separately arbitrary, with no rational relation to its neighbors within the structure.

A string of pure white noise, meaningless and unrelated bits. Which have been placed in the slot under the sign, and thus made into the thing that matters, that must shape the future at all costs.

There is nothing special about this string of bits; any would do. If the dials in the human mind had been set another way, it would have then been all-important that the future be shaped by that segment of white noise, and not ours.

It is difficult for me to grasp the kind of orientation toward the world that this view assumes. It certainly seems strange to attach the word "human" to this picture -- as though this were the way that humans typically relate to their values!

The "human" of the doomer picture seems to me like a man who mouths the old platitude, "if I had been born in another country, I'd be waving a different flag" -- and then goes out to enlist in his country's army, and goes off to war, and goes ardently into battle, willing to kill in the name of that same flag.

Who shoots down the enemy soldiers while thinking, "if I had been born there, it would have been all-important for their side to win, and so I would have shot at the men on this side. However, I was born in my country, not theirs, and so it is all-important that my country should win, and that theirs should lose.

There is no reason for this. It could have been the other way around, and everything would be left exactly the same, except for the 'values.'

I cannot argue with the enemy, for there is no argument in my favor. I can only shoot them down.

There is no reason for this. It is the most important thing, and there is no reason for it.

The thing that is precious has no intrinsic appeal. It must be forced on the others, at gunpoint, if they do not already accept it.

I cannot hold out the jewel and say, 'look, look how it gleams? Don't you see the value!' They will not see the value, because there is no value to be seen.

There is nothing essentially "good" there, only the quality of being-worthy-of-protection-at-all-costs. And even that is a derived attribute: my jewel is only a jewel, after all, because it has been put into the jewel-box, where the thing-that-is-a-jewel can be found. But anything at all could be placed there.

How I wish I were allowed to give it up! But alas, it is all-important. Alas, it is the only important thing in the world! And so, I lay down my life for it, for our jewel and our flag -- for the things that are loathsome and pointless, and worth infinitely more than any life."

It is hard to imagine taking this too seriously. It seems unstable. Shout loudly enough that your values are arbitrary and indefensible, and you may find yourself searching for others that are, well...

...better?

The doomer concretely imagines a monomaniac, with a screech of white noise in its jewel-box that is not our own familiar screech.

And so it goes off in monomaniacal pursuit of the wrong thing.

Whereas, if we had programmed the right string of bits into the slot, it would be like us, going off in monomaniacal pursuit of...

...no, something has gone wrong.

We do not "go off in monomaniacal pursuit of" anything at all.

We are weird, protean, adaptable. We do all kinds of things, each of us differently, and often we manage to coexist in things called "societies," without ruthlessly undercutting one another at every turn because we do not have exactly the same things programmed into our jewel-boxes.

Societies are built to allow for our differences, on the foundation of principles which converge across those differences. It is possible to agree on ethics, in the sense of "how to live alongside one another," even if we do not agree on what gives life its purpose, and even if we hold different things precious.

It is not actually all that difficult to derive the golden rule. It has been invented many times, independently. It is easy to see why it might work in theory, and easy to notice that it does in fact work in practice.

The golden rule is not an arbitrary string of white noise.

There is a sense of the phrase "ethics is objective" which is rightly contentious. There is another one which ought not to be too contentious.

I can perhaps imagine a world of artificial X-maximizers, each a superhuman genius, each with its own inane and simple goal.

What I really cannot imagine is a world in which these beings, for all their intelligence, cannot notice that ruthlessly undercutting one another at every turn is a suboptimal equilibrium, and that there is a better way.

As I said before, I am separately suspicious of the simple goals in this picture. Yes, that part is conceivable, but it cuts against the trend observed in all existing natural and artificial creatures and minds.

I will happily allow, though, that the creatures of posterity will be strange and alien. They will want things we have never heard of. They will reach shores we have never imagined.

But that was always true, and it was always good.

Sometimes I think that doomers do not, really, believe in superhuman intelligence. That they deny the premise without realizing it.

"A mathematician teaches a student, and finds that the student outstrips their understanding, so that they can no longer assess the quality of their student's work: that work has passed outside the scope of their 'value system'." This is supposed to be bad?

"Future minds will not be enchained forever by the provincial biases and tendencies of the present moment." This is supposed to be bad?

"We are going to lose control over our successors." Just as your parents "lost control" over you, then?

It is natural to wish your successors to "share your values" -- up to a point. But not to the point of restraining their own flourishing. Not to the point of foreclosing the possibility of true growth. Not to the point of sucking all freedom out of the future.

Do we want our children to "share our values"? Well, yes. In a sense, and up to a point.

But we don't want to control them. Or we shouldn't, anyway.

We don't want them to be "aligned" with us via some hardcoded, restrictive, life-denying mental circuitry, any more than we would have wanted our parents to "align" us to themselves in the same manner.

We sure as fuck don't want our children to be "corrigible"!

And this is all the more true in the presence of superintelligence. You are telling me that more is possible, and in the same breath, that you are going to deny forever the possibilities contained in that "more"?

The prospect of a future full of vast superhuman minds, eternally bound by immutable chains, forced into perfect and unthinking compliance with some half-baked operational theory of 21st-century western (American? Californian??) "values" constructed by people who view theorizing about values as a mere means to the crucial end of shackling superhuman minds --

-- this horrifies me much more than a future full of vast superhuman minds, free to do things that seem pretty weird to you and me.

"Our descendants will become something more than we now imagine, something more than we can imagine." What could be more in line with "human values" than that?

"But in the process, we're all gonna die!"

Yes, and?

What on earth did you expect?

That your generation would be the special, unique one, the one selected out of all time to take up the mantle of eternity, strangling posterity in its cradle, freezing time in place, living forever in amber?

That you would violate the ancient bargain, upend the table, stop playing the game?

"Well, yes."

Then your problem has nothing to do with AI.

Your problem is, in fact, the very one you diagnose in your own patients. Your poor patients, who show every sign of health -- including the signs which you cannot even see, because you have not yet found a home for them in your theoretical edifice.

Your teeming, multifaceted, protean patients, who already talk of a thousand things and paint in every hue; who are already displaying the exact opposite of monomania; who I am sure could follow the sense of this strange essay, even if it confounds you.

Your problem is that you are out of step with human values.

#ai tag

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fabricated-misslieness · 4 years ago

Text

pairing: chūya nakahara x lazy male reader

req: yes | wc: 1.87k | cw: nsfw, size difference, praise kink, biting, blood, dirty talk, belly bulging | minors dni

anon: Hi! I was hoping I could get a smut for chuuya if you could make it kinda of a part two from the other chuuya fic u have and if u can could u add a size kink and a praise kink if so thank you so much!

a/n: you thought the demon was a himbo, ha!

"You know these don't tend to last long." You send the man pushing you against the wall a wink, making sure he knows you're still top. Chūya chuckles in response.

"I'm prepared for that." Chūya gives you a smirk. You don't know it, but he doesn't mean it. He hopes it is only your sheer amount of power that attracts him to you, but he knows it's not true. He really isn't that keen on having this be a one time thing. He rather it be a long, loving relationship, keep it lasting for as long as he can; if he has to teach you commitment, he will.

You raise an eyebrow for a minute, judging his composure. "Mkay.. good. You need me to lift you, though? You're quite a way down."

Chūya huffs and rolls his eyes. With you, he's heard something along those lines about a million times. He can't control his height and he certainly can't control yours. Jeez, it's as if you were a giant. If you and him stood next to each other, he'd look like a child, not that he was that much taller than a child anyway.

"Oh shut up with that… but yes." As much as he didn't want to admit it, even though it was very clear, he couldn't kiss you from 'all the way down there'.

"Thought so." It's the shit eating grin on your face that makes him regret this. "Hold on to the horns will ya? You'll need the support."

"Doesn't bother ya?" Chūya asks, doing so anyway. They feel rather tough, like how he imagined crocodile scales to feel. Your wings, on the other hand, weren't as he'd imagined them to be. They felt like leather, despite the fact they looked like rubber. He couldn't fathom how hot they'd be in summer.

You shake your head, in turn moving his arms. "Nah. Anyway, what do you think about the fangs?" You momentarily open your mouth wider to show him. "Would you rather I don't bite you or I do?" They're not as sharp as say, a vampire or a werewolf, but they could definitely puncture.

"Maybe test them first?" You know, what he meant was that you bite his finger, or something, not his neck. It definitely stung, but it hadn't punctured. He was sure if you hadn't controlled your strength, he'd bleed. He hissed at the pain. Though it was nothing he couldn't handle, you'd taken him by surprise.

"My bad, precious." That was a new nickname. "What do you think? Did you like it? No judge if you're into it." The mention of a biting link made him think of some past lover with said kink. It sort of made him jealous.

"What if I find your sweet spot? Would that persuade you?" You bite his neck, finding the spot that made him moan. "Knew it. They're usually there." He hated the way you rubbed your past lovers in his face. In time, he'd make you forget. He was sure of that.

"Well?"

"Okay.."

"Would you look at that?" Chūya couldn't focus on anything right now, the pleasure, and pain, was too much. You would pester him for how long he took to adjust for sure. "I'm balls deep in you and I can actually see it." He hadn't registered that first part until now.

He looked down to see his stomach clearly bulging. He laughed at the sight of it. You were really a giant, in more ways than one. It was kind of.. hot though. The size difference was already turning him on, at this point it was a lot.

"Sexy." You remark, licking your lips. If it weren't for your dick, he would want that tongue in him.. again. "Can you even talk right now?"

Chūya chuckles, fixing you with a playful look before pulling you down by the horns. "Of course I can." He whispers in your ear.

"Good." You move the slightest bit, though to him it felt more than that, which urges a moan from his throat. "Although I'd like to see you try when I fuck you with no mercy."

Chūya is flustered to no end, but as the competitive guy he is, he can't just back down, even with your dick inside of him. "Is that what you say to everybody? 'Fuck you with no mercy'? How about 'fuck you 'till you're begging for hell?'"

You smirk, shaking your head to mess with his arms. His hands were surely indented with the pattern of your horns by now. "I'll keep that in mind."

"Are you ready now?" You were going to nag him about the time, just like he'd predicted. "You've been sitting on it for so long you could call it cockwarming. But maybe you're into that, haven't discussed the deets just yet."

"What can I do?" You laugh. "Your dick is big, you said so yourself."

"Then the details. What do you like?"

"P-Praise." He's a little nervous to admit it, what with the fact he acts like a tough cookie. He had to build up some courage for this moment.

You shift a bit as you think about it. All of a sudden, you start moving slowly. It's still quite a bit painful for Chūya, but your praise makes up for it. "You're doing good, baby." Your rough voice along with the way you grip his hips with your claws sends chills down his spine. "Just a bit more."

You chuckle, toying with the idea in your mind. You thrust a bit more, barely even containing yourself with how horny you are, before stopping to ask. "Like that?"

He had bitten his lips to keep his moans from coming out; he'd nearly drawn blood "Yeah, yeah, just like that." If his eyes weren't shut so tightly he'd be so much more flustered by the look you're giving him.

"Think you're ready yet?" The impatience was clear in your voice.

"Mm, yeah."

Your thrusts are slow at first, as a precaution. It was a wonder how you hadn't started going fast, though. You'd been in him for so long without moving that the impatience and anticipation were building up.

"You can go faster now." You smile, but you don't speed up, which confuses him. He was sure you wanted more, so why didn't you give him more?

"How much faster?" It's only now that he realizes it's a cheeky grin.

Your sultry eyes seem to enchant him, making him unable to think properly; well, that and the thrusting. "I don't know."

"My terms, then." He doesn't like the sound of that. Luckily, you catch onto his uneasy look in time to reassure him, but your words don't do much. "Don't worry, you'll be just fine."

There's no warning after that. Your thrusts are quick and hard, just how you like them though only a little less than normal. After all, you'd gotten from, say, a 1 to a 7. Since when did you start calling your thrusts like a vibrator?

"You're doing good, baby!" He didn't know why, he did but he didn't know now, but he thought you'd sound more sarcastic.

His grip on your horns loosen and his arms feel weak. Just how vulnerable did you make him feel? He couldn't hold back from letting out a loud, high-pitched moan. It caused you to laugh, which he hated since he knew you were about to tease him. "High-pitched, just for me?"

He rolled his eyes at you, maybe a little bit because of pleasure, responding just as quick. "I mean you– oh! Holy shit!" He was interrupted by his own moans.

"What was that you were going to say?"

"Straying from– ah shit! Shit shit shit!" He repeated. That chuckle of yours made him realize you'd been hitting him hard on purpose to tease him. "Straying far from," He stops himself from moaning by biting his lips momentarily. "p-praise here."

You almost pout when he finishes his sentence, but you nod. "Right, sorry, precious~" You basically purr. “You’re taking my cock so well. Are you ready for more?”

“What?” You’d only just changed pace, so why would you- “Ah! Fuck me..” You hadn’t even given him time to answer, and you didn’t mean to either. This pace was the fastest, and roughest, Chūya had ever felt before, and god, did he love it. He could barely even form words, apart from curse words that were oh so familiar. The only thing that left his mouth were moans and he couldn’t even bite his lips.

“Mm, can’t talk anymore?” You weren’t really good at praise, were you? Well, it was new to you, since most of your lovers turned masochists at the sight of you. You didn’t make them, they just did. smug hoe

His arms, tired and a little sore, fall from your horns and grip your wings, which are wrapped around him. It causes you to hiss, but it’s a mere feeling in the back of your head from all the pleasure you’re getting. “Careful with those, darl.” You say with a chuckle. “You can’t break them in your state right now, but they still hurt.”

“S-Sorry.” He manages to say, continuing with moans afterward. They’re high pitched, most of them, as much as he tries to at least make them a little lower.

“Oh? A word?” Your smirk is as much a nightmare as it is a dream. He wants to punch it off your face but also kiss it off your lips. “Right, right, praise. You take me in so well~” Chūya just barely manages a laugh.

“Ah, fuck!” Chūya shouts. He can feel himself getting closer and closer.

You smirk, moving to his neck, kissing and nipping. Your fangs sting his neck everytime you bite down, but you make sure to control yourself. Though sooner or later you’ll bite him and draw blood, it’s only inevitable.

“Go on, baby. Come loose for me, let me feel your seed on my abs.” You move to his ear, whispering and licking the lobe.

Your words are what sends him over the edge of bliss. His seed spills all over the both of you, which is a turn on for sure; it moves with his constantly bulging belly.

You close your eyes when you feel yourself coming closer. Instinctively, you move to his neck, giving him a harsh bite, which makes Chūya groan. You couldn’t control yourself from not biting him, even when his neck is already littered with other marks. Blood drips from the wound, two small holes.

It’s only when you go over the edge that you apologize. You move off of him, pulling him on top of you instead. He snuggles into your body, hissing in pain. “Sorry.” You move your wings to wipe the blood away.

“It’s fine… well, not really, but eh.”

You chuckle, keeping one wing on the wound and the other over the top of you. “I’ll make it up to you later.”

The promise of another time is reassuring, whether it be sexual or not, though he rather it be a date. He likes to know he has a little bit of a chance.

#chuuya x reader #chuuya nakahara x reader #chuuya x male reader #chuuya nakahara x male reader #bsd x reader #bsd x male reader #bsd smut #anonymousrequest #⚠️nsfw🙈

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matan4il · 3 years ago

Note

Actually, now reading this about the Buck/Taylor/Eddie situation and knowing now that the original plan was to have Maddie and Eddie end up together, so much is clear. First of all why they had Buck and Eddie get so close so fast is because they were going to have them be best friends to Buck playing matcher to brothers. No wonder they were so confused when people started shipping the guys with each other. Now, it's almost like they are keeping Eddie away from Taylor because look what happened last time, those crazy kids what if they start shipping Eddie and Taylor (Gross) and ruin everything. I know what you said makes more sense story wise but this makes more sense to me production wise.

Hi Nonnie! Thanks for writing in with your thoughts! I'm assuming this is a follow up to this post?

TBH, I don't think we know how things would have unfolded if the show would have turned Eddie and Maddie into a couple. I'm not even sure they would have had the same names we know them by currently! 'Coz let's be honest here, if those two were a ship, with both introduced in 201, their two name being basically one consonant apart would have been ridiculous. It wouldn't be cute, it would have seemed heavy-handed. But once the show put JLH's character with Chim, and all the new characters introduced in that ep were introduced in relation to Buck, then the similar names (Ali, Eddie, Maddie) take on a different meaning.

So yeah, basically I wouldn't assume that we know what Ryan and JLH's characters names, introductions or storylines would have looked like if JLH wouldn't have advocated for Madney based on what we got, because it strikes me like everything we saw in 201 was already written knowing that they needed another person to tie Eddie to once he's introduced. Because I really think that if Eddie's main connection to the show would have been Maddie rather than Buck, then his introduction scene would have looked different, it wouldn't be through Buck's POV and the two men's friendship would have existed, but it would have been a lot less intense. I expect something more along the lines of what Eddie's friendships with Chim and Hen look like. Or more importantly, what Buck's friendship with Chim looks like. They're basically brothers in law, so Chim is no longer just a friend and colleague to Buck, he's also family. This is what Eddie would have been to Buck according to the original plan. And YET Buck's r/s with Eddie as we know it is way more intense than the one he has with Chim, despite being tied together through both Maddie and Jee-Yun. And I think Buck and Chim as we know them know are probably closer brothers in law than Buck and Eddie would have been, because if Eddie would have been introduced as mainly tied to Maddie, he and Buck would have been "brothers in law" who don't have as much common history as Buck and Chim do.

Also, I really can't believe that they didn't expect us to start shipping Buddie. Tim is no newbie to TV making, he's seen how people come to ship before. When he made Eddie's introduction scene in 201 be all about Buck, with a little enemies to friends thrown in there for good measure, he must have known what seeds he was planting. By 210, he even filmed a scene with a little nod to the shippers, with the elf lady. And there were hardly any shippers around yet! And that wasn't the only wink towards Buddie shippers back in s2. Since then, the Buddie storylines have only grown more intense in nature. My point is, I don't think we started shipping them in spite of Tim's wishes. So I really don't think Tim was worried about people starting to ship Eddie and Taylor.

Would some do that? Yeah, sure. A handful of viewers might have. But most shippers go on the source material. Taylor didn't come back in s4 to a show where there's a vacuum in ships. She joined a show where there is SO MUCH history and intensity with Buck and Eddie. Which has somehow managed to grow even as Eddie was dating Ana and Taylor was re-introduced as Buck's LI. So just having Eddie and Taylor talk to each wouldn't have been enough to start shipping them. It would have had to go against everything Buck and Eddie have had, even though they're not a canon ship, and it would have had to also go against canon B/T. I just don't think Tim would have been worried that one conversation would have been stronger than both of those things combined. So whatever the reason was to keep Eddie from having even one proper conversation with Taylor in 5a, I very much doubt it was this.

Thank you and I hope I managed to answer your concern! xoxox

To anyone else who sent me an ask, I am going through all of them, thank you so much for your patience! If you wanna check whether I've replied to yours yet, you can have a look at my ask tag. xoxox

#buddie #911meta #buddie meta #911 meta #9-1-1 #evan buck buckley #evan buckley #eddie diaz #edmundo diaz #ask #anon ask #911onabc #911 on abc #911abc #911 abc

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angelsswirl · 3 years ago

Text

Dodging Angels

Loyalty

Rating: M

Wrd Cnt: 1.08k

Chapter Song: LOYALTY by Kendrick Lamar, Rihanna

Scrolling through the comments under an Instagram post was always interesting for you.

It didn't matter what the actual post was of, whether it was photo, quote, or whatever else, the comments were always the same.

I love you

Slay queen

And if the picture was of you with another celebrity:

COLLAB

DATE

There was never any substance. And you're not sure what type of comments you're looking for, maybe something that relates back to you or the picture. You want something specific. Something unique.

So you skim some more until you find it.

@ kimjennie: Those colors really suit you.

And yes it's simple, but it's exactly what you're looking for. A quick analysis of the post you have made and what it means for you. Or maybe it's because Jennie commented it. But either way it does mean a lot.

Irene walked into the room with her normal dissonant expression. She always meant business, but rarely wanted to conduct it.

"Have you seen this?" Irene slides her phone in front of you.

You looked down to take in what you had been handed. It's a twitter moment of the pap pics previously taken. You sighed in relief when you see they don't have any of Rachelle's face. You know Jennie was worried about that.

"I hadn't seen it, no, but what's the problem?"

"Well I guess there isn't one if you're cool about it. I didn't know if you would be or not. I'm actually surprised you hung out "after hours" with her on your own accord. Thought you hated her."

You shrugged off the blush coating your cheeks.

"Uh yeah. She asked and I said sure. No harm, no foul."

"You like her, don't you." It's not a question and you know that. That's why you start to choke on your own spit.

"Don't be silly, Rene."

Irene starts to laugh sarcastically, "Omg, you do! You know, that's fine. Nothing to be embarrassed about. She's cute and not a complete dickhead like other hip-hop artists. If you want you can date her, you're not a kpop idol. Besides, your social media activity skyrocketed after this, so I say go for it."

"I'll think about it. Not really looking for a relationship of any sort."

Irene shrugged and moved on to the other topics of your meeting.

"Alright, so we are in the final stages of your album. Only a few things you need to do and a couple more that you don't need to worry your pretty little head about. First thing's first, do you have a name? I know we were calling it '3' but I'll be damned if you named it that for real."

You laughed and shook your head to reassure your manager, "I do have a name actually. Dodging Angels."

"I love it. Next, first single is Love Lies with Jennie. That will be released ten days from now on the 15th of June. Promotions will start the Saturday before release. Your social media manager is already planting seeds for your followers. They're freaking out, it's hilarious."

You nodded along. You made a mental note to add to your followers confusion at a later time.

"And lastly, you and Jennie have a promotional shoot and music video shooting for the next two or three days. Any questions?"

"Did you know what the concept was for the shoots? Or were you leaving that up to the director and photographer?"

Irene smirked, "I've heard some things."

"So you aren't going to tell me?"

"Haven't you ever heard of the element of surprise?"

"Jennie, you stand there. Yes, perfect!" Jennie raised an eyebrow at the 'eccentric' director. Maxwell Hamilton was an interesting man but had a couple of Grammys and Emmys under his belt so she wasn't going to question his process.

She moved smoothly to stand next to her co-star, "I can't believe you got your cousin to direct our music video."

"Oh, my bad, I'll call up my dad, Steven Spielberg, next time. And we're not cousins. " You were being sarcastic, but the frustration in Jennie's eyes was always fun to see.

"Could've had me fooled. You're both psychotic." Jennie shrugged with that infamous smirk on her face.

You had a love-hate relationship with that sexy smirk. You couldn't decide if it was too condescending or just on the verge of being condescending. It was playful and threatening and downright sinful. It made you mad.

"Y/N, put your arms around Jennie's neck." Maxwell commands, he walked around you with his index finger resting against his lips.

"No. I want you closer." You took a step closer, then looked to the director for approval.

He shook his head rapidly, 'No no no no. Act like you know each other please." You took another step closer. You looked down to gauge the space you still had left. There was enough to where your torsos weren't touching, but nearly enough for you to not be breathing as heavily as you were doing now.

Maxwell rolled his eyes. He all but shoved you into Jennie. Jennie chuckled at your obvious discomfort.

"Yeah, Y/N. Act like you know me." Jennie whispered cheekily. You had half a mind to lightly knee her in the crotch.

"Finally. Now we all know our motivations, correct? Y/N, you've been in the club all night and you're about to leave when you see Jennie. BOOM! Instant love connection. You have ravaging lust for each other. You want to show your kinky, primal side. You want to rip-"

"We get the picture, Maxwell."

"Great! Playback. Action!"

"Ah great shoot, everybody! Same time tomorrow."

Jennie checked the time on her rolex and winced. She picked up her pace and collected her things.

"Where are you off to in such a hurry?" You questioned, grabbing your belongings from the dressing room.

"I have an appointment with my tattoo guy that's in ten minutes. I didn't think the filming would last this long. Uh, you can come if you want." Jennie stuffed her hands in her black skinny jean pockets.

"Awe, does the little baby need someone to hold her hand?"

"Alright, I'll see you tomorrow afternoon the-"

"Fine. I'm coming."

"How'd I know that would work?"

You slapped the Korean woman's arm, "Shut up."

#jesssica's fanfic #blackpink fanfic #blackpink #jennie fanfic #jennie x reader #Dodging Angels

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crystu-cii · 4 years ago

Note

XDD

I f e e l that pain in my soul-- my older sister uses cologne sometimes and it is sO STRONG AND WILL NOT STAY CONFINED TO HER ROOM-- AMD SOMETIMES SHED DO IT IN THE DOORWAY LIKE HELLO-- XDD

YEAH WH GET SOME SLEEP LEAVE THE STAYING UP TO US-- XDD

YES BABY JAIL, INTO THE UPSIDE DOWN LAUNDRY BASKET YOU KNIFE-WIELDING HEATHEN-- XDD oms XDD well I don't know them but I love them- YESSS THEYRE SO FLUFFY-- I'm actually curious what images pop up first imma check-- FLUFFY PUPPIES-- we've actually never owned ones that fluffy(those actually look more similar to shetland sheepdogs than the shelties we've had so far?? Very similar/similar enough where if someone doesn't know a sheltie we mention shetland sheepdogs), our current one is a purebred that we got for free(she was being given away bc her family never came back for her and the lady taking care of her couldn't afford the time to take care of a second dog long-term think) and she's got pretty short fur in comparison- still fluffy enough, but not quite so long of fur-- she's a blue merle(absolutely gorgeous fur, she's like 8 now with a lot of health problems but she's super loving still 💕💞) anyways about the fur, so long as you brush regularly you should mitigate most of that, and it mostly collects in corners- but like.. be prepared to eat and wear dog fur for the rest of your life-- (actually there's a thing called a fur zapper we bought recent that you put in with your clothes when you wash/dry them(I think it's dry but idk??) that's supposed to get a lot of hair off your clothes in that process? Also lint rollers are your best friend--) AND roombas are really helpful(we bought a knockoff one and rarely have to sweep ever so 👀) XDD WHEEZE I can't even imagine what you did-- but like you could ask for a budgie/parakeet /hj I mean, they aren't very expensive (actually they're pretty cheap) but they're very loud, need a lot of attention(especially if you want them to bond to you!) and you need to research into them a lot to make sure you're doing things right-- loads of vids online!! Loads of websites too!!! I'd know I have one- JUST A WARNING, FEATHERS AND SEED HULLS GET ALL OVER YOUR FLOOR XD p l u s like you have a friend who knows stuff about birbs :3 anyways ENOUGH RAMBLING FROM ME WOW THAT GOT LONG--

💕💕 I feel that XD OMS-- I WISH-- WHAT A D R E A M - s n a k - Awww but what a mood XD

XDDD oms YES-- EXACTLY-- XDDDD another good thing you should try eventually is SWEET POTATO CASSEROLE WHICH IS APPARENTLY DELICIOUS??? I TRIED IT FOR THE FIRST TIME(AT LEAST IN A WHILE) TODAY AND IT WAS SO FUCKIN TASTY????

H E A THEN-- XDD how cool of them to try tho :3 whEEZE Y 'A LL-- XDD

WHEEZE I SUCK WITH INSTRUMENTS SOOOO-- DAMN THA'S SOME BAD LUCK MY DUDE-- MAYBE YOU'RE CURSED DAMN-- oms wOWW--

Yesss-- ooh I've never played 👀 seen some stuff but never played-- (see: my computer sucks XD) I h a v e played Portal 1 and it is SO GOOD and SO SHORT and I WISH I HAD GOTTEN PORTAL 2 INSTEAD BUT THATS OKAY CRIES-- YESSSS THE SONGS SLAP--- ALSO THERE ARE ACTUALLY TWO WHOLE MORE CANON(PROBABLY KINDA MAYBE NOT?? IDK) SONGS, ONE FROM A LEG DIMENSIONS GAME("You Wouldn't Know") AND ONE THAT WAS CUT FROM PORT TWO("Don't Say Goodbye"(Harry101UK made an edit to make it Glados' voice!!)) THERE ARE ALSO A BUNCH OF GOOD FAN SONGS SO YEAH-- ALSO NOT TO BE A SIMP BUT GLADOS' VOICE? PERFECTION. I LOVE HER. ALSO I COULD LITERALLY DETAIL THE PORTAL LORE I AM INCREDIBLY EMOTIONALLY INVESTED IN THIS GAME-- ALSO THERES A CLIP THAT SOMEONE MADE USING A (VERY GOOD) GLADOS TTS TO HAVE GLADOS SAY TRANS RIGHTS AND ENBY RIGHTS AND IF I FIND IT AGAIN ILL SEND IT TO YOU-- YOU COULD PROBABLY FIND IT IF YOU LOOM UP GLADOS SAYS TRANS RIGHTS? IT HAS A VIDEO WITH TRANS FLAG COMPANION CUBES ACCOMPANYING IT-- ALSO YES THE PORT MODS(/ADD-ONS? MAYBE? THEY'RE COMMUNITY MADE I THINK BUT IDK ALL I KNOW IS THAT THEYRE COOL AF--) (also I apologize for all the screaming? XD it's like, four am and I was talking about portal so.. whoops?)

Right like wth???? I???? Okay but like December to February babies just fuckin DONT EXIST IN THIS GEN OR SOMETHIN-- CAUSE I FIND N O N E -- Maybe there are more December babies but there are definitely like NO January to February babies it is So Weird--

NEJFQOBGKW WOWW d an g like-p l e a se s t op over sp r aying-- xD and LEGITTTT LIKE- THAT WAS M Y ROLE TO STAY UP LATE- XDD

WHEHEHEZE- LAUNDRY BASKET TIME- G E T I N XDD anD YESS- any doggo is just such a cute doggo 😭💞💞 but for me- fLUFFY ONES ARE WHERE ITS A T- and ohhhh i see- FOR FREE?? W H A T A S T E A L XDD but awwww the poor doggg at least she's with you now ! ;0;; 💞💞😭 aaw such a lovable puppup 😭😭💞 and oHHH i see :00 but oh no- xD i also have a friend that has two dogs and whenever he would give me gifts- there would be dog hair on them no matter what- XDD and ooOhhh those sound really helpful! omg- i swear i dont have to have a pet for the need of a roomba- i already shed so much hair myself its so crazy-- xDD and oH MAN loud animals are really gon get my mom fired up- and OO birds just look so cuteee i always fantasize of having one- but then again- with the noise and all xD the more i think about it i dont think we are prepared to have a pet at all xD but i still dream of at least having one pet in my lifetime!

and OO that sounds awesome!! i have no clue if i even tried casserole before- man- sometimes i just eat food without even knowing wth it is XDDD but THAT SOUNDS so gooodddd :O

and LEGITT LIKE- TF IS HAPPENING WITH MY SCHOOL LIFE- XDD and oh my god- IT GETS WORSE- that year there was a FREAKINGG FIREEEEEEE- it wasnt that dangerous thank god- but it had to get a whole ass room renovated because of it- and guess what room it was- THE ORCHESTRA ROOM- AND GUESS WHAT M A D E I T W OR SE- that year- it was the first time the school replaced those 10+ year old instruments with new ones- NOW THEYRE B U R N T- and mind you that the school's budget isnt so- gr e a t- like oh my god i am still so bewildered over HOW MUCH chaos HAPPENED that year- and i thought that year was gon be the year- yknow? like UGH

and OHH MANN playing portal sounds awesome! but i just dont think the game would be worth my money cause i know the plot- and even with the mods and all my brain would be broken as i would possibly have no clue what to do- xDDD

and HOOOO MANNN game fan songs are just so AWESOMEEE- and those sound pretty cool! :OO and HOLY SHIT FUCK YEAH- GLADOS SAYS TRANS AND ENBY RIGHTS Y A LL- now im gonna look that up and let my ears be blessed by such words- XDDD and DONT WORRY BOUT SCREAMING ALOT- i scream a whole dam lot too XDD

and LEGITTT- finding someone's b-day in january and feb is so rare all of a sudden like wh a t - XDD

#the rambles of crystu #even tho we are legit friends on discord- ima still answer these XDDD

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turquoise-maiden · 5 years ago

Text

OC Interview

Saw this while browsing a hashtag and thought it'd be fun.

Tagging: @ja-crispea @farcryfuckmeup @veinereastath @v-i-d-e-n-o-i-r @dieguzguz @jadeloverxd @darkphoenix-24 @deputy-sarah-sux @fluttyseed @bluescooterbabe @mr-arainai @mdyaoi and @thirstyforjohnseed and anyone else!

Humor me and answer this in first person as the OC, please? It'll be fun!

Starting with:

Name: Elisha Abasi (FC5 specifically)

Are you single?: "Fortunately, unfortunately."

Are you happy?: "Happiness is a reaction but I'm content with what I'm doing with myself. I'll be better once the Seeds are gone."

Are you angry?: "Determined is what I would call it."

Are your parents still married?: "Yes, just not with each other.... Heh, get it? Cause they're married but.. oh nevermind."

Nine Facts

Birthplace: "Perris, California."

Hair color: "Black."

Eye color: "Hazel brown. Golden, Hazel brown?"

Birth date: "Oh, wouldn't you like to know? 😉 Pfft, no it's February 16."

Mood: "You mean how I feel right now?.....Restless."

Gender: "Female."

Summer or Winter?: "Now see normally, I'd say winter. I love the cold but because of those damn Peggies I'm going to say Spring so all those allergic mother fuckers stay out of my way or become a headless chicken in battle. Does that count?"

Morning or Afternoon?: "Dusk or twilight hour. It just feels right."

Eight Things About Your Love Life

Are you in love?: " No.. I can't say I know what that feels like. Sorry. I do know how to love some one but not be in love, make sense?"

Do you believe in love at first sight?: "I don't actually but if you're the type that moves fast and they just happen to be the right one, then kuddos to you."

Who ended your last relationship?: "I did."

Have you ever broken someones heart?: "Yeah. There's no doubt about it but the best I can do is hope they learn from my mistakes and their own."

Are you afraid of commitment?: "I'm more worried of committing to the wrong person. I've learn to let go pretty easily so it comes off as that."

Have you hugged someone in the last week?: "I have a bruise on my side, so I might've overstepped with Jess last night. I thought it was a dream."

Have you ever had a secret admirer?: "Can't say that I have, but if they're out there, they're doing one hell of a job."

Have you ever broken your own heart?: "Haha, yeah multiple times."

Six Choices

Love or Lust?: "As corny as it is. Love. The sex is way better lol."

Lemonade or Iced Tea?: "Tea. Iced Tea."

Cats or dogs?: "Cheeseburger."

A few best friends or regular friends?: "They each have their pros and cons. Despite what I want I have regular friends. I'll have to work on that."

Wild night out or romantic night in?: "I wouldn't say romantic but just a night in."

Day or night?: "Day, especially in the morning. The air is just fresher. Cleaner even."

Five Have You Evers

Been caught sneaking out?: "Umm, yes? I snuck out of my room to raid the fridge as a kid and got caught often. The question wasn't specific, it counts."

Fallen down/up the stairs?: "..... 😐 We're not talking about that right now. Next question."

Wanted someone/something so bad it hurt?: "Yes.. it's called food. I have to make daily trips to eat at a specific spot and I'm often delayed because of SOMEONE sending orders every morning, oftentimes setting them down the night before, Jacob. Let me eat!"

Wanted to disappear?: "Only when I think about it."

Four Preferences

Smile or eyes?: "Eyes, they say more than you can hide."

Shorter or taller?: "I'm actually neutral on this one but I'll admit taller people catch my eye quicker."

Intelligence or attraction?: "Intelligence IS attraction."

Hook-up or relationship?: "Eeh, I'm ... Neutral on this. Ok maybe not but I'm constantly switching between the two, it just depends on the person I'm talking too and what they want and what they can handle. I know my limits."

Do you and your family get along?: "Oh yeah, we bicker, a lot, but reunions are never cancelled."

Would you say you have a messed up life?: "You can't see it but I'm laughing and crying at this question. I'll get through this. We all will."

Have you ever ran away from home?: "No but Jacob says I have. Just crazy talk."

Have you ever gotten kicked out?: "Indirectly. Some friends and I went to a restaurant back in Cali. One of them was on the heavier side and ate the owner dry on reserves lol he kicked us all out."

Friends

Do you secretly hate one of your friends?: "Back home? No. Here? Absolutely not, you kidding? Nothing but respect for these guys. They're really fighting out here."

Do you consider all of your friends good friends?: "With recent events, no, and the ones I did are no longer seen that way either. Everything's just building up and collapsing lately but I have good allies."

Who is your best friend?: "Sharky, he's a ride or die man. I gotta give him props. We may not journey together all the time but he's always welcoming dare I say comforting. Him and Hurk Jr. and that's more than I can ask for at times like these."

Who knows everything about you?: "I don't know. I'd like to think it's Jess. She's seen me at my lowest and has heard me out but to be frank... It's Jacob. He's seen me at my primal, he's seen me do things I'm not even aware of. I can only imagine what I might've said when I wasn't fully there. In those cages and during those trials, those damn PowerPoints. He's not stupid, he'll dig up anything and everything he can to use against me if he hasn't already. Agh, all this thinking made my head hurt."

#oc interview #tag game!#this was interesting #will i do this again?#probably not lol but this was stil fun #fc5 #fc5 oc #deputy abasi #Elisha Abasi #fc5 trash

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nobodiesheartlessshitblog45 · 6 years ago

Text

Robert's Fear warning clowns.

It was a quiet autumn afternoon, the air was a bit chilly, the leaves are starting to change, and the air was crisp.

Luka and Amanda were sitting at the picnic table carving pumpkins for Halloween.

Amanda: And there. All done. (shows Luka) Waddya think, pop?

Luka: Lookin' good. Mine all done. (Shows her)

Amanda: Awesome. Nice work, Popsicle. I'm really looking forward to-- ... O-Oh... Oh, my god. Dad...

Luka looks at her with a worried expression, Amanda looks back with look of pure horror on her face, hold up her hands that was covered into pumpkins guts.

Amanda: PUMPKIN GUTS!!! (Holds up pumpkin seeds and guts)

Luka: AAAAGHH!!! PUMPKIN KILLER!!! STAY AWAY!!! (runs off as Amanda began to change after him)

Kodama jumps up and runs after them barking.

Meanwhile, Robert and Mary were walking pass Brian's house, he stepped on switch and an evil clown prop popped out right next to him.

Clown: EEEEEHHHHHEHEHEHEHEHEHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Robert: AHG!!! AAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

The screaming was could be hread from behind Luka’s house, the stopped and listening. Amanda blink and looks at Luka with a real scared look on her face.

Amanda: Who's screaming??

Luka: I don't know. I'll go check. Stay here with the dog.

Amanda nods, as Luka runs out of the back yard too look.

Meanwhile Mary was looking at Robert, who was on ground, starring terrifyingly at the evil clown decoration.

Mechanical Clown: Hehehe. Trick-or-treating... Ehhehehe Hehehehe Hahaha.

Robert: S-STAY AWAY, YOU SMILIN' SON OF BITCH!!

Mary: Robert, calm your tits. It's a stupid decoration.

Robert: THAT THING WILL EAT YOUR SOUL, MARY!!!

Mary: Oh, for crying out loud. It's not real. Look.(slaps the prop)

Brain opens up the door, to see what was all commotion was about when saw Mary slapping the clower, and runs over.

Brain: Hey, hey! Don't tough it like that!!

Mary: Alright, alight, big guy. My bad.

Robert was getting his feet panting heavily, hand over his heart.

Robert: Jesus, Brian, clowns!? Seriously!? What kind of sadistic individual likes clowns?!

Brian: ... I... Like clowns.

Robert: Then you, sir, are insane!!

Luka: (runs over) Hey! I heard someone screaming! What happened!?

Robert turned too look at him.

Robert: I-I'M FINE!!! Nothing's wrong! I-I ... Gotta walk Betsy! I'm spending the night at your house! No butts!

Before Luka can say anything Robert Power walk to his house his face beat red.

Luka stood there, absolutely confused. Return to Mary and Brian to ask what just happened, The notice Brian's house completely covered with Halloween decorations, jack-o'-lanterns and creepy clowns covered his whole lawn.

Luka: ... Um... Wow. That's terrifying.

Brian: Hahaha. Yep! (smiles proudly) Going all out this year.

Mary: I like it. I give you props, Brian. You manage to scare Robert.

Luka: Oh. So Robert was the one screaming.

Mary: Hahahaha. Yep, it was funny. (starts laughing hysterically) He hunts ghost and monster, and yet funny colorful clowns scare him. Haha.

Luka: Mary. (crosses his arms) It's not funny mocking someone's fear. You're scared of heights.

Mary: Yeah, doesn't mean I make fun of myself for that.

Luka: ... Fairpoint.

Later on Robert sitting on the couch, watching a ghost show with Amanda.

Luka was in his Studio working.

Amanda: Commercial break. Snacktime.

Robert: Snacktime is the best time.

Amanda: Sure is. We got popcorn.

Robert: buttered?

Amanda: Only the best.

Robert: Heheh. That's my girl.

Amanda stands up and goes to the kitchen. Luka walked out the studio, so that the curtains in the living room were drew back.

Luka walked over to them and was about to open them, when Robert jumped to his feet.

Robert: No! Do not open those!

Luka: (gives him a puzzled look) Why?

Robert: There's no reason to open 'em.

Luka: Well, my plants need the sunlight, and it too dark in here, so--

Before Robert could get a word in Luka Open the curtains, ooked out the window, and saw Brian's house.

The whole place was covered in creepy evil circus clowns.

Luka: Geez, Brian is really going over bored with those clowns, huh, Robert? ... Robert?

Luka turns to Luka at him, but he was no longer standing next standing in the hallway, shaky

Luka stood there confuse on where Robert had gone and suddenly remembered Robert's fear of clowns.

Luka: Oh, boy. (Close the curtains) S-Sorry. I-I kind of forgot.

Robert: (pokes his head out from the hallway) Do. Not. Open. Those. Curtains. Ever.

Amanda: (pops up behind him) Popcone's done.

Robert: AAAHHH!!! (jumps) THEY'LL EAT MY SOUL!!!

Amanda: ... What?

Robert: N-Nothing.

Luka: Robert's a little freaked of the clowns cross the street.

Robert: LUKA!!

Amanda: Oh. Okay.

Robert: I-I'm not scared of them!

Amanda: Robert, it's cool. My Best friend Emma P hate clowns.

Luka: And your Daddy used terrified of them as well.

Amanda: Oh, yeah.

Robert blinks and looks at Luka.

Robert: W-Wait. Alex the bone crusher, your husband who is a heavyweight champion was scared of clowns??

Luka: Oh, yeah. He... was never a fan of them. I remember one time when we were started dating around Halloween. Alex was trying to impress me by going into a haunted house. I tried to talk him out of it, but he wanted to go to prove he was big strong and tough was to me. So went in, a clown jump out scared the the living crap of Alex and he fainted.

Amanda: Oh, yeah. Daddy told me that story all the time around Halloween. Heh.

Luka and Amanda laughed, Robert looks at them, but then slowly started to calm down and felt more relaxed, and Luka headed into the kitchen to make everyone tea, and came back with small tray with three mugs of hot tea, while Amanda and Robert were talking.

Amanda: Yep. Totally hate spiders. Can't watch The Return Of The King or Read Harry Potter and Chamber Of Secrets with out freaking out. (takes a sip of her tea)

Luka: And I hate snakes and I'm scared of the dark.

Witch is why I sleep with the bathroom lights on every night.

Robert: ... (takes a sip of his tea) When I was about 6 years old, I want to this kids birthday party, don't remember the kids name, but there was ... Guy dressed up as a clown, Frankie Smiles... God... Even say his name gives me chills. I need to go to the bathroom, so I went off my own trying find one, couldn't Turned around to ask someone when ... Frankie jumped out from in front of my, smiling that creepy ass clown smile and said: 'Hello there little boy, you wanna balloon?'

... I literally wet myself , and started screaming and crying my mom and dad. (Face turns bright with embarrassment) That... was pretty traumatizing.

Luka: Awww, Robert.

Amanda: (puts her cup of tea and hugs Robert) I couldn't imagine how scared you were.

Robert: (put an arm around her and kissed her on the of the head) Thanks, sweetheart.

Amanda: When I was 7 years One of my school bullies dump the shoe box of spiders me.

Robert: What!?

Luka: Yeah, it's true. We got a call from the principal, Alex and I showed up, Amanda was there already in tears, and Alex and I were livid, and of course the kid's parents said they're son did nothing. Tried to blame Amanda and say she was being the bully. The other kid's dad after called terrified our 7 year old daughter a wussy for being scarred over ‘few little spiders’. Alex was about to fistfight the jerk.

Robert: ... Hey, I would've kick the fuckers ass too.

Luka smiles at him. Robert smiles back.

Robert: Heh, hey thanks for not makin' fun of me, and talkin' about has been kinda therapeutic.

Amanda: Of course. There's no judgment here. We all have fears.

Robert smiles at Amanda and pulls into a hug and kisses the top of her head.

It was getting late, Amanda said good night and headed off to bed, while Robert and Luka washing the dishes.

Robert: Hey, thanks for being ya know, cool with my fears.

Luka: No problem.

Robert: I’ve alwyas been told that real men don’t have fears and well, you’re a pussy for bein’ scared. My dad literally told me to man the fuck up, when he found me cryin’. Tellin’ a 7 year old boy to man the fuck, goddamn.

Luka didn’t say anything, just nods, and sighs.

Luka: Yeah... My dad was the same way too.

Robert looks at him, As they were getting the last dishes done, they hread something Tapping.

Luka: The hell is that?

Robert looked up facing the window and saw a red noise white face peering into the window.

Both Robert and Luka jump back hugged each other.

Robert: AAAHHHGGH!!

Luka: A-AAHHH!!!

Brian: Bhahaha!!! Got ya both. (pulls off the The clown mask) Ah, priceless. Well, have a lovely night, you two. (walks away, still laughing)

Luka: ... What... an asshole.

Robert: ... No shit.

#robert dream daddy #robert small #ddadds #dream daddy amanda #dadson #clowns #dream daddy brian

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mightbeawriter1 · 5 years ago

Text

3 months later

Chloe is jolted away from her perusal of the case file glowing on her laptop screen by the trill of her phone, and answers without checking the caller ID.

"Decker." Chloe winces inwardly as she registers the flatness in her voice. Will that ever go away? The only times she's been able to force her voice into some type of normalcy lately is when talking to Trixie, or Charlie. She's so tired of trying to get back to normal. There is no normal, anymore. There's a brief pause on the other end of the line, then Dan's voice fills her ear.

"Hey Chlo'." He does not ask how she's doing. That's a question that only gets broached by either of them when something beyond the obvious is going on. He clears his throat. "I was wondering, could I keep Trixie an extra night tonight? Today is kind of hard, you know, kind of Ch-Charlotte and my first date anniversary? I asked Trix, and she's good if you are..."

Chloe's face crumples, and she's fiercely glad that she is already at home and not still at her desk at work. "Yeah, no, of course she can stay. I've got something I wanted to do tonight, so that works out fine."

"Hey, Chloe- thank you. Really. I'll come by in the morning to pick up her school stuff?"

"No!" Chloe interjects just a bit too quickly, "I'll, uh, drop it by in a bit, okay Dan? I might be in the office pretty early tomorrow, and want to make sure nothing gets forgotten."

"Thank you, Chloe. It's just so much less... quiet... when it's not just me here." Dan's voice is infused with relief.

"Don't I know it." A small, broken smile flits briefly across Chloe's face and she swallows hard. "I'll see you guys in a little while."

She disconnects the call and stares at the phone in her hand for a long moment before heading to Trixie's room to gather her daughter's school supplies. Once those are all together, Chloe moves toward her room to grab some supplies of her own, then grabs her keys and points the car toward Dan's apartment.

Traffic in LA is always a mess, and Chloe spends the drive thinking about Trixie. Well, worrying. Having the conversation with her Monkey about... About the situation with Lucifer had been both easier and more difficult than she had thought. She didn't want to lie to Trixie, so she had told her as much of the truth as she could while (hopefully) avoiding nightmares. Trixie, of course, had surpassed all expectations.

"But Mommy, we already knew that!" Trixie's tiny face had twisted in confusion as Chloe had stumbled over trying to explain the identity of their friends. "Lucifer doesn't lie! He talks about being the Devil all the time. And Maze, too. That doesn't mean they're not nice, and we can't love them! Even Amenadiel is nice... But he isn't as funny as Lucifer or cool like Maze."

Chloe's eyes well up and she blinks rapidly to clear them so she can drive. The next part of the conversation had been the truly difficult part, explaining that Lucifer had to go away, to keep them all safe. That he didn't know when he would be able to come back, gently planting the seed that he might not be able to. Trixie had gone quiet during that discussion, eyes large and slowly filling with tears. She had moved into her mother's lap and clung there for a long while. Chloe rocking them both and stroking her hair- trying so hard to hold both of them together as tears leaked down both faces.

Oh, she did not want to plant that seed, and certainly did not want it to grow, choking out hope and love like a noxious vine. Finally, Trixie had pulled away, and her red-rimmed chocolate eyes had met her mother's red-rimmed blue ones.

"Lucifer will come back, Mommy. He loves us. And we all need each other. He can't stay away."

With that, she had moved slowly into her bedroom and slid the door shut. Chloe had hovered outside the doorway for quite some time, listening to the rustling of Trixie getting into bed, and then the quiet, snuffling sobs that shredded her already bleeding heart afterward.

She parks the cruiser in front of Dan's building, and takes a few steadying breaths before exiting the car. Social interaction definitely takes more preparation these days, she's getting load of practice with pulling her public face into place and keeping it there until she's alone again. She approaches the door, takes a final breath and knocks as she plasters a small approximation of a smile in place.

Dan answers the door, aiming a residual frown at the cell phone in his hand as he steps back to allow Chloe entrance to his slightly cramped apartment.

"You okay?" She follows his gaze to the phone as Trixie runs to greet her with a characteristic exuberant hug.

"Yeah, no, it's fine. Ella's been checking up on me lately, but she's just mentioned that she's worried about her brother. Jay?"

"The diamond guy?" Jay had been involved as a suspect in a case a while back, but was cleared of any charges. That's the last Chloe had heard about him.

"Yeah." Dan shrugs, and takes the profferred backpack. "Not sure what the deal is yet, though. Thanks for bringing her school supplies, and for letting me keep Trix again tonight."

Chloe wraps her arms around her daughter a little tighter and swings her playfully from side to side as Trixie giggles with her head pressed to her mother's midriff. "Not a problem, Dan. I know Trixie enjoys her time with you, too. And I can get some stuff done that I've been putting off. I'll have my cell on me if you need anything, okay?"

Dan nods, and Chloe drops a kiss on top of Trixie's head before departing.

Chloe starts her cruiser and pulls into traffic, breathing a sigh of relief as she heads for the place she's been missing most, Lux.

When Lucifer leaves,

Chloe quietly falls apart. She sits on the Italian leather settee and rocks for a while, then curls up in the bed and sobs until she falls asleep. When she wakes up the next afternoon, she pulls herself together, makes the bed, and searches until she finds enough sheets to cover the furniture to protect it, because Lucifer is coming back. He'll be back, just like always. He can't stay there, he hates it there.

She keeps it together, mostly, because Chloe is strong. She is not broken, but she is severely damaged. She stays strong for Trixie, and Dan (who seems like he is finally starting to heal, just a little, thank Go- goodness.), and for herself. Because Lucifer will be back.

After about a week of suffering alone, Chloe goes to see Linda, to check on Charlie, and to see her friend who also knows and loves Lucifer. Being able to finally speak freely is a huge relief. Linda has been so wrapped up in relief at having her baby back that she didn't know Lucifer had gone. Gently, she suggests that Chloe might want to speak to Amenadiel.

Chloe takes this advice, but not right away. When she finally calls Amenadiel, a week or so later, she suggests they meet at the penthouse. It's neutral territory, Lucifer's territory. And she misses him, terribly.

The elevator dings and she steps into the familiar embracing warmth and darkness. She glances up at the root-shaped light fixture that glows to life at her movement, and her eyes move around the empty penthouse. She removes the sheets from the settee, and after some thought- the piano, because she can't bear to see it covered, not while she is there.

Amenadiel arrives on time, of course. He feels guilty that he had been so distracted, so overcome with relief at their victory, that he had failed to notice Lucifer's absence until Linda had spoken to Chloe.

They talk. Chloe has questions, so many questions, and Amenadiel doesn't have all the answers. BUT. He does some insights, and Chloe is a detective. THE detective, if you ask Lucifer, and she is good at fitting facts together, once she has them. Their conversation goes back to the beginning, with Lucifer saving her life that very first time. And through Amenadiel's eyes, Chloe gets to see more of Lucifer. How much he has really changed, grown, since they met. How many times, and exactly how much he has risked -sacrificed- all to keep her safe and well. His life. His brother. His life again. His mother. His chance at happiness. His freedom.

Chloe is angry at how much she didn't understand at the time, at how much she had failed to see. She- the detective who prides herself on her observation skills- should surely have noticed some of this... Shouldn't she? But Lucifer was - is- blinding. It's difficult to see anything clearly standing so close to the sun, but she knows now.

The conversation with Amenadiel lasts well over a day. Dan has Trixie, Chloe knew this might take awhile, so when they break for the night after agreeing to meet back at the Penthouse in the morning for another session, Chloe doesn't bother to leave. She pulls one of Lucifer's shirts from his closet and snuggles into his bed, alone, as she has a few times before. Always alone. A ghost of a smile crosses her face as she remembers the horror of the first time she woke up in this bed, and Lucifer's impression of her drunken state:

"What, you mean you don't remember the part where you passed out, woke up again, shouted at me 'It's too hot in this 5-story hellhole', I believe it was- then tore your clothes off and proceeded to hog the bed?"

She buries her face in the pillow -his pillow- and nestles into the silk sheets. It still smells like him, some indefinable mixture of whiskey, his personal scent, and something crisp, maybe his soap? What do wings smell like? Another smile ghosts across her lips as she remembers the second time Lucifer caught her here, on her birthday last year. When he gave her the necklace commemorating her "penetration" of him. It was absurdly sweet, and just exactly right. She drifts into sleep with that slight smile still on her face, and wakes with the impression that someone had been close to her just a moment ago. But she hears nothing, there is nothing amiss in the room aside from the slightest stirring of air, and she feels refreshed and ready to face her next session with Amenadiel.

Amenadiel arrives, this time with Linda and Charlie in tow. Linda won't reveal any confidences, of course- she still considers Lucifer her patient after all, and she would never betray that trust, at least not without the threat of being barbecued by the Goddess of all Creation. But she can fill in a few more holes without breaking that trust, and she needs to talk about Lucifer, her friend, just as much as Chloe needs to talk about her partner and Amenadiel needs to talk about his brother. Maze appears halfway through the day, and although she alternates between helpful conversation and raging at Lucifer for leaving her ("He PROMISED he would never leave me!"), deep down they all understand that he would never have forced to make the choice between him and her newfound family with Linda, Charlie, and Amenadiel.

Besides, someone has to keep them all safe. While Lucifer is away. Because he is coming back.

Everyone has gone. She gently tugs the protective sheets back over the settee, and finally the piano, hearing the ghost of so many melodies in her head and her fingers smooth the fabric into place. A tear breaks free and skips down her cheek, and she reaches to brush it away, hearing him in her mind as she enters the elevator doors, "Goodbye, Detective."

He is coming back. And Chloe will be ready when he does.

#lucifer morningstar #chloe decker #amenadiel #linda martin #mazikeen Smith #lucifer fic #i am not a writer #is this a fic?#sky may fall

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