#like the reason i dont have a gender on my profile is because im nonbinary

[viktuurionice]

I think Amazon thinks I'm a transman now because it's reccomnding trans tape and binders.

Buddy, while I appreciate that I am not dealing with gender stuff until I move. Thank you. Come back in 5-6 months. Not doing this right now. Fuck off. No. Not an option right now, I am peacing out. ✌️

[the-queer-look]

flannel scarf and glitter hairspray

Name:Adrian

Age: 25

Sexuality: Demisexual, Lesbian

Gender: Genderfluid

Occupation: Banking – postgrad english major

Location: Campsie

I like to present myself in an androgynous way. Most of my clothing is pretty masculine in the sense that I do prefer pants and a shirt for comfort reasons, but if it’s a hot day, I’ll wear a dress, and I don’t feel invalidated by that. I still enjoy slight touches of feminine influences in my life, and definitely don’t shy away from traditionally feminine colours or anything like that. I don’t use makeup, but mostly that’s because I don’t know how to use it, rather than not liking it. I’ll put on eyeliner and lipstick and be done. My girlfriend will suggest foundation or contouring, and I just say “nah I’m good” and don’t bother to learn. I have a glitter hairspray that I use to seal in my makeup on the few occasions I do try to use it, and it gives me a nice sparkle. Probably terrible for my skin though.

Growing up as a Muslim, I frequently get asked “When did you know?” in reference to being a lesbian, and when I came out to my friends I had a bit which I’d rehearsed to explain it. When I was around thirteen, this exchange student came to our school and I was very quickly drawn to her. She was very good at art, and a very cool person, which let me have the incredibly lesbian chat to myself of “I just want to be her best friend!” I remember writing specifically in my diary “I just want a best friend. Just friends, not gay.” we got really close, and I eventually came out to her, and told her that I liked her, and she was accepting of it, which was nice, and we both then had to manage our way around her realising that she was asexual, all while we were thirteen. Her being asexual wasn’t off-putting to me, I was just thirteen and didn’t know how to approach it. Hell, she didn’t know how to approach it, because she didn’t know the label for it.

After that, I began to examine the relationships I’d had with other girls all my life. When I was very young, I remember thinking to myself “I wish I was a boy” because all of the boys in my class make my friends cry, and I think that if I were a boy, I could just make them happy, if I were a boy I’d know how to be better to them. But looking back at it I just… I was so gay, and just trying to be as straight about it as possible. I thought it would be fine if I were a boy, because then I would be allowed to like the girls and they would be happy with me. I also remember sitting in a circle in school and playing a spin the bottle truth or dare game, and always getting offended if someone didnt answer the obligatory “if anyone in our class was a boy, who would you date” question with me. If I was second choice? Offended hahaha.

I feel like there wasn’t much of a change in the way I presented myself from before realising I was gay to after, because I already accidentally dressed like a stereotypical lesbian. I guess I picked up a few extra flannels? And before it was just “I like flannel” and then became “flannel makes me gay, and gay people will know that im gay, and I wear a headscarf, so I need to let other gays know that I too am gay, so I will wear a flannel over my headscarf, and that will be my signal to all the other gays that I too am in fact gay.” and it worked great.

Realising that I was genderfluid was a much more drawn out process. When I turned eighteen I started to enjoy it when people would mistake me for a boy, I was beginning to dress very androgynously, my voice is deeper than an average cis girl, y’know. After I took off my scarf and got na undercut, people would mistake me even more. I eventually went and made a facebook account using the name Adrian, a close anagram of my dead name because I wanted to have an online space where I could be me and apart from my family. But then people who I knew in real life who’d added my new profile started calling me Adrian to my face and at first I, or my girlfriend at the time would correct them, but soon I realised that I kinda liked it, and I’d like to just go by Adrian. And that started to lead me to the point where I was examining my gender, and learning about different terms for trans and intersex people, and I thought that maybe nonbinary would be cool. I thought for a long time that I might just be a trans boy, but I also really didn’t want to go through the transition process, I’ve never wanted to go on testosterone, or have top surgery, or be wholly one of the boys. I’ve always felt comfortable in the little inbetween between boys and girls, the concept of gender as a spectrum is a very positive one for me, and I like existing somewhere on that spectrum. Genderfluid feels most comfortable for me right now, I like being able to embrace both my masculine and feminine side at will, and it suits the changing nature of my personality, and I hate the idea of sticking in the box of binary gender.

I feel like my presentation changed after realising my genderfluidity. Not so much in embracing my masculinity, but instead in embracing my femininity. I had always felt like maybe I couldnt be feminine because of how llong id spent dressig in a traditionally masculine style, but after realising that I was genderfluid, I made an effort to express that side of myself, and to not be boxed in by conventions.

I feel like stereotypes can be a bit of fun I the lesbian community, like when I was just coming out and still dressing as a very muslim woman, flannels were honestly my godsend, I felt gay even though I didnt look gay, I could just have the flannel on with my scarf and identify myself to the community. But at the same time there are a lot of stereotypes that I don’t like – there’s a lot of biphobia, based on bisexuals wanting to have fun with girls, but not settle down with girls. And that sort of negative stereotype annoys me because it’s just gatekeeping at that point, by saying that you cant really be into girls if you’re also into guys. It also invalidates the experiences of everyone who had to practice compulsory heteronormativity when they were kids, because we were always told that boys being with girls was the default, and that was what we were supposed to go for. Some people’s lesbian inner voice isnt as loud as other peoples, they would have dated men, but that doesn’t make them any less gay than anyone else. I hate the idea of gold star lesbians, just because you havent slept with a man doesnt make you better than someone who doesnt. I’ve never slept with a man, but I dont feel more valid than anyone else, if anything I feel less valid because they at least have had the experience to know that they’re definitively gay. When they’re in a bit of fun, stereotypes can be fun, but when they turn that corner into something toxic, it becomes a real problem which we need to be much more vocal about criticising and removing from society.

I feel like there are more and more mainstream shows that are coming out and showing positive representations of the LGBT experience. They do lean on stereotypical looks for their characters, but I feel like thats just visual shorthand so they dont have to do a lot of work with the characters, and can just front load a lot of their personality through their outfits.

I know for a fact that the internet is and will continue to be an incredible resource for queer people, as it gives us a chance to create a safe space to explore our identities in private. I for one wouldnt have even known that lesbianism was a thing without the internet because of my sheltered upbringing.

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[tumblunni]

OKAY I HAVE OFFICIALLY STARTED THE YOKAI WATCH LP

I finally kicked my brain out of stupid nervousness and forced myself to record something even if it sucks! So we have a very embarassing and awkward and not very funny few episodes or so! I got sucked into playing for like 3 hours worth of footage so lol just need to cut out all the time i spent running around looking in every single tree for NEW SWEET BABY FRIENDS

Oh speaking of which does anyone know if you can rename your yokai in this? Cos i gave the gender neutral name Alma to one character but now im worried that when youre sayibg it out loud you cant really tell its not Elmer? Also irony of ironies in that the one yokai i declared "big nonbinary mood" is so far the only one that has a stated gender on its profile. Which is weird because theyre meant to be species not individuals? So are all Dimmys male? Is it just cos their name is almost Jimmy? Anyway Big Nonbinary Mood Time Alma immediately became my strongest party member with their combination of glass canon stats and an ability that increases their dodge chance thereby givibg them no weaknesses whatsoever as long as there's at least one ally next to them. Thats a cool unique gameplay gimmick! Its quite tense when the defensive pals get knocked down and you know that Alma's vunerable now. Tho it sucks that the battle system is completely automated and all you can friggin do is throw items or occasionally use a super move when a bar fills up. I feel like all these cool effects would actually matter if i had any choice in when they started happening. Kinda hope they add more features to the battles later or improve it in the sequels? Anyway its not exactly hard to find any of these starting area yokai so i suppose i could just get another one if i need to change the name, sigh...

Oh and speaking of sighs all my faves right now are "depression team", lol! I have Onion Jim the crying bird and Checkers the mosquito of sadness and Alma the forever alone shadow and a giant pile of the yokai that gives you sore throats cos for some reason i keep catching those whenever im aiming for something else! I played so long that the emulator started lagging and i still barely managed to catch anything lol

And ehhh i dont think my commentary is very good but i can always rerecord mumbled lines or empty stretches of space in the morning. I kinda just drained off and stopped saying much halfway thru cos im so tired and also The Zen Of Fishing For Yokai. THERE WAS A DIMMY IN A CARDBOARD BOX AND I COULDNT CATCH IT AND I GOT A STUPID COUGHDROP INSTEAD okay the cough monster has a really cool design though i called him Pork

Ive been playing for 3 hours and i havent even got past step two of the tutorial i just immediately ran in the opposite direction as soon as the world opened up and spent hpurs glued to every yokai spawn spot and also TALK TO ALL THE NPCS FOREVER ans also THERES LITTLE ANIMATIONS FOR THE TRAFFIC LIGHTS AND TAKING OFF YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU GO INDOORS hhhh its just so good you guys

I feel so dead and tired but in the good way

I have so much editing to do tomorrow lol!!!

[mariska]

i woke up at 10 am today which was Big for me cus i have severe complications with sleep being autistic and having an adhd brain so it was nice to have a little more time in the morning where i got 7 and a half to 8 ish hrs of sleep. but i did just spend those past 2 hours reading/liking ppls reviews for Seed Of Chucky on Letterboxd for no reason and also blocking random ppl who were like, especially mean about it, and i still need to go brush my teeth so i can eat and start the day but. it made me Think. and i wanted to share my Thoughts before they immediately leave my head as they tend to do often

very much not surprising that a large amount of the ppl giving that movie scathing reviews have bios on their profiles that are something along the lines of 'just another cis white guy movie lover' or 'b-movie gorey horror fan' or 'weird movie obsession guy' and like, i think because i am autistic and i've struggled with agoraphobia for a decade and don't experience much socialization outside of the internet in general, especially these days when i have to stay inside my house almost 24/7 for safety, i just kind of assume that even when people are like. saying/writing really mean targeted thoughts about a movie or a show or something i tend to think 'oh, they're just playing up the general dislike of it for comedic effect like i do. they dont *really* have this much burning hate for this movie or its themes im sure'.

but i am wrong!! i am definitely wrong. seed of chucky is a super bonkers, very inappropriate goofy horror movie so i 100% understand that just because its a fav of mine doesnt mean it is to other people or that other people aren't inherently uncomfortable by it or just flat out didnt have fun watching it. thats fine its a movie idc. but seeing a bunch of self proclaimed Boring Cis People saying things like 'i dont know why they tried to do some weird message about gender', 'worst piece of shit i've ever seen', 'don mancini is a hack', 'why did they feel like they had to start some androgynous family drama plot with the [misgendering]'

it bothers me quite a bit actually lol!! i'll be fully honest!! yea its a silly horror movie and im an autistic person who sometimes takes things too seriously but i dont think im taking this too seriously In My Honest Opinion! it makes me feel like dog shit to see those same people praise other purposely trashy/comedic/ over dramatic/ gorey horror flicks that have cishet plots where its all women who are naked, women who are killed, women who are assaulted, over and over and over and the minute a gay man makes an lgbt themed trashy gorey horror movie with other lgbt people FOR other lgbt people its suddenly unnecessary and stupid and disgusting and hard to watch. why? why is seed of chucky disgusting and hard to watch but straight white men jacking off over the corpse of a brutalized woman character in a trashy horror flick from 1972 not disgusting to them, in their own words? i mean i know exactly why but at the very least i wish bigots would be honest and straight forward about how much they hate us and the media we make instead of pretending like theres a valid reason for it. its a silly dumb horror movie and it's also literally the only movie i have personally seen (not the only movie *ever*, just that i've seen before) where my existence as a real human being in the world is not only acknowledged but is actually understood on multiple levels by the person making the movie. chucky and tiffany are bi and also are literally dolls so obviously that isnt my lived life experience as a person with lesbian parents but the director don mancini is gay. lgbt people can see the hints and nods to us that he put in the previous movies. we understand the metaphors he made to try and include us when he wasn't allowed to be direct about it in the earlier movies. seed of chucky is legitimately pretty respectful about nonbinary people (and nonbinary kids!! you are never too young to be lgbt and again this is presented that way because a gay person wrote it!!! hello!!!) AND the whole plot basically revolves around the concept of donor dads aka sperm donors, specifically donor dads that are not anonymous. that's my story! that's literally my real actual life story. i, a real living nonbinary gay person, was born in 1997 to lesbian parents who could not biologically have a kid together and my donor father was not anonymous to anyone involved. not only have i never seen another movie even acknowledge that there are people born into the world like this but in my own personal life i have never met another person born via a donor dad who actually knew who their dad was and i cannot relate to 99% of the media, content or stories of other non anonymous donor born people because of that. nobody talks about it! when anyone does try to talk about it its immediately shut down as disgusting and immoral IF people we are trying to educate even decide that to acknowledge us as being real and existing in the first place.

like i'll say it a hundred times over, i get that its not a serious piece of oscar worthy drama media. its still not True To Life™️ because theres Evil Horror Movie Magic™️ driving the plot. i really do get it. i dont take it seriously like this, but i have a huge problem with cishet ppls opinions on it being the worst most disgusting concept they could ever imagine in any movie in history. glen/da instantly became a new fav character of mine when i watched it because i'm 24 and a half years old and i don't get to see characters that are almost my exact age, nonbinary, and canonical donor born in any other media!! it just doesnt happen. its really lonely when you are neurologically disabled and have a very difficult time connecting with people and talking to people and forming relationships with people in general and then on top of being treated like shit throughout your life because of that, you get treated like shit because you're gay, and your parents are gay, and the place you live doesn't want to protect you if it doesnt legally have to, and you go 24 years being purposely pushed out of circles of socialization and communities that might accept you and society in general and then you cant even watch a movie about it and feel like your existence as a person on earth is fine!!! it fucking blows!!!! these self centered assholes literally cannot even imagine how horrible it feels sometimes if they tried their absolute hardest!!!

GOD. man. i dont know. theres not really a point i have to make here i'm just yelling into the void so that it's not all just stuck in my head. all i know is that watching seed of chucky was the first time in my life where i didnt feel like i had to carry the burden of educating people on my existence against my will and it makes me feel pretty upset that there are so many 'gross gorey silly slasher horror fans' that cant just think 'i didnt like that movie personally' and move on without throwing a temper tantrum because it was the one time i got representation instead of them in a movie. am i seriously supposed to truly, honestly believe that the majority of cishet male Chucky fans are disgusted by the sight of semen???? cmon now. not a very convincing lie

[sapphicari]

Love your account and profile name but Im curious as what your thoughts are about this? Im a guy who has friends of all kinds of sexualities and different genders, but for some reason I have the easiest time talking to female and nonbinary people more? I have lots of guy friends I love em to death but I guess I just feel more free to be open and hang around with girls more. It sucks because a lot of guys thought I was being a player for it :P. Do you have similar experiences?

i forgot this was in my inbox im so sorry !!anyways, i dunno if this is similar, but ive had an experience that reminds me of this. ive labeled myself as a lesbian confidently before, but at one point i had a boyfriend. hes trans, and when he asked me out i thought he was a girl. he came out to me directly after he asked me out, when i asked him if i could call him my girlfriend. of course, i still accepted him and i still dated him and i still used the correct pronouns for him, but it kind of threw me for a loop. ive never been interested in boys before; ive only ever wanted to date girls.(even though technically he was my first romantic partner) weve broken up, and hes still one of my closest friends, but it still kind of left me in a haze. i think i was too inexperienced with romance to fully understand what i was getting into, but i cant change the past.anyways, after venting about it on snapchat, one of my friends messaged me about it. they reassured me, and told me that i could like whoever i wanted and that i didnt need to worry about using the correct label or whatever. if i feel comfortable with the label "lesbian," then i use it. if i decide i feel better using "bisexual," then ill use that. if i dont feel comfortable with a specific label, then i should just use a broader label thatll fit me, like "wlw" or "sapphic." or i could just not use labels, whatever fits me.i kind of rambled, i know, but its okay if you feel more comfortable being around a certain type of person rather than another. you should surround yourself with who you want to be with and with who makes you happy. if you prefer females and nonbinary folk over males, romantically or not, then talk to them and befriend them! you arent a "player" if you do, i assure you. and if you still like your male friends, then hang out with them! its your choice who you want to voluntarily become friends with.have fun!

[tumblunni]

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Man i was just thinking again about that idea i had for a cliche gijinka app card game where the gijinkas are all Interesting Bugs instead of weird sexy anime george washington.

I've kinda got quite attatched to my idea for a leech gijinka as a super cuddly white mage who just happens to look emo and scary. And they'd be a great opportunity for nonbinary representation cos in real life leeches don't have binary sexes anyway. But i cant decide between whether i want them to look like a full plague doctor mask thing or a more cliche cutesy nurse but theyre like super tall and look like the monster girl from the ring so they get sad that people always run away before they can help them! So then i was thinking "hey, alternate skins!" Not like in the other games ive played where there's always one canon skin and all the others require hours of grinding and/or real money to buy. But just that there's like three or so randomized versions of the base character with all the same stats but a different costume. Just to spice up the pool of options a bit! Or maybe it could even be more than just the costume and you can get entirely different reinterpretations of that job class? Like the medusa jellyfish could be either a young kid or a grandpa!

Oh and i'm not really sure how to name this or anything? Cos its not really a clear category of animals, its not all insects or all worms or whatever. More like just..all the animals that are unfairly hated but have Cool Biology Facts that i can babble at u to maybe make u like them more. So i dunno.. Pests? Creepy crawlies? Some entirely made up fantasy term for them?

Also i think the setting will definately be jrpg fantasy! Just a world where all these critters are actually funky people on a comedically bad D&D quest. I wonder who the villains could be tho? Maybe theyre gijinkas of more commonly loved cute animals? Or like.. Not gijinkas but monsterfied versions? Hilariously over the top evil fluffums! hamsters are this setting's dragons! And i dunno maybe the ultimate dark lord is a dog with a cat for a royal vizier or something, cos theyre the kings of popularity.

This could also make it actually make sense why the Clione character could be a beserker like in real life! Cos theyre the most un-hated rare sea slug for looking cute, but their actual personality is big scary predator. But in this universe being seen as cute by humans = evil, so the Clione's fighty doom personality would make perfect sense! Im not sure if i should make them like a tormented Shadow esque antihero or a paladin-looking knight who has a dark streak or maybe even a viking? Cos in videogames theyre like the epitome of 'loves fighting but is still a nice hugs guy'. And it'd be neat to have a chubby buff clione instead of the more cliche bishie gijinka. But then i mean theyre literally nicknamed 'sea angels' or 'sea fairies' depending on country so yeah? Oh or maybe that could mean i make them an elf or an angel but theyre still mega buff! Viking guy with lil chibi wings and halo!

Also randomly i think that Slug will be the other nonbinary character along with Leech. Cos well there's a lot of bugs who dont fit the human gender binary but i'd probably be a bit too obnoxious if i had like 90% enbies and noone else. I always think about like 'if this is my first game project i need to go at a small and reasonable pace with all the Big LGBT Feels', yknow? But then every idea i do is always my first game project cos ive never completed any of them yet XD

Anyway i think Slug would be a more fashionable bishie kind of androgenous character, while Leech is a relateable cuddly socially awkward one who wears a mask. But definately also looks stylish in their own way, and i'm sure Slug is always complimenting them and trying to bolster their spirits! Aside from being super fashionable i also think maybe Slug would be a wandering bard? Cos somehow slow animal -> lazy human -> free spirited instead to be less cliche -> bard. Also the whole 'bard rolls to seduce every boss' meme, lol! So Slug is a very nyeheheh tricksy flirty adventuring song person who aint take nobody's shit. Instead of being sleepy they sleep on the concept of low self confidence! Full and powerful pride at all times!!! Goal in life is to be beautiful AF and handsome AF and make everyone swoon at your feet and also recite an epic poetry so cool that your enemies straight up die from the sick burn. Tho i mean i don't think anyone could actually ACHIEVE that, lol! It might be obnoxious if i actually have a character who's basically 'enby people are literally perfect in all ways'. So i just think Slug is a big ol dork who's like the Gaston archetype of the comically overconfident flirt, but like a good and heroic version who actually respects when people say no to their advances. And is also a great BFF to Leech and tries to help them get out of their shell, because well of course Slug is out of theirs XD

Also actually i dunno whether they should all just be named after the animal or have thier own names but the animal is mentioned on their profile as a job class name or something? Cos it might get awkward once we get to more specific obscure bugs with longer names or ones who only really have a scientific genus name. I'd feel like i'd have to make them all wizards cos their names sound like spells! Oh MAYBE THEYRE SPELLS!! Like each character could chant their own scientific name when they use their ultimate attack??

Oh and maybe Slug and Leech could be just based on the species in general but have their alternate costumes themed after more specific rare subspecies? Like Slug could have nudibranch themed costumes cos the vibrant colours would fit such an elegant fashioniste~ And leech could just be an opportunity to talk about how there's subspecies of leech that dont drink blood, though this character is based on the ones that do because otherwise they wouldnt really have a unique job class, lol. Maybe their rarest alt costume is a fashionable orange ensemble that symbolizes both Slug taking them out for a night on the town in their finest to feel more comfortabke in their self confidence, and also just the fact there's an orange tropical leech. Its kinda funny cos there isnt such a huge range of different colours for leeches, its mostly just different barely visible patterns and a spectrum from greenish brown to brownish black, lol. And then suddenly a bunch of wildly different red and orange ones! And nothing in between! Really does seem like a surprise makeover from your bestie, yknow?

Oh and then when i was thinking about other potential relationships between different magic bug people, i thought of Daddy Longlegs! Cos thats a name confusingly given to multiple bugs of wildly different species who're all mistaken for spiders when they really arent. And this mythical nonexistant daddy longlegs spider also has the myth of having 'the strongest poison but its fangs are too short to bite you' which is COMPLETE nonsense based on nothibg cos how would it even survive in the wild if it cant hunt? But its a real cool myth so it could be an awesome excuse to make them have a move that gambles on either an instant kill or a self debuff. ALSO THEY ARE MARRIED

I was thinking they could be a duo of fabulous zorro-looking assassin dudes who were sent to assassinate each other but instead fell in love and quit the business for good. Like 'you made me want to live again, and the only reason i threw my life away on this job was cos i wanted to die'. And to atone for all the bad mercenary stuff theyd done in the past, now theyre robin hood esque mercenaries who take jobs with world-saving hero groups like our protagonists. And they work for free as long as the cause is just! And they wish they could settle down someday and dream about having children of their own, but they feel like they dont deserve it after all that theyve done. They'd be a rare goofy bugmans that actually have a real emotional backstory! So anyway they're fancy fencing guys who're both the same class but maybe slightly different variants with different stat builds or abilities? More specialized and all. Like maybe one is speedy but weaker and one is slower but stronger? Or one relies more on luck based attacks and one is a consistant damage dealer but has a lower max damage cap? Or even one is status effects and one is attack and really even though they have the same job name theyre wildly different interpretations of it. Fitting for the entomology mistake husbands! I want them to be balanced so that they have special bonuses together but are still viable to use separately if your party setup only requires one of them. Also randomly i think their names would be Albedo and Rubedo? I was originally gonna make Rubedo the name of the leech cos i mean alchemy words and plague masks and all. But then it doesnt really SOUND like an alchemy word, it sounds like a fancy handsome dancer name. And then i started thinking about the cute once-sad-now-happy young assassin dads fighting together so well that it looks like one big dance between them, rather than a battle. And i got REAL EMOTIONAL over goddamn bug gijinkas! Man my heart is made of paper and mush!! Oh and maybe they have combo attacks together but also with all of the party members that are younger? Like special dad instinct combo! A built in ability that they automatically shield the kids from enemy attacks. YOU HIRED A MERCENARY BUT YOU RECEIVED A NICE MARRIED COUPLE WHO PROMPTLY ADOPT YOU. Oh and maybe their alternate costumes could just be each other's costumes? Like they'd already be wearing matching red and white versions of the same thing, but then albino dad wears ginger dad's version and vice versa. Or maybe their alt costumes are different complimentary colour pairs like black and gold or blue and pink? And maybe their ultra rare special costume is Big Cute Dorky Argyle Dad Sweaters! It must be capitalized cos it is IMPORTANT!

Oh and then i was also thinking about the idea i had before of bugs with a queen hive structure being like the workers are the common unit and the breeders and queens and such are rarer variants? But the workers are the only ones actually good in a fight, the others are just for collectables sake. Rare but useless, just like how the real queen bee is so big that she cant leave the hive, and never figjts a day in her life unless the kingdom has already fallen. So maybe queen bee is still unlockable as a rare character but she's just a support that makes worker bee stronger? Like you get a lil event of worker's boss coming to honor her with a knighthood for her good service, allowing her to upgrade her job class. Tho i think she still fights with construction work equipment, now its just like a golden jewelled shovel XD