#like the first time watching at this point you see that flint isnt really a very morally upstanding man

[zevranunderstander]

girls when What madness possessed you to write that letter? I tried to tell you. Billy found it. If he'd have shown anyone before I discovered him, but for dumb luck, I'd be dead. I'm sorry. You know I would never intentionally put you in any kind of danger. What was your intent? What was it? To destroy everything we've tried to build here for the past 10 years? Or was it just to embarrass me? To show you a way out of all this, to free you. A way out? Have you no memory of how we got here? What they took from us? What does it matter now? What does it matter? What does it matter what happened then if we have no life now? Because there is no life here. There is no joy here. There is no love here. What are you talking about?! What do you think I'm out there fighting for if not to make all those things possible here? You'll fight a war so we can make a life? You don't get one without the other, my sweet. No. You're wrong. I sent that letter to show you that you're wrong. There is a life in Boston. There is joy there and music and peace. The door is open, I've opened it for you. And it requires no war and no blood and no sacrifice. It requires an intolerable sacrifice. To accept a pardon? To apologize. Apologize? Who will you be apologizing to? To England! They took everything from us. And then they called me a monster. The moment I sign that pardon, the moment I ask for one, I proclaim to the world that they were right. This ends when I grant them my forgiveness… not the other way around.

[toby-stephens]

MAY 2018 : TOBY NEWS

‘LOST IN SPACE’:

By May 16th, it was pretty much confirmed there would be a Season 2 of ‘Lost in Space’, confirmed on 20th by Netflix twitter.

‘SUMMER OF ROCKETS’:

Also confirmed was a new BBC 2 cold war drama, ‘Summer of Rockets’ to star Toby alongside Keeley Hawes, Linus Roache & Timothy Spall.

This six-part series is set in the UK during the Cold War period of the late 1950s, a time when the UK, like much of the world, was dealing with the threat of international espionage and nuclear armageddon.

Filming has begun in and around London and Oxford, and it will be screened sometime in 2019.

The story will be Poliakoffs personal insight into this period and is set against the backdrop of Britain testing its first hydrogen bomb.

Executive Producer Helen Flint, a long-time collaborator with Poliakoff on productions such as Close To The Enemy, Shooting The Past and Perfect Strangers, said:

This piece set in 1958, is hinged at the pivotal point of world history where the past and future are pulling in equal strength and human beings, young and old have little control over the eventual outcome.

IN TOBY’S OWN WORDS:

On “Lost in Space”:

“I think they have been very respectful to the original series, but they smashed it out in their own way.  The thing is, one cant’ be overly reverential to these things because otherwise, you’re just remaking exactly what was already made very well.”

“I think John’s just trying to find his place within this family now. The idea is that he was confronted with the situation of his family going away and him never seeing them again unless he went along. Now that he’s come along for this ride, he’s trying to find his way back into the family, how to relate to his family, how to relate to Maureen, and how to work things out.”

“In my case, why I think it is fun and why I think it works is there’s something timeless about the original idea. The Swiss Family Robinson, obviously, is the original idea of a family in jeopardy. It follows the trials of that family, but also the emotional trials of how they overcome their problems and their weaknesses, because they have to confront them and overcome them.”

“That was then taken into ‘Lost in Space’. In the first iteration of that what worked is that you’re looking at a regular family and their problems, but in this extraordinary situation. It’s hundreds of light years away from earth in a space ship and on a planet, but they’re having the same regular, everyday problems of any other family. The irony of that is that dynamic is really fun. What we’ve done is we’ve updated it, so rather than it being this pristine, apple pie, American family, its a modern family with all of its dysfunctions.”

“We know every family has dysfunctions. There is no ideal, pristine family, and the Robinsons are one of those families. Just a normal family that everybody can relate to, but it’s in this extreme situation and you still get the ironies of watching a family deal with each other and their own problems in the way every family does that you can relate to, but in this extraordinary back drop of being on a planet thousands of light years away. I think that that trend still works and its fun.”

“The only reason to do something again is if you feel that you can say something to a new generation of people and you can do it in a totally individual way. You’re just taking the kernel of the original idea and re-doing it, but for now.”

“We can’t replicate what was done in the original show. It just wouldn’t work now. The tone of it is very different although it still retains some of the fun aspects of it, the comic stuff that goes on there, the light touch. I don’t think we could repeat what that show became.”

“I think the original pilot episode is much more akin to what we’re doing. As the series went on, it became if you’ll forgive this phrase campier and campier. It was almost like a sitcom, but in space. I just don’t think that that would work now. So, we’ve made it into something that is lots more for todays generation.”

“I think it’s really great that they did a gender swap. It’s actually a genius stroke because you cannot replicate what was done with that character in the original series. But Parker Posey is such an individual performer. She brings to it her own sense of wackiness and fun.”

"That is a reflection of what the original character was, but it’s very much its own thing, and I think that’s absolutely right. If you cast a man in that part, they would feel this pressure to replicate what was done in the original series, a moustache-twirling villainous kind of thing. I think it just wouldn't hold water now and it would just seem sort of arch.”

“In other words, I think what Parker Posey does is so much her own thing, and as it goes on, you realise that it’s a much more nuanced character in that there are reasons for her being the way she is. I like that you can get the fact that she is horrible and does terrible things, but at the same time, she’s a real and complex character.”

“I don’t have any interest in doing that at all. I love earth. It’s a beautiful planet, and I think, going to Mars, although it looks amazing from aerial photographs taken from orbiting satellites and things like that, and I’ve seen documentaries about it, but I think it’s a desolate, dangerous place, filled with radiation. It would be too dangerous going there, and so arduous.”

“I think that is one of the things that we show. There is a warning to this. The idea that we can trash this planet and then move on to another planet somewhere else, that there’ll be some other Goldilocks planet that we can go to, have it and trash that one, and then just keep on moving on, its crazy. We have to look after the planet were on. I’m all for space exploration, but I wouldn’t want to do it myself because I’ve got kids and a family and the idea would be terrifying to me.”

“The planet is presented to an audience initially as, ‘Oh, it’s so great. It’s got oxygen, so they can breathe. It’s similar to the Earth.’ But then as you get further and further into the drama, you realise there are more and more hostile things about this planet that are dangerous and there are reasons that there are storms with diamonds and deserts. There are astronomic reasons why this planet is like that, which then become apparent. Then they realise that they have to get off it. This isn’t somewhere where they can just set up their colony.”

“It is aspirational to me in that it’s about people trying to be better, in the best way that American shows and films sometimes do. When it doesn’t work, its because its super sentimental and glib.”

“This is about people who find themselves in jeopardy, but also they’re in jeopardy in their personal relationships, in the way that they relate to each other, and it shows how they overcome their own problems and weaknesses. They all do that in a very real way, so I think that’s aspirational.”

“Also, one of the things in watching this, the kids are so bright and so capable, especially the girls. One of the things I would like my daughter to get from this is how strong and capable the girls are, and how intelligent they are. They’ve worked really hard to be that way.”

“It would inspire me, if I was a child, to want to work hard and to want to be like that. Look, I’m not saying that TV should be life changing. It’s entertainment, but if it, along the way, inspires kids, or reflects good qualities, aspirational qualities, without lecturing people or being sentimental, I think that’s good. I think ‘Lost in Space’ does that to a certain extent, in a way that family shows should do, in a gentle kind of encouraging nurturing way, rather than patronising.”

Source: parade.com

“When I discussed it with Zack Estrin he was like, look, this is not an apple pie family. This is a family that is full of great people, but they’re damaged here. The relationship between the mother and father is dysfunctional. They’ve padded it, and it’s in disrepair and that’s part of the drama. Are they gonna be able to figure things out? How do they relate to one another? It’s an estranged father, who’s been away fighting wars and stuff like that, and he has become disconnected from his kids.”

“It’s just not very dramatically interesting to have a family thats always kind of fine. I mean, it’s dramatic enough that they’re in this life-threatening situation, but you add to the drama by saying they don't really know how to relate to one another and there’s this whole family dysfunction that they have to work out as well. And are they gonna work that out?”

“There’s something disingenuous about them being a family that’s perfect. Not only would it be dramatically boring, but it’s also just not true. We know anybody who has a family knows that it’s not perfect and that people make mistakes. But the thing is that these people, like everyone, are just trying to do better. And I think that that is something everyone can relate to, whether you’re a kid or you’re an adult.”

“One of the things that I really love about the show is that it’s aspirational. This family, they are, they’re people who are trying to be better and do good and to survive. And so it’s very, in many ways I think its a very cognitive show. And all these relationships in the end, while they’re complicated they are part of this. And we need that kind of, I think we need the kind of show like that because theres a lot of really depressing shows out there, which are fantastic and amazing, but they’re really depressing. And this is one has a really positive message and a kind of affirming message.”

“To be able to do what they wanted to do with this show, to kind of make it as magical to kids now as it was when it originally came out in 1965  it takes an organisation like Netflix that can throw enough money at it to achieve that. The kind of wonder and the kind of adventure. The scale of the adventure that they’re going for.”

“I think what I really loved about it was the kids are really intelligent. If I was a kid watching this I would go, I want to be as intelligent and as capable as that child. Im gonna work harder in school. Im gonna really try and work hard at math. That’s great as well. So I like that, the fact that the kids, to some extent, end up helping out the adults. Its a nice dynamic.”

“The kids need that adventure and the fun. But then the grown-ups who are watching the show need to care about these people as well and enjoy the show on a different level. So we were kind of like, that part of the show is for the grown-ups. For them to relate to these people and to identify with them. To go, I know what thats like. I know how difficult that can be sometimes."

“I really love working with Molly. We actually had a lot of dialogue early on, both together and with Zack Estrin, about just figuring out exactly what their relationship was. Because when we were talking, we were both like, This marriage has to seem real to people; otherwise people just aren’t gonna care.”

Source: indiewire.com

“One of the relationships I though was really quite clever is not between Will and the robot, but between John and the robot. The fact is the son chooses the company and protection of the robot above his own father.”

Source: thetimes.co.uk

“If it’s going to be a family show, then the families have to recognise themselves through the screen. We had to present normal families, and modern families are all complicated.”

Source:  dailynewsegypt.com

“There's this sort of thing of, ‘Oh, why are they together on this thing if they’re separated?’ It’s like, If you don’t take me with you, I’ll never see my family again. So theres that reason for him being there”

Source: io9.gizmodo.com

“They sent me the script and I was dubious, at first. I said, ‘Lost in Space’? They’re reviving that?! They tried to do that with the film, and it didn’t work. And then, I read the script and I actually liked it. The thing I liked most was that they were pitching it at such a great level. It was sophisticated enough for adults to watch and really get something out of it, and yet it had this fantastic adventure quality. What I really liked about it is that the kids are intelligent and its aspirational. If I were a kid watching this, I’d be like, I want to be that bright and that capable. And it doesn’t get ridiculous. They pitched it at the right level. And I felt that Maureen and John were real people. I like the way that they were written and I liked the fact that it was a relationship in trouble. They’re trying to figure out how to get along and how to deal with not only this extreme situation that they’re in, with extreme jeopardy and the terror of that, but also figuring out how to work things out between themselves. Thats what sold me on it. They seemed to be a family that people can relate to because its not some apple pie family that just doesn’t exist. They’re fallible human beings, who are trying to be better.”

“Like most kids, they’re all completely different from one another, and they have different strengths and weakness, just like normal kids in a family. It’s about how you cope with that. All of those different dynamics that happen seemed real to me, they're just in these extraordinary circumstances.”

“It’s brilliant! It’s one of the reasons that I love doing what I do. You can do something so entirely different, not only in its context, but also in its whole feel. I had done ‘Black Sails' for four years and it was a really tough journey for me. I know it sounds slightly pretentious, but I really was wrung out, by the end, by the whole experience. It was an amazing experience, but Ive never worked that hard, in my life. There were long days with extreme conditions, filming in South Africa, and you had to go from massive physical set pieces to doing intense dialogue scenes. You’d go from one extreme, of being beaten up physically, to another extreme, of being beaten up mentally. So, when this came along and I started doing it, it was a relief to me. With ‘Black Sails’, Flints journey and options were narrowing down and it was inevitable, what was going to happen to him. With ‘Lost in Space’, it seems to be opening out. Its about people trying to survive and trying to be better people and fighting to be alive. Flint had a death wish. After four years, that was really dark. It’s just a really nice juxtaposition to ‘Black Sails’, which I miss, enormously, but it felt like I was on holiday with ‘Lost in Space’. Although, like any job, ‘Lost in Space’ had its own pressures, but they weren't the same pressures that I experienced on ‘Black Sails’.

“His relationship with the kids,  that was a wonderful journey for me, as an actor. I really enjoyed playing that. As the season progresses, the robot becomes this surrogate father and protector for Will, who’s physically frightened. The irony is that Will has this father who is very brave, and who’s gone off on done all of this fighting in war, and he’s very capable, himself, but he’s nervous and frightened. So, the robot becomes very protective of him, but at the same time, threatens John. His son has to go to a robot to get what he should be giving him, and thats painful for him. The realisation that he's missed out on an enormous amount of his kids childhood and not being there for them, and trying to make up for that and connect with them again, is a very moving thing to play.”

“Initially, John is very distrustful of the robot. It’s a real problem because you need the robot in this extreme situation, since he seems to be able to help you, but at the same time, what is this thing goes berserk? You just don’t know what he's going to do. And as the show goes on, you realise that there are more reasons for him to distrust this thing. The whole thing is a great journey. All of that is really fun to play.”

“The biggest learn for me, that I’ve never had to do before, was doing all of that spaceship acting, sitting in the pilots chair and knowing what all the buttons do. That was such fun. While you’re doing it, you’re going, What am I doing?!, and then you have to remember what you used the buttons for, the next time. Being on a spaceship, throwing yourself around, I had a blast. You have to pinch yourself, once in awhile, and go, What am I doing?!”

“Yeah, the spacesuit was pretty uncomfortable, I have to say. One of the things I most enjoyed about the shoot, because it was so refreshing to me, was working with the kids. One becomes a bit jaded. Its easy to fall into saying, Oh, this spacesuit is so uncomfortable! But when Max Jenkins is jumping around going, This spacesuit is so cool!, it’s so refreshing. It’s so refreshing to be around that enthusiasm. It’s infectious. It was so great having the kids around because it just made you realise how lucky we were to be doing what we were doing.”

“We had a little bit of rehearsal time, but it was just a little bit. Max is such an easy kid to get to know. He’s just so open, and his parents are adorable. We couldn’t have lucked out more with the children that we got because they’re really great kids. They’re really open, really friendly, really open to having a great time, and up for learning. That just makes things so much easier. Im assuming that things can go very differently. We were incredibly lucky. All of us just really got on well and working with them seemed very natural. There didn’t seem to be any process that we had to go through. It just happened very quickly.”

“Molly and I spent a lot of time with Zack Estrin, talking about their relationship. If this isn’t a real relationship and a real family than nobody is going to care. The relationship has to be real without being depressing or sentimental. It has to be something that people can relate to. Especially because this is a family show, grown ups have to watch this, so it has to be sophisticated, as well as incredibly fun for the kids. We need grown ups and parents to be able to relate to Maureen and John and their problems and aspirations. What made it really great fun for me was working with Molly because she’s such a great actress, and we have that back and forth, both on screen and off. Their relationship feels like these are real people. Whats kind of funny is that the romance of the whole thing is really them. They’re the romantic couple. You want them to figure it out because they’re good people. If we’re lucky enough to go again, it will be interesting to see where they take John in Season 2. The other thing that I really enjoyed was working with Max and exploring that relationship, which to me is very real. I spent a lot of time away from my family, filming in South Africa, so I knew what it was like, being away from your family for a long time and feeling slightly out of place when you come back into it and trying to figure things out. I could really relate to that relationship, between John and Will. My son is about the same age as Max, but maybe a bit younger.”

“Interestingly, I would say that he creates the strongest bond with his son. He works out a lot of stuff with Maureen, but the greatest distance he covers is with Will. The last four episodes are really lovely, for me. John is also a slow burn. You don’t really get to know him that well, for awhile. It takes awhile to figure out his agenda, and whats going on between him and Maureen. It takes a long time to figure him out, but once you see what he’s trying to do, the last four or five episodes are really nice. It really is a journey for him. He does things wrong, but it’s because he’s clumsy. He doesn’t quite get it right and he misjudges things a bit. He’s too tough because he’s used to giving orders to people. Hes an army guy, so it’s all about training and execution for him. He has to relearn what empathy is, and how to deal with these kids without being this grumpy soldier.”

“Yeah, my kids did come, a couple of times, and they got on really well with Max, Mina and Taylor. And Mollys son came to set. It was really nice. It felt like a very family-oriented show, and they all hung out together. It was a really nice feeling and very relaxed.”

“Molly and I were quite adamant that the stakes had to be real and the threats had to be real. As an actor, the only thing you have is your instinct and your imagination. Those are the two main tools that you use. I didn’t really enjoy putting myself in that situation, where you are the person and your kids are under threat, but you had to give it that intensity. Of course, if it was real, I probably would have died. I would have had a nervous breakdown within an hour, but these characters can manage it. Obviously, one has to imagine what that would be like.”

Source: collider.com

“I was seven years old when ‘Star Wars’ came out. That just kind of blew my head off. ‘2001’, ‘Blade Runner’. All of these, all of the stuff like that. This is the one genre I completely expected to be in.”

“The character of Captain Flint, who I was playing, was a very nihilistic character that was on this kind of tragic course toward death. So to get something so polar opposite was really fun. It just sort of ended up being the perfect antidote to having done something like ‘Black Sails’.”

Source:  indiewire.com

"The thing I admire in John is that he is somebody who knows that he has got it wrong, and he's trying to put it right. Not only for his relationship with his wife, but individually, his relationships with his children. He's trying to not only save their lives, but he's also trying to do the right thing. And I think that's what I really like about this series, is that it's something that is aspirational without being sentimental. It's about people trying to be better people and trying to do the right thing."

"I think that that's something we kind of need right now, because the world is really depressing at the moment, and things are really frightening. You watch TV and a lot of it is really depressing--and brilliant--but pretty much depressing. And I think what's nice is you can get lost in the adventure of this, but also these are people who are trying to be better. And I think there's something uplifting about watching that."

Source: gamespot.com

"Will is quite insecure, his confidence is not great”

Source:  digital spy.com

On inequality in Hollywood:

"I think the movements are great. I am a parent of two girls and I have a wife who is very passionate, and I want a change for them, my wife and for all our friends”.

"I can only sympathise with and support the movement. Change needs to happen and it is mad that it has taken so long”

"It is a correction. It is really needed at the moment. Being a parent of two young girls, I am really excited about a show that has two young girls who are represented as incredibly capable, strong, smart, and sassy.”

"It is really great that there is a show which is showing that. I am excited for my kids to watch that and excited for the whole generation of kids to watch those characters and aspire to be like that.”

"There are moments which are light. Also, what is fun is that it is taking the domestic situation essentially and putting it in space.  So, there are these situations that occur and every parent or child will recognise... They have either been through that or seen them. But it is this extraordinary situation where they are million of years away from Earth which makes it different.”

Source: business-standard.com

On ‘Summer of Rockets’:

“It’s great to be working with Stephen Poliakoff again after such a long time. I loved working with him on ‘Perfect Strangers’; he’s such a unique and original voice in British television. It’s also good to be filming something back home in the UK for the BBC. It’s been a while.”

Source: deadline.com

OTHERS ON TOBY:

Maxwell: “I’ll never forget going up on top of the glacier. My scenes with Toby where we were walking in the snow, weren’t green-screen we were on a real glacier! We had to take a one-hour and 45-minute ride on a snowmobile to get there.”

“It was cold but sunny, and Toby didn’t think of getting sun protection. The following day, he had sunburn above his eyes and under his nose, and the glass of the space suit charred half his face.”

Source: entertainment.inquirer.net

[survivor-rotuma]

Ep. 2: “iF yOu SeE a VoLcAnO wHy NoT jUmP oVeR iT” - Marie

Marie

Fuckin volcano

Felix

I feel secure because Charlie is going to be the one to go. I just know it. If we go to tribal that is. They have barely spoken and I don't know them too well. Might be the same for everyone else here

Marie

Still salty bout the goddamn volcano

Marie

iF yOu SeE a VoLcAnO wHy NoT jUmP oVeR iT

Flint

I am really enjoying the banter with Jay and our tribe. Having a great time with this immunity challenge and chatting with Joey and Felix. Wish the other tribe mates were as active.

Brianna

Ya know coming into this competition i didn’t expect it to be me and Bradley as the last two people representing our team. I guess he’s gonna be more active now since his busy week is over so that’s swell but like. God I really wanna sleep.

Felix

To sum up, I feel like I am getting a deeper bond with Flint and Joey. They seem to be willing to talk with me most often. So, even if we do go to tribal I am safe for the most part. I just feel like I am liked in the tribe. Also, I am the one putting in the most work for the tribe, so I have that going for me. I just feel safe because of the work I have put in, but I don't want to give up just yet. If I can avoid tribal, then I will. According to both Joey and Flint, Suzy and Charlie have been very inactive. Therefore, it will be them on the chopping block come time for tribal. Joey thinks Charlie is more inactive whereas Flint thinks Suzy is more inactive. It'll just come down to what Cassie and I feel in the end. Doesn't hurt us either way since I think they are the weakest links on our tribe, especially Charlie. I don't think she put in enough effort last immunity challenge. Plus, she was totally inactive for this challenge that she auto-lost. Cassie missed this challenge too, but she at least did really well last challenge. If we go to tribal, I think I would vote for Charlie in the end since they are the person I feel least closest to. If only Bradley dropped, I could win this challenge for my tribe and cement my place as a valuable asset.

Lysandre

I am SO SORRY GIGI! I thought you were a returnee so I decided to snap! The comment looked pretty mean compared to the others,  which it was. The tribe, Marie and Kathleen, was wondering who said the mean comment and they believed it was David. I said yeah I think it was him as well. I love accidently painting a target in him and being a rat child.

Lysandre

Ok so I completely missed the challenge! I had no idea it was going to start early and I was at ine of ny sibling's events. I'm rooting for my team and hoping that my absence doesn't paint a target on my back. Also! I am loving being Lysandre! The writer in me is having a field day because I get to create a character and their background, quirks, and personality BUT THEN I GET TO BECOME THEM.

Flint

I couldn't outlast that second Immunity challenge. It was fun but my body couldn't carry on. I hope that Felix can pull through for Tuai! If we have to go to tribal I think it will be an easy vote, for me at least. I think that Cassie or Suzy should go. Cassie hasn't shown much initiative as our leader and Suzy isn't very social.

Bradley

This challenge is taking forever. Im the last one for my tribe. I dont want to lose cuz itll suck and havent been on that much so my soical game isnt too strong either. I just want to beat one tribe.

Cassie

I'm so proud of Felix for sticking it out for the tribe so that we don't have to go to tribal tonight. Plus we still have the numbers advantage, so that is always a positive.

Flint

So relieved we won immunity again! The Tuai tribe is unstoppable so look out! I'm a little jealous that Felix won an advantage but he deserves it and maybe with some buttering up he'll share the information with me.

Felix

Can you believe I have done THAT! I single-handedly won this challenge for my tribe, and got an advantage on top of that. I know why Raul and Kathleen gave it to me, though. If I won and people knew I had an advantage, I would have a big target on my back. It does seem that Kathleen and Raul are working together, so I have to watch out for them. Whether I tell this to anyone on my tribe is a different matter entirely. Though they all know I have an advantage. I think I won't be seen as a threat until later on in the game. I'm still an asset to them though this early on so I hope I would stay if we had to go to tribal in this stage of the game.

Raul

I really did not think I was gonna be able to compete but I got back into it was in the last 2 of our tribe. When it came down to 4 of us 2vs1vs1 we knew we needed to just knock out Bradley and he did that to himself. The best thing to come out was that Kathleen and I grew together plus I'm pretty sure I know the identity of Kathleen which helps cause I love this person. Also there was a individual advantage to be won and Felix had 0 while Kathleen and I had 2. Kathleen and I had decided that Felix could have it but try to work a little magic and make a relationship with him and a deal to work together if the opportunity arose. My smart self realized that that if we just gave it to him it would be announced we made a deal, so I said we continue the comp and just throw it that way it wouldn't be revealed what we were actually doing. This way it keeps this threesome possibility a secret. Whether it remains one or not we shall see. At the very least we aren't going to tribal. Hoorah, 1 point Raul the Snake 0 points survivor gods . . .

Kathleen

"Ohhhh bitch this ones gonna be different from my last one.

David? Trash. Will 100% be the one to go next tribal we go to if I have anything to say about it.

Marie? The sweetest and most opinionated 13 year old I’ve ever met. We love a politically aware teen.

Lysandre? *insert that lady Gaga gif of her going ‘gorgeous, amazing incredible’ ect*

And Raul? I’m sooo glad we were the last two left in the immunity challenge. We bonded AND made an underhanded deal with someone from another tribe. Can you say icons?

Hotel? Trivago."

Bradley

I could still potentially be going home. Since someone brought up the fact that they all talked how they havent talked to me a lot. They do appreciate me doing really well in the challenge and i have Apollo and Brianna wanting to work with me each separately. So hopefully i can avoid being voted off this round and just work on more social connections with them all.

Suzy

love felix but lowkey what if they are doing this for everyone

Boris

"Hello im STRESSED. I went from feeling like im in a comfortable position on the tribe, to the absolute bottom just in one day. Being forced to sit out of the challenge really fucked me up. I feel like the tribe is low-key bitter at me.

And on top of that. We have less than 12 hours to vote someone out. And NO ONE is really talking game to me. Im so nervous. The only person I connect with on a game level is Apollo. I have no idea where the tribe is leaning, but I have a sinking feeling its me.

God I hope im wrong and just insanely paranoid. "

Boris

"IN HAPPIER NEWS. I finally got something GOOD in the idol hunt? And it could be game changing!!!

I found 1 half of a super idol. It can't help me tonight but its leverage, and a super idol is the most powerful thing in the game, it could literally save my life in the future of the game. All i have to do is survive tonight, if I have to use the super idol piece as leverage, I will. "

Felix

I think the advantage is less about doing someone on the other tribe a favor. I'm telling everyone about it because, if I do that, it garners trust because they know I'll be open with them about any advantages I have. Plus, it wouldn't hurt to tell the truth to gain trust. The extra vote could also get me an ally on the other side. Let's see if this plays out like I hope it does.

David

Everyone is nice which makes it hard to decide who to vote off. Performance in the next challenge will base my vote and probably others.

Felix

I think my plan is working. Cassie offered me an alliance with her and Flint. I think those two are really cool so I think working with them is in my best interest. Also, I have connections with Mea through Raul and Kathleen. Hopefully, since I'm giving an extra vote to Bradley, I can gain a connection with him despite not having met him. I hope this plays out well! My social game seems to be climbing!

Felix

I have made my first alliance in this game! It's the Tuai Quad Alliance, LLC featuring Cassie, Joey, Flint, and I. It's basically everyone I wanted to work with since the beginning of the game! I think I have found myself in a good position on this tribe. To be honest, I'd like to see Charlie go first, but we'll see how this all pans out. I'm glad I finally have a security blanket though. Hurray for a good social game!

Cassie

I love being a part of the Tuai tribe and was happy to become the leader. Despite liking all of my tribemates, I've become part of an alliance. We're calling it the TQA, LLC. Maybe someday that can be trademarked, hehe. But the Tuai Quad power is strong with Felix, Flint, Joey, and myself.

Brianna

Well. We lost the challenge. I made a pact with Bradley that we should stick together since we were the last two people left in the challenge. I also talked to Apollo and Boris. I seem to be close to them. Boris mentioned making an alliance with me, him, Bradley, and Apollo and I would be totes down for that. So. Guess this will be pretty simple hopefully

Zest

I just cast my first vote and it was wild. I didn't know what to expect going in to tribal. I hope no one blindsides me because I am really getting invested in this game. I think while my performance in the last challange wasn't the greatest, I can still be a strong social player. Not sure if I'm feeling like Parvati or Hannah Shapiro. I need another few weeks to find out what kind of player I am going to be.

Charlie

I feel so bad for missing the challenge but once again not much new is happening.

Boris

"I have been putting in WERK todah to make sure I'm in the best possible position going into tonight.

I first was talking to Brianna, and she mentioned the only people she didnt wanna vote was me, Apollo, and Bradley. So, naturally, when presented with a majority of the tribe, I suggest an alliance! Ofc she agrees hehe, so now thats in the works.

On my tribe, the most likable people and those I get along with/vibe the most with is Apollo and Zest. I approach them both and plant that seed, another alliance of just us three forms. Im SO excited to be working with them, we bounce off each other really well and I truly think we can go to the end together.

So yeah, even tho I was worried this morning I think I placed myself in a near perfect position. I really don't think theres any way I leave tonight. "

Joey

unfortunately, i wasn’t the best in the challenge but at least i showed up! i was invited in by cassie to an alliance with her felix and flint, but it was obvious i was the last one asked. i plan on being loyal, but i need to let cassie play leader while i get closer with felix. slow and steady.

Thomas M

Not much, Bradley did well on the challenge but unfortunately we are in the bottom. Have been preoccupied with a big assignment so have not gotten to fully experience things in the last round at least. Am nervous of who is going to get booted, excited to see what's to come!

Marie

Wow, idol hunt hates me

Apollo

We lost, I feel like I’m getting played though, if this is the last you’ve seen of Apollo, it’s been a great run!

Brianna

I’m really laughing over Thomas’ first message to me after we lost 30 minutes before tribal....like...it’s a little too late sorry bud

Bradley

It looks like the vote should be Thomas which Im fine with. And theres an alliance of Borris, Apollo, and Brianna who want to make a four person with me which makes me really happy. Started off rocky in this game but with challenge preformance actually helped me a lot.

Apollo

Borris and Apollo? “Name a more iconic duo”

[br0kenbutterfly]

15/5/2017

So its 2am, its fucking freezing cold, but I have to write this because if I dont, itll be just like all the other stuff I look back on and wish I had some recollection of how I felt. Like all my childhood diaries that I started. Or the abandoned derby tumblr thats still lurking somewhere. Anyway.

I had my initial appointment with a surgeon today about weight loss surgery. I’ve been thinking about surgery since about 2013, and seriously for the last 9 months or so. I’ve talked to several people who have had various surgeries (including mum, my friend and a friend of my aunts), and done my research. Ive discussed this with my (awesome amazing wonderful) GP, and our work counsellor Ann-Marie, who are both incredibly supportive. I’m paying for this surgery privately, which cuts hugely into the savings Ive accumulated since I was 15 for a house, but I can wait for a house. Every year I don't do this is a year Im kinda wasting my youth on being huge and not happy and making excuses for not doing things Id like to do. Not that Im unhappy all the time, but my weight is a safety blanket, kinda like my depression was my safety blanket for not leaving oamaru. I just dont wanna wait until Im accepted into public surgery (which Ive been on the list for since 2013) because at that point Ill probably be in my 50s and have so many health issues. Like for goodness sake, im 26 and I have pre-diabetes, polycystic ovaries that mean im probs infertile, a perpetually sore back that means i cant walk for more than a block without having to stop, my knees and ankles give out randomly. Anyway. Im rambling. 

My appointment was with Dr Flint, who I chose because thats who my friend had surgery with (and because the other guy was the one who did my consult for public surgery and he was a right royal douche). He was lovely, and explained both procedures (roux-en-y and gastric sleeve) really well. Im going to have a gastric sleeve, because the ongoing risk of complications like IBS and hernias are smaller (and because you dont have to be on vitamins for life and my god i hate taking meds). He weighed me - ive put on like 5kg since i last weighed myself (fuck) but to be fair i did have my docs on. So my offical starting weight is 157.8kg, which is a terrifying number and also this is probably the first time ive admitted my weight to anyone who isnt a medical professional in a long long time holy shit. Apparently if everything goes well i should be around 95kg afterwards (like 2 years away).

After I went through everything with the surgeon, I saw his nurse? receptionist? general fucking awesome person Denise. Shes so lovely. She talked me through the appointments I need to have next (which tbh is part of the reason I want to to it privately, because i know its not just about the surgery, its about learning to live as a smaller person, and i fucking dont know how to eat properly, and id really like to do some exercises that dont hurt my damn back all the time). So I have to see the dietician, and an exercise consultant, and a psychiatrist, and then back to the surgeon for pre-op appt. My surgery is scheduled for the 11th July, which means Ill be on preop diet from like, the 13th June I think? I might buy some optifast and try it for some breakfasts first. Im so not looking forward to that bit.

Then because I was like, nervous as fuck after my appointment, I went and cuddled ellas tiny humans and then talked to laura and watched sense8. 

My biggest fears at the moment are:

-me fucking this up. like what if i cat do it, if my willpower is awful, and i screw it up and throw $20k down the drain. How shit will I feel about myself if the surgery doesnt work, because theres not really any more drastic options. what if i put all the weight back on like my uncle, or drink frozen coke and dont eat protein like my mum

-mum. i havent told her yet....im telling her tomorrow. im worried shes gunna be weird about it. not in a “you shouldnt have the surgery” kinda of way, im worried she will want to know how much i weigh, and give me well meaning comments about how i shouldnt be eating this or that, or go the other way and want to have a massive blowout before i start optifast. 

-who do i tell? apart from the internel lol (im guessing only like 3 people i know in real life will read this). do i tell my dad? i should but again, im so worried about what he’ll think, how he’ll judge me. 

-i think in general im so used to the comments about my weight that im really caught up with it as part of my identity? Like I hate all the health and fitness ads because it just reminds me of me not being fit and healthy, but i wonder if some part of me likes being fat to be a rebel, because some weird part of me feels like im failing by conforming to societys (and my dads) wishes about how i look and act. idk. 

- hahahahahh optifast. ive heard it tastes awful and i have 6 weeks of it, then purees (goodie), then soft food. also imma have to eat veggies. fuck.

I’m excited about:

-being able to maybe actually skate well?! being able to do general things like run after izzy or go for a bike ride with people without being like yeah nah i cant do that because it hurts. itd be nice to walk up the stairs without looking like ive run a half marathon. id be nice to walk to work without my back cramping up so bad i have to stop and stretch it several times. 

-im kinda looking forward to meeting with the exercise person. I see a lot of people in the #GRRLarmy and stuff and I want to be strong, but I am terrified of the gym and im really hoping shell be able to help and be a good motivation

-the dietician will be good to because lord knows im terrible at cooking for myself no matter how many well meaning people try and teach me. i just wish i didnt have to eat. 

-possibly having lower food bills - currently i spend like a quarter of my income on food which is ridiculous and i dont know how to stop.

Right so that was a novel. Now its 3am and i have to go talk to my boss and ask her for time off for 5 preop appointments in the next 6 weeks, as well as hi im going to need 2 weeks off work lololol. Oh, and tell my mum im having major surgery in 6 weeks and i didnt tell her i had an appointment to talk about it. whoops. wish me luck x

[survivor-rotuma]

Ep. 3: “People are coming to me like bees to pollen” - Felix

Felix

I think I am becoming bossy. I should cool down for now and lay low. Don't want to be seen as too big of a threat just yet.

Apollo

IM GAGGING! 6-1? Someone used an extra vote to make sure Thomas wasn’t home? Or he had a vote against him? Idk, idrc I survived the first vote of this game and sis it was stressful but easy. Thomas came on like half an hour before tribal and voted for Bradley without talking to anyone, I’m shook. A trio formed between myself,  Borris and Zest whilst Borris and I were also invited for a foursome with Bradley by Brianna. I’m shaking tbh

Marie

Ok jay, if you wanna here about it buckle up. I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY JUMPING OVER A VOLCANO LIMITS ME FROM TYPING WORDS U G H ID BE GOOD AT THIS ONE BECAUSE I KNOW WAY TOO MYCH ABOUT THE SURVIVORS AND TO QUOTE DEBBIE “AND IM PISSED” , have a good day :)

Lysandre

So the challenge has been posted and it's cute!! I like this challenge because it allows me to think critically and analytically!! I am currently putting in WORK in the challenge but my tribe is flopping lmaoo. I'm trying my best to give them tips and tell them to mimic the common things I'm finding and apply it to their own pairings but something isnt clicking!! Hopefully we can pull out a win!

Lysandre

Can my tribe... do the challenge?? I refuse to go to tribal again but I also don't feel like carrying my tribe in the challenge by doing each one of the pairings extensively.

Flint

I’m glad I was able to sit out of the immunity challenge this week. However I am still feeling our tribe of 6 is actually 4 because I don’t see much interaction from Suzy or Charlie.

Lysandre

At this point I am preparing for tribal council. Jay announced the scores for the challenge and our tribe was down by 30+ points and in last place. An actual alliance (our alliance name) decided to vote David off if we go to tribal again because of his problematic behavior and mean comment to GiGi that he totally didn't say lmaoo. The challenge is basically up I'm ready to forfeit and go right to tribal.

Felix

So Suzy and Charlie do not seem to be contributing at all. This is fine I  guess since it just puts a bigger target on their backs as a result. I am just tired of these useless tribe members. Maybe it'd be better to go to tribal in order to vote them off so that they cannot turn on fellow Tuai members later since they wouldn't have that strong of a connection with us.

Felix

Flint just complimented me on my good work in the challenges. It seems that my challenge performance is being noticed. While this ensures that I will be safe in the majority of pre-merge, it will just paint a target on my back during the merge. Plus, I know I will be no good in these individual immunity challenges so let's see how this goes

Flint

I’m feeling pretty comfortable in the game, which makes me nervous something will happen. Our tribe is doing great in challenges and I have a strong alliance, I’m worried about an impending tribe swap!

David Penn

I am worried i will get voted off if we lost, i've only added like two things because i'm too busy rn.

Brianna

Welp. Late update but the Thomas vote went smooth. Also we won the third challenge so woo!!! Nothing really that new going on. There’s an alliance chat for me, Boris, Apollo and Bradley as well now so that’s...cool. That just leaves zest out for the next vote which I’m not too upset about since she doesn’t talk to me a lot.

Charlie

I'm scared I haven't been participating as much as the others and therefore might be out next. I need to start forming alliances ASAP

Bradley

I feel really bad. I did some of the plots for the spreadsheet but everyone else did more. I was busy with hosting family over for brothers bday i didnt really have time. Im glad we won immunity tho. It probably saved my ass.

Charlie

I think I may just have formed a secure alliance, we'll see though

Marie

This vote seems too easy, everyone except for David knows David is going home, not that I’m complaining one bit

Suzy quits

Kathleen

"Yeah tribal was cancelled but I still need to air my David feelings so this was my voting confessional:

Right. Well. You’re rude, you didn’t help in this challenge and I feel like you may have thrown your part in the last challenge even though you were very adamant that if people were not doing well in challenges they were a target. I do not in a million years feel like I can trust you. And I’m pretty sure it was you who wrote that horrible voting confessional for Gigi. Which was horrible and completely unnecessary by the way. It sounded like a bully. And I hate bullies. Bye, I’d say I’d miss you... but I won’t."

Felix

"Now that we are down one tribe member, it is essential to win this next challenge. Though this does mean that if we were to go to tribal council, Charlie would be the one to leave. We still have that safety blanket, but I am just nervous about what happens after Charlie is voted out. We need to do everything in our power to prevent that situation from happening.

I should have seen the One World twist coming since Jay seems to like it. Either way, the Tuai Quad Alliance LLC has decided that I should be one of the representatives out of the two. This will definitely make me seem like the leader of the tribe now. I just have to watch my back and see what happens. If they are going to perceive me like that, I might was well become it. Let's see how this all pans out."

Raul

Well, David better thank the Survivor Gods because we were for sure gonna vote him out. But alas someone quit, I hope they are ok and all is well. <3 Not looking forward to this one world twist -_-

Felix

I am trying to establish ties with a fair amount of people while we are in the One World. For one, I want to become friends with both Raul and Kathleen. They said they wanted to work with me earlier so hopefully they plan to keep that promise. I also want to see how much I can trust Bradley. I did give him the advantage so maybe I have an ally there. I've also talked to Lysandre a bit and think he's alright. Let's hope I can establish myself socially in this game!

Zest

Today is my birthday and I am so grateful for all of the sweet birthday wishes from everyone.

Felix

I must say that people are coming to me like bees to pollen. They all want to talk to me which makes the most sense since they all want to be social. Though some are better at it than others. I've been getting really good vibes from Lysandre, Kathleen, Apollo, and Marie. In that order. They just seem like good people. Also, Marie is 13!? Shook! I did gather some intel though from these people. Apparently, on Mea, David is at the bottom for being a rude-ass and being abrasive. That means if I am on a tribe with David, he will definitely be a target which might help later down the line. Marie is also very upfront and blunt. She asked me immediately "Who is on the bottom of your tribe?" Like girl. Be subtle. I'm not giving info out that easily so I just said no one even though it is clearly Charlie. Everyone on Mea though has mentioned this "bitch" who's on the bottom for being rude. It's David. I'm just so shook that they all are giving out this information that easily. It didn't take long for Marie to start spilling everything to me. She could be valuable as a rat later down the line so long as I don't tell her too much. Though she has said that her tribe really likes me for some reason. I am definitely rising as a leader for the game and will have a target on my back. Though it's great to finally have social ties that could carry me to merge.

Felix

Apollo mentioned working together. As in, if we ever worked together then that should be our alliance name (Club 96). Interesting proposal right there lol

Lysandre

This one world twist was cute until I came to the conclusion that I was playing the game with someone I had blocked and deleted and never wanted to play with ever again. I can see right through his alias and I literally want to will my idol off and quit. And I was really liking his alias until I started seeing connections and speech pattern.. yeah this is really ugly.

Flint

TWIST!! I knew the feeling in my guy was right. I was feeling too secure and now I have no idea what’s going on.

Marie

God knows what jay has planned as long as no volcanos are involved

Felix

Marie is being very pushy. I mean so I am but I like to think I am endearing. I think she is going to be pretty annoying for the rest of tribe so maybe she'll be the next up. Definitely don't want to be on her side.

Brianna

One world. New people. One survivor. Anyways. Marie is cool. But um. I’m tired and don’t feel like getting all these notifications from the one world chat but I also can’t mute it so ughhhh.

Felix

Cassie is just spilling all to me. She has an advantage that allows her to see how many alliance chats someone from the other tribe is rocking. That is such a useful tool. Especially late into pre-merge right before merge. I think it'll be really cool to fool her into using it. I hope she doesn't use it on me if we are ever on different tribes. Now, at least, I know that Cassie is loyal to me since hse is sharing all these details. Apollo is getting antsy that no one from his tribe will be a leader. I'm trying to convince it'll be fine, but he's not having it. He jsut has to trust me and then we can move on from there.

Lysandre

So Marie is actually Marie that's nice to know even though she wasn't supposed to do that ajdjdjsjs. And that impacts the game drastically because people are going to put their trust in her more now that they know she isn't a returnee. It is even having this round effects because she is about to be a leader. Deny the affects if yiu wabt but they definetely exist.

Lysandre

For the sake of Lysandre I am going to continue this game and act like I don't know who Felix is. Lysandre doesnt deserve to have their existance cut short especially considering the fact that they have an idol. They deserve all the love and support.

Dumbass bitch number 1 (Marie)

"To the tune of jeopardy:

Do do do do do do do, do do do do do, do dodododo, do do do dodo do do do, do do do do do do do, do do do do do do do, do do do do do, do dodododo do do do dodo do do do, DO, do do do do do do."

Lysandre

Moving forward in the game I, lysandre, would love to align with Felix in company with an actual alliance.

Boris

PSA: i love Jay

Volcano bitch

I love you jayyyy

Zest

Jay, sorry you are having a rough time getting home. sending good vibes your way.

Cassie

So, here's the thing. I love the vibe with my tribe and the alliance of Tuai Quad. I believe in them, but I know it could be a good idea to keep my options open and form new alliances too. A tri-leader alliance? Oh yeah. Only time will tell what I do with the information I get.

Felix

Another alliance chat down! Woohoo! This one is with Marie, Kathleen, Raul, Lysandre, and I. It's called Drama Bitches. This alliance I feel pretty good about but I do feel on the bottom since I am not from their tribe

Felix

To follow up, I have been positioning myself with people socially very well. It seems that everyone wants to be my friend and that everyone likes me. It will definitely be hard betraying them, but it has to be done. I need to put myself in the least risk out of everyone here in order to make it to the end. I feel I have done that. If people are going to be inactive now, then they must be the next on the chopping block. I hope everything goes well from here. Especially since I have connections on all three tribes. It should keep me safe in case of a swap

Felix

"It seems my socializing has paid off! Firstly, I was chosen as leader for one of the new tribes. I got to choose people for my new tribe that I would be making. I definitely saw this coming, so it was good that I was able to choose them myself. I feel confident with my new tribe. Everyone, except Boris, I have talked to at least once so that'll help. I think I have picked people that enable me to have power over everyone else if I play my cards right. How I see it: I have aligned with Joey, Lysandre, and Rual. I have talked a bit with Zest, and Boris I am just getting to now. I have talked extensively with Apollo. He and I have bonded really well. Perhaps that will keep me safe for the time being. Mainly why I picked the people I did is to have easy boots earlier on (Zest and Boris) and to have people I'm already aligned with be with me (Joey, Raul, and Lysandre). I definitely do think I have picked a good tribe though.

Secondly, my socializing has paid off in terms of immunity. I definitely saw myself having a bunch of connections, but I didn't know it amounted to being the most popular. I think, socially, I have positioned myself well. Now I just got to keep this momentum up in order to succeed! Hopefully, everyone I am aligned with makes it to merge. It might be hard for Flint since he is on vacation. In hindsight, I should have picked him since it would be easier to explain his situation if I was there. I hope he doesn't get a target on his back for being inactive tonight! I think that they might vote out David since he is annoying. I told Cassie and Flint this, so maybe they can use that to their advantage.

Finally, I think this might paint a huge target on my back. People are going to know I am very well-liked by a lot of people. If they carry that information with them, they could use it against me. That'll be a problem for later. Plus, I have an idol to fall back on in case that does happen. Overall, it is going extremely well for Felix Rodriguez!"

Really dumb bitch (Marie)

I just realized I’m a threat, and now I’m lowkey panicking because I just made a plan with some people about how we get to a merge with a majority and now I’m scared that they’ll see me as a strategic and social target because everyone I’ve talked to I’ve been able to persuade. Let’s hope I’m not the Michaela of this game and get voted out cause I’m to strategic

Marie

The second this tribe swap happened I already had so many plans and I’m scared that people might want me out because no one wants to sit with someone who started making moves the second they could?? I done fucked up

Brianna

Well new tribe. I’m pretty okay with the set up tho. Me and Marie have really clicked and we went to talking strategy right away. I’m glad Bradley is here. He isn’t on that much but he will probably vote with me. And Kathleen was another person I got to talk to a lot and she’s from original mea with Marie so that’s good. Haven’t gotten to talk to flint or Charlie. And. Talking with Cassie is just. It’s so dry so far....

Charlie

So the tribe just merged, I've formed a new alliance and I'm super excited to see where it goes haha. Feeling a bit nervous about tribal council however since it is my first one. But I feel confident I won't be voted out just yet

Felix

I have created "The Gold Alliance" with Lysandre and Raul. They have both given me permission to add Joey to the alliance chat. I wanted to add Joey in order to keep OG Tuai safe from harm. If I can do that, then being on this tribe won't be so bad after all. Hopefully, however, Joey can maintain a social status to justify me bringing him into the alliance. Otherwise, he is on his own. I  hope the other OG Tuai are doing well and avoiding elimination today

Lysandre

"Me in the middle of one world: Omg I believe I know Felix's real self and I am literally about to quit I hate the person that Felix is outside of the alias

Felix: Picks me first to be a part of his tribe. "

Lysandre

"Ok so the new tribes have me feeling pretty iffy. Yes I am immune at the moment but I am separated from both Marie and Kathleen. This doesn't give me any comfort knowing that I am on a tribe with individuals who I do not know very well either and being stuck with Raul who works all the time and isn't 100% aligned with me yet.

While on new Tuai, Felix decided to form an alliance between me, him, and Raul which was a fraction of the Drama Bitches alliance that was formed during One World that consisted of Me, Felix, Raul, Marie and Kathleen. Now I am not dumb. I am aware that Cassie and Felix are close and Apollo fits in there somewhere too. My eyes are open. SHARINGAN! "

Marie

If David doesn’t go home I’ll cry

Boris

"Whew so much has happened

I got an idol a couple days ago!! I can't remember if I wrote a confessional about this

Someone walked, I wasn't really all that interested in that.

AND THEN SUDDENLY WE'RE IN ONE WORLD and I have mild panic bc i hate one world's, too many people.

And then we gotta pick 2 leaders, Marie and Felix volunteer and me and the rest of Sumi tribe ALMOST fight because we're messy heauxs but we eventually let it happen

And then tribe swap!! Surprise!! Except no one is actually super surprised but here we are anyway. And best of all, my dynamic trio alliance of me and Apollo and Zest is still together? When will ur faves? So yeah I'm in a good position, I like this tribe way better than my first one"

Maynor

I think it might be me going or its gunna be David. Thats what my vote is gunna be. Hopefully it works.

Brianna

I forgot if I said David is the target but David is the target.