#like the dumbest thing you could do it get rid of Otto

[comradekarin]

feeling otto’s pain right now like aegon really just gave the dumber to his dumb, criston cole, his hand position like i can’t wait to see cole get burnt to a crisp. got otto tweaking out about his bestie viserys. cole gotta go. it’s not a want anymore, it’s a NEED 🦧

[princess-of-the-corner]

Okay, I know we all have various problems with several Disney Movies. None are big enough for me to ‘hate’ a movie, but I just kinda want to rant on possible scenes to make things a little better. 

Some are my own complaints, others are common complaints from the masses. And some of these suggestions are more than scene, but something that would derail the movie.

Also, to mention, while I’m pointing out and fixing flaws, this is more me having fun with some stuff. So it’s not all complaining. 

I think I’ll go in order, and also focus mostly on the Princess movies since those problems are discussed a lot so let’s start at the beginning:

Snow White - Many people complain about Snow White trusting strangers too much and taking the apple. But I think that they should put a little more emphasis on why she trusts the old woman. I already had an interpretation of why, and this works off  it.

Have the local forest creatures that she talks to say not to trust the old woman offering apples, she smells weird. Snow White then scolds them for judging others by smell, and assures them it’s fine. After all, if her evil stepmother knew where she was, she’d probably show up and upright stab her or something. Why would she send an old woman with apples?(Where were you on that one Grimhilde? This is what you get for being all Extra™ and going for Magic Transformation and ‘poisoned’ apples that don’t even kill her, just put her to sleep until ‘True Love’s Kiss’. Seriously, if you want to be ‘fairest in the land’, putting the prettier girl in a coma ain’t the best way to get rid of the competition. )

Cinderella - First off, changes that don’t derail the original plot:

1.) I will always insist her name is Ella due to most other Cinderella stories having it as her real name, while ‘Cinderella’ is a cruel nickname her stepmother gave her. It gives an extra level of showing off the abuse. I want it not only mentioned in the film, but I want it right at the end when the Prince comes to take her away. The Stepmother is still scolding her for escaping, trying to convince the Prince that he deserves better than the servant girl, all while still using the name. 

The Prince notices the way she flinches at the name, and ignores the stepmother to ask her directly ‘What is your name?’(They hadn’t given names before because, well, he’s the Prince so she should’ve known his, and she believed that the few hours they spent together would stay as a memory and they’d never meet again, so she never gave hers,). She turns to him and says with more confidence than she probably feels “Ella. My name is Ella.”. And when he says it, tests how the name rolls of his tongue, she melts, because it’s been years since anyone has called her by her name.

2.) Secondly, if you want my opinion on the changes to make her a stronger character in the remake, let me refer you to the Nostalgia Critic’s “Old Vs. New” for my opinion there. 

3.) As for other changes, I would give her more time with the Prince. At least, more time that we actually see. 

In the original Disney movie, their interaction is in a song montage. But we do see that the two meet, dance, and spend the rest of the time until Midnight talking and taking a walk through the palace gardens, but we don’t hear their conversation, just the love song. 

Side note: Ella doesn’t even know he’s the Prince when she falls in love with him. Seriously, watch it again, when the clock strikes Midnight and the Magic begins to run out, she begins making excuses for why she has to leave so quickly. One excuse she gives is ‘I haven’t met the Prince yet!’. This confuses the Prince, but I think it makes him love her more. Because she thought he was just some random guy and yet spent all of her time with him instead of trying to find the Prince. 

But yeah, I would like to see more than their implied bonding. Give a full scene of them walking and talking and.... okay, it’s not the best example, but go watch Frozen’s “Love is an Open Door” sequence where Hans and Anna are running around, talking, and having fun. Give me that, but with Ella and her Princ.

4.) Also give the Prince a name. I’m partial to Freyr myself, but according to the Wiki the names listed are Henry(or Henri, as that info came from the French Blu-ray release), Alto, or Otto. But Disney’s never given a real answEven most of the Merchandising just calls him “Prince Charming”. Hell, are we just supposed to believe that it’s like the guy from Shrek 2 where his name actually is ‘Charming’ and he happens to be Prince of the land? If so, that’s one of the dumbest, ‘I want to slap your parents for that’ names I’ve seen in fictional characters. (Some MLP characters still win. I think Filthy Rich is runner up to his wife, Spoiled Milk.)

5.) Another thing is to give the step-sisters more character. This is mostly because of the sequels they made, and how it really got me to love Anastasia, but I think you could do similar stuff with Drizella. After all, Lady Tremaine is not really nice to any of them in the movie, though her abuse of her own daughters is far different than the abuse she puts Ella through.  I’d say maybe do something like the fic Cinderella:Redo, where they help Ella under their mother’s nose. But at the very least, I would like to show off more of the fact that Lady Tremaine abuses them too, and that they only join in abusing Ella because they were trained to think that it was okay, and are afraid of what their mother would do if they didn’t. Perhaps when Ella begins to leave with the Prince, they gain the courage to apologize to her for the part they played in making her life miserable, maybe even deciding to collect their things and move out of their mother’s home, even if they don’t quite have a proper place to go planned out. (Ella might be kind enough like she is in the sequel movies and helps them, letting them come with her to the castle until they can make it on their own). 

As for a change I’d like that would derail the original plot

When the Faerie Godmother shows up, instead of giving just giving her a few hours of a Magic dress, she takes Ella to the Fae Realm. You could even have it round its way back to the Ball and Shoe plot. The Faerie Prince(or Princess?) is going holding a masquerade to find a wife or Magic Soulmate since they’re Fae and can have something like that. Ella goes just to have fun and dance, since she didn’t get to go to the last ball she was ‘invited’ to. She meets someone, talks and dances with them, and begins to fall in love, and then the person reveals that they’re the Prince(Princess?), and have found their Soulmate. But because Ella is scared that the Prince(Princesss?) just chose her, the human who came from nothing and was a servant most of her life, to be their Soulmate/future wife, she runs off and accidentally leaves the shoe(Or possibly, scared as she is, leaves the shoe on purpose because she did love them, and it’s the only thing she can leave for them to remember her by). 

The Fae Royals go on the shoe quest, testing it out on everyone in the Realm. However, the reason the shoe doesn’t work for anyone isn’t ‘magic’ or just the size only fits her perfectly. It’s because when the Godmother made them, she was clever and put metal decorations on the shoes. Since metal burns Faeries(well, there’s debate on which metals and how much it hurts, but I’m generalizing), Ella is the only girl who can wear the shoes without pain. 

Sleeping Beauty -

Let’s start with the ‘derail the plot’ ones first this time:

1.) The changes from Maleficent. I like the idea of her having an actual vendetta against Aurora’s father, and a very rub-salt-in-the-wound reason for making the cure to the Curse be ‘True Love’s Kiss’. And I especially love the whole thing where she watches Aurora as she grows up, like a ‘Fairy Godmother’, and comes to truly care for the girl. She loves her the point where she realizes the error of her ways and tries to revoke her Curse, and when she can’t do it she tries all she can to find the guy to give her ‘True Love’s Kiss’. And of course, I love the fact that it was her ‘I’m sorry I failed you’ forehead kiss that counts as ‘True Love’s Kiss’ and breaks the spell. 

2.) Another version I would like is a full on Faerie War. Like, I can’t find the Tumblr post that pointed it out, but a lot of the original movie had to do with Fae Politics, oddly enough. 

I think it’s less ‘good Faeries vs evil Faeries’ and more differences between groups(even though the four are the only ones we see, both are representatives of their ‘group’). The ‘good’ Faeries are the ones who go out of their way to help and interact with Humans(though can be mischievous and even cruel), while the ‘Evil’ ones stay more in the realm of Magic. They’ll deal with Humans in two instances: 1.) if they find one they like and 2.)in a matter of respect. Neither is really good nor evil, but I’ll refer to them as such because not only is it simpler, but because the Humans here see things more ‘black and white’ so to them it is ‘good and evil’. 

In the movie, the King and Queen invite the ‘Good’ Faeries to celebrate Aurora’s birth, but purposely leave out the ‘evil’ Maleficent. However, in doing this, they have officially sided with the ‘good’ faeries and offended Maleficent(because ‘evil’ or not, she is a being who deserves respect and should be invited). She gives them a chance, showing up anyway and asking if it had been an oversight, or perhaps her invitation got lost in the mail. But they officially offend her and she curses the baby in response.

Now, while this to the Fae this is just retaliation for disrespect, Aurora’s Father declares war against the ‘evil’ Faeries for what Maleficent did. Since the ‘invite the ‘good’ Faeries and offend the ‘evil’ one’ bit means that he has aligned his kingdom with the ‘good’ Faeries, they are part of the war as well. 

In this, I think I’d have the war wage on while the ‘good’ Faeries try to protect Aurora, but we get some of the stuff from Maleficent’s movie, where she shows up and influences the girl’s life, and both influence makes her a bit more Fae. 

By the end, Aurora is no longer Human, but not quite Faerie. And as she was influenced by both sides, she is not a neutral player but part of each side. With that, she is able to see past ‘good’ and ‘evil’, and calms the war. Not sure how the Curse plays in, but it’ll get there. Or maybe she figures out a way to break the curse herself. 

3.) Remember all that stuff I said about Fae Politics last time? Let’s have the version where Aurora’s parents did invite Maleficent out of respect. The Faeries would’ve been trying to one-up one another with their Gifts. Do you have any idea what Magical gifts they’d give Aurora just to show off?

As for things that don’t change the plot:

There’s only one scene I want to add. Well, more a montage of scenes. But I want to make the ‘Once Upon A Dream’ bit literal. 

Aurora and Phillip are not just an arranged marriage, they’re some kind of Magically Connected Soulmates and that’s why the marriage is arranged when they’re born(not to mention that joining the kingdoms is a good idea that they might’ve been pushed toward anyway.). Of course, they don’t get to meet because Aurora is cursed by Maleficent and the Faeries take her to the woods and raise her as Briar Rose. 

As the two grow up, they begin having these strange dreams. Dreams of someone else, who is just as intrigued by these dreams. They start out vague at first, impressions of feelings, blurry figures. Aurora sees someone tall and strong, Philip catches a glimpse of golden hair. As time goes on, the dreams become clearer. 

Things are still a little blurry, they can’t make out one another’s faces, but they can talk, they can touch one another within this space. They spend countless nights creating songs and dances shared only with one another. And even though their faces and features are still a bit fuzzy, they can recognize the gleam in each others’ eyes when they smile and laugh. Every morning they hold one another close as they know the dream is beginning to end, as they know they’re waking up. Every morning they wake up heartbroken, having fallen in love with a person that they believe is only a reoccurring dream. 

And then, one day, Phillip is out riding in the forest and he hears a voice that pulls him in. Wandering closer, thinking it impossible, he finds a girl, far too familiar, singing and dancing with the animals that stole his cloak and boots. 

She’s familiar enough, but that’s not what makes his breath hitch. The song is one he knows as well as his own heart, and the dance one he could do in his sleep, one he has done in his sleep.

So he steps into place, dancing his own part, singing the lines with her. He didn’t mean to scare her, but he couldn’t help but fall into place. And at first, she’s scared, because the man from her dreams couldn’t be real, he has to be a stranger. But he just smiles and reminds her, they’ve met ‘once upon a dream’, and as he sings lines that only she should know, she realizes how real this is, how real he is. They’re both real, and have finally found each other.

The plot continues from there, pretty much the same as before. But it adds so much more to the romance. 

The Little Mermaid - Not sure how to put this. But basically, put more emphasis on Ariel’s love for Humans in general. I mean, it’s already there and people kind of ignore it. She already wanted to go to the Human world and learn about it, but not only meeting/saving Eric, but her father’s rage at her interest and the destruction of her secret grotto is the tipping point that leads her to making the deal with Ursula. 

Maybe have her be more of a self-taught anthropologist. Cut out the bird that has no idea how Humans work, have her just studying the items herself and guessing what their uses are for. Maybe she still gets some things wrong(like the fork being for hair), but she’s trying to figure out what all these items are and how Humans and their culture work.

And have it continue a bit more when she gets to the Human world. Sure, she focusing on flirting with Eric because of Ursula’s spell needing ‘True Love’s Kiss’, but have her stop and be fascinated by Human objects or what they’re doing. In my mind I can already write a scene where Eric is watching Ariel dismantle a clock, and he just falls in love with the delighted fascination she has every time she figures out how a part works. 

Beauty and the Beast - Have the Enchantress be the villain. Like, okay, you can keep Gaston as a side antagonist because he and his song are fun, but that fucking Enchantress! 

Like, Imagine you’re a 10 year old Prince. You open the door to an old woman who says ‘hey, so, can I just waltz into your house full of treasures and also a very young and vulnerable political leader to spend the night? I’ll give you this pretty flower as payment?”. Hell no. As much as I want to help the old lady in the storm, I’m closing the door on her ass too. 

So not only did this Enchantress set up this bullshit test, but decided that in looking after his own well being, he was obviously a ‘just being a total douche’. So she decides to punish not only this 10 year old kid by turning him into a monstrous Chimera, but also the entire castle full of servants, who had jack shit to do with this exchange, are turned into various inanimate objects!

What a total bitch. 

Anyway, have the Belle fall in love with the Beast ‘reverse the curse’ at the beginning of the climax instead of Gaston going full evil villain(Still give us the song though). Then the ex-Beast explains the curse to Belle when she’s like ‘what the fuck why’d you all turn into people?”. 

Being clever, Belle puts all of the pieces together(like the Prince being fucking 10). She makes her way back to her little town, stomps over to Gaston and is like “Hey, I’ve never loved you, and even if I were marrying for social status, my new fiance is a Prince who outranks you, but you’re the best hunter I know. Think you can help me find an Enchantress? Because I have some ass to kick!”

The Lion King - Honestly? Include the stuff from the Broadway version where Scar is going fucking nuts. Have him go full-on insane from seeing Mufasa’s ghost haunting him(Or him hallucinating Mufasa’s ghost. Who knows if it’s real or not). Maybe include the full ‘Madness of King Scar’ scene because even though it’s disturbing as FUCK it’s a good villain moment to have him creeping on Nala(”My... how you’ve grown...” Ugh. Talk about lines that make you shudder.)

Maybe go more into Simba’s guilt over thinking he caused his father’s death, but also let him talk about it! When Nala asks why he’s pulling away, let him tell her that it’s his fault! Let him finally break down, and then have her be the one to convince him to come back home anyway because everyone would understand, and you need to move forward to help, face it instead of hiding away and pretending nothing exists.

She sneaks him into wherever the other lionesses are(and Simba gets a reunion with his mom). He tells them what he believes to be the truth, and they’re all upset but can see the toll guilt has taken on him and they know that it was an accident. So they decide to follow him anyway and pull a full uprising against Scar. 

We still get Scar revealing that he killed Mufasa, but we also get a bit about how it only halved Simba’s guilt because even if he didn’t start the domino effect that killed Mufasa, he was still a part of it. 

Pocahontas - Don’t. Just.... don’t. Don’t make it ‘based on true events’(based on my ass). Don’t make it seem like ‘and then the natives and the white men lived in peace’. I get that y’all were trying to make a movie about how ‘all races can get along’ but this is not the way to do it. Do it in, like, something more realistic. Or don’t do it at all, just have characters of various races and interracial couples without addressing it as a big thing. 

That said, ignoring those problems it’s still a good movie. Maybe it could’ve worked if you didn’t make it with a set of races? Though even fictional races would have certain implications and.....you know what? Just make Romeo and Juliet. That’s pretty much what this movie was. It’s Romeo and Juliet, except after Romeo kills Tybalt, the Capulets capture and plan to kill him before they and the Montegues go to literal war, and Juliet stops them by talking some goddamn sense into these idiots.  Just add in the song numbers and animal sidekicks. 

Hercules - While I love this movie, for the love of god, or gods in this case, do better with Greek Mythology. There were references to actual myths and stories, but they were warped and shoved in and I just, ugh. It’s still a fun movie, but a lot less enjoyable once you learn more Greek Myths. 

Also, STOP MAKING HADES THE VILLAIN. Even fucking Percy Jackson only used Hades as a fakeout villain! And it was only the first book! The rest of the time he was only as much of a dick as the rest of the gods! Seriously though, leave Hades alone and stop shoving your Christianity view of the afterlife onto him and making him Satan. He just rules the place, he’s not evil! He’s the fucker who names his giant, three-headed, guard dog ‘Spot’ and fell in love with a beautiful Goddess of Springtime(Side question: was she just, like, Goddess of Flowers or something before the whole pomegranate thing crated changing seasons?)! Let him just stay home while he and his wife take turns playing fetch with Cerberus!

Mulan - Make it gay. Okay, I could say that for all of these, but fucking- just- we all joke about how Shang was falling for ‘Ping’ before he knew that ‘Ping’ was Mulan, but how about we actually get it? Like, Shang falls for ‘Ping’, has the Bisexual Existential Crisis, and then pursues the romance on the down low. Also, have him still be Bi even after we get the reveal that ‘Ping’ is Mulan. Like, yeah, ‘he’ was ‘she’ all along, but Shang was Bi the whole time and falling for ‘Ping’ was just the slap-in-the-face realization he needed. 

Okay, other more story-related suggestions. 

First, have Mulan be less of a fuck-up in the beginning. Like, yeah, there’s kind of the thing of ‘bringing Honor to the Family in a way that isn’t “being the perfect bride”’ plot. But I feel like it’s a better message if Mulan had the option. 

Like, while she’s not that interested into going to the Matchmaker and all, she is good at it. She’s good at being ‘girly’, and would make the perfect Bride/Wife/Mother that she’s expected to be. But maybe she’s on her way to the Matchmaker when horses ride into town and announce that one man from each family is being summoned to war. The Matchmaker visits are canceled, and everyone in town goes home to have a quiet goodbye dinner for the sons, husbands, brothers, and fathers that are being sent to war. 

Now we have the rest of the movie go as originally, all the way up until the scene where they reveal to everyone that ‘Ping’ was a woman disguised as a man. 

It starts to go the same, with the friends she made trying to protect her and Shang feeling conflicted because his duty should be to kill her or throw her out, but it’s ‘Ping’. Okay, her name is Mulan, but it’s still ‘Ping’. And as he’s debating, Mulan shouts that she only did it to save her aging father from dying in battle, and he makes up his mind. 

He orders everyone to keep this secret. Some protest(especially that adviser guy), but he’s just like ‘no. This might be a woman, but she’s still the one who kicked ass and saved our lives.” So they all stick with her and bring her with them to see the Emperor. 

The rest of the movie goes similar. The Huns survived and kidnap the Emperor, and Mulan convinces them to crossdress(Or just get in a dress, in her case) to sneak into the palace. She defeats the Big Bad in a firey explosion, etcetera. She can’t get back into ‘guy clothes’ before the Emperor congratulates her, and even if she could the adviser guy outs her for what she did, but the Emperor does the same as in the original with the whole “Hey, you saved my life. I don’t give a fuck what gender you are.”

The Emperor’s New Groove - I don’t fucking care about anything else, just give me Kingdom of the Sun! For those who don’t know, Kingdom of the Sun was one of the other Disney Movies that were in development, and is basically the Emperor’s New Groove’s first draft. 

The plot of that had kind of a ‘Prince and the Pauper’ thing going on where the Emperor finds a peasant who looks like him, and has them trade places so he can fuck off and have fun. Yzma is an evil witch who learns about the switch and uses it to her advantage. She wants to summon a evil God of Death/Darkness to destroy the fucking Sun so that she could have Eternal Youth. It got cut for various reasons and a lot of what they had was reworked into this movie. 

And honestly? I just want the original Yzma. As fun as the one we have is, the one from Kingdom of the Sun is so much more interesting, and you could’ve still had the rest of the movie we all like, even Yzma’s humor too, just give her those original motivations as a villain! Fucking- just listen to Yzma’s villain song! Yeah, Kingdom of the Sun made it far enough along that they had Eartha Kitt singing the villain song! Tell me you don’t want this version of the movie!

Tangled - There’s a bit too much focus on the side characters. Like, the best parts of the movie are pretty much everything after they get to the castle town. Have more of the quiet adventure, you know? More of the two of them interacting and less of the horse and the chameleon and the bar full of criminals.��

Also... Okay, the only reason I want to keep the whole ‘Magic Flower gives her hair(and tears) glowy healing power’ thing is for the end of the movie. But in terms of why Gothel kidnapped her.... probably my second favorite reason? I think my favorite Gothel Backstory is from the Barbie version where she’s the psychotic ex girlfriend who kidnaps your child because ‘she should be mine anyway!’ and maybe that just set the bar too high. 

Frozen - First off, I still love this movie. 

That said, cut out the characters that are only in existence to be marketable (Olaf. He did jack shit). Give a little more and a little less to the Trolls. Like, take out their song and replace it with a little more on what all they can do. 

I think Hans needs the most work, but not in the way you’d think. Make it clearer what kind of situation he’s in. Like, one of Anna’s scrapped songs is called ‘more than just the spare’, where it’s made clear that she’s only there and only taught how to rule because they need a ‘spare’ in case something happens to Elsa.  She’s only kid #2, Hans is #13. 

How do you think he feels? His only chance of being anything, of ruling any kingdom like a Prince should, is marrying a Princess and taking her kingdom. Emphasize that this is why he’s rushing into marrying Anna. But also, change the fact that it’s villainous. 

When Anna comes to him desperate for ‘True Love’s Kiss’, instead of the full heel turn, have him confess everything. Confess that he’s not her ‘True Love’, because he doesn’t love her. Again, not in a villainious way, but more of a sad breakdown through realizing how much this will hurt her and that there’s no way out that won’t hurt her.  

So he tells her of the family that sees him as nothing. He’s not even the ‘spare’, he’s #13. He has brothers who spent two years going out of their way to pretend he didn’t exist. That’s not ‘brotherly teasing’, that’s some level of abuse. And I doubt it stopped there.

Marrying a Princess or Queen of another land was his only option to be worth anything. And yes, he admits that it would be better if he seduced Elsa and married her, he even admits that the thought crossed his mind to marry Anna and fake an accident for Elsa. But he would never bring himself to do the second part. 

Marrying Anna though, he had thought that was still a way out. He could marry her, move into her Kingdom and never have to deal with his family again. And while he isn’t in love with her, perhaps over time he could grow to love her like that. 

Except Elsa forbid it,  and told Anna that if she wants to marry Hans, they have to leave. He didn’t want to go back home, and even if he was forced to, he wouldn’t bring Anna into that situation. 

And through all of this, since Elsa and Anna’s fight at the Coronation Ball, he’s been trying to figure out what to do. But now she’s here hoping he’s her ‘True Love’, and he’s breaking her heart. 

All he can do is offer to take her to where Elsa is. He still had to imprison Elsa, because she’s a danger to the kingdom, but he helps Anna make her way down there because either she help Elsa control herself, or this would let her give a proper goodbye, since there’s no ‘True Love’s Kiss’ to save her. 

The Act of True Love that isn’t a romantic kiss could be a number of things here. It could be Anna’s act of sticking by her sister, despite all that’s happened(Storge, Family Love). It could be Elsa finally giving in and letting herself feel, because keeping everything locked inside hurt her , and her sister, in so many ways(Philautia, Self Love). Even Hans confession and deciding to care for the girls and help them because it’s the right thing to do, even if all he can do is tell the truth they deserve(Agape, Selfless Love).

Okay, I’ve run out of Disney Films I either have strong ideas for, or have seen. So let’s end this.