#like super graphic ultramodern girl like meeeeee

[wastingawayinmyroom]

@prongsfoot-microfic - warning: mcd, talk about death and killing

humanity.

I'm losing it, he thinks, while he's walking down a damp London street, surrounded by everything except James' arms. I'm losing it, love, I'm so sorry.

James looks up at him, lazily, head still on his lap, despite the news he'd just told him. "I don't really care if you're a vampire, honestly. You could be anyone, anything, and I wouldn't care, Sirius."

He knows he promised James. That he wouldn't be like other vampires. He wouldn't lose his humanity. That he wouldn't kill.

Sirius shakes his head. "What if I stopped just feeding on rats? What if... What if I drained someone, James? A person? Would you love me when I became a murderer?"

He walks faster, away from the stench, the strong smell of blood. Away from the temptation to give in to what he's been pushing away for so long.

James thinks for a moment. Sirius drinks in the look on his face like a polo pony's insides. "You wouldn't do that. I know you, Sirius. You couldn't."

James is gone now, something inside of him says, something rotten and dead. There's nobody to hold you back. Nobody to go home to and feel guilty for.

Sirius doesn't say anything, at first. James reaches up to caress his cheek, his hand warm on cool skin, and Sirius finally speaks. "I promise," he says, "No matter how bad it gets. I won't."

He stops moving. Nobody's in his flat. Just James' old belongings. He can burn those, later.

Sirius lets James pull him down, connect their mouths in a kiss. They break apart, and James looks him in the eyes. "I love you. Always. No matter what."

James wanted to get cremated, but he ended up burning down in a car crash. The least he can do is cremate the old clothes and trinkets.

Sirius closes his eyes. "Me too."

He turns around. He doesn't feel any regret.

I'm so sorry, love, he thinks. But you're gone. And a part of me is, too.

I lost it. I lost you.

I lost my humanity.

Sirius Black:

Monster.