#like still dont love the flavor but if its ripe and sweet and from the fridge. who am i to complain

[cosmicrhetoric]

the humbling act of trying a food you swear you hated (even after trying it as an adult) for years and years and years and finding out that its fine actually. still not ur fave but fine. we should all do this every five years to remember what its like 2 be human

[pjulian]

Lilac Patisserie - Aptly named for gay nerds

In the mood for some gay brunch and pastry, Saturday morning brought us to the ever fancy “lilac patassery,” as julian calls it.

Like many white people coffee spots in the area, I had been wanting to try it out for a while. A decently long line of people awaited as we got there.

They seem to have a large collection of cakes and tarts and things that made me want to pee myself or something. Truly tempted by the lemon cheesecake but the lemon merengue tarts captured me more. Lemon will always be seductive to me.

Anyways, a cute $80 pricetag for two mains, the tart and two lattes and we were seated.

A wonderfully gay man informed me and julian that he would “recommend that we cut the tart” after he watched us nearly break our forks trying to take bites. Tart pictured here, post destruction:

Things came out pretty quickly, lattes following soon after. I always enjoy cute latte art, although they gave me the GIRL design. Just kidding. The lattes were a decent size, julian’s was his coveted mocha, mine was a caramel latte.

Unsure if caramel meant sea salt caramel? A sip of mine tasted almost salty, however it was quickly fixed with a sugar packet. Very good afterwards.

Post-latte was only another few minutes until the food came out. I got the classic breakfast, something delightfully american. julian got his favorite french toast.

The breakfast was good. Being a bakery, they had some thick fluffy bread for toast which was its own experience. A little sugary for my taste but, good nonetheless. The potatoes were my favorite part, mostly nice and soft and well seasoned (with the exception of one half raw piece). That being said, Lilac makes an interesting decision to pair the potatoes with a sea of roasted onion and bell pepper. Honestly I didn’t even touch the onions, not wanting to deal with the monstrosity of onion breath for the rest of the year. The apple chicken sausage offered was a little bland, but good. Not an exceptional amount of flavor but I just love sausage. Overall the food was decent but not spectacular.

Most of the points for this place come from the atmosphere. Nice lavender walls and a really clean and dainty french feel. I don’t know how often i can justify a full breakfast at the price point but it’s definitely a place to return to. Campy and gay enough for me!

★ ★ ★ ★ / 5

Warm wishes,

pj

Read julian’s thoughts on his food below ⬇️

i was most surprised by the speed of the service as pj already pointed out, everything was delivered to us pretty quickly and paced out well. the tart itself i enjoyed but im also not really one for messy food and the gay guy telling me how to cut the thing was embarrassing so i cant really give it too glowing of praise but its also a pretty personal thing, if you like creamy desserts and gay men humiliating you then its probably great. the mocha was good just a little too sweet, i prefer it a bit more bitter but again thats personal taste it was still very good. i liked the leaf on it was very sad when i drank it to the point of complete dissolution.

the french toast was served with a cup of butter, syrup, and a side of assorted fruit. pretty average presentation but strawberries with french toast is like crack to me so i cant bring myself to care too much, dont need anything too exotic to enjoy the meal with.what definitely surprised me though was that i typically hate blueberries but the ones served here were actually great with a very consistent ripeness and sweetness to the point that it may have turned me around on the fruit a little. like sorry blueberries i didnt realize you could taste like that. the toast itself was pretty decent too although i wish it was served with a little more syrup, it was like a tiny cup i need the whole gallon.

despite lilacs pattassery not entirely aligning with my autistic inclinations id say it was a pretty good dining experience overall especially if youre normal. you got to hand it to white people. but only sometimes. id give it 3.5 stars out of 5.

best regards,

julian

Lilac Patisserie: 3.75 ★

[exploremains]

Mango smoovie dogfish head

Amazing juiced aromas up front of candied orange slices/juice, vanilla, lemon, passion fruit, pineapple, mango, melon, white grape, apricot. Great spotty soapy lacing and streaming carbonation retaining the cap. Pours moderately hazy golden yellow color with a 2 finger dense and rocky off white head. really tasty and well made, a standout in an increasingly crowded style space and format. i dont know why i expected to dislike this, i used to love everything these guys made, its only recently my impression has turned, largely thanks to the imperial voodoo, this is totally redeeming. high carbonation makes it quite light to drink. no bitterness, but i dont miss it this time around, and i think this has great flavor, freshness, and dangerous drinkability, summer but good for any time, a good morning beer, mimosa vibes here too, just really fruity and good. playful hints of coconut, papaya, and sweet orange, really fruity, almost seems like it has to be fruit, but lots of new school hops in here, southern hemisphere maybe, and seemingly a lot of strains, no expense spared? good for these guys, especially because this is still affordable. the hop profile rules, and tastes about as good as it smells, juicy is an understatement, with ripe mango and cantaloupe to it, but shockingly not sugary, love how clean the ferment is, not metallic, fusel, or even all that warm to me. its got some light unfiltered sort of chill haze to it, not big and starchy and thick, nor is it amber, like a lot of these are, not over malty for balance, smart call, seems like maybe some white wheat with the pale barley, real simple, big enough in stature but dry and light in flavor, even uplifting, it accentuates rather than balances out the hops in the taste too, cool. its almost nuts how strong it is, because it drinks light. i was lucky enough to have to on draft rather than from the huge can where the bottom half is almost always assuredly rough unless you just blast it down, so that might be a factor here, but this is actually impressively good, even if i kind of hate to admit it because ive held a grudge against voodoo imperial for some time now, one of the worst beers in that single serve strong ipa space, despite tearing it up some how in terms of sales, who drinks more than one or two of those ever?! anyway, this is a different breed, thankfully. Its crazy how bad voodoo imperial is, i mean relatively speaking for what these guys are capable of, so i didnt expect a whole lot from this one, given it plays in a similar space.