#like sorry if my significant other just started throwing out our dead baby's stuff acting like it was nothing

[koreandragon]

why the fuck did i go on twitter....

[nana-lew-rp]

Just So We Know It Wasn’t A Fluke|| MortiLew AU

@suzydoozy @kickthepj-rp @crywastaken-rp

These weeks of Suzy and Shawna seeing each other inside and outside of school have been a whirlwind. Suzy honestly couldn’t believe how different it felt being with someone who knows exactly the trauma she’d been through. Someone who knew all the right places to touch, and what to do for her when she wasn’t feeling well and the fun that they have when it’s just them or even in their huge group now. They had exchanged clothes and even have little things that they wear to think of each other while they’re in separate classes. All day long, Suzy plays with the hair tie that Shawna gave her to hide their messages against their wrist. The little folded papers would only hold them over until they both excused themselves to the bathroom to share a little kiss and switch them out. 

Felix and Cry were so amazed at Suzy’s commitment to being with Shawna and how happy she was overall. It made them look like just best friends. They had double dates at the lunch table and it was a lot of fun chatting it up while some of the school looked on in intrigue and surprise. Who would have thought that the gay couples at the school would not only know each other but would have the bravery to sit together with their love on display. 

“I meant to say it when you came in this morning, Shaw, but your hair looks extra..uuhh..super fluffy today. How do you cut it?” Cry asked, dipping a fork into his chicken.

“I usually..don’t cut it..I just trim it and let it be,” Shawna said, nervous as she kept fixing her hair to make sure that her neck was covered.

“I think she looks amazing. She looks like the sun,” Suzy looked up from her book leaned into the other girl, “And she smells great today.”

“Obviously too good for you to do your homework when you’re at her house,” Felix said, “You’ll be able to do homework again in like 2 months, so try again next year for perfect homework completion.”

“I’m gonna get it, you’re not gonna give up on me that quickly,” Suzy challenged, writing more of her homework down.

“But just so you know, we had gotten caught up playing a game last night,” Shawna said as she sipped her soup.

“Was it a sex game? Because you’re definitely are trying to hide those hickies like it was,” Cry pointed out, looking Shawna dead in her eyes. It made the girl nervous and she flipped her hair back in a huff, revealing all of the red and purple blotches that littered her skin. Both boys gasped and expressed their disgusted.

“Rookies,” Felix snickered as he sipped his drink.

“What game was it, Suze?” Cry asked.

“It was the new Mario Maker 2 and Super Smash Bros. We kinda got really into competing with each other and..uh..lost track of the time. So, it wasn’t that I couldn’t do my homework, we just forgot and by the time we woke up in the morning we had no time we had to get on the train,” Suzy explained nervously as she finished writing. 

“Didn’t work because we ended up sleeping the whole train ride and on the other train we were playing Smash,” Shawna giggled, “Those were just part of us liking each other for about like 3 hours last night. We actually were playing Smash for an unhealthy amount of time, though..” The girl snuggled against the other, and rubbed her back. The other welcomed it as she wrote out the last of her homework assignment and slammed her books together. Her friends applauded her success and gave Shawna a kiss on her lips. 

Just then, the fire alarm sounded and forced the students to leave the school for the day. 

The four decided to head out to relax, and drove to the mall. They initially rode with their significant others, but coupled off into more acceptable couples for the old people and rednecks that go to the mall during the weekday. Suzy went with Felix and Cry went with Shawna. Suzy and Felix went into the resident occult store to look for some supplies for her altar.

“So...” Felix began as he went through the clothes in the rack and grimaced at a few silently while Suzy tried on some clothes, “You an Shawna, huh? Seems legit.”

“Shut up, Pewds! I’m changing. And yeah, it’s a nice change-”

“Nice change? Do you hear yourself? You told me you were done everyone until we graduated, and here you are: screwing around with a sophomore,” Felix injected.

“That’s funny. ‘Cus I remember saying something similar to you when you got with Cry,” Suzy rebutted, “And you told me that I might be jealous..which-”

“Oh you were. Don’t deny it!” Felix laughed as Suzy opened the curtain to show her look. He looks on, not meaning to have a long stare at his friend. Suzy isn’t phased. She peeks out of the curtain to notice the store workers talking to themselves and what looks to be their own non-employed friends. She gives him another look and pulls him in, closing the curtain behind him. “What the fuck was that for?”

“So they don’t hear us...” Suzy giggled, “I feel like our conversation was getting too personal. It’s not like we haven’t been here before..” Felix became a little confused before he carried on and sat in the small dressing booth on top of the girl’s clothes.

“Well, you were jealous. You even told me later on. You were fighting for my attention with him. Also, maybe you should see about getting that in like a blue. That red’s not doing you any favours,” Felix continued, looking the girl up and down and leaning his head back on the cool wall of the booth.

“It’s not doing you any favours or it makes me look slutty? I’m trying to figure out a fun belly dancing costume- or at least a gypsy,” Suzy said, checking herself out in the mirror. She could hear a slight sigh in Felix as he tilted his head back and saw that his eyes were closed, she kicked his foot and made his rise again, “Wake up! Tell me how I look!”

“Stop manhandling me!” he whines, “Just hurry up and change back...”

“I’ve barely touched you!..Baby!..Tell me more about Jeanie!” Suzy said, taking off the first set and throwing on another, this more draped than the last. Felix sat up while she had undressed and was very confused.

“Who the hell is Jeanie?” he asked, he stared briefly at the other girl as she fixed her hair and fixed herself in the mirror.

“Oh! I’m so sorry! I call Shawna Jeanie because her favourite movie is Ferris Bueller’s Day Off I call her Shawna because Ferris’ older sister goes by Jeanie until she meets Charlie Sheen at the police station and tell him her real name. She told me that’s how it felt when she met me...And it just stuck-”

“I can’t listen to anymore of this! I need fucking caffeine, can you hurry up?” Felix interrupted. It made Suzy face him and throw her hands on her hips.

“Tell me you’re jealous.”

“Of what? Your outfit you’re trying on or the fact that you and ‘Jeanie’ are sickening together and a small part of me hates it? Because the second one isn’t true, and I don’t lie, Suzy,” Felix said, his cheeks turning red, staring her in the eyes.

“That was a lie! You don’t like it, but you know there’s nothing you can do,” Suzy laughed, brushing one of the draping skirts over his face and took herself out of the outfit and changed into her what was left of the uniform that she had on and they exited the store.

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“Hey,” Cry said as he looked through the titles of games he hasn’t played at the GameStop discount bin. 

“Yeah?” Shawna asked, reading the back of one of the cases, “You look a little unnerved, what’s up, Cry?”

“You know Suzy and Felix have history, right?” he says, getting closer towards her, but not that close. Shawna nods and furrows her eyebrows at the masked boy, wondering why he was bringing it up.

“Yeah? What’s the big deal? All that matters now is that they’re still friends and stuff. I really don’t mind if they get a little close now and then. I am the new girl, after all,” Shawna said meekly with a shrug of her shoulders, “Was it a problem for you?” When Cry asked that he motioned that he’d try this game because it’s final markdown was only $3 dollars. They stood at the counter while he got his game and then proceeded to leave, walking around the mall looking at some stores and ultimately deciding on the food court. They sat down.

“It really does still bother me. Not in a jealousy perspective...more like a secrecy perspective. He and she weren’t together or anything, but they were close and the way they would disappear sometimes worried me. I didn’t even know that Suzy was into girls, but he did, and he didn’t tell me. It just..don’t sit right. At the beginning before Felix made it official we were together- and not even to the whole school- I’d come over his house and Suzy would be there and they looked like they just had sex. Then it took him to get 100% honest with me that him and Suzy were still messing around even if it wasn’t sex specifically. I’m not saying one enables the other, but I don’t think they bring out the best in each other either,” Cry explained as they ate at the table. Shawna grew a little more concerned at his words, and noticed how they were the ones who selected how they split up today- even to split up at all. 

“Suzy told me all of that, too. She said that it just kinda happened since we’re all young and full of hormones. They trust each other a lot. I don’t think that they would make an act out of being gay at school just to cheat on us. She began talking to me about the things they used to do and I felt like I’ve been warming up to the ideas, but I do sympathize that they may be more comfortable with each other than I initially thought, and sometimes she’s willing to be around him than me or even with you there...I just don’t wanna assume it’s still happening if it isn’t you know? I mean, what are we gonna do if it is true? You’re like completely gay, right? I don’t think that would work,” Shawna explained and could hear Cry sigh. The boy’s hands always start sweating when he thought about things like this. It grounded him to hear her small but serious joke about how helpless in the situation they are.

“Ah, I tend to think too much sometimes, but it was nice to get it off of my chest and be heard and know it’s not me being insecure and crazy,” Cry chuckled nervously, smiling weakly at Shawna. He liked having someone to talk to who seemed so down to earth, and she was considerate of his feelings and didn’t take it at face value, which, he liked.

“Sheesh, same here so don’t worry it’s cool,” Shawna said, realizing she was having a regular normal conversation and it didn’t feel forced, but it wasn’t romantic either; she waved the thoughts and Cry’s nervousness away and kept on, “We should seriously think of what to do to them if we find out they are fucking on their own, though.”

“Ahh well, I told Felix that if I ever caught him with another person, he’d have to endure this really nice punishment...How well versed are you in public sexual romps?” Cry asked then sipped his smoothie.

“Oh uhhh. I used to do it sometimes with my ex, but I’m such a lightweight, anything would set me off, but he explained it to me as it’s like passing notes in class. You’re golden as long as you don’t get caught and communicate to only the person you’re conversing with in order to keep any suspicion off of you,” Shawna said as she swallowed hard on the subject, but it felt strange to be able to talk about her past and it wasn’t in therapy.

“Oh well then you’re perfect, we can torture our partners how we please,” Cry said with a smile.

“But what if they never stop? Are we just gonna be okay with their technical infidelity or are there going to be deeper consequences?” Shawna said, sipping her smoothie, thinking about it, “I don’t really like the fact I’d be condoning their cheating on us.”

“Listen, they’re older than us, we’re the sophomores. We can learn from them. And if it’s ever too much, just break up with her and enjoy your youth. That’s how I see it,” Cry mentioned with a shrug, “You and I just live our lives different from them, why should it be the end-all, be-all?” 

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Felix sipped his Starbucks and smiled at Suzy, who also drank from her cup. The boy noticed his boyfriend walking with the plain haired girl in the atrium of the mall and stopped to watched them walk. Suzy joined him as she spied on her girlfriend and let out a sigh, “This is what it’s like, huh?”

Felix turned his head quickly to figure out the look on Suzy’s face and back to their loves below, “Yeah. This is what it’s like.”

The girl felt the heat of her cup as she slowly turned it in both directions in her hands, thinking of the girl and her chest feeling like it was gonna cave in or explode. “Is it different because it’s taboo, or is it just what she gives off?” she asked hesitantly, “I’ve just never felt this way with a girl....well felt this way and followed through.”

“It’s the hardest part, I feel it as the fear of being judged and ostracized, but then you realize that it doesn’t matter what other people think...it’s not for everyone, just you..You’re going with your gut for the first time. There’s bound to be growing pains, you know?” Felix said, looking at her, “She’s gonna teach you some things.”

“I feel like she’s taught me so much! She said that she’s never really had a girlfriend but she’s treating me how she’s always imagined it would be. It blows my mind that her imagination is so vast!” Suzy gushes, but gets a worrying pang in her chest, “She’s actually bi, and it kinda...I’d be lying if I said I was scared that she’d go back to guys...I dunno if I’m even cut out for it anymore, let alone polygamy-”

“You’re thinking too much into it. You gotta be there if she changes her mind, just pray she doesn’t hide it. I know it’s hard to validate somebody’s bisexuality without casting judgement or hurting or confusing yourself. The whole point is that the conversation needs to happen and to speak up when something changes with either how you both feel or with what you do, otherwise you’ll help perpetuate that stigma and cause all types of problems in the long run,” Felix said as he received a text from his boyfriend, “Apparently they’re also having girl time, so we can roam around a little more. You wanna go to like a big department store or something?” 

“Mmmh, yeah we can go and look around in like Macy’s or Nordstrom and then swing around to Barnes and Noble, I need a certain spirituality book about tarot card reading,” Suzy said as they walked away from the atrium and towards the department store.

“Oh hell yeah, do me first. I want to be the first person to know my fate from you,” Felix piped up and looked at the girl. He held a soft smile.

“I told Jeanie I’d do her first!”

“Nu-uh! You do me first, cus I did you first!”

“That’s all that matters to you, huh?”

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“I think you’d have to trick her, Suzy’s pretty observant,” Cry said, looking through some toys in the adult section of the Spencer’s.

“Suzy’s almost always down. She’s that kind of girl who likes to be told what happens and it’ll still be a surprise,” Shawna said, checking out the edible syrups, chocolate sauces and underwear, “She actually likes to blush a lot when there are sexy things a foot.”

“I know that much. Felix has a similar thing about either being the dominator or being dominated,” Cry began, “Depends on his mood.”

“He likes to be dominated?..Huh, this is news to me,” Shawna gasped, then scoffed as she picked up some incense for Suzy to burn at her altar, “I don’t meet submissive men like that.”

“What about Jeremy and Ray?” 

“Ha! Ah ha ha ha ha ha. You’re funny,” she iterated flatly, sarcastically.

“They’re not gay?” 

“Mmm-mmh. They’re straight. They’re just cool and comfortable enough to speak the language of gay..”

“Oh..well..coulda fooled me,” Cry said as he tried on some hats.

“Yeah, they could fool anyone. Especially since Jeremy’s mute,” Shawna said, looking at some accessories, “I think you need to take your gaydar in for a tune up.”

“My gaydar is a different model and it’s working just fine, thank you very much,” Cry rebutted, “I got the pansexual model. I just need confidence and identification updates. Some other new-fangled computer stuff. Look I bought the thing. I bought it because I needed it..and Felix is a Swedish, cute, tall add-on- he makes thing better and it would be different if I would have to live without him or with someone else in the port.”

“That’s a very interesting way to describe your sex life..but congrats on being pan, dude..” Shawna smiled at his explanation. 

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“Wait whoa, whoa...he’s pan?” Suzy asked, pushing some clothes on the rack while she searched for her size. 

“Yeah. He’s just embarrassed because other people would call him confused. I told him he doesn’t have to explain himself if he doesn’t want to. He can just be gay for right now,” Felix said with a shrug and shook his head at one of the selections the girl made, then held up his clothes and pointed to the dressing room.

“Yeah, yeah, just a second...Wow, I’ve known him for a while and he doesn’t seem like girls are something he’d want if at all,” Suzy said, looking through a couple more shelves of clothes and then heading to the dressing rooms with him.

“He told me he’s had girlfriends in the past, but they didn’t work out as well as I have so far and his feelings are stronger this time around, so he was interested at first and then it really got good for him, and all of this was before he had sex. I don’t think him having sex with anyone is a goal, but I can tell it has to be with someone special. So, I’m pretty lucky,” Felix said as he waited for the attendant to leave them to try on the clothes and ultimately left when they got called to another section of the store. 

Felix and Suzy were chatting on and trying on clothes and danced to some of the music playing in the store.

“That outfit is giving me babygirl witch vibes,” Felix mentioned, looking at Suzy a longer than he should have.

“That’s what I was going for,” Suzy replied, swaying on her feet, then twirling in Felix’s direction. She was trying to make a point of not being ignored, but what other kinds of trouble could she put him into? Locking eyes with the boy, she took his hands and played with them, rather childish, but she was all smiles, her energy building and getting giddy. “Can I get some of your energy from the crystals you’re wearing?” she asked with her cutest voice.

Felix’s chest felt like it was about to twist up and jump out of his throat. She was torturing him. Forcing him to watch her change. Her exposed body in private just like before. Her voice getting sweeter just like he liked it. Her body in very provocative clothing. Things he could imagine her wearing in some of his dreams and what she used to dress during those long winters when they were snowed in. He could hear his heart racing. Then all he could see is her. He looked up, knowing his hands were about to start sweating, and smirked with a scoff under his breath. Shawna and Cry were on the other side of the mall. The store attendant had been called to the registers on the other end of the store. There’s no one here. The music playing in the booth is just loud enough. Fuck it. Can’t hurt what they don’t know. Maybe this will be it. Maybe this won’t happen anymore. Maybe she just needed to know one last time. 

Suzy knew it was working, She wished she was in his head: listening to his musings and rationalizing if they could get away with it. His neck growing a little red and the swaying of his hands slowing down and falling from hers and quickly up her thighs. She gasped. Yeah, there’s some truth to what she said, she wanted to recharge her energy on the crystals Felix wore because the new moon just happened and he captured a lot of its strong energy when he cleansed and charged it. However, she couldn’t expect that he’d go for her and the contact be electric. She almost couldn’t handle it, but she steadied herself. It was a pagan thing, but this had so much more behind it. Maybe she teased too much, maybe this was getting out of hand. Conversely, maybe this was a sign of change. The universe would give you an overwhelming amount of energy to aide in the changes forthcoming. Then Felix stood up, his hands crawling up, and she gasped, her eyes followed his as he rose, his hands snake with him and causes the girl to lose her breath. He comes up and slides his hands from under her skirt and back up to under her white mystic crop top, giving attention to her waist and lower back. It made her feel like a ballerina, and she could feel a moan brewing. It caught in her throat. When the other boy turned them and backed her against the solid wall in the corner of this enclosure. She threw her hands to his arms, but it felt like he picked her up and gently laid her against the wall, like a cello. She didn’t realize in enough time that she hadn’t closed her mouth, only pushing out an “uh” before she was encased in Felix. It felt perfect, steamy, downright hot. It was as if the other girl didn’t exist. Their relationship was a mere fleeting fling alight with intense pleasure. She never practices sex magic. There’s a reason. She had read and had been warned that it can be intense, and hard to handle, when not done in the correct circumstances and without proper focus.

The two of them were soon entangled: they felt like they couldn’t let go of each other. His arm clad with his stones rested on her heart and it just filled her with so much energy. She could faint. She was so lost in him and in their connection, that she almost hated when he pulled away. “Why do you still do that?” he asked as he sat down, beside himself. He brushed through his hair and sighed heavily. 

“Still do what?..” Suzy said, changing out of the borrowed outfit, a better pep in her step and she reclothed into her uniform, fixing her hair quickly with the comb she had in her bag. 

“You tease me all day and then when I explode- you just act like it’s expected...It’s like you’re trying very hard to ” he said, fixing his clothes and his own hair in the mirror. The realization hitting him and then his chest felt like an elephant sat on it because of the missed texts and calls on both of their phones from their beloveds. “I mean...are you even serious about Shawna? I know you don’t like the idea of it, but you could be with me, too. Cry’s really mature about things like this-”

“I...I don’t know what you’re talking about..” Suzy scoffed, shaking her head to tell her body to not waste the energy she had just received, “Shawna and I are..doing just fine! We’re hitting it off extremely well for your information. What do you expect me to do when you want me around, but you’re stringing me along while you..you have Cry.” She was mixing her thoughts and emotions, things were getting cloudy. It was all fading away. She hated lying. Shawna made her feel something she has never felt before, and it was real. However, it’s so hard to turn her eyes away from Felix. She’s not jealous of Cry, but she does sit in envy of their bond, their closeness, their intimacy. It’s sinful to be so envious. She knows how horrid it can be to her energy and her mental state. She’s caught between a rock and a hard place. Why couldn’t they fight and end up hating each other so that she could forget about him like she did Arin?! Shawna is like an elixir to set her at ease about all of this, but she couldn’t bring herself to taint her with bad blood. Felix and she were here first. Suzy just can’t see how this is going to work. She’s had to draw her line in the sand and she decided that her heart, her mind, her being is with Felix, but she will entertain and learn from the girl as much as she can. No, she will be a special friend, a very close and (maybe too close) intimate friend, almost family. Now she had to make it sound like the truth. Why does she lie?!

“Do you know how much trouble we’re in, Suzy? That we did the one thing that we promised Cry we wouldn’t do? I have to tell him. I need him like I need you. What do you think is gonna happen now?” Felix asked as they exited the dressing room with nothing but what they came to the mall with. He was started to fall apart, and even attempting to center himself in his crystals, but Suzy had taken their energy. He was coming undone. He was so disgusted with himself, but on the outside, he was so at ease. It felt like something that had built up not just over the trip, but since Shawna had entered her life at all. And maybe even before that. He had flash images of how long they would look at each other, how their conversations were so seamless and easy to talk about anything. How nothing had changed. Cry was right to assume, and he’d be right to judge. She was so good at getting him where he wasn’t protected, and even disarming him from his own lies. However, he knew that it meant that she was building up with her own. His heart pulsed at the thought of he believes that they’re still dating, but the people next to them were only mere friends- both out of love and sex. They were all connected. Shawna only served to purify Suzy’s sexual energy and open her mind to more ideas of love and its manifestations because she can become very introspective and selfish in her practice. Cry, as mature as he is, is only a student to Felix in his own journey of his sexuality. Their bond is strong and he can’t deny that Cry is teaching him how love can be different and change ever so easily, and how he can be completely devoted and still have his own things to figure out, which speaks volumes for Felix. These feelings aren’t striking him with fear, but more of intrigue. “We....we have to...we’re gonna have to talk about this,” Felix uttered as he rushed to the sophomores, his eyes were open and starting to blur, there’s no way he could drive, “Shawna.”

“Yes?” she asked, looking at him and rising from the couch in the atrium the same time Cry did, who had gone in front of her and began to embrace his boyfriend, “What’s wrong?”

“Ca-ca-...You got your license yeah?” he asked, placing his arms around Cry lightly, as he fished his keys out of his pocket.

“Permit..but what’s wrong?!” she asked again, gaining a little more intensity. She finally looked over at Suzy, who was trying to hide herself so much to the point that she was going to disappear like she was trying to disappear. 

“Close enough, drive to my house...please. I’ll explain when we get there. I gotta get home,” he said, straightening a little more, handing the girl the keys to the van, “I gotta lie down for this.”

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PJ was surprised that he was called over, but apparently, Felix sounded panicked and he needed a mediator. He drove over to his house and knocked on the door, Cry opened the door and pointed to the stairs and he nodded, going up and straight to the boy’s room. He saw his friend, laying on his bed with a cloth on his head; Suzy, who looked like she had tried to tie herself into a pretzel and had been crying sitting on the bed next to Felix and that wasn’t normal for her; the girl he had seen a few times with them, he didn’t know her name for the life of her, but gosh she was a little cutie and he’d definitely need to see what type of acquaintance he could make with her, but right now she was seething and sitting on the edge of Felix’s desk holding herself and staring at the floor. He was brought back into reality after Cry pushed against the door with a tray full of cups, water, soda and some light snacks, lettting out a light exchange of sorrys and then setting down the tray, sitting in the chair at the desk next to Shawna and he takes off his mask and rubs his face- this was very concerning. He had looked away and waited for Cry to put the mask back on out of respect and then heard the snaps meaning he could turn his head back around. “Uhh...ookkay. Who would like to start? Maybe start with what happened?” he said, slowly taking off his jacket and shoes and sitting in front of the door. 

Shawna slowly rose up and explained how the day was going fine, and then it had been tarnished. From what she had described, it was a breach of trust. PJ looked at Cry and he was nodding with the new girl’s words. What kind of dynamic was going on here? This was very very interesting. It had layers, like an onion, and he was glad he was responsible for undoing each one of those. Next up was Cry, who admitted the day did go very well up until the mall. Then, without much hesitation, explained exactly what he had assumed had happened while he and the new girl were getting to know each other. Looks like they got to know each other, so that’s good. Sucks the circumstances came to this, though. The most unsettling part of all of this, that had PJ the most focused, was the fact that Suzy was almost stoic in her actions. She sat by Felix, stroking his hand while he rested with the cold compress, handing him a glass of water to drink and feeding him fruit. She seemed absolutely unphased by her deceit, or the fact that she was giving Felix attention and care and love in front of Cry, who had a growing leg bounce, his hands and arms glued to the back of his neck. The new girl was swinging her legs, but her hands hadn’t moved, her eyes were stuck to the floor when she wasn’t speaking, almost like she was fighting the urge to vomit or scream. It was quite intense. She’s felt this pain before.

Felix volunteered to speak and explained what had happened in the area that Shawna and Cry were in the dark. PJ raised his eyebrows at the experience and heard the loud breaths of the other group, who were holding their tongue until their turn to speak came about. “And I need you to tell me what’s wrong with me. I-I don’t feel bad, but I don’t...I dunno how I would make this work,” he finished, sitting up and giving his best friend pleading eyes, “I know you know about it, so maybe you could shed some light.”

“It sounds like you’re battling with polygamy, and your deep attachment to your partners,” PJ began, sighing as he stretched, “Now, I’m not going to cover your spiritual attachments, I feel like that’s out of my depths. However, I can say that you were taking a step in the right direction by not hiding it- what you and Suzy did, how you feel about what you did, and knowing that explaining a concept like this to your partner who’s recently coming into himself. And just so we’re all clear: polygamy is the practice of having multiple romantic and sexual partners- those partners maybe not respectively be polygamous themselves or commit to that practice, so that maybe be where a lot of this...confusion and frustration is coming from.”

“I don’t like that,” Suzy admits, “Why can’t he and I be together and just...I dunno. Be?”

“In...a...way..you could, but you would have to be communicative and exclusive to his other partners, and you’d have to be more upfront with Shawna and your relationship with her,” PJ explained. Suzy was uncomfortable and growing more anxious.

“For the record, I’d be willing to work with Felix and his practice, so long as he remains honest. The...I guess my problem is when he’s making promises to her and giving her attention and I don’t know about it. Because, to me, relationships need to have trust and communication and it’s hard when I start opening up again and...this bullshit happens, and she causes it and doesn’t really consider how it makes any of us feel,” Cry said, Shawna nodded watching him talk.

“You..To piggyback off of what Cry said, I think that is..extremely important. I’m also not opposed to the polygamous idea, I feel like it could work, but I really hope...” she sighs and pulls her sleeves over her hands, “That Suzy is being straight up and is being real. She knows about my past, she knows how I ended up at this school. I wouldn’t think she would turn around and hurt me so deeply, just to...I dunno exploit Felix or humiliate me? Like at the cost of Felix being more attracted to you and giving you attention-”

“Jeanie, it’s not like I wouldn’t want anything to do with you...Nothing of it! I just..we can’t be together like that, I don’t like it that way,” Suzy jumped up, attempting to reassure the girl. 

“So if I got with someone you’d still be mad right?” Shawna challenged, her chest heavy, “Or are you 100% sure this is what you want?”

“I...I..”

“Might I remind you, Suzy, that ‘I don’t know’ isn’t going to make your case as strong as you think...Especially since Felix and I have yet to talk about the outcome of our relationship,” Cry intervened.

“W-What do you mean?! I don’t want us to be over-”

“I’m not going to allow her to steal you from me, either. I support you in your endeavours but we gotta set some behavioural boundaries,” he piped up again.

“Yes! This is what I wanna hear, what kind of behavioural boundaries do you think need to be set, Ryan?” PJ asked, excited.

“Wait..wait..don’t I get a chance to set some boundaries too?” Suzy asked.

“We’ll have to see, but we all- and I speak for the three of us not on that bed- that your boundaries are pretty clear and pure in nature, but very personal, so this is the point where we open up for compromise,” PJ explained, “Also, we’re being fair, we let you go first.”

Suzy felt almost enraged and like no one was on her side- whatever that is. Why was she being treated like this? Why was Felix letting them talk to her like this? What she said was fair in her eyes, what else matters? Her grip tightened on Felix’s hand, which he squeezed back. and rubbed the back of her palm. It calmed her, but it just didn’t feel right to her. She had so little requests, what was all of this talking for?

“Ok...I feel like Suzy should tell me when she’s with Felix....Just- Just..a simple text or a phone call. Nothing crazy. I’ll probably still talk to him, I just want him to be able to tell me, ya know? Uhhmm Felix, you’re gonna have to choose to either be in an openly gay relationship or a straight one. You know like we all know, school’s GP ain’t...exactly the most kind to having both. For both my sake and Suzy’s sake...See? Very fair. I just didn’t like the sneaking around and the hiding. Felix isn’t very good at it,” Cry explained and chose his words carefully. He was sure in what he was saying but it still felt like a pulling to dissent. A small piece of him was telling him to get up and walk away. It’s not worth it. Why trust someone who lies and keeps lying to him? The both of them. They don’t make him feel wanted or accepted...or even loved. 

“That...yeah he’s too pale. He gets red doing anything,” Suzy agreed while she was nodding and peeked a smile before hiding it. She felt weird that they were agreeing to something that to her feels like a vortex, another universe- then it dawned on her that it’s different to her, but it’s the same thing. It’s just Felix. They get what they want out of that vortex, but it doesn’t belong to her. Those moments, the ideas, the feeling...It’s not always hers to herself. It broke her heart to understand such a thing. She now had so many questions for Felix. Did he feel her vortex, like she him? Or was it a pale wind? Maybe it didn’t even exist. And what about Cry?

Cry sighed lightly.

“No! No that’s it! I don’t wanna lose him. I just care about Suzy too much for her to be some side-” Felix began.

“So a concubine?” Shawna asked.

“A mistress?” Cry mused.

“YES!..Uh..no! I don’t know!” Felix shook his head hard in confusion.

“Alright, alright..I’ve heard enough,” PJ said, “Here’s how I see this playing out from here: Shawna, we should talk. Cry I think you and Felix will be fine because I do believe he’s got a lot of love to give, just not the knowledge to maybe figure it out. Felix, you probably are thinking too much into this polygamy thing, which sounds worse than what it is. However, I think you’d very much so benefit from it, and it may pass, it may not, but it’ll always be your job to pick up the pieces between them if either party decides to communicate to you how they feel. About you, about them, about the other.-”

“Or others.” Shawna jumped up again.

“Or others, yes, thanks,” PJ said, gesticulating, “Also, you guys should make time regularly to sit down as a group and talk about these things. And the more you arrange to do it, it’ll be a learned behaviour to speak out and know that you are going to be heard and not judged. Remember we have a QSA at school that meets on Fridays after school. Maybe you should bring this up and tell your story to other kids at our school. A guy named Joey in my class is running to be their head of the club since he’s come out.”

“I remember him! He came around to my classes to advocate and get new members!” Shawna said, looking at her phone and then standing up, stretching, “Hey PJ, right? Can you take me home?”

“Aw, so soon?” Cry asked, looking at her with some sort of longing. He didn’t want to face this alone, also he just really didn’t want to be around his boyfriend(?) right now, “Uhh, actually I think I need to get going anyway. This whole alarm impromptu trip has thrown me off and I lost track of the time. I gotta go home and watch my neice and the dogs...plus I gotta finish Corpse Party tonight..”

“Alright..anyone..else?” PJ said, “Going once...going twice...sold. Let’s get outta here.”

Cry was very quiet on the way home, he was getting dropped off first and had so much to think about while he greeted his sister and brother and the dog, then was met with a mountain of dishes. He was able to look up who Joey was and the Facebook page for the QSA and he’d be lying if the boy wasn’t adorable. There was a whole video to catch people up about the purpose of the club being on campus and changing the lives of the students, Cry hung onto every word. 

Shawna and PJ talked and connected very well. They were very convinced that they should have been friends ages ago. He liked her for many reasons, but her brains were so dynamic and expansive even though she’s an emotional wreck. Shawna was getting texts from Cry and Suzy- both about what she thought about the talk they’d just had. It was easy to talk to Cry about it, and she even called him when she got home. PJ met her family and thought he was a real catch because he was English, even though he was only there to use the bathroom. After he came out of the bathroom, Shawna offered to show him what she had been working on. He found himself closing her bedroom door behind him without being told to and approached her. What he showed her was cute, fun, and was full of smiles- she explained she made things she wanted to see in herself, and it was hard for her to smile lately, so she went ahead and made a whole video of her smiling throughout. He was so impressed. She hadn’t gotten a chance to edit out all of the times she smiled with Suzy and she turned away. Shawna hugged PJ because it felt right. She needed a hug, and her chest felt heavy. She hadn't quite broken up Suzy that she could recall, but being in PJ’s arms felt like it was the best thing in the moment.