#like sonic does NOT let Silver time travel because he's afraid silver's going to kill himself. intentional or not.

[itz-pandora]

What is the darkest character you have explored from a psychological point of view so far?

Hmm... Probably Silver?

Like I'd need trigger warnings just to TALK about what I do to him.

(look at tags)

[theplushmaker]

Oki since someone asked for the Silver headcannons I'll post them, there's quite a few so I hope you enjoy!

Please let me know if I should put a warning

• Silver loves to look at the night sky to see the stars since he came from an apocalyptic future where ash and smog covered the sky

• Silver was originally part of Sonic's time but was transported 200 years into the future by Mephiles to insure the (rewritten) events of Sonic 06

• Silver enjoys botany

• Silver was taught English by Mephiles

• Silver knows seconds and days but has trouble when it comes to hours, weeks, months, and years

• Silver at first had trouble understanding how birthdays worked

• Silver was a lot shorter when he first met Sonic due to malnourishment, making him look like a 10-year-old (despite being 14)

• only Silver remembers the events of Sonic 06 due to Mephiles' interference

• Silver had to ask Sonic what certain words meant ex: parents, mom and dad, sister/brother, etc, etc, the first time he asked Sonic what family was, Sonic was, understandably, confused then worried, afterward, Silver had asked Shadow instead only to get the same results (albeit less obvious) so now he only asks if he can't figure it out on his own

• Silver is used to hot temperatures due to the lava and fire in the apocalyptic future

• Silver gained the ability of foresight, albeit weak, (after Sonic 06) and is only able to use it when meditating (this is so that Silver doesn't have to appear JUST because "oh the future's in danger and he has to prevent it" like in the games)

• Silver can not time travel, that was all Mephiles' doing (^)

• Silver has a fear of fire (pyrophobia)

• Silver can not tell when someone is being sarcastic and will take everything someone says literally, Charmy learned this the hard way when he told Silver to "throw the bucket of water at Sonic" Sonic was knocked unconscious with Tails panicking, safe to say Charmy learned his lesson and was later grounded by Espio when he found out

• Silver's first "food" when Mephiles sent him back was ham sandwiches

• when Shadow had to keep an eye on Silver, (along with Rouge and Omega, due to him getting a head injury because Shadow "accidentally" kicked him and Rouge felt it was their mostly his responsibility to take care of him till he recovers) he saw Silver laying on the ground outside, when Shadow walked over Silver looked at him with big eyes saying "it's so small" with the tone of an amazed child, upon closer inspection Shadow found out that he was referring to a caterpillar he found eating a leaf, Rouge was there recording the whole thing

• Silver managed to make Shadow smile when he first saw snow and started acting like a child on his first snow day

• Silver never told anyone about the events of 06 after the "time-line reset" thinking it was best left forgotten (that and he's afraid of what everyone will think should he tell them that he helped a man, who no longer exists, almost end the world)

• Silver sleeps at 12:40 but will wake up at 4:00 IN THE MORNING just because he's still not used to the concept of time, the only reason why everyone knows this is because one-time Sonic let Silver stay the night at his and Tails place, and Tails ended up finishing a project at 4:33 AM the boy walked out of his lab expecting for Sonic and Silver to be asleep, only to get the absolute daylights scared out of him when he finds Silver (trying to but shh!) Reading a book at the kitchen table, Silver fell out of his chair and Sonic came down running (but not without falling off his bed and hitting his head hard) to check on them, after that they told everyone of Silver's "messed up" sleep schedule

• Silver is illiterate but is trying his best to learn how to read without anyone knowing, so far no one suspects a thing

• Silver has quite a bit of pain tolerance given the fact that Knuckles dislocated his shoulder once and Silver didn't even flinch, even after they fixed it by taking him to a doctor

• Silver can not stay in one place for too long, given the fact that he traveled all over the place in the apocalyptic future, it was only a given that the habit never died, of course, Sonic and co can keep him from leaving by simply keeping him busy, this has helped greatly with surprise party's

• Silver's first "language" was just a mix-mash of 40 other languages

• if Silver doesn't use his psychokinesis he can end up building up too much energy for his body to handle, so what happens if he can no longer handle it you may ask? Chaos, absolute chaos, he ends up acting like Charmy on a sauger rush and Sonic when he has coffee, his abilities go haywire and he doesn't even know it, the worse part is, the only reason he did stop using his psychokinesis is because he made a bet with Shadow to see who can go the longest without using their abilities, Rouge, of course, recorded the whole thing, along with Omega, no one has let him live it down since

• the gold bracelet things (what are they even called?) Silver has can store excess energy and it can store a lot, (so combine that with energy build-up)

• Silver has nightmares of when his primary caretakers were killed, (PTSD?) Though sometimes it would be about Blaze, Amy, Sonic, Shadow, or all of them, sometimes it's them getting killed or them leaving him once they remember or find out about the events of 06, which is why he tries his best to act as normal as everyone else, though sometimes it's about Mephiles telling him things, he tries to bury those memories

• Silver didn't know it at the time but he and Mephiles had a father-son relationship before he realized Mephiles was using him, it saddens him knowing that he might never have that type of relationship again

• Silver sometimes reminds Shadow of Maria with how he acts when he sees/ learns something new

• Silver, Shadow and Sonic have a brotherly relationship, Silver being the young oblivious brother, Sonic being the carefree middle brother, and Shadow being the strict older brother

• Silver may act like a child most of the time but if someone gets in his way of survival, he will go stone cold

• Silver's boots are made of metal so they weigh quite a bit, of course, the only reason why everyone knows this is because when Shadow "accidentally" knocked him unconscious, he, along with Rouge, tried to drag him inside only to find out his boots weighed him down and had to be removed, this lead to the discovery that Silver was underweight, (they left his boots outside, covered by a box because they didn't want to bother trying to move them inside)

• Amy and Vanille were the first to find out that Silver had quite the sweet tooth, he likes marshmallows best

• Silver gets vocabulary lessons from Amy while taking cooking and health lessons

• Vanille makes sure that Silver eats whenever she gets the chance, like a worried mother

• Silver's teeth are surprisingly healthy, just not the cleanest... with a little bit of red staining (though people assume that it's because his gums bleed and not because he ate something he shouldn't have) Amy had to teach him how to brush and had to remind him to brush every night until it became a good habit of his, his teeth are also pretty sharp for a hedgehog (I wonder why)

• due to multiple reasons, (take a guess) most of Sonic Co think that Silver didn't have a great upbringing, with most of them assuming that he had strict parents and lived during a famine in a dry/hot area that was prone to violence, which they aren't wrong but they are?

• with Silver's fear of fire, one would think that he and Blaze didn't get along, but the opposite is true, Blaze keeps using fire at a minimum when he's around and if she did use it then she'd give ample warning time and space before she does it, in return Silver stays close to the ground so he doesn't "trigger" her fear of heights

• Silver does not know anything about romance, so when he starts to suddenly feel odd around Blaze, ex: abnormal heart rate, weird feeling in his stomach, warm cheeks, etc, he asks Amy about it, (mostly because she's been teaching him about health) and she gets excited and tells him about love (she's secretly cupid, fight me)

[crusherthedoctor]

Sonic Heroes: Sweet or Shite? - Part 1: SILVER

There are some heroes I like. And there are some heroes I don’t like. But why do I feel about them the way I do? That’s where this comes in.

This is a series in which I go into slightly more detail about my thoughts on the heroes in the Sonic the Hedgehog franchise, and why I think they either work well, or fall flat (or somewhere in-between). I’ll be giving my stance on their designs, their personalities, and what they had to show for themselves over the course of time. Two things to keep in mind:

1. These reviews will be focusing mainly on game portrayals. Though alternate media will occasionally be mentioned, it'll be for the sake of adding onto a point if a portrayal is similar enough, or to compare and contrast if a portrayal is different enough.

2. These are just my own personal thoughts. Whether you agree or disagree, feel free to share your own thoughts and opinions! I don’t bite. :>

Anyhow, for today’s installment, I decided to challenge myself by starting off with a complicated one. Born from the future, and never content to stay put in said future, it's the saviour whose debut came from the most unfortunate game... Silver the Hedgehog.

The Gist: Once upon a time, in the distant future, there was an idealistic young hedgehog named Silver, gifted with the power of telekinesis for reasons unknown. With his amazing potential, he was truly destined for a wonderful, prosperous li-just kidding, it was shit.

“All two of us.”

For as long as he knew, the world was forever plagued by Iblis, the terrible Flames of Disaster. Cities stood in ruin, flames stood high, the floor was lava... it was a bitter life to be certain, all thanks to Iblis. Not even defeating the titular creature did much good, since it would simply come back to be a shitty boss fight another day. What was he - and his friend, Blaze, a character we definitely never saw before and definitely didn't have a completely different backstory before - to do?

Trust the first person he sees, of course. Even if they look like they might be related to the same Flames of Disaster that he fights so constantly.

If he had eyelids, he'd be winking at the camera.

This mysterious fellow, Mephiles the Dark, informed Silver that if he were to wipe out Iblis for real, he would need to take a trip into the past, and eliminate the root of the problem... Sonic the Hedgehog? That was what Mephiles claimed, yes. What was his proof? There was no proof.

That was good enough for Silver.

Oh look, it's Fleetway Sonic.

After an elaborate series of events, which should sound exciting but really isn't because it was just Silver going “Iblis Trigger grrr” in varying tones of voice, he was finally able to corner the blue hedgehog... twice! And despite having less fighting know-how than the hero who saved the world plenty of times, he effortlessly came close to killing the blue hedgehog... twice!

This looks like a jobbing for...

Why twice? The first time was halted by Sonic's friend Amy Rose, who Silver had met beforehand after she mistook him for Sonic, an understandable mistake that even the keenest of eyes would be forgiven for making.

The second time was also interrupted, this time by Shadow the Hedgehog. There's only room for one controversial non-blue male hedgehog in this franchise, sonny boy. Actually, his reasons were more benevolent than that: he wanted to show Silver the truth about what was going on, by time travelling to the incident that gave birth to Iblis. Why was one able to to this, so long as more than one Chaos Emerald was present? No one knew.

That was good enough for Silver.

“I challenge you to a dumb-off.”

As it turned out, Iblis was one half of a sun god called Solaris, the other half being the aforementioned Mephiles. The Duke of Soleanna wanted to reunite with his late wife by harnessing Solaris' power, which succeeded from a certain point of view since he's dead now too. The resulting blunder split Solaris into two halves. One half was all brawn, with little capacity for intelligence. The other half was Iblis.

Understanding the error of his ways, and after making peace with Sonic, Silver went back to the future to try something different, which consisted of doing the same thing he always did. Luckily for him, the script decided it would work this time, albeit at the cost of Blaze sacrificing herself... Maybe? Sort of? It’s not entirely clear what happened to her, and it’s not like this was the last we ever saw of her.

~La laaaaaa, la laaaaaa, la laaaaaa, heading to a better game, la laaaaaa~

But ohhhhh nooooo, turns out THAT didn't solve anything either! In the present, Sonic was killed by Mephiles, after the latter realised he should probably do that already if he wanted to make any progress at all with his plan. This incident led to Iblis being brought into the present, and they fused to become the omnipotent Solaris once more. Such power... such divinity... such devastation...

Actually, he was really easy. The antlion from Underground Zone was harder.

Manchild robots - 1, god of time - 0.

With their super forms in tow, Silver, Shadow, and the revived Sonic joined forces to defeat Solaris, with Sonic in particular going the extra step in retconning Solaris out of existence entirely. Since time itself reset, meaning Iblis was no longer a memory, Silver's timeline was given a second chance. What was he to look forward to in this new, promising future?

Shit.

The Design: Let's take a closer look at Silver's appearance, shall we?

Or rather, a certain thing that's wrong with it.

He's holding up fifteen fingers.

Yes, you all know what I'm pointing to: the hairstyle. Let it be known that I'm very aware of the intention behind this design choice. It's supposed to be based on the Japanese Red Maple Leaf, which holds a lot of relevant symbolism for Silver's character. This is a fine idea in theory, and I can respect the intent and the creativity.

But here's the thing: If it looks like a ganja leaf, people are going to say it looks like a ganja leaf. I know some fans will gnash their teeth at me saying this, but the fact of the matter is that intentions and ideas, no matter how good they may be on paper, don't always translate well into the final product. Unleashed Secret Rings Black Knight Sonic '06 in general is certainly no stranger to showcasing examples of that, and Silver's hairstyle is no exception. There are ways to incorporate symbolism in a character’s design without making them look like meme bait in the process, and no amount of “umm ackshually” will change that, I'm afraid.

That said, there's another reason why I'm staying clean of Silver marijuana: it doesn't work for a hedgehog character. With the other hedgehogs, their hairstyles are simple and get the point across: Sonic's goes without saying, Shadow's is more angular to befit a slightly rougher hero, and Amy's is a cute bob cut of sorts. But Silver? Even without the ganja, you've still got the two tentacles making up the back of his head.

I'd rather not be reminded of hentai quills, thanks.

“I thought Crusher-san would like it :’(”

I do find it hilarious that they went through numerous designs for Silver, and this was what they chose to go with. Some of his prototype designs may have fared better had any of them been used instead... but we didn't end up with any of those ones. We ended up with this one, therefore I'm judging this one.

But don’t worry, it’s not all bad with Silver...

The Personality: As far as actual character goes, Silver's personality is as straightfoward as most characters in the series, yet it's no less interesting, because it took a while for it to fully evolve to what it currently is. The seeds of his character - a good-natured yet awkward and rather insecure kind of guy, who doesn't fully understand how the present time works - have always been there, but it was often downplayed in earlier titles due to him being hungry for Iblis Trigger blood... or being an arsehole for no reason.

Although to be fair, everyone in Rivals is an arsehole for no reason.

Eventually though, after the writers gave him a Snickers, these traits got more opportunity to shine. Mostly in side media admittedly, but it's been noted in the games as well. With no Iblis to angst over, he's proven to be a surprisingly bubbly chap, who just wants to know how you're all doing, fellow anthro kids. And whereas his naivety was previously used for intended tragedy to benefit the evil plan of a guy who thought taking the -istoph- out of Mephistopheles would make him inconspicuous, now it's been used for a bunch of low-key contexts that do a much better job at endearing him to the player.

Finally, something I can relate to.

Hell, he even seems to have learned from the Mephiles incident, as he was quick to make it clear to the next shadowy deep-voiced anthro with demonic eyes he met that he wasn't gonna fall for any of them fibs no more, ya hear?

“YouTube and Twitter don’t count.”

All in all, it works well enough, in my opinion. His personality does pave the way for some funny and wholesome moments, and since they’re no longer trying to build him up like he’s Shadow 2.0, he's nowhere near as much of a tool as he was before. So I guess you could say... I like it?

Does this mean I can say that I like the character as a whole then, design and '06-induced idiocy aside?

Well, not quite...

The Execution: This is where the complication part comes into play. We know now that I like his personality, not so much his design, but that's only the half of it. It would be more accurate to say that I like his personality... and dislike everything else.

Aside from that, obviously.

For starters, the creation process for his character and story was summed up with, in their own words, “Think Trunks from Dragon Ball Z”. So he comes off as rather lazy and uninspired. Now I'm not expecting my Sonic characters to be 100% unique, there's always going to be similarities to other franchises no matter what you do, even if subconsciously or by complete coincidence. Taking inspiration in itself is no big deal at all.

But... was that it? Copying a DBZ character to such a blatant extent? Was there no other thought put into it?

Naturally, this ties into an overarching problem: the franchise's mid-00's habit of trying way too hard to be the anthro Dragon Ball Z. Sonic has had DBZ influences since the early days, with the Chaos Emeralds and Super Sonic, but it didn't assimilate itself into every waking aspect of his universe. It was merely an additional flavor that added to the complete package, in the same way that a Death Star with a moustache didn't mean the franchise was suddenly Star Wars the Hedgehog.

But come the turn of the millenium, nearly every main title in the series ended with Super Sonic and/or Super Shadow saving the day, while everyone else either stood around being useless, or only helping in ways that no one actually cares about. Including the in-universe President apparently, since only Sonic and Shadow were featured in the photo on his desk.

Amy smiled. “I guess the rest of us can go fuck ourselves, huh?”

This reached its peak with - of course - Sonic '06, with Silver in particular being an obvious result of this then-ongoing trend. And yes, it would be unfair to use him as a scapegoat, considering it was already a problem long before he turned up. But moreso than even Shadow, it's an era that Silver is forever a relic of, for better or for worse.

But it doesn't stop there. Since Silver is considered a mainstay character, his gimmick of being from the future also creates problems of its own, because in order for him to make further appearances, he keeps turning up for little explained reason, and thus he suffers the Deadly Six problem of being shoved into places where he doesn't belong, for fanservice's own sake. Take Sonic Colours DS for example, where he went back in time JUST to check out Eggman's theme park... Okay...?

On one hand, I’d visit it too, since it's made by Eggman. On the other hand, I’d stay clear of it, since it's made by Eggman.

And when there IS a justification with more weight to it? It's just recycling the '06 routine of trying to avert his ruined future, which isn't much better. The cause may differ depending on the story, but if his future is a permanent shitehole for one reason or another, he might as well cut out the middle man and stay in the present altogether, since that's where his friends are anyway. But they seem intent on not doing that, despite the future schtick being a noose around his neck at this point.

In hindsight, maybe this was a hint to how the rest of the arc would turn out.

And then there's his dynamic with a certain purple cat... No, not Big. The other one.

“I’m here, by the way.”

Simply put: I don't like this dynamic. At all. Or rather, I don't like how they keep milking it. Blaze's backstory was radically changed to justify her presence in Silver's future, and it really shows, since she barely even shows up half the time, as if the developers themselves forgot she was in the game. But her backstory has since been restored to her original alternate dimension interpretation, so hanging around with the grey hedgehog is all good now, right?

To be brutally honest, I probably wouldn't care for this dynamic regardless. But I would be more willing to tolerate it, and I'd refrain from groaning every time they're seen together... if they weren't intent on playing it up so much in spite of '06 being wiped out, sometimes with a bit of commentary involving their thoughts and memories, which only succeeds at making things more confusing. If Blaze is around, Silver will be nearby, and if he's not at first, he will be soon enough. This franchise does have a problem in general with restricting who's allowed to interact with who (I personally believe Sonic Heroes may have led to this, or at least it accelerated it), but I'd argue it's at its most insufferable here, with Blaze's potential and her entire world taking a backseat to being the sidekick of Ganja Man.

And you might say “Well, it's part of the franchise now, so you'll just have to accept it”. To which I ask: Have you accepted Two Worlds? Have you accepted Solo Sonica? Have you accepted Sonic's friends not doing much as of late?

Yeah. That's what I thought. “It’s just how it is” doesn’t mean you can’t criticise it.

Meanwhile, Marine is lucky enough to get so much as a shout out.

So yeah, I have quite an extensive list of grievances involving poor Silver. But... very little of it has to do with him, right? They're all indirect problems that he just so happens to be linked to, as opposed to someone like Chris Thorndyke, who is genuinely a shit character through and through. This is more comparable to Tails being bitchy in Lost World, or Amy being manipulative in Chronicles, or Sonic being a smug dumbass in IDW, or Shadow not wearing a Hawaiian shirt in Boom. Frustrating, regrettable, but not really the character's own fault.

Yet even after all that, there's one last kick in the teeth... How do you fix all this? And how do you fix it when he's since gained a sizable fandom, many of whom like him for these very attributes? If you leave it as it is, you're stuck with this big, awkward mess that everyone pretends to ignore. If you try to do something about it, you'll get complaints about disrespecting the True Silver Spirit, and you’ll get questions about why you didn't create a new character instead... And if you did use a new character for the sake of a clean slate, THEN you'd get complaints about not using Silver.

It's a tough call to be sure, and it's such a shame because like I said, I do appreciate his personality, so I can't say he's bad outright. But with all this... clutter, I can only put him in the average category. So, in he goes.

Crusher Gives Silver a: Thumbs Sideways!

Well, I'm glad this one's out of the way. Putting my thoughts into words with Silver was harder than it should have been. I do slightly regret starting this series off on a rather downer note, but rest assured, it's a lot more positive from this point onwards, since while I have higher praise for some heroes more than others, the hero characters as a whole fare a lot better than the majority of villains not named Eggman.

I guess you could say that I hope to show why Sonic's friends aren't as shitty as the haters would suggest. ;)

[amidst-the-storm]

Fanfiction Stuff/Writer’s Thoughts

Below is a lot of stuff about the next book in the set: Sonic Series (2): Unleashed Power (based on Sonic 06)...

(I may refer back to this post while writing my fanfiction, all posts from here forward with fanfiction material that I think I’ll need later will be tagged ‘[writer’s needs: fanfic]’.)

Omega was only found in standby mode in the future because Rouge the Bat in the present told him to help Shadow- who at the time was 200yrs+ in the future.

Silver is not as bright or as cheery as the internet pretends he is. Moreso... A slightly chiseled and misled soul. Probably easily manipulated. I mean- he was all gung-ho about killing Sonic, up until realizing he had not been told the whole truth. So... Silver isn’t as ‘innocent’ as everyone acts like he is. He’s... Dark, in 06.

Mephiles the Dark never really LIED in anything he said... He just... Never told the whole truth. Yes, Sonic was the ‘Iblis Trigger’, but only because of his death/forcing Eggman to up the guard around Princess Elise, leading to her death aboard his ship. Yes, humanity probably hunted Shadow down, and were afraid of his power. But what if Shadow went psycho or something after the world fell apart? Yes, if Silver killed Sonic, then Silver’s future would be altered- it wouldn’t exist, which is, by definition, an altercation, since it is no longer the same future.

Silver the Hedgehog calls Soleanna an ‘island’. So, for all intents and purposes, the kingdom and its varying biomes, are all on one island. Cool.

Omega has the ability to overwrite commands, if he believes it logical.

“Don’t worry, my soul is already alit with flames, I will be accepted.”- So Blaze, who had the ability of fire throughout the series, just admitted that one’s soul must be burning with fire in order for Iblis to slumber within it. FANFICTION WRITERS, TO YOUR-... Oh yeah.

Story concepts based off of the things I noticed (that may be implemented later):

Silver is not innocent, he’s chiseled, he’s seen death every day since birth. He only acts innocent and kind in the present because he’s one of those ‘I don’t want anyone to feel how I feel’ people. Also, his rage is probably ABSOLUTELY blinding.

Mephiles will not tell a lie... He will, however, withhold the entire truth.

Soleanna is a big island in the ocean, away from other nations/cities.

‘Already alit with flames’ puts a fracture into my plans, but I can work around it. Technically, I’m going to be doing that regardless.

So that’s all I’ve got for now in terms of Tempest’s story. I have been working on some concepts to change/think about, as well. On those, I like feedback.

Probably taking out the fact that Tempest was meant to be a stillborn, since the Iblis Flame needs to hide in a ‘soul’, and Tempest wouldn’t have a soul in her physical body if she was dead.

Mephiles MAY end up ‘slumbering’ within Tempest’s veins after the Solaris fight and his defeat, but I’m not sure. I do know that Tempest is keeping the Iblis Flame either way. If she does become a vessel for the Mephiles Shadow, she will gain gray streaks on her skin from her shoulders to her elbows, and her feet to her knees, that look a lot like Shadow’s streaks since Mephiles’ initial shadow form was based on Shadow the Hedgehog. She would also gain a ‘Time Teleport’ ability that would allow her to teleport back in time ten seconds. HOWEVER it would be very disorienting until she could get used to it.

The duke of Soleanna would be the one to get kidnapped by Eggman until he revealed that he didn’t know where the Iblis Flame was, then Eggman would realize Tempest had the flame moments after sending her to the future. Because c’mon. It’d be funny..... For me. Well actually- I’m not sure when to let Eggman find out that Tempest has the Flames, if at all.

Things that have solidified (currently)….

Tempest will not be kidnapped by Eggman to kick off 06′s events. That honor goes to the duke of Soleanna.

Instead of killing Sonic, Mephiles will give Tempest back her parents (which he kidnapped three years prior). The moment she goes to hug them, he’ll send a bolt of darkness through their hearts, killing them both instantly.

Tempest’s death will remain the same as Elise’s- Eggman’s ship exploding. It does seem like it’ll be a lot of fun to write.

While Tempest will relive the time it takes Sonic to get to the ship and get her off of it, she will not relive her entire life due to Silver and Shadow going back in time- it doesn’t affect her own timestream, so it won’t be relived.

The whole bit with that tree and the lake will not be relived with Sonic and Tempest. Not during 06′s events. Just... No.

Silver and Shadow’s timelines will remain the same, save their travel to the accident. That will be changed to fit my story’s realm.

Only Sonic, Shadow, Silver, Tempest, Mephiles, and Iblis will remember the entire aborted timeline. Everyone else will forget.

Okay, I’m going to stop typing now before this post becomes a book in of itself. On the bright side, I have a bit more of an idea of what I’ll be writing now. Guess I just needed to write it all down so my thoughts would sort themselves. Somewhat.