#like someone quietly humiliating me in a public space just. oh god. nobody could even hear her but they could SEE me getting flustered

[robofaggots]

help. the girl who i might b crushing teased me in public for getting flustered talking to some guy answering questions for a horror pop-up at the mall (bc he was in a cyberpunk-ish robot helmet and a black skin tight suit with a lab coat over it and i. have weird tastes) and then proceeded to poke fun at me for the rest of the day. i think i might be in love w/ this girl

[nebulous-frog]

Prom Plague

Summary: Dan has the plague. Well, not literally, but he’s sick so he’s bound to be overdramatic. But a little fever and stomachache isn’t going to stop him from going to prom. He’s got a date (that he doesn’t even like) who he can’t let down and a rumor has it that he’s been voted prom king. Too bad his body has different ideas and decides to humiliate him in front of everyone. At least there’s Phil, the actual angel in the hell called secondary school.

Word Count: 11751

Pairing: Phan

Genre: High School AU, Fluff, Getting Together, slight angst but not really

Warnings: Vomiting, Flu, some public humiliation, teen angst, and Dan swears.

Author’s Note: I wrote this for the @phandomreversebang! It's my first PRB, which was super exciting. The art is by @corgi-lester. Special thanks to @amazyngphyl for beta-ing and @auroraphilealisfor being awesome. 

ART

Link to AO3 Fics Masterlist

Prom was a big deal. Everyone would be going, dressing fancy, and having a good time. That also meant everyone had certain expectations for everyone else, like who would take whom and how much public drama there could be beforehand.

Dan and Phil were on opposite ends of the spectrum in regards to the expectations of their classmates. Everyone expected Dan to go with one of the Popular Girls (all of whom he hated) and for them to be super cute and total Prom Goals. Phil, on the other hand, wasn’t thought to be someone who would ever have a date to prom. He was too gangly, geeky, and nerdy for his peers, so he tended to be discounted, despite Dan’s obvious attachment.

So it really was no surprise when Dan and Phil’s conversation was interrupted in the hallway about a month before prom.

“Hey, Dan, could I talk to you?”

Dan turned his head away from his conversation with Phil to see a short blond girl anxiously wringing her hands together, refusing to make eye contact. He had a sinking feeling that he knew exactly what this was about, but couldn’t bring himself to be rude.

“Uh, sure? What’s up?” Dan turned his body fully to face the girl. He was pretty sure her name was Mary Ann, but he could be wrong. What he was sure of, however, was that he had at least one class with her and she was the kind of person to talk non-stop during class. He hated it when people did that.

“Um- well, I just- This is probably stupid, but will you go to prom with me?”

Internally, Dan sighed. He had figured this would happen, but he kind of really hated it. He saw the way the girls in his school looked at him as he walked down the hallways, heard how they whispered when he passed. He was just too awkwardly nice to say anything about it.

I have to say yes. If I say no, people will think I’m an ass. Maybe they’ll even think I’m not straight, and I can’t have that. She’s not that bad, really, and I could have somebody much worse ask me. I don’t want to hurt her feelings, either. It’d be better to get this over with now and accept her offer before it’s too late.

Externally, he smiled.

“That’s not at all stupid! I’ll go with you,” Dan said. He felt something kick the back of his leg, but he ignored it in favor of leaning closer to Hopefully-Mary-Ann so they could exchange numbers.

“Wait, really? Oh my god, great!” Grinning, she unlocked her phone and handed it to Dan as he did the same for her.

Dan was relieved to know that he was right and her name was Mary Ann when he looked at the contact information she had put in.

“Text me with details?” he asked.

“Definitely!” she giggled. Mary Ann gave an awkward little wave, and then quickly scampered away to a waiting friend who was staring at her, jaw dropped open onto the floor.

Dan turned back to Phil, who was staring at him with A Look that screamed, Why the hell did you do that.

“Oh, fuck off, Phil! Don’t give me that look!”

“I’m not giving you a look! I’m just looking at you with disappointment in my soul.”

Dan spluttered a laugh. “Wow, harsh. Let’s not have this conversation right now, though, yeah? Not in the middle of the hallway while we’re still at school?” His eyes darted around, looking to see if a few people were close enough to eavesdrop. He hoped Phil understood what he meant. Phil knew Dan was extremely uncomfortable talking about relationships at school, where anybody could listen in and hear his secrets.

Phil sighed and nodded understandingly. “Fair enough. My place, right?”

“Yeah, you have better snacks.”

They didn’t talk about it for the rest of the day. After their last class, they walked to Phil’s house, bantering easily with each other. When they were finally settled in on Phil’s bed, packets of snacks littering the floor and video games ready to go, Phil’s face turned serious.

“Why did you do that?”

Oh no, here we go, Dan thought. “Why did I do what?”

“Dan. I know you’re not stupid. You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

Groaning, Dan flailed his arms dramatically and leaned back so he was lying down on the bed. “Why can you always see right through my lies? It’s not fair.”

“I can’t lie to you, either! It’s totally fair. Now, answer the question.”

Dan groaned dramatically again. He could feel Phil’s unwavering gaze staring into his soul. “I don’t really know.”

“There was definitely a reason, Dan. I can tell.” Phil moved to a more comfortable position, rotating himself away from the television to rest his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands.

Dan threw his hands over his face. “I’m an idiot.”

“You’re only just now realizing that? You’ve lived in ignorance longer than I thought,” Phil teased.

Dan shot an unamused glare through parted fingers. “Thanks, Phil. Glad to call you my friend.”

“Quit being such a drama queen and tell me why you accepted a date to prom from a girl you don’t even like.”

Dan huffed out a breath but decided to just get on with it. “I would have felt really bad about it. I mean, she seemed so nervous about it and, yeah, she kind of bothers me because her voice is high-pitched and she talks so much but at least she’s nice? I don’t know. I couldn’t bring myself to say no.”

“You don’t even like girls though.”

“Phil! The window is open! Somebody could have heard that!”

Phil rolled his eyes. “We’re on the second floor and the back window is open over the garage. Nobody could hear that.”

Dan huffed again, grumbling about how Phil said it so loud I’d be surprised if the fucking moon hadn’t heard.

Phil ignored him and continued. “You don’t like girls, though, so why would you put yourself through that? Nothing will come of it. It’s not like you’re gonna go to prom with her and suddenly become straight for her.”

“I froze, okay? I couldn’t be mean.” Dan felt Phil staring at him, so he looked up. “What?”

“You’re really gonna go through with this?”

Dan stared at Phil for a moment. “Do I have a choice?”

“Of course you do, but not if you’re trying to avoid being mean.”

“Exactly. So I guess I’m going to prom with Mary Jane.”

“It’s Mary Ann. You should probably try to remember that and not call her slang for marijuana. She probably wouldn’t appreciate it.”

Dan laughed his hyena laugh and gently punched Phil’s shoulder. “Oh, whatever. Can we shove junk food in our mouths and play Mario Kart now?”

“Definitely.”

~~~~~~~~~~

A week later, prom king and queen nominations were announced. At the end of the day, Dan and Phil were sitting, barely listening to the announcements, when the whole class cheered and looked over at Dan before continuing to pack up.

“What did we miss?” Dan muttered to Phil, looking around the room skeptically.

“I’m not sure. Ask Brian, maybe?”

Dan leaned over to his left. “Hey, Brian, what just happened?”

“You didn’t hear? You were nominated for prom king! Congrats, dude!”

Dan’s jaw dropped open. “What? Why?”

Brian rolled his eyes. “You say that like every girl in this building isn’t obsessed with you.”

“Oh. Right. Um, thanks?” Dan quickly turned back to Phil.

“Well, that’s exciting!”

“Is it? I mean, it’s really dumb, I think? It’s literally just a popularity contest designed to upset the majority of the school. You deserve to be nominated much more than I do, anyway, because you’re so nice to everybody all the time. You actually remember people’s names.”

“I guess, but you could actually win this!”

Dan scoffed. “Yeah, right. I don’t want it, anyway.”

Phil raised an eyebrow. “You don’t want to win it and get the gift certificate for two dinners at The Dapper Rose and the chocolate that comes with it all?”

Dan paused with his pencil dangling from his fingers over his open backpack. “You really get all that if you win?”

“Yeah. I thought you knew.”

“Oh.”

“Does that change your mind, then?”

“You know what, Phil? It just might.” Dan stared off into space, thoughts racing. The Dapper Rose is such a fancy place. It’s so expensive, but, if I had the gift certificate, maybe I could take Phil for our first date… If I ever work up the courage to ask him, anyway.

As they were leaving the classroom, Janice, one of their friends, came running up to them.

“Phil! Dan! I’m glad I caught you before you left. I was just wondering, Phil, if you’d like to go to prom with me? It’d be just as friends, of course, but I kind of don’t wanna show up alone and I think you could make it really fun? It’s okay if you don’t, though.”

Dan seethed quietly, jealousy consuming him. Chill out, Dan, she has every right to ask. Besides, she said it’d be as friends not as a couple. Calm down.

“Oh! Of course I’ll go! That should be really fun. Thanks for asking me!”

Janice grinned. “Great! I’ll text you!”

Phil smiled and continued walking with Dan out of the building to go to Dan’s house. Dan was fuming but trying not to let it show.

As they exited the building, Phil turned to Dan with a grin. “Well, that just happened.”

“Yes. Yes, it did,” Dan replied curtly. So much for trying not to let it show.

“Whoa, okay, what’s wrong? You seem upset.”

Dan huffed out a breath. Upset? Not at all! The love of my life only accepted a date with some girl, it’s fine! “It’s- it’s nothing, forget about it.”

“Dan, seriously. What’s happening?” Phil looked concerned and confused. Dan hated it when Phil was worried.

Dan sighed. “Why did you accept Janice’s promposal?”

Phil abruptly stopped walking for a moment and stared at Dan. “Is that what this is about?”

“Either tell me why or drop it,” Dan said defiantly. Now that he had opened the conversation he had no choice but to stick to his guns. He kept walking, but slower so Phil could catch up.

Jogging a bit to reach Dan again, Phil tried to explain. “I couldn’t exactly turn her down. We’re friends!”

“But you don’t like her!”

“No, but we’re going as friends. She makes cupcakes for us sometimes, Dan! We need to stay on her good side for the cupcakes!”

“But what if someone was gonna ask you on a date to prom?”

Phil scoffed. “You know that wouldn’t have happened. Why do you care, anyway?”

Dan scrambled for an answer, gesticulating wildly. “Well- I- I just do, okay? I don’t want her to think it’s something more than it is and wind up with everyone being uncomfortable.”

“Dan, this is literally no different to you agreeing to go with Mary Ann.”

“What? No, this is different!”

“Besides how Janice said we’d go as friends, how is this different from you and Mary Ann?” Phil was clearly getting irritated, but Dan was too worked up to back down.

Because I don’t want you to go with Janice! “Well, because- I- because people expect me to have a date to prom.”

Phil stopped walking again. They were halfway to Dan’s house already. “Excuse me?”

Dan cringed and stopped walking, too. “Um-”

“So you don’t want me to have a date to prom because people don’t expect me to have a date, but you’re going with someone you don’t even like because people expect you to have a date? What, is it because I’m the dorky weirdo that keeps to himself, but you’re the ridiculously attractive popular boy at school and you have an image to uphold?” Phil glared at Dan with fire and hurt in his eyes.

“Phil, that’s not what I mea-”

“I don’t care, Dan. You know what, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Dan watched in despair as his best friend turned and walked away. He really shouldn’t have said that, but he couldn’t take it back now. He knew that his popularity was a sore spot for Phil, and he really hadn’t meant to imply that, but it had happened and now he had to live with the consequences.

Sighing, Dan walked the rest of the way to his house alone, berating himself for his insensitive comment and planning how to apologize.

His chance came the next day, where he immediately approached Phil as he got to school, and handed him some of his favorite candy.

“I’m sorry. That was a really stupid thing for me to say yesterday and I’m sorry I was a dick. Here’s a peace offering, and, if you’re up for it, we could maybe play video games at my house tonight?”

Phil stared at the candy in Dan’s outstretched hand for a moment, then grinned and took it. “Apology accepted. Be prepared for me to kick your butt at Mario Kart later.”

Dan smiled, relieved. “In your dreams, Lester.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Dan really wished he could go suit shopping with Phil. He could see it now: Phil, glasses in place, tuxedo fitting perfectly on his tall frame, hair in a messy quiff from trying on clothes in a barely-too-warm store. The idea had him practically drooling.

Unfortunately for Dan, it did not work out like that. Mary Ann apparently wanted to go shopping with him to make sure he got the right suit and the right tie to match her dress, and Phil was explicitly not invited because this was a “Prom Dates Thing”, not something for “Prom Dates Plus One”. She had dangerously toed the line between reasonably asking for no Phil involvement and pissing Dan off to the point where she’d need to find a new date, but Phil insisted it was alright and that Dan might even have fun without him.

Dan did not have fun without Phil.

First of all, he had to go shopping on a Saturday, which was just unacceptable when he could be home playing video games. Second of all, Mary Ann was a nice girl, certainly, but she just wouldn’t stop talking and most of what she had to say was about shows that Dan had no interest in watching. He just couldn’t relate.

And then there was the matter of getting the suit.

He had to try on so many different shirts that all looked exactly the same to him and then all these ties that were ever-so-slightly thinner or darker or brighter or patterned. On a good day, Dan despised shopping. This was not a good day.

Dan and Mary Ann finally left the store after hours of looking through clothes and ensuring that one week was not too short of notice to get it properly tailored. Dan took in a deep breath, desperate for free air.

“So, now that that’s taken care of, do you maybe wanna go get something to eat?” Mary Ann asked.

Dan’s eyes snapped open. They had apparently fallen closed while he appreciated the open air of the car park. “Something to eat?”

“Yeah, I mean, it’s just after 5.”

“Oh.” Dan’s thoughts were racing as he desperately tried to come up with an excuse to avoid this undoubtedly awkward sort-of-date. “I actually had plans with my- uh- grandmother? For dinner?”

Mary Ann deflated a little bit but nodded, an obviously fake smile on her face. “Oh, yeah. Of course. You have fun with that, then.”

Dan swallowed guiltily. “Yeah, thanks. I can take you home, though, if you want? I know we got here separately but I saw you come off the bus.”

She nodded gratefully. “That’d be great, thank you.”

They walked over to Dan’s car and, with her directions, he drove them to Mary Ann’s house.

“It’s this one with the light blue shutters over here,” she said, pointing it out.

Dan pulled the car into the drive. “Here we are, then.”

“Yeah.” Mary Ann made no move to leave the car, simply staring out the front window, hands folded in her lap.

The silence was deafening.

After a moment, Dan couldn’t take it anymore. Turning to her, he began to say, “Did you ha-“

Warm lips pressed against his own. Dan immediately thought of Phil and whether his lips were this warm, too. Then Dan felt guilty because he just wanted to be nice and he didn’t want to lead her on, but he didn’t want to hurt her feelings. He didn’t know what else to do, so he tentatively kissed back in the brief moment their lips met, then pulled away.

Mary Ann’s eyes were closed and her cheeks were flushed. Her lips broke out into a barely contained smile as her eyes opened. She giggled and bit her bottom lip as Dan pretended he was just as shy about their kiss as Mary Ann, though he was panicking internally.

“Well, um-“ she giggled again, “I guess I’ll see you in class?”

Dan nodded. “See you then.”

Mary Ann opened the door. “Thank you for the ride and- you know.” She giggled again and touched her fingers to her lips.

“You’re welcome,” Dan said with a small smile.

She finally got out of the car and Dan waited for her to get inside before he left. He pulled over on the road a little ways down the block so she wouldn’t know he was still there and took out his phone.

“C’mon Phil, please answer,” Dan muttered, breathing heavily. He decided texting would take too long, and Phil was much more likely to respond to a phone call, so he tapped the contact he had jokingly labeled “Clumsy Lion”.

Phil picked up on the third ring. “Dan?”

“Phil! Can I come over to your house right now?” Dan was still on the verge of hyperventilating, but Phil’s voice calmed him down significantly.

“You never ask before you come to my house. What’s wrong? What happened?”

“I’m just a bit- I don’t know. I did some things that I probably shouldn’t have done and I just really need my best friend right now, okay?” Dan rested his head on the steering wheel and tried to control his breathing.

“How far away are you?”

“I can be there in 10 minutes.”

“I’ll see you then. Will you be okay hanging up?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. Nothing terrible happened, really, I’m just a huge mess.” He sat up straight again and focused his gaze on his car radio.

“Okay. Drive carefully, alright? You sound really freaked out.” Phil spoke slowly, and Dan could tell he was trying to stay calm for Dan’s sake.

“I will, I promise. I’ll see you in ten.”

“See you.”

Dan hung up the phone and let out a long puff of air, burying his face in his hands.

Why am I so freaked out? I’ve kissed girls before. This shouldn’t be a big deal. Get a grip, Dan.

Shaking his head and focusing on his surroundings again, Dan put his hands back on the steering wheel and carefully drove over to Phil’s house.

He had barely parked the car when Phil came running out of his house to meet Dan.

“What happened? What’s wrong?”

Dan threw himself into Phil’s arms, face buried in his neck. “I’m sorry, I don’t really know why I reacted so strongly. I’m just really confused and I don’t know what’s going on and-”

“Dan, I need you to breathe. You’re working yourself up a lot and I’m worried. Let’s get inside and sit down, yeah? We can cuddle on my bed?”

Dan nodded vigorously into Phil’s neck. “Okay. But we’re walking while hugging.”

Phil chuckled a bit at that. “We can hug-walk, sure.”

They adjusted slightly so that their legs wouldn’t bump into each other too much, and then awkwardly waddled inside and up the stairs to Phil’s room.

As soon as they were settled on Phil’s bed with Dan curled up on his chest, Dan explained what had happened.

“Well, we went shopping for so long, Phil, like, honestly, that alone took off years of my life, but everything was going okay. Sort of. I mean, she talked a lot and I was bored the whole time. And it was so hot in that shop, that was really awful. But then we left and she asked if I wanted to get dinner and I panicked because I really don’t want to go on a date with her, like, at all. She’s nice but she’s-” She’s not you, Dan thought. “She’s not a guy. It would just be weird, you know? And then we have nothing in common anyway and we spent hours shopping together and I just couldn’t handle it.”

Dan paused to take a breath. He needed to word everything carefully so that he didn’t accidentally tell Phil about his crush. Phil rubbed his hand on Dan's arm comfortingly.

“So then I took her home and in the car, she kissed me. I froze and I panicked and I kissed her back and I feel really weird and guilty about it because I don’t want to kiss her. I don’t like her. I don’t even like girls at all, but I felt like it would be rude not to kiss her back and pretend I liked it so I did. But now it just feels like I did something horribly wrong and I feel so bad.”

Phil waited a moment to make sure Dan was done speaking. "Aw, Dan, you didn't do anything wrong! She kissed you and you weren't expecting it. Besides, you've accepted that you're gay for a while now, so it makes sense that you'd be a bit shocked when a girl kissed you. You did nothing wrong."

Dan sighed and closed his eyes. But all I could think of was you. "Thanks."

"Let's just watch a movie, yeah? And then we can eat whatever you want. We'll just have a nice lazy evening in and you don't have to think about that stuff anymore."

"That sounds good. What did I do to deserve you?" Dan mumbled.

Phil laughed. "I think you mean that the other way around, Dan, but thanks."

They pulled up Netflix on Phil's laptop and spent the rest of the night giggling about nothing in the comfort of each other's arms.

~~~~~~~~~~

A week later, Dan woke up on the day of prom covered in sweat and running for the toilet, where he very nearly threw up, just barely managing to keep the vomit from flinging itself from his throat.

A few minutes later, he sat hugging the bowl of the toilet, groaning in disgust and wallowing in the feelings of absolute sickness.

"Dan? Are you alright in there?" called his mum's voice.

"I'm-" Dan swallowed around another surge of nausea, "fine."

"You don't sound too fine. Do you need anything?"

"No," Dan said, trying to sound as perfectly healthy as possible. "I promise I'm alright."

There was a moment of silence from the other side of the door in which Dan was sure his mum was contemplating whether to believe him and just walk away, or stay and force him to open the door. "If you're sure, then. Call me if you need anything, okay?"

"Okay, Mum. Thanks."

Dan listened as the footsteps faded away before he leaned his head back against the wall next to him and closed his eyes.

This is disgusting. I feel like I'm dying. At least it's Saturday and I can stay inside, right? Dan thought. When his stomach felt calm enough again, he slowly stood, took some medicine, and returned to his room, where he collapsed on his bed and grabbed his phone. He had a text from Mary Ann.

Excited for prom?? Received 9:48am.

Dan's eyes widened. Shit. I can't go to prom like this! I'll die!

But then his drug-addled and sick brain decided to be a demon and reminded him of a few things. First, he remembered how excited Mary Ann had been all week to go to prom with him, and that he had technically kissed her last week, and she would probably be super pissed if he canceled on her so last-minute. Then, he remembered his prom king nomination and the prize that went with it and how he could use it on Phi- Oh my god Phil will be wearing a suit. I have to go to prom.

Dan looked at the time and saw that it was only 11am and he didn't have to pick Mary Ann up until 6pm, which would mean leaving at 5:30 and getting ready at 4:45, 5:00 if he pushed it. He figured he wouldn't want to eat dinner if he was feeling this sick already, so that was probably a decent time. He had a plan: sleep until 4:45 and see if he was feeling better. If not, he would take some medication for what he assumed was just the flu, because what else could it be? Then he would get ready and go to prom, win prom king and Phil's heart, then return home to sleep for the rest of his life. It was a solid plan, clearly.

Deciding he might need help making sure he was awake to go to prom, he sat on his bed and called Phil.

"Hey Dan, what's up?" Phil said upon answering the phone.

"Philly I need you to do me- do me a favor," Dan slurred, swaying a bit on his bed.

"Are you okay? You sound a bit weird, is all."

"Yeah, I'm fine-" Dan coughed, interrupting himself.

"You sound sick, Dan, are you sure you're alright?"

"I mean, I have a bit of a cough and I nearly threw up earlier, but I'm fine. The ceiling looks funny, though. I think it's dancing."

"You are definitely sick if you think the ceiling is dancing. Have you taken any medicine yet? Did you check your temperature?"

"Philly shhhhh, okay? I'm fine. I need to ask you to do something for me. Promise you'll do it, Philly?"

"If it's making sure you sleep, then yes."

"No, I'm gonna do that anyway! I need you to do something else, mkay?" Dan flopped back on his bed. His eyes began to close, but he forced them back open. He had to do this.

"Okay, what do you need?"

Dan took a steadying breath to combat the recurring nausea. "Make sure I'm awake by 5."

"Why?"

"So I can get ready for prom, obviously. I need to pick Mary Ann up at 6 so I need to leave at 5:30 so I have to be awake at 5 at the latest. Keep up, Philly."

"You are so not going to prom, Dan."

Dan whined. "But why? I have to go! Mary Ann wants me to, and then I'll win prom king and I'll take somebody to the fancy restaurant and I'll see you in your suit and-"

"Dan, you can't go! You're clearly too sick. You just told me you nearly threw up, and you sound crazy! Just sleep and let yourself rest. I'm sure Mary Ann will understand."

"Fine, if you're not gonna help me, I'll just do something else," Dan said with a pouty frown even though Phil couldn't see it.

"Please tell me that 'something else' means you'll sleep all day like you clearly should."

"I'll be fine. Don't be such a worrywart." Dan snorted a laugh. "Hehe. Worrywart. You're a wart."

"Very funny, Dan, but really. Please sleep. I don't want you to hurt yourself."

"Okay, okay, god. You're such a mum."

"I'm gonna hang up now, okay? I'll come over tomorrow morning and check in on you."

I'm gonna see you tonight anyway, Dan thought. "Okay. I'll see you later."

"See you. Get some sleep."

Dan hung up the phone and set his alarm. If I don't go to prom, I can't see Phil in a suit and I won't be able to get prom king. I have to go.

After a few close calls with vomit and several hours of fitful sleep, Dan's alarm went off. He got up and took a quick but careful shower so he wouldn't be so sweaty but wouldn't throw up. Like a fucking ninja octopus, he dried his hair while brushing his teeth and applying deodorant. Downing some more medicine and putting the rest of the bottle with his phone and keys, he threw his suit on and made sure it looked alright before hobbling down the stairs.

"Dan, where are you going?" his mum asked.

"I have to pick up my date for prom, I'll see you later!" he called as he ran out the door.

Dan hopped in his car and started it while putting Mary Ann’s address in his phone to pull up a map. All in all, he wasn’t doing too bad on time when he checked the clock. He started to drive at 5:29, so he was even ahead of schedule somehow.

The drive over to his date’s house began well. He was focused on driving carefully and safely, using indicators properly and keeping his head on a swivel for other cars and pedestrians. As he continued, however, he started feeling the illness and medication creep up on his consciousness. Not too many people were on the road, thankfully, so his occasional lapses in judgment didn’t matter.

He finally arrived at Mary Ann’s house at 5:58, which he figured was a fantastic accomplishment. He was always late for everything, but he not only left early but even shaved an extra minute from his expected travel time. Dan walked up to the door of the house, corsage in hand, and stood for a moment to pull himself together.

Taking stock of himself, he realized a few things in the moment before he knocked. First, he was slightly woozy and drowsy, which he attributed to the illness. He also noticed that he felt a bit more nauseous than he had at the beginning of his journey, but thought he could make it at least until arriving at prom and finding a toilet to throw up. Then he noticed how much he was sweating, probably also due to the illness, and he got a bit worried. When he sweat too much, his hair started to-

Shit! My hair! Dan reached up and swept a hand through his tragically curly hair. His fingers caught on a curl that sprang back into place as soon as he let go, hitting his forehead with all the emotional weight of years of self-consciousness.

No, no no no no no this can’t be happening! Nobody but Phil’s ever seen my fucking hobbit hair, this is horrible! What am I gonna do? Phil will know something’s up!

In the midst of his panic, Dan failed to notice the sound of footsteps approaching the door from inside the house, which is why he jumped and let out a (very manly) scream when the door actually opened to Mary Ann.

“Oh! Hi Dan! I didn’t know you were here yet. I just came to sit out here and wait for you.”

Dan quickly recovered from his shock and self-consciously brushed his curly fringe back from his forehead. Just as he opened his mouth to greet her, Mary Ann interrupted him with a gasp.

“Your hair! Did you curl it for prom? Or is naturally curly?!”

Dan felt his cheeks heat up a violent shade of red and he looked at the ground. “Oh, uh, yeah. I straighten it every day, but I guess I forgot before coming here.”

Mary Ann surged forward and started petting Dan’s head as he was talking. “I absolutely love it! It’s adorable.”

Feeling just fucked up enough from his plague and the medication, Dan just let her feel his hair. In any other circumstance, he would have immediately ducked away and gotten himself the hell out of the situation, but he was trying too hard to focus on not throwing up to do anything more than continue looking away.

“Is this for me?” Mary Ann pointed to the corsage.

“Um, yeah. Here.” He pushed the small box over to her and helped her put the flowers on her wrist.

“It’s lovely. Thank you.”

“Of course. You, um. You look great.” Dan was still sort of unsure about how far to take this, given the events of last week. He didn’t want to lead her on any more than he apparently already had, but he couldn’t pick up his prom date and not say she looked nice, could he?

“Thanks!”

He held out his arm for her to take then led her down the walkway to the street, where he had parked. Mary Ann started chattering about something-or-other, probably gossip about her friends’ dates, but Dan wasn’t really listening. He concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other until he got to the car. Dan opened the door for her, then got into the car himself.

Whoa, I feel dizzy. Get ahold of yourself, Dan, he told himself as he sat down.

Dan started the car again and drove over to the school, where the dance was to be held.

The whole ride there, Mary Ann chatted away about the latest episodes of whatever shows she liked while Dan studiously ignored her. His eyes were glued to the road, his hands grasping the steering wheel so tightly that they might as well have been attached. His thoughts were a constant mantra of Don’t throw up, don’t throw up, don’t throw up and Just make it to prom and then you’ll feel better.

After what felt like years, they arrived at the school. Dan parked and got out of the car, then carefully made his way over to Mary Ann’s door and opened it for her. Linking arms, they walked into the building.

If Dan had not felt so sick and disgusting, he would have taken a moment to appreciate the prom aesthetics. And, of course, “appreciate” is a bit of a stretch.

It looked like Kermit the Frog and Donald Trump had exploded in the room. Bright green and spray-tan orange covered the banners and balloons for a disgusting mix, but the students were sort of used to it. Whoever had the bright idea to make those the school colors really needed some adjustments to their thought processes.

As it was, Dan saw the gaudy decorations and merely stumbled a bit, bumping into Mary Ann, who took that as an invitation to lean into him and practically hang off his arm as they continued walking in.

A few steps into the room, Dan saw Phil and gasped. He had been imagining how Phil would look in a suit for so long now, and the real thing was even better than he could’ve anticipated.

Phil wore a dark blue suit with a light blue tie and a white dress shirt underneath. His date, their friend Janice, wore a dress that matched the blue of Phil’s tie. She looked pretty, but all Dan could do was stare at his best friend. He was wearing his glasses, which made him look a bit Clark Kent-ish in the best way, and Dan swore that the goddess of love herself couldn’t compete with how stunning Phil looked in that moment.

“Dan?” Mary Ann waved a hand in front of his face, breaking his trance. He glanced down at her briefly, trying to give her his full attention but failing miserably, as he kept stealing peeks at Phil from across the room. “You okay? You just stopped walking.”

“I’m-” Dan’s voice cracked and he cleared his throat before trying again. “I’m fine, sorry. Just a bit warm, I guess.” He ran a hand through his hair, mentally cursing himself as that made him remember it was still curly.

Mary Ann didn’t look like she believed him, but apparently decided not to do anything about it and instead started pulling him farther into the room. “Come on! We have to say hi to everybody.”

Dan tore his gaze from Phil and followed obediently, not that he had any other choice with how adamantly his date was holding his arm.

They approached Mary Ann’s group of friends but were stopped by Phil calling out to Dan, sounding surprised and worried.

“Dan!”

The sickly teenager turned around and came face-to-face with the object of his affections, and nearly started drooling at the eye-candy.

“Are you alright? Dan?”

Apparently, Dan had not-too-subtly been staring at Phil, totally zoned out.

“I’m okay, yeah, uh-” Dan stopped trying to come up with an excuse when he took note of Phil’s I can see straight through your lies expression.

“Mary Ann, I’m just gonna borrow Dan for a sec, okay? We’ll be right back.”

Phil pulled Dan’s arm out of Mary Ann’s before she could respond, and dragged him back across the room towards the beverages and food.

“What the hell, Dan! I told you not to come!” Phil said as he let go of Dan’s arm.

“Well, yeah, but I’m fine now!”

“Your hair’s curly, which clearly means something is wrong because you hate your curly hair, you’re sweating like a pig, and you’re swaying.”

Dan blinked and looked around. “I am? Is that why the room is spinning?”

Phil’s mouth dropped open. “Why the room’s- Dan!”

“Yeah, everything’s kind of spinning and dancing around, which makes sense, ‘cause, I mean, we’re at prom. Of course they’re dancing.”

“How did Mary Ann not notice how fucked up you are right now?” Phil muttered, seemingly to himself. Dan heard it anyway.

“Whoa, Philly, letting out the swears now! Shhhh I promise I won’t tell your mum,” Dan giggled.

“You need to go home, Dan. You’re clearly sick.”

“I’m fine! I took some medication,” Dan explained, yawning.

Phil’s eyes widened as he seemed to realize something. “Wait, did you drive here?!”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t-”

Phil grabbed Dan’s shoulders and looked him in the eye with exasperated concern. “Dan, you’re sick! You shouldn’t have done that!”

“Philly, I’m fine, okay? God.” Dan turned and grabbed some water off the table behind him, then grabbed Phil’s hand. “Let’s go dance now. It’s prom and you look fantastic.”

“I really think you should sit down, Dan,” Phil said, watching Dan sway as he turned to the dance floor.

Dan rolled his eyes. “If you’re gonna be a killjoy, I’ll just leave you here. Bye, Phil.” With that, Dan walked away, making sure to sway his hips more than normal to draw Phil’s eyes to his ass, since he knew it looked damn good in these pants.

He returned to Mary Ann, who pulled him to the dance floor.

“What did Phil want?” she asked.

“Nothing, it’s fine. Let’s just dance,” Dan suggested.

As the dancing continued, Dan felt his empty stomach gurgle and burble, threatening to release its acidic contents on the world, but he ignored it. A few times, he caught Phil staring at him, which made him smirk. He was definitely getting Phil’s attention, and he loved it. Dan figured his illness was actually helping him a bit, as it seemed to be giving him the confidence to dance a bit more provocatively and send Phil several sexy looks.

An hour after they arrived, the DJ played a slow song, and Mary Ann insisted on dancing the obligatory Awkward Prom Dance with it. Dan stepped closer, resigning himself to this very heterosexual moment with a sigh, then placed his hands on Mary Ann’s waist. She put her arms around his neck and pulled him closer so her chest touched his stomach, and her head rested on his chest. Dan could feel the corsage on her wrist tickling his neck and he shivered.

I wish she were Phil. I could rest my head on his shoulder and he would have his arms around my waist and some stupid corsage wouldn’t violate me.

Dan took the remainder of the song to stare over at Phil, who was calmly chatting with Janice by the snacks and occasionally glancing his way, presumably to make sure he hadn’t died yet.

As the song ended, Mary Ann pulled her head off of Dan’s chest and looked up into his eyes. Her movement caught his eye again and he looked down in time to see her eyes flutter closed as she reached up to kiss him.

Shit, no. Not again. I can’t kiss her again! I’m meant to be kissing Phil!

Dan turned his head quickly so Mary Ann’s kiss landed on his sweaty cheek instead.

“Ew!” she squealed, rearing back swiftly.

Unfortunately for Dan, his balance had been relying on Mary Ann either staying exactly where she was, or her moving slowly enough that he wouldn’t fall over. As a consequence of her swift retreat, he lost his balance and staggered into her enough that she shuffled back a few more steps, and his head went directly down into her breasts.

“Oh my god!” she screamed, pushing him off of her. “You’re such a creep!”

As soon as his face was out of her boobs, Mary Ann smacked him so hard that he lost his footing for the second time and fell over onto the floor as his date stormed off.

Dan lay on the floor groaning. What just happened? Oh, god, don’t throw up, don’t throw up!

“Hello everyone! We’re so glad you could make it out to prom tonight! It is time to announce prom king and queen!”

The crowd roared and Dan covered his ears. He could hear what was happening, but he couldn’t really process it. He was too busy getting his stomach back under control.

After what could have been hours or minutes, Dan heard more yelling and felt several pairs of hands grab him and yank him off the ground.

“Congrats, mate!” said one of his classmates.

Another slapped him on the back when he was finally standing upright. “Way to go! Go on up there and get it now!”

What? Go where and get what? Where’s Phil?

Somehow, Dan got pushed forward to the stage, from which he gathered he had won prom king.

Prom king? Me? I can finally take Phil on that date!

More hands grabbed Dan and hauled him up onto the stage to accept his prize. Dan stood under the bright lights, looking out over a sea of teens amidst the horrendous green and orange banners.

It was there, as he was crowned the king of prom in front of his whole class, that he had one of the most terrifying thoughts he would ever have in his life: I’m gonna puke. Shit.

The next thing he knew, everyone near the stage was screaming and moving as far back as they could as Dan projectile vomited water and medication all over the front of the stage.

Somewhere in the chaos, the crown fell off his head and clunked on the floor, which was the only sound Dan’s brain would latch onto. It was as if everything else had fallen away and all he was aware of was how absolutely disgusting he felt, the sound of the crown falling, and the bile spilling from his mouth. He registered a hazy thought, I lost the crown. I’m not king anymore. I can’t take Phil out, then he began to cry. His shoulders shook slightly and his eyes filled with tears.

Hands found his back and rubbed gently, pulling him into a well-dressed chest. His brain was too foggy to understand, but instinct told him to latch tightly onto the only thing keeping him steady.

His support began to move, so he followed weakly. To the left, down some stairs, and across a floor.

I want to go home. I feel terrible, he thought. Where’s Phil?

Stumbling along, he started to worry. Phil was there. Phil saw me throw up. He’s probably mad at me, oh god. He told me not to come and now he’s left me with a stranger to get better.

A voice cut through his foggy thoughts as they entered an empty hallway, “I told you that you shouldn’t have come.”

Dan frowned in confusion. “No you didn’t, Phil did.”

The voice sighed. “Yeah, he did.”

Dan sniffled a little. “Do you think he’s mad at me?” he whispered. “I don’t want him to be mad at me.”

“I don’t think he’s mad at you,” the voice reassured.

“Are you sure?” he whimpered.

“Yes, I’m sure.” Dan’s support tugged his arm higher on their back and kept pulling him along.

Relief flowed through Dan at the reassurance and he finally stopped crying. “Oh, good. I have to ask him something.”

“Oh, really? What’s that?”

“It’s important.”

“What do you wanna ask Phil?”

Dan hesitated. “It’s a secret.” He wasn’t sure he could trust this voice, but he wanted to.

“It’s alright. You can tell me.”

What’s the worst that could happen? The voice is really nice, and it’s helping me, and it’s calming… I should just tell it. “I’m gonna ask him to go on a date with me and we can use those gift certificates to go to dinner.”

Dan’s support stumbled.

“Oh- Oh really?”

The voice sounded a bit higher-pitched, and Dan couldn’t figure out why.

“Yeah, ‘cause he’s pretty,” Dan slurred matter-of-factly.

His support stumbled again, and the voice seemed to choke on nothing.

“Wait, really? You think he’s pretty?”

Dan rolled his eyes, then stopped walking for a moment to control a new wave of nausea. “Of fucking course. I mean, have you seen him? You could go swimming in those eyes. And I’ve been dying to see him in his suit for so long now and he looks even better than I imagined.”

The voice let out another high-pitched “Oh”, then fell silent for the rest of the journey.

Dan and his support finally walked through the doorway to a brightly-lit room and stopped. Dan squinted his eyes against the light, feeling another bout of nausea creeping up. The gentle hands from before pushed him down into a seat.

A new voice came and began asking questions, which Dan tried to answer but mostly couldn’t understand. All he knew was that he felt horrible, was tired, and wanted his best friend.

The first voice and the new voice talked a bit more once Dan became largely unresponsive, then Dan felt something pull at his suit jacket and take something out of the pocket.

“Hey, tha’s mine,” he said weakly. He was just so tired.

“Dan, did you take this medication earlier?” said the second voice.

“Yeah, ‘cause I felt sick.”

“Well, that does explain a lot, doesn’t it. You took a nighttime fever medication. I’m honestly impressed you’re awake at all right now.”

“I don’t want to be. Can I sleep now?”

The first voice came back. “No, Bear, you have to go home first.”

“Don’t call me that! Only Philly can call me Bear!”

“Okay, I’m sorry! I won’t call you that.”

Dan tried to nod firmly, but it probably looked more like a delirious head bob than anything else.

“Can you stand up again? I’m going to take you home now.”

“But what about my car? And what about Philly? I just want to sleep!” Dan wailed. Tears began to fall again.

“Hey, no, shhhh. Don’t cry, it’s okay. You can come get your car in the morning and we’ll tell Phil to meet you at home, okay? You can sleep on the way there.”

Warm thumbs brushed Dan’s tears from his cheeks as he nodded again. “Okay.” He slowly stood up and leaned on his support, which he now figured belonged to the voice. They meandered to a car and climbed in.

“You can sleep now, Dan. I’ll wake you up at your house.”

“Okay,” Dan replied, then rested his head back and closed his eyes.

When they opened again, Dan found himself sitting in front of his house with someone gently shaking him awake. He felt slightly better now, but his brain was still way behind.

“We’re here. Let’s get you inside, okay?”

Dan took the hands offered him and pulled himself from the car, wobbling unsteadily under his own weight.

“I’ve got you. I won’t let you fall.”

Slowly but surely, Dan and his support made it through the front door.

“Dan? You’re back early,” his mum’s voice called.

The thought of trying to yell back his response nearly made Dan throw up again, so he just clung to his support.

They made their way up the stairs to Dan’s room with the voice from earlier reassuring his mum along the way.

At long last, Dan was finally sitting on his bed while his support and his mum helped take off his shoes and suit. When they were done with him, he lowered himself down onto his bed so he could sleep. He vaguely understood that someone put a bucket next to his bed for him in case he puked again, before his illness and exhaustion caught up with him and he fell asleep.

~~~~~~~~~~

Consciousness slowly returned to Dan, and he groaned. His head hurt, his throat was dry, his mouth tasted horrible, and every part of him felt drenched in sweat.

“Dan? Are you awake?”

Who the fuck is here? I just want to sleep. His eyes opened slowly to see Phil’s perfect face leaning over his bed.

“Good morning, sleepyhead. Feeling any better?”

Phil was wearing his glasses and his hair was all messed up like he had just woken up. Light from the window behind him made a halo around him that just confirmed how much of an angel Dan knew him to be.

“Dan? You okay?”

Dan blinked. “Uh. Yeah, I think. My head hurts.”

“Are you gonna throw up?”

“I don’t think so? Why are you here?”

“Well, you’re sick and I was worried, so I slept on the floor.” He pointed at a pile of blankets on the floor next to Dan’s bed.

“Oh.” Dan tried to remember what happened last night, but everything was just a fuzzy blur. "When did you get here? I don't really remember what happened."

"You don't remember?" Phil asked, incredulous.

Dan shook his head warily. "No? What happened?"

Phil cringed but tried to smile through it. "Well, I got here when I drove you home from prom."

"Prom? Oh, shit, prom!" Dan scrunched up his face as if that would send the memories back to him. It didn’t work.

"Yeah, prom. You won prom king!" Phil was wringing his hands.

That doesn't look good. "Why do you make it sound like this is a bad thing?"

"Well..." Phil wouldn't make eye contact. He ran a hand through his fringe.

"Philip Michael Lester, you need to tell me what happened! If it's that bad, just say it all at once. Rip off the plaste-"

"You threw up in front of the whole prom!" Phil yelled, then slapped his hands over his face.

"I what?"

"When you went to accept your crown, you got on the stage and vomited. People kind of freaked out." Phil stared at the floor warily.

Dan’s mouth hung open for a moment as he tried to imagine it, then groaned. "Oh my god."

"Yeah."

Dan stared at the ceiling in shock. He felt warm, as though the room had gotten three times hotter. He tossed the covers off his body to try to regulate his body temperature, then something occurred to him.

"Did anybody record it? Is my humiliation on the internet now? Will I have to live with this for the rest of my life? Oh my god, Phil!" He started hyperventilating.

"No, I think you're alright. Breathe, Dan. Nice and slow, okay?" Phil put a reassuring hand on Dan's shoulder.

"How many people were there, Phil?"

"I don't think that'll hel-"

Dan interrupted with a glare. "How many people?"

Phil sighed and shook his head but answered the question. "It was prom, so just about everybody from school?" His face screwed up in pity and concern.

Groaning, Dan slapped his hands onto his face.

"I'm sorry, Bear!"

"What are you sorry for? You're not the one whose immune system betrayed them." Dan dug his palms into his eyes like it would push away all knowledge of his public humiliation.

"You're just so clearly upset and I hate it. I wish I could do something."

Dan opened his mouth to tell Phil there was nothing more he could do but be there, but then something occurred to him. He squinted up at Phil. "Wait. Unless this was a dream, I called you yesterday. Did that happen? Didn't you tell me not to go?"

"I mean... Yes, that happened, and I did tell you not to go..."

"Then you did try to do something."

Phil looked away from Dan's face and down at the bedsheets. He picked at the black fitted sheet. "I don't know, I just feel bad!"

"And you're the one that took me away from the stage, right? I can't imagine anybody else would help me."

"I guess." Phil pulled up part of the sheet and let it fall back down.

"Phil, look at me. Hey. Look at me," Dan insisted. He reached out for Phil’s hand, steadying it on the mattress, then waited until those beautiful blue eyes looked back up at him before continuing. "This is not your fault, okay?"

"But-"

"No, Phil. No buts. You saved my ass despite me giving you shit. This is on me. Got it?"

Phil nodded with a slight smile. "Got it."

"Good, now hand me that bucket before I throw up on you."

Phil squeaked and grabbed the bucket, then ran out of the room to the pitiful sound of Dan throwing up again.

~~~~~~~~~~

Dan looked up from his laptop when someone knocked on his bedroom door the next day. It was Monday now, so Phil had gone home the previous night and then to school that morning. Dan saw that school should have ended by then, so he assumed it was Phil. "Come in," he said.

Sure enough, the door opened to reveal a refreshed-looking Phil.

"Hey," Phil said, walking into the room and sitting on the edge of Dan's bed.

"Hey." Dan smiled. He was really glad Phil was there to check in on him.

"Are you feeling any better?" Phil asked. He was tracing patterns on Dan's duvet while making concerned eye contact through his fringe.

"I'm alright. It looks like it was just one of those 24-hour stomach bugs or something, so I’ll be back at school tomorrow. I didn't get you sick, right?"

Phil shook his head. "Nah, I'm fine."

Dan breathed a sigh of relief, leaning his head back against the headboard. "Good. I'd feel really guilty if I did."

"Hey, no. There's no reason for that."

Knowing it would be pointless to argue, Dan simply said, "Sorry."

"Hey, um. Do you remember anything else from prom?"

Dan's head snapped back up to look at Phil suspiciously. "What? No, why?"

"Oh, uh, you know. No reason." Phil didn't make eye contact, which made Dan even more suspicious, but Phil continued before he could comment. "So, do you have any plans for that gift card thing?"

Dan's eyes narrowed, but he decided to leave it be for now. Then the question caught up with him and he realized that his plan with the certificate was to ask Phil on a date. Shit! I'm not ready to ask him yet, I'm still disgusting! I'll have to lie to him. Shit. He always knows when I’m lying. "Not particularly. I mean, what could I use it for?" Dan let out a slightly nervous laugh, hoping Phil wouldn't catch on to the lie.

"I mean, they're meant for a romantic night out. Are you gonna use them for Mary Ann?"

Dan was relieved for the change of subject and the chance to distract Phil. "Nah, she broke up with me over text yesterday after you left. It's probably because I vomited in front of the whole school, which is pretty humiliating, to be fair."

"Oh wow. That’s kinda rude.”

“I mean, I’m not bothered by it. We technically were never actually dating; we just went to prom together. Besides, I’m gay, so… basically, I’m a single Pringle with nobody to use my certificate on.” Dan let out a hopefully-convincing self-deprecating chuckle.

Phil’s demeanor changed entirely at that, going silent for a moment and staring at the bed. “Oh, right. Obviously,” he said quietly.

Dan froze. Phil was acting really weird. “Are- are you okay, Phil?”

Phil’s head snapped up. “What? Y-yeah, I’m fine. Everything’s- yeah, fine.”

Dan eyed him suspiciously. “If you’re sure…”

“Positive!” Phil’s expression finally brightened, as if he were trying to put real effort into acting happy. But Dan could still tell it was an act.

Dan hesitated, but decided to let it go. “Okay. If there’s something wrong, you know you can talk to me anytime, right?”

Phil rolled his eyes and pushed Dan’s shoulder. “Duh, you’re my best friend. That’s your job.”

Dan flinched internally at the moniker, now that he was so close to finally having the confidence to ask Phil on a date, but he suppressed it. “Right. So…” He racked his brain for something to do to lighten the tense mood. “Mario Kart?”

“I’ll kick your ass, Howell.”

“You’re on.”

Dan loaded up the game on the TV in his room and handed a controller to Phil. As they started up, Dan was mostly lost in his own thoughts, half-assing the banter and the video game.

There is definitely something wrong. Did I say something wrong? Dan glanced over at Phil’s face to try to read his emotions. He looks happy, I guess, but he’s so closed off. What happened? He thought through the conversation they had just had to figure it out. Maybe it was something about prom. Why would he ask if I remember anything else if I didn’t do anything stupid that he didn’t tell me about earlier? Oh my god. He asked about the gift certificate. What if I told him I wanted to use it on him while I was sick? What if I said I like him?! Oh, god, this is stressful. Dan stole another glance at Phil.

“Eat my blue shell!” Phil yelled.

Dan’s eyes widened and snapped back to the screen in front of him.

“No! You fucking- you cheater! Shit! Nooooo!”

Phil cackled evilly as he sped past Dan and into first place.

Finding it hard to concentrate on the game and his nonexistent love life at the same time, Dan gave up on the latter for the time being. He had to kick Phil’s ass at this game. He’d fucked up being prom king, so now all he had was his title as Mario Kart king. Even if that was a completely made-up title only significant to the two of them.

A few hours later, they were both getting tired of Dan beating Phil at Mario Kart (although Phil did have a good streak going for a few rounds), so they flopped back on Dan’s bed.

What am I gonna do about whatever happened at prom? Should I even still ask Phil? If he knew my plans, surely he would’ve said something if he wanted to go on a date with me, right? Dan thought. Maybe I should try to see what’s up with him. Maybe he has a crush he’s been hiding from me. I’ll ask and then I’ll know if it’s worth it or not.

Dan rolled onto his side to look at Phil, and Phil did the same. They giggled at each other, then fell silent for a moment, just staring at each other. Dan worked up the courage to ask what he needed to know.

“So, Phil,” he started casually. “Got any crushes recently?”

Clearly, Phil hadn’t been expecting that. His eyes widened and his cheeks turned bright red.

“You do! Aw, that’s adorable. Spill.” Dan tried to hide his jealousy.

Phil looked horrified. “What? No!”

“Come onnnn,” Dan whined. He made puppy eyes and batted his eyelashes at Phil.

“No! Not the eyes!” Phil covered his face with his hands, then groaned in defeat. “Fine. But only if you tell me who you like right after, okay?”

Shit. If I lie, he’ll know and be mad at me. If I tell the truth, well, obviously he’d know…

“Ugh, fine. Don’t tell me who it is. But I’ll tell you what my crush is like if you tell me more about yours.”

Phil pondered this for a second, staring at his hands. Suddenly, he looked determinedly into Dan’s eyes. “Deal.”

Dan felt his stomach churn. I didn’t think this through. Not only do I have to describe him in such a way that’s accurate but vague, but I have to listen to him rant about his own crush’s perfect qualities? I’m an idiot. Outwardly, Dan pretended to be unaffected. “You first, Lester.”

Phil rolled his eyes, but agreed. “Okay, he’s in our class-“

“Ooh, a he?” Dan gasped in fake shock.

“Dan. I’m gay. You know that. Hell, you’ve known that longer than I have!”

Dan pretended to wipe a tear from his eye. “It seems like just yesterday you didn’t know.”

Phil gave him a look like are you done yet?

No. He definitely wasn’t done yet.

“You were so tremendously adorable when you didn’t realize that finding a boy cute meant you were at least a little gay. I still remember how you casually mentioned that Zac Efron is a hot piece of ass…”

“Anyway! My current crush, the guy in our class-“

“Oh, yes, do go on,” Dan encouraged. Despite the theatrics, he was still seething on the inside. This was a really, really idiotic idea, but there was no backing out of it now.

“Well, he’s kind of tall-“

“How tall? Taller than you?” There were only a few guys in their class taller than Phil, Dan being one of them, but he wouldn’t get his hopes up.

“I can’t tell you that! That’s too specific, and specifics could give it away, which defeats the whole purpose of the descriptions!”

“Wow, okay, jeez.” Dan held his hands up in a placating gesture. “Do continue, Romeo.”

Phil punched him in the arm before asking, “What else do you want to know?”

“The usual, of course. Hair color, eye color, national insurance number?”

“Brown, brown, and why the hell would I know that, Dan?”

Dan shrugged. He was going through the faces of every guy in their class in his head, trying to think who might have brown eyes, brown hair, and be “tall” by Phil’s standards. “I don’t know, it was just a question! Why do you like him? Have you ever talked to him? Does he like guys? Just rant to me, Phil, come on! Tell me what he’s like!”

Finally goaded into a proper response, Phil began to talk. He wouldn’t make eye contact though, picking at the duvet instead. He spoke slowly and tentatively at first, still unsure, but he gradually gained confidence. “Yes, I’ve talked to him. We’ve talked a quite few times, actually. He’s- he’s nice, and he’s funny. And he likes the video games that I like, and he’s- you’re gonna laugh at me. Never mind, I just like him.”

“Well, except now you have to tell me or I’ll think it’s something really ridiculous,” Dan pushed. He really was a masochist, apparently.

Phil hesitated again, glancing up at Dan’s intent face, then back at the bed. He sighed. “I was just- I was gonna say that he’s really pretty and he has this adorable laugh that just makes me want to laugh right along with him and he has a dimple- god, his dimple is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. I just wish I could reach out and touch it sometimes, you know?”

Phil still wouldn’t look at Dan, but Dan decided that was a good thing. He was sure he had turned green with envy of this supposedly gorgeous guy that had caught Phil’s eye so completely. He did his best to brush it off, though, and respond in kind with how he’d been saying everything for the last few minutes.

“Not really, but sure. He sounds great, Phil.”

“Okay, I’m done. Now it’s your turn.” Phil finally looked up at Dan again.

Here we go. Don’t be too obvious.

“Okay, so he-“

“It’s a boy?!”

Dan shot Phil his best are you kidding me, dipshit face.

“Hey, you did it to me! It’s only fair. Continue.”

Dan rolled his eyes. “Thank you for your blessing, o wise Philip.” Dan took a deep breath as subtly as he could before beginning to speak. “So, he’s pretty tall and has black hair and blue eyes.” He kept it as succinct as possible, worried Phil would figure out that Dan meant him.

“Oh? And why do you like him? Have you talked to him before?”

Careful, Dan, this could get a bit dangerous.

“I have talked to him, yes, and he’s also nice and funny.” Suddenly, it was like Dan couldn’t stop talking. He had to say what he loved about Phil, consequences be damned. Well, mostly damned. “And sometimes he’s just this absolute ray of sunshine, too precious for his own good-“ shit I’ve called Phil a ray of sunshine before, did he notice?? “-and he’s so, so fucking beautiful and I don’t think he knows it-“

“You’re just a little One Direction song over there, now,” Phil giggled, covering his face with his hands like he was embarrassed.

Dan felt a slight surge of pride. He must feel jealous of the guy I like! Maybe he does like me after all and I just need to show him what he’s missing… “But it’s true! He’s so pretty and nobody ever tells him so.”

“Sounds like you’ve got it bad, Howell.”

Dan sighed and stared into Phil’s eyes with a dreamy smile. “I really do.” He stayed like that for a minute before realizing he was giving Phil massive heart eyes, which would definitely give him away, so he looked down at his bed and wiped the goofy grin off his face.

They stayed silent for a few more minutes as Dan tried to think of something new to do or say while he felt Phil’s eyes boring into his soul through the top of his head and his still-curly hair.

Finally, Phil spoke up. “Dan.” He sounded serious, but gentle.

Dan cautiously looked back up through his unruly fringe. “Yeah?”

“I know.”

Shit, this is it.

“Know what?” Playing stupid could buy him some more time, maybe.

“I know you were talking about me.”

Dan immediately ducked his head down further and looked away from Phil’s face. “What? Of course not, don’t be ridiculous,” he said half-heartedly.

“I know you too well for you to be able to lie to me, Dan.”

Dan stayed silent. He didn’t know what to say or how to fix their surely-ended friendship. He flopped onto his pillow so he could hide his face, then, out of curiosity, eventually brought himself to ask a question.

“Did I say something to you at prom? Is that- is that why you keep asking me if I remember?”

“Yeah. You did.”

Dan began to panic. “Shit. I’m so sorry. Please don’t stop talking to me, I-“

“Of course I won’t stop talking to you! I never would. We’re best friends forever, and don’t you forget it.”

This time, Dan did flinch at the moniker. His poor broken heart couldn’t take it. “Okay. Thank you.”

“Dan. Please look at me,” Phil implored gently.

Dan shook his head and buried his face into the mattress even more than he already had.

“Dan, please.”

He sighed, then carefully turned his head slightly to the side so only the smallest bit of one eye could see Phil and Phil could only see the smallest portion of Dan’s face.

Dan gasped in surprise. Phil had gotten much closer than he had been. Then he felt Phil wrap his arms around Dan, and heard a soft, “It’s okay.”

Melting into the hug, Dan whispered, “But it’s not, because you like some other guy!”

Phil chuckled. “You really think that?”

“Of course I do! You just told me you did!”

Phil chuckled again, but it was softer this time. “I never said who it was.”

Dan froze. “Oh.”

“I like you, Dan.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, ‘oh’.”

“Well that’s a relief,” Dan said. He tightened his hold on Phil and tangled their legs together.

“That’s all you have to say?” Phil giggled.

“Oh, no, I have plenty to say. I just don’t know where to start.”

Dan lifted his head a little so he could look at Phil, who was gazing at him like he put the stars in the sky. He could see that now and wasn’t sure how he’d missed it before. It was honestly a bit disgusting how smitten Phil looked, but Dan didn’t care. He was sure he looked the same.

Phil leaned his head forward so their foreheads rested against each other, then whispered, “Why don’t you start with those gift certificates?”

Dan giggled. “Phil, since you asked so nicely, would you go on a date with me to a fancy-ass restaurant courtesy of some assholes who voted me prom king before I vomited on them all?”

“It would be an honor.”

“Good, ‘cause I’m sure as hell not using them on some random girl.”

“Obviously. Because you’re gay.”

Dan giggled. “So very gay.”

“Can I kiss you?”

“I thought you’d never ask.”

And when Phil actually kissed Dan, Dan took a moment to appreciate that Phil’s lips weren’t warmer than Mary Ann’s, but they certainly were better in every way possible. The thought was swallowed up quickly, though, as Dan’s mind went blank and he let himself enjoy being with Phil.