#like slur = word exclusively used to refer to a group derogatorily

[canichangemyblogname]

Did you know that the meaning and impact of words changes based on WHO you say them to or who you say them about?

When a queer person reaches out to you and expresses, “Hey, can you stop using this word, it’s eerily similar to a slur for gay men,” your response shouldn’t be “Well, I’m USAmerican, and that word doesn’t mean the same thing here, so I’m going to keep using it to refer to a gay couple to express my dislike of their relationship. Also, I’m queer, so…”

Being queer does not insulate you from being a piece of shit to other queer people. You are literally exhibit A.

The very issue is the fact that you insist on using a word that is imitative of a slur to refer to queer men. You are so plainly not using this term as us USAmericans use it. You are using it exclusively to refer to an mlm relationship and exclusively when expressing your disgust for the relationship. You *are* using it as if it has the same meaning here in the US as does in the UK. That is the issue.

Like, if I said, “You’re one of the good ones, man” to a cop at Pride, that has a very different meaning and impact than if I say “You’re one of the good ones, man” to a queer man at a Pride. In the one, I’m implying the cop is a safe resource for LGBTQ+ people among a group notorious for violence against our community and members. In the second, I’m throwing every other queer person under the bus. All the words still have the same dictionary definition, but the meaning has changed based on my audience. Why? Because language is a social construct and it cannot be divorced from social dynamics and interactions. Its effectiveness as a tool of human communication is dependent on social cues and relationships.

A word not being a slur in the US does not mean that you aren’t using it derogatorily toward a specific community.

[the-secret-life-of-bi]

I swear to fucking god, I should start tagging any post with the words 'lesbian' or 'gay' as 'l slur' and 'g slur' until people stop tagging any mention of the word 'queer' as 'q slur'.

"Well it's not the same!!!" Yes the fuck it is. I have had people include me under "gay" and "lesbian" as umbrella terms, even though they don't describe my identity fully, and I don't really personally identify with those terms. The word "queer" has been around just as long as the others and used by multitudes of people in the community, as an umbrella term and otherwise, but we're not suppose to use it as an umbrella term because that offends people apparently??? And they're offended because they've been called "queer" as a slur. But people have called me both gay and lesbian derogatorily, because surprise surprise, homophobes will use all our identifiers as slurs. It doesn't make them slurs, but it does make those people assholes. And you're an asshole too, if you think the term I use to describe my identity exists solely as a slur and yours somehow doesn't

Every single excuse I've heard people make for tagging any mention of my identity, queer, as a "slur" is the same excuse I could use to label literally any LGBTQ+ identity as a slur. It's so degrading to see people within the community filter out posts about my specific identity, like they don't even want to hear it, because of one word they have labeled somehow dirtier and worse than all the rest. My identity is somehow dirtier and worse than every other identity in the community.

And there was a point in my life not too long ago, where (as an mspec woman) I was pretty much exclusively attracted to women, so I briefly used the label of lesbian or mspec lesbian. I had been called a lesbian many times in my life for to my wlw attractions, so I figured I'd try it out. Then I was bullied by anons telling me that I wasn't allowed to use the term "lesbian" because I had before and will always have the capacity to be attracted to men. I was bullied for being "gay" as a kid, and for that reason, I don't use the word as a personal identifier very often. And for many reasons, other terms don't feel exactly right for me, so I use queer. I use it for me, and I extend it when talking about my community, wherein a lot of my friends also identify as queer.

I accept that there are posts that say "the gay community" and reference a community I belong to, even though I don't really use "gay". I accept posts that are about "lesbians" but that relate to my attractions as a wlw. I read the posts, I reblog them, I learn from them. I accept being in large groups of LGBTQ+ people and being lumped in as gay or lesbian by people who don't know my identity, or who use gay/lesbian for themselves and extend it to include me as an umbrella term. I support, uplift, and celebrate your identities as much as my own. I don't mind being considered alongside you, because as far as I'm concerned, we are in the same community.

All I ask is that you don't relegate my identity, the terms I use to express it, and every post that mentions it, into the slur corner that you don't have to see. Please just give me and other queer people the respect and support we give your identities.