#like shin yoosung lee gilyoung yoo mia lee jihye basically all the younger ones were kind of. abandoned.

[xuer]

vaguely inspired by this tweet

when the apocalypse began, shin yoosung was just a child. she couldn’t quite understand the looks between dokja-ahjussi and sooyoung-unnie when they first found her. all she knew was that sooyoung-unnie’s glares and yelling had scared her, but dokja-ahjussi’s hugs were warm and kind. she hadn’t known anything warm or kind for a very long time, even before the apocalypse began.

during the apocalypse, shin yoosung was still a child, but she was a little older and a little smarter and a whole lot stronger. she still couldn’t quite understand why some adults would stare at her in fear. all she knew was that their gazes made her uncomfortable, but dokja-ahjussi’s hugs were just as warm and kind as they had always been.

during the apocalypse, shin yoosung was still a child, but she was old enough to want to keep the people she loved safe. she still couldn’t quite understand why the other company members would protect her or keep her out of harm’s way or sacrifice themselves when she was just as if not stronger than them (she was beginning to think she would never understand why some people acted the way they did). all she knew was that the tears they tried to hide from her were colder than anything she felt before the apocalypse, and yet dokja-ahjussi’s limp and unconscious body was somehow even colder.

after the apocalypse, shin yoosung was no longer a child. years had passed, and she grew into a young woman. she was much older now, much smarter, much wiser, and maybe just as strong as before. she understood many things she couldn’t before. she understood that another version of her had turned into a calamity and harmed many people, which is why sooyoung-unnie didn’t like her at first. she understood that she was a powerful incarnation, which is why so many people were scared of her. she understood that no matter how powerful she was, she was still a child, and the other company members would never let children fight their battles for them.

but there was something that even now she couldn’t understand. she couldn’t understand why dokja-ahjussi kept dying for them. she couldn’t understand why dokja-ahjussi willingly gave up his life to keep them safe. she couldn’t understand why dokja-ahjussi would forfeit himself without a moment’s hesitation just so the rest of them could smile one more time.

she couldn’t understand, because what was the point of dokja-ahjussi sacrificing himself if they wouldn’t be happy without him? what was the point of dokja-ahjussi sacrificing himself if they would charge headfirst back into danger the moment they found out he wasn’t with them?

because what was the point of dokja-ahjussi sacrificing himself to keep them safe if he left them all behind in the process?