#like realistically im passing its no big deal

[catboybrain]

sigh. another bad grade on a midterm . life is pain i hate

[rist-ix]

I have a question for you what do you think of the quote unquote age gap between Bloom and Valtor?

I had to do alot of research to understand Bloom age when I started to like this ship better than Mr cheater. So here's a brief information dump:

Bloom is 16 in the first episode and its confirm her bday is December 10 (we don't know the the exact year when each girl was born only the fact Stella is the oldest by that logic Bloom is the second youngest out of the group) when we get to season 3 it is confirmed that the girls is in their 3rd semester so that makes Bloom 19 at point. Valtor's age we do not know however I'm going to say at most early 20s from what we know Valtor working with a younger Griffin before he got Popsicled.

Here comes the tricky part. In s4 the girls just finished their semester and graduated making them 20-21. Up until s5 where Nicklodeon had to reboot their age making them 16 again. Flashforward to s8 and that makes Bloom age 19 if you are following the reboot or 23 if you do not follow the reboot. Since we don't know how long Valtor been frozen his mental age is up for debate.

For me personally I don't see Sparxshipping as an Edward and Bella situation as Edward was aging naturally during his years while Valtor was frozen and couldn't age naturally but only mentally.

Okay okay first of all! Your Bloom math checks out and I just realized that I for some reason always thought Bloom is 18 in s3. Which is still possible, I think, I just dont know why I assumed that. Actually no, it works, if she is 16 in s1 she is 17 in s2 and 18 in s3, but we dont know a lot about how the school years work in Magix so I'm gonna jot her down as 18-19 for the remainder of this post.

Still dont know how I passed math btw.

Anyway. Valtor's age is where the real mystery is at. We've got two possibilities in my opinion.

1. He's pulling the ageless immortal card.

My personal go-to for fics and discussions. Love me some 300 year old mommy issues. He has too much practice being a messy bitch, there's no fixing this man folks.

Evidence: There's a flashback showing him with Griffin as a tween: she looks MUCH younger, he looks exactly the same. Unless he also stole the secret magic of the world's most potent anti aging cream, or Griffin's proximity to Faragonda just aged her by three more decades, he does not age.

2. He is the age he looks.

Which, in my humble opinion, would not put him anywhere near twenty. That is a grown man. He's not college age, unless you count college professors under that word. Even if I were good at guessing ages the very stylized art style would throw me for a loop, but im gonna say 40s, give or take. Look at Avalon, look at Codatorta, look at King Radius if u must. That is the age range we're looking at.

Evidence: I dont have any. We're ballin'. I guess it's never explicitly stated he's immortal, which you'd think would be big enough of a deal to mention. If u got something feel free to let me know.

That being said, the Winx Club Wiki page for the canon timeline (ha, good one) puts the time of Valtor's creation in a rough time frame from "Over 17 years before season 1" to "Under 100 years before season 6". So he could technically be anywhere from 17-97, though I'm not sure the upper limit is as reliable as the lower one, given the check-list format of the website. So make of that what you will.

Now that we've got the question of age out of the way, lets get to the age gap. I have no idea what the situation in twilight was to be honest, so I cant compare that.

Realistically, there's at least a decade between Bloom and Valtor. Possibly two decades and change. And that is just from visible age, we can add a few centuries on top of that if we're sticking with the immortal bit. I'm gonna be gonest, I dont think being frozen for 17 years will make a whole lot of difference here.

If you find that icky, which is fair, you can always change that for fics tho! Either turn him into a twenty year old or put Bloom in her milf-era, the options are endless. Personally, I think the age difference is half the fun though, and also the least of their issues. When you're off making out with the objectively worst person in history, wether he's too old for her isnt gonna rank very high on people's list of concerns.

[yesimwriting]

i am absolutely obsessed with final girl!!! it is so good and the way you write everybody, including y/n is perfect ! i love how y/n is observant and picks up on a lot of the weird things that stu and billy do and say and then brush it off cause of her upbringing, its a perfect way to have the reader pick up on the clues yet not ruin the plot! (please use this ask to explain and rant away about it because i am obsessed with their dynamic in every way possible!!)

im curious, does the reader being from texas mean anything for the plot and the backstory? if not then i am seriously overthinking it and im going mad 😭😭

i cant wait for the next update but of course take your time!! hope you have a good day/night!!

Hi!! omg this ask is exactly what i needed!!

Thank you for picking up on how Y/n is observant but then brushes it off!! that's something i'm super intentional about when writing chapters, especially bc i've always felt like fics feel more realistic/immersive when the reader does notice things that can influence plot,, but sometimes it's hard bc i have to think of a way for billy and stu to cover up what they do 😭

but i try! a large reason it works is bc of their dynamic,, that i will always be willing to go into heavy detail about!

Y/n doesn't have a ton of experience with close guy friendships. It's partly bc of her mom being relatively "strict" in that area and that area alone, and it's partially bc of where she grew up. Lots of lifelong friendships in a small, southern town before the move,, which i'll be exploring a little more really soon in the series!!

but anyways, the point i'm getting at is that in those towns, any guys you're friends with barely feel like boys bc you've grown up with them. They're basically your brothers. So Y/n's a little...i don't like using the word naive bc it's not exactly that...i see her as trusting and inexperienced.

She's aware just enough to be like hm...this feels a little weird, but once billy or stu offer any kind of explanation or breeze past it casually enough she just assumes that it can't be too bad. A tiny bit of it is a gender assumption thing...like oh, it's a guy thing to be a little cagey and play around with girls that are just friends like that bc they're a little flirty.

But that's just a fraction of why she dismisses things, it's a baseline thinking that she chooses to lean into subconsciously bc billy and stu wanted her to feel borderline dependent on them,, and honestly, they've done a good job so far.

ik we don't have a tonnn of canon details on the og friend group when things were nice and normal before billy and stu went on their little stab spree,, but i definitely picture them as being that group,, you know the ones where they're super solid but still feel comfortable hanging out in different combinations of pairing. I feel like they're also the kind of friend group where people that go to the same school/are in the same age range see hanging out in public and a tiny part of them wishes they were apart of it bc once you're "in" you're "in" and even if you're kind of a sideline piece in the friend group, it'd still be great.

(Opening of part 8 is actually a friend group bonding thing to explore this a little more!!)

Anyways, all this is to say that Y/n's still feels like she's circling around "in",, so at first, she lets things slide bc she likes all of them and the friend group is the only thing making the move bearable. And if you're referencing all the advances they get away with--especially Stu--it's bc it's also done in front of the entire group, and if it's not a big deal to everyone (especially their girlfriends), why should she make it a big deal? Plus, when Stu goes out of his way to do it,, it's kind of like announcing that y/n's "in".

Then, after some time has passed, they started getting away with more and more until they got to the point that we see them in in the actual fic. The end goal was always to have y/n look like the group's friend (to keep from suspicion) but be closest to them,, and they're not smart for nothing, it's definitely working.

Now the reason they get away with so much isn't so much y/n being scared of losing out on the group, but scared of losing them. Even though y/n definitely sees everything that's happened between them as platonic, they're her boys now. Things are easy to dismiss because she feels like she knows them. Sure, there might be the odd comment or reaction, but it's nothing worth looking too closely at. Not when she's comfortable, and they've been consistent enough that even the new questionable things can fall under the umbrella of 'oh they're just like that'.

They're also tactful about the behavior they make obvious and planting seeds that explain it, especially billy. I see billy as being a little more in touch/at least aware of how other people that are wired without the murder mindset feel. Like he knows that bouts of possessiveness/jealousy that aren't justifiable make him look bad and might even make him off putting.

I think this awareness comes from how close I picture his mom and him being. I've always felt like there was probably some unhealthy co-dependency between billy and his mom, which factors into how he views attachment and gave him some more awareness on other people's feelings. It's not a perfect view, but at least something he factors in. Definitely feel like the thought of being left makes billy panic, so that's why he at least tries to think things through. If he acts normal in front of y/n and thinks about how things would make him seem, she won't leave.

That's part of the reason billy goes out of his way to plant explanations for behaviors that aren't under control. He tells stu to mention his family when he apologizes and he'll mention his own dad when he wants sympathy points. He knows how to tug on y/n's heartstrings/empathy.

Stu's tactic is the opposite of being subtle. He gets away with things because he's him. I think he definitely hides darker/more serious toxicity under a layer of open toxicity that feels lighthearted. Like he's easily 'set off' but his moodiness doesn't off put y/n bc it's played off as being almost meanly oversensitive. It'd annoy y/n a lot more from anyone else bc when stu's good, he's great, and he's always been open about it.

And as far as y/n being from texas there are some reasons!! it comes up a little in part 8 for the first time! no spoilers, but part of the reason is bc i pictured Gloria, y/n's mom, as one of those southern-y, larger than life moms. There was also a scene that I took out of part 6 that I'm going to use later (probably in chapter 8, but might reserve it) about y/n and her ability to shoot. Texas has pretty lax gun culture, so there's a scene where y/n shows that she's a good shot bc her mom's been taking her to a shooting range for years. It's a way for her defend herself from ghostface!!

I also wanted y/n's hometown to be far away for a couple reasons. More of a start over feel, if she ever tries to go back it could cause some tension bc of distance, explains why she doesn't have anyone else around, etc

[inekepp]

WOULD LOVE ANYTHING YOU COULD TELL ME ABOUT THE PHARMACY WIP FRIEND :') <3

Hii!

Okay, so. Pharmacy AU basically comes down to Alex working as a pharm tech in a 24/7 pharmacy (another reason why his sleeping schedule is shot to all hell, bc, yknow, eves, nights, the lot), and Henry is coming in to pick up meds for Arthur, who still suffers from cancer in this fic and all that. Henry keeps on getting Alex as the one who helps him (either bc coincedence, or luck, or timing, or however you want to call it, though i think i put a reference or two in that he did hit other coworkers of alex too, as to make it a tad more realistic). Alex, being quite experienced at this point, immediately clocks as to what Arthur is suffering from (in broad lines, anyway. beyond 'cancer' he ain't getting much further) and in the beginning he holds out hope, but that diminishes as soon as he sees that it's been quite a bit since Arthur got meds for chemo, and what Henry is coming to pick up (which, basically, is painkillers).

eventually, which is what i've yet to write, henry is going to come in to pick up meds like morphine and midazolam bc of palliative care (which, as the midazolam suggests, means hallucinating/possible aggression and the likes bc delirium), and then has to come back because the midazolam isn't doing the trick.

i was also v much planning on henry coming in at some point where alex is on the phone w his boss who tried to contact a coworker but failed (dunno if said coworker is hunter but yknow might as well be haha. but like, failing could happen bc travel or whatnot i dont think it matters much). so here alex is, saying to his boss that hed pass on the message when coworker gets in, but just says 'he' instead of coworker, cue henry panicking bc he thinks it mightve been fam trying to contact him about arthur, and, well.. yeah.

im not being nice to henry here, im sorry.

anyway, alex is v much crushing, but like, cant do much about it aside from helping henry as fast as he can and make it as pleasant as such a visit could be, bc p r o f e s s i o n a l i s m, (which he prob v well throws out the window w panic attack bc, well, he cant henry suffer alone can he?).

and in the last chapter, which is gon be x time after alex saw henry at the hospital last, is basically going to be them running into one another somewhere (idk, coffeeshop? library? somewhere. havent figured that out yet) and get to talking and maybe possibly set up a date (also bc henryd be thanking him in person for all hes done, and henry being henry had send a massive mail to the boss at some point complimenting alex for all his help and care and bc he deserved to get the praise. alex v much would want to thank him for that bc boss (zahra prob) having been like dunno what youve done but good work, and just, getting praise, esp in healthcare, be rare as fuck, so yknow. its something big.

im also hella drawing on my own experiences as a pharm tech, and i do have a load of quiet eve shifts, so, lie, its not unheard of, and while i do not state in which country they are bc i cant be arsed to look up laws and practises and shit like insurance shit bc its irritating and complex enough where im from and im the person who deals w insurances in the first place, i guess its all universal enough (and i did google if midazolam and all that were still like used the same in other countries, bc availability in meds and whas used can differ from country to country).

does that answer it? if not, feel free to clarify!

[infinitedungas]

thinking about the fact im getting top surgery soon and while im excited im also absolutely terrified

not just of the pain (i am a big baby with a v low pain threshold who has never had surgery before), or the logistical nightmare of it all (i currently dont know whether i will have a job or where i will be living when my surgery date rolls round) but also because like. this is it. once this is done i will be obviously, physically, trans in a way i haven’t been up til now.

and while that’s huge and exciting it’s also scaring the shit out of me because i live in a country that has made hating trans people its personality trait du jour and im realising that passing as Just A Butch Woman might be a safety net i miss, regardless of how much i hate that assumption constantly being made about me now. i’m not on hormones, and my chest is fkn huge so even binding as tight as i could (and way tighter than anyone should) its impossible to make it realistically disappear. its only now hitting me how much ive just kinda skirted by under the radar.

what if being more identifiably trans turns out to be horrible actually. what if people looking at me and seeing Transness right off the bat is so much worse than them not seeing it. as someone who’s very fat and doing their best to look masculine i already feel the Constant Panopticon of strangers openly judging me for existing, idk how im gonna deal with a new layer of that.

[thatlittleloverboy]

so, you want to be a service maid, don't you you desperate, pathetic little faggot? well, you better start training yourself so your future owner doesn't have to waste his time dealing with your incompetent ass! Here's what you're gonna do - put on that collar and get on all fours, put the boots in front of you. then, take that big realistic dildo and start pounding your cunt with it as hard as you can manage. While you do that, use your whore tongue to clean every last bit of dust off those shoes, and dont stop fucking yourself until theyre fully clean. Better be thorough, make a few passes, its not like that mouth of yours is good for much else without someone to claim you. Now, if it were my boots you were servicing I would kick you in the face every time you stopped or paused in fucking yourself, and keep count of how many times you did, and then after i would grab you by the hair and fuck your tight little throat hard and fast while making you try repeat a sentence for me and watching you tear up and gag as you fail to finish it before i slam into you again. but since you're just a dirty, lonely little fag taking orders from internet strangers, you'll have to take care of that all yourself. Keep track of however many times you stop, and then once the boots are thoroughly cleaned and dried, pull that toy out of your hole and stuff it in your own mouth, and then repeat the words "im a pathetic mindless little fairyboy slut who exists only to be used" 3 times plus once for however many times you failed. Only once you've completed that are you allowed to make yourself cum. Can you do all that, you little slut? or is someone gonna have to come and break you in themself?

Fucking curse my period for coming right now or else I’d be doing that as fucking quick as I could oh my god

As soon as I come off it you bet your ass I’m doing that right away

Holy fuck anon that was hot

[alienjoyful]

I normally try not to say much on other peoples posts, call that the shy part of me still having a strangle hold BUT this post resonates deeply in a way I can’t ignore.

I love to write dumb fun stuff. I have been writing dumb fun stuff since I was a child always with the tiny dream of someday writing a book and getting it published. When I was a little girl and said as much people would encourage me to try.

But I noticed that with each passing year of me getting older the encouragements got quieter and quieter. What started as:

“Oh you want to be a writer? Im sure you’ll succeed just keep giving it your best shot!”

“You’ve always been so creative I’m sure you’ll write something amazing!”

“Oh? What genres interest you? Id love to hear your ideas!”

Slowly over many years became:

“Well its hard to get published you know. And even if you do you’ll never make enough money to live on.”

“You want to write something in the fantasy genre? And for kids? Don’t you know how much competition you have? What you think you can compete with Harry Potter?”

“Im not telling you to give up I just don’t think your being very smart or realistic. You need to grow up and realize this will never pay the bills.”

“No one is going to read it, people don’t read anymore.”

Even if I told them I didn’t need it to make money id do it for the satisfaction, even if I tried to show I was being ‘realistic’ I got eye rolls and tired sighs.

When I started doing Twitch streams with my now Partner for fun to show off games we liked and do voice acting. I got a barrage of unsolicited free ‘advice’ telling me again to be ‘realistic’ to accept that it would never go anywhere. That it was a saturated market, that I wasn’t anything special or different. It didn’t matter that I just did it for fun they felt the need to shove there cynicism down my throat and call it love.

Recently, I decided to try out 2DVtubing. Why? Because it seemed fun, and I like streaming, thats it. Even without a following I’ve found streaming to be a positive experience for all these years, because sometimes new people I’ve never met who love the game I or my partner are playing show up in chat. And for that brief time we talk, we joke, they help with a level or tricky boss and all I hope is for that fleeting time that there paths crossed mine, I made them laugh or smile.

My closest friends have been positive about my streaming and my new Vtuber. In fact without the encouragement / seeing @thegalleonsnest do the 2D-tubing thing first with his lil bird guy I probably would not have done it for many more years.

But even with those Im closest to being positive, I still hear and get those nasty cynical comments on the regular. I want to say that I can ignore them, that they have 0 effect on me. But Im only human and we can only deal with so much cynical bullshit.

Maybe theres something here to be said about societal hopelessness, about how tired and beaten down we all feel from years of financial hardships and the growing chokehold of capitalism while were screamed at about our planet burning. Maybe watching so many big shot ‘influencers’ turn out to be bad people who go unpunished makes it all feel pointless. Maybe the never ending stream of bad news, deaths, war, and bombs makes us feel powerless and trapped.

Maybe life is hard and we feel the need to tell others to ‘be realistic’ as a way of trying to save them from further hardship and heartbreak down the road. Maybe…

But personally I just can’t agree with that kind of mindset. Life is hard, capitalism sucks, bad people sometimes succeed, were all tired, and yes alone we may be small and weak. But thats no reason to give up or stop or to be a cynical asshole!

Keep going! Make that podcast! Stream that game! Write that book! Make that music! Write that letter! Make that group! Join that team! Get that new job! Start that new business! Go join that club! Learn that new skill!

Do that thing others told you was pointless. Do it messy, do it imperfect, do it despite the fear, do it knowing you might fail. Do it anyway.

Just try. I know its hard I know your tired. But just try. You never know what you’ll learn or experience from just trying. I haven’t written or published a book yet but I’m still trying. And streaming despite everyone telling me it was pointless got me a whole ass husband.

So trust me when I say. Just try.

I don't think many people realize how much they've been turned into a bunch of casually cynical jerks.

Someone may come to their parents and say "I want to write a book" and their parents will say "it's really hard to get published".

Someone might confide in their sibling and say "I want to sell my art on "x" platform" and that sibling will say "do you know how many people you'd be competing with? Do you know how many shops are even on that platform?"

I know a kid who once told his best friend "I think I wanna start a dnd podcast" and the friend was like "do you know what the word "oversaturation" means?"

Personally, I don't know why any of that matters? And even if it did, perhaps your response should be "Do it! Do it and see where it goes!"

[whumpshaped]

its fine im fine im totally not at my breaking point what are you talking abt

[noritoshiikamo]

reality vs fantasy 

bonus part 3.5 of the noritoshi kamo story; im just spoiling u brats enjoy [passes holy water] thread lightly, sexual content ahead

tagging: @unabashednightmarepizza @sassyeahhhh @dok-ja @sukirichi [bold means i cant tag u idky :( lemme know if wanna be tagged in the next part] directory: read the first part | second part | third part | bonus

fantasy

“does that feel good?”

he asked as his lips traced her sharp jaws, spreading kisses as his hands steadied her hips. she took a sharp breath, nodding in pleasure as moans escaped her parted lips as she lowered herself down back on his hard dick. through his opened eyes, he watched pleasurably as her tight cunt swallowed his dick inch by inch so easily, like she was moulded to fit him and only him. her long hair covered half of her face, as she flipped it to the side, sweats dripping down her chest glistening her swollen breasts. 

she looked so ethereal riding him. 

her pace was slow, and his hands were roaming all over her body. 

he whispered encouragements, how beautiful she looked sucking in his fingers hungrily, her perky titties and the way she hugged around his length made him feels so good made her roll her eyes back to her skull. feeding her kink so well. pulling her against him, her back resting on his chest, she let him take over the pace, loud moans fillers the room as the sound of her skin slapping against his with wet squelching sound echoed their bedroom. 

“you’re so needy, my wife.”

she was beyond needy, she was desperate for release only he could give, “fuck me, please, just fuck my brain out.” grabbing her chin, he smiled pleasingly as he kissed her lips so passionately. his rough hand palmed her breast, nipple swollen and hard it made her legs bucked.

“you want me to fuck you?” he teased.

she nodded vigorously, trying to move her hips to meet his pace. his other hand moved lowered below her slightly bulging abdomen, finding her swollen clit immediately. 

“please just fuck every inch of me,” she cried out, tongue lolling out, her eyes stared deep into his eyes, “i’ll be very good, i promise.” with every bat of her eyes, he couldn’t decide whether she looks adorably innocent or just a devil in disguise. 

but when he had her pressed on all four, begging for all holes to be filled, he couldn’t deny his wife’s wishes.

reality

she panted. sweaty and sticky, she looked down on the pillow tucked between her thighs. her face flushed red as guilt washed over her. the effect of the orgasm had left her legs shaking and she cursed.

noritoshi had not returned to their house for almost three days. 

she missed him dearly and she was losing her mind slowly. 3 days alone to heal from the mess from the attack at the stadium and to deal with the fact that she’s growing their child inside her reduced her to nothing but a mess. she fell on her side, pushing her sweaty hair up as she kicked the pillow soaked with her fluid to the floor. she fixed herself, not that it helped with anything; she lowered his shirt down her chest back. she has been wearing it for 3 days straight. 

enveloped by everything that reminds her of him but not able to have him physically hurt her chest. he hadn’t call, text, or even send her a letter. she was alone. 

whenever she missed him, she hid in their walk-in closet, nose buried in whatever that belong to him that her eyes caught first. when she has enough energy, she would brew the tea just as he likes it, sat at the balcony, and just not even drink it. she isn’t even a tea person; she prefers coffee but holding a cup of warm tea during the cold night makes it feel like he’s around.

she’s an addict but the drug is gone.

she felt tears prickling the corner of her eyes and before she knew it, she was sobbing on his side of the bed. she remained there, beating herself for being stubborn, blaming herself, blaming him even every single god that existed in the world for fucking her life up. she missed him; his smile, his voice, his touch, his kiss, she missed everything about him. 

shoko explained that she was 7 weeks pregnant, and her baby is as big as a blueberry. 

“i think the period you are describing last month might have been implantation bleeding, something normal that might be mistaken for period. you need to listen to me. your body is adjusting, you should stay home and rest. don’t stress yourself out.”

she felt wave of nausea bubbling in her belly triggering her gag reflex. kicking herself off the bed, she made it to their bathroom, throwing her head into the toilet and she quickly emptied her stomach out. they should rename morning sickness because the sickness haunted every single hour of her day. she spent more time in the bathroom, head in the toilet than the other part of her house. she stared through her teary eyes at the content of the bowl, clear disgust on her face when she realised it was nothing but the liquid she’d been having. she has been struggling with food, only able to tolerate porridge and juices and she was growing tired. 

weak, her mind mocked. 

she unlocked her phone and dialled gojo’s number. she waited for him to pick up, breaking into sob as she felt so exhausted, she couldn’t even move. 

“gojo, i’m in the toilet, i just can’t get up anymore i feel horrible i want to eat but i can’t i want to get out of here please-”

“y/n?”

she startled.

-

there was a lot of cum.

noritoshi was glad that he chose to release his pent-up stress in the bathroom, feeling the water showered down all over his body. all cooped up in their room back at the kamo estate for almost three days, he didn’t expect to feel a sudden wave of horniness crashing over him when he accidentally turned over to her side. 

it’s not like he wasn’t already thinking of her. she was literally all he could think about. 

her scent overwhelmed him even when he tried to push the thought of her away; but she’s still his beautiful stubborn wife and his heart ached when he thought of her. he always has a good control of himself, he believed that sexual urges should just be solved by a traditional fucking but for tonight, it was just him and his left fist. 

the way she smiles, the way her body moves, the way she ties his bangs or the way she always makes sure he wakes up with a cup of tea waiting by the bed; she missed every single thing she does. the way she teases him and the way she begs for more and more always reduced him down into a simpleton. 

he wished nothing but to run back into her arms. 

he quickly washed up, removing traces of him from the floor and exited the shower immediately. his phone suddenly blowed up. without thinking, he pressed the green button and what greeted him surprised him. 

“-the toilet, i just can’t get up anymore i feel horrible i want to eat but i can’t i want to get out of here please-”

his breath hitched and he stood there. “y/n?” he called, and he could feel the slight tension in the air. she had realised her mistake. 

“m’sorry, i-i want to call satoru. i didn’t mean to disturb you.”

“are you okay?”

he sat on the edge of the bed; phone pressed hard against his ear. talk to me, their hearts screamed. she let out a nervous laugh, trying to mask the sniffles, “i-i’m okay. i’m sorry for disturbing you. i thought you were gojo.”

gojo had been telling him how he has been taking care of her. told him that she was more than weak, could barely hold her food in without gagging. 

“she’s miserable. she’s 7 weeks pregnant. we suspected that the reason her body didn’t fully succumbed to the poison that cursed spirit had infected her with was because of the the baby. the higher up thinks that it’s carrying the same inherited technique as you. the fact that it was able to protect its host; your wife is impressive.”

he rubbed his forehead, nervousness overwhelmed him, and he felt like a child about to ask his crush out.

“you’re not disturbing me. you don’t need to call gojo, i can come over,” holding the phone between his ear and his shoulder, he immediately slipped on his pants, “do you need anything? are you hurt?”

“i’m just stuck on the bathroom floor. i can’t get my ass back up and out of this bathroom.”

“you called gojo for this?”

her face reddened, “i get overwhelmed easily. i’m sorry,” she rambled, “you know what? forget i called. bye,” she ended the call immediately. she slummed her head back against the wall, groaning at the discomfort of her abdomen pressing on her bladder whenever she sat wrongly. she closed her eyes, covering it with her arm before soft snore escaped her lips. she’d pass out on the floor of her bathroom. it felt like hours until she heard soft pitter patter of feet on the cold cement, arms around her body lifting it up off the floor. she was too tired to open her eyes, soft noise coming out of her lips as the arms laid her on the soft bed. she sighed in relief; the cold bathroom floor was giving her back ache. 

she opened her eyes and she let a nervous laugh. her shaky hand reached out to touch his cheek, it felt soft to touch, too realistic. no, he’s gone, he won’t come home, you’re not real, she reminded herself. “my hallucination is getting realistic nowadays” she stifled a yawn. 

he smiled, his finger brushing her stray hair back, revealing her watery eyes, “you think of me often?” 

“don’t you?”

she gasped when his warm hand cupped her cheek, another touched her neck as he straddled her. boldly, she tugged on his leather jacket, pushing it off his broad shoulders, confused when the jacket fell on the floor with a loud thud. this sounds too real. the feeling of his breath tickling her cold skin, his lips tracing kisses after another, she was drowsy. 

“i’ll take care of you,” he whispered, “i promise, i’m here.”

“nori,” she called out eagerly.

“yes, my wife?”

the hair on her body stood, shivers caused her back and toes to curl in pleasure. she couldn’t differentiate if it’s just fantasy or reality; not with his hands roaming all over her bare skin. 

[shoezuki]

I don't know like anything the discord server situation so take this with a grain of salt, but. In a server that large you can't expect every single trigger to be catered to. Let's take me as an example. An uncommon trigger? Eggs out of their shells. Imagine if I strolled into every sever and every person's blog being like 'ayo can you trigger tag this' and then multiply it by a very large number. Everything is a trigger for someone. In severs that large you just can't cater. In dms or mutuals or very tiny servers where you know people probably, but not something that big. Idk, this probably makes no sense and I know next to nothing on the situation, but yeah.

- Slur Anon

YES EXACTLY. i fuckin feel u like.

Okay i have VERY few triggers but theres One r fucking big one that like. Is more complex. But. Christmas is a trigger to me. It goes more into specifics with certain decorations, christmas music, movies, etc. But it causes me to dissociate REALLY badly. Like i can go entire days not remembering anything. Some shit causes me to burst into tears. Its a horrible time of the year for me

But people LOVE christmas. And its everywhere especially where i live. I dont want ppl to feel they shouldnt speak of it or enjoy it. Its my job to prepare myself mentally, distance myself, and figure out how i can Deal w it.

I was in a somewhat Big server once n they tried to have Every trigger always censored. Which means well ofc. But i remember they had to slam down on he entire server jus cuz of my trigger. I felt horrible cuz ppl were just excited to talk bout what they were doing. Thats all.

Like. W friends n small groups? Yea maybe dont talk bout that shit to me i wanna chill. But im such huge servers? Its nearly impossible to handle. Trauma and triggers are much more difficult to account for in such large scales. It cant exactly be realistically done. Its unfortunate, but thats how life is.

Its much better to be open bout it and learn for urself to take urself out of the conversation when it dwells near to such territories. Esp in a server so big. No doubt itll pass fast. Or go to another channel. Idk it jus seems that some weight of triggers n managing such reactions needs to be more On the person w the triggers in such situations

[miraculouscontent]

(Shanghai-related asks)

.

Anonymous said:

Did you see how, supposedly, the reason Marinette goes to Shanghai is bc Adrien is there. Because you know, that's a totally normal thing to do.

You know, there’s this suspension of disbelief where characters are allowed to do certain things that you’re like, “okay that’s not realistic but it’s fun so I don’t mind.”

Yeah, this is not fun.

Anonymous said:

Based on the new trailer for the Shanghai special, one of my biggest fears is that we won't see Marinette interacting with Sabine's family outside of Uncle Wang, even Sabine is nowhere to be seen in the trailer, please ZAG at least give us one of Sabine's parents, we're starving

I’m still rolling my eyes that there’s not one piece of dialog with Sabine talking about stuff related to her family, though her cheongsam is also flipped so--

Anonymous said:

Synopsis for the Shanghai Special: To join Adrien in Shanghai, Marinette is going to visit her uncle Wang who is celebrating his anniversary. But, as soon as she arrives in China, her purse gets stolen with Tikki inside, whom she needs to secretly transform into Ladybug! Without money and alone in the immense city, Marinette accepts the help of a young and resourceful girl, Fei. The two girls will ally and discover the existence of a new magical jewel, the Prodigious. Hawk Moth, also also present in Shanghai, seeks to finding it since a long time... Yea, cause Marinette still hasn’t suffered enough :p

mAriNEtTe mAkeS a mIsTakE iN eVeRY sToRY

Anonymous said:

As someone of Chinese descent, I felt extremely bothered by how miniscule the boy's , the one on the right (?) taking a picture with Adrien, eyes were when I saw the Shanghai trailer. It feels extremely... stereotypical? Not sure if that's the right word. I mean, he could just be squinting, but it still bothers me. Especially if that's their normal eye shape.

I heard similar complaints when Kagami arrived. They really stress the eye shape when it comes to someone full-on Asian (and if you’re half-Asian then you get wholly round eyes which makes no sense). It also gets weird because I feel like we have characters in the show who could pass for Asian (Mireille at least has the proper eye shape without it being over-exaggerated; I don’t remember if her skin tone is correct or not), but when characters are actually Asian, it’s usually taken to the exaggeration.

My sympathy goes out to everyone of Chinese descent who’s going to have to deal with the special. I’m literally a mish-mash of whiteness (American, French, and German) but even I know it must suck.

Anonymous said:

im tempted to watch the Shanghi special with my family, we're part chinese and have been to shanghi a few times. Then we can laugh and yell at it together, no need for show context

omg

As long as you have fun! Give it a good roast for me!

Anonymous said:

Excuse my french (pun intended) but

WHAT EVER LOVING HELL HAPPEN TO THE SPECIAL!!

Marketing.

Also the writers wanting to make sure you don’t forget that Adrien is a guy who exists.

Anonymous said:

Hi, Clarity! If you don't mind me asking, do you have any thoughts on the upcoming Shanghai special based on the information and trailers we have?

When I found out that Marinette was spending time with her great-uncle Wang, I was so excited. I was hoping that this special will be a breath of fresh air and spontaneously focus just on Marinette and her family for once. Maybe we'd explore Marinette's Chinese heritiage and learn more about her mother, Sabine and extended maternal family.

Then I saw Gabriel in which I eye-rolled 180* like any degree of character development. Like... great... more needless Miraculous lore/exposition. (Can we even call it exposition? I doubt any of the Miraculous-related events will be referenced within the show.) Whilst Miraculous lore is great and does expand our knowledge on the Miraculous, it steals any individual focus that Marinette could potentially have. It also tends to "hands everything" to Hawk Moth, who gets almost everything done his way without him even trying. Hmm, I guess as Shadow Moth, he won't have to use Mayura as his catslyst anymore. He'll have to ruffle his own feathers. (I don't know why I'm making a bird joke about Gabriel here. I hate him snd I couldn't care less about him.)

Also by reading the special's synopsis, it mentions that Adrien and Gabriel go to China for an unknown reason (maybe business related.) So Marinette decides to go to spend time with him (also spend time with Wang concurrently.) This might be a minor issue but I don't want Adrien to always be the centre focus of Marinette's motivations/desires. (He isn't always but I feel he is more than he should be.) Let our beautiful amazing girl just have an amazing time with her family in China. The writers need to stop Adrien being an integral part of Marinette's character. This special should be about Marinette (along with her family) and them solely.

Moreover, I'm worried that Marinette will imminently be embarassed/scolded/humiliated in some way. The synopsis mentions that she loses her bag (that contains Tikki.) Inevitably, she's going to be scolded for this for not being careful. The writers will blame her for the destruction that Hawk Moth will cause and not the actual man terrorising Shanghai himself. And no needless lovesquare drama please. If I'm not interested in it in Paris, don't think I'll be interested in it in Shanghai. And please do not let it be used to cause Mari/LB to suffer. Romance (no matter how contrived it is in this show) should be about finding joy and happiness. It should never intentionally be a burden for anybody, especially if it's for comedic purposes. Why am I worried that CN will yell at LB this time?

Maybe I'm just being pessimistic. I hope that the writers actually have them communicate properly about this time. Like they should both be honest (an important aspect of healthy relationships), to build clarity and to avoid confusion. Like the needless drama in NY could have been avoided if Adrien didn't ignore Ladybug and actually TRUSTED her by telling her the truth about him going somewhere instead of complacently lying to her, then losing her trust. Both could have told each other that they are going to NY "for personal reasons" without giving too much detail. To prevent suspicion, the writers could have included the American superheroes hosting an event inviting them or asking for their help to defeat that Micromonster guy. LB and CN could have both then collectively made a decision that if anything were to go wrong in Paris, they could quickly use the Horse Miraculous to transport to France in time (like Marinette was advised to do in "Startrain") or use the Rabbit Miraculous to travel back in time/manipulate events. There was no need to make Marinette suffer for the sake of needless lovesquare drama.

However, I love the animation for the special. It is mesmerising and beauitful and the graphics look superb. The atmosphere looks so clean and the nature-aspects (Hawk Moth's hideout) are intricately detailed. The lighting also complements the charactrrs and the settings' colours. A huge round of applause to SAMG for their excellant hardwork for animating this special despite the pandemic!

If you have any worries about the special, free free to do so! I want to conclude my message by thanking you so much for being such a lovely, kind, confident and resilient person. You always confidently express your opinions and strcture your essays clearly and legibly. I always look forward to reading your posts. I know I can always count on you to express our frustrations with the show's writing on our behalf and speak up for Marinette's mistreatment and inustice! 😊

Firstly, thank you! I gotta defend Marinette because we know the show won’t!

Anyway, I agree with basically everything you said. My biggest comments on it are like--

- I’m already tired of places just being used as set pieces for specials. I actually have a history of disliking specials/movies for shows because its purposes is usually just to get people hyped up, but that means big plots with big stakes and I end up thinking, “okay, but why can’t we have that in the show?” That’s always the issue I take with it; movies/specials prove that they can come up with high stakes plots, but we can’t have equivalents in the show because...?

- I officially tune out now anytime Marinette’s crush on Adrien is mentioned. It gets tiring and it just makes me feel bad for her and simultaneously angry at the writers for treating her this way. Add that onto the “Marinette always makes mistakes” rule and it’s clear that they’re creatively bankrupt and needlessly restrict themselves for the sake of making Marinette suffer. I’m just insulted that Gabriel is going to Shanghai for his fashion business but Marinette being into fashion is ignored.

- The animation is nice but whenever I see it, I’m reminded that we couldn’t have much SAMG in Season 4+5 because they were busy working on the special. The show should always take priority over some lame special/movies. I won’t judge the special for it but I’m salty about it regardless.

[cviperfan]

Okay so partially motivated by how many references there were in SPoP and largely bc it's been in my backlog for years and I remembered the whole thing got uploaded to youtube a while ago, I finally got around to watching Revolutionary Girl Utena for the first time so time for some hot takes

2 clarify I did see the movie about around 2000 which was my introduction to the series, and I did see like 1 episode back in anime club (over a decade ago now tbh) but for the most part I went into this with only a vague sense of the ending and offhand knowledge of a few of the weird comedy episodes so this was mostly a blind watch

Before getting into #spoilers I will say that this ended up being an easy Top 5 and that it's definitely still worth watching (fair warning for the very frequent rape and incest (and sometimes both)), especially if you've somehow also avoided most of the context of this show like me, and it really is one of the rare Nothing Else Like It kind of show (though it has roots in older shoujo like Rose of Versailles and modern stuff like Revue Starlight have picked up its lede)

Okay spoilers from here on

I really only kinda have vague memories of the more knightly take on Utena from the movie so Series!Utena having this powerful Dumb Jock Energy threw me

Like she's out here invoking the Air Bud Rule from minute one

This bit where Akio is going on about some Important Life Lesson thing and she's just fuckin

crab walking im

what a hero i love her

I have always kinda been more partial to shoujo than shounen bc the sense of like emotional urgency and the heightened exaggerated feelings are just more compelling to me narratively and what Utena does spectacularly is really drive that to fucking 11 and it permeates every aspect of the show

Like the melodrama of it all is so shameless and it's so committed to letting its visuals and music drive the mood and emotional intensity of its stakes that they kind of speak for themselves and demand to be taken on their own terms rather than having clear or rigid interpretations

Like it's kind of a situation of "yes most of what you're seeing ties into the show's bigger themes and characterization but also you can just vibe to the spectacle as well" like even when it's not on the Dueling Arena there's a theatricality underlying everything that pairs perfectly with the spirit of shoujo even as it... not necessarily contradicts it, but challenges it in some ways and also wants to coexist with it?

And I think that's the interesting thing how it wants to tackle some of these arch concepts tied into the genre while also being deeply intertwined with it.  Like it really is a Product Of Its Time in so many ways but it also feels somehow timeless and transgressive in others even now?

Like part of me would be interested to see a remake that took into account 23 years of conversation about how much perceptions of gender and sexuality have changed but at the same time would it lose some essential part of itself in that transition?  idk potentially

Also lbr a hypothetical remake wouldn't even attempt to revise anything it would just redo it thus making it pointless

So I know this has been a thing that's been brought up before but seeing it play out dang RGU and NGE really are just companion pieces to each other huh

Subverting the themes and narrative arcs of their respective genres, mysterious quiet girl who's directly the key to everything, the ritual of action setpieces rendered as Actual Ritual in the story, banger OP, comphet ruining everyone's lives

Also they really don't have much in common comparatively but I'm definitely seeing pieces of Utena in Kill la Kill too?  Particularly how Mako's arc feels like a fleshing out and expansion from the archetype divergence Wakaba got in that one ep (I can't believe klk was the utena/wakaba au fanfic)

Speaking of which damn he is a sleazy bastard and a gross predator but ngl Akio can Get It he and Ragyo are basically the same character and I guess this is just my type apparently???? oops

Like I'm recognizing how like really awful he is but also you really can't blame Utena for crushing on him he is super hot and charming

aside i lost it at the audacity of "well even tho i am a man like twice your age (AT LEAST) and took advantage of the situation and also i am clearly not the type to take no for an answer since you didn't reject me you're basically just as bad as me" bruh

The Black Rose Arc is... interesting bc like it borders on superfluous with how it resolves and yet the introduction of a "monster of the week" type power rangers element specifically built to expand on the secondary cast is a pretty inspired choice

again my primary point of introduction to the series was the movie which is basically a remix of the Student Council arc so when I got to 12 I was like wth are they gonna fill the rest of this with? WELP

What I really like about it is that usually this kind of setup-- the 'character is faced with their dark inner thoughts they shy away from and they become a short-term enemy' deal-- ends with the char in question coming to terms with this and overcoming it to become a better person

but here it's just like... they lose and then they just gotta... sit with that, forever.  Like it doesn't really change the status quo of their relationships w/ utena or the others but it does just stick around for them and now the audience knows that about them too.  like sometimes you just can't take that shit back.

Utena's relationship to queerness, having heard about it tangentially for years but seeing it play out now is also interesting bc while in the grand scheme it doesn't feel necessarily any more ahead of its time than something like Cardcaptor Sakura there is a casualness to it that's distinct

Like for the most part it's either kind of the tangential fluff that even then was part of shoujo as a standard but then there's also stuff like the Akio/Touga or Touga/Saionji hinting or Kozue's casual pass at Anthy in addition to the maintext Juri/Shiori push-pull and ofc the subtext-but-maintext Utena/Anthy threads

I wanna take a moment to talk about Juri bc of how kind of in the spirit of the show itself it plays things both with and against the grain with her

Like she's a Tragic Lesbian which is nothing new but usually this character type (and Distinctively Lesbian characters in general) in anime/manga tend to be portrayed as being very predatory, invasive and either played for laughs or to repulse the audience, so the degree of empathy RGU shows her in 97 is rare to see even now.  

Like there is a "safeness" to her bc of how unattainable Shiori is (though their arc ends in a decidedly ambiguious way), but it doesn't really feel like she's getting the short end of the stick over the more straight-leaning characters bc arguably all of the relationships here are defined by an aspect of chasing the unattainable, echoing Utena's own quixotic search for her Prince, and her choosing to remain closeted feels realistic *especially because* of the surrounding context of how heteronormative the world she exists in is.  Like the character is aware of that and is navigating it in a way that feels honest

Speaking of which it's interesting how the reveal of Juri's pining for Shiori in Ep 7 echoes the bigger reveal of Utena/Anthy bc of how it plays up this heterocentric love triangle or at least it seems to be but then the cards are on the table and no that's really not what it is at all, and it feels significant that after spending most of the series naively oblivious to Juri’s feelings and what she wants out of a relationship with Shiori that Utena finally Gets It in Ep 37

Is it a coincidence Juri actually gets to be the one to point it out? No

Speaking of triangles big ups to the Ruka/Juri/Shiori one honestly bc of how hard it commits to the unknown third result of a LT where absolutely no one comes out happy and it actually works even with the handicap of Ruka basically coming out of nowhere just for these two episodes

Like all three of them want the one person who's absolutely never gonna love them back and that's just rough buddy and isn't that kinda the show in a nutshell

So the thing that struck me about Utena/Anthy and how it plays out is how subtle it really is.  And that does make sense bc while f/f teasing/subtext again was part of shoujo before it's quite a different thing for the heroine to ultimately reject her 2 male love interests and choose a life with her female best friend, esp in nineteen ninety seven

Like I think you can argue that Ep 12 feels like The Moment where What Their Relationship Is, Definitely shifts and that possibility is suddenly there, and then it doesn't come back in a big way until the ending but there are tiny glimpses throughout where you can see that working in the background if you’re really paying attention

Small things like Anthy's flashes of unspoken jealousy, Utena fretting over her even when she's in bed with Akio, and part of that is coming from going in with a knowledge of what the endgame is and keeping an eye out for it.  I can hardly imagine being a viewer during the og broadcast and then ep 34 comes and suddenly the intent is made clear and our understanding of the inciting incident gets all flipped turned upside down

And to a modern viewer I can get coming into this for the first time and being frustrated at just how close to the chest it gets played, but that's also kind of the only way it gets to happen at that point in time?  But I think it ultimately is effective and vital to their individual arcs and dovetails nicely with the themes of the show

Like I remember hearing that original manga creator Chiho Saito was pretty against their paired ending, but with a lot of convincing from Ikuhara ultimately came around to it, and it's hard to imagine the anime's ending working any other way and being nearly as impactful

And there is something really beautiful about the bucking against the established idea of yuri relationships being a childish concept that gets left behind in order to 'grow up' actually becoming the impetus of their own journeys into adulthood and eventually back to each other, and it’s hard not to feel a little disappointed that for this Bold Step and declaration for the future that RGU takes that while yuri is more common than ever it largely continues to exist within the realm of schoolgirls and something to be left behind in adolescence like for RGU’s faults and shortcomings it saw this world of possibility in moving forward, while the genre largely elected to stand still

And it really speaks to either the timelessness of the show or how much the queer experience has remained constant that even with a tragic ending, that hope, or rather the promise of their reunion, feels bold and defiant and genuinely uplifting even now

Like the moment where just before they reach out to each other one final time, and their voices as children speak out to each other, as if finally fulfilling a promise they barely remember, I really did just start ugly crying

Lastly some assorted closing thoughts--

-Touga?  Punk.  Guy really takes advantage of Utena's whole prince thing to manipulate her, ends up losing to her in the rematch and then fucks off to mope for like AN ENTIRE SEASON then pops back up "oh yea im in love with her literally nothing else about my behavior has changed tho" like lmao you tried i guess

-Also i know Touga's design is p stock standard bishounen ojou-sama type but god this is all i can think about when I see him

- Green Touga Saionji is a bitch-ass motherfucker but like he at least tried more than anyone else so uh that's something I guess?????

Like the guy clearly has some unresolved feelings about Touga so i'm inclined to be sympathetic bc wow poor choice my dude but also... bitch-ass motherfucker

-Nanami really went through this thing for me where it's like... she's a brat and a shitty person but it's also hard to really dislike her bc she does get what she deserves most of the time and also she gets kinkshamed more than most of the cast despite none of them really having a high ground over her lol

-Miki did nothing wrong (aside from like the implied incest but that's also like... half the relationships in this show uh)

sidenote I can completely see the notable excess of Incest Subtext/Maintext being intended as like... A Thing to comment on how common it is within shoujo and also tying in to like the bigger themes of Growing Up bc the idea that you’re chasing after your own damn siblings betrays some freudian inability to mature or whatever but tbqh it doesn’t always feel like the show knows the line between commenting on this and indulging in it and RGU is very indulgent by its own nature so I really can’t blame people put off by the show as a whole bc this is an area where RGU is largely indistinguishable from its genre peers

-Juri really did nothing wrong tho also props for having the best duels

-FUCK SHIORI THO for eel 

so obviously i have not seen the show up to now but I've been in yuri circles for a long time so I knew about Juri/Shiori and my perception of it had always been "oh it's one of those kinda messy with complicated feelings" kinda ships where the drama is a big part of the appeal and that's true but like

the actual nature of it I did not realize up to now and OH SHIORI'S REALLY THAT BITCH HUH

So not only does she date that one anonymous guy specifically to spite Juri unaware she doesn't actually like him BUT THEN WHEN THEY GET REUNITED SHE'S JUST LIKE LOL IT DIDNT MATTER BUT HEY WE COOL RIGHT *AND THEN* when she finds out about Juri's feelings she's like HELL YEA I CAN HANG THIS OVER HER HEAD FOREVER FUCK HER

***AND THEN*** when she gets some karma after Ruka dumps her ass she airs her dirty laundry out in front of EVERYBODY like Juri hasn't been dealing with this shit like an absolute champ the whole time like?????

Like ok i get that there's the sad longing drama there and usually that's my jam and the show itself seems to end on kind of an ambiguous note and the follow-up manga from this year seems to leave it as kind of a "maybe" but I'm sorry get Juri a better GF 2020 she deserves better

I saw some Juri/Wakaba going through the tumblr tag for the show and honestly that's some big brain shit I'm here for it

Also now knowing exactly how this dynamic operates it really makes that Jasper/Lapis reference pic one of the SU crew drew of them read very.... interestingly???????? (tho Lapis' design reads a lot closer to Kozue and that's probably a closer personality analogue too)

-I love that thing in ep 37 where the whole SC is just very casually like hey utena if the whole revolutionizing the world thing with anthy doesn't work out uhhh call me im free haha just kidding unless...? lmao

-I'm pretty uninclined to try to pin precise sexuality HCs to characters for series this old where the ambiguity is part of how its danced around like partly coming from my own experience I'm inclined to read Utena as bi but that really is just coming from me?

But on the other hand literally every time a guy is like "i love you utena come be happy with me and we can love each other forever" she's like "k" after having left them on read for a day and disconnects from them entirely so lesbian going through comphet is a pretty valid read i think lol

-Lastly I think it’s pretty interesting but validly frustrating how fast and loose the show’s relationship with dream logic and non-traditional storytelling really is like when the shadow girls show up I was like “oh this is a greek chorus thing and it’s meant to reflect on the themes of the episode” (or uh in the case of exactly Ep 29 to break from tradition and explicitly tell us what a characters deal is lmao) but then no actually turns out they’re actually real characters who exist within the show too fuck you

ANYWAY I really did love this show and felt like I got a lot out of it despite it being pretty infamously hard to decipher but the ways it's inscrutable appeal to me specifically so very happy with this I'm gonna be thinking about it for a while

[twocubes]

idk i mentioned at some point that,

(this entire post is kind of sleep deprived i was writing while waiting for Some Horrors to pass)

we live in this strange... decision-making context, where there are hard limits on what we can know. 

like, at most relevant levels, (social, technological, biological, even geological) all the knowledge we have about the world has expiration dates. the laws we grew up with expire, the social currents that shaped the world we lived in dry up, the knowledge needed to live every day shifts, the stories everyone thinks in die out and are renewed, the cultural agglomerates we think of people as disappear, the meaning of neighborhoods in the cities we live in change, the buildings we know become reused and renewed, even the nature of the people we’ve grown up with changes.

and it goes on downwards from there. species die out and appear, family lines die out and branch, infections migrate, viruses mutate, everything changes. from the nature of the soil, to the patterns of the weather and the sea, to the shape of the ridges in the ocean and the pattern of the mountains, to the pattern of the stars, on the longer scales.

everything is constantly shifting.

and this is trivial, of course. everyone knows this.

but what is relevant here is, this makes it a weird context in which to make decisions.

most ethical hypotheticals (that i know, as a non-philosopher-of-ethics) are built to be very well-defined situations given to an individual decision-maker. you’re a person in this situation, and you need to make a decision right now, and that’s the entire situation. even if the gimmick is that you don’t know, you know the odds, at most.

in fact, the more you don’t know and the more there are other people involved, the more the situation stops to be an “ethical” one and the more it becomes a “game theory” one.

which... suggests a fundamental problem with the popular discussion of these things, frankly. Either you have your “humanities” version, which is hyperindividualized and basically presupposes the entire situation is completely known, or you have the “stem” version, which (I’m told) is going to be “oversimplified” and “reductive” and “genetically infected by nash’s schizophrenia because i’m just kind of deeply ableist and like this is the only way i know how to criticize game theory’s role in cold-war paranoia because i’m an asshole and this is how i deal with my math anxiety” ANYWAYS

what I was trying to talk about was, the following completely obvious realization:

ENDS-JUSTIFY-THE-MEANS REASONING MAKES MORE SENSE IN A COMPLETELY DETERMINISTIC ENVIRONMENT

and the following... statement

IN A SITUATION WHERE ALL INFORMATION DEGRADES, ENVIRONMENTS ARE ALMOST NEVER COMPLETELY DETERMINISTIC, AND AS A RESULT ENDS-JUSTIFY-THE-MEANS REASONING WILL HAVE A TENDENCY TO HAVE MORE AND MORE UNINTENDED CONSEQUENCES THAT ULTIMATELY INVALIDATE THE ORIGINAL ACTIONS

in other words, the actual answer to the culturally humanities-ethics question “do ends justify the means” is the culturally stem-ethics answer “how much do you know about the situation you are in”.

which, i mean, is probably dubious as a framing, but, ok, let’s go with it.

the thing that put me on this post was... a post where people were talking about pacifism. The argument(s) against pacifism are ends-justify-the-means argument(s): even if it’s the nazis? etc.

and my point is that, well, pacifism is a heuristic. if you have a panoply of ways you have to oppose the nazis, "War” is a dangerous choice. You don’t know everything. War has bad consequences. The world is uncertain. You should be skeptical of war, even against the nazis..

Like, suppose we accept the idea that America is (as argued by people) at the start of a fascist period; that there is in fact going to be an inevitable slide towards, like, vast networks of concentration camps and systematized, mechanized slaughter and millions of deaths of specific (internal) subpopulations in relatively short periods of time, etc.

Posit further that, I guess, America’s military’s chronic griftiness and planes that melt in the rain and way-too-expensive RC-planes mean that despite its massive overspending it’s a lot less militarily prepared than it thinks, and perhaps even pretend that nuclear weapons aren’t A Thing, although idk if that’s necessary,

Would the optimal outcome, ethically, be for China and... idk, some network of geopolitical allies of Iran or something, this is hard to make even remotely realistic... to just invade, crunch the US in half, and put a big wall between the two halves? In order to Stop The Genocide? 

Is that what you, right now, should be trying to engineer into happening?

strictly, i don’t know what your answer to that question was, but, i will observe that very few people seem to be organizing in this direction.

my point here is, if you think like this, probably what you’re thinking of as remedies to the current situation are, like, electoral politics, or internal rebellion, or mass disobedience, or... whatever.

it probably isn’t War.

And, yeah, this is gonna generalize to a lot of other things involving violence. Punching Nazi’s etc.

Like these choices aren’t necessarily wrong, the point is these choices are only as correct as the people who made them put work into figuring out the consequences of in advance. if Spencer hadn’t been quite as well known — profiled in a bunch of mainstream publications and everything and just, really obviously what he was, in a certain amount of danger of becoming Cool — the outcome of him being punched in the face would have probably been a lot more mixed, in terms of, like, its social impact. Similarly with, i guess, eggboi and other expressions of public disapproval of Obvious Shitheads or whatever.

AN EE WEI SS

tthhhh point is, there is Actually A Point, where questions of Strategy and questions of Ethics like, Meet; and the ends-justify-means question strays right in the middle of that

and the problem is that, these two sides, they... exist in worlds that don’t talk to eachother and Kind Of Hate eachother. 

and i uh.

i... Hhhhate? That? thass bad.

So, the thought I’m trying to get at is, One Way To Try And Bridge The Gap is

Strategic Justifications Of Ethical Principles.

like. Defaulting to more pacifistic solutions unless properly justified by some level of Almost Certainty as an attempt to avoid chaotic catastrophic consequences. 

this gives some way to like, actually have criteria when you’re moving from ethical rules of thumb to actual strategic thought, trying to decide to what an extent you can be certain of Ends that would require Meanss

rhrhhrhrrrhrrr im sleepy

[timdrakegeocities]

i keep having these big anxieties lately about gender... like Wow what if im not a man? What if actually when i try to transition ill hate it? Ummm why do you think you cant be yourself as a woman why do you have to be a man??? and i like... have to remember that... i have not actually really asserted myself as being straight up A Man anyway, tbh i like only call myself one in comparison to others or like to prevent being wrongly grouped... and like it doesnt Matter why im unsatisfied with my body, its like philosophically literally fine to just pursue whatever will be better as long as its not like truly maladaptive and i think that even if transitioning is somehow not "correct" its. still healthier by far than either reactivating an ed or maintaining the like weird and distressing amount of disconnect from my appearance i currently have... it doesnt have to matter Why the only way i can healthily picture a version of myself that i both like and feel is realistic is as a dude. like... the problems i have with feeling like i look weird and embarrassing honestly dont even really relate to 'oh as A Woman i feel pressured to look different' its that i just feel like... confused... by myself... and the primary thing i feel embarrassed about w my looks is i feel like i come off as childish which is an obscure and ungendered problem... the idea of being read as a dude literally makes me feel better about my height and weight and age and hobbies and everything, yknow, like i cant... define why, it just is like... instead of fantasizing about being a Hotter Self that i still dont identify with i just like slap a beard and little bit of muscle tone on my regular self and am like, yeah thats good. like the only thing im scared of with transition really is like... the idea of an inbetween stage that lasts too long or like if it feels like theres zero way to start passing... i dont wanna deal with people being weird to me and with being frustrated by waiting for changes to intensify... like i dont think that transition will like ruin my Girl Hotness or anything im just worried about having to wait years and years to develop good stubble yknow. thats whats scary. which means i should be starting sooner than later im just... scared of doctors... i dont wanna go places and like justify myself and. i guess its unfortunately very much a Mortifying Ordeal Of Being Known thing like im not scared of doctors overall for literal health stuff i just feel really freaked out by the idea of having to tell a stranger i'm trans i guess. bc of the fear of having to try to justify myself and not really knowing how to do that so thats why ive started having crises about whether i should be pursuing it at all. hhhhhhh... god... why cant i just like go to the pharmacy section of target and buy dick pills. terfs act like this shit is so dangerously easy to do like you trip on the sidewalk and an ambulance screeches up and injects gender into your peter griffin skinned knee. bro i fucking wish

[theironfam]

so no more marvel posts maria?

honestly fam, idk. im kinda done w/ marvel at this point. the only reason i came on recently was because i found out the fucking amazon was on fire, and had to find out more/raise awareness etc. raising awareness was a big motivating factor, and to pass on more info about donating and so on. as for marvel, well shit i was done w/ it post endgame, because realistically it feels like there’s nothing left for me here. i’ve talked about it w/ some of my friends and they feel the same, that in a sense we don’t want to legitimize marvel’s treatment of their fans by showing continued support. because at the end of the day we know that they will consistently do something to piss us/me off. i didn’t even bat an eyelid at this recent sony bs because honestly ofc this type of thing would happen, and also the fucking. amazon. is. on. fire.

also any time i think of what we as fans lost, and the ironfam in general, it’s…. not easy to deal with. try as i might to get over it, the events that transpired in endgame are still monumentally upsetting. on the other hand, it’s difficult to completely let go, because they still feel like family to me. a lot of you guys still feel like family to me, because of how long you’ve been w/ me and the stories/headcanons you’ve shared. as it stands, several months later, and i /still/ don’t know how to cope w/ the loss. in the grand scheme of things, i find myself giving less than zero fucks about marvel the franchise, when the reality of climate catastrophe stares us down. it becomes increasingly difficult to focus on trivial things. at the end of the day, i am exhausted by the years i invested in this dumb franchise, continued to support against my better judgement, dealing with all its bullshit and the fandom’s bullshit, and i don’t have it in me to continue on w/ the wank. being on tumblr re climate cha/nge, /helps/ because i can see that other people are in the same boat, and the passing of information gives me hope. as much as i dislike the toxic fandom side of tumblr, it is a good source where information can travel, and people can organise and offer support. esp w/ the upcoming 2020 elections, that is going to be astronomically important for the world, i feel like i need to be involved w/ that as much as possible, because it’s realistically THE deciding election of our lifetimes. if a centrist wins the primaries, then we get incrementalism or trump. either way, we’re toast. but if a progressive wins, then maybe there is hope.

i’m sorry this is off tangent, but idk? idk how y’all are coping? maybe you’re too young and world issues are too much for you, in which case i can understand. but i’m not, and it keeps me up at night.

[jbuffyangel]

Other than an Olicity baby and Maya being their daughter in FF, what would you like to see for Olicity in 7b and for them individually? Fingers crossed for a baby and Smoak Tech! It would be great to see Oliver being more honest and open with Felicity, including the deal with the Monitor, but you sound skeptical on that point. Do you think the "what is love without respect and trust?" discussion in the xo was to excuse this behavior or set it up for a change in the future? Tx!

It’s a good question Nonnie, but I have to be honest - I don’t really watch Arrow with a lot of expectations or a laundry list of things I want to see. Honestly, I feel like that’s setting myself up for disappointment if the list doesn’t get checked off ya know? I like to cook up theories about what’s going to happen based of what Arrow has shown us, but I don’t really come up many storylines on my own. I genuinely enjoy just receiving the Arrow writers’ vision and responding to it that way. It’s more of a passive approach I guess.

Sure! I would love a baby and I’ll be thrilled if we get one, but if we don’t that’s okay. William has really fulfilled the child storyline for me in a lot of ways, so I’m already pretty happy. 

As far as Smoak Tech, my investment in that particular storyline has waned over the years. I know this probably makes me a traitor to my people, but I’d rather just see it up and running. I think the writers explored the creation of it a little bit in Season 5, but it felt kind of stagnant once they came up with a name and something to sell. I’m not really interested in seeing Felicity pitch to investors. I also don’t like that they involved Curtis so it’d be nice to see him disentangled. 

Honestly, the Smoak Tech appearance in the flash forward made me really happy. I know Felicity creates her empire, it’s HER empire, and that’s mostly what I wanted. Hopefully, we get to see that empire flourish but at the end of the day the real meat and potatoes of this show is Team Arrow. I’m always more invested in Felicity being a focus there because it will always be the A storyline. If they can build Smoak Tech and fold it into Team Arrow similar to how Queen Consolidated and Palmer Tech were in Season 1-3, I’ll be thrilled. But again, if it doesn’t happen I doubt I’ll be changing the channel.

Am I expecting Oliver to tell Felicity about the deal he made with the Monitor right away? Eh. Not really. Every time I think Oliver is going be honest with Felicity he isn’t, so I’m going at this another way. Reverse psychology time! 

I don’t think the “What’s love without respect and trust?” line was intended to excuse any behavior or future lies, but on the flip side I have to be realistic about the world Oliver and Felicity live in. Being a hero requires sacrifice and that’s who Oliver Queen is. This means Oliver will constantly be sacrificing his happy life with Felicity. This is the life they both chose, which is exactly what Felicity explained to William in 6x11.

There is no world where Felicity would be okay with Oliver going to jail for life. There is no world where Felicity would sign off on Oliver giving up his life for Barry and Kara (if that’s what he agreed to do). Ultimately, I think the realization Oliver and Felicity came to at the end of this prison arc was they will make sacrifices because they are heroes, but they won’t judge each other for it. Nor will they judge the choices they each make as a result of those sacrifices. 

Let me put it another way - Oliver is going to do what he has to do and Felicity is going to do what she has to do. That’s what they signed up for. They will never belong only to each other as long as they are fighting for Star City and the world. There will always be some crisis that comes before their marriage and happiness. I think Oliver and Felicity have decided instead of arguing and resenting each other for the sacrifices they make they will simply love each other unconditionally through it.

I don’t blame Oliver for not picking up the cell phone and calling the wife while he negotiated in space with an all powerful Whathaveyou to make sure she was cool with him trading his life for the lives of Barry, Kara and the entire world. Sometimes Oliver just has to make the call and this was one of those times. What’s done is done. It wasn’t about disrespecting Felicity or not trusting her. It was about making a choice no regular person would make. That’s why Oliver is a hero. And nobody knows that better than his wife. 

That’s not a free pass for Oliver to lie or make decisions without Felicity. I think he should tell her about the deal he made with the Monitor, I’m just not expecting it on my time table, but rather Oliver’s. If he tells her later rather than sooner I’ll disagree with his choice. But I’ll just add it to the laundry list of decisions Oliver has made over the course of this show that I’ve disagreed with. 

Is it a lack of character growth? Is Oliver constantly making the same mistakes over and over again? Sure. That’s absolutely a fair lens to view it through. But we are moving along a spectrum here. Oliver’s lies are for increasingly selfless reasons, so that’s some progress I guess.

“Selfless reasons? Are you nuts Jen?” Probably, but a real big piece of this for me is intent. Oliver’s intent is always intensely and innately good. It’s very hard for me to stay angry with the guy who is willing to sacrifice his freedom to secure his teammates’ and wife’s freedom. It’s very hard for me not to forgive Oliver for hesitating to tell his wife he offered his life in exchange for Barry and Kara’s (if that’s what he did) because he offered his life in exchange!  Here’s the kicker - when Oliver is making these types of decisions he’s doing all the things that made Felicity fall in love with him in the first place.

There is an exceptionally great scene in Grey’s Anatomy that explains what I’m talking about. Meredith has done something awful, but her intent was good. Still the consequences of her decision are pretty disastrous for Derek. I really encourage you to watch the scene because it drills to the marrow of what it means to be married. But my favorite exchange is always this:

Derek: I know you took her to protect her. I know you altered the trial for Adele and for Richard. You stood in front of a bullet for me. I know why you do all of it. It’s what I love about you.

Meredith: And what you hate about me.

Derek: Yeah.

Felicity has made many similar speeches about Oliver.

Oliver and Felicity loving each other even when they hate each other is the reality of the commitment they’ve made. The things we love most in our partners can also become the things we hate most. But marriage is also a lot about acceptance. Oliver and Felicity bring out the best in each other, they challenge each other to be better, but they also accept one another. There are simply aspects of Oliver Queen that are never going to change. He will always be the put-it-all-on-the-line-fall-on-the-sword-sacrifice-everything-for-everyone guy. And as maddening as this may be, Oliver is not always going to ask Felicity’s permission before he does it. But the flip is- Felicity is the same kind of hero. If she was put in the same position as Oliver she would make the same choice. And she has.

That’s one of the reasons I’ve sort of stopped applying real world expectations on Olicity’s marriage. I certainly expect my husband to discuss life altering decisions with me, but he’s also not responsible for saving the world. In many ways Olicity is just a regular couple living in an insane world. But they are also an extraordinary couple living in an insane world. That requires a different set of expectations, which I believe is the realization they both came to.

So, Oliver gets to sacrifice himself for the world and Felicity accepts it. But Oliver doesn’t get to put on his judgey pants over the person Felicity becomes while she’s dealing with the ramifications of all Oliver’s sacrifices. This is an unusual, out of this world, extraordinary compromise, but it is a compromise nonetheless. Can I relate to Oliver and Felicity entirely? No, but then again I’m not a hero. 

What do Oliver and Felicity get from their extraordinary sacrifices? An extraordinary love.