#like plz reflect on why you feel bad for just a teensy sec plz

[mollysunder]

I've been thinking about Ambessa and Mel and Rell. And yeah. Ambessa really knew that the way she was raised was terrible, but refused to actually unpack it. And even though Ambessa refused to investigate the wrongs of her childhood and later her own choices, the experience clearly impacted the way she raised her children. It's not a mystery why Mel and Kino weren't warriors. Ambessa didn't want her children to endure what she did, but because she can't consciously accept how her messed up her upbringing actually was she can only resent her kids for it, specifically Mel too.

It is at best annoying for Ambessa to know her children don't fit the mold she broke herself into and now justifies her ambition with, but she let's them be this way. She wants Mel and Kino to be the Wolf, but she won't force them like she was. Years back she tried to train Kino and Mel in martial combat, and gave up on that early on. Ambessa refused to think on why she abandoned her children's training regimen when they were still so young.

Instead, Ambessa took on Rell who was exploited by her parents in a similar vein as Menelik exploited and abused her as a child, so it's easier to put Rell through the things she did but doesn't want for her children. By her logic it's easier to condition Rell to make the same kind of choices she would make because they're so similar. What's worse is that you can tell Ambessa is still being gentler to Rell than Menelik was to her, but it doesn't fix anything, it only makes things worse.

And Ambessa could avert all this unnecessary pain and strain puts on her family and those she cares for if she EVER tried to process any of her actions and wrongs done to her and those she's done to others in turn. But the act of reflection would risk her actually critiquing her upbringing and her own choices, and she can't have that.