#like please imagine how funny session 4 would’ve been

[woodsie]

still missing the session 3 snails so much 😔

grian’s should’ve had a red teacozy over its shell to imitate his sweater tho just sayin /

[x0x0josephinex0x0]

The Hope in the Fault Lines | Part 4

The final part....THIS HAS BEEN SO FUN. It's been a labor of love for sure, so I hope you read it and love it and reblog it and all the good things. I don’t have enough requests to have a tag list or anything so I’m relying on faith and prayers to get this in front of the ppl who liked the previous parts, so PLEASE REBLOG THIS 🥺 I’ll love you forever fr. Here are links to part 1, part 2, and part 3 if you haven't read them already! Warnings: references to child abuse (mentions of a father giving a daughter a black eye and references to a belt being used), reference to a past child custody battle, sexism, forced contact by abusive parents, drinking, grief, ptsd, some angst but just for a little, vanilla sex, oral (f receiving), I tried to leave a lot to the imagination because this was my first time writing any kind of smut, but still minors don't read or interact with it, police investigation. lmk if there's anything else! Word count: 13k (I AM SORRY I GOT CARRIED AWAY.)

Eleven months later 

Time was funny.

Together, you, Sara, and Mingyu had watched the summer fade into a hazy autumn, where the leaves faded into gold and red and orange and then fell, leaving bare branches clawing at the sky with skinny fingers. The winter had been a long one — Christmas was nearly unbearable without Jeri and Jisung to keep you company. But spring prevailed, as it always did, and now you watched as the latest of the April blossoms popped through the surface of the earth. 

It’s been almost a whole year since the accident. At the outset, your grief had been like a massive wall. It was hard to see around it, and pushing against it was useless. Now, the grief was still there, but had transformed into something more akin to a stray dog that followed you around. It was always present, but you could still move with it, and it wasn’t always unwelcome. The pain of loss had been tempered by the stretch of time, the therapy sessions faithfully attended every Tuesday morning, and the love that had grown between you and Sara. 

At a year and a half, she toddled around clumsily still, but could run and jump and talk. She was extremely independent and energetic, and sometimes when she was displeased the look on her face was so reminiscent of Jeri that it made you pause. However, where before that would’ve made you cry, today it fills you with comfort. You also, surprisingly, saw yourself in her — she was adventurous and tenacious, and didn’t like to be told she couldn’t do something. But she was also sweet, cooing over even the beetles in the grass or the spiders in the corner. The force of your love for her was both surprising and strong, because when she’d first come into your life, you had felt uncertain you’d ever get the hang of being a parent. Now, you could hardly imagine life without her. She made each day full of an infinite meaning — everything you did now was for her.

And then, there was Mingyu. The relationship between you was sweet and easy and didn’t demand anything more from you than you could handle. You had learned early on how kind Mingyu was and how easy it was to talk to him, but you had come to know him even better over the time since your illness, and you had become endeared by his pouty expression when you teased him, the clumsiness you suspected was a result of becoming very big very fast and still not knowing his own strength, and the comforting timbre of his voice, as well as so much more. Mingyu made you feel like you never had to do anything by yourself, with a talent for drawing the vulnerability out of you when you were keeping yourself from being helped. And even though he was positive and upbeat most of the time, he never expected that from you. His grace in handling your down days was enough to convince you that in any other circumstance, this man would have been your perfect match, inside and out.

But the circumstances are what they are, and so you can’t let yourself give in to what you want. It has been a long time since Mingyu has held you — since the nightmare, in fact. Which, you remind yourself forcefully, is a good thing. It was professional of you to keep that physical distance. Because, Heaven help you, you were struggling to keep any emotional distance between you. 

When Mingyu had come back to work after he’d stayed the night at your place that one fateful night, a pattern had begun. When you’d come home, Mingyu asked you about your day. You’d give him the low-down: “Emily dropped the pencil sharpener and thought I’d fire her…am I that scary?”, “we got a story with Brie Larsen,” “one of our writers is getting married in a few weeks and invited me”, and so on. Then you’d ask for his updates: “Sara ate a solid banana today,” “Bora and Morrie came over for a play date”, “I lost Sara for fifteen minutes today and found her in the massive drum of flour”. This usually kicked off an hours-long conversation full of teasing, laughter, and the occasional philosophical discussion that only ended when one of you mentioned Mingyu should go home and get some rest. The past eleven months of this behavior had only made you more and more drawn to Mingyu; it was how you learned he learned to cook from helping his mother in the kitchen, and that he also had a little sister whom he loved dearly, and about the friends from college he still saw frequently, all of whom he seemed to only have positive feelings for. You had started to wonder if there was a person he didn’t like. And all of this added up to you being absolutely smitten with him.

But you also keenly felt the guilt of having a crush on your nanny. After all, it felt like such a midlife-crisis move to pull. You tried to comfort yourself in the truth that Mingyu was usually the instigator whenever the both of you rocketed over those carefully drawn lines in the proverbial sand, but you knew it was also partially your responsibility, because you never talked to him about maintaining a more professional distance. The fact was, you didn’t want any more distance at all between you and Mingyu, but you understood how complicated it might be if someone who essentially made sure he could pay his bills confessed romantic feelings for him. Not that you’d ever take advantage of him, but it also felt unfair to put him in a situation where he had to trust you on that.

So you stayed as you were — for eleven months that had proven to put you through every emotion on the spectrum. You laughed at Mingyu, you competed against Mingyu, you wondered about Mingyu, you worried about Mingyu. 

But most of all, you yearned for Mingyu.

You try not to let it show as you watch Sara play with her dolls in the living room, supplemented by the dollhouse Mingyu spent a whole day building for her. “Tomorrow’s the big day!” he says. “Are you excited?”

“I am,” you hedge, half-listening as Sara clumsily tucks a doll into its bed and says goodnight. “A little nervous, too.”

“Why are you nervous?” he asks. “You’ve practiced a lot. I almost have your speech memorized by now.”

You laugh. “It’s normal to be nervous, even when you’re prepared.”

He watches you carefully, noting how after a few moments of silence your eyes slip out of focus, miles away. After eleven months, Mingyu has learned that when you get like this, you are reliving a vivid memory inside your mind. The more this happens, the worse your dreams are later. So, after catching Sara before she whacks her head on the coffee table, he puts his hand on your knee so your mind connects to your body again. “Where were you this time?” he asks, releasing a squirming Sara to the floor, his gaze between you and her.

“My sister pep talking me before my valedictorian speech,” you say in a tiny voice.

“I didn’t know you were valedictorian!” Mingyu exclaims. “You were a huge nerd, weren’t you?”

“I still am,” you say, pretending to be scandalized. “Why do you think my magazine won an award for publishing? It certainly wasn’t because academic validation isn’t important to me.”

He laughs. “Your magazine won an award for publishing because it’s awesome. But I appreciate that you’re still trying to achieve academically even though you’re almost three years post-MBA.”

“I know when I’m being made fun of,” you sniff. “And I won’t have this from you, Mr. ‘I Flunked Out of Chemistry But They Still Let Me Play Basketball’ Kim Mingyu.”

Mingyu shoots you a reluctant grin. “I never should’ve told you that, first of all,” he says. “Secondly, despite all that, I think you would’ve liked me in high school.”

“I probably would’ve,” you admit. “You, however, would never have even looked at me in high school,” you say. “I had glasses, braces, the whole nine yards.”

He stretches, laughing. “I was into nerds, actually. Still am, in fact.” He smiles to himself, on cue with your heart turning all the way over in your chest.

You’re in dangerous territory, so you steer away. “Have you been practicing your ponytails?” you say seriously.

“Who do you think I am? Of course I have.”

“And you’re still not gonna show me what her hair looks like until the day of?”

“Of course not. It’s bad luck.”

You scoff. “I’m almost positive nobody thinks that.”

“I’m pretty sure I think that,” he counters.

“And I don’t even get to see her dress?” you ask.

“Not unless I get to see yours.”

You grin — this had been a constant “argument” since you’d come home with the dress bag, and you had denied his request to look at it. “What if I hate her dress?”

Mingyu shakes his head. “It’s impossible. She’s the cutest little girl in the world. So even if the dress sucks, she’s gonna look darling in it.”

“You make a good point,” you admit. “The dress doesn’t suck though, right?”

“You have so little faith in my taste,” Mingyu says, frowning. Then he lights up again and abruptly changes the subject. “Also, get this — Wonwoo says he’s gonna come and he’ll bring a girl.”

“Oh?” you say, lifting Sara off the ground as she reaches for one of the spark plugs in the wall. “Is it the same girl he brought home a couple weeks ago?” You’d become friends with Mingyu’s bespectacled, tech-savvy roommate due to occasional contact over the past almost-year, and the thought of him with a girl is sweet.

“Yeah,” Mingyu says. “But here’s the thing. He insisted — emphatically — that nothing was going on between them. They were just friends.”

“How long ago?”

“Like two weeks.”

“Maybe for one of them that’s true,” you suggest. “I mean, maybe he doesn’t like her like that.”

“No, he definitely does.”

“Okay, well, maybe she doesn’t like him like that.”

“Have you seen him?”

You laugh. “Have you seen yourself? I mean, if she hangs out at your place pretty often there’s really no reason she couldn’t like you too.”

Mingyu blushes, an uncharacteristically bashful move on his part, and you realize how much you’ve just given away. So you, blushing too, move over to Sara, beginning to play with her hands and let her grab at your necklace. “I should probably go,” Mingyu says. “Gotta be here early tomorrow to make sure you don’t sleep through your alarm again.”

“I only did that one time,” you protest. “And I don’t think I’ll sleep at all tonight.”

He makes a sympathetic noise. “Well, at least try, will you? It’s a big day for you, and you should be able to enjoy it.”

You smile up at him. “You’re right. Thank you, Mingyu. Say bye bye to Mingyu, Sara.”

“Bye, Googoo!!” Sara squeals — her endearing nickname for Mingyu. 

She bounds over to him, and he sweeps her into his arms for a swift hug before setting her down gently. “Bye, Sara!”

***

“Wow,” Mingyu says, his eyes wide and mouth open.

You tug at the tight, silvery-blue fabric of the floor-length gown you wear, blushing. “Thanks.”

“You’re always pretty,” Mingyu begins, finally recovering from the shock of seeing you like this enough to speak.

“Oh, stop it,” you protest, hiding your face in your hands.

“But this is … wow,” he finishes.

Your face could not be warmer. “Please desist before I’m so embarrassed that I have to change.” You peek from behind your fingers at Mingyu, who is looking positively devastating in a suit and is holding Sara in her fluffy pink dress. He was right about her looking cute in anything, but the dress suits your sweet, sassy, rambunctious little girl. And, true to his word, he has tugged her hair into two adorable pigtails fitted with feathery pink bows to match the dress. “You did an amazing job with Sara.”

Mingyu finally tears his eyes away from you to look proudly at Sara’s outfit. “Never doubt me again,” he jokes.

“I never will,” you vow. 

“Well, I think we need to leave,” Mingyu says. “I wonder what everyone will think about me arriving with the two prettiest girls at the party.”

You roll your eyes as you grab your things. “You’ll fit right in,” you tell him. “You look amazing.”

“Thanks,” he says, wrestling a grumpy Sara into her car seat. “Shall we?”

The party is a fancy affair. Big names in publishing mill around with your employees, some turning to greet you and offer words of congratulations when you walk in. Mingyu is impressed with how gracious and genuine you are with everyone, even the people you’re just being introduced to, his heart swelling with pride whenever you include him and Sara as a part of your introduction. 

Sara is amazed at the surroundings, looking around the beautifully furnished hotel meeting room with its twinkling lights in an overstimulated stupor. Plenty of the female employees are talking and whispering at the sight of her in Mingyu’s arms, a few even venturing to approach him and play with Sara’s hands or feet. “So, are you her boyfriend?” A blonde in a stunning red dress asks, leaning in with hooded eyes.

“No, I’m just her nanny,” Mingyu says with a laugh. “Um, excuse me.” 

You have to bite back a smile as Mingyu meets eyes with you nervously. “Meredith from accounting is zeroed in on you, I see,” you tease him. 

“She’s very friendly,” Mingyu agrees. “I think I saw Wonwoo come in, though.”

You look toward the door. There he is — tall, slender, with his signature glasses and a shy but very happy smile, hand-in-hand with a pretty girl in a pink dress. “They look cozy,” you observe. “Say hi to him for me, will you? I need to get ready to speak to everyone.”

Mingyu gives you a prolonged look that makes you more nervous than even the impending speech before he answers, “sure thing, boss. Break a leg. You’ll be great.”

It feels surreal — all of these people are mostly people who you see every day, mingling with publishing giants and friends, and everything is different. After what feels like no time at all, you take the low stage to begin your speech.

You take a deep breath, looking in the crowd for two specific people, and it isn’t until you’ve met eyes with Mingyu, who is softly smiling at you, and aimed a wave at Sara, that you begin. “This award is something I’ve been working toward since we started the magazine. I naively thought that receiving this award would finally help me to feel like I belonged in this industry, or that all the time I’d spend slaving for this business was actually worth it.

“The past year, however, has been the absolute hardest of my life. As many of you know, my sister -- the person who encouraged me to start this business, and the person without whom many of you, including me, would probably not have jobs -- was killed in a hit-and-run accident a year ago Thursday. And when you go through something like that, well...your perspective on life definitely changes. I have always been a believer in the power of story, but because of the life-altering experiences I’ve had over the course of this brutal year, I gained new insight into the stories that we should be telling with the voices we have in the time that we have them. I’m convinced that the team’s vision aligning so well with this change in priorities is why I’m on this stage accepting this award. So I have some people to thank for this.”

You’re practiced enough that your voice only shakes a little as you begin this part. “Firstly, my editor, Cory, who not only held us together while I was completely incapacitated, but also understood perfectly how to make this thing into the kind of thing that wins awards like this. If this was a ship, Cory would be at the helm, and I’m so glad that we have someone who is a perfect navigator. Cory knows the metaphorical sea and stars like an albatross, and he deserves to be the one speaking to you today, but we drew lots and I got the short stick.” The crowd laughs, and in the audience, Cory raises his glass to you, his arm snaked around the waist of his new girlfriend Lele.

You smile at his gesture and continue. “Secondly, to my assistant, Emily. She was hired only one single month before the accident, and she has become indispensable to me. One thing you should know about her is that her desire to do everything she can for anyone who needs it is not just one of her biggest professional strengths, it is also one of her best personal ones. Her competence and kindness will take her far -- here or wherever she goes.” When you spot Emily, her eyes are streaming with tears, and she gives you a little apologetic shrug as she wipes her eyes.

“Thirdly, I cannot thank the writing team, the creative team, the social media team, and the editing staff enough for supporting me through my bereavement and continuing to do such excellent work. I am grateful to have hired the right people, so that I can be confident that this important work we do will not be stopped if I am stopped.”

Now, the final message -- the part you hadn’t shown Mingyu yet. Partially because you wanted to surprise him, and partially because you were terrified of what he would know about you because of it, and you wanted to prolong the moment. You steady yourself and press on. “Finally, there have been a number of people in my personal life without whom I couldn’t be here today. Friends who pulled me out of the mud, almost literally, neighbors who looked out for my lawn, the kindest friend who watches my beautiful niece while I come to work --” and at this point, you intentionally avoid Mingyu’s gaze, “and Sara herself, who gives me a reason to wake up in the morning and who carries Jeri with her in her eyes. You have all been my hope in the fault lines, and without you, I would be so lost. Thank you for being my solid ground when everything around me was shaking.

“And of course, to my dear sister, my best friend, Jeri. From wherever you are, know that this award means infinitely more because of what I learned from you. I wish I could’ve learned it with you beside me, but I’m hoping every single day that when it’s my time, I’m even half of the person you are. Thank you.”

The audience applauds, and someone hands you a small glass statue as the physical evidence of your award, and pictures are snapped, and then it’s all over. You’re back in the crowd, and you’re drained and a bit embarrassed and empty, and the only person you want to talk to is Mingyu. You want to run to him and throw yourself into his arms and let him carry you away from the stage and the people who are flocking to you to hug you and offer condolences and shake your hand and congratulate you. But you can’t, so you let them approach until Emily (bless her) extracts you from the crowd.

“Your parents came,” she whispers to you, and you feel your jaw clench. 

“Where are they?” you ask through your gritted teeth. 

“By the food. I’ve tried to hold them off, but they want to meet Sara.”

“Where is she?”

“Mingyu’s changing her diaper.”

You grab Cory’s arm as he passes. “My parents are here. Please go in the bathroom and tell Mingyu not to leave until you come back to get him.” With an alarmed look, he obeys, and you stalk toward the two elderly people staring haughtily around at the crowd at the food table.

Your mother sees you first. As she meets your eyes you remember her wearing that same look while your father had “disciplined” you — with a belt. It’s a shrewd look, a calculating one. The last night you’d lived with them, before you’d taken Jeri and gotten out of that place, she had told him she didn’t think the message was sinking in enough. She suggested more stripes might remind you of “a woman’s place.”

As hard as she is to look at, he is infinitely worse. Your father has grown hunched in the ten years since you’ve seen him, his face becoming even more gaunt and severe, almost cartoonish in its caricatured lines. You stand up straighter and realize that you’re not afraid of him anymore. “What are you doing here?” you ask, your voice quiet so as not to attract attention and cause a scene. 

“Is it a crime to want to see my daughter and granddaughter?” your father croaks.

“I don’t remember inviting you,” you say shortly. “I want to know how you found out about this.”

“I read about it in the paper,” he says.

“Well, thank you for coming,” you say. “But I think I made it clear that I don’t want contact with you after the trial.”

“The judge only ruled that Sara would live with you. They didn’t mention that we could never see her,” your mother claims.

“No, they didn’t say that. But I did,” you remind her, your voice surprisingly gentle despite your anger.

There is a sudden warmth from a hand at your shoulder. “Are you okay?” Mingyu asks quietly.

You turn to face him, giving him a tight smile. “Yeah,” you say, a bit shaken but still determined. “Where’s Sara?”

“Wonwoo is watching her,” he replies. “Do you need help with them?”

You had told him about your parents and the vaguest details of their abuse around month four. He knew you’d left home at seventeen with Jeri in tow, determined to let her be safer than you had been. He knew that there had been a nasty custody battle necessitating your admission of everything they’d done to you so that Sara would never be subjected to the childhood you had. He didn’t know that you’d had to teach yourself how to do makeup in seventh grade to hide the black eye your father had given you, because your mother believed makeup to be deceitful and of the devil. He didn’t know all the times you’d stepped in front of Jeri to prevent your father from hurting her. He didn’t know the fear you’d felt when they took you to court to try and take your niece away from you — all on the basis that a child without her father, raised by only a woman, could never be complete.

He didn’t know everything, but still he was there at your side. Big and strong and never angry except for right now, his dark eyes flashing and his mouth set in a straight line. You’d wondered how your soft, silly, sweet Mingyu had managed to survive for years as a federal agent, but now you knew. Mingyu could be intimidating if he wanted to be – he simply chose not to be most of the time.

You sigh, relieved. “I think I would like help with them, actually.”

This is all Mingyu needs to spring into action. He moves for your father, taking him by the arm in what you’re sure is a vice grip, as you link an arm around your mother’s arm. “I need the both of you to go,” you tell her. “And if I see you again, I’ll file a restraining order. Don’t think I won’t. I’d prefer not to do it, so just leave us alone. We’re happy.” You release her in the hotel lobby, and she and your father scurry away. 

As you walk back to the party with Mingyu, you ask, “did he say anything to you?”

Mingyu shrugs. “Nothing worth repeating.” The two of you hunt down Sara, and you give her a big hug before letting her finally wander around on her own two feet, which she’s been begging Wonwoo to do. It does your heart good to watch her be herself without any fear of retribution.

You’re surprised at how normal you feel after returning to the group. Your hands still shake, and you do keep a closer eye on Sara than normal, but you don’t dwell on it. It didn’t burn you like you expected to see them again. Perhaps, you reason, although the pain of seeing your parents again is very different from your grief, and there is nearly ten years of distance between that pain and your current life, you have actually become stronger. The thought makes you warm from the inside out. The rest of the event goes by in a blur -- all the way up until you overhear Mingyu talking to Wonwoo. “Come out with us tonight,” Wonwoo plies.

“I don’t know,” Mingyu says, sounding reluctant.

“You should,” you find yourself saying, grinning as they both jump at your words. “Sorry for eavesdropping. Why wouldn’t you go?”

Mingyu snorts. “I’ll go if you go.”

You grin regretfully at Wonwoo. “Sorry,” you say. “I have the duties of motherhood to attend to.”

Bora is standing nearby and interjects. “Actually, I think it’d be great if you went. I can take Sara tonight.”

You shoot her a look. “I wasn’t even invited. That was a joke.”

“No, you’re definitely invited,” Wonwoo says. “Please come. Seungcheol is going to be there, and he just got rejected, so he needs someone more responsible than me to look after him. Who better than a literal mother?”

You roll your eyes. “I didn’t birth her, Wonwoo.”

“You’re still her mom,” says Bora. “I’m taking her home with me. Go out, have fun! It’ll be good for you. The last time you went out, you ended up finding Mingyu. So maybe tonight something great will happen.”

You can hear the suggestive edge in her voice. It has you glaring daggers at her as she reaches for Sara. “I’ll leave you to it,” she says, and scurries away.

***

“I’m not good at drinking,” you confess over the music.

“Then don’t drink too much,” Wonwoo says. 

“Is everything just that simple for you?” you ask him, amused. 

He grins. “Actually, yes.” He looks over to where the girl he brought and Mingyu are chatting happily about some inane thing, and frowns. “Sometimes even I complicate things, though.”

“I think she really likes you.” Wonwoo turns to look at you, eyes wide, and you chuckle. “I think we’re alike,” you explain. “Neither of us are very forward usually, or very good at expressing ourselves.”

Wonwoo nods with a sheepish grin. “That’s accurate.”

“So…do you like her?” you ask him bluntly.

Wonwoo clears his throat and downs a shot before replying. “I’ve been in love with her for a long time.”

“And you still haven’t said anything?” you ask sympathetically.

“Well, I mean, we’ve kissed. And we’ve held hands. And I kind of confessed.”

You eye him skeptically. “And would you say she’s more like you and I, personality-wise, or more like Mingyu?”

“Definitely Mingyu,” he replies. 

“Do you think Mingyu would pick up on a half-confession?”

Wonwoo thinks to himself. “He’d probably understand what you’re saying, but I think he’d be too worried to do anything about it unless you were explicit. He’s too polite and cautious to cross a line like that.”

You try not to think about what he’s saying in the context of you and Mingyu, but it’s hard. “So, do you know what you need to do?” you ask him, trying to focus on the task at hand.

“Own up to my feelings, probably.” Wonwoo laughs at himself.

“You’ve already kissed,” you point out. “And she’s stuck around. If she hated that you kissed her, it might be one thing, but it seems to me like she’s pretty into being with you. You don’t have to be poetic, just tell her how she makes you feel and let her respond how she wants.”

He nods, putting the shot glass back on the bar and standing up. “Thanks,” he says. “You might consider taking your own advice, too.” And with that, he walks across the room to the girl and leans in to whisper something to her. The two of them leave together, and Mingyu turns to look at you, giving you a quizzical look. 

“What did you say to him?” he asks, coming to sit in Wonwoo’s vacated seat.

“I told him to go for it,” you say, your head still buzzing with Wonwoo’s last comment to you. You sip sparingly at your piña colada and sigh. “What are we even doing here?” you ask Mingyu with an uncharacteristic giggle, probably brought on by the alcohol in your system. “I’ve never been a person who goes to bars, and since becoming a parent, I am even less of one.”

Mingyu laughs. “Well, I was having a great time talking with Wonwoo’s girl, until someone decided to be an inspiration. As per usual.”

“Where are Seungcheol and Vernon?” you say, ignoring his compliment but for a small grin.

“I think they’re in an intense game of pool. Vernon’s doing a better job distracting Cheol than I thought he would,” Mingyu says. “Although they’re both super drunk. We should go check on them.”

Mingyu takes your hand and guides you through the crowded bar, to a back room with a pool table, a ping pong table, and a couple of old arcade games. Vernon and Seungcheol have abandoned the pool table and are standing by the ancient-looking jukebox. As you watch, Seungcheol whacks the jukebox with his fist, and then groans in pain. Mingyu wordlessly jogs over to them and grabs Seungcheol’s hand to inspect it.

“Wanted it to play that one song,” Seungcheol slurs at Mingyu as you approach. “The one that reminds me of her.”

Mingyu looks at him in a mixture of amusement and worry. “Which one?”

“She’s Got a Way,” Vernon says, stumbling over. “Billy Joel is the best.”

“I think you should sit down,” Mingyu says to both of them as they lean heavily on him. You grab Vernon by the arm and help him over to the nearest collection of chairs, just as a pretty girl in a black dress strides up to Mingyu helping Seungcheol. 

“Hi, handsome,” she says. 

“Pia?” Mingyu says, shocked. “Oh, wow. Um, hi! It’s been awhile.” He rubs the back of his neck nervously.

“Sure has, soldier.” She doesn’t spare you or either of the other two men a single glance -- her focus is solely on Mingyu. “Where have you been?”

“I was living in Italy for a minute. You know, doing the whole nannying thing still.” He clears his throat. “But I’ve been back awhile.”

“Huh,” Pia says. “Can’t believe you haven’t lost your mind around all those kids yet. Let me buy you a drink. You can tell me all about it.”

Mingyu shoots you a sideways glance. You want to drag him away from her -- with your teeth, if necessary -- but you say nothing, hoping your face isn’t betraying the open hostility in your heart. “I don’t know,” he says, hesitating. “I’m supposed to drive later.”

“Then I’ll buy you a virgin daiquiri. Nothing hokey, I promise,” she says smoothly, taking Mingyu’s arm. “I’ll have you back here before you know it.” And with that, she waltzes him away as he looks at you, wide-eyed, over his shoulder.

You aren’t really mad at him. You could tell that if it were up to him, he’d have stayed with the three of you -- if only because he was worried about Vernon and Seungcheol being too much for you. And yet, it still rankled to see him walking away with another woman.

Another very pretty woman.

Maybe it’s this that leads you to order another drink when the waiter comes around. And another. Two drinks was enough alcohol to get you shit-faced. Three has you singing along to She’s Got a Way with the other two when it finally plays, even though you never sing.

By the time Mingyu arrives back to your group, he is shocked to see you with your arms slung around the other two, your cheeks pink and your eyes bright, belting another song along with them while Seungcheol weeps unabashedly into your shoulder.

“I think it’s time to leave,” he says, amused, propping Seungcheol up. “Stay right there, baby. I’ll be back.”

You blink. It feels like time is moving in slow motion as Mingyu turns to leave the bar. “Did he just call me baby?” you ask Vernon stupidly.

“I think so,” Vernon says, nodding. “It’d be weird if he called me that.” 

You frown. “Why does he do stuff like that?”

Vernon shakes his head. “I don’t know. But what I do know is that the room is spinning, which means I drank too much, so I’m gonna just lay down for a second.”

You watch Vernon put his forehead to the table and give a drunken scoff. Mingyu arrives shortly afterward, lifting you princess-style out of your chair as though you weigh nothing and telling Vernon he’ll be back. He lays you in the passenger seat of your car, grinning down at you. “I see why you don’t drink often,” he teases. “You really are a lightweight.”

Seungcheol groans from the backseat. “Kiss her,” he commands, too loud, causing passerby to look over in shock.

To Mingyu’s surprise, your eyes light up. You still have a hand gripping his soft tee from when the world tilted alarmingly as he hoisted you off the chair, and your eyes are out of focus and you keep blinking at him to try and see him, and you’re uncomfortably aware that your hair is plastered to your forehead with sweat. 

Adorable. He can’t help but think it. The alcohol has done its job admirably — your cheeks are flushed, and your usually-guarded gaze is open and almost dangerous in your blatant desire for him. It takes everything in him to restrain himself from listening to Seungcheol and kissing you in front of all these people. 

But you’re so drunk, and he cares too much about you to do it like this, so he gently removes your fist from his shirt and runs back into the bar to get Vernon, hearing Seungcheol yell “Coward!” at him as he retreats. In no time he packs Vernon into the back of the car and drives off, monitoring you in the passenger side. 

Seungcheol gets out at Vernon’s house, and together they stagger inside. Mingyu watches them in amusement until he hears you sniffling. Alarmed, he looks down to see you crying quietly into your hands.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, befuddled. 

“I’m drunk,” you say in a choked, muffled voice. “People just cry when they’re drunk sometimes.”

He shrugs, then pats your shoulder. “I guess you’re right.” But he continues to watch as your tears continue to fall. Finally he pulls up to your house, and you claw at your seatbelt, trying to pull yourself loose. He chuckles and pops the button easily, and you fling the door open and promptly fall out of the car.

In a panic, Mingyu runs around the side of the car to see you weeping on your own driveway. When he moves to help you, you weakly try to push him away. “What’s going on, honey?” he says, suddenly realizing you may not have told him the truth earlier about the reason for your tears. 

“I’m mad at you,” you admit, wiping your eyes. “And I cry when I’m mad.”

He purses his lips. “Well, can I at least get you inside? Then we can talk about it.”

You hesitate, then nod. Wordlessly he scoops you into his arms, and despite everything you’re feeling, you tuck yourself into the crook of his neck. He’s so warm, and you breathe in his scent, feeling the pain of the fall and your own feelings ease a little. 

“So,” he says after he’s propped you up on your couch. “What’s this about, huh?”

You look up at him with red eyes. “I’m not actually mad at you.” You take a deep breath in. “I’m mad at me.”

The realization had hit you when you’d reached Vernon’s apartment. You had broken your own heart, beyond what you thought was possible after losing your sister, because every version of your future that you had even the slightest desire to live in had Mingyu in it. And not as your nanny — as your partner. The sudden impossibility of any of those futures becoming reality has rushed to you, because Mingyu needs a job, and you need a nanny, and to change anything about your relationship would cost him his livelihood — or cost the both of you the relationship you already have.

The only thing more impossible than explaining this was staying quiet, however.

So when he asks why, you tell him. “I ruined everything, Mingyu. I … I put us both in the worst possible situation.”

“How?” His eyes are zeroed in on your face, alight in the dim room. 

You can almost taste your own heartbeat as you reply. “I…fell in love with you.”

Mingyu’s jaw drops. 

“I know, it’s stupid. And you…you have better options than me, plus…we’re impossible. You and me, it would never work anyway. But I had to say it before I catch fire from the inside out.”

When you finally look at Mingyu, his shock has turned into a pained expression. “Impossible?” he repeats quietly.

You nod sleepily as the tears overtake you again. “Like trying to fit a round peg in a square hole,” you confirm, sniffling.

“Why is it impossible?” he asks. “Explain that.” For the first time since you’ve known Mingyu, he sounds angry with you. 

And this makes you angry, too.

“Because this is not the life you deserve,” you say, your voice too loud for the living room. “Me, my grief, my baggage, a kid — you deserve your own family. One that isn’t so … messy.” Your voice cracks near the end of your rant, but you choke your tears down like you had in front of your parents and their rage all those years ago. 

“What if you’re enough for me?” he challenges, eyes flashing.

“I’m not going to let you throw the whole life you could have with someone else away for someone who can’t give you what you want!” you yell. “I can’t love you like you deserve, Mingyu!”

Mingyu’s face crumples from anger to shattering grief. He stands up, grabs his jacket, and heads for the door. 

You want to yell at him to come back, but feel too guilty and tired and stressed and awful to say a word. Before he opens the door, he half turns over his shoulder, not meeting your eyes. “I know you, and I know how you love. And it’s more than enough. You are what I want.” His tone is so careful and measured that you know he wants to yell back at you. He couldn’t be more serious, or more plain about what he’s saying. He finally looks into your eyes as he opens the door.

“If you ever stop being afraid of that, you know where to find me,” he says quietly.

And without another glance, he steps into the night, letting the door shut with an awful sense of finality.

***

“Get up,” says Bora sternly, ripping the sheets off you. 

You groan and bury your face in your pillows. “No,” you say.

“Sara has been asking for you,” she insists. 

You glare at her, but push yourself up and follow her downstairs. Sara is playing happily on the floor with Morrie. When she catches sight of you, she yells her toddler version of your name. Your heart partially pieces itself back together, and you respond to her reaching arms by pulling her close. “Hey, baby. Did you have a fun sleepover?”

“Yeah!” Sara yells excitedly. “We had soooooooooo much fun!!”

“We played with my princess toys,” Morrie informs you. 

“Oh did you?” you say, trying to mimic their excitement. 

“Yeah!! Mommy said you went out to have fun with a cute boy,” Morrie says. “Did you have fun?”

You glance over at Bora before responding. “I may have had a little too much fun.”

Bora hisses, but you shake your head at her, letting her know with your eyes that you’ll talk later. She hangs around for the morning, and when Morrie and Sara go down for their naps, she corners you.

“Tell me why Mingyu didn’t show up this morning,” she demands.

You sigh. “Because I am the dumbest, stupidest idiot known to all mankind.” And you tell her everything.

She listens intently. “And then he texted this morning and told me he needed some time,” you finish, swallowing hard around the lump in your throat.

“So what are you gonna do about it?” she asks you. You note the strain in her tone and realize she’s mad at you too.

“I don’t know,” you snap, her anger and your own pain making you feel trapped and defensive. 

“That man is in love with you,” she says, exasperated. “I mean, it was really obvious that he feels the same way about you that you feel about him. And you’re just going to stubbornly suggest that he’s too good for you?”

“He literally is, though,” you say, desperate to make her understand. “He’s the perfect man. He could be with anyone. I have a kid and a company, and he deserves someone’s full attention and full heart, and that will never be me.”

Bora’s shaking her head. “No, listen to me. You’ve always been like this. You think love is this finite thing and once you give it to one thing you don’t have enough to give to something else. I thought Sara would change that about you. Do you forget about Sara when you’re at work?” 

You think to yourself. No, in fact. You thought about her constantly. You even did your job in the hope that one day she would know she could do whatever she set her mind to. “And did you stop running your business just because you became Sara’s guardian?” Bora asks you, watching you as you think. “Of course you didn’t. Because love isn’t finite, you dummy.”

You stare at her, unconvinced. She sighs. “Sweetheart, I see the way you look at him. I know you know you have feelings for him, but when you think about an entire lifetime without Mingyu, when you think about him moving on with someone else, how does that feel?”

“Unbearable,” you whisper. You’ve already thought about it -- all last night, after you sobered up, you thought about what would happen to you if that was the last time you ever saw Mingyu. You knew you’d keep going, for Sara, like always. But you also knew you’d be a shell of who you were when you were with him, and you didn’t like to think how long it would take for you to fill yourself back up.

Which brings you to a greater worry. “What if I just…got attached? Because he was something for me to hold onto during all this?” you ask her.

“So what if you did? That’s as real a reason to be attached to someone as I can think of.”

“I don’t want to be trauma-bonded, Bora.”

She rolls her eyes. “Have you ever heard him say anything mean? About anyone?”

“No?” Because he hadn’t. Not even your parents. He was unfailingly kind.

“And has he ever made you feel inferior, for any reason?”

“Of course not,” you say. In fact, even when he teased, he was never disrespectful.

“And are the two of you able to talk about things together without antagonizing each other?”

“Yes,” you tell her, realizing all at once that your friendship with Mingyu is one of the healthiest you have.

Bora nods. “You need to go see him.” She grabs your hand and starts tugging you up the stairs.

“But I just got Sara back, and he says he needs time!” you protest, shocked.

“He needs time from the you that didn’t know you didn’t want to live without him,” she says forcefully, throwing one of your duffel bags onto your bed and tossing a random assortment of clothing into it.

“Why are we packing?” you ask her in alarm.

“You aren’t coming home tonight,” she says matter-of-factly.

“I’m not?”

“For the smartest person I know, you’re an absolute idiot,” she says. “Grab pajamas, sweetie.”

You know better than to argue with Bora when she gets into tornado mode. So you pull out your favorite sweatpants and a hoodie. Bora looks at your selections with a critical eye. “Comfort over style?” she asks, moving to your dresser. She opens the top drawer and extracts the pretty pink lingerie an ex boyfriend got you for Christmas three years ago. 

“What is that for?” you ask as she grabs a black bra and panty set and shoves it into the bag as well. You feel the heat rising in your cheeks, the beating of your heart suddenly rattling in your brain.

She doesn’t respond, just takes you out to your car and hands you the keys she grabbed -- still on the counter where Mingyu had left them the night before. “I’m prohibiting you from coming home tonight. I’ll take care of Sara. Don’t worry about anything, just go.”

It’s not until you’re on the road that it hits you fully what you’re about to do. You’ve never done anything like this before -- never cared enough to take the risk that you’re about to take. You try not to imagine him slamming the door in your face and drive faster, wanting to get to the part where you’re standing in front of him saying what you need to say. 

Finally, you arrive. You take a deep breath before dashing from the car to knock on Mingyu’s door. Your knocks are so persistent and loud that he answers right away, looking shocked to see you of all people on his porch with a duffel bag.

The first words out of his mouth aren’t what you expect. “Are you fleeing the country?”

“Huh?” you ask. 

“Your duffel bag. And you look like you just robbed a bank,” he says with an eyebrow raised.

“Oh. Um, no. I...can I come in? I really need to talk to you.” You can hear how thick your voice sounds, and you try to clear your throat, but breathing is hard. Because there he is -- wet hair from a recent shower, white tank top with massive arms fully visible, and eyes that only just barely betray the hurt of the night before. The hurt you caused.

He steps aside to let you in, and you scurry past him and lay your bag down before you turn to face him. “Is Wonwoo here?” you ask first. 

“Nah, he stayed with his girl last night.” Mingyu’s eyes are steady on you, urging you to explain yourself, and you’re more nervous than ever. You rub your slick palms on your sweatpants and will yourself to find the words to continue.

“I’m so scared,” you finally whisper to him. 

His face is stony, unreadable. “Of what?” he asks.

“Everything,” you tell him. “All of this. I’m scared of you most of all.”

He softens a little. “Why?” he asks, taking a step toward you.

You step forward too -- close enough to touch him. And for the first time in your life, you make the move, reaching forward and taking his big hand in yours. “Because you, Kim Mingyu, could ruin me. I love you in a way that’s never supposed to end, and that terrifies me. I don’t ever want to lose you. And I could. I might have already.”

He’s very still, watching your face, looking for any signs of a lie. It’s such a relief to be touching him, and you’re so high on the feeling of his warm hand in yours, that you sigh as you bring his knuckles to your lips, breathing a kiss over each one.

“You mean it,” he says quietly, watching you adore him.

“I do,” you say. “I really, really do. I love you, Kim Mingyu.” 

Those are the words that seem to hit him like a comet breaking through the atmosphere. He tugs you forward and into his arms and buries his face in your neck, squeezing you hard enough that you feel your ribs crack.  

“I love you too,” he says, and you hear the hint of tears in his voice. “I wish I could find a way to tell you how I feel right now,” Mingyu says into your hair. “I meant what I said. You’re everything I ever wanted. Sara, too.”

And you know there’s still things that you’ll need to work out, but when you’re in Mingyu’s arms, it all seems to matter a lot less. The relief is instantaneous, his touch soothing the tightness in your chest, and you finally let yourself open up fully, melting into him and squeezing him back. Mingyu lets go of you only briefly and only partially to pull you over to the sofa, wrapping his arms around your middle from behind and pulling you to his chest. 

“What made you decide to come?” he asks you, pressing a kiss to your temple.

You give a small laugh. “Bora,” you say. “It was actually barely my choice at all. She basically threw me out of my own house.”

You can feel the vibration of his own chuckle where your head rests against his chest. “Thank goodness for Bora.”

“Mmm,” you say in agreement, relaxing into his embrace. Mingyu’s arms tighten around you, and he leans down to kiss your shoulder through your several layers of sweatshirt. “So, how long have you liked me?” you ask him shyly.

He sighs. “It was almost at first sight for me,” he admits, blushing as your jaw drops. “I’m serious! You looked so cute that first morning. So frazzled, too.”

“Imagine my shock,” you explain, “when I hire a nanny and someone who looks like you shows up.” You trace a light hand up and down the arms wrapped around you, watching as they erupt into goosebumps. 

“What do you mean? Did I look irresponsible?” he teases.

“No, you’re just the hottest man alive,” you say, grinning at him over your shoulder. 

He looks both shy and pleased with himself. “I am?” he asks, his smile growing.

You turn back around and sink into him again. “My love, I’m going to need you to invest in a mirror. You clearly don’t know what you look like.”

Mingyu gives a soft laugh. Slowly and deliberately, he kisses down the side of your face from your temple down your cheekbone, bringing a hand up to turn your head to face him. “Would you like a kiss from the hottest man alive?” he asks very seriously, but he can’t help the corners of his mouth from turning upward just a bit.

You nod, privately and internally screaming to yourself. It’s been a very long time -- what if you’re bad at it? 

But Mingyu is so careful. He just barely tilts your chin up and lets your lips meet his, soft and warm and tender. You let your lips part slightly, and lean in just slightly more, adding a bit of pressure. His hand on your face is steady and strong, and you can taste coconut oil on his lips from his chapstick. Kissing Mingyu is heaven, as thrilling as a roller coaster but as safe as a night at home in Sara’s rocking chair. Your mind is full of him — everything else seems to evaporate as though Mingyu is the only real thing in the world, and you cling to him, trembling, as though he might disappear too. You have to remind yourself to take it slow, although your heart clattering against your ribs is begging you for more from his lips, but can’t help a soft hum of pleasure from escaping you as he breaks the kiss and comes back for another, slipping his hand from your cheek to the back of your neck.

He smiles against your lips at the sound. “Enjoying yourself?” he asks, pulling away a bit.

And although you’re trembling with a surplus of emotions, you manage an eye roll. “I don’t have to answer that,” you say, breathing too heavily.

Those darling crow’s feet appear at the corners of his eyes as he notices the heat rising in your face, even brushing a thumb along the pink that has appeared on the apple of your cheek. “I would do things all the time to make that happen,” he admits, dropping a feather light kiss on your cheek. “You looked so cute, and it also made me feel like maybe you might love me back one day.”

“For your information, I liked you almost this entire time, too,” you tell him.

“When did it shift?” he asks. “Between liking me and loving me, I mean.”

You consider. “I think it became clearer to me when Sara started calling you dad — you remember? It was around her first birthday.”

“I remember!” he says. “I was worried you’d be mad.”

You smile. “I wasn’t mad at all. It occurred to me then that I couldn’t see myself finding anyone else to love Sara the same way, or that it would just all feel wrong and weird if it wasn’t you. I thought about it plenty of times beforehand, though. I think the first time I felt something real was when I got sick.”

“Two weeks in?” Mingyu asks, surprised.

“Yeah, about that long,” you confirm, and his eyes go wide.

“We’ve really just been driving each other crazy and not saying anything for the past however many months?” He laughs his high-pitched giggle. “We’re idiots!”

“Well, we figured it out eventually,” you say, spinning around to face him. “Now, I have a question.”

“Ask away,” he says, his eyes soft and adoring as he gazes at you.

“Why did you fall for me? I’m a wreck.”

He laughs again, and you swat at his arm. “I’m being serious. You couldn’t have come into my life in worse circumstances, and you’ve seen me at every extreme. Why do you love me? Why not someone...I don’t know, younger? Less riddled with grief? Someone who isn’t a package deal?”

He thinks for a minute. “Well, you’re not a decrepit old woman, as much as you might think you are. I’m actually six months older than you,” he informs you.

“You are? How do you know?” 

“Your birthday is October 16. Mine is April 6 of the same year.”

“How do you know that?” you repeat, shocked.

“I stalked you on social media,” he replies, blushing himself.

You decide to let this go. “But you still haven’t explained why you love me,” you protest.

He looks at you, grinning at your eagerness with stars in his eyes, brushing your hair out of your face to see you better. “The first thing I loved about you was how much love you had for your niece,” he begins. “You didn’t resent her at all even though she’d sort of wrecked your whole life plan. That said something about you. I could tell you had a good heart.” He pauses. “The second thing I loved about you was your ass.”

You gape at him. He bursts into laughter, and you shove his shoulder. “I’m kidding,” he says. “Although,” he continues, reaching around to lift you onto his lap by said ass, “it is pretty incredible.” 

You have to rest your hands on his chest to keep yourself upright, but you avoid meeting his eyes, even though you’re straddling him. You’re feeling like someone zapped you with a bolt of lightning as a tingle spreads from your inside out. “Hey,” he says softly. “Look at me, baby.”

You force yourself to look into his eyes, which are warm and smiling at you over a fine dusting of freckles across his nose. He shifts his weight a bit so you’re resting more comfortably across his hips, and your breathing grows heavier. “Is this okay?” he asks, a bit amused at how much the simple change in position seems to be affecting you.

Trying to look unbothered, you nod. “Please go on,” you say. 

“What was I saying?” he asks, his hand dancing down your spine and making you shiver, still grinning up at you.

“Something about my ass,” you tell him, and he laughs. 

“Right,” he says. “But seeing how you treated Sara was the first thing. Then I appreciated how hard you worked. And then I loved your humor and how you teased me. And then I admired how you opened up to me. And then —“

“Alright, enough,” you interrupt, embarrassed.

“The point is,” he continues with a broad smile, “it all came down to how much love you had inside you. You loved everything and everyone so much, in a way that was so unique to anyone I’d ever met. It was just you.” 

You laugh at this – the very reason he fell for you was the thing you were worried about not being able to give him. 

He sighs contentedly at the sound. “After a while the possibility of being with anyone else just felt … gross. You can ask Wonwoo — we had a few particularly miserable nights of drinking about it.”

You ruffle his hair. “You talked about me to your friends?”

“Almost constantly for almost as long as I’ve known you,” he confirms. “They’re so sick of me.”

You tsk softly, wrapping your arms around him and resting your head on his shoulder. “They deserve for us to take them to dinner,” you say, lightly scratching up and down his back. You can’t help but sigh in relief — Mingyu’s touch feels like stepping inside from the cold. You can feel yourself relaxing against him, your heartbeat slowing.

After several minutes of holding each other like this, Mingyu extricates himself. “One second, baby,” he says, pecking you on the forehead. 

“Where are you going?” you ask, wincing at the whine in your voice. 

“I just need to text my housemate,” he calls over his shoulder as he disappears into one of the bedrooms. “I’m gonna tell him not to come home.”

You suddenly become painfully aware of the pink lingerie buried in your duffel bag. 

If it’s been awhile since you’ve kissed anyone, it’s been an age since you’ve had sex. And on top of that, all the sex you’ve had has been at worst embarrassing and at best okay. To say you’re nervous is an understatement — more nervous than you were the first time you ever undressed in front of a man, and you’re still fully clothed.

So you just wait for him to come back, smiling at him as he re-enters the room, flops onto the couch, and lays his head in your lap. You almost automatically run your fingers through the slightly longer hair on top of his head, letting your fingernails lightly brush against his scalp. He nestles into you and sighs. “So, what do you want to do tonight?”

You can’t help the choked laugh that escapes you. “Well…” you begin, as you blush and Mingyu looks up at you in alarm. 

“Oh,” he realizes, sitting up. “That was such a leading question. I didn’t mean it like that.”

You put a gentle hand to his cheek. “I know you didn’t,” you say. “But…”

At your hesitation, he shakes his head. “We don’t have to do anything tonight. I just told Wonwoo to stay out because I want us to have uninterrupted time together before we need to go take care of Sara.”

The anxiety leaves you almost instantly. “Thanks,” you say in relief. “Um…are you hungry? You’ve cooked for me so often. It might be fun to do a little role reversal tonight.”

“I’m starving,” he admits, “but what if I take you out to a restaurant?”

You wrinkle your nose. “Looking like this?” you ask, gesturing to yourself.

“We could change?” he suggests. 

“How’s this for compromise,” you say, feeling like he just doesn’t want you to do anything for him tonight. “We order takeout. I know this great pizza place.”

His face lights up. “Pizza sounds amazing.”

45 minutes later, you’re both tucked into Mingyu’s comforter on the sofa, eating pizza with your legs tangled together. “Let’s pick a movie,” Mingyu says with his mouth partially full.

You nod, handing him the remote. The two of you scroll through options before settling on Legally Blonde. When you bring up that you think Mingyu is only watching the movie for you, he side-eyes you comically. “This is one of my favorite movies!” he insists, and you let him have it.

But there’s starting to be an issue. The adrenaline of the impulsive decision to come to him and confess has worn off, and in its place is a new, unfamiliar, and powerful feeling. An unbearable ache you barely recognize, coming from body parts that haven’t been touched in years. And you definitely aren’t surprised that you’re attracted to Mingyu, but you are surprised at how turned on you are by him in his tank top, eating pizza straight out of the box. You’re practically salivating as you watch him watch the movie.

It doesn’t take long for him to notice. “Um, baby,” he says. “Everything okay?”

He’s got a little piece of cheese at the corner of his mouth, and his eyes are big and slightly concerned. Before you realize what you’re saying, you blurt out, “I wanna do it!”

“Do what?” he asks, bewildered.

“Do you,” you clarify. You grin sheepishly at him.

He chuckles a little, watching you carefully. “Are you sure?” he says once he can see you’re serious.

“Well, unless you don’t want to,” you backtrack, realizing that in your painful need for him you’d forgotten his feelings.

He raises an eyebrow. “No, I most definitely want to,” he says, scooting closer to you. He lightly brushes his fingers over your cheekbones, his touch sending a jolt of desire through your body. “But I don’t want you to feel like you have to. We can take it slow.”

“Mingyu,” you say, closing the distance between the two of you and taking his face in your hands. “We’ve been taking it slow for four months. I’m officially finished going slow with you.” You puff out a breath, uttering a quiet but desperate “please” that fades into the air like smoke, and before it has, Mingyu has pulled you into his arms and stood up off the couch. He kisses you deeply, catching your bottom lip between his teeth in a gentle bite that has you gasping for air. He stumbles blindly to the bathroom with your legs locked around his waist, sitting you down on the counter to continue kissing you, only pulling back to pull your sweatshirt up and over your head to reveal the bare skin and bra underneath.

And then, at a dizzying pace, he’s kissing down your cheek, down your neck, across your shoulder, feathering kisses over every freckle there until he’s brushing your bra strap to the side while one hand at your back slides up to unhook it. 

You find yourself wishing you had a camera present for the way Mingyu’s face looks when he sees your bare chest for the first time. You half-expect him to bury his face in your breasts, so you tug him closer by the waistband of his sweats and press yourself closer to him, his fingers drawing lines of fire up and down the bare skin of your back as you hook your legs around him once more.

You’re tugging on his tank top, now, discarding the useless material so you can finally let his warmth completely envelope you skin-to-skin. He lifts you up off the counter and sets you down gently, taking a step back and gesturing to your shorts. “Need those off, baby,” he says, running a hand through his hair before smoothly untying the lace at the front of his own sweats and slipping them off.

But now it’s your turn to stare. You’d never really been given the chance to appreciate a naked body in such a present way, but you weren’t about to waste the opportunity when that body was Mingyu’s. You let your eyes roam over every perfect inch of him, only allowing yourself to look back at his eyes when he says your name. “You okay, love?” he says softly, taking a hesitant step closer. 

You laugh softly. “That is not nearly a strong enough word.” You finally reach down and remove your own shorts, and Mingyu sucks in a breath from between his teeth. “Damn,” he exclaims, looking you up and down briefly before grabbing your hand and pulling you into the bedroom you can see through the other bathroom door. 

He climbs into bed, under the covers, and pats the space next to him. You crawl in beside him as he pulls on a condom and then puts his hand to your cheek. “You ready?” he asks.

You’re breathless, you’re sweating, and you need him biblically. So you whisper “yes,” and Mingyu’s pulling you in for a deep, slow, spine-tingling kiss, his eyes fluttering shut, shifting his weight so that he’s hovering over you.

But then he does something you don’t expect, trailing kisses from your chin down your neck and chest. When he stops to drag his tongue over your nipples, you squirm a little, getting more and more heated by the minute. After a few minutes spent worshiping your breasts, he continues kissing down your body, pausing when he reaches your waist. “This okay?” he asks. 

“Yes,” you say, about two octaves higher than your normal voice, and he grins before his next question.

“Can I go lower, sweetie?”

This is new. No one has ever offered to eat you out before, and you’re suddenly insecure.

Mingyu can see it on your face. “It’s just so that you can feel good,” he reassures. “If you don’t want it, I won’t do it.”

“No, it’s fine,” you say quickly. “It’s just new. But I trust you.”

“New?” he questions with raised eyebrows.

“My first time,” you confirm.

He scoffs. “Then I guess I have to make up for lost time,” he says, pulling your legs over his shoulders and going to work.

And you can’t help the sharp intake of air, nor the moans that escape you, because this feeling is one of the best you’ve ever felt in your life. Mingyu eats like his life depends on it, and your back arches in pleasure as he responds to your sounds, learning what makes you feel best. Your hand finds the back of his head, and you find yourself wishing he had more hair that you could grab as you tremble with his efforts.

It doesn’t take long before the pleasure overtakes you, washing over you in a warm wave and making you feel all floaty and euphoric, your whole body seizing and twitching feverishly as Mingyu works you down from your high. When he finally pulls back, his mouth wet and grinning, you have to remind yourself how to breathe. “How was it?” he asks. 

You can only shake your head and stare at him, dumbfounded. He laughs, then kneels in front of you on the bed so you can see how hard he’s gotten. “Can I?” he asks you, and in response you sit up and kiss him before pulling him down by his neck on top of you, guiding him inside of you.

You whimper a bit at the stretch, but Mingyu’s left you wet enough that it slides right in, and it feels amazing. “You okay, baby?” he checks again, and you chuckle.

“Yeah, just kiss me, Gyu,” you say, almost drunkenly, and the nickname on your dazed lips is almost enough to bring him to his own climax. But Mingyu is a good listener, so while he thrusts into you, he kisses you, over and over and over again, pausing every now and then to kiss your neck so that he can hear you moan into his ear.

“Good girl,” he says after a particularly loud one. “Talk to me. I wanna hear it.”

“How does it feel for you?” you ask him breathlessly.

“Like heaven, baby,” he grunts. “You’re so good. So, so good.”

You come another two times with him inside you, the last bringing on his orgasm. He collapses on top of you with a moan right in your ear that nearly undoes you yet again – so you can know how good you really are – and the weight of him is once again what brings you back down to earth. Your brain is hopelessly mushy, and your legs are shaking, and you have never been so satisfied.

After a minute, Mingyu pulls out and rolls off of you, chuckling. “Wow,” he says simply.

“Wow,” you agree, blinking rapidly to try and clear your head. 

He props himself up on his side and looks at you, his eyes devouring your body like a man starved. With a shaking hand, he traces the outline of your figure, from the curve of your shoulders to your waist to the widest point of your hips. “Can’t believe how lucky I am,” he says, moony-eyed and smitten. “God, you’re amazing.”

“Was it really that good for you?” you ask him, a little shy.

“Easily the best I’ve ever had,” he says. He sits up, pulling his condom off, and heads into the bathroom, returning in minutes with a towel and some wipes. And then he cleans you, kissing your thighs as he gently wipes you off, and your heart skips a beat as you watch him. Once again, nobody has ever done this sort of thing for you, leaving you feeling odd after every sexual encounter – almost used. 

“Me too,” you say softly, knowing how you must be looking at him. “Do you want to shower?” you ask him when he catches you staring yet again. 

“Yeah,” he says with a smile.

The rest of the evening is spent in comfortable, peaceful companionship. You tease Mingyu over his 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner, and he responds by making out with you in the shower, which leads to both of you almost falling on the slick wet tiles. “Can’t help it,” he says with a laugh when you scold him, gripping the top edge of the shower and holding you around the waist to keep you upright. “I’m addicted to you.”

After the shower Mingyu hands you one of his softest big white t-shirts to wear, snapping several photos of you on his phone when you come out wearing it. “I miss you sometimes,” he explains, and you chuckle. “And I wanna remember tonight. I’m not exaggerating – it’s been the best one of my life.”

Finally, the two of you decide to actually finish Legally Blonde. You fall asleep before it’s over, but he stays up watching the way your eyelashes flutter in sleep, feeling that the sight of you curled up against his chest is the only sight he needs for the rest of his life.

And that’s how you end up spending the entire first night over at Mingyu’s sleeping on the couch in his arms.

***

“It’s Saturday,” you mumble into Mingyu’s neck.

“Mmm,” he agrees sleepily.

“So we can sleep in,” you sigh.

His arms constrict around your waist. “Sara,” he murmurs.

The word makes you open your eyes. The first thing you register is how warm it is – Mingyu’s big body is radiating heat like a furnace, intensified by how snugly he’s holding you against him. So you gently ease off his side and sit up, brushing a kiss over his cheekbone before heading to the bathroom. 

You’re a wreck, your hair a knotty mess, in nothing but Mingyu’s tee. But your eyes — there’s something vibrant in them you haven’t seen in a while. There’s still a sizable amount of grief, a weight you doubt will ever fully be lifted, but you look happier.

You pull out one of the sweaters and a pair of jeans that Bora had packed for you and change, rolling your eyes at the lingerie still sitting in your bag. You’re just finishing up braiding your hair when Mingyu sits up. “Hey, sexy,” he calls across the room into the bathroom, his morning voice low and raspy.

“Hey,” you reply, smiling with the ease only he brings out of you. “How’d you sleep?”

“Really well,” he says, standing up and stretching. Then he comes into the bathroom with you, wrapping his thick arms around your waist and pressing a kiss to the base of the back of your neck. “I love you.”

You lean into his touch and let the joy sweep over you. “Good,” you say firmly. “I love you too, Mingyu.”

“I like the braids,” he says, looking at you both in the mirror, slouching to rest his head on your shoulder. “They’re really cute.”

“Thanks.”

“Maybe I can learn to do them on Sara,” Mingyu says, letting go of you and stepping into his own room and grabbing new clothes. 

You shamelessly watch him as he strips out of his pajamas. “Maybe,” you murmur as he turns, shirtless, and catches you staring.

He grins. “You’re watching me change? Creep,” he teases.

So you make your slow way up to him, stopping just in front of him and sliding a hand from his abs up his chest. “Can’t help it,” you say lightly, watching in satisfaction as his cinnamon skin becomes a mess of goosebumps under your fingers. “You’re irresistible.”

He gives a grumpy sigh. “You better stop, or Sara’s gonna have to wait a couple more days before she sees either of us,” he says, and you are endeared to see that he’s blushing. Mingyu knew the effect you had on him, but that doesn’t make it any easier for him to rebuff you when you’re standing there with the morning light streaming in, lighting up your eyes, dragging your warm fingertips across his chest slowly and deliberately like you just want to savor him. 

His words make you frown, but he gives a light chuckle and kisses your forehead. “Don’t worry,” he reassures you. “We’ll have plenty of time for just us. I’ll make sure of it.” He pulls on his shirt and his sweatpants, then grabs your hand. “Now let’s go see our little girl.”

Your face hurts from smiling so wide, and at this statement, your heart explodes.

***

Aside from all the I-told-you-so’s, the transition from a working relationship to a dating relationship with Mingyu was simple, easy, and absolutely painless. 

He still came over every day. But now Sara watched as you kissed him goodbye in the morning on your way to work. She didn’t seem confused at all by the change, nor did she notice that more and more often Mingyu stayed the night at your house. In her mind, Uncle Googoo was always welcome. It was as natural as breathing.

Maybe it was because you were still doing all of the same things you always did – you’d just added a few. Mingyu had always fit so seamlessly into your life. The two of you were happy, Sara was content, your friends were thrilled – Bora and Wonwoo especially, although Chan also took partial credit – and everything seemed perfect.

And then something shifted, just a tad. It was about a month after you became official. Mingyu spent a bit of time every night searching things up on his laptop. Occasionally, he spent a few minutes outside on the phone, never giving a direct answer when you asked who he’d been talking to.

He never acted off – he was still as affectionate (and insatiable for your body) as ever, so you weren’t nervous he was seeing someone else. Your first concern was that he was shopping for wedding rings. As smitten as you were with him, you worried that was a bit soon for two people who’d only been dating a month (although, admittedly, you’d already filled up a Pinterest board with ideas for the eventual wedding you hoped for). But then, after about two weeks, one of the phone calls comes while Mingyu is making dinner and you’re upstairs in Sara’s room trying to locate her hairbrush, and he can’t suppress a whoop of excitement.

“I need you,” he calls, and you respond by jogging down the stairs with concerned eyes.

“What’s wrong, love?”

“Nothing, I just have some news.” He carefully removes the pan from the stove and comes over to you, pulling you into his arms.

“What is it?” you ask, your hand coming up to touch his cheek.

“They caught him,” he says simply.

“Who, baby?” you ask, confused.

“The guy who hit your sister’s car,” he explains.

Your jaw drops. “What?”

“I’ve been working on it,” he admits. “I have some friends on the force, and a couple of informants leftover from my days as an agent. Someone knew someone who knew the car, and they knew the person who used to drive the car, and it turns out that the parking lot where it was abandoned had security cameras. He’s right there on camera, literally fifteen minutes after the accident. They arrested him two hours ago.”

You are speechless. Mingyu lifts you into his arms, and you bury your face in his neck. “Oh, thank you,” you say through tears when you can finally speak. “So that’s what you’ve been up to.”

“What did you think I was doing?” he asks.

“I literally thought you were looking at wedding rings.”

He laughs. “No,” he says. “Not yet.”

You hear the promise in his voice and know that the future is going to be better than you ever imagined – just like the present is.

[natsspammityspamspamham]

Dino Watches Anime (Nov 15)

BOI, I HAVE A MIDTERM ON TUESDAY AND TEST ON WEDNESDAY. SCREW THAT. I’M GOING TO TALK ABOUT THE ANIME I’VE BEEN WATCHING IN BETWEEN STUDY SESSIONS! Yeah, the studying is like 2% while the anime and games are like 98%... I’m working on that, okay? Anyway, I’m going to cover mostly seasonal stuff with some other stuff.

Let’s go over the seasonal stuff first. Summer had so few anime coming out whereas Autumn/Fall came in like, “OPEN THE FLOODGATES! LET’S GO!!!” I haven’t even gotten around to all the anime airing this season that I want to like Yuukoku no Moriarty, Majo no Tabitabi, and Adachi to Shimamura. I missed some last season too like Deca-Dance which I just didn’t want to commit to if it was only for the good animation.

Taisou Samurai (DROPPED) 

I dropped it after two episodes. MAPPA has two major series this season, but they clearly gave more time and attention to the one that was actually going to make money here (which I’ll talk about later). This one seems like a passion project without the passion in it anymore. It’s like opening a bag of chips and finding out they went stale long before you even reached into the bag.

Taisou Samurai, at its core, has a premise that I found really promising. I happen to like watching gymnastics sometimes, and the idea of an athlete who doesn’t want to retire is interesting. They went wrong with the execution. I don’t know what they were trying to pull here, but with unlikeable characters and a terrible run at it, it’s like they weren’t playing with a full deck of cards here.

Also, if you don’t know what a gyaru is, one of the supporting characters will look like a racist caricature. Also, this bird has no other point than to try to make up for this show’s lack of usable humour by using Kappei Yamaguchi’s range and going, “Please, save this show. I beg you.” 

I didn’t even bother giving this show three episodes to drag me in because I just couldn’t see myself wasting another 20 minutes here. Maybe I’ll have a change of heart, but for now, I should be having better things to do.

Munou na Nana (WOULDN’T RECOMMEND)

I know everyone has made this joke already, but this is really just My Hero Academia x Among Us. I feel like if there was some more... budget put into this anime, they could’ve made it a lot better. The manga had a lot more detail, so a lot of the gruesome scenes with zombies or killings, etc. were muted and toned down beyond belief. Not to mention, I guess watching it after I read the manga just made me feel stupid. This is such a junkie show that pulls tricks that everyone knows is coming. Nonetheless, I can’t find some big reason to say “do not watch this” because it’s still a very mediocre show. It has its good points, but its presentation devalues it, the voice acting is meh (especially since Yuuichi Nakamura is playing THREE overpowered main cast characters this season), and the jig is up after the first episode, so the twists are just to make you sympathize more with the imposter. I haven’t seen a show like this for a while though, so I guess you can watch it if you want something refreshing like that. I don’t think you’re supposed to like this cast of characters, so I won’t say anything against not liking this cast. 

Kamisama ni Natta Hi (CONDITIONALLY RECOMMEND)

Jun Maeda... the man who manages to incorporate baseball into every anime he does... seriously, every anime I’ve watched by him has it from Angel Beats to Charlotte to that unfinished Little Busters I just left on hold. Anyway, Kamisama is no exception. Jun Maeda has a reputation for building touching stories that start off strong then really lose their footing once he realizes that he’s not going to get 24 episodes and needs to squeeze all of those 16 episodes of story left into 4 episodes or so. It also doesn’t help that sometimes he goes off on useless storylines that pay no use to the story. 

Hina is really funny sometimes (but can be annoying). Narukami is funny. Really, everyone has some valid point about them that makes the show better compared to the previous entries. 

Seriously, some little kid comes up to you and goes, “The world is ending, I am God, and I’m going to stick by you.” Meanwhile, you’re just a simp that’s trying to get your childhood friend to fall for you.

Honestly, I’m still having a blast watching this. As much as Maeda’s writing can really suffer from tonal shifts (mostly in the end), I still wanted to watch this anime simply because I always like his storytelling in the beginning, and the laughs it brings can sometimes still muddle out the bitter taste that’s left in your mouth when the series finishes. I can already feel this train going down a slide and off a cliff. I already paid for my ticket though, so I’m obligated to stay on this shootshow until the end.

Seriously, I do not like where some of these relationships are heading. 

Maoujou de Oyasumi (CONDITIONALLY RECOMMEND)

This anime is relatable. It can get stale fast for a lot of people, but every time I think I’m going to get sick of it, it pulls one of the same gags that makes me go, “This. This is why I’m sticking with this.” I’m not sure how much more there is to say. It’s just an abducted princess who couldn’t care less that she’s a hostage and instead, takes this newfound time to take some good ZZZs. What a life.

Oh yeah, this princess is also willing to commit murder, mutilation, theft, and assault to get the sleep she wants. 

Tonikaku Kawaii (CONDITIONALLY RECOMMEND)

I’m not dropping this show... even if it makes no sense. The premise is astoundingly stupid, but it pulled a Zombieland Saga on me. It sounded so stupid, but once I gave it one episode, I found myself being entertained and almost rooting for the characters and their relationships. 

Imagine this: You are about to get into the high school of your dreams when you see the girl of your dreams cross your path. You want to ask her out so you jump over the barricade and get hit by a truck. You’re on the brink of death when you realize you can’t die there without confessing your love. You chase her down with blood coming out of your head and confess. She says that she’ll only go out with you if you marry her. You then... somehow survive, drop out of school, then get a job to search for her. I kid you not. This is the setup. It’s as stupid as it sounds, and the anime knows this. It doesn’t try to fool you into thinking that this series is supposed to be anything but some highway fast-track way to convince you into watching a married couple. I think what irked me the most is that the character designs didn’t change from when they were in middle school to when they were adults. It wasn’t the being hit by a truck and not being sent to another world, it wasn’t this girl who stopped the truck without ruining her hair, it wasn’t anything else but their character designs staying the same. 

Anyway, this anime is cute as long as you can jump some hurdles. It’s basically puppy-love marriage with anime stupidity through and through. I don’t know what about this series people, including myself, find charming. 

Jujutsu Kaisen (RECOMMENDED - BUT DON’T COMPARE TO DEMON SLAYER TOO MUCH!)

It’s Shonen Jump. “Will it be the next Kimetsu no Yaiba? The next big Shonen Jump series? One of the next big three? Five?” No, I don’t think so. I’m not enjoying this nearly as much as I did binging KNY. The cast isn’t nearly as likeable, but I’m still having a good time. It’s not all that fair to make that comparison anyway. The cast for Jujutsu Kaisen is passable. I like some of the main cast, but I feel like they lack the same kind of depth with its main heroine. I know she gets more stuff done in the future chapters, but her backstory so far is, “I had a friend once... No, she’s not dead. She just left our small town.”

The fight scenes are actually so much fun to watch. MAPPA gave this series a lot more time and budget than say that first anime I mentioned. It’s fluid, the camerawork is amazing, the choreography is on-point. 

The voice acting for this anime is spectacular among the main cast... when character dialogue allows it.

I feel a bit of imbalance, but Yuuji does offer a good protagonist template. Junya Enoki makes his lines so funny and gives this nonchalant approach that is the polar opposite of his performance in Tonikawa. This is definitely his season.

Junichi Suwabe voicing the main demon thing is amazing too. It fits so well, and he sounds so cool and evil. It’s great.

Gojou is also one badass mentor played by Yuuichi Nakamura. Overpowered, part of the main cast, etc. Insert your reverse Kakashi joke here. Just give him more Sharingan genjutsu, I dare you. 

Yuuma Uchida is back playing another tragic character that’s serious and uptight. I can’t say much more about him.

The opening and ending are both worth listening to even if you don’t want to watch the anime. Lost in Paradise by ALI has been on repeat for me.

Besides that, I’m going to go over some other anime that I’ve been watching.

Hunter x Hunter (AS IF THIS HASN’T BEEN RECOMMENDED ENOUGH)

Slowly. Slowly but surely. 11/148.

I know this is going to be amazing... I just want to be in the right mood to full savour it. I don’t want to be consumed by stress and not pay attention. The reason why I like a lot of those seasonal anime is because I don’t pay the same kind of attention. 

If you told me these characters’ ages, I probably would’ve believed everyone... except Leorio. The guy looks like a middle-aged money-hungry gangster.

What I would give to have the energy and serotonin of a Shonen Jump protagonist. 

Haikyuu (YEAH, IT’S GOOD)

I’m watching this one with my mom and sister as they go “OMG OMG OMG” as we watch while I’m sitting there like -_-

Don’t get me wrong, it’s a good show, but sports anime are made like shounen battle anime (because they are in a way) with different stakes. I’ve felt more “nervous” about some of the Haikyuu matches than I did with some of the Hunter Exam. Worst case scenario in Haikyuu, you lose the match. Worst case scenario in Hunter x Hunter? You die. 

I knew what I was going to get into when I was watching Haikyuu, and it’s given me what I remembered (since I did watch 10 episodes of it a few years ago) and expected.

SKET Dance (HIGHLY RECOMMEND)

Unfollow me. Unfollow me right now. This is what I’m going to be talking about for the next month. I can feel it. I’ve had this show for like 3 days and watched around 33 episodes along with some of these other titles. I have a problem. I know that, but I don’t feel like fixing it. This show is just too good.

I get why people call this a poor man’s Gintama, but it’s not quite that. I can get the similarities, but it’s like eating an empanada and saying that it’s just like that dumpling you tasted last week. It looks alike on the surface... if you’re not that great at... telling the difference between things... but once you get to the meat of it (PUN HAHA), you realize that they are completely different, and you were a fool for thinking otherwise. 

That’s our main heroine! Go go go!

Dude, episode 25 hit me out of nowhere, AND I READ THE SPOILERS! I won’t say any more than that.

The cast is one of the best that I’ve seen in a while. Their chemistry is basically the entire show. Without one of the main three, you wouldn’t have the show anymore. It handles its female characters better than some of its fellow competitors at the time, and it may have what some may call a “token fat character”, but the character never makes fun of her for being fat. They make fun of her for saying “Yabasu” every single sentence. It hurts that the manga ended with some loose ends, and this anime isn’t getting a season 2.

But at its weird and mushy core, this show is about three people with heavy and complex pasts who simply want to help people work out their issues in their own... unique ways. 

I don’t want to say much else, but I wish more people would watch/read it and create/post most content for it even if it’s a bit old because it deserves it. I’m almost a decade late, and this anime still holds up.

I gave Mairimashita Iruma-kun its own post.

[dc41896]

In Due Time

Pairing: Steve RogersxBlack Reader

⚠️: None, all fluff🥰!

“Y-You’re sure this is right?,” he asks looking over the directions from the small box.

“Yes, I read over it multiple times.”

“And it’s 100% certain?”

“I still have to make an appointment with the doctor to officially confirm it, but from these three positives I think it’s safe to say I’m pregnant.”

Eyes red but bright from excitement, Steve wraps his arms around you deeply kissing your lips. “We’re gonna be parents,” he smiles as you wipe away his tears.

“Yea love, we are.”

Gently rocking you from side to side, he stares down at the three sticks on the marble countertop. While he was excited for this new journey with you, something deep inside him worried about if everything would be okay.

Although he always wanted kids, he was a bit apprehensive now being with the Avengers. Plus having the super soldier serum coursing through him, he wasn’t sure if that could potentially pose any problems to you or the baby. Being pulled from his thoughts, he feels you guiding his chin so he could look into your soft eyes. “Hey what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I’m fine just...thinking.”

“Of...?,” you softly giggle messing with his collar. “Come sit.”

Sitting next to you at the foot of the bed, his eyes stay focused on his fidgeting hands slightly worrying you. “Steve if you don’t think you’re ready-,”

“What? No! No angel, I’ve wanted this since forever and I’m definitely ready! It’s just...I really hope our baby takes after you; healthy, beautiful, smart, funny.”

“Aww that’s very sweet, but why just mine? You have plenty of features I’d want them to have.”

“Even if they’re like me pre-serum?,” he sighs, eyes beginning to water again. “I don’t want them to go through everything I did.”

“I wish I could tell you that wouldn’t happen, but we won’t know until the baby’s here. What I can tell you though is that if they are they will still get all the love in the world from both of us and we’ll figure everything out as we get to it.”

Taking his hand, you place it over your abdomen making him smile as he wipes a tear from his cheek. “Everything will be ok.” Bringing you closer to him, he lies back on the bed grazing his fingertips up and down your back as your head lies on his chest hearing his relaxed heartbeat.

“So, how are we gonna tell the team?”

“Who says we have to tell them?”

“We don’t, but I think my absence from the lab and my mid section growing to the size of a watermelon may give it away,” you laugh. “Come on they’re family, we can’t keep this from them.”

“You’re right, we’ll tell them when the time is right. I don’t want this somehow getting to Fury and he ship you guys off somewhere to be tested or something.”

“I think you’re worrying too much love, but ok we’ll tell them later. And then you can meet all your aunts and uncles,” you smile looking down at your stomach and making Steve lightly chuckle before kissing your forehead.

*4 months later*

Putting on his leather jacket, Steve grabs the keys to his motorcycle hurriedly trying to leave the Stark compound after his shorter than usual training session. He was due to meet you at your appointment 10 minutes ago, but trying not to seem too suspicious with his actions, he knew he had to at least stay and train for a while.

Hand on the door, he thought he was in the clear until being caught by Bruce.

“You’re not staying for the meeting with Fury?”

“I can’t today, I have an appointment to get to.”

“Oh, you okay? Do I need to get Tony?,” he asks concerned.

“Yea I’m fine, I just have to meet Sam to talk about some stuff. Fill me in on everything I need from the meeting though.”

“Yea yea of course. Oh, how’s Y/N doing? We haven’t seen her in a while and miss her in the lab.”

“She’s fine, just taking a little vacation time to herself, but I’ll let her know you asked about her. If anyone asks tell them where I went.”

“Okay, will do,” Bruce replies watching him walk out the door to his bike. Making his way to the conference room, he pulls out his phone to see a text from Sam himself.

Sam: Hey I’ll be at the compound in a few minutes

Bruce: How? I thought you were meeting Cap...

Sam: Not that I know of. Unless I forgot...Hold on let me check

“Huh that’s weird.”

“What’s weird?,” Tony asks stopping beside him holding his titanium mug.

“Oh uh Steve said he couldn’t make it to the meeting because he had to meet Sam, yet Sam just texted me saying he was on his way here.”

“Hmm that is weird. You know Rogers has been acting off lately, but I can’t exactly figure it out. We’ll look into it later though, can’t keep Fury waiting or else,” Tony responds miming his neck being sliced as he crosses his eyes making Bruce chuckle while following behind.

———

“Oh good! You’re just in time for the ultrasound Mr. Rogers,” Dr. Schwartz smiles as Steve quietly walks through the door.

“Sorry I’m late, work issues,” he apologetically smiles immediately sitting beside you and holding your hand after pecking your lips.

“It’s okay! You made it which is all that matters.”

Rubbing the cold jelly over your stomach, you slightly wince as a chill comes over your body. “I know it’s cold I’m sorry.”

“You’d think by now they’d have one that’s warm,” you laugh along with the doctor.

“Yea that’s what a lot of my patients say,” she smiles moving the device along your abdomen. “And here are your twins!”

Watching the two tiny bodies on the screen, you feel your heart race as their respective heartbeats fill the room making a bright smile span across your lips. “Wow that’s really them,” you speak just above a whisper as he leans in to kiss your temple.

“Yep and they look healthy, heartbeats sound good, and dad I already know what you’re gonna ask and Baby A seems to have a healthy length and weight while Baby B is a little smaller in comparison. But don’t worry that’s something that can happen with twins seeing that one may get more food than the other.”

“And is there anyway we can tell now if they might have any respiratory issues or if their DNA is altered?,” he asks gently squeezing your hand.

“The best way we can tell is after delivery. As soon as they’re here, we can test them on all of those things and see if we find anything concerning if you both elect to do that,” she answers wiping the gel off your stomach. “But you guys have a while so you don’t have to decide right now. I’m gonna go get these printed off for you so I’ll be back in a moment.”

Leaving you both in the now quiet room, Steve helps you sit up and pull your shirt down over your belly while you raise the band of your pants over the base of your stomach. Vibrating back to back on the chair next to him, he ignores the device and instead whispers to his unborn babies.

“Steve, you might want to see if that’s important.”

“I can get it later, you guys are more important.”

“What if it’s an emergency?” Sighing, he lightly taps under your chin with a smile before picking up his phone and reading through his messages. “Anything happen?”

“No it’s just Tony and Nat asking questions,” he replies putting it back in his pocket.

“I think it might be time to tell them love, I feel like they’re getting suspicious.”

“Mm I don’t know, maybe we should wait longer.”

“Well if you’re phone is gonna be going off like that all day and night I’m sorry but I’d go to the compound and tell them myself just to stop it,” you laugh as he shakes his head.

“Okay, we’ll do it when there’s a bit of down time and not any missions coming up.”

“Deal?,” you ask extending your hand in his direction making him chuckle while joining his hand with yours.

“Deal.”

*5 months later*

“What do you mean you can’t go?!,” Fury sternly asks watching Steve place his shield down and remove his cowl. “What could you possibly have to do that’s more important?”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t tell you.”

Scoffing, he turns to look at Tony who just shrugs. “Stark get your Captain please and remind him his job really isn’t up for debate.”

“I probably won’t be any help, but I’ll try,” he replies jogging upstairs to Steve’s room.

“Alright what’s going on Cap? First you were missing meetings and now you’re about to drop a whole mission?”

“Tony I wish I could be there but I can’t.” Pulling his black long sleeve shirt over his head, he grabs his keys off the dresser attempting to step beside his teammate only to be blocked in.

“Cap whatever it is I’m sure it can wait. If I don’t come down these stairs with you in your uniform Fury will kill the both of us and make it look like an unfortunate accident. Do you want that?”

Sighing, Steve manages to slide beside Tony making his way downstairs.

“So your turning your back on the team? Your family?,” Tony calls from the top step making Steve stop in his tracks.

“I’m sorry Tony,” he replies before rushing out the front door just as Vision meets Tony at the bottom of the steps.

“I take it Mr. Rogers still won’t be joining us?”

“No, not this time. But he’s not getting away that easily,” he answers pulling out his smartphone. “Vision I’m gonna need your help.”

———

“Sawyer and Sutton you both are more beautiful than I could’ve ever imagined,” Steve smiles holding a baby in each arm. “They look just like you angel.”

“Hmm I don’t know...I see mostly see you,” you answer watching as he gently rocks the sleeping twins.

“Mr. and Mrs. Rogers, you have a few guests here for you,” the nurse politely announces before Tony makes his entrance with Pepper and the rest of the team on his heels.

“I hear congratulations are in order for some lucky parents! We only wish we would’ve known sooner.”

“Y/N wanted to tell you guys earlier, but I told her to wait until I felt the time was right. If you want to be mad at anybody then be mad at me,” he answers placing the boys back in their respective warmed isolettes.

“Cap we’re not mad, just still a little lost on why it took this long,” Natasha adds leaning by the window.

“He thought somehow it’d get back to Fury and we all know how he can get sometimes. Plus we weren’t sure if the serum would potentially affect me or the boys so we wanted all the details first.”

“And did it?,” Bruce asks adjusting his glasses.

“No they’re all fine as of right now, we’ll see if anything happens with the twins though as they get older. How did you guys find out?”

“When you left, Vision and I were able to track you using the cameras throughout the city. We saw you both pull into the hospital and saw a very pregnant Y/N which made everything make sense, also sorry for what I said about turning your back on us. If I would’ve known-,”

“It’s okay, like you said you didn’t know. None of you guys did,” he replies sitting on the bed beside you.

“So can we get an introduction to the newest members of the team? We brought presents!,” Sam smiles as he and others hold up the bags they were holding.

“Of course! On the left we have Sawyer Steven Rogers and on the right is Sutton Grant Rogers,” you smile.

“They’re beautiful,” Wanda gushes with Vision’s arm around her.

“I wouldn’t be able to tell them apart from how identical they are,” Rhodey chuckles along with everyone else.

“At first we were afraid of that too, but once they opened their eyes we found out Sutton has mine and Sawyer has Y/N’s brown ones, which will definitely help.”

As if on cue, Sawyer begins to stir with bright eyes taking in his surroundings as he begins to whine.

“Uh oh sounds like someone’s hungry,” Pepper smiles watching Steve carefully pick him up to give to you.

“He’s not the only one. Hey since we’re out can we get Shawarma? Maybe the tiny person would like some too!,” Thor suggests making you giggle.

“I don’t think that’s what he’s in the mood for but thanks for the offer.”

“Alright lets leave the new parents be. Do you guys want us to pick up anything for you?,” Bucky asks as everyone heads towards the door.

“No we just ate not too long ago, but thanks,” Steve stands to walk them out. Telling the both of you congrats as they walk out, Steve softly closes the door behind them turning to see you feeding Sawyer while humming a lullaby.

“Why’s daddy staring at us huh?,” you smirk at Steve walking over to pick up an awake and cooing Sutton before sitting beside you.

“Because I love the three of you so much and hope you know it.”

“And we love you too,” you softly giggle leaning over to kiss his lips.

Taglist: @fumbling-fanfics @honeychicana @honeychicanawrites @lovelymari4 @my-rosegold-soul @themyscxiras @melinda-january @lady-olive-oil @curlyhairclub @renfrewscorner @secretmysteriousperson @plokyu23 @fullofmelaninsarcasmandepression @nunubug99 @felicity-x0 @ellixthea @jojolu @jnk-812 @brwn-sgr @captainsamwlsn @wildfirecracker @nina-sj @iammyownlover @chaneajoyyy

If anybody wants to be tagged, has asked to be tagged but don’t see your name, only wants to be tagged for certain people I write for, or no longer wish to be tagged just let me know🤓!

[toilet-bound-messenger]

Hananene cute scenario ideas 💗

Hi! To be honest I'm not much of a writer (even if I do try to write fanfics sometimes.) But here I'm gonna lay down some cute ideas I got for Hananene, so if some of those may or may not inspire you to write a fanfiction on your own then please feel free to borrow my ideas! But when you do please link me to the fanfic because I'll definitely want to read it! 💕💕

1) Yashiro teaching Hanako how to play video games/using smartphones!

Because Hanako is a space nerd he's probably also really interested in the development of science in general through the years. And since he's a ghost he sneaks into different classrooms to listen to the science teachers giving lessons to the students of the school. Yashiro had noticed that so she shows him videos of new technologies on her phone. Hanako finds it amazing how a tiny device like a smartphone can do so many things! It can take photos, record voices and videos, be used as an alarm clock, be used to write stuff on it, look up anything at any time in the whole world, etc. Hanako secretly wishes he could have a phone since it seems so useful but he's honestly not sure how to get one since he can't leave the school. Yashiro also lets him play some games on her phone even if he sucks a lot at first, after a little while he gets the hang of it! He prefers silly little games that involve playing with animals, cutting random people's hair and make it into a mess, adventure style games, etc. He's not a big fan of Yashiro's "raising idols" games though... he says that it's because he sucks at rhythm games and doesn't really like the songs but it's probably because he's pissed that the idols in the game are way too handsome 😂 Though he did ask which character in the game was Yashiro's favorite and of course, it was a tall blond hottie who looks like Teru which made Hanako even more irritated.

Also, Yashiro keeps a couple of Hanako's favorite games on her phone so he can play them when he wants. One time she encouraged him to try an idol raising game but this time with female idols (love live/bandori style.) Unsurprisingly he loved it because the game was full of cute girls. (Btw, his favorites in love live would be Honoka, Kotori, Chika and Riko because they all remind him of Yashiro since they have some similar personality traits, same for Kasumi, Tsugumi, Himari and Aya from bandori.)

2) Yashiro dressing up as Hanako for Halloween! It's a common idea in the fandom that Hanako would find Yashiro super cute in his hat, so imagine if she wore the whole outfit! Even better if it's a matching one rather than exactly the same as his, like, she'd wear all white to contrast with the fact that he wears all black.

3) So we already know that Yashiro has an embarrassing journal where she rewrites her everyday life in a really... shoujo-esque style. (The part where she wrote that her and Teru are secretly dating and he would always stare at her 😂) So one day she mistakenly brings it to school without noticing (maybe she was too distracted and grabbed her journal instead of a textbook or something?) So she tries her best to hide it but somehow Hanako finds it.

He knows that it's really bad to look through other people's stuff but he can't help but feel really curious. He knows it's gonna be torture since it's probably gonna be filled with lots of Teru and other handsome guys Yashiro fantasizes about but he's really interested to know in what is Yashiro into.

Well, of course she likes all the most cliche stuff there is... kisses in secret, getting trapped in a small space like a closet to be as close as possible with a guy, hugging in a dark place, being called a "silly girl"/anything that sounds slightly embarrassing, and of course: kabe-dons (that's the thing where you're pushed against a wall 😂).

So turns out that Yashiro does actually like physical contact, huh? And being called weird names... but the thing that surprises Hanako the most is that there are a couple of pages about him too!!! Especially the day of the confession tree when he destroyed kodama, it was written that Yashiro's heart skipped a beat when he took his hat off. It made Hanako incredibly happy to know that he did have some charm even if Yashiro still prefers tall prince-charming guys it wasn't like his chances with her were zero! After that he felt really giddy... and really cocky. He would grin all the time with Yashiro and try some of the things he read in her journal. He would also take his hat off more often.

4) The school festival is soon! Yashiro's class wasn't really finding any good ideas, it was all cliche stuff like takoyaki stands, haunted houses, etc. Stuff that other classes will also choose and maybe do better than them. After some thinking Yashiro suggests a cafe from the 1960s, since Hanako was alive in those years. Maybe it would make him happy to see students walking in old clothes and all instead of always wearing the school uniform?

The day of the school festival Hanako was really surprised. Did we go back in time or something? Everything was really well done, it really looked like back then. Hanako wasn't really sure what to think of it since it made him remember some happy times... and some not so happy times... but when he saw Yashiro all of his worries were blown away! She was wearing a super cute and colorful dress from the 1960s, it made Hanako stare at her all the time. Tsuchigomori noticed of course and teased him about it.

"You're really staring a lot, huh kid? It would've been pretty nice if she was one of your classmates back in the day, wouldn't it?"

Hanako is a blushing mess 😂 They also put popular songs from the 1960s in the cafe and Hanako manages to recognize quite a lot of them! Though his heart really races when Yashiro sings along to one of the songs. In the end they both dance and sing it together! It was super fun for Hanako and he loved the school festival because of that. Yashiro admits that she was the one to come up with the idea to make him happy and Hanako is even more touched.

5) it's kind of spoiler-ish, but what if after number 6's arc Aoi is able to see apparitions too? It would be really cute if she can sense that Yashiro and Hanako have a crush on eachother so she constantly teases them to make them get closer. Aoi really becomes the wingman(/wingwoman?) of Hananene, she does everything she can to make them embarrassed and self-conscious. She even gives advice to Hanako on how to flirt with Yashiro since she's her best friend she knows a whole lot about it. As for Yashiro, she gives her tips on how to "seduce guys" and encourages her to "try them out on Hanako to see if it works" *wink wink nudge nudge* but of course it always works on Hanako no matter what Yashiro does...

6) This is more of a AU idea since it's a bit OOC but, imagine if Yashiro becomes super flirty with Hanako when she falls for him? Like Hanako is just teasing/borderline trying to seduce her as usual but then Yashiro answers back with something even more daring and Hanako just becomes a blushing mess. It's literally the

"Why did you run away?!?"

"I didn't expect her to flirt back!!!"

meme 😂

Of course Hanako always clinges to Yashiro so there's nothing new there, but when Yashiro clinges to Hanako? Oh boy.

The poor guy can't align 2 words anymore. He's stuttering and wondering what's going on.

It would be funny if Yashiro is the agressive kind of flirt, the type that always roasts/shames her crush when she tries flirting. Most of the time she's trying to be nice about it but unconsciously most of her flirting is almost a roast session.

The worst (or best) part is when they're alone because Yashiro can say all the shameless stuff she can't in public 😂

Stuff like:

"Hey, you really are a perv for haunting the girls' bathroom out of all the places there is in the school. I bet that if I couldn't see you, you would probably look at my underwear, wouldn't you? 😤"

Or

"It's not fair that you're always making me clean the bathrooms without any rewards... won't you at least give me a kiss on the lips? That's like, the minimum you can do. 🙄"

A kiss on the lips is the minimum?? Then what's the maximum?!?

Hanako is literally dying inside, anytime they're alone he panics, he's like "oh god it's coming, what is she going to say this time??"

How the tables have turned. Yashiro beat him at his own game 😂

Welp. That's about it for now. Which one was your favorite? I'm gonna be honest, mine is the Yashiro agressive flirting one! It really makes me think about that one Miraculous Ladybug fanfic where Marinette is throwing daring pick-up lines at Adrien left and right. Unfortunately I don't remember the name but it's a really popular one! You can probably find it easily, it's on tumblr and AO3 if I remember correctly.

[yntcdtyler]

so here’s my lover secret session’s story... 02/08/2019 london 🏹🇬🇧

i got my dm on twitter on july 16th at 5:15pm and i looked at it thinking someone was trying to boo boo the fool me and it was really gonna say something like “stream ME!” so i opened it not thinking much of it and my heart literally SANK when i saw it was actually REAL. i got the phone call 4 days after from a girl called sara who was from Taylor Nation, she told me everything and i was literally in the storage room in work crying.

so it’s finally august 2nd.. i got up at 5am cause i literally had 4 different trains and 2 ubers to catch, when i finally got to my hotel it was around 11am, i checked in and got ready and went to the meeting point. i was literally the first one there so i panicked thinking i was at the wrong place but more people started to show up and immediately everyone formed little friendship groups who they seemed to have stayed with the whole day which was insane. i met lisa and emma which i’d recognised from twitter because we’d been following each other for so long and then georgia, evie & shiv all came over and we all just bonded and instantly became friends and realised we we’re the brits of the group, there were SO many international fans and it was amazing seeing people come from all over the world! our group was first on the bus and i’m not sure why but we were literally all crying like wtf was going on?? we drove past a few ambulances thinking ‘that’s gonna be our ride home after tonight’ cause at this point i’m like dying and then we finally got to THE HOUSE.

we all go inside, the ME! playlist was on, there was a huge moose head on the wall which we all became really intrigued by, a huge mirror to see ourselves ugly crying, there was food & drinks and little m&m’s with ‘lover’ and hearts on them and i have no idea what was going on in my mind at this point, like i didn’t know what to expect.

so then we all go to the living room we’re there was a bunch of cushions on the floor and a chair and speakers in front of us and i KNEW what was about to go down lads, it’s about to happen, we’re about to hear lover and i just wasn’t ready and i was sat THERE in front of the chair and a few minutes later... SHE COMES OUT FROM BEHIND THIS DOOR LOOKING LIKE LIKE AN ACTUAL GODDESS THAT JUST STEPPED OUT OF HEAVEN AND I DEAD ASS DIED RIGHT THERE THINKING ABOUT THAT AMBULANCE I SAW EARLIER ON CAUSE SHE JUST WASNT REAL. so she’s like “welcome to the lover secret sessions” and the noise that came out me was actually not human at all. she played half the album the first and kept apologising for ranting and going off topic which was so funny, she’s so adorable i was literally in awe. then was like “we’re gonna take a break so you can all go the bathroom, have a drink and stretch your legs” and then mentions she’s made us treats and everyone’s like OMG and she’s literally like “it’s just rice crispy treats i dyed in heart shapes” and it was just the funniest thing bc she’s just so sarcastic but they were the cutest things and just knowing she spent time making them was honestly insane. like i ate a rice crispy heart treat..made by taylor swift? sounds fake. so then as she’s passing them around, she’s goes into the garden and starts talking to everyone and thanking people’s parents and let everyone on her trampoline and just shouts “THESE ARE MY KIDS” with a glass of wine in her hand and it was such a taylor swift moment. it was just surreal like wtf? imagine bouncing on taylor swifts trampoline? i would’ve went on it but i wasn’t about to break my neck before listening to the rest of the album x

okay so we go back in to listen to the rest of the album and throughout the whole album listening part, i just kept crying and she kept looking at me and smiling and singing and i was just bloody in shock. there was one point during a song we’re me and georgia we’re holding onto each other crying and she just looks at us and tilts her head and gives us the most warming smile. right there we both died together it was unreal. but the album HOLY SHIT every song was INSANE. i found it so hard to pick a favourite so i have 3, this album is literally her BEST, and this coming from a speak now stan🤝 i was just the happiest i’ve ever been, it just seemed like a dream. seeing her sat there in front of me so happy and in such a good place, feeling so proud of this album and these songs just made my heart feel so full. what i was feeling in that moment is unexplainable. just pure happiness like i knew life doesn’t get any better than this... right it’s time for the meet and greets and everyone goes back in to the other room whilst they got ready and people started queuing then to go in and meet her, she spent so much time with every single person and seeing everyone’s faces coming out that room was so magical. the event was supposed to be over at 11pm and it’s literally 1:30am when it was my time to meet her. she’d literally been meeting people for HOURS and is 2 and half hours past the end time and she didn’t even mind. everyone was so eager to go inside that me and the girls decided to wait till the end.

so evie had just come out and now it’s my turn. i almost fainted, i was so dizzy and nervous and WHEN I TELL U I WAS PETRIFIED TO GO INSIDE, I ACTUALLY MEAN IT BECAUSE I WAS STOOD OUTSIDE THE DOOR REFUSING TO GO IN FOR ABOUT A MINUTE CAUSE I COULD JUST SEE HER STOOD THERE AND I WASN’T READY BECAUSE LIKE I’VE DREAMT ABOUT THIS MOMENT SINCE FOREVER. emma and lisa we’re stood there laughing trying to force me inside as well as a girl from TN. took me a good minute but i finally walked in, i walk over to her trying not to cry AGAIN and she’s stood there smiling at me and she says to me “it’s tyler isn’t it?” and i was like JDJSKDJD “yeah 😭😭😭😭” cause i didn’t think she knew who i was and i was just randomly picked by TN??? she then pulled me in for the biggest hug and i just felt like this is it, i’m gonna bloody pass out. I TOLD HER THAT WAITING IN THAT QUEUE TO MEET HER WAS LIKE WAITING FOR THE ELECTRIC CHAIR and i was like why tf did i just say that omg but she laughed and was like “omg hahaha it’s like waiting for the electric chair that’s so funny” then i gave her the lover necklace i’d gotten made for her so we had matching and she kept saying how much she loved and how beautiful it was. then said “i love your necklace” with a little smirk because i was wearing her ‘TS’ initial necklace and my heart just went HDAJHDJDDH. then she asked did i enjoy the day and i was like of course??? it was so amazing i couldn’t stop crying and she was like “aw i had so much fun, i love doing these” and then she asked how i’d gotten here and i told her that i had to take 4 trains and she looked so shocked and thanked me for doing that and asked if i was travelling afterwards and i told her i had a hotel and she goes “omg good, PLEASE don’t talk to any strangers” and i’m just like YEAH OF COURSE ANYTHING FOR U MISS SWIFT :’)))) i hugged her about 3 more times and i asked her about tour, and how she found me and she said she’d found me on tumblr and literally said “its tylovestaylor right?” and i was just like WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK. IM SCARED. cause i barely use tumblr because i’m the only one who reblogs myself??? and i’d gotten my dm on twitter so my mind was like wtf is going on right now?? i told her i changed my url and she said she’d follow me 🥺 then says “so do you wanna like... take a picture together or something?” YEAH OF COURSE, IM A BIT OF A MESS RN BUT ABSOLUTELY. she asks what i wanted to do for the photo like stand, sit, go near the piano? and i told her to choose because my mind was just all over the place and she says to me “i think one sitting down with our legs crossed over acting all (then does some pose) and stuff” i just couldn’t believe what was actually happening. we sit down next to each other and she grabs my hand and i’m just holding her and the photographer takes the photo and she tells me to have a look to see if i like it and i said i looked so bad and she goes “ITS SO CUTE, YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL AND PHOTOGENIC” then the photographer told me i was really photogenic and tay goes “SEE SHE EVEN SAID IT” did taylor swift..who invented photos and beauty... just call me beautiful and photogenic? surely not. so we took one more pic and she said she loved it so i loved it😭😭😭 we got up and hugged again and i just kept saying i love you and she told me i was beautiful and i was like SO ARE U???? and then i told her that i still don’t believe she’s real and she laughed. we hugged again i told her i loved her as i was walking out she shouts “please get home safely” and i said “have a safe flight wherever you’re going next” at the same time and she laughed and was like “OMG THANKYOU?” and i walked out and the emotions i was going through oh my god. i’d just met my favourite person in the entire world? like never in a million years did i think i’d ever meet her let alone get handpicked for secret sessions. i was in so much shock like it wasn’t real. that never happened? i’m still in shock now and literally crying writing this. she was so lovely and welcoming and spoke to me like she’d known me forever.

AND AFTER ALL THAT, SHE DECIDES SHE WANTS ME LITERALLY DEAD AND LIKES MY POST ON HERE FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER. RIGHT AFTER I’D MET HER.

i couldn’t get over how beautiful she is, inside and out like i already knew that but seeing her in real life is so different, she’s literally flawless and so cute and delicate and i’ll literally die for this woman. thankyou so much, from the bottom of my heart @taylorswift for choosing me out of 100m+ fans, i’ll never understand why i was chosen but i can’t explain how grateful i am. it was by far the best day i’ve ever had in my 18 years of being alive, nothing will ever come close to that moment. i cant wait for everyone else to hear this album, i miss you and your hugs already and i forgot to tell you because my mind was blank but i’m insanely proud of you and will support you forever. promise.

[harrysdimples]

lover first listen

ok just pre-warning u now I didn’t listen to the tracks that have already been released already as singles so some of my thoughts might be bc there wasn’t something else to break up that sound for me. anyway, without further ado: 

1. I forgot that you existed - hmmm not sure how i feel about this intro lol. quite long for such a short song. ok whomever said this was state of grace but pop LIED TO ME and I feel hurt by such a comparison. ‘it isn’t love, it isn’t hate, it’s just indifference’ LEGEND. whomst is this about ???? calvin ????? SCREAMING. the verse lyrics are cute but was expecting a bit more production on the chorus? lots of speaking parts which I like. the laughs n stuff are cute and add to the song but still a bit meh for me. not sure if it’s just this low quality of this leak but will probs take a while to come back to this. not my fave but not the worst either. the ‘so yeah’ at the end was iconic.

2. cruel summer - ok, this is supposed to a BOP with a capital B so I have high hopes for this!!! and written by st vincent too!! oh this is cuuuuute! the chorus bumps!!!! wish it was a bit slower/longer though. this is groovy. can imagine vibing whilst driving to this song. THE BRIDGE???? GO OFF HUN??? oooookay this a banger after the chorus. can’t wait for a full high quality version of this. chewn. (also cough i know this is about hiddlestone......and yet.........******) a banger but wish it was just a tad longer, like an extra verse or chorus would’ve made it god tier but still!!! very much like her a lot

3. the man - the production lowkey sounds quite similar to i forgot you existed. the first verse is very much *insert eye emoji here* because she is correct!! hm. not a fan of the prechorus. the chorus is cool though, with that bit towards the end of it too. I’D BE JUST LIKE LEO IN SAINT TROPEZ I SCREAMED. is she swearing ??? I can’t tell if she’s saying picture or not with the quality of this leak ahdsjdsj. this is a chill bop. vibey. 

4. i think he knows - oooookay hun. uuhhhhhh not sure about this one lol. the production is a lil clunky and not the biggest fan of the chorus. the lyrics are.....a choice. bridge is v cute though and the bit afterwards is cool too. not my fave I have to say.

5. miss americana - ooooh this intro ? ooooooh I like this a lot. okay lol i like the verses but the chorus will probably take some time to grow on me. I feel like the verses remind me of something but I can’t put my finger on what. the ‘bad bad girl’ line is a bit cringe but the miss americana and the heartbreak prince bit is cool. really not sure how I feel about this on first listen. the violins!!!!!! love em!!! why isn’t the whole song like that!!!

6. paper hearts - why does the intro sound like something that would be used in gavin & stacey. this sounds like early 2000s british pop punk bands. she’s not holding back on mentioning blue in this album is she?? lol. the chorus lowkey gives me stay x3/youtuber montage vibes lol. the lyrics are cute though. sad I can’t relate afhdsgdsj. love.....wonder what’s that like. it’s cute but not really my vibe.

7. cornelia street - not sure how to describe my feelings towards this lol. half of me likes it and the other half doesn’t afjsks. idk if it’s just me listening to all the songs back to back but this sounds quite similar to other songs on the album already. the bridge (as always) is nice but it leaves something to be desired imo lyrically. the chorus is....idk how I feel about it. this song is a question mark for me rn. i’ll have to listen a couple more times I think.

8. death by a thousand cuts - one of my most anticipated tracks. ok christmas carol intro?? hm. not what I thought the subject was going to be for this song. who is this about??? the bridge is chef’s kiss. it’s cute. will take a couple more listens I think.

9. london boy - idris elba ??? dont remind me of cats taylor. dimples and the accent???? *COUGH* refer to my url please *COUGH* this very much An American(tm) talking about london afhdssdj. this is so very..........how do you do fellow kids.gif but with people from the uk lmfao. this is so funny lmfao. the chorus is cute. this is like if taylor took the top 100 british slang words and challenged herself to write a song mentioning all of them. I mean.....yeah. it’s cute. if a bit cringe as a brit but still. cute.

10. soon you’ll get better - god. here we go. oh fuck. oh shit. im crying. well. that was beautiful. im going to put that in a box to never touch again because if I do I’ll have a breakdown.

11. false god - SAX???? loves IT VERY MUCHLY. like this. I knew I’d like this from the title alone. really like this a lot. up there with cruel summer as my faves from this album so far. really wish she’d experiment with this type of sound a bit more. chef’s kiss of a song.

12. afterglow - ok. taylor. hun. I love you but how many times do u want to mention/reference the word blue in this album lol. I was more hyped for this song considering what the secret sessioners said about it. idk, I felt like this song dragged on a bit, but I think i’ll like it more once I listen outside of the album context and just by itself.

13. it’s nice to have a friend - this is supposed to be the worst song the album judging by secret sessioners? deadass thought she said ‘gay’ at first instead of ‘gave’ adhfghd. this isn’t really going anywhere? it’s a meh. probably could’ve been cut. 

14. daylight - okayyyyy last song on the album. really like this a lot. very noice indeed. :’)))))) let it go indeed. the voice message at the end was very lovely. 

overall - a very mixed album with a couple of songs that I think need to grow on me a bit more before I absolutely love them. favourites on first listen have to be cruel summer, false god, daylight, the archer and lover (already released). listening in full I can’t help but feel the 18 tracks probably could’ve done with a few more tweaks and editing imo, but I’m excited to listen in higher quality. my taylor opinions are always subject to change though, I didn’t like lover (the song) all that much when I first heard it but now I really love it! so we shall see. probably ranks my 3rd-4th fave album from her? 1989, RED, speak now, rep = lover, fearless, self titled is my ranking thus far. 

[luvdsc]

that sounds like a great idea!! im gonna talk to my parents about planting one haha,, fingers crossed haha and, wow, you really miss going to class? i guess a part of me also does and i especially miss seeing my friends again and everything, but my teachers literally told me a couple days ago that ive gotta go back to class and idk how to feel about it? the only good thing is that i get to see my friends again but i have a bunch of other classes so i dont get to see a lot of them :( also (1/4)

we still gotta keep a safe distance, so its just weird? i literally miss hugging my friends so much :(( i cant imagine how much it must suck for you to be unable to see your friends properly,, i hope you get to see them soon! and, oh, i absolutely loved kid gorgeous by john mulaney, but i feel like all of his specials are funny? and, yes, please look up hasan minhaj! hes an amazing story teller and talks n his special homecoming king about the difficulties he had to face because hes indian (2/4)

american,, his stories are really moving, but at the same time, hes incredibly funny!! and his show patriot act is similar to john olivers show!! and middleditch & schwartz are freaking hilarious! they always forget the names of their characters and spend like ten minutes trying to figure them out, but they somehow are still really funny! and oh key & peele are on my watch list but they arent on netflix also idk about john being on comedy central,, i do think he had a show called and yes (3/4)

the try wives are literally the cutest!! and i think i enjoy baking brownies the most? but my go-to is banana bread! its like the first thing i baked,, how about you? and im gonna get back to you after fight for my way! and thanks for being so considerate 💖 and wow that sounds difficult!! but im so happy you passed!! and thats such a pretty name!! youre so creative adfa and no im not trying to buy a switch bc im too scared im gonna get addicted asdfa and i hope you had a great week! 💕(4/4)

✿ ✿ ✿

ooo i hope they’ll let you plant one!! if not, it’s always fun to plant a lil herb garden, like rosemary and thyme and such! i miss sitting next to my friends in class and sharing notes and seeing cute boys who sometimes distract me from how boring the lecture is LOL omg you’re starting classes up again? is everyone going to have to sit far apart from each other in the classroom? ahhh it must be exciting to see your friends in person again! but yeah, i feel ): i miss hugging my friends too )): 

we’re doing another zoom session tonight, so that’ll be fun!! i’ve been communicating with them regularly, but i miss being able to see them on a daily basis and getting lunch or dinner with them :’) today was like 93 degrees f (34 degree c) and i was just thinking how if i was still on campus, my friends and i would’ve skipped our lectures today and driven to the beach jaksdhflksaf 

oooh ok noted! i’ll check out kid gorgeous first! and he’s on netflix omg i’ll watch homecoming king this weekend hopefully!! oooo middleditch and schwartz are also on netflix! do you have a specific episode you recommend for them? i watched key and peele on youtube! they have a lot of their videos on there!! aaah i think john mulaney is on comedy central because i saw him on their youtube channel? but i’d have to double check

omg did you watch the episode where the try wives had to tell them how to do their makeup routine? i thought it was really funny, and keith did a good job! you can tell that becky is an actual makeup artist with the way she explained everything :’) omg i’ve been wanting to make banana bread since we have so many bananas rn aksjdfhadsl i really like making peanut butter cookies or confetti cupcakes because i like the frosting part! it’s really fun making flowers or pretty swirls on top 💓 and yesss, i hope you enjoy that kdrama! and thank you!!! 🥰🥰 ah true, all i’ve been doing is playing ac for the past two weeks akjsdfhlajks it’s a good way to pass the time though! my week went fairly well! i hope yours went well also! and i hope you have a good weekend, honey bee 🐝🌼

[xfandomimagines]

SUPERHERO JEALOUSY (A BARRY ALLEN IMAGINE)

Requested by Anonymous:  Hellooo, can you please write an imagine where Barry and the reader are bf/gf but the reader works for Oliver Queen in team Arrow so she has to spend a lot of time with Oliver. Barry gets jealous and then one night at a party he loses it and becomes possessive but the reader reassures him and tells him that she loves him, not Oliver :)

Gender: Female

Notes: I started writing this back when it first came through before I disappeared so I quickly finished it off. I’m not very happy with it but ehh, I needed to get it done and uploaded. I hope y’all enjoy it anyway!

{REQUESTS ARE OPEN}

“Y/N, armed robbery on 4th, we have to go!” Oliver yelled at you, cutting your conversation with your boyfriend, Barry, short.

“I’m guessing you have to go?” Barry asked.

“Yeah, I’m sorry. Our Skype calls always get cut short.” You apologised. Recently, every time you and Barry tried catching up some emergency popped up for one of you, mainly you recently. Long distance relationships sucked, especially ones where you were both superheroes, even if one half had super speed.

“It’s fine, go hang out with Oliver.” Barry said, his tone slightly bitter. You knew the interruptions were bothering him, they were both of you, but he sounded almost jealous that you had to help Oliver. Instead of worrying, you decided to try and pass it off as a joke.

“I will, we gonna go kick some criminal butt!” You joked with a laugh. Barry didn’t seem to find it that funny. “Hey, I’ll speak to you once we’re done, okay?”

“Yeah, I love you.”

“Love you too.” You sent him a smile, and then ended the call, running to get changed. You were one of Oliver’s sidekicks, The Shadow, a girl dressed all in black who could wield swords better than anybody and who could never be found or caught, hence the nickname. You quickly pulled on your black leather vest and combat trousers, catching your swords when Felicity threw them to you and strapping them to your back.

“Are you and Barry ever going to get a chance to have a full Skype call?” Oliver said, when you both were situated on his motorbike heading towards the crime.

“I hope so. Send a note to all the criminals in the city ‘Please don’t commit crimes between 8pm and 10pm on Thursdays, The Shadow is trying to spend time with her boyfriend’.” You laughed, your hair blowing out behind you as you rode. Oliver laughed along with you and continued riding.

  You were extremely happy. It had been two weeks since your failed Skype call with Barry, and him and the rest of Team Flash were heading up to Star City for Felicity’s birthday party at the weekend. This would be the first time you would be seeing him in person for a few months, as you’d both been extremely busy and you couldn’t wait to spend some quality time with him. The only issue is Barry had been acting weird, like he was jealous that you were spending so much time with Oliver, but you were friends and you stopped crimes together, of course you would spend time with him, you didn’t get annoyed that Barry spent a lot of time with Iris and Caitlin.

Finally, the night of the party rolled around and you were eagerly awaiting Barry’s arrival. All of your friends from Star City and the Legends were already here and you were just waiting for Team Flash to arrive. You had already spent the last half an hour perking up every time the door opened, and getting disappointed every time it turned out to be someone else, which Oliver found amusing.

“I’m sure he’ll be here any minute, Y/N. He’s probably just running late.” Oliver comforted, chuckling to himself at his own pun. Just then, the door opened and you saw Cisco and Caitlin enter. Knowing Barry wasn’t going to be far behind, you finally cheered up and as you saw him enter behind the pair you ran towards him.

“Barry!” You yelled excitedly, launching yourself at him. If it wasn’t for Barry’s speed you probably would’ve both been on the floor at that point, but he quickly managed to grab you in his arms and hold you close, a hand running through your hair.

“As sad as I am to break up this reunion can the rest of us actually get in?” Harry deadpanned from behind you and you quickly apologised, moving out of the doorway.

“I’ve missed you so much.” You told him with a grin when you were finally out of the way and settled on the couch.

“It’s true.” Oliver confirmed, walking over. “All I’ve heard these past few weeks is Y/N moaning about how this night couldn’t come quick enough. Seriously, I’ve been close to killing her.”

“Shut up.” You laughed, not noticing how sour Barry had turned at Oliver’s arrival.

“I’m here now so why don’t you take a break from it and leave us alone?” Barry suggested, darkly. Oliver noticed this and stepped back.

“I guess I’m going to say hi to Caitlin and Cisco.” He said, leaving you both alone. You frowned, but quickly forgot about it when Barry seemed to perk up again.

All night, you noticed that every time you spent time with Oliver, Barry would appear and get possessive. He would either get extremely close to you, constantly touching and flirting, or be really short and moody with Oliver. Or in some extreme cases, both. At first, you passed it off as him wanting to spend as much time with you as possible but you noticed he never did it when you were talking to anyone else.

Things finally hit boiling point, when Oliver interrupted your make out session in a corner, to tell you that there was an incident downtown and that he needed you to quickly head out and help him.

“Cisco’s taking over for Felicity so she doesn’t have to miss her party but we need to go.” Oliver said quickly, and you glanced over at Barry apologetically. As soon as Barry saw your face, it was the last straw.

“Take someone else with you.” He ordered.

“I’m sorry?” Oliver asked in disbelief.

“You heard me. Why is it always Y/N? There’s so many other people here who can go out and help you but you always have to ask her. You know it’s been so long since we were together, yet you want to rip us apart, is there something I don’t know?” Barry shouted, and you stared at him in shock, while Oliver went on the defensive.

“Barry, I don’t know what your problem is but you have been off with me all night. I want Y/N with me out there because I trust her, I know she’ll have my back. It’s got nothing to do with you, and I certainly don’t have any feelings for her.”

Barry scoffed. “Yeah, that’s likely. Every time we try to talk you’re always there interrupting us.”

“Because there’s an incident and we have to head out! I’m not having this conversation with you Barry, Y/N are you coming or not?” Oliver turned to you. You looked between the two, not knowing what to decide. Defending Star City is what was right, but Barry was fuming and you knew there’d be an argument brewing if you went.

“I’ll go with him. You stay here.” Wally offered, and you smiled gratefully at him. Once Oliver and he had left, you gave Barry an angry look and stormed into one of the spare bedrooms, knowing he would follow you.

“What the hell was that?!” You shouted when you were alone. “How dare you accuse me off cheating on you? Oliver is my friend and crime fighting partner that is all.”

“I’m sorry! I got jealous, you and Oliver spend so much time together, and it feels like I never get to talk to you. I miss you and I just wish that we weren’t interrupted by our obligations to protect our cities.” Barry admitted, sinking on the bed in defeat.

“You think it doesn’t bother me too? It does, Barry. Every time we get cut off I hate it so much. I was so excited to finally be able to spend time with you tonight, but you ruined it by getting so possessive every single time I tried to talk to Oliver.” You said. You sat next to him, taking his hands in yours. “I love you. No one else. You’re all I ever think about.”

“I know. I love you too, so much.” Barry told you and you smiled at him softly.

“Next time, promise me you’ll talk to me when you’re like this.” You asked him and he nodded. “Now I think you owe Felicity and Oliver an apology.”

Barry sighed. “I didn’t mean to ruin her party.”

“I know you didn’t.” You rubbed the back of his hand with your thumb and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Apologise to them, make it up to me and maybe I’ll let you off and have some fun tonight.” You smirked, standing up and pulling Barry with you.

“I think I can manage that.” Barry grinned, and with that you both re-joined the party.

[allhallows-art]

Lost Generation // 4

Note: this is the longest instalment yet and I’m so hyped. Hopefully, soon enough, I’ll be able to focus more on one story point at a time as juggling between two/three is fun but challenging. Enjoy.

Story Summary: The Achievement Hunter boys try and survive their preteen years, trying to make friends and sort out their own problems as well as each others. When will they realise that working together, no matter their differences, would help them all?

Words: 1836

Warnings: swear words. That’s it. And I hope that’s the worst I put here.

PART ONE // TWO // THREE

Ryan was one of the last students to enter the classroom, slipping quietly into the only open seat. He cursed under his breath for being late as not only did he have to sit next to a stranger but the seat was at the opposite corner of the room. His slight humiliation was dragged out as he shuffled past the desks to reach the seat, dropping himself into it with a sigh. Once sat, he paid no mind to the person next to him but instead his focus turned to the small nameplate that read his name. Ryan guessed that seats had been assigned once the students were settled and he’d been stuck next to…wait, who was he even sat next to? His icy gaze lifted to the person next to him and he breathed a sigh of relief. “Hey, Ryan,” Lawrence whispered, trying to not catch the attention of Miss Dunkelman as she spoke about rules and expectations. “Didn’t think of you to be the type to be late,” he joked, his pen moving across the page of his book yet not a single word was written. A simple trick to have the teachers at least think you were paying attention. “Oh, yeah. Some kid needed help with his bike. It was either help him and be late or get trampled on by a million other kids trying to get into school.” The boys shared a laugh and it reminded Ryan of the previous year when the pair had just met. They’d been stuck in a pair during drama class, the number of boys out weighing the girls. The task was simple, act out a scene from Romeo and Juliet from the scripts they’d been given. At first the boys argued, each saying that neither of them should be Juliet, when an idea surfaced. Using a pen, they quickly adapted the scripts to a “bro” version which they’d named Romeo and Julian. The teacher was not please at all by the defacing of the script but gave them points for creativity. The two didn’t see each other much outside of drama class but cherished the moments they had, anyways. Ryan was focused on talking with Lawrence, catching up with each other. Lawrence explained how he and his siblings had gone to a summer camp and Ryan felt himself slightly envious. He couldn’t imagine not having his parents watching over him like a hawk for more than a few hours, never mind the whole summer. Miss Dunkelman soon caught on to the chatter and told them to silence, Ryan distracting himself by scanning his eyes over the other students. Only when he looked directly in front of himself did he notice that garish shirt. His eyes stared between the two girls giggling in front of him, his gaze locked on the Hawaiian shirt he recognised all too well from that morning. That was the kid that ignored Gavin.

Ryan pursed his lips and glanced to the boy sat next to him, his dark hair an absolute mess as his hands kept raking through it. He tried to pin point their names, swearing they’d been in classes previously, but nothing came to mind. The bell came as a shock, Ryan not realising how quickly the time had gone. He slowly stood and grabbed his bag, letting Lawrence move around him and towards the door. “Look, just come to my place tonight, Jack.” The words came from the messy haired one, Ryan now seeing his tired face. A camo backpack was slung on to his shoulder as Jack rubbed at the back of his neck. “I dunno, Geoff. Dad has to work late tonight and I should make him some sort of dinner before he gets home,” Jack tried to get out of Geoff’s plan but it didn’t seem like he would win. “Stop making up excuses,” he said, his eyes suddenly looking to Ryan who didn’t realise he’d been lingering just a bit too long. “What do you want?” Geoff spat, Ryan just mumbling a quiet apology and heading out of the classroom.

“What was his problem?” jack questioned, pushing his book into his bag as Geoff shrugged his shoulders. “No idea. But, either way, I ain’t letting him distract me from this discussion. You’re coming to my house tonight to watch a scary movie and that’s that.” Geoff’s words were final, Jack just sighing and reluctantly giving in to the boy’s wishes. The pair made their way out of the classroom, giving their teacher a wave as they left the room and submerged themselves into the flood of students in the hallway. “Hey, I’ll see you later, Jack. Can’t believe I’m stuck with gym first,” he groaned, Jack chuckling. “You’ll be fine. At least you haven’t got maths today,” he said and the two gave each other a knowing look and parted ways, Geoff heading deeper into the school and Jack moving not too far down the hallway to his class. Geoff barely paid attention as he walked, his tough figure being able to easily push past anyone that got in his way. People usually didn’t fight back against him as he did this, mainly because he only pushed them a little, but he stopped dead in his tracks as someone slammed into his front and seemingly disappeared. “Fucking, watch it,” a grumbled voice came from below as Geoff glanced down to see a redhead on the floor. The words would’ve usually angered him but Geoff couldn’t argue it wasn’t his fault. “Sorry, dude,” he mumbled, helping the kid to his feet as the crowd around them thinned out. Geoff got a good look at the kid’s face, his cheeks slightly crimson with anger and he could see the rage flickering behind the glasses. “Just watch it,” he snapped and pushed past Geoff to continue down the corridor. “Jeez, that kid has problems,” Geoff muttered under his breath, raising his eyebrow. Not once had such a frail kid even spoken to him, never mind in such a way. Shaking his head, Geoff continued to the locker rooms and stepped inside. Looking inside he guessed that, with the lack of gym teachers this year, the boys were of mixed ages. There were faces he’d recognised and some he’d never seen before, some who were too tall to process and others that were tiny. He tucked himself into a corner, pulling out his gym clothes and quickly changing as most of the others were nearly done. “Alright, boys! Speed up! I do not have all day!” a loud voice echoed through the changing rooms and there stood Mr Gibson, Geoff sniggering at how tight his clothes were. “He honestly looks like he’s squeezed himself into a student’s clothes.” The comment came from a short brunette, his body stocky but his height was not impressive. His friend stood next to him, looking the complete opposite with lanky limbs and being even taller than Geoff. The joke raised a laugh from the taller one and he slammed his hands over his mouth to stop from being heard. “Something funny over there, boys?” Mr Gibson questioned, his fingers playing with the whistle that hung around his neck. “No, sir,” the two said simultaneously and hurried into the gym, Geoff watching with a raised brow before walking himself past Mr Gibson and into the gymnasium.

The gym was pretty bare, the group of boys lined up against the side of the room as Jeremy took note of the tape that had been used to line out a track. Great. Running. He was by no means the fastest person in the room. Short legs meant small steps. He glanced up to his friend, Trevor, once they were against the wall. “You’ll ace this,” he mumbled, Trevor looking at him with a confused expression. “How do you even know what we’re doing?” he asked and Jeremy rolled his eyes. “There’s a track, dumbass. And you’re the tallest in the class. I bet you can easily beat all these guys,” Jeremy was trying to just encourage his friend, not wanting him to grow nervous about his awkward physique. But it instead caused Trevor’s eyes to glimmer mischievously. “how about, if I beat everyone, you gimme ten bucks?” he proposed, a smirk on his face. Jeremy took a second to think before just nodding. “You’re on. And if you don’t, you owe me ten bucks.” The pair shook hands on their agreement and Mr Gibson blew his whistle to silence the chatter amongst his class. “Alright, boys. Today we’re doing time trails. All you have to do is three laps around the track that is mapped out. So, run fast. The three worst runners will have an extra special training session with me after school today. Because, in my class, we don’t reward winning. We punish defeat.” He spilt the boys into three groups of five, getting them set up and then blowing the whistle to signal the first group to go. Jeremy watched form the side-lines, holding a stop watch to time one of the other kids, his attention on Trevor. He felt bad for the kid he was supposed to watch as Trevor was able to easily lap him and finish first. The class continued the same way for each group, Mr Gibson letting them collapse on to benches once he was satisfied. “Well, it seems that Trevor had the fastest time out of the whole class. Good job, kid,” he announced, patting the boy’s back. He then called out the names of the worst three, Jeremy lucky enough to have somehow been faster than at least one person in his group. The teacher began to set up for the next task, letting the kids take a break as he did so. “See? I told you that you’d do it,” Jeremy said, his legs crossed as he sat next to Trevor. Trevor had his own legs stretched out, his arms behind him to prop himself up. “And now you owe me ten bucks,” he said with a goofy grin, it suddenly disappearing when he remembered something. “Oh! I forgot to say but I hope you don’t mind that I asked some people to hang out with us today? They’re both cool, I promise.” A small frown came to Jeremy’s lips, eyes looking down at his hands. “But we promised we’d stick together this year,” he mumbled and Trevor pouted. “And we are. I’m not ditching you, just making some new friends. Look, Lindsay is awesome and so is Michael. I think you’ll get along great. Plus, we’ve come up with the idea to make a gang and we could do with a sniper,” he said, elbow poking Jeremy’s side. His face gave a pleading look to the other, a look that Jeremy could never deny “Fine. I’ll give them a chance,” he sighed, Trevor fist pumping in the air. “Hell yeah! I swear it’ll be amazing.” He said and gave Jeremy a hopeful smile.

[enaasteria]

Answered Asks // 1

This first bulk ask is for Music Anon as you sent me your reactions while reading and I LOVED THEM SO MUCH. Under the cut!

Anonymous said to enaasteria: March 30th 2018, 6:51:00 pm · 4 hours ago But what happens after 18 T_T?! Do we send them off to happy ending AU? But okay I can’t wait to see them being all fluff balls like omg I need fluff after all that angst (though I do love angst but they deserve their happy)! Btw, I sent you a message about a song that reminded me of chapter 11. I was just wondering if you’ve received because I remember you saying your inbox eats your messages sometimes :)

18 is the epilogue. It really is just a cute scene I have in mind that I want to write out that gives insight into what their life is afterwards. And yes!! the music ask is in my inbox. I’m saving it for when I can really focus on the lyrics. My brain is a bit loopy right now from finishing 17 so I want to take my time and enjoy the music you sent. I’ll definitely listen to it tomorrow morning when my brain is refreshed~~~!!!

Anonymous said to enaasteria: March 30th 2018, 7:10:00 pm · 3 hours ago

Okay I saw that you enjoy messages while we’re reading so I’m going to send you a lot of annoying ones which will make you sick of me. I’m at the scissors part and can I just say CHANYEOL? WHY?! DO YOU NOT READ THE ATMOSPHERE. IT SHOULD BE SEHUN AND AHRI ALL TANGLED UP AND PRETZELING, NOT YOU AND SEHUN!! Buuuut awwwww the hand holding. SOFLUFFYLIKEABUNNY. I literally had to wear my pyjamas and run to bed so that I could enjoy it in my most comfortable position. Back to reading! - musicanon

I’m gunna answer all of your individual messages personally because I LOVED READING EVERY ONE OF THEM. THEY WERE THE HIGHLIGHT OF MY NIGHT MUSIC ANON. THEY REALLY WERE. OMG. I had to rewrite this part so many times because I couldn’t figure out how to get Sehun and Ahri to the bathroom scene. The flow was completely off and I was like---let me try having Chanyeol being a fidgety mess and grab Sehun all over the place and voila. LOL

Ended the intense haircut session xD! I love the way you describe scenes in which Ahri cradles Sehun’s face. It’s so intimate and loving. I also love how both haircut sessions in the story kind of depicts how Ahri is letting Sehun into her world. But this time, he wants to venture deeper and she also wants him to come closer. So much has changed! Did Sehun read a manual on perfect boyfriend 101 because damn boy, you’re giving Ahri (and me) heart attacks! STAYINYOURLANE. 

YOU NOTICED. YASSSS. When he kissed her inner wrist LIKE. PLEASE @ LORD. PLEASE BLESS ME WITH THIS ROMANCE IRL. I NEED THIS. EVEN HALF OF THIS ROMANCE. I ain’t a greedy lady but I just want some heartfelt moments like this. Haircut session. My hearteu. Side note---I really need my bangs cut. Where can I get an apt Sehun to cut my hair??? BUT SNIFFS. This is how I see Sehun being with the person he loves. I really think he would dote on her and really love her to the extent of his capabilities. It just makes me go uwu.

Btw, Soi being like are you sure you’re done reminds me of the scene in Black Panther where T’challa is having his fam reunion and M’Baku is like YAWN are you done? Are you done?! Cracks me up!

OMG. BLACK PANTHER. You are just about my favorite anon. Thank you and let me love you forever and ever.

Oh dear lord, I hope Yua’s work troubles weren’t the ones you were going through (or something similar)? Also, I hope you weren’t referring to your cousin x_x. But of course, if you were then SHAME ON ALL THOSE PEOPLE WHO DO THIS TO YOU. You’re like Ahri though! Strong and elegant in her way of dealing with things <3 Soi’s desire to smush the lovebirds together perfectly describes my own. I always think of the NOW KISS meme whenever Sehun and Ahri are in close proximity. JUSTKISSCOMEON - ma

Every work trouble I really did go through. I write a lot from experiences so this whole chapter encompasses a lot of moments I dealt in real life. The work, the 23 hr straight shift, the glass frame and rewriting it. All happened. But it’s also a reason why I quit so now life is a lot better without those leadership boogers. WHAT IS THIS MEME YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT AND WHERE CAN I FIND ITTTT???

How funny would it be if Ahri playfully called Sehun Monsieur and Sehun launches into full French mode like Bonjour oui oui mademoiselle (my last French lesson was 15 years ago. it’s been awhile xD). Ahri be like dafuq I’m out - ma

Ahhhhhh my dearest music anon. She would straight up respond back in fluent french and let him live out his wildest dreams PUAHAHAHAH

TIE SCENE SO CUTE *hearteyes* I can imagine it playing out in my head!!! I have to applaud Ahri for being able to tie it on someone else. I can only tie it while it’s on my neck, loosen it and give it to someone else. And lol, of course Mr Perfect Boyfriend has the ability to somehow make his gaze softer on command xD. Ahri bby, how are you not melting. SOI?! YOU JUST SAID YOU WANTED THEM TO KISS AND NOW YOU’RE INTERRUPTING THEM. For a good reason. BUTSTILL. Just wait 30 seconds!!! - ma

RIGHT. This chapter made me CRY A RIVER AND IM STILL A MESS. And Monsieur Oh is adept with his facial structure and actions and can be any man you want him to be. You want sturdy burly Sehun. You got it. Soft, cherub Sehun? NO PROBLEM. He can do it all!!! But honestly I would melt too and she sort of does. Eventually LOOOOL But to Soi’s defense, she just has terrible timing. HAHAHAHA She’s my baby. I love Soi. I love Yua. I love Ahri. I love Yumi. I love all my girls.

Ohgod! Poor Ahri for having to do all that name writing! Sehun is right. She’s got this! But you’ve perfectly described me whenever I make a mistake in my writing. I’m like FFS I NEED TO REWRITE THIS WHOLE THING. That’s why I like pencils because rubbers exist. Look at Ahri getting all turned on by Sehun’s knife skills *waggles brows* it’s like her artistic rendition of lumberjack Sehun. I bet Sehun is already planning their wedding. Crossing mirrors off the list or else the missus would cry -ma

This was another one of the scenes where I wrote from experience. I was helping out a wedding and this bride made her seating charts just as I described. Her wedding was outside and it was windy and it knocked over one of the seating charts. I had to rewrite all those names and it was such a PAIN IN THE BUTTTTT. OMG ARCHITECT SEHUN WOULD BE SO HEUNGNNGNGNG. She goes and visits him at the office while he’s drafting a building. AND SHE JUST LOOKS AT HIM AND ITS HIS TURN TO ASK HER, CAN YOU LOOK AT ME LESS INTENSELY PLEASE, AHRI. IT would be just cutest.

CONGRATS TO THE BRIDE AND GROOM! Dude I can’t believe you forgot her name. I don’t do this at all *rolls eyes and acts self righteous* btw, I didn’t know about the least to most important bridesmaids/groom thing! It actually made me laugh because if you’re asked to be one, you know exactly where you stand in the ranking xD. ASDFGHJKL. HANDHOLDING. FITTING PRECISELY IN ALL THE EMPTY SPACES IN BETWEEN. WALKING DOWN THE AISLE. That’s it. They’re officially married in my mind. No arguments! - ma

Seunghyun and Lia’s meeting was actually how I met my husband. He didn’t remember my name actually but I remembered his and it was and still is how I torment him LOOOOL. It’s not really least important to most important. I just did it for writing purposes but it’s your wedding. Sometimes people just place people in certain spots based on their height LOL. AHRI AND SEHUN. MARRIED> I DEAD.

Oh Chanyeol, you finally have met your violent happy ending. He’s a pup in love! Very unexpected but I approve. Yeol and Ahri’s pact doesn’t stand because Sehun and Ahri just got married (and secretly stole Seunghyun and Lia’s thunder). OMGKEEPERS! ISEEWHATUDIDTHERE. Man Sehun, how does it feel listening to how you’ve been a dick to Ahri in KeepersAU (also early in ApartmentAU)? But he made amends so he will be forgiven. IS HE GOING TO GIVE HER JEWELLERY?! He said he wouldn’t unless ...! - ma

HE’S A PUP IN LOVE AND THATS EXACTLY WHAT HE ISSSSS. IT was never really a true pact to begin with. Just a joke to mess with Sehun that I added in and I don’t think Ahri would’ve ever went through with it tbh. She’s not the type to marry someone at all, if ever and even if she’s old and wrinkly, she wouldn’t marry someone if she didn’t wholeheartedly love him. AND YASSSS KEEEPEEPEPERPRRSSS. I’m glad you see it. I was really proud of this. I wove in so many stories for this chapter. My brain was about to burst. AYEEEE. WILL HE. WILL WE FIND OUT IF HE GIVES HER JEWELRY in 18??? We shall see.

I just died of fluff and I’m not even done yet. I had to take so many breaks in between reading by smushing my face into the pillow because my heart was bursting with cotton wool!! Not gonna lie, I wanted to smack Sehun for using >100 batteries. BE ENVIRONMENTAL FRIENDLY BOY. Even if you’re in a fictional scene. But A+ for set up. The jar of longing is so sweet! BESTILLMYHEART. HAHAHA I CANT BELIEVESHE TOLD HIM ABOUT HOW SHE CLASSIFIES HIM! Married couple spilling all their secrets & kissing -ma

ITS SO FLUFF RIGHT? LIKE I CANT EVEN FIGURE OUT HOW I DID IT. I can’t even live right now because I’ve never written anything like this before. I���m more into darker stories where things are just pain and crying and tears and heart breaking torment. SO THIS WAS A 180 FROM WHAT I USUALLY WRITE. I hope it wasn’t vomit inducing fluff but IM SORRY. THE BATTERIES. Would it help if I said they’re rechargeable?????? AYEEEE. VERSIONS EQUATE TO CREATIVITY. Who knows, it might be a kink. OR. he could spend the rest of his life entertaining her with versions and asking her what do you call this one? how about this one? AHRIIII~~~~~~She would major regret this later on hahaha

Aw, I’m glad Ahri got to see the stars!! And promptly decided that she wanted to be with Sehun instead. Omg HAHAH. I was like how do you unofficially own a star? Did he call the international space agency or Spock or something and told them to fly a toothpick flag up with the names of Sehun and Ahri written on it xD? Btw are those star designations real? I tried googling but ended up with Supreme Court cases lol! Whenever Sehun tells stories that his father told him, and he says that (tbc) - ma

YES! You can can actually “buy” a star and “name” it. It’s definitely not official. It’s not like N*SA will recognize it but it’s just a sweet gesture and that’s why he said unofficially. The star designations I used aren’t real but they are formatted in that way. I had do research on this and it’s really long and windy and hard to explain because even my brain was like---i can not understand this. The letters are usually an abbrev of the telescope used to discover the star and the numbers are sometimes the year found or the date or coordinates. Like I said, really complicated science stuff so for the sake of fic writing, I just made it simple and put in some numbers that mean stuff LOOOL

And he says that it’s been passed down from generation to generation. I have this picture of ancient Egyptian Sehun wearing the Pharoh headgear in my mind telling his son about how KeepersAU Sehun was a dick and how he should cling to a girl called Ahri when he meets her xD! HE IS SO SMOOTH IN THIS CHAPTER. I spilled tea on myself so many times while reading. Can I just say that the we are stars for eternity idea (unless they decide to be a supernova) is so creative and so fitting for them?

AHHAHAHAHAHAH PHARAOH SEHUN. IM DED. OMG. I will never forget this memory and look. Another version of Sehun to make me want to die in a pile of fluff. And tbh---I really imagine Sehun coming to Ahri’s classroom with the kids all around him. Ada. Joon. They’re all around him in a circle as he tells embarrassing lovey dovey songs about Sehun and Ahri and it just makes me smile soooo much. ISNT IT. I HAD THIS IDEA FOR 3 YEARS AND I FINALLY WROTE IT OUT AND IM SO CRY TEARS OVER IT???? But yes---no supernova. no kilonova none of that colliding and bursting together business LOL.

You are so incredibly thoughtful in crafting a sense of continuity and meaning for Sehun and Ahri <3. I think that’s why they are so addictive as a couple. Because we get to see the way they’ve grown, the way they accept the hurt they’ve inflicted upon each other and themselves but actually reflect on it and come out stronger. I love the honesty and kindness they’ve shown each other in this chapter. How they’ve come out of hiding to show that they do indeed love the other. - ma

THANK YOUUUUUU. OMG. THIS REALLY IS SO SWEET. Your messages made me so much and I’m addicted to them as well. They’re like my babies and I just want to give them all the happiness to make up for all the pain I put them through. 

I loooove the parallel scenes between this chapter and the previous ones because this time, their words and actions mean something deeper. I wish I was as eloquent as you are because I don’t have words to describe how beautiful they are together. They are so in love and I’m in love with them being in love *_*! Casually throwing myself in their relationship. I’ll be waving pom-poms in the bushes where they can’t see teehee! Can we have a reincarnation AU based on the last line xD? - ma

AHHHHH IM NOT ELOQUENT AT ALL. I really fail at words and I might reread to fix some things but YESSS. I’m all about parallels. I love making full circle of things to make sure it all ends cleanly and making sure they’re not who they were but better people now. REINCARNATION AUUUUU. MAYBE. MAYBE. I have a few reincarnation prompts saved so I might dig into them and may something will spark???

Thank you thank you thank you for writing this absolutely brilliant story <3. I know nobody is as attached to Sehun and Ahri as you are but we’ve all loved them together for the past three years. THEY ARE LIKE OUR BABIES! I teared while reading 17 T_T. I can’t let them leave the nest. They need to stay within our arms forever!!! How many thank yous can I say before you want to hit me? WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU? You’ve blessed us with this story and I only hope I could do something in return. - ma

THANK YOU FOR STICKING WITH ME. I’m not sure how long you’ve been with my blog but if it’s been 1+ years or even from the beginning, I really want to thank you for your patience. I know I’m not the quickest writer out there but I’m nevertheless so grateful for your words. For your sentiments. For all that you’ve written for me to make me smile. THESE MESSAGES ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH AS GRATITUDE. I really love how you reacted to them and I couldn’t be more thrilled. Nothing makes a writer happier than reading messages like this and seeing how you loved this story and cherish it as much as I do.

Okay, I’m probably getting annoying by now. so this is the last one I swear (also because tumblr is being like WHOA WAIT AN HOUR BEFORE ASKING MORE. So I’ve had to switch my WiFi mode on and off so that it doesn’t recognise me as the same person). I’m just gonna reread the chapter again and again, and again tomorrow and again and again. Thank you for this masterpiece. suffice to say, I more than love it so don’t you dare think that it’s anything short of fantabulous! throwsheartsatyou - ma

This is not annoying at all. You’re not annoying, MA. omg TUMBLR DOES THAT??? I never knew!!!! But really, thank you again endlessly for all that you’ve written. I appreciate it so much and I’m so happy you love this story. You are just the sweetest and I PROMISE TO LISTEN TO YOUR MUSIC RECS TOMORROW THE MOMENT I WAKE UP. hugs you. LOVES YOU. THROWS CONFETTI AT YOU.