#like one of old st. nick's helpers

[barelyanartblog]

The way you draw is absolutely hilarious. I just scrolled through your page, delighted at every new picture I saw.

TYSM!!! Merry Christmas to you specifically for making my day <3 Here's a baby Tyelpe too tiny for a full-body picture

[blades-and-cryptids-in-the-dark]

Mrs. Claus

Who is Mrs. Claus?

We have heard of Santa Claus Father Christmas, St. Nick that Jolly Ole’ Elf who brings toys to good children (and we are all someone’s child) that keeper of lists Naughty and Nice passing judgement bang of a gavel sounds Ho. Ho. Ho.

But who is Mrs. Claus?

We reckon she exists cooking and cleaning for Santa keeping the home fire lit on that long winter’s night.

Perhaps she manages the elves in their workshop wrangles reindeer help-mate reader of letters suggester of gifts.

Perhaps like attracts like (or is it opposites attract?) And she is the voice of mercy of leniency of one more warning to be good listen to your parents don’t tease your siblings or classmates or neighbors or strangers.

Perhaps opposites attract (or is it like attracts like?) and she is prosecutor making a case for each name to be marked naughty to leave switches or coal or no gift at all for those who stab friends beat classmates steal from neighbors torment strangers.

I have heard another tale drinking brandy with Santa late one night after his rounds were done one whispered drunkenly in the quiet moments between dark and dawn.

Mrs. Claus (beautiful soul that she is, my bonny Conny, he hastened to add) was once a fury a priestess of blind Justice Inanna hanging from a meat hook embodiment of angry pain seeking vengeance.

She takes the naughty list (he whispered) gives warnings to those good of heart who but strayed and erred gives lumps of coal or switches to those who need telling one too many times

a reminder of worse yet to come

if ways are not mended.

Then there are those (he whispered so softly I almost did not hear) whose nightmares she stalks. Who do you think arranged visitors three to old Scrooge? Did you think him the first or last to behold such visions?

And those that don’t heed their dreams?

(I asked softly.) (He drank deeply then answered with a tremble) Those who turn away from redemption in sullen silence or with a sneer?

Who think they’re untouchable by Consequence?

Those are snatched by Mrs. Claus (or is it Mrs. Claws?)

with nails sharp as scythes

wraps them in dark tendrils injects them with fangs and transforms them into…

Did you ever wonder where elves came from? Santa’s helpers spies analysts of your every deed and word watchers of your every mouse click keepers of your every secret (Big Data hires them as consultants) those procurers of toys?

I wonder what crimes Jolly Ole’ Saint Nick committed when young.

Or maybe opposites attract.

Kimberley Long-Ewing

all rights reserved. Copyright 2015

(A little something I wrote for the holidays a few years ago)

[whatthecrowtold]

#unhallowedarts - Brendan's Uncanny Journey into the Unknown

‘O! tell me, father, for I loved you well, if still you have words for me, of things strange in the remembering in the long and lonely sea, of islands by deep spells beguiled where dwell the Elven-kind: in seven long years the road to Heaven��or the Living Land did you find?’ (J.R.R. Tolkien, “The Death of St. Brendan”)

Kathleen Neely for A. B. Jackson's "The Voyage of St. Brendan" (2021)

It might be a bad case of “the grass is always greener on the other side” or just curiosity and a yearning to know what might be beyond the horizon of the broad Atlantic that washed upon their beaches, but it is the Gaels and the Britons, of all the Celtic people, the Insular Celts, who have the strongest tradition of tales about mythical islands and lost underwater kingdoms. Lyonesse west of the Scilly Islands in the Arthurian tradition, Ys off Brittany, the “Welsh Atlantis” of Cantre’r Gwaelod and the Irish legends of Tír Tairngire and Tír na nÓgm, whole Otherworlds and Happy Hunting Grounds out in the ocean and, of course, Hy-Brasil, an island cloaked in mist except for one day every seven years, that became the namesake of Brazil centuries later, to name but a few. A typical hero quest of Insular Celtic tradition was the voyage, by ship or magic horse, out there where adventure was awaiting and to return a better man or not at all. The motif of reaching the Great Beyond by ship was taken up by Irish monks in the early Middle Ages and transformed into Saints’ voyages to some Paradise or the other located west of Ireland, a type of tale called simply “immram”, voyage, and the most popular of the immrama is certainly that of St Brendan.

Whether or not the Blessed Brendan had founded Clonfert Cathedral in Galway in 563, usually named as the only historically secured feat of his vita, his tale, written down probably as late as the 10th century, became a long running hit in medieval literature with an impact history that lasted well into the Age of Exploration. The author or authors of Brendan’s travel story did, admittedly, their best to spin a whale of a tale that does not have to shun comparison with Coleridge’s “Ancient Mariner”. With elements of old legends, hell visions, probable early discoveries like the volcanoes of Iceland or places like the Faroe Islands, Greenland or Newfoundland, before Eric the Red and Leif Erikson followed the whale road across the Western Ocean around 1000 CE, the monks certainly held their audience in a thrall over the centuries. The most memorable event of Brendan’s maritime quest for the Garden of Eden certainly was the celebration of Easter Mass on an island that turned out to be the sleeping Jasconius, a giant, whale-like creature, awoken by the saint and his fellows when they lit a fire on the poor thing’s back. Nonetheless, St Brendan returned to tell the tale, became the patron saint of whales, founded various monasteries, finally died as an old man, allegedly, in 577 and was buried in Clonfert.

Brendan’s Island appeared on maps as late as the early 18th century, Henry the Navigator and Columbus believed in its existence, even though they placed it in west of Africa and not in the North Atlantic. Of course, Brendan joined the queue of pre-Columbian discoverers of America like the Welsh Prince Madoc or even pre-Viking explorers like Bran. In 1976, the British explorer, historian and author Tim Severin took the legends literally, build a currach, a type of Irish boat with a wooden frame over which ox hides are stretched as it was described in the old texts and used at least until the 17th century and set forth with a crew of three on an epic 4,500 mile voyage from the west of Ireland along the Hebrides and Iceland to Newfoundland, trying to prove that a voyage like St Brendan’s was at least possible in the early Middle Ages. The saint, in the meanwhile, is venerated as patron of sailors along with St Nick and various local heroes and, as of late, as the holy helper in cases where portable canoes are involved

All images above were created by Kathleen Neely A. B. Jackson's "The Voyage of St. Brendan" (2021) and found on the website below.

[teira-osairis]

Starlight Kiss , part I

       There was a Starlight Celebration happening in Ishgard. The streets were filled with people buying gifts for their loved ones, the smell of fresh baked goods filled the air, and sounds of children cheering as the jolly old St. Nick made his way into town with a huge sack of presents in tow.

Omorose was curious about the festivities, as she didn’t have anything like this back home on the island, nothing this grandiose in scale anyway. She and her people do celebrate Starlight, but it mostly consisted of sitting around and eating a huge feast with loved ones. There’s no exchanging of physical presents, as being around the ones you loved was a present in itself.

“Merry Starlight, everyone! Who wants a present from Santa Claus?’’ One of Santa’s helpers announced.

All the little elezen boys and girls lined up with all haste.

“Hmm..” Omorose was thinking. “I wonder would it look strange if I got in line?”

“It would. Don’t embarrass yourself.”

She heard a voice coming from behind her. She turned around to see a man in dark armor jump down from the roof of a building.

“Oh..! Ser Estinien.”

“Ugh…you needn’t use formalities with me anymore.” He shook his head while smirking as he stood up.

“I know, but.. we’re out in public.”

“What of it? “

“Wouldn’t it be considered disrespectful just call you by name alone?”

“You know I care not what others say.”

He suddenly walked towards her, lifted her up, and leaped into the air. He landed in a secluded balcony, one where they could be away from prying eyes. He placed her down gently.

“Ahh! You could’ve warned me!” Omorose barked.

''And where would the fun be in that?'' He joked while taking off his helm. ''Im still on patrol..but....I wanted us to be away from prying eyes...just for a bit.'' 

 Omorose's once upset expression quickly turned into one of confusion and curiousity as she gazed at the silver-haired man. ''O...ohh? Uh..um...r-really??'' She muttered, unable to hide her nervousness.

Estinien pulled out a small sack from his back pocket. He opened it to reveal what looked like some kind of confections.

''Chocolate...moogles?'' Omorose questioned.

''Here.'' He gave her one to try. ''Theyre apparently the finest chocolates in the city. Theyre pretty good, had about 3 of them earlier.''

She took a nibble of the chocolate. Estinien couldnt help but watch her lips as she nibbled away. A shade of crimson appeared on his face as he continued to watch her. ''What I'd give to press my lips upon hers at this moment....but would she be ready for something like that?'' He thought to himself.

''Theyre really good! Thank you....Ser Est-''

[themousefromfantasyland]

Creatures of Yuletide: Krampus, the Christmas Demon

He sees you when you're sleeping

And he knows when you're awake

He knows if you've been bad or good

So be good FOR YOUR OWN GODDAMNIT SAKE!!!

Christmas season is full of magical beings and creatures that travel through our world. Jolly old men from the north, elves that sleep in our homes, goats that give presents, the holiday season is full of all sorts of weird and wonderful characters. However, Santa Claus tends to me the most famous among them, and the most remembered in popular culture. This was, until some years ago, when a forgotten Christmas character rose in popularity in pop culture as an antithesis of good old St. Nick. I’m talking about Krampus, the Christmas Demon from German and Alpine lore.

One of the reasons why I believe Krampus became so popular recently is because he’s a scarier and less commercial alternative to Santa. In older posts I talked about how people used to tell scary ghost stories during Christmas and how Christmas once had this spooky side to it. Then one day it hit me that, in a way, Krampus is exactly a call back to these traditions. While not a ghost, Krampus brings back the scary atmosphere to the holiday. People tell stories about Krampus, they dress like him, they fright their neighbors in these costumes. People in general like to be scared, and in particular, even though they won’t admit it now, children too. Krampus is celebrated because he brings back the fun that overly commercialized Santa took out from Christmas.

Jeremy Seghers, organizer of the first Krampusnacht festival held in Orlando, said this in an interview to the Smithsonian Magazine:

"The Krampus is the yin to St. Nick's yang. You have the saint, you have the devil. It taps into a subconscious macabre desire that a lot of people have that is the opposite of the saccharine Christmas a lot of us grew up with."

Krampus is mainly a holiday tradition from the Alpine region and Central Europe in general. His name is derives from the German word krampen, meaning claw. On the night of December 5th, the eve of Saint Nicholas Feast, Krampus, and Saint Nicholas himself go out in the streets to punish or reward kids. This makes him one of the Companions of Saint Nicholas, a group of holiday figures that would help him in punishing kids. While they do the punishment, jolly old Nick brings the kids gifts, in a sort of Good Cop, Bad Cop dynamic.

Our friend St. Nick fills the shoes of good children with fruits and sweets. Krampus carries birch branches for senseless beating the misbehaving ones. On his back he is often depicted carrying a sack or a basket. This is to carry the naughty kids to his layer for more torture later. He can also eat them, threw them out in the river to drown, or bring them straight to the depths of Hell. In some parts of Austria, Krampus presents the families with gold-painted twigs that are to be displayed year-round in the house, constantly reminding the kids of his ever-watching presence.

What lovable fellow!

It was common in the 19th century to exchange Gruß vom Krampus, “Greetings from Krampus” cards that contained humorous rhymes and poems. In these Krampus is depicted looming menacingly over children. In others the creature receives sexual undertones, pursuing scantily dressed women.

There is also the Krampuslauf, or, Krampus Run, where people dress up as him and parade through the street dressed in fur suits and carved wooden masks and carrying cowbells. This one is very important for understanding Krampus origins.

Now, no one really know where Krampus comes from. The most popular theory is that he was a fertility god from the Alpine Region before Christianity retconned him as demon. Scholars often link him, Pan, and the satyrs to the archetype of the Horned God. Some claim he’s the son of Hel, but I didn’t find any real or credible source to this.

What we do know is that Krampus has some connections to a goddess in the Alpine region called Frau Perchta.

Now Frau Perchta is a very mysterious figure from the German folklore. She had many different names depending on the era and region. We don’t know a lot about her before Christianization, but what we do know is that in the folklore of Bavaria and Austria, she was a witch said to roam the countryside at midwinter, and to enter homes during the twelve days between Christmas and Epiphany. Good children would find a silver coin in their shoes. Bad children would have their bellies sliced open, their stomach and guts removed, and she would stuff the straw and pebbles in the hole left behind. She had two forms in which she could be encountered, beautiful and white as snow, or elderly and haggard.

Perchten is plural for Perchta. Originally, the word referred to female masks representing her, but the name come to refer to the animal masks worn in parades and festivals in the mountainous regions of Austria.

A Perchten mask

In the 16th century, the Perchten took two main forms: Schönperchten, "beautiful Perchten", or the Schiachperchten, "ugly Perchten”. The beautiful Perchten came during the twelve nights of Christmas and festivals to bring luck and wealth to the people. The ugly Perchten, who had fangs, tusks and horse tails which were used to drive out demons and ghosts. Men dressed as the ugly Perchten during this time and went from house to house driving out bad spirits.

From the Smithsonian Magazine: A man dressed in a traditional Perchten costume and mask performs during a Perchten festival in the western Austrian village of Kappl, November 13, 2015. Each year in November and January, people in the western Austria regions dress up in Perchten (also known in some regions as Krampus or Tuifl) costumes and parade through the streets to perform a 1,500 year-old pagan ritual to disperse the ghosts of winter. (DOMINIC EBENBICHLER/Reuters/Corbis)

People would masquerade as these devilish figures and march in processions known as Perchtenlaufs. The Church didn’t like these creatures and tried many times to ban these practices, but due to the sparse population and the rugged environments within the region, the ban was useless.

In Catholicism, St. Nicholas is the patron saint of children. His saint day falls in early December, which helped strengthen his association with the Yuletide season. A seasonal play that spread throughout the Alpine regions was known as the Nikolausspiel, "Nicholas play". In these plays St. Nick would make questions about morality and reward children for their scholarly efforts. Eventually the Perchtenlauf, in an attempt to pacify the Church, introduced Saint Nicholas and his set of good morals. Krampus, the in-chains helper of Saint Nicholas, was then born.

In 1975, anthropologist John J. Honigmann wrote that:

"The Saint Nicholas festival we are describing incorporates cultural elements widely distributed in Europe, in some cases going back to pre-Christian times. Nicholas himself became popular in Germany around the eleventh century. The feast dedicated to this patron of children is only one winter occasion in which children are the objects of special attention, others being Martinmas, the Feast of the Holy Innocents, and New Year's Day. Masked devils acting boisterously and making nuisances of themselves are known in Germany since at least the sixteenth century while animal masked devils combining dreadful-comic (schauriglustig) antics appeared in Medieval church plays. A large literature, much of it by European folklorists, bears on these subjects. ... Austrians in the community we studied are quite aware of "heathen" elements being blended with Christian elements in the Saint Nicholas customs and in other traditional winter ceremonies. They believe Krampus derives from a pagan supernatural who was assimilated to the Christian devil"

Is worth noting that this is exactly what happened to the Yule Goat. He was a pagan symbol, people dressed like him to keep winter spirits at bay, but the Christians demonized him. There are illustrations of Saint Nicholas or of Father Christmas riding the Yule Goat during Christmas and these were meant to represent the power of God over the power of the Devil. Krampus is represented in chains by the same reason. However, the Yule Goat came to become a gift-giver and a more positive force in holiday lore, with people dressing as goats to deliver gifts to their families in the 19th century. Krampus didn’t have the same luck. I really wonder if the Yule Goat and Krampus came from variants from the same or similar cultural traditions, but that took drastically different routes.

I must say that, although I'm more in the team Santa, I learned to love Krampus over the years. It’s undeniable the amount of fun he brought to those who wanted something a little more darker and creepier in the holidays, and as someone who identifies itself as 90% lover of cheesy, cutesy and sappy stuff and 10% lover of everything earie and macabre, the idea of a monstrous boogeyman in the shadows of good old Santa Claus is fun. I personally think there’s enough space for both, the terrifyingly scary and the joyful jolliness.

Fun fact: Krampus, the one people rescued from German obscurity to combat the overly commercialized Christmas, is now being criticized as being too commercialized. C'est la vie

Story time: In my country I once heard the tale of a guy that went as Santa to deliver Christmas presents to children in a poor community. He brought many gifts and toys with him. The children loved them, until there were no more gifts to be delivered. The remaining children and their parents became so angry that they chased away the guy, throwing rocks at him. The guy came to them with free stuff, helped as much as he could, and people still threw rocks at him and chased him away, almost seriously hurting him.

I admit, there are cases where Krampus is truly needed 🤣🤣🤣

Art by Helen Mask

[theocapaldi]

(joe keery, male, he/him) THEODORE CAPALDI is the newest evergreen eagle! they’re TWENTY-THREE years old from CINCINATTI, OHIO joining us at evergreen to study COMPUTER ENGINEERING. have you heard CRAZY = GENIUS by PANIC! AT THE DISCO? it reminds me of them because they’re so ENERGETIC and DYNAMIC, but also super OBSESSIVE at times. i hope we catch them around campus soon!

*statistics

full  name: theodore caleb capaldi nicknames: theo, t gender/pronouns: cis male; he/him faceclaim: joe keery birthday: april 14th star  sign: aries height:  5′11″ hometown: cincinatti, ohio orientation: homosexual masters: computer engineering character  inspo: jake peralta ( brooklyn nine-nine ), nick miller ( new girl ), seamus finnegan ( harry potter ), alex karev ( grey’s anatomy )

*brief background

being the youngest in a family with four brothers isn’t easy, especially when the mom had been wishing for a girl all of that time. either way, theodore was still born into a happy family, at least for the couple of years of his life - at least they were until theodore was old enough to be tossed around by his brothers. don’t worry, not literally being tossed around, but it just meant his older brothers would usually prank him, which meant that theo had to make sure he learned how to live with it. and so he did, and much for his brothers’ demise, he seemed to be the worst out of all of them. once he finally learned how pranks worked and of course with the help of the internet, theo became the prankster that the family didn’t expect - but it didn’t mean that they all didn’t love each other, but it did mean that they needed to start being careful around him.

growing up, theo showed to be extremely intelligent without even trying that hard. he would rather much focus on playing videogames and working on his pranks, but that didn’t mean he didn’t get good grades. he was one of the best students at his school and he kept this up until he finally reached high school. while in high school, theo learned about parties - and of course, he was at them all of the time, getting drunk by stealing drinks with his friends and he was never really caught. and the worst part is that he didn’t stop the pranking after he reached high school, in fact he became much worse. he would get firecrackers and throw them around the halls, throw wet toilet paper at walls and just be a menace. that’s what people knew him for.

even if he was like this most of the time, that didn’t mean he wasn’t a good friend or that he didn’t even have friends. not only was he a good friend, but he was also a good cousin, especially when céline and carter would come and visit him. the truth was that he quickly grew close to céline, even if he only saw her once in a while, but they immediately became close like siblings - and yes, it was weird that he saw her as his sister, mostly because he had grown with his brothers around, but that just made it good enough of a reason.

now that he’s in college, it doesn’t mean that he has changed any of his personality. sure, he doesn’t steal drinks as he would before, but the pranks still go on as if it was part of him. of course, he’s still as a good of a student as he was before, but he still goes to parties and gets drunk regularly, and being at evergreen university only made him enjoy those parties even more. plus, this gave me a chance to get close to his cousins.

*personality

you’re in for a treat if you ever come across theo. he’s the type of person to be always energetic and he’s probably the most chaotic person you’ll meet. he’s loud and he knows it, and he always seems to be pranking people whenever he gets the chance. just think, if spencer st. james is the devil, then theo is definitely the devil’s little helper. he’ll bite back if he has to, but he’s definitely nicer to people he knows and he’s generally a good person, but don’t be surprised if he suggests breaking into a building because he’ll do it easily.

[theparanormalperiodical]

The Real Story Behind Krampus (2017), And The 17 Other Terrifying Christmas Tales And Traditions You NEED To Know About

Christmas is a time for family, a time for laughter, and a time for drinking volumes of alcohol that make your cousins concerned about your emotional wellbeing.

But most importantly, it's a time for demons to hunt down children and stuff them full of straw and pebbles. No, I’m not talking about the Eastenders Christmas Special - I’m talking about the Christmas traditions they don’t put in Hallmark movies.

As Christmas has been celebrated for 2000 years, it has amassed a collation of equally terrifying traditions and monsters that only the dark corners of history could conjure up. 

Although confirmed by the Dickensian tradition of sharing ghost stories (see Matthew Mcconaughey movie - or failing that some old book about poverty in Victorian Britain), it seems we’ve forgotten the true terror behind the most wonderful time of the year!

So, as your favourite paranormal blogger, I’ve taken it upon myself to bring together everything creepy ‘bout Christmas. 

Today’s post is gonna take y’all through the mythical monsters you should be on the lookout for, plus the Christmas traditions that bare a dark, twisted backstory.  

Which is all of them.

Let’s get spooky! 

First, Let’s All About The Monsters Of Christmas

Hands up if you’ve watched Krampus (2017).

Here’s the trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6cVyoMH4QE  

It might not be Love, Actually, nor will it ever score a set of great reviews, but it got everyone talking about the mythical creature titling the film. 

Need a summary?

This dark-comedy/horror film centres around a dysfunctional family at Christmas. When the youngest child loses faith in Santa, he rips up his letter to him, sending a signal to Krampus that he has lost his Christmas spirit and thus must be punished!

Okay, this film doesn’t fit the actual legend that well. But the kid does get dragged to hell - and unfortunately, that’s what sticks closest to the creature titling the film. 

On top of this, the movie features the classic mysterious European grandmother that has a story about the war (as a European I can confirm this). But her story isn’t about an air raid, or some long-gone past ruler; instead, it explains a twisted tale regarding the most famous companion of Father Christmas. 

That being said, it provides an introduction that only scratches the surface of the mythical creatures of Crimbo:

Krampus is the half-goat, half-demon creature that is often witnessed wandering ‘round with Santa Claus. Concieved in the pre-christian era in central europe, his aim of existence was to punish naughty children. 

“So, Santa provides for the nice kids, Krampus provides for the naughty kids? Got it.”

If only it was that simple.

Krampus’s family tree is more twisted than the British royal family - and has a similar collection of dodgy relatives:

Son of the Norse goddess, Hel (ruler of the underworld and the dead), Krampus is a Perchten, a race of beasts born to scare away Winter. Never heard of ‘em? Well, you’ve probably heard of his grandfather, then: Loki.

Given his famous hegemony, it follows that he is always believed to be the Horned God of the Witches, and sticks to a devilish image.

With a dark, hairy body, large fangs and a tongue hanging far below his bottom lip, beast-like is an understatement. Accessorising his frightful look is a grasp of birch branches or a whip, as well as a sack or basket (to put children in and take to hell or save for a quick drink and snack later), and chains.

However, the chains part is still subject to debate: some believe it is an attempt to bind the devil by the Catholic Church in attempt to control him, while others claim it is because Krampus is Santa’s slave.

This directly relates to the position of Krampus and his fellow monsters - they are all believed to be Santa’s companions. 

So, we know who Krampus is. But did you know he has a whole night devoted to him?

Krampusnacht falls on the 6th December, a day from which people put on masks and get drunk, scaring kids. Alternatively, you can dress up and hand out coal, mirroring the Krampus spirit! Nevertheless, both serve as a reminder to children not to be naughty, as does the bundle of golden birch branches you can have in your house. 

Now, who’s ready to get their feminist on?

Frau Perchta is the female counterpart of Krampus. 

This goddess-monster goes about giving good kids silver coins, and giving naughty kids, uh, well, death.

She’d slice ‘em open, and stuff ‘em full of straw and pebbles. But her backstory goes much further than simply murdering children: as she oversees spinning as a part of the 12 days of Christmas, she focuses on people that get their work done.

And if you slack? Then you gon’ get murdered. 

Given her name, it’s obvious that like Krampus, she’s a beast-like creature. But her animalistic tropes only go so far as her feet - just like Krampus’ single goat hoof, she has a swan foot. 

“So, she’s a swan?”

Nope - she’s either regarded as a beautiful young woman, or an old crone. 

Classic Patriarchy. 

Next up is another animal, but this time, it comes in the form of a cat. Unfortunately, the Yule Cat is less Instagram, and more deadly. Yep - this Icelandic beast eats the kids that fail to complete their chores before Christmas. 

Just like Frau Perchta, it can be traced back to farmers attempting to scare their workers into getting shizz done. If they hadn’t processed the autumn wool, they’d be eaten by the cat. If they had, they’d receive new clothes.

You’d better be thankful for those socks, then!

But it turns out the Yule Cat isn’t the only monster from Iceland. In fact, he’s actually the pet of a family of ferocious Christmas beasts!

Gryla and Leppaludi are a couple hell-bent on detecting naughty children. Gryla, the matriarch of this famalam - is a Norse giantess, who wanders round each and every village in iceland. Once she’s found said children, she eats them. 

Often she is described as a beggar, asking for parents to turn over their disobedient children so she can chuck ‘em in her sack, and add them to her signature stew!

Her husband - well, third husband but who’s judging - Leppaludi, is what the Daily Mail would label a benefit-scrounger as he hangs about in their cave all day. On top of this is their 12 children: The Yule Lads.

(God, this has a Daily Mail story written all over it.)

Each lad has a different, um, quirk.

One harasses sheep. One steels tupperware - no, seriously, he makes a point of stealing pots with lids. And another steals candles from children.

So that’s Iceland covered - let’s head back to continental Europe!

Hans Trapp is our next contender for the ultimate creep of Christmas. Trapp is a resident of Alsace-Lorraine, and comes from near the border of France and Germany. But what’s really terrifying about this monster is that he once existed. 

Hans Von Trotha was a French Knight and man of particular political distinction. From his feuds with the church, to his ever-roaming spirit after he died, the following myth was by no means a random creation. However, the backstory to Hans Trapp took a bit of a detour from his past:

Trapp was reportedly a Satanist who would kill children. Yeah, you can see a theme here…

This rich, greedy man was excommunicated by the church, and then exiled to the forest where he would hunt children. Well, he would until struck by a bolt of lightning sent by God. But despite his rather dark past, his backstory is less really-demonic, more redemptive.

A bit like Krampus, he seeks to remind kids to be virtuous, teaming up with St. Nicholas to ensure children would be nice. 

Next is Romanian Werewolves. 

Yep, that’s plural. 

Sure, these man-beasts show up during the full moon, but also makes a point of unleashing their true forms at Christmas. This has merged with caroling in Romania - dressing up as animals and pissing off people busy having a cheeky Baileys rather than see their family is a common occurrence there.

Oh, and they go around and tell you not to have sex.

No, seriously, you aren’t allowed to have sex on Christmas Eve cause Jesus or somethin’. 

The other Christmas mythical creatures include:

Le Pere Fouettard, some fella who tags along with St. Nick, delivering lumps of coal to naughty kids. Well, when he’s not beating them up, that is!

Knecht Ruprecht joins Santa on his rounds too, but he isn’t like Pere, don’t worry! He kidnaps children, instead.

Next up is Zwarte Piet, one of Santa’s helpers who listens at the chimney of family homes to deduce if kids have been naughty or nice. Guys, we got a wholesome helper! Wait - people dress up in blackface to celebrate him?

I think we can all agree that racism is far scarier than anything else on this list…

Lastly, we have Belsnickel. And don’t worry, there’s no racism here. This bloke clad in fur and random clothes asks kids if they’ve been naughty or nice during the year.

Let’s Talk About The Terrifying Traditions

Well, we did it, guys! 

We made it through the monsters behind a Merry Christmas. 

And you can rest easy knowing these are all mythical creatures that can add a smidge of spook to your Christmas. But now it’s time to discuss the spooky side to the traditions we pull out of the attic year-upon-year.

So, no, these aren’t based on myths or religion - its based on historical fact!

Great.

Anyways:

If there’s one thing that defines Christmas - and is currently crippling my bank account - its gift giving.

Thinking of giving someone scissors for the most wonderful time of the year? It will literally cut your friendship or relationship in two. And shoes? The receiver of your gift will metaphorically walk away from your relationship. 

But if you’re looking for a more, uh, positive gift, a wallet or purse should be on your shopping list, instead. 

Wallets with money in them are believed to ward off demons, ghosts, and all other scary things.

Another creepy Christmas fact is the historical origins of mince pies. As a Brit, seeing Americans attempt to comprehend mince pies always figures as a solid meme. But the origin of it doesn’t steer too far from ‘Murican attempts to replicate this Christmas treat.

Back in the 16th century, cannibals would add human meat to pies, selling it off as actual meat. Oh, and this parallels some vague rumour of Santa being a cannibal. Basics, a holy man told him to give gifts to kids instead of eating them. 

In some strange and convoluted way this somehow chocks up to mincemeat now insinuating that there is no meat in there, instead.

*shrugs*

Speaking of tasty treats, why not make sure you stick to the rule of the Baker’s Dozen at Christmas?

When bakers would make batches, they would provide 13 of something instead of a dozen in case something turned out wrong. But they would also provide an extra roll, or a bun, at Christmas!

It’s for that reason that on the 12th day of Christmas, you have to take down your Christmas tree. Fail to do so? You’re gonna have to keep it up all year, then. It’s a mouldy pine tree, or its bad luck.

Our next tradition stakes it claim as the twisting of a Crimbo icon: it’s Santa Claus, himself.

But this time, he takes on an urban legend that I’m sure many actually believe: understandably, ‘santa’ can be traced to ‘satan’, as if it is the unholy being himself but in disguise. And ‘claus’? It can be translated to ‘hoof claws’, a running theme we see with the monsters like Krampus. 

So, could it be the devil in disguise?

Satan aside, who else likes trooping up to midnight mass and singing about the JC?

Well Christmas carols - and even carolling itself - actually sticks to a relatively dark past. Take Good King Wenceslas - this bloke let in peasants and encouraged them to join his bountiful feast! 

Unfortunately, his charitable efforts were not rewarded. He was stabbed with a lance repeatedly outside a church upon his own brother’s orders, and was then dismembered.

Yikes.

Historically, carollers would partake in similarly violent activities, demanding food and drink from their audience. Heck, they would even so so far as to start attacking, raping, and destroying their property! 

Guess it wasn’t a very Silent Night, then…

Our penultimate tradition is that of the Nutcracker: Whether you’re watching it, or using it to have a Christmas-specific nibble, there’s no doubt that this is pretty popular image of the festive season. 

But - and it’s a big ol’ ‘but’ - it’s based on a truly terrifying story.

No, there’s no ghosts, no ghouls, and certainly no demons. But there is a child marriage.

The story goes that a girl, Marie, sees a nutcracker come to life. Her Grandfather than launches into this story of how men can be cursed with the ugliness of a nutcracker. She replies by saying she’d marry one no matter how they looked.

She is then whisked away into a magical world from which she marries a nutcracker. 

This all goes down whilst she is 8 years old. 

Our final tradition of terror is less about the abuse of young girls, and more about evil beings breaking into your house. Merry Christmas?

See, you’d think that people coming down your chimney is reserved for one bloke in particular, but it turns out that European tales of malicious spirits taking the same route is a common tale frequently told. 

Belsnickel does the same, as do Greek goblins in order to terrorise the residents of the house.

So - What’s Your Verdict?

Which tradition left you shook?

And what Christmas film are you now going to watch to try and wipe this from your brain?

Be sure to hit follow to see a real spooky story tous les jours (everyday for the unsophisticated among us)!

At this point, I would tell you to have a Merry Christmas, but I think a safe one where, you know, you don’t get dragged to hell by Krampus, is best. 

[ragewerthers]

The Greatest Gift

Summary:  Bokuto and Akaashi agree to make Christmas wish lists. The problem is that Bokuto thinks they are going to be mailing them to Santa. The last thing he wants is for Akaashi to see what he's written... but his sweet, evil Keiji has ways of getting what he wants!

A/n: This is my Squealing Santa fic for @ticklygiggles​!

Since she is kind enough to host the event I wanted to write her a fic in return! 

This is based off a super cute prompt she sent where person a writes a cute letter to santa and when person b wants to switch they absolutely refuse to do so! What ensues is tickles and much cuteness!

You can also read on AO3 at: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21765010

I hope you enjoy! :D

Word Count: 3153

-------------------------------

Bokuto sat on the sofa, chewing on the end of his pen as he looked over his letter to Santa.  Granted, this wasn’t something most college students did, but it had been at the request of Akaashi.  Earlier in the day the former setter had mentioned that perhaps they should do something a little different for Christmas.

“Why don’t we write letters to Santa like we used to?  It might be kind of fun?”

Bokuto smiled to himself as he thought about it.  It was absolutely endearing to think that Keiji would want to do something like that.  He was always the more serious out of the two of them and so to hear him saying they should do this, obviously he was going to jump at the chance.  Heck, he’d even gone all out!  After agreeing to it he’d traveled to the campus bookstore and found some construction paper and a few other things in the art supply section.  Currently he had done his own little arts and crafts project.  If they were going to try recreating their primary school days then he was going to do it in style!

He’d taken a regular piece of red construction paper and cut it down to fit on a larger green piece giving it an awesome green trim.  Next he’d attempted to draw snowmen and snowflakes over it with some silver and gold markers, but he had never really been the artistic type.  The snowmen looked like blobs and the snowflakes looked more like stars with little smiley faces, but that was okay.  It wasn’t like anyone was ever going to see it.  This was just a fun, silly, sweet project and it really did warm his heart to do this.  

Currently he was attempting to finish up his Christmas list.  What should he ask Santa for?  He couldn’t remember a time in his life where he had been happier or when he’d felt more content.  As he sat there mulling this all over he felt a smile tug at the corners of his lips.  It finally struck him what he wanted to ask from Santa this year.  It only took another few minutes until he was finishing up his list.

Oh yes.  This was perfect.

He heard footsteps coming down the hallway toward their small living room and glanced up to see Akaashi making his way to the sofa.

“Hey, hey, hey, Akaashi!  I finished my letter!” he said gleefully, waving his piece of paper in the air and seeing that Keiji had his as well.  “So now are we going to mail them to the North Pole like we used to?  How many stamps do you think we’ll need?  Do you think he’ll accept stickers?  I... may have forgotten about stamps,” he said with a little pout as he started to fold up his Christmas list.

“What?” Keiji asked with a little chuckle, a soft smile on his lips as Bokuto burrowed underneath his arts and crafts supplies looking for the cute stickers he’d found up at the front counter of the bookstore.  There were penguins, polar bears, reindeer… how could Santa not accept a kick ass Christmas list mailed to him with a reindeer sticker?!

“Well I mean… we have to mail them so that our wishes get to Santa and he can make our lists come true, right?  So what do you think?  Reindeer sticker or penguin sticker?” he asked, holding up the little packet containing the embellishments and smiling brightly.

“Bo?  You… You know we aren’t going to be sending these right?” Akaashi said with a light smile as he stood next to his boyfriend, resting his hand on the arm of the sofa as Bokuto looked up at him owlishly

“What?” Bokuto asked, hoping against hope that Akaashi wasn’t suggesting what he thought he was suggesting.

“Well… I thought it would be sweet to write these and then exchange them.  Santa can only do so much, right?” Akaashi asked, setting his own list down in front of Bokuto on their old coffee table before taking a seat on the arm of the sofa.  “Can’t you just consider me Santa’s little helper?”

Two things occurred to Bokuto at this moment.

One…

There was now a slight chance that Akaashi thought that he still believed in Santa and AHHHH!  That was so embarrassing!!!

Two…

There was now a slight chance that Akaashi was going to actually read his letter.  Literally take the letter from his grubby little hands and read the words he’d written that were only supposed to be seen by the big man at the North Pole or a poor homeowner who accidentally received Christmas letters!

Ab-so-lut-ley not!!!

“What?!  I mean… wouldn’t it be even cuter and more endearing for us to just… mail these away so that no one except Santa Claus sees them?  Only him?  Only him, Akaashi,” Bokuto said with wide eyes as Akaashi’s soft expression turned to one of confusion.

“Why can’t I see your list, Bo?” he asked curiously.  “Did you ask for something silly?  Did you ask for something sexy?”  A wide and teasing smile began to appear over Akaashi’s features as a blush began to spread over Bokuto’s.  Akaashi began leaning over, trying to catch sight of his partners letter.

The former Fukurodani captain shook his head wildly, clutching the Christmas wish list to his chest in a sort of death grip.

“N-No!  I… it’s not important, but it’s not supposed to be seen by mortal eyes!  Only by those of jolly old St. Nick!  So you can’t see it, Akaashi!  I’m sorry.  Those are the Christmas rules.  I don’t write’em.  I just follow’em,” he said, closing his eyes with a nod, missing the smitten look Akaashi sent his silly boyfriend.

“You know…,” the dark-haired man said with a little smile, standing up and moving to stand behind the sofa as his hands settled on the back of the cushions.  “... you not wanting me to see only makes me want to see it more, Kou.”

Bokuto could feel his heart beginning to beat wildly in his chest, his shoulders scrunching up as Akaashi stood behind him like that.  As he felt a pair of hands soothing over his shoulders he almost jumped out of his skin, but took a deep breath to calm his nerves.  “B-But… but the Christmas rules!” he weakly argued, feeling the way Akaashi’s hands were sweeping down his back as he attempted to curl forward to protect his precious letter.

“Never said I wasn’t a rule breaker,” Akaashi whispered against his ear before ten fingers dug into his ribs.

Bokuto positively shrieked, his arms snapping down against his sides even as he continued to clutch his letter to his chest.

“N-NO!  Ke-Keijihihihihihi!” he squeaked, leaning back against the sofa and trying to pin the man’s arms, sadly this only brought him closer to his evil boyfriends mouth.  As the fingers continued to skitter along his over sensitive ribs, vibrating quickly and drawing out ridiculous giggles, he soon felt Akaashi’s lips blowing little raspberries against the side of his neck.

Bokuto’s shoulders tried to scrunch up all the more and he shook his head, the giggles only intensifying at the added tickles.

“St-stahahahap!  No… no raspberries!  No rahahahaspberr-ihihihiahahas!” he cackled, stomping his socked feet on the floor as if that would help dull the ticklish shivers racing up his spine from the secondary attack.

“What’s the matter, Bo?” Akaashi cooed, his fingers wiggling lower and lower to tease and tweak the mans toned sides, eliciting a startled yelp as the poor former captain attempted to lean forward again to curl up.  “You wouldn’t happen to be ticklish would you?  Oh that’s too bad!  What a weakness to have!”

Akaashi was so evil!  The man didn’t have nearly as many sensitive spots as Bokuto did and so the silver-haired man was always at a disadvantage.  As Bokuto felt the fingers nibbling against the sides of his tummy he realized just how big of a disadvantage it was.

“AH!  N-NOT THEHEHERE!” he cried out in hysterical laughter, falling to the side to try and escape as he pulled his legs up, looking like a buff hedgehog.

“Oh?  Was that a bad spot, Bo?” Akaashi purred, one hand now tickling along the length of Bokuto’s side, kneading into his hip as his other hand reached town to scribble against the bottoms of his feet now that they were in range.

“Kei-Keijihihi!  Keiji nohohoahahahaha!” Bokuto cried out as he felt the teasing fingers tickle along his arches.  His legs straightened out to try and get his feet away, but sadly, his clever, horrible boyfriend seemed to be planning this.

Without his legs pulled up to protect his poor belly, Akaashi went in for the kill.  Two hands instantly snuck under his sweater and ten teasing fingers began to wriggle, scribble and tease all along his sensitive middle.

Bokuto absolutely lost it.

“STAHAHAHAP!  AHAHGOAHAHAHAD!” he howled, trying to turn over onto his stomach to stop the attack on his worst spot, but Akaashi was having none of it.  In a flash, Bokuto soon felt his boyfriend settling over his hips to pin him on his back, having jumped over the back of the sofa to make sure he couldn’t escape.

Bokuto still had one hand clutching his letter close to his chest as the other tried to fend off the hands hovering over his poor stomach, his sweater having ridden up in his struggles and exposing it to his boyfriend.

“Keiji!  Keiji plehehease… please no tihihi… no tihihickling there!” he giggled nervously, already feeling the phantom tickles grazing over his tum.

Akaashi feinted his hands down as if to attack, making Bokuto buck and snort without even being touched yet.  “Oh, Kou… I promise I won’t… if you let me have that letter?” he teased sweetly, wiggling his fingers and watching as Bokuto’s face turned crimson even as the giggling intensified from the teasing.

“I-I can’t… I cahan’t, AkaashiHIHIHIAHAHAHA!”  Before he could react, Akaashi had caught his free hand and pinned it to the sofa beside his head, his boyfriends free hand instantly going in for the attack.

Akaashi let his fingertips swirl and trace over Bokuto’s stomach, the muscles twitching and jumping under the light contact.

Bokuto was giggling like a maniac, trying desperately to free his one hand as he refused to let go of his letter for a second!  When he felt the fingers start to tickle faster, spidering all over his stomach and tickling from one side to the other, he couldn’t keep his legs from kicking out behind the man.

“WHY-HEHEHEHEHE?!” he begged, shaking his head as Akaashi snuck his tickling hand up to lightly tickle against Bokuto’s exposed underarm, making him arch up and laugh wildly.

“Because someone is trying to get on the naughty list by not letting me see his list.  So… I have to tickle, tickle, tickle him to show him the error of his ways,” Akaashi crooned, making Bokuto whimper as he heard that horrible, teasy, tickle talk.

He was a dead man.

“I’m sahahah-rry!  I’m… god n-no mo-ahahahahare!” he squealed through high pitched giggles as Akaashi continued the light tickling against his armpit, driving him absolutely crazy at the sensation it was causing.  It tickled so bad, sending little electric zips of ticklishness all through his body, but he knew the man was only biding his time.  “Stahahahap it!  Mehehehercy?!  Chahahanage spots!  Ch-Change spo-ahahahahahats!”  He was starting to babble now, just needing a break from this slow, gentle tickling!

“Oh?  You want me to go to a different spot?” Akaashi chuckled, lifting his hand from Bokuto’s armpit and hovering it in the air.  Bokuto’s eyes blinked up at his boyfriend, clearing away the tears of mirth as he saw the evil hand turning into a claw.  A claw that he knew from experience was devastating when used against his worst spot.

“No…,” he gasped, already trying to suck in his stomach as Akaashi lowered his hand closer and closer to his favorite target.

“You know how to make me stop, Kou…. my coochie-coochie Kou,” he purred, letting his fingertips rest against the warm skin.  Bokuto’s belly trembled slightly from more nervous giggles bubbling up and the anticipation of what was to come.

“K-Keiji… Keiji ple… oh pleasepleaseple-AHAHAHAHAHA!”

His time for bartering had run out.

Akaashi was not going to show him any mercy for his apparent naughtiness.

Oh no.

Bokuto was going to have to pay for his insolence with laughter.

Much, much laughter.

Akaashi’s clawed hand finally unleashed its devastating attack, vibrating rapidly against poor Bokuto’s tum and sending the silver-haired man into hysterics he didn’t even know was possible.

Bokuto’s laughter was loud and unrestrained, his head tossing back and forth as his feet kicked against the sofa sending cushions flying as Akaashi tried to remain seated on his hips.

“N-NO MOR-AHAHAHA!  I GIHIHIVE!  I GIHIHIHIHVE!!!!” he cried out, the hand that had been clutching the letter, letting go of the precious and secret list to reach down and grab onto Akaashi’s wrist to stop him.

Akaashi was too quick for him, however.  As soon as he saw that the list was free he moved his attacking hand to Bokuto’s chest to snatch up the prize.

“Now… lets see what you were so determined not to show me,” Akaashi teased as Bokuto felt his entire body flush up with embarrassment even as he continued trying to catch his breath from the intense tickle attack.  His hands instantly came up to cover his face as he panted, wondering if the sofa would be kind enough to open up and swallow him whole?

What was Akaashi going to think of him?!

Bokuto missed the way his partner smiled down at him and it wasn’t long before the former setter began to read the note out loud.

‘Dear Santa Claus!

It’s me… Bokuto Koutarou.  

I’m the kid who asked for a puppy eight years in a row when I was little?  I’m sure you remember because you have a great memory like that!  While I am still saddened that no puppy found its way to my home I totally get it.  Some other kid probably needed the puppy more and I’m okay with that!  The puppy was a winner either way and you probably made that other kids day!  

Besides, you always got me something awesome anyway.  Remember when you got me that remote controlled race car?!  Oh man that was so cool!!!  

I apologize for driving it into the neighbors koi pond...

It was a beautiful service they held for those poor fish….’

“Oh my god, Bo!  You didn’t?” Akaashi laughed, still seated on his poor boyfriends hips.  Bokuto only shook his head, his hands still covering his face even as his ears burned scarlet, showing his embarrassment outright.

Akaashi continued to read.

‘Thank you for not giving me coal that year for doing that!  I knew we were bro’s!!!

Anyway, I promise that I’m not going to ask for a puppy this year.  Or a race car.

This year… all I want is….’

Akaashi’s eyes widened and he felt his own cheeks turning pink , glancing from the decorated list to Bokuto.  The man was so tense underneath of him, as if waiting for some sort of teasing comment or rebuttal of some kind.

Akaashi’s eyes watered slightly and he ran a hand over his face to keep himself in check as he continued to read.  His voice just a little thicker.

‘... is to have a wonderful Christmas with Akaashi.

He is better than any puppy and any race car ever.  He is sweet and nice.  He makes me happier than I’ve ever been and helps me when I’m feeling low.  He always knows how to pick me up during those moments and I’ll always be grateful for that.  He is just… the best thing that has ever happened to me and I don’t think there’s anything I could ever ask for that would be better than spending the rest of my life with him.

Actually, if it’s okay, can I ask for one more thing?

Whatever magic or time you were planning to spend on me, just give it to Akaashi, okay?  He deserves it.

He deserves everything.

Thank you, Santa.

Love,

Bokuto Koutarou’

Bokuto lowered his hands as he heard Akaashi finishing his note, his eyes refusing to meet his boyfriends as his face continued to feel like it was on fire from embarrassment.

“I… I know I didn’t do it right and… and you’re probably gonna teas-...,” but his words were stolen away as he felt warm lips pressing against his own and strong hands gently cradling his cheeks.  The kiss was loving and wanting, making blood rush to his ears once more for a completely different reason.  The hands on his face were the only thing keeping him grounded, but even in that small touch he felt safe and wanted.

The kiss only lasted a few more moments before Akaashi was pressing his forehead against Bokuto’s, the captain glancing up to see warm blue eyes staring back at his own and a loving, if slightly watery, smile over his boyfriends lips.

“Oh!  Akaashi!  Why are you crying?  Don’t cry, Keiji,” Bokuto murmured softly, worry in his heart once more as he brought his own hands up to gently soothe away a few tears that had made their way down the setters cheeks.

“Sorry, Kou.  I promise they’re good tears… because I have the most incredible boyfriend in the world,” he murmured, giving a small chuckle as he closed his eyes and nuzzled into Bokuto’s palm.  “What did I do to deserve you?”

Bokuto couldn’t help smiling at that, his worry and embarrassment from before being replaced with nothing but warmth and love for his sweet Akaashi.

“So… I didn’t mess up our letters, right?” he asked softly, giggling as Akaashi gave his side a soft little tickle before soothing over it.

“No.  Not at all.  You’ve made my Christmas a million times better with your letter, Kou.  I love you,” Akaashi murmured softly, ducking down to press another kiss to Bokuto’s lips.

Carefully, Bokuto wrapped his arms around Akaashi’s waist, the setter gently lowering himself down to rest against his larger boyfriend.  Bokuto found himself smiling more and more as they kissed, nudging their noses together gently and opening his eyes to look at his amazing boyfriend.

“I love you too, Akaashi.  And… I meant what I wrote.  You are definitely better than a puppy,” he murmured, getting a chuckle from his boyfriend.

“Always happy to hear that,” he murmured, pecking his lips once more.  “Merry Christmas, Bo.”

Bokuto felt his smile absolutely beaming as he was kissed once more, his arms wrapped comfortably around his greatest gift.

Oh yes.  Definitely better than a puppy.

“Merry Christmas, Akaashi.”

[tikkisaram]

Something Santastic — My Top Seven Christmas Poems

Is there a better way to enjoy the Christmas season than to spend it reading poetry? This selection of poems should fill you with the spirit of Christmas, and it might even teach you what the festival is really about!

1. Holly - Seamus Heaney

It turns out that the great queer poet Heaney was also an avid Christmas card maker — this is one of the poems he featured on his cards, and you would be hard-pressed to find a better one to use. It evokes the feeling of Christmas instantly, treating the reader’s inner eye with a flurry of colour and imagery. The poem’s coherence and cohesiveness is assured by the subtle use of assonance, and its pacing is sculpted by the ingenious application of enjambment. Fantastic! ;^)

I reach for a book like a doubter and want it to flare round my hand,

a black-letter bush, a glittering shield-wall cutting as holly and ice.

2. Christmas in India - Rudyard Kipling

Kipling presents an interesting, multicultural view of Christmas, linking it with Hindu tradition. This poem is a wonderful ode to inclusivity and transnationalism, highlighting differences between India and the west while cherishing both cultures. A refreshing voice in the age of Trump!

Dim dawn behind the tamerisks -- the sky is saffron-yellow --  As the women in the village grind the corn, And the parrots seek the riverside, each calling to his fellow  That the Day, the staring Easter Day, is born.

3. A Christmas Tree! A Christmas Tree! - David Keig

Christmas trees are a rather strange tradition. Who decided that it would be a good idea to go chop down a tree, then stick it into your living room and decorate it? This poem does not (unfortunately) answer the question, but it is still a fine celebration of this festive symbol. And look at the impressive repetition of the ‘ee’ sound in this first stanza!

A Christmas tree! A Christmas tree! With dark green needled memories Of childhood dreams and mysteries Wrapped present-like in front of me.

4. On the Morning of Christ’s Nativity - John Milton

It is easy to forget that Christmas is basically a birthday party. It may be unusual for its lack of cake, the absence of the birthday person and the seemingly inappropriate songs involved, but we should not forget about the purpose of the celebrations. The exchange of gifts is an interesting link between Christmas and other birthdays, and it can be argued that the true recipient of each gift is Jesus, since he said: “whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.“ This is the reminder Milton gives us in this poem.

This is the month, and this the happy morn,      Wherein the Son of Heav'n's eternal King, Of wedded Maid, and Virgin Mother born,      Our great redemption from above did bring;

5. To Jesus on His Birthday - Edna St. Vincent Millay

The bisexual Millay cleverly uses the traditional form of a Shakespearean sonnet to carry her message about the importance of tradition in Christmas celebrations. She reflects on the nature of Christmas celebrations, laments the treatment of Jesus’s words — and throws in an attack on religious patriarchy for good measure! For a rather different (and much more optimistic!) exploration of similar ideas, see...

Nobody listens. Less than the wind that blows Are all your words to us you died to save. O Prince of Peace! O Sharon's dewy Rose! How mute you lie within your vaulted grave.

6. How the Grinch Stole Christmas! - Dr. Seuss

The sheer fun of this (quite long) poem makes it easy to forget how important its Christmas message is. It is a heartwarming tale of prejudice and pure meanness giving way to kindness and understanding. Dr. Seuss stated that the poem is partly autobiographical, and I dare say we catch glimpses of the Grinch in many people around Christmas — sometimes even in ourselves! ;^)

“Why, for fifty-three years I’ve put up with it now! I MUST stop this Christmas from coming! ...But HOW?”

7. A Visit from St. Nicholas - Clement Clarke Moore

Arguably the most famous Christmas poem of all, the one that cemented our idea of a gift-bearing Santa with his reindeer-drawn sleigh. The lovely language and the cheerful triple rhythm of the lines capture the spirit of Christmas perfectly. An interesting detail is that St. Nick and his helpers are specifically said to be “tiny”, even though we often picture them as human-sized. This answers the age-old question of how Santa fits down the chimney — though how he manages to carry large gifts remains a mystery! ;^)

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;

[marshmallowatheart]

To All The Boys I've Loved Before (Part 47)

"I love the smell of testosterone in the morning," Veronica quips when she spots Lamb taking out pictures with his flexed muscles.

Straightening up, he acts like he wasn't just striking poses. His face scrounges up, annoyed as ever when he sees one of the trouble making kids of Keith Mars, and remarks, "It's not bring your kid to work day."

"One, it's a public building," she counts on her finger. "Two, I've got a list and I'm checking it twice," she wiggles her note book of things to be done before the Christmas party that evening.

"Whatever Rudolph," he grunts dismissively and moves to leave.

Santa's the one with the list, she mentally corrects and waves him off, taunting, "Later, Grinch."

"Vehronika," she hears from behind her.

Turning around with a ready smile on her lips, she warmly greets her party planner partner, "Hi, Inga."

--vm--

"Heather, we're not supposed to be back here," Ophelia hastily whispers, eyes darting around wildly to see if anyone is looking at them.

"If you keep saying things like that then it's gonna draw attention," she whispers back, tugging her to come along.

Destination reached, Heather closes the door as quietly as she can and in hush whispers reminds, "If we wanna start our own Christmas decoration business, they've got to see the merchandise!"

Ophelia sighs, complying, knowing there's truth to her words but there's a heaviness in her gut that screams this is a bad idea.

"Quick, let me climb on you," the little blonde instructs.

"Heather!" The brunette stares, wide eyed and unwilling with her arms crossed over her chest.

Heather tilts her head and stares at her before sighing in exasperation, "Ophelia, come on!"

Caving, she snaps, "Make it quick!"

Climbing on her best friend's shoulders, Heather stretches up and places her wooden reindeer ornament made of sticks, glue and paint.

Satisfied, she asks, "Hand me another one."

Eyes wide, Ophelia stares at the box that's sitting on the counter two inches too far from her grasp and she gulps. "It's too far."

Heather looks at the box, biting her lip as she tries to estimate the distance between them and the counter. "Think you can move without me tumbling down?"

"I don't know," she quivers. "How are you gonna get down?"

"Same way I got on?"

"I don't think I can bend the same."

"Okay, just lean a bit to the shelf and I'll use it as balance."

Ophelia takes a deep breath, all their weight had been held by the fact that she was still. Her heart thumps in loud erratic beats as she moves forward.

The moment she does Heather wobbles above her, the blonde calls her to a halt as she clings to the branch of the tree to prevent them from crashing down.

"Heather," Ophelia panics, she notices the ornaments jingling along with the branches.

"It's okay, it's okay. Nothing fell," she soothingly says, trying to calm the girl beneath her down. "I'm gonna climb onto this shelf, okay? Then you can hand me the ornaments."

Taking in a deep breath, Ophelia lets out, "okay."

Stumbling to keep herself steady, in two spastic steps, Ophelia reaches the shelf. Heather latches her hand onto the wooden shelf, readying herself to climb it and Ophelia tries her best to help her.

They both breath in relief when Heather gets a stable balance on the shelf.

"For the record, this is a really bad idea," Ophelia says as she hands over one ornament at a time.

"We're already doing it, Felia, a little too late for regrets."

Within minutes, Heather places the final touches and starts to climb her way down with Ophelia trying to help her.

She wobbles, losing her footing on the way down. Ophelia gasps, holding the blonde as tightly as she can while Heather murmurs the repeated reassurances of I’m okay only to freeze at the sound of the cart - the cart that just so happened to be the wheels of the Christmas tree - crashing into the door.

They stare, paralysed and numb, when the lone angel on the top of the tree falls to the ground, shattering it into unholy pieces of porcelain.

"Son of a nutcracker."

--vm--

The community hall is dawned in traditional colours of red, green and white. Veronica's dressed in black with a cheerful Christmas hat as she settles the closed boxes of cookies on the table. She counts to make sure that she's brought batches of the different types of cookies that she's made and she lingers on the fruit cake cookies, her finger tracing the label.

"What cookie are you making that needs raisins?" Meg asks, brows furrowed, unable to think of a time they'd ever used raisins in their recipes.

As naturally as she can, Veronica answers, "Fruit cake."

"Fruit cake cookies? Ronica, no one's gonna want to eat that."

She can't blame Meg for saying that, she had the same thought when he'd mentioned it to her. It doesn't matter if no one else eats it, as long as he does. "I know someone who will."

"Someone?" Meg pipes, eyes glowing with intrigue as she looks expectantly at her sister.

"Logan," Heather chips, giddy grin on her lips as she snatches a few raisins to nibble on.

"Shut up," Veronica snipes, decidedly ignoring both of her sister's coos and teasing as she carefully reads the worn out writing from the old cookie recipe she'd gotten from Logan's mom.

"Lights are a-go," Leo calls from up the ladder, snapping her from her daze. She looks up at him and he gives her a quick thumps up.

"Thanks, deputy," Veronica shouts through the noise of the community hall. "You'll make a fine little helper yet!"

Veronica looks at her notepad, checking various tasks off her list when she bumps into her little sister, wide eyes and crooked smile that could only mean trouble.

Veronica narrows her eyes at her and asks, "Why are you smiling like that?"

"What are you talking about? This is the way I always smile," Heather says, fast and unconvincing as she tries to hold her smile.

"Heather Mars," she emphasizes, warningly.

"Oh, do you hear that?" Heather makes a show of cupping her ear. "It's the sound of Christmas. Gotta go, byeee." Heather skedaddles, grabbing Ophelia's hand and running off.

Veronica's eyes widen considerably as she turns to the middle school church choir, loudly singing a rendition of Deck the Halls. "Why are you singing? There's no one here."

"You're here," Lauren - a girl she remembers from Heather's class - says, staring at her pointedly.

"I meant guests," Veronica sighs, not wanting to deal with a choir of kids. "You kids are here way too early," she mumbles underneath her breath, shaking her head. "Inga! Help, please!" She calls out loud and hears the 'yes, Vehronika' come from the distance.

--vm--

"We just gotta get a new one," Heather suggests, optimistic and bright with no reason to be. "Without anyone figuring out we broke the first one.”

Full on panic mode activated, Ophelia paces back and forth with her hands to her head. "We're eleven! How are we gonna get to a store? We don't have transport, we don't have money, and Veronica is gonna kill us. We ruined Christmas!”

"You're spiralling! Look, we'll just make one and everything will be okay because we're kids and our crafts are cute."

"How are we gonna make an angel? There's no time for paper mache to dry."

"We improvise, Felia! We didn't get an A in Arts and Crafts for nothing."

--vm--

"Hey, Veronica."

"Deputy Sacks," Veronica smiles. "You ready to get your ho-ho-ho-ing on?"

He gives her a sheepish smile with flash of guilt shimmering in his eyes. "Yeah, about that."

Veronica's smile falls and her eyes grow wide in panic as he tells her that he has a date and can't be Santa tonight.

--vm--

Veronica pulls out her puppy dog eyes and head tilt. "Leo, please."

"Veronica," he sighs, giving her a helpless look.

"Every time there's a Christmas party without a Santa, an angel loses its wings."

"Come on, you know that's not true," he swallows, trying to look away from her pleading gaze.

She pouts. "The kids need you, Leo!"

"Alright, alright," he sighs once again. "Gimme that."

She eagerly thrusts it towards him, wiping away tears that don't exist as she praises, "You're a real St. Nick, Leo, the sheriff of Christmas."

--vm--

"Ho, ho, ho, to me," Wallace grins, snatching a cookie to eat.

"Fennel!" Veronica gasps as she appears from behind him. "Stealing cookies?"

"I’ve been good,” he playfully defends. “I deserve cookies."

She chuckles, shaking her head. “I sent a whole box to your house."

"But these are here and I'm tired after carrying all those presents."

“Got 'em all?” She asks, bright and hopeful, it’s one of the last thing on her list.

“You know it,” he grins, pridefully biting on his cookie.

She matches his grin, "Santa ain’t got nothin’ on you.”

--vm--

"Why are you wearing a Santa's costume?" Veronica stares at Vinnie with an unhinged look of grossed out.

He gawks at her, pointing at her with his white gloved finger. "You told me you didn't have a Santa!"

"It wasn't an invitation!" She defends; she was stuck taking care of mishap after mishap (deliveries gone wrong, criminals that stole her little helpers away, dates that stole her Santa away) and so she'd called Vinnie to tell him that she couldn't come into work (and now somehow she's got herself two Santas). "You just conveniently had a Santa suit just laying around?"

He looks at her as though she's ridiculous to think otherwise, remarking with a simple, "Doy."

--vm--

"Oh! These are just adorable," Inga gushes, flipping through the photographs Meg's showing her. "Oh! Backup looks like an angel, he belongs on the cover of a Christmas card."

Heather perks up, nudging Ophelia to pay attention, silently whispering that she's got an idea.

Meg beams, "He is so cute! Oh! How are Trixie and Bud?"

"Trixie just had puppies. There's only one left."

Heather grins slow and wide, whipping around and nears the talking duo. "Can I see those?"

"You've already seen them," Meg tells her, smiling as Inga shuffles to get pictures of the new borns.

"Can't I see them again?" Heather pouts. "I mean, isn't that the reason pictures even exist."

Meg's brows furrow, warily eyeing her sister but lets her take the pictures and skip away.

Inga hands Meg her lot of puppy pictures which causes the college girl to gasp with awe. "They are so cute!"

The old woman smiles warmly, then her eyes catch a boy coming towards them, looking straight at Meg. "You have a visitor," Inga says, giggling as she comments about how it's not just the puppies that are cute.

Meg doesn't hide her smile as she indulges Inga with an exaggerated oh, stop it before turning around. "Hey," Meg softly smiles in greeting. "You're here early.

Hamilton smiles back, dimples peeking out and he shrugs with his hands in his pocket. "Just felt like seeing you."

--vm--

The very last thing on Veronica's list is the Christmas tree. All they had to do was move it from the backroom to the hall which Hamilton had happily volunteered to help her do. Once that was done, it was Meg's turn to host and she was done with her duties.

Only, once they got to the backroom, the Christmas tree had been missing an angel.

Storming out of the room, Veronica finds Heather and grits, "Where is the angel statue?"

Heather's eyes widen and then she let's out a breath, with a face of righteousness. "Well, I found that the depiction of an angel has been devastatingly in accurate so I corrected it. Backup is a true angel, don't you think?"

After many failed attempts at trying to create an angel to replace the one on top of the tree, Heather had given up. She'd decided to use an easy peasy star. But then, the idea to use Backup's picture hit her like a lightning bolt when she'd heard Inga describe him as an angel.

It was perfect because everyone loved Backup and there was nothing more pure and top of the tree worthy (she could at least sell the story to her father).

So she'd picked the cutest one (it felt like Sophie's choice) and clipped it on top of the tree. Wallace helped (she's no snitch though).

"Heather," Veronica stares at her, upset and unbudging.

"Is that disagreement, I hear? Because let me tell you that's a sure way for me to win #1 spot on his list."

Fed up, she asks, "What'd you do with the angel?"

"I told you -"

"Heather!"

"Okay, it broke!" She confesses. "I swear it was an accident and I tried replacing it but that didn't work out and this was the best I could do but I stand by the undeniable fact that Backup is indeed an angel."

Veronica lets out a heavy sigh, trying with all her might to let go of her anger. "It's fine. It's fine," she grits, turning away from her sister and walking out the door.

--vm--

"Vehronika?" Inga calls. "Is this cookies for the table?" She asks, holding up the fruit cake cookies.

"Uh, yeah," she bites her lip. "Let me take it."

Inga hands over the box with the smile and Veronica takes it graciously. Her fingertips tap at the box as she stares at the door. She should leave them open them up to the public but she doesn't want to just yet. There's no denying that she's made it for him. She wants him to eat it. She just doesn't know where he is yet. So she tucks the box under her arm for safe keeping.

"Dude, all I'm saying that is Spike and Buffy belong together," she hears the loud voice of one Dick Casablancas.

Her mouth curves in a smile and she turns around, easily spotting the tall blond coming towards her accompanied by her red hair streaked friend.

"And I'm just stating that she loves Angel," comes Mac's rebuttal.

Veronica's eyes move past them, searching the crowd for Logan but he never comes.

"Veronica, Spike or Angel?" Mac asks, coming to a halt in front of the petite blonde.

Unblinking at the question, she looks between them and asks, "Where's Logan?"

Dick shrugs, trying to stifle his giggles as he prompts, "Why? You want what's left of him?"

"Dick," Mac nudges him, shooting him a disapproving glance.

"Alright, alright, man. I don't know. Maybe he was hungry. Or burning," he cracks up, giggling to himself.

Mac smacks his shoulder while Veronica rolls her eyes, unimpressed.

Then there's a sinking realization she has that Logan might not be coming at all; she keeps her eye on the door just in case.

--vm--

The middle scholars stand on the podium, Heather and Ophelia have joined them, slotting themselves in the middle row dawned in their themed coloured gowns.

Meg stands in front of them, microphone in hand as she thanks everyone for attending and goes on to say, "Grandpa Mars used to say, ‘the heart knows what it wants even when the head doesn’t." She paused for a moment looking directly at Veronica, giving her a pointed smile before turning her gaze to the rest of the room.

"And Christmas is the true celebration of the heart. It's love, it's family, it's togetherness. It's magic in its purest form. Today, to express that magic we have Neptune Middle School's Choir to sing the Christmas classic All I Want For Christmas is You," Meg ends, awarding an applause from the crowd.

Veronica leans closer to her dad and whispers, "Did grandpa really say that?"

Keith shrugs, eyes on the stage as the girls take over the microphone and start to sing. "Sound advice, don't you think?"

She bites back a smile and remarks, "You mean, don't I feel?"

His gaze moves from the stage onto her and he questions, "What do you feel?"

Her brows shoot, her lips pursed in presumed thought and she quips, "All I want for Christmas is a pony?"

--vm--

She can't deny that every time someone came through the door, she was hoping it'd be Logan. She'd kept his box of cookies sealed away, unable to let it be in the line of consumption when the person she'd made it for hadn't even tasted it yet.

That's how she finds herself standing in front of the Echolls' door. She lets out a breath and presses the bell, standing awkwardly as she stares at the closed door.

She considers pressing the bell again and then has thoughts about what if he doesn't want to see her? What if he isn't home?

Just before she loses her nerve, she gives the bell another ring. It takes two minutes - longest minutes of her life - before the door opens revealing Logan in all his bed hair, groggy eyes and bare chested glory.

She blows out a breath, eyes flickering down to his chest and abs as he adjusts to the light of the outside.

"You didn't come to the party," she says, airy and questioning - she wonders if he hears the disappointment she felt every time she didn’t see him today.

He stares at her, head to toe, taking in the fact that she's really in front of him. "You wanted space," comes his soft and sleep hazed voice. "After what happened, Heather wasn't gonna let you have that if I was there."

Her eyes stay on him as she tries to focus but her eyes can't help straying to his naked chest. Taking a breath, she pushes the box in her hands towards him. "I made you fruit cake cookies.”

His face slowly breaks into a smile as his fingers graze over hers in acceptance of the box. "You did?"

Eyes locked on his, her lips curl into a smile and she reminds, "You said you liked them."

"I do," he doesn't hide the hope springing into his entire being. "Do you wanna come in?"

She nods, stepping forward her eyes flicker up the door way. "Is that mistletoe?"

Logan follows her line of sight and looks up, squinting his eyes to clear his vision. "I think it's Holly."

She bites her lip, tilting her head as she gives him a pointed look. "I'm pretty sure it's mistletoe."

He refocuses on her, eyes bright with understanding and a wide grin comes over his face. "Then it must be."

He leans into her, softly letting his lips cover hers until she grabs a hold of his face and deepens their kiss, sucking on his upper lip and pulling his face closer to hers. Their noses clash and she feels herself falling desperately into him but she doesn’t care, she just doesn’t want to stop kissing him.

"You know you don't need a reason to kiss me," he whispers over her lips, smile unfading. "I'm yours to kiss whenever."

Dazed, she lightly nods. Her fingers hold onto his face and she kisses him again. He draws her into him, box of cookies in one hand and the other on her waist as he kicks the door shut.

He leaves the cookies on the first surface he finds and continues to kiss her. She climbs onto him, fuelled by the kiss and her burning need for him. He swirls them around, holding tightly onto her as he kisses her back, tongue slipping into her mouth, hugging her tightly to his chest.

Breaking away, he smiles, chuckling into her mouth accompanied by soft languid kisses, feeling her solid body with both his hands. "I missed you," he says, spinning her around.

She laughs, relieved and happy in his arms. Her fingers caressing his face, her blue eyes steadily on his, a smile of wonderment on her face as she says, "I love you."

He grins, wide and bright, spinning around in his living room as they kiss in soft, gentle pecks. "I love you too."

"I am pretty lovable," she remarks offhandedly, her hands holding onto his bicep as they fall onto the couch.

"You are," he kisses her. "You are, you are," he peppers her neck with kisses, letting her fall onto her back.

She giggles, pulling him over her and kissing him senseless as her hands run along his naked back.

"You've officially made this the best Christmas ever," he murmurs into her skin, her eyes close, revelling in the sensations he's bringing to her.

"It's not Christmas yet," she playfully tells him, her warm breath hitting his cheek before she kisses along his jaw and up to his earlobe.

He aches into her, holding the back of her neck in his palm, he moves them upwards, bringing her onto his lap. "I don't see how anything could beat having you in my arms again."

"Challenge accepted," she whispers, grinning and nose touching as she dives in to kiss him on his lips.

He meets her mouth, eager to kiss her as much as possible, his hands go to her backside, bringing her closer into him and she moans, hovering above him, palms on his jaw and her hips lining with his.

Her eyes open, looking into his, their lips barely touching and their breathes mixing.

He wasn't expecting her when he'd opened the door, he's unbelievably happy that it was her.

Her fingers slide down his chest and she kisses his neck, laying butterfly kisses and teeth grazing his bare skin, biting and sucking while his hand tangles in her hair and he groans, holding her tight against him before pulling her away.

She stares at him quizzing as he tries to catch his breath. "Didn't that feel good?"

"Of course it did," he breathes out, trying to regain his sense and holding her waist down onto him. "So good. Just dizzy. Jugular, bobcat," he explains, exhaling a light chuckle and tucking her hair behind her ear. "God, it felt so good," he assures, caressing her hands. "But kinda need the blood to keep circulating to my brain if I wanna keep up with you."

"Oh," she softly lets out, small smile on her lips.

He grins, hands moving to her thighs. "There's lots of other places you can bite."

"Yeah?" She grins, fingers sprawled against his abs.

He hums, kissing her nose. "If you have time?"

"We have all the time," she kisses him on the mouth. "I'm not going anywhere."

His head cocks to the side and he looks at her with surprise, "Does that mean no curfew?"

She straightens up a bit and shakes her head. "Oh, no, sheriff's terms and conditions still apply. I just meant, you know, in general."

He nods, wide smile as he kisses her, again and again. He never tires of kissing Veronica Mars. "I'm so glad you're here."

She licks her lips, staring into his eyes with unbridled love and tells him, "So am I."

[freenewstoday]

New Post has been published on https://freenews.today/2021/02/16/fantasy-hockey-waiver-watch-nick-schmaltz-and-max-comtois-lead-weekly-pickups/

Fantasy hockey waiver watch: Nick Schmaltz and Max Comtois lead weekly pickups

Every week, we’ll mine the waiver wire for lesser-rostered assets to help your squad, whether you favor dynasty or the redraft format, and we’ll also toss in some tips for DFS players out there. Finally, we will look at some former go-to fantasy hockey assets who may be overvalued – in the short- or long-term – for one reason or another.

Forwards

Nick Schmaltz, C/LW/RW, Arizona Coyotes (33.5%): Somewhat quietly, the Coyotes’ top center has amassed six goals and six assists in 14 games – a third of those points counting with the man-advantage. Competing with Conor Garland and Clayton Keller, Schmaltz will continue to produce with regularity. Useful in all but the shallowest of standard ESPN.com leagues, his multi-positional eligibility only adds to his fantasy charm.

Join or create a league in the No. 1 Fantasy Hockey game, and play your way with custom scoring and lineup features.

Create or join a league today >>

Max Comtois, LW, Anaheim Ducks (9.3%): It took 15 games, but I’m finally crawling aboard the Comtois fantasy bandwagon. After a two-week dry spell, the 22-year-old is back in rhythm with three goals and a helper in four contests. With twice as many goals as any other member of the Ducks – sadly illustrating how ineffective the squad is at scoring right now – the young forward looks to be coming into his own as an NHL full-timer. Comtois has a place in deeper leagues, particularly of the keeper variety. The young lad isn’t shy to throw a hit either. I’m only a bit surprised he hasn’t accumulated more penalty minutes to date. But there’s still plenty of season left.

Joe Thornton, C, Toronto Maple Leafs (9.1%): He’s back healthy, plugged in a top line and power play with Auston Matthews and Mitch Marner. With Wayne Simmonds out for weeks (broken wrist), there’s even greater pressure on Thornton to be more than just a leader and veteran presence in the room. The Leafs need him to contribute to the scoresheet as well. Or those top assignments will be doled out to others.

Robby Fabbri, C/LW, Detroit Red Wings (4.0%): Absorb this fantasy endorsement with a healthy side serving of wary skepticism. Often through no fault of his own (injuries/bad luck), Fabbri has burned me following commendations in years past. But three goals and an assist (plus-six) in four games can’t be ignored. Plus there’s his role on a scoring line with Anthony Mantha and spot on the Red Wings’ top power play. Fabbri is competing like someone who deserved to be drafted 21st overall in 2014. If needing a roster plug, get the most of him before he breaks your fantasy-managing heart.

2 Related

Mats Zuccarello, RW, Minnesota Wild (2.1%): Recovered from offseason arm surgery, Zuccarello is expected to make his 2020-21 debut against the Kings on Tuesday. Having enjoyed a good number of productive spells in years’ past, the former Ranger is worth watching as he settles back into Minnesota’s lineup. Ranking 22nd in league scoring, the club could certainly use a boost in that department. Depending on where he eventually slots in, the veteran winger might be worth grabbing in deeper leagues. No rush though.

Ivan Barbashev, C/LW, St. Louis Blues (1.8%): Seemingly inspired by a recent motivational chat with coach Craig Berube, Barbashev has two goals and an assist (plus-four) to show for consecutive victories over Arizona. After a lethargic start to the campaign, the 25-year-old appears to have rediscovered his scoring groove. Seeing heavy minutes on a top line with David Perron and Ryan O’Reilly doesn’t hurt either. Roster Barbashev while he’s not. The Blues face the Coyotes once and Sharks twice this week.

Defenders

David Savard, Columbus Blue Jackets (15.7%): The Columbus blueliner is emerging as a steady fantasy asset in any league that rewards a commitment to physical and defensive play. Fourth in the league in blocked-shots (37), the veteran ranks seventh among defensemen in hits (41). The odd assist – Savard hasn’t scored a goal since 2018-19 – serves as bonus.

Catch NHL games streaming live every night (and on replay) this season on ESPN+. Click here for the upcoming schedule and to learn how to subscribe.

Dante Fabbro, Nashville Predators (5.2%): The 22-year-old presents as one bright spot on an underachieving Predators’ squad that isn’t performing well enough. Filling a role in the top-four and competing on the secondary power play, Fabbro has two goals and two assists in his most recent four games. Drafted 17th overall in 2016, the young defenseman appears more comfortable in his second full NHL season. With Mattias Ekholm listed as week-to-week, Nashville will need everything they can get out of the Boston University Alumnus. Fabbro merits at least a look in deep leagues.

See also: Justin Schultz, Washington Capitals

Goaltenders

Elvis Merzlikins, Columbus Blue Jackets (46.4%): Activated off injured reserve, Merzlikins is back in Columbus’ goaltending mix. Another shaky performance from Joonas Korpisalo – we’ll see how he fares against Carolina on Monday – and we’re almost sure to see the Blue Jackets’ other netminder between the pipes versus the Predators Thursday. If truly feeling fit, there’s a good chance he starts regardless. And coach John Tortorella won’t hesitate in offering Merzlikins, who posted good numbers before falling hurt, more opportunities going forward if he serves as the steadier presence.

Lowered expectations

Mikko Koskinen, Edmonton Oilers (68.9%): Veteran Mike Smith is earning his second-straight start after shutting out the Canadiens on Thursday. The veteran netminder looked nearly as good in holding the Senators to one goal in a win earlier that week. If Smith – who appears brimming with confidence at present – keeps up with such dominating performances, we’ll see less of Koskinen over the next while.

Source

[equinoxparanormal]

These are the True Sinister Origins behind 5 Popular Christmas Stories

Forget everything you think you know about Christmas and discover the evil side of this ironically festive holiday. Try to celebrate after reading about the sinister back stories to the Christmas characters and rituals usually thought of with fond affection. You’ll learn that dark history always wins over sanitized commercialism.

5) Tomtin - Santa's Little Vampire Helpers

Before Christianity arrived in Germany’s Black Forest, the Tomtin were Nacht Rupert’s evil assistants. Dressed in red (to signify the color of blood), these nasty, dwarfish creatures accompanied Nacht Rupert on his visits, where he would give gifts to the faithful and kill those who had strayed.

Christmas bells take on a horrifying twist when you consider that Nacht Rupert carried chains with bells on them. The Christians later replaced him with St. Nicholas – to make him more acceptable, while the Tomtin were replaced with Christmas elves – also known as Santa’s little helpers.

The Tomtin would race ahead of St. Nicholas and drag children out of their beds to interrogate them about their faith. If they were ignorant or answered wrongly, the Tomtin beat them with their sticks while St. Nicholas stoned them with coal. When the blood was flowing, the Tomtin would lick the blood flowing from their wounds.

The Tomtin would then take the hearts and livers of their victims and give them to their Master. These devilish, bloodthirsty creatures were often featured on quaint Christmas cards and later evolved into the garden gnomes you see today, although most people nowadays think of them as harmless little statues.

4) Perchta – the Female Krampus

Originally a Pagan Goddess who governed cultural taboos, like rules against spinning wool on the holidays, she soon morphed into a frightening, two-faced witch who could appear as a sweet maiden or a hook-nosed, green faced crone. She was mostly featured in the folklore of Austria and Bavaria.

Said to stalk the countryside during midwinter, Perchta visits during the twelve days between Christmas and the Epiphany (particularly the twelfth night) – where she judges the children and young people of the homes she investigates. She’ll appear in her maiden form and leave a silver coin for those who’ve behaved themselves.

Otherwise, she will slice their guts open, take out their entrails and stomach, then stuff the gaping hole with stones and straw. This gruesome punishment is also reserved for those who eat anything but the traditional feast of gruel and fish – on the night of her feast day.

Followers of Perchta leave food and drink for her, in the hopes of gaining favor, along with riches and abundance for the following year. If you know you’ve been more naughty than nice, you might want to leave an offering to appease this violent witch, in case she decides to pay a visit.

3) Saturnalia – The Original Purge

The idea of flipping the rules on a special period of celebration began in Roman times, where the Pagan holiday of Saturnalia included a time between December 17th and 25th where laws were ignored and courts were closed. No one could be punished for hurting people, performing bizarre sexual acts or damaging property during this time.

The authorities selected an enemy of the Roman people to symbolize the “Lord of Misrule” – which was repeated throughout the different communities in the Roman Empire. These enemies were forced to eat, drink and be merry – including carnal pleasures – during the week, and on December 25th they were brutally murdered.

These apparently innocent men and women were scapegoats for the Romans, who used them as sacrifices at the Temple of Saturn, in order to destroy the forces of darkness. During Saturnalia, gambling was allowed, masters served their slaves and it was called the “best of days” by Catullus, a Roman poet.

Other nefarious activities included rape, public intoxication, eating human-shaped biscuits (these days we consume Gingerbread men and women) and the people would sing naked – going from house to house – which was a naughty precursor to the much-loved Christmas caroling performed by people today.

2) Krampus – Dark Lord of Christmas

Have you been naughty or nice? Originating in the Alpine traditions, the Krampus is a dark goat-man complete with curved horns, a hideous face and a red, lolling tongue. Sometimes dressed in rags and masks, he drags chains and carries a basket for naughty children.

On December 5th – known as “Krampusnacht” – this monster stalks the streets while St. Nicholas gives gifts to the good children. Sometimes Krampus will give bad children coal or bunches of twigs, other times he whips them with chains or carries them off - to be eaten, drowned or sent to Hell.

Considered to be the dark essence of the Horned God, Krampus is also depicted with cloven hooves and fangs. The chains represent the Christian Churches’ attempts to bind him. Throughout Europe, his image was used to frighten children into behaving themselves.

Sometimes considered to be St. Nicholas’ assistant, he is also seen on his own – wandering around at night – peering into windows to see if he can find tasty morsels to drag back to his lair. Pray that all you get is a lump of coal or a light whipping, as the alternative is too terrifying to contemplate.

1) Satanic Santas

Some say that Santa is an anagram for Satan, seeing as he was also known as “Old Nick” – although Santa is said to have been derived from Saint Nicholas. Others compare Santa to the Norse God “Odin”, who’s from the North and has an all-seeing eye, like Santa sees when you’re sleeping and knows when you’re awake.

Odin gives presents at Yuletide to his followers when they honor him at their sacred fir trees. A more sinister comparison is Hans Trapp, who punishes bad children in certain parts of France. He was an evil, rich man who also happened to be a Satanist and was excommunicated from the Catholic Church.

After being exiled into the forest, he dressed as a scarecrow and kidnapped children in order to be cannibalized. He was hit by lightning and killed while preparing to eat a young boy. Some believe that he continues to visit children dressed as a scarecrow in order to make sure they behave themselves.

People who live near the mountainous regions near Alsace and Lorraine keep their eyes peeled for a glimpse of Hans Trapp, who hopes to fill his cooking pot with the flesh of naughty children around Christmas time.

[Backpackerverse]

[themousefromfantasyland]

The Creatures of Yuletide: The Companions of Saint Nicholas

Do you know what Santa has in common with Batman? They don’t work alone, but adaptations what you to believe they do

Art by Spearhafoc on Deviantart

A common motif in European Christmas lore is that when old St. Nick goes to deliver gifts to well-behave children he often doesn’t go alone. The Companions are the figures who would assist him in his role as a gift-giver, and they change a lot depending on the time period and local.

In theory, these companions are local variants of the same guy, a somber and darker figure that would punish the bad kids, while Nicholas himself would reward the good ones. Krampus, who I talked about in my last post, is one of these, and his characterization as a half-goat demon comes from the context of the alpine region. The context of the place in question and the way the legends about St. Nicholas are told there shape the form of the sidekick that comes with him. In some places the companion assumed the form of a terrifying old man, in others, he stays in the middle ground with Krampus, as scary man with horns.

Some of them came to a more positive light is recent times and are considered now the Robin to St. Nick’s Batman.

I will talk about three of them today.

Quick note, where’s my Christmas movie where Santa is a (Batman voice) “I work alone” type of hero and then a young wide-eyed sidekick comes in and says, “Teach me in the ways of Christmas, Santa!”. I would watch it

Knecht Ruprecht

“From out the forest I now appear;

To proclaim that Christmastime is here!

now speak, what is there here to be had?

Are there good children, are there bad?”

“Knecht Ruprecht”, Theodor Storm

In my last posts I made a mistake. I associate Krampus with Germany, but now, it seems like he’s more from the Austria and the Alpine region as a whole. Germans have the Knecht Ruprecht, and instead of being a half-goat demon from Hell, he’s a sinister man with a black beard bearing a black furry robe, a chain and bells along with a bundle of birch sticks to punish the naughty children. The word Knecht in German means servant or farmhand, so in English his name would be Servant Ruprecht or Farmhand Ruprecht, and you can even get a Rupert or Robert if you anglicized his name.

It seems that in traditional German Christmas lore, it’s the Christkind, a magical version of baby Jesus, who brings gifts on Christmas Eve. However, Saint Nicholas do appear, but only on December 5th, the eve of his feast, bringing along Ruprecht. St Nicholas would open the big book to see if the devil had written anything bad about the children. Then Knecht Ruprecht would ask them if they knew their prayers. Kids who had been good and could recite the Lord’s prayer would be given apples or nuts by Nicholas as a treat. Bad children would receive sticks, coal, or could even be stuffed in Ruprecht’s sack and be dragged away to never be seen again.

I don’t know if this is true, but during my research I learned that some German parents went to great lengths to teach their misbehaving kids a lesson. They actually had someone to take them away, and some even remember being taken out to the woods. Don’t mess around with Germans!

His backstory is nebulous. Remember what I told, variants of the same guy. In some tellings he is closer to Krampus, with horns in his head as a result. In others he is a wounded foundling that St Nicholas rescued and raised. And in others he is told to be the butcher from St. Nicholas’ lore, that would inspire our next companion.

Père Fouettard

French for, “Father Whipper”. One of the darkest and most vicious companions.

There’s a very dark legend about St. Nicholas. A butcher (in some versions an innkeeper) kills three children that were on their way to enroll in a religious boarding school. In some versions he and his wife drugged the kids, sliced their throats, cut them into pieces and put them in a salting tub. When St. Nicholas turned up at the door the butcher attempted to ingratiate himself to his visitor by offering him his best meat, the children. St Nicholas immediately discovered the horrible crime and brought the boys back to life and punished the butcher by forcing him to work alongside him for all eternity.

In France, it is Père Noël, Father Christmas, who distributes gifts to good children, generally on Christmas Eve, except in eastern France where St. Nicholas Day and the night of December 5th still are observed. He is traditionally accompanied by Père Fouettard.

Pere Fouettard is portrayed as a man with a creepy face, disheveled, messy hair, and a long white beard. He is often described as clothed in murky robes, covered in soot, wearing a scruffy hat and buckled shoes. He follows Père Noël/St. Nicholas from house to house, acting as his punisher, dispensing coal, and beatings to the naughty. In some tellings, he carries a wicker back-pack to carry naughty children away. It is also believed that Pere Fouettard tells St. Nicholas, which children misbehaved during the year, and consequently, they are deprived of the treat. Some even say that, he cuts out tongues of children who are caught lying.

Why in the world St. Nick would trust a cannibal child killer to be near children is beyond me.

Zwarte Piet, “Black Pete”

Oh boy! You know where this is going!

Zwarte Piet is that type of character that the more you research, the worse it gets

Sinterklaas is the form that Saint Nicholas assumes in the Netherlands and Belgium, and he is the main source for the American Santa Claus.

In the first Saturday after 11 November, he arrives by a steamboat at a designated seaside town, coming from Spain. In the Netherlands this takes place in a different port each year, whereas in Belgium it always takes place in the city of Antwerp. The steamboat anchors, then Sinterklaas disembarks and parades through the streets on his white horse, welcomed by children cheering and singing traditional Sinterklaas songs. He then parades through schools, hospitals, and shopping centers until the evening of December 5th, where he would deliver gifts to the children.

I will admit, this sounds so much cooler and more fun than modern day Santa.

Sinterklaas has a sidekick, a moor from Spain, Zwarte Piet, the Black Pete, usually portrayed as a blackface caricature, wearing a colorful Renaissance attire in addition to curly wigs and bright red lipstick. His role is to be Nicholas’ servant, a rascal and a prankster, amusing children and distributing traditional sweets during parades and public events. In older lore he was said to act just like the other companions, punishing bad children with coal in their shoes and threatening to kidnap them.

Some older traditional Sinterklaas songs claim that he and Sinterklaas could even drag the naughty kids to their home in Spain, were they would force them to work in their workshop for an entire season or longer. They essentially used slave labor! 😬

Some link him and Sinterklaas to Odin, and Huggin and Munnin. Huginn and Muninn would often fly through the Nine Realms, bringing a report of who was good and who was bad back to Odin. So, the black guy's role may have come from Odin’s crows 😬

Others link him to Krampus and Krampus-like figures, evil demons who were show to be under the control of Saint Nicholas and the power of God. According to a theory firstly proposed by Karl Meisen, Zwarte Piet and many other companions, like Krampus, were inspired by these enslaved demons.

Zwarte Piet and many modern traditions about him and Sinterklaas came from a children's book written school teacher Jan Schenkman, in 1850. The book was titled Sint Nikolaas en zijn Knecht, "Saint Nicholas and his Servant". In Schenkman's version, the devil figure that followed St. Nicholas was changed to a Moorish helper.

More modern lore presents him as a more of a Robin-like figure, a more heroic and charismatic sidekick. He is said to be a Turkish orphan rescued by St Nick, or an Ethiopian slave freed by him. Or he is just completely whitewashed, and the dark skin is explained as the ashes and ambers from the chimneys.

He is very controversial, and said to be a remnant of colonialism, slavery and racism. Some say he may be even inspired by a slave brought by one member of Dutch Royal family in market in Cairo in the mid-19th century.

As far as I know, Netherlands is very divided into those who want to keep the tradition, and others who see him as racist stereotype. A lot of protests and acts of violence had come from this simple problematic character. It’s very common for neo-nazi groups who want to keep him as he is to brutally attack and threw racial slurs on those who want a revised version of the character or his removal from the holiday tradition altogether.

[ivan-yakingoff]

'Twas the Night Before Christmas - Sermon Style

This evening I want to look at the very famous and familiar text "'Twas the Night Before Christmas". What we want to see is that this text is presenting to us a declaration of Santa Claus, and in this declaration there are three movements. There is: first of all, Preparation for the coming of Santa Claus; second of all, There is the coming of Santa Claus; and finally, The description of Santa Claus. So please, listen very carefully as I convey to you how the writer presents this declaration of Santa Claus to us.

'Twas the night before Christmas. Now look what the writer has said here. We are informed right at the very beginning that it was the night before Christmas-a very special holiday. You see, it will not do that this was the night before Thanksgiving, or the night before Dominion Day, or even the night before Mother's Day. No, this was the night before Christmas.

Notice also that the writer has said this was the night before Christmas. It was not a night; it was the night. For instance, it was not one of the twelve nights of Christmas, this was the night before Christmas. Now watch as we continue- When all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

Now right away the author has let us know this could not be __(wherever_you_are)__ because there are all kinds of mice running around this place. So the writer continues-The stockings were hung by the chimney with care; they'd been worn for two weeks and they needed the air.

No, no, not actually. That does have good manuscript readings, but that is really not the best rendering of the text. Really it says, according to the majority of scholars-The stockings were hung by the chimney with care - now watch - in hope St. Nicholas soon would be there. The children were nestled all snug in there beds, while visions of sugar plums danced in there heads.

Now that's a very meaningful phrase, but perhaps to most of you not as meaningful as it should be, for there is in that statement a word that is perhaps not common to most of you. That word is "nestled". It probably doesn't really communicate as it used to at the time when this was written. During the historical period of the writer, this word had a different meaning altogether than it does in most circles today. You see, this word "nestled" is an old German word, usually seen in connection with chocolate. "Nestled" you know-"nestled chocolate"-which has been corrupted by the Americans to form "Nestles Chocolate". So the idea begins to form it's usually in context with chocolate.

Chocolate usually inferred warmth. If you want to convey that something is colored by an invitingly warm brown, you say that it was a chocolate brown; not chocolate warmth on a very cold evening. So you see, the writer was conveying something very tender-The children were all nestled - all chocolatey warm - all snug in their beds while visions of sugar plums danced in their heads. And that probably gives an idea of the age of the children, for if they were older other things would be dancing through their heads.

Now the writer continues in his information concerning the preparation for Santa's coming. Mama in her kerchief and I in my cap. Mama in her kerchief and I in my cap-now there must be more but that's all that it says, uh uh, uh uh. Had just settled down for a long winter's nap, when out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter. Away to the window I flew like a flash; threw open the shutters, and threw up the sash.

Now here we do have to go to the manuscripts, because this does not really make sense. Modern interpreters have altered the original text in order to avoid certain unpleasant realities. The better manuscripts read this way:

Away to the window I flew like a flash; threw open the shutters, and threw out the hash. The note of breath on the new fallen snow gave a luster of midday to objects below. When what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer. There was a little old driver so lively and quick, I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.

Now you see, we've moved out of the preparation for Santa Claus, and into the coming of St. Nick himself. Notice what the writer says as he keeps things in line with detail. Miniature sleigh-eight tiny reindeer-a little old driver. It would not do to have a miniature sleigh and a huge monstrous muskox; or eight tiny reindeer and a humungous, slobby truck driver. Attention to detail. See how the writer has so beautifully harmonized the detail.

More rapid than angels their courses they flew, he whistled and shouted and called them by name. Isn't that tender. Santa knows each reindeer and calls them by name. Oh, how beautiful. It's not just, "Hey you, out there, get moving" or "Get moving, team." Oh no, he calls each by name. Oh, how beautiful.

Now Dasher, now Dancer, now Prancer and Vixen, On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner, on Blitzen. Better read that again. Now let's get it settled once and for all here tonight-there is no Rudolph. Let's mark that down now, right here tonight; Rudolph is a modernistic fib that has been put into the source, and I'm convinced by the Communists-red nose and all.

But it's Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen; on Comet, on Cupid, on Donner, on Blitzen. To the top of the porch; to the top of the wall; now dash away, dash away, dash away all. So up on the housetop like horses they flew (now notice the harmony) with a sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too. You don't have the sleigh up here, and Santa down here; no, they're all up there together on the roof-perfect literary harmony.

And then in a twinkling I heard on the roof, the prancing and pawing of each tiny hoof. Now that's when you are glad they're tiny, otherwise there would be roofs caving in all over the place on Christmas Eve. As I drew in my head and was turning around, down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.

Now we have moved through the preparation and coming to perhaps what is the meat of the message-the actual description of Santa Claus himself. Now I want you to listen very carefully in the next few moments, our time is almost gone, but I'm sure you have read this passage many, many times but have missed what is really being said.

He was dressed all in fur from his head to his foot Did you get it? Why does it say "foot"? Why doesn't it say "feet"? Obviously he is dressed in fur to keep warm. He has fur all the way down one side to his foot. But evidently the other side doesn't need fur; it isn't affected by the cold. He has a wooden leg! So the very first thing I want you to see about Santa Claus is that he is a one-legged man.

Second, listen, it says His clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot He's dirty. He's a dirty, one-legged old man. And they're probably the worst kind. Now listen again.

A bundle of toys he had flung on his back I ask you, what is a grown man doing running around with toys? He's senile. He's a one-legged, dirty old senile man. He looked like a peddler unopening his sack; his eyes how they twinkled, his dimples how merry, his cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry.

Now once again, I ask you, why would a man have a red nose? He's been hitting the bottle. During working hours, too. He's a real alcoholic, this guy. The beard on his chin was as white as the snow He's unshaven; probably his hair isn't even combed. But that fact we are not sure of. So we have a one-legged dirty old man who is an alcoholic and hasn't shaved in weeks and plays with toys. But there is unfortunately more.

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth Now what kind of pipe? It could be a lead pipe. But the author goes on to state-And the smoke did encircle his head like a wreath. This alcoholic is smoking. I wonder what he's smoking? We're not told precisely from the text, but I wouldn't put it past this character. Pot-headed old man with a dirty habit showing irresponsibility smoking so close to a Christmas tree.

He had a broad face, and a round little belly that shook when he laughed like a bowl full of jelly. That is just a polite way of saying he was a sloppy, fat, dirty alcoholic. He is chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf; I laughed when I saw him in spite of myself. Well who wouldn't. I mean, if this guy came down your chimney and lands in your rec. room, what would you do? Laugh, or call the men in the white coats.

A wink in his eye--I don't think that's very nice and a twitch of his head, he gave me to know I had nothing to dread. He's not going to hurt you in his condition, so you might as well laugh.

He spoke not a word--antisocial-wouldn't even talk to those around him He went straight to his work--Probably the only decent thing about the man. Filled all the stockings and turned with a jerk.

Now watch the preposition. It's not "turned to a jerk"; that would shed a negative light on the witnessing writer. Rather it says "turned with a jerk". Evidently he has a helper, and this tells you the kind of company Santa keeps. Santa hangs around with a jerk.

And laying a finger the side of his nose (Now I definitely know that's not nice) and giving a nod, up the chimney he rose. He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle; away they all flew like the down of a thistle. I heard him exclaim e'er he drew out of sight, "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good-night."

Now, we must make sure we get the gist of this last expression. There is in the sentence what we refer to in the English language as an "elipsis". There is part of the expression missing and it must be supplied by the reader. "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good-night." To all what? There is something missing obviously. There is a pronoun missing, so it would have to be, "Merry Christmas to you all, and to you all a good-night" thus once and for all conclusively proving Santa Claus is not from the North Pole; he is from the South Pole.

[fathersonholygore]

Ahhhhh. The house smells of cinnamon and cookies, it’s warm, cozy. Hot chocolate, egg nog with an extra drop of something in it. Perfect time to settle in with some movies. Especially some scary ones, or at the very least something weird and wild. Santa-themed horror movies are a sub-genre unto their own. Usually it’s the typical slashers you’d expect. Then there are some truly great surprises, such as the disturbing psychothriller Christmas Evil, one of the greatest slashers ever made Black Christmas. And then there are other Christmas horror flicks, like the classic Gremlins. This year, I tried picking out a few holiday gems I haven’t included on lists for the previous years. Some of them aren’t so much gems as they are very rough yet enjoyable little trinkets picked out of the trough. Moreover, this isn’t a list that’s strict. I’m bending the rules; in certain cases, big time. Bear with me. We all celebrate the holidays in our own way. With that in mind, let’s take a look at a few horrors worth throwing on during the season, on a dark, snowy night, in the comfort of your home where nothing bad could ever happen so close to Christmas, right? RIGHT?

Oh, and if you’re mad at something I put on the list, get a grip on yourself – I’m in the holiday spirit, one way or another. Fucking sue me.

1) Tales from the Crypt (1972 film) 1st Segment: “And All Through the House”

Not only does this segment involve Joan Collins playing a housewife who’s had enough of her husband’s shit, murdering him, it also includes a killer Santa Claus in the form of an escaped asylum patient dressed as jolly ole Saint Nick roaming free in her neighbourhood. The murderous Mr. Claus arrives while Joan is trying to cover up what she’s done, so it makes for a real holiday treat. The part about this one that gets me is the Santa, he’s dishevelled and uneasy looking, exactly like an escaped mental patient who killed some Salvation Army bell ringer and stole his beard and outfit. Add that to a frantic Joan Collins trying her best to survive this horrible man, you’ve got some fine horror for Christmastime!

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Tales from the Crypt (TV series) Season 1, Episode 2: “And All Through the House”

This TV adaptation of the segment from the 1972 film isn’t as good, but it’s still damn fun. It’s got another solid lead female performance out of Mary Ellen Trainor, and Larry Drake as another really fucking eerie Santa. This one has a bit more dark humour than the relatively pitch black film segment. I love Trainor’s reactions to being told the police are heading to the neighbourhood to search for the escaped mental patient Santa, there’s just something hilariously disturbing about the whole thing. Plus, we do get a bit more than the 1972 version, simply because this is a full 22 minute episode rather than the segment itself being much shorter. Gives you more bang for the buck, either way.

2) Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale

Equal parts pseudo-archaeology, horror, and adventure, Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale takes the story of Santa Claus into fresh, unexplored territory. On the surface it’s similar to other holidays flicks, where you feel bad for a kid. Here, that kid is Pietari Kontio (Onni Tommila). He’s treated much like a dog. His father Rauno (Jorma Tommila) takes part in the reindeer slaughter. Business has been on the edge for a long while. Things aren’t great. A massive herd of reindeer have turned up dead, taking a worse chunk out of Rauno’s business. At the same time, there’s a British company digging into a mountain, they’ve found something peculiar: wood, and encased within it is tons of ice. Strange, no? That’s because Santa Claus is coming to town. Nothing to be happy about, not like the song says. If you’re looking for something pretty different from most other Killer Santa films, Rare Exports is the ticket. It’s definitely got some stuff to make you chuckle. It’s got even more to creep you the hell out!

3) Sint

Something endlessly hilarious about Christmas and Santa are how deadly serious people can get over it. Forget the Christian stuff (reminder: it’s a pagan holiday, anyway) – especially in the US, conservatives can get wildly sensitive about the portrayal of Santa Claus, a fictitious entity that gives presents to all of the kids across the world who celebrate Christmas. That’s why it’s likewise endlessly enjoyable to see Santa treated as a malevolent, mean spirited entity rather than one bringing yuletide joy. Sint is the tale of Sinterklaas. Now, the legend of Sinterklaas says he’s not entirely evil, though he does have helpers called Zwarte Piet (Black Pete; whole thing traditionally gets a little too close to racism for my tastes, the movie avoids any of that nonsense). The film says shag that, this guy’s a creep. And boy, does he ever get evil, too. Director Dick Maas (De Lift, Amsterdamned) makes the legendary figure into a former bishop who has gone rogue, leading a gang of thieves looting villages. He’s killed one night, and every 23 years after, on that same night when a full moon is in the sky, the old bishop, St. Nicholas returns to kill. Dig in. This one’s fun, it’s weird, and makes no bones about doing its own thing. Fantastic Christmas horror! One of my favourite seasonal horror movies out there.

4) Good Tidings

This isn’t anything special, it’s not going to blow any minds. Good Tidings suffers from poor acting, whereas it excels in atmosphere. Particularly, the murderous Santa(s) here makes for true holiday terror. When three psychopaths lay siege to a homeless shelter celebrating Christmas, a poor war veteran must revert to old, long abandoned ways in order to help him and others survive. This has a lot of problems. Above all, this is creepy, there are lots of spooky scenes and little moments to unsettle you. The score, when it’s good, it is damn good, and a throwback to the 1980s when the killer Santa flick was thriving. Don’t expect too much, then this one will definitely provide a fun night with some friends, a glass of nog, and a bit of Christmas grub.

5) Silent Night, Bloody Night

Several films on the list are only barely connected to Christmas, Silent Night, Bloody Night is no exception. The event which acts as catalyst for the whole plot and story of the film involves Christmas Eve. Other than that it isn’t much related. Still, this is a pretty wild and genuinely good slasher before the sub-genre of horror was officially a thing. This was released in 1972, before Black Christmas, Halloween, any of the other films that defined the slasher going forward. Now I’m not daring to claim this was hugely influential, nor is it anywhere near as good as those aforementioned slasher flicks. Not at all. But, it’s interesting to see that this was doing things these other movies made staples of the sub-genre. Like the score, it’s a classic. And there’s lots of blood, blasphemous killing with the soiling of Christian iconography. In addition you’ve got some odd arthouse-style filmmaking going on, particularly when it gets to flashbacks to the Christmas Eve night in question. A wild ride all around. Definitely worth a shot around Christmas, to put you in that mood. Horrific Highlight: You’ll know what it is when you see it. The broken glass moment is one of fucking nightmares, it’s indescribable. Watch. Be terrorised.

6) Dexter Season 1, Episode 11: “Truth Be Told”

Just like the first Christmas episode of The X-Files, Dexter uses the holidays to dig deeper into its characters, namely the titular one, whose past begins to erupt further in “Truth Be Told” – not only do we gradually discover more bits of Dexter (Michael C. Hall), we discover more of the other characters, from Deb (Jennifer Carpenter) to the Ice Truck Killer himself. There are plenty of things going on here. The meat of the episode is the latest Ice Truck Killer crime scene, fine holiday treats for the forensic team and the cops to deal with, and though the whole episode isn’t Christmas-centric, the lights shine in the backdrop, the crime scene itself is smack dab in the midst of the holiday season. Then, when you get to the last few minutes, the plot gets cooking with gas. Doesn’t have tons of holiday flavour. What it does have is excellent suspense and tension. You can’t ask for more than that.

7) To All a Goodnight

The one and only feature film directed by actor David Hess (Krug from Last House on the Left and Alex in The House on the Edge of the Park) is, as expected, appropriately sleazy considering some of the films he’s done. This is a true Killer Santa premise, one that doesn’t stray at all from a formula that’s become the standard for Christmas horror. A group of young people + some breasts + bunch of blood courtesy of a naughty Santa + isolated environment + redder than red herrings = To All a Goodnight. Nothing special. Yet the cinematography’s surprising, really enjoyable. Then there’s the classic slasher score, which aids in building good suspense for the mostly by-the-numbers stuff; add to that a little eccentric music, it gives the score something extra. A lot of this is generic. It’s still fun, creepy at times, and just a proper flick to toss on with some friends at Christmas, if for nothing else but to have a laugh.

8) Prometheus

Ridley Scott’s Prometheus (just like Alien: Covenant) gets shit on a lot. Father Gore loves both these films. Because they’re fun, they’re vast stories with far reaching themes, and we get more of the birth of the xenomorph, the world Scott began building in ’79 with the masterpiece, Alien. For all the shit it gets, Prometheus is a fantastic sci-fi film. And, I’m going to go out on a limb suggesting the Christmas connection isn’t one that’s added for nothing. It’s not merely fodder for a fun Idris Elba moment. We’re dealing with thematic content here concerning the existence of a God, as humans have known it. Follow me here. If Elizabeth Shaw (Noomi Rapace) and Charlie Holloway (Logan Marshall-Green) prove that God doesn’t exist, at least not in the form Christianity imagined, then there’s no birth of Christ, all that. Therefore, no Christmas. So, for me, the holiday specific scene in Prometheus is an especially tragic one, like we’re watching this Christmas go on in the shadow of much bigger things, perhaps the last Christmas as they know it.

9) The Children

Technically, this is cheating: The Children takes place just before the New Year. However, it’s a snowy, holiday-themed horror, it’s got the vibes of a Christmas horror flick. I vote it goes on the list. And, well, there’s nobody to stop me, right? And lord, is this ever a brutal, effective, mean little film. At only 80 minutes, director Tom Shankland’s The Children pulls not a single punch. It’s well acted, particularly in the case of Hannah Tointon who plays Casey, the sole teenager in the story. It’s a nasty horror, crossing the borders of decency in all the right ways, asking violent questions about the differences between adults and children in a primitive sense, as well as just a plain tense movie. Special Mention: The editing and sound design during the dinner scene will have you stressed out, ready to snap yourself. But the kids, they snap first. Boy, do they ever snap. This is the worst – in an appropriate way for the plot – dinner scene in cinema history, or at least in the top three. Makes me physically tense. Love it; but I’m a masochist.

10) All Through the House

This one isn’t one you’ll write home about – do not anticipate any impressive acting, above all else. If you can check expectations at the door, All Through the House plays out as a significant, relatively fresh twist on the Killer Santa sub-genre of horror movies. There are only so many different ways a guy ends up in a Santa suit, murdering people. This flick sort of flips the script, as far as it can, anyway. The reveal won’t blow your socks off. Nevertheless, it will disturb the hell out of you. That’ll also explain, later in the film, why early on so many penises are cut off; not that misandry isn’t my thing, because it kind of is, y’know. (sorry, not sorry.) Highlight: Santa humping the air with a pair of garden shears. It’ll be more horrifying when you actually figure out who the character is in the reveal later on.

11) Krampus

What I anticipated as being a cheesy Christmas movie with a few scares turned out to be a few good scares with a deliciously twisted Christmas movie wrapped around it. Krampus is, essentially, set around what happens when a family made up of staunch Republicans and Democrats have to come together for the holidays, co-existing in one relatively small space for a matter of days on end. So, when one boy starts taking the season for granted, wishing his family weren’t a bunch of shitheads, the folklore figure Krampus lays siege to his neighbourhood, his home, and decides to take the kid a lesson. Not only is there some enjoyable holiday horror, this flick is funny. The cast is phenomenal – Adam Scott, Toni Collette, David Koechner, and Allison Tolman play the couples, all in-laws with their kids. And the young actors are pretty great, too. It’s Krampus and his legion of mischievous creatures that seal the deal. From toys coming to evil life to gingerbread men attacks and more, the horror is as fun as the comedy. What do I love most about Krampus? It’s not necessarily the typical Christmas movie, in that it may not end up where you expect. In a lot of ways, this story stays true to the Krampus legends. That means be good, boys and girls. Else you’ll get a visit, and it won’t be from no Santa Claus, either.

12) The X-Files Double Feature Season 5, Episode 6: “Christmas Carol”

Not only is this a Christmas episode of The X-Files, one of my most beloved shows on television, ever, this is also an episode that plays into the overall series mythology, as well as a strong, emotional, personal dive into the history of Agent Dana Scully (Gillian Anderson), whose infertility plays a large part in the story. When Scully goes home for the holidays, she soon starts getting strange phone calls. She winds up in the midst of an investigation, which soon proves to reveal things about her own past, things that, on the surface, look too impossible to be true. Even though the Christmas connection here isn’t huge, it provided Vince Gilligan & Co. a reason to have Scully reunite with family, setting off all the personal issues and emotions she faces throughout the episode. There’s a second part conclusion, “Emily” – that one doesn’t have anything to do with Christmas. But “Christmas Carol” is absolutely an interesting part of the series, not just a one-off holiday episode, rather a big piece in Scully’s puzzle. But let’s move on to the other Christmas episode of the series, one that also includes Agent Fox Mulder (David Duchovny)!

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Season 6, Episode 6: “How the Ghosts Stole Christmas”

Mulder’s “a left cheek sneak” fart reference gets this Christmas episode rolling with tongue planted firmly in cheek. All the better compared with Scully and her unimpressed attitude about being called out by her partner to an old house on Christmas Eve to deal with “ingrained cliches from a thousand different horror films” Mulder is, as usual, interested in. When Agent Mulder calls Agent Scully out to a creepy house they’ll be staking out, both the agents get more than they bargained for after they get inside and the house is much more than it seems. A dash of haunted house, a little Christmas spirit, some laughs, some scares and an intense showdown in the friendship between Agents Scully and Mulder. A fun, eerie, suspenseful chapter of The X-Files, pitting that usual sceptical, empirical mind of Scully against the ever theoretical, hopeful belief of Mulder, as the two FBI agents search through the old place. They even run into Ed Asner and Lily Tomlin who play the couple living in the house. Lots of good stuff. Good, weird fun for the holidays!

13) The Twilight Zone Double Feature Season 2, Episode 11: “Night of the Meek”

Art Carney is a treasure. The Twilight Zone‘s “Night of the Meek” is only one of the reasons why. This is the tale of a department store Santa who’s fallen into the bottle a bit hard. But he knows it. And he knows too much, about the world, about pain, of struggle, all those things. What starts out as a depressing tale of a rundown man becomes something else entirely. Not the typical Rod Serling-style fare that you’d expect. Definitely magical, fantastical, and like many great Twilight Zone episodes, there’s a message behind the story, about the nature of giving versus receiving during the holidays.

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Season 3, Episode 14: “Five Characters in Search of an Exit”

  There’s not much to say about this one, because saying too much runs the fun. Maybe don’t even pay much attention to the pictures, either. Anyway, “Five Characters in Search of an Exit” is not simply a Christmas-adjacent episode of The Twilight Zone, it’s one of the top ten greatest episodes of television that exists. Some people will tell you that’s not true, that it’s an overrated episode which gets more credit than it deserves. Fuck those people. This episode is tight, it is tense, and the reveal is worth a thousand twists in other films and television. You won’t realise it’s a Christmas episode until you get to those final moments. When all is revealed, then you’ll understand.

14) Terry Gilliam’s Brazil

Another cheat. Not a Christmas movie. However, it does feature Christmas, to a degree. It’s set during Christmastime, one of the initial scenes involves a family enjoying the holiday together in their quaint apartment before the ever present bureaucracy in their dystopian society comes crashing through the living room, into their lives. Brazil‘s all about bureaucracy. Terry Gilliam uses Christmas to exemplify the materialism of this society where he sees us headed. We’re caught up in his weird world, where every dumb custom, every rule, every last little thing is enforced, and everything costs money, and shopping is like one of the deepest circles in Dante Alighieri’s Hell. In short, Gilliam’s Brazil presents Christmas in its purest, most rotten economic form. Much as I love the holidays, he’s not wrong.

15) American Horror Story Season 2, Episode 8: “Unholy Night”

  I love American Horror Story. Fuck the haters. Season 2: Asylum has a special place in my chilly little heart because of the themes and the location, just an all around terror. The eighth episode the season, “Unholy Night”, is a particularly creepy chapter of Asylum. There’s lots of naughty stuff going on at Briarcliff, between the devil using Sister Mary Eunice (Lily Rabe) as his Earthly plaything, a stark raving mad Ian McShane playing a man traumatised by the holiday season, and much more. It’s McShane who makes this episode so memorable. He does appear in a second episode afterwards, but it’s this one where he leaves his best, darkest mark. At the start of the episode his criminal Santa’s laying out what he’ll do to a couple he has tied up, and his remark to the husband – as well as the look on his face while saying the line – is chilling beyond chilling. Even if you don’t like the series, this episode is worth watching if you want some Christmas horror. And there’s some horror, as is usual for AHS. Try not to laugh when McShane bawls: “Well I don‘t wanna be in your shitty picture, then.” Just be prepared for lots of horrific, unsettling holiday horror around the handful of laughs.

16) Syfy’s Happy!

Happy! stars Chris Meloni as a washed up hitman who starts seeing a little kidnapped girl’s imaginary friend, a blue, flying unicorn (voiced by comedian Patton Oswalt) after the girl is taken by a psycho, meth smoking Santa Claus. Not sure if there’ll be a Season 2, but Season 1 takes place during the holiday season, obviously, as a really bad Santa is the focus of the crime plot. Surrounding that is a ton of mayhem, laughs a-plenty, two excellent performances from Meloni and Oswalt, and on top of that? It’s violent as hell, just as twisted. The visuals are exactly like a comic book, seeing as how the story comes from a Grant Morrison work. Check this out, because Season 1’s been perfectly messed up TV for the holiday season! It isn’t horror, so to speak, yet it has the right amount of madness to be proudly on this list.

Father Gore’s Films & TV to Ruin Christmas Ahhhhh. The house smells of cinnamon and cookies, it's warm, cozy. Hot chocolate, egg nog with an extra drop of something in it.

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CANTLON: (FRI) JONES SCORES TWICE IN PACK WIN

BY: Gerry Cantlon, Howlings HARTFORD, CT - Rookie Nick Jones scored twice as the Hartford Wolf Pack engineered a 2-1 pre-season win over the Bridgeport Sound Tigers in a lively, spirited game at the Koeppel Community Center at Trinity College Friday afternoon. The two teams complete the pre-season Saturday afternoon at 1 pm in a closed to the public pre-season game at the Webster Bank Arena in Bridgeport before the New York Rangers - New York Islanders exhibition game at 7 pm. The game-winning goal came as a result of some solid forechecking pressure by the Wolf Pack. Patrick Newell at the end of a shift was in the offensive zone and the turnover came to his stick quickly and dished it off to his linemate, veteran Matt Beleskey, who spotted a wide-open Jones, a right-handed shot on the left-wing side. Jones zipped it past Swedish rookie Linus Soderstrom 36 seconds into the third period. Jones was playing his first hockey in more than a year-and-a-half due to injury. “It was a great play. (Newell) was in there and he got it to (Beleskey) and I had a lot of time and room to shoot and we had good forechecks for most of the game that got us some chances. We want to get it behind their D, and we were able to do that,” Jones, who was playing his first AHL pre-season game after getting in two NHL preseason games, said.  He certainly left an impression on new Wolf Pack head coach Kris Knoblauch. “He’s a guy who that just continues to impress right from the start of Traverse City camp. He was one of, if not the best forwards there, for the Rangers," Knoblach said “He went to the main Rangers camp. He earned not one, but two exhibition games, and comes here today in his first game and scores twice,” said Knoblauch. The first goal at 13:46 of the first period was a typical Jones goal. He headed up skating and won the battle in the left-wing corner around a Sound Tigers defenseman and pushed it past starting Sound Tigers goalie, Czech rookie, Jakub Skarek. “I was able to get by my guy. There was nobody else around the net, so I took the shot and it worked out. As a centerman, you have to be aware out there of everything. You gotta hold your head up to make those plays, got to get the puck first, and then I saw a little spot opening and got past him (the defenseman).” Jones said with a bright smile. Ryan Dmowski and Newell picked up helpers on the play. The move again had to catch the eye of the brass at the game and his head coach. “Obviously, he has some skills, but what I think separates him is his determination. He works so hard. He’s not the fastest guy, the most skilled guy, but he just wins a lot of puck battles. He goes in the corner and he will come out with the puck and there’s not much room out there. He saw the opening and took it and if you want to score goals in this league you have to be determined and go to the net.” Newell was another strong forward with two assists. He looks more at ease than he did on Wednesday in Danbury. “He got off to a slow start in camp, but the more you watch him play, you can see how smart he is with the puck,” remarked Knoblach. There was, of course, the game within the game as players competed to win the game as well as earning a roster spot. It wasn't lost on Jones, who's a rookie. “Certainly, the first priority is to win the game, but we're also competing against one another for a spot on the team. Nothing is guaranteed,” Jones, a college free-agent signing out of North Dakota, stated. The Sound Tigers did make it interesting on a Wolf Pack turnover on the powerplay as the Sound Tigers, potted a shorthanded tally by former Sacred Heart University Pioneer, Connor Doherty. Doherty was on the left-wing in a two-on-one with Kyle Thomas. Doherty converted a pass on the left-wing from Thomas and beat goalie Tom McCollum to the far side. It was the only tally to beat the combo of Adam Huska and McCollum, who drew high-praise from Knoblauch for their afternoon of work. They made a combined 37 saves on 38 shots. “The big story today was how well both goaltenders played. It could have been a different situation (if Bridgeport had scored on their chances), but Adam and Tom were good for us. "Anytime you have solid goaltending, you get a chance. When we're up 1-0, Adam made a save on a two-on-one, then McCollum on the four-on-three powerplay. Those saves were the difference in this game,” said Knoblauch. The save by Huska was on Kyle Thomas, who went by Darren Raddysh, who was playing his off left side. Huska stopped former Yale forward, Ryan Hitchcock, as he split LoVerde and Crawley. Then McCollum first stopped Arnaud Durandeau at 11:17 and then Scott Eansor on the four-on-three with 5:33 left in the game. The player who will make the player personnel decision hard for GM Chris Drury and company is training camp tryout, Mason Geertsen. He showed all of his defensive zone strengths and the physicality they like to see. Geertsen was able to use short passes to get the puck out of the defensive zone that led to several rushes, and he made quick recoveries in the defensive zone to stifle Sound Tiger offensive opportunities. The big man showed he can hit and answer a challenge. At 7:06 of the second period, he caught rookie Erik Brown along the center ice boards felling him with a big hit. He fell awkwardly and suffered a left leg injury as he crawled his way to center ice. He was unable to stand and was helped off the ice with the aid of his teammates and medical staff. On the ensuing draw, AHL vet Ben Thomson, at 6’3, switched to the right-wing and some chatting went on with the 6’4 Geertsen. When they got into the Wolf Pack zone, the gloves came off. The two big men had a solid, testy scrap. It was one of three Wolf Pack fights in the game and the first three of the entire pre-season including Traverse City. “To say he was solid would be a true understatement," complimented Geerstsen. "He is a stay-at-home defenseman and you're not gonna see a lot of offense from him. Today, he was very physical and got in some very good hits, got in that fight, but also he got the puck up ice with nice little plays and his puck skills are very good. "I don’t know what his future is with the team, or what’s gonna happen with getting a contract, but we'll see over the next few days,” commented Knoblauch. Note to Drury. Have a contract in hand for him Saturday afternoon. The Wolf Pack need a guy like him on the team. The Pack nearly broke the game open late in the first period with Brandon Crawley hitting the crossbar at 16:35 and Danny O’Regan, playing in his Wolf Pack game, connected with the pipes on a strong right-wing rush with 2:12 left in the first period. Across the way, Sound Tigers head coach and one time Wolf Pack defenseman, Brent Thompson, was philosophical after their first pre-season game. “I was happy with our compete level. There are some things we have to clean up in our own end. I think our young guys did well. We put pressure on them and didn’t connect on our chances, but they had a more veteran squad than we are. I think it was a good first step.” NOTES: Knoblauch indicated he felt the Wolf Pack could get up to three forwards and a defenseman from the Rangers by the end of the weekend as the Rangers work to their CBA cap required roster size of 23. One forward cleared waivers and was assigned, Steven Fogarty. Despite his strong play, Ryan Dmowski (Old Lyme) was sent to the Pack's ECHL affiliate's, the Maine Mariners. This is strictly a numbers game with defenseman Johnny Coughlin also released and heading to the Maine Mariners with Dmowski. LINES: Nick Jones-Matt Beleskey-Lewis Zerter-Gossage Danny O’ Regan-Ryan Gropp-Jake Elmer Patrick Newell-Ryan Dmowski-Shawn McBride Tim Gettinger-Connor Brickley-Ville Meskanen Defense: Joey Keane-Mason Geertsen Darren Raddysh-Jeff Taylor Brandon Crawley-Jeff LoVerde Beleskey was in an ornery mood with two fights. The first was with defenseman Justin Murray, at 1:21 of the second period. The other was with defenseman Mike Cornell at 12:31 of the third period off a net-front battle. He drew the extra two leading to a four-on-three power play for the Sound Tigers. O’Regan had a Massachusets prep high school opponent, Liam Feeney from Dexter Academy watching him in Trinity College. O’Regan played for St. Sebastian’s. Nic Pierog (Canterbury Prep) skated for Bridgeport while Travis St. Denis (Quinnipiac University) cleared waivers and has joined Bridgeport. Ex-Sound Tiger, Steve Olesky, signed a PTO deal with the Wilkes Barre/Scranton Penguins. Remember former Sound Tiger goalie David Leggio? He who famously and deliberately pushed the net off the moorings on a Springfield Falcons two-on-none breakaway to force a penalty shot on November 3, 2014. He stopped Dana Tyrell on that the penalty shot. Well, he has been signed to a try-out deal by the Springfield Thunderbirds. Leggio also pulled the same move in a German DEL league game for EHC Munich against the Fischtown Penguins Ross Mauerman on December 9, 2017. Read the full article