#like omg yes you are baby. but maybe let’s give it another year of growth before we try making a buttfuck load of pecans

[kazieka]

the fig tree in my back yard is going bonkers rn, all the figs are ripening at once and I can only eat so many 😭 i went out to get a few and picked one that looked juuuust this side of overripe, bit into it and tasted literal alcohol. they are out here straight up Fermenting on the tree because I can’t eat figs fast enough. on the bright side the wasps are going absolutely BUGFUCK on them (which means I will have even more figs next season)

[ody3baby]

Yo, you good after that spn finale or...? Cause like, that shit was wack.

(fair warning this absolutely became SUPER long so buckle up my dudes here’s a rant from someone who finally came back to this show after years (i kept up with it over the years and always wanted to go back but didn’t until the end) and is super pissed. also shout out to all of those who stuck through. y’all the real heroes. anyways, here we go)

THE ABSOLUTE WACKEST

so wacked that when it went to commercial break after Dean died I literally laughed. bc it was SO UPSURD. dean was literally like:

when Sam could’ve just called the ambulance? Like I get it, there’s decapitated bodies on the ground, they’d be suspicious. but like Sam could’ve quickly hid or burnt them as they waited for the ambulance while Dean still could’ve said his goodbye. and like, even if Dean didn’t want Sam to and just him die, he said that there was no time and that he was fading and yet they just? kept talking? and yes i cried bc jensen’s and jared’s acting were beautiful and all. but like? OF ALL OF THE WAYS DEAN HAD DIED IN THE PAST AND COULD’VE STILL IN THE FINALE?? THIS IS HOW HE DIES?? BY A RANDOM GOON FROM A RIDICLOUS MONSTER OF THE WEEK LET ALONE FINAL ‘VILLIAN’ WHO JUST LIKE...ACCIDENTALLY SHOVED HIM AGAINST A HOOK/POLE/WHATEVER THE HELL THAT STUPID THING WAS. LIKE DEAN FREAKING WINCHESTER?? i feel like they were trying to go with a ‘mundane’ ending bc this entire episode was them going back to like s1 without connecting to any plot and just them being two hunters again. (i’ll get to all of that in a sec) but like 1) going the mundane route is a terrible way for him to go unless it was executed extremely well which it was the opposite of. and 2) it was so incredibly anticlimactic and just an entire spit in the face of his character development.

and you know what? even if they still kept his death like that and pretty much else the same, I’d be okay with the ending if they changed just two things 1) brought freaking Cas (and Jack) back since he apparently helped jack create this perfect heaven for dean and everyone else, (i mean bobby literally said that this was the Heaven that he deserved. you cannot convince me that Cas didn’t explain all of this to Bobby and said those exact words that this was the Heaven that Dean deserves). And 2) at least brought the dead characters back when Dean was in Heaven. Instead Dean was like “I could see my dead parents but I’m just going to take a long drive in Baby whichcasmadeformebcheknowsmesowellandlovesmesomuchandwantsmetohavetheperfectheavenbutimnotgonnaackloweledgeanyofit and drive until Sam dies and then I’ll say hi to everyone I lost and been away from a lot longer than I’ve been away from Sam”. Like how beautiful would it have been if we saw Mary and John like we did in the 300th episode? And everyone else they had lost over the years? Like, I know that montage at the end of 15x19 was supposed to be the final ‘honor’ of all of the characters, but this is the finale. And as much as they kept on trying to say that this show was always just about Sam and Dean, it evolved into Sam and Dean and people they’ve cared about over the years. They were important too! Especially Cas. The show literally became Sam, Dean & Cas but he’s just gonna be mentioned twice...okay. Which brings me back to my 1st point. THEY SHOULD”VE BROUGHT CAS BACK IN HEAVEN. like we got a mention with Dean smiling and Bobby giving him a Knowing™ look but besides that, not only did we not see Cas I’m left with so many more questions. Like how did Cas help make Heaven with Jack? Did Jack bring Cas out of the Empty and just didn’t tell the brothers? Or is Cas still in the empty but helping Jack bc he’s just that damn good? But if he did bring Cas back, how did he help Jack create this new Heaven? Does he have god powers now too?? and yet when Bobby mentions this, Dean smiles (granted it was a cute smile bc to me it felt like a sorta ‘that’s my cas��� smile) not questioning the fact that the last he heard Cas was taken by the Empty to never return again and Dean wanted to honor his sacrifice by living (which don’t even get me started on that) and now he helped create Heaven with Jack. Dean doesn’t even look that much surprised. Which actually makes me think...did Dean know that Jack brought Cas back from the Empty this entire time but had to keep it from Sam bc... ✨reasons✨ and that was why he said that about missing them and having to honor their sacrifice and live, even though all of the other times Cas died he went batshit out of his mind? But not this time, bc Dean actually knew that Jack brought him back. omg was Cas the dog this entire time??? with Cas’ newfound powers did he just like morph into the dog so for some reason Sam couldn’t know bc...you know....✨reasons✨ okay i’m getting delirious here. let’s get back on track. my whole point is, Cas should’ve been there. and even if they wanted more of an ambiguous ending for destiel (which don’t even get me started on THAT) they could’ve at least still had Cas be there to also welcome Dean there along with everyone else. Like, as much as I love Bobby, how more beautiful and fitting wouldn’t it have been if Dean saw Cas there who explained everything there before Dean reunites with all of his loved ones? Cas deserved to be there (and Jack while we’re at it). HE FREAKING HELPED CREATE THIS NEW HEAVEN. He deserved to be there. like tbh I was desperately hoping that he’d at least appear in Baby when Dean started driving. BUT NOPE. 

but you know what, back to me wishing we got other important characters in Heaven, if we did I think it would’ve been better if both Sam and Dean died together and reunited with all of them together (which they prob will in canon since Dean ignored them until Sam came back akhsjshjshsjh). like would Eileen be there? which reminds me, speaking of Eileen, WHERE WAS EILEEN?? was she in Heaven this whole time like Bobby was? and who tf was Sam’s rando wife?? UGH. you know how i’d say i’d accept the finale if they just changed it to where Cas (and possibly Jack) was also there along with some of their dead loved ones? i’d prob still be (barely but it would 100% be better than this) but MAN this ENTIRE EP from the beginning was just WACK. like the beginning showing the ‘ordinary life’? i didn’t really mind it that much bc it seemed like that was the natural way to go. but for me personally, I was hoping and wishing that their journey was realizing that it’s not just them anymore and they both end up happy (maybe still hunting) but with their loved one by their sides (especially Cas and Eilleen). but you know, I’m used to not getting what I want and understand that what i want for a story isn’t necessarily the same as the storyteller’s/natural narrative progression. i may hate the the direction and think that it’s a load of crap, but whatever. but this? the entire narrative was OFF. like what even was the point of those weird mime-pires (who btw my sister couldn’t help but compare to clowns 👀.) and not to mention that random lady from like s1? it all felt off but I was hoping it was leading to something. only it lead to Dean’s wack-ass demise. also like, poor freaking Sam. he had to grow old, without his brother and any more family members by his side. which (someone eloquently pointed out) was what s1 Sam wanted but definitely not s15 Sam (not that s1/pre-series Sam wanted his family dead or anything he just wanted to live a normal life and start a family without his family) And we don’t even know who the hell his wife was and how the hell that happened. also, at least he mentioned missing Cas and Jack. but WHAT ABOUT EILEEN?? 

which brings me to one of my main problems with this whack ass finale (and there are PLENTY more I can talk about) their cohesive narrative between this ep and the rest of s15 and even longer, is just...not there? it’s like they forgot about everything they built just so they can go back to the basics of Sam and Dean. and like, I get it, they’re the heart and soul of the show. they’re supernatural. but like, it also grew more than that? like what was the point of them being parental figures to Jack? what was the point of their 12 season friendship/relationship with Cas? what was the point of all of their connections that they made on the way? and you know what? what was the point of this show lasting so damn long if both of Sam and Dean’s character developments just went ✨poof✨? like as someone who just recently came back to the show, I could just think that this was another early season episode but both of them looking older. (not saying that early seasons were bad. i LOVE early seasons but like as a storyteller and a viewer you want your characters to idk GROW and KEEP that growth). 

ANWAYS this became WAY TOO LONG and all over the place and everyone els e is saying all of this too, but I just needed to vent. basically, i’m not doing good from that wack ass finale my friend. sam and dean both deserved to grow old. and Cas deserved to come back (like the show became sam, dean, AND cas, for YEARS like don’t even get me started on THAT bc i could go on and on about how they did him/lgbtq+ community/his fans so dirty) and destiel deserved to be canon dammit (like what was the point of his love confession if they weren’t ever going to mention it? they could’ve still had cas die without that. but since they did it needed WAAAY better resolution dammit) and the finale deserved to have a better freaking cohesive narrative. 

Again, so sorry this became such a long ass rant. But I guess I needed to rant. Also, please no one send me hate for this. These are just my thoughts that I needed to get out. Anyways, how are you doing this this whack finale, Nonnie?? And thank you so much for the question!

[bellamygateoldblog]

how do we feel about bellamy abandoning a suicidal octavia in a toxic forest in the name of monty, 'monty gave his life for us so we could have another change, and im not going to let you destroy it' who repeatedly made it clear in his final season that he wished he did more to save jasper

…we don’t feel great about it. Lol.

Got a little carried away. Apparently I had a stronger opinion on this on this than I thought I did.

There’s an LT;DR at the bottom if you don’t feel like reading the whole thing :)

The Blake relationship is a really complicated one. And I think how you see this event in particular depends on how you interpret this dynamic during the rest of the show, and how sympathetic you are towards Octavia as a character.

I want to start with this: the second chance was Monty’s to give, and only Monty’s. Bellamy doesn’t get to dictate who that message does and does not apply to, because Monty made it perfectly clear he holds no grudges, and wants the best for what’s left of the human race regardless of who they’ve been in the past or what they’ve done. That’s the whole point of ‘doing better’. He just wants everyone to do better than they did, whichever way that is. Monty didn’t specifically say ‘oh but not Octavia she can choke’ so therefore Bellamy had no right to be cowering behind Monty’s words.

He’s telling them to try a bit harder to be more understanding, compassionate, and rational. He wants them to choose to be farmers rather than warriors- to rebuild rather than destroy, to grow rather than deforest, to choose peace over war no matter what. It means a lot more than just ‘hey! maybe don’t go on another genocidal rampage?’

And by abandoning/banishing Octavia, Bellamy did the opposite of what Monty wanted. It almost felt, as i was watching, like he’d sentenced her to death. Like Clarke was banishing Murphy all over again. Or like he was Clarke abandoning him to die in the fighting pits. And I don’t know…repeating old mistakes doesn’t exactly scream ‘doing better’ to me.

Maybe this was Bellamy’s way of ridding the toxicity from the group?

But deciding she’s a lost cause and leaving her there, a clearly mentally unstable woman (and not only just some ‘woman’, but the baby sister he’s shared his life with), on an alien planet that none of them even know is safe at this point, or if it’s inhabited with hostile entities, from some moral high horse/manpainTM point of view is so low. It’s unearned at this point in the series.

Our attention was drawn to how hard it was for him. How upset he was after he did it. Rather than to Octavia and how she felt about it. It brought me back to that moment in season five, to how the camera focused in on Clarke’s pained teary-eyed expression while the child she was electrocuting was a blurry spot the background. Just what the fuck? Is all i have to say about that. He was very much Clarke in this moment; pulling a lever, leaving someone he loves on the outside *for the people* and feeling a bit ashamed but justified about it regardless.

She was trying to do the S1 Bellamy thing and stowaway to an alien planet to protect the one she loved. But the emotional fallout of season five was immense and both of them were way too amped up for any of it to go as planned. Which makes me wonder why the writers even attempted it in the first place?

But let’s just take a minute to think about how reckless and borderline insane this whole decision is from Bellamy- this is the girl who started out an illegal child, unwanted by the people she was born into, who assimilated with the indigenous people, earned their respect, found belonging with them until ultimately she became their leader. Like, if you really thought she was this much of a hazard, throwing her adaptive ass into the wilderness ready to meet another set of warrior people maybe isn’t the best idea you’ve ever had?

HOWEVER

I’m not actually opposed to a detail like this. Because of the unhealthy and sometimes poisonous nature of the Blake sibling relationship. And because they both absolutely needed time apart if Octavia were ever to grow out of Blodreina.

No matter what Monty never gave up on Jasper. But Jasper was usually self-destructive and didn’t act out emotionally using violence like how Octavia does so naturally. He could be a pain in Monty’s ass from time-to-time, but Jasper was never a threat to anyone but himself.

Bellamy cast Octavia out because she killed those guards unnecessarily. She hadn’t yet reflected on what became of her, nor had she processed any of the trauma from the bunker and following battle for Eden, in which some of the heaviest casualties were her most important relationships, with Indra, and with Bellamy. As convinient as it was to utilise violence as a tool for maintaining power, law, and order within the bunker…they aren’t in the bunker anymore, and she is no longer someone with a crushing responsibility.

Was any of that Bellamy’s fault? No.

Was it Bellamy’s job to ‘fix’ her? No.

(Do I think Monty would encourage him to mend their relationship anyway after losing his best friend and brother? Yes.)

But as her big brother and psudo-father, someone that spent his entire life protecting and taking care of her, the bare minimum i’d expect from him in a situation like this is for him to show some empathy, listen to the whole story from her point of view rather than basing his entire livelyhood on the biased accounts of a couple of Wonkru defectors, and make an attempt to understand why she is no longer the baby sister he remembers her being. If anyone was in the position to understand her- her behaviour, her mindset, the weight of leadership and how it shapes a person, and the pressure of making potentially morally corrupt decisions to ensure the people’s safety putting your humanity on the line for it- it’s him.

This was just cheap drama in place of where they could’ve written a meaningful conflict between them.

It was an oppurtunity to address Octavia’s past treatment of him, their co-dependence, their mother, Bellamy deeply believing his life was stolen from him and Octavia feeling she never had a chance to begin with, Bellamy’s inclination to make himself smaller so Octavia can take up as much space as she possibly can, both of their perverse insecurities that manifest in equally debilitating ways, Bellamy’s skewed sense of self pushing him to orbit around her, Octavia’s identity issues and lack of socialisation and resulting narrow black-or-white mindset, I could go on and on. There’s so so much content here to explore. There’s so much stress and pain in this relationship. It’s a shame that despite all that they decided to go omg cannibalism!!!!!!!!

Octavia took forever to forgive Bellamy for what happened to Lincoln, she demonised him, she attacked him over it in one of the most grotesque and unhinged displays of violence i’ve ever seen, and that wasn’t even his fault. I think we can afford Bellamy the same amount of room.

If this ‘banishment’ was the long-time-coming storm of past trauma of their intertwined existences that has long since been buried, if the time of physical peace spent on the ring building a family of his own pushed Bellamy to make a realisation or two about love and family, and the stressful draining qualities of his relationship with Octavia began to morph into resentment of her, and all this abandonment is, is just a beautifully crafted, carefully maintained facade collapsing between them, I WOULD LOVE IT. It’s understandable. But I need to see them have it out with each other first. If nothing is addressed, if they still go on carrying those things around and never find closure, not only is that hindering Octavia’s growth, but Bellamy’s, too.

But none of that happened in season six. Instead i got to see yet another female with her autonomy ripped from her and i got to see manpain.

Over time she supressed any parts of herself that would make her appear weak. It was always going to take time to pull herself out of that dark place and find a way to shape an identity that isn’t based in something that can easily be ripped away from her. So removing her from the group to find ‘the self’ is a good choice. But it had to be her choice.

I think if everything had blown up and Octavia had chosen to leave on her own volition because she recognises her own tragedy and calamity and wants to do what’s right, it would’ve been the perfect place to begin a redemption/reflection arc for her. With self-awareness. What do they say? The first step to fixing a problem is admitting you have one in the first place?

In an answer to another ask I said it would make some sense for Bellamy (and Clarke & Spacekru) to be unintentionally hypocritcal and judgemental considering the time distance between their last violent experience and how long they’ve had to make peace with the past. While Octavia was in the most stressful position she’s ever been in, and right in the thick of things for the six years that everyone else spent healing and maturing in.

So we have Bellamy as his most reassurred, most contented self- and he comes to Earth, he comes face-to-face with an unhinged Octavia, and is overwhelmed immediately with biased and incomplete information recapping the last six years during an erratic situation with enemies. I’d be confused and paranoid, too tf?

Bellamy loves Octavia more than life. But she’s morphed into a woman he no longer recognises and it could even come as a personal betrayal to him. He’s been disconnected from her for six years. He’s no longer intoxicated by his love and devotion to her. And he’s having a hard time accepting that the baby sister he thinks the world of is capable of such cruelty. So he’s having trouble forgiving her for it. I think it makes a lot of sense. Except, again, they never addressed anything like this.

Season five Bellamy I get. I’m sympathetic to him just as I am Octavia.

But in season six he appeared, not like he was acting on years of supressed emotional turmoil, but like he was on some moral high horse looking down on her from it.

The end of season five left things open, and there was a lot of potential there for things between them to improve, but season six took it and threw it out the nearest window. And we saw Octavia crawling on her hands and knees begging for forgiveness from a man that 1) doesn’t want her, 2) doesn’t respect her, 3) refused to listen to her, and 4) only accepted her once she was the woman he wanted her to be, who was now no longer traumatised.

TL;DR: I’m not opposed to the whole idea of them seperating in season six, with Octavia being the castaway, but it should’ve been Octavia’s choice, not Bellamy’s. And I think Monty might be disappointed that this was what (season six) Bellamy took away from his video on ‘doing better’. To ‘do better’ he decided to choose just one person that can represent all the evil that exists within both his people and himself and throw her out the dropship door. Problem solved! But there are many ways in which I think the writers could’ve done a lot more with this idea, and a lot better, too.

[stonerbughead]

maria watches friday night lights (#4)

season 2, pt 2!! (2x08-2x15)

ugh Matt is really having his Being A Stupid Teenage Boy season huh?

-lol love a good naked dude being chased scene — in this case, Smash on his recruiting trip being chased around by a potential future teammate. Classic.

(it’s kinda cute that Matt came to pick him up tho)

- the latest in season 2 being off the fucking rails: really? Riggins’ new digs include a meth lab on wheels??

-Landry confessing to murdering someone and then having his sheriff dad drag him out of the station to go home is the whitest shit EVER. Like, Landry is literally *trying* to be punished and they just won’t punish his white, cop-kid ass. ‘Murica. (I mean don’t get me wrong: it WAS self defense against someone literally stalking and trying to rape Tyra, but the point still stands that if Landry was a black kid he’d have been tried as an adult and convicted no doubt)

-YESSSSS a MySpace shoutout! we love to see it

“I hate you” - Santiago (and also me) @ Buddy Garrity

-omg Coach Taylor noticing that things aren’t good at home for Riggins and taking him in, my heart!

-Wow in just one scene Riggins charmed baby Grace, warned Tami’s sister not to shame women for eating a lot (“it can lead to anorexia, especially in girls”) and then offered to go out to the store to get baby formula in the pouring rain. What a man.

-and yes, Shelly, you fully grown woman, it IS a bad idea to lust after a TEENAGE BOY

-wow Riggins protecting Julie from the SUPER DRAMATIC TORNADO that made me laugh. Do we get to have a Riggins-Julie friendship??? bc I’d be down. We need more friendships.

-Thank you, Tami, saying “EW” to her sister watching Riggins work out! Someone has sense to know a fully grown woman shouldn’t be lusting after a teenager! Julie can lust if she wants tho, that’s age appropriate.

-DYING at Landry being aghast that Tyra’s never heard of West Side Story.

-oh god, Lyla — it is totally fair to assume your mom would tell your dad she’s getting remarried, especially if she knew you’d be seeing him — so I’m sorry you’re the one who accidentally set off whatever nonsense Buddy is gonna pull now that he knows his ex wife is “marrying that treehugger.”

“Who’s that?” “Some douchebag named Chip. who names their kid Chip anyway?” Same, Tyra, same.

-Landry, one of my biggest pet peeves is asking someone out while they’re on the clock. Like, come on! let Tyra work, boy.

-Jesus Christ it’s like everywhere Julie looks, she has to see Matt making out with someone. That’s rough.

-and oop Matt you busted bc Julie actually knows who Carlotta is!

-once a cheater, always a cheater, Buddy. And yes to Pam for being like “nah bye I’m happy now, it is over.” You treated her like garbage so here we are, sir!

-hilarious that Landry is the one who ends up throwing the first punch that gets the post-tornado, school-crossover tensions to finally boil over

-I like that they show both the fall formal and the party where everyone who didn’t go to the formal is. Nice.

-Aw poor Julie got drunk af to deal with all her feelings. This really is the season where they have Julie and Matt being sixteen year olds in the most painful ways. So maybe it’s good they’re not together during this tho I’m still looking forward to when the tide turns their way again.

-anyway, Tim is a good friend for getting the creep who thought he was “one beer away from getting laid” off of Julie.

-And....in true Texas dad fashion, Eric Taylor misinterprets everything! Noooo. We can’t have nice things.

-This Noelle-Smash partnership is definitely an interesting pairing. Two very ambitious football people courting all these recruiters while Smash’s mom side eyes them in the corner? Hilarious.

-omg not this Oklahoma tech recruiter harassing smash’s mom in the grocery store! GTFO here! Give her some fucking personal space. They really do such a good job of showing as much of the toxic shit about football culture as the inspiring, big moments.

-Aw and I love that Tami tried to help Mama Smash get the guy to go away. It’s such a familiar scene, women helping each other get a dude harassing them away. And then they have a heart to heart in the parking lot? Love that.

-omg what a throwback that Shelly TAPED OVER Eric’s football game to tape a NEW EPISODE of The Office! Love it. “Y’all should get a TiVo.”

-omg watching Tami and Eric work out arguments is so beautiful, they communicate very well! We stan a good marriage.

-wow seeing the other coach from tornado school lose his shit publicly after he knocked down Riggins was uh....wild???? This is the second time he put his hands on Riggins!

-awww Eric actually coming to apologize to riggins for overreacting about Julie when he hears the real story??? Love it.

-Weevil from Veronica Mars shows up as a friend of Santiago’s? Of course.

-WOW and Logan from Gilmore girls as a Christian radio host...tracks.

“Is that your way of telling her you like her?” Jason making a surprisingly astute observation about Tim. (And Lyla.)

-yo why would you invite your daughter’s boyfriend’s family over for dinner just to say they shouldn’t date? (And bc it’s an interracial relationship.) Southern culture is wild to me lol

-wow the racist coach from last season is now off spouting his mouth about how ��no wife of mine would be working with a kid at home.” I love that Eric calls him out as sounding stupid and ignorant — you better!

-hearing that Lyla burned her cheerleading uniform is one of the most badass things she’s done so far tbh along with that dealership destruction

-off the rails update: 2x12 was toooo much!! Like, Jesus between Smash’s sister getting harassed at the movie theater by the racists who hate on smash and Noelle...and this plotline with Santiago and his old friends trashing Buddy’s place...it’s like, can we breathe.

-I could not be more excited for Carlotta to leave and another teenage boy with adult woman relationship to end.

-wow can’t believe the plotline where Riggins stole $3000 from a drug dealer isn’t ending well for him. And now Smash is getting arrested bc of those racist guys from the movie theater episode? One recap I read said that too many of this season’s plots feel contrived and I think that sums it up.

-is there any character who HASN’T worked at Buddy Garrity’s dealership at this point?!

-and yikes at all the other salespeople being mad that a salesperson in a wheelchair was hired...y’all mad ugly and ableist for that

-Tyra and Landry are....confusing

-Wait Logan from GG is an actual preacher and not just a Christian radio host? CREEPY. And he kissed Lyla? A lot to unpack there.

-lol Tim trying to woo Lyla is kinda funny to watch simply bc Tim is clearly so confounded by rejection

-I love how much space they give for Smash’s sister’s pain in the Noelle-Smash theater incident. A lesser show wouldn’t have centered her as much.

-is it mean of me to say Jason is boring AF most of the time

-yeah this dreads girl is seemingly way more compatible with Landry than Tyra yikes! Like she made him a power metal mix cd???

-wow this Smash storyline where mouthing off to the press is what gets him suspended....really checks out bc teenage boys are dumb

-I love Tami as a volleyball coach and getting to see another sport! Also as someone who’s been on a losing team I know that feeling of finally winning a game!!! Go Dillon volleyball!!! (Am I maybe currently writing a Bughead fic based on my underdog field hockey experiences? ;) yes yes I am)

-Oh shit now Saracen’s at the nihilistic Nothing Matters phase of teenage angst. Right on schedule!

-lol these two short haired blondes (white dreads Jean and Tyra) being in a love triangle with Landry is wild

-Omg jean just said, “are you a friend or are you competition?” She is not playing!

-I love Riggins dragging Saracen to practice

“I don’t want you to become at an at-risk youth” -Landry teasing Saracen while also sincerely caring about him is some of the best friendship banter on this show. The accuracy 😂

-It seems like Julie gets a lot of hate? But I think I have such a soft spot for Julie bc I was a bitchy teenager with undiagnosed mental health disorders and I just wish so much #growth for her! Also I really do miss her and Saracen’s relationship, I’m so excited I’m almost at S3 where it seems like it’s happening again?

-LOL this guy at the dmv is the first person in Dillon to be like, “no I hate football.” That tracks.

-wow Saracen is getting driven to the hospital to make sure his grandma is okay by the sex worker who was just giving him a lap dance. Amazing.

-also I hope grandma is okay!

-okay Tyra throwing her hat in the ring for Landry at the last minute? Idk I think Jean deserves the win but there’s no way it’ll happen bc she’s a guest actor?!

-awww Saracen’s abandonment issues coming out whiles he in the tub after being sobered up by Eric Taylor. “There’s nothing wrong with you.” 😭 and “your daughter left me for a better guy” - will take that crumb — first mention of Julie out of Saracen’s mouth in a minute

-hey, Landry, my friend: flirting with a girl (Jean) to get her outside then dumping her immediately is kind of a wild bait and switch. But I get it, he’s been in love with Tyra for a long time and Tyra IS right — they had a very fucked up start to their relationship so it makes sense she needed a minute to process her ~feelings~. however I definitely identified closer to a jean in my high school experience L O L (minus the unacceptable white dreads)

-these Julie and Tami driving scenes are painfully accurate, btw. Love them.

-wow the scene of Smash hyping everyone up, the adrenaline/energy of the team cheering with helmets and a classic “clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose” - then the whole team running out onto the field and leaving an empty locker room with just Smash breaking down into tears....#art

-alright y’all I’m gearing up for the last episode of S2! Thanks to @lockitin for reminding me this is the writers’ strike season — I was in eighth grade then and remember being pissedddd about the shortened fourth season of “the office” — so I’m fully prepared for the abruptness to come.

-I love when they parallel showing the white church and the black church

-and Tim going to church just to see Lyla makes me laugh

-ooooof Jason you cannot put on this waitress you had a one night stand with the fact that this could be your only chance to have a baby!!! Omg this poor woman who just pointed out she, too, is NINETEEN.

-wait so is Riggins doing a sports show on a Christian radio station? What?

“I think you’re really hot. Your long hair reminds me of Jesus” -Christian girls being horny for Riggins LOL

-awww Saracen being like “okay Landry you’re gonna impress Tyra right now” before that football play was a cute friendship moment for those two

-aww I love how this Smash storyline is turning out with Coach Deeks whose had his eye on him for six years my heart 😭

-also unclear to me whether Logan Huntzberger the Preacher is a fully grown adult dating a high school senior?? Biggest teen drama pet peeve once again! Stop this!

-Tami is my heroine for just leaving Eric at the restaurant fighting with her ex. “see you at home, honey!”

-I’m sorry, is Jason gonna like actually convince this girl to have a baby with her one night stand at 19??? Oh lol wait THAT ended up being the cliffhanger of the whole season? Fucking hilarious.

well I made it through season 2!!! Super psyched for Season 3, Jay has been hyping me up for it. See y’all next time! (I’ll try to post more for season 3 bc this accidentally got long af.)

[cubbiegirl]

Veronica Mars season 4 thoughts

Okay, I never do anything more on tumblr than post LoVe gifs but I have THOUGHTS and I need to share them, even if I’m just screaming into the void. There are some serious Veronica Mars Season 4 spoilers ahead so proceed at your own risk. And it’s long so…yeah. Perhaps the first of many, honestly.

For this to make any sense, I want to give a little bit of my background as a Marshmallow. I didn’t watch Veronica Mars when it originally aired; mostly because at that time in my life I was busy graduating from college, starting my first big grown up job, and getting married. We didn’t have cable so TV watching was limited to Netflix on discs. (Yes, on DVDs THROUGH THE MAIL. Crazy, I know.) At some point later, Amazon Prime added VM to their library and I had a free trial so I decided to watch. I love detective/PI shows (among my favorites are Magnum PI, Psych, and Republic of Doyle) so it was an instant fit. Veronica is a kickass heroine and Season 1 is literally my favorite of all time. I couldn’t get enough. So I came for the mystery. But Season 2 is not as compelling and Season 3 is…hard to watch. But I stuck around because these characters are so interesting. It’s not about the mystery anymore for me, because those are mediocre, at best. (ELECTROCUTED IN A BATHTUB. NEED I SAY MORE?!?) I’m a 36 year old stay at home mom, watching a TV show about a 17 year old girl. I get this. I don’t watch because I’m struggling in my relationships or dealing with high school drama. Or solving crimes. That’s not why this show is appealing. But I couldn’t get enough of the these characters. Needless to say, I was a fan of the good parts of the movie and I enjoyed many parts of the books as well. I was BEYOND THRILLED at the prospect of Season 4. More Veronica? More Logan? More Neptune? Real recognition for my favorite show, saved by the best fandom in existence? YES PLEASE.

I’m the first to admit that I don’t have a degree in film studies or literature. But I like a good story, I read a lot, and write a little. I’m not an expert by any means and I freely admit I’m not objective about it. I love Logan Echolls and in most ways, he is more admirable than Veronica when it comes to dealing with trauma and being a successful adult. Having admitted my bias, I think this is more than me being upset about the death of my favorite character. I really wish this was just a post of me analyzing the things I liked and didn’t like about the newest season. Maybe I will get into that at some point, I don’t know. All of that—the OCC moments, the inconsistencies, Veronica’s troubling attitudes—was overshadowed by a choice that legitimately doesn’t fit, doesn’t make sense to me. It’s not just that I’m upset and I didn’t like it. I know I’m not objective but Logan’s death did not add to the plot line in any fashion and I ABSOLUTELY HATE the way it was handled. More on that in a second. Here’s where I’m struggling most, though. It doesn’t fit the message.

Maybe I’m just dumb, but Season 4 was different than I expected. (Vast understatement, I know.) With all this emphasis on “mature content” and “Veronica’s healthy sex life,” I was prepared to be shocked. (I wasn’t.) Rob Thomas spoke at length about the story arc and Veronica’s big choice for the season. He talked about how she was going to have to choose between settling down/marriage/family versus her career, a choice many men face. (Side note: what man has to choose that?!? They can very easily have it all. There’s absolutely no gender reversal here at all.) But as I watched, that’s not what I saw happening. I saw Veronica having to choose between letting people in, trusting people, and staying stagnant, closed off. She made a new friend in Nicole—and lost her because she didn’t trust her. She didn’t want to upset the status quo in her life by marrying Logan. So we see her struggle with all this, see her wrestle with all the trauma in her background and her issues and how it affects her relationships. This tension is beautiful and I loved it! By choosing to marry Logan, Veronica is saying that she is learning and is willing to let him in further. This shows character growth!

And then what happens with his death? “Neptune” once again proves to Veronica that she can’t control her circumstances and she’s just a victim. She’s right to keep herself closed off because she doesn’t deserve happiness and will never find it. I think it’s odd that KB wants this message out there for her young girls but I’ve often thought that while she plays Veronica amazingly well, she maybe doesn’t see her the same way I do.

Do I believe that Veronica could overcome the pain of losing Logan? Yes, I do. BECAUSE SHE’S DONE IT BEFORE. This story has already been told. It’s unnecessary to repeat in her character development. We know Veronica can survive it—we spent years watching that and how it shaped her. It’s fascinating but her character doesn’t need more trauma to be interesting. Her marshmallow center is what makes Veronica a lovable character and without that, she’s no longer compelling to me. What we need to see is how she lives in the trauma and grows through it. Based on her weird reactions to things (angry sex, poor social skills) it’s safe to say that she’s STILL not dealing well with her high school trauma. She told us earlier in the season that if anything happened to Logan or her dad, she would “put her head in the oven.” I’m glad that’s not how she responds but…how does she deal???

Which leads to my next big complaint. We don’t see any of that. (NOT THAT WE NEED TO BECAUSE IT’S ALREADY BEEN DONE BEFORE.) It honestly might have been inspiring if we saw Veronica—absolutely crushed by the death of her husband of 5 minutes—pulling herself out of the rubble and rebuilding. (Side note: could his death have been more tropey??? Don’t tell me, Rob Thomas, that you’re ready to write a grown up show when, OMG, you use more cliches in 8 episodes than the previous 64 high school soap opera ones combined. I guess we can be thankful Logan doesn’t have a baby while in a coma.) We don’t see Logan’s death, we don’t see his grave, we have no finality in this, but more importantly, we don’t see Veronica grieve at all. We flash forward a year, she’s talking about how “Spring Break is dead” but she doesn’t talk about Logan at all. She fills us (and her therapist) in on all that’s happened in Neptune since but she’s wearing bright colors, listening to poppy music, the sun is shining, and she’s driving her happy red car along the scenic coast out of Neptune. I’m glad that she’s okay but it’s not inspiring because it’s not allowed to be.

I really really really didn’t like the emotional pacing of Logan’s death, either, but that’s a rant for another time. I just can’t believe that Rob Thomas thinks anyone wants to watch this version of Veronica without anyone in her life calling on her crap. No one is here for the mysteries. They aren’t that great. (Yes, there was a small twist to this one but the killer was who I guessed after the first episode.) And if RT can’t figure out how to write a married couple with tension he needs to hire someone who can. I’m sorry that it was just “too hard” for him to figure out. I sincerely hope his gamble fails. What an utter betrayal of the people who literally brought his show back from the grave. And please don’t tell me that this is what I “need.” You’ve insulted me enough already.

[cubbiegirl1723]

Veronica Mars Season 4 Thoughts

Beware, spoilers ahead! Stop reading this if you don’t want to know!

Okay, I never do anything more on tumblr than post LoVe gifs but I have THOUGHTS and I need to share them, even if I’m just screaming into the void. There are some serious Veronica Mars Season 4 spoilers ahead so proceed at your own risk. And it’s long so...yeah. Perhaps the first of many, honestly.

For this to make any sense, I want to give a little bit of my background as a Marshmallow. I didn’t watch Veronica Mars when it originally aired; mostly because at that time in my life I was busy graduating from college, starting my first big grown up job, and getting married. We didn’t have cable so TV watching was limited to Netflix on discs. (Yes, on DVDs THROUGH THE MAIL. Crazy, I know.) At some point later, Amazon Prime added VM to their library and I had a free trial so I decided to watch. I love detective/PI shows (among my favorites are Magnum PI, Psych, and Republic of Doyle) so it was an instant fit. Veronica is a kickass heroine and Season 1 is literally my favorite of all time. I couldn’t get enough. So I came for the mystery. But Season 2 is not as compelling and Season 3 is...hard to watch. But I stuck around because these characters are so interesting. It’s not about the mystery anymore for me, because those are mediocre, at best. (ELECTROCUTED IN A BATHTUB. NEED I SAY MORE?!?)  I’m a 36 year old stay at home mom, watching a TV show about a 17 year old girl. I get this. I don’t watch because I’m struggling in my relationships or dealing with high school drama. Or solving crimes. That’s not why this show is appealing. But I couldn’t get enough of the these characters. Needless to say, I was a fan of the good parts of the movie and I enjoyed many parts of the books as well. I was BEYOND THRILLED at the prospect of Season 4. More Veronica? More Logan? More Neptune? Real recognition for my favorite show, saved by the best fandom in existence? YES PLEASE. 

I’m the first to admit that I don’t have a degree in film studies or literature. But I like a good story, I read a lot, and write a little. I’m not an expert by any means and I freely admit I’m not objective about it. I love Logan Echolls and in most ways, he is more admirable than Veronica when it comes to dealing with trauma and being a successful adult. Having admitted my bias, I think this is more than me being upset about the death of my favorite character. I really wish this was just a post of me analyzing the things I liked and didn’t like about the newest season. Maybe I will get into that at some point, I don’t know. All of that—the OCC moments, the inconsistencies, Veronica’s troubling attitudes—was overshadowed by a choice that legitimately doesn’t fit, doesn’t make sense to me. It’s not just that I’m upset and I didn’t like it. I know I’m not objective but Logan’s death did not add to the plot line in any fashion and I ABSOLUTELY HATE the way it was handled. More on that in a second. Here’s where I’m struggling most, though. It doesn’t fit the message. 

Maybe I’m just dumb, but Season 4 was different than I expected. (Vast understatement, I know.) With all this emphasis on “mature content” and “Veronica’s healthy sex life,” I was prepared to be shocked. (I wasn’t.) Rob Thomas spoke at length about the story arc and Veronica’s big choice for the season. He talked about how she was going to have to choose between settling down/marriage/family versus her career, a choice many men face. (Side note: what man has to choose that?!? They can very easily have it all. There’s absolutely no gender reversal here at all.) But as I watched, that’s not what I saw happening. I saw Veronica having to choose between letting people in, trusting people, and staying stagnant, closed off. She made a new friend in Nicole—and lost her because she didn’t trust her. She didn’t want to upset the status quo in her life by marrying Logan. So we see her struggle with all this, see her wrestle with all the trauma in her background and her issues and how it affects her relationships. This tension is beautiful and I loved it! By choosing to marry Logan, Veronica is saying that she is learning and is willing to let him in further. This shows character growth! 

And then what happens with his death? “Neptune” once again proves to Veronica that she can’t control her circumstances and she’s just a victim. She’s right to keep herself closed off because she doesn’t deserve happiness and will never find it. I think it’s odd that KB wants this message out there for her young girls but I’ve often thought that while she plays Veronica amazingly well, she maybe doesn’t see her the same way I do.

Do I believe that Veronica could overcome the pain of losing Logan? Yes, I do. BECAUSE SHE’S DONE IT BEFORE. This story has already been told. It’s unnecessary to repeat in her character development. We know Veronica can survive it—we spent years watching that and how it shaped her. It’s fascinating but her character doesn’t need more trauma to be interesting. Her marshmallow center is what makes Veronica a lovable character and without that, she’s no longer compelling to me. What we need to see is how she lives in the trauma and grows through it. Based on her weird reactions to things (angry sex, poor social skills) it’s safe to say that she’s STILL not dealing well with her high school trauma. She told us earlier in the season that if anything happened to Logan or her dad, she would “put her head in the oven.” I’m glad that’s not how she responds but...how does she deal???

Which leads to my next big complaint. We don’t see any of that. (NOT THAT WE NEED TO BECAUSE IT’S ALREADY BEEN DONE BEFORE.) It honestly might have been inspiring if we saw Veronica—absolutely crushed by the death of her husband of 5 minutes—pulling herself out of the rubble and rebuilding. (Side note: could his death have been more tropey??? Don’t tell me, Rob Thomas, that you’re ready to write a grown up show when, OMG, you use more cliches in 8 episodes than the previous 64 high school soap opera ones combined. I guess we can be thankful Logan doesn’t have a baby while in a coma.) We don’t see Logan’s death, we don’t see his grave, we have no finality in this, but more importantly, we don’t see Veronica grieve at all. We flash forward a year, she’s talking about how “Spring Break is dead” but she doesn’t talk about Logan at all. She fills us (and her therapist) in on all that’s happened in Neptune since but she’s wearing bright colors, listening to poppy music, the sun is shining, and she’s driving her happy red car along the scenic coast out of Neptune. I’m glad that she’s okay but it’s not inspiring because it’s not allowed to be.

I really really really didn’t like the emotional pacing of Logan’s death, either, but that’s a rant for another time. I just can’t believe that Rob Thomas thinks anyone wants to watch this version of Veronica without anyone in her life calling on her crap. No one is here for the mysteries. They aren’t that great. (Yes, there was a small twist to this one but the killer was who I guessed after the first episode.) And if RT can’t figure out how to write a married couple with tension he needs to hire someone who can. I’m sorry that it was just “too hard” for him to figure out. I sincerely hope his gamble fails. What an utter betrayal of the people who literally brought his show back from the grave. And please don’t tell me that this is what I “need.” You’ve insulted me enough already. 

[swearronchanel]

7.09🎄🌟

Comments on the Call The Midwife Christmas special! *proceed with caution* 

Here we gooo

aw Lucille hey

That’s a cute baby 😭

You right Jenny Lee, if only I had a damn map of life lmao

SPACE ELVES LMAO

Reggie!!! My harrrt

That paint probably is pure lead sjskks

Vi’s hair is rough

LMAO who is this old woman she is annoying already

go home shelgah is the new go home roger (if you know you know!! Lol from the show Sister, Sister)

ROCKIN AROUNDDDD THE CHRISTMAS TREEE

new car in this bitchhh

shealgh’s yellow scarf and coat is cute af

AW TEDDY

TRIXIE MY QUEEN!! SHSJKS SHE HAS RETURNED THE SHOW CAN GO ON

!!! THAT WILL BE ME IN 12 DAYS ARRIVING IN LONDON !!!!

the babs pic :(

their tree tho😍

Sister MJ annoyed to have to walk is a big mood

“our work is here” wow this is sad already

Phyllis already knows there’s something sus going on

“They gonna see everything you got” LMFAO LUCILLE

THE QUEEN OF POPLAR IS HOME

wow just kidding 😂😂

omg the Asian babies are so adorable

but what is up grandma from Balto

NOTHING TO DECLARE BUT MY ANNOYANCE LMFAO OK ME AGAIN AT THE UK CUSTOMS

mama bear phyllis😭😭

sister MJ is like listen I’m the sweets and candy queen here back up

HERE SHE IS

BEATRIX IS HOME💖💖

PUCCI?! HONEY GOT SHMONEYYY

omfg my heart MAMA PHYLLIS BATHING THEM

babs sweater omg 😢 I’m crying already

Phyllis omg stop Fuck my heart

PATSY AND DELIA IN SCOTLAND

GARBO OMG LIKE GRETA GARBO she was famous and famously gay I see what they did there najsksk amazing

SISTER MJ FAKING AGAIN LMAOO??

oh shit morphine maybe not faking then lol that can f*ck u up 😂

Fred our pure ridiculous angel

Omg stop sister MJ 😭😭 when she dies it’s over man

Didn’t think the mother house would be by the beach/sea

My mom just made a funny ass remark but  it’s kinda mean I shant say

OH SHIT SHES GONNA CRASH

who is that woman tho?

LMAO sister Mildred is like sister E I’m kinda vibing with it 😂 but if she comes for Phyllis then I will have a problem

Sister J just SNAPPED 💀 she is not leaving poplar and that’s that !!

Omg this kid looks like my little cousin

My gal is already back at work!! grinding all day let’s get this bread

Ok I feel their annoyance but it’s true hospitals have a lot of upsides

like number one there are doctors there lmao

oh no😭😭 why is the kid left alone? that’s not fair 😭

YOU’D GO UP LIKE A BOMB FIRE SJSKKS VI IS RIGHT

Aw the little angels (lowkey reminds me of the best Christmas pageant ever LMAO again if u know, u know)

Trix’s coat!! A damn look

A damn BELL?? holy sh*t this convent is like a prison

sorry @ God but I would never

Fred wants to gather the orphans gifts omfg he is SOFT <3

Aw Mother Jesu (but also I don’t know what I imagined her as but this lady isn’t it)

Sister J will not go bc we would riot

*throws to ground* I felt that

APPALLING MUSIC LMAO SHELAGH IT’S CALLED HAVING TASTE

it’s prob the stones I bet

Lucille looks so CUTE love the fit

Lucille and sister MJ together is always a sweet moment

The Turner’s new car is fire I love the color

Shelagh’s pink scarf is cute too, she got the whole rainbow. She has to make up for all the lost years of not being able to dress lol

ok but I have to say the three shades  of pink is bothering me, looking like a Scottish pepto bottle (or peppa pig😂)

AW FETUS SHELAGH/SISTER B

📢📢📢 just bc she wants it doesn’t mean it’s right 📢📢📢

Another Mavis wow can they stop recycling names already Lmaoo sheesh it’s not that hard

throw a Gabby in the mix, or matter of fact cast me (imagine LMAO)

This is so sad omg, the little girl watching the others be adopted I can’t 😭😭

Ok sister winnie we see u with some vocals!

Oh shit TB yikess

“Sometimes love is not enough” ouch that shit ‘hurted’ :(

Oo k trixie 😍 we see u

sweetie was in Paris Yass as she should (but lol love how they ignore the fact she left bc she relapsed)

PHOTOGRAPHIC NEGATIVE LMFAO VALERIE STOP

trixie running in her dress and stockings I can’t lmaoo but we love a fashionable midwife but imagine how gross her feet will be through those sheer nylons

not at all relevant but I remember tipsy-ly walking around the Brooklyn bridge barefoot after my hs prom and my feet looked like charcoal after 💀💀😂

SHE’S PUSHING STANDING UP???

My sister in law is cringing bc she’s currently 7 months pregnant and is imagining giving birth outside on the street

the Beverly sisters with rubber gloves 😂

Well that dress is ruined trixie 😂

How do they make those umbilical cords look so real?

the Barbara name tag😭

“It’s only a dress...” character growth ok, Beatrix has grown up 😢

I keep saying but I really can’t if shelagh adopts May

What is up with this pregnant lady who spooks like a dear?? (My sister in law said that lol)

no way she remembers something from 2 years old

SHELAGH IN BLUE SLACKS?? YES A LOOK  OK

Glad she finally is in pants tho lol, serving Laura Petrie looks

📢📢Everyone has a story.. 📢📢

My mom just said she wants those vintage tree icicles 😂

It’s been real sister W but bye bye

LMAO WAIT SHE SNAPPED

I remember reading that she was leaving so I’m not surprised

“I feel called to stay here and I don’t care who’s calling me” OK SIS !!! 📢 TELL EM

“Is your knocked elastic gone?”LMFAO aka don’t get your panties in a twistttt

A donkey I’m weakkkk

Patrick gave him Tim’s tree aww

LMAO Tim is pissed

This damn donkey lmaoo this is funny

ofc he likes candy😂

Shelagh and Sister J delivering a baby! This is pure

They said clever girl so take a shot

Another boy today!

LMFAO FRED AND REGGIE SCHEMING

It’ll be crazy fr if shelagh takes this little girl home, she’s already got two kids she doesn’t watch 😂

I’m triggered when I watch elections, takes me back to that horrible day in 2016..

Shelagh and sister J on the beach <3

BURGUNDY SLACKS YAS SHELAGH shawty got 2 pairssss

SECRET CIGS LMFAO OMG I LOVE THISSSS

Patrick can mind his damn business ok

They’re bonding over smoking and I love IT

THE INTENSE ASS MUSIC

IM NERVOUS WTF

SISTER JULIENNE CRYING OMG MY HEARR

SISTER MILDRED TAKING ONE FOR THE TEAM THANK U LORDT

BEATRIX SERVING 60s DREAM LOOKS 😍 why doesn’t my hair look like that?

I’m also lowkey sad at the lack of Phyllis in this ep

ANGELA SPOKE HOLY SHIT IT’S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE

THEY FOUND BILLY OMFG ANOTHER CHRISTMAS MIRACLE

“You come home with me” BYE MY EYES ARE SWEATING

Trixie looks so damn good & her hug with sister Winnie was cute

the Turner’s are now that family in “in takes two” who they say collected kids 😂😂

This is so cute but I can’t believe it!! And then their were 5 Turner’s!

Neal as one of the 3 kings I am a mess

Vanessa Redgrave PLS chill I can’t I’m shedding caucasian tears 😭😭

LUCILLE HAS A BOYFRIEND??

OMG NO SHE BROUGHT THE CHURCH 🥰🥰🥰

Val is also serving a look!

STOP NOW IM CRYING FR FR

HARK THE HERALD ANGELS SINGGGGGG

I LOVE THE CHOIR UGHH

EVEN PHYLLIS SINGING <3

“we share the shift from darkness into light..” 😭😭❤️❤️ UGH MY HEART

That was so good I can’t wait to be able to watch season 8 in real time next month in LONDON!!

[aboutagirl4031]

I can’t explain the sadness I feel, I promised Luna it was always gonna be me and her. I wanted to give her my undivided everything forever. I’m honestly taking the new baby harder than she is because when she sleeps all I can think about how devasted she was when I first told her, like I know we’ll be okay but I can’t get over how I was so set on our moments forever and I feel like I hurt my first baby with the second because I was so okay with what I told myself and what the doctor’s had told me. I noticed how uncomfortable people would get when they asked me if I was excited about the new baby and if I didn’t answer like “OMG YES I AM SO EXCITED AND BLAH BLAH BLAh” I don’t think they understand the extent of what I truly went through.

I suffered with weird periods, more body hair, fatigue, weight fluctuations and so much more and finally got diagnosed with poly cystic ovarian syndrome and it was fucking traumatic hearing the doctor explain and educate me right then and there after what we saw what my ovaries looked like on the ultrasound. My ears were ringing, his voice slowly faded out and I felt like my body was slowly moving backwards and I didn’t even noticed bc It was like I completely left my body and I did that for weeks after that appointment, he said it would be harder or I would haft to try harder to have another baby and that Luna was probably a miracle when she did happen and how she was conceived, I never planned another baby but being told I couldn’t just decide to have one or maybe it would have been impossible to have another baby really rocked me to my core and I didn’t even acknowledge myself well enough to realize my fertility was important to me. Everything I went through at the beginning of this year has transformed me so drastically and was filled with so many tears, anxiety, restless and emptiness. I had just got broken up with because I had a breakdown, a breakdown that was caused because of my mentally abusive/toxic partner, he constantly pushed me to my breaking point just because I wanted him to take accountability for his actions towards me and his daughter, he treated us so awful and so I gave him that same energy back and he couldn’t handle it, I never felt bad for treating him how he treated me because it got to the point where I really believed I didn’t deserve jack shit and that I was unworthy and “heartless” I let my happiness depend on a person who doesn’t even love themselves and I promised myself that I would love me so I wouldn’t beg another shallow man for it, I got so far in my ptsd therapy and in my spiritual journey I can handle so many things thrown at me, I no longer broke down at the smallest inconvenience, I no longer allowed peoples projections and micro aggressions define me because i knew who I was, I sifted through all the trauma I had already endured and over came … realized that I wasn’t fucking weak or suicidal, I was just treated like shit by a bunch of people with unhealed traumas/ toxic environments and their opinions of me never defined me, everyone always had an opinion about me and once I realized my power , the love I have for myself and my knowledge because I learned my lessons the hard way and had to grow up fast because of the trauma and my shitty parents. I love my this life, I love what I have overcome and I love my babies.

So I continue with the heartbreak/love of hearing sorry your fertility cannot be tracked because of your pcos and we never know when you can have another baby to 3 months later going in for a UTI test and two days later hearing them tell me no UTI but that I was pregnant. I cried immediately and I don’t think anyone truly understands what I felt like in that moment, I cried from the bottom of soul that I had lost my breathe on the phone with the nurse and she was so concerned she was like “Um are you okay…we’re you expecting this?,do you wanna keep the baby?” and I immediately said “yes of course but oh my gosh” through deep breaths. I still feel so bad for doing that to the nurse that day but bless your heart for understanding what I was going through. I immediately called my mom with that same labored breathes that I didn’t even notice my toddler climbed into to bed with me and she was rubbing my hand asking if I was okay, my mom start crying too and I was so in shock to hear that IM PREGNANT AGAIN. She knows because she was the first one I told about my ovaries and my miracle baby Luna 😂❤️

Everyone thought it was everybody but me but alas I went into the er to see how far along I was because it was a Friday and I couldn’t wait til Monday bc I was having more pain than usual, er took me in and did ultrasound and blood work to start… the doctors they had couldn’t tell what they were looking at so I had to wait for dr eastam from women’s clinic and wait for my blood work to come back, hours went by as I laid in the cold hospital wondering and panicking, I couldn’t believe how fast everything turned into a nightmare once again.

I finally got to eastam and he said it looked like I bled a lot.. he didn’t understand where the blood was coming from but his first guess was a molar pregnancy considering how high my HCG levels were in my blood test at only 6 weeks pregnant … he said by now I should’ve miscarried or they thought the pain I went in for was the start of a miscarriage so they made a decision to send me home and literally wait for me to miscarry instead of admitting me to the hospital because my pain wasn’t that bad. He said we’ll wait 7 days and then you can come back in and we’ll redo another ultrasound to see if the baby grew healthy or detached basically and if the baby had no heartbeat then he would send me in for a D&C surgery, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, I fully packed a bag and prepared for them so take my baby out but as soon as we got the baby on ultrasound everything was completely normal, and the baby had grown I wanted to jump up and scream. He guessed that maybe all that blood had come from the way my placenta was attaching but he measured the baby and the baby was a completely healthy looking pregnancy a huge difference from what we saw last week, he got me my first official ultrasound picture and gave me the official congratulations and said we will be starting my prenatal appointments, I walked out feeling like I was on a cloud …. I’m having another baby.

I just went through all of this and yet I became stronger and happier within myself, I had confidence in my body and my soul, I had so much love for myself and my life. I’m still in shock but I can’t wait to have another little baby again ❤️ unplanned doesn’t mean unloved. I’m so proud of me for holding myself together so well and still being a good mother to Luna, nobody can take away my power

I have earned every bit of happiness that I have been working so hard on and I don’t have to prove a single thing to anybody, I don’t haft to prove my worthiness and growth to a single fucking person, I know me

I know who I am and that’s enough. If people were really worthy of seeing my growth it would happen but that’s the real kicker with growth, people still remember you only for the person you were when you met them, they don’t allow for you to grow in their thoughts. People still look at me as that shallow depressed sixteen year old and I am so far from her, I appreciate her because without her I wouldn’t be who I am today.

[heartsoftruth]

if he moves, how do i talk myself into supporting a club i explicitly dont like and now despise because of the dirty and corrupt way they are taking away neymar from the club i love? how can i cheer and root for him while hating the club he plays for?

That’s what I also been thinking about…

Let’s just wait and see what happens and try to push these thoughts away… Tho I also have them… 

Anonymous said:idk why barca even let him go to china and record stuff for the team when he’s about to do his medical for psg the day after…

Anonymous said:NEYMAR IS LEAVING GUYS THIS TIME IT IS MORE THAN OFFICIAL !!!

Anonymous said:Al Khelaifi (PSG president): “Negotiations for Neymar are going well. I’m very confident.” So yeah that’s that

Anonymous said:Neymar going for a medical with PSG??? I’m sorry did I miss something when was this confirmed??? Last time I checked we are still awaiting his decision!!! Stupid Barca App

Nothing is official. Let’s hope he isn’t, but tomorrow and Wednesday gonna be crucial… 

There’s also rumors Pai told Barca he doesn’t know what to do yet… 

Anonymous said:those ney shirtless videos i mean can he stop being so hot .. i just need to jump on him and start kissing him and beg him dont leave ney dont leave bae plzzzzzzzzzz

Deffo way to many hot videos from today

nonymous said:meanwhile, Neymar out there today still following brumar pages and liking brumar quotes about his great love no one understands, jesus!! what a 14 year old! I don’t wanna insult anyone but I’m starting to think this guy is not the brightest in the bunch….

Probably bc she opened her mouth about them in an interview… All of a sudden I also saw many Brumar things on the suggested page by INsta xD 

Anonymous said:Next thing you know PSG are also buying Gabriel Jesus and Countinho and the rest of the Brazilian starting team 😂

Let them leave my baby Gabi with Pep!!! 

Anonymous said:Neymar looks very good in Barcelona’s shirt❗❗❗❗❗❗❗just in Barcelona shirt .

Real Talk!!!! 

Anonymous said:I seriously cannot understand how Dani thinks it’s “brave” for Neymar to leave Barca. It’s stupid to leave the best club in the world, not brave. What would be brave is to stay and face all the fans he has disappointed!

Dani only says that bc he wants Ney to come. He can stfu. 

Anonymous said:Who is that Amanda girl Marcelo and Ney were having a photo with??

Some YouTuber apparently 

Anonymous said:velvarde said some positive things about neymar, that he has some hope that neymar will stay.

Let’s hope so. I hope he makes the right decision: stay!

Anonymous said:Omg i know you’re not neymar i just wrote what i think because this whole thing makes me so aggressive we all don’t know what is 100% true and what not

Oh ok! hahah. Since you addressed it to Neymar I thought you thought I was him hahah. (That happens sometimes so thats why haha). 

Anonymous said:neymar signed the contract at barca knowing about leo’s role there. he should take some notes and realise leo worked and earned his way up to his position. now when the first offer of so much money comes along he takes it because he can be a team leader? no a true leader climbs his way up to the top, and earns his way. he has iniesta as a captain and an influence, if he didn’t learn anything from them or the team, can’t say i wouldn’t be hugely disappointed because i will be. let’s just see :/Maybe he sees that Leo is gonna be a leader for so long stlll and wants to be that too, but knows he won’t be at Barca for a while… I mean I could understand if he went to another team for that growth, but not P$G… That’s just a stupid decision. Anonymous said:Feels like Suarez and Messi were angry against Neymar yesterday… kind of disappointed with this, I expected them to be closer especially if it was Ney’s last match. Note (before people misunderstand my ask) : i’m not throwing shade at Messi and suarez

Didnt quite get that vibe, but maybe that’s just me :) 

@msn-forever​ said:Hi! Will Neymar really do that China thing? Or wasn’t it cancelled? Please do still post about him even if he’s a …u know player! I would hate to see him leave, only the thought about it is killing me, but I could never stop loving him! So please post about Barcelona and Neymar, whatever will happen. I also don’t know what to do about my name MSN-FOREVER…if the N wd get lost…😢😢😢

Hi, sorry for the late reply, but as you’ve seen Ney really did the China promo thing. (He also confirmed it on one of his INsta pages he was gonna go). 

Let’s hope he stays. There is still a small chance… 

Anonymous said:Neymar is an example of modern footballer love the work not ur company. He loves futbol he hasn’t attached any extra sentiments to the club. It’s just how it is. He is practical that’s it. Something leo messi isn’t if he was he wouldn’t stay at one club his lifetime given his quality once in a lifetime footballer he should’ve actually gone to different leagues&hence increase his brand value show he can do it anywhere which we know he can but still actually doing it makes a difference

I love players with club love. Love it. Since it’s so rare these day. I love how Luis still talks about Ajax with love. It’s the same here as an Ajax-fan we would welcome Luis with open arms again. 

Nothing wrong with club love and staying where you were made into a champ. Leo started at a top club and he made it to the top and still is the best. I think the argument that he should went to other leagues is so overrated. If you see how long he’s been at the top that answers the whole question. No other player accomplishes that. 

@naleyforever​ said:No it really wont be wrong because even if they are paying the money they are doing so for a job he is doing for them thats becoming the face of WC after that its his money not qatar loaning money, that happening wud get them into direct problem. Offcourse if people want to contest this as violation they can but in the long run nothing will comeout. Qatar as a gift is also going to give him an island.

Well UEFA will officially look into it and whatever happens or where he gets the monet from that company in Qatar can’t be affiliated to PSG otherwise they will breach the FFP. Or they will have to sell players hence why they probably are offering us Di Maria and other players we dont need. 

Anonymous said:So ney’s large group of friends not one of them can offer advise to him?! Gil is 28/29 one of the oldest in the group and he can’t even guide his younger friend because he foots all their bills?! I just don’t understand how they can all sit back and let their friend ruin his career and reputation like this.Ney is easily influenced that much is obvious so I am sure if any of them talked to him he will listen/at least consider their view but it seems they’re a bunch of yes men to Ney &his father!

I have no ideaaaa. I hope they slap some sense into him and tell them how much they LOVE barca and spain in general. They all made friends, speka the language etc… 

Anonymous said:To the anon: Carol and Davi living in Barcelona won’t stop Neymar from going to Paris. It’s a 2 hour flight from Barcelona to Paris. I bet they won’t move to Paris with Neymar since they have their lives settled in Barcelona, but they can always go to Paris.

@ anon. 

Anonymous said:hot lips yes they are so hot .. but they stole your tag idea them lips

HAHAHHA, Damn right they stole my lips from me! I thought of it as well xD 

[jodiwalker]

The Bachelorette Recap: Hometowns, Where Everyone’s a Loser

Oh man, The Bachelorette is really on one this season, huh? First the rise of feces-and-coded-language personified, Lee. And now the purposeless televised exploitation of human Cockapoo — if Cockapoos could be hot like when Robin Hood was an animated fox — Dean. What gives?!

Oh, I know what gives. They hired a black Bachelorette after 100 years of marshmallow fluff in the shape of Brad Womack (twice!) and now they think they can just be shitty about every single other thing. Let's be clear: nothing good was ever going to come of Dean bringing Rachel home to his estranged family. I think we all remember Des — well, no one remembers Des, who had zero hand tattoos, but we definitely remember Des' brother who had all the hand tattoos, and a limitless determination to ruin his sister's love life.

Dean's dad doesn't seem to want to ruin Dean's love life; in fact he attempts to make it clear in a number tones ranging from "formal compassion" to "barely suppressed rage" that he supports Dean dating Rachel if it makes them happy. But he also doesn’t seem particularly interested in affording his son any happiness that might have anything more directly to do with him. I don't love calling a man I don't know selfish — but being selfless is kind of the main qualifier for being a parent, and Dean's dad is definitely not that, so I'm just working in antonyms here.

Also, I'd probably break a champagne bottle over Aspen's highest mountain and fight anyone who made Dean's eyes sparkle with anything other than the prince-like wonder generally twinkling around in there, so yeah. What likely started as Dean's father trying to be generous to his estranged son quickly went south because the two haven't had a relationship since Dean's mother died, and everyone in Dean's current reality TV world told him this one night, surrounded by cameras and exactly zero licensed psychologists, would be a good time to address that. I can understand that Dean's father wouldn't have appreciated inviting all these strangers into his home and sharing his mungbeans with them, and then having his son remind him that he emotionally abandoned his kid when he needed him most…

But he did! Both the emotional abandonment and allowing these ABC monsters into his hime. The truly confounding part lies in exactly how The Bachelorette convinced any of these people that this was a reasonable thing to do, especially Rachel who seems dead set on meeting Dean's father even though Dean had just told that his dad was "not a person who has any bearing on my emotional experience."

Well look alive baby boy, because you're about to have one seriously emotional experience. But first! The boyfriends who weren't manipulated by TV love into a familial trauma…

Eric

Oh hello, Eric, nice to meet you, where the hell have you been? Seeing Eric in his hometown of Baltimore was like stumbling across some guy on Instagram that you were in a few college classes with and being like…Wait, was he always this hot and I just never noticed?? Shut up, is he coaching a little league team in that picture?! I wonder if he's seeing anyone. Does he live near me? Would he be open to starting our relationship long-distance? I'd always thought I'd want a summer wedding, but January could be really luxurious. Omg, I could wear a fur stole! One day I'll pass it down to our daughters. I'm so thankful I found a monogamous life mate in Eric; I feel God in this Lo-Fi filter today.

Those are the kinds of leaps I made during Eric's 20-minute segment. Whereas pretty much everybody else came out of their hometowns looking less appealing — excluding for Dean who I just wanted to wrap up in one of those emergency blankets they give out at marathons — Eric came out of his Hometown suddenly possessing a lovely and fun personality, with a family to match. Now if he can just ditch all those wispy scarves he likes to wear and keep smuggling his broad ass shoulders into laid back Canadian tuxedo, we could have ourselves a winner.

I mean…Eric won't win. But still, I want him to marry Rachel and get a spinoff about their families that would force Bachelor Nation to watch not just one, but many different black people on television from not just one, but many different backgrounds, with no Lees in the mix whatsoever. And that show would, of course, be called: Aunt Verna's Variety Show and Also Rachel and Eric Are Here.

I loved Eric's hometown. The turn from his openness about growing up in a family where many of the men were "successful in the streets" and the women had to be extra strong as a result, to Rachel being enveloped in a screaming cloud of hospitality and love when meeting said family was, frankly, heartwarming — a platitude I do not use lightly. I was full on Grinch'in it for most of Rachel's visit to Baltimore.

Yes, a lot of my love for this family had to do with his one aunt's head-to-toe daytime rhinestones, but also, with every conversation Eric had with one of his family members it became clearer that this is a family that has been through tough times with each other, but has put in the work to be able to understand the challenges one another have faced. All that mature familial growth just felt so hopeful. Put a pin in that thought…

Now, may we PTL for Aunt Verna who finally put in text what The Bachelorette has been just begging us to read in subtext all season: as spells it out, "R-A-C-E." That blonde pixie! That tunic! That moxie! I die! Aunt V is all, Soooo, Rach. Being the first black Bachelorette—that must have been a lot of pressure. And as though not one producer ever thought to ask Rachel what the implications were for her of being the show's first black Bachelorette (perhaps they were too busy screaming, We did it! We ended racism! Right here on ABC!) Rachel's tiny lil' floodgates open and she says, indeed, "It's a lot of pressure because you're judged by two different groups. I'm getting judged by black people and I'm getting judged by…everybody else."

This is a feeling that Rachel has alluded to exactly once before and she immediately cut herself off. Would Aunt Verna, perhaps, like to be paid one bajillion dollars to take over Chris Harrison's job? Suddenly, all of Rachel's comments about "in this position, I have to [be selfish] to get what I really want" carry a much heavier weight. Rachel says "I want love and love doesn't have a color, so my journey for love shouldn't be any different than the other 12 Bachelorettes in front of me." That's right Rach! You go and choose you a kinda smarmy guy with tall hair, stay engaged to him for two years, and then break up on the cover of People, just like your ancestral sisters!

But not really. I want Rachel's journey to be different; I want her to choose Eric — there I go, pressuring her — who's very empathetic when his mom tells him how she kept her distance from him growing up because she didn't want him to be just another boy who knew he could always fall back on his mama if he messed up. It feels harsh, but in the case of Eric, you can't say the theory didn't work. And you know, I've said parents should love their kids unconditionally — but maybe there are conditions you should apply to, oh I don't know, let's just say, MATERNAL LOVE…

Bryan

Bryan's particular brand of "I dunno, girl" is hard to pin down, but there has been one red flag that was particularly glaring: he told Rachel that his mom was the reason his last relationship ended. Now, sure, there are probably some women out there who might feel threatened by their boyfriend's relationship with their mother…but that usually doesn’t happen in a relationship where the man has a typical relationship with his mother. It happens when the mother breastfeeds the boy until he's 12, then moves on to baby-bird feeding Alicia Silverstone-style when he's a teenager, and when he's forced to feed the nest, she just creepily says she's in love with him all the time

That might be enough for even me, the most independent of lovers, to be like, Dude, I think you need scale it back with your mom a little bit, she FedEx'd us a bunch of chewed up food on dry ice yesterday.

When Bryan and Rachel arrive at his family's home in Miami, his mom basically gives Rachel the Heisman to get to her son. Later, she offers up this toast to welcome Rachel into their family's home: "For the most precious thing that I have in my life." Cheers to Rachel! Olga tells the camera, while openly weeping, "Bryan is my life. He's my love, he's my pride. We really have such a wonderful relationship, that for me, a woman that separates him from me would be terrible." Cool, sounds like a normal closeness between mother and son where the mom would rather the son be alone forever than to share any of the love in his love tank with another woman. Cool, cool, cool.

If Olga has other children, they go unnamed (and—this is just a guess—unloved). But there is a young mystery woman that looks like Bryan who tells Rachel that the ex-girlfriend "was threatened by the relationship he had with his mother" which the unnamed woman seems to think is proof the ex was crazy, and not an indicator that if a love interest is threatened by a mother/son relationship, there's probably good reason. [Ed. Note: Has everyone seen Bates Motel? It's terrific!]

Like, if your boyfriend's mom is constantly saying, "Bryan is my life, and I just want to advise you, to give you a warning: You are marrying the family too," that might be a good enough reason to feel threatened, quite literally, for your life, and not just for your relationship with this walking haircut (a bad one, according to Olga).

But Rachel, in her continued refusal to see that most things about Bryan are tinged with an unknowable filter of MOLLY, YOU IN DANGER GIRL, just laughs off his mom's literal threats and professes her adoration for Lil' BryGuy. To be fair, at the end of the visit, Olga tells the camera that she could see in Rachel's eyes she's a good person—the subtext is that a good person would never try to replace her as Bryan's number one, they would just be comfortable settling into a far distant number two. At least until, as Olga says, she dies and leaves that number one spot open: "I want the day we leave, I can be in peace because he can have someone to take care of him. He's the love of my life."

Bryan will be allowed to love someone else, quite literally, over Olga's dead body.

Peter

I've really like Peter this whole time, and for valid reason: he's super-hot. He's a personal trainer and former model, and he has a nice deep voice. People say the most important thing to them is a sense of humor, but when faced with a total babe who seems reasonably smart and into you, who among us would be longing for the killer knock-knock jokes of our youthful fantasies?

But boy, did Wisconsin bring out the dull in this guy. We don't get to meet Dean's friends (which I've heard was filmed as a segment because I listen to multiple Bachelorette podcasts, don't talk to me, I don’t want to hear it), but we get to meet Peter's friends who, coincidentally, seem like they've never met Peter before in their lives? No one smiles with their teeth for the entire encounter.

Peter laughs with his "pals" about how he told Rachel that he has a group of 10 close friends, eight of whom are black. Which is like, half-reassuring, and half makes you realize that Peter has a real Allison Williams vibe about him. I guess all two of his white friends and two of his black friends show up, and the two males are immediately sequestered four feet away from Rachel for "guy talk."

Peter's whole thing is that he only wants to propose marriage once in his life and he's not positive he should be doing that in three weeks after having spent a total of six hours alone with this woman. And I get it. But like…Rachel is a beautiful, self-aware, successful attorney…I'd probably Married At First Sight her ass if given the opportunity. His "friends," not making eye contact and maybe calling him Patrick at one point, tell him not to fuck it up. But when Rachel meets Peter's family — bearing two unidentified wrapped parcels — Peter's mom tells her he's ready for marriage emotionally, but at this moment, he might be more prepared for a "commitment" than forking over a diamond.

Peter's thoughts are totally logical — it's exactly how I would feel if put in this situation, but with less prominent cheekbones and no charming tooth-gap (just weakened enamel from years of drinking Diet Coke—is that hot). But I wouldn't put myself in this situation — Peter, with his gorgeous face and strong tooth enamel, did.

Peter seems to thank that he's playing his game: what can he handle, what is he ready for. But this ain't yo game boo-boo. For as self-aware as Rachel is, this isn't even her game. This is The Bachelorette. Peter is trying to play checkers in a game of Psychological Warfare Chess (patent pending). You've got to be eight steps ahead; when you're on your first date, you have to be thinking about your third date where you will, of course, be staring in to Neil Lane's icey blue eyes, deciding on princess-cut, emerald cut, or running away fast enough that Chris Harrison can't catch you.

In the end, Peter tells Rachel, "I'm just very happy right now." Rachel responds: "And I…am very happy too." A love story for the ages!

Dean

What's left to be said about Dean's Hometown date? Well, I guess, the details: The scene opens up on Dean, the Skipper of reanimated Ken dolls, set against the gorgeous landscape of Aspen, about to have one of the worst experiences of his life, which again, was completely avoidable. I've found Dean to be surprisingly mature throughout the season, including his explanation of his father's faith choices, which he explains pragmatically; for Dean, that means only impulsively smiling, like, ever twenty seconds instead of every five. Six years ago, his father converted to the practices of a Kundalini Yogi—as Dean explains, his faith is much like Sikhism, and as he further explained in a thoughtful Instagram post in advance of the episode, it's not what he was referring to when he called his father "eccentric."

You guys, I know I'm stanning for Dean too hard, like he’s just a cute 26-year-old with a complicated past. But I can't help it. I have to imagine my reaction to him is akin to if I was a 14-year-old and understood what a Shawn Mendes is. In a franchise where stereotypical masculinity is valued so highly that being "protective" is frequently manufactured from bungee jumping and cave diving excursions, it's really interesting to see Rachel take on the role of protector as she gently forces (okay, that part's not great) Dean to go inside his father's home amidst his admissions of being "legitimately terrified."

But everything is fine! This is the first time all of Dean's three siblings, his father Paramroop, and Paramroop's wife Santantar have all been together in eight years. Paramroop asks them to all lay down and face their heads toward his gong, and plays some soothing gong tunes which actually seem to…soothe everyone.

And okay, Dean wasn't actually forced into seeing his family, presumably this was his own decision. I will never understand why Rachel encouraged him to choose this already volatile time to confront his dad for apparently the first time every about his lack of sensitivity following his mother's death, but…he did it. And it did not go well!

Paramroop seems like he's really trying to put on a nice, albeit uncomfortable, dinner for everyone, but Dean feels like everyone is putting on a front that they're one big happy family. Well, yeah, that's what you do when there's a stranger in your home and you're trying to make them feel welcome. But Dean asks if he and his father can have a few moment son their own which means everyone else has to…go outside? Outside, Dean's sister tells Rachel what a strong person Dean is and how much she admires him. It's very sweet. Inside, Paramroop tells Dean he's glad he's doing something he loves to do, and when Dean asks for clarification, Paramroop says, "I guess…hanging out with a beautiful woman?" It's very painful.

Dean asks his father if he thinks he's "fulfilled things" as a father and Dean's dad says, "I must have been a pretty great dad because look at my son," and oooooh it possibly the worst attempted compliment of all time. Dean tries to explain his frustration of his dad not being there for him after his mother passed, but Paramroop is not willing to take on that emotional responsibility. Dean wants them to be able to talk about it now that they're both adults and he understands better what was happening, but they just go back and forth until Paramroop says, "Because of my teaching, we believe the other person is you. So whatever you think of me is what you think of yourself." Which…sucks.

Paramroop storms outside and when Rachel asks if she can speak with him he says, "If you must." It's a forced conversation but Paramroop tells Rachel she's welcome back anytime and she tells him what she has with his son is very special. Dean is distraught inside. He tells Rachel, "I know that I'm falling in love with you. I don't even know how to conceptualize this, that's why I'm so blown away." Rachel whispers back, "I'm falling in love with you too."

And then she breaks up with him!!!

Thank goodness. Not because I want Dean's little bird heart to break, or because it made a ton of sense for Rachel to tell him she was falling in love with him and then dash he bowtied heart days later. But because Rachel and Dean were never going to work. She is a mature queen among women, and he's just a baby with a lot of self-admitted growing up to do...

And where better to do that than in Bachelor in Paradise, where boys go to become men. Dean asks Rachel why she said she was falling in love with him and she tells him that she meant it. So that's…the opposite of closure and will probably haunt him while he tries to make out with Raven, etc. But sometimes you just have to cut the good ones loose so they can reconnect with their nuclear family and probably become Musica.ly stars or whatever.

See you next time for a combined recap of Approved Coitus Time with Chris B. Harrison™ and The Men Tell All©

[todokori-kun]

Yeah, I think I’m ok :D (I’m gonna reread the entire series now though because my parents decided to buy it for me. I might cry during the reread…)

Ah, well. Death does make the most sense for Hohenheim, and now that I think about it, he was probably tired of living (that’s depressing but hey)

I don’t really know how I feel about Ed’s alchemy but I was a tiny bit disappointed because it felt like it was a small-ish price to pay to get Alphonse’s body back? Maybe it’s just me?

I’m always happy to get recs :D

WAIT. I actually know that book!!! I saw it when I was searching for a new fantasy series to read…most of the reviews were really negative and now I see why XD

Hisoka’s trash, but so is his best (only) friend (who could totally cut off his head with little to no regrets), Illumi. Illumi is the oldest son of the Zoldyck family. Let me tell you about the Zoldycks:

-asassins

-terrifying assassins

-baby assassins

-did I mention that they’re assassins?

-birthdays in the Zoldyck family=cake, presents, hugs

-the cake is probably poisoned to build up tolerance

-the presents are bombs

-mom’s probably hiding a knife in her skirt to stab you as she hugs you

-now figure out how to get out of this party alive

-good job, if you’re still fine by the end of the day momma is proud of you

-now go out into the world and murder people like a good child

-(Apparently they sometimes don’t bother to teach kids about manners and basic human interaction though, because Illumi has all the charm and social skills of a wet rag)

-(a wet rag with dead fish eyes)

-(a wet rag with dead fish eyes who literally digs holes in the ground and sleeps in them)

-(he’s also so obsessed with his adorable little brother Killua that he basically shoves a magic needle into Killua’s head and uses mind-control on him in order to make sure he never does anything dangerous)

-(even if that means controlling Killua so he’ll abandon his best friend to save himself)

tysm ;-;

sometimes I hate TG so much

Kimblee x Explosions vs. Alex x Shot glasses: which one is the bigger OTP?

Kimblee’s idea of sweet: “I only blew up twelve people and two buildings today. Are you proud of me?”

(and imagine when this couple gets into fights

Kimblee: “Really, Evans, I don’t understand why you can’t appreciate my art. I always support yours.”

Evans: “MY art doesn’t involve explosions! This ISN’T FUNNY, ok?!”

Kimblee: “No need to shout. And of course it’s not funny, it’s beautiful.”

Evans: “You know what, couple therapy. That’s what we need. Along with a lot of relationship counseling.”)

omg we’d literally be team rocket thank you for that mental image

That’s SO CUTE <333 I’d probably call you queen on purpose sorry not sorry

Evans might actually join you at some point. Poor Moblit would be left all on his own with three maniacs XD (I know right)

Hopefully Armin will live ;-; cinnamon roll child

I’m actually considered really tall for my age and I was actually mistaken for a college student once XD but yeah, I’m smol compared to you…

(that’s cool ^^ and wow, Levi.)

Glad I could make you laugh :D (I laughed way too hard while writing it too). But Kimblee would probably just blow up the court tbh

TYSM I’M SO HAPPY IT DOESN’T COMPLETELY SUCK ;-; and yeah, when I saw that quote I immediately thought of Uta…

I totally need help so yes, please, if it’s ok? TYSM <3

(and you’ve probably seen by now but I sent in two other aesthetics :D)

I adore all of FMA’S OPs and EDs. I agree with you, though, ‘Again’ is beautiful- I love the singer’s voice :)

I HAVEN’T SEEN IT YET BUT I’M TOTALLY GOING TO SEE IT NOW

Aww, it’s gonna be fine! You’ll get over it ^^  Eventually… And that’s so nice of your parents! I wonder if you’ll actually cry :))

Honestly, I can’t blame him… His life wasn’t all that nice, but he was at least reunited with his wife? So he’s probably happier this was ^^;;;

Well, considering how valuable alchemy is to Ed, and how much he actually relied on it, it might not be such a small price after all. But, then again, a whole body in exchange for a skill that could potentially be brought back, that might be a bit unfair, true… I’m just glad my cinnamon roll finally has his body back T^T

FATE/ZEROooooo. Zankyou no Terror. Re:Zero. All of these have plenty of suffering mixed in. Also, don’t let Re:Zero fool you with its light colors and character design. That is one of the most mentally draining anime I’ve watched recently, because it’s literally a never ending loop of suffering.

This is Re:Zero.

This is also Re:Zero. Pay attention to the head.

Oh god if I was a person who left reviews on books, I’d leave a whole wall of text for the review. There’s a difference between making a character seem perfect, but making that a facade and using it for character growth and actually making the chacter flawless. Wow, that book irritates me XD

I mean… we all have our own quirks? But wow that’s messed up, big time. Shoving a magical needle into your younger bro to ‘protect’ him? Boy, that’s like one of those ‘I’m pushing you away to protect you’ *proceeds to angst* plots. Is Killua by any chance one of the two kid main boys? Cause the name sounds familiar ^^

Tokyo Ghoul is the manga that you have the love-hate relationship with. It’s more hate, but whatever.

Well, Alex x shot glasses at least isn’t destructive? So I’ll pick that one over Kimblee x explosions any day XD

Right, so sweet. Instead of 40 buildings, he only blew up 12. You should buy him chocolate as a reward XD Hopefully he doesn’t blow that up as well...

If you ever get Kimblee into art, make sure to give a separate room for that, otherwise, it might become a hazard. I mean, I can imagine him filling up water balloons with paint, hanging them on a canvas and then blowing them up. 

Who’d be the smol pokemon tho? ((I don’t know the names XD))

I’d probably become an actual tomato.

I feel sorry for Mobilt XD He wouldn’t have just Hanji to deal with anymore, he’d have to deal with us as well... Poor Moblit.

He will! The fandom would probably riot if anything happened to Armin, especially after we already had the scare. 

Kimblee would blow up Shuu. No evidence left behind (other than the huge crater that was probably left after the explosions)

You’ll definitely grow some more soon ^^ 

Uta is the one who brings popcorn to the fights,  because they entertain him. 

I’ll be honest, when I saw Tatsuo’s aesthetic, my first thought was Jumin Han. Then I remembered you never played Mystic Messenger XD

Right, so the thing you have to watch the most when making aesthetics is color. Always have a color palette in mind, because it’ll make finding the right pictures easier. Pick a color and stick to it. That way, it’ll be a tiny bit better, since it’ll also please the eye more. Also dark/light shouldn’t mix too much. It’s better if you pick one of those and mix with another color. Heck, if you get stuck, you can at least search *(color) aesthetic* and find a pic that fits through that XD

SO WHAT DID YOU THINK?? I WAS ALMOST SCREAMING THE ENTIRE TIME, I’M SO EXCITEEEED

I’m sorry I didn’t answer yesterday, we had guests over and were preparing more or less the whole day. Among those guests was my 9 year old cousin, otherwise known as the most annoying kid on the planet. I wanted to punch a wall... First of all, I had to entertain him the whole time, and that’s not an easy feat for someone like him. I swear, the boy has worms in his ass or something, cause he can’t sit still for more than 10 seconds.  Then, at one point, I took the laptop and started writing something, because inspiration struck (and internet died again). It was in english and he can barely speak the language, yet he was still trying to read what I wrote out loud and always asked me to translate what I was writing. At one point, I wrote the word ‘Shit’ and he went to my parents and told them ‘Luna is writing bad stuff’. I had to explain that the character swears a lot and that I actually keep it very kid-friendly with how it should be.  Then, I received a message from my friend, but the two of us talk in english, so he started reading my texts out loud (a huge no-no for me, because I want my privacy when talking to people) and was basically being a brat the whole evening. Also, he chews with his mouth open. I almost ripped out my hair...  True, I also get childish when he’s over, because he brings out that part of me. I mean, he’s the kid who tells me to let him win if we’re playing a game, even if the game is based on pure luck and I couldn’t let him win even if I wanted to. I sincerely hope your little sis is nicer than him XD

[foodselfiesandstuffblog]

Fader: Remy Ma Never Rests

Everyone around Remy Ma says she’s never been better, but she isn’t convinced. “I have people like my husband and Joe and the Cool & Dres and the DJ Khaleds being like, ‘Omg you’re phenomenal. You were good before but now...’ and I’m just like, whatever,” she says over the phone from New York, feigning annoyance but unable to stifle a laugh. “I feel like I was as good then as I am now; y'all buggin’.” One of the most formidable rappers in the tri-state area and beyond, Remy is indeed as sharp today as she was when she guested on Big Pun’s posthumous 2000 album Yeeeah Baby or when she stole the show on the 2004 chart-topping Terror Squad cut “Lean Back.”

In the 18 months since serving an eight-year sentence at New York’s Bedford Hills Correctional Facility for Women, she’s ripped through remixes of Dej Loaf’s “Try Me” and Phresher’s “Wait a Minute” with punch-heavy bars, and earned two Grammy nominations for the breakout hit “All the Way Up.” Her dedication is clear: in summer 2014 she was back in the studio just hours after being released from prison; she skipped her honeymoon to record a banger; and now just months later is gearing up to release Plato O Plomo, her collaborative album with Fat Joe. Mostly celebratory, the record mixes raucous turn-up anthems with more R&B- and island-tinged escapist jams. In a way, it is both the epilogue to her prison term and a prelude to a more personal, forthcoming solo record that recounts the story of those days on the inside, removed from her family and surrounded by women “abandoned” by the outside. In the interview below, Remy opens up about reconnecting with her Terror Squad roots, fighting for prison reform and awareness, and prepping a sophomore album about the seasons she lost.

What prompted you and Joe to come together and do this album now? It feels like a full circle moment?

I think it was just time. I was doing my own thing. I've been gone for a while. He's kind of been on hiatus for a little while. But one day we had done a performance together in the Bronx. That was probably the first performance we did in I don't know how many years. And the response from the crowd was just so crazy. I was just like, "You know what, maybe we should give this a try. Let's just see what happens." It was like a shot in the dark type of thing: We'll go in the studio, we'll record some songs, and if it comes out dope then we'll go from there. It can't go halfway, it can't be alright, it can't be okay. It has to be crazy because the last thing that people heard us on together was "Lean Back," which was Grammy nominated. So we have to be at least up to that par. We went in the studio and we started recording and it was just coming out amazing. Actually, the first song that we recorded together was "All the Way Up."

Some people might expect the album to be 12 versions of "All the Way Up," but there are a lot of different sounds and ideas on it. Did you guys have an agenda when you made it?

It wasn't even like we were trying to do a lot of different things. It was just that was the way it came out, and we took the best of the best. It was executive produced by Cool & Dre, who are like geniuses as far as I'm concerned. I've been working with them since I was young. As they cranked them out on the production side, we just went in and did what we did.

Fat Joe, what I can say about him — what people in the industry but not too many fans know, his ear for good music is like none other. He can smell a hit a mile away. Me, I don't have the patience. I cannot sit there and listen to a hundred million beats. He will sit there and listen to beat after beat after beat until he sniffs it out like a bloodhound. So that process took a little long. I give him all the credit. He sat in the studio and listened to beats for months. The whole summer and maybe even some of the fall. He was going to clubs seeing what songs was popping, trying to see what people was really feeling, what the vibe was and once he picked all the production and things like that we went in there and we probably spent like two weeks, three weeks tops, and laid vocals down. And that's how we've always worked, even when we did the Terror Squad album. The one that I was on — True Story that had "Lean Back" and "Take Me Home" — we did that the same way. We picked the production, then flew down to Miami for like two weeks. And it's crazy because it seems like a fast process, but when we're in there we're just locked in the whole time.

You've been in the game a while now. How would you say your music is different now than it was when you started, or even than it was even a decade ago?

You know what, it's weird because due to the timing of when I first did my verse on Pun's album to now, yes, that's a long time. But there was an eight year period in the middle of all of that where I couldn't put out no music at all, period. So, to me, everything is still fresh and new. I only have one solo album under my belt. This is just the third album that I've even worked on. I feel like I missed so much. As far as how much I've changed, I think everything is just growth. I feel like I'm as good as I was then, but then I have people like my husband and Joe and the Cool & Dres and the DJ Khaleds being like, "Omg you're phenomenal. You were good before but..." and I'm just like yeah, whatever. I feel like I was as good then as I am now, y'all buggin'. But apparently, they all think I'm much better now. I don't know if I should take it as a compliment or what. But if I never put out another record or album in my life, I'd still record music. That's just in me.

“Everybody always tries to pit women against each other. But I feel like we’re so different. We aren’t even in the same lane at all, period.”

 How do you view your role in music now? You've always called yourself the "Queen of New York," but it seems you're talking bigger now, and taking more shots.

Every artists has that braggadocios streak in them. I've always felt like, when it comes to this rapping, I think I'm the best. And I say "Queen," but god-honest, put my life on it, I feel like I'm better than a lot of guys. I hate that there are instances where I just get compared to females. And that's not just for me, I feel like there are other females that are better than some of the guys. I just tend to think that I'm better than a lot of the guys. I feel like it's time to stop all of this "she's dope for a female" shit. Nah. Stop playin'. My pen has never been questioned.

Anybody can get it. That's how I be on it. If you listen to my old mixtapes, if I ever had a problem with any female or anything ever in life, I will say your name. But I'm not just gonna go and come at somebody just to do it. Even when I first came out I never felt like in order to get on I had to tear down this female or that female. I've never done that in my life. But the problem is, there's only been one person reigning for so long, so any time I say anything it's, "Oh, she gotta be talking about this person." I'm open to working with anybody and I don't have any problems with anybody. I don't want no problems with anybody. I'm very happy and I'm in a good space in my life, and I don't want anyone to feel like I'm ever coming at them. That's that.

Everybody always tries to pit women against each other. They make it seem like there can only be one female at a time. But I feel like we're so different. We aren't even in the same lane at all, period. We are on total different ends of the spectrum. But whatever.

How has your life changed post-prison? How has your outlook changed?

Well, I would definitely say I'm not as reckless as I used to be. Would've probably been totally different ten years ago. I'm a little bit smarter now, and more worried about my business. Before, when I was young, I just wanted to be the best rapper. I didn't care about all the other stuff, I just wanted them to be like "shorty is dumb nice, she's crazy." Now, it's not even about that. I think differently now. I don't even care about the things I used to care about. And I think that's something that just happens with growth. I'm not 25 years old anymore. I don't think like a 25-year-old. Before I was like, I just want to put out this mixtape. I just want the streets to hear this. I just did this freestyle, it's crazy. But bruh, a mixtape is free. I'm not doing that shit anymore, really.

“I’ve met women that haven’t seen their children in a decade that live 40 minutes from them. Women who have husbands that they haven’t seen since they got incarcerated 20 years ago. Women whose friends have signed them off as a loss.”

Can we talk a bit about the prison system for a bit because you've talked a lot the past few months — and just in general — about women, particularly black women, being abandoned in prison, and just the way that the system is totally corrupt.

Well, first let me say, people be like, you're out of jail now — and by people, I mean idiots on social media who just type because they have fingers — why do you talk about prison so much? I'm almost positive I have some type of PTSD. I really went through a traumatic experience. Almost a decade of my life was consumed by the prison system. Of the past 15 years [as a rapper], I've spent most of that time in prison as opposed to the "free world," so I don't think I'm going to forget any of the things I went through, and I still have people that I have learned to care about that are there, and will probably end up having to spend the rest of their life there. So, if I can do anything or create any type of awareness — because honestly I know I didn't even know.

Prior to me actually being there, I didn't know any women that went to prison. So I've gotten to meet women that haven't seen their children in a decade that live 40 minutes from them. Women who have husbands that they haven't seen since they got incarcerated 20 years ago. Women whose friends have signed them off as a loss. And it was even more hurtful because I had such a strong support team in my husband who visited me every single day the first year, and then every year after that as much as he possibly could. And I had a visit every single day. So any day — in a prison of 900 to 1000 women — I would be down there with a visit and there would be like two or three other people. There was times where I was on a visit and I was the only person that had one. These are people that have husbands and mothers and sisters and children.

And it was so sad to me because I've been to visit floors at male facilities, and it is so crowded that they cut visits short so that the next people can come in. It's so crazy. You'll have girlfriends and baby mamas and pen pals and friends. People with babies and strollers and packages. And most of the visitors there were women. But when it came to the women it was like tumbleweeds blowing through the visiting floor. And I just didn't understand, especially coming from a community where women are the heads of a lot of households. These households are held together by women. The backbones of these families are women because a lot of the men are either gone or in prison for that matter, so seeing these women thrown away like trash just bothered me. Even as I'm going through this ordeal, I can see my children or my husband — there are these women around me who have it way worse. And statistics show women get harsher sentences than men for the same crimes committed. And seeing it firsthand was just really sad.

There's too much room for opinion in something that determines people's lives. One of the guys in the Bobby Shmurda GS9 case ended up with 117 years, and the headline said he was originally offered a 15 year plea deal that he rejected. Okay, I don't know what his case is, I don't know what he did, what was his charges, or whatever. The point that sticks out to me is if you offer me 15 years, how regardless of what happened at that trial do we end up at 117? How? That's life. This is what I be talking about. That doesn't make sense. If I commit a crime that warrants 15 years and you're willing to give me 15 years, that's it. There's no way after trail I should end up with 117 years. And I'm very passionate about it. Not just because I lived it but because I've seen it. When you're in there seven years you get to hear so many different stories, and it's disgusting the way this country operates off the prison system. We have the most people incarcerated out of every country in the entire world. Countries that have five and ten times as many people as we do have less people incarcerated. Why is that?

 “When you’re in prison, they do a go-around every hour in the middle of the night, just to make sure that everyone is alive. And I still wake up now. I do not sleep through the whole night.”

What do you think it's going to take to fix the system? Is it even possible?

The first thing has to be the deprivatization. We have to end the private prison system. If you have something that is ran for a profit, and I invest 10 million into a prison, I'm not going to make any money off that prison if I don't have any prisoners in it. That creates a motive to incarcerate people. That's one thing.

The second thing: there are certain rules where once you have a felony or you're on parole or anything like that you can't vote. What does me being on parole have to do with voting? If you're in prison, you can't vote. If you're in prison, your right to vote has been revoked. But these are the people that are making the laws. I can't vote and these are the people that are making the laws that effect my life. If you have a felony, you can run for certain offices, you can't have certain jobs. You can't own certain businesses. And when you look at the majority of people in prisons, they're minorities. So who is this really stopping from voting? Who is this really keeping out of certain jobs? So there's so much that has to be changed, and I don't even know where we have to begin because they all go hand-in-hand. This system has to be attacked on so many different levels through so many different outlets just to get it right.

And it can't be, Oh, if you did this crime, you get anywhere from 5-25 years. Five years and 25 years is a big difference. I know that if I do something and I get five years for it and somebody else does it and they get a year, I'm going to feel some type of way. The guidelines are too large. They've done an excellent job sabotaging things.

So much of it is racially motivated, too.

Absolutely. It's racially motivated. It's financially motivated. You can be the wrong color, but if you have the right amount of money at the right time you might be good. If you get caught in an election year, it's over for you. That's kind of what happened to me. So they had to act like they were cracking down on crime and all this stuff. It's crazy because I can count numerous times I went to court and it'd be me, Ja Rule, Busta Rhymes, Lil Wayne, like literally we all would have court on the exact same day. That's no coincidence. We get there and the news outlets would be there, TMZ would be there, the [New York] Daily News and every one of us ended up doing time except Busta, he got a crazy fine. Ja got a couple of years, Wayne got a year, and I ended up with the most. It was just a bad time to be doing anything at that time, and that's how it is sometimes.

There's actually a line from "Dreaming" on the new record where you say something like "Used to be in a cell dreaming of home/ Now I'm at home dreaming of a cell." That's one of my favorite lines from the record. Can you talk about the idea behind that?

It's crazy because I would be in jail and I would have dreams that I was home. They would be so real and so vivid, and I would wake up and be in this stinking-ass cell. I would literally start crying because that's how real it would get, and I wanted to go home so bad. And now that I'm home, finally after all of these years, I spent so much time there that it haunts me. I have dreams — while I'm in bed with my husband, my son and my daughter in the next room and I just finished performing or whatever is going on — and I will have nightmares that I'm in jail, and they seem just as real as the dreams would feel when I was in jail. I have dreams that I'm still in prison and it's horrible. You would think that it makes sense to be in prison and you dream that you're home, but I never thought for a second that I would be home and still seeing that place.

When you're in prison, they do a go-around every hour in the middle of the night — an officer on duty goes around just to make sure that everyone is alive. At 5 a.m. they do what's called a live body count where you actually have to move. So, whenever they would walk around every hour it would wake me up. And I still wake up. I literally wake up almost every hour now. I do not sleep through the whole night.

Prison affects everything. That's why me even sitting here sitting here talking to you and being able to be successful and take care of my family — that's not normal. Like, I know that I am super blessed and God has shined some other type of light on me. All of the people I know — like some of them haven't even did half the time I did — they aren't doing good. You can't get a job. Everywhere you go you're labeled this felon. And you have to put it on there, and if you don't put it on there when they find out, you get fired. You can't get a new place to live because that's a question that they ask on your housing application. And in many cases whatever support system you had is gone. It's just like starting from scratch but with all these strikes against you.

“Prison affects everything. That’s why me even sitting here sitting here talking to you and being able to be successful and take care of my family — that’s not normal.”

Last year, you said you had a solo album that was coming out called Seven Winters and Six Summers, and that it had writing from your time in prison. Is that still happening? What can we expect from that release?

The title is still Seven Winters and Six Summers. That's exactly the time that I was gone. I would count my time where my window was. Where my cell was you could always see the trees. So when the trees were bare, I'd be like, just five more times I gotta see these leaves blow off the trees, five more winters and I can go home.

I wrote when I was there, and when I let certain people hear it they'd be like, "You gotta put this out." But I wanted to keep it so I could go to that place. Like, I can never write from that place again. You literally have to be there to do that.

All of the raps for the collab with Joe were written in the studio. That's usually what I do. I'll wait until the day I'm in the studio, even if I have the beat for a month. If have it that long and I write that long ahead of time, I'm going to change it a thousand times. So, I usually just go right in a write it that day. But with this project, for one, it's going to be my sophomore album, and two, it's talking about something that it's very important to me to get it right. So, I wanted to be able to keep these thoughts.

There's a wave that you're on when you're away. You start appreciating the people in your life and reflecting on the hardships in your life. You realize all the things that could've been or may not have been. You have so much time to think. I wasn't drinking. I wasn't smoking. I had all this time to myself and it's the most clear your brain can ever be. There's no way I could ever try to duplicate the feeling that I had in there. It was the same way when I was inside: I couldn't write rhymes about being out. I wouldn't have been able to write "All the Way Up" when I was in prison. You just don't feel like that. You feel like shit. People would be like, "I know you in there writing something crazy." And I'm just like, what? First of all, you don't have all this free time. Second of all, you feel horrible. It is the worst mind-state to ever be in. There's no creativity in there. You're drained.

If you could go back, knowing what you know now, and tell '06 Remy anything, what would you tell her now?

You know what. I would just tell her treat your music and your career like your job. I'd treat it like a job. Then it was just like fun. And I tell this to any artist that I meet that hasn't really been through anything like that. I tell them, "This is your job." If you worked at a office — a blue collar job — would you bring all of your friends and your family members to hang out in the break room? Would they come to your office parties? No. Only the people that work there go. That's what I would do. I would definitely tell her to take this serious. This is not for everybody. You can't try to give your blessing to somebody else. Only God can give a blessing.

This article was written by Sheldon Pearce and published in Fader Magazine. 

[chronicallycal]

Hi Callie, and thank you for your wishes! 2017 started off pretty good for me, but I’m going back to college next week, so… I’m still gonna do my best to keep conversing with you though. Well, I kinda ruled out Castle’s dad because there once was an interview stating that he wasn’t LockSat, but I can’t really remember if it’s Marlowe or the new showrunners that gave this information. After all, I don’t believe LockSat was initially meant to have a connection with Beckett either. (NSA)

:“I guess that people might have thought about him given Rita’s involvement, but it would have required bringing James Brolin back on the show (preferably), and idk if it was feasible. I’m also glad they didn’t go down that road because man, the one-on-one confrontation with Castle would have been ten times worse. Another option of mine for LockSat was indeed a guy we hadn’t met before, but I get that it wouldn’t have the same impact on the audience. (NSA)

I admit the ending of 8x22 gave at least fanfic writers plenty of ideas, including the making of a great virtual season 9. What may have simply lacked in the version that did air is a small clue that Castle and Beckett wouldn’t die. Let’s say if after they held hands we would hear Lucy calling Caskett, or a door knocking, a phone ringing… and then leave out or not the scene with the voice over depending on the scenario. Oh, I had forgotten that you’re a sadist when it comes to “Castle", (NSA)

while I’m more of a masochist lol (sorry, I reminded myself of a hilarious Youtube video for which I'm sadly not allowed to give the link). Here’s the list of the underrated episodes that currently stick out for me: 1x02?, 1x09 (which stays with me more than 6x10 for example), 2x01, 2x02, 2x12, The Mistress Always Spanks Twice, 2x22, 3x10, 3x11, 3x15, 4x03, 4x11, 5x18, 6x11, maybe 7x22? There could be more episodes ofc, especially after season 5, but I would need a rewatch to find them. (NSA)

There are also popular scenes in eps not cited in any list: all the Caskett scenes in Hell Hath No Fury, the fun interrogation scene in 5x14, the kiss in 7x03, etc. Now, one unpopular opinion: I often rewatch The Limey, and aside from seeing Jacinda in the Ferrari, I quite like this ep. Voilà! I’ll probably detail a few things the next time, and add something about your take on 3x01, but until then, feel free to give me your opinion and maybe share a few favorite of yours. See you soon! (NSA)”

Response under the cut.

Hi NSA! As always, my apologies for my tardiness in my response. I could offer another in-depth explanation of why my health issues postponed my response, but the gist of it is that I haven’t been able to be on my computer and wanted to give your message the attention it deserves. I hope you’re return to school (I think my math is correct and you’ve gone back by now?) went well and that you’re doing okay. :)

I’m by no means saying I thought it was Castle’s dad, if only for the issue of getting James Brolin back (and also because based on past story lines, the show doesn’t seem huge on making “good” guys “bad”, spare for the case of Montgomery in which they definitely avenged, imo, his backstory). Rather that I think I would have been more impressed if it had been someone people had a previous idea about. It could have been interesting for it to be someone related to Mayor Weldon or Judge Markaway or even the AG from Beckett’s time there, too, just someone that would have shocked me a lot more than Mason because tbh I didn’t even recognize him at first oops. Rita being a double agent of sorts could have been really interesting, too.

I actually didn’t know that it originally wasn’t supposed to be tied into Beckett (assuming you’re remembering correctly, lol) but if that was the case, I’m actually glad it was. (Fair warning, ramble about parts of why I don’t mind S8 ahead.) I think it posed an interesting story arc, not to mention that without that relation to Bracken the entirety of the separation arc would have been far more terrible than many, myself not included, perceive it to be. But I also think it provided some interesting albeit subtle growth for Beckett. To put it as simply as I can: people often argue against the separation arc with the argument that it makes no sense because Beckett already learned she works best with Castle, which is arguably very true. But this lesson also came at a time when she had no choice, in the sense that Castle had already involved himself and whether she worked with him or not, that wouldn’t change. In S8, Beckett was presented with a case where Castle wasn’t aware, and she chose a route people weren’t fond of, but in the grand scheme learned without him already knowing everything that she needed to work with him, and whether the writer’s intended it that way or not, I do perceive that as character and relationship growth in the characters.

(Anyway, you most likely didn’t care about any of that oops.)

Season 9 is certainly a great idea on behalf of L that has been executed well by the fanfic community, as were many of the post-finale fics, so the finale did certainly provide fodder of sorts for fic writers, but I do think it would have been a good plan to include a more clear scene that they didn’t die. It could have also been cool to have a voice over that included lines not previously heard on the show, that hinted/explicitly referenced a recovery to bridge the gap between the shooting scene and the 7 years later scene. (Wow more rambles you didn’t ask for.)

Okay I’m going to be annoying and give short reactions to your underrated episodes list:

1x02: okay yes I love that episode and fetus bickering Caskett is adorable.

1x09: also great but I prefer 6x10 because there’s more fluffy domestic Caskett and also the more references to future kids than any other ep offers, and also I don’t like Sorenson.

2x01: yes any episode with both angry baby Beckett and Russian Beckett has to be fab (also I think this is one of the first times we saw Castle’s more sensitive side with his apology which is great).

2x02: precinct fam banter = fab

2x12: idk if I’d consider this ep underrated but I love it and jealous Beckett is adorable.

2x16 (Mistress Always Spanks Twice): Yesssss.

2x22: Maddie and little Castle babies = omg yes

3x10: tbh I don’t remember much of the case part of this ep but many great scenes so yes I approve.

3x11: also dk if I would consider this underrated but it is one of my favs and I love it very much.

3x15: CASTLE BACKSTORY YES PLEASE and also Caskett went out for Valentine’s Day so very very good.

4x03: that end scene about beating the odds. enough said.

4x11: Yesss this might be one of the eps I rewatch the most because I find the case fun and Beckett;s “thus reinstating my faith in my gender” (or something like that) always makes me smile and HAPPY RYANS AND CASKETT ON A DATE.

5x18: RYAN BACKSTORY YES. This is, imo, the best side-character centric arc and I love it a lot.

7x22: Caskett dancing like giddy little idiots in love while on a case because they just really really really really really really like each other.

All those scenes you mention are also fab. I personally have so many scenes I adore so much. Like the end of Once Upon a Crime and just a bunch of random post-couple moments that just make me swoon. Whole eps though, uh, I do really like Close Encounters and Poof! You’re Dead and The Dead Pool. Also Heroes & Villains and Embarrassment of Bitches (I mean, come on, pre-couple Caskett with a DOG). After Hours is another one I really, really like, as are Scared to Death and Law are Boarder. I also feel like the whole PI arc, like, the original in S7, is hated by a lot of people but I liked it.

Anyway, wow this got so long. Sorry about that. I do hope that we’ll be able to keep talking despite you going back to school.

Callie xx