#like ohhh they wont let them say this on TV but i think this man might be misogynistic. but thats just a theory. a food theory.

[tamaharu]

put food network on and got to see a beautiful butch lesbian absolutely decimate her ex-employee in the cooking competition. life is so wonderful.

[yuzenji-archive]

Please bless us with more idol s/o hcs pleaaaaase 🥺🥺🥺 with kageyama bokuto and oikawa I'm begging it's so good

FUCK YEAH OH MY GOD I LOVED WRITING IT RNWKWKWK

TOBIO —

he thinks ur so strong that ur even able to get thru ur training period and now ur doing what u love on stages and singing/rapping/dancing like holy shit !! hes super proud of u

always listens to ur albums whenever it comes out and he buys ur albums too <33 on da lowkey tho bc he probably hasnt told his teammates that his partner is an idol

lets be real his pc pulls are probably so lucky bc theyre always ur pcs LMAO

wishes to attend ur group’s fansigns but hes honestly super busy wit his professional games plus he aint got da money to buy 100+ albums to get into ur fansign but

sike he actually ended up doing just that and the fucker got in ur fansign and i swear this blueberry headass is a blushing tomato

tbh the fans who got in the fansign are probably whisperin and gossipin about him bc hes handsome <333

i swear the second he sits in front of u HE SHORT CIRCUITS!!! like wtf ur so pretty how are u so pretty i mean u have always been so so attractive to him but like wtf u look so good

he stuttered a lot and he was just losing his damn mind over it ngl

i wanna say he probably has concert merch but u didnt hear that from me <33

KŌTARŌ —

OMG HES UR BIGGEST SUPPORTER LIKE WHEN I TELL U THIS BOY PROMOTES U BETTER THAN UR COMPANY I FUCKIN MEAN IT

hes CONSTANTLY making his friends listen to ur music and he shows u off like non stop OMG

sometimes he gets a little out of control especially in public when he sees u in like a kpop store and ur mv is playing on tv he just yells “AKAASHI LOOK MY BABY IS ON TV!!”

the people in the store looks at him like ohhh yeah haha ur partner ur delusional and he just forgets that not a lot of people know ur dating him, only his friends, ur family and his family knows

an avid collector i just know he collects ur shit all the time

has the worst pc luck ngl 😗 (he doesnt hate the other members i swear he just loves u aight)

whenever u visit u give him like a very special polaroid that no one has ever seen before snd that holds EXTREMRLT special value to him like he displays that shit and just admires it

hes extremrly proud of what u do and just supports u nonstop i swear he never shuts up about ur career and hes just so so whipped for u its actually insane

kōtarō = ur biggest fan

he tried to participate in events that ur in but he cant so he watches available streams on it

his fave event is always isac (only if ur group is participating in it bc some groups dont/only a few members participate!!) bc u get to play sports or whateva

he gets sulky when he sees things like “omg y/n and x are so cute pls date” and that ruins his mood so keiji has to remind him that kōtarō is ur boyfriend and u wont leave him for another idol

hes passionate and always always ALWAYS streaming ur stuff and he watches ur vlives too

as u can see, ur biggest fan

TŌRU —

i can see him as the lowkey kind of guy but really ur everywhere in his room

only hajime has seen this side of him tbh and tōru is not ashamed that he has his fanboy moments

super busy so he cant really do much but watch ur shows a bit later than the release

knows the fanchant and chants them i just know he does this shit i swear

if he were to collect stuff ,, it’d probably be shit like signed albums, polaroids and stuff idk hes an expensive man ik he can afford $100-$300 polaroids

collects albums and streams ur entire discography on a DAILY

but this doesnt reflect his actions outside his room LMFAODMWKKSKS

this one time he actually got lucky and got in the fansign and ur fans were talking about how handsome he is omg he probably trended on twitter as good looking boy in [ur group]’s fansign

has had rumors about u and him and the second ur company confirms ur in a relationship with tōru everyone was celebrating ohoho

he doesnt ever tolerate negative comments about u and has no problem calling these bitches out 😚

probably has said shit like “aight i’ll see u in court”

he has better and faster legal actions than ur company yes im calling ur company shit bc they all are (except kq i love kq)

[marvelgbt-posts]

Forever

{Peter Parker x Male Reader}

Warnings: none… angst…? slight self hate ig but idk you’ll see…

Summary: a peter parker x male reader where peter gets insecure about mj and readers friendship since he sees how good they look together and knew MJ had a slight crush on reader. Reader fixes the problem by cuddling him, giving him slight kisses on his neck and just some fluffy shit. also cute bby boy peter being all flushed and cute

I really hate giving MJ this role, but ok :/ and also, what do you us think about MJ and Peter in FFH? Personally, i dont like it. I’ll make it it’s own post, it’s mostly a personal preference though.

(not edited)

“OMG, [M/N]. You’re too funny,” MJ said, a slightly happier tone to her voice than usual. You smiled, taking the small smack to your arm with a soft laugh as well. Peter watched across the lunch table while Ned was too occupied with the game on his phone. He pouted; you seemed to be having way more fun with MJ than with him. Lunch was almost over- oh no, wait, that was the bell…

You stood up from your seat as Peter gathered his stuff. He waited for you to walk him to his next class, as you usually did so. MJ also stood up, looking at Peter, “Hey, loser,” Peter had found himself being called ‘loser’ a lot by MJ- probably more than he found himself being called that by Flash- but he knew she was joking, “Aren’t you and I together for History?” Peter nodded, “Oh yeah, I forgot,” he usually had Math right after Lunch, but today was Thursday. Thursday schedule was always weird for him. You began dragging yourself behind and in between them. Ned had already disappeared; his next class was all the way across the hall from where their classes were, so he had to hurry. You spoke up, “I have Biology next anyway. It’s right down the hall from there.”

“Neeerd!” MJ laughed, yelling into your ear. You tried to move away from the noise, a smile playing to your lips, “Oi, idiot, that hurt!” MJ smirked, “Good.” Peter fumed- he felt like he was the third wheel when it was supposed to be MJ. He was dating you, not her. Though, to be fair, not that many people knew. Just the two of you, Ned, Aunt May, Mr. Stark, Happy, and the rest of the Avengers. MJ didn’t, and Peter felt like he should tell her- if not for it being for the reason of ‘she should know because she’s my friend’, then at least for ‘omg stop touching him he’s my boyfriend’. And there she goes, touching you again. Though, this time she used her own shoulder to bump into yours instead.

Peter heard a small murmur, “Doesn’t MJ look really cute next to [M/N]?”

“Yeah, she’s definitely happier around him.”

“She smiled a lot when with him.”

“Their both into the arts; she likes reading and drawing, he likes music and (insert an artistic talent/interest).”

Soon, Peter began hearing things other than just small murmurs and chattering around him. It felt as if he could hear everything everyone was saying. Wasn’t that a side effect of his spider-like abilities? Perhaps it was, Peter couldn’t remember at the moment.

“Yeah, they’re practically made for each other.”

“They make a good couple.”

“Did you hear that MJ and [M/N] got a full score on their project for Art?”

“Oh yeah, they were parters, right?”

“Yeah, MJ made the layout of the sketch and [M/N] finished it up. He did his own thing as well, and they ended up getting their art submitted into the contest happening at the art museum.”

Then, Peter felt as if he couldn’t breathe.

“So cute.”

“Wow, they make a good couple.”

“Peter looks like such a third wheel.”

His own thoughts mixed with the other small talk around him, and it surrounded him in a pit of black.

“He looks like such a loser.”

“Wow, no one would be interested in him anyway.”

“No one likes a nerd.”

“Peter is a loser.”

“Peter is a nerd”

“Peter is lame.”

“No one likes Peter.”

“Peter-“

“Peter!” You shouted in his ear, and Peter jolted up. “O-Oh, yeah?”

“Isn’t this our class?” MJ asked, pointing to the door. Peter nodded sheepishly, looking over at you. You smiled, “Have fun learning about a bunch of dead guys. I’m off to math!” You pumped your fist up in mock excitement. MJ laughed and Peter gave a small chuckle, “H-Have fun.” You nodded, “Sure wont.”

***

3rd person P.o.V.

[M/N] met up with Ned, MJ, and Peter after school. “Hey guys!” He greeted, wrapping an arm around Peter’s shoulders. Peter resisted the urge to lay his head on the other male and just looked at him and smiled instead. [M/N] smiled back, but Peter felt like their was this other feeling in the other male’s eyes he couldn’t quite read. “Uh, hey,” [M/N] started, “Parker, you feeling up to a study session today?” Peter pretended to think, nodding soon after, “Sure, dont have any plans today anyway. Lemme text Aunt May, though, first.”

‘Study session’ was a code name for ‘miniature date at my house’. Peter had grown to love the words very much because then it was just them two, and it was normally [M/N] showering Peter in love and affection for the whole night- if he didn’t have Spidey-duty that day, that is. Peter pulled his phone out from his back pocket, pulling up Aunt May’s number. “Can I come too?” MJ asked, “Or is it just one of your gay things?” MJ huffed in amusement at her own joke, not realizing the irony of it. She tried sounding nonchalant about it, but not wanting to break her heart, [M/N] let her off easy, “Uhh, my house is really messy. I feel like Peter can handle it, but I dont wanna make you run off because you’re scared of my pigsty of a home.” He laughed. MJ chuckled, “Wow, gender equality, dude. Whatever happened to that?” [M/N] shook your head, “maybe next time. You don’t have anything and Peter usually spends the night, so it’d be weird, wouldn’t it?” MJ nodded, seemingly disappointed, “yeah, whatever. It’s cool.”

“Done!” Peter chirped, and MJ began walking off. Ned had also run off somewhere. “Good!” [M/N] smiled, “I have you all to myself for the rest of the evening!”

2nd person P.o.V.

Once the two of you made it home, Peter put his stuff down onto the floor in your room while you prepared some food. Since it was Thursday, you guys weren’t assigned that much homework, so you and Peter would probably finish it in the small intervals before classes. You prepared some snacks like popcorn and candy while Peter changed his clothes. He also took the time to pick out clothes for you- a loose white T-shirt with black basket ball shorts. He wore a white shirt- of course, a nerdy one with a scientific pun on it (the two atoms; one asking if the other is positive it lost a electron)- with one of your boxers. He walked out, socks protecting his feet from the cold floor. He scrunched his nose at the smell, smiling.

“You wanna pick out the movie?” Peter asked, wrapping his arms around your waist. You turned around, wrapping your arms around him as well. They made their way around both his arms, one hand holding the other to trap the smaller boy in an embrace. “No, you can pick,” you smiled, tilting your head to kiss Peters lips quickly, “so long as it isn’t Star Wars or Lord of the Rings again. Please. I can’t go through another marathon again.” Peter whined playfully, “But [M/N]!” You stuck your tongue out, “Too bad.”

Peter reciprocated the action, and you both let out a sigh of giggles. “Anyway,” you continued, “You want anything specific to eat?” Peter shook his head and you nodded. You let him go and he went over to the couch. He flipped though the many channels on the TV before settling on a Disney movie. “Is that Disney?” You asked, walking in with a bowl of popcorn, two sodas, and a plate of cookies. Peter watched in awe as you balanced everything. “Yeah,” he answered, “The Hunchback of Notre Dame.”

“Aw, sweet!” You fist-bumped the air, “love that movie.” Peter nodded, leaning to rest his head on your shoulder, he had been deprived of physical touch for a while. He just wanted to spend time with you, was what he thought as he wrapped his arms around you. Your arm wrapped around his waist while the other ate from the supported the bowl of popcorn on your lap. Peter stole some as well, and you watched as the movie began with its intro of the parents trying to save their defaced child from the protagonist.

“It’s kinda inappropriate, dont you think?” You asked Peter after a while, and Peter looked at you confused, eyes squinted Ashe seemingly judged you. “How? It’s a Disney movie?”

“Well, I mean, it talks about gypsies. Aren’t they visualized as prostitutes? And that seen where Esmeralda dances for that old dude, you can see he’s clearly turned on.” You shook your head, “never mind…”

When the movie was over, you cleaned up the remaining food and placed it down to be cleaned later. You carried a very, very tired Peter Parker up to your room. You laid him on the bed and dimmed the lights. He gripped onto you desperately, “Dont move, dont go anywhere…” he said, “Can we stay like this forever…?” He asked tiredly, and you laughed softly, “No, we have school tomorrow.” Peter whined childishly, “forget school. I can make us enough money by being Spider-Man, we dont need education.”

“Peter, my parents would kill me if they found out i dropped out of high school to piggy back on my superhero boyfriend for money.” Peter let out a huff, and the two of you let out quiet, breathy chuckles. He leaned close to you, noses touching. He then frowned, “Do you like MJ?” The question was sudden and it caught you off guard. “Well, i mean… yeah, we’re friends…”

“No, i mean… like like her…?”

You let out an ‘ohhh’, suddenly realizing Peter’s behavior earlier (the cause of your strange glint Peter noted earlier). “No, baby,” you smiled, “I’m not romantically interested in her, if that’s what you’re thinking.” “But,” he began, a slight pout on his lips. God, he was really tired, “she was all over you today, shamelessly flirting with you. You didn’t seem to mind it though…”

“Peter,” you began, stroking his hair a bit, “I dont like MJ. I like you. No, I love you. A lot. So dont think that.” You moved to lay Peter on top of you, taking his hands and intertwining them with yours as he made himself comfortable on your chest. “I know,” Peter started, playing with your fingers a bit, “its just… everybody says you two look good together. I guess i just didnt like the feeling of you with another person, even if it’s just the public appeal and not reality. Sorry…” You shook your head, “dont apologize, baby. It’s normal to feel jealous…”

Peter was quick to defend, lifting his head up to glare at you accusingly, “I wasn’t jealous!” You laughed, “yeah, and I’m not dating Spider-Man.” Peter sighed, resting in his previous position. He mumbled another, ‘I wasn’t jealous…’ and you just nodded. You began running your hands through his hair, to which he quickly responded by sighing and relaxing even further into your chest.

A few minutes of running your hands through his hair later, Peter got bored and slightly irritated of the position. He moved to sleep next to you, with you spooning him. You wrapped your arms around him and gently played it his stomach, felling up and down his abs. He whimpered lightly, curling a bit at the ticklish feeling. His body began to heat up; you could feel it. “Are you still upset?” You asked softly, and Peter nodded. You sighed, placing soft kisses to Peter’s neck. He leaned back, face flushed red as you continued up his neck to his jaw. He turned his head to face you, and gave you a soft kiss. You to didnt move, instead you stayed there and took in the presence of each other.

When you two pulled away, Peter had the brightest blush on his face. He huffed, eyes falling closed, “I wasn’t jealous.”

“Of course you weren’t,” you smiled, “who said you were?”

You turned off the light once Peter finally fell asleep. The two of you stayed like that for the rest of the night- and, to be honest, if you could, you would stay like that forever if you could.

Panicked gay moment; had no clue what to write for MJ, sry sry sry anon (._.”)

[the-fiction-witch]

Dirty Boy 2

TV SHOW: GODLESS

COUPLE: WHITEY WINN X READER

RATING: SMUT!

Thursday:

I sat on my bed reading my little recipe book when I heard a knock at my door “who is it?” I ask “it’s uhh its me y/n” I heard whitey say So I got up and opened my door “what do you want pervert?” I ask “I said I was sorry y/n” he says but I ignored him “look y/n bill asked if you’d mind tidyin up the office for us? The desks are a mess the cells are filthy and the floor has half a pound of dirt on it” he explained “alright, I’ll be over in a minute” I tell him “thanks y/n” he smiles giving my cheek a kiss before he returns to the office so I grabbed some cleaning stuff and tied my little apron around me to be honest I wasn’t mad at whitey anymore I calmed down like two minutes after it happened but I left him for the whole day yesterday it is fun to tease him like this everyday he gets to get a little closer to his orgasm but not yet a while I hugged my skirt up a little more and left hopping across to the office and going inside it was just whitey sat in his little chair “Hello Y/n” he smiles “Hi” I smile starting to sort out Bills desk I knew whitey was watching me his eyes checking me out as I cleaned and sorted the desk out the best I could "Can Ya forgive me y/n? for what I did?" He asks "Maybe I shrug and he got up from his chair "Could I... Clean your dress? to make up for it?" he asks "I've already cleaned it whitey, it's on my line to dry" I tell him "it is? I haven't seen it" He says "I put a line on the inside for my undergarments and such like" I answer "Ohh, I understand. I still want to make it up to ya, Please somthin" he begged "you could... maybe me some cookies next week?" I ask "Well... I would Y/n but ya know what I'm like I'd burn my bloody house down" He laughs "True" I smile as I finished with bills desk and starting to sweet up the floor putting the cell keys in my pockets "Well anythin' I can do for you? anythin'" he says coming close to me "Anything?" I ask and he nods "Kiss me like you did yesterday- "I smirk leaning my back on bills desk "Ohh yes my darlin'" He smirks putting his hands either side of me and kissing me softly I melted into his lusty but sweet kisses till I pulled away "What is it?" He asks bitng his bottom lip as he stared at my lips "Kiss me like you did yesterday after I'm done cleaning up" I finish "Ohh but I... Alright" he sighs sitting back in his chair and getting his little book he read it a little but he mostly was just sat watching me as I sweeped and cleaned all the cells in the office changing the beding on the little cell beds and running a cloth over the bars I noticed as I rubbed this little cloth up and down each bar inside and out of the cell I felt whitey's eyes burning into me as he watched me cleaning I noticed his little book was on his desk and his hand in the pocket of his pants "whitey?" I ask "Yes Y/n?" he asks "Why when your watching me... do you always put your hand in your pocket?" I ask "Why do ya ask?" He asks "Curious" I smile "Curious? now who's the little pervert" He smirks "I just want to know?  you think putting your hand in those tight pants will make the pocket strech and not reveal to me how hard your bonner is" I smirk "I already know how big it is jojen, I have seen it before on sunday when you where watching me, I saw it before and I felt it yesterday" I smirk "I'm not doing it to hide it from you" he smiles "You know, there is no point hiding it from you" He says "then why do you put your hand in your pocket?" I ask moving out to sweep around his desk "Ya really wanna know?" He asks and I nod putting down my broom and starting to sort the paperwork on his desk and organizing everything for him "There's a hole in my pocket" he smirks leaning back on his chair "So?" I shrug moving to the other side of his desk the same side he was at I coule almost feel his breath against me fixing up his desk "Hummm come on y/n, your a clever little girl" he smirks standing and wrapping his arms around me tightly "think though the information I gave ya" he smirks kissing down my neck "Hummm..." I smirk thinking when he watches me he gets hard as a rock and puts his hand in his pocket the pocket with a hole ohhh... "You dirty boy!" I smirk tugging his hair hard "Owww... that hurts, not as bad as a slap but it hurts" He complains "You rather have a slap?" I ask "No, I would rather ya... do somethin' else to me?" He smirks "Seems like you do that to yourself a little to much" I smirk "Can ya blame me? when your so very mean to me baby" He smirks so I turned and pushed him on his chair "Umm what are ya gonna do to me? can I finialy finish that kiss?" He asks "No" I tell him as I sat on his lap "whoa! Hello darlin'" he smirks grabbing my hips "Ummmm ya feel so good sat over me baby, I get to feel your sexy arse against my cock... so come on baby what are ya goin' do to me?" he smirks "Clean up" I smile "I have to tidy" I giggle "do it later... come on that snog yesterday got me close, how about ya finish me today?" he begs kissing down my neck "No" I laugh as I kept tidiying up the desk sorting all his little draws and things on this side of the desk and I smiles slowly moving my arse "Uhhhhh... Yes! my darlin'" He groans "Umm your really goin' to do this to me? grind on me until I cum?" he smirks "why? problem?" I ask   "No, uhhhh ummmm... Please....Please more" he begs "You get what you are given whitey, else you get nothing" I laugh "I'll be good, Please just a little more" he begs "Well... alright, take them off" I tell him getting up to get a drink "What?" eh asks "Pants... off I'm sure you understand that whitey" I laugh "I do" He smirked blushing a little as he stood undoing his gun belts putting each on the table till it got to his pants and I pushed him back on his chair I turned away again looking to the window looking out at the ladies often wondering past the office "There, go on baby" he smirks I laughed picking up the back of my dress and sitting on his lap again I insatly felt his hard cock that was stood tall out of his pants settle between my arse cheeks the only thing stopping the skin on skin was my undergarments I could feel his hard cock so close to my pussy so much it made me a little wet just to feel it there so close to me my tiny cotton undergraments the only thing stopping him from pushing inside me and I know he wants too I can feel it and I can hear it "Uhhh! ohh god! Yes Please please ummmm... you feel so perfect, I want you to sit like this forever" he groans rolling his head against his chair his hands slipped up from my hips towards my breasts but I slapped hims ahnds away "Dirty boy" I smirk "Ohh I love being your dirty boy baby" he groans "If this is what I get for it" He smirks so I laughed getting the little book he keeps reading having a flick though of the pages slowly rocking my hips "Uhh! UHHH! UHHHHH!" he moans "Y/N! I- I" He stuttered "Shhh!" I tell him hitting his arm "Don't want the whole town knowing" I laugh "I'm sorry y/n, I just uhh! Please" he begs "What? what else do you bloody well want?" I ask "Please... Just- just let me inside" He begs kissing up my back and around my neck his hands gropeing any bit of skin  he could get one on my arse another on my waist "Please" He begs "No" I tell him rocking my hips a little more and a little faster "UHHHHHHH! OHH GOD! PLEASE PLEASE!" he screams "Why not? I'm basicly fuckin' ya!" he complains "Please... I wont be long just let me... slip in" he begged holding my hips and thrusting up I could feel his hard cock pushing on the cotton of my underdress if it wasnt there he would have been isnide me now "Not even all of me... just- just a little" he begs "just one inch please I'm begging you y/n" he begs "No whitey" I laugh "Please!" he screams "No" I laugh "Dirty dirty boy today" I laugh "could I atleast kiss ya?" he asks "No whitey, I'm comfy" I laugh getting faster and he was putty in my hands he was moaning and screaming rolling his head against his chair unable to control himself his hand on my waist groping my skin the other on my thigh trying to keep me still or make me go faster not sure which not sure he knew he was close I know it, I can feel the tenseness of his cock so ready for its orgaum it often twitches when I go backward on him humm clearly he likes that when the door suddenly opened! revealing Bill and maggie I quickly stood and whitey rushed doing up his pants "Bill, maggie I was uhh" Whitey began trying to think given he was completely out of his head "We know, we could hear ya" maggie laughs "Well, I have cleaned up enough" I laugh getting my basket "No No, y/n don't go" whitey says grabbing my hand "Too late" I laugh giving his cheek a kiss before I went off back home.

Friday:

I smiled watching the rain out the window of the La Belle bar watching the rain hit the mud the old bar man dropped off the bottle along with a glass of very watered down whiskey so he didnt have to bother walking back and forward to me in my little booth and keep chatting with the men at the bar most women where in there homes huddled in away from the rain cuddled up in the fire but I like being in the bar days like this I spotted the little bar doors open and close again as someone came in I noticed it was whitey he saw me and smirked coming and sitting beside me in my little booth he order a drink from the bar keep as he sat down "Hello y/n" he smirks"Hello Whitey" I smirk back going to have a drink but he took it out my hand and put it on the table "Excuse you?" I ask"Your not drinking today" he says "Aww sweet of you but this is my third so... that ship has sailed"  I laugh trying to take it but he moved it away form me more "No more, you'll get drunk" He says as the bar keep dropped off his drink and the bottle of the whiskey he was having clearly not watered down at all clearly by the colour mine was almost clear with a organge tint whitey's was a dark bright gold"So" I shrug "Would think you'd rather I be drunk?" i smirk"why would I rather ya be drunk?" he asks"I might be more... accomidating when I'm drunk?" I suggest "How watered down is this?" he asks glacing to my bottle"Very" I smile and he chuckles picking up my glass and downing it"Shit I think that is just water?" He laughs putting the glass down and sliding his over to me a much more serious colour then mine was so I picked up the glass and downed it it burnt but I kept still and composed putting the glass on the table "Ya more accomidating yet?" He asks "Nope Whitey" I smirk and he took the top off his bottle refilling both the glasses with it and sliding them to me putting the bottle back ont he table "are you trying to get me Drunk Mr Winn?" I laugh "Maybe" he shrugs"why?" I ask him"You said ya get more accomidating? I wanna see how accoidating I can get ya baby" he smirks"ohh how accomidating would you like me?" I ask sipping one glass intentioanly running my lips on the rim of the glass "Want me to get so accomidating I will get on my knees an suck your cock right here whitey?" I smirk"how much whiskey will that take?" he asks"You'll find out" i smirk putting my hand on his leg and he insantly looked flusttered "Alternatively you could make me drink the whole bottle and take me back to your place and have your way with me?" I suggest snuggling into his neck "That's always an option" I smirk"Be a waste of whiskey I could take ya home and have my way with you sober" He smirks "You think so?" I ask getting up and grabbing his hand "A gentlemen pays a ladies Bill" I smirk "and where is the lady goin'?" he asks"You'll see" i smirk grabbing his face and kissing him hard taking his breath away as I kissed him I pulled back leaving him wanting more and I ran out the bar into the rain within maybe a couple seconds he came running after me I ran though the mud and dirt out towards his little house I ran hiding around the corner close to where he keeps his horse he came around to his house and looked confused where I had gone I jumped almost tipping him over and kissing him as hard as in the bar he insantly kissed me back grabbing my waist hard pulling me so not an inch was between us "You going to let me in? or are we going to fuck out here in the rain?" I ask him"to- you mean you'll let me?" he asks and I nod "Ohh come here you sexy thing" He smirks kissing me and unlocking his door happily pushing me inside I smirked pulling him inside with me shutting and locking the door behind us we kept gently kissing as I got my little jacket off and he got his shoes and gun belts off  throwing them on his little dinning table his hand caressed my face between kisses I started tugging his jumper out from his tight pants "Okay okay I'm gettin' there slow down darlin'" he smirks between kisses "Pacients" he smirks"Like you yesterday?" I ask"Ohh... shut up y/n" he smirks kissing me tugging off his jumper and undoing his shirt and throwing them off somewhere else in his house the back of my thighs hit the wood of his bedframe so I pushed him away forcing him down on his bed he sat up on pushed up by his elbows looking at me as I tied up my hair and tugged on the little ties for my dress he smirked licking his lip at me his chest moving quickly with each of his lustful breaths "Take it off" he smirks "Please" he begs sounding very breathy so I smirked undoing the little ties and letting my outerdress drop he eyes looked over every inch of me stood only in my little cotton undergraments I undid my corset letting it drop too his eyes lingured on the tiny strapps keeping the whole thing up, on the curves of my body from years in my corset giving me the perfect curvasious figure, on the bottom hem of my underdress just above my knee this is more of my skin then he has ever seen any man has ever seen for that matter, his eyes seemed to stay for a while on ym chest near to bursting out the top of my cotton dress fixed where he ripped it the other day my nipples hard to the cold so they stuck out the cotton a little bit "Y-Y-your perfect" He told me taking my hand and dragging me to lay with him in his little bed hardly and inch between us I could feel his bare chest against my hard nipples and exposed skin on my breasts "Y/n?" He asks"Yeah?" i ask"Would it be okay...if we didnt go all the way tonight?" he asks "I thought you wanted to have your way with me?" I smirk kissing his bare skin causing his eyes to flutter shut "I do... Just not tonight, I'd disapoint ya" he says"why would you?" i ask a little confused"You've been teasing me since sunday y/n, I wouldn't be able to keep my compostiour long enough to pleasure you too" he says"Well...okay" i smile kissing him "You can sleep here with me? if ya like?" he suggests"No, I need to get back to my kitty cat" i smile going to get up "Whitey?" I ask"Yes my sexy girl?" he asks sitting up and kissing down my neck "I wanna do something" I smirk pushing him down flat on his bed and sitting on his thighs he smirked clearly enjoying me being laid over him in his bed "what? what do ya wanna do?" he asks"ask a few questions?" i smirk"Ohh? go on then" He sighs "ask away" He smirks"On sunday...when I was out doing my laundry? where you spying on me?" I ask"darlin' i would never spy on you, check our arse out though... I always do that" he smirks "Humm dirty boy" I smirk hitting his chest "On monday... was that the first time you touched a girl? in a intmate place?" I ask and he nods biting his lip "Umm dirty boy" I smirk hitting his chest harder"Ummm... baby? what are you up to?" he asks"On tuesday? did you want to fuck me?" i ask him"I did" he smirks "I would have fucked you right there in your garden if you'd let me" he smirks "Dirty boy" I smirk hitting him hard"Uhh! oww" He complains "On thursday... would you have fucked me?" I ask moving forward and grinding on him letting my dress sit normaly so it hung around my legs making the only fabric between us whitey's tight pants I kinda liked it feeling his growing erection starting to make it's self known and running the lips of my pussy around the budgle"I would have, if I had the streght to rip that fuckin' underdress off ya I would have been inside ya the second you told me to take my pants off" he groans"but now your baby want's your cock you wont let her have it?" i complain "Tomorrow if your so desperate" he smirks and I groan in annoyance "See I can be evil too baby" he smirks sitting up wrapping his arms around me tightly but I pushed him away sitting forward a little more so I felt his hard cock close to my entrence grinding on him like I was riding him I can tell he's getting desperate already so I smirked letting the straps of my underdress slipp down my arms a little putting my hands on the bottom of his stomach as I moved the rubbing on him starting to feel good I know he is likely going to have a little wet patch on his pants where I was grinding so hard every so often my clit catching making me groan "Uhhh Uhhh" i groan it's not really good enough to make me moan or scream but I wanted to piss him off "Uhhhh! Whitey!" I moan loudly throwing my head back as I move rocking myself a little faster running my hands though my hair and tugging my dress down a little almost exposing everything to him "Uhhhh! Uhhh! Whitey! Whitey... Uhh your so big" I scream "i want you inside me whitey" i beg"This isnt fair y/n" He complains "Who said i had to play fair" i smirk winking at him contieing with my little show exagerating every tiny bit of pleasure i got from grinding on hid cock "Ohhh whitey... come on, don't you want to spear your baby girl with your huge cock, let her ride on you till sunrise tomorrow, grope your babygirls tits and arse while she fucks you hard" I smirk "Come on whitey Please" I giggle "Uhh ohh fine!" He screams undoing his pants I felt his hard cock dripping with pre cum rub against my clit "If it's what my baby wants?" he smirks I sat up a little he stood his cock talllining it up with my pussy and I giggled pulling him closer and giving his lips a tiny kiss "See... I can be evil too whitey" I smirk getting up and slipping my dress back on "WHAT! NO NO NO!" He screamed doing his pants up trying to get up with a rageing ready to fuck erection as I grabbed my stuff and ran off home I know he was yelling for me but I ignored him.

[australian-desi]

Qurbaan Hua ~ Episode 2: Of Flowers, Doctors and Evil Family Members

Helloooo, I totally didn’t abandon liveblogging this show because of my lack of ability to balance my life and also because I really could not make myself do it, but now I’ve finished 1 year of uni and I feel like I should be able to do this now, but I also have a habit of starting things and not following through with them so we shall see how this adds up. Now that this self depreciating rant is over, welcome back to Qurbaan Hua a show I am watching just for Karan Jotwani, his face, body, mind and spirit. Also because it’s been a while since I’ve watched an extremely toxic man and wonder how this one’s gonna outdo the rest???? I need a better hobby. 

Also I will be liveblogging this episode, and the last week, coz otherwise, it will take too long, but I will make posts here and there if something aggravates me enough. 

So anyway lets get this show on the road 

Just a quick recap for me and the rest, we left off at the girl (whose name we do not know as yet), sitting in a bus next to Neil, who prayed to god that he would never see her again coz she’s a ‘teekhi as shezwan sauce’, to his utter disbelief his seat is next to hers, they have a spat over the window seat, and coz he’s assigned that seat, she gives in. After that some goons appear in the bus to kill her as she saved some kids from their boss, and Neil, in typical tellywood style, claimed her as his wife

Also Neil is a the token family disappointment coz he decided to become a professional chef rather than the head pandit, he has a sister that could give Anjali competition and she is also preggers and has a shady husband. 

Now we can truly get this show on the road:

I have truly forgotten how our girl got sindoor on her forehead but it is working towards this whole “husband saves wife” ting 

OMG I CANNOT THE GOONS DO NOT LOOK SCARY IN THE SLIGHTEST

Also she warned Neil that they are ‘very dangerous’ and he’s reassured her by telling her to play along

“Sorry madam humein bola tha ke uss ladki ne peela suit pehna tha aur kunwari thi, lekin aap ki toh shaadi ho chuki hai” LOLLLL SO THEY KNOW WHAT SHE’S WEARING AND HER MARITAL STATUS BUT DO NOT KNOW WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE, TF?????

“Haan humein shaadi ko 6 mahine ho gaye hai” “LEKIN BHAI-JI PICHLE 6 MAHINO SE ISSNE MERA JEENA HARAM KARDIYA HAI” loving this overacting ki dukaan and the whole ins and outs of their “marriage” that the bus now knows

The goon is even like “bitch I’m out”

omfg she’s trying to thank him, and he’s all up on his high horse. Just takes the thanks and move on, why you gotta be all up with the ego (also I’m not gonna post anymore photos or we’ll literally be here all day, screencaps will be back once I’m upto date)

And he’s calling her shezwan sauce again coz she’s always getting him into musibats and “shezwan sauce ka kaam hi yeh hota hai... seene mein aag lagana” ALSO FYI THIS IS THEIR SECOND MEETING SO TRULY WTF, (but I’m also here for this) 

ohhh sifaljiya means sar dard without ilaaj (aww they’ve given each other nicknames how cute)

HAHAHAH HE SAID SAME TO YOU AND SMIRKED

I like his sass 

So she’s come home after 3 months, to see her baba, who is overweight? and she’s his dietician because looking after your parents is directly correlated with sanskaar 

Also coz she’s smart she’s realised that she’s gonna meet him again so this would be enjoyable and she wants to get rid of all ehsaan he has on her so they never meet again 

basically I spoke too soon coz she genuinely thinks a simple thankyou will stop them from meeting again

And he’s gone

OMG I THOUGH THEY WONT SEE EACH OTHER BUT THEY DID SO OMLLLLL

Nice touch with the masjid and the mandir in opposing directions, and her turning away from him to pray and now they’re facing in opposite directions towards their faiths, I’m gonna guess that’s their major conflict 

ALSO WHAT DID I TELL Y’ALL IN THE LAST LB, THIS FLOWER WILL BLOOM BECAUSE OF THESE TWO, SO SUCK ON THAT NEIL’S DAD

Also welcome to the beginning of another toxic yet addictive ‘love story’

So her dad is a carpenter of sorts

Also he looks quite skinny so what was the fat shaming for?????

WE FINALLY HAVE A NAME - CHAHAT BAIG? 

No, he’s a gynaec and carpentry is a ‘shaunk’ 

Oh no, I see where this is going, god fucking dammit dave (yes I talk in tiktok now)

So she’s become his ‘doctor’ when he’s an actual doctor, also he’s asking her questions that a fkn year 7 kid would know the answers to 

And now they’ve ‘earned’ each other’s hugs how normal and sweet

She has come first in MBBS - I’m actually really proud

Also, I would like to give this show a shoutout for actually giving me a female lead who is more educated than the male lead. Like all the other shows I’ve watched, except for Kaisi Yeh Yaariaan (which I don’t consider mainstream ITV) and EDKV (but even in that Shravan was more educated than Suman), the female leads weren’t even college graduates and finally there’s one who has a MBBS. 

And we have someone named ‘Ghazala’ who makes it seem she is a sore spot for Chahat

And ofcourse we are back to the dramatic poojas and saying manhoos things to poison the dad’s brain against his own son

HOW MANY GODDAMN MANDIRS DOES THIS HOUSE HAVE 

What is this random relative, who sometimes cosplays to be blind, sometimes ties his feet together

Also why is this family so dramatic about him being a little late

What if mans had an accident, or he got hurt, or he died? But nah, mans is just disrespectful and hates his family and god 

There is not one family member maybe except for Anjali2.0 who I care for and she’s gonna die 

omg not again with this idiot calling her Sarasti and he’s been declared as the rightful next head priest

And ofcourse Shyam1.5 (coz he’s not as badass as the original), is going to be all fake and be like “noooo, Neil is the rightful owner of this position” etc. etc.

The dad is predictably blinded by his whole act and asking him how can he be so selfless 

Now we have cut back to Ghazala???? who has all these women getting her ready like its the 1600s (one of them is called Shabnam, which is my mum’s name so this is awks) 

It’s the heavy urdu and obsession of beauty for me 

She’s the evil stepmother.tm 

Why are these tv dads either sooooo dumb, soooo cunning or soooo dead, like can’t there be a normal tv dad who is alive and smart and loving 

like this whamen is playing him, and he’s a bloody doctor and he’s letting it happen

Also I ain’t seen itv female leads with alive parents, always one or both of them gotta be dead

LOLLL IN TRUE SNOW WHITE FASHION, THE MIRROR ON THE WALL (I.E. MAIDS) HAVE SAID CHAHAT IS 10X PRETTIER THAN HER STEP MUM 

It’s the mirror breaking and the Mrs. Baig, for me 

HAHAHHA SHE THOUGHT THAT CHAHAT WAS GOING IN FOR THE HUG, BUT SHE’S ACTUALLY GONE TO SEE THE NAME PLAQUE THINGY HER DAD HAS MADE FOR HER 

And the Kedarnath soundtrack is back 

Our mans has finally come, and picked up his sister, scaring her in the process

Awww I’m actually devastated that their killing Anjali2.0 off, I like her bond with Neil (no matter how co-dependent/toxic it may be)

Why is Ghazala, a grown adult woman, jealous of her husband’s kid, that is weird and creepy

I love the whole my name is Chahat Rahil Baig because without my dad, I have no identity etc. but does she not realise, that Baig is also given to her from her dad????

LOLLLL THE DRAMATICS OF SEEING SINDOOR IN HER HAIR (umm surely this isn’t that serious of a situation, she could literally just say idk) 

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this, I will be liveblogging here and there, but proper liveblogs will happen when I’ve caught up. I hope all of you are happy, safe and well!

[crazykendal]

woah if I were you I would .totally. read though this

did you pay attention to anything you were being taught in health class?   health class.. like family life or what

what are your feelings regarding shopping?   I hate shopping

do you think people have any misconceptions about you? Honestly im mean around a lot of people and I think people think im mean to everyone which is not true. I can get really soft with some people

have you ever worn fishnets? nooo...

do you go somewhere to get your eyebrows done? nowhere:)

do you believe prayer really works? no

do you have one best friend who is always there for you? yeah she’s weird

describe one of your most emotional farewells. haha nonononononoonon

have you ever been tied up? like literally or mentally.. ohhh god no

how many times have you been cussed out? dunno

does it bother you when people ask personal questions? no, it just means that they might care more

do you know anyone who’s been in jail? a tonnnn

have you ever considered acupuncture? No

have you ever watched the same sex undress? no..?

have you ever seen the last person you kissed cry? no

have you ever seen your mom or dad drunk? no

do you enjoy mario games? like super mario yes my dads a hardcore fan

do you think that necessities should be free? (ex. food, toilet paper) no you must work for shit dood

does it bother you when dogs lick you? no they love me

do you feed your pets human food? yeah haru loves chicken

which is worse: being sexist or racist? both are absolutely horrible, but nothing is worse than a perachel shipper

do you think suicide is selfish? man.. it ends the pain but it starts more pain to people close to you. It seems selfish but it really depends

would you take a dirty picture of yourself for someone you are dating? No

what are the most embarrassing songs in your itunes library? i dont have any embarrassing shit that i can think of

how picky are you when it comes to choosing who to kiss or not kiss? oooohh man idk

do you feel that having sex anywhere but a bed is more exciting? ..yyeahh..

in your opinion, is it ever okay to get back with an ex? depends on who

what’s the first animal you go to see at the zoo?  i never go to the zoo

what’s the strangest or rarest creature you’ve seen at a zoo? idk

what animal is at a zoo that really, in your opinion, shouldn’t be? all of them they want to be FREED

do you like zoos or aren’t you bothered? why so much fucking zoo shit

i offer you a cigarette, you say… nope i dont want lung cancer

why do you think you were put on this earth? to fucking suffer and to make others suffer

is it ever okay to hit a child? when is this? no unless they are gonna kill you

do you think violence in video/computer games influences the nation also? no i hate people who believe this

are you in any shape or form, racist? no

are you in any shape or form, sexist? no but i kinda prefer girls if you know what i mean :)

how do you think the world will end? either a nuclear war or global warming haha

what natural phenomenon do you find the most beautiful? death :)

would you kill someone who killed a child? how about YOUR child? sure dood

what is your favorite cover of a song? halsey covered justin bieber’s love yourself and replaced love with fuck. i relate to this cover more than I do with my family

have you ever been in love with someone who was fatally ill? no?

have you ever received or given a make-over? no..

do you know anyone who is HIV+? not that i know of

have you ever been to a desert? idk but I feel like i live in a desert

do you know any trans* people? yeah and also I met MILES MCKENNA yussss

what is your favorite beatles song? uh..

what is the poorest you have ever been? when I first had no money haha

i’m sure you know of the gamer fad on youtube. who’s your favorite? like youtubers?? oh god. I used to love ihascupquake, dantdm, and ldshadowlady when I used to like minecraft but its now more vanoss gaming, zac cox tv, thegaminglemon, thedevildoggaming, and lets play games

is there something written on your shirt right now? it says Mavel

what is your favorite song to play on guitar hero or rock band? ooh I love those games I just dont have it

where do you find the surveys you take? I follow an account

what’s one weird/annoying thing your pet(s) tend to do? BUB ATTACKS THE SHIT OUT OF MY OTHER CATS

what’s your favorite song by your favorite artist?   Salt Skin by Ellie Goulding, Colors by Halsey, Secrets by The Weeknd

do you have an “original character?” what.. like something ive come up with myself? If so, dont even get me started. I literally have about 100 characters ive created for this huge long ass collection of stories ive been writing for about 3 years.

what about a persona/fursona?   wut

do you ever MAKE your own surveys? no way

why’s it the woman who have to give birth anyway if the man is physically stronger in most cases? because the man isnt strong enough ;)

do you get good internet where you live? no my room has no wifi but my backyard is gr8

ever had a cavity? how many? yeah idk how many haha

ever broken a tooth? I thought i did once

what did you do on the playground at your school as a child? idk

are you into comics? I recently wrote a 60-70 page comic for a series im writing

did you ever have computer disc games you played as a kid? yeah GTA San Andreas all the way homie

what do you think of people who have therapists? pretty brave, my parents think i need one but i could never

do you have any of those adult coloring books? no I hate coloring

ever ridden an elephant? no

deserts: dreary or beautiful?   dreary

ever seen a panda?   like once I think

what kind a camera do you have?   I only have my phone

do you have stretch marks? where? don’t be shy, they’re tiger stripes! no

lobsters: cool or scary? i pet one once

opposoms: total vermin or cute? what

what tv channel dominated your childhood?   idk

ever actually seen a snake in the wild? my friend stepped on one when we were little holy fuckk

have you ever had a PET snake? what kind? no

ever had an encounter with a snapping turtle? they’re scary! no

do you like oatmeal? no

wherever you live, have you ever seen your national bird? yes

ever had a reptile as a pet that you had to feed crickets? no i got cats

ever play hearthstone? no but I know a guy named Hearthstone :)

ever gone hunting? biggest thing you’ve ever shot?   no

how about fishing? biggest thing you’ve ever caught?   MY DAD IS OBSESSED WITH FISHING HE HAS SPECIAL KAYAKS FOR IT AND EVERYTHING. But sometimes ill go fishing (like never) I caught some fish before

coolest place you’ve ever been fishing?   santa cruz is my life

which is cooler: african or asian elephant? I didn't know there was a difference

craziest thing you’ve ever eaten? nothing

what’s in a camel’s back? Idk ask the camel

steve irwin: foolish for messing around with animals or brave for teaching us? who dat

what do you think of people who put their whole life on social media? fine with me if they put up there credit card info :)

don’t you think it’s a bit deceptive to wear a push-up bra?   idc

do you truly believe we came from chimps? not from chimps but from earlier ancestors of them

well, what do you think of extra bones and even organs in our bodies? why do we have them?   people are just sometimes born like that

if you could choose anyone to be your father, who would it be? Han Solo

weirdest video game you’ve ever played? hmm gta v is weird for how inappropriate it can get sometimes even tho its the best game ever but probably sims 3

we’re having a pig-pickin’! whatcha eating? a what

ever been on a scary hay ride? no

ever been to a castle?   I went to Hearst Castle once

what’s your favorite kind of penguin? club penguin :) (ive never played before tho) rip

whales. should they be allowed in sea world? NO

ever seen an albino? whether it be human or animal?   yes

what do you think of the song “miss jackson” by panic! at the disco? omg have I never heard of that song whats wrong with me

what is the wallpaper on your best friends cell phone? my old bestfriend has a picture of her and new best friend, isnt that great haha fuck me

do you feel comfortable singing in front of others? depends :)

do you like using big words when you talk? No i dont know many big words

do you EVER use caps lock? NO WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT

are you loud when you’re having sex? well idk

have you ever wanted to drop out of school? i probably will want to in high school

when was the last time you watched south park? never

are you italian? nope

are you interested in photography at all? only in gta v

any survey takers that annoy you on tumblr? no

do you like bob marley? ive never heard any of his stuff

can you talk to your parents about anything without them judging or bickering at you? I never can or do

are you interested in art? sketch my life away

don’t you think we’re spending too much money on exploring the mere theory of climate change? No but when the worlds flooding they wont regret it haha

everyone always wants to know your favorite animal. what’s your SECOND favorite? I always say cats are my favorite but i also love chickens

who’s your favorite disney character? none

have you ever taken the eharmony personality quiz? no

do you take vitamins? if so, what kinds? idk

how much was your prom dress? what’s the most you’d spend? hahahahahahahaha kill me

would you marry someone of a different religion? ehh.. im not religious and i could never go to church every sunday so maybe not..

how did you learn the word “fuck”? my parents swear a lot

if you could make one of your enemies your best friend, who would it be? id rather stay enemies thank you very much

what is the last movie you saw in theaters? Spiderman Homecoming

have you ever got into a wreck?   not serious

do you think you are an argumentative person? yeah and i lose friends because of it :)

can you admit when you’re wrong?   all the time

are you easily confused? yeah people yell at me for it

do you think you would make a good wife/husband?  

probably not

have you ever caught a butterfly?   hey I used to be afraid of butterflies so no

have you ever deliberately tried to get someone drunk? no

do you like being kissed on the neck? never been kissed so yeah

favorite song by the band the offspring? never heard of them

how many times each morning do you press the snooze button? never had to, ever

when you go out to eat, what sides do your order with your food? idk

what video game or computer game are you best at? GTA V Online, ive become so good from 4 years of experience people think im a modder, fuck all those bitches, but its really funny when they think I can just drop money for them, id love to be a modder but I dont want to get banned

how do you normally come across new music? friends or the radio

what subject in school do you feel is the least necessary? science and english and history even though i love history

do you enjoy power outages or do you get annoyed? i dont care

are you pretty politically correct? kinda

have you ever behaved like a stalker?   no i have no idea what you are talking about :)

do you appreciate other people’s opinions?   depends on who

if you could pick your own pet name, what would it be?   I named my cat Bub so there

do you care what’s going on in the world? If it hurts me, yes

how many partners is too many? at one time, one is good but if youve had a lot in your life time i lose respect

do you examine the tissue after you blow your nose?   no

do you prefer boys to shave down there? uh..

how much does your mother know about your sex life (or lack thereof)? im 14 wtf

are any of your siblings married? what are their spouse’s names?   No but I think my sister is married to Finn Wolfhard

have you ever had a pet bird?   no

how many times have you moved in your lifetime? once

if you could get one piercing and one tattoo, where would you want them?   ahh only if it didn't hurt id get a red triangle on my right wrist (gotta be like ellie goulding) and a piercing? nose? maybe

would you consider yourself to be adventurous?   yes i love to adventure but no one ever wants to come with me :’(

has any part of your house ever been flooded?   no

is there anyone that you’re worried about right now? who and why? yeah, I cant say though. Their friend told me about some stuff

if you won a lot of money, would you donate any of it? to what organization would you donate it?                                                                 

idk

describe the best friend you’ve ever had, or the best person you’ve ever known.   ive been friends with her for about 10 years and we've been fighting for months and ive finally come to realize she cares about me a lot more than I do about myself and she is really worried about me ever doing anything with myself. Ive just been really down with myself these past months

have you ever adopted a stray animal?   maybe

what time did you wake up this morning?   8:28 dont ask how I remebered

ever wonder if you’re someone’s everything? yeah but I know that it’ll never happen but like theres this one person id give my life for (just one person) she knows who she is

would you ever bleach your hair platinum blonde? like once ok stop it

what is your mom’s middle name?   Lei

do you know the color of your ex boyfriend/girlfriend’s eyes? n/a

have you had your wisdom teeth out?   no

your appendix?   no

[globlenet-blog]

The alternative 2016 sports awards: the years best quotes, gaffes and meltdowns

https://clearwatergolfclub.com/the-alternative-2016-sports-awards-the-years-best-quotes-gaffes-and-meltdowns/

The alternative 2016 sports awards: the years best quotes, gaffes and meltdowns

Your investment medal tables: it had been another big year for sporting soap opera. The quotes, the rows and also the capybaras that made yesteryear 12 several weeks special

Star of the season

Cristiano Ronaldo won a 4th Ballon dOr, launched a variety of CR7 blankets, tossed a microphone into a lake, inspired a tantrum meme, and located the eras defining football press conference, using the press banned from asking them questions. He denied it had been his idea to possess the questions resulting from a Uefa media officer rather: I decide nothing. Also, he made an appearance to goes a magic fully-created Euro 2016 TV graphic during Portugals quarter-final. Perfect.

Ian Finch (@FinchIan)

Not only a skilful player, Ronaldo may also gob out a replay wipe #POLPOR pic.twitter.com/UC44YRv5TA

June 30, 2016

Manager of the season

Claudio Ranieri, using the edge off 2016.Hey, man, dilly-ding, dilly-dong. Seriously! Former Ranieri player Gianfranco Zola revealed the saying was attempted and tested. Hes always stated dilly-ding, dilly-dong. Hes a vibrant guy. Initially when i first heard it’ understood what he meant. He explained it a lot of occasions.

Modern footballer of the season

Lots of contenders, but two Rental property men share the title: club captain Gabby Agbonlahor, relegated on the nitrous oxide legal high 2 yrs after extending his Rental property deal because: I get that very same buzz pulling around the Rental property shirt, and team-mate Joleon Lescott, who livened up last seasons harsh run-in by tweeting a photograph of a sports car following a 6- defeat and telling the press how going lower would be a real weight off the shoulders. He left on the free in August.

Also standing his ground: Poultry midfielder Ozan Tufan upset with media critique throughout the Euros after he was caught on camera doing his hair as Croatias Luka Modric formed as much as score before him. I do not get the way a single moment by which I actually do my locks are considered an error. It damages my confidence.

Best Olympic moment

Recording the atmosphere: Nikki Hamblin and Abbey DAgostino helping one another finish Rios 5,000m after colliding mid-race. Hamblin: After I went lower it had been like: Whats happening? Why shall we be held on the floor? And all of a sudden theres this hands on my small shoulder. That girl may be the Olympic spirit, immediately.

Story from the summer time

Syrian teen Yusra Mardini winning her heat within the 100m butterfly for that Refugee Team in Rio, annually after surviving the capsize of the six-man dinghy transporting 20 refugees towards Lesbos. This is actually awesome there are plenty of tales about me now and lots of people who wish to take my picture: its assisting to spread our message. This doesn’t stop here This isn’t the finish.

Most off-message

1) US womens football star Hope Solo, reflecting on their own Rio quarter-final defeat to Norway: We performed a courageous game but we performed a lot of cowards. The very best team didn’t win, I strongly, firmly think that. They wont allow it to be far. They provided the ultimate. And 2) The uniform golfers delivering their pre-Games causes of not likely to Rio. Rory McIlroy: Though the chance of infection in the Zika virus is recognized as low, it’s a risk nevertheless. Dustin Manley: My concerns concerning the Zika virus can’t be overlooked. Jason Day: The only reason behind my decision may be the danger to future people in our family. And Vijay Singh: I must take part in the Olympic games, however the Zika virus, you realize everything crap.

Best change of direction

Originated from Sepp Blatters substitute at Fifa, Gianni Infantino calling his new pay deal evidence of its emerging anti-avarice culture. Infantino stated his modest contract 1.15m fundamental plus bonuses, vehicle, house, 1,542-a-month expenses and funding for just one-off costs for example 1,100 for any tuxedo and 660 on flowers reflects greater than any word can reflect my strong will to finish recent conduct.

Former Fifa man of the season

Most relaxed because the FBI required a grip: former Concacaf mind Jeffrey Webb, who located a Harlem Renaissance-themed blackjack party in Feb while under house arrest in the Georgia mansion he bought with fraud money. Webb, looking for sentencing next May, required the Concacaf presidency this year pledging to attract a line underneath the organisations shameful Jack Warner era: We must move the clouds, and let the sunshine in.

Interview of the season

Gary and Paul ODonovan, live on RT in August after winning Irelands first rowing gold discussing the craic, Nutella, peeing in cups, how you can row (close your vision and pull just like a dog), and just how sad they believed to stay in Rio simply because they were missing the Rio-themed parties in Skibbereen. Recently these were named RT Sport Team of the season, appeared inside a new documentary Pull Just like a Dog, were interviewed for Graham Nortons New Years Eve BBC1 show, and named as Britains most Googled Irish-related search phrase within the entire 2016. Gary: Its funny the way in which its labored out.

Best commentary moments

Icelands Euro 2016 coverage, which from Irelands Cathal Dennehy and Ronan Duggan, live streaming Aprils Irish Universities Athletics Association womens 4 x 400m dramatic relay final being an outsider billed in the depths of hell to victory. Dennehy accepted later hed achieved a pitch approximately your dog whistle along with a squealing pig All of us lost the brain.

Worst commentary moments

1) Canadas Olympic broadcaster CBC apologising in August after their swimming commentator known as the entire mens 200m individual medley mistaking Michael Phelps for Ryan Lochte and 2) John Virgo, confident he was off-air during BBC1s live coverage of Mark Selby and Marco Fus epic contest at snookers World Championship in April: I wanted to watch a bit of racing this afternoon. Ill be lucky to look at some fucking Match during the day. Spokesman: Hes embarrassed and apologetic.

Pundit of the season

The clip that never grows old. Skys Steve McClaren in June, together with his in-play analysis of Englands reaction to Icelands equaliser: It has been the right response from England. You simply think: Not a problem, begin anew, keep dominating, keep getting pressure around the Iceland back four the only real factor they have got may be the big boy in advance Sigurdsson, nobody Sigthorsson Oh, ohhh

Best attitude

Mike Allardyce negotiating the 400,000 top-up that ended his 67-day England reign. He guaranteed undercover reporters hed deliver their pretend clients keynote speaking, thats what Id do, Im a keynote speaker plus good value not only the keynote speech but additionally within the bar after. I do not are available in like many of them, bang, youre off. What happens I am talking about? Im likely to stand in the bar. Possess a couple of social drinks.

Best protest

Charlton and Coventry fans, staging some pot protest in October against both clubs boards by hurling hundreds of plastic pigs in the pitch. @CAFCofficial, 3.02pm: Play is stopped. Pigs on pitch. 3.03pm: (A fantasy ones).

Social networking awards

Best live tweeting: 1) Danny Willetts brother Pete, watching the Masters in April with tweets including: Without words. I once punched that kid in the head for hurting my pet rat. Now look and: Ive shared a shower having a Masters champion. His Ryder Cup online preview in September which branded US fans pudgy, filthy cretins along with a baying mob of imbeciles didnt go down so well. 2) @hastingsufc, remaining professional from the odds in October: Apologies for insufficient updates / Ive been stung with a wasp. Even game, no significant chances. 3) And Icelands @rvkgrapevine, giving one minute-by-minute evaluation of keeper Hannes Halldorssons summer time performance against Portugal. dinns breath propelled our heroic goalkeeper to swat away that weak-ass header and: Goalkeeper Such As The High cliff FACE AT DYRHOLAEY The Only Real Factor Which Will DESTROY HIM IS CENTURIES OF Seaside EROSION.

Most sincere tweet: Sunderlands Victor Anichebe, copying and pasting an excessive amount of what his PR team sent him after Octobers defeat to West Pork @VictorAnichebe: Are you able to tweet something similar to: Unbelievable support yesterday and great effort through the lads! Hard lead to take! But we go again!

Most confused: Californian Facebook user Petra Fyde, asking her buddies and family in June: At the chance of sounding stupid How come a lot of strange men within my facebook inbox saying WILL GRIGGS Burning, YOUR DEFENSE IS PETRA FYDE?????? What the heck is happening?

And also the best-crafted pledge: @Joey7Barton, 24 May: To be a Ranger would be to sense the sacred trust of upholding everything this type of name means within this shrine of football. 15 Sep: I apologise unreservedly.

Frederick Barton (@Joey7Barton)

To become a Ranger would be to sense the sacred trust of upholding everything this type of name means within this shrine of football. pic.twitter.com/nb5yTKq420

May 24, 2016

Best put-lower

Andy Murray in August, requested by John Inverdale: Youre the very first person to ever win two Olympic tennis golds, thats an remarkable task, is it not? Murray: I believe Venus and Serena have won four each. @jk_rowling: Murray just advised John Inverdale that ladies are people too.

Best analysis

One of the footballers reacting to Brexit in June: @PetrCech:It appears as though the greatest decision within the good reputation for the united states is made with different fake campaign and lies. Italys Giorgio Chiellini:The primary problem is an eventual domino effect. I do not think the straightforward United kingdom exit can alter the equilibrium from the whole European economy, besides the acid reflux everyones feeling. I believe the discontent shouldnt result in disintegration. Jermaine Pennant @pennant83: Now we’re not in Europe whats going to take place using the next euros 2018??? And Nolito: What’s Brexit? I believe its dancing. I might be wrong.

Wisest words

25 November:England coach Eddie Johnson, hailing wing Elliot Daly within the buildup for their game against Argentina: He is doing stuff you dont coach. 26 November:Daly sent off after five minutes.

Sharpest PR

Rio 2016 spokesperson Mario Andrada explaining why organisers couldnt be anticipated to simply fix the eco-friendly water within the pool overnight: Chemistry isn’t an exact science.

Best customer support

In August Englands slow over-rate against Pakistan motivated spectator Alexis Larger to tweet: I would like 10% of my money-back. Wouldnt visit football and discover it ended after 80mins. Alex Hales tweeted back: ok DM me your bank details then transferred 4.10.

Miss of the season

Italys Simone Zaza tiptoeing his way to stardom in the place against Germany in the Euros the summers single greatest non-Ronaldo meme. Among the remixes: Zaza like a seagull rubber stamping for worms, Zaza doing Olympic dressage, and Zaza inside a queue for that toilet. Zaza: Regrettably the ball went excessive. It will likely be beside me throughout my existence.

Single worst moment of 2016

Setting a dark tone for Trump, Brexit, Farage and exactly what adopted Germany coach Joachim Lws distressing televised in-trouser scratch and sniff routine in mid-June. Im sorry for this. When you’re filled with adrenaline, unexpected things happen that you simply dont see. I’ll attempt to behave differently later on.

President of the season

Palermos 74-year-old owner Maurizio Zamparini entered 2016 searching to place his coach-eater image to sleep. Heres the way it unfolded:

10 Jan: Zamparini denies hes already feeling twitchy about his new coach Davide Ballardini. I won’t sack him, despite the fact that I possibly could. 11 Jan: Sacks him and hires Guillermo Barros Schelotto. 11 February:Finds out Schelotto hasn’t got his badges and hires Giovanni Bosi rather. 15 February: Sacks Bosi and rehires Giuseppe Iachini, who he sacked in November. 8 Marly:Calls Iachini a fool that has gone mad and replaces him with Walter Novellino. 12 Apr:Sacks Novellino, rehires Ballardini. People say Ive gone mad, but Im the victim here. 6 Sep: Hires Roberto de Zerbi after Ballardini resigns two games in to the season. 28 November:Denies he already has his doubts about De Zerbi. I’ll keep him. That’s my decision. 30 November: Sacks De Zerbi to be pitiful and hires Eugenio Corini to determine out a hard year. Why Corini? There wasnt much on the market.

Most British moment

In April West Indies needed an unlikely 19 in the final to win the planet T20 and Englands Ben Stokes was the person using the ball in the hands to shut the result. Four balls and 4 Carlos Brathwaite sixes later, it had been over. I send Ben commiserations, stated Brathwaite. Hes a complete legend.

Most unpredicted hero

Marcus Willbomb Willis, world No775 as he stunned Wimbledon and, almost, Roger Federer sticking it to trolls who dubbed him Cartman because of his big bones. His Wimbledon run ended having a cheque for 30,000. It is the greatest pay day Ive ever endured. I’m able to repay a few charge cards now.

Chant of the season

Huh! by Iceland. Also worth a mention: tactics-minded Carlisle fans having a Peter Andre-themed message to manager Keith Curle: Woah-oh-oh-oh, Mysterious Curle, I wanna play 3-5-2.

Best falling lower

2016s best football tumbles: Brazilian players Marcelo Cordeiro and Rossi pretending to have been headbutted by each other in October (Cordeiro: Thats just existence. Thats the sport were in) Toulouse coach Pascal Dupraz feeling upset in November by critique of his response to a paper plane brushing his head: Each one of these critics, theyre so brave and Louis van Gaals Miranda Hart pratfall in Feb, because he designed a serious point.

Best Strictly contenders

a) Everton manager Roberto Martnez, filmed dancing at a Jason Derulo concert in Feb b) Mike Allardyce, spotted in Marbella in May spinning on the spot to Rihannas We Found Love and c) Alan Pardew, marking Castles FA Cup final goal by throwing dad shapes on Wembleys touchline. The 3 of these were sacked within several weeks.

Politicians of the season

Were Icelands Ministry for Foreign Matters, @MFAIceland explaining how their 23-man Euro 2016 squad chose itself by whittling lower their people in this country of 332,529.

MFA Iceland (@MFAIceland)

@pin_upicierno pic.twitter.com/ot0Mq2lsjM

June 27, 2016

Best celebration

Michail Antonios horizontal-running grass-dance in Feb after scoring for West Pork. I saw The Simpsons Movie a few days ago. I believe I pulled them back.

Least foreseeable setback

British cyclist Adam Yates, out while watching primary peloton within the Tour de France in This summer, simply to be flattened whenever a fans belt punctured an inflatable Vittel advertising arch. He still continued to win the white-colored jersey, though.

Best clarification

Skiing star Lindsey Vonn, ambassador for Mind skis and bindings, reacted to some ski detaching mid-race in Feb by posting a video of herself destroying her Mind bindings having a hammer. After talks together with her agent she clarified: It was by no means, shape or form an expression around the performance from the Mind skis and bindings. In my opinion in Mind.

Most distracted

French fencer Enzo Lefort entering the Rio Games declaring: Ive given something to arrive here. Its important to not be distracted then being booed through the crowd after his phone fell out of his pocket mid-bout.

Best pose

Roy Hodgson, recognizing themself around the giant screen as England trailed to Iceland.

Danny Bloodstream (@dannyswfc)

Whenever you place your self on the giant screen and wish individuals to think there is a plan… pic.twitter.com/YLX3Mf6kB0

June 27, 2016

Best comeback

Andy Townsend, back on ITV for that summer time: Thats as blatant a problem as youll ever see. Could it have been certainly within the box? I do not know.

Worst luck

Australian rugby league star Jarryd Hayne, cutting short his presentation to 200 school pupils around the risks of the web when his screen began flashing up porn. Organisers stated the pictures didn’t originate from Jarryds device Hayne: It had been awkward. Wow.

Greatest last laugh

Louise Watson obtaining the second biggest fine in Wimbledon history, 9,040, for racket smashing 1,500 greater than Viktor Troickis acceptable for ranting from the worst ever umpire on the planet. She arrived on the scene ahead, though: winning 50,000 on her mixed doubles victory.

Cheapest blow

Spare a concept for Serb rowers Milos Vasic and Nenad Bedik, who showed up in Rio feeling good after 4 years of beginning training and sank after 1,250m.

Greatest attention seekers

Headlining 12 several weeks of viral animal cameos: a) an unflustered cat supporting play at Januarys Everton v Dagenham game, then losing its poise when keeper Joel Robles shooed it b) a squirrel doing the same at Marchs third T20 between Nigeria and Australia (@samuelfez: Watson in to the attack. Zampa at square leg. Maxwell gully. Squirrel deep point #SAvAUS) c) 20 mongooses storming a green during Novembers European Tours Nedbank Golf Challenge in Nigeria

and d) two pitch-invading dogs one sparking an earlier tea in Novembers second India v England Test, another chasing Gois left-back Juninho throughout a Brazilian Serie B game. Juninho stated he ran since you cant tell with dogs locals told RBS TV the stray, Zulu, is simply soppy If he sees a ball, he goes chasing. Not one of them outshone time top sporting animal, though: Brazils hefty and nonplussed golf course capybaras. Australia captain Ian Baker-Finch: That bloody factor is big. Have you ever seen it? Its half wombat, half dog. US player Matt Kuchar: Its just like a moosehead on the gigantic rat. US director Andy Levinson: It appears as though your dog. A just like a dog-pig.

Plus special mention for: Lorenzo the horse, dancing to Smooth by Santana in Rios individual dressage.

Most thorough

These warning notices stuck over the toilets in Rios Olympic Village, banning a variety of unlicensed toilet activities. US basketball star Elena Delle Donne: Guess I will not be toilet fishing today.

Most depressing fact

For fans of the certain age: in May Burys Callum Styles grew to become the very first footballer born in 2000 to look inside a League game in November fellow millennial Moise Kean switched out for Juventus within the Champions League.

Getting people together

Wales midfielder Joe Ledley: dancing for Europe last summer time. One of the headlines: La drole de danse du Gallois and Ledley enflamme le vestiaire.

Best message

Cricketer Liam Thomas wasnt frustrated in October when his prosthetic leg came off as he dived close to the boundary while fielding for that England Physical Disability team. He jumped following the ball rather and delivered a fierce return. Should there be kids available watching who thought they couldnt take part in the game before week, he stated later, I would like these to know they are able to do anything whatsoever installed their mind to.

Most satisfactory reply

Originated from 15-year-old Wimbledon women singles champion Anastasia Potapova answering press questions regarding her existence after winning the ultimate. I do not have siblings or siblings but I’ve got a duck, Vita. Shes small.

Best swagger

Haitian hurdler Jeffrey Julmis the undisputed star from the 110m hurdles in Rio. Within the selection before his race he gave your camera some textbook Usain Bolt-style attitude, then went mind over heels in the first hurdle.

Most uplifting

Showing the planet isnt totally damaged: Barcelonas under-14s side, lightly consoling their tearful Japanese rivals after beating them within the final of Augusts Junior Soccer World Challenge a mixture of hugs and pep talks.

Plus: most offended

Japanese pole vaulter Hiroki Ogita upset by reports in August that hed knocked the bar off with his penis. Irrrve never expected the foreign media to consider me lower such as this. Its false, and i’m devastated they mock and ridicule me a lot. He later tweeted: Watching again, this really is pretty funny, basically let them know myself. LOL.

Find out more: https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2017/jan/01/alternative-2016-sports-awards-quotes-gaffes-meltdowns