#like obviously what people think of me doesnt actually matter as long as I'm having a good time

[backslashdelta]

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[the-s1lly-corner]

Keep requesting from different people with no luck but what if jason voorhees had a S/O who reads to him when he's "sleeping" in the lake and he has dreams about the story and has a dream of him and the reader as beauty and the beast?

Reading B&B to Jason + Dream stuff!

while this isnt a slasher blog and i am grossly underqualified to speak of anything book related to beauty and the beast, i truly do love this idea + i really felt the whole request thing </3 this aint perfect but i hope you enjoy it regardless! may your other/future requests be answered someday! !!!quick note, admins only exposure to beauty and the beast is the original disney film, they have never read any renditions of it so theyre going off the basic bare bones concept not proof read, i am literally belting this out before i gotta bake an order </3

I could be silly, i could make him dream of himself as the beauty as opposed to being the beast, but im not 100% sure how i would go about writing that.... perhaps ill save that for the next time my slasher brainrot strikes me

i think he would love that you read for him, small little act that helps heal that inner child inside him + it reminds him of how his mom used to read to him at night. its almost bittersweet... im torn on whether or not pam would've read him beauty and the beast/similar adjacent tales. I admit, I'm not sure how many renditions of the story there are, and which ones were around when Jason was a kid but lets say, for convivence lets say she didnt

whenever you read to him hes hooked on every word you say, head in your lap and looking up at you with this sort of sparkle in his eye. loves it when you put on goofy voices for different characters. generally a very calm and peaceful moment between the two of you

so imagine offering to read the story to him, and he is just. totally immersed. even before he falls asleep he sees the parallels between the book and you, bonus if you somehow find a way to show him the disney movie of it

as for the dreams, naturally he's in the beasts position. solitary and secluded away from others, and self admittedly from the man himself, a sight for sore eyes (no matter how much some may disagree), and you as the beauty (not that much changes in the dream, he already sees you as something radiant)

the first time he has the dream he doesnt really say anything about it, actually he doesnt remember most of the dream thanks to him nearly forgetting everything that second he wakes up

but the dream keeps happening, even long after you first read the story to him, and each night he seems to be able to piece everything together

you wander into his home, and he keeps you. protects you, actually. the events of your arrival in the dream are blurred, but seem to line up with how you first entered his life.

theres no talking furniture, unfortunately

however i do wanna say theres talking animals in their place

nature boy

actually, jason doesnt seem to be a prince in his dreams, just a simple man

hes not even a physical monster in his dreams.

but unlike the disney adaptation, when the whole... breaking the curse thing happens, there is no transformation. so hey, theres that at least

he eventually talks to you about it, sheepishly signing the details to you as he tries to not seem embarrassed about it. but he cant help but to get giddy when he sees your smile

"aww you dream about me?" is a comment sure to make his signing pause for a second before he covers his hands over his mask

i wish i had more for this but im on a bit of a time crunch atm and as stated in the authors note my only exposure is the disney film and SOBS

you (making sure hes okay with the nickname first, obviously) playfully call him beast, and he starts calling you beauty

the story eventually kind of becomes you guys' thing, like how some couples have their song or their movie or their whatever

[majaloveschris]

I do think he looked happy talking about his wedding and what little mention of 🐟 he did, especially with the go Portugal but putting aside how sincere or not that was, is pretty obvious it was something he had to mention and the rushed to move on from it and I think its because he knows how people feel about it and he cares, he cares that people will judge him from it (from now on I will asume its 100% real, the ring is there, he confirmed the wedding, called her his wife) wich to me is baffling because if you just married the love of your life and are happier than ever why would you care? He is not coming back to insta or twitter so he will not see the reactions, she can limit comments. Hollywood literaly doesnt care he is married to that kind of person, if he were a good actor nothing but that would matter so why would you care if people dont like your rs? The answer I think its because he is trying to bring back the fanbase he actively killed and so to me it looks like he would rather keep his wife as hidden as possible so he can keep his "A" list status and man that just tells a lot about him... Hence why he also spoke 30 seconds about arguably the most important day of his life till now and 10 about his dog, cause is the latter that sells. Had she been someone nice, someone to not be ashamed of (because thats the impression HE gives) he could have capitulated in the devoting husband look, but no he knows and doesnt care enough that he married her but cares enough to hide her.. Like make it make sense. Also I might said he looked happier that what he have seen him during this whole shit show but that doesnt mean he looks good.. He looks rough, the consequences of what he have done this past 2 years are catching to him fast.

I mean, he obviously cares what people think about him; all celebrities do. They live off their fans, since the only people who watch presumably every single project of theirs are their fans. He obviously wants to save what's left, but good luck for that. There are people who will never come back, but until his name is connected to people like Alba and her friends, he's going to lose fans.

If he is actually in love and happy with her (which I don't see, but okay), he doesn't need to divorce her because of other people; however, he needs to understand that not a lot of people can't support this, and mostly not because of the age gap but because of Alba's and her friends' behavior. He can do whatever he wants; there are people who are done with him, and that's it.

I definitely understand that his reputation is important for him and that whatever he says, he probably wants to stay in the industry, but the way he treated and talked about her, especially if she is the love of his life, is really interesting. I guess he had no problem appearing with Jenny, who was still married, by the way. If you love somebody so much that you want to marry them, then be proud of them. I'm not saying they should be out every single day kissing and hugging or whatever, but whenever we see them (in real time, not in a staged photo), he seems so distant. Dropping her hands in NYC, not letting her walk the red carpet, not holding her hands, saying weird things about her, like she is really into other people's energy. If this was love at first sight, and they knew they were in for the long ride, then he probably knew he's going to marry her, so he knew people were going to see her a lot of times, and they had to get used to it. So I don't really understand this whole hiding and breadcrumbing bullshit.

[uranium235s]

HEWWO!! i've got some questions abt Chester!!! as promised <3

7. Do they wish they lived before the war / could go back to life before the war? 26. How would others describe them / their disposition? 38. What is their favorite radio station? 44. What is their favorite smell? 58. Do they believe in luck? Do they have a good luck charm?

(i'm holding myself down like a feral dog so that i don't ask like 15 questions simultaneously)

HELLLOOOOOO MY FRIEND sorry it took forever for me to respond but I got home and ate dinner and am ready to do this , also don't hold back I will answer ANY QUESTIONS no matter how many

long post 😋

7. Chester doesnt wish to live before the war, really. until the events of the game he liked what he could remember about his life and didn't spend much time thinking about the past, and in some ways avoided it. obviously the idealistic idea of the past with the cushy houses and stocked supermarkets is desirable but overall chester is able to find comparable things to enjoy across the mojave. and listening to Arcade talk about pre-war politics and economics makes him feel like he's probably not missing anything he's not already experiencing 💀

26. it definitely depends on the person, who sees him what way and how he interacts with them, but in general most people would describe him as a cheerful, helpful idiot, but with an aura of some wrongness. like he's trying too hard at times, or there's something teeming beneath the surface he doesn't know how to let out. someone like arcade would describe him as stubborn and troubled, persistent and kind of a bleeding heart. surprisingly, I don't think he can be described as adventurous even though he fits it on the surface because he actually loves routine and consistency; being able to travel the wasteland is just part of that.

38. Radio New Vegas! his favorite song is Johnny Guitar :) however he does turn it off when anything about the legion comes on, he knows he's blindfolding himself by doing that but he doesn't wanna hear it. also, any news about him he also turns off. hates knowing that everyone is watching him!

44. campfires <3 he's set up and sat by just about a million of them, at this point the smell is extremely comforting and almost creates a pavlov response of making him wanna fall asleep lol

58. he does believe in luck to some degree, especially that his fluctuates wildly between being amazing and awful, thinking that luck is crazy fickle so he tries as hard as possible not to test it. he does not gamble! he doesn't have a good luck charm, I imagine he sometimes tells Arcade that he is one but they mostly get into trouble together so maybe Arcade's a bad luck charm in reality

[transfemlogan]

For the fandom ask game; 2, 10, 16

Positive Fandom Ask Game

a headcanon you weren't sure about at first but have come to like!

that janus is loveless. i will say my hesitance didn't last very long and wasn't really hesitance, it was more "oh loveless janus is a hc? i can see how people can dislike it, but i love it." (so this option doesn't really count but i quite literally cant think of anything else)

there is a headcanon that janus is loveless/cannot feel love/doesn't love because he is a snake and snakes don't feel love. and as a loveless aromantic I absolutely love this headcanon.

i know people don't like this headcanon because people tend to view love as an inherently positive force and if you don't love or refuse to love that it's negative and offensive. & because people will try to use the lack of love to demonise janus, an already very demonise side. which... the demonising janus one is a valid reason to dislike it, the other reasons aren't.

i only ever consider patton to be loveless and i never see loveless hcs in fandom so knowing there's already a hc for janus being loveless makes me so so so so happy. i think there's something so sweet about janus not feeling love or choosing not to love or being critical about how society views love, but still being compassionate & caring towards the other sides & c!thomas*. that whether or not he loves them that doesn't control how he treats them. that his care isn't controlled by one singular feeling, but a multitude of feelings or opinions; he cares for the sides & thomas, because he knows they need it. & that idea means the world to me.

*obviously, loveless people can care & be compassionate. im loveless & im so compassionate to the people around me. but i mean more that, choosing janus 2 be loveless when he is literally self preservation & cares so much about the other sides & their health is soooo smart & beautiful. i know it probably originated to demonise him (or write aus where he "thinks he loveless but finds out he CAN feel love" eugh), but i like that you can switch it on its head & go "he doesn't feel love but that doesn't mattwe & wont ever matter. he feels so much compassion for the others" & choose not to demonise him.

i probably explained that all strange & worded it so bad i just woke up. BUT LIKE. YOU CAN CHOOSE TO DEMONISE HIM FOR BEING LOVELESS, BUT YOU CAN ALSO RECOGNISE THAT IF HE IS LOVELESS THAT LOVE DOESNT PUSH HIS CARING ACTIONS. HE JUST CARES.

also janus 100% would be loveless in the sense that he's criticising how society views love as the most "important thing" or as an inherently positive thing , as if people don't do horrible things bcuz of their love.

a blog (mutual or one you follow) that has made your fandom experience brighter

UM. HOW DO I LIST A GAJILLION BLOGS.

i was gonna go thru & explain why they r on my list but thats 2 much effort so im just gonna rapid fire:

@sankiisides , @warnadudenexttime , @intrulogical , @edupunkn00b , @lovecorepatton & everyone i know on instagram. i was gonna list blogs that im not mutuals with but i am so tired & couldnt remember anyones blogs . ill just come back (<- is lying & wont come back)

the one blog i am not mutuals w/ that i can list rn is @we-all-horny-here :3

a tiny detail in canon that you want more people to appreciate

PERHAPS A REALLY SMALL DETAIL, but the way remus pauses & actually thinks about what is being said to him when logan is talking to him at the end of working through intrusive thoughts

maybe im crazy & insane & making things up bcuz i want them to be friends so bad BUT thruout the entire ending scene w/ logan & remus, remus is shown turning his back and reading a book and taking a cockroach out of his ear and eating it. very actively ignoring him.

BUT . IN THIS SCENE:

logan tells remus how he can see how remus can be helpful (albeit. thru gritted teeth.) & then asks him, "but perhaps, you can also see the merit in what I'm trying to do?"

& remus pauses.

he hesitates.

you can see him sit there and actually think about what logan is saying. & ofc he immediately goes back to ignoring him but it makes me crazed that logan tells remus that he can see why remus is doing what he is doing & that it can be helpful & then asks remus, straight forwardly, to try & see what logan is trying to do & remus stops in his little schemes and thinks about that. he has a little moment of hesitation.

though it could also be remus going "hmmm should i eat the tongue lollipop first or should i do the cockroach?" /j

im ill . im ill. im ill. im ill.

Positive Fandom Ask Game

[the-last-f2p]

Jackpot Sad girl Mafuyu x reader

Blue= You

Purple= Mafuyu

Purple & Blue= Whatever you person is

TW: Horrible parents, please tell me if theres anymore tw I need to put

Song: Jackpot Sad girl

Living in the standard deviation

My life is alright it could be worse.. My parents are alright it could be worse... My grades are alright... Everything is alright. Well actually theres something that isn't alright my friends they're above alright.

A liveless face a rotten soul

Mafuyu quite weird she seems so nice and perfect but when she's with me , Kanade , Mizuiki or Ena she's pretty blunt and sometimes pretty mean. But for some reason I like her a bit..

Hey look when you realize it

I clicked on 'untiltled' it had been about a week since we all found our ture feelings but I still felt uncomplete and more attracted to Mafuyu she just seemed like a fun person to hang around.

The days pass by just like that again

It's been days I think atleast I'm working on a song with Kanade that will make Mafuyu smile I haven't been to school for a while and I think I'm going Hikkiomori but I really wanna see Mafuyu's actuall smile.

Special talents and the desire for expression

"Yes finally lets go K!" I hit my screen to try and give a virtual high-5 to Kanade. My talent is my voice I've always been told that but I've only sung songs I thought would make others happy people here more do it for expression I admire that.

Mean nothing when you live a life without purpose

Mafuyu smiled at the song and I think I've grown closer to her. She told me that she wanted to be a nurse but her parents told her she should be a doctor. Thats sad. But it made me think how much I admire Mafuyu for her kind of knowing what her purpose is I'm just going with the flow hoping I'll be alright.

No way I don't want to

I told a bit about how I feel to my parents and they told me that it doesn't matter because if I'm not a lawyer I'm a dissapointment. I also told them about Mafuyu and said that I should stay away from her and the other band members.

But I don't want to

Regretfully continue living like this

I think I like Mafuyu yes I just realized this but it doesn't matter her mom hates me so a Tsukasa would have to say that he wasn't a star before we went out. It maybe a regret but Mafuyu doesn't like me that way...

Feelings that are difficult to except

I found out today that I like Y/N and I have hunch she may like me back but even if I ask her out what will mom say?? Its difficult to except but are these even my true feelings?

To shove them all in is what we call love

I couldn't focus today because of my 'feelings' for Y/N I even asked Miku and she said it was love its weird a lot of things are considered love even obsession so how can I know that Miku is right?

I'm a JACKPOT SAD GIRL

I should stop denying my feelings at this point its just sad. They put some much effort into everything they do for me and I obviously like them thats the sad part.

Without understanding anything

I got a note from someone to meet me on the roof I don't know if I should go or not what if they want to confess to me I should atleast show up.

I come up from all the stairs and there is the long haired purple girl Mafuyu Ashania she then proceeds to tell me this.

"I like you Y/N but I can't like you. If that makes sense." "Not really." I say

And end roll of dots and lines

"I like you but I can't like you because my mom doesn't like you." Of course Mafuyu's mom doesnt like me makes me wannna fight her.

"I understand I like you aswell Mafuyu. That's what this is for." I then kiss on the cheek on run away blushing I didn't think to look at Mafuyu but I had a feeling she was as well.

Paint my everyday life

She then ran away as I turned as red as Ena's brother's hair did she just do that and now I need pretend that I don't like her. Damn this is gonna be harder than I thought. Its just pretend though you've done it for this long Mafuyu.

There was value in keeping feelings hidden from everyone

I haven't told any of the band members about my crush well if it counts if she already knows I mean whats the point in keeping it a secret if Mafuyu knows I just won't say unless they bring up.

Because the awnser I was looking for

So I told Miku and all she said was

"Seems you've found your true feelings." If these are my true feelings I wonder if they're also Mafuyu's or was she just lying to make me happy. I have to ask her.

Just like the future was in my hand all along

You put a note in Mafuyu's locker telling her to come to the roof and just like you came.

"Mafuyu I have a question." "I had a feeling you put the note in my locker ask away." "Do you actually like me or were you messing with me?" Mafuyu walked up to you and then kissed you on the lips.

"Does that awnser you question?" ".... Yep. Do you wanna be my secret girlfriend Mafuyu?" "Yes." You kissed her once more and then walked down the stairs holding hands I think its safe to say Mafuyu's one more step closer to finding her feelings thanks to you.

Her Secret S/O Y/N L/N

[1moreff-creator]

Hi! I'm pretty new to tumblr and I have no idea if it's appropriate to come into your askbox to talk about my drdt chapter 2 theories but I'm not confident enough to make my own post and it's more a fun thought I just had than an actual theory

/! \ this will contain spoilers for drdt obviously as well as THH in case people who follow you somehow havent played the game

the gist of it is, someone who is not the culprit could have messed with the crime scene.

It's mainly because so far the chapters seem to have reference to THH in more ways than just with the motives (it is probably too soon for it to be a pattern and ngl i kinda hope its not because if it is, with what we know of Rose' money issues she might end up the ch3 culprit and I want her to live so badly. would make the whole series a bit too predictable also, although i dont personally mind that kinda stuff)

because like. Chapter 1 had someone who got close to the protag, ended up betraying their trust, chose the murder location to frame someone specific, failed their murder attempt and died as a result with the real culprit technically acting in self defense (although its not 100% the case for Leon)

and in chapter 2 we have the victim who died a pretty quick and violent death (at least im pretty sure chihiros cause of death was a violent hit to the head? been a really long while, i could remember wrong) but the murder scene make it seem more complicated. And the victim died just after they decided to change/improve themselves in some way also

In both cases someone who has nothing (at least probably, in Davids case) to actually do with the murder have some pretty big part of themselves exposed during the trial

idk who would mess with the murder scene and for what purpose (Vero. for funsies. What a Legend)

I'm probably wrong cause that doesnt really explain the evidence at the crime scene. like. at all, i know

like Idk what the spinny thing has to do with anything (I mean you could put a bunch of tape on the handles just 'cause, i guess? but it would make more sense if it were involved in some sort of mechanism which you wouldn't need if Arei was already dead)

same for the ball of clothes and the flickering light

Whoever put the fish there though, whether its the actual killer or not, I'm pretty sure they did it to make everyone think the crime couldn't have happened at night time and fish water was actually never part of the murder itself

that would make someone physically strong like Levi the killer tho and even though it would make sense (pretty sure at this point that Arei has his secret) I feel like its too soon for him to die? Eden got more development and makes more sense to me (which breaks my heart, I love her)

Hi! Don't worry, none of us know what we're doing in this website! :D

No need to be shy about making your own posts, but it's also fine to talk/ask me about whatever crosses your mind! So, your theories/thoughts.

The possibility that someone other than the killer screwed with the crime scene is one I've seen before, and technically speaking, something like that most likely happened. I think it was an accomplice of the killer (Eden!Blackened Levi!Accomplice gang rise up), but a third party is part of other theories.

The fish are the main thing: given Nico's account (fish were all still there when they last fed them, which can be deduced to be around 7:00 - 7:30 PM of the third day, the day most of episode 7 takes place in), whoever took the fish must have done it at around the time the characters believe the murder happened. But there's no reason for the killer to bring the fish unless they were trying to confuse the time of death, which would only matter if they can have an alibi at the time the fish disappeared. But if they have an alibi at the time the fish disappear, they can't have taken the fish! (Which, btw, eliminates Veronika. Unfortunate, they won't let women do anything these days, not even mess with crime scenes for funsies smh)

So either it was someone unrelated messing with the crime scene, or an accomplice took the fish there to give the real killer an alibi. I'm planning to do a post summarizing my theory on how exactly the whole mess happened, so uh, stay tuned ig. But if you're interested in the "David screwed with the crime scene" idea, I recommend reading thebadjoe's theory on the murder. I may not agree with it, but it's still a fantastic post and a really fun read!

As for most of the other stuff, yeah Arei's death probably wasn't very simple. Explaining the odd contradiction of her wrists being bound but a mechanism clearly being involved (as you mentioned, tape on bars and flickering light, among other stuff) is a whole mess. It's part of why I'm not really sure this is absolutely supposed to parallel THH. Like clearly there's some similarities, but it's basically impossible to know what aspects of a case would be similar and which ones wouldn't. So, uh, yeah. Who knows.

I do agree Eden's the killer though! Why else would she take the tape from the gym? If you don't know what I'm talking about, basically the gym lockdown and the tape disappearing seemingly overnight makes it impossible for anyone but Teruko, Ace or Eden (or I guess Rose if she's lying) to have taken the tape. But since the tape also disappears from the background right after Ace wakes up... yeah, just Teruko Ace or Eden. But we know Teruko didn't, Ace couldn't have done it without Teruko noticing, and Eden got knocked to the floor when the tape disappeared from the floor :p

And yeah, it hurts. It will be a sad day when the killer gets executed, regardless of who they are, but especially if it's Eden T_T

[megabuild]

i've had a lot of time to think in the last few days about a lot of things, but for whatever reason what i keep coming back to right now is that same topic of the special place mcrp occupies somewhere simultaneously in and out of fiction and the inherent nebulous nature of a series like that, where some interactions are labelled as explicit out of character and some explicit in character and some are written roleplay and some are improv and already i'm starting to lose my train of thought just figuring out where to start explaining this but like, stay with me for a minute.

humans by default will seek pattern and sort things into little boxes because it feels good to organise, it's nice to label and set things aside in the "right" order, and that's everywhere, so naturally it's in mcyt too. we have c! and cc! and we have "lore" and theories and if a cc takes notice and "canonises" that then it's cause for celebration. everything is a callback to something. everything is a parallel to something. and there is fun in all of this! i'm not for one second suggesting there is not merit in this behaviour because i enjoy it myself and there is always merit in art and what humans create and enjoy because if there wasn't then what would life be worth living for yknow? but mcyt like i said before is a special case because the way it's designed is inherently muddied and so fans have a habit of cutting bits up and saying well this was canon and this wasn't, this is just friends having fun and this is the story, and everyone has different views on where that boundary lies. and- this is the important part, everyone has different views on what that all means, and that comes in a lot of different ways. so obviously you have people who are casual fans or younger viewers or just not interested in wider potential storylines who might watch an episode of grian's limited life smp and go "hey, this is a group of youtubers having fun" and then you also have people on the other end who view every interaction as canonical and rigid and character based, and then you have all sorts of people in between because i don't think any one mcyt fan will have the exact same opinions on anything and they fucking shouldn't is the point i'm trying to get to here. and this isn't just that but also not caring if someone interprets a dynamic differently or has a different headcanon or, like, maybe they disagree with what the ccs have said is "canon" and maybe they thought the ending to one series sucked and maybe they really like a decision you didn't, and the objective level on whether or not those decisions and series were actually good writing doesnt matter, yknow? i'm not going to sit and shoot down the narrative choices some ccs have made with their "canon lore" or when they "confirm" popular fan theories because at the end of the day it's also human creation but it's also like, i have the space to criticise that and interpret it however i want.

a long time ago i got complaints because i interpreted pixlriffs' empires series as a metaphor for very serious mental illness and it turned me away from creating content for a while despite it being something i loved, but now it's like, well, what the fuck? how can you be a mcyt fan and not look at what other people are making, given that it's not harmful or disrespectful, and think to tear it down when at the end of the day we're all just looking for different meaning in videos of a video game? i don't hate "canon lore" or "popular fanon" but i hate this constant push that it's the one true meaning. there is something special in it all as it being something created by people as a group like a patchwork of a little bit of all our brains but also the search for a definitive meaning and story in any of this will exhaust you, because you will never get something rigid from a media form that is anything but.

so just do whatever the fuck you're doing and what your friends and the artist you look up to and the blogger you follow are doing and stop trying to tuck it into little neat folders in the hopes that the cc will like it because while ccs can make good content and have as much a right to their own character and content as any of us it's also like, the exact opposite of what mcyt has always been to me to try and apply that meaning to a meaningful canon. i had more fun retroactively interpreting things from hermitcraft season 5 and 7 then i ever have with 8 and onwards. and then ccs turn around and play the same lore they were just trying to appeal to and profit from as a joke and it's like fuck man, i'll just kill myself, but anyway- all this to say that you're all wonderful people, mostly, and perhaps i'm just overly emotional and trying to get something out of my head and failing but please don't fall into the trap of thinking you have to comply to canon or seek out the exact meaning or only care about what other people want to care about because that's not the point, that's not the fucking point. and i fucking hate lore.

[aclosetfan]

I like to imagine Buttercup has no shame in wearing a dress because she looks good in one. From formal to sundresses, she could be that one chick that shows off her piercings and wear sandals to show off that one ankle tattoo. I think she's confident enough to dress in a liberated sense going off of the show.

I also like "cover up, Buttercup" because it does show how society could affect even a girl of her caliber. It can mirror how soft and vulnerable she really is. She cares what the people think of her, but it only works, if she's genuinely undesirable.

What I don't like is the "not like other girls" label people sometimes put on her. She is exactly like other girls, except she has power and strength to best her enemies.

It rubs me the wrong way because it's inadvertently saying "She's better without trying" and I don't agree.

"She's ugly, but she has a hot body and a pretty face, and all the guys wanna date her and chase her" And then she doesn't wear a dress because she isn't "girly" enough as if anyone would actually care.

I just want some clarity. If the reason Buttercup is ugly is because she's "tough" then I'm going to need some real "ugly" characteristics to go off of like, shes grown into an actual unlikable bitch, or she's so far removed from societal pressure, she picks her nose and spits in public. Shes gotten ocerweight over the years and lost her physique but can somehow still outtrun a man. Shes extremely annoying and loud and doesnt practice the best hygiene so she smells after gym class. She has scars and bruises all over her face from all the fights shes been in.

Not all of this at once, or hell, do all of it at once!

And, I dont care that people make her attractive. I care that it's overplayed.

Not saying pretty girls don't get flak, nor am I saying you gotta go the whole mile to make her undesirableness realistic. I'm just calling the spade a spade.

Being tough isn't enough for her to feel outcasted when she's a HERO. people worship it, Praise her and love her for her bruteness. And if you give her talents, the only haters are jealous girlies who cannot get on her level.

some guy telling her she isn't enough because she'd punch a man and win, shouldn't be enough to make her throw all her skirts away. 10 guys wouldn't if ten fold are still gonna be up her ass crack anyway.

Buttercup is literally flipping her hair and batting her lashes in the cannon series and people are still trying to give her Bunny's backstory.

Truth is, Buttercups the pretty one too, she's just the pretty one who'd knock a bitchs teeth out. Never stopped those types of women before from being oggled at.

Prime example

lol my response is under the cut because I don't want the post to be too long!

I feel like I've gotten a few ask now that critique stories that focus on the superficial aspects of the girls, like if they're described as "pretty" or "ugly." I'm starting to think that the frustration isn't so much that the girls are described as such but because it's just bad writing (a never-ending complaint I have, haha).

The previous anon also discussed Buttercup being either too feminine or masculine, and I just remembered that I hadn't responded. However, I believe she can be as hyper-masculine or feminine as the person using her character wants them to be. It doesn't matter to me as long as her characterization is consistent. Some people connect with Buttercup because she is the more masculine of the three girls, and that's wonderful and amazing. I love how she's become a character people identify with when they're messing around with their gender presentation.

Beauty and gender are all in the eye of the beholder, so what is ugly to one person can obviously be beautiful to the next. It's bad form then that people often use the word "ugly" when Buttercup is presented as "hyper-masculine." There's nothing ugly about being hypermasculine (and also, while I know you didn't mean it this way in your ask, either is being overweight). However, what's truly ugly is how a person presents themselves. A loud, obnoxious, mean-spirited, "bitchy" nose picker is probably going to be an ugly person like you described.

When writers focus so much on describing what a character looks like, especially characters they're writing fanfiction about, they're describing a "person" who the reader already knows what they look like or has their own idea of what the character should look like. Readers don't need to know how pretty someone is or what dress they're wearing if it doesn't lend to the story you're writing, which is really hard for a lot of amateur writers, like myself, because you can see the scene so clearly in your head and want to write it just that way, but giving readers every. single. detail. is actually doing yourself a disservice. Oftentimes, too much description makes the reader mad because "HEY! NO! they look like [xyz]," and then they click out of the fic.

I stay vague when I describe essential features. Like Bubbles has a dimpled smile, or Buttercup's hair is cut short. Maybe even, "Buttercup put on her favorite green sweater." Small shit like that gives readers a clue but still lets them copy/paste their ideas over mine.

But to make readers know "hey people find this person attractive but she doesn't notice," I practice SHOWING not telling. Like, Buttercup walks into a room, Butch observes all eyes are on her, she doesn't notice the attention because it's the same attention she's always dealt with, and because she doesn't pay attention to it, she comes off aloof or "bitchy" from Butch's perspective. How would Butch know any better? He can't read her mind.

That's why writing in other povs and making the character do things is so much more beneficial to their perceived attractiveness than just flat-out telling a reader "trust me, you'd bone her if you had the chance, she's so hot." You get a chance to establish personalities, relationships, and potential conflicts.

Another example is if you h/c Buttercup wears dresses, no other character is going to react to her wearing them. You state, "Buttercup put on her dress." If you want to specify what kind of dress you say, "it was her most comfortable t-shirt dress. She liked it because it had large pockets." Then, boom, that's it. In these instances, describing her appearance is used to convey her personality traits/motives (she likes to dress comfortably. She has a need for large pockets). You're not saying that Buttercup is a "GIRL WHO LIKES DRESSES BECAUSE SHE'S FEMININE, GOT IT?!? BUT SHE STILL KICKS ASS!!" Instead, you're giving yourself the opportunity to explain she likes to collect rocks (??) while also conveying that she likes wearing clothing that people could perceive as "feminine."

If Buttercup is forced to wear a dress that she doesn't want to wear, now, you have a bit of a story to stretch out. Her wearing a dress is odd. People irl would take notice of it, and therefore, you can make a bigger deal about it.

And if you want to show that she's "not like other girls," which I agree is an annoying trope, but I understand some people want to show "feminity" while still preserving their "masculinity," you can do this at the same time you're developing Buttercup's relationships. Example: It is remarked Blossom and Buttercup are both wearing dresses. Blossom and Buttercup both get their dresses dirty. The scene pans to Blossom being frantic about getting the dirt off, bemoaning her appearance. The scene pans to Buttercup, she is shin-deep in a mud pit, stuffing a particularly large bullfrog into her large dress pockets, next to the cool rocks she found.

A scene like that shows that Buttercup likes wearing dresses, but isn't afraid of dirt, rocks, or frogs, as opposed to Blossom, who may be reacting more "appropriately" to their situation, making it clear Buttercup has other priorities ("isn't like other girls" w/out explicitly saying "I'm not like other girls, I like dresses and dirt.").

You mentioned that you like the idea that she'd be confident wearing a dress. Perfect! If she doesn't do it often, and you want to make a bigger deal out of it, you can be like:

Buttercup clicked her tongue as she picked through her closet, pulling out a black halter top dress Bubbles had made her buy two or so years ago. She examined the short number and grinned. When she tried it on, it was a bit tight around her ass, but her arms looked fantastic.

"You're wearing a dress!?" Bubbles gushed walking into the room as Buttercup checked herself out, "What's the occasion!"

"Isn't it obvious?" Buttercup turned around, flexing her arms and shoulders, and they really did look good in that dress, "I got a new tattoo!"

"Oh cool! Is that a bullfrog?" Bubbles asked leaning in to examine Buttercup's upper shoulder.

"On a cool rock!" Buttercup beamed, standing a little prouder, "Badass, right?"

The dress is important to the story. The writer was able to point out she doesn't wear them often, people are surprised when she wears them, she doesn't mind wearing them, how attractive her arms were, the tattoo, and that her ass stretches out the dress, which some people could also find attractive. It doesn't make her seem vain, conceited, or "better" than others. She just knows she looks good.

I mean, I think it gets the job done, and it isn't just a list of what she looks like.

tldr: Essentially, no matter how masculine or feminine you think Buttercup should present, literally, no one cares what she is wearing if it isn't important to the story.

[sweetmoogirl]

I'm curious as to the psychology of your kink. For someone so young, it seems like a pretty full on and specific kink. I am wondering firstly, what is the connect between fantasy and reality, if any, are you just engaging in fantasy purely for horny reasons? Does your fantasy and kink ever enter your reality and if so to what extent? Secondly, how did this kink begin for you - were you traumatised, did you simply explore the internet until stumbling across something that you explored further because of the sexual excitement it gave you, do you have mental illness or are you a fully functioning person? I think there's a lot to learn from you so please, the more detail and clarity, the better.

im pretty flattered that you seem to think im so interesting lolol

i dont know which kink youre specifically talking about though since a lot of my kinks can fall under this line of questioning. ill answer this for the three "worst" kinks i have: detrans/misgendering, cnc, and misogyny. if its not one of these three then lmk and ill answer again.

for detrans/misgendering, it really not that specific tbh. theres a lot of trans people who have a kink like this or similar to this. (forced) feminization is also very common, especially in masculine spaces. theres absolutely a psychological aspect to this, as well as a societal one. trans people are oppressed and often discriminated against in many ways, including being misgendered. this kink allows for a SAFE and CONSENTUAL space for someone to cope through their traumas in a healthy way.

theres also a VERY strict gender binary often forced on trans people by cis people, and sometimes others in our own community, that force a lot of us into a box. if you dont keep your hair short, wear boy clothing, like masc hobbies, and transition medically then youre not a real trans man. if you dont do makeup and wear dresses with long hair, tuck, get surgery or use padding for breasts, or act feminine then youre not a real trans woman. if youre too masc or fem or you dont fit into nonbinary stereotypes then you must be lying.

this kink is a very easy way to explore masculine and feminine sides to ourselves as trans people that we wouldnt be able to irl because of these harsh gender roles that we HAVE to adhere to otherwise no one takes us seriously (obviously trans people are valid NO MATTER HOW THEY PRESENT OR CHOOSE TO DO but this is a very common mindset we have to deal with).

i got into this kink bc my gender dysphoria is awful. its made me miserable for most of my life and it, alongside my adhd and possible autism, is why i struggle so much with depression and anxiety. im always worried about how ill be seen, if ill pass as male, and remembering my own body makes me sick. i started joking over half a year ago, saying "well i cant get dysphoric if i pavlov myself into getting horny everytime i get misgendered. haha checkmate t3rfs!!!" and then it became less of a joke.

i wrote stories of trans men exploring this kink in my writing and it really helped. im still dysphoric. i may joke about how this kink is the way to cure gender dysphoria but thats not how it actually works. i still have days where my body is unbearable and the thought of being feminized makes me want to hide away forever. but it genuinely did help to break out of those boxes i put myself in and play in a safe space with terms and mentalities regarding my gender.

in terms of fantasy and reality, this is purely fantasy for me. i have no desires to detransition, nor do i have any want to be misgendered outside of horny purposes. i am a man, i will always be a man, and thats not going to change just because tumblr user xyz called me babygirl. im almost a year on testosterone and im considering getting top surgery as we speak. this kink doesnt affect me on any other level than horny.

for cnc/noncon, this one is probably a bit more in depth. i dont have any specific trauma in this field. ive been touched inappropriately against my consent a handful of times (as in someone touched my chest or my hips) but nothing that spawned this kink.

however, there are studies that show that a LOT (as in over half) of afabs get fantasies regarding cnc and non consensual situations. this DOES NOT mean that they want to taken advantage of. for the most part, this kink derives from the idea of being wanted so badly by someone that they would take you no matter what. its also the idea of POWER PLAY, of being helpless and not having to make any sexual decisions.

theres also a lot of trauma involved and, as stated before, kink is a SAFE and HEALTHY place to cope with that trauma as long as safe words, aftercare, and proper communication is enforced. there are many people who like being in a cnc scene and knowing that, unlike their trauma, they now have CONTROL over the situation and can stop it whenever they want and have their wishes be RESPECTED. in this area, i am the wrong person to ask so i implore you to do more research on your own with this topic if youre truly curious.

for ME personally, i like noncon/cnc bc of that power dynamic. i am a submissive who could NEVER dom in any sense of the word. i like being completely submissive and i like having my dom take control and do anything and everything for me. i dont want to make decisions and i like being overpowered and taken care of. its just hot to be forced to do something, whether that be manhandled into the next room or be good.

this is a fantasy that ive had for years, even when i was a kid. i dont know WHY that is, but i do know that a lot of my friends who have childhood related trauma also had fantasies like that as a kid. i also discovered hardcore porn and noncon scenes when i was WAY too young to even know what sex was and im sure that exposure affected me in an unhealthy way too. again, id implore you to look for educational resources on the nature of forceful and violent fantasies, both sexual and not. its a fascinating subject and bdsm and kink psychology and etiquette has been a fixation of mine for years.

and it is just that, a fantasy. in real life, i am extremely sex repulsed and borderline identify as asexual because i dont want to do anything like that with anyone. im also, as mentioned before, extremely anxious and socially awkward so i dont like being near people at all. the idea of anyone hitting on me or not respecting my boundaries makes me feel ill, even if its hot while im horny.

for misogyny, ill keep it short bc its related to everything above. basically combine my reasoning for cnc and detrans and youd get my reason for this. its basically me, as a trans person, going from one extreme of being so masculine it was toxic and exploring the other extreme. its once again just me exploring a taboo subject in a safe and consensual space.

misogyny kink is rooted in strict female gender roles, as well as the forcefulness and disrespect you get from cnc. thats why its my favorite kink, it combines everything i like but specifically utilizes WHY i like those things. i discovered it when i made my first detrans/misgendering tumblr account and made a side account dedicated to it, and then when i made this account i just combined the two.

i grew up super fucking feminist and i still am a major feminist who is all about supporting women and their choices. i love women and think theyre cool as hell and much, much stronger than i am lolol. this is just a fantasy for me, nothing more. this is another kink that is heavy on the dom/sub dynamics, as well as giving people who experience trauma at the face of their oppression a place to take back those experiences.

anyways thats my super long post!!! tysm for asking, anon, i love answering questions. if you have any further questions then you can shoot me some more anons or you can message me directly, i dont mind :D

i hope i answered your question and it all made sense!!!!

[halfmoth-halfman]

Okay so going back to the fact that me and the devil is canary's song..

While you could appoint it to her relationship with many of the main men in the fic I think it especially applies to her and graves just because the lyrics fit so well to their dynamic

Like the lyrics, "me and the devil walking side by side" is quite obviously yknow THEM but graves truly is the devil to canary and the people around, like price has always treated her with respect (not without his flaws of course) I can't say the same for makorov of course but graves ABUSED AND MANIPULATED canary way before any other character came into the picture (makorvov esp) so like she doesnt know him to be any different, he really is the devil to her

there's also the lyrics,

"And I'm gonna see my man until I get satisfied" could be canary singing about her and price and their affair, the way she choose price over graves (rightfully so) and how graves was so pissed about it and her defiance and her finally getting her freedom from graves

"Peple dogging me around" is absoubletly graves and his manipulation and his abuse towards canary over the course of their marriage

And then of my fav points, "it must be that old evil spirit so deep down in your ground" IS ABSOUBLETLY ABOUT ADLER AND HOW HE TOOK GRAVES ON AS HIS OWN... HIS GREED AND LUST FOR POWER SEEPING IN AND CORRUPTING GRAVES, (not saying he wasn't already corrupted) but the way that graves' greed for power and controll over every aspect of his and canarys life definetly comes from adler and his teachings that he installed in him when he first took him on, and how it affected canary through their marriage

Moving on to, "you may bury my body down by the highway side" now I think this is canary basically telling graves that it doesn't matter what he does to her , he can pretend that he was adler's son, and the estate belongs to him etc etc, but at the end of the day canary will always be in the back of his mind, deep down he knows that everything he has is down to her and IS ACTUALLY HERS and he had to live with that

Anyway this is just my interpretation, and ofcourse you can applies this to any character and canary really, (price, graves, adler, makorvov) but that's just my view

(Sorry this was so long 😭)

🍒🍒

yes yes yes i am loving this

like with price, he was charming and respected her (for the most part) and with makarov, canary knew what kind of man he was going to be before she ever met him, but graves?? graves was the ultimate betrayal she didn't see coming because she truly did love him and he manipulated her and while he may never have hit her (until the last chapters) he absolutely did abuse her and was more than happy to let other people abuse her too. even adler, who was without a doubt awful to her, would never have let that happen to her.

and the second part about her choosing price over graves??? absolutely. esp given that she chose price over him and then worked with price to take graves and makarov down even though she didn't fully trust him. that had to really sting for graves because she's always forgiven him before, always looked the other way but that was because she had no choice and he's convinced himself that it was because she felt some kind of attachment to him. and now that she has options and she so easily would pick price over him, that she would dare to pick anyone but him???

"People dogging me around" is soooo much graves, but i think it also fits adler and his treatment of her through her childhood. like graves was awful to her, but that animosity toward her started from adler and i think to some extent graves learned that manipulating her wasn't something to be ashamed of because he watched adler do it too.

YES!! regardless of whether adler meant to or not, he essentially raised graves to see his treatment of canary as okay and something that had to be done to secure his power. of course graves could've ended up like that had adler never taken him in because he still would've been part of adler's empire, but it would've been nowhere near the extent it became where he was willing to work with makarov. and he def would have never been able to get close enough to canary to be able to manipulate her into marriage. while canary def has some of adler's anger and his want for violent justice, graves is absolutely all of the worst parts of adler put together.

i wholeheartedly agree with this. and you can kind of see that in graves's mind in the final chapter. he knows that canary is out of his league, that he only had her and only ever would've gotten her through manipulation because at the end of the day, she's russell adler's daughter. everything he has belongs to her, and it doesn't matter how close graves thought he was with adler; the only reason he has the wealth, the power that he has now is because of her and she could take it all away with a wave of her hand. he will always know he didn't earn a single thing he has, and that whether canary had died or lived, adler never cared enough for him because he's not family.

omg pls don't apologize, this was lovely and such a good interpretation!! i could talk about the canary/adler/graves dynamics all day!! 💜

[the-s1lly-corner]

Prompts 1-5 with Itward

Probably going to alternate between characters instead of brute forcing through these in a solid line of posts like I did with jason, mostly to give you guys some variety and because like

2 of the 3 characters I wanna do this with are VERY under rated

While I usually do just 3 prompts per post imma bump up to 5 because uhuh

These are personal writings and I know a bulk of you wont be interested in the characters I have in mind so less posts = less spam for you guys

ONE BED TROPE

He is... very polite. He cant deny that he feels a little soft on the inside at the thought of being in such close proximity to you, but hes a gentleman! Hes going to make sure your comfort is the priority! Do you need more room? Hes scooting away. Need something to cuddle in order to fall asleep? .. he might just offer his arm..! He's not quite used to being so close to someone for so long so it's fair to say he might not fall asleep. No matter, he can always sleep another time!

SICK

FIRST KISS

I've written this before!

Its been a while since hes kiss someone else, though he probably has done it before. Obviously with no lips you can only take it so far, not that it's that big of a deal, he wants your first kiss to be.. sweet, with intention and passion. He doesnt kiss and move on. Though I hope you can forgive him for tugging his hat down to cover his face after he lightly presses his teeth to your lips..

LOSS

On the chance that he thinks you're... deceased... he tries to keep himself together to those around him. Hes lost people before, be it to them naturally drifting away or they've passed away. It.. gets easier. That's not to say hes not preparing himself to start grieving once he comes to terms that you're gone.. except you're not, you eventually turn up. Hes still shocked, dont get me wrong. Actually hes shaken to his core, he could've sworn you had.. but hes so relieved that you're still alive..! He may need a moment to himself to recover from the emotional whiplash, though..

HANAHAKI

He is aware of what the disease is, so he already knows how to prepare and cope with it when hes the one who gets it.. though how much damage can it really do when the sick doesnt have lungs to be smothered and torn apart? Its more of a nuisance to him than anything. It doesnt make it any less messy, though.. he knows what he has to do to make it stop, but itward isn't sure if he has the nerve in him to do it. The real thing pushing him to doing it, asides from the inconvenience of the mess and coughs, is you growing worried for him.. and as selfish as it may be, you worry be has it for someone that isnt you. You know it's terribleto think that but the thought is still there.. its actually not as dramatic as an ordeal as it would have been had the roles been reversed

[mongreldyke]

dhole relistens to pasithea powder s1 teasers thru e2 (spoilers for a few later eps in the season)

s1 teasers:

god elinor lopez is so fucking girlboss (slash derogatory) CAPTAIN SOPHIE GREEN ITS MY BEST FRIEND CAPTAIN SOPHIE GREEEEEEN HGH. i missed her jane gonzalez you are sooo <333 i am endlessly enamored with you and a little in love with you also GOD the voice acting in this show is so good

e1:

sophie's "i had to ask somebody for this" the fucking. the fucking contrast in even just a few episodes! she doesn't actually hate her, really :((( she hates herself most of all even if she doesn't know why :((( i'm so mentally normal about this podcast <3 (i was able to mouth sophie's whole rant almost Word For Word! yeah) "this is sophie btw. sophie green. call me back." "captain green! i'm afraid you're mistaken." two of the most iconic lines of ALL TIME i'm so gay about the whole "sophie yelling drunkenly into the comm link" bit its not even funny I AM SO GAY ABOUT THE WHOLE "JANE BEING PATRONIZING AND EXPLAINING EVERYTHING" BIT ITS NOT EVEN FUNNYYY ewwww blanc. murder death kill "its funny but, whenever you call my captain green i actually believe it" that whole bit runs through my mind rent freeeee. i think i recorded myself saying it at some point "and will gut you. kidding?" the way jackie hedeman does the delivery on these is so insane hrgh she shook his hand so hard she scared him! shes what kept him from cracking up! h. some cute old euphemism for no easy way home :((( :((((((

the lettuce monologue. awful.

e2:

sophie's immediate reaction that is almost childlike and realizing they arent kids anymore. god i'd be one of those kids with weird hair fawning over u sorry sophie green anders li <3333 i love u anders li <33333333 girlboss sophie, drugging people with baking soda. fr me when janes vocal fry. im very gay! jane in the closet joke jane in the closet joke no one wants to see what they do out of the public eye! god knowing sophi doesnt believe her for another three episodes. :((( "what, no? what? SPEAK UP. forgive me im not in jail, im in holding. i'm being held, it's very romantic" sophie green woozy face emoji. i am so enraptured by u sophie ball kicker green she said she doesn't know when to turn it off :(( "like shush, please, say no more. i said no more. she said, "i know you see them too." then she gave me the smallest, saddest smile and left. i nearly burst out crying right there, i- i can't handle this anymore, jane." no comments. im just sobbing YOU MUST SO YOU CAN SO YOU WILL. HGH. jane sounding like a giddy high school boy with "you got into a fight with alegros" i love her "or was he afraid to give his secrets away to the military?" heugauheugauegh jane's actual worry seeping in while she talks about her cover story ahagahagahgah. she has gone through so much i will say that "these two guards are working together" could just mean theyre both buds who wanted a cut of the funds but also jane definitely has experience with government conspiracies so i do get it! PEOPLE FROM THE SKY ARE EXACTLY THE SAME COLOR AS THEY ARE ON THE GROUND UNTIL THEY GET HIT BY WHATEVERS RAINING DOWN ON THEM AND THEN THEY ARENT ANYMORE. sophie you are SO full of guilt. hurgles. black bean burgers, are you making plans to kill yourself. i think the guy i was partnered with giggled the whole time i think i did too. (said so flatly. said so matter of factly because she knows its real now. she does she's seen it) im going to chew glass sometimes i think about mia and lia very hard theyre something alright effite, debauched. etc etc etc. im fucking sick of it. i want to crack skulls over it but all the skulls are most likely long dissolved and it wouldnt make any difference anyway!! "Yes, obviously, I wanted to drain the bar. It's been a while since I did that and this was looking like the night for it. I was already thinking of how I could layer all that liquor. Sunsets and Blue Giants, so much color, and you don't even have to fly to ship to see it." <- most inconsequential line to make me insane AGENT CULLEN TIME! he is so mildly offputting in these next few episodes <3 sophie's voice cracks make me feel emotions fr. cullen time!!!!

[spikeinthepunch]

Whenever I play a new thing that inspires me it's hard to Not talk about the thing a lot. But something thats been on my mind for a bit since starting my game jam game and now playing Lisa is the idea of exploring tough and dark subjects. I really held back on some ideas for Penrose because I was nervous about the potential reactions. I wanted to make it a cult, with some fantasy elements added in to slightly detach it from reality at least. Even so I am still "censoring" a lot of the events and situations within the concept i want to work with- and to some degree they aren't relevant/things i need in my characters/stories, but also i know some i skip bc deep down i know they feel like 'too much'.

Regardless of what feels necessary in my story, playing Lisa really hit me again with that obstacle I face of writing dark subjects. I experienced a lot of things, stuff that would be considered "dark subjects". But even so I hesitate on telling a story with any of it. But then here I am playing a game like Lisa and I'm just like. Right. You can do that. And people can like the game. if anything, people may even praise it for tackling it in a way that isnt done with intent to offend.

one of my first really 'dark' stories with hard subjects i was going to make was Cryptolalia actually. with Theo. I made him when i was 15 or so, and he reflected much of my initial reactions to realizing trauma. but when i got older i felt like i didnt want to tell it like that. it felt way too revealing, which i think is important to recognize with telling something that reflects you! but i had also gotten nervous abt doing it because i had kinda heard too much about people being upset at triggering games due to subject matter (with the false mindset that triggering people is bad at all), people arguing a lot about whether or not you meet criteria to tell those stories, lots of back and forth about what people may consider is romanticizing, or people getting very subjective about stories with dark subjects to where theyd really fight that it was done poorly, etc.

and well, on a personal end- i have also come to realize i have dismissed/avoided much of my issues id want to retell in a therapeutic way-- over the years and after taking that out of my stories (which is still for good reason), some of that anxiety also just comes from putting those subject back in. regardless of the reason, i obviously dont think every story need that- i dont really think i plan to put in a ton of horrible things into Cryptolalia, but also the story worked in many places because of that, and i think it may be the one reason i felt so held back on some story elements. when you write as aspect with a concept in mind, then you take part of that out then... well, it doesnt really work again.

in my head i say to myself that tackling and writing about a lot of these tough subjects is fine and good, i have opened up way more than 15 year old me. yet despite all my open mindedness and change in perspective, i kinda fail to apply this to myself as much as i want to. honestly i have been sitting here with two OC stories for almost a decade and i have felt stuck for a variety of reasons. the reason isnt this 100%. but i feel like i have spent way too long avoiding the idea of doing anything related to this, and i need to really stop if i want to actually keep creating anything that comes to mind.

[fiymywings]

i wont drag this out too long i prommy but i just wanna get some of my ymkr thoughts out

the one thing im most sad about ymkr eos'ing is, karma and alma genuinely were one of the better (i wont say one of the best since "best" in context to a very personal disorder that changes person to person is very very subjective) DID reps, esp in mobage

karma isnt this murderous evil dude and he doesnt attack people at random or for fun or anything, hes cold sure but its very clear in story he holds resentment towards the world and himself for being the "evil" that he feels alma cant bare to hold himself and talks a lot about just wanting to disappear once his job is over which i think is smth that resonates with quite a few alters that hold onto the trauma of the system and protect the host both in one

alma isnt scared or afraid of karma either, both because of his own personality and emma's own word that karma isnt a bad guy

i also really liked that switch triggers didnt feel too janky, though it did lead to me also getting jumpscared With emma when karma did show up but i much prefer that over a 10 second thing where someone yells "HES MORBING!!!" or overemphasis on the switch, sometimes switches do feel overdramatic but a lot of the times it just kinda happens

and to reiterate on my point from "karma isnt murderous", while he does attack people in some of the stories, a lot of it is justified in that alma is about to get seriously injured and hes often trying to de-escalate with no results. this is Wildly Different from media where say the alter is killing people to relieve stress (COUGH.) or just attacks people for being mildly annoying (COUGH .) protective alters, surprisingly, tend to be much more harsher or strict on perceived threats than random people! thats their whole job!

i know from experience some people tend to be iffy on the whole two alter only system format but i really truly dont think the alter count really matters, CPTSD does tend to cause more issues with your identity in context to dissassociation but if someone only developed one extra person in their noggin despite everything then more power to them, im Still splitting even in my mid 20's because of horrific depressive episodes alongside me recovering from some other trauma i experienced

this doesnt necessarily make the 2 alter thing Unrealistic, but its a testament to how strong they are at heart and moreover how strong their traumaholder is for having kept themselves together and helping the system move together as only two. obviously some people will also only have some issue with the same trauma while others will develop really bad issues (i.e. alma developing a system from his families death while hollow seemingly only developed OCD tendencies as a trauma response)

i think the difference of circumstance kinda matters here because almas case was a genuine arson due to slander while hollows case was a genuine accident that he holds guilt over unknowingly feeling like if he'd just taken the machines apart the fire wouldnt have happened (speculation! i dont know if he ever actually came to this conclusion yet but ... well :,) )

ANYWAY . going forward due to my lack of knowledge on the main story i hesitate to say i'll continue to write alma and karma's/hollow's story in plot to ymkr, but i cant really bare to leave them behind either, so ill probably just keep writing them with my oc/sona (oc for hollow, sona for alma/karma) and continue developing them within what i can !!! i'll love them forever and no service end will ever change that for me \o/

again, i'll be trying to archive their things, but i will have to do so cautiously because my phone storage isnt infinite...

i don't know, i think i just need some time T_T;; this isnt the only thing i'm kinda grieving the loss of in the span of a few weeks, though as silly as it is considering the game isnt living breathing, because its so personal to me im actually feeling a bit pained about it + the back to back losses is kinda taking a toll on me so i'll just be logging in and doing what i can... ill start archiving in october since i have quite a bit of time to grind and get the last meister pieces to fully max out the recent hollow

[fieldspaintedgold]

journal entry 8000000000

I don't know if it's my hormones, bc I did my shot this morning and am for some reason bleeding, or if its because this is the first day off I've had entirely alone, or if its mental illness or what.

I just needed to fucking write and writing in the physical journal makes my hand hurt and takes so long that i end up overthinking things. I'm not even overthinking right now, im just so sad?

I've been doing chores all day. Went to the office to figure some shit out. I've been fine all day, i've been fine for a while now except for small cry sessions here and there obviously.

I realized about ten minutes ago for the first time in my life without someone having to tell me that I'm going through terrible depression. Literally nothing sounds interesting to me, idk if its just now or if its been like that for a long time. Maybe that's why I'm so codependent, bc literally nothing is interesting to me unless it is to someone else. Thats fucking terrible. I dont know who the fuck i am because of codependent depression.

I try to keep myself busy but thats all it is is keeping busy, distracting myself from the weight of not knowing what the fuck to do with myself while im alone. tv isnt interesting at all and it doesnt help that i have the actual attention span of a pine nut recently. I made legos the other night and it was fun-ish and i like the outcome but i havent finished them bc im just not interested. I have no drive to create anything.

I've been trying to look for things to make my apartment reflect who i feel like i am way deep inside. I look around my apartment and i wonder who lives there, because I dont feel like I should be the one that does. I feel like its all wrong. I listen to the music ive always listened to and it feels wrong. everything just feels wrong and i dont know how much better i could describe it.

I feel so lost.

I'm trying so fucking hard. I'm trying to get back to myself and remember who I am but i dont think ive genuinely ever in my life known who i am and trying to figure that out is terrifying. not scary in a sense that i dont want to, but scary in a sense that like how the fuck have i never known?

everyone keeps telling me to find a hobby. thats great. but i cant find joy in literally anything no matter how hard i try. i dont enjoy being in my apartment like i thought i would after a month. i know. give it time. but how much time is it going to take? as long as it takes. that sucks.

i just want to feel at least the same sense of whatever normal was before. not in a "my life is the exact same" kind of way, but like i had control of my life. like i knew what was going on and was at peace with things. good, at least.

I feel like im just pretending. Maybe i am just pretending. but i want to not have to do that. i want to actually mean it when i say "im good, how're you?". I want to not feel like the only thing that works inside of me is my heart, because its all i can feel. constantly. it has highs, when i feel love, and it has lows, when i feel the absence. but thats all im feeling. otherwise i'm completely hollow, like im an outline of a person and thats all there is to me. like people can see and pass right through me without a thought. like im just existing in this apartment with no real purpose or meaning. and i think im experiencing depression for real for the first time, which is silly because i've been depressed since i was 12. this is the first time ive really felt it and not had someone to tell me to force myself out of it.

im trying to force myself out of it though. because i dont know what else to do, all i do is sit here and distract and feel and maybe go to a friends house or my sisters to distract some more bc i have to pretend like i'm okay in front of other people, even those i love.

i really need my health insurance to start so i can go to therapy. i need someone to help because today has felt helpless, today has felt like i cant fucking do this, today has felt like i dont even know if i want to. i'm not gonna do anything stupid bc i'm terrified of death but this feeling is so overwhelming and i'm so tired.

and i feel like i cant tell anyone that im feeling like this because the person that makes me feel safe that i want to talk to about it wants me to learn to fix things for myself and i dont want other people to worry and i dont want to go back to springwoods. i cant go back there.

I've always said "its getting bad again" to signify that I'm starting to feel like 2016 again. but i think its bad again already. i dont feel good.