#like obviously the reason they haven't talked since college is because life and kids getting in the way

[ryuichirou]

I really love the lengthy analysis you wrote about Vil and Jamil in the past! Do you have anything similar to say about Riddle, if you haven't already? Or maybe about Riddle and Trey, if you're more comfortable with talking about relationships between characters.

Dear Anon, I am very happy you liked my analysis of these two! It’s been a while, I even forgot that I wrote it, so it’s insanely nice to hear that someone still reads these posts and enjoys them. As you might have already noticed (it seems to be my mission to keep repeating it to make sure no one ever forgets about it), I am not as speedy with my replies as I used to be, so this reply is long overdue. But I always have stuff to say about these boys, and Riddle very interesting and very dear to me as the boy who introduced us to how broken these boys are and how interestingly TWST plays with the theme of trauma.

We don’t post about him very often, but I like Riddle a lot. I think out of all of the housewardens he has the biggest vibe of a broken kid hidden behind his strong facade. I guess this is my way of saying that Riddle is the most childish out of all of them lol It shows not only in his tantrums (Ace compared him to a baby for a reason), but also in how obviously excited he gets when he sees anything that is fun; it’s like his inner kid reacts before Riddle composes himself and acts like he isn’t interested. We’ve seen a bunch of moments like this, I think. In a way, all of the overblot boys didn’t get to live through their childhood in a “normal” way, but Riddle expresses it in a very obvious way.

But it’s not only about cakes and games: Riddle is very immature emotionally too, and it’s hard to blame him for that, because let’s be honest: this is the first time Riddle deals with people. Isolation is a difficult thing to come back from, and if you shove a heavily sheltered boy into an high school/college and put him in a position of housewarden, of course he’s going to act like a little dictator: this is the only way to assert authority he’s ever seen. And since Riddle himself is a good kid (i.e. a kid who is terribly afraid of making his mother angry) and doesn’t misbehave, he is completely unequipped of dealing with a whole dorm of teenagers who aren’t very good or excited to live by the Queen’s Rules. Even those who don’t want to cause trouble can’t remember all of them, they’re basically written in a way that are meant to sabotage you, but Riddle would never acknowledge that: if he learned them, others must too, otherwise they just didn’t try enough. But they just won’t listen, and Riddle gets frustrated instantly: it’s them who are unreasonable, not him!

Of course it is a metaphor and an exaggeration, but I think Riddle portrays a very real thing that a lot of us have either seen or experienced. His standards for himself aren’t just high, they’re absolutely unreasonable, but this is his entire reality and he can’t even see that this isn’t how things are for the rest of the world. He’s like a little goldfish (lol) who lived in a tiny aquarium for its entire life and then got transferred into an ocean without any kind of adaptation or even a quarantine. Riddle is already a second year, but I think the shock of everything around him still hasn’t gone away completely, partially because Riddle spends a lot of time stubbornly ignoring the feeling that he is the one in the wrong. If he is wrong, than mother is also wrong, and that can’t be – this is the only thing he is sure of.

You know, there are some people who really enjoy having a system of rules in their head, or rather principles, and it gives them a very valuable and helpful structure (even if that system of rules/principles isn’t perfect and backfires sometimes). Vil is that kind of person, Sebek is that kind of person... Riddle isn’t. I genuinely think Riddle is the type of person who would enjoy living without a set of rules, but with basic logic to help him navigate the world; does that make sense? Anyways, unfortunately, Riddle can’t live without a manual: he never learned how to. We see it both in his book and in book 6, when he shocks Azul over and over again by just how rigid he is.

Speaking of which, I love that Riddle didn’t have a 180 degree turn after his book. Of course, it’s partially because we have to keep the status quo intact a little bit, and he wouldn’t be the personification of the Queen if he didn’t have his rules; but I also think this is very true to life. Just like the boys said at the end of the book 1, you don’t have to change everything at ones, taking baby steps is okay.

But taking baby steps also means that you will keep bumping into issues and conflicts, which is crucial for growth, but also could make Azul fucking Ashengrotto say that he will beat the shit out of you if you won’t shut up lol

Their entire dynamic in book 6 was very good. Both Azul and Riddle are horribly stubborn, obsessive freaks, but for entirely different reasons and in very different ways. And both of them have their guard up, but interestingly? I think Riddle is better at trusting people and being genuine about his feelings or thoughts about them than Azul. Maybe he’s made a better progress than Azul in that sense, maybe he’s always been better, but this is what I mean: Riddle doesn’t mind genuinely complimenting Azul for his achievements, and a lot of time he didn’t even mean to offend Azul with his remarks. To Azul, however, every compliment is given with a reason and every snarky comment is given to metaphorically push someone down the stairs. Both of them have a lot to learn though lol but it’s fun to see them working through this misunderstanding and actually working together.

You asked about Trey; and honestly, even though we kind of liked him from the beginning, we didn’t think much about him (mostly because we met the rest of the characters whom we were very excited about). But the more I think about Trey, the more I get amused by how much of a dark horse he is. I feel like Trey’s forced neutrality and desire to stay “hidden” from any kind of event or conflict or attention at all is interesting: it’s subtle, but it’s definitely there. He has this inoffensive image of a good and caring older brother type, and it’s true that he is caring and supportive, but it’s also isn’t entirely out of his desire to do good things. I’m not saying that he is an asshole, but he isn’t like Silver or Kalim, if that makes sense, he doesn’t have this hero-like desire for everyone to be happy or to protect the weak no matter what and to help out everyone: whether Trey wants to admit it or not, he has his priorities. And I feel like Trey doesn’t even want to necessarily be “the good guy”, he really just wants to be “the normal guy”, and sometimes “the normal guy people could rely on”.

What I wanted to say by that is that Riddle is Trey’s main priority no matter what. I’m stating the obvious, but this is why he didn’t protect Ace and Deuce (who were in Heartslabyul for less than a week) from him, this is why he kept asking everyone to just be patient with Riddle and to tolerate the way he treats everyone. Because it was more important for him to protect Riddle and to avoid him feeling like he does the wrong thing.

And while it’s partially due to Trey’s personality and his relationship with Riddle, I feel like Trey is also kind of traumatised by what happened back then. Not to the degree that Riddle is traumatised of course, but it’s probably tough for someone who’s always been a good kid to get yelled at by someone else’s mother for hours for doing something that you believe wasn’t even bad. I think Trey feels extremely guilty because he knows that whatever he felt, Riddle had it even worse. So it’s not surprising that he is terrified of hurting Riddle even more: every time he looks at the way he acts, he knows that it’s a result of him being abused. I’m stating the obvious here lol but I like that Trey is stuck in this “sorry, but I will keep hurting all of you because not hurting him is more important”.

We watched Ghost Marriage Event recently (haven’t seen the vignettes and voice lines yet) and I think it’s very interesting that it was kind of tied to the Trey/Riddle situation, which Ace even directly addressed. We even got Trey (and Cater too, to be fair) going yikes because he felt called out by what Ace was saying to Chubby about the way he treated Eliza. Even if you love someone, you can’t just let that person get away with hurting others. Even if you think it will keep them happy, it will never help them in a way you think it will. Riddle gets hurt by staying a tyrant that everyone despises, and Trey knows that he does, but doing that important step of stopping him and having a talk with him is too scary to even consider. This is why he needed that wakeup call from Ace of all people.

I guess that makes Ace more emotionally mature than Trey and Riddle both in a way lol

Anyways, I love their relationship a lot, and even though I’ve mostly been talking about the very basis of their relationship, I think there is a lot to explore with these two.

[kaylinalexanderbooks]

OC questionnaire

Thanks to @elsie-writes here, @mysticstarlightduck here, @riverkaplan here, and @somethingclevermahogony here!

My previous questionnaires:

Robbie, Gwen, Maddie, Noelle, Jedi, and Kelsey here.

Carmen, George, Akash, Sam, Lexi, and Ash here.

Gabriel, Carla, Parker, Rose, Alex, and Ewan here.

Liam, Hye-Jin, Wendy, Wade, Issa, and CJ here.

Below the cut I will do: Teo, Niri, Jazlyn, Anathi!

#1- Teo

Do you believe in the paranormal?

“Sis, my boyfriend literally can heal a broken arm in seconds. You would not believe the shit I've seen Parker do just because Wade can heal him. Oh yeah, and Parker literally is an airbender. How can I not? If a vampire walked into the school I wouldn't blink.”

What oddly-specific T-shirt would you wear?

“This shirt that says ‘born to shit, forced to wipe,’ I want it so much you don't understand.”

Do you usually cry at sad moments or happy moments or both?

“Definitely sad moments. I mean, I would not put it past me to cry when happy, but I can't make it through sad movies, man. Not at all.”

#2- Niri

Where is your favorite place in the world?

“I have an easy answer to this. Carla and George have a quiet room in their house. I can go there if I feel too overwhelmed or if I want to be alone for a bit. The room also has good lighting. I like it if someone joins me, though usually just a few people at the same time. Otherwise my reason for going into the room is ruined. [He smiles slightly.] I like everyone in the Aequales. Although there is a lot of people.”

What food do you hate the most?

“I dislike pasta. Pasta is not bad. It tastes good. But the texture really bothers me. I cannot eat spaghetti.”

Do you like watching sunsets or sunrises?

“Yes. I 100-percent love sunsets and sunrises. I am an artist. Maybe that's the reason. I feel inspired. New day, too.”

#3- Jazlyn

If you could only wear one outfit for the rest of your life, what would it be?

“I would wear a tank top and shorts, easily. Why? Well, I think it would be fun, definitely make me stick out among the modest Utahns I'm forced to interact with. But also they show off how good of shape I'm in. And girl, I'm in good shape. It's hard to find pants for me, since I'm mostly legs. So why not show them off? I'd probably wear cute sandals, the necklace Ewan gave me, and my gorgeous hoop earrings.”

Who's the person you trust more than anyone else in the world?

“Obviously, Ewan. He is the kindest person I know. He would never do anything wrong.”

What's your dream job?

“I would actually find sales fun. I plan to get a marketing degree when I go to college next year. It seems fun to convince people what to buy.”

More Jazlyn: OC interview

#4- Anathi

Who in this world do you trust most, and why?

“... I guess Tyler. Kinda by default. He actually listens to me. Always kept promises, too. I relied on him for many reasons.”

What was your favorite place in the world when you were young

“The park. Where I could hang out with other kids. Before my powers kicked in.”

What is your favorite memory?

“When Tyler and I first met, we talked for hours. I would like to experience that feeling again.”

I haven't written for Anathi yet so this was probably only okay. Shorter responses are intentional tho

Your questions:

Tagging @writernopal @aziz-reads @mk-writes-stuff @romances-not-tragedies @little-peril-stories

@evilgabe29 @maggiekwest @chauceryfairytales @pluppsauthor @willtheweaver

@winterandwords @melpomene-grey @i-can-even-burn-salad @mysticstarlightduck @talesofsorrowandofruin

+ ANYONE ELSE WHO WANTS TO DO THIS

How do you make decisions? Long deliberation, or impulse? Logic or emotions?

What is the best thing that could happen within five minutes after waking up? Does it signal that the entire day will be good?

Is there anything that you find difficult that you feel should be easy?

TSP intro

TSP tag list (ask to be +/-): @thepeculiarbird @illarian-rambling @televisionjester @finchwrites

@nebula--nix @literarynecromancy

[nageki-the-friendly-ghost]

Tell us everything

Welcome to the Hitori fucking Dies AU

Okay so I don't have pretty much anything plotted out yet but the concept is "hatoful boyfriend except hitori managed to save nageki in the fire and died in the process"

Tw for all the usual hatoful boyfriend topics (suicide, familial death and grief, medical malpractice, likeable characters making pretty awful choices)

Also spoilers for if I ever make this for real. I'd want it to be structured similarly to hatoful boyfriend where most major plot reveals happen late, so by explaining the ideas from the start of this AU I'd also kind of be spoiling every major plot twist. But I don't know how far I'll get into the project (I have had a REAL hard time focussing on writing recently) and I want to share all my ideas immediately lol

Obviously there are many logistical issues in this au that would need to be worked out- why bbl wouldn't just happen immediately if Nageki was alive, for instance. Bear with me pls

Also please note that I haven't consumed every single piece of hatoful media, mostly just the two games and sections of one of the manga. There may be some things I missed out on that.

But here are the ideas I have thus far

The first sticking point is that I think there's a high probability that if Hitori died in the fire Nageki would just attempt again because he still believes he needs to sacrifice himself and would just feel even guiltier. BUT I also think it could be equally in character for Nageki to refuse to let Hitori's sacrifice be in vain and find enough resolve to escape and keep living and find a better solution

But of course, Nageki could never have a normal life while infected with the charon virus, nor would he be content with one while he's aware of the Hawk party's plans

He'd have to go on the run, obviously. Here's where you get another interesting possible choice of Nageki somehow managing to join the Doves. But frankly I don't think an incredibly sick 15 year old with extremely limited life experience is going to be good at going on the run. I think he'd manage to stay hidden for long enough. For the purposes of this au he doesn't die from his sickness immediately but it was definitely a risk. (Let's assume that Shuu originally planned for Nageki to live much longer than he did in canon so he received some genuine medical care in between the experiments)

However. Nageki is homeless and unable to tell anyone about what was done to him or get help. He can't go to any birds because the Hawks are searching for him, and he can't warn any humans because they'd just die if he spoke to them

Surprise! This is where this also becomes a Kazuaki lives AU!

I think Nageki meets Kazuaki mostly by random chance in the street. Now, in canon I'm not sure if Kazuaki was kicked out of college at this point and that's why he was out there in the rain or if he was out there for some other reason (edit: been informed that he IS still in college when he meets Hitori in canon, which works great for me). I'm choosing to believe it's the latter for the purposes of making this au work- Kazuaki is living in a dorm at this point but is close to failing his classes and is out in the rain for some reason. Roll with me here.

Nageki stumbles across Kazuaki. He'd probably be hesitant to approach due to the aforementioned danger

But Kazuaki is obviously not in a good state, and if there's one thing Nageki hates its feeling like he can't do anything when people are struggling. And part of Nageki is purely running on What Would Hitori Do mode right now. So obviously Nageki tries to figure out what he can do to help

I think suddenly being shown kindness by some random kid who is clearly in a similarly awful state might draw Kazuaki out of his head enough that he could end up trying to help Nageki instead, out of genuine concern, a sense of understanding, and a desperate need to be important to literally anybirdie on earth

This is the first time Nageki has talked to anybirdie since Hitori's death, as well as the longest Kazuaki has talked to someone in weeks

Nageki needs a place to stay that no one would think to look for him and where he's slightly less likely to immediately die. Kazuaki needs to interact with another living being regularly, and has an empty dorm room and a meal plan he's barely been using

cue incredibly dysfunctional found family slowburn- They feel obligated to each other (which eventually becomes genuine care and protectiveness) and end up functioning better as a result

(This could possibly end up being very codependent, because what relationship in hatoful doesn't have a LITTLE unhealthy codependency. Staking the whole of your recovery on another person's wellbeing is NOT sustainable. But overall WAY healthier for both of them than Hitori and Kazuakis canon dynamic in that they both make it out alive with no deception necessary.)

Kazuaki starts attending classes again so that they can stay housed. He struggles and still can't thrive, but he just barely stays afloat with Nageki's support and renewed motivation. Nageki does what he can to make the dorm more habitable without leaving. Nageki's presence is a secret for obvious reasons, but it's a pretty easy one to keep since Kazuaki is so isolated to begin with. Nageki's trapped again in a different way, but Kazuaki's awful living space may honestly feel like a relief after the sterile lab. Months, maybe even a full year, pass

Eventually, Nageki trusts Kazuaki enough to tell him about everything- the charon virus, St. Pigeonations, Hitori's death, all of it. He tells him that one day, if he can live long enough, Nageki will find a way to expose what's going on at St. Pigeonations to the world and bring an end to it

Nageki likely tells him out of a sense of guilt- this is what he's gotten Kazuaki into, and he deserves better than all the extra trouble Nageki comes with.

But Nageki also won't be talked out of his plan, and when Kazuaki realizes this, he's not going to let Nageki be in danger by himself, not when it means Kazuaki would be left completely alone again

Kazuaki hasn't dreamed about his future in years, had no plans past college for how his life could go. What difference would it make if he started working towards becoming a teacher?

Kazuaki had no significance to the Hawks whatsoever. And teaching is completely in character for Kazuaki when he's in a slightly better mental state (see: shrine au) so no one would likely question it. No one EVER pays attention to Kazuaki or takes him seriously- which could make him a very, very good information gatherer

(And Nageki IS still sick, and maybe, just maybe Kazuaki can find out if the doctor wasn't COMPLETELY lying about doing research into curing it– if only as a contingency plan to keep his bioweapon from getting out of his control. Maybe if Kazuaki poked around enough, he could find it and hand it over to a non-evil doctor. He doesnt tell Nageki about this idea though- Nageki would refuse it outright, and Kazuaki couldnt bear the dissappintment if he told him and then failed)

Nageki... is apprehensive about this plan. But it's the only one they have, the only influence he can possibly exert to try to stop the Hawks without walking immediately into their clutches. His need to do what's right overrules his need to do what's smart.

But he begs- Kazuaki can't do too much for him, can't sacrifice his own wellbeing to keep Nageki hidden, and he can't do ANYTHING that might get him caught. If Kazuaki ever doesn't come home, Nageki is flying in right after him. Nageki has lost three families now- he WON'T lose a fourth, no matter what.

Kazuaki promises. We'll see if he's able to keep it.

WOO okay that's the main part I had planned out. But here's a little more.

I haven't thought as much about ghost!Hitori yet but. Oh man. Ghost Hitori

I think he'd be a lot less bitter than canon Hitori since he achieved what he set out to do (save nageki) but I do think he'd still have regrets enough to not be able to move on (leaving Nageki completely alone, not rescuing him earlier, knowing that there's still danger and being able to do nothing to help it)

I think he'd be less detached from the world and more driven to help others- especially the students, the kids, who were being used unawares of the horrors of the school. If only, if ONLY one of them could hear his warnings

(eventually, years later, Hiyoko can hear his warnings)

I'm also curious about how Shuu's plans would change with Nageki alive- with a burnt medical center and no liver cells to work with, he doesn't have samples of the charon virus. Would he still plan on turning Ryouta into the new carrier when the original carrier was still out there and needed to be recaptured? Lots to think about.

How I'd want to present this, ideally is as a fan game of alternate routes based on these changes

In true hatoful boyfriend fashion all of this is just the backstory to get to where all the characters are at the start of the game. The main plot is about all of the butterfly effects that occur in Hiyoko's experience due to entirely new plot threads occurring

[wr1t3w1tm3]

My Aromantic Cole Head Canon (that is I guess no longer supported?)

IDK I guess just bear with me on this because nobody I personally know still watches this show, so I just need to rant.

I feel like a lot of shows feel pressured to pair people off because obviously, that sells. The saying is sex sells, but I'd argue that it's actually love that sells. Because obviously we are talking about a kids show here. And we are all at least teenagers, right?

Right?

That aside...

My personal head canon, which I've had since like, season 7 or 8, was that Cole just wasn't romantically interested in anybody. And that he was content with that. He found the same happiness that people like Jay and Nya found in a romantic relationship in platonic and mentorship relationships.

(More below the cut)

I thought maybe that was what the show's creators were even going for with the relationship between Cole and the Ninjago through the whole show. Then again with little Wu in seasons 8-9. And then with Vanya in season 13 (despite there being some romantic subcodes that were like quickly discarded), then with Frack in Dragon's Rising Season 2 (I haven't seen that yet, I have to wait for it to go up on YouTube because I don't have Netflix). The head canon is that while is not romantically interested, and like I guess you could call it aromantic, he is like a huge mentor almost parenteral figure.

My main reasoning is that in real life, I feel like we all know somebody who never got married, yet they are basically a collective mentor/parent. I mostly see this in church communities or in teachers (esp in high school and college) and coaches (I have an aunt who is an ice-skating instructor and a teacher who I'm mainly pulling from).

And when you look at the main team, you have Jay and Nya who at least in the old series where endgame and were I guess married (if that's what the Ying/Yang thing is, Imma be so real I have seen season 10 all of once), then you have Zane and Pixal (who I have feelings about based on the 4 hour YouTube video essay about female representation in Ninjago). Kai and Skylar are more on again off again, but I don't wonder if this may become endgame (I have conflicted feelings about them, that I will not be going into here). The only real representation of this single mentor is Wu, but even he had feelings for Misako (which I have words about, despite my love for Misako). Even Lloyd had that toxic af relationship with Harumi which I will not be going into.

All I'm asking for, and all I'm saying, is that I want a character who can find fulfillment in platonic and mentorship relationships. Maybe I'm self-projecting because I'm feeling desperate because despite being in college people my age and younger are getting married in droves rn. But for me, Cole has always been that caring figure who was secure enough to be okay in a nonromantic relationship.

Cole and Gio are great, I love that dynamic. I freaking love Gio, he is probably one of my favorite new characters. I love that they said "well, we're the adults" and adopted the children. And Bonzel, who I guess is older than them, but is basically just a teenager. But I just want someone who is content with having friends and being a mentor, but not being in a romantic relationship.

Yes, I understand Lloyd is basically that. But I cannot get over that ugly thing with Harumi. He tried. I want someone who is just not gonna try. Maybe they're not content, that's fine. Maybe they desperately want to be in love but can't. I am most definitely projecting here, because Lloyd has been in love (yes, it was one sided) and I haven't. I like Lloyd, I just wanted it to be Cole okay. I'm sorry. That stupid Ninjago where are they now image floated around (the one with Cole grayed out and listed as gay) and I can't stop thinking about this.

Thanks for coming to my rant. I understand this isn't everyone's cup of tea and I know people ship Cole and Gio. I don't think that's an issue. I just miss my aromantic Cole head canon.

[that-darn-clown]

had. a thought about Maya, Claire, and Maya's general mistrust/hatred of William ever since she met the guy.

like i've said before, while i try not to focus too much on stuff like racism in my Fnaf stuff...i also want to make it historically accurate. so-

fun fact number one!! William and Henry would've been going to college sometime in the early to mid 60s.

so y'know. Fun.

the way i imagine how Henry and William met Anna and Claire (respectively) was at a diner. but y'know. just about everything was still Segregated.

so, Henry mostly frequented the diner (and started flirting with the owner's daughter) while William stayed back at the dorm...up until William finally decided that he wanted to go out to eat. so what does Henry do? drag him to the diner.

it was...a bit awkward at first, for reasons you can probably imagine. but Henry talked about William enough that they kinda knew he was just an awkward (and pretty obviously sheltered) guy.

enter Claire Emmerson: a young ballet teacher who's having a rough time in life, who would like to be a mother, but that requires ✨marriage,✨ which is. Not a thought that excites her too much (< incredibly aromantic. not aroace. just aro). because most men she's met haven't exactly been the greatest. she just wants one guy who doesn't suck and respects her desire to both raise children but also keep her dream of being a ballet teacher alive.

so uh. William and Claire are the embodiment of the "Me and the bad bitch I pulled by being autistic" meme. who's who? unimportant.

fast forward a few years (early 1966), and William's showing up to the Emmerson household to both ask for the family's blessing and to, hopefully, propose to Claire by the end of the night. while Claire's parents were basically that one meme of "this is the guy my daughter's into. he looks a little gay, but whatever makes my princess happy <3"...Maya was a lot less happy about Claire's choice in boyfriend.

mostly because she detected William's Bad Vibes and didn't trust that shit. not with her little sister.

while she didn't exactly step in to stop the engagement or anything, she did pull William aside later that night to give him a little "talk." and by "talk," i mean she basically told William that if he were to ever mistreat Claire or any kids he happened to have with her, then she would, and i quote, "rip his dick and balls off."

a year of living together later, after interracial marriage was legalized, and William and Claire were now able to be legally married.

Maya tried to interact with William as sparsely as possible; which meant that she generally didn't talk with him or anything unless it was a holiday or on one of the kids' birthdays.

and, one day, Maya learns that her sister now has another child; a little girl that, supposedly, William "adopted."

it's when she goes there for Thanksgiving later that year, she just. has a bombshell dropped on her: Elizabeth was the result of an "affair," technically. with Henry, a man Maya had only really met in passing. he'd seemed nice enough, from what Maya could gather, anyway, but....Christ.

Maya tries getting some answers out of her sister; was she seriously okay with that? had she known the whole time?? and Claire just shrugs and goes "yeah pretty much" and...well, Maya knew Claire never really wanted to marry anyone. that her little sister viewed her own husband more as a friend than, well, a husband, and her marriage as more a "Friends With Benefits" situation. but...still.

and then, as the years go by...Claire just sounds more and more tired, more weary, and she's at her wits end with her husband. Maya helps her every step of the way with the divorce over the phone.

and then her sister dies in a car accident. were it not for the fact that it was a very public ordeal that the whole town knew about, then William would've been a dead man within the month.

Maya ends up in town for her sister's funeral. she doesn't speak a word to him, and doesn't want him to speak a word to her, either. she doesn't understand what he's not getting; flattery's not going to win her over or anything. she's never liked him, never will. she gives Mike and his siblings as much comfort as she can, and learns that...Stuff's Certainly Been Happening In Hurricane.

she gets a chance to actually sit and talk with Henry...who she learns is also grieving someone rather close to him (Charlie). she gives him her number; they might not know each other well...but she thinks they know each other well enough.

she keeps finding herself returning to Hurricane, not for holidays or birthdays anymore...but funerals. this time, her younger nephew's.

died in an accidental fire (well...they sure hope it was an accident, anyway). shook the whole town up. at an annual Halloween festival, too...

Mike hardly says a word to her the whole funeral. sure, she's heard of the...Incident just a few months ago...but the poor kid. just as he was trying to fix things...just as things were starting to look up...

so you can imagine her shock, confusion, worry, and mild rage at getting a call from Henry out of the blue in like February of 1985 just telling her that she needs to get custody of Michael, and Soon, because Something Doesn't Feel Right.

EXPLODES!!!!!!!

[guardianspirits13]

I wanna talk about Natsuo Todoroki for a second here.

tw// mentions of abuse, self harm, and suicide

Natsuo visibly has the most emotional trauma out of anyone else in his family (Touya not included), and I really wanna talk about why that is.

For starters, we haven't seen him really smile since he was introduced in chapter 187. He's introduced as having a friendly, easygoing persona and it's easy to imagine this is how most people outside of his family know him. However, every time we see him appear since then, another layer of his trauma is revealed and expanded upon, and it cuts DEEP.

I think the main reason that Natsuo still seems so vulnerable compared to the rest of his family is different than what you'd assume. Fuyumi and Shouto both spend a lot of time around Endeavor, and have been in close proximity to his (relatively recent) decision to atone. They have seen his growth firsthand and come to terms with it. Rei has obviously taken a very different path to healing- not entirely voluntarily- but she has been working with doctors and therapists for years to change and recover and reconnect with herself and her children. Natsuo is off at college, and takes every opportunity he can to avoid Endeavor. He (understandably) wants nothing to do with him, and shows stagnant resistance to his attempts to atone.

The reason why Natsuo can't move on from the past is because his trauma didn't come from Endeavor. It came from Touya.

Now initially we were led to believe that it was simply Touya's untimely death that still bothers Natsuo, and it makes sense seeing how Endeavor drove him to the edge. Losing his best friend and brother as a young kid without parents to support him or any therapist to speak of can absolutely been the source of persistent emotional damage, but the more and more we learn about Touya's situation, the more evident it becomes that Natsuo's trauma is much much deeper than even grief.

Touya, as we know, was driven by an ambition instilled in him by his father and experienced extreme rejection sensitivity when those ambitions were no longer realistic. Touya's relationship with his parents could be described as insecure attachment, a psychological term primarily regarding how kids react and respond to their parents and other close relationships. As he was raised, Touya learned to equate his potential to be a hero with his personal worth and similarly confounded attention with love. The difference being, of course, that love is unconditional, but even attention was being continually directed away from him as a punishment for continuing to train and burn himself so he could once again become worthy in his fathers' eyes.

This is where Natsuo comes in. At first it was assumed that all of the Todoroki children were born out of Endeavor's strong-willed desire to have a child that could surpass All Might, but we learned that this isn't exactly the case. I'd argue that it was narratively poetic on Horikoshi's part once this was expanded upon. Fuyumi was born to support and encourage her brother, and that is the exact role she plays 23 years later, keeping her family together.

Natsuo's case is even more intersting.

It was bad enough if Natsuo was only born for the potential of his quirk, but it's even more sinister that the sole intent behind his birth was to discourage Touya from his ambitions. I'd say it was to replace him, but it was more to promote the idea that Touya was expendable than to raise aonther kid with the same ideals but the potential to actually achieve it, although that was definitely a secondary motivation.

The parallelism in this is how much Natsuo's life revolves around Touya. He was born because of Touya, he looked up to and took care of Touya as a kid, and the absence of Touya in the present continues to drive him and his decisions in life (but more on that later).

I continue to pray that we will eventually get more solid backstory on Natsuo and Touya's relationship as kids and where it cut off, wether on a bad note or not, but there are a few things we know for certain. One, Touya was mentally ill. Yes, he was rejected by his parents but he seems to have been particularly vulnerable to this compared to any of his siblings since he was the first of them and thus relied only on his parents for validation in his early years. He shows early signs of a variety of different mental disorders, particularly BPD, which I have previously written a whole analysis for on its own. Touya is shown self-harming both by the very nature of his quirk and even by very directly ripping his hair out. He was incredibly self-destructive.

This is why it is so much more concerning to me that Natsuo, who was AT LEAST four years younger than him, was his primary source of comfort. Natsuo was too young to have known anything more than 'my big brother is sad that daddy won't train him anymore' and he obviously wasn't equipped in any way to handle Touya's severe mental illness. Touya most definitely needed professional treaatment as his forms of coping were abnormal even for the neglect and rejection that he experienced. Natsuo comforted Touya through breakdown after breakdown, and more than that Touya relied on him and came to him voluntarily for support. Natsuo was the best option he had, and he took full advantage of that. The main source of Natsuo's trauma was Touya's reliance on him.

Not to say at all that this was in any way Touya's fault- he was mentally ill and desperately in need of some form of comfort to keep him sane; it was almost a survival method at this point since neither of his parents really acknowleged him at all anymore. Touya's instability hurt Natsuo more than parental neglect ever did, but it was the neglect that enabled it and striped Touya of the supportive atmosphere he would have needed at this point not only to prevent but to heal from the mental damage he had already suffered.

Natsuo dealt with this for years and you can see how much it hurt him to see Touya in so much pain, not only from Endeavor's rejection but from his own self harm as well. For Natuso to know that his brotherly love would never be the same as having loving parents; would neve be enough- but at least it was something so he continued to love and care about his brother for little in return- is indicative of the kind of character he is.

(Edit: After the events of chapter 302 we know that Natsuo's relationship with Touya wasn't perfect. I will elaborate more on this in a different post, but I just wanted to clarify that although we were shown a very high-tension scene between them, it is implied that this was a regular occurrence that Natsuo was usually more receptive too but tired out of, in addition to Touya's spiraling mental health. It fit with the natrative to show the tension Touya was feeling with his family from all directions, but Natsu and Touya clearly had a stronger relationship up to and before this point, evidenced by their sharing a room and playing together regularly.)

He is incredibly selfless, and it's interesting to note how many of his positive qualities as an adult stem from negative experiences as a kid. He never really felt love from his parents, so he relied on Touya (and likely also Fuyumi) for that as well. If he grew up learning he had to give love in order to recieve it back, it absolutely influenced who he became in the future, a solid example of this being the responsibility he feels to reach out and have a relationship with Shouto and further regrets that he wasn't able to help his abuse in the past either. Another aspect of his character that intruigues me is how gentle he is. Personality-wise he seems about as opposite as he could be from the awkward, stoic, emotionally-stunted person that is Endeavor.

There are a couple of reasons for this, beyond what I've already discussed.

One, he had little to no contact with elements of toxic masculinity growing up, especially not from Endeavor.

Two, most of the influence he did have growing up was from Fuyumi, who is established to have endlessly cared for him since he was a literal baby.

Three, he grew up in a household where almost everyone around him was in much more literal, immediate pain than he was so he developed a very strong sense of empathy that might also have been tied to early survivor's guilt.

Now I have one important distinction to make, and that's the temptation to label him as a 'softboy' or something of the like after seeing him caring for his family and more pointedly, watching him break down in tears during chapter 252. While there is absolutely nothing wrong with men being soft or vulnerable (on the contrary it's actually so so important and relevant that Hori is writing characters like this in a mainstream shounen manga but that's an essay for another time), it is unfair to label him as such based on a moment when his trauma is being exposed.

Because his truama stems from such a young age, there is a blurry line between just being born with more emotional intelligence and the situation he was in fostering those traits. You know, the classic nature/nurture thing. My point being, it's important to tread carefully when discussing the nature of his personality to avoid invalidating his trauma; I have no doubt that he is very strong for having survived these things, and the moments we see of him onscreen are definitely among his most vulnerable.

Another thing that people less familiar with Natsuo's character might assume is that he is hot-headed and argumentative. I thought that at first too- after all, he doesn't seem to shy away from yelling at Endeavor when given the opportunity. However, this doesn't seem to be the case at all.

The first real scene we see him in with Endeavor, the man walks into the room and Natsuo decides he can't handle it and goes to leave. However, Endeavor happens to be blocking the doorway. Endeavor physically stops him and provokes him to his face, asking him to say whatever is on him mind. While Natsuo is notably not confrontational, Endeavor is. I think it's fair to say that he felt at least uneasy at this gesture. Natsuo is very honest with his feelings, and it's obvious that he's pissed at the audacity of Endeavor to be so oblivious to his own son. This is presumably one of the first real interactions they've ever really had, and at this point Natsuo has been dealing with trauma (caused by Endeavor!) on his own for years, and Endeavor seems completely oblivious to his pain and dismmisive to the rest of the family's as well.

Again during the internship arc Natsuo tries to get along with Endeavor and this time he actually gives it a fleeting chance. Tensions are high, however, and the conversation very quickly becomes uncomfortable, at which point he leaves. It is continually implied that Natsuo is uncomfortable being around Endeavor because his very presence brings up painful thoughts and memories of a time when sharing the same space as him was a warning to run and hide. This is later directly confirmed by Natsuo as he says that every time he looks at Endeavor's face he remembers Touya and the pain he was in.

I feel like an important side note is that we have never seen Natsuo outside the context of his family, which is understandable, as the role he plays in the story directly relates to them. However, if you take a look at Shouto, even though his experiences have shaped him to become who he is, he definitely acts differently when Endeavor's not in the vicinity.

Back to Touya's death, it would be very rare that someone would mourn a death for an entire decade without finding closure unless there are other factors preventing it, and uncomfortably this seems to be the same thing for both Natsuo and Endeavor: guilt.

This is getting incredibly long already, but it's important to note that Natsuo probably felt an incredible responsibility to take care of Touya and protect him because of his empathetic nature. His love was never going to be the same as having loving parents. His encouragement was never going to be the same as having support from Endeavor. Even further than then neglect and abandonement, it was not being able to save Touya that really made Natsuo feel worthless.

He seems to try and remedy this inability to save Touya and diminish his guilt by doing everything he can to be better. He reaches out to Shouto to be a better brother, he consistently pushes his limits to entertain Fuyumi's notion of a happy family, and he's working hard towards a degree rhat will allow him to help people like Touya (and Rei) because he failed to do so in the past.

His bio mildly implies that he didn't have much of a direction he was heading in after high school, but Fuyumi's encouragement led him to seek out his current college career. This goes back to Natsuo's 'purpose' in a sense revolving arount Touya, from his birth to his relationship with him to his death, after which he lost his direction. They were always rather inseperable, so naturally their seperation hit Natsuo hard. He lost his direction in life so when Fuyumi encouraged him to rediscover it, he thought of helping people, because that's ultimately what he was born to do.

Thank you so, so much for reading this if you made it to the end! I clearly have a lot of thoughts on this. Let me know what you think about it as well, and hopefully we'll get more info on this soon in the manga :)

[dreamifics]

Love and Monsters

Steve Harrington x Reader!Henderson

Oneshot

Y/N Henderson's life was not like any other normal teenager's life, on a very young age her only friends was her brother, Dustin and his friends.. She was not popular in highschool, but she was not a nobody neither.. Y/N was just invisible, lost in the sea of students.. She was almost through highschool though, one day her life was turned upside down, literally and figuratively.. It's been months since the 'thing' happend, but she was still shaken up.

Y/N was laying in bed, My Generation blasting from her stereo.. She was home alone, her mother was out with some friends, her brother was hanging out with 'King Steve'.. Ever since Steve helped them about Dart, she grew closer to Steve but their short lived friendship ended when Dustin left for camp and Steve worked on their family business while she was stuck preparing herself for college.. Y/N misses Steve, his unfunny jokes and oh god--his laugh..

A loud knock startled her, she shot up from her bed, memories of what happend was flashing back to her.. Despite what she tells her friend, she was not okay.. She almost died twice and that opened up trauma's and issues within herself..

Another loud knock startled her, Y/N shakes her head and just ran to the door.. Reaching their front door, her icy hands made contact with the cold steel knob..

It revealed a disheveled Dustin and Steve, she could tell that there were excitement dripping all over them.. Steve was still wearing his sailor work uniform, he looked cute to Y/N but she once threw that thought in the back of her mind..

"What's up?" She questioned the two.

Dustin just smiled and pushed pass her, while Steve was reluctant to go in.. Steve avoided Y/N for almost the whole summer because of the daunting realization that he was catching feelings for her and that scared him.. Y/N was the kind of girl that likes to watch nerdy movies, spend hours playing games with a bunch of kids and save the world two times.. However, Steve was scared, he was still stuck in the unjustified rules of highschool and popularity. . He still wanted to be 'King Steve', but he also wanted to be Y/N's..

"Nice outfit, sailor boy.." Y/N winked and laughs at Steve, he just shakes his head and went inside their house..

Steve made his way to Dustin's room with Y/N right behind him, but before reaching Dustin's room, he passed Y/N's room.. He unconsciously stopped as he looks around, observing every corner of her room.

There were posters plastered all over her walls, books were all around her room in her bed, shelves and even floors.. In the other side she had a small collection of music that made Steve smile.. Because they had the exact same taste, she is the perfect girl.

"If you want to go in, you're free to wander around my room, anytime.."

Steve turned around to face Y/N, he misses her.. How Y/N sarcastic remarks leave her sweet lips or how she rolls her eyes whenever she see something stupid.

"I might just take you up on that.."

"Hm-mm.. You didn't even talk to me when Dustin left, you broke my heart, Steviee.." She jokes, but it sounded a little bitter.

Y/N did get hurt, Steve stopped talking to her when Dustin left, it seems like Steve didn't really like her as much as she thinks he did. Y/N was bored and got stuck just studying and sometimes hanging out with the party.. It was fun but she was looking forward to hanging out with Steve.

"I'm sorry about that, I didn't want to see my old friends hanging out with someone like yo---" Steve stopped his sentence, he didn't mean that.. His mind was a mess, he said those things because he didn't want Y/N finding out his stupid feelings

"Right..Yeah, I get it.."

"Y/N that's not what I me--"

"Cause King Steve shouldn't be hanging out with people like me?Gotcha.."

Steve didn't even had the time to reply, he was met with Y/N's slamming door.. He didn't mean that.. Steve loved hanging out with Y/N, he want to give her something special.. Steve wanted something more from Y/N.. He knew exactly what and he didn't need a reason why but Steve wanted to give Y/N something more..

Y/N was hurt, she didn't know why but Steve words brought devastation to her.. She felt disappointed and upset, Y/N was expecting something special.. She didn't know what or why but she was expecting something more from Steve.

Y/N was dropping off Dustin to the mall where Steve was working, her lips were in a unsual frown.. Y/N wasn't usally like this, she was having a bad week, Steve just hurt her feelings and she was taking it much harder, it was very unsual.. The two Henderson was making their way to the Scoops Ahoy shop, Dustin was rambling about a message he picked up while contacting his girlfriend.

"Are you listening?" Her brother asked as they reach the store.

"Yepp, you should go in now.."

"Y/N, this could be a good thing!"

"I know..If you need my help, you can find me in the food court.."

"Y/N.."

"Yeah, Dus?"

"Are you okay?"

Y/N's mind went blank, she hated lying to her brother but she didn't want to worry anyone.  She laughs and messed Dustin's hair.

"Of course.. Now go, you know where to find me.." With that she left..

Y/N was not okay, the last time she slept was a month ago.. Nightmares kept crawling back to her, she was growing more paranoid by the day.. She was not okay, but she couldn't tell anyone that.. Everyone else is okay, even Wil who had it more rough than her. And to top that up, she was broken hearted by Steve's rejection of their friendship.. Y/N just massaged the bridge of her nose, when will she be fine?

Dustin and Steve was in the corner of the mall with binoculars in their eyes, Steve saw Y/N.. Sitting alone in the corner, a walkman in her ears and a book in hand.. Y/N was mouthing the word as her eyes read every word on that book and Steve couldn't help but feel all giddy and guilty inside.

"You see anything?" Dustin snapped Steve back to their current task.

"Uh, I guess I don't totally know what I'm looking for.'' Steve answered honestly, Y/N distracted him again.

"Evil Russians."

"Yeah, exactly. I don't know what an evil Russian looks like."

"All blond, not smiling."

"Mm-hmm?" Steve's eyes didn't looked for any Russians, his eyes drifted to Y/N spot but she was gone.. Where did she go? He couldn't help but worry, was she talking to someone else?

"Also, look for earpieces, camo, duffel bags, that sort of thing." Dustin added.

"Right, okay, duffel bags." Steve darts his eyes away from Y/N seat but it only fell on a girl he asked out earlier.

"Oh, you've gotta be kidding me." Steve mutters.

"What?" Dustin questioned.

"Anna Jacobi's talking with that meathead Mark Lewinsky."

"If you're not gonna focus, just gimme the binoculars."

Dustin got annoyed by his distracted partner, he should have brought his sister along.. But he knew that Y/N was not okay, she seemed distant and lost in her own mind.. Always spacing out and Dustin can hear her cries from his room, it killed him to see her loving and hyper sister transform into a walking corpse.

"Aw, Jesus Christ, whatever happened to standards?"

"I mean, Lewinsky never even came off the bench." Steve rambled on, annoying Dustin.

"Dude, you are the worst spy in history, you know that?"

The two fought for the binoculars, but they just looked stupid.. Dustin initially gave up and gave the binoculars to Steve.

"I don't get why you're looking at girls. You have the perfect one in front of you."

"Seriously, if you say Robin again..." Steve closes his eyes waiting for Robin's name to come up but it never did.

"No, Y/N.. My sister.."

Steve's heart clenched at the mention of her name, he wants Y/N too.. What can he do? Y/N hates his ass now, he was a jerk and he didn't deserve Y/N.

"No, man, she's not my type." Steve answered while he diverts his eyes away from Dustin.

"I saw you staring at her closed door for about 5 minutes."

Steve eyes grew wide at the realization that Dustin was watching the whole time.. Dustin just shakes his head, if he was asked he'd say that her sister felt the same way..

"She's not even... in the ballpark of what my type is, all right?"

"What's your type again? Not awesome?"

"Thank you."

"Hm."

"For you information, your sister is too sarcastic, she's too nerdy for me.."

"Also, she's too...boyish.."

Beautiful, that's what he wanted to say..

"Dude, that's my sister you're talking about, and besides she's not like that.. She's nerdy but so what? Y/N's also not boyish, she's just secured with her masculinity.."

Dustin's word echoed throughout Steve's system, he already knew that.. But somehow hearing it from another person's perspective made him like you more.

"Y/N's just not my type.." He lied..

Y/N was everything he ever wanted in a girl.

"Thanks for the clarification, Harrington." A voice surprised the two.

Y/N was standing behind them, her arms crossed..  Steve's eyes widen in surprise, did she hear everything? He didn't mean that, what did he mean?

"I didn't mean t--"

"Dustin, if you told me you'll stalk people in malls, I should've brought you to a psychiatrist.." Y/N ignored Steve and just focused on her brother.. Y/N would be lying if she haven't felt more hurt by the words Steve dropped.. She had been listening since the talk about girls came up, Y/N spotted the two doing eccentric things and she decided to eavesdrop.

"No, it's called spying.." Dustin rolled his eyes at her sister remarks while Steve was still frozen..

"What's the difference?" Y/N asked, her eyes still focused on he brother..

"It's just different, okay? Were looking for the--" Dustin stopped and looks around to see if anybody was near..

"Russians?" Y/N continued in a loud tone.

"Shh!" Both Steve and her brother shushed her. Y/N was surpised, she glares at the two and moved closer to them.

"Fine, can I tag along? I'm bored and it'll be nice to be a national hero."

The two looked at each other, Steve was nervous.. Y/N obviously didn't want him around, but this could be a chance for him to apologize to Y/N.

"Sure, you can help us look for russians with dufflebags and camo." Dustin pulled her sister to his side.

"That's kinda racis--"

"No, it's not!" Dustin cuts her sister off making Y/N laugh..

"Whatever you say Dus.."

And that's how she ended up inside a theater with two kids and two drugged teenagere.. Y/N's breathing was heavy, they were captured by Russians just moments ago.. Adrenaline was pumping through her veins, she thought this town was finally normal again, but turns out she was wrong.. Very very wrong..

They needed to get out of this hellish mall, Y/N need to find out if there's still russians lurking out, looking for them.

"The two of you need to stay here and take care of them." Y/N instructs to her brother, she pointed at a floopy Steve and Robin.

"Wait--Where are you going?!" Dustin stopped her by pulling her arm.

"I'm going to see if those fuckers are still looking for us.."

"No, we'll come with you.."

"Dustin, you need to stay here and keep a low profile.."

"Y/N don't be a hero.."

"Hey, Dipshit!I'm not trying to be a hero, what I'm doing is protecting you guys because our two friends are drugged and beaten while we brought a little kid into our mess!And I will do everything to keep you all safe, even if that means I get hurt or killed!"

Dustin knew that there's no talking Y/N out of this, her sister was right.. Taking a deep breath, he just nods and hugs her sister..

"Just please, stay safe.." Dustin was in the verge of tears but Y/N held him tight in her arms.. Dustin pulled back, Y/N gave her brother a comforting smile, she rubbed his cheeks and pat his head.

"I'll be okay, I'm a Henderson for god's sake.."

Dustin laughs as tears stroll in his face, she kissed his forehead and walked away, trying not to attract attention.. Taking a deep breath she left the theater, she'll do whatever it takes to keep her brother and her friends.. Y/N's mind flew to Steve, she was pissed off but she was not sure anymore.. The way he saved them and got beat up for them, she couldn't find a reason to be mad at him, all she can think about is his childlish look and how hot he is in his sailor uniform. Y/N just shakes those thoughts away and tried to focus on her task..

Russians..

Steve and Robin were throwing up in a seperate cubicles, they were getting the drugs out of their system.. Retching and puking can be heard all through out the theater bathroom, Steve groans and flushes the toilet.

"The ceiling stopped spinning for me. Is it still spinning for you?" Robin's voice can be heard from the other cubicle.

"Holy shit. No. You think we puked it all up?" Steve rested his back to the mini wall inside the cubicle..

"Maybe. Ask me something.."

"Interrogate me." Robin said in a mocking russian accent.

"Okay. Interrogate you. Sure. Um... When was the last time you, uh, peed your pants?"

"Today."

"What?"

"When the Russian doctor took out the bone saw."

"Oh... All right, my turn."

"Okay. Hit me."

"Have you... ever been in love?"

"Yep. Nancy Wheeler. First semester, senior year." Steve imitates a gunshot.

"Are you still in love with Nancy?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I found someone else, she's a little bit better for me.It's crazy. Ever since Dustin got home, he's been saying, 'You know, you gotta find your Suzie. You gotta find your Suzie.' "

"Wait, who's Suzie?"

"It's some girl from camp, I guess his girlfriend. To be honest with you, I'm not 100% sure she's even real."

" But that's not- that's not really the point. That doesn't matter. The point is, this girl, you know, the one that I like, it's somebody that I... didn't even talk to in school. And I don't even know why."

"Maybe 'cause Tommy H. would've made fun of me or... I wouldn't be... prom king. It's stupid. I mean, Dustin's right, it's all just a bunch of bullshit anyways. Because, when I think about it, I should've been hanging out with this girl the whole time."

"First of all, she hates me now because of a stupid thing I said but when we hanged out, we were bonding and shit.. She was perfect for me, she's nerdy, hangs out with kids too much.. She likes the same things I like, her brother is my bestfriend.. Sometimes I wonder if she's real, because she's too perfect."

"Wait--You like Y/N?"

"Yeah, ever since last year.. I like her so damn much, I can't even believe that I said to her that I shouldn't be hanging out with someone like her."

"YOU SAID THAT?" Robin's voice boomed out all over the bathroom, Steve just sighs and slids out of the cubicle..

"Unfortunately, yes.."

Steve slid in to Robins cubicle, she was glaring at him.

"If you ask me, Y/N doesn't deserve someone like me.. She--She's too nice to be caught up in my miserable life.. And besides she would never like me.."

"I think you're still high.."

"No, I'm not.."

"Do you remember what I said about Click's class? About me being jealous and, like, obsessed?"

"Yeah?"

"It isn't because I had a crush on you. It's because... she wouldn't stop staring at you.."

"Mrs. Click?" Robin chuckles and just shakes her head.

"Y/N Henderson, I wanted her to look at me. But... she couldn't pull her eyes away from you and your stupid hair. And I didn't understand, because you would get bagel crumbs all over the floor. And you asked dumb questions. And you were a douchebag. And- And you didn't even like her then and... I would go home... and just scream into my pillow."

"But Y/N's a girl.."

"Steve.."

"Oh.."

"Yeah, now listen..Don't give me the 'she doesn't deserve me' and 'she doesn't like me back' crap.. Y/N was inlove with you since highschool, now you will tell her all about your mushy mushy feelings and you'll two will get married, have kids and you'll have me to thank for. "

"But what about you?"

"Please, I moved on.."

"Really?"

"Hell yeah, with my pretty face?I could find someone in a jiffy!"

The two were laughing when Dustin and Ericka burst into the bathroom.. Annoyance and frustration written all over their face..

"Okay.What the hell?!" Dustin asked very annoyed.

"Dude, we're normal again.."

"That's not the problem now, we need to find Y/N and go with the rest of the party."

"Y/N's not with you?"

"Do you see her?" Erica asked with the normal sass in her voice. Robin rolls her eyes at Erica who just glares at her.

"Where did she go?" Steve ignored Erica's sarcastic question

"She said she'll check the perimeter, but she hasn't come back since." Dustin answered, she was worried for her sister.. In their situation, who wouldn't?

"Shit." Steve and Robin both utter at the same time.

Y/N was changed into a much more inauspicious clothes, it was just some pants and a shirt tucked into it.. She fixed her disheveled hair and wiped her sweat.. She needed to blend in, her eyes wander around the mall.. There were Russians walking around, bviously looking for someone and that someone was them.. All the exits are heavily guarded by guards, there's no way out..

Taking a deep breath she walked back to the theater, praying that her brother and friends was safely still there but before she could even reached the theater, a russian man spotted her..

"I got eyes on one of the target!" The russian said into his earpiece, making Y/N run to the higher level of the mall, her heart racing and she was starting to feel tired.

Y/N just ran until she lost the russian, her breathing was getting shorter by the second..  Y/N's leg was starting to hurt but she ignored it and looked down to see if she can spot her brother..

And there they are, getting chased by guards.. Worries pumped into her brain as they run.. She needed to help them, if not they could get killed.

"Hey stupid spies!I'm right up here, morons!" Y/N screamed at the top of her lungs as she waves her hands around..

Steve and Dustin was horrified as they hide into the counters, Y/N was risking her life for theirs..

The guards that was chasing them made eye contact and targeted Y/N but before they could do anything a car honk.. The russians looked at each other, confused and dazed.. Eleven can be seen controlling the car, she throws it at the bad men and all they could hear were groans..

Y/N felt a surge of relief, she made her way to her brother.. Dustin, Robin, Erica and Steve pop out from behind the counter, steam hissing.. Y/N saw her brother and they all rushed up to hug her..

A tight hug welcomed Y/N, but this hug wasn't just from Dustin.. It was also from Robin, Erica and Steve.. Suddenly they all look up to see the rest of the party.. The hug was cut off by Dustin running to hug Mike and Eleven.

"Lucas?" Erica saw her brother and it made Lucas confuse..

"What are you doing here?"

Y/N who was just taking in deep breaths smiled to herself.. They were safe, but she knew this was not over.. Steve stayed in Y/N side, Robin's word replayed in his mind.. This is his chance to say his undying love to Y/N.

"Y/N?"

"Hmm?" Y/N saw Steve besides her, she was growing tired but Y/N needed to keep thriving for everyone.. Y/N saw that Steve was hesitant, he was nervous and it made her felt nervous too.

"I--I uhh.." Steve mumbles, his tongue was backing out.. Y/N had such a powerful effect on him, to the way she says his name, and everytime Y/N calls him, his heart skips a beat.. It sounds corny, but it was true..

"What?Do you need a speak and spell?" Y/N joked, it didn't help a struggling Steve.. He started to grew more anxious, he needed to get this off his chest.. This could be the last time they all see each other alive, there's no telling what could happen to them.

Y/N was just staring at him

"I have something to confess---"

Steve was cut off by El who was in pain and grunting in the floor..  They all ran to her aid and helped her with the pain she was going through.. Steve slightly curses at himself, maybe this was not a great time for a love confession.. He needed to focus on surviving this hellish adventure.. Again 

It finally ended.. Y/N was relieved, it was over.. They were safe, Y/N and Dustin were sitting in the back of an ambulance, a blanket around them as they hug each other..

"If this shit happens again, we're moving.." Y/N jokes.. Dustin chuckled, maybe they should.. However, the adventures were growing more fun and dangerous..

"Nah, we love being heroes.."

Y/N laughs as she held her brother tighter, she fixed his hair and wipe some dirt off his face.. Even if he's old now, he'll always be Y/N's baby brother.. She smiled at the memory of Suzie and Dustin singing in the middle of mayhem and chaos.

"Stooop, I'm all grown up now!" He stood up and made his way to his friends..

"Don't get too far, lover boy!" Y/N shouted causing Dustin's cheek to blush..

Y/N sighs at the sight of her brother walking away from her, this is the last time she'll save the world, she was tired of monsters.. Y/N was just enjoying the cold air of the night when someone cleared their throat.

"Hello to you Harrington.." Y/N smiled at Steve, he was just standing infront of her.. Y/N can't help but feel giddy when Steve's in his sailor outfit.. It saddens her that Steve was still stuck in his highschool mindset..

"I have something to tell you.." Steve mumbles incoherently, but Y/N understood it.. Steve was always nervous when Y/N's around, he remember the first time he saw Y/N..

Steve saw Dustin on the street asking for help, and he didn't believe at him first but he was soon convinced by how Dustin was nervous and scared.. They pulled up at the Henderson's residence, that's where he first saw--no that's not the right word..

That's where he first acknowledged Y/N..

She was sitting on the porch steps on her pajama's, there were dirt on her face and her hairs a mess.. Y/N's face lighten up when he saw Dustin getting out of the car..

"Hey Dus------What is he doing here?" Y/N's face dropped when he saw Steve also getting out of the car.

"He's our back up.." Her brother answered short and continue walking into the entrance of the basement.

"I'm back up..'' Steve said cocky at Y/N, she just scoffs and followed Dustin..

"For a guy with a black eye, you're awfully confident.."

"That's what seeing a pretty girl like you does to me.." Steve didn't know what he ate that time but he had this whole new confidence when he started talking to Y/N.. However, Y/N didn't seem impressed to his corny jokes and pick up lines, she was always scoffing and rolling her eyes..

"Yeah, you said that too when we were inside..That" Y/N's voice pulled him back to the present.. Y/N gestured at the burning mall infront of them.

"Yeah.." Steve cleared his throat, he opens his mouth, but the words won't come out he's chokin', how, everybody's jokin' now, the clocks run out, times up, over, blaow   .

"Are you gonna say something?" Y/N was starting to get nervous, did she do something to make Steve act strange? He was shaking, the sweat on his forehead is flowing like the Niagara Falls.. That's not attractive yet for some reason she found it hot..

"Oh--Yeah--Uhh.." He failed to say words again, why can't he just go straight to the point?

Robin who was with the rest of the party was staring at a stuttering and nervous Steve.. The rest started to notice even Jonathan and Nancy who was in each others arms..

"When is he gonna tell my sister that he likes her?" Dustin ponder as he stares at the two..

"I don't know, he's taking forever just uttering one sentence.." Lucas pitched in making the others laugh..

"I thought Steve was a suave and cool guy?" Mike jokes causing some of them to laugh, some was just quiet.. They were still having a hard time grasping all of this, especially Max..

"He's a nerd just like you guys.." Nancy answered, they all shake their heads as they watch Steve nervously fidgets..

"Alright, I finally had enough.." Robin whispers, the party turned to Robin, carefulky watching to what she had under her sleeves..

"HEY Y/N!" Robin shouts..

Y/N broke her gaze with Steve and brought it to a shouting Robin, not far from them.. Steve just froze to his place, panic started blaring out through his mind..

"WHAT STEVE'S TRYING TO SAY IS HE FREAKING LIKES YOU!" Robin shouted, and it all made them freeze.. Y/N blinked rapidly, did she hear that right? Steve l-likes her? What? When? How? Where?

Steve felt embarrased, he wanted the crawl in a hole and die.. Robin was dead to him, how could she do that? Now Y/N's gonna start to avoid him, she obviously doesn't like her back.

"I-Is that true?" Y/N finally asked the question she was dying to ask, she never really thought about Steve that way.. Fine, she's not gonna lie, there were some thoughts about Steve that kept her up at night..

"I can explain--If you don't feel the same it's totally fi----" Steve panicked and randomly said any excuses he can think off, not giving Y/N a chance to speak..

Y/N rolled her eyes at how Steve was rambling on, she smiled and stands up.. Pulling Steve sailor outfit, she kissed him..

Steve pressed his lips harder on Y/N, he wanted this kiss to happen since he first saw her.. And now it's happening, Y/N puts her arm around Steve's neck.. This was her first kiss and she was glad that it was to Steve.. They both kissed as the burning Star Court crumbles infront of them.  Y/N didn't knew that you can find love and monsters in this terrifying situation..

Dustin groaned at the sight of her sister and bestfriend kissing, he wanted to vomit and scoop his eyes out.. This was not a sight for sore eyes..

"Ugh!I don't want to watch my sister exchange salivas with Harrington!" Dustin sigh under his breath

"Get used to it, you'll be seeing a lot of him.." Robin teased making Dustin die inside.

"Dammit!"

Y/N was just thinking that some people lost someone special, Eleven lost Hopper.. Max lost Billy and the rest will wake up in the morning with terrible memories haunting them everyday, they can no longer feel the assurance that they're safe in the quiet town they grew up to. They knew everything that lies withing the depths of this ground, all the horrible things that Hawkin Labs brought.. Chief Hopper and Billy Hargrove died for them, they were heroes.. And the sad part is, no one will ever know.. Those who deserves to be recognized is no longer here, the heroine act they did save the world yet the world doesn't even know about them.. But Y/N and the rest knows that the sacrifices they made won't go to waste, they'll do everything in their power to keep whatever haunts this eerie town at bay.

I found this highly nice but cringey at the same time so bear with it, I also wanted to update my series about James Potter but I just can't seem to end it ughhhhh..Anyways, I hope you guys like this one..

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[tanzaniiite]

OVER IT • TSUKISHIMA K.

requests: CLOSED

warnings: angst galore

word count: 2.9k

this idea has been in my head for the past couple of days and i’ve finally got to write it out, i’ll be back to request killing after this. enjoy!

It was a simple statement.

You didn't mean anything by it, so you weren't sure why your boyfriend was making a big deal out of nothing. At least, you assumed it was nothing. It's obvious that Tsukishima has trust issues, that you were well aware of. But you've known him since middle school. One would believe that you've passed that hurdle in your relationship, right? Wrong.

Being around Kei felt like a being around a time bomb. Most people didn't know what would trigger him and his resting bitch face didn't make it any easier either. Of course, having dated him for almost a year now and knowing him for more, you knew what to and what not to bring up. But like most people, you slip up. Who knew ten words would cause so much turmoil?

It started off normal, well as normal as a study date could be. The practice had ended early for some reason, you decided to not pry about it. You, Tsukishima, and Yamaguchi walked home together. The walk was relatively quiet, with you and Tadashi having a small conversation of your own. Once Yamaguchi went on his own merry way, Kei carefully held your hand with his. You glanced at him and smiled slightly. "Oh, what's this? Tsukishima Kei, showing affection?" You teased, swinging your hands back and forth slightly. Tsukishima's cheeks were dusted a light pink, if you asked, he would swear it was the heat (even though the temperature dropped almost an hour ago). But you both knew that you were the only one who had the power to make him flustered, even if it wasn't by much.

"Shut up. I'm your boyfriend, I can't hold your hand?" He questioned, staring straight ahead. You giggled and poked his cheek, "Nope, not you. It's weird" You taunted. It was all fun and games until he snatched his hand away from yours, which caused a whine to leave your lips. "Hey!" You pouted, trying to grab his hand again. "No, it's weird right?" He retorted, holding his hand out of your reach, knowing it was impossible for you to obtain. He chuckled as you jumped trying to get him to hold your hand again. After five minutes, he decided to take pity on you and hold your hand once again. You glared at him, "You're so mean" You stated.

"Of course, I've got to give my girlfriend the full Tsukishima Kei experience"

The walk to his house was full of playful banter exchanged between the two of you. But the minute Kei spotted his brother's car in the driveway, his demeanor changed. You didn't notice the change right away, "Oh, I didn't your brother was visiting from college" You said, still holding Tsukishima's hand. The blonde pulled his hand away from yours and stuck them in his pockets, "Neither did I" He replied, walking ahead of you.

You followed behind him, now noting the solemn mood that took over. You knew Kei didn't talk to his brother much, after the whole "incident" between them. His mom often complained to you about the gap was growing in her two boys' relationship. You couldn't help but feel bad, you knew it was a pride thing when Akiteru lied to his brother. Obviously that doesn't excuse it but still, you understood.

"I'm home, Y/n's with me"

Tsukishima called out while taking his shoes off with you following suit. Akiteru popped his head in the foyer, "Hey lil bro, long time no see" He chirped. Kei just nodded, not bothering to respond. You didn't miss the slight hurt that flashed on his older brother's face before he turned to you. "Omg Y/n, you've gotten so big since I last saw you! How are you?" He asked, pulling you in for a hug. You hugged back, smiling, "I'm good, how's college life? Is it as good as the movies?" You inquired.

Akiteru has always been like an older brother to you, way before you and Tsukishima started dating. He was the reason you two got acquainted in the first place. Akiteru worked for your parents for a couple of summers. And when your parents threw their annual 'End of the Summer' cookout, Akiteru finally accepted their invitation and brought Kei along with him. The rest was history.

"Ha! I wish, it's hard to party when you're swamped with work but that might just be my poor management skills talking" He laughed, scratching his cheek lightly. "Enough about me, what brings you here?" Akiteru asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Oh, Kei is gonna help me study for a bit" You answered, suddenly noticing that your boyfriend was no longer in the foyer. "Ah that's good, well I'll let you get to it. Wouldn't want to keep Kei waiting, I think we both know he doesn't have a lot of patience" Akiteru said, whispering the last part causing you to giggle. You waved to the eldest Tsukishima brother as you made you way upstairs to Kei's room.

You opened the room door before closing it gently behind you. Your blonde boyfriend was already at his desk, reading a textbook, his headphones snuggly placed on his head. You walked over to him, lifting one side of his headphones, "Thanks leaving me alone with your brother" You whispered in his ear before pulling away and sitting on his bed.

Tsukishima took off his headphones and turned to look at you, "Sorry, it didn't look like you minded" He replied back. You took note of the snarky tone he used, he's annoyed with you for speaking to his brother. You mentally rolled your eyes, how petty. "My bad, maybe it's because I haven't seen the dude in almost a year" You muttered while rummaging in your bookbag. Tsukishima just stared at you before turning back to his textbook.

You two did work in silence for a good ten minutes before you spoke up. "Are you still mad at Akiteru?" You asked randomly. You knew this was a sensitive topic for your boyfriend but the tension you felt in the foyer earlier wasn't imaginary. "Who said I was mad at him?" Tsukishima inquired, not bothering to look at you. "Uhh, says the tension that was in the air the minute you saw his car" You retorted, looking up from your own textbook.

There was a short pause before he responded, "Well no. I'm not mad at him. Annoyed? Yes. Mad? No" He replied curtly. You knew you could push a few more questions before Kei got to his breaking point. "Well, why? What did he do this time?" You asked, resting your chin on your hand. "Nothing" Kei stated with a note of finality in his voice. Signaling to you that he didn't want to speak about his brother anymore.

But you didn't care. You knew what this was really about, and against your better judgment, you decided to push your agenda. "Clearly, it's something. You don't give dry ass responses to your brother for no reason Kei" You spoke, the textbook in your lap long forgotten. Tsukishima scoffed, "Please. I give dry responses to everyone". You raised an eyebrow, "You don't give dry responses to me" You insisted.

"You're different. Plus I did give you dry responses when I first met you" He claimed, still staring intently at his textbook. You sighed heavily. "Kei, you can't keep holding on to what your brother did. Yeah, it was wrong but he apologized and it happened years ago–" You started before you saw Tsukishima's hand curl into a fist. "Don't speak on things you know nothing about" He said, through gritted teeth.

You narrowed your eyes, was he fucking serious? "What the hell are you talking about? I was there Kei! So was Tadashi and that other kid, I know what I'm talking about" You argued. Finally, for the first time in this whole conversation, Tsukishima turned to face you. If looks could kill, you would be dead on the spot. His honey-colored eyes glared at you and his eyebrows were furrowed causing creases between them.

"Clearly, you don't. If you did, you would know it's not that easy for me to let something like that go. He lied, Y/n" Kei snapped, his glare not once faltering. "Everybody lies Kei. You're smart enough to know that also applies to your brother" You explained, staring at the blonde in disbelief. Why was he so adamant about holding on to this? What was the problem? "That's not the point." He huffed, turning around again.

"Then what is the point Kei?"

Tsukishima just shook his head, returning to his work. You blinked, was he ignoring you now? Wow, so childish. You huffed through your nose and picked up your discarded textbook, "I seriously can't believe you haven't gotten over this yet" You uttered, flipping the pages to the right chapter.

And there it was.

The time bomb finally stopped ticking.

Next thing you knew, Tsukishima slammed his textbook shut and swiveled around in his chair at the speed of light. His face was red and he was shaking, in what you assumed was anger. This, however, wasn't an unfamiliar sight. You and Kei have argued before and you guys would argue again. You were both fireballs, and you know what they say about fighting fire with fire...

"Get out."

"I'm sorry, are you having a tantrum?"

"I said: GET OUT!"

You flinched slightly at his raised voice. You watched how his anger subsided for a hot second before he sat down and returned to his textbook. All you could do was scoff and pack your stuff. He always did this, you always tried to help him. Always tried to get him to open up and what did you get in return? Anger, that's what you got. Every fucking time. You zipped up your bag and flung it over your shoulder before storming out of his room, slamming the door behind you.

You put your shoes on as fast as you could, but it was a little hard to do so with the tears clouding your vision. "Hey" Akiteru spoke softly, sitting next to you on the stoop. You sniffed, "Hey. Kei and I finished studying. So I'm leaving if I could get this stupid shoe on–" You claimed, as you struggled to get your left shoe on. Akiteru took your shoe from you, "I heard you and Kei arguing... you don't need to defend me y'know" He stated as he helped you slip on your shoe with ease.

"I know but he's being such a dick about it. You already apologized, what more does he want?" You asked rhetorically, wiping the tears in your eyes. Akiteru only shrugged, "I don't know what he wants. But I do know he has every right to be upset with me. I lied to him for three years, I would be mad at me too" He spoke, whispering the last part.

"You had a good reason tho–"

"But that doesn't make it okay"

"I know but–"

"Y/n. Kei will forgive me on his own time. I can't force him and neither can you. All I can do is wait and all you can do is support him. I get the feeling he isn't pleased with his girlfriend siding with his brother" Akiteru joked lightly. He gently patted your knee before standing up and stretching.

"Now c'mon, let me drive you home"

The next week was a nightmare. Tsukishima didn't speak to you and vise versa. If he wanted to be an asshole, then so be it. He'll never catch you trying to help him again. But... you'd be lying if you said you didn't miss him. You missed how he would walk you to class, how you two would sit in the courtyard together for lunch, how you would walk him to volleyball practice before going to the library to wait for him. The list goes on, Kei was a big part of your life whether you wanted to admit it or not.

"Y/n! Y/N!"

You turned around to see blue and orange bounding toward you at full speed. You quickly step sided before they collided into you. "Hey Hinata, Kageyama, what's up?" You asked, looking at the two boys trying to catch their breath in front of you. Suddenly they both bowed simultaneously, "Please tutor us!" They asked in unison. You chuckled nervously as students passing by gave you three weird looks. "Uh.. sorry guys but my marks are fairly average. I don't think I'll be any help to you" You claimed, rubbing the back of your neck.

"Please? Tsukishima won't tutor us anymore! He's been a real jerk lately" Hinata huffed, his cheeks puffing out slightly. "More like an asshole" Kageyama commented before quickly stuttering out, "S-Sorry! I know he's your boyfriend–". You held up your hand, "It's okay, I know. He's been the same way with me. I could tutor you guys before practice if you want?" You suggested.

"Yes! Thank you so much Y/n! You're the best!"

Hinata hugged you tightly and you patted his head. "You're welcome Hinata, I'll meet you guys at the gym later" You confirmed, before pulling away and walking to your next class.

Why did you agree to this again?

You loved Hinata and Kags, you saw them as little brothers but.. these boys are idiots. You wanted to tear your hair out. Letting out an exasperated sigh, you tried to explain the formula to them one more time. "Come on guys, it's not that hard" You claimed, leaning your head in your hand. The gym floor was hurting your butt and you couldn't wait for Daichi to show up so you could leave.

Not to mention, you wanted to get out of here before he who shall not be named shows up. "I'm sorry Y/n, I just don't get it," Tobio said, erasing his paper for what seemed like the hundredth time. You sighed, "Y'know what? It's fine. We'll pick this up again tomorrow, you guys have to get ready for practice anyways" You stated as you started packing your stuff. The boys nodded following suit.

You bid them goodbye as you left the gym. Once you turned around to head home, the last person you wanted to see was standing a few feet away from you. Tsukishima stared at you, his eyes widen by a fraction, probably surprised as to why you were in the gym. Next to him was his right-hand man, Yamaguchi. Tadashi just looked between the two of you before heading off to the club room on his own. You didn't blame him, the tension in the air was thick.

"Hey stranger"

"Hey."

You walked to Tsukishima, deciding enough was enough. As much as you hated to admit it, you missed your sarcastic bean pole of a boyfriend. When you stopped right in front of him, he nodded towards the gym, "What were you doing in there?" He asked. Ugh, you got a migraine just thinking about it. "I was trying to teach your friends some math turns out I overestimated how smart they were," You said, looking up at your boyfriend. "Yeah? Well, that was your first mistake" He replied, the smallest of smirks gracing his lips.

You smiled sadly, looking down at your feet, "I miss you" You muttered. You fully expected Tsukishima to pretend to not hear you and make you repeat yourself like he always did. And you two would makeup and all would be good again. But.. he didn't do that. Kei lifted your chin with his fingers to make you face him. He then wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close to him. You, of course, hugged him back as he mumbled something against your hair.

You stifled a giggle as you leaned back to face him. "I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that. Can you repeat that?" You asked sweetly. "Really Y/n?" He groaned. You nodded, looking at him expectantly. Kei rolled his eyes before looking at you seriously, "I missed you too. And I'm sorry for being a dick" He apologized, kissing your forehead tenderly. A small pout formed on your lips, "Why are you sorry? I pushed you and that's on me. You'll forgive Akiteru on your own time, and I'll support whatever you do. Whether that's giving him forgiveness or the silent treatment" You declared, holding his face in your hands.

Tsukishima rolled his eyes, "Stop being so dramatic, it's annoying. But, you were right. I can't be mad at him forever. He's been trying to make things right since then and I guess I pity him" He explained, still holding you in his arms. "Hm. Well, take it slow, there's no rush. Akiteru will be happy either way. Now go to practice, you're late" You scold, pulling away and pushing your boyfriend towards the gym. Kei grabbed your hand before you walked off, "Hey Y/n?". You hummed in response looking back at him. Your heart skipped a beat as he looked at you with nothing but love and admiration in his eyes.

"I don't what I'd do without you, so thank you for being in my life"

You smiled widely, pressing a soft kiss to Kei's lips, "Aw, look who's being dramatic now".

In the end, you never found the answers to your questions. And that's okay. Because you'll support Tsukishima in all his endeavors, petty or not. Because that's what partners do for each other. Tsukishima wasn't over his brother's betrayal and even though you didn't really understand why... that was okay. Because this was about him, not you.

And so, you got over it.

tanzaniiite © 2020 — all rights reserved. do not repost, modify, or copy. do not plagiarize. thank you.

[cinnamonrollstark]

Irondad Bingo: Trope: Sick Fic

@irondadbingo

□□□

Your toothbrush is the red one. Damn thing has your name on it- you've got no excuse to forget. The bathroom is twenty-two steps from the bedroom, and a sharp left turn away. It shouldn't be that hard.

But somehow, it is. If it weren't, Tony wouldn't get cavities in the back of his mouth, or piss his pants in search of the toilet. This is meant to be a natural occurence, and it likely would've afflicted his father were he to have lived long enough, and yet, it feels like an intrusion on his life, a bomb dropped for absolutely no reason other than to throw him off course.

If it were as easy as simply reminding himself of these things day to day, then Pepper wouldn't have to find him in the hall, confused and frustrated, and scared because he doesn't know which way to turn next. She wouldn't have to brush his hair or remind him to wash it when it gets oily. But she does. And that is how it goes.

Dementia robs him of most luxuries. It was always Tony's longtime goal to find happiness one day, and as soon as he'd found it, the rug had been ripped from underfoot, and he'd landed in an abyss, with no direction, no map, and no way to get out again.

And yet, some days, the confusion clears. He is lucid, happy. These days are getting rarer as of late, few and far between, but when they occur, he never takes them for granted. He steals lucid moments of sunlight, wind combing through his slowly graying hair. He hugs his daughter, who grows with such rapid force that he's entirely sure he's missed years of her life in between the clarity. He stands at the bank of the lake, toes dipped in the water, letting sand tickle the soles of his feet. He takes these moments in as deeply as he can, as often as he can.

Today is no different. It's been three months since he was last completely lucid, and lately his ability to walk and talk as he once normally did is fading. It's somewhat early in the summer, about a week into June. Crisp light filters in through scattered windows in the lake house, framing Tony's figure as he looks out the window. The day has been slowly slipping through his fingers, and he knows what's coming. For all the planning and paperwork they've put into this, it's far harder to come to terms with as it actually happens.

Slim arms weave through his own, his hands in his pockets, and wrap around his waist. Pepper, the familiar scent of her perfume. Her breath elevates his chest against her own, her chin on his shoulder. "What're you doing?" She asks, swaying a bit against his body.

Tony lets out a soft exhale and turns to face her, returning the embrace. "Just thinking," he admits, not quite able to look directly at her. "Not gonna lie, Pep," he clears his throat, "I'm scared."

Pepper runs a soft hand across his hair and smiles with tears in her eyes. "I know," she swallows, and the pain in her voice is evident, "but you know it's going to be okay."

This is a quiet, loving lie. They tell this to themselves to feel better about what will happen later tonight, what they've been expecting for months now. They are settled in their decision, of course, but are nowhere near happy about it.

Morgan is not quite old enough to understand it in its entirety; at eight, she is obviously intelligent, but the rapid decline of her father's health was beyond her comprehension in its earliest stages, and now, as it is coming to an end, she is more so confused about what will happen after than why it is happening at all.

Many long talks with her, mostly on Pepper's end, as Tony is often unable to get a clear point across, have lead her to a stable acceptance of the subject.

Peter, on the other hand, has been so against the idea from the beginning that Tony's been fearing the worst- that he wont show up at all. He's 19, now, taking a gap year between high school and college. Other than lower-level villain defense, Peter isn't up to much at the moment, and his freedom to participate in the last clear days of Tony's life makes his absence all the more painful.

◇◇◇

Pepper's fingers lather shampoo through Tony's dark hair. She plants kisses on his soapy, wet cheeks, and cries as calmly as she can. It's moments like this, moments when he's aware and lucid that she misses him all the more. Every good moment has felt like the last in recent months, and now that is truly how it is.

It feels odd getting dressed for the last time- casual, comfortable, but something other than his standard pajamas- and his wife helps him pick out his last pair of clothes. He's gotten quite skinny, still muscular, but much smaller. Her arms fir around his waist so easily that her wrists overlap. She whispers that she loves him into his neck, and he tells her he loves her right back.

Tony pays a visit to Morgan's room soon before the doctor arrives. His daughter is sitting on her bed, eyes locked outside the window. She hugs a stuffed animal to her chest.

"Hey Maguna." He sits on the edge of the bed with her, and she glances warily at him. "You doin' okay?"

He runs a hand over her soft but messy hair. Her lips pout out in the way that they do when she's about to cry, and he kisses her cheek as the tears spill over. She doesn't sob or wail; it is resigned mourning.

"I just don't get why- if you're okay right now- why you have to go."

Tony takes in a deep breath. He had a feeling this question would come, as it is a perfectly natural reaction. He swallows the lump in his throat and hugs her from the side.

"Its because I'm okay right now that I know it's time to go. Thing is, kiddo, that things haven't been so easy for me lately. Things that everyone else can do without even thinking. And I don't always get to look at you, and see you for you."

He has to pause in order to not break down- six months ago, he forgot who she was. Simply didn't understand why this stranger of a child was in his house. It hadn't made sense to him when she'd burst into tears, and why he'd followed suit, as if some part of him knew what a self-betrayal it was to forget his own daughter.

"And I always want to look at you, and know you. And know your mom. And your big brother. I don't lose those things because I want to; it's just not in my control. But this is."

Morgan nods, a tear slipping from her cheek and over her lip. "I know," she admits. "I just wish you could stay."

◇◇◇

They eat dinner as a family, waiting in anxiousness for the arrival of Doctor Kleptach. Three chairs filled, and four spaces set for the meal. There is an emptiness that has yet to be filled, and it certainly isn't meant for the doctor.

Pepper keeps catching Tony's eyes, trying to reassure him that Peter will be coming, there is no way he'd miss this, but Tony isn't so sure. It feels as if Peter has completely separated himself from the family, as if he's rejected this new reality. Tony can't blame him; the last time the kid saw him, he was lost in the hall, wetting himself because he couldn't locate the bathroom in time. It must have terrified him, or at the very least, grossed him out.

It's coming down to the last twenty minutes before the doctor arrives, and Tony is certain that he wont be seeing Peter again until... well, until the time comes.

But there's a timid knock at the door, a catch of breath in each person's chest- and a tidal wave of fear that the doctor has arrived early. It's Tony who stands and makes his way to front of the house weakly, terrified that this means his time has been cut short. The doorknob turns, the door slides open-

And he's there. Peter launches himself into Tony's arms and he holds him there for a moment, hugging around him tightly. Tony tries not to focus on the way that Peter is quietly sobbing against his chest. When he finally let's go, Tony sees it in his eyes- this willingness to fight his own disagreement for the betterment of everyone else.

It's when he sees Peter standing there, red-eyed and tear stained, that he knows he can't go through with this. As much as it may have felt right, once, Tony still has a family. And though he falls apart, so often, now, he still has his good days.

He pulls him in, again, another embrace, and no longer for the last time. There will be many to come, and many to remember, even as he slowly loses those recollections, and moments in time that seemly do not exist any more. He is here, breathing and living right now.

When he turns to see his family, who stand awkwardly by the table, emotionally weary, he nods- and Pepper seems to understand, a slow-spreading smile on her cheeks. "Really?" She asks, breathless.

Tony grips Peter around the shoulders and smiles. "Really."

◇◇◇

Over the course of Tony's last years, he still lives out his good days. Most times he can be found, sitting on the patio of the lake house, across the table from his wife, trying his best to play stuffed animals with his daughter, or telling the few old stories he remembers again and again and again to the boy he is so thankful to call a son.

He does not always remember their faces, but they will always remember his, and that is enough.

[iliketowrite1996]

Announcements and Alumni part 2

   TRIGGER WARNING- PARENTAL DISAPPROVAL, DISAPPROVAL OF RELATIONSHIP AND MARRIAGE, FEELINGS LIKE A BURDEN, INSECURITY, MENTIONS OF UNCLE BEN.

It has been a week since you and Peter became Mr. and Mrs. Parker,and you couldn’t be more thrilled. Your wedding night was spent in a small,crowded dorm room and you got a hotel room the next night, but it was wonderful. You’ve felt like you were walking on air, like you could do anything. These last few days have been stress-free for the most part, and yo and Peter loved and savored every second of it.

   Now it is the day of your joint graduation party that Mr. Tony Stark himself is hosting for you, and you feel queasy and ill.

   Because he and May still do not know that you and Peter tied the knot, exchanged vows, got hitched.

   In short, they don’t know that Mr. Parker’s plus one (okay, not really because it’s your party, too) is his wife and vice versa.

   Worse case scenario?

   They flip out and don’t speak to either of you for a really long time.

   Best case scenario?

   They just flip out.

   You're hoping for best case scenario here.

   ‘’Are you nervous,’’ Peter asks as the two of you make your way to the venue where the  event is being held.’’

   ‘’Of course I am. Aren’t you?’’

   ‘’Oh, I’m terrified. Mr. Stark and Maya Are gonna flip out when we tell them, but we knew that when we decided to go ahead and get married anyway,’’ he reminds you.

   ‘’You’re right,’’ you sigh as your short walk from the hotel room you’d booked last night to the venue ends, ‘’Are you ready?’’

   ‘’Ready,’’ Peter responds, pressing a kiss to the skin on the back of your hand before opening the door for you.

   The ballroom is extravagantly decorated, with flowers that seem to actually be glowing under the light form the crystal chandeliers that hang from above.

   The room has a soft glow to it, just like your skin (‘’Some post-wedding week, huh?,’’ Shuri had said yesterday, wiggling her eyebrows).

   ‘’This is so expensive,’’you swallow thickly, ‘’Peter…’’

   ‘’This is just in his style. He won’t be mad. We’re still graduating, we just took a different route with our relationship.’’

   That’s easy to read on paper and east for the both of you to understand, but something tells you that Mr. Stark and Aunt May won’t see things like you and Peter do.

   So you are careful not to let her see either of your hands as he pulls you both into hugs, pressing kisses to your temples and exclaiming how proud she is of you Mr. Stark or May were to bring up your nuptials, he’d definitely spill the beans.

   The sinking feeling in your stomach only intensifies, and Peter starts to look -and feel- uncomfortable.

   It isn’t until your friends are filingin that he really worried.

   Peter knows that Ned will blurt out just about anything when he’s nervous. It is for that reason that Peter Is basically attached to his hip until cocktail hour is over, and dinner is served,

   When Mr. Stark stands up to make a toast and congratulate you two on your impending graduation ceremony, you feel the rock that has sunk to the bottom of your stomach disappear only to be joined by bubbles that make you feel sick all over again.    

From the way that Peter is clutching his tummy, he probably feels the same way.

   May standing up and saying how proud she is of you two is what takes the cake, though, and you two pull her and Tony aside to talk things out.

   ‘’What’s going on, you two? Why do you look like you are about to vomit,’’ she questions, wrapping a arm around the both of you, ‘’Do I need to take you both home?’’

   ‘’No,’’ Peter gently takes her arm off of his shoulder, before taking your hand and moving you sos that you are cuddled up against his side, ‘’But we do need to tell you something.’’

   Tony and May look at each other before cooking back to you, silently urging you to continue.

   ‘’So, we’d both been thinking a lot about how you say that we are too young to get married,’’ Peter begins, spring a glance at you before continuing on, ‘’But we truly love each other. We want to be together forever. We know that we are young, but we also know that we can make this work;;

   ‘’And perhaps you can,’’ Tony begins slowly, ‘’When you are older.’’

   ‘’You both just finished yout college courses. You don’t have an apartment together  or anything. Where would you stay?’’

   ‘’In the apartment that we just paid first months’ rent on,’’ you clear your throat, ‘’We got signed yesterday.’’

   ‘’Well this is news to me,’’ Tony raises an eyebrow, ‘’May?’’

   ‘’This is my first time hearing about it, too.’’

   ‘’There’s more,’’ you say timidly taking in a deep breath before Peter continues for you.

   ‘’We got married. Last week at the courthouse.’’

   May and Tony look at you, searching for any sign that the two of you may be kidding.        Tony’s expression is unreadable, but Mya is obviously livid.

   ‘’What the f-’’

   ‘’How dare you two go against your orders,’’ Tony asks quietly, softly.

   ‘’With all due respect, Mr. Stark, you're always the one that’s telling me to chase my dreams, no matter what anyone says. And, me marrying her was my dream and now it's a reality. So if anything-’’

   ‘’Kid,’’ Tony snaps, using a phrase towards Peter that he hasn’t used since the man started college, ‘’Don’t you dare say that this was my fault. I told you to go after your dreams academically. In your career. In your work. You know full well that this was not what I meant.’’

   ‘’Have you two any idea what you’ve done? Marriage is a commitment, alright? This isn't something that you should have rushed into. You two,’’ May adds., pointing between the two of you, ‘’have made a mistake.’’

   ‘’No, we have not. We love each other. We don’t take this lightly. We asked you months ago-’’ you try to say.

   ‘’And we told you no,’’ Tony steps in, cutting you off, ‘’I can’t imagine that your family is too thrilled about this stint.’’

   ‘’We haven't’ told them yet,’’ you quietly confess, ‘’We’re going to tell them at graduation.’’

   Tony shakes his head, turning away from the both of you and looking out the large, square window that overlooks the city.

   ‘’You are children in the grand scheme of things. You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into. Ben and i might not have been married that long, but it was tough. It can be tough when life throws things at you.’’

   ‘’I’m sorry I was just thrown at you,’’ Peter’s voice cracks, but his facial expression never budgies, like itis st in stone.

   May fixes him with an icy look, ‘’Don’t you dare, Peter Parker. You know that I love you and I don’t regret taking you in. We all know that’s not what this is about.’’

   ‘’It’s about you two not thinking things through. We didn’t want you to get married before you get out there into the world after college. If your relationship got through that, okay, then. Get married. But you two had to rush  ahead because you think you know better than we do.’’

   ‘’Mr. Stark, it’s not like that. May, you know me better than that. Look, I’m sorry if you two can’t accept this, but it is what it is. We’re married. We’re adults. We’ve made our own decision.’’

   Tony laughs bitterly, and Peter’s hand tightness over your.

   ‘’Fine then, kid. Since you think you’re so grown, and don’t need me anymore, I’ll give you what you want. Don’t count on me coming to that graduation,’’Tony walks aps the two of you, pushing through you to make you and Peter disconnect your hands.

It feels like anomen, almost. That a relationship will be broken and never fixed again.

The feeling and the tightness in your stomach area only intensified when may leaves without another word, sparing you one last look as she shakes her head.

Decisions were made.

Relationships were tested and some seemed to have fizzled out.

In order for the star that is your marriage to continue burning bright two other relationships fixed and fell right out of the night sky and onto the cold, dark, ground.

It’s too early yet to decide if it was worth it.

You and Peter don’t talk about it that night. In fact, you barely talk at all. You go to bed,a s does he. Your backs face each other as you sleep on the blow up mattress, grateful that some of your friends helped you impromptu move in today.

Things don’t go back to normal so soon. Peter hands you your morning coffee with a smile that doesn't reach his eyes and you kiss him with passion that had long been forgotten and is now easily replaced by routine.

You don’t really talk until two days later, where you decide that just because your relationships with May and Tony, and his relations with May and Tony, ended, doesn't mean this one should be left behind, too.

So Peter holds your hand as you both enter the arena for graduation, decorated caps perched on your heads and black gowns clothing your bodies.

       Ned and Miles are talking while Shuri helps Michelle go over her speech for the commencement ceremony.

   Peter’s hand rus smooth circles on the small of your back as you watch parents and family mill in and out and around to find students and greet them before they must take either seats and you all must go to the graduate waiting room.

   T’Challa an Ramonda have come all the way form Wakanda to see Shuri.

   Michelle, Miles, and Ned’s families are all here.

   Your family is here, too, sitting off in the right balcony after having said hello to ou and Peter at breakfast this morning.

   But two people are missing, and yo and Peter know that this day could never be the same without them.

   ‘’I’m glad I’m not too late.’’

   You turn to see May dressed in a white, floral gown, carrying a small box and a bouquet of flowers.

   Peter lets go of your hand, leaving your side for the first time all day to embrace her.

   Her tears soak his graduation owners she takes in the vision of her one and only nephew, standing tall and ready to walk across the stage in just a half hour.

   ‘’I’m glad you came,’’ Peter’s voice cracks, and she presses a kiss to his cheek.

   ‘’You know I wouldn't miss this,’’ May reminds him, turning to you and opening an arm for you, initiating a hug.    

Words go unspoken, but not is not the time.

   Some things are better left unsaid anyway.

   That stands true when, lo and behold, Tony Stark shoes up moments later.

   Peter releases himself from his embrace with May, strolling over to the older man.

   Peter and Tony stare at eachother, dark brown eyes meeting hazel ones.

   No words are said but a conversation is definitely being held.

   Whatever is spoken between the two, it causes Peter to fall into Tony’s arms sobbing as the older man embraces him,

   It’s a moment that feels so private that you almost look away.

   That is until Tony motions you over, and pulls you into a hug, too.

   ‘’I’m proud of both of you. You’re adults now. Gonna have to get use to letting you make your own mistakes and your own choices.’’

   There is so much more left to say.

   Things that you don’t want to hold onto until after the ceremony, but that you'll have to.

   So you bid them a goodbye, telling them to get to their seats as you, Peter, Miles, Shur, Ned and MJ file into the room where the rest of the graduates are waiting.

   Things were left unsaid, and conversations will definitely have to be held.

   It doesn’t matter, right now though. You cheer and clap when Peter crosses the stage. He does the same for you. You and all of your friends endure the ritual of pictures being taken and even meet each other's families.

   It’s an hour after the ceremony is over that you and Peter finally walk hand-in-hand towards May, Tony, and the rest of your family.

   It shocks you that you use the word ‘’rest’’ but , then again,it doesn't’. It’s true. The conversations can, and will, wait for later. You're celebrating with your family right now.

   There will be plenty of time for everything else later.

   So you snuggle into Peter’s side as Tony tells a joke, making the whole table laugh.

   Soon, you’ll tell them you’re married,

   Then, you’ll talk to May and Tony about your plans.    

Finally, you'll fall into bed with Peter, ready to say goodnight and kiss each other before drifting off to sleep.

   ‘’I love you, Mrs. Parker,’’ Peter whispers low enough for only you to hear.

   ‘’I love you, too, Mr. Parker,’’ you respond back before giving him alight kiss.

   At least for right now, that’s definitely more than good enough.

DISCLAIMER- I OWN NO RIGHTS TO MARVEL CHARACTERS OR THEIR FICTIONAL WORLDS, I AM JUST USING THEM BECAUSE THEY INSPIRE FANFICTION

@ashanti-notthesinger​ @destinio1​ @afraiddreamingandloving​ @starsshines-blog​ @airis-paris14​ @syreanne​ @chaneajoyyy​ @90sinspiredgirl​ @shemiahsmelanin @zillmonger @skysynclair19 @bidibidibombaclaat @marvelpotterlove @constantlycravingtheunknown @imaginewhoever @wakanda-inspired @pocmarvelworks @theunsweetenedtruth @dreampovx

[andyfaesykes]

text || Jamie&Andy

[5 pm]

Jamie: Hey ma, this is Jamie. Uncle Micah said he was gonna tell you about giving me your number.

Andy: Hey kiddo. Yeah, I got his call yesterday. What's up?

Jamie: Kiddo? I'm 18.

Andy: I know, and I'm 35, thanks for the reminder.

Jamie: Sorry not sorry?

Andy: 😒

Jamie: Love you.

Jamie: I need medical history and no one really knows yours.

Andy: Love you too, kid.

Andy: Major depression (20), Becker Muscular Dystrophy (20), and Fibromyalgia (35).

Andy: Think that's about it. If I think of anything else, I'll let you know.

Jamie: Wait, what? Are you okay?

Andy: Not particularly? I'm dealing. The Fibro and the BMD are teaming up to make my life hell but, y'know...

Jamie: Is that why you left the spotlight like you did?

Andy: Yeah, basically.

Jamie: Where are you now? Can I come see you?

Andy: I'm someplace nice, safe, and away from the spotlight. Sure, when?

Jamie: Spring break? Since I've got commitments for Thanksgiving and Christmas already.

Andy: Works for me. [insert address here]

Andy: How have you been, since Miles' wedding?

Jamie: I promise I won't give that out.

Jamie: I've been good, graduated high school, started college, come back home every couple weekends.

Andy: That'd be a scandal, wouldn't it?

Andy: And what are you studying?

Jamie: Provided anyone believed me.

Jamie: Drama.

Andy: True.

Andy: Really? Getting into acting?

Jamie: Yeah, I am. It's cos of you.

Andy: Me? I'm honored.

Andy: So, being the nosy mom I am, what's your love life like?

Jamie: Yes, you.

Jamie: Nonexistent. But there might be someone I like.

Andy: Oh? Do tell.

Jamie: I don't stand a chance, it's just a crush.

Andy: Why do you say that?

Jamie: She's so out of my league, not to mention she's probably straight.

Andy: SHE?!

Andy: So, you ask her if she's into girls.

Jamie: How?

Andy: You go up to her and start a conversation and ask if she's into women. Because if you don't ask, you won't know. Unless you manage to get drunk with her and wake up the next morning in bed with her. WHICH reminds me that alcohol addiction is a thing I struggled with, so yeah...

Andy: Or, if you're not looking for direct questioning, you can ask if she's watched the L Word, or if she's excited about the new L Word coming out, or, if you own suspenders, you put them on and ask her what she thinks.

Jamie: That is a lot of info in one text...

Jamie: What is this about suspenders?

Andy: Sorry.

Andy: Women in suspenders are hot.

Jamie: I mean... true.

Andy: Exactly.

Jamie: Okay, I'm gonna go get dinner and maybe think about talking to her.

Andy: Let me know how it goes.

Jamie: I will.

[830 pm]

Jamie: OH MY GOD SO I WORE THE SUSPENDERS AND ASKED WHAT SHE THOUGHT AND SHE SAID I LOOKED LIKE THIRTEEN WHO SHE REALLY LIKES COS SHE THINKS YOU'RE HOT AND I ACCIDENTALLY TOLD HER YOU'RE MY MOM!

Andy: CONGRATS! SHE'S QUEER!

Jamie: What?

Andy: You officially stand a chance.

Jamie: I got that part, but what? You're not mad?

Andy: No, I'm not, sweetheart. You do look like me and who is gonna believe some random college girl that she met Andrea Sykes' illegitimate child?

Jamie: Fair... It does seem implausible, doesn't it?

Andy: Yeah, but it's cool. Keeps us both safe. And you get to brag.

Andy: Are you gonna ask her out?

Jamie: I don't know.

Andy: Get to know her, see what she's like, and then ask her out.

Jamie: Thanks, it means a lot. And I'm not out at a home for... obvious reasons. I mean you know how my parents reacted when I wanted to got to dad's wedding.

Andy: You're welcome, kiddo. And this will stay between us, But you know Miles will have your back too, even if your other parents don't, right? You'll always have a home with us.

Jamie: I know. Think it's why they don't like that I want you two in my life.

Andy: I'm sorry I haven't been there more.

Jamie: It's fine, you've obviously had a lot going on and you're a big star. No time for us little folk.

Jamie: I'm kidding.

Andy: I have the time now, and I will change that. I'm lucky you even want me in your life, but I will always be here for you, from here on out.

Andy: I love you, kiddo.

Jamie: I look forward to it.

Jamie: Love you too, ma.