#like no shit all of the character art was red flags but you didnt connect it until the braids

[anissapierce]

As a nonblack person its ... Uncomfortable to be reminded of how art of 'cool' nonblack characters from nonblack borrows heavily from black characters in a way i cant ignore like giving a pale east asian girl box braids and scalp braids ...but it does kinda shake you out ur own idiocy.

Edit Fuck it im adding a visual example

[ellerevelle]

okay so im feeling crazy and detached again (as usual lately)

but instead of spiraling into absolute fucking panic, I’m deciding to take today to just ... not wholly subscribe to this manner of thinking BUT. JUST FOR NOW. I feel like taking some of the craziness flack off myself and blaming it on some shit outside of myself. Because feeling this weird and detached cant all just be me. So here’s a brainstorming of whats got me fucked up, in no particular order: 

Trump is our stupid President

That guy who told me he loved me daily and asked me to be his girlfriend after basically living with me immediately after meeting me and I fell for hard despite a ton of red flags CHEATED on me while I was away visiting home. 

And then blamed it on MY bad communication? fuck that guy. 

But now I see one of the girls he slept with (multiple times, three days in a row) I see her everywhere all the time in everyones instagrams, at everyones parties... ugh. 

Um. People are dying. Close to me. More importantly and spefcifically women I love are dead. 

I didnt get to see Inga before she died. I was too busy forging a relationship with CHEATER GUY. Didnt get home in time to see her. Talk to her. 

Grandma. This has been the whole first year without her, come November. Its subtle, but terrible and I hate it. She was my last matriarch. The last woman who’s blood is in me. 

because Mom’s dead too. And has been since August of 2015. 2015, right? God it feels like forever ago now, probably because I’ve pushed it away. She died unexpectedly and NO ONE IN MY FAMILY HAS SAID THE WORD SUICIDE OUT LOUD even though thats what happened. She OD’d on prescribed opiate painkillers to escape her depression. And we NEVER talk about it. 

So I kindof feel insane. Not talking about things that are clearly there. Like, are they not clearly there for anybody else? Now all my women are gone. My brother literally avoids talking about feelings. My dad is a little more receptive but is more the comforting type than the forthcoming, express onesself type. Getting sentimentality out of my brother is like pulling teeth sometimes. But yet if his son does something cute, its God’s Work and he cant help but cry and get that beautiful lovie squishy look on his face. 

I’m jealous of my own nephew. I see the way my Mom loved me, in the way my Brother loves his son. And I miss being that perfect to somebody. My Dad loves me forever and always and there isnt a word for how grateful I feel for our relationship. I dont take that for granted at all. It actually kindof scares me because... hah, well what if Dad dies? Like, before I’m ready? I’ll be even MORE fucked! 

Anyways. Austins been pissing me off. I’m sorry but although Polyamory is possible and cool and im sure quite beautiful for many, 

The Austin poly scene is fucked and tainted and a bunch of slutty people having orgies and not TALKING about anything and its ruining the healthy vibe poly is incumbent upon. 

So, whatever I’m angry. So fuck that noise. 

I feel like because of cheater guy and my anger at the psuedo poly orgy sexy bullshit scene in Austin, I feel like I’ve broken up with a whole group of friends. Like, I dont want to be around any of it. I dont want to see you eat mushrooms and twerk. I dont want to see your stupid, super naked outfit. I dont think its hot you carry a flogger or can pole dance or slink around like a tarantino character. It used to be hot and thrilling and fun, when I felt like it was connected and for love and sharing and caring. But now it all just is slutty and vapid and useless and cold. Like a sad clown. And thats not sexy, its dark and desperate. *this is about both VERY particular people and broad general strokes. There are several extremely amazing friends in the scene and outskirts thereof that truly inspire me and dont fall into this catagory in my mind, although they’d probably still be angry with me for dissing things ^^ the way I just did but. fuck it, this is MY journal entry and I can be irrational if I want to. 

You cant be open fucking minded ALL the time. Sometimes people really arent acting with anyones best intentions but their own. I’ve used up SO MUCH FUCKING ENERGY making myself soften and open and “woke” and trying to go with everybodys flow. And I’m exhausted and over it. I have my own principles and theres nothing wrong with having differing opinions than someone else. 

All summer I’ve been feeling like I’m a bad person for not liking or not understanding this hyper sexual scene in Austin. I thought, “why am I shaming a scene thats giving me opportunity to really shine and be free?” when, in an IDEAL world, yes thats what the scene could be. But in what actually fucking unfolds -- humans SUCK and dudes SUCK and girls SUCK and everybody (especially when horny) are fucking STUUUUPIIIIIDDDD and ideals get thrown out the window! people arent nearly as “woke” as I gave them the actual credit for. Seriously. So! I’m fuckin OUTTIE! 

I’ve felt broken up with a whole scene. FUck cheater guy, fuck poly, fuck orgies, fuck people who are reckless with my love. 

Back to the list:

I’ve been eating too much out of boredom. Which I’ll blame on lack of quality social interaction in this town. Where are the scholars? Where are the sexy edgy BRAINY people? I’m tired of hot people in little clothing in the summer. 

Ah! Another thing for the list. its been TOO FUCKING HOT OUT. FOR MONTHS. 100 DEGREES FOR MONTHS. thats enough to make anyone insane. 

So i’m sick of teenie boppers in their nothing outfits in the heat. 

I want old smart people in peacoats. I miss books and weather and frowns. Irritable debates about literature or physics or religious theories. 

I only like my own brand of cigarettes. 

My roommates are annoying me. I dont really like my house anymore. Theres too many humans and not enough square footage. Four people to one kitchen is TOO MUCH SHIT. EVERYONE BUYS THEIR OWN BANANAS AND THEY ALLLLLL GO BROWN ON THE TABLE. thats four peoples worth of bad bananas. FUcking stupid. 

I dont have a hairdresser here. Sometimes when I feel shitty I like to throw money at the problem. Buy something. Get a haircut. See a show. Etc. 

And my hairdresser love is in Philadelphia and getting a flight to get a haircut is slightly insane (without a longer visit)

I miss Adam. 

What else can I blame my upset on. Shitty politics, shitty weather, shitty social sexual scene in my town, I dont like my house, I dont like my hair. Its too expensive to live here. No one in my immediate acquaintance or friend circle seems interested in the sort of romantic relationship I’m seeking, nor if they did does anyone have the “it” factor I look for which I’ll *try* to describe maybe in another post. 

So. I sit inside my room and try to fix stupid remedial things as if itd make a big impact. I tidy and put away clothes in attempt to feel less cluttered but am too scared to make BIG cuts and BIG changes. So instead I light insence and watch netflix and eat too much. I have started going to Barre3 again more and have been semi regular with therapy so thats something. 

I really ought to start doing “morning pages” like the book Fiona loaned me suggests in its FIRST GODDAMN CHAPTER. But, alas, I am lazy. 

No, I have become recently lazy. 

I’m spoiled. I dont do things I dont want to do. Its a major character flaw. I only push and struggle if I see worthyness in it, and lately theres been serious lack of evidence of that in, well, anything.

 #depression! 

so, I guess in summation- because nothing has been a WORTHWHILE struggle, EVERYTHING feels like a struggle. Humph. thats... thats not good. But it does, because i dont see the worth in a lot of goals or tasks or even relationships, (and i dont mean the greedy “what can I GET for ME out of this!” sort of b.s.) (I mean the... conserve precious energy, is this going to teach me something or help me grow as a person or bring love into my life sort of vibe) ...

when I dont think the energy expenditure is going to pay off, I dont do it. Or I do it half way or lazily or with tentative fear. I guess I could do an experiment and just do everything with HOPE and see if my energy put in will get a different result... but. like. I feel like I did that all summer and he cheated on me. And my “friends” said “dont be angry, be poly” and I couldnt call on my Mom or Grandma and so I call on eating and isolation and running away to visit home where no one cares I dont have a job. where the house is big and the air is cold and my friends are smart. 

I really miss Kristian. That was one of the greatest feelings of self love in my entire life. I felt like, if someone that special noticed ME. Saw ME. Little old, semi chubby, not famous ME, and wanted me around for a couple tour dates. Then I ought to believe in myself TOO. I wanted to dance, I wanted to make art, I wanted to take photos, I wanted to be bold, I wanted to be humble, I felt so open and content with myself. I was motivated to work out, I was motivated to eat healthy and clean and small portions. It was easy. It felt so fun. I loved him. I dreamt big. My imagination was so warm and excited. My inner critic was GONE. 

But he faded away. He got back with his ex. The shooting star left the sky. I’m still grateful for the experience at all, but. 

I feel a little stupid for thinking anything could’ve happened. 

And I truly miss feeling so special and excited about life. 

I dont want to run away from Austin out of fear. But I cant tell if I’m unhappy and want to leave genuinely, or if this is the spoiled part of me thats like, “this sucks, lets leave.” instead of pushing though, curating something better with some struggle, and sticking it out. 

How do people make big life decisions like this? I feel like thats what marriages do. People stay together and fight. But sometimes they get divorced anyways, its just been longer. More years wasted. When maybe it wouldve been healthier to leave sooner and cut the cord and be free to live without, sooner. 

I really like a lot of things about this city. But I really dislike a lot too. And I cant tell where I want my life to go, in a grand sense, so its hard to pick which attributes will matter in the long run. 

I dont think I should leave yet. Maybe a new house. Or like, serious efforts to declutter this one. Is this just excuses? Ugh. 

Declutter this house. If that doesnt feel better, leave the house and move to a new part of austin. If that doesnt feel better, leave austin. 

I need a job. 

[ryoshan]

after the fall spoilers /

when u wanna liveblog but ur the first person you know to start/finish reading: a collection of disorganised and contextless thoughts by an excitable brit

book: mentions weiss and ruby 

me: SCREAMING

fox is from vacuo!!!!!! i am VINDICATED 

ADA ADA ADA ADA 

split point of view per chapter is sososososososoososos GOOD SO GOOD DO GOOD 

nothing will beat novels for their ability to drop explicit details in a short period of time 

VELVET HAS A PHOTOGRAPHIC MEMORY 

coco adele? was that a typo? or is adele her middle name? stylistic choice? hmm 

what a fucking show off our boy fox is 

tiny criticism: pls stop knocking on about coco’s fashion sense we get it you’re doing that thing where you boil her down to one trait, hopefully this will happen less as the book goes on 

FOX CLAPPED HIS HANDS TO HIS EYES. “OH NO!” HE SAID. “WHYYYYYYY?” 

this initiation is some juicy fucking lore my guys 

y.. yatsuhashi CAN FUCK WITH MEMORIES???

dyou think when fox stutters over a word in team cfvy’s mental group chat, coco, yatsuhashi and velvet repeat his mistake back at him 

i am supremely interested to know how fox’s semblance interacts with rens

i literally fucking winded myself at the start of chapter 5 gasping so hard 

“she looked like she had a mortal wound in her side” OH HAHA VERY FUNNY I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE 

coco mentoring ruby has given me more life than anything so far

WEISS DONT BE MEAN TO YATSUHASHI 

oh im not comfortable with weiss calling fox red that sounds very weird and not at all in character it sounds too much like torchwick and im not about making that association 

WHY WOULD HER HAND GO TO MYRTENASTER ARE YOU REALLY GONNA FIGHT FY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HALLWAY WEISS?

i really did forget how much of an ego weiss has right in the beginning ive been writing her post development for too long 

BLAKE N VELVET BLAKE N VELVE T once again i gasped so hard my lungs hurt 

wow huh okay blake being violent is..... a surprise 

“I don’t believe in fighting prejudice with violence” jess is vindicated im so proud of my wife

COCO WAS GOING TO LIKE HER, VELVET THOUGHT you’re damn right she does

i dont like velvet and coco fighting ):

fox as the hardcore realist i am once again, VINDICATED

velvet employing the same words to gus as blake did to her..... aaa.....

yatsuhashi’s semblance makes me sad cause imagine if he made someone he thought cared about him forget him and it turned out to be really easy

UGH THE THEME IN THIS BOOK IS LEARNING LESSONS AND ITS SO APPARENT AAAAAA

fox and ruby interacted...... thank you for my life............

the inclusion of not only yatsu asking velvet to guide him so he can be better in terms of his language but also an active example of this happening is really pleasing to me 

as the player of a dnd character who always splits off from the group i can say with complete confidence fox splitting off from team cfvy in the sands of vacuo will almost certainly not go well

“she kept waiting for the others to see it” ;___;

PYRRHAAAA ;____________;

literally all it takes is her name and i am sad . 

this TEAM make my heart SURGE 

coco genuinely is the big explicit wlw i’ve been hoping for 

jesus christ coco hold urself together. 

fox vc alexa play darude: sandstorm 

OK BUT CYRANO IS MCFUCKING COOL MY DUDES I COULDNT HAVE IMAGINED SOMETHING LIKE THIS 

- as long as her remembered to charge his scroll. i knew it, boy’s gonna run out of battery . 

IF MY BOY GETS KILLED I’LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU ROOSTERTEETH

i love when things connect with canon i love it i love it 

why is coco of all people picking on velvet ): 

VELVET BITING BACK THO aaaaaa yay but also ):

uhg i love this fuck ign fami ly 

im.... emotional,,,,,

the cairn mission......... no wonder it was so hard..... im ): 

COCO FINALLY LETTIN VELVET DO SHIT YASS

I KNOW ITS JUST THE INDLUENCE OF GUS’ SEMBLANCE BUT IT MAKES ME SO SAD WHEN THEY FIGHT 

also im getting serious shadow of the colossus vibes

FOX BETTER NOT DIE BERTIE NEEDS TO GET FUCKED 

i love my son he’s so strong and smart 

theres so many death flags here i dont even know who they’re on anymore

lol jk he’s fine

i really love how sure of himself fox is and so he should be he’s fought really hard to be confident

it is REALLY cool seeing an actual scene from the show written from velvet’s perspective, im all about this 

moro is gonna be happy about glynda i know it she’s fab 

“we just need you to tell us everything” “ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING” ozpin still putting tremendous amounts of pressure on teenagers i see

“we prefer to speak with you individually so we can separate you from your support system while tugging on your vulnerabilities” 

yatsu getting mad ):

im not too fond on how blithely ‘coco never picked up on that’ regarding the finer points of velvet’s tendencies when coco has been established already as a people watcher and observational thinker.,

CFY TO THE RESCUE 

what the FUCK these adults???? hello????? “i deserved that” NO YOU DIDNT???? what did glynda think he was gonna do, stab ozpin??? 

“haha we broguth her here alone to TEST you!!! you passed because you came to her!!!! hahahahahah!!!!!!” fuck you ozpin 

no explanation as to WHY she had to be brought alone as if her ‘keen observational skills’ couldnt have been asked about in the presence of her team or indeed pulled fro the written report she’ll be making 

this is such a formative mission for them and i like it but damn ozpin really up here ruining it all 

the death flags were yatsu’s ALL ALONG 

oh god the impact of velvet using some of these weapons has not been lost on me and it must be devastating for her 

“if this didnt qualify, what did?” me when i get to the end of a game with 3468758976495 different things hoarded and dropping them all on the final boss

why are coco and velvet having a conversation like they’re about to die noones dying NOONES DYING 

nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

FUCK RIGHT OFF WITH SHIFTING TO A FLASHBACK YOU WANKERS

thumbelina peach...? really???? but hey looks like beacon has more than 4 professors now

“noone knew what had frozen that beast there” interesting . 

its interesting to me that so far its been atlas thats been shown to be the least accepting of faunus but now its becoming clear mistral is worse, worse enough that velvet wont even consider going there

“velvet waited for someone to ask her what she wanted, but they never did” :( 

anyway i cant wait to see how coco is gonna make the blind worm her bitch

yatsu is so shy about his semblance im sad for him, 

I CANT BELIEVE I THOUGHT YOU WERE CUTE 

coco getting edward to help ;_____;

its both funny and depressing that sssn are here and sage and scarlet are still yet to have any actual fuckin lines or DESCRIPTORS for that matter 

fox tapping that @ everyone command and getting chewed out for it 

COCO YOU BITCH THAT WAS ART 

u kno whats getting me most? 

BOOK #2 WHEN???????????