#like my brain understands what my brain makes

[witchesverse]

ur droolin' for a squeaky

pairing: vampire!wanda x human!femreader

summary: you've been distracting wanda's mind for weeks. she needs to deal with you before you ruin everything for her.

content: noncon, blood drinking, pain, clit rubbing, running from wanda, face slapping, on the verge of tears, begging, stalking.

a/n: shoutout to my awesome gf helping me write this (writers block sucks)

masterlist

When Natasha suggested Wanda acquire a human pet, she laughed in her face. It was the most bizarre thought. A powerful, high-ranking vampire does not need an idiotic, useless blood bag.

That was until you. Everything about you reeled her in, making her obsessed. She would zone out in important meetings or events because her mind was filled with violent and pornographic images of you.

"Wanda." Another high-ranking vampire, Carol Danvers, snapped at her. "What is going on? You have been distracted for the past few weeks."

Natasha sneered. "She's obsessed with a little human."

Wanda scoffed; a lie smoothly following. "Humans are below me. I would not become obsessed with such a weak creature."

"I don't care what your problem is, but you need to work it out," Carol sternly said. "I will not have you ruining this for us. Do you understand?"

Wanda nodded. She wasn't going to let a pathetic human ruin this.

-

Your heart was pounding and your legs ached with each step. You were exhausted but couldn't stop running; she would catch you. The trees had gotten thicker causing the sunlight to barely shine through, making it difficult to see.

So, naturally, you had to fall over a rock.

"Shit." You scrawled to your knees, ignoring the throbbing pain of your newly exposed skin and blood trickling down your knee.

There was no point in running anymore. She was already here within the time it had taken you to stand. You squinted, trying to find her in the shadows of the tree.

You couldn't find her.

Some people would think that was a good thing, but you knew it wasn't. You felt her hungry eyes raking over your body. Over the past few days, it had become a game for her. She would have you on a paranoid edge, pushing your fear to the limit, then pounce.

"I know you're watching me." You wanted to sound brave, but you didn't.

Silence.

"You're fucking sick, you know that?" You screamed, hoping that your rage would pull her out of the shadows.

Silence.

"Please," Your voice wavered with emotion. "Stop doing this."

Your heart dropped to your stomach as she emerged from the shadows. Her brown hair was tied in a tight bun and her bright red eyes complimented her pasty white skin.

She glanced at your bleeding knee and licked at her fangs. She smiled as you stumbled backwards, trying to create space between each other.

She was quick to fill that space. She grabbed your chin, forcing you to look at her and placing her other hand on your hip to keep you close.

"Are you scared, little one?"

"Does being a monster damage your brain cells?" You snapped, irritated by her stupid question.

Her hand collided with your cheek; her strong and painful slap made your skin go hot and sting. You tried to pull away from her but she kept her grip tight on your hip.

"Are you scared, little one?" She sternly asked again.

"Yes," You answered honestly.

You were fucking terrified. For many days and nights, she followed and hurt you. You tried going to the police, begging for their help, but who in their right mind would believe that a blood-sucking monster was following you? Her saliva would slowly heal a wound so you didn't even have the bite marks to prove it.

She grinned. She pushed her face into the crook of your neck, breathing in deeply and moaning at the scent of your blood. Her fangs lightly brushed against your skin.

"What do you want from me?" You sniffled, trying to contain your tears.

"You." She replied. "You're mine and I want you."

You shook your head. "You don't own me."

She laughed. "Oh, I think I do."

A sharp pain that was like an uncontrollable fire spread across your neck and chest as she dug her fangs into you. You squirmed in her hold, trying to break away from her but her inhumane grip kept you close.

"No, no."

The pain was unbearable until her venom was pumped into your system. You sighed in relief, slumping in her hold. Vampire venom can be used for many things, sex being one of them. The venom makes a human incredibly sensitive and horny, basically turning your brain to mush.

She pinned you against a tree. One hand held onto your waist whilst the other slipped into your panties and rubbed small circles on your clit.

Your blood filled her mouth and dripped down the sides, staining her shirt. She groaned, her grip tightening on your hips and fingers moving faster.

"Please." You whimpered.

Her laughter was muffled. "You don't even know what you're begging for."

You were overwhelmed with pleasure. The venom made everything feel more intense and powerful, even the slightest touch made you squirm.

"Stop." You weakly pushed against her.

She snarled and dug her fangs further into you. She would only stop when she was finished, not when you were.

"Please...” you beg, giving up on physically fighting back. “I can’t-”

The wicked pairing of blood loss from Wanda’s fangs in your neck with your blinding climax washing over you rendered you limp, and you felt your weight drop as your knees buckled beneath you.

Your thighs clamped around Wanda’s fingers, still steadily rubbing circles on your swollen clit, and your stomach began spasming. The little strength you had left was put towards an involuntary whine, your voice full of air as you arched away from her touch. A wince falls from her bloodied lips into the curve of your ear at your blunt fingernails digging red crescents into her pallor skin.

Just as quickly as it came, though, the pleasure melted from your body, and you were reminded of your achy limbs, exhausted from weaving your body through the woods. The edges of your vision began to fade to black, and your mouth went dry.

"Sleep well, little one."

[alexmasonistired]

Id like to start this off by saying that this is an absolutely lovely post; thank you OP for making it. Now I would like to share our own experience with the education system in general, and what our state called- “Critical minds classes”.

Now if you don’t know what that is- it’s a thing in our state where 30 kids are chosen by the state to go into these special critical minds classes. We in particular were put in critical minds math and let me tell ya- IT FUCKING SUCKED.

All the class was, was us sitting in a certain spot that we could not move from the ENTIRE OVER AN HOUR THAT WE WERE IN THERE in SILENCE while working on these list of MathXL links. And if you know how MathXL works- yeahhh it was absolutely awful. Some of the worst parts of that class though, was that we had to keep our bags up front the entire time and we wouldn’t get anything because we wasn’t allowed out of our seat, and worst of all- the teacher that lead the class, always seemed like she just didn’t wanna be there. She felt intimidating to us so we never were able to approach her with our getting insanely nervous. She reminded us of the bodies mother with the way she looked so that made it worse. (Also edit: I just remembered- I believe for a good chunk of the first half of the semester she was watching our computers??)

Btw- remeber those check lists of MathXL links that I mentioned earlier??? Yeah. There was like- 18-20 of those links on these checklists that we used to have a month to complete! But then it was shortened to only a WEEK because the semester was ending and she needed to get grades in ig.

We had a whole ass panic attack infront of our history teacher becuase we were on list SIX, and there was TEN of these things to do. And I swear it felt like each list just had more links- we fucking hated it. I believe we finally made it to list eight before we eventually gave up and let the burn out take us over and just wrote in our diary the entire period. Except for the days we had quizzes and did blookets, which was hardly ever. At that point we were just SO fucking done of just not being able to understand ANYTHING put in front of us no matter how hard we tried. We just barely passed that class with a D.

I also remeber that we went to summer school after seventh grade because our grades were so low our teachers didn’t know if they could pass us. It was the same with in fifth grade, the teachers were nervous to let us go into middle school because we were just barely passing. Our grades were that bad.

We got to this point(the whole critical minds math thing and giving up,) because ever since like- second grade, we had been having massive trouble with math and grades and over all just confidence in general. Especially in the math field.

I remember we began cheating on a lot of our assignments and tests in second grade because our confidence had been bumped down that badly, and we just couldn’t really understand it. Or at least I believe that we couldn’t understand it- I’ll get into second grade math in another post. Regardless, we ended up sizing cheating as a last ditch effort a lot in school because we got to a point where we felt like we didn’t have a choice.

We would try so hard at something in math, only for our brain not being able to remember it, how to do it, and for it to also not make sense in our brain. It absolutely crushed us one day when we ended up in an argument with the father one day over another bad math grade and we yelled: “Is my best not enough not for you!?” And he just yelled back: “NO!” That day crushed us. The father always says that we just weren’t applying ourselves enough, which hurt even MORE because we WERE applying ourselves more, we WERE trying, and as hard as we could too! But we can only do so much, but it honestly seems like the parents, especially the father, just cannot realize that. And it hurts us, so much.

We always saw our friends in school absolutely soar and it was fucking awful how they would be getting into honors classes, getting to go up a grade or even graduate early, and then we would be sitting here in what is supposed to be an “extra help” class when in reality it didn’t help us at all. Due to our mental disabilities/Illnesses, we weren’t able to learn like the other kids were able too. All we’ve ever wanted was to be smart enough to be able to fly through school like our friends, study efficiently, and get our diploma normally like any other kid, but no. We didn’t have that experience and we never will due to our life and the way that our brain works and we fucking hate it.

There was also of times where we felt stupid, useless, and pathetic for not being able to keep up with our allistic, and non-ADHD-having peers. It especially was rough considering that that was the standard our parents set us too all the time, and we just could not reach the standards that she and the father set for us.

We tried tutoring a few times, but it honestly didn’t help much either. We never ever got the help that we needed growing up and I know that we never will get the help we need. And I hate it. So many people failed us when it came to education and I look back and can’t help but feel bad for us. We were just a young, neurodivergent kid with a dissociative disorder along with many other disorders alone with it, and a complete mess too. A mess that no one really bothered to help with. It was awful.

What we needed back then was one-on-one assistance with someone who could understand us and what was going on with us, we never got that. And that was because everyone around us failed us. Either failing to recognize our needs, or just not thinking that we needed them because it wasn’t super duper obvious that we did.

Kinda fucked up that we all coo and sympathize with "former gifted kids" but never talk about the students who had to stay late after school or over the summer for remedial classes/clubs, who struggled to get above a C, who were given up on or punished. Who tried so hard to understand or just couldn't. Who were grouped with the "stupid kids" (a classmate called us that in remedial math btw)

Autistic kids and adhders who can't relate to their gifted peers and are constantly alienated by them. Kids who struggled in school due to dealing with a chronic or mental illness or physical/learning/developmental disability. Those of us who have had to drop out of highschool or college. Kids who worked so hard and wanted to be seen as smart, but never were. Who watched as their peers seem to fly by them in school, while they were left behind. Who were bullied and put down by those in the gifted and honors classes. Whose confidence was absolutely destroyed by education.

I love you all and I'm so sorry the school system failed you. I'm sorry you weren't properly accommodated and given the education you deserved. I'm sorry people put you down for something that they never had to fight for.

[lusanchromchinnn]

Viago De Riva your Undiagnosed But Extremely Obvious OCD is fascinating and so so revealing of your character and motivations ohh my gosh. Like of course your obsession is poisons and being poisoned! I refuse to believe that growing up adjacent to the royal court wasn’t the driving force behind this because literally where else would someone hear so many stories of people succumbing to assassination by poison. I bet nobles were dropping like flies to the crows every day. I bet he saw his father’s food taster (we know he visited during Viago’s youth) and realised how truly possible it was to die from a bite of food. Bonus points if he actually witnessed a food taster keel over in front of him. Paranoia through the fucking roof as he researches poisons for years on end before he’s ever presented with the option of joining the crows. Maybe he only drank out of clear glasses he could hold up to the light. Maybe he insisted on preparing all of his own meals rather than let servants near his food, much to the chagrin of his mother. AND OH GOD HIS MOTHER.

We know she was an alcoholic, and that Viago hated her drinking, it scared him as a small child. But what if his mind won’t let him watch her sip a glass of wine without the image of it being her last. She could be a target as a mistress of the king, just as he is as a royal bastard. Perhaps he becomes the one who uncorks her bottles and pours her glass after glass, because he’d rather her drunk over dead. Of course, there’s the very real possibility she succumbs to alcohol poisoning, which is so ironic and so fucking sad. He pours her final glass and becomes what he fears most.

It’s a no-brainer that he joined the crows later on. Not only does it give him access to the poisons and antidotes he’s craved for years, but it gives him a sense of control. He’s making himself less of a target than his half-siblings (and it’s more socially acceptable for a crow to wear gloves constantly lmao). He’s so skinny because he refuses to eat unless he’s 100% positive his food is safe, checking and double checking even if he prepares it himself. He knows, logically, that his fears are unfounded, that he (or someone he trusts completely like Teia) made this dish, or poured this drink. But he needs to be sure, or his brain won’t stop screaming that he’s going to die! Right now! God forbid he’s proven right too, like with the adder in the wardrobe that he survived because of his doses of antivenom. I just knowww his compulsions got so much worse for a while after that, it was so cathartic and miserable for him. I understand this freak and his freak ways. What a guy, thank you Courtney Woods.

[ask-the-pioneer]

do you remember your father?? i mean, if you remember having one as a pup

"My other parent...?"

"I don't remember them... him... at all. I'm sorry." She says as if apologizing to herself. "Mom would never talk about him, and I was too young to even understand you need a mate to have pups, or that slugcats form colonies."

Marbles is lost in her thoughts again. You keep asking questions, and it unearths some of her long forgotten memories.

"There was this one time... me, my sibling, and mom, we got to observe a big noodlefly nest. I saw their delicious eggs hanging from the ceiling for the first time. When I asked mom about it, she explained that when two noots pair up, they lay their eggs in safe places so they could hatch. Little baby noodles attach to the parent's tail for safety. «Like slugcats!», she said. So, of course my tiny child mind pressed on. «Do slugpups hatch from eggs? Can I lay an egg? Can I eat egg? Was I a good egg?». Mom put up with my nonsense, I think she found it funny... until my brilliant child brain connected the dots, and asked «if I'm an egg, then who did she make me with». She hesitated, and the brief silence mixed with the look on her face is what seared that moment into my mind. «...With your father, of course. But, he's gone. Let's go get something to eat now. You want a blue fruit? I think we can get some of them down the pipe over there...», Mom blurted out as she took my hand in hers. I followed with «Why?», but she pretended not to hear it. In the end, my mind was quickly distracted from asking any more awkward questions by the promise of a tasty meal. I can't remember any other time my second parent was brought up again..."

[sturnlsstuff]

GENTLEMAN | matt sturniolo

loser!matt x partygirl!reader

matt gets dragged to a party, when he meets the "party queen" who definitely doesn't find him terribly boring like he thought she would, which she makes sure he understands.

requested by @mattsobvimyfav . divider credits. @anitalenia

— warnings; smutty smut, sub!matt, soft!dom!reader, making out, blowjob, riding, unprotected p in v, dirty talk, whiny matt (hot alert), pet names (pretty/good boy, baby, sweetheart...) cursing, praise kink lowkey, mentions of weed, cigs and alcohol, — english isn't my first language.

women like you were out of the league for guys like matt. you were a typical popular girl, partying every week and not like normal people did. you were the queen of the dance floor. party queen, that's how people called you. everyone with eyes and a brain admired the graceful way you carried yourself around. never missing parties, always staying until the very end, usually your friends had to carry you out of the building due to the excess alcohol in your blood and inability to stand on your own feet. when you were telling a joke, everyone laughed. when you were taking shots, so did others, that's how convincing you were.

you could have any guy you wanted, but no one was perfect for your standards. you were admired by girls who wanted to be like you and guys who wanted you.

matt was one of those people. he admired you.

he didn't know you well as a person who kept away from people. he was an observer type, only talked to his closest friends, of whom he had few. maybe even a little shy, that's what people called him, but really when he felt comfortable? he could be so interesting.

he had never talked to you before, only ever heard about you or knew what he had noticed. matt wasn't the party type, usually was practically dragged out of the comfort of his room. he didn't like looking for adventures. and today? some girl that his brothers were friends with, and that matt knew by sight, had a birthday and of course chris and nick once again dragged him out of the house for the party, ignoring his complaints. so that's how he found himself in this house full of rich, drunk kids, loud music blasting in his ears, every now and then someone would trip over his legs, causing him to roll his eyes. he sat half the party on the couch in the corner of the main room, arms crossed and beer in hand. he really wanted to go home, but his brothers would kill him if he didn't last until midnight. half an hour left.

unable to bear it any longer, he finally goes outside where the music was a little muffled, giving him the feeling of getting to breathe again. maybe that was the case. being surrounded by so many people was overwhelming. he lights a cigarette, which was his little addiction but helped him relax, and leans against the wall, praying that the minutes go by faster.

he started getting more and more relaxed, finally at peace, tilting his head back and blowing out clouds of smoke until he heard giggles. his eyes immediately opening, noticing you and your two friends coming out from behind the building and walking crookedly towards him, you searching for something in your purse. he would recognize the party queen everywhere.

"... i can't find it!! i swear i had it!!" you laugh, giving up with whatever you wanted to find, your purse slips off your shoulder just by the front door of the house, right next to where matt was standing. he automatically bends down and hands it to you, drawing the attention of you and your friends to him, which makes his heart beat faster. "oh helloooo, thank you," a smile appears on your face, that brings a slight warmth to his cheeks.

"yeah, no problem," he tries to keep it cool, scratching the back of his neck nervously. you look at your friends, gasping playfully, "ohhh, maybe this gentleman will have a lighter—" your gaze goes back to his blue eyes that were now wide. "do you have a lighter??? i think i lost mine!"

"a what— oh—" he snaps out of his trance, staring too hard at you which makes him blush even more. you were so beautiful. he clears his throat, "yeah, uh, i have one..." he hands it to you, your friends giggling at his nervousness, while you thought he's being really cute. "here you go."

"you're a life saveeeerrrrr," you're about to start searching for the cigarettes but he's quick to pass his own pack to you. "oh god, you're like an angel," your grin widens as you take a cigarette from him, putting it between your lips and lighting it up.

"girlll, my song is playing! can you hurry up?" your friend complains, causing you to roll your eyes.

"just go, i'll come in a minute."

"you sure?"

"yeah, go," you repeat yourself and stand next to matt who was leaning against the wall against, his heart pounding in his chest. he could feel your perfume mixed with... weed, perhaps? you give him the lighter and cigarettes back with a simple 'thank you'.

you both stand next to each other in silence that was starting to weigh on him, but he wasn't able to speak first. you both smoke your cigarettes when you finally look at him again. dressed all in black, a beer in one hand, on which you notice tattoos. oh, he's handsome as fuck.

"so" you speak up, getting his attention. "does this gentleman have a name?"

he smiles shyly, overwhelmed by your beauty. "i'm matt."

"matt," you repeat, tasting his name on your tongue. "i like it. suits you."

the way you repeat his name makes him feel both uncomfortable and strangely excited at the same time. he rubs the back of his neck nervously again, blowing out the smoke, just as you say your name too. he gives you a glance, "i know."

"oh, do you?" a smirk appears on your lips as you take another drag. he replies hesitantly, "well, i mean... who doesn't?"

you nod confidently, "right." your eyes travel to his tattooed arm again, feeling your stomach twisting in knots at the sight. he catches it and looks down at his arm as well. "i like them. make you look hotter," you confess.

he blinks, caught of guard by your words. he wasn't really used to people, especially not girls like you, saying things like that to him. mostly because he barely was leaving his house. he feels his heart race, a warmth spreading through his chest. "thanks."

"of course," you respond casually, checking him out once again before looking away with a small smile and taking another drag of the cigarette. you were slightly high, not really that drunk yet and you knew what you were doing. his awkwardness was so cute, there was no way you'd let this man go so quickly tonight. you actually felt like you need to have him.

matt finishes his beer in one swing, putting the empty bottle aside, causing your attention to get back to him.

the more you looked at him, the more he reminded you of someone, but there was no way you talked or even seen matt before. though, you decide to ask, "wait, don't i know you already?"

he raises his eyebrow, locking eyes with you. "me? i don't think so." i would definitely want you to, he thinks.

"oh, 'cause i feel like i do. or maybe you just remind me of someone—"

"i'm a triplet. you probably know my brothers."

"ohhh, wait—" you snap your fingers, trying to remember. "yeah, chris and— and nick? oh, now i know. never seen you before though. lowkey thought they're bullshitting about being triplets."

matt smiles amused, taking one last drag and throwing the butt of the cigarette on the ground, trampling it with his shoe. "yeah, m'not really out going."

"i see," you nod, smiling back. "i'd definitely remember you."

he chuckles softly, feeling his face warm at your words again. damn, get your shit together matthew. "really, huh?"

"yeah. with this looks and that—?" you point at his tattoos. "i promise, i would remember."

you didn't feel like beating around the bush, you liked him. he was extremely handsome, his hair looked so soft you wanted to run your hand through it, his eyes made you weak in your knees and his lips begged to be kissed. not to mention the aura he had around him, he intrigued you. matt was different than the rest of those assholes you met at parties.

he looks away shyly, the smile on his face makes your heart flutter. literal butterflies — something you've never had before.

you finish the cigarette in a comfortable silence, getting slightly overwhelmed after the weed you smoked before. leaning against the wall, your shoulder brushes against his, drawing his attention back to you.

"you good?"

"mhm, it's that cigarette, give me a second."

he nods, watching as you throw the rest of it aside. "okay. jus' don't go passing out on me."

"hey, i'm not that drunk i can even stand on my hands if you want. look—" you're literally bending over in front of him, hands on the ground, and you're ready to do it, but he quickly grabs your waist, forcing you to straighten up. matt tried his hardest not to look at your ass and the way your short dress rode up. his pants suddenly start to grow tighter but he ignores it.

"you better not—"

with a giggle, you turn around to face him, the feelings of his hands sends a shiver down your spine. "i could easily do that."

"sure," he raises his eyebrow, the blush on his cheeks only growing because of the closeness. "i don't think i'd know what to do with a drunk and unconscious party queen on my hands, if you did that."

"right, okay." you bite down on your bottom plump lip, which doesn't go unnoticed by him. "but what would you do with a slighty tipsy and definitely conscious party queen on your hands, hm?"

his eyes sparkle with amusement, heart rate subtly increasing at your promixity. "well, that's a pretty open-ended question," he replies, his voice low and gentle. "depends on the party queen personality and how she's feeling."

oh, he's funny.

"and if the party queen is feeling perfectly fine and have the best personality ever?"

the air between you two suddenly feeling charged with an unexpected, but pleasant tension. matt could feel himself getting more and more worked up. he tried to be the gentleman that handed you the purse a few minutes ago, or gave you a cigarette and a lighter, but it was getting hard. especially now, when he realizes his hands are still on your waist and you don't seem to mind at all.

"oh, in that case i'd probably just try to keep up 'n hope her great personality doesn't find me too terribly boring."

"nah, i think she finds you pretty intriguing actually." you tilt your head to the side, eyes dropping to his lips before moving back up. oh, those lips.... "and if she wanted to show you just how bad?"

he swallows hard, "you mean, hypothetically... if she wanted to show me she's interested?"

"mhm, yeah. exactly what i mean," you lean in, giving him time to push you away, but he doesn't. oh, he would never. he wanted you so bad, knowing he's just one of hundreds of your simps, but it was the last thing on his mind right now. all he wanted is to feel your lips on his.

and he finally did.

closing the gap between you two, you kiss him softly, what he does too after a moment. his initial hesitation melting into reciprocation as your lips move against his. his hands, unsure at first, eventually move down to your hips, pulling you gently closer. your fingers tangling into his messy, soft hair, pushing him slightly against the wall, getting a hum in approval. matt starts relaxing against you, letting you set the pace and tone for your interaction. as you take your time, he finds himself growing more comfortable and excited. he would never think it would happen. with you out of all people.

the kiss starts getting more and more heated, you grow slightly impatient, feeling the ache between your legs starting to grow. you press your body closer to him, hand traveling up and down his chest, your tongues dancing together. once he feels how gently you bite his lip, a small whine leaves him, your mind spins and definitely not because of the amount of alcohol or weed you've consumed.

you break the kiss, both of you panting as you mutter against his lips, "come with me, yeah?" getting a weak nod in response, you're fast to make your way back into the crowded house, dragging matt behind you by his wrist.

his palms start to sweat as you take him upstairs and reach some empty room, pushing him inside. the noise of the party fading behind you two once you kick the door shut and attack his lips again.

matt is overwhelmed but in the best way possible. his senses are filled with your sweet scent, the tension growing in his pants with each second. his eagerness showing in his tentative exploration, but offset by an earnest enthusiasm. he lets out a soft sigh into the kiss, surrendering to your lead. he hits the bed and falls onto the mattress, you climbing on top of him, straddling his thighs. he gasps softly as your weight presses down on him in the most distracting and exhilarating way. his hands instinctively find their way to your hips again, gripping slightly as he tries to adjust to this new position.

breaking the kiss, you start trailing kisses down his jaw and neck, his head tilts back unconsciously, giving you better access to his skin. his whole body shivers at the delicate touches of your lips, a soft moan escaping him as you hit a particularly sensitive spot, sucking on it to intentionally mark him.

his reaction brings a smile to your face and you look up to see him in such a cute state. messy hair, cheeks reddish, his pink lips swollen from the make out as he lets out heavy breaths.

"look at you, pretty boy."

his eyelids flutter open, revealing pupils dilated with desire. matt touches the mark on his neck lightly, fingers tracing where you'd sucked. "that's..." he clears his throat, feeling his face flush even more. the way you look at him is both intimidating and incredibly hot.

"hm? you like it?"

"y-yeah, that's really... good," he admits.

you just couldn't help yourself, he was so majestic, really. the way he was clearly trying not to rush or throw himself at you, makes you want to give him all the pleasure in the world so he wouldn't be able to forget about this evening, no matter how hard he'd try.

"want more?"

his eyes darken slightly, voice hoarse with lust, "that wouldn't be really... gentleman of me, hm?"

you smile, finding him amusing. "oh, but i'm proposing this to you, not the other way around. so...?" you whisper against his lips, "how it's gonna be, baby?"

this time he captures your lips in a kiss, wanting to show you how much he wants— no, craves you, hoping this is enough of a response.

a wave of heat washes over you, hands traveling under his shirt which steals another whine from matt. you had never been so turned on before in such a short amount of time, automatically starting to move your hips and grind down against him, feeling how hard he was beneath you. pride overwhelms you at the feeling of how much he's affected by you, the want for him even bigger than before.

his arms wrap around your waist, pulling you closer as he deepens the kiss. he can feel you moving on his lap, the friction driving him crazy. your tongue explores his mouth, lips clicking against his. his hands shaky on your body from the desire he felt. "you can touch me, matt..." you pant against his plump lips, pressing your clothed, soaked core against his dick harder.

"y'feel so good..." his eyes are glassy with lust as he looks up at you. his chest is heaving, and he bites his lip, trying to compose himself when he finally allows his hands to explore your body.

"mhm, i can feel how bad you want me," you keep grinding against him, the friction causing you both to whimper. "is really cute.... and hot— you know?"

"please—" his eyes flutter shut from pleasure, your hands teasing him just above the waistband of his jeans. "what is it, baby?" you bite back a smile at his desperate expression.

"just... i need you please— can you..." his breath is coming in ragged gasps now, and he feels both embarrassed and completely exhilarated. his hips rise slightly to meet yours, a natural response to the overwhelming sensation. his body aches for more contact, more friction, more of you.

"can i what? c'mon, you gotta ask nicely if you want something." you're teasing, torturing him purposely, enjoying how adorable he gets when his shyness takes over. "look at me, matt."

blushing intensely, he opens his eyes and stammers out, "can you... i mean, would you... with your mouth?" he immediately looks mortified at his own boldness, his cheeks flaming red as he quickly adds, "sorry, i didn't mean to presume—"

"i think you did mean it though," you smile softly, licking your lips. his words and the image that just popped up in your head makes your pussy pulse. "how can i say no when you're being such a good boy for me?" you press kisses to his neck just as he whines again, your hands already working on his belt. his eyes watching as his jeans and boxers get pushed down his legs. he gasps as the cool air hits his exposed lower half, his body trembling slightly. his dick twitches as you kneel on the mattress between his legs, looking at him in awe. "just relax."

he nods quickly, trying to calm himself. his chest is rising and falling rapidly, hands fumble anxiously with the hem of his shirt unsure what to do with them. is not like he was inexperienced, he was in a relationship before, but having you, the popular party girl that everyone wanted, between his legs was definitely making him more nervous than he would usually be.

you put your hair up into a messy ponytail, his body immediately tensing up. he can feel the blood rushing to his cock, making it throb with anticipation. he tries to relax his legs, spreading them wider to give you better access. you stop just above his tip, looking up at him with a smile at the messy state he was already in, even if you didn't start yet. "gonna say a magic word?"

he swallows hard, his blush deepens, "please."

his eyes dart between your face and his hard, leaking with precum dick, hardly believing this is really happening. but it feels real, when you give him a kitty lick before starting to suck on his tip. a strangled moan escapes matt's lips, his hips involuntarily twitching upwards. the sensation is electric, his hands fist in the sheets beneath him, grasping desperately for some form of anchor. "o-oh, fuck—"

your tongue is swirling around his tip teasingly, before you take him deeper, his eyes roll back in his head, breath catching in his throat. he can feel every ridge and curve of your mouth, the wet heat almost more than he can bear. a shaky whimper escapes him, hands slide up to tangle in your hair, gripping tightly as he fights the urge to buck his hips forward.

he was so big, the choking sounds echoing in the room, saliva dripping down your chin. hollowing your cheeks, you start bobbing your head up and down, nose brushing against his pelvis. "s-shit.... feels so good— mmmm, fu—ckkk--" his entire body shudders, he watches you through heavy-lidded eyes, completely captivated by the sight. the sounds alone are enough to make him dizzy with desire. his breathing becomes more ragged, mingling with the wet sounds of your mouth. "oh god..." he whimpers. you're breathing through your nose, focusing on his tip again, your hand working on the rest of him. the sensation combined with your mouth is incredible, almost too much to process. matt bites his lip hard, suppressing a loud moan, but it still escapes as more of a choked groan. "fuck, please—"

he was completely out of it, a big whining mess, his hips uncontrollably lifting upwards, his tip hitting the back of your throat. his toes curl as he feels the mounting pressure, his entire body tingling with exquisite tension while you suck on his dick like on a lollipop, being all messy with it, gagging every now and then. panting heavily, he tugs gently at your hair, "w-wait, m'gonna.... m'so close, wait—" you hum in approval, wanting to taste him on your tongue. it sends vibrations through him, another whimper escaping him. you speed up your movements, matt automatically starts thrusting up into your mouth as his orgasm approaches, "f-fuck, sorry, i.... i can't— shittt, gonna cum— can i... oh—"

he's lost at this point, his head threw back, a loud, unrestrained moan ripping from his throat as you resume your actions. his hips lift off the bed, pressing himself deeper into your mouth, getting another moan from you. the sight was hypnotizing, his flushed features, the way he tried to muffle his moans by chewing on his bottom lip. you were dripping, clenching around nothing just from watching him.

with a choked cry, his entire body convulses as he finds his release, pulse after pulse of ecstasy flooding through him. his fingers fist so tightly in your hair that he's vaguely aware it might hurt, but he can't seem to loosen his grip. you whimper around him, tasting him on your tongue and swallowing everything. your tongue swirl around his sensitive tip one more time before pulling out with a wet pop. his vision blurs, heart pounding in his chest. he lets go off your hair, your eyes meeting his, a string of saliva connecting your lips to his tip. damn.

his face flushed with heat as he smiles, "holy fuck."

"holy fuck indeed," you lick your lips, the sight so intimate and erotic for him that he feels his spent dick twitch in response. "that was, like, amazing—" he mutters, still struggling to find his voice.

you chuckle, moving so now you were on top of him again, hands on each side of his head. "what a shame that we met so late," you say, running your hand through his hair, a shiver going down his spine.

"i was supposed to leave at midnight," he admits. your eyebrow raises, "oh really?" he nods, "yeah, not a fan of parties."

"well... i'm glad you didn't have the chance to leave then."

"me too." he pulls you into another desperate kiss, tasting himself on your tongue, getting a hum in surprise. he was clearly eager for more. your fast to roll your dress up around your waist, grabbing his hand and directing it between your legs. when he feels how soaked your panties were, he can't help but whimper again. "feel it, baby?" you break the kiss, looking at him, his eyes darken with lust. "that's allll because of you."

his gaze travels over your body, taking in the curves he's only ever imagined. he swallows hard, his voice hoarse with need. "please, i need you..."

"you're so cute when you beg," you smile biting down on your plump lip. removing your underwear, you position yourself just above his tip, letting him feel the wet warmth, teasing him mercilessly. matt whines softly, his body tensing with the need to thrust into you and finally feel you. "what was that, hm? tell me what you want, matt."

"need you... to ride me— please—"

"need me, hm? and how bad?"

he whines again, louder this time, his hips bucking slightly in an attempt to get him inside you. "so bad," he pants, his voice barely recognizable in his desperation. "please, please, please..." he chants, his voice cracking with need.

"gooood boy," you praise, his words getting you even wetter. wrapping your hand around his cock, you give him a few strokes before slowly sinking down on him. "begging so pretty— f-fuck...." the sudden feeling of your warm, tight pussy enveloping his aching dick is almost too much for matt to handle. he throws his head back, a loud, wordless whimper tearing from his throat as he's sheathed inside you, a moan leaving your lips as well at his reaction. "shit, you're so big—" you stay still to adjust, lifting your dress higher to be more comfortable. you feel his dick twitching inside you after your words. amused written all over your face when you look at him, "you like it, hm? who would've know you're so naughty...."

matt's hands tremble as they grip your hips, trying desperately to hold back the urge to grind into you. his breath comes in short, sharp bursts as he savors the exquisite tightness gripping him.

"feels good?" you slowly start moving, he nods his head weakly, words caught in his throat as he tries to speak around the lump formed by his swallowed moan. "mmm, holy shit, matt—" his cock is buried so deeply inside you that it makes you see stars for a moment. you crave more of him, so you start speeding up the pace.

"so... good..." he manages to rasp out, his eyes rolling back briefly before snapping forward to lock onto yours again. "you're...too much..."

"yeah? want me to stop?" you mock him a little bit, knowing that's the last thing he wants.

he shakes his head frantically, a sheepish grin spreading across his flushed face. "no, no...don't stop. i meant...fuck, you're just so tight— fuckkk, feels incredible." he bucks his hips slightly, emphasizing his enthusiasm, his nails dig into your hips, his body tensing as he tries to pull you down further onto him.

"you're doing perfect for me, baby—" you moan out, putting one hand on his chest as you start moving your hips harder, your attention drawn to his tattoos. the sight of his arm causes you to painfully clench around him, your pussy gripping him like a vice. he hisses at the feeling, it drives him wild. "shit, just like that—"

you both aren't able to hold back your moans, letting them spill out one after another. each thrust pushes you both into ecstasy, your hand on his chest the only thing anchoring him to reality. matt's hands slide up your sides, then down to your thighs, marveling the soft skin beneath his fingers.

matt notices the way your eyes are locked onto his tattoos and it makes his dick throb even harder inside you. "god, matt— mmhpp, oh my...." you lean forward, needing some balance as your legs start growing tired, your hands on each side of his head. he reaches up to your waist, guiding your movements as he lifts his hips to meet each thrust. "f-fuck— you're so beautiful..."

your eyebrows knitted together in pleasure, eyes rolling back as you feel your orgasm approaching. he can feel it as well, which pushes him over the edge too. "gonna cum for me, pretty boy?" you choke out, looking down at him through half-open eyes.

"mhmm, fuck—" he pants, his own face contorted with pleasure. he sees the concentration on your face, the beads of sweat forming on your collarbone. he wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you down onto him even harder. "s-so close... shiiit—"

"me too," you whine into his ear. "fuck..." his grip tightens on your waist as his release builds. his movements become more urgent, more desperate. "tell me... mm— tell me how you want it, sweetheart—" he knows he won't last much longer, not with how perfectly you're stretching around him.

"inside me—"

"y-yeah?" his voice breaking as he feels you clench around him again. "you want me to fill you up?"

"mhmmm—" you moan just as he whimpers again, what pushes you into a state of bliss, euphoria consumes you as your orgasm crashes down over you, your hips stuttering.

once he feels you creaming around him, and the pretty — mesmerizing moans, oh he's too far gone. matt's control snaps, he buries himself as deep as possible inside you, his hips jerking as he unleashes a torrent of cum deep within your spasming pussy. one last moan leaves him, his vision blurring as his release seems to go on forever. "fuckkkk—"

after you both ride out your orgasms, your hips come to a stop, his hands splaying out against your lower back as he pulls you flush against him. matt can feel his release slowly leaking out of you and dripping down his thighs. your breath against his neck tickles his skin.

"oh my god," he breathes out, making you chuckle and you lift up your head, seeing his flushed face. so cute. "made me see fuckin' stars, holy shit."

you laugh again, getting off to lay down beside him, head on matt's shoulder, his heart skips a beat at that. "you're funny," you say.

he wraps his hand around your waist again, not really ready to let go yet. "m'serious."

"okay, mr serious," you roll your eyes. "doesn't mean you aren't funny. and still a gentleman."

"getting into your pants before first date isn't really gentleman of me," he smiles shyly as you look up at him.

"i got into your pants," you correct him. "you gonna get into mine after that first date."

"there's gonna be one?"

"oh, definitely."

taglist: @certifiedstarrr @chrislovespepsi @le4hsblog @sturnsxbitvh @sweetlikesug4rvenom @xaristhings @mattsfavbitchhh @lvrsturniolo @r0s3luvr @slut4brunettes @madisonsturnioloss @chrispillowprincess @sturnioloslutttt4 @ashlishes @mattsbitchh @hi-people-who-are-alive @stellward123 @inssanely @matts-girlfriend @imnotalive420 @emely9274 @shadowthesim @yunkilm @sophiaxsblog @namelesssav @demyackerman @fratbrochrisgf @lvrsturniolo @chrisweetheart @chrisfavoritewhore @sturnslutz @ncm9696 @certified-sturniolo @mattsobvimyfav @swagalicious260 @giannalovessturniolo @sophand4n4 @brazyturtleneck @jocelyncsblog @sophand4n4 @giannalovessturniolo @alesturniolos @ilovenmcs

[vaguely-concerned]

do you ever think about how, when we get lucanis' ossuary mind note on what he was thinking during the fireplace scene at the end of his recruitment mission... what's implied to be his instinctive internal reaction as he's saying "you'd have to kill me" out loud sure isn't 'and I don't want to die'. it's '(and spite would die)'. do you think spite's gremlin-y candle-hungering give-me-FIRE! >:D presence has maybe saved that guy's life even more times and in more ways than are immediately obvious at a glance. do you ever. cry.

it's also very. him that the thing that would stay his hand on killing himself partially might be that he just isn't willing to visit the same cruelty or harm on spite as zara, even when accepting his passenger spirit as collateral damage would at least offer a chance to put an end to his own pain, which at that point he seems unable to see any other way of truly escaping or find real relief from than to die. there's so much resentment and fear and other understandable fraught emotions in spite and lucanis' relationship early on, but it's just as clear that deep down lucanis conceptualizes spite as fundamentally innocent in what's happened here -- perhaps, indeed, more innocent than he manages to conceptualize himself until someone else can help him get in there and start to untangle it with him. he's protective of spite in some subtle ways right from the start, taking pains to point out several times on the jog through the ossuary that the spirits here were just as much victims in what was done to them as anyone else. when spite acts out during the fireplace scene... how much of lucanis brushing it off the way he does is about the '*actively bleeding from the eyes* don't worry about me' avoidant side of it all, and how much is him trying to shelter spite from the eyes of people he does not know well enough yet to predict how they’ll react in response — towards himself or spite. (additional idea to really bring on the heartache: do you think he has maybe intervened in pretty much the same way between illario and caterina over the years and that’s how he does it so smoothly and automatically; it’s basically psychological muscle memory. Haha. ow.) 

Between that and the pretty consistent language he uses that frames spite as child-like, even when he means that in frustration/enfant terrible flavoured terms lol, you get the sense that regardless of how much Lucanis is aware of this on the surface, there is a deep instinctive protectiveness in him for spite. I think that even comes across in the scene where lucanis tells you he’ll continue to pursue a way to separate him and spite on the minrathous route. So I was kind of picking up on/working with that already subconsciously, but when I found that note it hit me like a sledgehammer that clearly in some part at least, the reason lucanis is still here is that he knows now that spite would die with him and doesn’t find that price acceptable. Spite thinks that lucanis mentally locking himself in his (torture :() room and refusing to speak to him is an act of rejection or trickery, but to my eyes taken with everything else we know about how lucanis’ brain tends to work… as much as it’s an expression of avoidance and fear and overwhelm and trying to get away from the voice pushing him towards action when the mere prospect of action fills you with despair to even contemplate (“There’s nowhere to go”), I think it’s also a mark of lucanis’ affection and protectiveness of spite. The guards along the way make it very clear that more so than to keep the outside world from coming in, this place is for protecting people from what might break out. 

And that’s why I think this is also such a good case study to look at lucanis' internal freeze logic and why it has been so adaptive for him up until now when faced with completely impossible emotional situations to which there are no good answers or causes of actions available, even though it's inherently and unavoidably one of those 'what's worse, the medicine or the disease' solutions a brain cooks up. lucanis by the point of inner demons is facing this conundrum: 1) I can't live like this, it hurts too much. I've been in pain so long I’ve got screams where my blood should be and it just keeps getting louder, and nothing really touches or helps that. 2) I can't die to escape this, because that would also kill spite (and also I've got a job to do I guess *working 9-5 slowed with reverb and with underwater sound distortion effects is playing in the background*). those are of course not actually his only options, but in the state he's in they are the only options he can conceive of. (that's not infrequently how it works, when the suffering is that intense and unrelenting. Nothing gives you tunnel sight quite like ‘I just need this to stop’ agony that has gone on long enough to add sheer soul exhaustion to the mix)

so what happens in the end? his freeze brain -- honed, I'm sure, through many long years of attachment trauma and abuse and loss for exactly this kind of 'uh-oh. Incoming FUBAR situation alert let’s go' -- kicks into action and makes him do nothing except what's externally required of him, so he can stay just functional and momentarily distracted by a plethora of avoidance behaviours enough to get through his daily life, if like not particularly happily so... and otherwise, as it were, locking himself in his room deep inside where nothing can touch him, where nothing gets in and nothing gets out, no harm allowed to either escape from within nor allowed to pierce through and get inside. numbness isn't actually a cure for that kind of suffering, but it's the closest thing you're likely to get with any immediacy and if you’re desperate enough by god you take those. It’s how he survived his upbringing, and it’s how he survived the ossuary — as he tells Davrin straight out, the trick to just shut down every part of his soul he can to get through intolerable pain, loss or helplessness. I don’t think that mechanism came to him in the ossuary the first time, I think that blueprint was deeply embedded in his neurons and went ‘ah. My time again. Not to worry I’m a bit of an expert at this I’ll get us through this yet (though you may not thank me for it by the end of it all)’. 

In that state he's unable to himself reach out and meaningfully ask for help (and also like... why would his inner world have any framework for that as even being on the table? this has never been an option before in his life, not in any safe or consistent way; he's fucked up the way he is because the same things/people that should have been and partially, comparatively, were the sources of help and relief and safety growing up are also the sources of pain and abuse, that eternal irreconcilable ambivalence, the double edged sword of unpredictable insecure attachment), but it also keeps him from doing anything uh drastic the other way too, on acting impulsively in ways that can’t be taken back. (that seems to be more illario’s role/dubious privilege in the family lol.) at many points in his life and especially growing up, freezing and going numb around the pain is as close to having control of anything as there was any hope of. 'harm will be inflicted on me unpredictably, but fuck you I don't have to truly feel it as long as I shut all this other stuff down as well, that's what I can control' nervous system logic. (it'll get you every time.) for what it’s worth I’m not so sure his nervous system judged that one incorrectly, I think that is the kind of rebellion you would have to cling to while being raised by someone like caterina, because look at illario if you want to know how much she respects and rewards anything more overt or active. (I mean, if you don’t succeed, at least. swing at Grandma Dellamorte you’d better not miss or you’ll meet that cane swinging at you the other way and she will not miss)

I say all this because I think it's as easy to demonize the freeze response as it is to demonize anger, to conceptualize it only as an obstructive force that, as bellara puts it, is one of the purest forms of a heart not seeming to want to let you be happy, or a mindless byproduct of trauma. But in my experience, the brain doesn’t generally come up with ‘stupid’ defense mechanisms. Even in the most maladaptive of coping mechanisms, there is at the core of it some part of you that once meant to save your life, no matter what trouble it is wreaking for you today. when you look at the setup of Lucanis’ soul, as it were, you can see the dual and in some ways genuinely noble and even tender qualities this response has in him, however misguided: it does imprison, but it also protects, and it means to protect; for all the pain along the way it has sheltered all the parts of his soul that are most precious and breakable, the most vulnerable parts that want to live and so so importantly love completely and freely. Lucanis thinks he’s protecting not even primarily himself but everyone he loves by staying where he is. (“It would be better for me to stay here than to risk losing you”) A child’s logic, to be sure, but logic of a kind and clearly one that caterina has encouraged in him because that’s a conception of love it’s been very useful for her for him to have. Freeze looks like utter hopelessness on the surface, but in some ways I think it’s the utmost triumph of hope — a spare and unrelenting winter that exists because it thinks one day spring might still come, and the things too precious and fragile to thrive in your life as it is now might bloom then. 

He is an adult now, and Caterina no longer controls his entire world, physically and emotionally. There’s finally room for other things, other people, himself, in his life, without everything having to defer to the gravitational force of what Caterina wants from him at the end of the day. And while I think her jumpscaring him with the First Talon position is partly her attempt to wrangle him back into the status quo of control she once had, I’m not sure it’s going to work quite the way she might hope — at least in the Treviso saved route, there are just too many fresh spring shoots in his life at that point that could grow into something new, it’s too late to trample all the saplings growing up through the cracks in time (and indeed some of them might also fight back). (The outlook on the Minrathous saved route is um. Perhaps less convincingly immediately hopeful to me and the prospect of actually getting around to healing further down the road, but I refuse to give up on him that’s my little guy and he’s above all incredibly smart and stubborn and not a quitter and all the rest of this still remains true beneath it all, just like. Give him a moment here.) His hopes and dreams have diversified while she had her back turned lmao he suddenly keeps them with so many more people than just her and Iillario now. She doesn’t hold the monopoly of meaning and connection in his life the way she used to. And whether out of love (you know. Hope is every man’s prerogative I suppose) at seeing him really happy for perhaps the first time or sheer pragmatism, I think she’s going to have to accept that and adapt her ways of doing things with him accordingly, or else have him drift even further away from her.

Spite is the urgent impatient voice that starts to break through to go ‘that moment is now it HAS to be now. We need to shake off the shackles and illusions and face what’s actually here so we can learn to properly live now, or this winter will starve us to death as surely as anything Zara could do to us’. And he is right! As crucial as this soul-starvation landscape has been in survival, it has clearly reached the end of its sustainability, you can’t survive permanently on frost alone. I just also want to recognize the credit Lucanis (and his fucked up but valiant nervous system <3 pour one out for a real one) also deserves for stubbornly holding on in any way he had to until Spite’s true escape project is even an option for either of them. Especially since Lucanis seems to harbour a lot of self-loathing and frustration over his own propensity for freeze — “You know him. You can open the door, but he won’t walk through it”  (still one of the saddest most painful things I’ve ever heard. In case you were wondering. He knows. He knows what he’s like, and he despairs of it, he thinks it means it’s his own fault he still feels like this. Augh.) The real point at the end of the day is not that spite saved lucanis or vice versa, but that as traumatic as it was to get there and against all cultural expectations, it is ultimately their enmeshed condition, their togetherness, that saved them both. (which, again, when you consider the cultural narrative of possession and spirits most andrastian nations are working with…what a radical conclusion to come away with haha. Not unprecedented at all, if you look at Wynne and her spirit, but on a deeper and more psychological plane than ever and even more impactful for it, to me.)

[arcanarix]

f!sorcerer reader, dubcon, stalking, possessiveness, harassment (there will be a non sorcerer reader version)

bully!satosugu aren’t your average bullies. they aren’t bogged down each time you ignore their attempts at getting under your skin. they know you’re smart and know better… but so are they and they do too. and maybe they’re less interested in breaking you down more than simply getting to know you :)

(but they need to understand you aren’t your average target. you can and will stand up for yourself. you don’t show much interest in general and that just baffles them.)

bully!satosugu…who aren’t the kind to dominate the small world of jujutsu tech one because there’s no reason for that or anything to gain from it either but they are instead viewed as just two boys sharing the same brain cell. shoko and utahime tell you not to pay them any mind; they’re just two dumbasses with an overinflated sense of importance being speshul grades. nanami even reiterates the fact. plus they annoy everyone, so it’s not like you’re a special case here.

bully!satosugu who get all up in your space and in your business, ignoring your protests when they snatch your books and notes out of your hands and lap and geto’s scooping you into his strong hold instead.

“why’s a grade 3 sorcerer wasting her time? trust me, we have better things in mind for a pretty thing like you,” geto purrs.

“and besides, what use is a grade 3 in the field when the two strongest can just take care of everything? hmmmm?” gojo taunts while fiddling with a stray strand of your hair.

instead of seeming intimidated, you’re just annoyed that your work has been disrupted. you don’t give them an outward reaction, just a deadpan, “if you don’t let me go i’ll use my curse technique to castrate the two of you.”

that seems to work for now!

bully!satosugu who…for some reason hover over you like they’re your bodyguards yet you treat them as if they’re not there the entire time. even if gojo can usually annoy someone to the point of tears, you don’t react, instead you’re able to completely tune him AND geto out.

how… Unnerving! Perplexing?

bully!satosugu who HATE to see you divert your attention to anyone else be it nanami or haibara or even shoko and utahime. something sets them off when you giggle a little too hard at some off hand deadpan remark nanami makes, you keep making eyes at him like you like him and not them. what’s up with that? and then they see nanami resting his hand on your thigh……….

and shooting a glare their way, as if to ward them off of you or else? wha?

bully!satosugu who aren’t keen on the idea of you trying to have a life outside of them (you never wanted a life with them from the start, but you digress) so they corner you in one of the empty lecture halls. you tell them you don’t know what they mean. in fact you insist, because you really don’t understand (or really care either). you have no regard for them, but they seem to hold so much interest in you and they don’t like that you don’t appreciate their attention so you had to get it instead from fucking NANAMI.

setting your book on your lap, you meet their accusatory gazes with disinterest.

“i don’t have to entertain any of this,” you remark, “i’m not interested in engaging in something like this when we’re in an environment where we’re forced to coexist. i will acknowledge you as my peers but nothing more.”

thinking you have the last word, you get up and brush past them, but geto grabs your wrist and twists you around. you grunt.

“maybe we have to show her why she should want us by her side, satoru,” he suggests in a low, dangerous tone.

“will she actually learn this time, though?”

“oh, it doesn’t matter. we can always repeat the lesson until she understands,” geto yanks you toward him until your back hits his front, your breath hitching as you feel a growing erection through his baggy uniform.

“you both might find better payoff deepthroating each other,” you scoff.

geto’s nostrils flare at that.

“such a foul mouth,” he snarls, "better watch that tone with us."

“yeah,” satoru pitches in, inching closer with a little smirk. “maybe we ought to plug it up.”

TBC???

[anyroads]

Hello again to one of my favorite posts on Tumblr! Because yes, this, exactly.

I'm going to add onto this post as someone who's spent several years working through trauma with a therapist. Doing so doesn't make me an authority on the subject by any means, but it does mean I've put a lot of thought and study into it alongside someone whose formal training and qualifications make them an excellent resource. And it also means that I have experiences and responses which, while not representative of everyone, are nevertheless worth something, especially to those who believe in elevating voices instead of speaking for people as an act of support.

Trauma is a result of instinctive defensive responses that, put simply, activate your fight and flight response. The brain identifies danger, the frontal cortex begins to go offline, and the amygdala takes over. One of the major effects of this is on memory: when the frontal cortex is online, memories are formed as linear stories with a beginning, middle, and end (this is also why we tell stories this way, because it's literally how our brains save experiences).

Part of a traumatic experience is that since certain brain functions are essentially off, memories aren't stored as memories. It's kind of like if your memory center was a filing cabinet and every memory was a file neatly stored in that cabinet, then trauma is a folder that's left on top of the cabinet or dropped on the floor somewhere nearby. It's still in the folder, ie. you can remember the event and you might remember the beginning, middle, and end, or you might have even taken the pieces and shoved them into that format later to make sense of them. But your brain hasn't put them in the cabinet. They aren't filed under "completed experience." So then every time something happens that triggers that memory, your brain's defense response is to think it's happening again, and it starts going into fight or flight mode. To your brain, that experience isn't over - it's an open folder, and therefore its story can continue at any moment.

This is what the word "triggered" actually means, btw. It means your frontal cortex starts going offline and your amygdala starts taking over, because your brain thought that was the best defensive response at the time of the traumatic experience, so it's relying on using the same response again because if you survived, then it must have been effective, right? It's really hard to tell your brain that it doesn't need to do this, and that triggering an anxiety response isn't helpful. At all. This was a helpful response when we lived in the wilderness and, say, while you're sitting around making arrowheads, you hear a twig snap and then a saber toothed tiger leaps out of the bush and mauls your clan mate to death in front of you. So every time you hear a twig snap, your brain thinks there's a saber toothed tiger coming, and goes into fight or flight mode.

This helped when that adrenaline response meant your reflexes were quicker and you could run faster, and a twig snapping meant there was a good chance something was sneaking up on you. But that's not the case anymore, and your brain is just basically taking innocuous stimuli and translating it as a threat in situations that aren't dangerous and you'd actually be better able to deal with if you didn't have to go through a trigger response. One thing I've learned to do in the last couple of years is to identify what this process feels like in my body physically, catch it early, and do mental exercises that keep my frontal cortex online and avoid having triggered responses. It's been difficult to learn and to carve out these neural pathways, and to understand the whole process. This is hard, complex, grueling stuff.

So yes, OP is 100% correct and words like "trauma" and "triggered" are overused in ways that disrespectful and minimizing to people who actually experience these things. To be traumatized is much more than to be upset. It's to go through an experience that changes your psychological response to certain stimuli or situations. It's not just an unpleasant experience, it's one that leaves mental (and sometimes physical) scars. I'm talking about experiences ranging from, but not limited to, abuse, serious accidents, physical violations, etc. and not seeing a scene in a movie that you didn't like. And hey, we can even give space to things like disturbing content that replays in your brain again and again - I experience this, it's called an intrusive thought, and it's not the same as a traumatic experience.

Stop using the vocabulary of people with legitimate needs to exaggerate your personal discomforts. It's selfish and obnoxious and minimizes the struggles and needs of people who actually experience the things you're stealing the language for.

I'm wondering if, as a society who cares about vulnerable people, we could stop saying "traumatize" when we truly mean "upset"?

I am sick of hearing sad books or movies "traumatize" their readers. I simply do not believe that happens. A traumatic experience might be adjacent to books (I have vivid memories of books I was reading around certain experiences and even how the contents of those books affected my processing of the experiences). But it's not caused by the book. And, y'know. The weather is Christofascist Censorship Attempts outside.

Meanwhile from the other side I continue to be surprised at just how badly people fail to understand trauma and traumatic experiences in general. Watering down the term isn't helping. Find other hyperbole to express that The Bridge to Terebithia gutted you, chewed on your heartstrings, and made you cry your first pair of contact lenses right out of your preteen eyes.

[praytriarchy]

Inhun/457 has taken over my brain. I mean they both went back to the games because they each could no longer function out in the real world and try to move on. Neither of them could ever get on that metaphorical plane. They are both stuck trying to make sense of the trauma the game put them through. Neither of them can move on with their lives, stuck in the eternal hell of the games. Except In Ho's way of processing the game is to turn into a unfeeling, calculating survivor. He facilitates the games because his takeaway from those games is his glimpses into the very worst of humanity. At first, he mocks Gi Hun. He stays obsessed with him though. He's obsessed with Gi Hun and fascinated by him because he is determined to hold onto the very best of humanity brought out even despite the brutality and tragedy of these games. He focuses on the strong emotional bonds that people are capable of making even in those games, even when it's unwise. He never forgets the huge sacrifices people make for one another even in this awful place. He's determined to save as many people as possible. He's stuck in these games just the same way that In Ho is, except Gi Hun is all the more admirable for keeping his love for his fellow man despite the bucket they've been forced to clamber over one another in like crabs.

I think at this point, after In Ho has found his twin flame- his ultimate fascination- he'd rather die than have to live without Gi Hun. It's the perfect Stockholm syndrome set-up cause he knows exactly what it's like for Gi Hun. They are stuck and haunted. Gi Hun can't help but feel that In Ho can understand him in fucked up, deep ways that no one else can. In Ho is the only one who can understand Gi Hun's darkest memories.

[tanadrin]

I am sorry for the anon but I feel too vulnerable to come off due to the nature of my question.

I am slowly losing friends due to my refusal to engage in negative/nihilistic/doomer views of the future. My friends are 1000% convinced Trump and Republicans are going to crash the economy on purpose, leading to a depression, and carry out a Gilead situation. I told one of my friends the other day how, despite everything and the political situation, I am trying to be as positive as possible - or at least neutral. Her response to me was, "Why? I don't understand your optimism. You know they're going to enslave us all like in The Handmaid's Tale, right?" and it has become so dreadful now to interact with them. Anytime I disagree, they try to intellectually dominate me or put me under them in a way where I have no choice but to just leave the conversation.

I know this was a lot. But is there any advice you might have for someone like me? Because I sometimes feel like I am being painted as crazy. I know things will be hard but they genuinely want me to believe I have no future and I can't stand that.

Also, would it be too much to ask if you maybe mind sharing some of the other people/blogs you follow?

I once heard advice on dealing with Qanon family members who had fallen down the rabbit hole and only ever wanted to talk about conspiracy theories or the outrage bait they'd seen on Fox News or OANN or whatever, about not challenging them on their views but basically saying "I don't want to talk about this; let's talk about our plans for the weekend, or what movie we wanna go see later, or what interesting books you've read lately." The idea being, arguing with someone can only further entrench their beliefs, and if you really want to shake someone out of their dismal universe of conspiracism, it helps to remind them of all the things that aren't the fear-and-anger-activating content they're stuffing their brains with for hours every day.

Maybe something like this could help? I have a hard time imagining that someone really believes The Handmaid's Tale really is just around the corner--if you really believed that, surely you would be trying to flee to Canada or doing some political volunteer work or something--and sometimes doomer stuff can be kind of reflexive or phatic, like making a crack about how your retirement plan is to die in the water wars or something. But even if it isn't, I don't think there's any point in trying to argue about this stuff in the moment. Instead try to build on the things you still find fulfilling in that friendship, the conversations and interests and activities with those friends that caused you to become friends in the first place.

If you can't do that--if hanging out with them is always a constant grind of full-throttle doomerism, and they express no interest in actually trying to do something with their feelings of anger and frustration--you are perfectly within your rights to spend less time around them. You could, if you wanted to and you felt that you owed them at least that, give them a heads up as to why. If a close friend of mine or a family member was doing this, I would certainly talk to them about it. But your obligation to subject yourself to someone else's self-destructive idee fixe is not bottomless. Even with a partner you are within your rights to eventually say "I'm not going to talk about this with you anymore."

(And that's not only true of politics or conspiracy theories, by the way! If you have a close friend or family member or partner who--for example--has severe depression but refuses to seek treatment for it, you are not obligated to be the sponge for their misery forever every time they need someone to talk to. If someone in your life is in a relationship or a job that is making them miserable, and won't do anything to leave that relationship or find a new job, and just wants a friend to complain to, you are within your rights to eventually shut that down. Lots of people fall into a holding pattern in their life where they are unhappy but unable to do anything about it, and they will make this their friends' or loved ones' problem. That doesn't make them bad people: lord knows I have found myself doing this before. It's a very human thing to do. But sometimes the Good Friend Thing is to say "I love you, and will support you if you want to actually *do something* about your situation, but otherwise, oh my god shut the fuck up." But, you know, nicely.)

But if your friends want to make themselves miserable because hanging on to an endless stream of toxicity and doomerism from social media (and I will bet this is primarily coming from social media) is more important to them than your friendship, and they can't handle you not agreeing with them, you may lose them as friends. If you do, I'm sorry. That sucks. It's hard to lose friends, and it's even harder later in life when making new friends is more difficult, and I don't want to pretend like that's not a big deal.

[lilreidgirl]

My boy

Summary: You have an affair with a married man and get the consequences and they are not exactly bad

Warnings: MDNI(18+), fingering, unprotected sex (don´t), cheating (Spencer is married to Maeve), religious talk kinda??, swearing, praise, storyline is a bit rushed!, NOT PROOFREAD, SORRY

WC: ~1.8k

A/N: ---

You knew it was wrong. Very wrong. Sleeping with a married man was something you swore you would never do. Every time it happened on TV you’d turn to your mother and say, “How could they ever do that?”, and shed answer with “Love is complicated. You´ll understand one day.” And you did, the fateful day you met Spencer was the day you understood. Although not really, more so that it was multiple weeks where you little by little realized that yes, love was complicated.

You had met Maeve a few times, team dinners and get-togethers that she attended, she was pretty, kind, smart, everything Spencer could ever even dream of having. Almost right out of the bat you started crushing on him, noticing how damn attractive he was and how kind hearted his personality shown on the people around him.

It wasn’t until he showed up at your hotel one night, tears staining his cheeks and manifesting in his eyes, that you saw a more vulnerable, honest side of him. He had had a fight with Maeve, again he had said. You sat crisscross on the end of your bed, facing his body that was slumped onto your mattress, legs hanging off the edge.

He expressed his feelings about how hard it’s been and how she can’t seem to even try to understand what he’s going through, your heart shattered at his confessions. As he lay there, in your hotel bed, staring at you in silence like you had the answer to all his problems, you couldn’t stop yourself from moving a hand to his solemn face, brushing a messy loose strand of his hair off of his forehead.

When you heard the way his inhales and exhales quickened and deepened, your hand stilled any movements. A silence took over the room, one where the world stood still, your eyes trained on each other’s. Then before you knew it and could truly processes the horrible moral sin of an action that it was, you leaned down and kissed him.

At first, it was only your lips moving but after a small moment where you were just about to pull away because your thoughts finally took in how wrong it was, he kissed you back. Large hands gripped the sides of your face, fingers dug into the strands of your hair as his plump lips skillfully lapped over your own. His tongue had made its way into your mouth as you moved to straddle his hips, holding yourself up on his chest with your hands.

And in the back of your mind, you knew: this was wrong. But for that fleeting, shattering moment, it didn’t feel wrong at all.

It was wrong when you both stripped all your clothes and left each other bare, it was wrong when he sank his length into you; making you moan out his name in pleasure, it was wrong when he pumped his cock in and out of you at a perfectly paced rhythm, hitting all of the right spots, it was wrong when you both came at the same time; muttering “ohgodohgodohgodohgodohgod” as you did, it was wrong when the last thing you whispered to each other before you drifted off to sleep was “I love you”.

It was wrong, but it sure as hell didn’t feel wrong, it felt perfect. And every time you guys slept together after that also felt perfect. Of course, you both knew how horrible it was, you tried talking about it but it never really played out to even be considered a full conversation.

You pushed the door open, peeking through the crack you had created. Spencer sat on his couch, elbows held on his knees as he persistently ran his hands through his already unruly hair. “Everything okay?” You asked, not missing the irony of asking that question while you slipped out of the shared bedroom of him and his wife that was currently away on a business trip, and into their living room.

He looked up, eyes travelling over you as his brain lagged and took in the fact that you had spoken. “Oh uh- yeah…”

With a face that very clearly told him you didn’t believe him, you made your way towards him, crawling onto his lap, feet resting on the couch as you leaned the side of your upper body onto his chest and your head onto his shoulder. “Really?” You asked.

A sigh left him and a moment of silence followed before he spoke up. “I… I um…” You traced a line down his chest with your finger hoping to give him some comfort with the action and your words, “Don’t worry, you can tell me,” you tried to reassure. “Maeve and I…” Your skin prickled at the mention of her name, fear ensuing you that maybe he had decided to finally end things with you for her, “We´re getting a divorce. I told her.”

The shock you felt for a moment after his words was quickly flushed out by the excitement and joy you felt. You knew though that your happiness over his impending divorce probably isn’t what he needed right now so you forced back the smile that threatened to present itself on your face. “Oh, I’m… sorry?”

Honestly, you were very unsure of how you were supposed to react to that. He chuckled as he lifted you up enough to make sure your legs were straddling his own. “No being sorry, baby, you’re allowed to be happy.” As you settled on his thighs you smiled, leaning in to peck his lips repeatedly.

“So does this mean we´ll be like officially together now?” Your voice was filled with glee and hope. “Yes. I’m all yours.” Both of you grinned as you kissed him again, this kiss was longer, more meaning full.

His hands found their way to your hips like they had countless times before, moving you against him as you breathed heavily into his mouth. When your relentless grinding on his hardening length didn’t seem to be enough anymore, he encircled your waist with his arm and spun you both around, laying you on the soft material of his couch.

Your legs moved to wrap around his waist but he gently pushed them down, instead grasping the hem of the shirt of his you wore and pulling it over your head and onto the floor. “So gorgeous. You are so incredibly gorgeous, princess,” he breathed out as he took you in, only clad in a flimsy pair of underpants.

He ducked his head down, kissing all the way from your neck to your abdomen, the kisses weren’t to mark you as his or to prove anything, they were an expression of the absolute love and affection he felt for you. He came face to face with your covered core, pressing a teasingly soft kiss on where he was sure your clit was; eliciting a giggle and a squirm from you.

Soon enough, you found yourself staring up at him again, but that quickly died down when he claimed your lips in yet another passion filled kiss. His fingers trailed down your stomach, fiddling with the material of your panties for a moment before pulling it down your legs, leaving them to rest at the apex of your now bent knees.

Without any warning he plunged two fingers into your entrance, immediately curling them just right to hit that perfect spot inside of you. He moved his fingers as he stared in awe as you withered away from the kiss to release an epiphany of moans.

Once he was satisfied and sure that you were wet and ready, he extracted his digits, licking them clean before he pulled down your panties the entire way down your legs and his boxers along with them.

Your head, that was already thrown back, lulled into the couch even harder as he slowly and carefully sunk into your inviting hole and warmth. “I love you, I love you so much, such a pretty girl, my pretty girl,” he praised as he drew his hips back and snapped them forward, peppering kisses all over your collarbone.

Your head reeled as you spewed out whimpers and moans in return. This time felt different, different than any time before. It was the first time it wasn’t wrong. It wasn’t a distraction from Spencer´s shitty marriage and it wasn’t some comfort for you after a bad day, it was a profound, unfiltered declaration of your love for each other.

One of his hands founds its way between your bodies during the hazy love making, starting to gently rub circles upon your sensitive clit. “Oh! Oh god! Fuck, Spencer, I’m close! I’m close,” you squeaked, holding onto his shoulders tightly as he quickened his hips and his finger.

“I know, angel, I know.” Spencer wasn’t a religious man, under no means, but he was pretty sure that you were the closest thing to divinity he´ll ever be able to understand.

“Come for me,” he ordered in a soft tone. Just a few seconds after his words, you did as he said, your orgasms washing over you in a way that felt like both a small calm beautiful stream and a wild strong breathtaking ocean. Spencer followed quickly, the sensation of you clenching around him being as heavenly as he would image heaven.

After he had fucked you both through your intense highs, pulled out and carried you to the bathroom to pee and take a shower, you found yourselves resting on the terrace, dressed in comfy clothes and wrapped up in a warm blanket.

“Are you going to have to move out? Cause I only have a one bedroom. But I do want to move in with you. Or is it too soon? Do you think she told the team? They’re gonna hate us-!” You rambled nervously, leaving the hot chocolate Spencer had made you unattended in your hands.

“Hey, hey, calm down, honey, it’ll be fine. We´ll talk about this later, alright? Right now you have an extremely beautiful sunset In front you, an unbelievably attractive man beside you and a really tasty hot chocolate said unbelievably attractive man made you,” he reassured, grinning proudly as he spoke his last sentence.

“Oh, unbelievably attractive, huh?” you teased.

“Yes, incredibly, unbelievably attractive.” He smirked, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“Okay, I can get on board with that but my hot chocolate is 1000 times better than this.” You shrugged and gave him a smile before turning to take in the sunset before you.

“Honestly? You’re completely right.”

@emma-e-a

[mayonnaise-sock]

Well shit. I’m kind of struggling to understand what this means, but i get the gist. If someone could like explain it like i’m a baby though?? Big blocks of text make my brain stop working entirely. Very unhelpful. All i really understand is that it’s a nazi term

Stop using the word degenerate to mean horny challenge

[blushsturns]

perv! matt x innocent! reader ♡

part three ❤︎ seven minutes in heaven

description: when nick chooses you and matt to get stuck together in the closet during seven minutes in heaven, sexual tension is making itself very clear.

warnings: touching, neck kissing, love bites, teasing, smut

w/c: 3577

previous parts: hcs - 1 - 2

nick decided to throw a party. it was only going to be your mutual friends and not too big of a party and you were grateful because sometimes it can be overwhelming being around too many people.

obviously matt was going to be there considering it was being held at their house. you haven’t seen matt since the encounter in front of the window. the thought of it ever since then always made you feel warm and fuzzy. you knew he was the one who sent you the lingerie, even if you both never spoke of it out loud. you kept it stored in your underwear drawer. matt would probably find it in there if he were to ever search for it.

you weren’t sure on your feelings with matt. he was awkward, shy, inexperienced, but so damn adorable. you always knew he had a crush on you, but you were never sure of your feelings for him. you loved all of the brothers. they were your best friends, but matt was the one who paid more attention to you in general. you never thought of matt as more than a friend. after finding out that he took your panties and had one buried in his back pocket the night you all watched a movie, he was stuck in your brain. not that you were complaining though. you had to admit, it was kind of fun.

your outfit for tonight was incredibly sexy and perfect. you wore an embroidered mesh black dress that hugged your curves perfectly and gave your chest some nice cleavage to show off. you paired the dress with your favorite black pumps, curled your hair, and put on your best makeup. you had to admit, you looked fucking amazing. your first thought was what matt was going to think.

you knocked onto the front door (not that you have to, but you wanted to be respectful) and nick immediately opened the door. his eyes widened as he took in your appearance. “oh my god! you look amazing!” he pulled you into the house and gave you a big hug. “pizza is on the way and we got some games we’re gonna play when a couple more people show up.” he beamed, grinning from ear to ear at you.

nick was always so positive and encouraging and was like the brother you never had. “okay, cool.” you beamed back at him, flashing him a soft smile. “where’s matt?” you suddenly realized you only asked where matt was, your cheeks flushing slightly, but silently thanking yourself with the amount of blush and foundation you already applied to your face so it wasn’t obvious. “and chris.” you added so it wasn’t as noticeable that you were only specifically asking for matt.

nick was too smart and could see right through you. his eyebrow raised up as he stared at you. “you know, everytime i talk about you around that boy, he goes red in the face and gets all flustered. boy’s got a mad crush on our girl.”

this time, you weren’t sure if the makeup covering your face would be enough. you didn’t understand why that made you blush. matt really got all flustered and shy when you were mentioned? you wondered why he acted like that when it was about you. did he really have a crush on you or did he act like that with everyone? “stop playing, nick. you’re being silly.” you shake your head at him, a soft giggle escaping your lips. “he’s just-“

before you could even finish your sentence, matt appears in your vision as he walks into the living room with his fingers running through his tousled hair. the second your eyes lock together, you noticed his cheeks had gone red immediately. his eyes scanned your body up and down as if he was practically drooling from the mouth at the sight of you.

your cheeks flushed even darker now. you flashed him a flirty smile, your hand lifting up to wave at him. he immediately noticed and smiled shyly back at you, returning your wave before making his way into the living room to sit next to chris and nathan on the couch.

nick rolled his eyes playfully, a laugh erupting from his throat. “it’s cute how much you want each other. just know if he hurts you, i’m kicking his ass.”

to hear him acknowledge the fact that you two want each other out loud made you all flustered. you didn’t know how to react. all you could think to do was shove him in the chest with your index finger and walk past him. “whatever you say, nick.”

the pizza came, a couple more of your mutual friends came, and you all had just finished a couple rounds of cards against humanity. the whole entire time, you and matt kept giving each other glances which resulted in matt turning away once he noticed your eyes were on him with his cheeks completely pink. you kept thinking about what happened through the window and how you told him you’d make it up to him and matt said you owed him big time. you wondered how that would come about especially because matt was always so flustered around you.

“now, we’re gonna play a little game we all know so well called seven minutes in heaven.” nick announced, clapping his hands together excitedly. “it’s going to be fun. trust me.” he flashed you a small wink before glancing over at everyone else. your eyebrow furrowed up at him, wondering what he was scheming in that brain of his. “but we’re not going to use a bottle to determine who’s getting chosen. i’ll be choosing the individuals.”

your heart began to beat rapidly in your chest in nervousness. nick knew that you and matt possibly liked each other and it seemed like he had a plan up his sleeve. “seven minutes. secluded space. you can do whatever you want with this person. you guys ready?”

everyone chanted in anticipation and excitement. meanwhile, you and matt both exchanged glances, a small smile tugging onto your lips at him. he flashed you a small smile in return, his fingers moving up in those messy brunette locks of his. you wondered what his hair would feel like against your fingertips and if you’d ever tug on his hair while he’s making you feel good. you bit onto your own bottom lip for a brief moment as you allowed your mind to ponder this thought before snapping out of your thought completely when you heard your name.

“and matt.” nick announced your name and matt’s and all you could do in this moment is allow your mouth to fall open in surprise, averting your eyes back over to matt who looked just as surprised as you. he looked nervous too, which in all honesty was adorable.

you knew nick had something up his sleeve, but you didn’t know he’d be capable of putting you two in a situation like this. you watched as matt’s cheeks turned a dark shade of pink, his eyes now on nick. “nick, what the hell?”

nick shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly, a soft laugh falling from his lips. nobody else said a word, but seemed interested in what was happening. “thank me later. you get seven minutes once you enter the closet and that’s when the time starts. go, and have fun.” he flashed both of you a playful wink before signaling his head over to the closet door that was far down the hall.

your body already felt like it was floating, your heart beating in your chest from the anticipation and nervousness running through your body. matt got up as well and began to follow behind you. was he staring at your ass in your black dress? absolutely he was. everyone else began to engage in conversation among themselves behind you both. you wanted to give nick a death glare or flick him off, but you’d deal with him later. maybe now you’d finally be able to communicate face to face about what happened through the window and if he truly was the one who bought you the lingerie set that you showed off to him.

once matt stepped foot into the closet, you knew the 7 minutes had started. it was dark, a little crammed, and all you felt was your heart beating straight out of your chest. it was quiet for a couple seconds, but you were the first one to break the silence. “so, long time no see.”

it was suddenly bright now once matt flickered the closet light on and now you were able to see him fully. he looked nervous, flustered, but you could also tell he was excited. matt furrowed his eyebrow up at you, a small smile tugging onto his lips. “so you liked your gift then?”

you felt your cheeks immediately heat up. you didn’t know he was going to bring it up immediately and it took you by surprise. “so it was you. that depends, did you like the show?”

his lips curved up in a widening smile. “i did, actually. thank you for that. was a little disappointed that it ended so soon. but if i’m honest, i’ve been thinking about it since.”

you felt your heart beat picking up now as you take in a steady breath. “really? that’s ironic because i have too.”

his cheeks were still flushed a bright pink and all you wanted to do was kiss all over his stupid, pretty face, but you didn’t. not yet, anyway. he seemed curious to know more, but didn’t question it. a small smile stays present on his lips. “you’re really pretty.” he said sweetly, pulling his gaze away from you to look down at the ground.

it’s like sometimes he has the courage, and then he gets shy and flustered. you thought it was so fucking adorable. how have you not seen it before up close? you knew he had a little crush on you and noticed him staring at you and being flustered around you, but you assumed it was just his personality. has he always been this way around you? you lifted your hand up and used your index and middle finger to tilt his chin up to look back into your eyes.

you could feel the heat radiating against the both of you. you were standing face to face with only enough space to fit the both of you in the closet. so close that you could lean in and kiss him, or touch him. “you think so? you are too, pretty boy.” your eyes lock together in an intense gaze, your heart pounding rapidly.

your comment to him made him blush wildly even more. his eyes averted down to your lips before back up into your eyes. “i really can’t control myself around you. it’s like i turn into a blushy mess when you’re around.” his words were confident as he kept his gaze on you. “god, you’re so pretty. i can’t stand it.”

your cheeks were now bright red. you moved your fingers from his chin to travel down his jawline and his neck, feeling his stubble and smooth skin against your fingertips. it seemed like he wanted to melt underneath your touch. his eyes fluttered closed at your touch which only made you want to continue touching him. your eyes moved down between both of you to see his hardened bulge pressed against his jeans which caused your breath to hitch in your throat. “is that what you mean by not being able to control yourself around me?”

he knew what you were referring to, his own eyes opening and moving downwards to his own hardened cock through the fabric of his jeans. he bit onto his own bottom lip, his cheeks continued to grow noticeably hotter by the second. “y-yeah. like i want to be around you all the god damn time. want to touch you and see your beautiful body against mine. sometimes i wonder what you feel like, and what you taste like too.”

you were surprised to hear these words out loud from him, even though you knew of his crush. you didn’t know how badly he wanted you. or made you just never heard him speak of it out loud. “why haven’t you done anything, or said anything silly?” you moved your fingers down from his jawline to his chest through the fabric of his shirt. “such a shy boy, aren’t you?”

he nodded his head, a light whimper leaving his lips from just the faintest touch of your fingers. “i-i don’t know, really. didn’t think you’d want that, or even acknowledge me like that.” he spoke shyly, moving his eyes down to watch your fingers as they traveled down from his chest to the buckle on his belt.

“all you had to do was ask, doll.” you smiled sweetly at him as your fingers continued to play with his buckle before moving your fingers to begin ghosting them across his hardened cock through his jeans.

his eyes immediately widened as your fingers teasingly ran across his hardened cock. he gulped nervously, a soft whimper leaving his lips. “always so nervous round you.” he said with a shaky breath.

you felt your own core growing hot and began to throb through the lacy panties underneath your dress. “don’t be. it’s just me. i promise.” you spoke in a sweet tone, your hand wrapping around his cock through the fabric of his jeans to give him a gentle squeeze. “is this all because of me?”

he immediately nodded his head, another whimper leaving his lips. he sounded so damn pretty. you wondered what he sounded like when he cums. “only always for you. been dreaming of you touchin’ me and kissin’ me and claimin’ you as mine.”

his words caused your breath to hitch in your throat. finally hearing him say those words out loud made you feel so damn special and giddy inside. what was he doing to you? it was almost like you were slowly becoming addicted to him. “matt..fuck. have you always wanted me?”

matt moved his hands down your body to your backside, his fingers slipping underneath your dress and immediately grabbing ahold of your ass cheeks through the pretty sheer lace to pull you closer. your eyes locked together in an intense gaze, his pretty blue eyes turning a darker shade of blue. you let out a soft gasp at the feeling of his hands against your ass, your bodies now pressed up against each other. you pulled your hand away from his cock to tease him, moving your hands to his waist to grip it tightly. a shudder ran down your spine at the feeling of his fingers finally against your skin, a shaky breath exhaling from your chest and out past your lips. “i have always, always wanted you, pretty girl. always.” he spoke these words shyly, but the feeling of his hands on your ass made you feel proud that he was able to do something about it.

your entire body was warm, heat radiating against both of your bodies. “hm, that’s good to know.” you spoke in a sultry tone, a soft giggle leaving your lips. you felt his hardened cock press against your body through the fabric of your clothing. your bodies stayed pressed against each other, moving your face forward to press soft kisses against his jawline and down his neck. his head immediately tilted to the side to give you more space.

you were finally touching him, kissing him, hearing him. you couldn’t believe all of this was happening because of nick. you weren’t complaining though, not at all. your breasts were pressed against his chest, his cock throbbing against your thigh, causing a soft whimper to leave his lips at the feeling of you making him feel good.

small kisses were being peppered against his skin. you ran your tongue along the nape of his neck before parting your lips and sucking onto the spot firmly, your hand moving up to the back of his head to hold his face in place, your fingers lightly running through his hair. matt immediately pressed his hips forward, a whiny moan now leaving his lips, his breathing becoming heavier by the second. “oh f-fuck. that’s..nice.” he breathed his words out, licking over his own lips.

he continued to grasp your ass firmly in his hands, kneading your ass cheeks in a smooth circular motion which caused you to let out a breathy sigh. “mm, good.” your words were muffled against his neck, pulling away once you created a nicely formed bruise onto his neck. your eyes averted towards the bruise, your lips curving up into a slight smirk at your good work. the bruise may last a couple days and would be fairly evident for anyone to see, but maybe that was a good thing.

he opened up his eyes, one of his hands moving over to touch the newly formed bruise. you both knew that you’d be walking out of the closet looking like you just fucked with the bruise to showcase, but you didn’t mind and neither did matt. your thumb ran along the newly formed bruise, feeling proud of yourself for the work you’ve done. “been dreaming about this since i can remember.” he breathed out, his voice whiny and desperate now.

you had to admit, you fucking loved the feeling of his hands on you. the built up sexual tension between the two of you was exhilarating and you loved every damn second of it. “oh yeah? especially because i know how much you love my lacy panties. now you get to feel em’ on me.”

his cheeks flushed even more at your words, obviously remembering the fact that he had a whole ass drawer in his room filled with her panties. he moved his hand away from your ass, bringing it up to your chest, his fingers dancing along the edge of your dress that showed your pretty cleavage so perfectly. he looked at you like he was a starved man that needed to be fed, practically salivating at the mouth. “such a pretty fuckin’ goddess, aren’t you sweetheart?”

you loved seeing him like this. it was slowly becoming your favorite thing and you weren’t sure how to process that. matt’s cock was fighting hard to stay in his jeans, almost feeling suffocated and needed to be relaxed. his hand immediately grabbed ahold of your breast throughout the fabric of your dress. your eyes averted down to his hand, watching as he groped your breast in his hand, his thumb running along your perked nipple through the fabric which caused you to gasp out softly, a shudder running down your spine. your pussy was soaked now as you throbbed for him, needing more. his touch made you feel amazing and you didn’t want it to end.

suddenly, you heard the handle of the closet door being messed with and the closet door opens. the both of you are now face to face with nick, your hearts racing rapidly and your faces flushed. to be honest, it was fun to tease him even if it was teasing you in the process. it’s fun to play hard to get, especially seeing him obsess over you.

“seven minutes are up, kids!” he announced as he took in the sight of the both of you. matt had lipstick stains all over his jawline and neck and the pretty purple bruise formed against his skin. your dress needed to be straightened out, your cheeks red and your heart thudding hard in your chest. matt’s hair was all tousled up, which wasn’t unusual for him, but nick wasn’t an idiot. “shit, i knew you two would get into something. have fun?” his eyebrows raised up at the both of you, a slight smirk appearing onto his face.

“i can’t even say im mad at you.” you reply blatantly. you looked over at matt, who suddenly seems shy and flustered again.

“me neither. actually, i probably should thank you.” he spoke confidently, despite looking a little embarrassed and flustered.

nick let out a soft chuckle, shaking his head in disbelief. “you guys are fuckin’ unreal. now it’s nathan’s turn. come on, lovebirds.” he motioned for the two of you to come with him as he started to head back over to the living room.

you fixed your dress and your hair before taking in a deep breath to gain your composure. when nick was out of earshot, you leaned over to matt’s ear to whisper against it, “i guess we shouldn’t get too ahead of ourselves, now should we, pretty boy? it’s fun teasing you.” your breath was hot against his ear before pulling away to flash him a playful wink before turning on your heel and walking out of the closet.

this left matt completely and utterly teased and embarrassed due to the fact that he had to walk out of this closet with lipstick stains and bruises on his neck, and a rock hard, throbbing boner that wouldn’t go away anytime soon.

especially since he still had the rest of the night to stare at you and your body, wishing he could just finally have his way with you. now that he’s had his hands on you, he needed more.

that day better be soon or he might go fucking crazy.

taglist:

@sturnshood @strangelife122 @jessie-essie @giveheavensomehell @rina3476 @chrissturnioloslvt @sturnslutz @forgottxen @matthewsturnsgf @christmastreecake @rinahasspots @222wall876 @chris-hallelujah @izzylovesmatt @strniloslvts

if you want to be added to the taglist, click here!

a/n- thank you to @sturnshood for the awesome idea for this part, helping me, and motivating me to continue writing. i love you!

if you have any ideas for what you want to see happen in this AU or wanna talk about it (or talk to me in general) don’t hesitate to send a message in my inbox!

here is the outfit reader is wearing.

thank you for everyone who has been enjoying this AU! love you guys. :)

-nessa ღ

[h3r4life]

✧ OVERCOMING THE FEAR OF SHIFTING: IT’S MORE COMMON THAN YOU THINK

✵ UNDERSTANDING THE FEAR. The fear of actually shifting to your DR is such a sneaky block because it’s not something we expect to feel. Like, you’re doing all this work (visualizing, affirming, scripting, etc) and yet deep down, you might be scared of actually getting what you want. It’s wild, but it makes sense when you break it down.

✵ WHY SUCCESS MIGHT FEEL SCARY.

— Even if you’ve visualized your DR a million times or planned your DR down to the last detail, but actually being there is a completely new experience. What’s it actually going to feel like to be there? What if things don’t go how you imagined? That uncertainty can trigger a lowkey (or not so lowkey) fear.

— Success comes with its own pressure. Once you shift, it’s easy to start overthinking. What if I can’t do it again? What if it’s not what I expected? That “what if” spiral can get overwhelming. And that might create a fear of succeeding.

— Even if you don’t love your CR, it’s still comfortable because it’s familiar. Leaving behind parts of it, even if it’s just for a short amount of time, (people, routines, or even just your identity in this reality) can feel heavier than you realize.

— What if your DR doesn’t live up to the dream? What if it’s not perfect? That fear can make success feel risky, and your brain might unconsciously try to avoid it altogether.

✵ HOW THIS FEAR MESSES WITH YOU. This fear doesn’t usually scream “I’m scared to succeed!” It shows up in subtle ways like procrastinating, feeling “stuck,” constantly tweaking your script, overthinking your method, or second-guessing yourself. It’s like your mind is putting up invisible walls without you even realizing it.

✵ WHY PEOPLE DON’T TALK ABOUT IT. This fear gets ignored because it feels backwards, like why would you be scared of getting what you want? Plus, in the shifting community, everyone’s so focused on HOW to shift, they don’t always talk about the emotional side of it. It’s easier to think you’re you’re just “doing it wrong” than to realize you might be holding yourself back.

✵ HOW TO GET PAST IT.

— Acknowledge it. The first step is being honest with yourself. Ask, Am I scared of actually shifting to my DR? Once you see it for what it is, it’s easier to work through.

— Instead of obsessing over the moment you shift, think about how you’re going to feel and thrive once you’re there. Build that excitement so it outweighs the fear.

— Remind yourself you’ve got this. You’ve done the work, and you’re capable of handling whatever comes up in your DR. Affirmations like “I’m ready for this” or “I trust myself” really help.

— Your DR doesn’t have to be perfect for it to be worth experiencing. Give yourself room to explore and grow. Nothing has to be set in stone.

— Shifting doesn’t have to be some huge, dramatic moment. Every step (big or small) you take is progress, so don’t psych yourself out by making it feel bigger than it is.

✵ FINAL THOUGHTS. So yeah, fear of success is real, but it doesn’t have to stop you. The key is recognizing it for what it is and deciding it’s not going to hold you back. You’ve already done the hard part by getting this far, trust that you’re ready for what’s waiting on the other side.

[yourloyalwatchdog]

CW: hypnotic induction.

enforcing some safety stuff and just messing around with a little induction i wanted to try out for world hypno day (it's still 10:30 my time leave me alone)

i hope you like it :3

—

when i read these words, are they coming from the voice in my head?

focus on the words. try and think the words. as though the words are my thoughts. it quickly becomes too difficult to consciously think so many things at once, so just while i read, i can let all other thoughts cease, and

focus.

my head may not be totally empty, but that's okay. it's natural for the mind to be constantly running, right? as long as i bring myself back when i find my thoughts wandering away from this post, it's fine.

i'm not totally sure where this is going, but i read on anyway. i can't help but want to know what's next. how could this post hypnotize me? or will it at all? are these just words? or are they my thoughts?

oh no, i distracted myself. that's alright, i can just bring my focus back to the words and it will be fine.

i'm reading the words. i'm thinking the words.

i'm reading the words. i'm thinking the words.

i'm reading the words. i'm thinking the words.

focusing on each and every word just the same as any other, because even the mundane may be vital for me to read and understand. i might need to catalogue them for later.

i'm reading the words. i'm thinking the words.

i'm reading the words. i'm thinking the words.

thinking becomes harder and harder about the words and only the words. i think it's getting easier now. i can think less about everything else and just think the words for a couple of minutes. it will all come back to me later.

i'm reading the words. i'm thinking the words.

i'm reading the words. i'm thinking the words.

these are my thoughts. these are my words. i read them from the screen, but they are my own thoughts and ideas. and what else do i really need, but to trust these thoughts, because they're my own?

besides, it feels good to think less, and

focus

on this one train of thought.

i'm reading the words. i'm thinking less.

i'm thinking the words. i'm thinking less.

i'm feeling the words. i'm thinking less.

i'm obeying the words. i'm thinking less.

these words are the only thoughts i need in my mind.

thinking less feels good.

i feel good when i don't think.

intense ripples of bliss and deep relaxation flow through my body every time i don't think.

this feels good.

good.

what is left of me now, but my drifting thoughts that i read on the screen? not much, it seems.

i'll close my eyes in a moment and stop reading, and when i do, i will realize just how empty my mind is without these thoughts to guide me. it may be a relaxing feeling i wish to sink deeper into, but i will open my eyes and continue reading once i've realized how i need these words to think for me right now.

closing them now...

good job.

it's pretty empty in that brain of yours, huh?

that's funny. i don't remember telling you to do, or not do, anything. you must have hypnotized yourself.

that makes you such a good plaything.

well, i guess now that you're here, i'll help you go all the way down deeper, because you'd like that, wouldn't you?

hmm. that's what i thought.

so DROP for me, pet.

DROP into that deep, blissful place in your mind where nothing else exists but this moment right now.

let your worries go. everything will be just fine if you shut it off for a bit. the world will be just the same when you return.

just DROP and focus on nothing but you and me here, right now. it's just us. just your blank, heavy mind, and my words that soothe all the parts of you that might worry. you're safe with me. i promise i would never do anything to hurt you.

and when you're with me, you will be protected. you don't need to be able to think for your mind to protect you from any suggestions you may not feel comfortable following. your subconscious knows where your limits are, and if ever it, or you, realize that this isn't what you want, you can easily wake up, refreshed and completely aware of everything that's happened while you were in trance.

very good. this is important stuff. i want you to be safe and comfortable when you're with me like this. your mind can be quite a hefty responsibility, can't it?

so just DROP deeper and give it to me. you can just feel good and let go.

i'm honored that you're trusting me with this essential part of you. your mind practically makes you who you are, doesn't it? i could toy with it however i wanted, mold it into a form better suited to my desires, and you may never even know. i could make you bark, moan, and DROP to your knees with a simple flick of my wrist, and all you could do was obey like a good plaything.

but none of that today.

i know, i know, it probably sounds tempting, doesn't it? me describing it for you probably makes you crave it, doesn't it? oh, you poor thing. so susceptible to my words that all i need to do is tell you what i could be doing. or have i already done it?

well, who's to say? it doesn't matter anyway. you'd give in either way.

now that you've gotten to enjoy this trance for a few minutes, i suppose i should probably wake you up now. let you get back to whatever you were doing, or whatever you need to do.

so i'm going to count you up from 1 to 10, and each number will help you feel a little bit more awake, a little bit more aware, and you'll wake feeling good, and perhaps just a little more empty headed than you were before.

but you hypnotized yourself, remember? that's not my fault.

1,

starting to wake now.

2,

coming up, up, just a bit.

3,

a little bit more now

4,

feeling more aware of your body.

5,

becoming more aware of your surroundings.

6,

re-acquainting yourself with the waking world.

7,

letting your head become clearer, and less fuzzy.

8,

just ever so slightly dazed now.

9,

almost fully awake.

and

10,

wake up now.

there you go. take a little stretch if you need to, drink some water, and i hope you enjoy the rest of your day/night. if you wanted to let me know how this felt, i'd love to hear some feedback so i can keep getting better at this, but that's entirely up to you.

you did a very good job :)

[summertimesadnessirl]

Look, I'm sorry. I used to make 7 paragraphs of excuses pathologizing myself because all my friends and family were inconsiderate and thoughtless and selfish, too.

But then I started working for a real estate office.

And I saw how when people think they're going to get money out of someone

Suddenly they understand how to code switch and treat people on an individual basis and learn their signals and remember things that are important to them or make them feel bad.

Sorry, but we're a pack species and we actually are responsible for taking care of members of our pack.

That's why shunning used to be a death sentence before we invented psychiatric hospitals and the repackaged and resale of fringe subcultures and all that.

Because human beings die when you tell them that none of the other humans are responsible for them.

I'm not saying your friends and family should have to read your mind but if they don't actively work to make you feel safer with them the longer that they know you and actively work to notice signs and patterns and things that comfort you and things that indicate that you might not be okay, that's not your friend.

I bet the reason you're anxious is that other people have a long and storied history of expecting that emotional labor from you and not giving it back, and then it got so bad they hired some magazine writers to tell you that your brain is defective when actually it's just that people have gotten accustomed to dealing with you in a one sided way your entire life.

I bet you're real good at figuring out what other people are feeling and thinking and what they need. I bet you do it all the time, like, compulsively, like most anxious people. And I bet they let you do it. I bet it's something they like about you and call a good quality like being thoughtful or caring or conscientious until such time as it means that they might need to reciprocate that level of care.

Sorry. Everyone is responsible for everyone else. That's why it's basically impossible to opt out of society and go live on your own. Even if you manage to not need them, they need you.

If drugs work for you that's cool, if therapy helps, that's fine. But most likely just admitting that other people owe you just as much as you owe them and there isn't something wrong with you will help just as much, if you the people around you will let you get away with it.

Our society is full of people who pretend to be stupid to get out of doing the work of giving a shit about other people and you can decide it's too hard to know that and believe a lie if it helps you, too.

But I want those people to stop believing it, so I have to post about it.