#like my bf’s thinking fully clashes (and tbh often can’t follow along with) our thinking/ discussion | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

pheadrus · 4 months ago

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like ok I’m in a group of 4 at my uni but we’re all in different cities now the degree is over, we have an online reading group with vague plans to meet up irl down the line. Problem is I’m dating one of them and I’m gonna break up with him, so that’ll mean cutting ties - we will lose the possibility of doing the reading group/ anything as a 4. my ideal situation (although it’s selfish) is to avoid becoming like separate friends where we all talk but only individually so what I really want is a new 3 w/o my bf - my bf has said to me a few times that the other 2 prefer me to him, I think it’s true and I think I’m closer with/ to them as people (my bf often complains about us as a three/ our communication style (plus- he has other friends he’s close to whereas I don’t)) but my problems are

a) that’s selfish b) how could I go about doing something that selfish (it’s at least so awkward, I’ve put a whole possible strategy in the tags though so not impossible) c) one of my 2 friends will probably want things to not be so harsh on one of us/ idk how to talk to him about something like that

my main question I guess is should I try it or is it too selfish? the only other options really are him getting our friends as a three and me staying in contact individually, or all of us staying in contact individually (which I guess wouldn’t be awful and we’d probably still meet up as a 3 sometimes? but I’d lose the reading group and easy regular contact), or the whole thing fizzing out

#I was thinking I should talk to friend no.1 and say like #I wanna continue the reading group with you #and we could invite friend no.2 and say like look this is what there is future reading group wise #like my bf’s thinking fully clashes (and tbh often can’t follow along with) our thinking/ discussion #and ours have our differences but it isn’t like night and day #and friend no.1 has said to me that when ppl break up they just need to fight over friends #so I could be pretty straight up with him and he won’t judge or be unsympathetic #and this friend no.1 - it’d be a leap I think to say all of that to him #but he’s literally told me drunk this whole spiel about how cool he thinks I am #and how mad he is that I don’t believe he likes me #so like - he likes me #he’s my friend #so it’s a leap I should just make I think #he particularly rates me as a thinker #like really rates me #so staying in a reading group feels prett clear?#also staying friends with my bf Not an option - he won’t want it and my friends won’t humour it #like they’ll know it’s not tenable #at least no.1 will and I respect him and myself too much to sit through that

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