#like maybe mild phobia but I’m not sure lol

[cerealmonster15]

I have learned i might be scared of pregnancy as a concept a little more than I thought i was lol

[bright-and-burning]

got tagged by @albonoooo !! thank u <3

what colour are your eyes?: i have (very mild) heterochromia!! they’re mostly green but my left eye has a little brown stripe :) i guess u could call them hazel (or at least the left one) my mom certainly did for ages idk picture below u decide

(cont under the cut)

tell me about your pets/your dream pet: i (well. my family) have an orange cat and a porgi (pitbull corgi mix [he’s really just a mutt but we’re like 95% sure he’s got corgi in him somehow]). they are the lights of my life and also the goofiest lookin mfs. i’ve posted pics of my cat before but my dog is like. really distinct looking (see: porgi) but i love him so much … ask me for photos of him n u shall receive…

my apartment is pet free unfortunately. but also taking care of another whole ass being is A Lot so. i’m very chill w not having my own rn

share some interesting fact about yourself: i went to a spanish speaking daycare when i was really young (like toddler aged) and then when i was like 7 i invented my own language (as one does) and half the words were just. spanish. my parents spent ages trying to convince me that i did not just come up w the word espagnol . i swear to god. and i was a stubborn know it all kid and i wasn’t gonna believe them on anything without irrefutable proof (and how do u prove that??) so their efforts were largely fruitless LOL

what was the first fandom you were a part of?: for SURE harry potter. 9 year old me had unsupervised internet access and went craaazy

do you have any phobias?: hm. i Really Really Really don’t like things going near my eyes. it was wayyy worse before i started wearing contacts. like someone waving their hands around within three feet of me would freak me out. i do still get like. inescapable visions of pencils being waved around and accidentally put in my eye when i think abt it/when ppl wave pencils around that i have to physically shake out of

are you a picky eater? if so, what food can't you stand?: YES! texture issues my beloathed… i DESPISE melted cheese. blergh. bad bad vibes. and other funky textured cheeses… i literally just physically shuddered.

do you eat the burger and fries at the same time or one after another?: i consciously choose to eat burger first to get protein in. and THEN fries. if burger too hot then i get to eat two (must be even number) fries at a time until it cools enough to eat

winter or summer: summer <3 i love the beach i love the sun i love 6am runs where it’s already 75° i love swimming i love fun festivals. but also summer is a mindset . if it’s 65° in march im walking around in shorts and a tank top and sitting in the sun the entire day

favourite fanfiction tropes: oh gosh… best friends to lovers… idk i read it all baby. also gonna be honest the f1 interpretations of a/b/o are FASCINATING!!! and have really increased the draw by Far for me

are you studying or working? what do you study/is your job?: working! i am a silly little analyst

what is the last country you visited: canada in june to get drunk by the lake for a week <3

what country would you want to move to after retiring?: france… maybe not. but also maybe yeah. idk i don’t have any other strong connections to places, u kno? and i’d like to travel (fingers crossed i Can retire at an age where i can still travel easily lol)

who was your first crush?: gene kelly in singin in the rain and on the town… formative movies for 3y/o me

how did you get into f1 fandom?: web weavings on tumblr + like three random instagram reels (the mclaren wavelength video being the only one i remember lol) + the empty hole unemployment left me with inside = instant obsession

no pressure tag…. @oscarpiastriwdc @ocontraire @crimsonicarus @lafaerie @mecachrome

[janzoo]

While Drakyr is my one true WoL, I’ve made two alts along the way. They were mostly made on a whim/for the memes, but I recently put a little effort into them and thought I’d show ‘em off. I don’t know what I’m going to do with them - if nothing else, I’ll probably say they’re some of Drakyr’s adventurer buddies. :)

Info under the cut! Spoiler warning, and a mild NSFW warning for talk of sexuality/sexual activity.

The first is Z’racha Nuhn, Miqo’te Pugilist. I made him for the sole joke of “you know this man Fucks upon introduction.” Because he’s a nuhn. His name is supposed to sound a bit like sriracha because he’s spicy, har har har. Also I just like the letter “Z”.

About Z’racha:

He’s a “bread cat”. His favourite food is soft baked pretzels.

He hates bugs. A bad flea epidemic hit his tribe when he was a child and it was a bad time all around. I suppose it’s a phobia, but between fight-vs-flight, it triggers his fight reaction every time. All bugs that he notices must die immediately.

Relating to the above, he’s meticulous about hygiene and cleanliness. Especially in regards to hair/body hair.

He’s a great lay. Though primarily interested in women, he indulges in sleeping with people of other genders here and there. Mostly if they approach him first.

Sometime in ARR, Z’racha and Thancred found themselves pursuing the same woman. Instead of getting competitive or hostile about it, they threesome’d her instead. (Don’t worry, he uses protection - being a “breeding male” stays within his tribe.)

I don’t have a love interest in mind for him at the moment.

Z’racha likes to do as much as he can with his own body, hence being a melee fighter.

Relating to the above, he has a great appreciation for crafting, especially goldsmithing and maybe also alchemy. (I don’t plan to level crafting for him so we’ll just pretend.)

I wanted to make him a little older and have a couple of children, since he is a nuhn. I have no idea how many - besides no more than three - or their ages. *shrugs* Regardless of actual children, he’s a good father with strong paternal instincts. If present during the moment when Fourchenault disowns the twins, he would likely try to attack Fourchenault - and afterwards, try to adopt the twins. Full on “Look at me - I am your father now. Your names are now Z’Alisaie and Z’Alphinaud. Call me pa. I love you.”

He’s not very forgiving of Zenos. As far as he’s concerned, Zenos is threatening the place that his loved ones call home, and he doesn’t care about the reason. Were he to find out the truth about Zenos’s childhood that put him on that path, he’d be more understanding, but no more forgiving. And also furious at Varis for being such a shit father.

Bonus because I think we can all appreciate his bright green body hair lmao

And next is Rawberry Rawry, Lalafell Lancer. There was a post going around about making a wee Lalafell solely to have them run around in the tonberry costume. I did just that, but also came to like her and think she’s adorable and pretty. The character creator gave me this cute berry pink and cream hair and I just had to roll with it. She is the shortest possible height for a Dunefolk Lala.

About Rawberry:

She’s got a quick, fuming temper, and is a “hit things that bother you” type. A couple of times she’s thwacked someone across the knees with her spear, or poked them if especially mad. She’s earned the nickname “Knee-Notcher” among some as a result. (No major injuries have occurred, just lots of rapid attempts at dodging and “oh shite!” exclamations to go with them.)

Relating to the above, when not angry, she’s rather upbeat and sweet.

She’s primarily attracted to other Lalafells, though some non-Lala people might have a chance if they’re not too tall. She’s not into major height differences. There’s no solid love interest in mind for her at the moment. (I keep thinking of Tataru or Thancred potentially having a shot, though I’m not sure why for the latter yet lol)

Rawberry isn’t into crafting/gathering and generally lacks such skills, though she appreciates those with a knack for it.

She’s a very simple person. She likes being a warrior/adventurer, so that’s what she’ll be.

She prefers open or minimal clothes for better mobility. If that bothers someone else, that’s their problem.

She loves when people underestimate her because she’s a Lalafell, because then she gets to kick their ass extra hard to prove them wrong.

And that sums up what I have for them for now. Drakyr has other friends now!

[cheshirecaine]

Shinji?

Ahh, my sweet blonde boi.

How I feel about this character

Love this bitchy mess of a man. Obsessed with his unnecessarily straight fringe and teeth. Love the outfits, the music taste. Just love how he shows up as an older mentor character in-the-know on Vaizard knowledge for Ichigo, but still comes across as someone seemingly younger/hipper than the others. He's also so unnecessarily cool with the Grimmjow fight. Just big peacocking energy when he debuts.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

AIZEN. Ichigo. Urahara a lil. Grimm—technically I do have a finished fic draft for them, I just never found it polished enough to publish.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

General Shinji & the Vaizards. They were already friends but their time post-escape must've bonded them, and it says something that Shinji ended up as their leader.

Also, very fond of the Shinji/Ichigo brotp. I just constantly write them bonding over drinks.

Probably Hiyori? Not really opposed to romantically shipping them, but some couples are just SO bro-coded. Gin and better mentor energy/ruining Aizen. Hinamori for a purer 'this is how captain-lieutenants are supposed to be' r'ship and traumatised by our ex-relationships with Aizen/being targeted by him specifically/I will look out for her moreso as a consequence of what Aizen did.

My unpopular opinion about this character

Okay, I have a mild phobia of piercings lol—the tongue piercing is not for me, but I’m sure there are Shinji fangirlies who get it.

I’m def all for the headcanon that Aizen had prior knowledge of Shinji’s shikai, cos his shikai is so sick!! I find it unfair that Aizen no-selled it so easy. More like Tsunade’s fight with Kabuto in Naruto. He recovered fast, being a genius, but he still needed time to re-learn how to fight. Though I suppose if Aizen needed time, Shinji would’ve killed him, so.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

Confirmed Shinji/Aizen exes. I mean TBH, what is canon but a delusion we hold in our imagined collective brain. IDK, I guess maybe a convo between them in the last couple arcs.

The Vaizards were such a fun fucking ensemble. Would’ve loved to see more of the reversed-brain/POWER drain for the Gotei once they were back. I expect it led to some interesting conversations about hollows’ personhood. Just more good things for them. And cos I was spoiled, I never went back to finish the manga, but I’d have liked for Shinji’s bankai to be in the main series

that was a bit of a long one, i just got really into it XD

[angiekurosaki]

.

So, last week, I went to the psychiatrist and left the clinic even more frustrated. It had been a shitty day; the anxiety of seeing a doctor was only making things worse. Anyway, I went there and to be honest, I didn't feel completely comfortable for some reasons. First, it was going to be a videocall as the doctor is no longer living in the city, therefore, another doctor had to stay inside the office for technological reasons (initiate the videocall, etc.) And of course, that meant more people in the room (although it was better not to have the gaze of the psychiatrist directly at me). Second, I had prepared a list of my symptoms but at the end I didn't used it because the doctor apparently only needed to know if I'm having problems to sleep and to enjoy hobbies. That's it. The only additional question he made -after kind of 'stating' that I should have seen him sooner if I was already experiencing insomnia, like dude I barely can afford this appointment- was if I was suicidal, to which I said 'no'. But it left me frustrated because I didn't have room to talk about my specific phobias about insects and lizards that really make me freak out and have a f*cking crisis, or how I'm spending too much time washing my hands, how I've been practically locked in my room or how I'm experiencing some ocd. The doctor didn't even ask me if the pandemic affected me in some way, not even for research purposes. All of this made me feel kind of bad because I paid $1000 mexican pesos (around $50 USD) for like 20-25 mins that the appointment lasted. (I've realized that I've never spent more than 30 mins in the doctor's office, not even when I first met him) I guess that for many people that's not a lot of money but for regular people like me it is, so I wanted to feel that the money was well spent. No need to say that it feels awful to 'waste' your family's money cause you are a mess and can't function properly :( especially when the whole family is struggling to make ends meet and you can't contribute significantly.

So, at this appointment I didn't feel like I was being heard, but who knows, maybe psychiatrists are supposed to be like this, impersonal, and I'm probably overreacting.

The doctor said that it was a severe (not mild or moderate) depression, which wasn't surprising at all as I alredy knew it. He prescribed meds for me and I was expecting to have the same meds that I had 2-3 years ago when I first saw him given the fact that they worked last time, but nope. He changed citalopram to fluoxetine, not sure why, however, according to my google searching, fluoxetine is the famous Prozac 😒 and it seems to treat a broader range of mental illnesses as ocd, phobias, etc., so I guess it will work out in the end. In addition, he repeated another pill (risperidone) I guess it's for the sake of a better combination? but I don't really know lol, and finally some strong pills to sleep at night; the last time I took these ones (years ago) I hated them cause they made me extremely drowsy! In short, I believe the meds he prescribed are good and that they should work, and I obviously trust that man as a doctor, but not so much as an empathetic individual, you know?

If I don't feel comfortable with that doctor I should probably change but the thing is that he is the ONLY doctor available in my city. I can't afford trying other doctors in another city. So I'll have to continue with this one.

Anyway. Now, I only need to see if my savings are enough to buy the meds (another $50), to see if they work and to pay the subsequent appointments (each one $50). All of this involves lots of money for us :/

Tbh this is so hard, it's obvious that right know I'm disabled to work and perform some simple tasks because i'm not functional, I wonder at what degree I'm disabled and if that will change in the future. Of course, this makes me feel so ashamed and guilty.

That Thursday night was hard af and I felt so frustrated, tired, overwhelmed and sad for so many reasons that I spend the night sobbing for the fact that not everybody can't afford/access to proper medical care when needed, whether about mental or physical health. It sucks. Dealing with a mental illness is so exhausting and adjfbdn!!

In spite of everything, I hope to start meds this weekend if their price are not too high to pay right know so I'm preparing mentally for changes. But yeah, it all sucks now.

[morningstr]

i was tagged by @chloexdecker thanks boo 😘😘

1. Do you make your bed?

only if someone comes over, i'm a messy bitch ajshshgsvs

2. What’s your favorite number?

it's 9, idek why, it was also always my number when i played sports

3. What’s your job?

i'm still at uni, but sometimes i work at the zoo on the weekends tho!

4. Can you parallel park?

dude i don't even have a license lol

5. A job you had which would surprise people?

i spent a summer with the police as part of an internshipl

6. Do you think aliens are real?

umm yeah!!?! there's no way we are the only living things in the universe

7. Can you drive a manual car?

i've never driven a single car in my life akajshsg

but if i were to, i'd learn with a manual for sure, automatics aren't big around here

8. What’s your guilty pleasure?

i dunno if there's anything i enjoy and am guilty about

maybe this whole fandom life, but it's just the fact that i never talk about it with friends even if we like the same shows/movies

9. Tattoos?

i have one on my side/ribs

but it really is addictive, i want another one so bad 😩😩

10. Favorite color?

*cue black isn't a color!! kinds of people* yeah well fuck you cause it is my favourite

11. Things people do that drive you crazy?

my biggest pet peeve when someone is always late, i could murder for that

i also hate when someone chews loudly

i'm sure there are a ton more, i'm basically an old annoyed lady

12. Any phobias?

i'm kinda scared of heights but i think that's healthy

and i'm prettttty sure i have a mild emetophobia, that whole thing is just something i can't deal with

13. Favorite childhood sport?

i played football (soccer 😭) for 10 years, and i miss it like hell

14. Do you talk to yourself?

i mean not out loud

15. What movies do you adore?

*forgets every movie ever*

i really like watching horror with my friends, that's always fun

but generally i like stuff that leaves me staring at the screen at the end; dramas, thrillers, documentaries

16. Do you like puzzles?

sure, i like getting my brain to figure shit out

17. Favorite kind of music?

nowadays i'll listen to anything, but i'll always be a rock n roll gal at heart

18. Tea or coffee?

bro i can't stand coffee, wtf

19. What’s the first thing you remember you wanted to be when you grew up?

i think i went through all the stuff kids do

a vet, lawyer, photographer, and then i got into the whole law enforcement thing

i'm tagging @chloedeckr @lucifer-chloe @captainpoe @captainmorningstar @laurens-german

[otakween]

Cyborg 009: The Cyborg Soldier - Episode 33

Okay, this one was a lot more interesting than the last. Even though they were both solo episodes, this one had a better story AND animation. Also, it managed to be low-key unsettling, kind of like a Twilight Zone episode.

Notes:

-I really liked the slow build up this episode had, cutting in between the truck driver, 006′s restaurant, and the cyborgs house. It felt very cinematic. (It actually kind of reminded me of the opening of Final Destination lol)

-I’m pretty sure if a 5 year old saw a human’s head turn into a hippo they’d be traumatized, not giggle delightedly but I’ll let it slide

-I wonder if 001 is sad that he has to eat baby formula for the rest of his life because ooof...that’s unfortunate (and expensive probably).

-This episode makes me wonder what the real psychological side effects would be of someone being in a frozen world for a month. It bugged me that 009 barely left the house for a month and wore the same outfit lol. I wonder what he did for food. Also, I guess you couldn’t shower since the water wouldn’t move correctly (you might be able to bathe tho). I’m pretty sure if this episode wasn’t a one-off, Joe would be traumatized for quite some time and need a recovery period. He also might have a phobia of going into acceleration mode.

-Seeing Joe laugh hysterically was actually pretty disturbing, probably moreso than it would be with some of the other cyborgs since he’s so mild-mannered

-It’d be interesting to see the dark-side of some of the other cyborgs’ powers. Like maybe 003′s super hearing could go haywire and she could hear people’s thoughts or something

-The mechanics of the frozen world were really interesting. I liked how Joe basically had to solve the “puzzle” of saving all of the townsfolk without touching them

-Hard to not see episodes like this without thinking of Madoka and Endless Eight. I find the whole “time traveler suffers in silence” plot line to be really compelling. I wonder who did it first (in literature too I mean). 

[moss-agaric]

i’ve got panic disorder. and whenever i talked to my therapist about struggling with panic attacks, she would always talk about this and grounding. i’ve tried it many times but it never seemed to work for me. in a way it just made my mind wander worse. or i was too distracted by my thoughts to actually ground myself. a lesson i have learned was that i needed to not run away from the panic. every time i would feel a bit of anxiety coming on, i would try to distract myself and push out that feeling. that ended up making it build and build. i basically gained a phobia of panic attacks. that’s what panic disorder is really, a phobia of panic attacks. so when i started to feel a panic attack, i would panic more because i was terrified of panic attacks. then realizing i was panicking even more, made me panic EVEN more. like a snow ball effect. it went from being a bit of bad anxiety, to having severe panic attacks over and over again every day for a year. i couldn’t leave my bed. i couldn’t be alone either. if i ate, i would throw it back up. it was absolutely hell and the worst torture ones own mind can do to you. i’m not sure what the scientific terms are, but basically the part of my brain that specializes in survival instincts was over active. pumping a shit ton of adrenaline when it wasn’t necessary. so my body was basically reacting as if i were actually dying or in incredible danger. it was rough.. to say the least. but i somehow managed to work through it and now i’m in remission!! i haven’t had a real panic attack in over a year. you have to desensitize yourself to those fears triggers and phobias.

so just a preface, this is what worked for me and what didn’t work for me. everyones mind works differently.

-when i felt a panic attack coming on, instead of rushing to distract myself and push it out, i let myself feel those feelings and accept them. this is WAY easier said than done and will take quite some time to really be able to do. it’ll feel like you’re pretending to be okay with how you’re feeling. but the more you do it, the less you have to pretend.

-i stopped doing the things i did before to escape the panic. for example, when i felt it set in, i would either run to my mom or call someone, and jut have someone “rescue” me. i became dependent on others to keep my mind calm. and that was making it harder for me to actually work through it. so i stopped letting myself do that.

-i stopped avoiding my triggers. i needed to desensitize myself to those subjects. my brain was basically like “what things can we think about to torture ourself?”. some of my triggers were talking about religion, outer space, death, conspiracy theories, weed, talking about derealization/depersonalization/dissociation, and more that i just don’t remember atm. those are still triggers for me but now they just bring a bit of mild anxiety and discomfort instead of panic attacks.

-i did a whole bunch of self care type of things. basically everything a cheesy self care twitter thread would tell you to do. i started getting at least 15 minutes of sunlight every day. i exercised more. not that much but yanno i did what i could. i started eating actual meals. i made really good and pretty healthy homemade food. i started drinking more water. and i spent all day everyday cleaning and making sure i was in a happy clean and healthy environment. you totally don’t have to do this stuff to get through pd. please don’t feel over welmed and like “ah i don’t have the mental energy to do this”. i really did these things to keep me busy every day and it really helped me get better.

- i knowww it’s so cliche but meditation can really help. maybe not in the beginning of your recovery cause meditation can maybe cause your mind to wander a bit. but meditation helps so much with intrusive thinking and managing your thoughts. there’s a lot of guided meditations on spotify and youtube.

i don’t feel like proof reading that so sorry if my punctuation or grammar is bad lol. i hope that i can help somebody out there who’s going through what i went through. i really wish i could have had someone to talk to who knows what it’s like to deal with pd. i know that these things are pretty stereotypical and probably what every one tells you to do when you’re dealing with mental health issues. but they worked for me.

Okay, if someone knows a magic trick to instantly stop a panic attack, or decrease its intensity, this is the time to share it and help each other out.

I am not diagnosed with any kind of anxiety disorder, panic disorder, PTSD etc, but sometimes I experience panic attacks, so if you found a way to feel better it would be useful for me and all the people reading this post. Thanks!

[cosaimai]

Actually, 1-170, game 😝

why do you subject me to this torture lmao 

but imma do it regardless (leaving out all the ones i’ve already answered ofc)

3: Do you have a favorite clothing style?

Goth of course

4: What was your favorite video game growing up?

hmm i didnt play many video games when i was super young so prob bioshock infinite

5: What three things/people do you think of most each day:

my best friend (@lauren-pc), my fictional crushes… (lets not judge me alright, i dont have a life), does the ocean count?

8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic]

melancholic 

9: Are you ticklish?

yes

10: Are you allergic to anything?

lavender

11: What’s your sexuality?

asexual (homoromantic)

12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa?

tea

13: Are you a cat or dog person?

hmm prob dog bc even tho cats are adorable their fur tends to bother me since it sheds a lot more easily (which is why i love hairless cats)

18: How much do you weigh? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!]

I havent checked in a while since I don’t own a scale, but I think around 91-95lbs

19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits?

yes

21: Are you religious?

nope lol

22: Pet peeves?

smacking, chewing w your mouth open, not using a coaster

23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]?

nocturnal !!

24: Favorite constellation?

hmmm prob Ursa Major

25: Favorite star?

Deneb or maybe Beta Draconis

26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls?

I am scared of all dolls, so, no

27: Any phobias or fears?

spiders & most bugs, also more specifically, dying in a sinking car

28: Do you think global warming is real?

ye

31: Do you get scared easily?

nope

32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime?

six i think

33: Blog rate? [You’ll rate the blog of the one who’s asking.]

11/10 :)

34: What is a color that calms you?

ocean blue ♥

35: Where would you like to travel and/or live?

in Washington state, preferably close to the coast

36: Where were you born?

texas

38: Introvert or extrovert?

extreme introvert

39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs?

ehh, they’re interesting and i do think you can apply them to people, so maybe ig

40: Hugs or kisses?

ughh i guess hugs

41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now?

my best friend

42: Who is someone you love deeply?

again, my best friend

43: Any piercings you want?

spider bites (which i’m getting soon !!), daith, conch, maybe an industrial, maybe a nostril piercing 

44: Do you like tattoos and piercings?

if you can’t tell, yes lol

45: Do you smoke or have you eiver done so?

I don’t, the closest I’ve come is vaping bc my friend’s step brother & his friend wanted me to try his vape

48: A sound you really love?

heavy rain/thunderstorms

49: Can you do a backflip?

um lmao no

50: Can you do the splits?

I think I still have my right splits, not my left or middle tho

51: Favorite actor and/or actress?

i guess I’d have to say Jake Gyllenhaal tho

53: How are you feeling right now?

i am tired

54: What color would you like your hair to be right now?

probably red or black, idk

55: When did you feel happiest?

probably last year, almost anytime during history class

56: Something that calms you down?

ASMR videos

57: Have any mental disorders? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!]

none that are prof-dxed

58: What does your URL mean?

 oh i’ve told this tale many times on this blog, but to tell it once again: I used to go by the name Mai, and I used to be obsessed with space so cosmic+mai=mai and for some reason i made it cosaimai so basically cosmic mai mai

59: What three words describe you the most?

quiet, jaded, eccentric 

60: Do you believe in evolution?

yeah, i guess so

61: What makes you unfollow a blog?

if the content is really my thing or the person running it is transphobic/homophobic/etc. 

64: Favorite animal(s):

BATS ♥♥♥

66: Favorite emoticon:

c:

67: Favorite meme:

i can’t choose just one, i mean, pretty much any meme @lauren-pc sends me is pretty high quality

68: What is your MBTI personality type?

INTP

69: What is your star sign?

Aries

70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog?

I have two dogs and no

71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most?

uhhh probably my new killstar bittersweet babydoll dress

72: Post a selfie or two?

i posted two yesterday sooooo….

73: Do you have platform shoes?

i do !!

74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself?

i can cross both my eyes, as well as cross just one at a time

75: Can you do a front flip?

nope, i wish

76: Do you like birds?

ehh, they’re alright 

77: Do you like to swim?

not really

78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you?

i do not like either, but i guess swimming

79: Something you wish didn’t exist:

Donald Trump

80: Some thing you wish did exist:

Can I say Starfleet?? bc i’m gonna say Starfleet

81: Piercings you have?

none :’(

82: Something you really enjoy doing:

sleeping

83: Favorite person to talk to:

@lauren-pc

84: What was your first impression of Tumblr?

that it was extremely boring, and here i am almost 5 years later

85: How many followers do you have?

364

86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes?

hell no

87: Do your socks always match?

yes, i actually specifically wear all black socks for this reason

88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely?

ye

89: What are your birthstones?

diamond is the only one i know

90: If you were an animal, which one would you be?

a bat :)

91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be?

hmmm…. this is difficult but probably like Cranesbill Geranium or smth

92: A store you hate?

Ross

93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day?

none, coffee makes me sick :/

94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds?

read minds

95: Do you like to wear camo?

no

96: Winter or summer?

winter i guess

97: How long can you hold your breath for?

I have no clue, but probably less than 30 secs

98: Least favorite person?

well out of the people i know personally, probably my friends boyfriend

99: Someone you look up to:

oh gosh, i have no clue

100: A store you love?

if online stores count, definitely Killstar

101: Favorite type of shoes

tbh flipflops bc I’m lazy

102: Where do you live?

Texas

103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why?

no, i wish i had the will to be a vegetarian 

104: What is your favorite mineral or gem?

aura quartz 

105: Do you drink milk?

Yes, milk is great tho my mild lactose intolerance disagrees with this fact

106: Do you like bugs?

no

107: Do you like spiders?

especially no

108: Something you get paranoid about?

usually bugs crawling on me while i sleep, or someone breaking into my house while i sleep

109: Can you draw:

i can, debatable whether it’s good or not tho

110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked?

no one tends to ask me very nosy questions

111: A question you hate being asked?

i’m open to pretty much any questions, but i guess i hate boring ones, none in specific come to mind

112: Ever been bitten by a spider?

I might have been, I didn’t know whether it was a spider bite for sure or not

113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach?

yes

114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days?

cloudy

115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now:

no one actually, I’m in a very touch averse mood

116: Favorite cloud type:

cirroctratus 

117: What color do you wish the sky was?

dusty pink or a darker shade of blue

118: Do you have freckles?

nah

119: Favorite thing about a person:

i don’t quite get what exactly this is asking but i guess appearance-wise, hands

120: Fruits or vegetables?

fruits

121: Something you want to do right now:

go to a lake or beach

122: Is the ocean or sky prettier?

ocean

123: Sweet or sour foods?

sweet

124: Bright or dim lights?

dim

125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature?

not really, unless you count aliens 

126: Something you hate about Tumblr:

all the drama

127: Something you love about Tumblr:

it’s easy to find content i enjoy

128: What do you think about the least?

i guess politics ?? i have no clue

129: What would you want written on your tombstone?

“NOW AS DEAD OUTSIDE AS SHE WAS INSIDE”

130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now?

No one comes to mind, except perhaps Donald Trump

131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself?

my weirdness, it’s interesting but usually deters people

132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures?

no, i hate my teeth

133: Computer or TV?

TV I suppose

134: Do you like roller coasters?

nope

135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness?

not usually

136: Are your ears lobed or attached?

attached

137: Do you believe in karma?

no 

138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are?

4/10

139: What nicknames do you have/have had?

Ry, Cosai-chan, Cosai, Mai, Rave (idk how many of those count but there ya go)

140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends?

no

141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink?

nope

142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others?

uhhh…. i’ve been called a bad influence so i guess i am

143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help?

receiving 

144: What makes you angry

people who don’t listen/don’t think i know what i’m talking about

145: How many languages do you speak fluently?

just english, though i could probably manage a conversation with my poor knowledge of french

146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries?

girls & nb people

147: Are you androgynous?

i wish

148: Favorite physical thing about yourself:

eyes 

149: Favorite thing about your personality:

resilience 

151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose?

The 80s for sure

152: Do you like BuzzFeed?

kinda

154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons?

no

155: Do you like to play with others’ hair?

sometimes

156: What embarrasses you?

almost everything i do when I’m around people bc for some reason i can’t help but think i mess up everything i do

157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious:

being around people

159: How many people are you following?

709

160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)?

11, 604 on this one; 288 on my gore blog; 848 on my bpd blog

161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)?

29; 1; 0

162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)?

7, 244

163: Last time you cried and why:

i don’t remember

164: Do you have long or short hair?

it’s kinda in between, i guess you could say long

165: Longest your hair has ever been:

a few inches above my waist

166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religon?

i dislike it because it’s boring and kinda pointless for the most part, but to each their own

167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created?

occasionally 

168: Do you like to wear makeup?

not really

169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds?

nope

170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully?

yes

[imasucker-4-memories]

18, 25, 38, 43, 44, 59, 63, 68, 72, 73, 79, 84, 95, 137, 138, 144, 150

18. Do I use sarcasm

Almost religiously.

25. Ever done a prank call

I used to a lot back in elementary and middle school lol

38. The reason I joined Tumblr

tbh, it was to get closer to a girl that I am no longer friends with lol

43. How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?

About 20-30 minutes

44. Have you ever shaved your legs in the past three days?

No, I have not in the past three days.

59. Do I have any strange phobias?

I’m pretty sure I have a mild arachnophobia.

63. Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

No and maybe just possibly.

68. Do I like the smell of gasoline?

No, not really hahaha

72. Can I touch my nose with a tongue?

With a tongue? Yes. Any tongue. With my own tongue? Heck no.

73. Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me?

someone needs to grammar check these questions. Yes, I have three shirts that a pink, a pink post it note, Sunbather by Deafheaven is a pink album... I think that’s it?

79. What would I want to be written on my tombstone?

Seriously... These questions are bothering me grammar wise. I sarcastically say I have a lot of things I want written on my tombstone, like it could probably be miles high, and honestly I might just want it that way. But as of now, I can’t say, but I do have ideas. 

84. I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?

flight and invisibility put together with a hint of speed.... Or just like Doctor Manhattan but with humor.

95. Left the house without my wallet?

Today? No. Some days I have though. 

137. Do I like my handwriting?

Yeah I dig it, I like my script handwriting best though.

138. What was my favourite toy as a child?

I had A LOT of power ranger toys during my childhood. I think my all time favorite was a large megazord that I had from Power Rangers Lost Galaxy. That’s the power rangers I grew up on.

144. Am I afraid of the dark?

Depends on the setting, but generally no not really.

150. The meanest thing somebody has ever told me

I have a lot to say about what my father has told me, but the first thing that came to mind was when I was walking home from middle school during the middle of a snow storm with my trumpet case in hand, which looked pretty large compared to my body size, and these guys just drove by, threw snowballs at me and yelled “Nobody loves you, freak!” Man that hit hard.

But thanks for the questions :D

[perspectiveartist]

Tagged by @essenceofspace !

1. Coke or Pepsi:

Coke, definitely. I don’t mind Pepsi and learned to tolerate it okay because that’s what my Mom likes best, but if you give me the choice I will always pick Coke.

2. Disney or Dreamworks:

They’ve both got some of my fave movies. Spirit: Stallion of the Cimmaron and Prince of Egypt are beautiful movies. However, if I go by consistency of excellence, I’d probably go with Disney? But I don’t really have a preference in the way of “I’d rather watch one company over the other”. Dreamworks just seems to reeeeally fluctuate with quality.

3. Coffee or Tea:

I like both alright. I prefer iced coffee and bottled teas lol. I drink tea more than coffee, though. Coffee tends to make me have to shit PRONTO and sometimes when it doesn’t make me have to shit, I still end up like...kinda having an upset stomach? Which does not help my anxieties. So I drink it sometimes but I have to be in the mood and in my own home near a toilet to feel comfortable with it lol. Don’t take me out for coffee, I will get nothing except maybe a water :)

4. Books or Movies: I’m not really sure...I guess books just because it lets me imagine things the way I want them? But they both require a level of attention that I have a hard time maintaining these days. I wonder though if part of my loss of interest in books comes from my eyes getting worse. I haven’t read much since getting them, so it could help.

5. Windows or Mac: I don’t have a strong preference, really. I don’t do a lot of fiddling with my computers, so as long as they can run what I want them to run, I’m fine with them. My desktop is Windows, my laptop is Mac. I’d say my only complaint is how fucking expensive everything Apple is. :/ Wilhelm’s needed repaired for years now but I just can’t justify the expense.

6. DC or Marvel:

Marvel, definitely. There’s some DC stuff I like, but I tend to gravitate towards Marvel more. I’d say Batman and Teen Titans are an exception. But mostly Marvel for me.

7. X-box or Playstation:

Uhhh I don’t really know to be honest? I grew up in a Nintendo household so I’ve never really owned a Playstation or X-box until living with James. Kind of how I feel about computers, I guess. As long as it’s got games I want to play lol. I suppose Playstation probably caters to me a little better.

8. Dragon Age or Mass Effect:

Dragon Age. I haven’t really gotten to play Mass Effect yet, but space as a whole just doesn’t quite appeal to me as much? I do certainly love the alien races and seeing new environments is cool, but overall it just doesn’t hold the appeal to me that Dragon Age’s brand of fantasy does. I feel more creative with DA’s world.

9. Night Owl or Early Riser:

An unfortunate mix of both? I tend to stay up late and wake up early. I don’t really enjoy waking up early, my body just doesn’t leave me much of a choice.

10. Cards or Chess:

Cards. I always forget the rules to chess, card games are usually more straightforward for me.

11. Chocolate or Vanilla:

I assume we’re talking ice cream. Vanilla. For one, chocolate ice cream just rarely tastes like actual chocolate to me. Plus, you can customize vanilla however the hell you want without clashing flavors.

12. Vans or Converse:

Neither really. I pretty much just wear tennis shoes/running shoes/whatever the fuck you call them lol. New Balance is comfy. The shoes I’ve been wearing are New Balance and some kind of Dr. Scholl’s brand.

13. Lavellan, Trevelyan, Cadash, or Adaar:

Honestly, I’m not sure? My very first Inquisitor was Adaar, so I definitely have a soft spot for them and it was cool to play a new race. But I don’t have a total preference. I model my characters in DA to resemble/act like my characters I write. So I don’t view them as their race, just the character I stuck with that race.

14. Fluff or Angst:

I like both, man. Give me some seriously angsty shit followed by sad fluff. Give me happy fluff. Give me heartbreaking shit. GIVE.

15. Beach or Forest:

Forest. Beaches are great, don’t get me wrong. I enjoy them and I’ve been to a few on vacations when I was younger. But beaches are pretty much always hot unless you go north. And the heat and I are not on good terms. I’d say the downside of forests is they can be fucking humid, and humidity = mosquitoes.

16. Dogs or Cats:

I have a stronger preference towards cats. I’ve always loved them, grew up with them, etc. But I still love dogs and I’d like to have one someday. I’ve basically mentally adopted James’s family’s dog Jake. We’ve always snuggled together when we get the chance and he loves the attention. He just needs to be reminded that I am dainty and cannot be a chew toy sometimes xD

17. Clear Skies or Rain:

Hmm...I really don’t know here...Sometimes I really crave rain, but too much rain can be dreary because I start to feel cooped up. But too much sun can get tiring too because sometimes you just want it to be cooler. I guess it just kind of depends on the season.

18. Cooking or Eating Out:

Here’s the conundrum that ruins my life, aight. Aside from not having money, I can’t really eat out much. I fucking love restaurant food, even just fast food, but here’s the problem: I can’t stand eating in public 90% of the time because anxiety + phobia. I feel trapped and it’s rare that I can relax and properly eat a meal in a restaurant. But I also hate cooking. Which means I actually just eat a lot of junk food when left to my own devices lol. I did cook today though! I steamed some sugar peas and broccoli in teriyaki sauce. Low maintenance and yummy~

19. Spicy Food or Mild:

I can’t stand spicy food. It tends to upset my stomach more often than not. I eat food so blandly half the time you could mistake me for an old woman.

20. Halloween/Samhin or Solistice/Yule/Christmas:

Christmas holds the most sentimental value for me, but I don’t get excited for it like I used to. But I don’t really get excited for Halloween either. I like decorating for both, though, and seeing different decorations.

21. Little too cold or little too hot:

A little too cold. Being a little too hot sends me into anxiety sometimes (what doesn’t tbh) because being hot in general can upset my stomach. Winter’s my favorite for a reason.

22. Superpower

I wanna communicate with animals, Eliza Thornberry style. But I’d also like it to extend to insects and stuff? I’d never be alone.

23. Animation or Live Action:

Animation. It’s more expressive generally and you can do whatever you want with it with no worries about practical effects and the like.

24. Paragon or Renegade:

I would probably end up in the middle, maybe leaning more towards paragon? I prefer to be nice but sometimes it’s just not an option, man. You can’t please everyone.

25. Bath or Showers:

Showers, but it would be nice to have the option to take a bath sometimes. Unfortunately, our tub has a section cut out of it because the last tenant was disabled, so we can’t fill it :C

26. Team Cap or Team Ironman:

If this is about Civil War, I ain’t picking sides. I’m in Switzerland territory with the X-men.

27. Fantasy or Sci-Fi:

Fantasy, but both are good :3

28. Fav Quotes:

I don’t really keep faves, honestly. My preferences change too much. But one I cling to actually came from a dream of mine where I spoke to Christopher Lloyd as Doc Brown lol. But it was meaningful and comforting.

"In all my years of travel, I've never met anyone in the past, present, or future whose path wasn't vastly important."

29. Youtube or Netflix:

Just depends if I’m on my computer or on the couch lol. I don’t use Netflix on my computer.

30. Harry Potter or Percy Jackson:

I haven’t read Percy Jackson and don’t really have an interest in it, so definitely Harry Potter.

31. When I Feel Accomplished:

Uhhh...I guess when I make something I’m proud of?

32. Star Wars or Star Trek:

I’m honestly not huge on either, but I guess I have more good associations with Star Wars because of the people around me.

33. Paperback Books or Hardback:

Hardback, I suppose.

34. A world without literature or music:

Uh...no. I’m not choosing that lol.

35. Who was the last person to make me laugh:

James, probably.

36. Sour or Sweet Candy:

Depends on what I’m in the mood for, honestly. I like sweet stuff but sometimes sour is just great.

37. Believe in aliens?:

Yeah I mean, the universe is too vast not to.

38. Dawn or Dusk:

Dusk, I think.

39. Piercings or Tattoos:

I don’t have either and I probably will never have either. I prefer tattoos on others, but piercings are fine.

40. Girls? Hot?:

Uh yeah man.

41. Snow or Fog:

Snooooow~

42. Sleep facing the wall or room:

I don’t have a real preference where I’m facing as much as whatever side of the bed I’m on.

43. TRC of AFTG:

Uhhh???

44. Horror or Drama:

Drama I guess? Just because horror often upsets me. But I’m not huge on either genre.

45. Orcarina of Time or Majora’s Mask:

Majora’s Mask. I feel it’s got more complexity and emotion to it. 

46. Living in nature or city:

I prefer kind of a medium? I don’t want to live in bumfuck nowhere but I don’t want to be in a city either.

47. Any addictions:

Art supplies ;A;

48. Languages:

English is my first language, I’m working on Spanish and German.

49. What music do I listen too:

Pretty much anything I end up liking? Limiting yourself to a genre is silly.

50. Fav mythical creature:

I’m not sure I have a favorite but I do have a soft spot for mermaids and centaurs.

51. Safe zone:

There really isn’t one, ever. There’s a downside to any locations or person.

52. First fandom:

Probably Pokemon? Either Pokemon or DBZ.

53. Cartoons or Adult Shows:

Animated anything :D As long as it’s good, I don’t give a fuck who the target audience is.

54. Current music:

Not listening to music right now.

55. Favorite starter?:

Like Pokemon? I have a nostalgic soft spot for Totodile. It was back before I could look up to see what the Pokemon would look like, so I had no idea my little Totodile would grow up to be a big badass Feraligatr and I freaking LOVED it. I feel the same way about Mudkip. Weirdly enough, I prefer to start with FIre types rather than Water.

56.  What would your witch’s familiar be?

Probably just a cat lol.

[ancientcalamity]

『                     193 out of 200 followers...                          Pfft, close enough! Hello, everyone!     Thank you all for following me. I'm grateful and... it's been many     years since I last made a Follow Forever or anything like this;     been years since I've trusted people enough to really bother,      so it was hard for me to do. There's going to be that bias list below,     the different people I know/have come to know/am in the process     of getting to know and that have changed me for the better I guess     you could say? So, to all of you, even if you aren't on the list, 

                                    thank you.

I’d like to put a warning here that it gets pretty personal below the cut, so for a tl;dr of the names, they are as follows: 

@guidcnce

@blessedbisha

@divineveena

@hafuriyuki

@calamitouscyan

and last but not least, @shinxki. 

Not only are they extremely skilled as writers, they’re extremely wonderful people altogether. 

Now...

                      If ya continue to read, it’s yer choice now.                                            It’s long.     』

As a child to early teen, I'd gone through multiple different types of abuse ranging from sexual to mental and while I'm not a coo-coo person going out to murder random people (lol) or anything like that, I do have mental illnesses and I've had physical disorder(s?) that I'm still going through/getting past thanks to my history. 

           Each day, I feel horrible waking, honestly.

Don't feel worth it. I'm obnoxious. I'm pushy. I'm clingy. I'm a creep. Still getting to know myself as a person. Still getting to understand emotions again. Still getting to being normal in some way. Still trying to get to the point of not blaming myself for any and everything bad that happens to me or my loved ones.

Those sorta things and of course the other usual stuff besides depression.

Anxiety.

Mild schizophrenia.

Extremely mild dissociative disorder.

aaaaand lastly paranoia.

I don’t think I’m too ‘out there’ with my mental issues and I think I’m sane enough to handle myself out in the world so yeah. My eating disorder isn’t here any longer but I do forget to eat by accident (woops!) so my anemia decides to go 

and so, I, in return, go

“-dies-”

I came to the Noragami roleplaying fandom on October 22nd, 2016, but I wasn’t really... out there and not known to much of anyone. I didn’t post for long periods of time, too, and I just sorta accepted it cuz ya know? I was new. I met a few blogs here and there but low and behold that didn’t work out but I’m pretty used to having shit go down the drain for me. It wasn’t odd or anything for me and for a bit I’d though about deleting, remaking, and going to another fandom. 

Fast-forward to late November-beginning December and I get a follow back by @guidcnce. “Whoa! Cool! A Kazuma! Holy shit a Noragami blog is following me!” I said, getting overly excited as I ate my Oreos that day-- “Lemme check out their blog!” 

Lil’ ol’ me goes to see the blog, I’m happy, excited-- and my eyes fall on @calamitouscyan, @divineveena, and @hafuriyuki.

“....Shit.”

“Okay, so 1.) There’s another Yato and holy fuck, his blog is great, 2.) There’s a BISHAMON ( @divineveena ) but she talks to @calamitouscyan too (fuck me sideways) and 3.) A YUKINE! ( @hafuriyuki ) YAAAA- fuck he tALKS TO @calamitouscyan too?!?!? HOW FUCKING FAMOUS IS THIS DUDE?? Shit, they must’ve been here for such a long time, shit shit shit shit shit--” 

Insert panicking and anxiety filled Cel here! -pops party streamers- WOOOOOOO! Yer not good enough!! Fuck yeah! You got people that’ve not only been here WAY longer than you but your blog LOOKS LIKE TRASH AND SO DO YOUR ICONS! NICE!

Yooooooooooou suuuuuuuck!

I suck it up, keep my emotions to myself and wing it with @guidcnce; I got new followers, I meet with OCs and canon rpers, I talk and plot with people, things goin’ great! Kazuma’s bitch ass is being one of the nicest people I’ve met and holy fuck if it wasn’t for them being so nice/lenient with me I wouldn’t-- WAIT. THAT’S NOT IT!

DID YOU KNOW MY YATO IS NOT A /NORMAL/ YATO??? NO?

...

why the fuck are you reading this then?

Go read my About and Rules, you fucker I swear to GOD I WILL FUCKING END YOUR LI- 

....

..........

...moving on.

Kazuma had the NERVE to not ONLY reply to my starter with them in canon (well written canon might I add if you don’t follow them you might wanna do so cuz ya know they’re great and stuff and mhm good shit-- A-ANYWAYS-), but also responded to my character AS IF THEY WERE IN THE SAME VERSE AND WORLD AND SPEAKIN’ NORMALLY-- I just...

I WAS EMOTIONAL OKAY???? I STILL AM. 

I STILL AM DAMN YOU. 

...They didn’t just treat me right when we met and talked in private but they did so in rp and... I think because of them I started to open up more. Finally, I got in gear with my blog and icons and every thing in general for Tumblr. I made a brand new follow post and I was excited and--

....why are @divineveena, @calamitouscyan, and @hafuriyuki following me??? ........no. 

no.

no.

NO.

NONONONONONONONONONO-- 

I’M NOT READY FOR THIS WHAT IF THEY THINK I’M SHIT WHAT IF THEY MOCK ME WHAT IF THEY TALK ABOUT ME THEY SEEM LIKE FRIENDS I’M NEW WHAT IF-

aaaaand here goes panicking Cel x2.

These people are following me, reblogging from me, SENDING ME ASKS--

I get invited to a group of other people and... I’m afraid. Skeptical and looking back at it, I still am sometimes but... that’s something for another day. 

@calamitouscyan, @divineveena, and @shinxki are the main others there and it feels like going to a party in the Office and you know how everything is awkward? Yeah that. 

There are a few others that I’m sad to say are no longer there but... I don’t hate anyone. Was raised differently than that. 

A month goes by and I feel better to talk to others, a few events have happened, and it looks like I have a brand new roleplay partner! Not only did @calamitouscyan and @shinxki include me in something I never thought I’d do- having an OC shinki, a LIVING-- ...dead? ... breathing? ... 

fuck it, whatever-- AN OC SHINKI THAT WE LITERALLY FIGHT TOGETHER, but they were supportive during the whole time. @hafuriyuki joined us soon and both of the shinki got along and just...

Everyone was together. An actual family and a group. @calamitouscyan turned out to be another ‘self’ (DICEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE) ((don’t ask, they’ll get it)) in not just rp but /outside/ it too because of our cultural similarities and it moved to the point I showed a game I was playing and they joined. THEY JOINED AND WE DANCE TOGETHER IN GAME!

I’M NOT KIDDING, LOOK!

I have a friend to play with! 

Outside of the game, @divineveena ruins my FUCKING life because we managed to make a relationship for Older!Yato and Bishamon, you wouldn’t be able to tell that they tried to kill each other at one point. 

A BrOTP to such a point-- ugh it’s been years.

YEARS.

Trusting people has not been something I do and after YEARS of agony she managed to be my literal best friend and it makes me want to cry.

FUCK WE CAME UP WITH STUPID AS FUCK ‘CRINGE’ MEME ICONS. SHE HAS ONE OF BISHAMON. HERE’S YATO.

It’s AMAZING.

The amount of memes we make it fuckin’ stupid. I love it.

and now there’s another Bishamon- not giving me two of the same type of person but a Bishamon who’s tragic and heartbroken and has problems @divineveena but another who’s ALSO tragic but also healing and softer. @blessedbisha

She has tried her fucking hardest to bring up spirits and cheer up others and just do what she can for each of us- she’s like a mom. I’m Satan of the fandom so someone has to even out my evil deeds- 

SERIOUSLY, though, when things are down and horrible, they keep moving. 

It’s encouraging. 

Both of them. 

They both try so hard for everyone, even in the worst times. 

Even though I know @divineveena more, I highly doubt @blessedbisha is less caring and both of them fuck up my life as Bishamons because...

ya know.

Bishamon likes beating me up and                       ruining my day SO YEAH.

....then there’s @shinxki.

I believe I met her around two or three months ago, after meeting the other Yato and Bishamon. 

.......

...............

-deep breath-

When I ‘like’ a friend or someone it’s not /that/ type of crush. Not lovey dovey so don’t go cringing away from this post just yet. 

                It’s like...  earlier I said I get clingy; I’ve been abandoned before, multiple times, whether it be for my sexual orientation, my race, my gender issues, my mental issues, my bluntness, or whatever the fuck else people have blown up on me and told me before they left, I’ve been dropped and left. Even recently, when I first started this blog, someone did it within a week because I left to give them space after we had a disagreement. It’s still affecting me, even now. I don’t...

I don’t do well with people hiding things or forgetting me or leaving me behind. I have the phobia about being forgotten or abandoned. It’s full blown and it isn’t pretty. I hate it, but when there’s someone who puts effort into me or something I like and at the same time they talk to me about their issues and don’t hide those things from me and trust me and want to actually bother with me and put up with me and it’s just

-rambling- 

IT’S LIKE

“THIS IS MY FRIEND. THIS IS /THAT/ FRIEND. THIS IS THE MAJOR FRIEND. LOOK AT THEM. LOOK. DO YOU SEE THEM? THIS IS THE BAE OKAY LOOK.”

I guess what I’m saying is she’s close. She means a lot and I’m grateful that she

-puts up with me -likes me as a friend -is my shinki -is my ship-friend -is honest with me -is blunt -goes off on me -snaps at me -gets mad at me -doesn’t put me on a pedestal -doesn’t hide things from me

the list goes on but I guess you get the point.

......When I was either 11 or 12 or somewhere near that age, I made a promise to myself, not a nice one and the date of that promise is coming but/and for the first time in a long while, and I mean years again, I don’t know what to think about it and I’m not sure if things will end up going to that point. 

To be fair, the only thing I really want now is a job and to go to school. I have a great mom and I actually have friends so... that’s all I want and... 

...I think I’d be okay if I had that. 

Maybe a therapist and/or a counselor again, too (lmao)...

but... I have these guys to thank for helping me get as far as I have. My life only seems like it’s a downward spiral but they all make me so happy and I owe a lot to them. I’m brash, harsh, blunt, depressed, anxious, and all around a not very pleasant person to be around and all of them try for me and each other. ...They all put themselves down or they’re unhappy in some way and it hurts, because they mean so much more than that and I don’t know what else to do for them. 

I’m a person behind a computer screen so...  -shrugs- 

A ‘thank you’ isn’t really enough. Not a simple one, anyways. 

You each mean a lot to not only me but others and I want you and other people to know that. I’m not dead yet, so ya have to be doin’ something correct, right? 

...

I’mma stop rambling and leave this here for you all, alright?

                              𝑚𝑎𝑦 𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑓𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑠 𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑡𝑤𝑖𝑛𝑒.

                                                                  - 𝖈𝖊𝖑.

[mrsamazingdreamer]

Just Roommates: Part 2

YAAAAAS.

HEY GUYS! A big hug and a bigger thanks to everyone who liked my story.

Check out part 1.

Here is part 2! 

Plot- Jungkook as your roommate + College adventures lol. 

Characters- Reader, Jungkook. 

Word count- 1.5k+ 

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3  Part 4  

casual texting shit- part 1, part 2  

-

JUNGKOOK’s POV

Anything in the world would have been fine, but living in the same apartment as a GIRL was just a no for me. The reason why I had moved into an apartment was so that I could avoid being around the campus girls. But look at me now, I’m crying into a pillow, seeing a girl almost naked in my house. I’m so mad at everyone. They said that they will send in a ‘nice roommate’ who is perfect for my lifestyle and comfort… but no one told me that when I meet that person first will be like this. I want to die.

“I’m sorry are you okay?” a surprisingly soft noise and a warm hand lands on my shoulder. I got startled at the touch and quickly sat up straight.

“Uh I think so- never mind- I-I-I f-freaked out.” I stammered hard. From the corner of my eye I saw her, she was still in her towel, I noticed her eyes… they were very deep and from candle light reflection made them even more deep. I could feel her empathising with my situation from the look on her face.

“So, did I… I mean I should have waited and had a talk with you- “I cut her off and gave her my jacket looking away. “You will catch a cold.” I went into my bedroom without any delay or talks. I couldn’t have her sat there like that, talking to me. It was just really weird. I open my windows to just see how dark it was outside. This ‘Girl-Phobia’ of mine was really getting me to the edge. 

After all, I am a 19-year-old with raging testosterone.

I was blanked out at the thought of living with the opposite gender. Things could be just fine or maybe just so much worse. Either way, I was going to suffer.

It was 10pm and I was hungry fuck. I exit the room to see that girl was sat by the window in our living room, looking a bit sad. Now obviously, I had to do something about the person living with me being sad. Not going to lie, she was kind of cute.

ASDFGHJKL WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?????????? PLEASE sEND Help. TT

“Um, so, hi.” I awkwardly went up to her and just spat the most awkward greeting of my life.

“Oh, hey.” She looks up at me, fixing her hair and face and gave me a cute smile.

Aiggoo. Wae?!

“Earlier was really awkward and bad, so sorry about that.” I tried to makeup and apologise.

“That is fine I guess. I’m Y/N, by the way.” She told.

“I’m Jungkook. You’re new, here right?” I asked her trying to keep it chic.

“Oh, yeah I am. I think you helped me earlier today?” she said.

“Did I? I don’t know, I think I did, but, I don’t know, well, I must have, I’m too nice you know.” WTF JEON JUNGKOOK DA FUQ YOU SAYING?

“Haha, oh god, I think it was you so thanks!” she gave me shy look.

“You’re welcome, y/n.” I went to shake hands with her.

As I was proceeding towards her, I tripped onto the cushion and fell all over her.

WOW JEON FUCKING IDIOT. YOU TRIED. *SLOW CLAPS *

I was on top of a girl, ashamed and feeling awful af. She smells amazing though. OKAY WHAT-

“I’m so sorry! Oh, my god!” I locked my eyes with her as I apologise. I could almost feel her boobs which wasn’t helping at all. But I had to compose myself up. It was 10 seconds later, before I could get up off her and leave back to Korea. I felt my stomach rumble. She covers her face up and giggles in second-hand embarrassment.

SHE WILL DEFINITLY THINK IM A CREEPY DESPERATE PERVERT. FML

Y/N’s POV

“Jungkook” he is. And he is literally on top of my soul right now. Jesus fucking Christ, I could see his muscular arms and those clavicles and that slaying jaw line and that fucking face of his-

DID HE FALL ON ME, OR IT WAS AN ACCIDENT, BUT NOT GONNA LIE, I WAS LOVING EVERY BIT OF IT. JESUS, Y/N STOP IT ALREADY. HE IS YOUR ROOMMATE AND GET USED TO HIS PRESENCE NOW. ALTHOUGH ITS JUST BEEN LIKE 2 HOURS OF YOUR MEETING.

I had my eyes locked with his but my eyes were silently scanning him through, in those 10 best seconds of my life so far. I was surly heated up a little, but god, HIS STOMACH WAS HUNGRY, SO WAS MINE!

FML.

“Ahem, Jungkook.” I awkwardly spoke.

“Aish.” Typical Korean boy; He gets up off me and fixes his grey t-shirt.

We didn’t speak for like, 5 minutes. We were just sat there, in a dark room with candles and silence.

“Excuse me.” he barely heard him as he quickly left the apartment.

I just laid down on the mattress and had a mild thought on how cute this boy was. He didn’t seem like Jimin at all assuming how they could even be friends at all. I lay on cold mattress contemplating on what had just happened. I turned on some music for distraction and soon after went to pee.

It was 12 am almost and as I got out of the washroom, I noticed a pizza box. As I went near, I saw a little letter kept underneath. I was blank for a moment. I opened the letter and read it,

 ~~~~“Hi. So, I’m sorry about everything. I never planned on getting things so awkward on meeting my roomie for the first time. I hope I didn’t freak you out too much TT TT. 

Since you are my roommate now, have my contact- 0xxx0x00x0. And remind me to give you the keys later :).

p.s. this is my little apology delivery. Please eat well and dress warm for the night, y/n. 

-𝓳𝓾𝓷𝓰𝓴𝓸𝓸𝓴”~~~   

I clutched my heart and almost stabbed myself with those words in the heart.

CAN THIS MAN BE ANYMORE SEXY?! WELL, I MEAN NICE?! I was just worried for nothing. I was pretty sure he got uncomfortable too. This gesture of his made me feel all warm inside and things were no longer feeling strange from what happened earlier. I hope everything goes well.

“I wonder if he has eaten or not?” I say to myself as I stuff my mouth with the as delicious pizza as himself. Jesus Christ.

I read that letter about 15 times before saving his number in my phone. I kept the letter safe inside my diary and recalled the whole day in words. Soon after I went to sleep peacefully.

*buzzbuzzzbuzzbuzz*

MY FUCKING ALARM WAS BUZZING THE HECK OUT OF MY BRAIN.

-6am-

I saw the balcony glass door was ajar. I rubbed my eyes before focusing on what was going outside.

*SHOOK AF*

IT WAS HIM WORKING OUT.

“Oh mah gerd.” I screamed internally on seeing him wearing a vest, bandana and shorts and flexing those arms as he did the shoulder press exercise.

I went closer to see the proper image and only saw something inevitably hot. How his sweat was dripping down his neck to his chest and god had given me the chance of seeing his dark eyes being really charismatic. asdfghfjgkhlj. If this is what I was going to wake up to every morning, then I ain’t even complaining no more. 

I’M BLESSED.

Without making a sound, I moved away, not letting him know that I was lurking on him. I quickly freshened up and took a shower. I straight up went to the kitchen and thought of returning the favor, I guess. I made us both, toast, omelettes, some pancakes and orange juice. What a typical breakfast though.

“Woah, Y/N!” Jungkook exclaimed from behind me.

“You scared me!” I was trying to stay calm there.

He just giggles at the little table all full with food.

“Care to have some?” I offered him a seat which he gladly took.

“Yah, this is great!” his face had the sexiest look besides looking like a child in that moment.

“Thanks. And, thanks also for yesterday.” I told him.

“I think we’re good now?” He asked as he offered me a bite of his pancake. I just nodded and took the bite.

Y/N, THIS IS GOING SMOOTHHHH GIRL.

“Ah~ I’m so full. Thanks again, Y/N! I will go wash up now.” He says before walking towards the washroom. 

After a few seconds of him leaving, I widen my eyes in realization.

“OH FUCK NO.” 

JUNGKOOK’S POV-

This girl is really sweet! She made me breakfast. I think I will survive living with her. It doesn’t seem too bad. But I can’t let her know that I am actually uncomfortable and really intimidated by her presence. And I have major issues with her being a girl JFC. The letter really helped me when I utterly had words to say. No need to worry JK, let’s go and have a shower. Chill man.

OH MAN, HOLY SHIT.

As I entered the bathroom and was about to turn the water on, the sight I got greeted with was Y/N’s “woman stuff” and by that, I mean, serious woman stuff.

Please kill me.

Did I just see a fancy black lacy bra and its matching underwear, owned by my roommate of 12 hours?

Living with a girl was going to get a bit untamed.

-

Thanks, y’all for reading. <3 xD PLEASE TELL ME IF YOU LIKED IT OR NAH. TX.

(Part 3: coming soon!)

[shadowinacorner]

Bored, so why not!

Lets see if I can answer these. 1: Name Mandy

2: Age 26

3: 3 Fears Spiders Burning alive Bungee jumping

4: 3 things I love Food Accomplishing something productive Sleep

5: 4 turns on Assertiveness Kindness Sense of humor Forwardness

6: 4 turns off Rudeness Narcissism Bad habits Excessive negativity

7: My best friend My buddy Allison

8: Sexual orientation Not big on labels. Bi I guess is a good umbrella term.

9: My best first date Winter formal in ‘05

10: How tall am I I’d say 5'10. I think I technically have been deemed to be 5'7 though.

11: What do I miss Being taken care of as a kid.

12: What time was I born 9am ish I think?

13: Favourite color Purple or black

14: Do I have a crush He’s pretty cute

15: Favourite quote The bird on your shoulder quote from tuesdays with maurie

16: Favourite place My living room (don’t you judge me)

17: Favourite food Pizza

18: Do I use sarcasm Never, who would do such a thing?

19: What am I listening to right now Assasination Classroom

20: First thing I notice in new person Jewelry

21: Shoe size 10.5/11 womens or 9 mens

22: Eye color Brown

23: Hair color Brown. I change it alot and right now it’s got some pink.

24: Favourite style of clothing Modern kinda urbany or punky I guess?

25: Ever done a prank call? Nah. Not my style.

27: Meaning behind my URL Nothing deep

28: Favourite movie Harry Potter I guess

29: Favourite song To the moon and back by Savage Garden

30: Favourite band I couldn’t tell you honestly. I like too many.

31: How I feel right now Tired and unaccomplished

32: Someone I love Mr. Leo Bunny

33: My current relationship status Married

34: My relationship with my parents Strained and unconventional

35: Favourite holiday Christmas

36: Tattoos and piercing i have I have 2 piercings in each ear and 1 cartilage. Also a small tattoo on my upper back.

37: Tattoos and piercing i want I always wanted a eyebrow piercing and the really dainty bullrings are cool. I’d also love to have full sleeves of tattoos but I’ll probably never get another of either.

38: The reason I joined Tumblr My hubby got obsessed with it.

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? Nah, he’s a cool dude and finally forgave me for being a terrible child when I was with him.

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? Definitely always get good morning ones since we get up at different times.

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? Definitely not. Keagan is probably onr of the few I haven’t actually.

42: When did I last hold hands? Last time Marku and I went to the store I’m sure.

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? No makeup: 5 minutes from bed to car. With basic full makeup a solid half hour. With going out makeup and clothes like 2 hours.

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? Yes! Actually.

45: Where am I right now? Laying in Marku’s bed

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? Definitely Marku. He usually camps in the bathtub and sets me up on the floor by the toilet.

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? Too loud. Always.

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? Nopppeeeeee

49: Am I excited for anything? Someday we’re going to travel!

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? Definitely Marku.

51: How often do I wear a fake smile? Everyyyy dayyyyy. Customer service at it’s finest.

52: When was the last time I hugged someone? Earlier today I hugged Keagan, Angie, AND Mark. So many hugs!

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? He might have some ‘splanin to do

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? Hmm, yeah probably a couple family members.

55: What is something I disliked about today? I woke up late and didn’t accomplish much

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? I have no idea… maybe bernie?

57: What do I think about most? What I’m doing wrong

58: What’s my strangest talent? Noticing small details (but only when I’m trying. Otherwise I’m oblivious to my surroundings)

59: Do I have any strange phobias? Chalkboards. They freak me out and I can’t touch them.

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Behind!!!

61: What was the last lie I told? “You don’t have to do that, I can pay for it”

62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online? Neither. But phone if it’s between the too.

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? I half believe in ghosts, aliens seem probable but not little green guys.

64: Do I believe in magic? I wishhhhhhh

65: Do I believe in luck? Kinda actually.

66: What’s the weather like right now? Kinda nice actually! Wet but mild.

67: What was the last book I’ve read? Kane chronicals

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? Mildly

69: Do I have any nicknames? Mandoo

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? I accidentally cut a large chunk out of my ankle when i was a teenager… otherwise no broken bones or anything.

71: Do I spend money or save it? I have a spending problem.

72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge? No :(

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me? My pj pants

74: Favourite animal? Kitties!

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? Playing on my phone and watching netflix

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? I think Satan /is/ his last name lol

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? Uh… something pop-y I’m sure.

78: How can you win my heart? Food.

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? That I was super nice!

80: What is my favorite word? Totes

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr That I posted? None. I have like no followers that aren’t porn bots.

82: If the whole world was listening to me right now, what would I say? Let’s just all get along

83: Do I have any relatives in jail? Not currently

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? Shapeshifting

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? Depends on who is asking it.

86: What is my current desktop picture? The inside of a midevilish zeldaish tent with a woman lying in the bed.

87: Had sex? Yeap

88: Bought condoms? Yeah. Still awkward no matter how old you get for some reason.

89: Gotten pregnant? Nope

90: Failed a class? Yeah

91: Kissed a boy? A few

92: Kissed a girl? A few

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? Not dramatically

94: Had job? For years

95: Left the house without my wallet? Just yesterday

96: Bullied someone on the internet? Nah, not my jam.

97: Had sex in public? Nah

98: Played on a sports team? Plenty of them

99: Smoked weed? Nope, not on my list

100: Did drugs? Never have, never will

101: Smoked cigarettes? Nope, terrible habbit

102: Drank alcohol? On occasion

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? Not anymore

104: Been overweight? I am morbidly obese technically atm

105: Been underweight? Once

106: Been to a wedding? A few

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? Jesus, is that suppose to be a long time?

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? Every weekend

109: Been outside my home country? Nope

110: Gotten my heart broken? Once

111: Been to a professional sports game? Big leagues, no. Minor, yea.

112: Broken a bone? Nope

113: Cut myself? Yea

114: Been to prom? Yeap, twice

115: Been in airplane? Twice

116: Fly by helicopter? Once

117: What concerts have I been to? Hinder, buckcherry, paproach, death cab for cutie

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? Yea

119: Learned another language? Started japanese, never went very far

120: Wore make up? Pretty normally

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18? At 18 I think

122: Had oral sex? Yea

123: Dyed my hair? Alot

124: Voted in a presidential election? Every year

125: Rode in an ambulance? Sat in one, refused the ride

126: Had a surgery? Just wisdom teeth

127: Met someone famous? Voice actors, and there was a famous guy staying at our wedding hotel that I rode the elevator with. I always forget his name.

128: Stalked someone on a social network? Mildly

129: Peed outside? Ya, camping

130: Been fishing? Mmhm

131: Helped with charity? I actually don’t think so. I’ve donated before.

132: Been rejected by a crush? Never got myself to be in the position to be rejected

133: Broken a mirror? Yeahhh

134: What do I want for your birthday? Yummy food

135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names? 1-3 & no clue

136: Was I named after anyone? A barry manilow song

137: Do I like my handwriting? No i hate it

138: What was my favourite toy as a child? Barbies

139: Favourite Tv Show? I don’t have any active shows atm

140: Where do I want to live when older? Back in my family home

141: Play any musical instrument? I’m not musically inclined in any way

142: One of my scars, how did I get it? Have an L on my finger from slaming and locking my finger in the car door as a kid. I was stuck there for a while.

143: Favourite pizza toping? Sausage

144: Am I afraid of the dark? Nah

145: Am I afraid of heights? A little

146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? Nope

147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? Plentybof times

148: What I’m really bad at Doing anything consistently

149: What my greatest achievments are Graduating college

150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me There would be a list.

151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery Buy out my family home, remodel, set up my inlaws and grandma for life, get a working car, change jobs, and if I had enough I’d set up my parents and college funds too.

152: What do I like about myself My hair

153: My closest Tumblr friend I have some of my best friends irl on here

154: Something I fantasise about Being a normal person

This is way too long. I’m not tagging anyone and bringing this onto them. Yeesh.

[nicholemarie783]

My Emetophobia Recovery

My response to a question on an emetophobia subreddit when OP asked how we got over our phobia. Sorry about the weird gaps. I tried fixing it but it didn’t work.

With me, I had to start slow with getting over it. I’d read V* related stories on FML (just search the word, and you’ll get results. Some of which are actually kind of funny.) I’d also read blog posts by moms talking about how the whole family got a stomach virus, and how they were able to cope.

After that, it was videos on YouTube involving V*. Started off with the gallon milk challenge, because the people in those videos are usually laughing and having a good time, being stupid with their friends, and also the V* doesn’t look like typical V*, just milk. And you can mute it if necessary.

Then I’d watch videos of expectant mothers with morning sickness, people getting sick because they drank too much, or are hungover, or babies getting sick because there’s usually not much V*, and to be honest, you really feel pretty bad for the baby being sick, more than actual panic of the V* happening. Plus some kids will just sit there with a confused look on their face, like “whut,” and those ones are actually kind of funny. Or if the parent gets unexpectedly V’ed on. You’ll find the parent usually laughs it off. There’s also some emetophobia recovery YouTube playlists too. I haven’t looked at any of them yet, but if you’d like, I could take a glance at them and see if it’s paced decently. Maybe you can watch half of one video a day or every 3 days or so. Pace yourself.

After that, I upped my game to people getting sick from stomach viruses, which is absolutely nerve wracking, but it’s what ya gotta do in order to get over it.

I’d also watch a ton of videos of other people talking about their emetophobia as well.

One thing I had to learn to do as well, was sit with the feeling of being nauseous. Normally, at the first sign of nausea I’d reach for any sort of anti-nausea medication, but my therapist told me not to do that anymore (at least until I get over the phobia.)

Also at parties during high school, kids would drink too much and get sick. One time a kid V’ed on the floor of the hosts guest room, and my first reaction (since people V’ing from drinking too much never bothered me) was to sit him upright so he wouldn’t choke on his own V. I had someone grab a trash can, me and another kid got him cleaned up, and I cleaned up the V in the hosts guest room for 20 bucks. The guy that got sick also bought me lunch later that week as a thank you. Another time, I just rubbed a kids back while he got sick, and just comforted him.

So if you’re ever around someone who’s getting sick from drinking too much, or food poisoning, or something that isn’t catchy, try and force yourself to stay there. Don’t have to dive head first into the situation like I did, but just be present, and don’t run out the door.

Similar to OPs story, getting over my emetophobia also involved boose. I lived in New Orleans for three years, and I worked in nightlife, so I drank A LOT. And along with that came hangovers which involve V*, or from just flat out drinking too much. Most nights when I’d get home, I’d just make myself sick to get the alcohol off of my tummy before bed. I found that while I was still drunk, it wasn’t that hard to make myself sick. Sober, the next day on the other hand, it was extremely scary, I cried many times, and had to call friends to pep talk me through it.

Also, avoid sugary drinks, guys. That, and dark alcohols make hangovers so much worse. Also the “beer before liquor, never sicker, blah, blah, blah,” and “you should never mix your alcohols,” myths are false. It doesn’t matter WHAT you drink, it matters how MUCH. Keep alcohol proofs in mind as well. There will be a difference in your hangover if you drink one ounce of 80 proof dark rum vs 151 proof Bacardi 151. (I swear to god, that shit shouldn’t even exist, but oh lord how I miss it now that it’s been discontinued.) But dark liquors do have these things called “congeners,” which have been proven to make hangovers worse. Sources: Google, my non stop party life in NOLA for three years, and former bartender.

Also similar to OPs story, earlier this year a friend of mine and myself got wasted together at his house and I suggested we make ourselves get sick before bed. He knows about my phobia, and understood why I wanted to be in the bathroom with him during, and he was chill with it. He went first and I rested my head on his back. When it came time for me, I was super nervous, so he started making me laugh by giving the toilet a Russian, (excuse me, *Latvian) accent, and making it call me a gypsy and that I had to appease it with my V*. He was making me laugh too much every time I went to shove my fingers down my throat, so I just said, “screw it,” and we went to bed. Moral of the story here is tell your friends about your phobia, or if you feel nauseous. Let them know. They WILL be understanding, and WILL try to help you get over it any way they can.

Part of my emetophobia was that I always expected SUPER negative reactions from people if they knew I wasn’t feeling well. Turns out they are either are indifferent to it, or caring, and want to help out. Ive had 0 friends run for the door when I told them I didn’t feel well.

Since there’s really no way to avoid V’ing or nausea altogether, for the rest of your life, and it’s just a normal, (if uncomfortable and nerve racking for emets,) part of life, we have to learn how to deal with it when it happens, instead of letting ourselves be overcome with fear. And trust me, IT GETS EASIER.

Years ago I was totally repulsed by the idea of being pregnant because of morning sickness/sick kids. Now I feel like I could have one (even without the emetophobia, kids still aren’t my favorite.) Granted, if I could I’d totally not work during my pregnancy if I had morning sickness, but there’s medication out there to help, employers most likely will understand, and worse comes to worse I’ll just V* in a public bathroom.

Kind of off topic, but a funny story involving kids and V* is when my niece and nephew came to stay with us for the summer. My niece has acid reflux issues, and she ate too much one night, and starting getting sick in her sleep. I panicked, ran and grabbed the pink V* bucket hospitals give you, and ran to get mine, and her mom (my sister). Then I slept in my moms room that night because at the time I was sleeping on the couch in the same room where it happened. I was 23 at the time lol. Another good point to bring up is that anxiety translates to kids too. My nephew was still up when all this was going on, and my panic worried him, so he started panicking too, and slept in my moms room as well. He was 12 lol. Every since then, I’ve been extremely mindful about how my phobia may run off on the little ones. If it comes to feeling nauseous or anything, I’ll let my niece and nephew know (they already know about my phobia), and tell them not to worry or panic, and that it’s just me who is this terrified of V*. They always want to help when I feel gross, so I just tell them to either help calm me down by coloring or watching a movie (if the nausea is mild) or I’ll ask that they leave me alone entirely so they don’t see how bad I freak out about it.

I’m not entirely over mine yet, but I’m much better than what I was growing up. I can eat red foods now (didn’t eat anything red for a year after my incident happened), expired foods now (but not like a month expired), eat out at restaurants, drink excessively (granted, I shouldn’t, but meh), be around people who are V’ing, eat at places that I’ve gotten sick from prior, manage to still go out and function even if I do feel sick, get sick in public bathrooms, fly, ride rollercoasters, help out sick kids (sort of as long as it isn’t a Sb), I’m at a healthy weight instead of borderline anorexic like I was in middle school, etc. I get to live my life now that I’ve (for the most part) gotten over this fear.

Now I just deal with anxiety about getting sick like IN IN public, like not making it to a trash can or bathroom. I keep reminding myself the chances of this happening are slim to none, and hasn’t happened to me or really anyone I know since elementary school, but STILL. Even if it does happen, I try to remind myself that people will understand. Be grossed out and want to avoid you sure, but they won’t exile you because of it, and won’t even think about it the next day. Another worry is getting sick in someone’s car while they’re driving. Once again the chances of this are slim to none and has never happened before to me, or any adult I know, but still. I carry plastic bags in my purse just in case. Goes back to what OP said about control. This is also why whenever I do V*, I use my toothbrush or fingers to start it. Helps out a ton with the anxiety because I’m not sitting there waiting and crying in fear for it to happen

Try not to ask so much for reassurance that you WON’T get sick, but for reassurance that it’s OKAY to get sick. Now I’m totally still working on this, but it is a big one. Find pride in doing things your emetophobia never allowed you to do before. I saw some ladies here the other day ecstatic that they got sick, or took their kids out in public. The reassurance that we won’t get sick will only fuel the fire that is this phobia. Don’t let it win. You will not heal if you continuously let it win. I know that sounds harsh, but it’s the truth. No having proud moments over how long it’s been since you V*ed or anything like that

We should be celebrating the minor wins like you were able to actually get sick, you took your kid to a children’s museum for the first time, you ate a food that made you ill years ago, heck, even playing into the thought that maybe you should just get sick is a win in my book.

And since I just wrote a damn novel, here’s the TL;DR.

How I got over emetophobia (for the most part):

Exposure, exposure, exposure.

1) Read stories involving V* to start off with. Look at stock photos of “people getting sick.” (They never actually show any V*). Transition to sounds of people V’ing on YouTube. Advance to videos of people V’ing on YouTube, and people sharing their emet stories.

2) Sit with the nausea. Don’t reach for the meds instantaneously. Just breathe, and sit with the nausea for maybe 15 minutes before taking something for it.

3) Don’t run away from situations where people may V*, unless it’s from a virus or unknown source. IE not a hangover or food poisoning. Not saying put yourself on those situations, but also don’t run from them when they arise.

4) Try to start making yourself V* when you’re drunk. Once again, don’t intentionally get drunk for this purpose, but the alcohol will help calm your anxiety about it, and you’ll find it’s much easier.

5) (This is really just a good drinking tip) don’t do sugary drinks or dark liquors. They’ll make you feel horrible the next day. And it’s not about WHAT you drink or the combination, but about how MUCH you drink.

6) Tell friends about your phobia, when you feel sick, and if you’ve V’ed recently. They won’t react negatively, and they will more often than not support you in your times of need, and praise you for your success.

7) V’ing is a normal part of life, and we’ve gotta get used to regardless of how much we fear it. And it gets easier the father into your recovery you get.

8) I kind of want a kid eventually. Someone slap me to get me to start thinking straight again.

9) Kids pick up on your anxieties, so lead by example, but also don’t be too tight lipped about it. This goes back to #6.

10) Try not to avoid the V* and D* words, or any that refer to V’ing. I go back and forth depending on how OP writes it, because I understand it can be triggering, but we still have to expose ourselves to it in order to get over it.

11) I’m not fully over my fear of it yet, but I’m doing MUCH better than before and really loving life now that I’ve (for the most part) gotten over it.

12) The chances of our fears coming true (ie getting sick in public, or in a car) are usually going to be pretty slim. Even if it does happen, it’s not the end of the world (so cliché, and I’m sorry) and people will understand, and not exile you from society.

13) Get therapy or medication if the anxiety and panic are too much to handle and REALLY interfering with your life. Try not to rely on the meds entirely though, and still work on getting your fear in check. Meds should really only be used as a crutch while you’re learning to walk again.

14) It takes time to get over this, or any phobia for that matter, so don’t get discouraged if it doesn’t happen overnight. Just keep a positive attitude and remind yourself you’re taking baby steps in the right direction.

15) Change your way of thinking. Instead of asking for reassurance that XYZ won’t make you ill, think in the terms of “well if it does make me sick, I’ll be just fine. I know I’m really nervous about it, so I’m going to ask my friends or support groups to remind me that it’s okay to get sick.”

16) Sorry my TL;DR is another damned novel. I just really wanted to share what I’ve done to get over this with you guys. Having this phobia sucks ass, and I’m SO glad I’m getting over it. And sorry for any grammatical/spelling mistakes. I’ve been working on this thing for an hour, and my food is getting cold, so screw proof reading.

[motherichangedmyurlagain]

1-91 of the nsfw asks

bruv You’re gonna kill me

1:When did you lose your virginity?13 for vagina type 15 for penis type2: Rough sex or soft sex?I like both but I enjoy being hurt3: Do you have any unusual kinks/fetishes?HAHAHA yes how much time do you have4: Weirdest place you’ve had sex?In school or in a Cathedral5: Favourite sex position?I don’t have a favourite tbh6: Do you like to be dominant or submissive?I prefer submissive but I’m a switch so it depends7: Have you ever had any one night stands?A few8: Sex on the bed, couch or the floor?I prefer the bed, it has pillows9: Have you ever had sex in a public place?Yes10: Have you ever been caught masturbating?No thank god11: What does your favourite sexy underwear look like?It’s purple and black lace, with garters from Victoria’s secret12: How often do you have sex?Not often enough13: Is there anybody right now you’d like to have sex with?Hmmmmm yes I suppose14: Do you prefer giving or receiving oral sex?I prefer giving15: Most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you during sex?Fallen asleep16: A song you’d listen to during hard/rough/kinky sex?The Hills - The Weekend, idk why but it’s fucking glorious17: A song you’d listen to during soft/slow/passionate sex?Nothing, I like to only hear us18: Are you into dressing up for sex?Not particularly, it all comes off in the end19: Would you prefer sex in the bath or sex in the shower?Bath. I have a mild phobia of showers20: If you could have sex with anyone right now, who would it be?Brian McCook duh,21: Have you ever had a threesome? If not, would you?Yeah, 3 times ;)22: Do you/would you use sex toys?Indeed I do23: Have you ever sent someone a dirty text/picture?All the time. I have a nice body, so sharing is caring24: Would you have sex with your best friend?HAHAHA funny story, my best friend is my ex-girlfriend so yeah25: Is there anything you do after sex? (for example, smoke, eat, drink)Depends. Usually I’ll grab a coffee and go outside for a cigarette, or cuddle. Depends on how nice the sesh was26: Something that will never fail to get you horny?A really really good smut27: Early morning sex or late night sex?Early morning, I get tired too easily28: Favourite body part on the opposite sex?Butt29: Favourite body part on the same sex?Boobs or tummy30: Something that you have hidden in your room that you don’t want anyone to find:My sexy box, only everyone knows about it because my parents found it hahaha31: Weirdest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you:I don’t know what is weird, but I’ve done pretty much everything apart from scat32: Have you ever tasted yourself? [If no, would you?] [If yes, what did you think?]Yeah, but usually it happens when I kiss the person, I eat quite healthily so wasn’t too bad tbh33: Is it ever okay to not use a condom:Only if you want babies, with a partner you’re in for the long haul34: A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience:None. I don’t like the idea of thrush35: Worst possible time to get horny:In a really serious situation. Happens all the time, especially if someone attractive shouts at me36: Do you like it when your sexual partner moans?Well obviously, I need to know I’m doing well37: How much fapping is too much fapping:Until you get carpal tunnel38: Best sexual complement you ever got:I don’t know, maybe that I have a really nice figure?39: Favorite foreplay activities:All of them40: What do you wear to bed?Either my bee pijamas, a baggy tee and boxers, or nothing41: When was the first time you masturbated:Yesterday42: Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself?Nope43: Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside?I have, and I think it was almost 2 years ago44: Have/would you ever have sex in public?Yes I have45: Have/would you ever had a threesome?I swear this was already a qu? But yes I have46: What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate?A pillow47: Do you watch gay/lesbian porn? why/why not?GAY because it feels more real, idk why it’s wonderful48: Do you like oral sex? (why/why not)Previously answered 49: How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in?YES so long as they’re good50: How would you feel about taking someones virginity?Previously answered51: Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter?ALL OF THEM THRUSH IS REAL GUYS plus sticky ew52: Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute?Prostitute53: Do you watch porn?Yes54: Have you ever been called a freak? Why?Yes. Probably because I like weird stuff55: Do you feel comfortable going “commando”?Nope, but I often forgo bras, does that count?56: Would you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn’t shaved their pubic hair?I have no problem whatsoever. I love muff fluff, and without is also chill. Doesn’t bother me in the slightest57: If you could give yourself head, would you?Yes, I’ve been told I’m very good58: Booty or Boobs?Boobs59: Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?)I don’t know if it counts, we were on a break60: If you were the other sex for a day, what are five things you would do?1, helicopter 2, wank 3, enjoy the fact I get paid more and can walk around topless without getting catcalled 4, have sex with a vagina 5, have sex with a butt61: have you ever watched someone masturbate?Yes62: has anyone ever watched you masturbate?Previously answered 63. Have you ever had an erection and someone noticed?Nope because I have a vagina64. What is your method of masturbation? (ie. toys, clitorial, prostate)I touch myself and it is good65. What is your bra/penis size?Bra- 34 C66. What is the strangest thing you have ever put up your vagina/anus?Your dad’s cock67. When was the last time you masturbated?Yesterday (i swear these repeat)68. When was the last time you had sex?Early December69. When was the last time you watched porn?Today lol haha70. Have you ever bought a sex toy? If so, which one did you buy last? First sex toy? If not, which one do you plan on buying when you do?Yes, both in Ann Summers71. Guys:Circumsized???? idek72. Which not-genital part of your body do you like being touched?Boobies and stomach73. Which genital part of your body do you like being touched?My genitals? lol74. Girls:Are you able to achieve orgasm just through breast stimulation?I don’t think so, but I can get close75. Have you anonymously sent a sexual ask to someone on tumblr?Yes76. When was the last time you have had a wet dream?Yesterday77. Which wet dream was your favorite?Lol nope not saying78. Is there a friend you would willingly have sex with?Of course79. Is there a celebrity/character you would willingly have sex with?OF COURSE HAVE YOU SEEN MY BLOG80. Favorite sexual position?Previously answered81. Do you like being called a slut or whore in bed?hehe a bit82. Are you into any BDSM?Yes83. Have you ever wanted to have sex with someone but knew you couldnt for any reason? Why?Yes, because I just couldn’t idk it’s weird84. Do you like dirty talk?If it’s done correctly, if not I laugh85. Are you loud or quiet during sex? Masturbation?Very loud, masturbation quiet86. Have you ever been inturrepted during sex or masturbation? Who/what?YES okay so funny story. I was having sex w my girlfriend at the time in the back of her car and her fucking mother opened the door and I’m pretty sure she saw my vagina87. What kind of porn do you like to watch?Gay male88. Have you ever confessed to someone that you got an erection over them? What about masturbated to them?I don’t get erections, but masturbated to yes89. Have you ever masturbated because your sexual partner wasn’t there when you needed them?Well yeah90. Have you ever had a one night stand? Do you still keep in contact with them?Previously answered91. Have you ever had a friends with benefits? Are they still beneficial?Not exactly no92. Ask whatever you want*shrugs*

These were disgusting lol. Thank you dear