#like maam?????? are you fucking insane
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very soon I will fucking end it all atp
rant in the tags
#might delete later idk rant#sorry just needed to vent#It has not even been a full week since my exams have finished#and i have to appear for “enhancement examination” starting tomorrow until 21st????#like my teacher I'm sorry but she's such a bitch#she's not even telling me my marks#like atleast tell me if I've failed or passed like????#i mean if i did pass whats the point of giving this exam again#come on its been 4 days since exams ended#and you've started this bs#on top of that i have fucking food poisoning#and due to all this i had a mental breakdown#AND YK WHAT#SHE'S INFORMING US TODAY THAT THERES A TEST TOMORROW#i got the message at fucking 6 in the evening saying#oh u have tests starting tomorrow#like maam?????? are you fucking insane#how am i supposed to cope with sm pressure???
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The REAL "theydeservedbetter"shipping
#in WHAT WORLD does THAT MAN deserve 'better' than misako?#shes the one that deserved better LMAO?#why would koko leave her husband but be okay with him when hes done WORSE#this ship and the goddamn NAME make me so bloody angry#he didnt deserve her sorry#he didnt treat her right#like. have you HEARD the things shes said about him??? maam are you OKAY???#'i was married to him once im up for anything' MAAM WHAT RHE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN#not to mention. 'i wont let you get away from me again misako' 🤢#the hate for this poor woman is INSANE.#if anyone in that relationship deserved better. it was her.#and dont try and come at me calling me a hypocrite or anything. that mans name isnt mentioned. nothing here is tagged. THAT is my problem.#when people TAG NEGATIVE POSTS WITH THE MAIN TAGS#what is WRONG WITH YOU
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my wifs is exiting denial, she sent me a tiktok about bottoming and was like "bunny corcoran" which is polically correct of her.
#she is in MAJOR DENIAL we are the same person#bc she and francis also are#so#that is WEIRD#but ive told her very curtly um maam you think francis and bunny WOULDNT fuck#if they were two insane lesbians#like are you kidding me we are them and its canonical
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why do people think its ok to just. leave their kids with the nearest minimum wage employee. what the hell
#woman asked today 'oh i just have to run to the car can you just watch her until i get back' maam. No#i have an actual paid job and if she gets hurt while im doing my real job im not having you scream at me for it bc it wont be my fault#like. if she runs out of the store? i cant catch her bc i cant leave. has a food allergy? i wouldnt know! its a grocery store!#also jesus christ you literally dont know me! oh my god!#i am a stranger! you dont know if im safe for her to be around! i could be a goddamn murderer!#like ngl i am ok to leave kids with in general. im good w kids i know first aid and all. but dont do that while im at work#just insane behaviour to me. cannot believe anyone would do that#levi.txt#this isnt even the first time this has happened. at least this lady asked first and i could say no#once at the hardware store an old woman just. left her 5yo w me. for like 15mins without asking or warning me#she just disappeared and then i had to occupy this child until she decided to wander back#i was abt to call the manager! thats fucking child abandonment#just dont DO this shit wtf. nobody wants to look after your goddamn kids on the clock are you fucking nuts
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Looks up wikihow for what to do when you realize your office has 5x the amount of budget of every other executive office combined
#fun fact the president gets the least! reaffirming the idea they do jack shit#maybe i shouldnt condemn gabby to that but also sorry maam you are not being evpsa as long as our nepo baby linenof succession#has anything to say about it 😔😔 maybe you could be dod one day#like i am the outlier that only happened because the ACTUAL nepo baby backed out last minute#so they had to speedrun my nepo babiness#anyways the genuine nepo baby route (me) is one i’d like to aboid because as one of the people involved it sucks !!!!!#anyways sorry abt my boss telling you could do it even though youve already been elected to senate and my boss terms out in 3 days!#(and ????????????)#but thats a conversation i dont want to have so it will be unsaid unless you talk to me ! sorry i will be prioritizing those whove been here#and doing the work for 2+ years i think thats actually how this is Supposed to work when you don’t make all your core staff seniors @my boss#i’ll be real they were insane for that like im insane for swinging the exavt opposite way but ALL YOUR CORE STAFF???? you left your juniors#in the fucking DUST man now you have nepo baby times and everyones like but you can do it SHUT UP im a nepo baby#to be fair its good we didn’t fast track the person we did bc WHEW issues but the thing is the person who got left with all these issues is#ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! not any of the people whove been dealing with them for 3+ years so THANKS IG!!!!!!!!!#some ppl really dont grow up with the ideals of making sure you are leaving something for those after you huh like dont get me wrong#the work we DO considers those who comes after us bc thats how advocacy works but our OFFICE has none of that in terms of like#staff and stuff like some of the staff choices this year were 😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫 everyone went into fall confused as hell#bc WHO TF WAS GOING TO RUN like even before i was properly involved THIS ISSUE EXISTED !!! you guys just got lucky i existed#and lucky that im a pushover that does whatever those around me tell me too like i am remembering i DIDNT WANT THIS JOB!!!! it took both#the person i consider my mentor and the person who i consider who i want to be when i grow up telling me to do it b4 i even considered it#so DONT TELL RANDOS THEY CAN HAVE A PLACE IN (MY) OFFICE!!! I HAVE ENOUGH PROBLEMS RIGHT NOW!!! do you know what a bitch hiring is going 2 b#anyways :’) can everyone tell i am So Excited for this job :’)) if it turns out we’ve had a budget of 300k this WHOLE TIME like#i had been SAYING WE DID bc its my JOB to Know it and it was THERE and we’ve been acting like we had 150 i’ll lose it#v.txt
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*hangs out with friends* *liability by lorde plays in the bg everywhere i go* ahaha just ignore that it's nothing
*attempts a romantic relationship* *i bet on losing dogs plays in the bg everywhere we go* ahjaha just ignore that
*explores my sexuality in any form* *closer plays in the bg everywhere i go* HAHAHA JUST IGNORE THAT
#WITHIN MY STOMACH SCRAPED OFF MY KNEES#on some real shit though a hot girl at a party was like#she was messing around with a hot guy and we were all making friends with each other#and she met back up with me later and started messing with me a little and was like 'oh were you jealous?' and i was like o_o#maam.... i uh. i uh. I UH#CANT WAIT TO SEE HER NEXT WEEKEND LOL i wont be so fucking weird this time hopefully#dont fumble please for the love of god#she used one of them pinwheel things on me and i was like whew boys ill tell you what. im going insane#oversharing on tumblr.gov sorry if you know me irl just pretend you dont
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Max and anne I am holding you both carefully in my hands
#max just talking about the bussiness and anne just 🙁#the gov ship madi is in is called the eurydice.... damn#don't look baaaaaaaaaack.....#A WIFE??? HE SAID A WIFE??#anne cant eat by herself NOOOOO#what are we doing to our beautiful women.... idelle do not help her my god#well yes idelle help her my bad.... “you killed my friend dont hurt my other one pls” worked#and cuts her some bread.... thank you idelle i was gonna jump thru the screen next if not#jack complaining about how they dont have provisions and max is rocking a new outfit every time she appears akdhaksjsk#“how well sid you know my granddaughter??” very intimately maam akdhsksjsk#do you think eleanor and charles are fucking up there..... or down there idk... i know eleanor lost no time bc of that fuckass husband#HUSBAND FOR MAX??? ANNE GET IN HERE!!!#why does jack have a spot of hair on his chin akdjsksjskk who is his barber girl#hands acting like the devil on silvers ear akdjsknssks#has he ever wondered why teach basically exiled him akdjsksnsksl#anne telling max to come inside my god.... and like i know this is the first time she has experienced snow... but she is too worried about#getting married off to some guy to enjoy the moment AAAH#INSANEEEEEEEEEEEEE#AAAAAAHAHHHHHHHHHHH#that was so besutiful i am crying big fat tears it hurts my eyes actually#my GOD!!!#saying no to that deal just in case SOME DAY anne decides to forgive her and try again like that is insane#my god the snow the music.....#flint just plotting near silver akdhsksk#billys plan worked akdjsksjsk and silver cant do SHIT#talking tag#watching black sails
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watching an RN debate TERFs is always a wild fucking experience
#‘those children deserve to have their needs met and their voices heard as far as what they want for themselves and their future’#’certainly they deserve to be treated with dignity and appropriately’— but you don’t think they should receive life-saving medical care??#this woman is DERANGED she keeps bringing up jazz jennings and misgendering her and its SO fucking rancid and fatphobic too#fully just ‘puberty blockers made Jazz Jennings fat and she’s an example of why Puberty Blockers Bad’#ok 1) why are you fixated on her weight when it’s none of your fucking business and 2) she’s explicitly stated she does NOT regret#transitioning young#I feel insane listening to these people but this woman pulls out all the same talking points as my mother#so it is nice to sit and listen to Alec make them sound like idiots on livestream#‘we have no proof that puberty blockers are more effective than a placebo’ MAAM YOURE INSANE. ‘cigarettes would help them the same way as#puberty blockers’ WHAT IN THE EVERLOVING FUCK ARE YOU ON#the way transphobes really do want trans people to just die. legitimately fucking evil
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mary keay #1 misandrist
#queen of the man-haters#look. i will be honest i do not like mary keay#but objectively shes so fucking funny#like you hear about all the insane shit she does and then the first time you hear her speak its like??? maam???#AND THEN SHE IMMEDIATELY GOES OFF THE SHITS IN THE SAME RECORDING#i think mary and jude perry would have gotten along tbh#also can we just acknowledge how fucking funny it is that mary both hates literally 99% of the men we hear her talk about-#-but shes also a boymom#when that one guy goes to her w ex altiora shes so proud of his artwork and i think she might have actually#been proud of gerry in her own fucked up way#not for good reasons (him being her son and loving him unconditionally) but for what he could do for her (find leitners & do what she asked)#i think maybe she'd have had better luck w her whole legacy thing if shed treated gerry like a person rather than an employee#but who knows
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cw/tw: lady dimitrescu x fem! reader, pussy inspection (reader receiving), previously established dynamic, reader wears a dress, size difference
“My lady…” your voice fades into nothing as she leads you by the hand to her oversized, opulent bed.
“Hush now, and sit down.”
You obey willingly, happily, crossing your hands in your lap as you sink into the mattress and watch her sit across the room at her vanity. The hard line of Alcina’s shoulders relaxes a bit as she takes off her wide brim hat to set it aside, you catalogue each of her dark curls that frames her face beautifully in the candlelight. It feels odd to watch her light her own cigarette, usually you’re doing it for her, anticipating her needs as you wait on her hand and foot.
Alcina’s lips purse around the tip of her delicate cigarette holder, it leaves traces of her lipstick behind when she pulls back and breathes out smoke, “Lift your skirt.”
You’re not surprised, this is routine by now, but it still makes heat bloom from your neck to your cheeks as you toe off your shoes and scoot back on the bed, pulling your dress upwards until your legs are exposed to her.
The silence in her bedroom is deafening, each rustle of your clothes and drag from her cigarette feels impossibly loud as you wait for her, not moving more than instructed.
It feels like ages before you hear the creak of her chair as she rises, heels clicking closer and closer until her hands are on you, cold and spanning much more of your thighs than your own hands can. She drags one of her long, claw-like nails over your inner thigh, up, up, up, until it’s right at the top of your underwear. You hold your breath as she hooks into the cotton and begins to drag it down, you should’ve known she would tease you like this.
When your underwear finally slides off your legs and exposes you, she makes a sound in her throat, a rippling, rumbling thing that tells you she’s pleased, a touch amused even.
"Sweet girl, you’re trembling.”
Her long, perfectly manicured fingers spread you open for her, you always have to work through the embarrassment as you wait for her to observe and inspect you until she’s satisfied. You allow yourself a sigh when she begins to stroke you idly, each pet over your clit makes you clench and twitch. It’s not enough to make you cum, not even close, all it does is make you sensitive and impatient, wetter by the minute. It takes all your effort not to buck your hips into her hand, you know that won’t get you anywhere besides a spank or two right on your cunt.
She’s toying with you, and she doesn’t even try to pretend she’s not. Your lady is usually gracious with you, her daughters are usually the ones who tease you, but when she has her fingers or mouth on you she becomes awfully condescending— and you both know how wet it makes you. Alcina loves to feel your fragile human body, loves to make you squirm and writhe while she gets her fill of your pretty face and quickened heartbeat.
“My lady,” despite your best efforts your tone still comes out desperate, “Please!”
You can’t help the embarrassed whine that escaped you when she laughs, a dark, beautiful thing that floats out of her perfect lips.
Suddenly her mouth is on you, tongue laving over you’re nothing more than a flavor of wine to be sampled and savored, and your self control shatters, your hips buck into her. Thankfully, she’s in good humor and she follows the movement gracefully, stroking your clit with her tongue before she pulls away.
“My dear,” she coos, making goosebumps rise all over your body, “Settle down now, I’ve only just begun.”
#OH MY FUCKING DAYS#I FEEL LIKE BEAST NEATH THE FULL MOON SHEDDING MY SKIN TO TAKE A NEW FORM TO ABSORB AND EXPEL PURE INSANE LEVELS OF ENERGY OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#i m o k#dear heavens how will i g o on#oh and the details abt her daughters fuckingg hellllllll#MEAN MEAN MEAN ROTTEN GIRLS (pls fuck me LOL)#lady dimitrescu ……. the lady that u are#i give myself to you in the mitski way like anything u want queen ANYTHING PLEASE MAAM MY LADY ANYTHING#oh dear me stevie u made me a simple minded beast#i need a drink and to have this in my dream#SORRY FOR THE MEMES I JUST CANT FULLY EXPLAIN WHATS IN MY BRAIN#vil-recs!
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you know at this rate maybe i wont be doing my masters this year at all because trying to find a place to live is a fucking nightmare
#so many adverts saying students can enquire only for them to turn around and tell me they don't have a HMO licence#maam u have a 4 bed property what the fuck are 2 students going to do with 4 bedrooms??#insane#that or they just dont fucking reply#goes for landlords and people advertising spare rooms#i have been ignored several times and it's starting to drive me mad#talk about student housing crisis#and every day new people appear on the fb groups all HEY HAS ANYONE GOT A SPARE ROOM OR WANNA TRY LOOKING TOGETHER???#like babes. babes. WE'RE ALL IN THE SAME FUCKIN BOAT RIGHT NOW#hell. hell on earth#just when i think ive struck gold. i get fucked#feels extra shitty when it feels like you have people relying on you to help#i dragged them into this damn housing group in the first place and so far we're batting zero...#._.#helia rants
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𝙛/𝙘𝙠 𝙗𝙖𝙣 ; l.hc
haechan x fem! reader
in brief : "be honest you are doing this on purpose, aren't you?" "hmmmm... no." "no?" he chuckled. "nope." you whispered. haechan slid his hands under your thighs pulling you over his lap, straddling him.
"liar."
warnings : [ smut ] swear words, fingering, nipple play, kisses.
❦₊࿐
[ on text ] blue : haechan pink : fem reader
so i was thinking..
miss maam what are you thinking of this time
what if i put us on a sex ban you specifically haech i swear to god i cant feel my legs half the time
wow i take that back u rlly need to stop thinking sometimes where is this even coming from
coming from my vagina that hasnt breathed at ALL
right that same pussy thats wet for me every night.i wonder what happens to the breathing then
ur not making sense rn
wow my girlfriend hates me should i just go kms rn or what
hyuck pls im serious
oh yeah? alright i see how it is. lets see who lasts the longest because i can alr see you wet and on your knees for me and im not even hard
lol okayyyy
❦₊࿐
"this is ridiculous."
your fingers slid around the transparent vessel lifting it into the air. "nope, babe, it's for your own good."
"i don't think this hard ass untouched floating dick is of any fucking good." haechan huffed. he stood on the other side of the counter watching his girlfriend gulp down a glass of water with his hands on his hips.
currently, this was day 03 of the ban and lee haechan was on the verge of pulling his hair out and going full out insane.
you gulp the water down eyeing him for a few seconds before your gaze dropped to the bulge in his pants. a small smile cracked on your features as you snorted lightly.
the way he stood with his hands on his hips and a arrogant frustrated expression on his face with his nose flaring like some roadside auntie. a rather loud laugh escaped your lips this time, "what happened to me being the first to dip? hyuck, you're too cute."
"you say that one more time im going to come right here." he eyed you as you made your way towards him.
you reached him, quickly placing one of your palms on the side of his face. haechan sighed melting into your touch. he closed his eyes letting the weight of his head nestle into your hands.
you let your other arm drop down and roam. the surface of your knuckles brushed against his clothed boner making the boy suck in a deep breath. you watched his face. the way his eyes and brows contracted as you let your thumb brush against his balls, a little too harshly this time.
a small smile played on your lips. "baby, you said you weren't even gonna be hard."
"i swear to god please fist me right now." he said through slightly gritted teeth as he thrusted his groin towards your palm. desperate, needy, horny, sex blinded.
letting your fingers brush against his length once more you swiftly grabbed his right wrist instead.
haechan opened his eyes, a confused expression painted over his features. you lifted his hand that you were holding up. "use this."
❦₊࿐
the movie playing on the tv was where your attention was at, despite the boy snuggled beside and his hands thrown all over your body.
your focus on the screen disappearing slowly as haechan rubbed circles into your belly.
now was when realization hit how close the guy had gotten. from sitting adjacent to you over the single seat, sulking, to directly spawning beside you out of nowhere.
too lazy to even object, you just let him do as he wished.
"baby" he murmured into your ears. his voice sultry and velvety, tickling your ear lobes.
"hm?"
the boy sat up staring straight into your eyes, "im seriously not kidding. this shit is starting to hurt now." you sighed.
"it's hardly been two day-" "three." he corrected.
haechan pinched his brows fake exaggerating, "almost 72 hours without pussy oh theres no difference between me and a stranded fish on a desert right now ."
"what?" you chuckled into your palms, leaning against him ignoring his protests. your hair tickling his face but he didn't care, burying his head further into your nape.
"babe pleaseeeeeeeeeeeee" he whined into your ears, swing an arm around your ribs bringing you closer onto him as the other hand sneakily entered your sweatpants.
"haech, im too ti-"
words stumbled into each other and fell into a bottomless pit within you as you felt his middle finger dive into your core.
instead of a nag came out a moan as he joined his index finger along.
haechan left a trail of kisses on your neck as you leaned against him.
oh, fuck this damn ban.
your back was pressed against his chest, hardly any distance remaining. the two of his fingers rubbed against your cunt- not fast, but slow. slow and powerfully.
"mmh"
and your top was gone in no time.
"told ya." haechan smirked, his other arm advancing towards your bra as he didnt bother unhooking. he grabbed the fabric from the between pulling it down as your boobs popped out. before you know it, his fingers were over the nipples. kneading the flesh slowly, occasionally pinching the bud.
filthy: is a suitable word to describe the view.
practically sitting on only one of his thighs with his hands under your pants. your head dipped behind onto his shoulders. bra awkwardly hanging below the bouncing boobs that perked and shaked with every single sensation.
your moans were breaking with the fast friction against your clitoris and oh they were worthy enough to have the neighbors complaining. "uh- ummyeah yeah, yeah just like tha- oh fuck. ah- ah, baby you're too goodddo- oh!"
"you like this baby?" he smirked. "what was all about the ban now?" his fingers practically abused your shining bud, kneading it down with his fingers. "thats right, this pussy of yours is mine, just mine. im never gonna make you think of that shit ever again."
and there it was, that familiar feeling you yearned to feel. the knot that had formed in your abdomen was begging to snap.
"fuck, hy- uck, faster, baby please."
three fingers in.
at this point, you had lost control of your body. laying almost lifelessly against your boyfriend who fucked you stupid.
his warm hand groping your tit while his fingers toying with your nipple. on the other hand, well literally, the other hand was busy gliding across your perfectly wet and swollen folds. his fingers slowly tracing lower and lower until they met the entrance of your hole.
with a quick kiss on your neck, he inserted his fingers in as you gasped. he pulled them out quickly enough, not even letting you savor the feeling of it. your eyes turned wide, glancing back at him. a whiney call of his name rolled of your tongue.
he smirked lightly before turning you around. swiftly tossing your body against the couch as he climbed on top. both of his arms against your head and that arrogant smirk of his still visible on his face.
"what?" you chuckled, slightly amused by how he wouldn't stop making that face.
"what about the fuck ban?" he questioned.
you raised your brows, "hyuck, seriously?"
the boy retracted his arms and sat up on your groin. his arms folded against his chest while he gazed you down. the visible clothed boner of his was sitting above your hole and you bit your cheeks from inside refusing to let any sign of pleasure show.
"i mean," he made a thinking face, "you sounded pretty serious about it."
"oh yeah?" you snickered while he only nodded. propping yourself against your elbows you sighed.
"well, i guess you're right then." dragging one of your arms from over to your chest down to where the bra hanged, you gripped it, in an attempt to wear it back before the grip on your wrist stopped you.
"I'm kidding." haechan said, locking his gaze on yours noticing your raised brows. "you know i am."
a glint of the slightest ire flicking in your orbs and without a wait, his lips were on yours.
his weight completely dropped upon you. his pressed body against yours pushed out a moan from within. letting your fingers glide down from his nape to his scalp, feeling the heat of his mouth against yours and you couldn't wish to be anywhere else. every detail slowly etched in your mind as you counted down to when his tongue would swipe at your mouth, when his hands would meet your waist and when his sighs would start erupting. you knew him too good.
"ba- hby." he pulled out, drowsy eyes locked on yours. "you know, right?"
you pulled your fingers out of his locks that were now messy, locking them against his neck instead. "hm?"
"sex or no sex, i want you nevertheless. a few nights without feeling your pussy wouldn't mend my love for you, in any way. ever."
"yes sir." a smile spread against your lips as you held in a laugh. he looked way too cute right now.
"but right now, I've been watching you skip around this damn house half naked almost for the entire day." his gaze hardened before dropping down on the floor.
"like that-" he pointed with his eyes to where your short tank top lay, thrown away. "thats literally like 2 threads and the crappiest piece of fabric glued together and it covers nothing- fuck!"
at this point you couldn't hold it in inside as your boisterous laugh bubbled and erupted out of you, echoing almost. "hy- hyuck you're so-" and you were laughing again.
the boy only deadpanned at you from on top as your body vibrated beneath him from the laughter. "Im serious. my dick has been solid rock since the morning."
"be honest you were doing this on purpose, weren't you?" haechan asked with a brow raised and arms folded against his chest. he got off you, sitting on the couch staring at you who was wiping away the tears from laughter that threatened to spill. his mouth was quirked to a small cute smile right before his gaze dropped down to your boobs and the wet patch on your sweats. the tug in his dick almost sent him to mars.
you pulled your fingers against your cheeks, pretending to think. "hmmmm... no."
"no?" he chuckled.
"nope." you whispered.
haechan slid his hands under your thighs pulling you over his lap, straddling him.
"liar."
let's just say the night was long, the neighbors might or might not have knocked on your doors the next morning and oh, also, fuck this damn ban.
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The Video (LN4)
Summary: Y/n and Lando’s club dancing sends the F1 world into a frenzy.
Warnings: sexual innuendos, sexual conversations, its short im sorry, if you want something more to this storyline lmk in the requests ill prob do it lol
Note: IVE HAD THIS IDEA IN MY HEAD LONG BEFORE I EVEN STARTED WRITING
TWITTER
ln4andop81 how yall feeling after that leaked vid?
- mclarensgirly FIGHTING. FOR. MY. LIFE.
- f1fan2 if i speak.
- ln4andop81 what shall we address first.
- mclarensgirly maybe the GRINDING????
- f1fan2 PLZ I SCREAMED THE WAY HIS HANDS GUIDED HER HIPS 😫😫😫😫
- ln4andop81 THE WHISPERING IN THE EAR???
- mclarensgirly BRUH I JUST KNOW LANDO SAID SOMETHING SO GODDAMN QUESTIONABLE BY THE LOOK OF Y/N’S FACE
- f1fan2 bro literally moved his hands up to the bottom of her boobs and down and then whispered some crazed shit in her ear and i died. THE PERSON WHO FILMED THAT VIDEO I LOVE YOU 😋😋
- ln4andop81 yeah i think its safe to say that lando norizz is definitely a myth.
—
y/nnn so about last night.
Comments:
mclarensgirly ABOUT LAST NIGHT MY ASS
ln4andop81 girly had a whole video of her grinding on her bf leaked and her response is “about last night”. icon.
landonorris i had fun 😙
- mclarensgirly BYE
- ln4andop81 MANS IS INSANE
- f1fan2 so moral of the story lando basically fucked his gf in public and said “i had fun” NO SHIT
- mclaren dont think you understand the pr situation at hand 😀
- mclarensgirly NOW IM DONE FOR
- ln4andop81 MCLAREN ADMIN IS FIGHTING ON THE FRONT LINES RN
maxverstappen this is why i said to not drink too much
- y/nnn YOU PUT THE DRINKS IN. MY. HAND.
- landonorris i think your exact words were “next round on me?”
- kellypiquet i am afraid babe that you did in fact do and say both of those things
—
TWITTER
Mclarenfan22 its the way lando pushes y/ns hips into him so she can be as CLOSE as possible
- circledriving-racers plz when i first saw that vid i rlly didnt think by the end of it i would know what lando looked like when he was clearly feeling some type of way
- ln4andop81 yeah bc the way he threw his head back when she started circling her hips against his spoke VOLUMES
- papayafan it had ME feelin some typa way and i wasnt even the one getting danced on
- ln4andop81 i feel like its prob for the best the vid ended before we could see them separate bc i feel like we wouldve seen LANDO and not lando if yk what i mean 😟
- papayafan a bone-
- mclarenfan22 we would rlly know EVERYTHING abt him at that point
- ln4andop81 im willing to bet a large sum of money (im broke) that hes big
- y/nnn is this where im supposed to “enter the chat”?
- ln4andop81 MAAM.
- mclarensgirly YES. SPILL THE TEA.
- f1fan2 YEAH DO THE PUBLIC A SERVICE AND TELL US ‼️‼️‼️
- y/nnn i think i would like to gatekeep this one girlies 💋💋
-mclarensgirly wow.
- ln4andop81 ill never get over how it girl she is.
—
landonorris it was a great night and thats all i have to say abt it
Comments:
oscarpiastri UHHHHHHH
mclaren we cant catch a break ever
y/nnn BABE THE SIGN 😭😭
- landonorris i thought it really translated my thoughts 🙏🏻
- mclarensgirly BRO DOESNT GIVE A FUCK GAHDAMN
ln4andop81 so i guess the question rlly is: did the sign become reality?
- landonorris what do you think 🤭
#f1 fanfic#f1 imagine#f1 fic#f1 x reader#lando norris x reader#mclaren#lando norris imagine#lando norris fanfic#lando norris fluff#lando norris imagines#lando norris x you#lando norris#lando norris fanfiction#lando norris smut#lando norris edit#oscar piastri#kelly piquet#max verstappen#f1 grid x reader
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Daryl Dixon Headcanons (NSFW)
@whore4romance requested this from my sfw daryl dixon headcanons <333 I hope yall enjoy ! I would've gotten this out earlier but I was working.
!MINORS DNI!
in the early days of the apocalypse, merle would notice you and daryl flirting, of course asking daryl if he was gonna fuck you, which daryl said "nah" as he was actively wanting you
you and daryl would get together at hershels farm when andrea shot him in the head LMAOOO, you would kiss his wound and then you two would kiss before it escalated to yall having sex (I can definetly make a separate fic about this)
daryl would go out of his way for you and him to have privacy at the prison
rick would walk in on you and daryl on more than one occasion
daryls tongue technology
his favorite positions would 100% be 69, riding, doggy style, and missionary (especially more intimately)
backshots <3 need I say more?
he would love to eat you out, he could spend hours doing it
the dirty thoughts he would have about you would be insane
daryl lighting a cigeratte as you ride him
daryl would LOVE you're breasts, no matter the size, he'd worship them
BODY WORSHIP
whenever hed say "yes maam" to you it'd turn you on so much
he would call you baby, slut, and sweetheart during sex
"you like that baby?"
he'd pull you're hips closer during sex because it's not enough
daryl would love licking you're neck and leaving hickeys behind
the way he'd be an expert at fingering you
glenn thought daryl would be horrible at sex until he over heard you and him going at it one night
he'd give such good after care
he'd love when you'd pull his hair
if yall had kids, he'd 100% drop them off at rick's and michonnes so yall could have a night alone, especially on you're anniversary
Thats all I have for now! Let me know if yall would want more <333 especially any daryl x reader fics! let me know yalls own nsfw headcanons !
#daryl#daryl x reader#daryl dixon#twd daryl#twd daryl dixon#the walking dead daryl#the walking dead#daryl dixon smut#daryl dixion imagine#twd fanfiction#daryl dixon I need you
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This is more of an idea (feel free to not respond btw)
But what if married reader gets knocked up with Alastors fawn and the husband divorced her once he realizes the baby isn’t his? You can bet your ass that the deer daddy is already trying to ensnare the reader in his grasp lol
Hehehe i have never written a Part 2 so fast !
Part 1
————————————————————————
“Oh my Satan dear! Look at you! Ya look like you’re bout to pop!” Rosie exclaimed when you walked in her shop.
’Pop’ was an understatement.
You were very near the end of your pregnancy and it had not been kind to you.
You never told your husband about the incident with Alastor.
Would he had even believed you?
Alastor was A LOT of things, but the two of you were friends…your husband would think call you insane….
Your eyes widened seeing the very cause of your discomfort.
Alastor.
You wanted to dash out the door, run back home and hide.
The red Overlord turned around, hearing Rosie’s voice, you froze seeing his eyes look you over, you instinctively placed a hand over your stomach when his lips stretched into a smile.
You heard Rosie excuse herself to go get some appetizers but you were too focused to acknowledge her.
You were alone.
With him.
You took a shaky breath as memories from several months ago flashed across your mind, but you shook your head lightly to discard those thoughts.
”My my look at you” he purred approaching until he towered over you, beaming like a Cheshire cat “You really do make a fine mother” his large hand caressed the swell of your belly, smile softening when he felt movement.
”j-just leave me be please” you whispered, wincing when he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into his chest.
Alastor chuckled ”leave you be? Oh ma cherie no can do!”
He bent his head, his lips grazing the shell of your ear, voice dropping to a whisper “especially since you’re about to give birth to my baby?”
You pushed him away, putting distance between the two of you. Your face was flushed, eyes narrowed “I am NOT having your baby! I am having my husband’s baby!” You defended.
But there was a sliver of doubt you always felt when it came to the little soul nestled within you.
Alastor’s smile never wavered “Hmm you sure? Because i remember vividly filling your cunt with my seed until it dripped down your legs”
You froze.
”You took me so well I was positive you would be pregnant”
He took small steps towards you
”Did you tell your husband?”
Your snarl fell at his words and he knew he had you.
”T-there’s n-nothing to tell” you said turning around, ready to leave.
You didnt have to take this.
He hummed coming up behind you. “Nothing to tell?” He chuckled darkly as his lanky arms wrapped around you, cradling your swollen belly. He leaned his head on top of yours.
”Oooh darlin I’m hurt! You didnt tell your loving husband how you milked my cock? How I tasted the cunt that belonged to him? How I claimed you for myself? That I sent you home filled with my cum?”
You were shaking.
”How unfaithful you were? Could the poor man tell another man’s cum was inside you while he fucked you?”
He kissed your neck
”I can’t wait to meet our little fawn”
Your baby kicked causing him to smile.
————————————————————————-
Pain.
Thats all you felt as you tried to breath through your contraction.
”You got this honey! You’re doing great” your husband soothed as you wailed.
”One more push maam the baby’s almost here” the nurse reassured you.
Almost? It felt like you been pushing forever
”I cant” you panted.
Everything burned.
Your husband dabbed at your sweaty forehead, pressing a kiss to it “You got this baby. C’mon just one more push and then it’ll all be over”
Your eyes clenched and with a scream you pushed.
”Aaahh!”
Relief and then the shrill cry of a baby.
The nurses cooed “Ooh a healthy boy!”
she cleaned up the baby and you sighed as you slumped against the bed.
Finally.
”Ok mama” you felt a small weight on your chest.
Soft noises had you look down and you felt your heart break and bloom.
Red tufts of hair curled on the babe’s head and he looked at you with big red eyes.
He looked like you; round cheeks and a cute nose.
He looked nothing like your husband.
And every bit like…
”what the fuck” you heard your husband say. You turned to him, eyes wide.
He was staring at the baby.
”I-Its n-not what you think dear j-just let me-”
”You fucked Alastor” he was frowning, standing up from the bed.
You shook your head, tears swelling
”N-no that’s…I didnt i swear”
”I am looking at his exact copy. The damn brat looks nothing like me!”
You couldnt move “Honey p-please”
The man backed away. He was angry.
The baby began to cry, you tried to rock the poor soul, but your attention was on your husband
”Honey-”
”I should have known” he hissed lowly, pacing.
”I should have known by the way he acted. How you flirted with each other! The fucking radio demon!? Tsk!”
He turned to look at you.
”I dont want some bitch who takes me for a fool. Hope it was worth it you fucking slut” he turned to walk out.
tears ran down your face, your heart was racing “W-What? Honey no it wasn’t like that..it-it was never-”
”I want a divorce. You are dead to me”
and like that he was gone.
You sat there stunned.
Your husband just…left.
He left you and he didn’t even let you explain, tell him how or why all this was happening.
The baby cooed and you looked down at him.
You wanted to be angry, you had every right to be, but looking at this sweet soul…he didnt deserve your anger.
You were a mother now. You would do your best to love your child.
Even if you had to do it alone.
————————————————————————————-
“What a fine mother you make indeed my dear”
He smiled watching the little fawn latch to your chest and stare back at him with vermillion eyes.
You hissed at him, earning a quirked brow “haven’t you done enough?”
Soft static buzzed through the air as the Overlord approached you. You took a step back, as he extended a hand to the babe and rubbed his chubby cheek.
Alastor ignored your question ”How are you feeling love?” He asked as the baby nuzzled into your neck.
How were you feeling?
You were divorced, a single mother, and living with Rosie.
Shunned.
All because of him.
”Like hell but I know you’re not here to ask about my well being”
Alastor ignored your jab.
”I do care for you darlin and its only right that I provide for you and our fawn”
You went to growl, threaten him to die, but your baby reached out to the red demon.
Alastor’s face light up and he grabbed the fawn, cooing and tickling the baby.
Your son squealed and giggled, trying to grab at his claws.
”Let’s make a deal dearest”
You straightened at his words. A deal with Alastor was dangerous.
But you were at rock bottom.
”What kind of deal?” You asked cautiously.
”Marry me. Marry me and you’ll have nothing to be worried about. You’ll be protected, cared for, and have anything you desire.”
The baby was gumming at his collar.
”Be mine”
You bit your lip. What did you have to loose?
You sighed, taking your son.
You looked at the tall demon, green magic swirling around him.
”Do we have a deal?” he extend his hand.
You looked at your baby and then back at Alastor.
”I hate you” you said taking his hand,
You winced as your hand burned and watched a gold ring appear on your finger.
Radio static buzzed and then a soft humming. Alastor purred, smiling, fixing his jacket.
“Oh my dear” His arm looped around your waist, bringing you close to him as he chuckled “Such a good girl”
“Now! I think I have the perfect place for us to raise our fawn”
—————————————————————————————
“Uggghh Al you got a little something…” Charlie said nervously as she watch Alastor sip his coffee.
The little red fawn was hanging on his antlers, happily gnawing at the appendages. Alastor looked up, smiling “Oh he’s fine”
”Alastor have you seen…” your voice floated into his ears as you entered the lobby, stopping when you saw your son among his father’s antlers.
Alastor let out a grunt as the baby pulled at his ears “Hes right here dear”
Your baby babbled as you approached, squealing when you plucked him from his father.
You scowled the Overlord, placing the baby on your hip.
”How many times have I told you not to just let him hang-”
”da-”
You froze.
“Da…da” your son babbled, squirming in your arms.
Charlie cooed and Alastor smirked as the fawn’s eyes welled with tears as he reached for his father. Alastor walked towards you, scooping the baby from you.
You pouted as the baby happily chirped, nuzzling in his father’s neck.
Alastor sneaked a soft kiss to your lips
“See he’s fine”
You sighed, rolling your eyes, arms crossing.
”Oh smile my dear. Maybe the next one will say mama first” he laughed, eyes settling on your round belly.
”After all you’re a great mother”
#hazbin hotel#hazbin alastor#alastor#hazbin hotel fanfiction#alastor x reader#jyoongim#alastor the radio demon#alastor x y/n#alastor hazbin hotel#alastor smut
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find the cute blonde. pt.2.
part 2 to this.
lando norris x reader.
fc: sabrina carpenter.
liked by yourbestie, landonorris, yoursister and 100 628 others.
y/n: had to take a break from social media, but the bitch is back.
_
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"do you know that your fans are completely insane?" you say on the phone with lando. he laughs and you roll your eyes. of course he find the situation funny since he’s not the one being cussed out. "keep laughing and i’ll chop your dick off, asshole." you add, which makes him stop immediately. "woooow, slow down maam, i do admit that they go too far when it comes to my love life but what can i do? and those people aren’t fans, they’re groupies." you nod and continue to fold your clothes. you got home from the "date" with lando a few hours ago and he immediately called you once he got home. you’ve been on the phone for three hours straight.
"what are your plans for tomorrow?" lando ask you and you think about it for a minute before answering. "nothing, i’ll probably chill at (yourbestie)’s house." you can hear him smile which makes you frown but you don’t say anything. "be ready tomorrow morning, i’ll pick you up." you stop dead in your tracks. "to go fucking where?" you frown. "it’s a surprise but bring a bag, we’ll be away for a few days." lando is currently laying on his bed, giggling his feet in the air like a fifteen years old teenager. "lando. you may be crazy rich and famous but i am NOT going anywhere with a stranger." he laughs at your response, he knew you’d say that. "we had lunch together and i am the reason why the internet hated you for a few days, i think that we’re more than strangers."
part 3 coming soon!
taglist: @ironmaiden1313 @ietss @mycenterfold @teenagedreams-cl @lestappenbaee @chasing-liberosis @gentlemonsterjennie1 @oceandeepthirst2 @blacpiink @readinsilenceplease @dhhdhsiavdhaj
#f1 fandom#f1 au#f1 fanfic#f1 fic#f1 imagine#f1 instagram au#f1 social media au#f1 x oc#f1 x reader#f1 x you#lando norris x oc#lando norris x female reader#lando norris x y/n#lando norris x reader#lando norris#lando norris x you#ln4 x reader#ln4#formula one#formula one x you#formula one x reader#formula one x y/n
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