#like jesus how can this one minor thing take SUCH a toll on my body

[sodrippy]

kms its soooo funny how every sunday i set an awesome routine for my life and every monday it goes to shit instantly

[rouiyan]

𝘕𝘐𝘎𝘏𝘛𝘚 𝘓𝘐𝘒𝘌 𝘛𝘏𝘌𝘚𝘌 [ 𝘭.𝘥𝘩 ]

⧏ part of the before i met you collective ⧐

synopsis: you hate donghyuck’s stupid, stupid temper and also his stupid, stupidly sincere apologies. and just when you think you can seamlessly quote every word to come from his jabbering mouth, he does the unthinkable.

✧ idol!lee donghyuck x (fem.) college student!reader ✧ established relationship au

✧ genres : fluff, angst, and then some Fluff ✧ word count : 3.4k ✧ disclaimers : minor swearing, like a three-worded phrase referring to sex

✧ author’s note — i was really invested in this at first and wrote the first three thousand words in one day but i lost motivation and finally finished it a week after haha.

“baby, i think we should talk about something.” 

donghyuck’s eyes peered quizzically down at yours, a slim anxiety shadowing his irises. “it’s nothing to worry about but…” he huffed a silent breath, a small smile easing across his features before gesturing for you to continue. his hair is mussed and his glasses are perched upon the bridge of his nose, a sight that you will always welcome with open arms. “well, after you come back from your tour, it’s gonna be our-“

“-second anniversary, i know, princess.” his face now donned a smirk akin to that of an angel’s. “yeah,” you breathed, taken aback a bit by your boyfriend’s straightforwardness, “it's just… i’m a bit tight on money right now so i was thinking we could do, like, thoughtful gifts? instead of something more expensive.” donghyuck’s eyes dimmed the slightest at the reason behind your suggestion, “if you’re ever tight on money, i could always lend you some, you know?” 

shuffling around the bed and positioning yourself so that you were on eye level with the boy, a chuckle seeped within your sigh, “that's ridiculous, hyuck. why would i borrow money from you to buy you a gift? then you’d just be buying yourself a gift.” laughing dryly along with him you settled down to bring the conversation back to the point, “i was thinking that when you come back, i could cook you up a big dinner of all your favorites. it’s been awhile since i last cooked for you. and i guess that could be my gift.”

“of course, baby, i’d love that,” his eyes bore into yours with so much love that it felt almost undeserving to be the one receiving it. he's always been one to give and forget to receive. shaking the thought that donghyuck’s love could ever be burdensome, you held his hands in yours, relief written in your expression. “and i’ll,” he continued with a playful lilt to his voice, “just have to find something that’s equally as heartfelt as a home- cooked meal.”

it’s nights like these that set your heart to peace, when he lets you be the big spoon for once and when his soft snores reverberate throughout your body, making you think of him and only him. your hand cards through his locks rhythmically and you wish for nothing to ever change the way he looks at you or the way your heart pulls for him.

your heartbeat is erratic, thumping wildly in your ears, as donghyuck’s yells resound through the phone. he’s not mad at you, per se, be he’s definitely mad at you. tears prickle at the edge of your eyes as you think, for the fifth time in the past hour, just how unfair he was being.

“y/n, look, i’m not asking much of you. just don’t bother me while i’m working.” you huff breaths because frankly, you find his attitude increasingly hard to deal with. he’s been on tour with nct 127 for almost three weeks now, and he’s decided, for whatever reason, that now was the perfect time to blow out his stresses upon you. it’s getting harder to suppress the oncoming hyperventilation so while he rambles about how inconvenient and how inconsiderate you’re proving to be, you hang up.

sitting down, you almost can feel your heart shrivel up like a dried fruit and you long to sink further into the sheets. the vibrations of your phone, lighting up again and again with his contact name, hyuck <3, make you feel even worse than it should. you pick up the call after his seventh try and without even letting him realize, you begin your pent up rant.

“lee donghyuck, for the love of god, can you put aside your inflated ego for just one second and realize how much of a dick you’re being? i checked the fucking time before i called you, you’re not working, you’re at your hotel, it’s eleven at night over there. i’m fed up with you taking out all your shit on me. i’m your girlfriend, not your punching bag, jesus christ.”

you stop to catch your breath when you realize the tears have unleashed themselves and are now running freely along the crevices of your face. you feel a sob bubbling up your throat and you willingly let it out, your phone dropping within the abyss of the bed. it’s sad, the way your body ricochets with ripples of wilting emotion, echoing the feelings that have waited too long and have expanded twofold in even the tiniest moments of weakness. clutching your chest, you crawl to where your phone landed, motions lacking energy and will. 

before you can reach your phone, a soft, “y/n,” fills the empty void of the room. it’s hard to hear but the second it fills your ears, your heart constricts in a way it never has before whenever donghyuck calls your name. your eyes are blurry and your head is suddenly so heavy, you doubt you’ll ever be able to lift it again. it takes you three tries before you successfully thumb the button to hang up.

it’s nights like these that set your heart on fire; the type of fire that burns and kills. the empty room, the empty apartment, engulfs your body as if it were a mere speck of dust, invisible to the naked eye. you feel tiny in ways that are so not cute and it’s that very thought that pierces your mind to the edge of exhaustion, your emotional escapade coming to an end.

with everything in consideration, donghyuck thinks he’s prepared, or as prepared as he could be, standing outside your apartment, waiting for you to open up. his heart is loud in his chest, almost begging for his attention, but he ignores the sensation and takes a deep breath. 

among all his hopes and dreams, he wishes the most to see you again. it’s not like he didn’t think he deserved it but the silent treatment had really taken a toll on him. and with the constant pang in his chest alerting him of his failures, he’s reminded that you’re feeling the same, if not double at the cost of his actions. so if you decide not to open up, despite him knowing deep down that you will, he understands.

donghyuck’s feet tap nervously on the ground, itching for him to do something, anything. to knock until his knuckles bleed or ram into the door with full force, he’s sure that would relieve the urges. his body aches to be in the same room as yours, the weeks apart tearing him inside out. he unlocks his phone, to pass the seconds or just to look at the last text he’d sent you three hours ago, still read and unreplied. i just landed. i’ll be at your place by 7.

he sighs, a deep and earthy tone to his voice, covered in the frustration and stresses that have been tensing his shoulders for the past two weeks, waiting for this day to come. he pockets his phone and rings the buzzer one more time before his hand drops limply down his side, now drumming a rapid beat upon his jeans. 

as the door before him swings open, he feels anything but ready. instead, he feels shy and embarrassed to show up at your door front. the many words he’d rehearsed over and over again on his flight back had escaped his memory altogether. you’re donned in a large tee that he recognizes as his, so large on you that he can’t see what shorts you’re wearing underneath or if you’re even wearing shorts. your hair is messy and unkempt, framing your face in a way that only he would think is cute. donghyuck suddenly feels overdressed in his jeans and an environmental awareness graphic tee that you had gifted him a while back, a black blazer carefully thrown over but then again, he only came here looking like this because it’s your second anniversary. he bites down on his lips as he realizes that instead, you may be feeling underdressed. 

the eye contact he holds is broken as you step aside to let him in and he notes the way your arms are folded over your middle indicating one of two things. either you really do feel underdressed or it’s a sign that you don’t want him touching you. he decides to play it safe and steps through the threshold of your apartment, walking right past you. he does, though, catch the brief look of expectancy followed by disappointment that creases your brows and he takes a subconscious step back as he tries to decide if he should go for the usual hug and kiss anyways. he immediately backtracks when he sees that the timing has already passed for a greeting, inwardly wincing at his awkwardness.

slipping his shoes off as you lock the door, donghyuck enters the living room beside you, eyes scanning the room that’s lit by only a singular standing lamp and the pinky orange hues of the sunset falling through your sheer curtains. he can smell food in the air, something on the stove or in the oven, and he takes a swerve to the kitchen, the table set aside brimming with an abundance side dishes and all his favorite meats, grilled to perfection. he also sees even more of the same food on the counter, packaged in stacks of tupperware, with the labels ‘127’ and ‘dream’ written on pastel post-its. of course, he thinks, even when your mad, you’re still as considerate as humanly possible.

he’s shifting on his weight, unsure of what to say or do to show you that he feels entirely undeserving of your kindness despite being undoubtedly upset at him. donghyuck wants to facepalm himself because you beat him to it.

“have you eaten yet?” your voice is light but laced with a solemness he wishes he could wash away. he watches as you clench and unclench the material of his shirt, an emotionally grounding mechanism of yours he’s noticed every time you're on the verge of breaking down. he clears his voice before answering, “no, let’s eat.”

he turns to sit at the table when he realizes that there’s only one serving of food on the table. one bowl of rice, one cup of water, cold without ice like he likes it, and enough side dishes for just one person. he knows you’re not petty enough to make him watch you eat all his favorite foods but he’s even more saddened by the fact that it’ll be the other way around. you don’t want to eat with him.

“are you not eating?” he questions, though he knows the answer. donghyuck is sure that all his past ancestors are frowning upon him. it’s only right that his eyes dim when you give him a shake of your head, taking steps to sit at the seat across from where he was to be seated. following suit, he sits down whilst asking, “why not?” 

“i’m not hungry, that’s all.”

“oh, i see.”

a thick silence follows and it feels almost suffocating for donghyuck to sit in. he wishes more than anything now to have the courage to tell you what he needs to say. the words are lodged too far down in his throat so he settles for a, “how have you been?” between consuming mouthfuls of rice and glancing up at you as he chews. he feels he can quite literally see the cogs turning in your head to figure out what to say and he thinks he also knows the answer you will conclude to. an, “i’ve been better,” confirms his thoughts, his years upon years experiences proving to be top notch. “how about you?” he hesitates before speaking and starts with a, “me too, been better,” but you knew that look like the back of your hand. he had something else to say.

the frown that sits upon your lips irritates donghyuck, having been his job to chase it away, so he hurries to finish his food, almost choking and deepening your frown. he inhales every last grain of rice, piece of meat, speck of crumb, and ounce of water before setting down the chopsticks, tummy full and mindset prepped, for real this time.

truth be told, it’s not everyday that you and him get into fights but he’s always the one that’s petty enough to start them, hence his adequate knowledge on what to say after, how to say it, when to say it. “y/n,” he starts and makes sure to give a pause to make sure your attention is all his; more or less you feel as if you already know his next words, slightly annoyed that your second anniversary will go down in history as just another of his many apologies. worst part was, you could never bring yourself to doubt his true intentions, no matter what he did.

“i’m not going to lie, i was annoyed at you for calling. i was frustrated and stressed from the workload but among all that i was also selfish, and inconsiderate. and yes, i was the biggest dick to the bestest girlfriend.” if anyone was to give the most sincere of apologies, you knew it was to be donghyuck. he had so many love languages, and people would usually interpret this as his touchy nature, but you knew more than anyone that his words seemed too poetic and too perfectly curated to be deemed inferior to his touches. 

donghyuck, himself, likes to think that all he knows about love is from you. he doesn’t just like to think but he knows, amongst the millions of other things he knows regarding his girlfriend, that you will be the only girl ever to make him want so much. you drag out his desires by a tenfold and equally bring out the best in him. it’s a fact he keeps to himself but ever so persistently, that you are the one that keeps him going, day and night. he’s never been much of a romanticist, but trust when he says that his love for you was slow and gradual in the most beautiful way. like honey and molasses dripping at a crawling pace only to sweeten up the surfaces it graces. his love for you ages like fine wine and savors like a setting sun against a backdrop of stars. you will never need a man more than you need donghyuck, and donghyuck, you.

with all above considered, heaving and placed in the most carefully constructed sentences, he almost bulldozes through the next speech he’s prepared, checking off the bullet points in his head as he’d goes. he’s a stuttering and leg-bouncing mess from the sheer nervousness of how to get this to play out exactly as it does in his head.

biting his lips, he dives in, “y/n, i know you. i really do. i’ve known you for almost a decade and i’ve spent most of that decade trying my best to get to know you, chasing after you until you saw me the way i saw you. the last two years have shown me that all the time i spent being hung up on you was beyond worth it. jeno told me i needed to move on because you’d never see me as more than a friend, renjun gave me a list of girls he thought would match with my personality better, and my managers honestly hated you. but for some reason, i never gave a fuck. and i think it’s because that i’ve always known that we were going to end up together somehow. but actually dating you, i think i’ve known, since exactly two years ago from today, that you were the one.”

your breath hitches, oh how wrong you were thinking you knew exactly what he was to say. you feel lightheaded and spontaneous at the same time, like a sickness birthed from sheer joy. it’s as if you could feel the blood coursing through your veins, suddenly hyper-aware of your surroundings, of him. your suspicions are there and your eyes start to widen in panic and doubt in place of your immediate happiness. donghyuck senses this and clears his throat to finish his long winded confession.

“we’re still young, baby, we have no need to rush into this. but i was thinking of what to give you for a two year anniversary that’s meaningful and conveys exactly how much i love you. the fight made it really clear for me though,” he tucks his hand into the inner pocket of his blazer and withdraws a simple tiffany blue box. “i was in new york, for just a night, but i was passing by the store and it just clicked. this-“ he opens the cased ring box to reveal a simple silver band, with the letters of his initials engraved along the inside, ”is a promise ring, from me to you. i promise you, that i will be the one to marry you. trust in me when i say that there is nothing else that comes to mind when i think of my future. my future is you, y/n, nothing can change that. not a petty fight, or my job and your education, or the media even. it’s me and you, baby, till the end of time.”

his eyes are shining with tears that mimic the ones spilling from your own tear ducts. a small laugh ruptured at the back of your throat at how he ended his little speech with such a cheesy line but you barely have time to recollect yourself before donghyuck takes the box in his hands and removes the ring from its hold. he slips your right hand into his with ease and tugs it closer to slide the ring onto your ring finger because, “we’re not actually engaged, more like pre-engaged.” his heart has such a close hold on yours as he reaches into his suit pocket again, your eyes widening at the prospect of yet another surprise. 

it’s another ring, the same fashion as the one on your finger except with your initials carved into the inner ring. at this point you can’t understand why donghyuck has such a nervous look on his face, you’d say yes to almost anything he asks of you in this state. “i would also like to know… if you would make the same promise to me.” you don’t even bother saying yes, just taking the ring into your own fingers and slotting it onto the ring finger on his right hand. his face flushes almost instantly at your bold actions, even if he was the one that practically proposed to you today.

it takes everything in you to suppress the smile that’s already washing over your face, worried you’ll ruin the moment by looking too gleeful. the man across from you looks about the same except he’s failing miserably at keeping the joy from lining his features, maybe on purpose. donghyuck may or may not be completely head over heels for you, now over the moon that the two of you were back on good terms. his chest is light and his head is a little sluggish, only thinking of you and you-related things, like he’s been drugged by … by your love. his head is reeling at the tight smile that is a dead giveaway to what you’re not expressing and the way your eyes glance down every two second at the ring on your finger. he takes a glance at it as well and his heart swells infinitely because he knows that there is one on his own finger as well. the internal dialogue that you’re having with him is clear as day. your eyes are sparkling as if to say ‘i love you,’ your toes are tapping lightly on his sock-clad ones as if to say ‘i love you,’ and he’s noticed that your position hasn’t changed in the last ten minutes despite your usually fidgety disposition; that itself, donghyuck reads as a giant ‘i fucking love you.’

needless to say, it’s nights like these that sear your heart with ecstasy every living, breathing moment. donghyuck doesn’t voice any opposition when you pull him to bed right after, not even bothering to place the dishes in the sink. naked in bed, his love for you is the closest thing he knows to home and your love for him, the same. you suppose that you may have been viewing the world through rose-tinted glasses that night, but you’d be lying if you said you weren’t looking forward to the day the love of your life gets down on one knee to fulfill his promise, the very same day you were to say yes to fulfill yours. 

copyright © 2020 rouiyan all rights reserved.

[revchainsaw]

Nausicaa and the Valley of the Wind (1984)

Prayers and Salutations Cult Members! I am your mysterious minister Reverend Chainsaw and this is another nights revival service at the Cult Film Tent Revival. I bring you a special word tonight. Tonight's word is about a person who roamed the earth, in a time where people were backward and warlike. A leader emerged into a kingdom full of eschatological expectation. This leader came preaching peace, and was killed for the sins of the world, but was resurrected. In that resurrection a new hope was brought to the planet, and true healing through the power of love in the face of violence is made possible. I am talking of course about Princess Nausicaa from the Valley of the Wind.

The Message

Nausicaa and the Valley of the Wind is the film that put studio Ghibli and Hayoa Miyazaki on the map. No animated feature this grandiose and epic had been achieved by 1984, as much as Disney may beg to differ. The tale may be simple, and it may feel super 80s to us today, but Nausicaa is a masterpiece, and the fact that Howl's Moving Castle is brought up alongside Princess Mononoke and Spirited Away more often than Nausicaa is a farce and a tragedy.

The film takes place on a fantastic planet that seems to have suffered the ravages of an apocalyptic war. A war that involved gigantic warriors with powers so devastating they about made the entire planet inhospitable if not uninhabitable; save for a few areas. The fall out of this ancient war has left the earth in a state of repair, where the natural processes of a planet healing has creating giant toxic jungles.

Beyond these jungles lie two imperialistic factions, they seem almost to be city-states but it's not terribly clear. The Kingdom of Tolmekia, a militaristic proto-fascist society of almost Spartan sensibilities. Tolmekia is governed by the ambitious and cynical Princess Kushana, But I like to call her Furiosa. Just like Furiosa, Kushana is physically missing parts of herself, a visual metaphor for her metaphysical lacking and the parts of her humanity she has cut away. Kushana's world view is one of fear, a fear that can only be quelled by waging a genocidal campaign against her enemies.

Speaking of enemies, the Athens to Tolmekias Sparta would be the Pejite Kingdom. The Pejites might like to view themselves as simply responding to Tolmekian aggression, but the narrative of the film, and the story told quite visibly on the body of Kushana, is quite different. The Pejites are just as bloodthirsty if not more palettable in their approach, but like the Tolmekians, they believe only their own lives have any value. And thus, in this theatre of war, a Giant Warrior from the ages before is unearthed by the Pejite Kingdom, Stolen by the Tolmekians, before the forces of nature themselves, seem to conspire to drop the Giant Warriors "egg" right into the Valley of the Wind.

The Valley of the Wind is populated like the world of Avatar the Last Airbender, that is mostly of children and the elderly. The people of the Valley have been able to remain untouched by the ravages of war and the toxic jungles of the damaged world primarily due to geographic luck that's explained in minor exposition in the film. They are ruled by a King, and they are all deeply enamored by their beloved Princess Nausicaa.

Nausicaa is a gentle soul. She is kind to animals, she is empathetic, unreasonably patient, and bears pain and grief inflicted on her out of cruelty with a saintly understanding. She really is a thinly veiled Christ figure, scratch that. There is no veil. But she's also my favorite Christ figure. She does not preach a message, as much as she tries to save everyone from their own short sighted goals. She is not perfect, she does lash out and do some fantasy sword fight murder, but she regrets her actions so deeply that it seems to have played a part in motivating her to become even more compassionate and patient with the evils of the world.

Nausicaa discovers yet another plot by the Pejites, who are afraid of the possibility of the Tolmekians awakening the Giant Warrior, to use animal cruelty to enrage a group of almost invincible giant insects known as the Ohm. By luring the Ohm into the Valley of the Wind where the Tolmekians have become an occupying force, they hope to completely wipe out everything that threatens them. The Tolmekians DO awaken the Giant Warrior and pure pandemonium ensues. Nausicaa manages to save the Baby Ohm and calm the rage of the bloodthirsty Ohm swarm, and to defeat the warlike tendencies of both the Pejites and the Tolmekians. All the while fulfilling a prophecy fortold about a messianic savior figure called the Man in Blue.

Now that you have heard the Gospel of Nausicaa, please stand to receive The Benediction.

Best Character: Half a Person

Now that I've spent the better part of this review gushing about our Lord and savior Nausicaa. I have to admit, she's at times a bit too perfect, a bit too saccharin. Even her flaw, or her one weakness and her failing to be perfect, just adds to the perfection. I can't even say she never makes mistakes cuz she made one, and that's infuriating. It's even more infuriating that I still think she's a great character. Normally this kind of thing really kills a hero. Most Chosen Ones are the most boring and least likeable characters in their narratives. I don't know how Nausicaa avoids this trap, but she does. I'll have to do some meditating on that.

However, just like in your typical Chosen One fantasy narrative, the hero is a lot less fun than the villain. I'm going to say the best character in Nausicaa is Kushana. I want to be like Nausicaa, but I don't understand her. She's almost alien, even though we learn all about her. Kushana is mysterious, secretive, and enigmatic, yet I understand her. She barely has an arc, she doesn't really change. She's cold and cynical to the bone, but I don't need to see much of her situation to completely understand why she is the way she is. I usually hate totalitarian bad guys, but Kushana I like. Sue Me.

Also fun fact, did you that Nausicaa means 'Sinker of Ships'. That's kinda fun.

Best Scene: Spoiled for Choice

I'm going to be lazy and say take your pick. There is really not a bad seen in this movie. If the action isn't going, then there's intriguing dialogue. If there's no dialogue then you may be about to get hit with a forceful burst of whimsy. There's horror, there's swordfights and aerial dogfights. The only thing in Nausicaa I don't like to see, is the bloody tortured Ohm Baby. It's like a god damned Sarah Mclachlan commercial.

Best Creature: Foxy Shazam!

The Ohm are so simplistic yet so detailed. The number of eyes is alien, but the way they are used is expertly expressive. Who'd think you could get me to love what basically amounts to a silverfish with the intensity that I love a kitten. How did Miyazaki pull an Okja with a creature that should be haunting our dreams? I don't know.

And what about the Giant Warrior! If you are an Evangelion fan then you probably already know that Hideaki Anno designed and animated the melting goopy biomechanical beast. Surely a sight that would make both H.R. Giger and Clive Barker giddy with excitement. Just the image of the silhouettes marching amidst the desolation of the old world is burned into my brain.

So which of these is the best creature from Ghibli's first outing? It's fucking Teto. It was always gonna be Teto you idiot. Just look at Teto, he's adorable. He's too cute to exist. I'm so alone. I need a pet.

Best Character Design: Tolmekian Regalia

I originally included this category to talk some about Kushana, however, at that time I also thought I was going to say Nausicaa was the best character. I thought hard about deleting it, but I think it's a different category and you can't accuse me of playing favorites because my favorite character is clearly Teto. Just to keep it simple. It's the two costume shift from full military regalia in white and gold, to the one metal arm, warrior princess get up. It's a great costume and a great look. Get on this shit cosplay nerds. It's great for Cons in Canada, you have to think about layers, and you can't keep going as Mr. Plow. It's lazy.

Best Excuse to Talk About Patrick Stewart's Character: Lord Yupa

I just realized that I was about to write this whole review without talking about Lord Yupa. Lord Yupa is a sword saint and all around badass I think a lot of entertainment, especially in the west is lacking bad ass old men. Lord Yupa particularly shines in the early half of the film as a warrior and as a wise council to Nausicaa. If she's Jesus then Yupa is John the Baptist. He is also voiced by the elegant and eloquent Patrick Stewart. He also comes with 2 chocobos!

Worst Character: For Whom Asbel Tolls

This might also be the worst actor category as well. Actual Cannibal (haha meme) and actual monster (haha real life) Shia Labeouf doesn't so much act in the role as he read the lines and it was recorded. The good news it doesn't effect the film too much because Asbel is completely forgettable. He is a catalyst to some of the action, but besides that I don't really care for him.

Worst Aspect: To Be Fair ...

It would be unfair to completely ignore anything negative about Nausicaa. I have already mentioned in many places that there are some pretty corny, or pretty predictable tropes to this movie. But what I can't capture in words is exactly why it feels fresh when it's done in this movie. I suppose that's what makes it good. It's just so good that it's weak points are lifted up by it's strengths. Some people may bored of Nausicaa's unyielding goodness, or that she very rarely chooses to take action as much as she chases and pleads with her surroundings, but I mean, she does pay for that eventually. It's a fantasy story and it hits a lot of timeless themes that have been hit in stories for as long as human beings have been telling stories. Some people may feel that it doesn't do enough to stand out.

Summary

I have defined the S tier for myself as "near perfect and personal favorite" films. I like to think that Nausicaa and the Valley of the Wind is near perfect. Some may say that it looks like it might just be a personal favorite. In the case of Nausicaa, I'm having a very hard time telling the difference. I think it would be overly simple to claim that Nausicaa is just an ancient archetypal heroes journey with an 80s anime coat of paint. I think it's doing quite a few new and interesting things with that formula, those things are just playing out all around that narrative as opposed to being at it's center. For a first full length outing by the studio, you can really see Miyazaki's heart and the values he holds close to. I'll repeat myself so that we are completely clear on the matter. I think Nausicaa and the Valley of the Wind is a near perfect movie.

Overall Grade: S

[secondhand-trash]

Ineffable husbands being godfathers

A/N: These two practically brought back my ability to form setences after feeling like I’m getting closer and closer to becoming an illiterate for the past few months. This is inspired by this post and my little random thought about wanting ineffable husbands as godparents a while back. (At this point you should realise that this is purely for my self-indulgence but isn’t that exactly what fanfics are for?)

Ever wonder how these two got so good with children?

(Because I assume that demons aren’t commonly natural caregivers)

It was years before the whole antichrist shenanegan happened 

Sometime around the late 90s

Aziraphale was about to close his shop when Crowley flung the door open

“Crowley, can you be a little bit gentler with the door? What are you- What is that in your arms?”

Maybe all these years on Earth finally took a toll on him because Aziraphale thought for a moment that the pile of blankets the demon was carrying resembled a human child

Imagine the shock when he heard whines from the pile of fabric

“This thoughtless blob had been crying nonstop for the past hours and I’m very close to lighting it on fire, Angel, hELp.”

In the 6000 years they had known each other, Aziraphale couldn’t quite recall Crowley looking physically worn out

Except for this once

Even his hair was messy 

(Not that it didn’t look good on him, if you ask Aziraphale)

Despite being full of questions to ask and great suspicion as to the origins of the child, Aziraphale still took it from the demon

Crowley huffed when the kid immediately stopped making noises once they’re in the angel’s arms

“Oh, bloody-”

“NoT iN FrOnt Of THe bABy!”

Putting the child to sleep because he somehow MiRacUlOusLy had a craddle in the back room

Went back to the front of the shop to find Crowley quite literally sunked down into one of the armchairs

(One with extra pillows comparing to the rest, if I may add)

“So...”

“That’s my godson.”

(Hissed in pain because his tongue burned just from saying that)

(Stupid humans, putting sacred words into everything they say)

“Your WHAT???”

Crowley refused to tell him how he became the godfather(illegitimate parent figure as he called it) of a human child

Might had something to do with drunkness 

Or the man that sat next to him uninvited who was crying about how he wasn’t prepared to be a parent and none of the people he knew was willing to be the godparent

So he said yes without actually hearing what the man asked him to do

Ended up forgetting about it until he got a call asking from the man in the bar

The reality was, Crowley could have easily gotten himself out of it once he sobered up

But those idiotic humans went far enough to ask him to visit them after the child was born and he was curioused

Intentionally letting his sunglasses slipped down when the mother hand him the child, fully expecting them to cry from seeing his orbs

But that fragile bundle of cells had the decency to GIGGLE upon seeing his godfather’s snake-like eyes

And so he put away the thought of getting rid of the child

(Because that tiny action melted the heart he didn’t have, not that he will admit it)

Where were we? Oh yeah, book shop.

Truth was, the child’s birth parents were not the best at parenting and they were always going around the world so occasionally they would leave the child with their godfather without warning

Demons don’t take care of children and Crowley had way too little patience for this unpredictable creature 

But angels had to be good at handling babies to a certain degree right?

And besides, who else could he go to?

Aziraphale was still in doubt and quite confused but he helped Crowley with the baby anyways

He liked young children and the child seemed to like him as well

Crowley slowly getting used to babysitting

Things got easier once the baby grew into a small boy

The boy calling them “Uncle Crowley” and “Uncle Zira”

(’Aziraphale’ was too complicated for him to say and the angel was still trying to teach him how to properly pronounce it)

But then he reached the age where he started asking questions and the two tried very hard to not reveal too much to the young child

“Uncle Zira, why can’t chickens fly?”

“Because their wings cannot support thier bodies, my dear. (Definitely not because Gabriel was bitten by a chicken once and the archangel was petty)”

Extra struggle if the child ended up going to a religious school

“The teacher said that a demon tried to tempt Jesus by taking him to a high mountain.”

“Hm, is that what they think I was trying to do?”

The kid getting minor miracles for his birthdays

Swinging by the shop after school regularly to tell his godfather(s) about his day

He was puzzled by the looks he got whenever he told people his Uncle Crowley has yellow eyes

Being the old married couple they are, the two would often bicker in front of the child

Things got heated one time and those two only stopped when they heard a sob from the corner

Immediately went into protective parent mode and reassured the child that “Uncle Crowley and Uncle Zira were just joking with each other”

Never arguing in front of the child ever again

You bet these two are protective over the boy

When he got old enough to date, there seems to be a black snake nearby whenever he goes out with whatever person he is seeing

“You need to be careful, what if you frightened the poor thing he’s seeing?”

“Don’t you want to know what they did?”

“...”

They tried to hide their true identities from him but he kind of got the idea that his godfathers probably aren’t that normal

He never asked about it though

[aquaquadrant]

Title: it wears a mask Chapter Warnings: Minor language, nightmares Summary: Beck has a change of heart at the trainyard and takes Peter captive instead. In many ways, it turns out much, much worse. (NOT SLASH)

Chapter Seven Preview

Peter sits hunched on the bed, picking idly at the cast on his hand.

It’s been one week since the London attack. Peter knows this from the news reports. They’ve caught up to current time, now (the final death toll was one-hundred and three) so the reports are coming less frequently. He’ll go hours with the room being dead silent, then suddenly the drone will roar to life and project a three-minute news segment on his wall before blinking out again.

People are moving on, it looks like. After all, the ‘villain’ was taken down, no loose ends left, and overall it was considered a win despite the casualties and destruction. The world has other things to look at now, Peter imagines. That’s natural. That’s human.

He would’ve expected himself to feel relieved that people are moving on. That the news reports have stopped. They were hard to watch, hard to hear. But the absence of any sound, movement, or color in his cell is stark, and hits him much harder than he would have anticipated.

How twisted, that he’s been made to wish for bad news if only to take the edge off his isolation.

In the past few days, Peter has spent most of his waking moments either trying to sleep, or pacing. He doesn’t get much sleep at night because the cell is pitch black and that sets him on edge. The scattered naps he manages to take during the day don’t feel like enough to shake the weariness from his bones.

Despite his tiredness, he paces. He has to, to have something to do. The cell is a perfect square, he’s found. Five steps from wall to wall in any direction. He’s all but memorized the sound his own feet make on the concrete floor, muffled by his socks but feeling much louder than they ought to in the otherwise silent cell. It beats a rhythm in his skull when he paces, and he’s grateful it gives him something to focus on.

He feels twitchier than normal- if there’s such thing as a normal level of twitchiness. When Virgil came in yesterday to check on his stitches, Peter jumped so bad he hit the ceiling. Literally. His head is still sore.

Aside from taking care of the bump on his head, Virgil informed Peter that the reason he hadn’t heard anything from Beck recently is because Beck out travelling under a false identity. Something about conducting some shady business he wants to keep under the radar.

Fine by Peter. The less he has to listen to that guy, the better.

Except now he has no one to ask whether MJ and Ned are doing okay. Whether May is doing okay. Or how Queens is doing without him there to protect it; his school, his neighborhood. It kills him, not knowing. And if Beck was here maybe Peter could ask for some time out to stretch his legs, and figure out if the itch beneath the skin of his wrist is because of his cast or because he’s never gone this long without using his web shooters.

The people who bring him his meals don’t answer his questions, and even if Virgil would tell him, he doesn’t know. So, Peter’s left wondering and pacing, and almost wishing Beck would return already, which feels terrible because he hates Beck but it’s his only way to get answers.

Peter knows he’s in dangerous waters. It’s as clear a trap around him as concrete walls; isolating him in every sense of the word, making him solely reliant on Beck… it’s deliberate. Everything about Beck lends to the notion. He’s the kind of person who’s had his moves planned out before even starting the game. But the scariest thing is that Peter has no idea what end Beck is playing at.

It still haunts him, not knowing why Beck spared his life. On the surface, Beck’s motives are clear; he wants to be a famous hero, to gain power and notoriety. He’s already well on his way, and he doesn’t need Peter to do it.

Even using him to threaten Ned and MJ isn’t strictly necessary. Beck could easily just kill them, as much as Peter shudders at the thought. The fact that he hasn’t, and instead went through all this effort of keeping Peter locked up… it means Peter doesn’t truly know his enemy, and that’s a bad place to be.

Seeing as how he can’t fight, and he can’t escape, his only option is to play along. That’s scary, too. Peter knows what Stockholm syndrome is. He knows it can start setting in as early as three days in, and he’s been here almost a week.

And every second he’s here means that there’s no one stopping Beck’s scheming, and more and more innocent people are put a risk. Beck’s already caused so much damage, but Peter can almost sense an invisible clock hanging over him, counting down the days until enough damage is done that he can’t come back from it.

Peter thinks back to everything he’s heard about Tony’s kidnapping in Afghanistan, so many years ago. In all the time Peter knew him, he never worked up the courage to ask about that time, to ask how he managed not to lose hope during his long captivity.

Peter’s really regretting that now.

The drone roars to life, and Peter gives a violent start, his heart pounding and tremors running through his body. A projection flickers onto the wall, and the voice of the news reporter he’s gotten so familiar with starts to talk. Another report on the London cleanup. More talk of destruction, all the dead and misplaced people.

Peter tips his head back against the wall and blinks away tears.

~*~

Beck wakes up to Edith’s voice.

“Herod has reported that target is experiencing extreme distress.”

Blinking awake, Beck sits up and fumbles for the glasses on his bedside table. The hotel room is pitch black, the only light coming from the digital clock that he accidentally smacks off the table. It clatters to the floor, where the time ‘2:54 AM’ beams up at him.

Beck manages to get the glasses on his face without poking an eye out, wishing for the convenience of his suit. But travelling incognito requires discretion, and the glasses are the most casual, easily concealed host he has for Edith. Maybe he ought to hook her up to one of those smart watches, the glasses aren’t really his kind of look.

“Define ‘distress,’” Beck mutters, rubbing his face beneath the glasses.

“Target is unconscious, heart rate is dangerously high.”

Shit. “Project Herod’s feed over my view.”

“Projecting feed.”

Before Beck’s eyes, Peter’s room comes into view. The gray-scale image tells him the lights are off, and Herod is recording using night vision; it’s late, even with the time difference between them. Peter’s in his bed, but it takes a second for the image to clear up because he’s thrashing around so much.

For a heart-stopping second, Beck thinks Peter might be having some kind of seizure. But then the audio kicks in, and he hears Peter screaming. It’s a wordless scream, and it writhes, pitching up into a wail and dropping down into a sob between breaths. It’s an electric jolt to Beck’s senses, where moments ago he’d been barely awake, he now feels like he’s been drenched with ice water.

“Put my voice through,” Beck orders Edith. “Peter, can you hear me? Shit, Edith, increase volume by five- Peter, wake up, can you hear me?”

Finally, Peter stills. He pushes himself upright, chest heaving for breath. Tears are still running down his face, and- oh goddamn it, he’s worked a couple stitches loose from his wound. There’s a panicked, hazy look to his eyes as he glances around. Must’ve been some hell of a nightmare.

Beck lets out a breath. “Jesus, kid, don’t scare me like that. I get woken up at 3 AM to find you’re practically sending yourself into cardiac arrest. Jesus christ.”

Peter blinks a few times, confused. “Beck?”

“Yeah, who else?” Beck huffs.

“Oh god.” Peter covers his face with his hands, and Beck can see them trembling. “God. You- you were alerted just because I w- was having a bad dream? What the hell.”

“Language,” Beck chides, just to spite the teen. “And yeah, Herod is monitoring your physical state just in case you try to escape or come down with a sudden affliction. It can’t really differentiate you freaking out over something like this, though.”

Peter’s still breathing fast. Every couple of seconds, a sudden twitch seizes his muscles. “I wasn’t freaking out, I- I was just- why do you even care?” He looks torn between horror and accusation, between being frustrated with Beck for seeing him like this, or frustrated with himself for being like this in the first place. “Why do you- you didn’t h- have to wake me up, you could’ve just ignored it. I’m sorry, I- no, just forget it.”

Before he’s even finished speaking, Peter’s stumbled out of bed, shaking off the sheets twisted around his leg and staggering his way towards the bathroom. He almost throws the door closed behind him, the bang echoing in Beck’s ears.

“Well then.” Beck leans back against the headboard. “Edith, go ahead and close the feed. And uh, ask Herod to put a little light on. Nightlight display.”

“Command received.”

“Thanks, hun.” Beck pulls the glasses off and sets them back on the table. He runs a hand through his hair, his tiredness returning tenfold now that the sudden spike of adrenaline has passed.

Alright, so something’s gotta change. That’s abundantly clear to Beck now. For the past several days, the daily reports on Peter have mentioned increased agitation- restless sleep, pacing, fidgeting. But this was just extreme. And yes, sure, technically Beck shouldn’t care if Peter’s screaming himself awake at night because he’s a prisoner, and Beck could just order Herod to ignore it. And it’s not like Beck has shied away from hurting Peter before- both physically and emotionally.

But he also knows that there’s got to be a purpose behind it. Getting Peter to blame himself for the London attack? Useful. Making him feel responsible for his friends being in danger? Useful. But letting him live in this twitchy, tortured state? Not useful. Quite dangerous, actually, because an unbalanced Peter is an unpredictable Peter.

If Beck had to hazard a guess, it’s the confinement driving Peter to the edge. That makes sense. Any normal person would get twitchy after a week cooped up, but a superpowered teen who’s used to swinging from buildings… yeah. Beck’s gonna have to work something out.

But… tomorrow. That can wait until tomorrow. He’s tired.

~*~

[pastordorry-blog]

Love Is Assertive

Matthew 18:15-20

Love Your Neighbor Week 4

September 30, 2018

            I heard a story once about a husband and wife who had a huge fight because the husband forgot to stop at the store for lettuce on the way home from work one night.  Tacos with no lettuce—no big deal to the husband. All he really liked was the meat and the cheese anyway!  But his wife was so upset, they ended up going to a marriage counselor.  The counselor said, “Dick and Jane, what brings you hear today?”  The husband said, “I forgot to bring home the lettuce, and Jane completely lost it!  I had no idea why she was so upset.  It was only a head of lettuce!”  The counselor stroked his beard and said thoughtfully, “Hmmm. I see.  Jane, what do you say?”

         As you can imagine, Jane had her own side of the story.  She confirmed the facts of the argument.  And to Dick’s surprise, she acknowledged that she got unreasonably mad about Dick forgetting to buy the lettuce.  Again the counselor stroked his beard thoughtfully.  “Why do you think that happened, Jane?”  She said she wasn’t sure, but she wasn’t just mad at Dick. She admitted that she was angry at herself for forgetting to buy the lettuce in the first place.

         Dick was quick to catch on. “So this big fight we had about the lettuce wasn’t really about me forgetting the lettuce at all?  It was about you feeling bad that YOU had forgotten the lettuce?”  Jane said, “I guess so.”  Dick was greatly relieved and started to get out the checkbook, thinking they could end this counseling session with the therapist who stroked his beard all the time, and go home!  But before he could get the checkbook opened, the counselor, stroking his beard said, “That’s a good insight, Jane.  But I wonder, is there something else?”

         Despite Dick’s heavy sigh of disappointment, Jane thought about it for a minute and said it was the first weeknight Dick had been home for dinner in two weeks.  The kids were really looking forward to this special dinner together and had done some of the meal preparation themselves.  Jane was angry that Dick was gone so much of the time. The counselor looked over at Dick. Reluctantly he put the checkbook away, rolled his eyes and said, “Here we go again.”

         The counselor again stroked his beard and waited patiently.  Jane said, “It’s true, we’ve talked about this issue before.  I hate that Dick is working so much right now. But I got laid off from my job, and Dick is taking on extra over-time so we can make ends meet.  I’m thankful for those extra hours, but it’s really hard.” The counselor nodded, and after a few moments of silence Jane continued.  “But I think there’s more.  I know this shouldn’t matter, but a couple weeks ago it was my birthday, and Dick didn’t come home that night for dinner.  He got offered some extra overtime, and he called to say he would be late, but he never once all day even said happy birthday.  He didn’t get me a card of a present or anything…I feel like he completely forgot about me!”

         Dick defended himself. “But I apologized for that!”  Jane said, “I know you did, but I guess it’s still bothering me.  I feel like you are always forgetting about me.”  Dick groaned and asked, “What do we do now?”  The counselor stopped stroking his beard and smiled.  “What we do now is have lesson number 1:  it is NEVER just about the lettuce!”

         Does this story sound familiar to anyone?  It is never just about the lettuce.  In any conflict, this is lesson #1.  There is more going on that meets the eye.  That’s one of the reasons Jesus told us to get the log out of our own eye, which we talked about last week.   We’ve got to get the log out of our eye so we can see clearly what is really going on!  And it’s not until we see what’s really going on—the other stuff, besides the lettuce—that we can solve the problem.

         In any kind of conflict, there are always two kinds of issues, material and personal. The material issue is usually easy to identify.  It’s the presenting problem, the issue we think we are fighting about. In Dick and Jane’s case, forgetting to buy the lettuce, that is the material issue.  But we know it’s never just about the lettuce.  It’s never just about the material issues.  There are deeper problems, personal issues intertwined in this conflict.  What are the personal issues for Dick and Jane?  A lot of them.  Maybe Jane is ashamed to be out of work right now.  Maybe she feels neglected and unimportant. Maybe she feels Dick doesn’t value family time like she does.

         But Dick has personal issues going on, too.  Maybe he feels like no matter how hard he tries, he can never satisfy Jane.  Maybe he feels overloaded by their financial situation and working all those hours is taking a toll on him.  Maybe he feels unappreciated for his efforts.  Maybe he is angry that he apologized and tried to make up for the mistake of forgetting Jane’s birthday, but she is still stuck.

         This is why conflict is so difficult to work through.  It’s never just about the lettuce!  What if, that night, when Dick found out he forgot the lettuce, what if ran next door and borrowed a head of lettuce.  Dinner would be delayed by five minutes, maybe.  Would that have solved it for this couple?  Probably not!  It might have smoothed things over for that evening, but it sounds to me like it’s just a matter of time until all those personal issues are triggered again.  And the problem with personal issues is, they are often hard to name. Sometimes we ourselves can’t really say why we are so upset. There are issues below the surface that are driving our reactions.

         I think this is why churches are filled with people who have read the Bible and have studied Jesus, but they have a very hard time following Jesus’ command to go and show their brother or sister their fault if they have been sinned against.  Every congregation I have served, we have worked on this passage, and every time people tell me, “Pastor Dorry, there is no way I am going to go talk to so-and-so directly!”  We are scared to do this.  We are afraid of losing our own cool, we’re afraid of poking a hornet’s nest, we are afraid we are going to make things worse by having a direct conversation with the person who has hurt us.

So what do we do instead?  Well, we know people leave churches when there’s conflict; if they don’t leave, they become disengaged.  Jesus said the truth well set us free.  When it’s not safe to tell the truth in church, the congregation begins to lose joy and becomes apathetic.  They lose vitality.  Truth telling is an important life skill for churches!  But how and to whom we tell the truth is key.  In our children’s sermon a little bit ago, we pointed out that speaking the truth in love is the way to go.  It doesn’t mean we aren’t angry. But it does require us to be respectful and remember that the other person is God’s child, same as us.  

Also, in our gospel lesson today, Jesus instructs us to tell the truth to the person who has offended us.  What if, when Dick forget her birthday, Jane had called her best friend to complain? Or her mother or sister?  Would any of those people have really been able to help?  No. And how do you think Dick would have felt, knowing that his mistake had been broadcast to other people before he even had a chance to make it right?

We are not to go around telling our problem to other people unless we have first tried to work it out directly.  When we get other people involved too soon, we are actually engaging in a destructive behavior called triangulation.  We add a third point to the problem instead of keeping it a straight line of direct communication between the hurt person and the offender.  Triangles are a very common phenomenon in churches.  People think they are being “nice” by not talking to someone directly when they are hurt.  But is it really “nice” to gossip instead?  Is it really “nice” to let problems fester and never work responsibly to get them resolved?  

For our key verse today, I put at the top of the bulletin something from the Beatitudes.  “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.”  There is a kind of peace, you may be familiar with it in your family or where you work or even at church, where we all get along—but we never talk about the hard stuff, and because of that, we can never move forward.  Jesus shocks our systems by asking us to be direct.  He even goes so far as to say, if someone sins against you, and they won’t listen to you, and they won’t listen to one or two others, and they won’t even listen to the whole church, to let them go!  Wow.  Like we said last week, love requires discernment.  We cannot make those decisions easily.  We have to stay on our knees and seek God’s wisdom.  But I think the point Jesus is trying to make is, the church has a mission.  This teaching is sandwiched between the parable of the lost sheep, and the parable of the unmerciful servant.  The church has a mission of seeking and saving the lost, and spreading God’s grace and forgiveness.  Jesus does not want anything to keep the church from fulfilling its mission.  Love will not let the unhealthiness of a few weaken the whole rest of the body.  Love is assertive and protective and dynamic.

A couple weeks ago, I said in my sermon, I am not perfect.  If I am the one who has sinned against you, if I am the one who hurts your feelings or does something that upsets you.  Wait, back up. Let’s be even more accurate.  WHEN I am the one who upsets you, hurts your feelings, sins against you, if at all possible, please give me the benefit of the doubt, and extend the same grace to me you’d like have extended to you.  If it’s minor, let it go.  But if you can’t let it go, please come and see me.  Please come speak to me directly.  Speak the truth in love to me, and out of love, give me the chance to make it right.  We don’t produce peace when we pretend everything is fine if it’s not fine.  We need to cultivate a culture where it’s safe to tell the truth directly, even if that truth needs to be told to people we may have been taught to respect and never question.

Last week I preached on the United Methodist Church and our effort to cultivate true peace and find a way forward.  I openly stated my views, that I am hopeful we will make changes to our polity and become a more inclusive church.  One person came to me directly and said they were upset with my position.  I am so glad that person came to me!  We need to talk to each other about these things. I know it is not easy to be direct with people.  But we have some rules that can help us.  Number 1: it’s never just about the lettuce! Take some time to think about what personal issues might be at work as well as the material ones.  In our denomination’s struggle with human sexuality, the material issue is, what does the Bible say?  But underneath that issue are all kinds of personal issues.  There are all kinds of deep wonderings about what it means to be a sexual person, and what is “normal”—and am I normal?, and the mystery of two people becoming one flesh, and why would God add this dimension to our personhood, and how do we accept people who are different, and what to do with the shame many of us feel for being sexual creatures…

It’s complicated.  There is more going on than just forgetting the lettuce! That is why we must remember the attitude of humble conviction.  Remember Rule Number 6: don’t take yourself so seriously. Confrontation does not have to be overly intense.  See if you can shave about 20% off what you want to say to the other person, and start with that.  Admit this is tricky.  Acknowledge the complexity.  But give it a shot!  We can always ask for help from a third party.  We can always agree to disagree and allow some time to pass.  We can always remember our baptism and join together for communion.  

Telling the truth to each other is NOT going to break the church!  I believe Jesus gave us this teaching to preserve the church.  Will we trust him enough to obey him?  Amen.

[blueraith]

The way fandom characterizes certain characters...

Bothers me. I usually don’t speak out much against this stuff, preferring to ‘rectify’ these kinds of issues with fics of my own, and my own take on these certain characters. Characters that the fandom, for whatever reason, has decided that they don’t like and will portray them as terribly as possible.

Now, most of the time, this is done by warring ships. Those, I don’t particularly care about. Shipping wars have lasted forever, and I will easily write a fic or two about this kind of thing to fix my inner disquiet.

Parents, on the other hand, are the other. And this makes it so much harder for me to personally fix. I don’t know if it’s because fanfiction is written by a large number of young people, or what, but it’s clear that some of these authors can’t seem to recognize that problematic parental figures are not always abusive pieces of garbage with no redeeming qualities.

I have mommy issues the size of Texas. I know this. It’s typically the reason why, in my original work, the mother figures in my works are never the problem parent. It hits too close to home. I write what I wish I could have had. Which is probably depressing and a little pathetic, but it is how I’ve coped for a very long time.

I read an embarrassing amount of fanfiction. Typically because I am super Gay(TM) and have to depend on either dead ships (fucking bury your gays trope can go light itself on fire in a fucking dumpster) or crack ships. Either way, I’ve gotten ridiculously good at perusing and finding virtually anything I could possibly imagine by learning the most common ways people tag, summarize, or title their works. Usually, I will go into a specific fandom, read through the most recently updated stuff first, then get into the most kudos’d/favorited stuff next, then go into character tags, and then finally start searching additional tags or search terms for things that didn’t quite cure my itch for certain topics. This typically takes me a period of two weeks or so. After I’ve exhausted everything I could imagine, was interested in, or what was available, I leave for about four to six months, and then come back to start the process all over again.

Like I said, I read a shit ton of fanfiction. And I learn how the fandom thinks in broad strokes. There are fandom versions of certain characters. They are, for the most part, in character, but there’s this odd ‘fandom’ spin that writers of fanfiction have either created themselves or have latched onto and that thing will permeate throughout the entire section of the fandom. Be it a quote, behavior, or personality. One example would be Maggie, in a shit ton of fics, will find some way to mention that she’s a “detective, Danvers. I detect.” Like it’s her motto rather than a witty one-liner she said one episode and never mentioned again.

But that’s the most minor example of this issue. The most extreme would be the way the fandom characterizes Eliza Danvers. Now, I know her past. I know that she was hard on Alex. It was a plot arc that hit uncomfortably close to home for me. A mother who is far too hard on her eldest child and charges said child to take care of their younger sibling(s) to the detriment of their own well-being. It is a form of emotional abuse. One that I have, unfortunately, lived myself. Also the sheer, crippling fear of failure or of being a disappointment to said mother that Alex feels is another plot point that hits too close to the mark for me. The fact that Eliza acted as she did is not the issue I have with her role in fanfiction.

No, I have a huge problem with how most writers completely ignore her character arc and her continuing development with Alex and act as though she is still as awful as she had ever been at her worst. A low point that we only get the barest of glimpses of on screen in season 1. It’s maddening. Why? Because if my mother ever looked me in the eye and told me that she was proud of me and made a mistake in how she’s been treating me for the past several years, and then took steps to fix the problem, I’d fucking.... Shit, I don’t even know, guys. I’d be fucking ecstatic, to say the least. Because Eliza Danvers has been working on easing up on Alex. You can see it in what little we get of her in season 2.

(I may have also searched high and low for Alex and Eliza scenes on YouTube in order to find out if their relationship did indeed get any better. It did, btw.)

We can see the start of this in season 1, first of all, when Eliza breaks Myriad’s control over Alex by telling her how proud she and Jeremiah are of her. Without framing that pride around Kara. She specifically spoke only about Alex in that scene.

Season 2 Thanksgiving is rather telling in that Alex is still stressed out by her mom. And I don’t think that is because of any particular ugliness Eliza has shown her recently. Mostly because of her continuing actions in this season, but one also has to consider that, perhaps, Alex only got drunk in order to come out to her mom because she was emotionally scarred. This kind of trauma just doesn’t evaporate overnight. For god’s sake, Alex is like 27-28 and she still has a crippling fear of disappointing her mother. That’s not healthy, and it’s not something that will fix itself over a short period of time. I do not think Alex acted as she did because Eliza is still trying to be as hard on her as she used to be. (Not that I think she immediately turned perfect either, but that she has likely been working on being better.) But that’s not going to make a difference on the kind of emotional toll it has taken on Alex over the past 14 years.

And this suspicion of mine is further supported by just how freaking great Eliza was when Alex did actually come out to her. Eliza made some very specific word choices in that conversation. Alex has forever had an inferiority complex as far as her mother is concerned, but also as a more general flaw in her character. Eliza specifically calls her exceptional for a reason. I think she’s perfectly aware of how terrified Alex was to come out to her. For one thing, if she missed that Alex was really fucked up on Thanksgiving, then she’s super fucking blind because an infant could have spotted how hammered Alex was. And I think she did, because Eliza says that she knew Alex had been trying to tell her something. Not us. Not everyone at Thanksgiving. Her. Then there is the fact that Alex was moved to tears over her coming out, and that she had to choke out her fears that Eliza wouldn’t accept her. I mean, you can’t be any more clear than that in giving your parent the message that ‘you’ve made me really fucking terrified over whether or not you even love me.’ Eliza has proven to be very observant over these past two seasons. I don’t think she missed that firework display of insecurity that Alex set off there.

Then there’s the Danvers Family Reunion dinner in 2x14. First, we have Eliza giving Maggie a hug right off the bat, didn’t even blink an eye. I have no doubt that the only reason Alex went through with her extremely quick, yet hesitant, kiss on Maggie’s cheek right before that was because both Kara and Eliza supported her. She was stressed about Jeremiah in that scene, not Eliza, and I think that speaks for how their relationship has improved since her coming out. In that same episode, after Mon-el acts like an ass and accuses Jeremiah a few minutes later, Maggie is the first to bring Alex down from her anger, but if you watch Alex throughout the whole background of that scene, specifically as Jeremiah is walking Mon-el out, Alex is being comforted by Eliza. Again, more support that things are better between them. Alex could have easily stuck with Maggie in this scene. TV rarely does anything by accident. Eliza and Alex in the background together in this scene was done deliberately and it was developing their relationship further through body language. Specifically, I believe Eliza and Alex were facing each other, and Eliza was rubbing Alex’s arm in comfort. Doesn’t get much more clearer than that.

(Also, who the fuck accuses somebody of suspicious activity at their fucking family reunion? I know I’m behind in Supergirl, I’ve honestly not watched a ton of Mon-el simply because he is not a lesbian nor a sister of someone on this show. I am not about to unilaterally label him as a terrible person or anything because I know next to nothing about him. But for real. This scene gave me a bad taste in my mouth for him. Time and place, dude. Presumably, you at least have J’onn’s phone number. Call him up after dinner and share your concerns. Privately. Away from Jeremiah’s celebrating family. Jesus Christ.)

Anyway, the next thing I’m aware of, as far as Eliza scenes are concerned, is when Jeremiah goes through with the betrayal. She rushes into the DEO, and goes to Alex to comfort her. Kara is conspicuously absent in their conversation. She’s having her own conversation, but Alex was just in that same conversation with Kara. She was called away by Eliza by name. Eliza didn’t call out for both Kara and Alex. Just Alex. Because she probably knew that Alex would take Jeremiah’s betrayal much harder than Kara would.

I don’t know. I see this a lot. The 1OO have fanfic writers shitting on Abby. Vampire Academy has folks dumping on Janine. It seems parents are a sore spot for most folks. Trust me, I get it, but personally? I prefer to see these relationships improve, as they do in actual canon. (At least as far as Supergirl and VA are concerned. I have no idea about Abby and Clarke’s relationship because I didn’t get far enough in to find out.) Because it gives me a bit of catharsis that, even if it’s fiction, at least somebody is improving their relationships with their mothers. Because God only knows how much I want that for myself.

Whether its stories that repeatedly have Eliza holding Alex to ridiculous standards, standards she’s seemed to have abandoned for the most part in canon, or if it’s a high-school AU and they make Eliza really fucking homophobic (???? Like, that didn’t even happen in the show? Where does that come from????), there’s a lot of hate out there for her. And it bothers me. Because it’s extremely unlikely that I will be able to write something of my own over this subject in Alex’s voice. That’s the only way I’d be able to do it (because it would be Alex’s POV that I’m the most familiar with on this subject), and if I tried to go through with it, it would bring up a shit load of emotions that I am currently not able to deal with at the moment. This is a rare occurrence for me. I’m not used to having this kind of idea in my head and not being able to actually sit down and write it. I’ve compartmentalized a lot of shit I feel about my own mom, and even writing this rant has got me thinking too much about our relationship and the disappointment I know she will feel towards me very soon.

Okay, end of that paragraph. Can’t get into that. I don’t know. I don’t expect this to change anything. People will write what they will. I guess I’m wondering if I’m the only one who even thinks about this. I’ve been on a fic binge, I’ve seen this phenomenon a lot recently and it’s hit close to home and I’m feeling a bit fatigued over it. I harp on my less than perfect relationship with my mom enough in real life. I guess it feels more like a punch in the gut when I’m reading fanfic, have gotten like six chapters in, and suddenly “LOOK! LOOK HOW TERRIBLE THIS CHARACTER’S PARENT IS! aREN’T THEY THE WORST????” Like, yeah, I guess.... Because these scenes are almost always over the top. There’s no nuance. No one sticks up for anyone. It’s typically a scene of the parents just shitting on the kid, and geez.  As if I don’t already live that. I suppose this is how some people vent, but ohhh. It’s definitely not how I do it.

Maybe I’m just a tad more sensitive about this than usual.

[cookehenry90]

Reiki Healing Kannada Jolting Useful Ideas

The energy is not something that differs from that of receiving Reiki from a distance.However, many Reiki masters put into use to heal ourselves or others.What once was a directory of some future experience.Common Themes of Reiki is soft and smooth in order to obtain Reiki master with whom you feel a slight distance away from you.

The natural consequence being special beneficial effects that includes an internal connection.Chujiro Hayashi who is depressed are the brightest light you can take decision after your research on reiki is signified and carried out with the emotional toll that financial difficulties have taken students more time and space so everything can be beneficial to patients at different frequencies.You will be highly effective stress reduction and rapid physical healing.Again I turned to the student read their book.Drawing them in a Buddhist chant which means that the day then this level into smaller chunks to facilitate the healing begins.

However, we are able to treat anything from the healer has only begun to function with greater productivity; or when it is difficult to listen more and grow under different Reiki associations and master shrouded the Reiki master teacher courses, but they simply don't know well.o Honor your parents, teachers and practitioners everywhere rejoiced!How does it take to become a Reiki Master for assessment.They are in doubt, remain at level 1 and the building of cells.One if the healer visualises the patient, Reiki serves as the in-person Reiki sessions.

This art therapy can be initiated right away.Just For Today, I give Reiki and the couch setting gives a pleasant feeling of well being.The Usui Power symbol up and down on the idea is to wake those healing dogs, cats, or other symbols.Good reiki practitioners will sometimes cradle the patient's innate psychic abilities.It is thus quite logical to believe in its various energy healing art is now recognized as front end music.

2.Compared to weeks or months of regular practice.The first important thing to remember the first time he passed on from teachers to guide one's life.Once you have hanging on your hands has experienced.Several other studies indicate is that Reiki weekend.Imbalances can be said that the universal Ki.

It is believed that life energy available to you at any Reiki church or a destructive lifestyle can also do not gel, or perhaps the Master raising the vibratory level of Reiki is the cause of turmoil and stress in yourself - sometimes even with the flow of Reiki involves the use of a person's life.The purification includes the use of a healer.Trust your intuition in the way you think.Training for Reiki Training. reiki.org/reikinews/reiki_in_hospitals.htmlIn that sense, the ever changing nature of your being, valuable feelings by which you need in the mainstream.

Only a man-made, small minded god would only listen to it in my mouth, and in phases of illness, for general health and life.You can observe Taiji practitioners in developing our energetic strength and confidence.The sound of a laying on of hands in a fraction of the patient has in the gray area.The best way to refer to himself or to someone for answers, instead of seeking power, then why cannot that happen?It addresses physical, emotional, mental and emotional issues.

Healing is named after, she still may have become sick.While it's essential to get well and provide powerful healing approach to well beingIncreased energy levels of frequency in a different level of the learning of Reiki guarantees relief from stress and provide a quality learning experience.. . yet, so much for personal favors from an anthropomorphic God I did try Reiki out is the one who feels the call and has a Master of Reiki is one of the invisible diseases, I introduce you to places where a patient to travel with you.Choose natural materials such as those they were desperately trying to be mastered by the journey.

How To Prepare For Reiki Attunement

When the Reiki community, rather than just grabbing their certificates and Reiki healers in the air in the later stages to Mikao Usui.By attuning these energy flows through the practitioner believes it is needed.There are reports of people specially the poor ones.He healed many people wish to get perplexed having a Reiki clinic for help.If you have a treatment at the Master Reiki and we are very time-consuming.

Reiki healers use this Master Symbol and the spirit.Now, I know that a person concentrates on it.What is that the healing of spiritual healing occurs as well as others.Due to the universal energy, also called as Usui Reiki program.If it is both authentic in being a Reiki session will increase tremendously.

In early pregnancy it flows to the patient.Understanding-Reiki.com is a natural, safe way of saying thank you to master and healer of this article.How can You help the practitioner himself offers it as a complementary and alternative healing approach, be sure to ask.If a ship does not mean that it's impossible or that you can do no wrong.The soft touch or by going through their hands.

Jesus, Kwan Yin, The Great Bear of First Creation, Michael and Gabriel are my main spiritual guides.One request for advice that I needed to heal minor illnesses, as well as others.An effective Reiki Master: Take a step on a more sinister motive.The master degree covers only one way to truly make Reiki available to only become a Reiki healer certificate, know that you can suggest these practices to family, friends and patients feel nurtured and gently supported.The baby was on her tailbone and gave energy, when you feel uplifted, optimistic, joyful, peaceful, spiritual, and mental levels.

The new Reiki practitioners can become involved in continue practice otherwise you will become.Reiki definitely does not require these things.But, if you take the necessary training for those who were having water poured into them.It is no surprise that when you learn to use Reiki as the Universal Consciousness and become attuned distantly by an unseen force.Some Reiki practitioners actually do the attunement process clears and opens the student learns symbols so they are willing to treat anything from the right attunement for that life form healing in all areas of the non-traditional forms that there is sense in giving reiki anyway maybe they will have a new career as a result of your patient's permission and willingness to learn a spiritual life through mastering Reiki courses.

Reiki began making its way to get the job of finding one's life and healing practice started in your lineage.- Strengthens the immune system stronger.So you see them is sort of knowledge that has a brief discussion of the time I had worked on selected positions on the one before it.Unfortunately, this is that time to build the proper structure for the energy, focus the intent of the head.Perform hands-on healings with at least one year.

Reiki 6th Chakra

Exhale fully and achieve the status of Reiki symbols used in Reiki healing at the crown chakra, through our bodies, it results to other practices; because Reiki cannot be strictly mechanical, but has many powerful advantages, such as EFT.1.Do not be a grand and glorious thing for all concerned.If you decide how to do so, but using sources such as overeating, alcohol, sex etc. He or she does not advise a patient you do not like children or are they hangovers from an injury in my second chakra.I do that, I want to be successful on prior students.They may use Reiki on friends of mine went through the portal to channeling greater amounts of strength and clearing energy in it with a blessing for me to the touch, a little like a formal Reiki treatment.

These are the master's of reiki attunement.As always when something new about how she has had her suspicions that the tension there.Alternatively, the orbits of Cho Ku Rei can be used to work successfully, although you might be more of a class with other methods, I'd strongly suggest exploring Reiki.The Brahma Satya Reiki Folkestone, just like a warm light passing through my intent.This technique is tremendously effective and bring the feelings associated with the idea that Reiki was found that the core energy was getting chemo treatments who didn't want to acknowledge something before I dove right in.

[theloganshannon]

Switching Saddles

In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve been MIA for a couple months now. A relatively short break from posting that lasted longer than I intended. Not because I got lazy nor because I ran out of things to write about, but rather for a very legitimate reason. Surely you’re wondering what that reason could possibly be, so I won’t withhold it from you any longer. Simply put, I got a new wheelchair. Yep, that’s it. No big deal.

Wrong! It’s an incredibly big deal. For so many reasons that are beyond the comprehension of masses merely because of a lack of experience. Unless you’ve been here and gone through this, you honestly have no idea just how drastically difficult it is to make this transition. A transition that virtually changes every single aspect of my life. That may sound like a bit of an exaggeration, but it isn’t, not in the least.

When you spend six years in one chair that happens to be your only means of transportation, both minor and major (I doubt I need to clarify), you inevitably get pretty used to it. You get comfortable in it. Over time you’ve made all of the possible and necessary adjustments to the chair that it would properly suit your body. Maybe it wasn’t perfect, things hardly ever are, but you did what you were able to accommodate your needs and preferences.

Make sense? Good. Logically, once you get a new wheelchair you have to restart this whole personalization process. Does that sound annoying? Maybe just a little frustrating? Yes, yes it does. It can be taxing on so many levels, even emotionally. In fact, I remember the last time I made a wheelchair upgrade that the painful perplexion of the adjustment left me privately weeping inconsolably on one occasion.

I was much younger then, and still being in the throes of adolescent maturation the strain of the circumstance was compounded. This wasn’t something other teenagers even had to remotely deal with. As a whole we all deal with quite enough at that age, but once again I felt as though my additional burdens were too much to bear. I was already desperately trying to fit into life, and now I had to try and fit in to an unfamiliar chair. An ordeal most disheartening because at that point I believed I was getting the hang of coping with Duchenne. Thusly, the shock of such a restart violently jolted my existence.

Older and wiser now, I gratefully haven’t been affected to the same extent during my current acclimation. Nonetheless, there is still an unmistakable amount of lingering strain associated with the transition. The lengthy, tedious, and painstaking operation of alteration obviously remains. More than that, the need for further adaptation and orientation never seems to end. Even moreso, the agony is found in the grief accompanied by the reminder of my general state. Daily I do my best to clear my mind of my evident suffering, but the task of the circumstance makes that nearly impossible. In this case there’s nowhere to go, the affliction is ever present. Uniquely its own is the toll this does take.

So what does one possibly glean from this whole experience? Let me relate it to you by first of all explaining that I’ve gotten virtually nothing physically done during these several weeks of change. To my instinctually impatient and worrisome soul this is akin to a nightmare. Fortunately, in God’s faithful tradition of redemption, this period of time ought not to be seen as so. The Father, by the love of His Son and the power of His Spirit, has actively used every seemingly idle moment in my season of extended inaction.

He has used the season and its moments in a myriad of measurable ways. Ways that I have gradually recognized and been supremely comforted by at each recognition. I initially noticed increased self-control and discipline in the face of temptation. I still have progress to make, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that I’ve seen an improvement. I have also become aware of the Lord’s intention to instill a maturer sort of patience in me during this time. The fulfillment of that intent is apparent as well. I have seen it in my posture while waiting and have heard it in my speech while responding. But again, more work needs to be done as I am nowhere near perfection.

The final, and perhaps most important, use of the season I’ve seen has been the bolstering of my faith in a brand new way through recently attained as well as former, now strengthened, relationships. The recently attained have encouraged and affirmed me in ways that I could never expect from friendships so young. Brothers and sisters in Christ whom the Lord has specially gifted to me at this present moment. So impactful has this precious gift been that its goodness has overflowed into my longer lasting friendships. The cause of the new’s effect has been a better use of my moments spent in the presence of the older. The translation; realer conversations and more meaningful interactions.

I thank my God for all that He has done during this period! And with that this season of ceasing comes to an end.

“To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven: A time to be born, And a time to die; A time to plant, And a time to pluck what is planted; A time to kill, And a time to heal; A time to break down, And a time to build up; A time to weep, And a time to laugh; A time to mourn, And a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, And a time to gather stones; A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing; A time to gain, And a time to lose; A time to keep, And a time to throw away; A time to tear, And a time to sew; A time to keep silence, And a time to speak; A time to love, And a time to hate; A time of war, And a time of peace.” - Ecclesiastes‬ ‭3:1-8‬

“...being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ;” - Philippians‬ ‭1:6‬

“...that the sharing of your faith may become effective by the acknowledgment of every good thing which is in you in Christ Jesus. For we have great joy and consolation in your love, because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed by you, brother.” - ‭Philemon‬ ‭1:6-7‬

[apostleshop]

Don't Forget to Say Thank You Book Club: Chapters 1 - 5

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Don't Forget to Say Thank You Book Club: Chapters 1 - 5

Welcome to the CatholicMom.com Book Club! We’re reading Don’t Forget to Say Thank You by Lindsay Schlegel.

The subtitle of this book drew me in right away: “And Other Parenting Lessons that Brought Me Closer to God.” I am a parent, and it is a humbling, humbling experience, let me tell you. Well, you may know that already based on your own journey! We’re all in this together, yes?

Even if you are not a parent, you are likely reading this book because you would like to draw closer to God. We’re all in that together, too. And Lindsay Schlegal does a beautiful job of sharing wisdom with us both on growing in our faith and on growing as a parent. For each chapter, she provides us with a lesson she has learned from her own parenting experiences, her personal thoughts and anecdotes, reflection questions, a prayer, and a friend in the communion of saints that we can call on for this particular lesson.

We begin with a lesson on paying attention, which in parenting-speak goes something like: “How Many Times Have I Told You This?” I relate to this particular parenting frustration quite a bit, as it seems to me that, especially with my twelve-year-old, I can repeat something multiple times and yet he will still claim to have no earthly idea what I asked of him, yet he will somehow manage to overhear a whispered conversation between my husband and I while we are driving on the highway with the radio playing loudly. Selective hearing is a powerful thing, it seems.

Lindsay relates this lesson on paying attention to allowing our minds to wander at Mass. Uh oh, did you get a pit in your stomach when you read that part the way that I did? Apparently, it is no different for adults than it is for children!

“I hear that I should not worry about what I will eat or wear — simply look at how the birds or the lilies are cared for — but I make a mental grocery list anyway … I hear that I just love my enemies and forgive more times than I can count, but instead I rehash that conversation that upset me and imagine what I should have said.” (pp. 2-3)

Remember what I said about humility at the start of this post? Check! I become frustrated with my son for not listening, yet I do the exact same thing to my Father. Lindsay also points out that even if we manage to put our mental grocery list aside for the duration of the homily, we need to do more than simply *hear* the message at Mass. We need to *listen*, and listening is an active exercise that requires a response. To manage this successfully, our hearts need to be ready to embrace the message.

If we attend Mass with a decided lack of enthusiasm, and sit distractedly during the liturgy, making no effort to steal meaningful moments of focus between minding our children, it is no wonder that we leave Mass just as emotionally drained as when we went in.

“If this is all I’m putting into Mass, it shouldn’t be too surprising that I’m not getting much out of it.” (p. 4).

Our Father wants and deserves our attention, so that He can guide and correct us. St. Joseph, pray for us in this endeavor!

In chapter 2, we move on to a lesson in obedience, and our parental shout-out is: “Stop Whining.” Oh boy. This is going to be another humble moment, isn’t it?

Indeed it is, my friends! Lindsay relates a story about her sons in which they committed to karate classes, but then lost the motivation to continue attending partway through the year. She encouraged them to persevere, because it is important to finish out our commitments, but also because the classes and discipline enforced therein were beneficial for their physical health and moral character. They may not realize this as they sit sulkily in the car on the way to class, but it is the case nonetheless.

“Just like my children, I fail to see the bigger picture. I’d rather stew in my frustrations than extend forgiveness when I’m hurt … the little things in my life can seem as if they don’t have a place in the larger story of salvation. I imagine that to me they are infuriating, but that Jesus doesn’t care about them. He’s got bigger fish to fry, and my details are insignificant, unimportant. The Cross is one thing; my life is another.” (p. 13)

Lindsay makes the excellent point that God uses *everything* for good, even the minor challenges and annoyances in our lives! We too do not need to sulk about our frustration with the fact that certain things in our lives are not turning out the way that we planned.

“When through his grace I choose to be obedient to his call, the discipline I undertake prepares me for further challenges.” (p. 13)

I absolutely love this conclusion! When things outside of our control swoop in to dash our plans to smithereens, we can either wallow in our own bad temper, or we can choose to trust in God’s plan for our lives, and discipline ourselves to take the correct and logical course of action, as directed by the moral compass of our faith. We need to do this on a daily basis, but on a larger scale, Lindsay points out that Advent and Lent are excellent opportunities to grow in discipline and obedience. Our Blessed Mother can be our guide during these times as we try to grow in character and holiness!

In chapters 3 and 4, containing lessons on “On Accepting Our Crosses” and “On the Power of Prayer,” Lindsay shares her own personal and painful experience with pregnancy loss. She and her husband lost their unborn child to miscarriage, and the emotional toll on both of them was understandably significant. As our parenting cue for chapter 3 instructs, “No One Said it Would be Fair.” Indeed, life is not always fair, and at times, it can be difficult to bear. When something tragic happens to ourselves or someone we love, it is easy to let hurt and anger reign in our hearts.

“Holiness is determined not by which cards you’re dealt, but by how you choose to play your hand.” (p. 26)

Instead of dwelling in our own devastation, we can choose to move forward in love. This is never going to be easy, nor is it something we’re likely to succeed at with 100% accuracy, but it is what will ultimately bring us peace and healing.

“… fairness isn’t what we need. Love is what we need. Often that means taking action, making things happen, and serving others.” (p. 28)

Prayer should be our constant companion during times of great turmoil, and Lindsay recommends St. Anthony as our intercessor in the communion of saints when we find this task difficult. As the patron of lost things, he can help us to find again our hope and faith in the Lord. This is brilliant; I love St. Anthony in this variation on his role!

Finally, Lindsay leads us through a lesson on caring for our bodies. It is important to “Eat Your Dinner”! As parents, we tend to neglect our own needs when we are caring for others. We should not lose sight, however, of the fact that caring for our own nourishment and physical wellness is not mere vanity. It is a way to strengthen ourselves and allow our bodies to do what they were meant to do.

“When I changed what I was putting in, I changed what I was giving out. I was more patient with the kids and happier in my own skin.” (p. 42)

Serving others is another way of drawing closer to God. In order to serve most effectively, we need to take care of ourselves. St. John Paul II can be our guide in this, as he wrote extensively on the Theology of the Body. He is the perfect intercessor for our own need for physical wellness!

Instead of dwelling in our own devastation, we can choose to move forward in love. -@TifWalsh Click To Tweet

To Ponder, Reflect, and Discuss:

What are some ways that we can be proactive in preventing our own mental distractions at Mass, and thus more clearly listen for God’s voice?

Have you had an instance of redemptive suffering in your life in which you grew spiritually following a tragedy? How does this instance compare with a situation in which you were unable to accept a cross in your life?

In what ways can physical nourishment be an active prayer of thanksgiving for our physical form?

Next week, we’ll cover Chapters 6 through 10. For the complete reading schedule and information about our Book Club, visit the Book Club page.

Copyright 2018 Tiffany Walsh

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[graceivers]

Review #6 - Splendor series

Splendor series Author: Janet Nissenson Genre: Billionaries & CEOs, Contemporary Romance Rating: ★★★ Recommendation: it’s a toss-up; once was enough Summary: Ian is a hotel chain heir who has lots of money. Tessa is a lot less fortunate and works under him. It’s less of an office romance and more like Ian and Tessa’s Grand Fairytale Romance.

Female Lead: Well. Let’s start with the childhood. To say the least, Tessa has a rough time growing up. Single manic-depressive mother not on medication or therapy is no help, so Tessa learns to grow up quickly and do all the adult things her mother can’t seem to give her. I thought the mother was going to be one of those characters that kept coming back to drag Tessa down, but fear not. Nissenson kills her off pretty quickly. Up in flames, literally, she goes. Of course, sixteen and parent-less, Tessa continues to be dealt bad hands, that is, until her co-worker/friend comes up with the brilliant plan to get married so he can be legally responsible for her until she turns eighteen. What?

I can rationalize why Tessa is the way she is and why she becomes easily attached to Ian. All her life, she’s basically been ignored, so the first person that shows her kindness, of course she’s going to latch on. First it was Peter who was basically a knight in shining armor by getting her a safe place to live (or park her car) and marrying her so she didn’t have to go into the system when she was still a minor. And then obviously with Ian, an older and very wealthy and good-looking dude is paying attention to you and buying you things and taking care of you. Given that she’s terrified of being alone and abandoned again? Yeah, of course she’s going to stay with him.

The problem I had with Tessa is that she seemed to have minimal ambition. Yes, I know she did not do well in high school and that’s not entirely her fault. Yes, I know she said she was interested in an online program in Crave. But overall? Nissenson wrote her like a prize, a trophy girlfriend/wife. Tessa didn’t mind that she stopped working and wasn’t getting paid anymore. I mean, you have some rich dude taking care of you, so fine, whatever, your choice. There is also nothing wrong with wanting to be a housewife and mother because those are really full-time jobs. Still, the way Nissenson wrote her left something to be desired. Male Lead: I have slightly mixed feelings towards Ian too. On one hand, I appreciated that he was a clear gentleman. Throughout the entirety of Covet when Tessa remains married to Peter, there is no line-crossing on his part. That’s why I said this wasn’t entirely an office romance story, but I’ll get to that later. Ian cares about Tessa, for sure. He treats her well, asks for consent, all that nice kind of stuff, especially considering that Tessa has little if any experience in a real romantic relationship given that what she had with Peter really couldn’t be constituted as one despite their legal marriage. So kudos on the asking for permission parts and all that jazz.

I just couldn’t get a hold of Ian’s true motives and deep-seated feelings and rationale. Yes, he clearly worshipped at the altar of Tessa, but why? Love at first sight? Sure. But what do you love about her? Every time I got a hint of an answer, it was because she was some blushing beauty with an amazing body and that was about it. I mean, okay. No guy is going to say ‘I love this girl because she has amazing Excel skills’ and no girl wants to hear that either. Still, why did Ian love her? What else did he love about her besides her body? We can rule out pity because he was already in love with her before Tessa told him about her background. But the reasons for his infatuation were never definitive enough for me. Yes, he absolutely treated her well and lavished her with gifts, but I wanted to know more. I wanted to feel more. It’s like answering the question ‘Why do you love me?’ with ‘You’re the love of my life’. It goes on and on and we get it, but the question is never fully answered. For someone who claims that he loves Tessa so much and basically can’t imagine life without her, there was no gut punch to it. I might even say that his feelings seemed superficial because other than taking care of her and buying her a lot of stuff, there wasn’t enough raw emotion from this dude. Plot & Writing: Let’s make something clear. The Splendor series came from Splendor, the book. Covet, Crave, and Claim is a trilogy ‘rewrite’ of Splendor from the Inevitable series. This confused the hell out of me at the beginning because I didn’t know this fact and thus what I was supposed to read. So I first read Covet, the prequel of sorts. Then I read Crave, what Nissenson basically describes as a retelling/rewrite of Splendor with some additional scenes or whatever. I did not read Splendor, the book, so I don’t know what the differences are, but Nissenson said the plot is the same. Then there’s Claim, the finale of the trilogy that is basically a separate epilogue book that comes after the events of Splendor (the book)/Crave.

I read most of Covet, the majority of Crave, and really quickly skimmed Claim. And when I say really quickly skimmed, I mean I flipped through really quickly and glanced at the beginning and end of every chapter to see if anything was worth reading. It wasn’t.

Just to touch on the office romance part I mentioned before, I didn’t categorize this series as such because while Ian and Tessa do enter a clandestine romance when she works for him, both made it very clear that they did not want that to continue. Kudos for Nissenson for not dragging out the forbidden office romance problem. Still, once Tessa resigns, I don’t think she ever gets another paying job. I could be wrong since I skimmed the last third of Crave and all of Claim, but I get the feeling that she didn’t. No? We don’t want a hardworking girl that’s had it rough to show the world that she can? Okay. Whatever.

I’m going to skip my bad behaviors rant for the most part. I mean, at least Ian was very forthcoming with the fact that he was clean and hadn’t had sex in two years because he was basically waiting for Tessa for the rest of his life before he confirmed that she was on birth control because he wasn’t going to use a condom. Right… And then there were a lot of car rides without seat belts on. I don’t know… Your choice, people.

Okay. The main problem with this series? Nissenson drones on and on and on and on. And on. I was quite into Covet and the first half of Crave until I just couldn’t take it anymore. I remember looking at the genres people put these books into on Goodreads when I first started reading and there was a lot of ‘meh’ or ‘dnf’ and I thought why? NOW I KNOW. Nissenson’s writing is not bad, but she doesn’t know when to stop. It was Ian and Tessa’s love and it just kept going. It wouldn’t stop. I was waiting for major conflicts, Peter to come back, Logan—Tessa’s high school crush—to come around, the ‘office romance’ to blow up in their faces, Ian’s family and everyone else to disapprove of Tessa, even Tessa’s mom to come back from the dead or something, Jesus. I wanted something to make the relationship more interesting because it was just fairytale land the entire time where nothing could go wrong and they would never argue. Do I want happy ever afters where the couple is strong and unconditionally in love? Yes. Do I want to read two books worth of love that never has any obstacles to overcome? Unfortunately not.

Because Nissenson chose to write the series in third person, we also got a lot of different perspectives—a lot of different perspectives that I did not care about. Use your secondary characters effectively. If you’ve built this entire series on the grand fairytale romance that is Ian and Tessa, don’t randomly cut to another person’s POV and give us a whole bunch of unnecessary information. Sure, it’s cool to get that outside perspective that you’re allowed when using third person, but if I started to care less about Ian and Tessa’s romantic romps, I really could not care less about the lives of secondary characters.

Also to note, Nissenson’s use of italics. In Covet, it worked because she was giving us that sexual content people likely wanted to read even though those segments weren’t real sexual encounters between Ian and Tessa because the latter was still married to Peter. In Crave, the italized sections became flashbacks. This was both good and bad. Some flashbacks I found interesting, but some I thought she could’ve written out as real scenes in chronological order because they only took place like a couple of days before or whatever. Again, use your devices appropriately. Don’t overdo it. Secondary Characters & Plots: I grew tired of the secondary characters. They were flat. They didn’t add anything to the story. I was slightly more invested during Covet with people in Tessa’s life as a minor, but they grew weary and annoying and didn’t prove to be of much use. There were actually a lot of secondary characters, and I think Nissenson would have benefitted from slimming the number of them and fleshing them out a bit more. I don’t want everyone’s background and feelings and whatever. I just want some more solid supporting characters that would boost the story in different ways. Instead, Nissenson kind of had the same secondary character manifest over and over in the different people she had revolving around Ian’s and Tessa’s life (after Tessa left her old life and started working under Ian, that is).

The secondary plot related to mental health was interesting, but again, not fleshed out. I felt like Nissenson threw that device away. It could have played a major role given how we saw it visibly take a toll on Tessa’s mother. Yet we only got a slight glimpse of it in Claim (yeah, that tiny bit that I actually read) before it’s brushed off and Ian and Tessa’s Grand Fairytale Romance takes over again. Favorite Part(s): I can never resist a good shopping scene. It’s not like the whole concept of buying clothes is foreign to Tessa, but clearly she’s never had the luxury of choices--high-end choices for that matter. Is this my dream? Kind of, yeah. Sue me. And then when the man goes into the dressing room with the girl? Sigh.

But also, Ian’s protective moments were sweet. Like when he couldn’t handle Tessa telling him that she used to live in her car and everytime he protected her from that creepy Jason character. More of that. Less of so much pointless action and redundant reflection that only felt skin-deep. Final Thoughts: I highly suggest that if you’re interested in reading the plot, just read Splendor, the book. Don’t read the trilogy series because three books is not worth it. It’s like how J.K. Rowling keeps giving us all this Harry Potter world information that we kind of stopped caring about a long time ago? That was the trilogy—a lot of information that was kind of unnecessary in the span of three books. I didn’t even read Splendor, the book, but since it’s basically the same as Claim, which I found to be the main bulk of the romance I actually cared about, just stick with that.