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patriotsnet · 4 years ago

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How Many Registered Republicans Are In The United States

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How Many Registered Republicans Are In The United States

Chart 1 And Table 2: Nationwide Party Registration Trends Since 2000

Since 2000, the nationwide proportion of registered Democratic and Republican voters in party registration states have both gone down, while the percentage of registered independents has steadily grown. The latter has nearly reached the nationwide percentage of registered Republicans, which has long been second nationally to the Democrats. Altogether, the combined number of registered Democrats and Republicans, which was 77% in October 2000, is now down to 69%, while the proportion of registered independents over the same period has increased from 22% to 28%.

Note: Based on active registered voters in states where the number of active and inactive registrants is listed. In the election-eve 2000, 2008, and 2016 entries, Independents include a comparatively small number of registered miscellaneous voters who do not fit into a particular category. Percentages do not add to 100 since the small percentage of registered third party voters is not included.

As A Successful Republican New Mexico Governor 2016 Libertarian Party Presidential Candidate Gary Johnson Pronounced That He Had Slashed Taxes More Than A Dozen Times Balanced The There Are Many On The Left Who Support The Libertarian Partys Proposals To Legalize The Liberal Use Of Marijuana

39.66 percent of voters are registered with that party. The most recent poll at the time of writing gives a d+11 advantage. Even if youd rather not commit to any particular party, you may find yourself wishing to support a specific democrat candidate when primaries come around. Once you know which party you belong to, it will be easier to decide which candidates to vote for during elections. This quiz will ask you questions about your political beliefs. However, registered republicans outnumber democrats in six of the states 21 counties, and there several other counties that are pretty evenly split. Over 60% of black voters are registered democrats compared to just 3% that are registered in surveys, more than half of seattle voters identified as democrat or leaning democratic. The answer may surprise you. Are you a democrat or a republican? Are there more democrats or republicans who top that list? The election of 2010 gave republicans the majority beginning in january, 2011. These are broadly generalized opinions; There are still way more registered democrats;

The election of 2010 gave republicans the majority beginning in january, 2011. Hello and thank you for registering. It was a more natural association. related: Are there more democrats or republicans who top that list? The republican party has waxed and waned in popularity and membership over the years, never quite having as many registered partisans as the democrats.

Democrats Have 12 Million More Registered Voters Than Republicans

UVA Center for Politics Larry Sabatos Crystal Ball posted the latest numbers of registered Democrats, Republicans and Independents in the 31 states that require party registration to vote. Democrats and their friends in the media have been great at getting people to register as Democrats .

Democrats lead the GOP by 12 million registered voters in states that are key in the mid-terms.

Its not good news for the GOP in the mid-terms. Important states now have more registered Democrats than Republicans, and in many, its by a significant amount.

Democrats now account for 40% of the registered voters in those states, Republicans are only 29% and Independents account for 28 percent. Its shocking when one considers they are successfully running on high taxes and spending, a loss of freedoms, Stormy Daniels, and open borders.

There arent many states that are solid red and many are close to becoming blue.

It gives Democrats a decided advantage.

VENEZEULA, HERE WE COME

Its concerning when you consider states like North Carolina and Colorado now have more Democrats than Republicans and others like Arizona are close. We can thank the invasion of leftists coming in from foreign nations for some of this. Certainly, it is what changed California. Foreigners loyal to their native lands are deciding our policies.

THE CHART

Gallup: Democrats Now Outnumber Republicans By 9 Percentage Points Thanks To Independents

I think what we have to do as a party is battle the damage to the Democratic brand, Democratic National Committee Chairman Jamie Harrison said on The Daily Beasts . Gallup reported Wednesday that, at least relatively speaking, the Democratic brand is doing pretty good.

In the first quarter of 2021, 49 percent of U.S. adults identified as Democrats or independents with Democratic leanings, versus 40 percent for Republicans and GOP leaders, Gallup said. The 9-percentage-point Democratic advantage is the largest Gallup has measured since the fourth quarter of 2012. In recent years, Democratic advantages have typically been between 4 and 6 percentage points.

New Gallup polling finds that in the first quarter of 2021, an average of 49% of Americans identify with/lean toward the Democratic Party, versus 40 percent for Republicans.

Thats the largest gap since 2012:https://t.co/YpUvqBKxLx

Greg Sargent April 7, 2021

Party identification, polled on every Gallup survey, is something that we think is important to track to give a sense to the relevant strength of the two parties at any one point in time and how party preferences are responding to events,Gallup senior editor Jeff Jones told USA Today.

More stories from theweek.com

Our Ruling: Partly False

The claim in the post is rated PARTLY FALSE. The tweet that appears in viral Facebook posts cites correct vote totals for Trump and Biden . But it falsely reports the number of registered voters. More than 159 million registered voters cast ballots in the general election, out of 239 million eligible voters. So it is completely possible that Trump and Biden would post that many total votes.

This Marks The First Time Since Party Registration Began Republicans Are Also More Than Three Points Off Where They Were Four Years Earlier In 2004 When 3279 Percent Of Voters Were Republican And

Phoenix there are more registered democrats than republicans in arizonas congressional district 1, according to voting registration data recently analyzed by dataorbital. For decades, the word conservative have been synonymous with orange county. 39.66 percent of voters are registered with that party. There are now more registered independents than republicans, marking a first for the u.s. Ballot harvesting, a surge of illegal aliens from the southern border and middle eastern refugees resettled in orange county by obama has shifted the. Immigration policy is about a lot more than just border enforcement or ice raids. Since 2012, more voters have chosen not to register for either. Republicans and democrats are the dominant political parties in the united states of america. But today, a survey by ballot access shows there are more registered independents than republicans, perhaps a sign that political parties. According to the register, there are now 547,458 registered democrats versus 547,369 registered republicans. It is not a straightforward question. The county has had experienced shocking losses during the 2018 midterms where democrats controlled. Suppose there are 1000 white americans in total.

Or was it just low turnout that allowed marijuana to get legalized there?

But that doesnt mean everyone votes for their party.

There are now more registered independents than republicans, marking a first for the u.s.

Dapatkan link

Gop Registration Drop After Capitol Attack Is Part Of Larger Trend

WASHINGTON In the weeks since the January riot at the Capitol, there has been a raft of stories about voters across the country leaving the Republican Party. Some of the numbers are eye-catching and suggest that the GOP may be shrinking before our eyes, but a closer look at the numbers over time shows that a larger change has been working its way through the party for some time.

In fact, when one takes into account shifts in the composition of the Democratic Party, the real story seems to be more about a deeper remaking of the nations two major political parties.

To be sure, the headlines from the last few weeks have been striking, with multiple states reporting large declines in Republican voter registrations.

In Pennsylvania, more than 12,000 Republicans dropped the “R” from their registrations in January. In North Carolina, the figure was close to 8,000. In Arizona the figure was about 9,200 through late-January. And in one county in California, San Diego, more than 4,700 Republicans left the party last month.

Those are sizable changes and they are much larger than the moves away from the Democrats in those places, but they come with some caveats. There are always some losses and gains in registrations for the Democrats and Republicans. Partisan identity can be fluid for a large chunk of the voters, and remember: just because a voter is registered with one party doesnt mean he or she always votes for its candidates.

Closed Primaries Are When Only Registered Democrats From January 2007 To January 2011 There Were More Democrats

This quiz will ask you questions about your political beliefs. Ive seen a lot where it says theyre a registered democrat . 39.66 percent of voters are registered with that party. The most recent poll at the time of writing gives a d+11 advantage. It is not a straightforward question. Prove it by acing our democrat or republican quiz. What republican and democrats believe. Lets start with this example. Altogether, there are 10 states with more registered independents than either democrats or republicans. For example, in kentucky1 as of 8/15/2018, 49.8% of registered voters are democrats while only 41.6% are republicans. The analysis in this report draws on more than 10,000 interviews with registered voters in 2017 and tens of thousands of interviews conducted in previous years (see. Being a registered democrat or republican, or for that matter socialist, green or independent, simply means that when you filled out your voter registration form you checked that box on the form. There are many pressing issues in.

Party Affiliation By State

Party affiliation by state Switch to:State by political party

% of adults who identify as

Democrat/lean Dem. Sample Size

Sample size = 511. Visit this table to see approximate margins of error for a group of a given size. For full question wording, see the survey questionnaire.Sample sizes and margins of error vary from subgroup to subgroup, from year to year and from state to state. You can see the sample size for the estimates in this chart on rollover or in the last column of the table. And visit this table to see approximate margins of error for a group of a given size. Readers should always bear in mind the approximate margin of error for the group they are examining when making comparisons with other groups or assessing the significance of trends over time. For full question wording, see the survey questionnaire.

Alabama

Since Democrats And Republicans Appear To Have An Inexhaustible Appetite For Political Friction In The United States The Words Democrat And Republican Are Widely Used To Mean The Two Major Lets Take A Closer Look At Where These Two Words Came From And How They Came To Be Used In The

Altogether, there are 31 states with party registration; Eric rauchway, professor of american history at the university of democrats seized upon a way of ingratiating themselves to western voters: How many wars were initiated by democrats since the beginning of the usa? Republicans were able to fend off challenges from democrats trying to flip control of state legislatures in key states. Results seemed to follow what was set out by prediction polls, with the democrats seizing control of the house of representatives and the republicans maintaining the majority in the senate. Republicans who worked with democrats were traitors in the war for seats in congress. Since democrats and republicans appear to have an inexhaustible appetite for political friction in the united states, the words democrat and republican are widely used to mean the two major lets take a closer look at where these two words came from and how they came to be used in the. Republicans opinions carry less weight. How many democrats, republicans, and independents are registered? Voter registration and participation are crucial for the nations democracy to function properly and for the us government to provide fair representation. So, perhaps i should start with a story. Democrats did see a boost in 2008 when former president obama was elected, hitting a peak of 43.62 percent of registered voters. Democratic supporters accounted for 35% of the electorate.

Immigration Policy Is About A Lot More Than Just Border Enforcement Or Ice Raids

Glancing at the graph above, it looks like the number of unaffiliated might even be higher than the number of democrats by the 2020 election (the triangle markers along the top edge of the graph denote the. For decades, the word conservative have been synonymous with orange county. Orange county, long a republican stronghold, has officially turned blue. Short answer, more democrats than republicans, but the largest group, by wide margins, is neither. The county that nurtured ronald reagans conservatism and is the resting place of richard nixon is now home to 547,458 registered democrats, compared with 547,369 republicans.

In 2021 Republicans Will Have Full Control Of The Legislative And Executive Branch In 23 States

Democrats and independents grow more diverse since 2008. According to gallup.com about 42% of voters claim to be independents. There is a big difference between a state, for example with 7000 registered greens, which had a net increase of plus 200 where 201 new voters registered in to the greens and only 1 left, compared to a situation in the same state where 5000 voters newly registered green but at the same time 4800 left the party. Currently, republicans have 51 seats, and democrats have 47 with two races still undecided. San francisco 62.61% modoc 54.46% santa clara 29.92% Their partisan affiliation was roughly split between three groups: How the county has changed since this time last year: Democrats will have full control of the legislative and executive branch in 15 states. There are roughly 55 million registered republicans. There are 517,562 registered democrats this year in allegheny county, compared to 520,135 in 2016. The counties with the 10 highest percentages of democratic party, republican party, and no party preference registered voters are: According to data from ballot access news, independents make up 29.09 percent of registered voters, while republicans make up 28.87 percent and democrats make up 39.66 percent. In 12 states, there are more registered republicans than democrats.

For The First Time There Are Fewer Registered Republicans Than Independents

For the first time in history, there are more registered independents in the United States than there are registered Republicans.

It may not be for the reason you think, though.

New data from Ballot Access News, which tracks registrations in the 31 states that require voters to register by party, shows that independents account for 29.09 percent of voters in them, compared with 28.87 percent for Republicans. As recently as 2004, Republicans outpaced independents by nearly 10 percentage points.

There are still way more registered Democrats; 39.66 percent of voters are registered with that party.

This marks the first time since party registration began in the early 1900s that the number of registered independents in the United States has surpassed members of either major political party, according to Ballot Access News.

Heres the data going back to 2004:

But before anybody chalks this up as having to do with the current occupant of the White House, its worth parsing the trends.

While independents have surpassed Republicans, there actually hasnt been a huge drop in GOP party registration since President Trump took office. Since October 2016, GOP registration has dropped by half a percentage point. The number of registered Democrats declined by nearly a full point over the same span. Independents have benefited from both drops.

Who Is Richer Democrats Or Republicans The Answer Probably Wont Surprise You

Which of the two political parties has more money, Democrats or Republicans? Most would rush to say Republicans due to the partys ideas towards tax and money. In fact, polls have shown about 60 percent of the American people believe Republicans favor the rich. But how true is that? can help you write about the issue but read our post first.

Key Point From This Article

Altogether, there are 31 states with party registration; in the others, such as Virginia, voters register without reference to party. In 19 states and the District, there are more registered Democrats than Republicans. In 12 states, there are more registered Republicans than Democrats. In aggregate, 40% of all voters in party registration states are Democrats, 29% are Republicans, and 28% are independents. Nationally, the Democratic advantage in the party registration states approaches 12 million.

Voter Registration And State Political Control

This section needs additional citations for verification. Please help improve this article by adding citations to reliable sources. Unsourced material may be challenged and removed.

The state Democratic or Republican Party controls the governorship, the state legislative houses, and U.S. Senate representation. Nebraska’s legislature is unicameral, i.e., it has only one legislative house and is officially non-partisan, though party affiliation still has an unofficial influence on the legislative process.

The simplest measure of party strength in a state voting population is the affiliation totals from voter registration for the 30 states and the District of Columbia as of 2019 that allow registered voters to indicate a party preference when registering to vote. 20 states do not include party preference with voter registration: Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Hawaii, Illinois, Indiana, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, North Dakota, Ohio, South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas, Vermont, Virginia, Washington and Wisconsin. The party affiliations in the party control table are obtained from state party registration figures where indicated. Only Wyoming has a majority of registered voters identifying themselves as Republicans; two states have a majority of registered voters identifying themselves as Democrats: Maryland and Kentucky .

At Least 60 Afghans And 13 Us Service Members Killed By Suicide Bombers And Gunmen Outside Kabul Airport: Us Officials

Two suicide bombers and gunmen attacked crowds of Afghans flocking to Kabul’s airport Thursday, transforming a scene of desperation into one of horror in the waning days of an airlift for those fleeing the Taliban takeover. At least 60 Afghans and 13 U.S. troops were killed, Afghan and U.S. officials said.

How Many Registered Republicans Are There

How Many Registered Republicans Are There. However, since then, the republican share of the registration has increased from 28.87% to 29.51%, whereas independent registration has declined from 29.09% to 28.38%. And there are roughly 42 million that is less than 170 million people.

According to gallup.com about 42% of voters claim to be independents. In 2021, republicans will have full control of the legislative and executive branch in 23 states. There are more than 300 million americans. Louisiana, for example, has more than 300,000 more registered democrats than registered republicans . In the coming days, we will take a look at north carolina’s registered republicans and democrats, respectively.

Which Administration Should Have Been The One To End The Us Presence In Afghanistan

There are more than 10 professors affiliated with the Democratic Party for every faculty member who is a registered Republican, according to a new study.

Mitchell Langbert, an associate professor of business management at Brooklyn College, reviewed the party affiliations of 8,688 tenure-track, Ph.D.-holding professors at 51 of the top 60 liberal arts colleges listed in U.S. News and World Reports 2017 rankings.

Nearly 60 percent of all faculty members were registered as either a Republican or a Democrat, and of that sample, there were 10.4 times as many Democrats as Republicans.

TOP STORIESTexas Supreme Court rules AWOL Democrats may be arrested

The political registration of full-time, Ph.D.-holding professors in top-tier liberal arts colleges is overwhelmingly Democratic, Mr. Langbert wrote in an article published by the National Association of Scholars. Indeed, faculty political affiliations at 39 percent of the colleges in my sample are Republican free having zero Republicans.

There are several shortcomings associated with political uniformity in higher education, Mr. Langbert continued, including biased research and diminished academic credibility.

Studies show that academic psychologists are more likely to study the attitudes and behaviors of conservatives than liberals. They are also more likely to view conservative beliefs as deviant.

There are a few colleges that stood out in Mr. Langberts sample.

More Nevadans Registered As Republicans Than Democrats Last Month Election Officials Say

LAS VEGAS Election officials say more Nevadans registered as Republicans last month than Democrats. Nevada Secretary of State Barbara Cegavske reported that the GOP gained 6,580 active registered voters in July.

The Democratic Party added 5,718 active registered voters voters. Democrats still hold a statewide voter registration advantage over Republicans in Nevada, comprising 38% of all active registered voters. Republicans make up 33%.

Unaffiliated voters are 23%. Overall, there are more than 1.6 million active registered voters in Nevada. Inactive registered voters are voters who generally do not have a current address on file with election officials. They are still eligible to cast ballots.

Poll: Persistent Partisan Divide Over ‘birther’ Question

One way that Donald Trump launched onto the political stage five years ago was through his fervent claims that President Barack Obama was not a U.S. citizen. Though Obama has since produced birth certificates certifying his birth in Hawaii, recently, such rumors have been given new life by commentators and pundits on the right. But just how many continue to think the president was not born in the U.S.? And which voters hold such views?

Seventy-two percent of registered Republican voters still doubt President Obamas citizenship, according to a recent NBC News|SurveyMonkey poll conducted in late June and early July of more than 1,700 registered voters. And this skepticism even exists among Republicans high in political knowledge.

To see whether voters believe that Obama was not born in the United States, we asked them about their agreement with this statement: Barack Obama was born in the United States. The chart below shows responses broken down by party identification.

A first look reveals significant and surprising differences between Democrats and Republicans when it comes to their beliefs about Obamas birthplace.

While more than eight in 10 Democrats agreed with the claim, far more Republicans disagreed with the statement than agreed with it . An additional 31 percent of Republicans expressed some doubts about whether Obama is a native U.S. citizen . Only slightly more than one in four Republican voters agreed that the president was born in the United States.

Minor Parties In Gubernatorial Races 1857

The following table includes state-by-state information on when a minor party’s candidate for governor won at least 5 percent of the vote between 1857 and 2012. In four states , a minor party candidate for governor had not won 5 percent or more of the vote since the 19th century. A total of 17 states saw minor party candidates win at least 5 percent of the vote for governor between 1982 and 2012. The information was compiled by Richard Winger of Ballot Access News.

When did a minor party last poll 5% for governor? State

Ballot Access News

The Claim: There Are Just 133 Million Registered Voters In The Us

The 2020 election season saw record voter turnout across the country. President-elect Joe Biden now holds the record for the most votes received by a presidential candidate, after getting more than 81 million.

Despite losing dozens of lawsuits and the Electoral College’s certification of Biden’s win, President Donald Trump’s campaign and others continue to promote falsehoods about the credibility and security of the election.

A Dec. 21 , which pulled a screenshot of a Twitter post, claimed Biden somehow received 22 million phantom votes. The post has over 1,200 shares, as of Dec. 30.

“Simple math: Trump got 74 million votes and there are only 133 million registered voters in the USA,” the claims. “Even if everyone who’s registered actually voted, there would only be 59 million votes left for Biden. So how the hell did Biden get 81 million votes? 22 million extra?”

The Facebook user who made that particular post has not returned a request for comment from USA TODAY.

Another made the same claim without pulling a screenshot from Twitter. USA TODAY has also reached out to this user for comment.

And the Twitter account MSM Fact Checking posted a similar claim on Dec. 18, from which many viral Facebook posts stem.

And then, “Just for complete transparency, even at 65% turnout the total would be just over 138,000,000 voters resulting in over 155,000,000 votes. However you look at it, it doesn’t add up.”

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lovemesomerafael · 5 years ago

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Destroying The Planet To Save It Chapter 10: That Opium Den Aesthetic

Chapters 1-5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Read It On AO3

It had been two days since the Quinjet crash, and although Bucky’s ribs weren’t entirely back to normal, his ankle was, and he’d be fully healed in another day or two. Bucky wasn’t the problem. Joss was.

She’d been wanting out of the hospital since the morning after the crash, as though major trauma surgery was some sort of drive-through event. She resisted anyone’s attempts to examine her incision and refused to take any pain medicine, insisting she didn’t need it. Bucky had to use every trick in his extensive repertoire to get her even to agree to a blood draw to check how she was recovering from her significant blood loss. She’d demanded to have her IV removed, in the end negotiating hard with her doctor, who’d eventually agreed to take it out if she would drink a specific amount of fluid every hour. Any less, and it would go back in. Bucky had seen bad patients. Hell, he was one. This was something different.

Joss’s second morning in the hospital started off well. She’d insisted that Bucky go to the hotel where the rest of the team was staying and get a good night’s sleep rather than dozing in a hard chair at her bedside, so when he arrived in the morning, they both felt good. With an impish smirk, he set a silver gift bag tied with a red ribbon on her overbed table before leaning down to kiss her on the top of her head. Her hair, loose and shiny where it fanned out on her pillow, smelled fresh and clean after the shower she’d already had that morning. She looked refreshed and infinitely better than when she’d been admitted; in fact, he discovered that what he had thought were bruises on her face and arms must have actually been leftover mud from the crash, and were gone now.

“What’s that?” She asked, indicating the bag.

“It’s a get well present for you. Open it.”

With a smile of childlike anticipation, Joss reached for the bag and put her hand in, pulling out a soft, tissue-wrapped bundle. There was a split second after she removed the tissue when Bucky watched her struggle not to react, but she lost the battle the moment she shifted her eyes to him and saw the shit-eating grin he wore.

“Damn it, Barnes,” she muttered, but she was laughing too hard for the words to have any bite.

The sleep pants were made of a soft flannel so fuzzy that she couldn’t resist rubbing it against her face, despite the fact that splashed all over the fabric was a small cartoon version of Bucky. The pajama top was basically a T-shirt, with a left sleeve decorated to look like Bucky’s arm, red star and all, and the same cartoon picture of Bucky emblazoned on the front.

She did her best to give him a murderous look, but it wasn’t very effective given her laughter and the adorable pink flush in her cheeks. Abandoning even the pretense that she wasn’t charmed, she got up and went into the bathroom, holding her hospital gown tightly behind her the whole way, to put them on. Bucky wasn’t sure how he felt about being a cartoon figure on pajamas, but he’d figured Joss was the kind of girl who could take a joke, and her reaction to his gift was even better than he’d hoped.

He was pleasantly surprised to see how well she was moving around, especially for only the second day after surgery. She was clearly in excellent shape, but abdominal surgery was abdominal surgery. It took some time to recover from. Still, he didn’t spend much energy worrying about it.

There was something captivating about the way Joss looked when she emerged wearing a top with Bucky’s cartoon image on it. She also looked much more comfortable in pajamas than in a hospital gown. She was smiling widely as she climbed back into the bed, with only a minor amount of guarding of her left side. “Would it ruin your joke if I actually think these are kind of awesome?”

“Not at all. I was just hoping you didn’t already have them,” he needled.

She tried another glare at that, with about as much success as her previous attempt. She shook her head as she said, “Laugh all you want. I ain’t even mad, because these are super comfy, and anything beats the hell out of a hospital gown. So thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Still, next time we’re in a plane crash, can I have Hawkeye ones?”

Bucky’s laugh escaped before he could stop it. He didn’t want to seem to encourage her, but he really liked the fact that she was such a wiseass. “We’ll see. Anyway, you look great in those. And I can’t believe how well you’re moving around.”

“Yeah, I feel fine. Arm doesn’t hurt at all. My side hurts some, but not even enough to need any pain medicine.” She frowned. “I want out of here.”

“C’mon, it’s only the second day. You can’t be ready to go home yet. We gonna have this problem again today?”

All humor had left her expression suddenly. “I kind of wanted to talk to you about that.”

“What?” He asked, turning his chair a little so he could face her more directly, leaning his elbows on the bed. That meant his hands settled naturally on her lower leg.

“Bucky, I… I have to get out of here. I’m leaving today. And I just wanted to, um... say thank you. For everything. Maybe not for the plane crash, but that wasn’t entirely your fault, and you did get me out-“

He completely ignored her attempts to joke. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“I’m leaving here today. I need to get home.”

“You just had surgery! You’re-“

“Please,” she said, leaning toward him and putting her hands over his where they lay on her leg. “Just let me say this.”

“Joss-“

“I can’t explain. So don’t ask me to. I just didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye. I don’t suppose I’ll see you again, and I wanted to tell you that, you know, tornado and plane crash notwithstanding, I’ve really loved getting to spend time with you.”

Bucky had known Joss for about four days. He didn’t claim to know her well. But he’d always been pretty good at reading people, and over a life spent in battle of one sort of another, he’d also seen far more than his share of fear. Which was why Bucky suddenly knew, beyond any doubt, that Joss was terrified of something. She was actually doing a damn good job of hiding it; she’d deflected his attention from it for the entire previous day, and right up until this moment. But he knew he was right. And given what she’d just said, coupled with the expression he saw underneath her false humor, now that he was looking for it, a whole lot of things suddenly began to fit together in a new shape.

Bucky was reminded of a tenement fire he’d seen once in Brooklyn. Being typical young boys, he and Steve had gone running to the building to watch, expecting to see some cool flames, maybe some exciting heroics by the fire crews. They had seen some of those things, but the thing that had haunted ten-year-old Bucky for months afterward was the looks on the faces of those trapped on the upper floors. Grown men had stood in open windows, staring in wide-eyed terror at the flames consuming the rooms behind them, near-paralyzed with fear as they tried to find the courage to jump into the life net spread by the firefighters below.

Joss looked like that now. What danger was pursuing her that leaving the hospital far too soon was the better alternative?

“What’s going on with you? Why would you-“

She just shook her head and looked down at their joined hands. “Just… It doesn’t matter. I just wanted to thank you, and tell you that I’m glad I met you. But now I think you better go. People know who you are, and I don’t want you to get blamed for me breaking out of here.”

“Dammit, Joss, talk to me! What’s going on?”

“I can’t. Let’s not do a whole thing-“

“Just knock it off, will you? Quit treating me like a one-night stand. Maybe I can help.”

When Joss met Bucky’s eyes again, the fear was unveiled, along with a deep sorrow he hadn’t even known was there. “I’m sorry, Bucky. I meant what I said; I really like you. Please. Just go. It’s OK. I promise.”

For a long time, they engaged in a silent battle of wills that Joss won by cheating. Her large, brown eyes filled with tears. “Please,” she whispered. “I need to get out of here before the doctor comes by.”

“Tell me one thing.”

“What?”

“Are you running from me?”

She sighed before answering in a voice his enhanced hearing barely registered. “Not specifically.”

“What does that mean?”

“Bucky, I can’t-“

“Fine. Don’t tell me. But I’m coming with you.”

“No. You’re not.”

“Either we both go or neither of us do. I’m not letting you die.”

“I’m not going to die.”

“I know. Because I’m going with you.”

“Bucky-“

They both stiffened as they heard one of the nurses greet Joss’s surgeon. Joss’s pleading look hit Bucky harder than Steve’s fists ever had.

“You got shoes?” He asked.

*****

Bruce and Catherine had done all the work for which they needed to be in Catherine’s lab at Columbia, and both needed a break from the solid days of research they’d been doing. So on their way back to the tower, they took the opportunity to have lunch at a place Bruce liked nearby.

“This looks like a place you’d go,” Catherine mused, gazing around at the small, dim Thai restaurant with floor-to-ceiling partitions between each booth. The atmosphere was hushed, partly because there were few customers, and partly because the floor was thickly carpeted and the partitions were covered with fabric that absorbed sound.

Bruce looked around, a slight furrow between his eyebrows. “It does?”

“Oh, I like it, don’t get me wrong. It’s got a sort of opium den aesthetic. And I’m pretty sure if they were ever asked, everyone here would swear they’ve never seen you before.”

Bruce just grinned shyly at his lap.

“Bruce… I want to ask you something, and I don’t know how you’ll feel about it. Do you mind if I ask how things are going for you? With, you know…”

“My little problem?”

“Well, if you want to call him little.”

He actually smiled a bit at that. “I’m… working on it. Always working on making it stop, but also trying to figure out-“ He stumbled over what he meant to say.

“What?” She prodded gently.

“Well, he’s… useful sometimes, you know? I mean, there are some situations where a pissed off nine-foot, green beastie comes in awful handy.”

“Like with the Chitauri.”

“For one example. So, I mean… I’m not so sure now that getting rid of him entirely is the right end goal.”

“So controlling him, then?”

He sat back, pulling at his already-mussed hair in a way that made Catherine’s heart ache. “Well, that’s the problem. I think there’s a reason alcoholics just quit drinking entirely. Eliminating a threat seems a hell of a lot easier than controlling it.”

The waiter arrived then, and Catherine watched Bruce as he ordered, just letting herself appreciate the unruly curls in his perpetually-mussed hair, his soulful, dark eyes and little-boy smile. It hurt to look at him, and yet she couldn’t look away. She realized it and wanted to berate herself for indulging in the adolescent pastime of wallowing in her insipid emotions. She’d mercilessly mocked all those young girls crowded together to scream and cry whenever the Beatles appeared anywhere in the 1960’s. Yet here she was, doing basically the same thing. Bloody prat. Next, she’d be driving by the tower at night to see if the lights in his lab were on.

Bruce had introduced Catherine to Thai food in London. She’d never been adventurous when it came to food, and back then, she’d thought that all Thai food had to be spicy enough to burn a hole in your clothing if you spilled any. He’d wheedled her into trying it, which wasn’t hard with his irresistible pout. Besides which, she’d been so lost in love with him she’d have done it just because he wanted her to. Once she’d tried it, she quickly came to like it as much as she did, and they’d sought out great Thai places wherever they happened to be, including Thailand once.

In fact, they’d had Thai food on the night her world was destroyed.

Bruce had been in London working with a team using the radiation facilities at Brunel University. It had been a glorious two weeks; Bruce’s research was going well and Catherine had been able to indulge her desire to spoil him rotten the entire time he’d been staying in her flat.

That day, a Friday, was the last day Bruce’s team had use of the University’s equipment, which meant Bruce would be leaving for the U.S. the next day. Not wanting to miss one second of the time they’d had left, and knowing it was getting toward the end of her workday, Bruce had surprised Catherine by being in her office when she’d returned from a meeting. She could feel his impending departure in her bones, so seeing him in her office, looking rumpled and adorable while avidly reading a technical journal he had no business understanding, she hadn’t taken her eyes off him even as she locked her office door behind her.

He stood then, meeting her in the middle of the small room where their mouths met, their kisses sweet but demanding. They held each other close, stroking and touching almost immediately. There was nothing frantic about the way they removed each other’s clothing; they were tender with one another, but they both had a definite destination in mind. That destination was apparently standing with Catherine’s back to her heavy wooden desk, one leg wrapped around Bruce’s waist as he pumped into her. Catherine was still wearing her bra and Bruce his shirt, although it was completely unbuttoned.

She’d teased him on the way to dinner that he should order water to stay hydrated, given that she wasn’t done with him for the night. He’d laughed and dropped her hand in favor of putting his arm around her as they’d walked into one of their favorite Thai restaurants in Islington, just off the High Street. They’d laughed all through dinner, putting a brave face on their imminent separation, like always.

It happened when they left the restaurant. It was still early, maybe seven O’clock, as they walked toward Catherine’s flat, arm in arm and chatting animatedly about Bruce’s research and paying no attention to anything around them. It wasn’t even fully dark, but the men had been hiding in the shadows of a small walkway between two blocks of flats, waiting for someone just like Bruce and Catherine to come by. When they did, each was grabbed by one of the men and pulled into the dark of the walkway, shoved against one of the buildings and held there while a third threatened them with what looked like a butcher knife.

Bruce was ready to hand over anything they wanted. He’d begun to explain to the guy with the knife that he was reaching for his wallet. But Catherine had no such ideas. Her fury at being accosted, and the fear she tried to hide behind it, made her mouthy. Something she said, she’d never know which foulmouthed insult, flipped a switch in the one holding her. He grabbed her by the shoulders, shook her and then threw her back against the wall, smashing her head against the brick and knocking her half-unconscious. She slid down the wall, leaving a smear of blood. But the guy, entirely unhinged at that point, began to kick her and pummel her with his fists.

Through a red haze, Catherine saw only dim, confusing movement. But she heard English voices. First angry and threatening, then confused, then terrified, and finally screaming before going silent. Through it all, she could hear Bruce… What? Shouting? Maybe at first. But after a few moments, the noise he made could only be described as roaring. She had an impression of something – it seemed to be a person, but it was too big – moving quickly and throwing things. People. Throwing the men who had attacked them.

And then she was being lifted off the ground by impossibly large hands that felt more like stone than flesh, except that they were warm. And green.

She shook off some of the lethargy threatening to engulf her, screamed and began to try to struggle, but the massive green… man? Jumped, with her in his arms, from the alley to the roof of one of the three-story buildings on either side of the little walkway. At that point, she decided she must already be unconscious and dreaming or hallucinating, or whatever one did when one was unconscious. So she quit fighting it and closed her eyes, giving in to the onrushing darkness.

She’d awoken in a hospital bed with the worst headache she’d ever had and Bruce sitting in a chair next to her, refusing to look at her. It had taken a moment to realize that he was crying.

She couldn’t remember anymore what he’d said to her, the words he’d used to apologize, over and over, and to promise – as though she wanted it – that she would never have to see him again. But she would never forget the sound of his voice. The pain, the unspeakable shame, the regret and horror as he’d confessed his wretched secret. She’d tried to tell him that she loved him anyway. That she would face it with him, because he was worth everything, and anything was better than losing him. She’d begged him to stay, to listen to her, to trust her. He hadn’t heard a word.

In the end, she’d been sobbing and pleading even as he made his tearful exit from her hospital room, vowing never to put her in danger again and swearing that he would stay away from her. When her nurse had rushed to her bedside and seen the state she was in, her doctor had given orders to sedate her and call in her family.

Catherine blinked, suddenly finding herself in New York, almost three years later, with Bruce sitting across the table smiling quizzically at her.

“Huh?”

“It’s your turn to order,” he said. “Where’d you go?”

“Oh, I… Yeah, I… Sorry, I was…” She wasn’t about to tell Bruce that she’d just been remembering the night she met the Hulk and lost the love of her life. Instead, she looked up at the bored waiter and ordered the first thing she could think of.

*****

Even the early risers in the Villa didn’t get moving until mid-morning, so no one blinked when Sam and Anita’s first appearance downstairs occurred at almost noon. In fact, that was the reason the staff made breakfast by request until eleven, when they set out a sumptuous, buffet-style brunch featuring cold seafood, made-to-order omelettes, and a full array of morning-after drinks. Sam and Anita both opted for Bloody Marys, very quietly asking the bartender to add only a splash of vodka.

If anything could convince them that nothing was surprising or off-limits at one of Jarman Arias’s house parties, it was the amused good cheer with which Arias greeted them.

“Oh, it’s so good to see you two happily reunited this morning,” he crowed, smiling delightedly as he placed a hand on each of their shoulders in a loose approximation of a group hug.

Sam looked awkwardly down and took an ostentatiously large drink of his Bloody Mary. “Yeah, look, I’m sorry about last night. I get a little crazy when I drink sometimes.”

“Nonsense, nonsense,” Arias laughed. “With a woman as beautiful as Anita, any man would feel as you do.”

Sam cocked an eyebrow, apparently impressed. “You’re somethin’, Arias.”

“Well…” Arias shrugged, failing miserably to look humble.

“Listen, do you think we could just forget about last night? It wasn’t my finest moment.”

“Sam, my friend, it’s forgotten. We won’t speak of it again.”

“Good, because I was wonderin’, as many diversions as you got around here, you ever do any business during one of these things?”

The change in Arias raised the hairs on the back of Sam’s neck. He shrugged, but the predatory look in his eyes was unmistakable. “At times. What kind of business did you have in mind?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Sam answered, running a hand behind his neck as though he was uncomfortable and unable to hide it. “I just thought we might have a conversation. A quiet conversation.”

“I’m intrigued. Why don’t we spend some time together this afternoon? I like to practice my golf swing when I’m here. Do you golf?”

“I’m not sure you could call what I do golf, but…”

Arias laughed heartily. “Then meet me on the driving range. We’ll see if we can’t improve your swing. Say two O’clock?”

“I’ll be there,” Sam beamed.

Arias then turned his attention to Anita, who smiled beatifically at him, but remained at Sam’s side. “My dear, you look beautiful this morning.”

“Thank you, Papi. You’re not mad at me?”

Sam wouldn’t have been mad at her if she took a chainsaw to his dog, if she looked at him like that.

“Oh, mi flor, you’re a paisa. Our blood runs hotter than others’. Of course I understand.” She positively glowed as he took her hand to kiss it. “But. If you’ll excuse me, I must see to my other guests.”

Sam and Anita watched him hustle to the side of a couple, both of whom looked much the worse for wear, whom Anita told Sam were a Bolivian rock star and his model girlfriend. As if in response to a signal, Sam and Anita set their drinks down and turned toward the villa. As they tried to look casual sauntering across the patio, Sam unbuttoned his shirt and Anita removed the brightly-colored wrap covering her red bikini.

The villa was built on an artificial hill so that it overlooked the beach and commanded a spectacular view of miles of green-blue ocean. The main patio and lawn were on one level but, on the other side of the villa away from the beach, a lower level opened onto a spacious parking area. Sam and Anita had both independently discovered that the security hub of the house was in a corner of that lower level. Arias had given Anita a tour, and one of the guests, a telenovela star, had drunkenly shared with Sam that more than one of the important guests at the party were in thrall to Arias because the surveillance controlled from that room had given him ample material for blackmail over the years. After that, Sam had made sure to meet one of the men the telenovela star had told him was part of the team who did the monitoring.

Sam wasn’t sure he was up to this part, but he was game. He was about as straight as a man could be, but he figured flirting was flirting, and he was a grand master, if he did say so himself. He knocked on the door from the outside to the security room as he opened it and stepped in, Anita right behind him.

“Can we come in?” He smiled broadly as he ignored the fact that he was already there.

“Oh… Sam,” a young, reddish-haired man said, stumbling up from his chair in front of a bank of monitors and grinning uncomfortably.

“Hey, Keith. You said I could come by. Now a bad time?”

“No, it’s… Come on in.” The man named Keith looked suspiciously at Anita.

“This is my girlfriend, Anita. She wanted to come with me, is that OK?”

Keith looked a little disappointed. “Sure. Hey, Anita.”

She smiled happily at him. “Nice to meet you, finally. Sam’s been talking about you. He’s right. You are hot.”

Suddenly Keith wasn’t so disappointed anymore. In fact, he looked both excited and just a little frightened. Sam thought it was cute.

Anita winked at Keith and quite pointedly turned her back to introduce herself to the other two men in the room while Sam stepped closer to Keith.

“So, you said you’d show me this amazing system of yours?”

“Yeah, sure.”

The next fifteen minutes were a delicate dance, while Sam made his moves on Keith, and Anita did her best to make friends with the other two men who were supposed to be monitoring the feeds from the ridiculous number of cameras around the villa. Both Sam and Anita got crash courses in the system, although all they really needed to know was the specific locations of cameras in one particular area of the house. Nonetheless, they paid rapt attention to their hosts. Fortunately, the two guys Anita was entertaining paid rapt attention to her body straining the tensile strength of her bikini’s fabric.

Eventually, Sam worked his way to sitting on a rolling chair very close to Keith’s, their heads close together as Sam giggled and messed with buttons and Keith giggled back, playfully scolding him and resetting them. Anita leaned closer to her new friends.

“Hey, you guys, you think maybe we’re intruding on a bit of a moment?” She asked conspiratorially, tossing her head toward Sam and Keith, now whispering something to one another. “Maybe we should take a little break, huh?” She had their absolute, undivided attention as she pulled a fat joint from her bikini top.

She wasn’t surprised to see them agree quickly, especially because she slid a hand down each man’s arm, pulling them sweetly toward her and starting toward the door. As she passed through on the way outside, Anita glanced back to see Keith whispering something into Sam’s ear, Sam’s hand on his thigh.

The marijuana Anita offered the two guards was nothing like what Natasha had offered Santi and the other guards at Arias’s underground facility in Washington. Anita’s joint was, in fact, from Tony’s personal stash, and he’d guaranteed that anyone who took more than a hit or two would most definitely not be paying attention to detail afterward. By the time Anita and the two guards returned to the control room, she could see he’d been understating things. She was intrigued to see that Sam and Keith were actually trading tentative nips at each other’s lips when they returned, and Sam made sure that Keith wasn’t able to pay any more attention than the other two as Anita surreptitiously made a few adjustments to the sequence in which the program shuffled through camera feeds. Of course, she did it while leaning over far more than necessary, pretending to show her own targets something on one of the feeds while they goggled at her chest.

A while afterward, Sam and Anita smoothly and reluctantly wrapped up their visit to the control room, leaving all three men in no shape to pay much attention to which camera feeds were, or were not, showing as the monitors cycled through them.

“How stoned are you?” Sam asked, as they made their way from the control room to their next tasks.

“Just nicely toasted. I’ll be fine when it’s time. But I’ll tell you something. When this is over, I definitely gotta party with Tony Stark. That was some nice stuff. It was a damn crime to only pretend to inhale.”

“Be careful. I heard he had Snoop Dogg beggin’ for mercy once.”

“You know what? I can believe that.”

#The Avengers #The Winter Soldier #Captain America #Steve Rogers #Bucky Barnes #Bruce Banner #Sam Wilson #The Falcon #Clint Barton #Tony Stark

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kvndeathmusic · 5 years ago

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THE BEST RECORDS OF THE 2010S PT 2 (THE TOP 10!!!!!!)

if you thought the last post was long, you just wait. ive also decided to actually number this list, but pls keep in mind my opinions change often and drastically so dont think anything is set here.

please read my other post too if you want to know about the records i like a little less than the ones here as well as some honorable mentions

#10: Some Rap Songs - Earl Sweatshirt (2018)

This record is a perfect fusion of rap and lofi hip hop. Nobody makes a beat like Earl, and this record is a perfect example. Earl uses his samples to create layered soundscapes of distorted vocals and sounds, paired with his emotionally blunt flows. It’s short, but it really doesn’t feel that short, and frankly I could re-listen to it a handful of times in a row and probably not care that much. Not to sound like Todd Howard, but it just works dude.

#9: ゼロコンマ、色とりどりの世界 - Mass of the Fermenting Dregs (2010)

According to Google, this record’s title translates to Zero Comma, Multicolored World. Which is interesting. I wish I knew Japanese just to understand this kind of stuff to be honest. But that’s besides the point.

Zero Comma, Multicolored World is a fantastic collection of tracks from my personal favorite J-Rock band, Mass of the Fermenting Dregs. Like for context, I got into this band around the same time as I got into Nirvana. I spent the entire summer of 2016 crying to In Utero, playing Overwatch while listening to MF DOOM, and jamming to Mass of the Fermenting Dregs. I managed to find a copy of their fantastic self-titled EP when I was in Tokyo a few years back. Anyways I’ve gotten off track.

This record is a breathe of fresh air for those tired of American “alt-rock”, incorporating elements of shoegaze, post-hardcore, pop, and more to create a totally unique and explosive record. Every member of this band is playing out of their minds on some of these tracks, and lead singer/bassist Natsuko Miyamoto’s vocals are powerful and blend so well with everything else this record offers. At this point in most paragraphs I’d gush about some specific tracks but I don’t have a Japanese keyboard to write the track titles and I’m lazy, so just trust me and go listen to this record, their self-titled EP, the reunion record No New World from 2018, and their EP World is Yours if anything I’ve said interests you.

#8: Fetch - Melt-Banana (2013)

This record melts my fucking brain dude. Melt-Banana is some of the most eccentric and weird music I’ve ever heard, blending noise, punk, and just plain absurdity to create music that I want to simultaneously describe as cursed and blessed. From the wailing walls of pure volume coming from the guitars to the sporatic and often manic vocals, this record sounds like no other I’ve ever heard. My personal favorite tracks are Hive, Candy Gun, Zero, and Schemes of the Tails. Seriously, if this sounds interesting to you, set aside 32 minutes to just appreciate this record. It’ll be worth your time.

#7: Joy as an Act of Resistance - IDLES (2018)

On Joy as an Act of Resistance, British band IDLES offers up some of the best punk of the decade in a package that is full of hope, anger, and love. From singer Joe Talbot’s cries for unity in tracks like Danny Nedelko and Great, to self love anthems like Television and I’m Scum, Joy offers an alternative to their much angrier and sad 2017 debut record Brutalism, which I now realize I forgot to include on my fucking honorable mentions god damn it. Anyways, this record isn’t all sweet. IDLES tackles some heavier topics on this record as well, with songs like Samaritans dismantling toxic masculinity, Rottweiler tearing into sensationalist news and media, and the introspective June seeing Joe speak bluntly about his experience being the father of a stillborn. It’s also some of the unique punk out there at the moment, with jangly guitar “riffs”, Joe’s accent heavy shouts, and noisey drums. IDLES is definitely a band to pay attention to going into the 20s.

#6: Adults!!!... Smart!!! Shithammered!!! And Excited By Nothing!!!!! - Bomb the Music Industry (2010)

Adults!!! is short, coming in at 21 minutes over the course of 7 tracks. And yet, this EP contains some of the catchiest and refined ska punk of the decade. The record acts almost as a condensed summation of BTMI’s entire career, featuring some of the repeated themes that has defined Jeff’s whole discography. Not only that, but some of BTMI’s best tracks are on this EP, from Jeff’s strained vocals on You Still Believe in Me?, to the peppy and depressing Planning My Death, to the defiant Slumlord and the explosive penultimate track, The First Time I Met Sanawon. I could wish it was longer, but I’ll be honest, with the quality of tracks here, I don’t care. It’s a near flawless EP that represents everything I love about one of my favorite bands ever.

#5: The Money Store - Death Grips (2012)

Like Fetch, The Money Store is similarly mind melting in completely different ways. This record is brutal. MC Ride’s “vocals” are like no other, with some describing them as the shouts of a drugged up homeless man. Paired with ear bursting, stereo busting beats, and esoteric dark flows, the picture this record paints is one of filth and primal violence. And I love every minute of it. And despite the harsh nature of this record, some of these beats fucking slap. This record features some of the weirdest uses of sampling, like seriously who the fuck finds Arabic Nokia ringtones and thinks “yeah let’s sample these in like half the tracks on this record” and make it sound this good. And at times I have no clue how they even managed to make some of the sounds they did. All of this is backed with Zack Hill’s extremely technical and wild drumming. I contemplated putting other Death Grips records in this spot, but The Money Store is the complete DG package. It also has Hacker on it. im in your area

#4: Teens of Denial - Car Seat Headrest (2016)

I’m a fucking moron and I’ll tell you why. When I initially heard the first few tracks from this record when I was 17, I wasn’t that blown away. Like, I added Fill in the Blank, Vincent, and Destroyed by Hippie Powers to my big ass shuffle playlist and didn’t bother digging much deeper. Here I am now, 20 years old, kicking myself in the ASS for overlooking Car Seat Headrest for this long. I only gave this album a proper listen to back in January! And I LOVE it! Teens of Denial is a fantastic record, full of complex, multilayered tracks that are not only incredibly catchy, but full of heart and passion. Lead singer and songwriter Will Toledo has voice that sounds equally uneasy and leaking with confidence, and that confidence spills over into every aspect of this record. While not as emotionally intense as their only other studio LP as of February 2020, Teens of Denial is just track after track of some of the greatest indie rock made this decade. Including the songs I mentioned before, you’ve also got Drunk Drivers/Killer Whales, 1937 State Park, and the powerful Cosmic Hero. And if you like reading, the narrative of this record is interesting to follow. And while I was working on this list they literally just announced a new record so like I’m fucking hyped dude.

#3: To Pimp a Butterfly - Kendrick Lamar (2015)

Ok. Look. I know everybody is putting this at their #1 spot. And they probably have even more to say about this record than I do. There’s probably nothing I can say that hasn’t been said a million times by literally everyone. But that’s just a testament to the quality of this record. This is one of the greatest hip hop records ever made, if not the best depending on who you ask. Some of my favorite rap songs are on this record, Wesley’s Theory, King Kunta, Alright, The Blacker The Berry, and more. TPAB offers detailed glimpses into one of the biggest rappers in the world’s psyche and pain, mixed with profound social and political messages. The beats on this record are beautifully mixed with jazz and gospel influences, starting a trend many artists have since continued. And Kendrick’s signature flow from gkmc are at their absolute finest on TPAB. There is something to enjoy out of this record no matter your background, which would explain this record’s near universal appeal. To Pimp a Butterfly is just full of life, energy, and passion. It’s weird to think this record is only 5 years old, because it feels just as powerful as it did when it came out.

#2: Twin Fantasy - Car Seat Headrest (2018)

Twin Fantasy is a rare kind of record. The emotions expressed on this record are intense and laid flat out for you to hear, dissect, and empathize with. The entire record being structured around the idea of reflection works both as a fun way to organize a diverse and varied track listing, while also playing into a handful of the record’s motifs and themes. Speaking of which, each song on this album has a unique identity, both in terms of sound and feeling, and how it plays into the larger narrative of this record. Some songs have multiple tonal shifts, such as the epic Beach Life-In-Death, split into three distinct parts making it a song that, despite its 13 minute run-time, is a song I never grow tired of listening to. What each track shares, however, is the same fantastic songwriting, with layered instrumentals and some of Will’s greatest vocal performances. It also helps that all the tracks are just flat out catchy, like the fantastic Bodies, the chill Sober to Death, and the energetic Nervous Young Inhumans. While the 2011 original is great, the 2018 rerecording adds so much new complexity and clarity to this record. In addition to the original themes, the 2018 version adds new perspectives and meta commentary to the 2011 original, with Will reflecting on the feelings he was experiences at the time he wrote the original record, 7 years afterwards, adding an additional layer to this record’s larger narrative. The final 22 minutes of this record provides a strong emotional climax to the record, sending off a fantastic and absolutely classic record. There’s a good chance that, in 10 more years or so, I may look back at this record and put it above my #1 record. Hell, while I write this I really question whether or not I should do it. What I’m trying to say is, take that #2 with a grain of salt, because I love this record just as much as my #1 at this point. No record has managed to leave such a profound and strong impression on me this quickly after my first listen a few months ago, besides Twin Fantasy. Because Twin Fantasy is a rare kind of record. It’s a perfect record. And now it’s time for my favorite record of the decade. It’s probably obvious what it is considering some of the things I’ve said on this list, so without any more delay...

#1: WORRY. - Jeff Rosenstock (2016)

WORRY. is my personal favorite record of the decade and of all time. It is an absolutely triumphant record. Every song here is a classic. WORRY. radiates pure, unfiltered energy that I haven’t been able to shake for the nearly 4 years this record has been out. Songs like Festival Song and Wave Goodnight to Me still get me pumped, and the so called “WORRY. medley” that spans the back half of this record rivals the medley of Abbey Road. And the opening track, We Begged 2 Explode, fuck man it’s a hell of an opener. Hell, I know every line spoken on this record. This record is a product of a man who has spent over 20 years perfecting his music, never compromising to trends or demands. Jeff has always been open about what he loves and what he believes in, and it’s no more apparent than on this record. Trying to describe every way in which this record works for me leaves me grasping for the right words to describe the feeling. It’s a record that makes you wanna chant along to it, move your body to it, and tell everyone you love about it. So just listen to it. I don’t care if you don’t like punk, or ska, or ska punk, or just garage/indie rock in general, or if my enthusiasm hasn’t sold you. This is one of the best records out there and you can either realize it now, or regret it later.

I know the record literally says that the perfect sound doesn’t exist. But it does. And it sounds like this.

And that’s it for this list. I’m excited to see what the new decade brings. If my mind ever changes about these records, or I get around to listening to a record that deserves to be on this list, maybe I’ll do an updated version, but like right now? This is how I feel.

#music #top 10 albums #2010s

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janzz · 6 years ago

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day 3: its 3:47am on day 4 and i forgot to write my daily post

really really really trying hard to make this a habit (just for april)

so fail but lol

here’s my post for today

i went to a yoga class tonight in santa clara and it was the yogi’s first time and she was so good omg!

not quite as good as my fave instructor of all time (the bae lauren at moxie yoga in sf)

but yeah kimberly at corepower santa clara square might make me a regular!

(which honestly is super great because i went to class with norma and it was awful LOL) (she played like hardcore edm at a chill class??) (to be fair it was also a level 2 class and i was struggling a little and kimberly’s class was a level 1....)

(oh i went to whole foods in the same plaza right after and ngl im starting to really enjoy just physically being in those fancy ass supermarkets. i went to a new to me nob hill after orangetheory surprisingly also in santa clara ----theyre just nice and clean and beautiful. however spending $45 to get way less stuff than a 99 ranch or something still feels way wrong. i got bananas cashew milk chia seed refill 18 brown eggs (anthony likes the brown ones idk) natural deodorant (cause native has been sucking hard) ginger tofu mushrooms orange juice fancy sprouted bread shredded cheese actually ok when i list that all out its a decent amount for whole foods. the stuff is just smaller yknow like the presliced white mushrooms were $1 for easily like 3 or so oz less)

anyway i find this funny because when i started dating anthony in 2015 he would go to nob hill markets and always claim it was his favorite market (because the chicken he would buy from there would never go bad etc). i thought he was like idk rich af -- to be fair he went to stanford 2x and has his masters and is 2 years older so yeah he is definitely more privileged than me. like i didnt have a preference for cage free brown eggs like i never had the money to spend the extra $1 or 2 on that shit when i was slaving at starbucks AND a second office job.

its really weird how money changes your life. its 2019 and i finally hit the 100k 6 figure mark. it’s honestly been a STRUGGLE to get here, but i’ve learned a lot along the way -- primarily that you HAVE to negotiate and generally just get paid more to improve your life. anyway yeah money doesn’t solve problems but it generally reduces your mental calories and makes things way more convenient.

before when i was poorer, i would have to go out of my way to make sure i was getting the cheapest shell gasoline in the area (still gotta have standards and not give into that arco bullshit). i would never go into whole foods or places like that because my dollar had to stretch further. whenever i would go out with friends before i’d have to be SUPER mindful of what i ordered and i would be EXTRA annoyed when you go out in a group and when splitting venmo people wouldnt pay the extra gratuity and i’d factor in me covering it because as a barista and server its bs when ppl dont tip well

now -- idgaf if i go out to eat a lot or splurge when im out w friends. dropping $50-$100 randomly cause something is on clearance at lululemon is not a big deal. im not anal about my boyfriend and i splitting everything exactly 5050 down the middle cause meh whatever i dont need to be given money back for like the minimal difference. if whole foods is convenient for me to go to after a workout ill go in without batting an eyelash.

it is weird tho being poor and then having money -- like ill go to lululemon but absolutely CANNOT buy anything full price. i still like watching movies but 99% of the time go on discount days cause spending $20 when i could spend $9 feels wrong. whenever i do basic things with my boyfriend, like going to the grocery store or mall, i’m most definitely the most cost conscious -- checking against the value per oz, whereas he just picks whatever and gives no thoughts to it (i think he makes like 240k a year thereabouts, definitely more than double but i dont know the specifics). i drive a 2015 toyota corolla le he drives a nicer but still affordable more luxury sedan hyundai sonata souped up with seat warmers navigation and he’s installed a dash cam and stuff. my car is definitely a commuter car that’s just one level up from the s basic model. when i htink about buying a new car i dont know if i could buy a lexus but yet i sometimes think about getting a tesla instead of a prius

another weird one is getting mad at myself for leaving reusable grocery bags LITERALLY in the trunk and then having to pay the $0.10 per bag. I’ve easily spent at least $15 on bags prob. Before i would be kicking myself hard cause i’d need to pinch pennies. another thing that ive noticed makes me feel “rich” is i can sustain my craft coffee/boba habit just fine and not give a fuck. before i got more mindful of it i htink my my coffee boba budget was like $100 a month. ive always loved craft coffee, but it has to be RIGHT if i was gonna spend $6. when i was living w my parents in san diego going to a new coffee shop and driving up to encinitas or whatever was like THE trip. now i get philz off my mobile app whenever i head out of class or if im feeling like it and its not that special

but yeah, im not rich by any means but it was huge to go from like $16 an hour at my office job/$15.70?? w/ benefits I think that was my starbucks shift supervisor rate/annual salaries of 20k ish to $39k at a law firm in downtown sac (grossly underpaid but at least rent was only $300 at a family friends) back to the law firm job up to $70k. there i got a raise at the same job from 70 to 80k and then 80k to 86.

THEN cause i was privileged enough to have been able to save money making more when i hated my job i just up and quit (i think i had like no more than 5k in savings at the time --it wouldve been more but i spent 3k on prk/lasik). anyway yeah i was lucky af and got a new job in a month -- and the offer for this job was 100k base, 10k bonus, some amount of stock (i still suck at this stuff) and a stupid amount of perks like $1000 gym reimbursement and basically free health insurance -- if i annualize all my pay+perks, assuming i get my full bonus, its prob like 120k.

so i have like 5x ed my income in 4 years since graduating from college.

the crazy part is people that were more privileged than me STARTED at 100k as new grads, including 401ks and what not. im lucky becuase i started mine back when i was 18 at starbucks.

income inequality and access to knowledge/resources has become something ive become more aware about and passionate about over time. me and my boyfriend clashed a lot earlier i think because we literally were in different planes of our lives and income levels. we’ve been together 3 years, but have known each other for 4. we broke up for 1 year in between -- and yeah ngl had i never improved myself or actually reached my income/earning potential we likely would not have gotten back together. additionally him supporting me when we got back together raised me out of not the poverty level but yeah we met and i made 39k. i took the plunge and moved out to sf for myself and lets be real for him too and made 70k which was a huge jump. and in a short 15 months or so i jumped again to 100k base.

im never gonna make as much as he does (men/women blah we can get into that) but yeah even having access to money adjacently is so powerful. anthony never outright gave me money and im too much of a hardass independent person that ive NEVER borrowed money from him, never intend to. i really vehemently despise the idea of free loading but because of him just being around yeah my life has been improved.

when we met in 2015 in our young 20s we were in our have fun phase. i was too poor to have gone to thiings like coachella or out to a concert. he got me into music and made it easy for me to experience because he’d buy the ticket, drinks, pick me up and pay for sf parking. i would likely get dinner ahead of time or something small and generally we would switch so if he got tickets one time i’d get them next. but he ALWAYS paid for drinks and lets be real the occasional not drinks :P he had introduced me to music in such a way that i was willing to drop $800 or so on coachella + car camping + take pto days even when we were broken up 10ish months or whatever it was the first time we dated but if you think about it he likely dropped at least 1k on me during those 10 months without batting an eye lash. i made 39k at the time working in downtown sacramento and he made 90k base (maybe 115k total comp) living in SF.

despite just basic things like me being immature for 23 -- a big reason i think we broke up at the time was the income level inequality. it was both our first jobs out of school (first job out of stanford grad for him, he immediately got his masters out of undergrad). i did a round of uc davis, community, uc davis.

he told me he was breaking up with me because when we met i had originally wanted to be a lawyer and then didnt end up pursuing that path and he saw it as a lack of ambition/drive. what he didnt see was general growing up and not having access to lawyers as i grew up, just me working at this really top tier A+ law firm and feeling out of place as an asian woman working with rich WASPs. me wearing pencil skirts and having major impostor syndrome. what he did end up seeing was an insecure version of myself in our relationship with me bending over backwards to make him happy.

when i moved to sf and made 70k it definitely was a huge ego boost to make that additional 30k, but to be real, here in sf and paying more rent than i was in sac and SD/just general living being expensive 70k wasnt that much. what it did for my confidence though was priceless (i was an ea to a ceo at a tech startup). i really grew into myself and was more confident in my abilities -- and honestly a lot of that was just getting older and knowing that i was good at things, bad at certain things and i wasnt going through my quarterlife/post grad crisis anymore.

then those raises to 80k and 86k made me more ballsy. these things were obvi practiced with anthony as i had a partner to discuss and practice with/an educated thought partner. at this time anthony was making $150k base or so (after realizing he had been grossly underpaid as a PM for the 90k initial salary)

all of this set me up to basically make my position what it is now AND for it to be 100k. tbh im a glorified low level coordinator at a big company. i honest to goodness for the first three months probably worked a total of 2ish hours a day? this role should probably max out at 90k. and by max out i mean this role likely shouldve started at 75k with incremental raises to get to 90 in like 3 years. i STARTED at 100 and can likely if i play my cards right be promoted to a program manager in a year (or less). that’ll prob bump me to a base of 120 or so if i’m aggressive.

i always shitted on sf when i moved here because i hate the tech bros, the elitist ppl, the vcs who think theyre out here changing the world but seriously being surrounded by people that went to ivy leagues or the UC’s that were better than mine have honestly, like my boyfriend, just uplifted my status. something as small as casual lunch time conversation being more intellectual makes a huge difference for me re: how stimulated i feel and how much more energized ive become because of ppl around me. i def still have impostor syndrome all the time but its been so much growth from 23 to 27.

30s should be great because ill be well into my career by then and making even more and closing the gap even more w my boyfriend. its funny too cause hes 29 now AND FINALLY getting that postgrad quarter life crisis. his privilege was able to offset him to have this crisis later on in life where he made more money and could make smarter choices. privilege really is the thing that keeps on giving and im grateful to have started poor and really appreciate it. as i make more money i also care more and more to give back. if i ever do run for office in my 50s or whatever im gonna push for more access to education and arts. i had an interest in this as an undergrad but couldnt pursue it because itd be a lifetime of poverty, but yeah who knows.

dang this went long but it is really interesting when i think about money and how much its effected me. im lucky i was able to raise myself out of the level my immigrant parents brought me and my sister to. them moving out of the philippines was the best thing that ever happened to me. the second is them fronting the bill for my university education. the privilege i have is extremely special and important and i want to honor their sacrifices because im sitting on a 100k because of decades of hard work and frugality on their ends.

im fucking lucky.

we gotta pass on the resources and uplift those around us if we are fortunate.

...another rant altogether but i wish the leadership in the United States thought the same way.

(end: 4:36am, why do i do this to myself)

0 notes

somekindofseizure · 8 years ago

Text

When the Ink Dries IV

Rated: Explicit

Notes: Thank you again to the usual brilliant beta’ing suspects, @icedteainthebag, @h0ldthiscat and @gazeatscully.

If you haven’t read the previous parts, go here.

Chapter 9

The first time Mulder came close to telling Scully he loved her was not the night Stella told him to do so. It was also not over a bouquet of flowers at a candlelit restaurant, the two of them smiling nervously at a wobbly table as a waiter placed a plastic pie slice under the leg. It was not on a navy blue night beneath the stars, backs against the warm hood of a car, her gaze following his finger in awe as he pointed here and there. It was not sitting side by side in a movie theater, her little hand reaching over to place pieces of popcorn on his tongue while he pretended to be annoyed that she wouldn’t let him hold the tub. It was none of the times or places Mulder had been telling himself he was waiting for.

Instead, it was in a standard-issue Ford Taurus the color of a curbside TV screen, seats that stunk of the four-month-old coffee spill that was still holding a grudge over its gruesome demise. Mulder was driving under the influence of a splitting headache having lost a coin toss. It was one of those days they’d come up so short, run in such perfect circles, that neither of them could face the finality of turning that key, pulling up that emergency brake.

Of course, sometimes Scully’s mere presence, her sticky red lips and stiff-postured strut, was enough to make unromantic settings seem romantic. After all, that’s how he’d fallen in love with her in the first place. Freezer lockers in Alaska, rocks in the middle of monster-infested lakes, sometimes even his crusty basement office went pink and fuzzy late at night when she looked up at him a certain way. This wasn’t like that either.

Yes, he’d almost gotten high on a single toke of her perfume when he leaned over her shoulder to study the gravesite earlier, but that cautiously applied dab had long faded. And yes, he’d pretended this morning that the umbrella was narrower than he knew it to be just so he could hook his arm around her waist and iron the curve of it against him, but that drizzle had long since dried up. By the end of the day, she was just his partner, someone who argued with him compulsively and who always had to pee and yet still never wanted to stop when he did, someone he’d have been happy to hand a bus pass had there been any buses to take.

She slouched beside him performing a symphony of chap-lipped sighs as the radio station -- the one she’d decided was her best and only hope about ten minutes ago -- failed her with its sorry static and decades-old songs, the stubborn soundtrack that belonged to every dark, lonely stretch of land he’d ever been to. The last thing he expected, fifty miles from the nearest sign of civilization and twelve hours from the nearest decent mood, was to remember he loved her.

It wasn’t that he hadn’t taken Stella’s advice to heart. He’d actually hung up the phone that night, locked the door, grabbed his coat and driven to Scully’s, chanting affirmations all the way, determined to become a devout convert in the religion of Seize the Moment. But he’d left Scully’s place without so much as a knock on the door, then spent all weekend nursing his pride, quietly holding Stella accountable. She had played a major role in wounding his ego and then taken off with slick instructions to be bold. Easy for her to say. Where she was going, she’d have nothing to worry about but military time and minding the gap.

But when the following Monday came, Scully showed up at work as she always had, the wave of hair round her ear patient and perfect as ever, dressed once again in responsible opaque rayon blends, her hands once again focused on touching bodies that would not touch her back (unless, zombies, but anyway). For once, Scully’s ability to pretend things that had happened had not actually happened would serve him well. She would make the days pass anonymously, make each little bit of the future look more like the past. She would make him think he could live with that.

Inevitably, fuzz once again overtook the radio signal and Scully half-whined, half-groaned as her city-mouse optimism suffered another defeat. She leaned over, coat pooled at her lower back, clasp of her bra showing through her blouse like a second spine. His brain sizzled in chaos as she started to fuss with the seek button or the tuner button or whichever fucking button it was she kept playing with, each time changing stations mid-musical-phrase, cheerfully surfing the foam between wavelengths. Mulder rubbed his forehead with his fingers.

“Scully, just pick something.”

“Don’t be snippy.”

“There’s no way you can even hear the songs going that fast.”

“I can so. I have a skill.”

“You’re giving me a headache.”

“You already had a headache.”

“Can we just shut it off?”

She clicked once more and paused for effect.

“Sure.”

“No!”

She sat back with a satisfied grin on her face and an Elvis song on the radio; it was one Mulder knew well, a ticklish bassline and a sneakily romantic bridge. Two verses away, his stomach was squishy about what was coming, afraid to hear that slow dropping drawl in her presence - honey, you know I’ve never lied to you. Why couldn’t it be Hound Dog or even Heartbreak Hotel, one whose lyrics had been rendered meaningless and lustless by familiarity.

He could feel her looking at him.

“Magic touch,” she said. “Admit it.”

He tried not to smile but failed.

“You don’t believe in magic.”

Hero of the night, conqueror of both bad signal and bad mood, she dropped her head against the window for a well-earned rest. She began to sing along, so softly that every now and then, a word glitched away on her inhale as Mulder gradually melted like a teaspoon of sugar into the coffee-stained seat.

Why can’t you see what you’re doing to me, when you don’t believe a word I say...

“You know ‘Suspicious Minds,’” he said, forgetting she was self-conscious about her singing voice.

She cleared her throat and switched to a stifled hum, but her knees still skipped from side to side. He glanced from them to the road, from her pale left cheek to the dotted yellow lines. And as he began to tap his left toe, he remembered the Elvis figurine he’d once planned to give her, the way it had initially meant nothing, come to mean everything, and finally disappeared altogether. And suddenly he wanted so badly to tell her he loved her, loved her more passionately than he hated channel flicking, loved her with every single one of his moods, even the bad ones, maybe especially the bad ones, he loved her the way people now made fun of Elvis for singing about loving people.

But then her knees slowed and when he glanced over, his mouth open and important words on the tip of his tongue, he found her staring out the window like she was afraid they were being followed. Her breath was caught in a hopeless jet stream between her open lips and the glass and her eyelashes drew pictures between the stalled raindrops. Perhaps feeling his eyes on her, she turned her face toward her shoulder, confiding more privately in the passenger side door, hips shifting in her seat. Of course, he realized, she would remember the little Elvis figure too, would remember how it turned up under her knee that fateful night. It had only been a few weeks, even if they had been pretending it had been longer or never...

Her chin reaches over the seatbelt, a threshold between the present and the past, and then she is in a shiny hotel room where a lonely ring holder is being held hostage by three people who will probably never have use for such an item. But for now, there’s no future, just the moon and her, standing naked and satisfied beneath it at a full-length window. And of course, Stella, sheathed in silk, standing behind her, close and soft as her own shadow, arm shaking the cuff of the robe down as she reaches around Scully’s hip, ducking the curve of her wrist into the indentation of Scully’s pelvic muscle, finding it a perfect fit. Scully stands up a little straighter, then leans back as two fingers test her body like a swimming pool, dipping and coming out wet and doing it all over again, warming themselves to the idea of a longer stay. Scully presses her fingertips into the glass, trying to protect the sensitive skin of her breasts and belly and even the jaded palm of her hand from the shock of the cold. It’s no use when Stella begins to kiss her behind the ear, whispers things Scully later somehow won’t remember though she’ll remember every detail about the way her body gives way and sinks like an anchor into Stella’s right wrist. When she starts to pant, Stella’s forearm pads the windowpane, one half of an X in front of Scully’s face as her nipples tap the glass beneath it, still fighting the force of gravity that is Stella’s sway, and and for a second, she feels guilty that he’s not awake to see it. But then her mouth is against Stella’s arm, sucking and biting to avoid speaking and she is absolutely sure that this is no one else’s, not even his, the way her brow furrows for Stella, the way Stella holds her afterwards like a bulletproof vest. It’s only for the moon and for her to see… and see… and see...

“You okay?” he asked.

“Hm? Mhm.”

This was the expression, the mood, he began to associate with Stella Gibson, the countenance of a person trying to shake something off, untaste and unsmell it and unfeel it. It was quite similar to the way Scully acted when she realized she’d started to believe in one of his theories, that he’d gotten in her head against her wishes. And to her, he knew, Stella was just as absurd, just as factless and illogical as any of those theories. We only spent a few days together, she would be thinking. We don’t have anything in common but a dress size (and, he would have argued, a powerful right eyebrow). The most irrational of things had happened to the most rational of people. And now that person sat trying to wish and reason it away, a knuckle against her lip and a far-away look in her eye. For once, even if she didn’t know it, Mulder’s believing in nonsensical things was going to serve her well.

So he let the song end uneventfully, let her get out of the car without saying a word that night. He began to work more, work out more, jerk off more -- anything to keep him from picking up the phone. Anything to keep him from thinking about what it would be like to have Scully hovering over his body instead of a dumbbell, or hear her whimpering instead of some false videotaped professional (would Scully whimper?). He tried not to consider that it was possible, remotely possible, that just once, when it was time, something good might happen. So far, that had happened to him exactly once in his life – the day Scully walked into his office. What were the chances lightning would strike the same two people twice?

He came close to telling her a second time, this time on their way back from Leon County, Florida. He’d almost died twice in two days: once, of boredom had he been successfully transported to the FBI retreat, and then again, in a place called Apalachicola National Forest. She’d kept him alive by singing Joy to the World off-key while in his head, he heard Stella’s voice saying stop wasting time stop wasting time. He’d spent a lot of time wondering what she meant by that, if she was talking about some specific inevitability or about him generally growing a pair. But standing at a stuffy airport gate amidst Hawaiian shirts and Mickey Mouse ears, awaiting an already delayed flight, he thought well, that, that was probably exactly what she meant: stop wasting time or one day you’ll be kicking the bucket in a place called Apalachicola National Forest without ever having been happier than you are in her arms shivering to death.

There was that rush people spoke of, the thing he’d seen in movies over the years where someone ran around a city, a party, and yes, an airport, in order to tell a woman he loved her before another minute was lost. He was going to do that, and he didn’t even have to look further than the sunken blue vinyl seat beside him, but someone from American Airlines tapped the mic with something more important to say. It was going to be another four hours. The crowd groaned collectively, but Scully, queen of irritable groans, was silent.

“Guess we have to kill four hours,” he said but she didn’t look at him.

“Mm.”

“How are we going to do that?”

She is leaning, almost sitting on her kitchen table, her jeans around one ankle beside Stella’s bare calves. She spends very little time at this table, and has never spent any of it this way before. She is thinking of the way the seams of Stella’s skirt stretch and curl with Stella’s flexing thighs, she is thinking of the little rosy spots Stella will have around her kneecaps when this is over and she is thinking nothing at all. Both of her hands are gripping the beveled wooden edge and she wants to move one to the back of Stella’s head, but she can’t bring herself to do it. She knows this is supposed to be goodbye, and she’s afraid if she tangles herself in the dark roots of Stella’s hair, she won’t be able to let it go in time. She’s afraid if she can still smell Stella’s scalp when she locks the door and goes to bed alone, she won’t sleep. She’s knows Stella’s scared of things like this too, so scared that she would rather hurt herself before those things beat her to it, but they must not be exactly the same things because Stella moves Scully’s left hand to the back of her own head, glances up in encouragement. The fast flick of first-place ribbon blue startles Scully’s fingers into a trophy-winner grip that hugs Stella’s mouth a little closer against her body and she knows it’s what Stella wanted because she can feel her smile. After she comes, she lies back on the table, managing not to cry by thinking “four more hours, we have four more hours.”

He held out a pack of Twizzlers to get her attention, bit his tongue when her cheeks flushed the color of the pack in his hand, and wondered how he’d know when enough time had passed. How long did it take someone to get over a person they’d known for four days? How long would he have to monitor those quiet moments between chasing shadows and questioning witnesses, knowing she was thinking about the register of Stella’s voice, the octave it took in pleasure, the temperature of the skin behind her ear, the way she looked when she listened? That day Stella called from the airport, he’d thought she was gone. But she was in fact very much present in their collective memory, just like one of the files in their drawer, one more phenomenon they’d both seen but seen so differently they couldn’t quite talk about it. She was right there in that pack of Twizzlers, in a cloud of American car condensation, inside a car stereo.

One day a couple weeks later, she was even on their answering machine. They’d come in tired and hungry, poorly armed with the low expectations their phone calls generally inspired. Mulder pressed the button and Scully began to set out some take-away cartons, not prepared to delay the intake of fried rice for Langley or Byers or some hysterical MUFON member. But when the tape started spinning, all other movement ceased. Stella’s voice came into the room like a sparrow, fluttering and beautiful, inappropriately captive. Both Mulder and Scully froze, watching it hit the walls and ceiling, trying to stay out of its way.

“I realized once I settled in back here that I never properly thanked you for sharing your work with me,” she said with improbable ease.

Mulder held the corner of his mouth between two teeth as he anxiously glanced over at Scully. Her hands were laid flat on the desk like she was playing a game with herself, wasn’t sure which hand she’d hid the Ace under.

“And I realized,” Stella continued somewhat breathily, “that I never gave you a way to reach me. My number here is five – you’ll have to dial the country code first, which is -- I forget, some nonsense combination of ones and zeros you’ll have to look up –”

She rattled off a string of digits that seemed longer than a social security number. Mulder watched for movement out the corner of his eye, but Scully didn’t reach for a pencil, didn’t do anything.

“That’s my personal number,” Stella said, the tone of her voice slightly slipping in its certainty. “You can use it for any reason.”

A pause.

“Either of you.”

And then her voice slid up a notch from its steady dial tone register.

“Any reason at all.”

And with that, she vanished back into the air, a narrow escape through a crack in the window. Scully went back to separating packets of black and orange, back to parsing out fair plots of rice. He watched as she folded a set of chopsticks open and rubbed them together evenly.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“What? Yes, of course. I’m ravenous.”

But ravenous Scully usually approached lo mein with the enthusiasm of an athlete, a tennis player locating her best grip. This was a straightforward nibble, a ball boy creeping out to the net.

“I’ll listen to it again later to write the number down,” he said, wondering if she was afraid he’d erased it. She gave him a look as though he’d made a wild change of subject. “Just in case you need it or… want it.”

She shrugged, shook her head. And then she shoved her lo mein aside like it had passed its expiration date, turned her attention to ripping apart a plastic packet with her teeth.

The next time it occurred to Mulder to tell Scully he loved her, it would not be because of the way she smelled or felt standing next to him, or the way she grinned when she teased him over the car radio, or even the sounds she made in his wildest fantasies. It would be something even more incongruous than a deserted highway or a packed airport terminal full of aggravated travelers that inspired him. It would be because he was super fucking pissed off.

It was a Friday night, the end of a really bad week in which they’d had to go to Texas. Twice. He’d almost killed a vampire who was almost not even really a vampire (he was). They’d spent an entire fucking day arguing about every single thing that did or did not happen, unable to complete a report that didn’t make one of them sound like a liar. If only they could have turned in a report about how cute Scully thought the loping Sheriff was; that would have been a quick piece of business. He felt mean for telling her that the Sheriff hadn’t returned her admiration, but there was only so much a man could be expected to take in one week.

When the report was done and turned in, it was well past five. They shifted around on their respective sides of the desk, two creaky old computers powering down. Couples didn’t go to bed angry, and Mulder and Scully didn’t like to leave the office angry. He looked up intending to make small talk, be the bigger person, send her off into her weekend with a clear conscience. He thought about apologizing for his shitty attitude about the Sheriff, telling her that of course the Sheriff had noticed her (and of course, if he was being honest with himself, he had). Scully must have sensed it coming, felt him look up, because she lifted her chin and waited. A streak of blood, thick as nail polish, slid down her upper lip. She raised her eyebrows, oblivious, as the wind went out of his chest.

“What?” she asked as he stepped around to her side. He said nothing as he took his tie off and wiped her lip with it. She took it from his hands, tipped her head back, he assumed to hide the fear in her eyes. Any minute now she would run off to the bathroom.

“Shit.”

“Scully,” he whispered.

“Mulder,” she said up into the tie. “It’s fine.”

His heart began to race, his stomach lurching as she pinched the bridge of her nose. She seemed to have expected this somehow because her voice had none of his panic. Had she known she was sick again? Had she told Stella? Is that why Stella had told him to stop wasting time and if so, why the fuck had she been so cryptic about it? What kind of sick Hallmark greeting card message was that?

“No, no, no,” she said, as if he’d asked it out loud. “It’s just from flying so much in such a short period of time.”

“What?”

“Barotrauma. Used to get it as a kid. Been a while.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yes.”

He closed his eyes as he sat back against his chair and breathed at the ceiling.

“Shit,” she muttered.

“What?”

So long as it wasn’t cancer, he didn’t really care what.

“I’ll have to cancel.”

“Cancel what?”

She patted her nose dry and looked straight ahead, but her eyes darted off to the side.

“Nevermind.”

“Cancel what?”

Maybe he did care.

“Nothing, I just. A date.”

“What?”

“It’s a first date. I don’t want to take the chance I start bleeding into my plate on a first date. Talk about traumatic.”

Mulder used every muscle in his body to pull his jaw off the floor. His eyebrows were still up somewhere under the flop of his hair but he was willing to let those remain there the rest of the conversation.

“You have a date? With whom?”

“Um. The guy who fixed the car last week.”

“The FBI mechanic?”

“The new one.”

“The mechanic?”

“Don’t be a snob.”

He didn’t give a shit what the guy did for a living. He just needed something to repeat while he figured out what the fuck was going on.

“What about the Sheriff?”

“What Sheriff?”

“The one you spent all week making eyes at.”

“What are you, protective of him all of a sudden?”

“No. Look. Listen. Go on all the dates you want.”

“Well,” she said with a sigh. “Not going on this one.”

She dug into her pocket and found a business card. She eyed the phone and tapped the card on her thumb, flicked it with a fingernail.

“Go ahead. Call him.”

He had begun to search his memory for the key interaction he must have missed between Scully and the mechanic, begun to wonder where he was, what exactly he was doing while this random fucking guy so easily did what he had not been able to do for years. He tried with perverse effort to remember the tone of voice Scully had spoken at the garage, her mood when they’d left.

“I think I’ll... I’ll wait til you go.”

Mulder fumed all through his workout, the eating of his frozen pizza, the length of his shower. Standing naked in his bathroom mirror, he gave himself a resentful once-over as a figment of Stella Gibson sadly shook her head over his shoulder. Go ahead, take a long hard look at the ball-less, soaking wet bastard who let her say yes to the FBI mechanic. And he did take a long, hard look at that guy. He stared that motherfucker down, stared down past his own pouting lips, his new arm muscles and respectable six pack, stared right at the idiotically large, red, gang-font letter that tagged his pelvic bone. He had a tattoo of her last initial and she was flirting with a fucking buck-toothed sheriff in Texas and saying yes to dates with mechanics.

At some point, she’d decided it was time to move on and she hadn’t even had the decency to tell him?

Well, fuck that. He towel-dried furiously and brushed his teeth twice. He put on a clean t-shirt and his lucky jeans (though he had never gotten lucky in them or any other jeans he presently owned). He sat in the car a few blocks from her building for a half hour, working up his courage, planning his speech, branching her various possible responses like he was writing the code of a very sappy, very boring, and potentially very depressing video game. He chewed his lip until his saliva tasted like medicine. And finally, he stepped out into the world. Ready.

A block into his walk, rain began to fall. No, not rain, but rushing, stunning, Asiatic gusts of water, the likes of which he’d never seen in Washington. He was not turning back now. He was brave. He was a man in love. He was at least as good as Sheriff Hartwell and the mechanic.

And he was standing on Scully’s doorstep shivering like a wet chihuahua, drenched to the bone.

“Mulder,” she gasped, a line of concern stapling itself between her eyebrows. “Come in.”

He pushed his shoes off at the door with opposite toes and stood with his shoulders at his ears, afraid to move. One move could douse her whole apartment.

“Is everything okay?” she asked as she moved in and out of rooms, getting him a towel. “Other than the fact that you’re soaking wet.”

There was wine and an open book next to the couch, her glasses playing the role of bookmark. His time off was spent so arbitrarily, was often woven into the anxiety of what to do with it. When Scully’s Fridays came, she read the book she’d been planning to read all week, drank the wine she’d been saving up to drink. He could never spend his free time like that, would never feel he deserved it. Come to think of it, he didn’t deserve her either.

“Yeah, everything’s fine. I just came to talk about something, but I can do it another time.”

He dried everything a towel could dry and as he handed it back, finally got a good enough look at her to make him grateful and remorseful at once, like looking at the Eiffel Tower and knowing you would never get to see it again.

She was wearing a tight little t-shirt that had the name of some sort of camp on it, the letters cracking where her breasts stretched it. There was a hunter-green colored set of felt pine trees across the belly, and dark spots from years of laundered deodorant under the armpits. She was also wearing sweatpants. No buttons, no ties, no matching patterns or monogrammed silk. The only adornments were her nipples, hardening visibly under the thin fabric, maybe, he micro-fantasized, because he was staring at her.

But he didn’t want that either – to begin his confession of undying love by staring at her in a tight shirt. He tried to sound like himself.

“All the good PJs in the wash?”

And had instead come off sounding like a mean big brother.

“Everything else smelled like Texas or forests or mud or slime. I’ve been busy.”

“Going on dates with mechanics.”

She sighed.

“We didn’t have any slime this week. The Sheriff do something to you I don’t know about?”

“God, Mulder.”

“Sorry.”

“Did you come over here in the rain to keep arguing about it?”

“No. Whose camp shirt is that?”

“Mine. Used to come down to here,” she said, pointing to her thighs. He resisted the urge to make a crack about growth spurts and wondered how he hadn’t seen this shirt before. Maybe her fancy pajamas were only for work trips. The idea was almost too cute to bear.

“Well, I like it,” he said, backpedaling furiously, feet flailing for the kickstand. “Just want to get that on record.”

“Noted,” she said, making that face she made almost every day, that brave sane person in the loony bin expression. “Are you staying?”

“Over? No – I – what?”

She further compromised an eyebrow and smirked at him sideways.

“I meant, for now. ‘Cause you can’t sit on my couch in those wet jeans. I’ll have to find you something to borrow.”

“I don’t think any of your camp clothes are going to work.”

Her back was already turned but he heard her cuff and drag a little laugh back to the bedroom. He smiled, feeling slightly encouraged, and fidgeted on the tiny doormat, trying not to give her any reason to put him out in the yard.

She returned with a neat stack of clothes that smelled like her.

“The, uh… shirt is yours anyway,” she said. “I swiped it.”

She sounded less sorry than she did worried that he’d take it back. He had often suspected her of stealing his t-shirts on the road after “borrowing” them. But if she were borrowing shirts, it was usually his fault – some creature had taken a bite out of them, or they’d been singed in a fire, or a monster had slimed them, or he’d just spilled a cup of coffee on her. So he never requested them back. Still, he sometimes wanted to tell her she could just buy t-shirts in that size. Then again, he thought as he glanced at her little capped sleeves, he’d rather not.

“And the shorts are…” she said, seeming sorry she’d started any kind of explanation.

They were a pair of boxer briefs, new-ish looking, probably a size too small for him. He’d certainly never loaned her any underwear.

“Well, they’re clean is all you need to know.”

“All I need to know? Really?”

“I bought them for someone else and then we broke up.”

He felt his stomach churn and tried to blink away the dizziness.

“It was a long time ago, a very long time ago,” she insisted, perhaps noticing that he’d gone temporarily insane at the idea of someone leaving underwear there, a further insult to the injuries he’d witnessed that day.

“I kept them just in case.”

“In case what?”

“In case…you know,” she said blushing. “Someone came over sopping wet and wanted to sit on the couch. So just put them on.”

He realized he was not the only one who was nervous. He suddenly felt the urge to tell her he wasn’t here to start shit about the past, make her feel bad about any of her ex-boyfriends, girlfriends, lovers, murderers, what-have-you. They had both had enough of that for a lifetime. But it seemed like a weird way to start things off, apologizing. Come to think of it, all the ways of starting off he’d planned seemed stupid now.

She was smiling at him, closed-lipped, hip out to the side.

“What is it?”

“I was just thinking about Billy Miles, that night you had me standing in the rain in the middle of the woods screaming at you.”

It was hard to picture with her cheeks all rosy now from what he guesed must have been a bath. But he could -- the translucent shade of parchment paper grey she’d been, her voice screechy as a rusty old rolling pin. He’d wanted to kiss her so badly it had caused a giggling fit. Standing in a torrential downpour getting yelled at by a virtual stranger on the brink of hypothermia was the first thing that had turned him on in years.

“You must’ve thought I was crazy.”

“I did. But I also thought you were cute all wet too.”

Was she flirting with him? Was she retroactively flirting with him on behalf of her past self? He took his bottom lip under consideration, trying not to think about whether that meant he could have kissed her then and there, their very first case -- and oh my god, how many pushups he’d done for nothing, and shit, the perfectly good hipbone skin he’d ruined – and instead tried to be hopeful that maybe tonight was going to be easier than he thought. He inched closer, mussed his damp hair to inspire her.

“Here I am again,” he said. “All wet.”

But she was already turning and walking to the couch

“And still crazy.”

He tried not to sound too sulky.

“I’ll go put these on.”

Her bathroom was dripping with tile-sweat, lights like plastic peaches around the mirror, air hot with the subtle scent of burnt marshmallow made by a recently active hair dryer. He felt like a giant human with his foot stuck in a dollhouse. Surely the apartment had not been built to scale Scully. But all her things were there. Her little bottles, her little slippers, her cosmetics and hair bands scattered about. He never thought of Scully as delicate, never, and he had of course seen many of these things before, but not altogether like this, not collected and posed together in a room where she must have stood naked not thirty minutes ago.

He hadn’t meant to pry or be nosy; he didn’t even open the medicine cabinet. But the bathtub was right in his line of sight on the way out. And what he saw stopped him. A piece of beige fabric lazily draped and dripping over the bathtub faucet, a bra just fancy enough to warrant the term lingerie, and beside it a washed-out pair of pantyhose with a seam up the back. A fucking seam up the back. He’d seen her do this in motels before, knew it meant she’d been wearing this stuff under her suit at work that day, maybe because she’d planned to go directly to the date, he thought, and the thought of that, not of the confounded date but of the seam tickling the back of her thigh, cupping her ass under her pants as she fought and frowned and crossed her arms at him was enough to make him want to relive the terrible day all over again. He hesitated, bit his lower lip and then ran long, guilty fingers under the nylon, tested the firmness of the satin underwire with his thumb.

“Shit,” he said under his breath, forearms hot with testosterone. This was going to be a serious conversation between two adults. It was going to require a lot of sinking in, a lot of thinking over, a lot of weighing options. He would not need the services of a stiff dick at all tonight, not even in the best-case scenario.

She was sitting on the couch when he came out, pressed into the corner exactly the way he’d caught her with Eddie van Blundht. She looked less freaked out than she had that night, but the natural ease she’d had about her earlier had dissipated. Whatever time he’d taken ogling her stuff in the bathroom, she’d had to wonder what this was all about. A pained smile came across her face and she twisted the cuff of her pants in her fingers as he slowly walked past her and sat in the space she’d left him, generously allotted proportional to size.

This is what he’d waited five years for – to make an ass of himself in his underwear, trembling across the couch. So be it. So it wasn’t what he’d imagined. Well, maybe once or twice he’d imagined being in his underwear, but then she was too, and also, these were not actually his underwear. Fuck it.

“What I’m here to talk about, it’s kind of a difficult…” he interrupted himself with a hard gulp. “Kind of a difficult…”

He shook his head once like a gnat had gotten caught in the back of his throat on a jog. Her chin was dipping lower and lower, mouth like a resting marionette, the face she made when trying to decodify nonsense.

“Mulder?”

“It’s nothing bad. Well it could be bad, depending.”

“Have some wine, maybe.”

He reached for the glass on the coffee table and sipped, and as he did so, Scully lurched forward and reached for his hip, apparently spotting the northern tip of the red iceberg that was his tattoo.

“Mulder, are you bleeding?”

He grabbed the wrist she’d almost touched him with and held it halfway between them. She’d scared him and he’d done it harder than he meant to. But when he looked in her eyes -- a warning and an apology -- there was no annoyance or fear, just blue and more blue, an ocean playing cool witness to his storm, yes, disturbed by the wind, but nevertheless confident of the sovereignty it held in its permanence. Her lips parted and he had to drop her arm before he got sucked in by the riptide.

“No,” he said. Now there was no turning back. Scully would never let him walk out without explaining something she’d mistaken for blood. “When Stella left, she told me to come here. Do you know why?”

“You came here to talk about Stella? After all this time?”

“Scully. Please. I’m trying,” he begged. She took a breath, humoring him like he was showing her one of his slideshows. Perhaps that would have been a good idea. Here’s me staring at you in the car. Here’s me staring at you across the desk. Here’s me staring at you in the diner. Are you noticing any patterns?

“Yes,” she said. “I think I know why she told you to come.”

“You do?”

Scully was up off the couch in a flash and then he could hear her rummaging around the kitchen. A question he didn’t think had an answer not only had one, but also required a prop of some kind. She returned with it in the palm of her hand, sat next to him – a little closer, this time, he noticed – and handed it to him.

It was the Elvis figurine he’d bought her in Graceland. He thought it had been lost forever.

“She said the hotel’s housekeeping staff found it. She said I should ask you about it.”

“It’s yours. I bought it for you.”

“You had it the night – that night we –”

“I would carry it around in my pocket. I never gave it to you.”

He paused, took a deep breath. This was the humbling part, or one of several humbling parts, of his story.

“I was angry with you when I came back and found out about Ed Jerse.”

“Okay,” she said carefully. “But why didn’t you give it to me after that?”

“Why didn’t you ask me about it when Stella told you to?”

Scully looked down at her lap shyly.

“So you just carried it around? Every day?”

“In my coat pocket.” He looked up without lifting his chin.

“Mulder,” she whispered. “That’s very sweet.”

“You’re not disgusted that I would withhold a gift from you out of petty jealousy?”

“No.”

She put her hand in his and he thought she was trying to hold it but he wasn’t quite ready, wasn’t nearly through what he had to say, so he resisted.

“What did I do now?” she asked, smiling.

He laughed as he realized she was just trying to get Elvis back.

“Nothing, it’s all yours.”

She studied it, poking it to make it wiggle, twirling it like a ballerina. It had been in her house for six weeks, and she’d given it a hard look at least once before that when she’d knelt in that hotel room at Stella’s waist. He blinked hard – no need to summon that image at the moment. But right now she was looking it over as if she’d never seen it before, was seeing it in a new light. It was only now that it had come to mean something to her.

“So my jealous spree didn’t end there.”

“Oh no. Don’t tell me. Pencil case? Bumper sticker?”

He was not in the mood.

“Sorry. Go ahead. You’re making me a little jumpy,” she admitted, then reached for her glass of wine, placing Elvis like a bullseye in the red ring it left behind.

“When I went to Philadelphia, the night after – our night with Stella – the night we – you know, the night that ah-- “

“I know the one, Mulder.”

“I went to see Jerse again. And I went to that tattoo shop…”

He couldn’t say it. So he waited for her to do it for him. Come on Special Agent Scully. Put it together.

She gasped, hand to her mouth, glancing down where she’d tried to touch him a few minutes ago.

“Oh God, Mulder. You didn’t.”

“I did.”

“Out of spite? I don’t even --”

“I wanted to see if the poison was real, if it had made you do the things you’d done.”

She began to unwind her legs, seemed to be about to jump off the couch. He pressed his hand into her thigh.

“I know now it was really you. I’m okay with it.”

“You’re okay with it?”

“I can accept it.”

“You can accept it?”

He could practically feel the soil of the grave he’d begun to dig, sifting between his cold wet toes. He wished he could just crush her body to him and kiss her like in the movies, but if it had been the movies, they would have done that part out in the rain, not in here, wearing ill-fitting pajamas of dubious origin.

“I like it. I like it because it’s you and I like all of you.”

“Tread lightly, Mulder.”

“Goddammit, I’m trying to tell you that I have feelings for you.”

Her mouth closed and then opened again, lips zipping and unzipping like a puffy pink sleeping bag as she tried to figure out what to say. Her eyes went wider and her tongue came straight out for a second, seeming to resist an urge to try to touch her nose.

“I bought you a gift and didn’t give it to you and I went to Philadelphia and got drunk and got a tattoo and got in a fight with a guy over you and slept in Stella’s hotel room but did not fuck her because I was miserable and scared to be alone and because I have feelings for you.”

It was the best he could do. More of a rant than a confession, really. But it would have to do. She looked around the room like one of his possessed bats or summoned spirits was supposedly flying around.

“Who’d you get in a fight with?”

“Fucking Christ, Scully! Did you hear me?”

There was a pause. She looked at her lap.

“I’m sorry. Give me… give me a minute.”

She stood up and began to pace the path between him and the coffee table, bending her fingers back with opposite hands, occasionally looking at the ceiling as if she were counting in her head. Her toenails were painted red, same as that one time she had slipped her heels up out of her shoes in the car and massaged her shins with the arches of opposite feet.

Okay, so he’d given this some thought. He’d had six weeks to plan this, longer. It was possible she hadn’t spent any time thinking about it at all. Scully thought about the things that were real and possible, like the book and the bottle of wine and apparently women who pulled her close the first moment they had a chance. Until this moment, he had made himself -- the man part of himself, not the partner -- as much of a figment as she believed their cases to be. He let out a little breath, trying not to seem impatient, trying to appreciate her cramming all that time into just a few minutes. Suddenly, she stopped pacing. She’d made it to the other side of the coffee table.

“Well, what is it?” she asked.

“What?”

“The tattoo.”

“It’s just. It’s nothing really.”

“Can I see it?”

“I don’t think so. Not now.”

“You’ve seen mine.”

He sighed, waving a hand at her, but she waited. The fate of this whole thing, the biggest gamble of his whole stupid board-game of a life, now seemed to rest on her impression of his infernally ridiculous quarter-machine tattoo. He stared at her for a moment, begging with his eyes for her to let it go, and then knowing that she wouldn’t, he lifted his ass from the couch, pulled the waistband of the shorts down, and showed her the gaudy red S just below his belt line. She squinted. This, he knew, was for effect. With or without glasses, no one could miss the fucking thing.

“S. For your sister?”

He could see that she meant it. She really meant it. She wasn’t getting it. Maybe she didn’t want to get it. If so, this was his out, he could turn this ship around now, bail himself out. But someday, he might find out there was an afterlife. And he might meet Stella there. And he’d want to die all over again from the shame when she asked if he’d done what she said.

“No, Scully,” he said, and sat back down. She stared at his hip through his clothes like she could still see it. “It’s not for my sister.”

She took a quiet, sharp breath

“Oh my God.”

“Yes.”

“For Stella?”

“What? No. No, Scully. What’s wrong with you?”

She breathed out, shrugging her shoulders in her own defense

“You started this whole thing talking about Stella so…”

“No.”

She looked down and bit her lip. Oh, to be that lip.

“Superman?” she asked and the font was close enough that he couldn’t tell if she was kidding.

Her eyebrows were rounded like child-drawn rainbows, her tongue testing the downward point of her upper lip like it was a baby tooth, wiggling and ready to fall out. Her shoulders went back in a way that made her breasts harder to ignore. She wasn’t hiding her nipples with her arms anymore.

“No,” he said. “Not Superman.”

And that’s when she began to walk back toward him, dancing rather than pacing, a slow-motion box step round the coffee table. When she got to the couch, she raised one knee at a time to the cushions on either side of his legs. Her hands went to his shoulders, ready to waltz him straight out of his mind.

“Sexy?” she asked with one eye narrowed, and he almost said yes because, well because she was now in his lap in a tight little shirt, smelling like wine and those things hanging in the bathtub. Suddenly, it seemed that everything about the way this had happened – the weather, the outfits, the pointless banter – it was all kismet. One of her hands was dribbling down the front of his body, over his chest, down his stomach, lips busy rephrasing and repeating her latest guess. “Does it stand for sexy?”

“No, it doesn’t,” he said with hitched breath. He had rarely if ever heard her use that word, and when she did it was meant figuratively, as in sexier theory, this kind of science isn’t considered sexy...

The heel of her hand was turned to line up with the fish-bodied top of the S, her fingertips tucked into its tail. She took her hand away and let the elastic snap as she raised herself above his eye level, took his face in her hands with her thumbs over the tabs of his ears.

“Stupid?” she asked. There was a buzzing sensation, radio static like those nights in the car, those nights he could never just pull over and suggest they make out until they felt better. It was the frequency that connected them even when they were on different pages, in different cities, on different planets.

“Yes. It was stupid,” he agreed softly.

“Very stupid,” she said, nodding, pleased he was finally falling in line.

“Very stupid,” he slurred, his lips almost paralyzed by the nearness of hers. She leaned in closer, the pert teardrops of her breasts just under his chin, her narrow stomach warm and flat against his.

“Incredibly stupid,” she said in labored syllables, executing consonants that had done nothing to deserve their fate.

“Yes.”

“Tell me what it stands for,” she said, honey-voiced.

“I think you know.”

Her eyes were all sleepy, resting on this spot of his face and then that.

“I want to hear you say it.”

He could almost taste her lips as he licked his own. It was an appeal as well as an answer.

“Scully.”

She nodded as if he’d been the one guessing, and not her.

She served him pieces of her mouth like a sloppy homemade slice of apple pie, warm and unruly. Her top lip was juicy and sweet, her tongue syrupy, her bottom lip crumbling against his teeth. He bit into it to hold her there and kissed her more deeply, swallowing her.

Her thumbs made circles over his ears like pencil erasers. She moaned softly each time his hands etched a line from here to there. The backs of her thighs, split bottom of her ass, the small of her back -- the small of her back, that spot he’d searched out over overcoats and blazers and button-down blouses, the one he’d nearly lost his damn mind over the day Stella escorted Scully out of his office – that one made him moan too.

Her lips vibrated like the skin of a plum when she approved, so perilously delicate he feared piercing them, and yet pressing the curves of themselves desperately against his teeth, begging to be peeled.

She tore his shirt up over his head and lowered her face over his like a crane, her hair falling forward and casting his face in darkness, so that even with open eyes he couldn’t see her. With his hands full of her and his mouth wet with her, he was almost sure he was dreaming. But as she slid back down, she rolled her hips against him. Ever the one to let the light in, ever the one to offer hard evidence.

Her breasts pressed easily through her warm decades-old fifty-fifty blend, rubbing the soft pine trees against his chest hair. He placed his thumb over the word camp and squeezed the nipple in the round white space of the letter P. Her head rag-dolled to one side as she grabbed his shoulders and tried to stand up, wobbling at the ankles as the cushion sank under her feet.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“Trying to get my pants off.”

He pulled her knees to his chest, letting her rest her weight against him as she balanced her hands on his head and laughed. He took over with the pants.

“I’m not wearing underwear,” she murmured, as if he needed a warning.

And perhaps he had. Perhaps he’d needed a warning the length of a carnival ride sign, a carton of cigarettes.

Because in a moment he was looking right at the soft apex of her thighs and his fairly healthy heart almost stopped. He wrapped his arms what seemed like three times around her legs and stared as she pushed her hand through his hair, then grabbed a tuft of it and pulled it, finally showing him what it felt like when she wasn’t looking for blood.

“I was going to come back down there,” she offered, leaving the other option deliciously unverbalized.

“Later,” he said and moved his mouth toward her center, his center, the center of the Earth as far as he was currently concerned.

When his tongue touched her, she groaned like a fault line splitting up the middle, turning over fresh soil, heat rising visibly off the newly revealed surface. Her ass sank back into his hands as her legs failed to hold her and she surrendered the wet weight of her body to his mouth. Her hands wilted down the sides of his face, fingers butterflied out in shock. He curled his tongue inside her as deeply as he could, trying to get the purest possible taste of her, name it and mentally bottle it. But it was sunflower seeds and hot chocolate stuck to his skin and tree roots and French food and wet forests, nothing that really made sense, and he could either spend all night trying to place it or he could make her come.

He wanted to make her come. He thought of the one time he’d seen her do it, squirming and pinned beneath Stella. He wanted to make that happen like he’d never wanted anything. What would Stella do, he asked himself, and slowly slipped a finger up into Scully’s body, taking aim at the skin just at the other side of his tongue. Scully gasped and bucked her hips, nearly toppling over the back of the couch.

She ran one hand up her stomach, taking the hem of her shirt up the narrow valley of her abdomen, pulling it round a fist and tugging it upward, but she seemed to lose motivation, because she put her hands to her head instead, began to play with strands of hair in ways that would scar him for life, prevent him from having peace in his office and in cars and airports and anywhere else Scully might get bored. The t-shirt, flipped up halfway, suspended her breasts in perfect semi-circles, bottoms peeking out like lazy half moons. And the sound of her panting with the softest part of her breasts exposed and her hands rooted in her own hair made him so hard he wanted to pass out.

He pulled his finger down and then pushed it back up, pressing forward a bit and shining the inside of her body like a cherry while his tongue played with the stem, a few drops of moisture dripping down his chin. The way her grip tightened, he thought she was about to come but then realized she was pushing his forehead away, pulling at his ears for his attention. He looked up, annoyed.

“What?”

“I said, tell me.”

“I love you. I’m so in love with you.”

“I know that, you have my initial tattooed to your hipbone,” she said, breathless. “Tell me how you want to fuck me.”

He hesitated, wishing he could give her an honest answer appropriate for first-time soul-mate sex. Missionary style, with you tucked safely beneath me, spilling my seed gently while weeping tears of joy into your hair. But the fact was, her pussy was holding them both at the edge of mutual destruction two inches from his mouth, her tits were half-uncovered and as-yet unsucked over his head. He’d been thinking about her for years. And he had an erection that could inspire a thousand pages of kama sutra. Every way. Six ways from Sunday. Up, down, right and center. So hard. So, so hard. In other words, nothing he was willing to say outloud.

Luckily, Scully was willing to say something.

“Take your pants off and take your dick out.”

Their eyes met and he knew he was not alone in thinking of the only other time she’d ever said that (or anything like that) to him. She hesitated a moment, an apology taking shape in her eyes, perhaps afraid she’d accidentally referenced a sensitive subject in the most sensitive of moments. Mulder wasted no time, hastily pulled his shorts down, just to show her how far under the bridge that water was.

She looked down, mouth wide enough to --

“What do you want me to do with it?” he asked. Somehow the idea that she wanted him to fuck her still seemed implausible. She rubbed up against it.

“What do you think I want you to do with it?”

She wrapped her right middle finger around the head of his dick and guided him underneath her body.

“Oh,” he said, gulping. “I thought you might tell me to masturbate while I --”

“You want to jerk off, you can go home to your tapes.”

“Of course I don’t want to jerk off, I just --”

“Mulder, shut up,” she said, sounding almost as if she were in the middle of a fistfight. “And let me do this right.”

“Let you do this right?”

She paused, gave him that calm, smug look that meant she was about to win an argument.

“Let me fuck you right.”

And then he was quiet. Because even if he thought she’d done everything else wrong that week, he had to agree she was doing this right, she was doing it so right, taking him inside her body slowly, her breath hitched, her eyes going white as a sheet before her eyelashes came flitting down and reproduced the blue like bunnies out of a hat.

She inched him in slowly at first, and then less slowly, gathering oxygen to feed the fire until she was riding him like a flame does a wick, hugging him and melting around him, determined to burn them both to the ground.

Stella was the only woman he’d been with recently enough to compare, and he’d liked how she felt more than he remembered liking anyone else. But Scully was different - tiny and tight and hot around him and he had never put his dick inside anything so perfect, not even his own expert hand. His cock parted her anew with every landfall, the dense cloud of her body settling around him and then lifting again.

“Are you okay?” he managed to ask, trying to remember that under the raging urge to pound into her was a little thing called love. She smiled wickedly, loving him back and gripped his neck with angry fingers, reminding him who exactly he was dealing with here.

He reached up to take off her shirt and watched her hair fall in a mess around her face. He had dragged her all over the country on foot and in bad weather, and seldom seen a single strand out of place. But now, right here in the safety of her own living room, he had it thick and tipsy, sticking together in wayward strips. Through the twisted ribbons of red, her eyes flashed purple, face lit up like he’d spun the wheel and landed a two-week Caribbean vacation.

He had one hand spanning her breasts, the other around the back of her head.

“Go ahead,” she dared. And because he wasn’t sure if she was referring to her nipples or her hair, he addressed both, pinching at one and tugging at the other. He held her tight and shimmied his ass to the edge of the couch so he could slouch over and lick her, squeezing her breasts together and then pressed them apart again with his tongue. For five years, she’d rolled her eyes every time he put something in his mouth and played with it, but now she leaned back on his thighs for him, unwrapping herself like a bag of sunflower seeds, a soda straw, a brand new pack of pencils, and this particular kind of concession was so much better than any other he’d ever fought for. Her head dropped back, hair tickling his knees his much-maligned oral fixation sought its redemption on the crowns of her nipples, in the creamy white cushioning of her cleavage.

“Oh goodGod thatfeelsgood.”

And amidst the overwhelming feelings of heat and pressure and wetness, his dick found a ridged spot along the front of her body that brought her back upright on her knees. Her ass was firm against the sensitive insides of his quads, her breasts sliding against his mouth. She let out a lightly vocalized breath, and he felt her body open, the whole length of him now inside her. Nothing moved but her lips, slowly parting at their rosy hinges as he returned his attention to mouth-fucking her breasts. It was easier to be precise now that she was still. Let me do this right, he thought.

“I don’t even understand… what you’re doing… with your tongue.”

He smiled, took a nipple lightly between his teeth and tapped it with his tongue.

“Oh, fuck me, Mulder, stop showing off.”

She began to fuck him again, weary and desperate now, vaguely annoyed in a way that he thought would forever taint the integrity of her annoyance.

He leaned further forward and held her against him, suddenly glad of all the angry workouts he’d done over the past several weeks. He thought he felt her clitoris twitch and she sighed, and yeah, whimpered, as if she’d been running a long race, finally been given a glass of water. She swore, asked for God in three different ways, then swore again, her nose against his lips and his chin occasionally in her mouth. And then she said his name and he nearly came, but as always, he wanted her, needed her with him.

And just as he was about to ask, her brow knit up like the front of a ballerina’s leotard, her heart-shaped mouth frozen open like a carnival lovers’ lane ride.

“What – Scully, what -- does that mean?”

“It means I like that,” she said, high-pitched outlines of words. “Don’t stop. Please.”

He raised his hips, bucking into her with all the power he could muster in such a position. She took one hand from his leg and clawed at the muscle in the arm that was working to bear his weight, marveling at it, then pulling his face forward to her body. When his lips touched skin, he didn’t even know what part of her body it was, but it didn’t matter because he loved them all equally, was sure he always would no matter how they changed. Finally, her silence and swearing turned to one word, hoarsely delivered right into the canal of his ear. He knew now, had known since Stella’s visit, that Scully said a lot of things during sex that she tended not to say at the office.

But this word, this word he never got to hear in the course of a workday.

“Yessssss.”

“Do that again.”

“Yessssss… yessssss.”

“I wanna make you come so bad, Scully.”

She almost lifted all the way off him and he thought she was playing with him.

“Scully, fuck… come for me,” he said.

She closed her eyes and held her finger over his lips as she flashed him a naughty red-licorice smile and hissed his new favorite dirty word through her teeth.

“Yesssssss.”

Her mouth fell to his neck, her fingernails embedded themselves in his skin and he raised his hips once more as he said her name, this time long and low, coming and crumbling as she flickered and turned from blazing fire to wisp of smoke, fragrant and weightless in his arms.

“I love you,” she whispered. He smoothed a hand over her hair, covered her back under the span of two arms. He kissed her. These things which had seemed like superhuman feats a couple hours ago now so simple, necessary even.

“I love you,” she repeated as he did so, as if she hadn’t even said it the first time, or as if she’d known this is how he wanted it, deposited directly into his mouth so he could swallow it, hold it and have it forever like a hoarded key.

He nuzzled his face in her collarbone, sturdy and straight as the mast of a sailboat.

“Thank you,” she said and he didn’t know if she meant for coming over or for the orgasm or... “For The Elvis thingie. For keeping it all that time.”

She looked at him and blinked a couple times, awfully coy for a woman who’d just let him tear her apart.

“I don’t think anyone’s ever done something like that for me before.”

“Not given you a gift?”

“Thought about me hard enough to not give it to me for five months.”

He thought of Stella’s voice that day on the phone. He could play it cool, but why bother? Who knew where they’d be in twenty years or ten or next week?

“Scully, I’ve been thinking about you that hard for five years.”

“Mulder,” she answered softly. She pressed her cheek against his like they were the last couple left on the dance floor, her ragged breath like a country song in three-four time.

“I didn’t know there was a right and wrong way to fuck someone,” he said.

He felt her smile against his neck.

“Now you know.”

“Now I know.”

“You’ve probably been doing it wrong all along,” she mumbled.

“I haven’t really been doing it at all.”

Her body shook silently against him as she laughed, a feeling so perfect he wished he could bottle it, shake it out of a packet into his coffee and get drunk on it at night, a mood stabilizer the world had saved just for him. How could he ever be unsatisfied again when he knew that beneath her well-tailored shirts, her nipples blushed the same dusty rose as her lips? How could he fixate on the past when, sometime in the future, she’d smile again the way she did when she came? Who gave a shit if there were aliens or not when her slightly sibilant S could bring him to his knees? How could he ever feel lost when he was able to find his way to the dimples on her lower back?

This was his happy place, his vacation and his home, he thought as he held her tightly and looked down. Her back was a lush valley of scattered freckles and rolling vertebrae, a postcard stamped with the circular red, green, and gold emblem of her ability to survive anything, run from any threat. He swore to himself he was never going to be one of those things again. Never.

Chapter 10

Scully had been having the same kinds of nightmares for a long time -- stories hot with life, crafted in poet’s detail by a subconscious spoiled for choice. The bone-crack of brush underfoot in a thick forest chase, the particular pitch of black created by a slamming trap door, unsolvable mysteries with incomprehensible faces. For years, the dreams had ended the same way the experiences that inspired them had – with a mix of confusion and relief, and Mulder close at her side.

But lately she’d been finding reality more frightening than her dreams. Come morning, the high definition of night would be replaced by hazy, indifferent facts of domestic existence -- the curtain pattern she herself picked out, the slightly dead smell of the dinner she herself had made the previous evening. In place of the monsters and villains would be the person she loved best, willingly chained to his computer, drugged on the adrenaline of another all-nighter, buried alive in paranoid illusions and useless information. He’d haunted her like a confused sort of ghost, his corporeal body doing the work while his spirit sat in some motel drawer, some field under the stars. Morning after morning, he’d proven invulnerable to her mortal efforts, her anger and adoration, seemed almost eager to pare away her nerves. And in the end, like any good ghost, he’d chased her from the house.

One morning just a few weeks after she’d moved back to the city by herself, she woke in a room she didn’t recognize, a place that felt familiar though separate, like walking into a friend’s closet. Ancient history waxed into the crevices of the solid oak floors, the linens so white they teased blue along the creases, her shampoo clashing with the one previously left on the pillow. Out the window, a grey sweater of fog wrapped around the tips of buildings soft and thick as cashmere.

London. That’s right. London.

She stretched as she passed through the living room – did British people call it a living room or something else? -- and found the couch had already been evacuated, blankets sloppily folded and placed in a chic oversized basket beside it. She smiled at the lump of feathery wool, alpaca, and mohair, whiney weaves that demanded they never see the inside of a dryer. So Stella.

Scully had tried to insist they split the bed down the middle. Over the fifteen years they’d been friends, the bed-sharing conversation had become something of a ritual. There were many different versions of it, but Stella was always on the same side of the argument, and the significance was always the same – something about the purity of their friendship. Scully often thought that it would probably say more for the purity of their friendship if at least once, they didn’t have to have a conversation about the bed at all.

It was generally accepted that Stella knew her way around this kind of modern friendship best. But for all its indefinability, there was an old-fashionedness to it as well. The unexpected subsistence of loyalty between two long-distance confidantes who existed safely outside the Venn Diagram of one another’s daily lives – no mutual friends or spin classes, nothing shared but an ocean… and occasionally, for a weekend, a nightstand between hotel double beds.

“You’re being silly,” Scully had told her the previous night as Stella fluffed her spare duvet, the one now most likely at the bottom of the basket.

“I’m being respectful.”

“Of whom?”

“You. Mulder.”

Mulder had never checked in when she and Stella spent time together chatting and drinking wine. He never asked her about sleeping arrangements, had always treated those mysterious weekends the way he’d never treated any mystery -- with respectful incuriousness, undisturbed and uninspected. A few times, all three of them had had dinner. Scully would get all worked up trying to figure out a place to eat that fit both Mulder and Stella, but of course Stella thought she fit anywhere, and Mulder didn’t care whether he fit. Pitcher of Pepsi or crystal champagne flutes, Scully would be the only one shifting awkwardly in her chair those meals, feeling like she was holding her fork in the wrong hand all night, thinking of the picture they must make – an Irish Catholic in a sweater set, a bombshell in a leather skirt, a misanthrope in a wrinkled suit, and at least two out of the three packing heat. But that would not be the situation on this visit. Mulder would not be joining them.

“Stella, you have a head injury.”

“No, I don’t. I have injuries that happen to be on my head. Aren’t you a doctor?”

Scully opened a defensive palm out to the side.

“You haven’t given me a chance to look at them yet.”

Stella looked up at her with heavy lids and an effortlessly sassy hand on her hip.

“You can sleep in the bed or you can go to a hotel.”

Scully had been too tired to play the scene out any further, and besides, Stella stole the show every time. She was just as good at keeping people out of bed as she was at getting them into it. So Scully had suffered a princess’s defeat, falling into the deep plush mattress, feeling like both the protector and the protected, deep-breathing Stella’s shadow off the pillowcases. She drifted off smiling, thinking of how many weeks she’d once spent missing someone who was such a stranger she wouldn’t have known what kind of candy to get her at the movie theater.

If only she’d known then that she would someday pad into Stella’s kitchen and find her merrily slouching on a stool, peering into a cup of tea as if it were a jar of butterflies.

“Morning. Want me to make you a cup?”

“No, I can do it,” Scully said, eager to re-establish the tone of this trip. She was here to take care of Stella, not the other way around.

She successfully found herself a cup and spoon, then dug out all kinds of things from the fridge that Stella said didn’t belong in tea. But when Scully turned to the stove, she found a fancy steeper waiting instead of a regular old pot. She glanced at the microwave.

“Don’t even think about it,” Stella said and slid down from the stool.

The kitchen was sleek and clean, identical wine bottles balanced like uniformed cheerleaders beside crystal clear wine glasses. Scully wondered if Stella had had a dinner party before she left for Belfast, left the glasses out to dry, and still not gotten around to putting them away. But more likely, she assumed, this was their usual place, right here out on the counter. Stella liked to keep pleasure within arm’s length, even if it meant things were going to break more often.

Even with the lights on and the sun theoretically out, the room was darker than what Scully was used to, both in the old house and her new apartment. But the shade here was a relief rather than a disappointment, an umbrella on a too-long beach day, a welcome break from the pressure to be happy even as she chewed sand. There was always plenty of light so long as there was Stella, a few more lines under her chin when she checked the flame, but otherwise exactly the same, body wound up sinewy as a birthday candle, skin so radiant it threw a dim glow across the grey surfaces whenever she moved.

It wasn’t until Stella’s first phone call that random Wednesday afternoon that Scully realized she needed that kind of relief: her warm, relaxed just calling to voice rolling off the receiver like a palm-warmed rubber ball, her confident silences padding every remark. It was upsetting for Scully to think about, but once, she had been the thing Mulder consumed night and day, the thing that kept him up all night. And even as she loved him back with the heliotropic intensity he demanded of all things and people, she had unwittingly kept a little room like this kitchen for herself, dark and sexy, Stella its only light.

Now Scully mentally slipped on her white coat as she took Stella’s chin in her hand and studied the stitched abrasion on her forehead, the hematoma on her cheek. She tucked herself into the counter corner nearest Stella’s body, brushed Stella’s hair back from her face. She felt a remarkable sense of calm as she glanced at the dark patches of scabs on Stella’s cheekbone. There was comfort in having something to offer.

“It’s nothing to worry about,” Stella said.

“I know, I’ve heard.”

It’s nothing to worry about, but… is how Stella’s phone call from the hospital had started. The words Belfast and serial killer and hospital had come at Scully all out of order, moving around like those kitschy refrigerator magnets until they formed a cohesive sentence.

“I’m getting a flight to London,” she’d said, hanging up before Stella could even finish protesting. It was what Stella would have done for her, had in fact done for her during that miserable time Mulder was missing… dead...

Gone, is what she’d subtitled that whole period of her life, because any more fine-tuned explanation raised questions that were too painful and difficult to answer. Stella had been the only person Scully could look in the eye after William, the only person she’d let comfort her. And so she’d let her stay a couple times, would hide her away like a secret drug, a fairy godmother or an imaginary friend, while she went to work and watched everyone wonder how, how is she doing it. Stella was how she was doing it. Stella would tend to the apartment like a garden of roses, letting the sun in and casually collecting tiny blue socks, pruning for thorns until it was safe for Scully to pass through. She’d order dinner when Scully said she was on her way home and prattle off seemingly gruesome investigation stories or scandalous gossip at the table, anything that was distracting enough for Scully to forget herself and eat something. She’d hold Scully the nights she cried herself to sleep, hushing and soothing the back of Scully’s neck or the wrinkles between her eyebrows with her silvery voice and the sky-ocean smell of her shower-scrubbed skin. Her one condition in exchange was always that she didn’t have to say goodbye when she left. Scully would think it a small price to pay, until of course she’d have to actually sit down at the table alone and unfold the I’m off, darling note.

Scully knew just because Stella had done it for her didn’t mean she’d be able to easily return the favor. She had been prepared to ignore all the text messages that would follow their chat -- I’m fine, Really don’t come, I overreacted by calling -- as she went about the process of taking a short leave from work, putting a hold on her mail. It wasn’t until she was taxiing down a runway that she realized the only thing Stella had messaged her was a reminder of her address. The realization of how bad Stella’s condition must be turned her so green that her neighbor asked if she hated flying too. At the front door, Stella had shrunk against her cautious embrace and Scully had had to stretch the hug out an extra ten seconds just to make sure she could face her dry-eyed.

“Not now,” Stella had said, pushing Scully off as she felt her fingers lightly feeling around the back end of her rib cage for misalignments. “Come in.”

She’d gone in. Made small talk. Had a piece of a cake. Left out her troubles with Mulder. And conducted the bed argument. Now, the sun was up and she was feeling sturdy enough to resist both Stella’s stubbornness and her own tears.

“Don’t move,” she said as she held Stella’s shoulder still and studied her, grazing the edges of each bruise and cut so as to feel where the swelling stopped.

“They did a nice job on the stitches. Did you ask for a plastic surgeon?”

“What do you think?”

“I don’t think you’ll scar.”

Stella said nothing as she stepped away to pour the tea into Scully’s cup. The cup rattled slightly in its dish.

“Real tea, my little American.”

Scully rolled her eyes and Stella smiled as she walked away. This was part of the fun, Stella’s indulging her with her Britishness. She made a show of hopping up nimbly onto her stool, but Scully didn’t miss the way she slightly braced herself as her tailbone hit the chair.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“About what?”

“Paul Spector.”

“Not especially. I’ve already spent many hours of my life talking about him that I can’t get back.”

Scully was half-relieved. She didn’t need to know the gory details if Stella didn’t need to say them. She took her seat beside Stella, rounding her shoulders to form a cave around the steam. Stella was already dressed, and in the unlikely combination of t-shirt and jeans. It was a bit like seeing something you’d always found beautiful photographed in black and white for the first time.

“I like your pajamas,” Scully said.

“Thank you for coming,” Stella said, ignoring the joke, swinging a bare foot out to gently tap Scully’s shin.

“I’m surprised you let me,” Scully said. “I’m actually surprised you even called.”

Stella took a breath like she’d agreed to lead storytime.

“Well, I met a doctor there. He was trying to keep me awake in case I’d been concussed. And while chatting, he asked if I had any real friends.”

“That seems a bit personal.”

“Mm.”

“And?”

“I said I had a few. And then…”

Stella looked slightly shy, slightly pleased with herself.

“I decided I might as well call one of them.”

Scully felt the hot tea solidify in her throat, turn from liquid to tennis ball. Cry about the beauty of friendship and she will fucking throw you out right now.

She stared down into the cup and patted Stella’s leg, then brought her hand back into her own lap, oddly aware of the shape and size of Stella’s kneecap, how familiar, how concrete it seemed. They didn’t touch often, and when they did it was not intimately. And yet, certain parts of Stella’s body could still send Scully’s muscle memory into overdrive.

She reached for a topic that would be easy for Stella.

“Are you dating him?”

“What?”

“Are you sleeping with the doctor.”

“No. What ever made you think such a thing?”

“You said ‘met.’ People don’t ‘meet’ doctors when they’re in the hospital, they’re treated by them.”

“I resent the idea that we can no longer use the word met without meaning fucked.”

“Mm.”

“Though he did send flowers.”

“Oh Jesus,” Scully chuckled into her tea.

“I’m not interested,” Stella said, and tapped Scully with her foot again, this time a bit harder. “At the moment.”

It was a harmless remark, but nonetheless, it tweaked Scully somewhere in the pit of her stomach, tuning her like a piano string, plucking so hard her voice went a half step sharper.

“What do you want to do today?” Scully asked, clearing her throat. “If it’s nothing, I can do nothing. I’ve got a book.”

“I can’t remember what I usually do for fun.”

“I can tell you off the bat that most of the things you usually do for fun are out of the question.”

“I’m not going to stay in staring at the walls.”

“Then stare at me instead.”

“Slightly more appealing.”

“Only slightly?”

“Mm.”

“What do you have in mind?”

The corner of Stella’s mouth twitched and she kicked Scully’s shin again.

“Get dressed,” Stella said. “We’re going out.”

“Fine.” Scully got up, glanced over her shoulder. “Are you going to get dressed?”

Stella smirked.

“Fuck off.”

Part V

#wtid #stella and scully #msr #the fall fic #xfiles fic #myfic #stella gibson #dana scully #fox mulder #the fall bbc

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shirtlesssammy · 8 years ago

Text

Ladies Drink Free: Recap

Then:

Claire is a hunter in training.

Now:

Outside the Lucky Badger Ale House, a young woman texts her brother about her false whereabouts, but he catches her in her lie and they start walking home. She wants to head back to the bar, and he wants her to act her age. On the lonely, snow covered path, they hear a noise from the surrounding forest. Hayden, the sister, seems scared, and wants to turn around. Her brother insists there’s nothing scary out there, and proceeds to walk deeper into the dark woods. OOOoooOOO. Hayden is the one who screams though, and her brother rushes to find her knocked out in the snow. Masked attacker monster reveals himself, and Molo Ram’s brother’s heart right out of his chest.

At the BMoL high-tech trailer, Sam and Dean wait. Dean is impatient catering to the Brits, but Mick soon shows up with a case. In Wisconsin, a young man was found dead with his heart ripped out, his sister survived the supposed animal attack, but is in the hospital. Mick pings it as a werewolf attack. The boys wonder how Hayden survived. Then Mick nerds out over his fancy British boarding school for Men of Letters, Kendricks. He learned everything there is to know about Lycanthropy there. Sam’s impressed with the Hogwarts for Hunter-lites. Dean, not so much.

The boys are cool to take care of this milk run, and Mick wants to tag along. Dean’s still pushing back at working with the BMoL, but Sam thinks they can use their knowledge. “If he’s coming, you’re babysitting him,” Dean insists, before heading out.

Of course, once on the road, Dean is subjected to a hella interesting boring podcast of Mick’s.

Mick fills the brothers in on the British history of werewolf hunting. They’re efficient, and because of that, there hasn’t been a werewolf outbreak in Britain since the 1920’s. Sam wonders about friendly ones. They bring up Garth (GARTH!) but Mick doesn’t believe in monsters staying on the right side of the law. (STAY HIDDEN GARTH!)

They finally arrive at their destination (Boris strongly suspects they’re in Wisconsin Dells --this isn’t a fun times, water-park, resort weekend guys. There’s werewolves to hunt.) The Winchesters are a little overwhelmed with the 3-star, baby-shampoo, pool having lodge, but adjust just fine by morning. Dean even went for a swim (GAG REEL PLZ). Sam did more research. He discovered that in the 1930’s the BMoL were working on a plasma therapy to cure werewolves. “Useless, I’m afraid,” Mick interjects.

At the hospital the brothers try talking to Hayden’s mother, but she shuts them down cold. Dr. “Mick” Buckingham walks in and casually escorts the mother out for a quick exam. He discovers that Hayden was bitten, but declines to inform the brothers. Sam and Dean discover that the mother has been bombarded by “Big Foot Truthers” --one a young, pissed-off, blonde “Fish and Wildlife” employee --CLAIRE!

Claire is busy texting/lying to Jody about touring UW-Madison. She gets a call on her fake phone, and it’s just a trolling Dean. (Beatrice Quimby! 9 year old Boris is happy--although I thoroughly identified with Ramona.) She sees right through his nonsense. Meeting up at the hotel, Claire fills the others in on her investigation so far. Dean activates protective!Dad mode. Mick decides to take off, which allows the brothers to grill Claire about her shenanigans.

Dr. Buckingham pays another visit to the hospital, this time with a syringe of silver nitrate. He starts sending it through Hayden’s IV, but she awakens, all rabid werewolf-y, and attacks Mick. He plunges the syringe right into her heart, killing her.

The next morning, the gang get the low-down on Hayden’s death. The strangest thing about it all: Her wounds healed. “Ok, what the hell?” Claire wonders out loud. Mick continues to lie. The salient point being: whatever attacked Hayden is still out there. They split up to investigate further.

Sam and Claire head off to interview Hayden’s friend. Claire tells her “old skeezer” friend Sam to wait in the car. Aww, remember when Sam was Claire’s age? Where does the time go?

Dean and Mick head to the bar. Inside the bar they ask the bartender about Hayden. Dean tries to level him his best intimidation face.

It turns out that Conner, the other bartender with the douche tribal tat, had a thing with Hayden. (Not dating, though, bro.) Conner insists that he worked and then went straight home the night before but Dean presses him, insisting that he's lying. Dean turns to Mick and, as an illustration, asks him what he did last night. (Dean, you don't trust Mick one bit – you beautiful, clever, special crocus.) Mick stutters out a shoddy reply about writing a report and going to bed, clearly caught off guard.

Conner still insists that he did nothing wrong the prior night. Dean then asks if he met Claire. When Conner chortles about their less-than-stellar interaction Dean leans in nice and slow and says, “You ever touch her again, I'll break your face.” Thanks, Dad <3 (Stepdad?)

Outside Dean calls Mick out on his ultra lame alibi. Young girls – particularly new werewolves – don't just die out of nowhere. He slaps a hand on Mick's injured shoulder and Mick, the noob, grunts in pain. He admits to injecting her with silver nitrate. “She attacked me,” he protests, “and...I had orders.” Oh, Mick. Mick insists that he's just doing the job, then needles Dean about “palling around with witches and demons.” MICK, them's fightin' words.

“Things aren't just black and white out here,” Dean insists. He brings up psychic Magda as an example of someone who deserved the second chance. (Oh, Magda, by Grabthar’s hammer...you shall be avenged!)

“That's your luxury,” Mick says. “We have a code.” Dean angrily reminds Mick that a mother has now lost both of her kids and, mic dropped, walks away.

Outside the school, Claire emerges triumphant. “You really do look like a creeper,” she tells Sam as he lounges outside the high school on her car hood. Which...yeah. True. Claire had success weaseling information from Hayden’s best friend. She found out that Hayden was dating an ultra-possessive guy - which was why she was at the bar that night.

Sam barely acknowledges the latest clue, instead shifting to ask her why Jody thinks she's in Madison looking at the University of Wisconsin. BUSTED. Sam didn't tell Jody yet about Claire’s werewolf hunt, but he presses her for information about why she's hiding her hunting.

Claire confesses that she did try hunting with Jody for a while. But instead of Claire taking an action role, she ended up sitting in the car or on the sidelines while Jody bad-assed her way through case after case. (I feel for you, Claire...but I also really want to watch Jody kicking ass all over the place. #torn) “I'm better off on my own,” Claire says. She imagines that'll make everyone happier.

“I'm so sick of you guys dive-bombing my life like you care,” she growls. She stalks off into the woods around the school to cool down, rage music blasting in her ears. Down at the school’s baseball diamond, Claire's spidey sense starts to tingle. She whirls to see the tall masked man from the cold open and whips out her knife.

The two engage in fisticuffs. Here, fisticuffs means she goes at him with the knife but he gets the better of her, presses her into the ground, rips aside her jacket, and bites her in the shoulder. (Hello, rape parallel.)

Sam rushes to help and gets her back to their swanky resort hotel. Claire burns with fever. When Mick tries to drop werewolf health care tips, Sam tells him coldly that they're done with him. He killed a kid; he can GTFO.

Claire asks how long she has until she turns. Dean kneels in front of her and assures her that she can live with lycanthropy. She just needs to lock herself up for a few nights every month. Claire chokes out, “Maybe some people control this, but I can barely keep it together on a good day. If there's any chance that I could hurt Jody or Alex or...anyone, I'd rather die.”

Sam, reading through the MoL book Mick brought along, suggests trying the blood therapy. One in nine test subjects were cured! Mick is less optimistic. “That study was on mice,” he explains. They once tested their blood therapy on a human but the subject died in agony. (Query: WHY wouldn’t you test it on an animal that’s a better physiological parallel to humans like pigs or monkeys instead of jumping straight to human trials? Amateurs.)

Claire is immediately on board with trying blood therapy.

“You don't get a vote in this,” says over-protective Dean.

“It's my life. I get all the votes,” Claire tells him. That's fuckin' right, Claire.

Dean, pissed off, turns to Sam for backup. Sam agrees with Claire (though he can't meet Dean's eye) – it's her life. Dean bows his head and begrudgingly asks Mick how the werewolf cure works.

Easy as pie - they need the sire's blood. Back to the case it is, then! Dean still suspects tribal tat douchebro bartender Conner. He orders Mick to stay behind, which seems like a questionable decision. However, Mick understands the threat that boils persistently under Dean's skin and acknowledges that if anything happens to Claire in his charge, then he's a dead man courtesy of Dean Winchester.

The boys intercept Conner outside of the Lucky Badger and immediately threaten him with a silver knife. The silver has no effect on Conner (other than scaring the poop out of him.) In the sky clouds begin to drift away from the full moon.

At the hotel Claire is in intense pain. Mick prepares another syringe of silver nitrate for his protection while Claire peels back her bandage. Before her eyes the wound heals. Claire jumps for the gun, ready to end her life, but Mick grabs it first. She begs him for death before it's too late. He tells her that he knows a man who would kill her without any hesitation. His instinct is to do the same...but his “instincts haven't been so grand of late.” Claire huddles miserably onto the couch. Mick proposes sedating and restraining her and, with any luck, she'll wake up cured.

“If I wake up,” Claire whispers. “I gotta call Jody. She's gonna be so mad at me.” She looks so young as she says this. It breaks my heart.

Just then the masked werewolf breaks in. He knocks Mick out, then punches out Claire and drags her away. (Fuck you, werewolf.)

Sam and Dean bust in and Dean immediately looks like he's ready to make good on his threat. Mick protests that he tried to prevent her abduction. Furthermore, he can be useful. He put a tracker on Claire. And...now he’s pissed off Sam now, too. “You can kill me later,” he tells them. It's time to find Claire.

At a house in the woods, Claire is tied up in the kitchen while Hayden's boyfriend Justin does his evil villain speech.

Justin had been part of a happy pack until hunters found them and broke them apart. He attacked Hayden so he could rebuild a pack again. “I'm a nice guy,” he protests to the woman he turned and tied up against her will. He pulls out a refrigerated heart and shoves it in her face – literally.

She spits the heart – and his words – into his face. She has a family so he can fuck right off. Claire doubles over in pain again and when she lifts her head her eyes glow yellow.

Just then the Winchesters bust in. Dean rushes up to Claire and then backs away cautiously when he sees her bloodied face and yellow eyes. She breaks free from the ropes.

The werewolf gets the drop on the boys. It looks bad until Mick shoots him in the back. We all freak out about the werewolf cure and then Mick takes a vial of blood from an injection site on Justin’s back and fills up his plasma syringe with the sire's blood.

Claire stands up, growling as Dean takes the syringe from Mick. “She wanted this, right?” he double checks with Sam, and then they inject her. (<-- I really like this consent angle.)

The blood therapy is rough. She writhes, whimpering on the couch for who knows how long. It's long enough that Dean needs to leave the room to “get some air.” So...probably a fuckin’ long time.

Claire suddenly lies still, stops whimpering, stops breathing. Sam sorrowfully calls Dean back in. Dean shoves his emotions down about as far as they can go.

Suddenly, Claire's fingernails retract, she opens her eyes which leach of yellow, and she starts breathing again. “You guys look like crap,” she says to everyone's relieved faces.

Later, outside the lodge, Mick looks on her in wonder. She's fully cured and packing her car to go. “That girl is a walking miracle,” he marvels. Dean agrees and you know at least one layer of that is him just being a stupid soppy dad about it. (Dean, you snuggly tulip.)

Dean continues his streak of thanking people he doesn't particularly like for saving those dearest to him and thanks Mick “for the win.”

“So we're good,” Mick says happily. Eh, not so fast. Mick gets just one more chance to prove he's not a useless bag of dicks.

Claire comes up and jokes about craving a milkbone. Oh, Claire-bear. She apologizes to the Winchesters, thanking them for being there when she needed them. They hug and she's off.

Claire calls Jody, leaving a confessional on her voicemail. She's hunting. It can be scary, but it's something she needs to do on her own. “I'm ready, but I never would have been if it wasn't for you being my mom. I love you guys.” Oh, Claire. <3

Claire drives off into the world, lone cowgirl, ready to kick some ass.

Natasha:

(whispers: But I'm still so worried about Gaaaaaarth)

(also whispers: weremiiiiiiiiice)

It’s Better if I Quote Alone:

You either get good fast, or you get dead faster

Long story, and like, Downton Abbey boring

So your foreign exchange student is totally lame

I didn't sign up for this reporting to duty crap

I'm ruined, Sam. Those limey sons of bitches ruined me.

Those three stars are wasted on you

They're like nerd soulmates

Things aren’t just black and white out here

Eat me, Teen Wolf

#spn picspam #spn 12x16 #ladies drink free #spn recap #dean winchester #sam winchester #claire novak #mick davies #supernatural season 12

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ajp3mbgk-blog · 6 years ago

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