#like it would have covered the bite marks and i thought it wouldnt be clear what was happening

[bonecouch]

idea i had

[kiyoomichan]

i saw that fem dom! reader is a favorite of yours to write so i thought i would request a favorite of mine. could do a little smth about reader like railing into sub kenma or oikawa (you can choose) with their strap on and like reader is a hard dom who degrades and likes to inflict pain during sex

MAKING HIM WEAR LINGERIE | KENMA X FEMDOM!SO

warnings: degradation, light feminization, spanking, pegging

A/N: all characters are strictly 18+.

i’m sorry it got a bit rushed at the end, i just wanted to hurry and finish it hhh ;;

you had just come home from a long day of work—you ran a successful fashion brand, and spent grueling hours over a sewing machine every week; so needless to say, you were tired. very tired, and very much in the need of something—or rather, someone, to take your frustrations out on.

kenma was in his gaming room, probably messing around on league with hinata and lev, as today was his day off—so you didn’t care about interrupting him.

your heels clicked on the tile floors as you made your way to him, swinging open the door with a dark expression on your face.

“baby,” you say. “turn off your game.”

he spins around in his chair, lowering his headphones. his facial expression showed he knew where this was going.

“okay, just give me 5–“

you cut him off with a dark look. “now.”

he bites his lip and nods, bidding a quick goodbye to his friends and letting you pull him up from his seat.

you place your hands on his waist, fingers gripping bruises into his soft hips. you press kisses into his neck as he wraps his arms around yours, slowly sinking into submission.

“are you alright, miss?” kenma asks in a sweet voice.

“mistress had a very hard day at work today,” you whisper in his ear. “and she needs her boy to make her feel good.” you lean back up, running your hands through his silky hair, pulling it roughly.

“can you do that for me, baby? can you be a good slut for mistress?”

he nods feverishly, a blush coating his cheeks. “yes, miss, i’ll do whatever you want—“

you cut him off as kenma begins to whine, arousal taking over his body.

“of course you will. you’re such a whore, aren’t you?” your hand runs over his tummy to grope him through his sweatpants, where you can feel the lack of underwear.

“no briefs, hmm?” you tease as he moans from the contact. “was baby touching himself?” you ask slyly, already knowing the answer.

“no,” he whispers. his hands fist in your blouse, trying to hold back from giving himself away—but you can always tell when he’s lying.

“you were, doll,” you yank down his sweats and give his ass a few slaps, squeezing the flesh tight. “you know better than to lie to me.”

your finger moves between the cleft of his ass, rubbing over his puffy, wet hole, a clear mark of evidence of his disobedience.

“a-ah!” he moans, hips bucking against you. “i’m sorry, miss, i couldn’t help it, i just...”

“you just what, baby? you were too horny, too much of a little cockslut to wait for mistress to get home and fuck you?”

“n-no, i’m not, i missed you—i missed you so much, i’m sorry, miss, please, let me make it up to you—“

you slap his face, pushing him onto the sectional in his game room. “don’t lie to me, sugar. i don’t like liars, so tell me—tell me what you are.”

“i’m...i’m a cockslut,” he whispers, flushing crimson, embarrassed at the filthy words coming from his mouth.

“speak up, now.” you say, straddling his waist and holding his hands above his head. “or your pretty little dick won’t be coming at all tonight.”

kenma squeezes his eyes shut. “i’m a cockslut, mistress! i’m your cockslut, i’m such a whore for you, miss, please—please fuck me.”

you smirk, letting go of his hands and getting off him. “go put this on, then.” you command, shoving a pink bag with your logo on it to his chest.

he blushes and peeks in the bag, looking back up at you. “mistress, i—“

you tsk, putting your hands on your hips. “kenma.”

he relents and goes to make his way to the bathroom before you cut him off, stepping in front of him. “i don’t think so, baby,” you smile sadistically. “you’re gonna change right. here.” you whisper in his ear.

“o-okay,” he mumbles, stumbling back and beginning to pull his sweats down.

you sit back on the couch, arms resting over the back in a display of dominance. “don’t be shy, doll,” you say, licking your cherry-red lips. “strip for me.”

he tentatively takes his sweats off the rest of the way, and he shivers at the cold air hitting his little cock.

kenma averts his eyes after taking off his shirt, embarrassed at being completely naked in front of you, still fully clothed.

he has to bend over to reach inside the bag, displaying his cute bottom to you as he retrieves the lingerie you’ve picked out for him.

it’s a pretty little set, white lace with pink embellishments in the form of frills and bows.

he fumbles with the bralette and garter, and soon enough he’s finished dressing, looking like an absolute dream in front of you.

kenma looks to the floor bashfully as you walk towards him. “oh, baby doll,” you say seductively, arousal evident in your tone. “i’m going to ruin you.” you slap his cheek, roughly squeezing his face.

“go get in bed—i want your legs spread and ready for me by the time i’m done picking what i’m going to torture you with.”

he quickly takes off towards the bedroom, not wanting to get in any more trouble than he already is.

you smile as you find the box you’ve stashed away under the couch in kenma’s game room—special toys you’ve been saving just for a night like this.

your hands find their way to a pink, heart shaped paddle, some silky rope, a cock ring, and of course—the thickest strap-on you have in your collection.

when you cross over the threshold to the bedroom, your eyes meet kenma’s. he’s splayed out on the bed, the city lights from the window and the yellow glow of the lamp illuminating him in all the right ways, contouring his body to make him look so small and fragile—like he would crumble under your stare.

“mistress,” he says meekly. “did you get what you needed?”

you sit on the bed next to him, placing your toys on the sheets. you look down at him, a fox like grin spreading across your face.

“yeah, baby,” you brush his hair away from his face. “what’re your safe words?”

“green for go, yellow for slow down, red for stop.” he replies, just as he’s done many times before. you know you’ll get rough with him, and with this type of play it’s important to have a way to tap out.

“good boy.” you can see the way his chest heaves at the praise, nipples peaking under the thin lace of the bralette.

you get to work by tying his wrists above his head, making your way down to slap his cock through the panties. he yells in surprise, an embarrassed look crossing his face.

“m-miss,” kenma shudders. you smirk at him, grabbing your harness and slipping it into place—you won’t fuck him yet, but you like the way the strap on makes you feel and look dominant.

“so dirty, doll. you’re so hard and yet all i’ve done was slap your pathetic little dick.”

he squeezes his eyes shut as you pick up the flogger, giving tough taps to his thigh.

“look at me, baby boy. look at your mistress.”

he opens his eyes again just as you land the flogger across his dick, and he screams at the contact.

“mistress, please!” he cries, and all you do is strike him again and again and again.

“oh, sweet boy,” you tease. “i’ve just gotten started, and you’re already in tears?” you lean over him, looking into his glossy eyes. “sit up for me.”

he obeys, and you maneuver him to sit on your lap, back to chest. from this position he can see himself in the full body mirror you have hanging on the closet door, and he flushes at the realization.

“oh, honey,” you run manicured fingernails over his lace covered cock. “you’re so wet, you’ve gotten your panties all messy.”

kenma squirms in your lap, feeling your strap against his bottom. “...’m sorry, miss, i couldn’t help it..” he whispers pathetically.

you tsk and pick up the cock ring, pulling the panties down just enough to slide it over his aching dick. his legs tremble and his lip quivers. “please no, mistress, please not the ring, please...” he whines, biting his lip hard enough to draw blood and looking down at where his red cock is hitting his stomach, balls pulled tight against the silicone.

“shh, love—it’s okay. you know babies who disobey get punished, yeah? stupid baby boys who cum without their mistresses permission have to be taught a lesson.”

“i’m sorry, i’m sorry, miss, please,” he moans. you press kisses into his neck. “it’s okay. mistress is gonna fuck you now, ok? she’s gonna ruin your little hole, make you unable to walk for weeks. you’re gonna have to get carried around everywhere, and everyone will know that you’re a bad boy who got his ass punished by his girlfriend.”

kenma’s eyes fill with tears, humiliated at the thought of people knowing what you’re doing to him.

you lift him up, slowly positioning the thick head of the dildo into his tight hole before snapping your hips up, making him scream out in both pleasure and pain.

“m—mistress!”

“you like that, babydoll? you like me fucking you?” you groan, pulling his hair back. “tell me what you are, ken.”

his breath hitches, and his fingernails leave crescent marks on your thighs.

“i-i’m—i’m your cockslut, i’m a dirty boy who can’t cum by himself, i tried so hard but i need mistress’s cock—need her to make me feel good,”

you click your tongue and thrust harder up into him, watching as his ass bounces from the movement. you use the hand not pulling his hair to slap him, making him drop his head, hands fisting in the cum-covered sheets in front of him.

“how disgusting. you’re such a dumb little baby, aren’t you? your little dick is so drippy, making a such a big mess all over our sheets. i have half a mind to make you clean it up with your tongue—but you’d like that, wouldnt you?”

“please, please, miss, please let me cum, i need it so bad,” he sobs, trying to rock himself back on your strap.

“shh, shh, i’ve got you,” you smile, pressing a kiss to his neck and slipping off the ring. “such a sweet boy for me—let go.”

he whines and whines and whines, chasing after his orgasm and digging his nails into your back. “c’mon, dollface, cum for mistress.”

kenma screams as his vision whites out, seed shooting out in thick spurts across the already messy sheets. tears stream down his face as you lay him down gently, kissing his temple and cleaning up around him, rubbing a washcloth over his thighs and face.

once the sheets have been changed and his tears dried, you hold him close to your chest as he drifts off, while you whisper sweet nothings into his ear.

[fairyscribbles]

No More Running. (D.O, Romantic Confession)

By the way my loves, no need to worry about me! I decided to clean my folder and I found a lot of stories that I haven’t posted on tumblr yet, and I am pretty proud of them! So these are things that were written a while ago, but you get to see now! <3

-

You pushed your feet to go faster, feeling the strain in your muscles as you sped down the dark alleyway. You muted out the gruff yells that were behind you and your mind was only set on one thing- escaping the situation you’ve gotten yourself into.

You haven’t done anything wrong. You were innocent, and yet it was you who ended up being chased again.

You knew very well who was following you. And you knew they were toying with you. If they would’ve wanted, the vampires would have already ripped your jugular out.

They weren’t doing this for hunger. Oh no, the reason was far more personal than an innocent feeding.

This was an act of revenge, an eye for an eye. But they had the wrong person. You weren’t supposed to be executed for this reason.

You sharply turned left, almost losing your footing as you slammed into the side of the building. You could faintly register the burning on your arm as it scratched against the building, willing yourself to go faster.

This was all just a big mistake. They weren’t supposed to go after you. You weren’t the one closest to Do Kyungsoo, the werewolf they wanted to hurt the most.

Kyungsoo made sure you knew that well.

-

“Look…” he started, pausing after muttering your name. His eyes were set on the ground.

“This isn’t because of you…”

“Oh, of course not. It’s never me, it’s always you.” You cut him off, your hands balled into fists at your sides. He tried to open his mouth to protest, but you didn’t let him.

“At first, it was about you being different. When I showed you I had absolutely no problem with you being a werewolf, you changed the story to the “enormous” age gap problem.” You stated, crooking your fingers in the air in imaginative quote marks. Kyungsoo’s full lips pursed in a thin line, his brows furrowed.

“Even when I said that three years aren’t that bad, you’ve apparently come up with another one.” Crossing your arms on your chest, you glared at him.

“Let’s hear it, then.” He started out with your name again, and no matter how much you loved hearing it rolling off his lips, you willed yourself not to be affected by it.

“I cannot…I’m too dangerous for you.”

“Oh, that is rich.” You scoffed and Kyungsoo showed his distaste of interrupting him by growling deep in his chest. Sometimes, you forget that Kyungsoo is really a dangerous being, but no one could blame you- he is always so gentle and nice, it isn’t hard to let your mind slip with that little fact that he is able to transform into a great beast.

You pursed your lips, holding in all the other snarky comments until he is finished.

“I’m too dangerous. After all these years, I’ve made too many enemies. They could hurt you to get to me. And the biggest enemy is right in this room.” You lifted your eyebrow in question and Kyungsoo pointed at his chest.

“It’s me. I could hurt you so easily…” he muttered almost to himself, as he lifted his hand and his thumb brushed gently over your cheek. It took all you had not to lean into his touch, as you stared into his eyes, which seemed to be torn by uncertainty.

“Just with a flick of my wrist, I could break you bones…”

“You don’t have to flick anything but your tongue, to let those words out and break my heart.” You added, your voice lowering to his whisper. Pain flashed through his eyes and to your dismay, his hand retreated from your skin. He was already taking steps back, away from you.

“I’m sorry, I can’t…I can’t risk it. I’m so sorry.”

You would’ve cried, but you didn’t have the energy anymore. Sadly, you were so used to Kyungsoo walking out on you; it didn’t hurt as much as the last time.

You loved him, and you were sure he loved you back. The fact that after every single time he left, he returned to you made you realize that he was unable to be without you.

Do Kyungsoo’s machinations of his mind were an enigma, you decided, as you stared at the closed door, a thought crept in your head that it might’ve been a metaphor about Kyungsoo.

The closed door might be a metaphor on your relationship with Kyungsoo.

You were left all alone.

-

And alone, you had to face the two bloodthirsty vampires at your heels. You felt that your muscles started to scream in pain, but you couldn’t allow yourself to slow down. Slowing down mean certain death.

“Think fast, wolf bait!” a crystal clear voice called out behind you and not a second later, a sharp rock came in contact with your scalp. With a yelp, you stumbled but kept your balance. Your head throbbed, and that pain seemed to break down the numbness your brain created when they started chasing you.

You were being chased by vampires. And your only hope, the only one that could save you, turned his back on you.

That didn’t stop you from calling for help.

“Help…” the only word whimpered through your lips and the vile creatures behind you cackled.

“No one will come, sweetie. Stop running and we’ll make it quick.”

I don’t want to make it quick. I want to live, you wanted to tell the vampires, but you knew it would be useless.

“Please, help!” your voice grew louder as you took another turn. You noticed your grave mistake too late, that you ran into a dark alley, that was most probably cut off by some obstacle. Your fears came true, as a metal fence started rising above you and soon enough, you collided into it, hoping it would topple over.

Not happening. The fence stood there long before you and it probably will continue standing proud long after you’re gone.

You searched for a weapon of any kind- you were positive that you wouldn’t find any silver in the abandoned alleyway, so you settled for a broken vodka bottle. You clenched it by the throat, facing the predators with shaky legs.

“Leave me alone.” You tried to make your voice firm, but it cracked to a plea in the middle of the sentence, making the vampires laugh.

“We can’t do that, honey. There’s no escape. I’m sorry.” The monster replied and as if his speech triggered your reflex, your legs set off running again.

You didn’t get far though, as an arm shot up to meet you, sending you flying back to the fence. With a cry, you tried to catch your breath, your eyes glazing over with tears.

“Kyungsoo…” his name escaped your lips and your attacker grinned.

“Yes, thank him for killing you.”

“Kyungsoo, help me…” you were far too gone with fear, trying to back up even further into the fence when the vampire started approaching you.

“No! Stay back! Please!”

“So loud…” the other one growled, slapping you across the cheek. The sole impact had you losing your balance as you fell on the ground, knocking your head on some rubbish. Sobbing, you tried to crawl away from your death, into the corner of the building and the fence.

“Please, no!” you cried again, when you felt an iron grip on your ankle yank you away from your haven.

“Shut up already!”

“Say your prayers, flower.”  The first one finally said, lifting his arm to strike you again, but this time, you were sure it would be the last.

“Kyungsoo!” you shrieked, your eyes closing and awaiting the impact.

A growl cut through the air and soon enough, ripping and yells reached your ears, before you covered them, cutting them off.

You wanted out. This was just  a horrible nightmare, you wanted out, to wake up. Or if it had to be real life, you just wanted to die, to finally have it over with and to die in peace. Oh god, that was the only thing you wanted, just to get out…

Your ranting was interrupted by a familiar voice calling your name. At first, you thought it was just your mind playing tricks, but when big hands covered yours, gently prying them off your ears, you heard that concerned voice again.

You opened your eyes and as you stared into Kyungsoo’s worried ones, you couldn’t fight the tears anymore and you broke down, crying.

“Did they hurt you? Hey, ___, talk to me, please.” His hand cupped your chin, tilting you up to meet his gaze again, while his other one gently swiped at the swollen cheek and busted lip that the vampires rewarded you with. His eyes laced with fury, and a growl rumbled off his chest.

“They didn’t bite you, right?” he asked carefully and relief washed over him when you shook your head.

“Did they hurt you anywhere else?”

“You came.” You interrupted his interrogation by throwing your arms around his neck and hugging him tight. You refused to let go of him, your grip around his neck was almost bordering with pain, but either way, one of arms wrapped around your back, bringing you impossibly close, while the other one cradled your head.

“I’m so sorry I came so late. I’m so sorry.” He whispered into your ear, while you proceeded to cry into his neck.

“I was so scared…” you were only able to hiccup through your sobs.

“I know, and I’m so sorry, but it’s all okay now, I’m here…” Kyungsoo started rocking you gently, trying to calm you down.

“But for how long? How long until you’ll leave again?” you’ve managed to form a longer sentence now, your grip automatically tightening when you spoke of him leaving.

“Forever. I’ll never leave you again.” His hand ran through your hair, and when he brought out bloody fingers because of your injury, he gently pushed you away so he could look into your eyes.

“I never wanted you to experience something like this. I thought that if I left you, they would lose interest in you, and yet the only thing I did was make you completely vulnerable.” As he spoke, your eyes cast downwards to look at his shirt. He brought your attention back to his face when he kissed your brow gently and you looked up in surprise.

“I promise to take care of you from now until you’ll want me. I’ll never let anything happen to you again. If someone as much as touches you, I’ll make sure they’ll regret it.” The determination in his eyes told you he was speaking the truth. A moment later, uncertainty crept through the irises.

“That is, if you still want me.” Normally, you would’ve scoffed, but now, you wound your arms around his neck again and nodded into his shoulder.

You could feel as Kyungsoo wrapped one arm under your knees and lifted you into his embrace, as if you weighed nothing.

“Never leave me again, please.”

“I won’t. I promise.”

[melanoradrood]

WIP Wednesday

So this is from my Nanowrimo fic, which is the soulmates AU, which is a rewrite of Rogue One, more or less, with Cassian and Jyn as soulmates ( spoiler alert? ). Anyways, I’m pretty sure I have a title locked down, but I’m not going to start posting this fic on AO3 until I get probably another chapter done, just because the chapters are so meaty, BUT, take this little bit from the middle of Chapter 1. Chapter 1 covers Lah’Mu, Kafrene, and Wobani, btw...

Enjoy.

She pretends that her parents are here with them, her father writing away with what little light they have, her mother fixing the hole in Jyn’s leggings. She imagines her doll with her, and imagines that the rocks around her are actually sky, showing the stars.

She closes her eyes, and she tells herself the constellations, as if she can see them. She whispers them to herself, and pretends like someone, maybe even her soulmate, can hear her.

She’s so cold, so wet in this place. A storm has been brewing overhead, and despite the fact that she is within a cave, underground, the water runs, and it drips, drips onto her skin, onto her cot, onto her clothes. The longer she remains wet, the colder she gets, and she shivers, trying to hide under every blanket. The weather only gets worse, and the darkness never seems to stop.

Three days, three long days, and then, the hatch opens above her head. She recognizes the face immediately - he’s a friendly one, but she gives no response, save to climb up the ladder, her bag on her back. He does not look surprised to see that she is alone, and when she climbs out of the hole, they close the cover, although no one will be seeking shelter there again.

There’s a ship, with three big men with him, waiting at the mouth of the cave. They all look her over, tiny thing that she is, but she lifts her chin, raising herself up with all of the strength of her mother. Her mother never let anyone look down at her, and they give her a nod before she turns and looks at the one that came for her, Saw.

“They shot her,” she says, and there’s sadness in the man’s eyes. Pity, perhaps… or maybe understanding.

“And your father?”

She shakes her head - she doesn’t know the answer to that, not for fact, but she knows what she suspects. They wanted him - wanted his research, wanted his work. They would take him alive, if they could, and her father was not one to fight. He was likely still alive.

“How did you get away?” he asks, and her eyes go wide with surprise - she had done as told, had run when told, so how- “Your face, were you struck?”

She touches at her eye, where he gestures, then lets out another shake of her head. There’s no pain there, but she can imagine what it is - her soulmate. They must have gotten into another fight.

“My... “ She shows him her hands, where the knuckles are scraped and bruised. Saw gives her a nod, then sets a hand on her shoulder, leading her to the ship.

“My Papa… he’ll have a scar, where they shot her, won’t he?”

Saw is quiet for a long moment as they walk up the ramp, and he settles her into a seat in the back, sliding her bag under the chair. He then kneels in front of her, taking her hands in his.

“Most likely, yes. A mark where she was shot, to show the pain within his soul.”

“Will the mark hurt?” she asks, and it feels like a stupid question, but her father had reared back from what looked like pain when her mama was struck.

“The soul is what aches,” Saw answers wisely, as though he has known that pain, has felt that loss. “The wound is only a sign of the part of him that is now broken.”

Jyn nods, then looks down at her knuckles, scraped and marked.

“I never want to meet my soulmate. They make you do stupid things…”

She doesn’t want to think that her mama was stupid, not when she was so brave. Perhaps, if her mama had struck down the man in white, the troopers might have left her papa alone… but how could her mama think that she might fight against all of those fighters and lived? Her mama had fought for nothing, and now she was dead.

“My child… you will meet them one day, and you will only feel complete with them. It is a gift from the Force, one which you cannot fight… you are young, still, and we can talk on it later. Close your eyes and rest.”

She nods, sniffling a little, and Jyn realizes then that she’s crying, tears running down her cheeks. She was supposed to be brave, and here she was crying. Her hand runs under her eyes, brushing them away, and then her hand goes to her neck, to her mama’s necklace.

Her necklace, now.

Her eyes go towards the viewport, and as they take off from the planet, she can see in the distance that her house is now a ruins. There’s nothing left on Lah’mu, it seems. Nothing but ash, and dirt, and tears.

Her eyes close after a long moment, and she tries to wash it all away, to forget everything, to forget the past. She cannot change what has happened to her…

Ash… dirt… tears… and memories…

Dirt… sweat… tears…

Running… dripping…

Her eyes fly open, and for half a second, Jyn thinks she might be back in that cave, deep underground. Her next thought is that someone has come for her, and that this time, it’s not a friend. When she sits up, though, and realizes that the wetness on her skin is from the dripping ceiling, and that she’s no longer on Lah’mu…

Her hand reaches out to grab the rag she had left drying in the small space that is hers. It’s damp, but it’s better than letting whatever liquid drips from the floor above remain on her skin. Her eyes flick over towards her cellmate, still sleeping.

A guard walks by, but Jyn knows that it’s the middle of the night, and that it’s only memories, memories that haunt her, memories of a lifetime ago, of a girl that no longer exists. Her mama is long dead, her papa is long gone, and Saw had abandoned her, left her behind.

Everyone left her behind, everyone save for…

She looks down at her hand, sees a familiar bite on it, the bite from a blaster, used in close range, as a pistol. Sometimes, whoever her soulmate is, they grip the blaster too tight, the firing catching back on tender skin. There hasn’t been a mark in some time…

They recently shot someone. She tries to not concentrate on that too hard.

Her gaze goes out of the cell, and she tries to clear her mind. Her parents, Saw, her soulmate… none of them matter. All that matters is that she has been caught, captured by the Empire. They do not know her true name, but she knows that the name Erso means something to the empire.

If they find out her real name, find out who she really is…

A prison camp on Wobani will be the least of her worries.

For the first time in her life, Jyn is caught, trapped. There’s no way out, there’s no backup plan, no rescue crew. She’s alone. Entirely alone. And no one is coming to save her.

...

There’s a hunger deep within him, but it is not his own. Cassian has to ignore it as he moves through the busy crowd, glancing down at his hands, checking that his gloves are in place. It wouldn’t do for someone, a stormtrooper, to see the dark ring around his wrists. Granted, those marks were also not his own, but then they would ask for scandocs, and well… better to get in and out, without being spotted.

The stink in the air is nearly unbearable, but he’ll be off this piece of junk soon, heading back towards Base, or wherever the intel takes him. He hopes that Tivik is good on his word, because he keeps hitting dead ends. Jedha, though… Jedha is overrun with the presence of the Empire, and for no valid reason. Something is happening on Jedha. He just needs to find out what.

The smell of food makes him feel ill, and he knows he has eaten enough to sustain him recently, but it doesn’t help when he still feels hunger. His thoughts wander for a moment, where are they, that they’re so hungry, that they’re kept in shackles - no. No, he doesn’t have time for thoughts such as that. Things like soulmates… they have no place in a war. Those are for dreamers and fools. Nothing more.

His gaze flicks down the main street as Cassian reaches the alley where they agreed to meet, and he sees no troopers facing towards him - not that a man going down an alley is much concern, but he wants to be aware, wants to know if any are following him. He had been careful, as always, but… well, it was his job to be careful, to aware. He was good at what he did, the best, in fact.

You had to be the best, otherwise, you ended up dead.

The man is where he said he would be, and Cassian tries to put on an easy smile. There’s stress written on Tivik’s face, a sign that the intel, it has to be good. No one gets nervous sharing details about nothing.

His gaze goes back towards where he came from, and no eyes search him out. Stepping forward, he hopes that they will be out of the way… away from interruptions.

“I was about to leave,” Tivik says, and Cassian can only shrug, the grin tightening.

“I came as fast as I could.” And he had. He had had to dodge patrols to get there, but he had half run, when able. The news had to be good, the intel worth it - it was worth running there for. He pulls off his gloves, trying to get relaxed, to slow the man down, and he shoves them into his jacket pocket, out of the way. His wrists burn, but he ignores them.

[maloleysweekender22]

Birth of Desire

His smile is what I look forward to every week. Something about his smile lights up the room. Everything brightens up when he smiles at you or just in general. Shawn is smiling whiling writing new lyrics for SM3 and it instantly puts a smile on my face.

“You know you look creepy smiling like a weirdo right?” Shawn speaks up awakening me from my daze. I look at Shawn weirdly as he stares back at me.

“I love your smile” I say giving him my own version of his smile or at least try to. Shawn’s laughs echoes through the studio causing me to let out hesitant chuckle. He leans forward from his seat and clutches his stomach. His hand comes up to wipe away small tears falling down his face.

“T-that’s haha not how I smile. I’m sorry baby, but it looks like your forcing the smile” Shawn laughs again and eventually falls off his chair. I send him a glare as he tries to recuperate from laughing.

“Sorry I can’t do a good impersonation of the ‘Shawn Mendes’ smile” I tell him crossing my arms over my chest. Which oddly enough lifts my boobs a bit. Shawn clears his throat a bit before walking towards me. He takes a seat next to me pulling onto his lap to straddle him. My hand instinctively go around his neck pulling me a little closer to his chest. Shawn let’s out a small sigh as his eyes are concentrated on my breasts. I flick his head a little to get his attention, but it doesn’t remove his gaze from my breasts.

“You should really wear this sundress more often. The sundress makes your breasts look so much bigger baby. And it focuses on all your beautiful curves, no wonder Geoff and Andrew ban you from coming to the studio. I bet if you came here every time I would never get writing done, since I would have you bent over the coffee table.”

“Thanks” I respond with a small voice as he tugs the bottom of the sundress upwards to lay around my hips. Shawn’s hands make there way up my thigh slowly caressing it before cupping my face in his hands. His breath fans over my face as inches his lips closer to mine. Before he can kiss me he removes his hands from my face leaving me dumbfounded.Shawn hands start to travel down my body again and stop once he reaches my thigh. His hands move upwards under the dress and he pulls on the elastic of my underwear and lets it go. A small snap is emitted from his action.

“Don’t start getting shy on me princess! We both know your not shy when it comes to our sex life” Shawn seductively whispers into my ear as his hand keep moving upwards until they reaches my breasts. “No bra such a bad girl” he says as he caresses my breasts gently squeezing ever so often. I feel myself get wetter as his calloused fingers pull at my nipple. I let out a moan as he continues to pinch my nipples.

“Shaw-“ his phone rings on the side table interrupting us. I let out a sigh of relief as I watch him answer the phone. He taps my thigh so I can get up. I straighten my dress out and turn away to regain my composure. His hands wrap themselves around my middle and pull me back into his lap. I try and question his actions and he puts a finger to his lips.

“Yes, Andrew I’ll have the date set on the Calendar” Shawn responds as he hums in between Andrews responses. His hands trail their way to the hem of my dress bunching it around my waist. Shawn’s fingers inch their way down my panties and cup aroused core into his hand igniting a whimper from deep within my throat. He pulls me back not to hard, a hand around my throat he whispers in my ear “shh… you need to be quiet while I talk on the phone can you do that princess?” I nod as he keeps my body leaning on him.

“Sorry Andrew can you repeat that?” Andrew starting talking again and Shawn hand move my underwear to one side allowing him to to separate my folds. His cold hands send a shiver down my spine as he continues to move up and down my slit. My head turns to face his neck and try to quiet my moans as best as I can. Shawn’s fingers make their way to my throbbing clit rubbing harsh circles. My hand comes up to my mouth to diminish the constant moans and whines that leaves my lips. Shawn let’s go and I’m regaining my breath before I know his index finger pushes into me.

“Ohh Sh- Shawn what was that?” Andrew asks through the phone after I cover my mouth. Shawn sends me a glare before he clears his throat.

“Its Y/N, I don’t know what she’s doing right now. So what are our plans for the next album and upcoming tour?” Shawn resumes conversation with him leaving me to cover my moans again. In no time I’m a withering mess as my orgasm takes over my body. My thigh close trapping Shawn’s fingers from removing themselves. His fingers slowly thrust in me to ride out my high. I so badly want to scream in ecstasy as all the pleasure washes over me.

“Geoff thinks it’s best if we start in North America before moving the tour to Europe. He wants to check with you first before we start calling venues and hotels for your arrival. I also think it would be a great idea to give you a bit more time with Y/N. So Shawn what do you say?” Andrew says through the phone as Shawn looks at me. I’m in a daze trying to regain my composure. Shawn slide me off his lap and stands up.

“I think that’s great! Maybe she can be with me during the North American tour, yeah? This so great and all the buzz of SM3 is amazing.” Shawn hums to Andrews response more and my eyes slowly start to close. The undoing of a belt buckle makes me immediately open my eyes again. Shawn stands before me phone between his shoulder and neck a he undoes his pants. In two minutes tops Shawn stands in all his naked glory before me. The conversation with Andrew continues as Shawn sits back on his couch and pull me on to his lap. He presses the phone to his chest to avoid Andrew hearing our conversation.

“Take everything off and sit on my lap now” I listen to him and quickly remove any article of clothing I may on. I make a move to straddle Shawn’s lap, but he turns me around so I’m facing the large view windows looking out towards the city. We are only a few floors above the city, so anyone who looks while see my naked body on full display. It makes me wetter at the thought of being caught by people walking.

“Andrew it’s hard! I can’t have three songs recorded by midnight without anyone here! Yes, Y/N’s here….. I’m not kicking her out! ANDREW!” Shawn yells into the phone followed by Andrews response trying to calm down Shawn. I can feel his erection poking my back and I reach behind and give a gentle squeeze. His hips buck up at the sudden contact and he groans into the phone. I bite my bottom lip and start to slowly move my hand up and down his thick erection. His grunts and groans encourage me to continue.

“A-And-Andrew, I-I’m g-going to call you back!” Shawn rushes the words out and throws the phone somewhere in the room. His hips continue to buck to meet my movements and I speed up my movements. His breath becomes rapid and ragged as I move my thumb over the slit of his member.

Precum layers the tip and I rub my thumb in the in the slit in which I receive a hiss fro Shawn.

“Fuck! I hate how innocent you look and yet your a deadly tease when it comes to intimacy” Shawn utters before he hisses once again. I remove my my hand from his throbbing member and start to inch my thumb with Shawn’s precum towards my lips. Shawn hand yank me back by my ponytail as he watches me lick my thumb. I lick it as if it were a lollipop and keep my eyes on Shawn’s. He rolls his eyes back realsing my hair while he rubs his hands over his face.

“You’ll be the death of me Y/N” Shawn groans as he pulls at the end sod his hairs.

I let a smile take over knowing this wasn’t the time or place, but I couldn’t let a opportunity like this slip through my fingers.

“Say swear to god”

“Seriously?” Shawn groans while opening his eyes to me.

“Say it”

“I swear to god” I pull him in into a kiss without noting that his is slowly lifting me up. As the kiss continues a sudden pain is felt as Shawn thrust into me unexpectedly. I whimper into the kiss as the sudden penetration which halts the kiss. My head lays tucked near his neck as he lifts my legs onto the couch. I lost hum as the move at send a pleasure through my body as his erection slowly moves thrusts in me. A hand comes to my throat and gives a gentle squeeze while the other travels down my body leaving a path of goosebumps. The warmth of his touch adds a much needed arousal to my aching clit. The anticipation is killing me inside as Shawn traces my hip bones before making their way to my throbbing clit.

“So precious and only for me” he grins as his fingers open up my folds to gain contact with my clit. As soon as his fingers rub my clit I’m a withering mess on his lap. My eyes roll back as I desperately try to add friction and bounce myself on his erect member. I won’t last not like this. My legs are giving out on me, I’m so close and need a release.

“Stay open for me baby” Shawn growls into my ear as he has a tight hold around my neck. My moans arms muffled as he squeezes my throat to send me closer to the edge. His lips are on my leaving a dark mark that will be hard to hide tomorrow.

“So close Shawn!” I scream out as I few the heat building up in my abdomen. His breath is cold against my heated skin. There is a new sensation and I see Shawn thrusting his hips up in a taping pace without removing his assaults on my throbbing clit. My legs keep threatening to close on me and Shawn separating them again. It’s like a small battle which I losing. Small sobs escape my lips as his fingers start to flick my clit over and over again. This could be a punishment and it wouldnt matter because anything he does is with care and love.

“Shhh.. it’s okay princess. Just let go-ahhh” I interpret Shawn as my orgasm washes over my sweat covered body. My abdomen muscles clench and my walls clench at the force of my orgasm. Shawn’s halts his thrusts and slowly rubs my clit to ride out my high. It feels like pure bliss, but the moment soon diminishes in thin air. Shawn expertly turned me over so I did a full circle on his erect member. Our chests touch and my hands place themselves on his shoulders. His hands trace down towards my waist he slowly moves me in a riding motion in.

“So precious, and I can’t get enough of you” I hum as I watch sweat run down his forehead. His lips part and soft grunts leave his mouth. Shawn’s neck vain is prominent as he moves my hips faster on his lap. His hands hold onto my hips harder surely to leave bruises. His abs clench together signaling his close, and watching him become out of breath throws me over the edge once again.

“Fuck!” Shawn groans outs as he halts my movements bucking his hips up uncontrollably as he orgasm washes over him. My head falls onto his sweat covered shoulder and I bite down on it as Shawn’s fingers place themselves once more in my sensitive clit. I whimper and whine as he starts to rub harder and faster.

“It’s okay baby…. just one more. I know you can give me one more, can’t you?” He whispers in my ear before trailing his lips down my neck. I hesitantly nod and before I know it my third orgasm washes over my body blurring my vision. My chest heaves up and down with the overstimulation. Shawn hands wrap around me and pull into his flushed body to try and calm me down. Tears fall down my cheeks when he rubs my back in soothing circles.

“I’m so sorry baby” he says over and over again as I shake my head against his neck.

“Don’t be Shawn” I tell him knowing that I could have used the safe word, but I haven’t felt this close to him in so long. There’s a loud knock on the door startling us both as we jump and try to dress ourselves. The knob on the handle moves and loud banging comes with it. Shawn runs to the door and opens it and sees Andrew with Geoff on the other side. So glad we locked the studio door, but they will never let me come along to one of Shawn’s studio sessions again.

“Hey” I come up behind Shawn and look at Andrew and Geoff then back at Shawn. Andrew looks at me and then Shawn as do I. My eyes go wide as I spot the bite mark I left on his shoulder. I smack Shawn repeatedly which causes him to look down at me. I forgot he wore a muscle tee today to the studio.

“Umm… Shawn you have a little something right here” Geoff points to Shawn’s shoulder and he touches it and hisses in pain. I look down in embarrassment as Andrew sends Shawn a glare. Geoff tries to stifle his laugh as Andrew pulls Shawn into the hallway to talk.

“You know I’m never going to let you guys live this down right?” Geoff tells me as he looks through Shawn’s prompts for new songs. He hums in appreciation as he lands on one. I look over his shoulder to read it “birth of desire.” My cheeks redden knowing there’s more to the title. The door opens and Andrew comes in with Shawn who looks irritated and embarrassed.

“Well we’ll let you get back to work Shawn and we mean the lyrics portion” Andrew comments leaving the rooms before Shawn has the chance to throw a pillow at him for is comment. Shawn sits down on the couch and rubs his face.

“So how are my chances for coming to another studio session?” I ask him while placing my head on his shoulder. He looks down at me and shakes his head before laughing.

“Andrew said ‘this is your last chance Shawn or we are only going to have more songs related to sex’ but he’s not wrong” Shawn finishes causing me to send him a playful glare. I give him a kiss before pointing at his journal to continue writing lyrics for SM3. He groans before taking the journal and flipping through the pages to continue writing. He sends me his famous smile which causes me to my heart to flutter and butterflies to erupt in my stomach.

[randomfandomz]

Apocalypse Sanders- Chapter 1

!!!WARNING!!!

This is VERY angsty, and includes heavy gore and violence, with heavy mentions of abuse. Please stay safe all!!! If there is a trigger I didnt mention, please please please tell me and I'll include a warning in this and all other posts I make about this story with such a trigger included! And if you cannot read it due to a trigger, I will be happy to give you a summary! This is probably gonna be the most violent chapter, and there is much fluff ahead!

"Get down." It was Logan.

"Why should I, calculator nerd?!" Roman said with a sly smirk.

"Because if you dont I'm telling Patton."

"Oh, so scary! I'm shaking in my boots!" The ten-year-old Roman retorted without missing a beat. Logan raised an eyebrow.

"Foolish child." Logan grabbed Roman and set him back down on the ground. Roman kicked him in protest, but it did next to nothing. "You're not even wearing boots!

Roman decided not to correct Logan.

"It was a metaphor, Lo." That's what Virgil was for; an emo 12 year old that was never found without an old black and purple hoodie that he always wore even before the apocalypse. Logan was about to respond, but found that Roman had already reached the top of the staircase again, hanging off the side of it, like the scene from 'Titanic'.

"Lo, please get Roman down from there..." Patton had arrived.

"Will do." Logan responded, and Roman pouted.

"TRUE WARIORS NEVER GIVE UP!!!" Roman yelled. He was met with various shushing from the rest of the occupants of the room.

"Your quest is over with, Ro. And stay quiet, you'll attract the creatures outside." Patton scolded lightly. Roman decided to listen to Patton, having seen the terrified expressions on the other's faces at his yell.

Patton adjusted his radio, hoping for a response today. The radio was oldish and didnt work the best, but it had good distance and he hoped that if there were any other survivors, he could contact them.

BANG BANG BANG

The sound of desprate knocking on the door caused the room's occupants to immediately look up from what they were doing to look at the door. The terrified child tried to tear himself away from his mother's grip, but was unable. She whispered to the child angrily, and he shut his mouth.

"PLEASE LET ME IN PLEASE THEYRE AFTER ME HELP—" The voice of a young woman practically screamed through the door. The child watched as his father grabbed a shovel from the table and opened the door. The woman ran through the doorway, a single zombie chasing after her.

Crack! The creature's head was smashed. The now headless zombie reached for the child's father. Crunch! Sqish! A few more hits to its rotten flesh did the trick. Another scream came from behind his father. The woman—he couldnt exactly see her face due to the tears spilling from his eyes down his own cheeks.

One of the monsters had followed her inside.

The woman picked up a vase, throwing it at the zombie. It was knocked off its feet, but got up once again. It lurched towards her, biting into her shoulder greedily. She screamed as the creature tore through her flesh with the eagerness of a child getting presents on Christmas. The child's mother dug her nails into his shoulders nervously. Against her motherly insincts, she used her child as a sort of sheild, standing back and pushing him to the front, giving him front row seats to the whole scene. The child's father stood back, knowing there was no saving her now. She screamed bloody murder as her flesh was eaten right off her living body. His father came to his senses and whacked the creature in the head with the shovel. A few more hits and it had stopped moving. He then crushed the woman's head, ending her life, as now that she had been bitten, there was no saving her... But the monster had done so much more than just bite her. The two corpses laid in the livingroom, bringing a terrifying silence. The brutally gorey image would haunt the child for years to come.

Patton and the kiddos looked for new shelter after a few days of staying in the previous house. Patton approaches the door, which had bloody scratch marks, most likely from zombies attempting to get inside the house.

~~~

"Are you okay ××××?" His father asked his wife. The child tuned out the conversation, reflecting on the events that had just occured. He felt sick and terrified. Tears continuously streamed from his eyes and he was shaking furiously. A loud scream awakened him from the trance. He looked up just in time to see his father being bitten by the creature. His neck had snapped and he was dead before he could scream. No, the scream he had heard was from his mother. He felt himself being pushed forward as his mother cowered in fear.

"Mommy's gonna run away now, okay? She's going to... go get help! Can you be a big boy and stop the monster for me sweetie? Make sure he doesnt get to mommy, okay!?" She said it as if she were merely asking him to do a chore or something of the like. As if she wasnt asking her young child to fight off a bloodthirsty monster while she got away. The child froze in fear as the zombie ran forward, and the child ran around it. The zombie grabbed the child, pulling him towards it by the head. The creature's grip however was not very strong, and the child was able to break free. The left side of his face felt like it had been ripped off, but, leaving a bloody trail, he was able run past his screaming mother into the hallway.

"YOU UNGREATFUL BRAT! YOU DIDNT KEEP THE MONSTER AWAY FROM MOMMY! OH MY GOD IM GOING TO DIE AND IT'S YOUR FAULT!" The zombie, hearing the woman's screams came towards her instead, deciding to take the easier option to get its meal. The child ran to the basement, hearing his mother's screams grow quiet, but not dead, but the zombie must have ripped her vocal chords in some way, as her screams were no more and sounds of desprate struggling could be heard. He caught a single glance of the gruesome scene before closing the heavy basement door. It was almost too heavy for him to lift, but he managed to close it shut.

The child stayed there for what felt like hours, days even, though there was no way for him to tell exactly how long it had been.

When Patton had first laid eyes upon the scene before him, he had second thoughts about using this apartment as a living space. The door was left open and he wasnt sure if what had killed these people were still there or not. But, as the sun had began to go down and it would surley be dark in an hour or two, he decided to quickly clear the bodies, and after a breif but thorough look around the house to make sure it was safe and livable, have the group move in for the time being.

Logan occupied the children with activities and conversations(so they wouldnt see the gorey mess) right outside the building.

There were four bodies. The man at the door was the heaviest and the one Patton had the most trouble moving. All the bodies were a bloody mess; the corpses of the man and two women were eaten alive, but not in entirety. The final body seemed to have been dead for longer than the others, and had possibly had a hand in one of the three other's deaths before it's mealtime was cut short. It looked more like an undead creature than a dead human being.

After a long while of cleaning the bodies and searching the halls for possible dangers, he finally let the children into the house. There was of course still blood and such, but it was nothing the children hadnt seen before. No bodies though. Before long, Virgil was sitting on the couch, Logan was accompanying Roman on a "quest" to find new supplies(he was hoping for a crayon box, as he had ran out of crayons that worked well enough to draw with; they were reduced to mere stubs), and Patton was gathering and rationing any scraps of food they had managed to find.

Roman was just begining to loose hope of finding anything, when he saw the door to the basement. It was closed shut, but with some force it opened, its hinges weak from excessive misuse, and rusted by the passage of time. Logan, seeing a bloody trail leading to it, was about to stop Roman, but the child had already started walking inside.

"Roman! Get back here!" Logan rose his voice, but dared not yell. Patton and Virgil were able to hear this still, and Patton came to see what was going on.

"Catch me~!" Roman spoke playfully. He ran a few feet, but after a bit stopped dead in his tracks.

"Roman, get back here now!" Patton's worried tone reached his ears. Roman simply stared at something, a space between dark objects that couldnt be identified with the room's dark lighting; Or rather, it's lack thereof.

"There's another kid down here!" Roman said innocently. Patton and Logan shared surprised looks. "Hi, what's your name?" Roman asked a shadow. Thinking the poor child had stumbled upon a corpse, Patton called Roman once again. It was only when a stifled sob escaped the shadowy figure's mouth that Patton decided to see what—or who—Roman was talking to.

When the child stepped into the light, it was a rather heartbreaking sight to see. A little boy, it seemed, covered gead to toe in bruises and wounds, the most noticeable of which covered the entire left side of his face, dried blood caking his hair, clothes, and skin. Daek circles and bloodshot eyes showed nights of restlessness and sleep depravity, tear marks almost looking like a longways rash or scratch down his face. He looked almost like one of the walking corpses himself, and it was a wonder he survived so long. His knees shook with the effort it took to stand, and Patton leapt down the stairs to catch the collapsing child before he almost took a wuite possibly fatal blow to the head upon collision with the wooden floor.

"Who the actual fuck is that?!" Virgil exclaimed, seeing the near-dead child that Patton was now cradling in his arms. He couldnt be more than seven or eight years old. Patton was preoccupied with cradling the child while trying to examine the wounds so he could fogure out how to help him properly.

"Virgil!" Logan snapped in a low voice. "Language!"

Virgil gave Logan a mocking smirk, but the issue was ignored after a few minutes of hushed bickering and a bit of explaining, as the child now laying on the couch while Patton tended to his wounds opened an eye, and Patton shushed them.

"Heya kiddo.. Dont worry, everything's going to be alright now." The child gave a panicked look, and kicked his legs weakly to try to escape what he thought to be a threatening situation. "Youre safe, I'm fixing you up right now. Can you just stay calm for me and tell me... tell me anything? We need to keep you awake to make sure you're alright. Can you do that for me?" The child nodded slightly, barely noticeable if not for the extreme attention the child was receiving from Patton. "What's your name kiddo..? Can you tell me your name..?" Patton asked the child hesitantly. After a few long moments, the child responded:

"Dee.... I am Dee..."

[producingnct-blog]

sometimes failure is better than success

jihoon/samuel fake dating au

requested by anon

honestly it all started in the weirdest way

jihoon had been friends for a few months when it happened

it wasn’t their fault that bae jinyoung was literally so pretty

they couldn’t keep their eyes off of him and so they bet on who would get to take him out first

(spoiler alert: none of them did)

jihoon and his group of friends, which consisted of samuel, euiwoong, seonho, gualin and hyungseob, were like the groups of friends that people see in the movies

they had lunch together everyday, they sat next to each other and they told one another everything

jihoon couldnt have asked for a better group of friends, really

but then again... he could

i mean, how was samuel considered a good friend if he insisted on crushing on the same guy as him????

jihoon didnt understand

for all everyone knew, jihoon had been crushing on jinyoung first!

he’d fallen in love as soon as they made eye contact (which in fact, did not happen bc jinyoung was always looking at the ground, but please. let jihoon be happy)

and jihoon had started talking about him to their friends just to be met with “i know right!!!”’s from samuel at everything he said

jihoon, the fucking gemini, had glared at him. “he’s mine, i saw him first.”

to which euiwoong had replied, after taking a bite of hyungseob’s sandwich. “hyung, you do realise he’s not food, right?”

maybe jihoon had ended up blushing a bit, but who was to blame him for that? he quickly shook his head, “thats not what i mean, woong. you know that.” then turned his head to samuel

“cmon sam, for real. i feel like this is my sappy romance story yk. you gotta let me have it.”

“but hyung, i like him too! look, im not gonna dislike him for you and neither will you. its bros before hoes, not bros before ros-”

gualin, at this, perked up “what even is this conversation that does not make any sense”

“yes it does, omg! bros equals friends, ros equals romance between bros ok lemme live jesus! but anyway, we aint gonna budge our asses for one anoter, we might as well fight for it. agaisnt each other”

“what??!???” “are you crazy???” “what the fuc- i mean what????”

jihoon looked terrified, but then he set up his tray a bit closer to him, smirking. “fine. whoever gets to take him out first, gets him. after losing you gotta give him up. and give me 20 bucks as well.”

“why are you saying its me whos gonna lose?? and why do i have to pay you??”

jihoon smiled mischiviously. “duh. because i want, obviously.”

and then it was set

they started playing games, trying to get jinyoung’s attention

samuel would write lyrics to songs he wanted to play to jinyoung

jihoon would daydream about coming up to jinyoung and telling him he wanted him to be his bae 

samuel would start laughing louder, so that he could call for jinyoung’s attention indirectly

jihoon would wear different neon laces everyday to be different and stand out in his crush’s eyes

and yet, jinyoung didnt care for either of them

“ugh, this is so hard jihoon hyung.”

“i know right? he hasn’t even looked in our way at least once”

“what is it that we’re doing wrong??”

“idk sam. maybe we should try to get his attention in another way?”

samuel stopped writing down the answer to his english homework of the day to look up at jihoon, who was wearing a frown on his face

“how so hyung?”

“well, we could try to make him jealous?”

“but how is that even going to work if he doesn’t notice either of us”

jihoon threw his pencil in the table, and rolling his eyes as he sighed

“i dont know okay???? i just want him to look at me and like me back, but he doesnt even know i exist”

“hey hyung... its okay, i get it remember? we’re the same. just... how do you think we can make him jealous then?”

jihoon smiled a bit at that, lifting his head from where he had laid it into his arms, “we could date someone”

“oh. who?”

“well. hyungseob and euiwoong are the only gays from our group of friends that are out, but they’re dating each other. so....”

“so....?”

“sooooo.... we could date each other!”

“WHAT oh my god no way”

jihoon pinched samuel’s arm, making the younger flinch away. “what do you mean no way, you punk! im damn handsome, smart, intelligent and funny! theres nothing not to like!”

“hyung.... get your head out of your ass and listen. i dont wanna date you omg. you literally are so.... annoying sometimes no offense. and you snore when you sleep!”

“omg sam shut the fuck up u idiot. firstly i am not annoying youre just not old enough to understand how real and amazing people like me function. secondly. bitch we aint gonna sleep together what the fuck is wrong with my snoring. you talk in your sleep!”

samuel shook his head. “this is seriously not gonna work hyung, what even went through your mind.”

“an idea, thats what. at least i try to come up with those and help ourselves!!!!!” jihoon sighed once again, throwing his hands up. “so are you in or what? we can give it a try right? for a week or two?”

“ugh. fine but if it doesnt work out im killing both you and myself.”

“wow.... thats sad”

“shut up and study”

it..... didnt work out

but also no one died

“ok. what is happening??” was the first thing that met them when they walked to their lunch table holding hands, gualin was currently staring at them both intensively

“listen. this is not weird i promise but we’re dating.”

“you’re what???????”

“dating, you dumbass.”

euiwoong fixed up his glasses, “when and why and how did this happen. am i in a alternative universe”

“ok what the fuck is so wrong with us loving each other” samuel tried not to gag at jihoon’s words, instead squeezing jihoon’s hand stronger

seonho stopped snacking on a chocolate bar “you have been crushing on jinyoung for weeks remember?”

hyungseob continued, “yeah and why wouldnt you tell us if you liked each other???”

at this jihoon started laughing, “im kidding jeez!!!” he then sat down and mentioned for them to sit closer

“we’re pretending-” “WHAT” “omg shut up gualin youre so loud. we’re pretending to date so that jinyoung will be jealous”

euiwoong sighed “im not even going to care this time around. you two are lost cases.”

hyungseob smiled as he pinched euiwoong’s cheek and jihoon fake vomited “ew. YOU are lost cases stop being so in love”

“you jealous hyung?” “omg shut up seonho”

“anyway woong. i am telling you that you should be more respectful to me. when im married to jinyoung, with kids that are twice your height and with more money than all your three next genarations, i wont remember you punk.”

“GOOD”

“OMG YOU FUCKING- I HATE YOU”

turns out fake dating samuel wasnt soooo bad

they hang out like they used to, the only difference was that they held hands a bit more

it still, however, didnt work for them as jinyoung never looked their way

therefore, ofc the obvious and only solution was for them to take their relationship to the next level and to kiss

they decided on a plan

jihoon would be walking to school and hed pass by jinyoung and smile at him casually, but then he’d fall

samuel would then see and help him up, ask if he was okay!! and then kiss his cheek

it was a good plan, really, it was a good plan BUT

fucking samuel didnt do shit! he stood there looking

which ended up in jinyoung looking up to see what had happened and walking towards jihoon to help him up

jihoon started blushing when jinyoung asked him if he was okay, and jihoon could only nod

at this samuel came closer to the two of them, glaring at jihoon but trying to cover it up with a smile “hey you okay baby?”

jihoon blushed at the pet name, how could samuel call him baby when he was talking with his crush. “im fine”

jinyoung then cleared his throar, “hm. im glad youre okay i should go. see you around i guess...”

“jihoon!!! my name is jihoon”

after jinyoung had left, samuel turned to jihoon “what the hell was that?”

“that do you mean??? you didnt even fucking try to help me. what was THAT???”

“i was... thinking. listen, why didnt you pretend??”

“fuck. because i was actually talking to him! and you had to ruin it all sam omg. cant you fucking let me win? youre such a sore loser.”

“what??? i was doing what you asked hyung! i was pretending.”

“whatever, im done. i dont want to pretend anymore. i got to talk with him alone, not by pretending.”

“what??? but how come you want to pretend and then you dont?!?!?”

“jeez sam dont make it that deep. we played a game, the game is over now. thats it, im gonna keep trying to get jinyoung and so will you”

“but hyung. i thought we were on this together?”

“hm no??? sam, we’re agaisnt each other”

samuel shook his head, rubbing his hands agaisnt each other, “fine.”

“fine!”

when samuel didnt answer, jihoon sighed “goodbye”

“where are you going??? it’s the middle of the day?”

“mind your business”

they didnt talk for two days, damn that gemini stuborn ass

samuel ended up reaching out to jihoon and apologising for overreacting, to which jihoon agreed and also apologised for doing the same

they sorted things out and promised to not let this jinyoung matter ruin their friendship 

everything was really great until jihoon started talking more with jinyoung

jihoon would cross ways with his crush and he’d actually hold his head up long enough to shoot him a smile

they’d say hi to each other if they saw one another

sometimes jihoon would even sit next to jinyoung for a few moments when he was alone

and jihoon was loving it until he noticed that samuel was growing sadder by the days

he was quieting down and focusing more on studying

and he was always avoiding him

jihoon could for the love of god understand why 

and he couldnt not talk about it, so he did ofc

him and samuel talked about it although the younger avoided saying the reason

jihoon let him be for a few more days but once the week mark passed, he got really worried

he thought that maybe it was because samuel was jealous that he’d lost and jihoon even went to the point of talking to him about giving up jinyoung just to let samuel be happy-

when he noticed exactly that. since when did samuel’s happiness become soooo important? sure it was always important, they were friends

but jihoon cared to the point of giving up on his crush just to see samuel happy???? that was new

jihoon then started thinking more about that and even talked to euiwoong about it, who told him that he was thinking of it as something more complex than it really was and that he should just talk with samuel

at first, jihoon didnt get it. but as he started missing his best friend more and more (since when did samuel become his best friend that he missed more than the others???)

he realised something had changed and he decided he really needed to talk with samuel about it

“hey”

“oh. hey hyung” samuel went to leave the bathroom

its not live jihoon purposefully stalked him there just to prove to himself that the younger was in fact avoiding him

“hey wait. we need to talk sam”

samuel shook his head quickly, “we dont. for real i swear im okay”

“i dont believe you. just talk with me please, for a second”

“fine hyung. here?”

“hm.... no, lets go to the seats okay?”

“okay hyung.”

they sat down in the outside of the school, close to each other but not too much

jihoon cleared his throat “ok so, ive been thinking. and listen. i really miss you sam. like ive been talking more and more with jinyoung but less and less with you and i miss you like crazy-”

“oh.”

“yeah. i.... dont know sam. i really miss you, what happened? we were fine but you started avoiding me. is it because i talk with jinyoung more than you? i...i. i could let you meet him. talk for real with him.”

“no, hyung. its not that.”

“really? then what? bc i swear sam, i’d give him up for you to be happy, for real.”

“really hyung? you’d. you’d do that? for m-me? seriously?”

“yeah. of course. is it really not because of that?”

“well. i guess technically it is. but hm. just hear me out and please dont hate me okay?”

jihoon nodded “of course not.”

i dont how or why but ive been feeling different... towards you. i was jealous yes, but then i realised i was jealous not because of jinyoung but because of you... hyung. i wanted to be him. i wanted you to be crushing on me and i know youre not and i know you wont. and im happy for you to be talking with him but. im sorry i just dont feel ready to be your friend right now.”

“oh hm. wow i didnt realise you felt that way. i.”

samuel shook his head, “part of me was hoping youd confess like in the movies yk? im... god im so stupid.”

“hey, dont say that. youre not. im too perfect, you cant resist me i get it-”

“not now hyung, please.” and the way samuel’s voice sounded so broken. it left jihoon speechless and at the same time wanting to scream out everything at the world.

“sam. im sorry i really am i didnt know you felt that way. i...”

“its okay hyung. i myself only realised when i talked with woong-”

“wait you talked with him too?”

“what? you talked with him?”

“yeah i asked for his help-”

“about what?”

“ohh. hm. oh. i.”

jihoon completely spaced out and he felt like he was in a movie. he felt like a character that just understood everything at once, like a stupid girl that didnt realise she liked her best friend over her crush. like a fool

“i wow sam.”

“what hyung? are you okay??????”

“jesus christ im dumb”

“i know. tell me something new.”

“bitch shut up listen i.... like you too omg- i cant believe it but i do.”

“what?? you just daydreamed for two minutes straight and now youre back and u like me??? dont play me like that. i thought you were better than this-”

“omg sam shut up let me talk. i talked to woong because i needed help reaching out to you. i was so worried! i even told you that i’d give jinyoung up for you and you talking with woong just reminded me of what he said... and its true. i was making it out to be too complicated when in fact its so simple. i like you, plain and easy.”

“are you sure??????”

“yeah sam. i am, i really am. i feel like i have a bulb over my head.”

“you might as well, what you just said was more moving and inovational than the creation of ipads.”

“damn im blessed to have such a nice boyfriend that compliments me so much! i mean, wait no.”

they both blushed, the losers.

“so.... boyfriend huh?”

“what the fuck gualin since when were you there????”

they ended up discovering a week later, as they held hands under the lunch table, giggling and blushing over the touch, that jinyoung had been dating daewhi for months.

[cynthiamwashington]

Nine Doctors Couldn’t Help Me

It’s Monday, everyone! And that means another Primal Blueprint Real Life Story from a Mark’s Daily Apple reader. If you have your own success story and would like to share it with me and the Mark’s Daily Apple community please contact me here. I’ll continue to publish these each Monday as long as they keep coming in. Thank you for reading!

My primal journey started in 2010. I had just attended my last Weight Watchers meeting ever. I had been doing Weight Watchers since 2005, and was at my highest weight ever. I was massively obese, I was severely lethargic, and I lived with daily brain fog. I was having miscarriages, but was being told there was nothing wrong with me. I went to a new doctor who told me that when I got pregnant again, I should come in and immediately start running tests so that when I lost it, we might have some insight as to why.

That was at the end of April. I was depressed and desperate. My dad had stumbled onto Mark Sisson’s website and pushed me to try Primal eating. I was extremely skeptical. In 2001, when I had first started dealing with health issues, I had been diagnosed with peripheral insulin resistance and had tried the Atkins diet. I was living in a dorm room at the time and failed miserably. So I was skeptical about trying another low carb restrictive diet.

But what did I have to lose?

Within a month of going Primal, I had lost several pounds, my brain fog was slowly clearing, and my gut was healing (another problem I hadn’t realized existed!).

And in July, I got pregnant again. This time it stuck. My son was born 9 months later. After 3 miscarriages, I am firmly convinced that I stayed pregnant because of my diet changes, and I became a full Primal convert.

After my son was born, I immediately resumed my Primal lifestyle. His first real food was bacon, and he loved liver as soon as he was old enough for real food. I continued the Primal journey, and continued slowly losing the weight and regaining my health.

Then I got pregnant again. This pregnancy was a whole different situation. I had hyperemesis gravidarum for both pregnancies, but this time I couldn’t eat anything. I lived off of cinnamon rolls, as they were the only thing I seemed able to keep down, and I drank nothing but gatorade. I was miserable, I was unbelievably adverse to the smell of all meat so I couldn’t even try to be Primal. I developed eczema on my arm so badly that I had to wear sleeves to work so my clients wouldn’t think I’d contracted ringworm! Luckily, my daughter was born healthy. I ended that pregnancy 10 lbs above where I started. And then my health disappeared.

The rash on my arm never really went away. I soon had eczema on my legs as well. Furthermore, I was so constipated that I wouldn’t go to the bathroom for days at a time and had constant crippling, severe stomach cramps. I had horrible brain fog, and who knows how much of that was a daughter who wouldn’t sleep versus dietary issues.

But more importantly, when she was not quite a year old, I broke out with hives. At first we didn’t know what they were and thought they were bed bug bites! Finally we clued in and I went to the allergy doctor. I knew I was reactive to wheat. As soon as I had cut it out in 2010, I noticed I got sick every time I ate it. I was suspicious of eggs and dairy. But I tested positive to literally every single food, plant, and animal they tested me for with the exception of white fish!

He immediately confirmed that it was an allergy problem. But that night I ended up in the emergency room with full body, raised, angry red, large diameter hives (like inches in diameter). He put me on all sorts of steroids, antihistamines, and beta-blockers. I cut everything out of my diet, and literally ate nothing but unflavored ground beef and vegetables for months.

And the huge, angry, red, full-body hives never went away.

I went from the allergist through eight other doctors. I went to conventional doctors, homeopathic doctors, acupuncturists, herbalists, etc. The hives never went away. I finally took myself off of all meds because they were turning me into a zombie. Unfortunately, even off of meds, nothing improved. One doctor started me on progesterone, thinking it was a hormonal problem because my cycles were so irregular (they had been like clockwork up until my daughter), and that made me much sicker. Unfortunately, those side effects didn’t go away once I took myself back off the meds.

Finally, out of sheer desperation, I gave up. I stopped going to doctors. I cleaned my diet up to be 100% Primal. I started meditating daily. I changed my job to reduce the stress.

And between less stress and diet improvements, finally, the hives started to go away. It had been a year and a half. They weren’t gone completely until after the two year mark, and even as recently as a few months ago they’d still pop up if I became too stressed or ate the wrong things.

Since then, my health has been a slow improvement. The eczema slowly disappeared. My gut slowly healed. But my weight wouldn’t drop. All the signs that showed up when I was put on hormones (heavier periods, breasts that were so sore you couldn’t look at them for a full 2 weeks each cycle, twenty day cycles) were still present. And I was plateaued. I would drop to 188 lb (I’m 5’3), but could never get below that number.

I was stuck there for nearly 3 years. I was feeling better overall, but I was stuck. I would be extremely clean for about 2 months, then I would give up since my weight wasn’t shifting anyway. Then a week later I’d be back to Primal eating because the brain fog and low energy would have come back.

Finally, this last spring, I broke that plateau. I had been 100% Primal for a few months, finally, and everything suddenly balanced. My cycles regulated, I stopped being in pain, and my weight finally started to drop again.

It’s still a journey. I’m not quite to my ideal weight yet as I’ve hit several other plateaus since. But for someone who has been obese since they were 16, now that I finally know what works for me, I can be patient. And more importantly, being Primal allowed me to heal up such severe disease after nine doctors couldn’t help me that I became an even stronger advocate than I’d been before.

I was already a licensed veterinarian and was using Primal principles in my animal patients, but after finally healing my own body, I became a certified Primal Health Coach so I could help the humans as well!

So what have I done since I received my certification? Since I received my certification, my life has gone in all sort of directions!

I was already using Primal principles in my holistic veterinary practice. I have absolutely continued using those principles to help heal the pups who walk through my door, and I have created an educational website and Facebook group for owners interested in healing their pets through diet!

However, I still wanted to help people, too.

When I first graduated, I obtained two informal coaching clients. One was a friend of my mother’s who had suffered from IBD, allergies, inability to lose weight, and masses around her thyroid (although they said her thyroid values were normal).

When we first started talking, she was eating grains with most meals, avoiding fat, and filling her diet with things like vegetable oil!

The first thing we did was cut the grains and vegetable oil, reintroduce real foods, and increase the healthy fats.

Within a month, she had lost 20 pounds, her energy was returning, and her IBD was feeling more controlled than ever!

My other client was a friend of mine who had also suffered from IBD, but who also had her gallbladder removed a few years before. In addition, she couldn’t lose weight and had all sorts of fluctuations in her hormones.

Again, with nothing more than diet changes, she slowly started to recover. Her weight decreased more slowly, but it was the first time she had ever succeeded in getting it off! More importantly, the IBD that flared with every menstrual cycle started staying controlled, and her hormones started to balance.

However, that wasn’t the end of coaching for me.

Around this time, I started having other veterinarians approaching me, asking how I had changed my life around. I had gone from severely burned out and feeling trapped and desperate in my job to outsourcing myself from my own business, moving to another state, and learning to love life and travel again!

And they wanted to know how I had done it.

Well, the first answer to that question was that when I started to get my stress under control (which started with getting my diet and health under control), then changes just started to take place that allowed me to completely turn my lifestyle around.

So I also began coaching veterinarians and other health care professionals on how to change their lives around. That coaching isn’t just about health, but health is almost always a piece of what we have to cover since these are women under massive loads of stress, and we have to deal with the health effects of that stress.

Today, I do both health coaching and mindset coaching. I believe in helping people live their best lives, and I will use whatever means necessary to help them do that! So while much of my focus is on veterinarians and other health care professionals, I still do regular health coaching as well.

I teach people that it is definitely possible to live the life of your dreams, and in my case, it all started with learning about ancestral health!

– Jenny Elwell-Gerken

Jenny’s listing in the Primal Health Coach Institute Directory

Website: www.drjeg.com

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