#like imagine barty versus snape

[labyrinthhofmymind]

more thoughts on severus snape being friends with the slytherins/slytherin skittles

- severus and regulus have a frenemies type relationship. like, they always shit talk and outwardly hate each other, but when it comes down to it they’re there for each other and understand things the rest of their friends don’t. i think it would be a lot like their kill your darlings by messermoon friendship

- barty and severus hate each other. they just do. or rather, barty hates severus. for many reasons but mostly because severus and evan get along so well. like, they click and bond and really enjoy each other’s company, and barty loathes that

- severus and pandora get along really well. at first severus thought pandora was really weird and strange but then he saw how good she was at potions and they bonded so quickly. eventually severus appreciated how intelligent she was and how she was at a level of potion making he had never seen before. they’re both major nerds together

- dorcas and severus are interesting in the sense that… i have no fucking clue ngl. these two give off just not talking to each other at all, just happening to be in the same friend group. but then maybe there’s the possibility for a friendship there??? maybe???

anyways i really want a fic that focuses on these guys now cause the dialogue and banter and sheer ridiculous of it would be amazing

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

what do you think would have happened to the plot if harry defeated voldemort in gof? what would happen to death eaters? and the ministry? and do you think harry would be seen as a saviour in 5th year instead of a liar like in the original book?

What Happens to the Death Eaters?

Nothing.

Most of them remain imprisoned without Voldemort to release them. They're still waiting for the any day now day when he will return and they will have glorious revolution once again.

Karkoroff probably flees back to Durmstrang but this time there's no Voldemort to kill him horribly for trying to run. Peter probably manages to survive the encounter with Harry by running away and is hiding as a common rat again and probably trying to become someone's pet (he had it pretty good at the Weasleys). Snape is still a Hogwarts professor. Lucius is still living the high life having pretended he was imperiused the whole time. Given Barty was caught when Harry returned and confronted him, and I don't see that changing, Barty is still probably sentenced to death by dementor kiss.

The Ministry

This one's a bit of a pickle.

The question is does Cedric still die?

If Cedric lived, then there's no smear campaign. Fudge is not having his position threatened by the Dark Lord having possibly returned, instead, Crouch shot himself in the foot and bled out in the street. Harry Potter and Cedric Diggory were just kidnapped by the Death Eater son Barty Crouch had freed from prison, who also killed Barty Sr., and who tried to resurrect the Dark Lord. Given that this tournament was Fudge's baby and Fudge had nothing to do with it (versus Voldemort returning meaning Fudge has to deal with it/quell panic of the people) means Fudge can pin it all on dead Barty with delight and show how great he is by comparison.

Fudge doesn't love Cedric and Harry insisting "the Dark Lord totally came back for five minutes off screen but don't worry he's dead for real again" but he's choosing not to pay attention to that and says "shut up boys" when they try to talk about it.

If Cedric died then we have a problem because Harry doesn't look good. Here Harry's transported to the stage with a dead Cedric, claiming the cup was secretly a portkey where the Dark Lord who's been dead for ten years resurrected himself, but don't worry because Harry killed him for good again this time so you won't find any evidence of this having happened.

With that much money on the line, with Harry having a history of incidents from previous years, with the dead body hanging out, and the excuse being "I swear the Dark Lord rose from the dead, stabbed Cedric, then immediately died again!" It's looking like Harry murdered Cedric or, if being very kind to him, Harry had some kind of an episode in the trauma of having witnessed Cedric dying somehow.

There's no smear campaign, as Harry isn't claiming the Dark Lord is back (he's dead again remember), so no one wants to publicize that Harry may have probably did murder Cedric. Cedric's father, of course, blames Harry as he did canonically at the time and probably presses for a murder trial but I imagine he's told to shut it because Harry's the boy who lived and you can't just go accusing him of murder (even when he probably certainly did it).

Is Harry Viewed as a Savior

Once again, depends who you ask.

The Order and Harry's close friends, as well as Dumbledore, very much believe that Harry fought Voldemort again and killed him off screen in ten minutes. Harry's done this every year he's been at Hogwarts, it's nothing new, and nice that he's dead for real this time (even though he was dead for real last time too).

However, everyone else I imagine is on the fence with many thinking he killed Cedric, that this Dark Lord thing certainly never happened, and not wanting to believe it or think about it or else choosing carefully not to say it.

[saintsenara]

Hi, if you're still doing the ask game, may I inquire about your opinion on the following ships ? : Tomarrinny, Bartymort, Quirrellmort, Petermort and Tom Sr/Cecilia/Merope. Also, thoughts on MoD!Voldemort or on how a meeting between Snape and Petunia would have gone ? Thanks !

thank you very much, @take-the-unknow-road-now for this wonderful selection of unhinged things for me to talk about. i am always ready for asks which inspire chaos:

tomarrinny

when she's eleven, harry's twelve, and tom is an immortal shard of soul? no.

when she's thirty, harry's thirty-one, and tom is back from the dead for some reason? absolutely.

after all, why shouldn't ginny be allowed two orphans, as a treat? and why shouldn't tom be allowed two people who are clearly less good-looking than him to pay him attention? plus, two quidditch players will definitely be willing to do all the work, allowing him to achieve his true form: undying pillow princess.

but - in reality - we all know which way the power dynamic actually lies: tom and ginny are both harry's subs.

let's hope that their ability to jointly write a poem has improved since the "his eyes are as green as a fresh pickled toad" days...

bartymort

canon.

there has never been a man with a more flagrant daddy kink than barty crouch jr., and we all know that he threw himself onto lord voldemort's lap the second he arrived in his first death eater meeting.

the dark lord advised him that he'd be physically chastised if this behaviour continued. unfortunately for him, that was exactly what barty wanted to happen.

the reason it burned out hard is because lord voldemort also has towering daddy issues. he is even forced to reveal what his real name and background is in an effort to make barty understand that sometimes he'd like to do something other than put on a double-breasted suit and pretend he's come home on time to attend a birthday party. [for example: "hello son, i've come to pick you up from the orphanage" role-play.)

barty literally couldn't give less of a fuck. lord voldemort isn't sorry when he gets turned into a soulless husk.

quirrellmort

lord voldemort - overcome with joy at being back in a human body after a decade - doesn't think through how awkward the aftermath of this will be, and spends the first night he's attached to quirrell's head directing him in a... let's just say... exploration of his anatomy.

quirrell is so pathetically suggestible that - from that point onwards - he can't get off unless the dark lord is talking dirty to him. but can you imagine how cringe trying to speak sexily to quirrell must be?

[hey baby, what are you wearing? a turban which smells of garlic?]

voldemort simply pretends not to have heard when quirrell brings this up. unfortunately, all this does is make quirrell want to talk about his feelings.

lord voldemort isn't sorry when harry kills him.

petermort

flopping. lord voldemort hates wormtail, because he betrayed a man to whom he would give his affections: james potter.

[seriously, he is a simp for james. there is no other explanation for why he insists that james fought him bravely when he turned up on halloween when we canonically know that what james actually did was run into the hall without his wand and then fall over.]

but don't worry. wormtail is getting some god-tier hate sex out of snape.

tom riddle sr./cecilia/merope gaunt

i'm going to answer this lightly, on the assumption that this triad is consensual.

tom sr. is getting thrown out of the bedroom within seconds. they're lesbians.

[he'll be fine. he goes for a little walk to sulk and ends up making out with frank bryce against a rose trellis. the four of them become bffs.]

and then our not-ship questions:

lord voldemort as the master of death

sounds like a lot of hard work, plus both of his parents keep appearing whenever he touches the resurrection stone to shout at him.

snape versus petunia

snape went round to speak to her about what a dick he thinks harry is [dumbledore told him to speak to her about the blood protection, he didn't want to].

they fucked.

[saintsenara]

Classic: Harmony; Drarry.

A bit niche: James/Sirius; Regulus/Barty Jr.

Tastefully deranged: Voldemort/Barty Jr.; Lily/Bellatrix.

Deranged: Barty Sr./Winky.

Crack: Drapple.

ok, well this is the game that keeps on giving... thank you, anon!

hermione granger/harry potter

i'm afraid to say that i've never read a single piece of harmony all the way through.

i just never see it working unless the characters are changed beyond recognition. harry's conflict-avoidance versus hermione's love of debate is a recipe for disaster, and while i absolutely don't go in for the common anti-harmony argument that harry doesn't like spending time with hermione, it's certainly true that he doesn't pay a huge amount of attention to her and her interests in canon.

all of which is to say, there's a huge potential for drama here, which i would really like, but most harmony is in the vein of "tee hee, ron is so ugly and stupid, harmony is smart and perfect, come darling let us solve world hunger".

and that's not for me.

draco malfoy/harry potter

i fuck with drarry providing draco is the more feral of the two.

i've seen lots of drarry with harry being basically bewitched by draco and... no. draco "i'm keeping tabs on how many times you go to the hospital wing and constantly trying to get your attention from the slytherin table" malfoy is down bad and up to no good. he is not suave and cool.

harry's just there.

sirius black/james potter

canon.

regulus black/barty crouch jr.

i've mentioned a lot that i hate fanon regulus. well i hate fanon barty even more, since he actually has a canon personality.

that is to say, if they're both sweet woobies who didn't realise they'd joined a terrorist organisation, and just wish they could leave the death eaters and teach the world to sing, it's a hard no from me.

if they're both deranged aspiring war criminals with daddy issues, sign me up.

barty crouch jr./lord voldemort

i'm incredibly into it, and will one day publish the wip i have with this very pairing.

lily evans/bellatrix lestrange

i don't love it as a concept, largely because lily has enough drama queens in her life with snape, james, and sirius. she needs someone whose idea of fun isn't running around shrieking and committing murder.

plus, imagine the awkwardness of being lord voldemort's love rival. it couldn't be me.

barty crouch sr./winky

don't have sex with your slaves.

draco malfoy/apple

the apple - a crisp granny smith, since smith is a pureblood name [descended from hufflepuff, don't you know] - is the purest thing draco has ever encountered.

they're a match made in heaven.