#like im sorry but they sound so dumb talking about politics etc

[straightlightyagami]

fr though sometimes I wonder how my classmates passed their end of school or entrance exams while having no clue of anything…

[userholland]

all for her [2]

pairing: dad!bartender!tom x female!reader

warnings: excessive drinking, cursing, mentions of blood, violence, etc.

summary: a single-dad bartender, a supportive best friend and their continuous, unrequited love noticed by his optimistic daughter. is it possible to break a heart they never knew they had?

word count: 10.8k!

the soundtrack:  dancing with your ghost - sasha sloan, chinese satellite - phoebe bridgers, never the 1 - rosie, waiting room - phoebe bridgers, guilty conscience - 070 shake

a/n: im so happy with the response from part 1 & excited that part 2 is now here!!! i think i’ll try to end with the next part but..... who knows. again, thank y’all for the feedback & hope you enjoy!

— masterlist ☆彡

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜

The night Summer was left on Tom’s doorstep was one he would never forget.

He moved into his apartment a month before and it was becoming more than the four, blank walls. It was in a quiet neighborhood, facing out to a street view of family-owned businesses and a bus stop. People passed the street often during the day, a good opportunity for people-watching from his small terrace. But when he closed the windows and locked the door, the feeling of being alone quickly settled in for the first time in his life. 

The thought of being independent was reliving now that he had a part-time job. He'd be able to live off his earnings with no guilt and bring whoever he wanted without disturbing his roommates. Even though he had his own place of solitude and privacy, Tom still managed to visit you at campus now that he was closer compared to the hours of driving before. He considered it as a pro to moving, but he really just needed any reason to just have you close.

Most times you’d come over, saying you had homework and studying to do, but with Tom, you never got anything done in one sitting. You made dinners together or ordered something in the middle of the night, watch movies interrupted by your playful comments or you would take a nap between your classes while he did his work.

The two of you were inseparable now throughout college, not stuck with the limited possibilities of what your small hometown gave to you. Everything was going smoothly and Tom was looking forward to what his future looked like, maybe even see you ending up together, but things took a turn when he opened the door and saw Summer, small and swaddled, in the baby carrier at his feet.

It was a Sunday, having your ideal night-in watching your favorite movie, and ordering food for dinner. Your head rested on Tom’s lap, your eyes trying to focus on the TV but they fluttered. Tom had his arm around the back of the couch with his right foot on the coffee table. Sometimes he’d glance down at you, making sure you didn’t fall asleep because you had more studying to do, but he gently shook you every few minutes when he thought he heard your light snores.

“Hmm, I’m awake.” You grumbled.

“Judging from your snoring, I don’t think you are.” He smiled, moving your hair out of your face.

Your face scrunched together, “I don’t snore.”

“You don’t? Not like this?” He jeered, making an obnoxious noise as he leaned his head back.

You pressed your face against his cheek, tilting his head to the side and lightly gripping at his hair. Laughs and giggles echoed the apartment as you fought like kids, Tom’s hand holding your wrist to push it away from his face until the doorbell rang.

“Finally! I’m starving.” You said, thinking the Chinese food was here.

You jumped up from the couch, walking into the kitchen to get plates. Tom chuckled as he headed toward the door, “Are you excited? I couldn’t tell.” He said sarcastically, grabbing the tip money off the kitchen counter.

The baby was asleep, her chubby cheeks were a rosy pink as well as her lips. She looked peaceful bundled in a soft, yellow blanket, but fear instilled within Tom. He wasn’t sure what to do, his mind starting to race and his heart beating faster. He took a few steps into the hall and looked both ways. It was ominous how no one was around, yet there was someone at the door a few seconds ago.

“Hello?” He shouted, his hands against each side of the doorframe.

You furrowed your eyebrows, “What’s going on?” You nervously chuckled.

The moment your eyes met the baby at Tom’s feet, your mouth slightly gapped with a trailed gasp.

“This has to be a joke…” Tom trailed.

You kneeled, reaching for the note tucked in by her leg. It was on a torn piece of notebook paper with Tom’s name scribbled on the front in pencil.

“I can’t take care of her. Please understand. Maggie.” You read off, biting your bottom lip.

He continued to stare at Summer, her hair barely grown and her skin so pink. He assumed she had been born a few weeks ago, maybe months. All he could process was that there was a baby on his doorstep and he had no idea what to do.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜

It took a few minutes to get Maggie calm, but they went in the hall to talk so Summer didn’t wake up. It was none of your business, but you still stood close to the door with your back against the wall as their muffled conversation faded in and out.

“How did you even find me?” Tom asked.

“None of your business.” She snapped, “I don’t know why this is  such a big deal.” Maggie chimed, crossing her arms.

Tom scoffed, “Because you’ve never made any effort to see her and suddenly, you want to come and pick her up and take her like she’s a puppy in an ad you found this morning.”

She smiled in spite, “Don’t talk to me like that-”

“How else am I supposed to act? You just told me she’s not mine!”

“Because she’s not! I had to dump her on someone!”

Every word that came out of Maggie’s mouth felt like a repeating stab in the heart. He couldn’t believe anything she said, convinced he hated her at that moment, but he somehow held his head high because he knew he’d fight for Summer no matter what Maggie could tell him.

“You’re not taking her. End of discussion.” Tom uttered, tears welling up in his eyes.

Maggie reached into the back pocket of her denim jeans, pulling out a folded piece of paper, and forcefully handed it to Tom. He stared at it for a few seconds, his hand lightly shaking as he slowly opened it by the ends.

“You still think I’m lying?” She scoffed as they both glared at the paper.

It was Summer’s birth certificate, dated on this day six years ago which made time seem so fast. His dry, tired eyes searched the paper until they locked to the father’s name box, a name he didn’t know and certainly wasn’t his.

“Either I call the police now or you give her… right here, right now,” Maggie growled with no hesitation.

Tom clenched his jaw, “You can’t-”

“I sure as hell can… and we both know you’re not dumb so, just give her to me.” She demanded as if Tom could process all of this while his world was crashing around him.

Tom licked his lips, sealing them to hide the pain that ached in his heart and spread throughout every nerve of his body. A single tear fell down his cheek, but he quickly wiped it with the back of his hand. Tom wanted to composed himself to stay strong, but he didn’t know he could crumble so easily from a small number of words.

“Can we do this tomorrow? I just wanna spend one more day with her.” He asked politely, the whites of his eyes now a light pink.

She stood there, not saying anything and her arms were still crossed.

“Please… Maggie.” Tom pleaded, feeling a bit pathetic.

Tom thought back to that conversation, replaying it in his head so much that he didn’t sleep all night. His constant shifting throughout the night didn’t let either of you get much sleep, but it’s not like you were either, laying there and wondering how much you could do. 

You were surprised he didn’t cry, shout or lash out in some random outburst of pure anger. It’s what you would’ve done, but you knew that Tom was trying to convince himself it wasn’t real. The denial would eat him alive, only because he believed Maggie was telling the truth and would take Summer no matter how hard he thought of a way to not let her.

“Tom?... Tom!” Your voice seemed miles away.

Tom glanced up to meet your eyes, letting out an embarrassed chuckle as his ears tinted pink. The sounds within the diner became audible to him, not remembering how he got lost in a daze. 

“In your own little world again?” You grinned, knowing that he was always one for thinking too much.

“Yeah, sorry, I’m fine.” Tom rubbed his hands down his face and straightened his back against the booth.

You sealed your lips, “You can talk to me about-”

“I’m fine, Y/N.” He retorted, nodding his head at you.

“Okay…” You trailed.

When his whole world was turned around the night before, you choose to not take his short attitude personally. All you could do was be there for him and you wanted to try your best. Seeing his hand rested on the table, you placed yours on top and reassured him, “It’s gonna be okay.”

He didn’t look at you, but you laid your head on against his shoulder. You caressed your thumb over his skin before grasping his hand and giving it a light squeeze. You brushed your cheek against his black hoodie, smelling the fresh lavender and nuzzling against his arm to remind him that you weren’t planning on leaving or letting him go.

Summer ran down the empty aisle, jumping into the booth and she laughed to herself, “I got this!”

You leaned up from Tom so he could see what she had in her small hand. Her casted arm rested on the table, signatures written all over it from her birthday party.

“It’s for you.” Summer smiled, putting the object in Tom’s hand.

He glanced at it, seeing a small plastic container with a yellow top sealing it. Inside was a cheap ring with the metallic paint partially chipped off and there was a blunt blue jewel in the middle.

“You sure you want to give it to me? It’s so pretty.” Tom managed to smile back at her, observing the ring.

“Yeah, Daddy. I promise.” She grinned, her tongue between her teeth as she flashed another smile that he thought resembled his.

Tom didn't want to believe that someone so full of spite and bitterness could be her mother, but he didn't have the heart to tell her. No matter how much he could hate Maggie for what she’s doing, Tom couldn’t ruin their possible relationship because she was her mother.

After the three of you finished your late breakfast of pancakes, eggs, and bacon, you got up to use the restroom, but also gave time for Tom to say his last goodbyes to Summer alone. You rubbed Tom’s shoulder before you slipped out of the booth, keeping your eyes on him until you turned the corner.

Tom grinned at her, but he still wasn’t sure how to tell Summer about Maggie other than she was spending the night with her for a while, thinking she would take to it but instead a confused look painted on her round face.

“I thought Y/N was my mommy.” She admitted even though he had denied her multiple times that you were.

He couldn’t hide his smile, “I’ve told you she’s not. She’s my friend. My best friend.”

“Daddy, I don’t want to go. I wanna stay with you and Y/N.” Summer persisted, placing her blue crayon down. She always got a wrinkle between her eyebrows when they furrowed.

“It’ll be a few days,” Tom assured, but he didn’t know.

“But, I don’t wanna.” She whined, bouncing a bit in her seat.

As much as he wanted to, Tom couldn’t say no. He knew this was going to happen before he could know anything else was going behind his back with Maggie. Summer pouted her lips as her mood changed, leaning back with her hair pushed up against the booth.

Tom shifted over, “Come here.” He asked her, patting where you were sitting earlier.

Summer wiggled out of her side of the booth, touching her feet to the ground before quickly lifting herself into the seat and curling up next to Tom. He wrapped his arm around her and kissed the top of her hair, feeling an instant warmth even though she was so tiny. It was as if he blinked and was surprised to see her growing so fast. His sweet daughter went from a toddler with bright blue paint on her hands and knees and blossoming into a young girl with ideas that could reach the moon and back.

“It’s gonna be okay. You’re gonna have so much fun. I promise.” He sniffled, his voice cracking a bit.

“Pinky promise?” She asked, lifting her casted arm to him.

His lip quivered, but Tom quickly smiled, “Promise… and we always keep our promises, right?”

She nodded, wrapping her tiny pinky around his then squeezing it tight, “Always, daddy.”

Tom remembered when she was only able to wrap her whole hand around that same finger, wondering where the time went. He wanted to go back to when she barely had hair on her head or when he had to follow her around the room when she started to crawl, as she grabbed at stray cords or tried to get under the couch. 

“You have all your stuff?” Tom asked her.

“Mhmm, got my colors and favorite books.” Summer nodded, grabbing a piece of bacon off Tom’s place, “Do you think she’ll read them in the voices? Like you and Y/N do?”

Tom sealed his lips, “Maybe if you ask her nicely.” He cracked a smile, moving Summer’s hair out of her face.

As you walked up to the booth, Tom lifted his head and mouthed to you that he was okay. In the bathroom, you had to compose yourself before Maggie showed up. No excuse could make this situation better and all you could do was be patient and be there for Tom. While that was easier to think of, you knew as soon as you made contact with her bright green eyes, all you wanted to do was yell and protest that she doesn’t deserve to feel good about this.

“What did I miss? Anything interesting?” You joked, trying to keep the mood light.

“Daddy said I’m gonna have a lot of fun this weekend.” Summer mentioned, smiling at you with her crooked smile.

You gulped, your throat feeling dry, “Yeah, lots of fun.” You forced a grin.

The low music over the speakers filled the silence, not knowing what to say about this, especially in front of Summer. Tom kept his arm wrapped around his shoulder, but he stared out of the window with his hand on his chin, slightly covering his mouth. He didn’t want to cry, he was trying, but the more Tom thought about how there was a chance he couldn’t get Summer back, the more he dug deep to find a way to stop it.

“Hi, Tom.”

He quickly turned his head, seeing Maggie standing in front of the booth. She wore a sleek leather jacket with a maroon shirt underneath and it intimidated Summer. She furrowed her faint eyebrows, but Tom pulled back his arm around her.

“Hey, Maggie.” He didn’t look in her eyes.

She didn’t pay you any mind, choosing to ignore that you were sitting right there, but it’s not like you wanted her to give you any attention.

Summer scooted out of the booth along with Tom, both of them standing across from Maggie. There’s no doubting it was an awkward situation, but nevertheless, Tom continued to stay mature about it. He grabbed Summer’s backpack off the ground, helping her put both her arms through the straps.

“Okay, kid. I’ll see you in a few days.” Tom chuckled with his hands on Summer’s shoulders.

“Promise?” She asked, her big eyes so glossy.

He immediately clenched his jaw, knowing lying to her would hurt like a stab to his heart, but maybe it was for the better right now. There were many ways he could reply that didn’t sound like the lie it was yet he couldn’t come up with anything except, “Promise.” because he knew he would try to keep it as much as he could from where he stood.

Summer wrapped her arms around his legs as tight as she could, “I love you, daddy.” She mumbled.

“I love you too. Always.” He said before kissing the top of her head.

She looked over her shoulder at you sitting in the booth, not forgetting to say goodbye to you too. Summer walked up and got on her knees in the booth, feeling them sink into the cushion. Her small arms wrapped around you and you giggled, giving her a tight squeeze back.

“Bye, Y/N.”

“Bye, Summer.” You grinned, giving her a last glance.

She shimmed once more and stood in front of Maggie, still standing there with her arms crossed and one of her eyebrows arched.

“Let’s get going,” Maggie said, her happy tone sounding forced.

Without caring to hold Summer’s hand, Maggie began to walk away, but Summer stood still. Her little heart was racing, not sure what to do even though she was told to go with this strange woman who was supposedly her mom.

Tom glanced at Summer, his lips going to the side as he watched tears well up in her eyes. She sniffled, looking down at her feet and her body felt frozen. It was a new feeling to her, not knowing why she was suddenly so scared. It reminded Tom of her first day of kindergarten. She hid behind his leg while they stood in the hallway and all the kids slowly filled the room. He tried to nudge her to meet a new friend, maybe talk about her hobbies, but she was gripping on his jeans from how scared she was.

Just like he did on her first day of school, Tom kneeled on one knee in front of her. He angled his head to look into her eyes, trying to see her full face. He tilted her chin up and wiped her tears with his thumb, catching them as they ran down more.

“Hey, you remember when we saw the penguins at the zoo?” He grinned.

She nodded, her lip pouted.

“And you remember what the zookeeper said? That penguins always find each other, no matter where they are or how far they are... they’ll always find their way back to the colony… and just like penguins, we always find our way home too.” Tom explained, fixing the end of her jacket.

“Really, daddy?”

“Of course. You’re gonna have to keep your head up for a few days though.” He gulped, a small smirk on his lips.

Summer leaned in, wrapping her arms around Tom’s neck again and he coiled her arm around her, squeezing her arm tight. He left a quick kiss on her temple and Tom slowly stood up, trying to pull himself away so it didn’t become harder to leave her.

Maggie stood a few feet away, a bit of disappointment in her eyes. She thought this was going to be the easy part of this process, but it proved harder now that she could visibly see the bond Summer and Tom had created. You watched her lips pin together, not knowing what to do but stand there until they were done talking.

“I love you.” Summer said to Tom again.

“Love you more, kid.” He chuckled, his voice breaking from holding back his tears, “Remember to keep your cast dry. Okay?”

She slipped away from his arms and Tom’s heartfelt heavier the more he said his goodbyes. Summer held her head high and walked up to Maggie, lifting her hand up for her to hold. Maggie hesitantly reached for it, but she glanced at Tom for some kind of permission to. Tom sealed his lips and you slid out of the booth, standing behind him as you watched the two of them walk outside the diner.

“She’ll be back soon.” You whispered, rubbing his tense shoulder.

“Yeah…” He trailed, forcing a grin for you. Tom knew he didn’t have to fake his emotions for you, but right now, he didn’t want to admit he was torn apart inside.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜

The days didn’t pass by as quickly as Tom hoped. He didn’t realize how fast work was when he had Summer to come home to. It was hard for him to get out of bed, make meals for himself or concentrate on anything he was doing. Luckily, you were there for him or, at least, tried to be. You weren’t sure what would happen to your friendship after your sudden kiss, but you felt like it was inappropriate to bring up with what happened after it. Even though the status of your possible relationship was unknown and your feelings were still strong, you were there for Tom no matter what.

In the morning, you stirred in the sheets and felt the soft fabric of the pillow against your cheek. As you reached your arm over on Tom’s side of the bed, your hand brushed over the cotton linens which made you slowly open your eyes. The duvet was folded over and his pillow was propped up, showing you he had been up for a while before he got up. You let out a long yawn, stretching your arms and legs and feeling the cold air against your skin.

You walked around the bed, grabbing the blanket at the end of it and wrapping it over your shoulders before leaving the bedroom. When you got to the end of the hallway, you saw Tom sitting on the couch with a box in his lap and a few pictures scattered on the cushion. Your lips went to the side as you approached him, trying to be quiet but the sound of the floor creaking made Tom look over his shoulder.

“Morning.” You grinned, standing behind the couch.

You ran your hands over his hair, playing with it before you looked at the pictures. They were of Summer since she was a baby, most of them were birthday pictures or other special events, like when she lost her first tooth or the first time she stood up. Tom cherished the memories, hoping they would make him happy, but all they did was remind him how he felt like a failure.

“Good morning. How’d you sleep?” Tom asked, his voice groggy and deep.

“Fine, and you?” You replied as you trailed your hand from his hair, walking over to the kitchen.

“Good.” He lied, running his thumb against his left eye before grabbing another picture.

It was Summer’s first Halloween and he dressed her up in the homemade lion costume you worked so hard on. He half-smiled thinking about when you drew in a nose with black paint and she scrunched her face, the bristles of the brush tickling before Summer sneezed. Before you could warn her, she wiped her nose with her hand and you and Tom couldn’t help but laugh. With Halloween just around the corner, his smile fell wondering if they would have another one together.

“Here you go. Dark and two sugars.” You softly said, handing him a cup of coffee, just the way he liked it.

“Thank you.” He weakly smiled, taking a short sip.

“How are you feeling?” You asked.

Tom placed his cup of coffee on the table and collected the pictures so you could sit beside him.

“Better. I got a little more sleep.” He muttered and set the box of pictures on the floor.

You pulled off the fuzzy blanket on the arm of the couch before you sat down, laying it over your and Tom’s lap. Your crisscrossed your legs, holding your mug in your lap while Tom put his free arm around your shoulders. When you turned your head to Tom, he didn’t have the same natural glow to him. 

He was struggling to find some kind of closure, but the lack of communication with Maggie made it hard for him to not overthink. There were no calls and rarely a text. Tom was going crazy, replaying the last moments with Summer in his head.

“Maybe you can skip work today.” You suggested, rubbing the top of his leg.

Tom nodded, “I can’t. I need the tips. Hopefully, I can get Halloween night. I’ll be able to cover child support for the month.” He rubbed the back of his neck, closing his eyes as he tilted his head toward the ceiling.

Your lips went to the side, “Did Maggie say when you’d see Summer?”

He sighed, “No. I haven’t heard anything either.”

“That can’t be legal.”

“Summer’s not mine, Y/N. I don’t get to see her when I want.” Tom retorted as if he was defending her.

“You know that’s not true. It doesn’t matter if she’s your blood, you gave her the best life. Who knows? Maggie probably just forged it. People do it all the time. Why would she just come back when you slept together one time?” You acknowledged, not trusting her for a second.

“I don’t want to get into it.” He replied, taking another sip of coffee.

“Then when are you? Because I know you love that kid more than anything else in the world.” You protested, still facing him.

Tom finally looked your way, meeting your eyes, but he didn’t want to say anything. You didn’t expect a response because you knew that he did love her and he was going to find a way to get her back, no matter how long it took. You tilted your head at him, cracking a smile and tilting his chin up. The warmth that came from your comfort helped him see the brighter side in this, motivating him to see that this wouldn’t last forever.

“You know you’re the best, right?” Tom grinned.

You reached your hand up, intertwining yours with his that was hanging off your shoulder, “I try.” You joked, both of you sharing a light laugh.

You ran your fingers through Tom’s hair, trying to fix it, but he was growing it long as he did in high school. Tom let out a low chuckle, feeling your hand trail to cup his cheek and you rubbed your thumb over his cheek and the faint freckles painted across his soft skin.

While the past few days had been confusing, Tom knew that he wanted to be with you, but he didn’t want to stir you in his drama. As much as you had been there for the past six years, he realized that Summer was his responsibility, and to bring you into a triangle with him and Maggie didn’t seem fair. It’s not because he wanted to push you away for his selfish reasons, but because he wanted to protect you from whatever was going to happen from this point. You were still best friends and would always be, but it didn’t feel like enough after finally kissing each other and not wanting to let go.

As you pulled your hand back, you glanced down and see some of the pictures in the box. You quickly lean down, placing it on your lap and you picked through the various photos before there was one that brought back memories.

“I can’t believe you have this.” You chuckled, holding the photo close to your face.

Tom turned his head toward it, not knowing he had his eyes glued to you, and he instantly smiled.

“Ah, when I was your knight in shining armor.” He beamed at the picture of you with your broken arm and he stood next to you wearing his favorite baseball jersey.

“You mean when you carried my books for me and helped me put on my backpack, oh yeah, I remember.” You grinned, reminiscing to when the world wasn’t so complicated.

Tom smiled, “Don’t act like you didn’t love it.” He rubbed your shoulder, both of you chuckling at the memory. You handed him the picture, but he slowly was reminded of Summer and her recent accident.

“Shit..” He trailed, “I hope she’s kept her cast dry. I should call.” Tom said, unwrapping his arm from your shoulders and you watched him frantically looking for his phone around the apartment.

“Tom!”

“Huh?” He asked, lifting some papers on his counter.

You lifted his phone, his screen cracked, in your hand and grinned, “Looking for something?”

A relieved smile painted on his face as he walked over, taking the phone and he kissed a light kiss against the top of your head, “What would I do without you?”

It was nice to see him turning back to his old self, but you knew that his happiness was at the risk of being at Maggie’s beck and call. Even though you weren’t Summer’s mom, you wanted to have a say where she ends up too. 

You half-smiled, watching him walk down the hall to his bedroom. You turned toward the box of pictures, rummaging through enough to get an idea of how to organize them.

Tom slowly paced across his room as the phone rang, sweat on his palms that he brushed on the back of his jeans. He leaned his head toward the ceiling and tried not to overthink what he could say if he went straight to voicemail.

“Hello?” Maggie retorted, running her fingers through the crown of her hair.

“Hey. I just wanted to make sure things were okay.” Tom trailed as he sat on the edge of his bed.

“Fine, it’s fine.” She lied, searching through her laundry basket.

Tom furrowed his eyebrows, “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, things are fine! I’m just trying to find this stupid sweater.” She grunted, pushing through all the folded clothes.

“What sweater?”

“Some yellow sweater with a heart on that she won’t stop complaining about.”

Summer was sitting on the couch, insisting she wanted to watch her favorite cartoons after breakfast. Maggie didn’t want to deal with the complaining and poking so it was relieving to keep her distracted instead of having to keep Summer entertained while she tried to work from home.

“Oh, I forgot to put it in there. Shit.” Tom cursed, quickly getting up.

He walked to Summer’s room, knowing the exact drawer he remembered placing it in and not surprised that it was there. Tom lifted the sweater, the sleeves unfolding, and seeing how worn it was from the ripped tag. He brought it up to his face, inhaling the lingering smell of watermelon and kiwi from her shampoo.

“Yeah, I got it. It’s here.” He told her, the phone between his ear and shoulder.

“Okay, I’ll come over and get it.” Maggie huffed.

“No, no! I can go over there. I have to go to work later so I can come by.” Tom offered, glaring at the small sweater in his hand.

“Depends, are you going to bring… Y/N?” She crossed her arms as she leaned against the washing machine, “Because I don’t think she’s been a good influence.”

Tom’s eyebrows arched, “Excuse me?”

“Summer says “Y/N lets me do this or Y/N and I do this” and I don’t think it’s good considering she’s not her mom. She shouldn’t have such big control over her.” Maggie said loud enough for Summer to hear from the couch.

“You weren’t there for her and she was so, I’m sorry if she acts like her mom more than you.” Tom chimed.

Maggie clenched her jaw, “Just drop it off. Okay?”

“Sure. I’ll be over around three.”

She hung up abruptly and Tom was left upset from not being able to talk to Summer. He hated how he didn’t have any sense of control, to think that this could be the way things are until she goes off to college. Out of anger, Tom threw his phone across the room that made a loud thud against the wall. His blood boiled and tears filled his eyes, bringing the sweater back to his face and trying to let the lingering scent keep him calm.

You stood in the hall across from the door and it was close enough to hear the whole conversation. Every word made your heart drop, not knowing what you could do for him. You hated eavesdropping, but it was getting harder to get the truth from Tom as the days went by. He was falling apart and it was getting too painful to slowly watch.

“Tom?” You softly asked, knocking on the door.

He left the sweater on the bed, wiping his eyes with the end of his t-shirt before grabbing his phone off the floor. To his relief, the already cracked screen didn’t have any new damage. Tom wiped the screen against his pants before opening the door to meet your gaze.

“Sorry about that. I just got frustrated.” He avoided looking in your eyes.

“It’s okay.” You tell him, not needing any assurance. All you did was wrap your arms around him and tell him that it would all be okay, even if you didn’t really know if it would be.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜

The half-hour drive to Maggie’s apartment felt like hours to Tom, his head filled with what he was going to say to her or how he was going to handle whatever she told him. He bit on his nails on his left hand while the other gripped the top of the steering wheel tight. Right when he thought of the things he could say, his anxiety made him forget all of the rational thoughts.

As he parked in a parallel spot, Tom got out of the car with the sweater in one hand with a duffle in the other. He carefully crossed the street and entered the complex, walking up the stairs to the fourth level. When he entered through the exit door, he saw the floors were polished and the lighting was bright since there were no windows. It all came off as luxurious and bare, nothing but one or two paintings on the wall.

He knocked a few times under the plastic golden numbers, his eyes searching around until he heard the locks click. The door flew open and Maggie popped her head out, her makeup a few shades darker than last time.

“Hey,” Tom mumbled.

“Hey… you brought it?” She asked quickly, opening the door more.

Tom couldn’t help looking past her, seeing if Summer was in there.

“Yeah. Here.” Tom huffed, handing her the sweater, “And I brought some other stuff she might want.” He gave her the duffle too, weighing down in her hand when he passed it.

“Jesus, what’s in this? She’s not going off to college.”

“A few books, shirts, socks, a few Mad Libs.” He said what was off the top of his head, shoving his hands in his front pockets.

“Well thanks, it should keep her busy.” Maggie quickly grinned, but before she could shut the door, Tom took a step forward.

“Can I see her? Just for a few minutes before I go to work.” Tom asked, even though he didn’t feel the need to.

She sighed, “I really have to go, Tom.”

Before Tom could say another word, Summer shouted from behind Maggie, “Daddy!”

Summer pushed past Maggie, holding out her arms and Tom immediately wrapped his around her. He spun her around with her feet off the ground. He could cry as he held her tighter, kissing the top of her hair and she giggled, “I missed you!”

He put her back on her feet, “I missed you too, kid. How’s the cast?” Tom smiled.

She lifted it up, “Good, I got more names on it.”

“Oh, yeah? Aren’t you miss popular.” Tom chuckled, watching her rotate the cast.

“Are we going home?” Summer quickly asked.

Tom sealed his lips, “Ah, not… yet.”

Summer’s face shifted, “But, I wanna go home.”

“Not yet, baby.” Tom knew it wasn’t in his control right now.

“But, I wanna go home now…” She protested, a dimple between her furrowed eyebrows.

It was the first time he heard true sorrow in her light voice. A kid always had their emotional fits, but Tom taught her that it was okay to talk to her and didn’t have to hold anything back. There was never a moment of questioning her temper tantrums or how she behaved, but he couldn’t wrap his head around this whole incident. He didn’t know how to answer her questions and help her and it was killing him to feel like he was doing nothing yet also trying to do everything he could.

“Summer, I promise you’ll be home soon, okay?” He promised, running his hand over her soft hair.

“Okay.” She pouted.

Quickly turning away, Summer fled back into the apartment and didn’t give Tom another look. He chewed the inside of his cheek and Maggie put her hand on your hip, not knowing what else to say.

“Well, thanks.” She huffed.

“When can I see her again?” Tom asked, embarrassed from how desperate he came off.

She nodded, “I don’t know...”

Tom clenched his jaw, “I raised her, I don’t understand how you can come back and just take her away like you suddenly want to be a great mother. Do you want something else from me other than child support? Huh? What is it, Maggie?” He asked, frustrated and tired of biting his tongue.

Maggie looked over her shoulder at Summer, meeting her blatant glare, so Maggie stepped into the hall to have some privacy. Tom took a few steps away from her, putting his back against the wall while she stood on her side.

“I don’t want to argue with you, Tom. I really don’t-”

“Then why are you doing this?” He cut her off.

She nodded, “I’m uncomfortable with it all.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re not Summer’s dad!” Maggie stated, “Okay? Do you know how confusing that is gonna be to her? That the guy who has raised her for six years isn’t even her dad!”

Tom was in disbelief, his throat dry and thinking as if he got the wind out of him.

“I want to take a DNA test.”

Maggie couldn’t help but chuckle, “You’re not her dad.”

“I don’t care, I’m taking a test. If I’m the father, she gets to stay with me.”

“Well, she’s not so, good luck with that plan.” She boldly told Tom, watching him walk away from the conversation.

Adrenaline fueled him, leaving the building with the last dignity he felt like he had. The doubt rapidly sunk in from Maggie’s words and for the first time, Tom started to believe that she was right. He may have wasted six years of his life, not knowing how he could have fallen for it all.

After slamming the car door, Tom huffed and wiped his hands down his face. He was annoyed at the stress he held back, thinking he had his emotions under control when everything was falling apart. A million voices spoke throughout his conscience all at once and tried to guide him, too overwhelming to maintain his cool he had kept for so long. Tom clenched his fist and quickly jabbed the steering wheel, pain coursing from his blistered knuckles.

The night shift was a wreck and Tom couldn’t gain his confidence back. He messed up drink orders that infuriated his tipsy customers, dropped a glass from how shaky his hands were, and overall couldn’t clear his mind from his argument earlier with Maggie. Nevertheless, Tom pushed through the sloppy job he did but had to flee to the back to get some air from the inebriated crowd.

With a bottle of beer in one hand, he slipped away when one of his co-workers came in. Tom exited to the back alley, the cold breeze hitting his face and the wind slapping his back when the door closed behind him. As he brought the bottle to his lips, Tom took breaths through his nose as he downed the bitter ale. His eyes burned from the icy carbonation, pulling it away after drinking most of it. He tossed the glass bottle into the dumpster across from him, running his hands through his hair as he paced around the dead end.

“Shit!” He growled, his voice echoing.

A few tears trailed down his cheek and he quickly wiped them with the back of his hand. Tom got himself together, but before he went back inside to end his shift, his phone vibrated in his front pocket. He was relieved to see your name headlining a picture of the two of you.

“Hey, babe.” Tom sniffled.

You were taken back by the pet name, “Babe?”

He smiled, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to say that. I’m tired.” He pinched his nose bridge.

“No, no, I wasn’t sure if we were using “babe” or any other grossly cute nicknames.” You jeered, your sweet giggle comforting him.

“It’s just been a weird day.” He pressed his back against the brick wall.

“Things didn’t go well with Maggie?” You sighed, laying down on the couch.

Tom nodded, “Not exactly. But, I’m trying to figure it out.”

Your lips went to the side, not surprised Tom said it because he always liked to tackle everything by himself. There was no need to meddle, but you knew he would come around when he wanted to.

“Hey, I know it’s hard now, but… You’re gonna get her back.” You started, hoping it sounded comforting.

Tom remembered when you said he’d never lose her. He already doubted himself, but he didn’t want to have a lack of uncertainty with you, a person he trusted more than anyone.

“Tom?” You asked, only hearing the noises of passing cars in the background.

“Yeah, babe, I’m here.” Tom shook his head, running his hand down his face.

His voice cracked from the brokenness, causing your heart to flutter. You wanted to fix this all, and you would if you could, but it was equally as frustrating for you to keep your calm. You knew that if you exploded with rage and anger, Tom would follow the same path of destruction and it’s the last thing you both needed to do.

“Okay… are you coming back soon?”

“Yeah, I’m almost off my shift. I’ll text you when I’m on my way.”

“Drive safe, please.” You tilted your head, pulling your legs to your chest.

“Always.” He smiled before hanging up.

Tom went back inside to finish his shift, hoping to get a few tips from his charm. He snuck a few shots of Crown and gin in between his orders, looking around to make sure none of his co-workers saw. It was out of his character to drink on the job knowing it could get him fired on the spot, but Tom didn’t care. He wanted the pain inside to numb away with warm liquor until he was sick.

Making the poor decision of driving home, Tom took his time to get back. He rubbed his eyes a few times from the haze fogging his vision, but he slowly pulled into his usual parking spot. At first, he forgot to put on the parking gear, the car rolling forward before he stepped on the brake. A drunk chuckle left his lips as he parked, pulling the keys out and he leaned on the car to maintain his balance.

You fell asleep on the couch waiting for him only to flinch from the door slamming. As you put your weight on your arms, Tom walked in with a sway to his walk.

“Hey, I was starting to worry.” You groaned, stretching as you stood up from the couch.

“Sorry, I was… trying to get home and there was… it was fine.” He slurred, a faint smile on his face.

You furrowed your eyebrows, walking up to him and instantly smelling the alcohol on his breath.

“You drove home drunk?”

“I’m here in one piece, aren’t I?” He breezed past you, kicking his shoes off by the kitchen island then heading to the bedroom.

“You could have gotten killed.” You hissed.

You crossed your arms as you followed him, standing in the door frame. Tom struggled to unbutton his shirt, not able to grip them with his hazy vision. 

“I’m here, okay? I’m fine and I just need to sleep.” Tom groaned, the alcohol fueling his irritation.

You didn’t want to pick a fight, not this late and not with everything else going on, so you digressed and decided to leave it till the morning.

As he lazily pulled apart his button-up, he threw it to the side and left him in his basic white tee. You walked around to the shared bathroom and cupped some lukewarm water in your hands to splash on your face. You could hear Tom unbuckle his pants and he threw them to the floor, missing the hamper by a long shot.

You walked to your side of the bed, glancing at him laying down with his bloodshot eyes still open.

“Tom, you can’t do this.”

“I know. I know, but this… I fucking can’t think about anything else.” He admitted.

You sat up on the bed with your head against your pillow, pulling the duvet over your legs. You ran your hand over his messy, brown curls, weaving your fingers through it and pushing it back. His eyes met yours as you continued to play with his hair.

“From how long we’ve been friends, I know you have always put the weight of the world on your shoulders.” You spoke calmly, your tone soft and sweet like honey, “But, you can’t keep doing this to yourself...”

He gulped, not knowing how to let go of this anger he internalized.

“Then what am I supposed to do?” His voice was broken.

“You need to take your time, baby.” You whispered, running your hand through his hair again.

Tom gently held your hand that was resting on your stomach, brought it to his face, and kissed the top of it a few times. You grinned, watching him bring your intertwined hands to his chest. He kept his eye contact with you, his free hand tucking your hair behind your ear.

“I don’t know how I’d stay sane without you.” He revealed, his eyes glossy.

You half-smiled, “You’d function, just not as properly.” You jeered, trying to make him laugh.

“Oh, always with the jokes.” Tom chuckled, tickling up your side and you began to kick around, letting out infectious belly laughs.

“I can’t help it! You’re fun to mess with.” You beamed.

You shifted down to be face to face with him, lying next to him and forgetting about the world for a few minutes. Tom was never big on affection with who we dated, struggling to open himself up with people he felt were temporary. Little did you know that he was wrapped around your finger since the day you fell off the jungle gym.

“I just want you to be happy.” You sighed.

He nodded, “I am happy. I promise.”

You brushed your nose against his, your head angled from the side. Tom’s light buzz lingered, wrapping his arms around your shoulders to pull you closer to him under the warm, cotton sheets. Your head rested on his chest, listening to his heartbeat and running your hand down his abdomen. As you brought his hand toward you, but you furrowed your eyebrows at the light red and purple bruising across his knuckles.

“What’s this from?” You asked, grazing your finger over his skin.

Tom raised his eyebrows, “Uh, I don’t know.” He lied.

You pouted, “You should ice it tomorrow. It looks kind of bad.”

“Yeah…” Tom trailed, biting the inside of his cheek.

You pressed light kisses against the bruises, “Gotta be more careful, babe.”

His brown eyes brightened, a small smile on his lips before he scattered some kisses against your temple, your cheek pressing against his shoulder.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜

When you two went to the clinic to get the DNA test, Tom couldn’t sit still the whole time. From the waiting room until he sat on top of the doctor’s table, he pulled at his fingers or tapped his leg which made you place your hands on him to get him to stop. You gave him words of encouragement, trying to support him through the lengthy process, especially when he saw the needle thread into his dark blue veins.

“I thought it was just gonna be a cheek swab.” He chuckled, discomfort in his chuckle.

“Some places do that, but a blood test is more accurate.” The nurse tried to calm him, her tone soft.

“How accurate?” He hissed at the sudden pinch.

Her lips went to the side, “Above ninety percent.”

His head was turned to the cabinets, fixating on the bold font of one of the flyers. You sat in the black, plastic chair next to the counter, your legs crossed and peering up at Tom. His face scrunched together for a split second, visibly seeing that he still hated needles after all these years.

“What?” He asked.

You nodded, “Nothing. You’re just making a cute face.” You jeered, placing your hand on your cheek with your elbow on the arm of the chair.

“Just reminds me of high school blood drives… Nurse Jenna always poking my vein a thousand times.” He huffed.

“It’s because you squirmed so much, like you are now.” You teased.

He rolled his eyes with a faint smile, looking down at his feet before the nurse pulled the needle away and covered it with a ball of cotton. Tom held it there for a few seconds until she slowly wrapped the light blue bandage the perfect tightness around his arm.

“You should get the results back in four to five days. We’ll let you know right away, Mr. Holland.”

“Thank you so much.” Tom grinned at her.

After the nurse walked out with the blood sample and her file, you stood up, slinging your purse strap on your shoulder. Tom stepped down from the table, pulling down his flannel sleeve to cover the bandage.

“You were so brave. Are you upset she didn’t give you a lollipop?” You joked.

“Don’t worry too much, but I think I’ll live.” He jeered back, leaning in to kiss your forehead.

You wrapped your arm around his back, giving him a light hug before you two left to check out then headed back to his apartment. On the ride home, Tom was fairly quiet with the low music from the speakers filling the car. There wasn’t anything you needed to say, but being there for each other was enough comfort. With the windows rolled down halfway, the fresh air weaved through your hair and your fingers were loosely wrapped around the top of the steering wheel.

Tom looked out the window, watching the scenes you passed by, but his head was in a different place. His elbow rested against the armrest of the door, unconsciously biting his nail and shaking his leg. You cautiously put your hand on top of his, the one settled on his leg, intertwining your fingers together without looking at him.

It was still hard getting used to the quietness, not only from you but within Tom’s life.

Tom missed Summer being at the apartment, looking forward to putting up the crayon drawings she worked on at breakfast or insisting they go to the park on weekends. But, since she hadn’t been around, it gave more time for you and Tom to be alone, at least back to how you were six years ago. For the most part, it was nice to dance in the middle of the living room, spinning each other around and sharing takeout at the coffee table while watching a tooth-rotting, romance movie. Just making it more obvious that Summer changed his life, even in the smallest things she did.

The growth of your relationship was important, but most of it was centered around Summer. It didn’t mean you couldn’t both carry a conversation without her, just that most of the things you did together were for her. Endless trips to the park, going to the zoo, taking her to girl scouts, or even running around the house playing hide and seek if it was a rainy day. Her giggles filled the apartment, endless amounts of laughter from the three of you and the memories you created. It was the one thing that motivated Tom to fight for her, just to make more and more memories and have her back in his arms for good. 

As the grueling days passed, it was closer to Halloween night and Tom was trying to get as many shifts as he could. Not only was it one of their busiest times, but he also got generous tips. Because the holiday was during a school day, Tom’s apartment held an event for some kids to come by and trick-or-treat early.

It would be Tom’s first holiday without Summer there, but the results would come any time now. It’s all that consumed his mind, on top of him working on her Halloween costume without her. She insisted she wanted to be Wonder Woman and you and Tom never used store-bought costumes, not even when she was a baby and you made a pumpkin costume out of orange felts and stitching.

“Hey! You’re gonna be late for work.” You said, running your hands through Tom’s curls when you passed by him sitting at the table.

Tom snapped out of his trance, shaking his head and rubbing his tired eyes with the palms of his hands. Today marked the day Tom should have gotten his DNA test back, checking his phone and email since he woke up before dawn.

“Are you staying late? I know Halloween week is probably like the jackpot for you guys.” You grinned, grabbing a mixed bag of candy from on top of the fridge and a bowl from the cabinet.

“Yeah, if you thought the tips from single moms paid up, wait until you get an open tab from a fratboy.” Tom chuckled as he got up, stretching his back and he brushed down his wrinkled, navy button-down.

“Well, I’m sure they’re just flirting with you too. You’re so damn charming with those brown eyes and smile.” You winked at him, shifting the big bowl of sweets with both your hands.

He walked behind you, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge, “Hmm, well there’s enough of me to go around.” Tom jeered.

Tom checked his phone once again, scrolling through his email and call history, seeing him looking down at it from the corner of your eye.

“Hey, babe, you need to get going.” You reminded him, placing the bowl of candy on the small table next to the door. You walked over to him, wrapping your arms around him from behind and planting a soft kiss on his cheek.

“Thank you, dear.” Tom faintly smiled, nudging his head against yours before you untangled from him.

He shoved his phone in his back pocket, grabbing his denim jacket off the back of the kitchen chair. Tom told you he’d call you on his way home and to have fun, but felt some relief from not being around the kids. He’d barely spoken to Maggie since their argument last week, only getting updates on Summer and her behavior. Tom never knew someone could find the one nerve that could be pinched in any instance, making him incredibly annoyed with whatever he was doing.

The bar was getting packed as Tom walked past the crowd in the front, everyone mingling at the high-rise tables in their various costumes. There was a discount if you wore a costume, usually helping business with more drinks for lower prices, but that meant the night would feel longer with an endless amount of orders piling on top of each other with little patience from a drunken mob.

Rolling his sleeves up to his elbows, Tom made sure their inventory was stocked as he breezed by his co-workers. He wasn’t close enough to them to tell anyone want he was dealing with, but he figured it was better not to talk about it so it never came up during a shift.

Multicolored lights flashed and beamed through the moving mass of people, but enough of the warm light above the bar helped guide Tom when he was scrambling to attend to whoever he could. It took his mind off his stress, too worried about not getting drinks right when it was easy to with how hectic it was. Drink after drink, he collected a bill and shoved it in the shared tip jar behind them, hoping they made enough so everyone could walk with sore feet, but be satisfied with their hard work.

As the night grew longer, it became rowdier and it meant that it was harder to get people out so new ones could come in. While Tom talked to one of his regulars down at one side, an argument between two strangers began to ensue toward the middle. Tom looked over his shoulder while leaning on the bar, glaring at the two boys whose voices howled over the music.

“I think you should get the fuck out of my face!” One yelled, he had dirty blonde hair and a scratch by his lip.

“Chill out, what the fuck!” The other retorted and his piercing blue eyes were bright enough for Tom to see from where he stood.

“Hey, give me one second.” Tom told the man he was talking to, quickly pacing over toward the angry exchange, “Hey, knock it off.” He said with an assertive, deep tone.

They ignored Tom, continuing to argue before one threw a punch deep into the other’s face. It knocked the man on the floor, making Tom jump over the bar to try to break up the fight. While he defended himself from the guy who punched first, the other drunken man pulled Tom down by the shoulders. In his inebriated fury, he jabbed Tom in the stomach, hurting his rib which made Tom hold on his hands there.

“Hey man, get off me!” Tom gritted his teeth, grabbing the guy’s wrist to push him back down to the floor.

Even though Tom was strong enough to do so, the other nameless man tried to help Tom, but Tom was soon met with a punch to the eye, near the nose bridge. The guy was twice as large as him, able to put his weight on Tom as he threw constant punches to his face and jaw. Tom’s eyes teared up, mixing with the blood from his nose before the guy was pulled off him.

Tom quickly got on his feet, holding on to the bar, but he was met with more arguing between the two strangers he never should have intervened between, to begin with. He rubbed the back of his head, hoping he didn’t have a concussion with the throbbing under his skin. Before Tom could recover from what happened, the guy approached him again, stumbling until Tom threw a punch back.

He didn’t know what came over him, but the stress of everything instantly came out with his rush of adrenaline. More people from the crowd tried to step in, even one of Tom’s co-workers, but it ended with two police officers settling both of them. Tom tasted the blood on his lips, spitting it on the dirty floor as his heads were pulled behind his back.

“Calm down!” The officer pleaded with Tom, taking him outside of the bar.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜

The sounds of office phones ringing and the news playing lowly were all you could concentrate on. The police station was the last place you thought of being at a time like this, your heart racing since you picked up the phone and told what had happened with Tom. You bounced your leg, the other crossed on top of it and moving your ankle to find anything to make time go faster.

“Y/N L/N.”

You whipped your head, pushing off the chair to get up and speed walk to the front.

“Y-Yes, that’s me.” You said, putting your hands on top of the desk.

“He’s being released now.” The officer spoke with a monotone voice.

You nodded, stepping away from the desk before a short buzz echoed the hall. Tom slowly walked up, his hands behind his back before the officer escorting him released the handcuffs.

“Keep your head up, kid.” The tall officer told him before walking back to the cells.

Tom rubbed his reddened wrists, his face and body in pain from the beating he went through. When you saw his face, you almost couldn’t believe it was him. Red and purple bruises faded on his light skin near his right eye and trailing his sharp jaw. His nose bridge looked displaced and dry blood under his nose, the rest on the collar of his dark shirt. You almost couldn’t stare because of the bright redness surrounding his right eye from popping a vessel. 

“Babe…” You choked, gently holding his face.

“I’m okay. I promise.” Tom gulped, his hands settling on your hips, “Let’s just go home.” He croaked.

“Not before we go to the emergency room. Your eye looks awful.” You say, gently moving his head to take a better look at it.

He nodded, “I just wanna go home, please.”

“No, we can’t, you’re hurt--”

“Y/N, I wanna go home.” He snapped.

You clenched your jaw at his stubbornness, “Fine.”

Once you were back to the apartment, the first thing Tom wanted to do was take a shower. He sat on top of the toilet seat, unbuttoning his button-down, but winced at the soreness in his arms when trying to take his not-so-white, t-shirt off. As he continued to try to get his arms higher, Tom couldn’t push himself to do it. He leaned over in frustration, a grunt passing his lips before you walked into the door frame.

“Let me help you.” You softly said, taking a few steps toward him.

Tom didn’t have the energy to fight back so, he leaned back to sitting up straight and lifted his arms as high as he couldn’t which wasn’t much. You grabbed the ends of his t-shirt, peeling it off him and tossing it in the hamper behind you.

You kneeled in front of him, “You got it?”

“Yeah, thanks, baby.” He grunted, holding in his pain.

You nodded, placing your hands on his face and caressing your thumb over his cut cheek. A tear trailed from your waterline, hurt to see him in the state he was. He leaned down and pressed his lips against yours, giving a light kiss. You ran your hand through the nape of his curls before getting back up and putting your hand on the doorknob.

“Just yell if you need me.”

He just nodded in response, wincing as he stood up and you closed the door.

You let out a deep sigh as you walked back to the kitchen, cleaning up the pots and pans you had forgotten to wash from yesterday. It was something to do while Tom was showering, not wanting to think that this wouldn’t have happened if Maggie didn’t come back into his life.

Tom’s phone buzzed on the counter, making you glance at it. The cracked screen lit up but there were a few bloody fingerprints covered on the glass. You picked it up and wet a rag, wiping off any of the dirt and blood from it but you saw an email that was sent to him a few hours ago. You didn’t want to put your nose into his business, but it could have been from the clinic.

Your thumb hesitantly pressed his code in, opening his email account, but you saw it was just a letter from a subscription. Your lips went to the side, feeling bad for snooping until your read an email that he had opened earlier. The timestamp was during his shift, not knowing if he saw it before or after, but your heart fell when you read the document.

“Based on the DNA analysis, the alleged father is excluded as the biological father. This result is consistent with the statement that the alleged father (Thomas Holland) is not the biological father of the child.”

tags/taglist: @felicityparkers @dhtomholland @duskholland @strawberrytom @itstaskeen @tomhollandsgirlfriend @bi-writes @infinite-imagination​ @honeyspidey​ @hollandcrush​ @sunsetholland​ @pparkersbitch​ @namoreno​ @calltothewild​ @spideyspeaches​ @veryholland​ @osterfieldshollandgirl​ @slutforsebstan​ @bi-lmg​ @sunshinepeterparkr​ @annathesillyfriend​ @madmadmilk​ @antigoneidk​ @hollandcreep​ @wierdflowerpower​  

[duckugou]

golden

Kenma x GN!reader

Im trying to stray away from my comfort zone of just writing readers that use she/her so bear with me

sorry if this lowkey sucks but it was inspired by harry styles song golden

cw: big cursing, huge fluff, strangers to friends to lovers, comfort, aged up!

come to my asks to be a part of my taglist! just let me know what kinds of fics/ what fandom/ what characters/ etc you want to be tagged in!

Requests are open!!

-------------------------------------

Being a streamer comes with perks. Being comfy at home, not having to face people in real life every day, playing games, typical shit. Another perk is making good friends.

Meeting people on a voice chat is common for Kenma -guys and gals alike. What he wasnt expecting one night was the sweetest voice on the other end of his headphones.

"You're all fucks- I'm better at this game than all of you combined. Try me."

To think that was the sentence that made Kenma's ears perk up and burn.

"What the hell ever- we have the great Kodzuken on our side." One of the guys said, half joking half dead serious.

"Oh yeah, he isn't even speaking up to defend your pussy asses- probably knows I could beat him too." You could hear the smirk in that last part.

"U-uh, no. You can't beat me. Nobody can actually. Not at this game." Kenma rebutted , confident in his gaming skills but not so much his speaking skills to this stranger.

"Oh man, you certainly sound confident. Come on, Kodzuken- 1v1 me then. Show me who the best really is."

Kenma suddenly felt nervous. Should he really demolish this stranger? Isn't it polite to let the person you like win? He didn't like this person yet but god their voice was attractive.

"Fine. Send the request." He decided.

"Sent, fucker."

The game resulted in a tie because this stranger actually knew what they were doing. They both threw friendly insults at each other the whole time of course, making each of them laugh a little.

"Okay fine. The great Kodzuken himself almost beat me. Im almost honored to have a great streamer almost beat me."

"Well you almost beat me too- uh-" Kenma stuttered over the fact that he didn't know how to address this stranger.

"Oh! Call me Y/n." The person giggled.

"You can uh, call me Kenma."

"Oh you don't want me to repeat your title over and over like everyone else?" They laughed.

"No, friends don't call me that. They use my name name." His ears were burning.

"Friends, huh? Guess that means you owe me your number so we can schedule a rematch where I can properly beat your ass."

"Huh, guess so."

A few months had gone by and Y/n and Kenma were as close as they could be. They found out they live close by each other and began hanging out a lot.

Y/n would be in the back of his streams on occasion and wouldn't hesitate to speak up during them. Thats the thing about Y/n. They've always been so outspoken. Since the start. Everything they talk about comes so easy to Y/n. Nothing is held back. Kenma knows everything about them. He on the other hand is still a bit closed off. Quiet. The two are so opposite yet so alike. Kenma doesn't speak much about himself, opting to listen.

Especially when talking about past relationships.

One night, they were sat in Kenmas room in separate chairs, letting conversations flow.

"So, you've dated but why have the relationships ended?" Y/n asked.

"Ah, I dont know- its not important. Why did yours end?" Kenma flipped the question as he always does.

"One guy cheated," Y/n tossed a piece of popcorn in the air, missing their mouth and brushing it off. "One girl left because she was leaving for school, and one guy just didn't mesh with me. Your turn." Y/n pushed the question back.

"Uh- well. I don't click with people easily. I'm pretty closed off so when I date it usually ends in hurt feelings by accident or they get sick of me." Kenma finally admitted.

"Huh." Y/n flopped onto their stomach on the bed after setting down the popcorn. "Don't you like anyone though? Like- if you liked someone enough, do you think you would give opening up a shot?"

"I mean I guess. Nobody ever takes the time to...pry me open." That got a laugh out of Y/n. Good. "But yeah I do like someone."

Sitting up suddenly, Y/n became visibly excited.

"TELL ME WHO."

"No god no- it isnt important." Kenmas ears burned again.

"Come onnnnn. Its gotta be someone big time cool to earn your heart. I have to approve."

Y/n pulled Kenma from his chair to the bed, not letting go of his hand as he sat down.

"Theyre very cool- and very sweet. Understanding. Someone who stands up for me and makes me comfortable-" Kenma began gushing.

"Do I know them?" Y/n interrupted.

"Y-yeah. You sure do." Kenma scratched the back of his neck.

"Oooh ok, a guessing game. Describe them more- their looks!" Y/n held his hand tighter, bouncing up and down with excitement.

"Well- ok." Kenma took a deep breath and decided he could be vague enough. "Theyre short. As short if not shorter than me. Competitive. Very cute smile-"

"TOO VAGUE give me the JUICY DETAILS" Y/n pushed.

"They uh- they have..pretty eyes." He was staring at this point, eyes wandering around Y/ns face to find more things to describe. "cute nose too I guess. Squishy cheeks. Glasse-"

"WHO THE HELL IS IT KENMA- its starting to sound like youre describing me." Y/n laughed.

"No- I'm totally not!" Kenma rushed.

"Tell this person you like them. You look so happy when you talk about them. Its kind of sickening."

"I can't just do that." Kenma stated flatly.

"Yeah you can."

"No-"

"DO ITTTT. Nothing to be scared of- it's CUTE. They would be dumb to not like you."

Kenma sighed, knowing he couldn't tell Y/n the truth about who he liked. What does he usually do when he's put in a corner like this? Oh thats right-

"Who do you like then Y/n?" He asked, proud of himself for deflecting again.

"Oh thats easy. You." Y/n said, letting go of his hand and laying back on the bed, leaving Kenma sitting up and stunned.

"What? No I mean a crush idiot. Who do you liiikkkeee?" Kenma pushed, hoping he didn't hear Y/n wrong.

"You, Kenma. I've had a crush since our first tie in a game. Thought that was obvious-"

Kenma flopped back on the bed as well. The both of them looking at each other.

"Oh. My person is uh... really... open and honest." Kenma said quietly.

"Is that why you wont tell them?" Y/n asked just as hushed.

"Yeah... what if right now they say yes but then their feelings change one day? That would hurt so bad. Worse than not telling them ever." He whispered.

There was silence. They knew what they both just admitted. Kenmas heart started racing. This might've fucked everything up. He might lose them. But they like him too so why is he so scared?

Y/n held his hand again.

"I know that youre scared because I'm so open...but hey... If you wanna give it a try..." Y/n whispered, scared about whether or not their honesty fucked them over.

"You might be right this time Y/n." Kenma whispered.

The space between them was closed due to both of them being drawn together like magnets in that moment. A sweet kiss.

"Let's try it then. I'll work on... being more open if you'd like." Kenma said.

"Kenma. I dont want you to change one bit. I like you the way you are."

Acceptance. It was the best thing Kenma has ever felt.

[astralglam]

𝐒𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐝𝐝𝐥𝐲 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐟𝐢𝐜 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 .

1. What does your muse smell like?

without soap or perfume, 683 smells bizarrely sterile, chemical-ish, like a dentist’s office, bleach or cleaning supplies.  like hand sanitizer that kills 99.9% of germs.  they have that faint smell of powdery clean cosmetics, only because they wear so much foundation, face powder and setting spray.  humans like things that smell less artificial, so 683 takes to using cheap perfume (think a teenager who just learned to douse themselves with axe or bath and bodyworks spray), which is artificial in a slightly more palatable way.  their clothes (which are almost all second hand) have that mothball-musty smell of a thrifted dress that hasn’t been washed yet, like an old book.    

2. What do your muse’s hands feel like?

cold, frigid and icy, almost like a mannequin’s if you left the mannequin in the freezer. their skin is tight over their tendons and fingers, with almost waxy, plasticy skin stretched over their joints and knuckles, which makes them seem very fragile.  sometimes their palms are uncannily clammy.  their skin on their palms isn’t rough or calloused but they’re starting to get scars on their fingertips from their voyages into the realm of string instruments.  they used to have very neat, clean and unpainted nails, but nowadays, they have divots and cracks because 683 is clumsy with the strings.  

3. What does your muse usually eat in a day?

683 is often at the mercy of when their friends will decide to cook for them/buy them food.  they don’t have any cooking skills and can barely wash and cut an apple (this isn’t because they’re stupid, on atomina they were used to communal dining with a designated set of people who cooked for everyone in their unit).  683 is naturally accustomed to eating plant matter and (unlike us humans) has a way better digestive system for breaking down cellulose and gets a lot more out of their vegetarian diet than you might expect (two stomachs aint for nothin).  left to their own devices they just eat Whatever (orange? handfuls of spinach, unwashed, pesticides dont hurt them.  microwave a tomato and watch it explode.  brave cutting open an avocado and just eating it with a spoon).  dinner is when priscilla either buys him take out or sid cooks something for him (and sid is an amazing cook!!!).  sid isn’t vegetarian, but his family is, so he knows how to make all kinds of dishes perfect for 683 -- substitute the dairy for nondiary alternatives and 683′s getting matter paneer (with tofu instead), malai kofta (with coconut milk), and aloo gobi (no butter), all sorts of things !!! 

4. Does your muse have a good singing voice?

sort of.  683′s voice, by itself, is nasally and weird and a little grating, but their devotion to music lets them make the most out of their “strange” voice and almost use it to their benefit to sound unique, different, super far out !11!11111  their lyrics, instrumentals and emotion combined is what makes them a talented musician rather than just a good quality voice.  so while they might not have a very pretty voice, they’re still a skilled singer due to their delivery.  

5. Does your muse have any bad habits or nervous ticks?

im assuming this is about bad (physical) habits rather than personality deficiencies (of which 683 has many).  683 stares, like, really just stares at people with reckless abandon, they havent figured out it’s rude.  they arent good at even pretending to listen so if they’re disinterested in what you have to say, they’ll look elsewhere, pick at their nails, mumble or interrupt you.  always finds a way to make the conversation about themself.  very disorganized and messy, has a hard time taking care of objects even if they value them (ex. dropping his guitar, misplacing jewelry, yanking a belt off and breaking it).  definitely self pities and has no problem trying to guilt you for everything and anything.  is a pretty frequent smoker, but is polite enough not to smoke if you ask him not to.  

683 is always a little nervous so their nervous ticks are just their baseline state of being (wringing hands, stammering, talking really fast, making insane gestures all around you but being too afraid to touch you, etc)

6. What does your muse usually look like / wear?

683 looks very put together at all times -- not necessarily polished or professional, but very intentional, in that you can tell they definitely made a conscious choice to dress the way they do.  he wore the same dumb uniform every day for the first 20 years of his life, so he’s very excited to try new clothing options.  

more femme-ish clothing preferences go to boxy, sleeveless a-line dresses, miniskirts, bright floral patterns, big plastic earrings, headbands, scarves, etc.  they like clunky platforms and prefer to wear boots.  very 60s mod and colorblocked.  she loves bright eyeshadow but tends to go for more neutral lipstick.  can never figure out what to do with her hair so she usually leaves it down or does a half-up half-down bun kinda deal.  

more masc clothing preferences are bell bottoms, button ups with butterfly collars, paisley print, turtlenecks and fringe jackets, etc. earthy tones and weird nasty olive green.  very late 60s / early 70s. prog rock flavor or glam rock flavor.  never got into the disco style only because he cant pull it off because he’s so scrawny and twitchy and has no chest hair to impress the ladies.    

one thing about 683 is that he hates tight long sleeves and goes insane if he has to wear them.  his uniform was sleeveless, so even short sleeves feel really weird and horrible on his arms.  prefers sleeveless, can do with short sleeves, 3/4ths sleeve or loose long sleeve, really tries to avoid tight/constricting long sleeves.  

i have a pinterest board of potential fits for him although i havent updated it because i barely know how to use pinterest.

7. Is your muse affectionate?  How much?  How so?

to most people, not really, he’s kind of a weird cagey asshole.  oscillates between fascinated with physical touch (suddenly wanting to hug his friends or snuggle with them or grabbing strangers when he’s trying to talk to them) to despising contact (cringes if you touch his hand when you pass him a cup).  he didnt grown up with a culture very big on it, so he isn’t sure if he likes it or not yet.  

to people he does care about, he tends to take his friends for granted but overperform affection for those he has romantic interest in.  not that he doesnt also dearly love and adore his friends, he’s just not the best at expressing his care for them other than random bursts of kindness and dissolving back into his weird normal self.  his understanding of romance has come from a very commercial, media-influenced place (he learns about it through television, novels and commercials, it’s not really inherent to his species) so he thinks romance is about buying flowers, holding hands, staring into each other’s eyes for three hours, etc. if he has romantic interest in you, he will constantly over and over again tell you how much he likes you and your company and you are soooo funny hahahhahhfhh, and will be unusually touchy (clings to your arm, sits RIGHT next to you, drops his head on your shoulder, etc).  

8. What position does your muse sleep in?

683 didnt know what blankets were until he came to earth (or deep space nine) !!! his old room was perfectly temperature controlled and he already has a lower natural body temperature, so there was no need for blankets at all.  human beds with big pillows and blankets are THE COOLEST, so he either curls up underneath a blanket with only the top of his head poking out or he sprawls out like a starfish to take advantage of as many pillows as possible.  his special move is to roll up in the blanket like some kind of little alien lumpia.  

he’s a fitful sleeper so if you sleep in the same bed as him, he’ll punch you or kick you on accident.  he does appreciate company, though, and will also plaster himself up against you and leech your body heat with his weird cold body.

9. Could you hear your muse in the hallway from another room?

depends.  they have a very average speaking voice and aren’t necessarily very loud (plus platforms dull footsteps), but if they were excited, they might raise their voice or yell or exclaim something.  and then they’re very shrill, so yes, you would hear her.  

Tagged by:  @sampati im sorry i took like a week it was really fun i love to type letters and words on the computer Tagging: @dynaura or @pataparty (for whoever you want) / @phantombs / @ofgentleresolve (for lamon? or anyone you want, really!!) / @bystcrdust / @kyrieleisen / @baelends / @bup1957

[kinksvt]

let me watch (m)

→ pairing: jeonghan x reader, wonwoo x reader, mingyu x reader, soonyoung x reader

♕ summary: when your coworkers come over for drinks, the night takes a not so unexpected turn.

✱ genre/warnings: overstimulation, degradation, dirty talk, rough sex, anal, double penetration, little bit of boy kissing boy action (not much)

✱ word count: 6.8k+

a/n: hello everyone!! so sorry it took me forever to post so hopefully this very long (and very sinful) smut makes up for it!! enjoy! :D

Today went by oddly slow for you. At your job, not very many people had come in to cash checks, open an account, etc. You sighed as you checked the time to see you still had over half an hour left until you could go home. Outside of your office you could see only one person talking your coworker at the front desk.

"Hey Y/N, you got a minute?" A voice said suddenly, when you shut your eyes for a quick second. It was your coworker and one of the first people you made friends with when you started working.

"Hey Mingyu! What's up?"

He walked inside of your office, "I was wondering if you wanted to come with me and a few other of my friends for drinks tonight? Since today's been really slow?"

"Sure! Who else is coming?" You replied, grinning.

"Just Wonwoo, and Soonyoung," Mingyu flashed a smile. "We can meet in the lot after work?"

"Sounds like a plan." You returned a smile to Mingyu as he left your office.

You were close with Mingyu and you only talked to Soonyoung once or twice for information on some accounts you were closing. You hadn't met Wonwoo yet and you were a bit nervous to. You pulled your phone out to text your boyfriend, Jeonghan.

[5:26 pm] You: hey baby! im gonna get some drinks with some friends after work, is that alright?

You and Jeonghan never really had an exactly "strict" relationship, per se. You weren't in a poly relationship, but not exactly a monogamous one either. Jeonghan didn't mind if guys looked, or touched, because he knew at the end of the day, you would still be his. He trusted you with his entire being and you never took advantage of that.

[5:27 pm] Jeonghan: girls or guys?

[5:27 pm] You: guys

[5:27 pm] Jeonghan: of course

[5:28 pm] Jeonghan: or

[5:28 pm] Jeonghan: you could bring the drinks to them?

[5:28 pm] You: what do you mean?

[5:29 pm] Jeonghan: invite them over, i wanna meet them

[5:29 pm] You: jeonghan dont be gay

[5:30 pm] Jeonghan: shut up haha, just come back home with them. plus i already miss you and i dont wanna spend anymore time alone

[5:30 pm] You: hmm, alright we'll see..

[5:31 pm] Jeonghan: heh, i love you baby

[5:31 pm] You: i love you too jeong, ill see you soon

It was finally closing time and you gathered your things, heading to the back towards the parking lot. You said goodbye to familiar faces and pushed the heavy door open. Just as Mingyu said, he and his two friends were waiting. You recognized Soonyoung but Wonwoo, was much more attractive than you were imagining. His hair was dark and slightly curly, round glasses sat on the bridge of his nose. Wonwoo was unbelievably handsome and you couldn't help but silently admire his looks.

"Oh, there she is- Y/N!" Mingyu said, snapping you out of your daze.

You blushed faintly as you walked towards them, looking down at the ground—missing the way Wonwoo scanned over your body. "Hi," you spoke shyly.

"Y/N, this is Soonyoung," Mingyu gestured towards the latter as you two bowed your heads politely. "And this is Wonwoo."

You nervously bowed at Wonwoo also while he did the same.

"So, should we head to Lee's Bar downtown?" Soonyoung questioned, rubbing his hands together.

"A-Actually! Uhm, I was wondering if we could make a change of plans?" You interrupted. You continued when all three of the men looked at you, "I-I was thinking that we could just, head to my house? And drink there?"

The men all glanced at each other curiously. "How come?" Mingyu asked.

"Well, we wouldn't have to pay-"

"I'm in," Wonwoo said, earning a laugh from the other two—and a slight giggle from you.

"Let's go!" Soonyoung said, skipping happily to his car.

...

The guys followed your car as you drove home, which gave you plenty of time to call Jeonghan and let him know that you four were on the way.

"Are they cute?"

You rolled your eyes as your boyfriend's laughter played in the background.

"C'mon, it's been so long since we had others join. Don't you think it'd be fun, kitten?"

"Jeonghan!" You exclaimed.

You heard Jeonghan laugh from the other line. "I'll see you at the house, kitten." Jeonghan ended the phone call, leaving you to internally, and not so internally, curse.

Damn him for turning you on.

...

"Wow, what a nice house!" Soonyoung shouted, closing his car door.

You forced a slight laugh, "Thanks." You headed up to the front door, fumbling to get your keys out.

"Are you okay, Y/N?" Wonwoo asked, putting his hand on your shoulder.

Before you could respond, the door unlocked and opened, revealing your boyfriend with a big smile on his face. "Hello!"

Mingyu, Wonwoo and Soonyoung had confused looks on their faces as they all looked at you.

"Uh, guys, this is Jeonghan, my boyfriend."

You all walked inside the house and introduced them all. Jeonghan guided everyone to the kitchen where he began getting out different assorted drinks you two had in your cabinets.

Mingyu pulled you to the side, "Is it okay for us to be here? I mean like- is your boyfriend okay with it?"

"Oh yeah! He actually, uh, suggested it. He wanted to meet you all."

"Oh? Okay, I was just making sure." Mingyu smiled, showing off his canines which made you internally gush.

You and Mingyu joined the rest, who were laughing and seemed comfortable already. Everyone sat around the island, some drinking beer, some drinking wine.

"So how long have you and Y/N been dating?" Wonwoo asked Jeonghan.

Jeonghan looked at you, smiling. "Two years."

You nodded as Wonwoo's eyes flickered between the both of you. What neither of you knew though, was how hot of a couple Wonwoo thought you two were.

...

As the night progressed, everyone got more relaxed and loose. Soonyoung got more giggly, Wonwoo more flirty, Mingyu more shy and Jeonghan more suggestive. And you? You just knew something was bound to happen.

"Alright! Let's play 21 questions!" Jeonghan slurred slightly, opening up another can of beer.

"I didn't know we were back in grade school." You joked. "We might as well play Spin the Bottle and Seven Minutes in Heaven while we're at it."

Jeonghan smirked, his hand wrapping around your waist. "Well, the night is still young."

The guys drunkenly laughed as Soonyoung grabbed an empty bottle of wine you all had finished earlier. "Okay," he said as he spun the bottle.

"Wait, are we playing spin the bottle or 21 questions?" Wonwoo asked, confused.

"21 questions dumb dumb!" Jeonghan shouted, followed by a giggle.

"Alright, alright I'm sorry." Wonwoo held his hand up in defense, downing a shot of vodka.

"I'll spin first!" Jeonghan leaned over the island and spun the wine bottle, landing on Mingyu. "Hm, Mingyu." He said, pausing. "How many people have you slept with?"

Mingyu's eyes widened. He stuttered, glancing between Jeonghan and you. "U-Uhm, I, I-I don't-"

"Jeonghan! We didn't say this was going to be dirty!" You punched his shoulder, making him wince.

"C'mon Mingyu, how many?" Jeonghan poked, taking a sip of his beer.

Mingyu hummed before answering a quiet "3."

"Aw, so cute Mingyu!" Wonwoo threw his arm around Mingyu's shoulder, kissing the top of his head as he struggled to get out of his grip.

Mingyu's cheeks blushed while he spun the bottle landing on you. "Uh, Y/N, ahem, are you, a virgin?"

You smiled amusedly, curious to why Mingyu thought you were.

"She was before she met me." Jeonghan informed, winking at Mingyu.

You pursed your lips into a thin line, as you took a large chug of wine and spun in return. "Soonyoung, have you ever had a wet dream?"

Soonyoung coughed loudly, his drink going down the wrong pipe. He held his chest as Mingyu patted his back harshly. You smirked as you finished off your drink, feeling as confident and suggestive as your boyfriend. "I-I, I don't know? Maybe?"

You smiled deviously, succeeding in making him flustered. Soonyoung spun the bottle, trying to hide the warmth that spread across his face. "Uhm, Jeonghan." Soonyoung hesitated before continuing, "Where's the craziest place you've, done it?"

Jeonghan couldn't help but smile whilst thinking of the place.

It was during the summertime last year when you and Jeonghan stayed with one of his friends.

You wore an outfit that was slightly revealing, knowing it would mess with Jeonghan.

What you didn't know though, was that it would end up with him dragging you into the bathroom and fucking you on the sink. He held his hand over your mouth because you two had to be quiet, which only turned the both of you on even more. His friend was just in the kitchen, feet away.

Jeonghan could still hear you cries of pleasure in his mind, your whimpers and whines trying their best to stay silent.

He remembered the day vividly—a little too vividly.  "A-Anyway!" Jeonghan said, twirling the bottle and feeling his pants get tight.

"But Jeonghan you didn't-" Soonyoung started.

"I SAID ANYWAY." Jeonghan retorted back as Soonyoung shrunk in his seat. The neck of the bottle pointed at you and Jeonghan smirked. "Y/N," he began.

Uh oh. You had a bad feeling about this.

"If you had to fuck anyone here, who would it be?"

The room fell silent. The guests' hearts felt as if they stopped.

Why would Jeonghan ask such a question?

Even if they thought it wasn't appropriate for Jeonghan to ask, they all still found themselves on edge for your answer. They all desperately wanted it to be them.

Your cheeks felt as if they were on fire, you probably looked like a tomato in front of your friends, and your douchebag, horny boyfriend. "I don't want to answer that." Was all you could manage to get out as you looked into your glass and took a drink, avoiding eye contact with any of the boys.

You wanted to absolutely vanish into thin air right then and there. You knew Jeonghan didn't have any shame in you confessing who you wish to have sex with. But having to choose between three of your friends? In front of them?

"C'mon babe, I know that you find at least one of them attractive in that way." Jeonghan stated, eyeing each of the boys.

"Jeonghan, you are seriously making me feel uncomfortable. I can only imagine how they must feel." You refused to make eye contact with anything breathing until you were alone.

"I wanna know.." You looked up, meeting Wonwoo's gaze. He was looking at you, like he had been this entire night.

Wonwoo thought it was adorable how confident you were just minutes ago compared to how flustered and shy you are now. "Come on Y/N, don't be nervous. We all wanna know."

With that, everyone else's confidence was restored and they all waited on your answer.

"I-I don't know," you stuttered.

It's not that you didn't know. Hell, it wasn't even because you didn't want to answer. It was just, how were you supposed to choose only one? How were you supposed to confess that you'd screw everyone here?

"We won't be offended." Mingyu said, raising his eyebrow whilst speaking.

"Okay," you sighed. You closed your eyes and nervously breathed in. "I don't know how to choose." You simply said and the boys all looked at each other.

"Well, like Mingyu said, we won't be offended." Soonyoung mentioned.

"It's not that," you paused and took another breath in. "I just can't pick only one of you."

Soonyoung, Wonwoo and Mingyu's ears all perked up.

"Huh?" Mingyu made a noise.

Jeonghan smirked as his plan started to come together.

"Uhm, w-what I'm saying is that I'd-"

"She's saying she'd fuck all of you guys, okay?" Jeonghan stated, nonchalantly—opening yet another can of beer.

The room was still silent, aside from Jeonghan's slurping noises from next to you. You were actually kind of turned on, and so were the rest of the guys.

Jeonghan knew what everyone in the room wanted and he wasted no time in saying so. "Are we gonna all fuck or what? I'm getting kinda hard over here." You felt your cheeks getting warm at his question. Jeonghan took a few more sips and he exhaled loudly, standing up. "Come here kitten." He said, making your eyes widen in embarrassment.

"Jeonghan-" you began but he cut you off before you could finish. You were so flustered and for some strange reason, it turned you on. Jeonghan grabbed your wrist, taking you to the living room and the boys watched you two with their eyes.

Wonwoo turned to the other boys and mouthed, "Kitten?"

The two shrugged in response, looking back to you and Jeonghan.

"Jeonghan, what are you doing?" You hissed as he glanced over to the boys. They all looked at you both intensely, watching your every move and waiting for the next.

Smirking, he leaned down in your ear and whispered. "We're gonna give them a show." Jeonghan grabbed your chin and pulled your head closer to him, trapping your lips in a kiss. He held your jaw as you gasped in surprise. It felt wrong doing this in front of others, even though you've done it before. So, why did it feel so different now? How will things be after this? Will it be normal? Will things be awkward at work now?

All of those thoughts flew out of your mind when Jeonghan pushed his tongue into your mouth, making you moan softly. The boys all heard it and gulped, blood rushing down to all of their cocks. They watched as you and Jeonghan made out, seeing the different roles being played. You, of course, were the submissive and the fact it was so obvious how much power Jeonghan had over you, was—to say the least—extremely hot. Jeonghan had your face in his hand, him leading the kiss and you melting over it, following his steps. He grabbed your waist with his other hand and pulled you closer, making you feel his cock press against you. The others didn't know what to do, watching with drooling mouths and desperate eyes.

After you two made out for, what seemed like hours, Jeonghan pulled away. Both of your lips dark pink, glistening with each other's saliva. Jeonghan chuckled, "Get on your knees." You swallowed, his words affecting you to no end and you obeyed his command. Keeping eye contact, you lowered yourself to the ground and waited. "Watch and learn boys. Soon, you'll be able to be in this position. If you want to, of course." Jeonghan said to your audience. He began to unbutton his pants when midway he motioned his head to toward them to come closer.

Mingyu, Wonwoo and Soonyoung looked at one another, hesitantly standing up awkwardly. With their cocks hardening quickly, they moved slowly to the couch that was a couple feet behind you.

Jeonghan spoke to you in a hushed voice, "Look at how hard they all are already kitten." His eyebrow was raised, looking at the three and he shuffled out of his pants.

You looked back at them, noting the slight blush on their cheeks and—just as Jeonghan said—their stiff cocks, straining against their jeans. You bit your lip and took a leap of faith. "You guys can take those off if you want," you whispered, giving them all an innocent look.

Wonwoo was the first to move, smirking at you and undoing his belt. The others followed suit, making you smile to yourself. Jeonghan grabbed your chin and made you face him. He had his underwear on still, his hard cock evident against it. Jeonghan gave you a look, silently telling you to get going. "How about you show your little friends what that pretty mouth can do, hm?"

Nodding, you looked up at him as you slid your fingers underneath the waistband, beginning to drag them down his legs. Jeonghan's cock sprung out and you didn't hesitate to shuffle closer, kissing his head.

He hummed, running his fingers through your hair and gathering it all in a ponytail. Jeonghan mumbled, "Come on kitten, don't tease me."

You felt yourself blushing once more at Jeonghan using your pet name on you. You felt exposed now that they all knew you liked being called that. Doing as he said, you took Jeonghan's length in your hand and wrapped your lips around it. Jeonghan threw his head back, moaning and guiding your head slowly with his hand that held all of your hair. You stroked the part of his cock that you couldn't take, knowing already how to get Jeonghan close to the edge in minutes.

The others merely stared at you in awe. They all wondered how it must feel to be sucked off by you; from the way Jeonghan is moaning and groaning, it has be good. Mingyu bit his lip, swallowing and holding back his moans. Soonyoung was teasing the head of his cock, imagining he was Jeonghan instead and his hand was yours. Wonwoo stroked himself languidly, the tip an angry red; he's never been this turned on before in a long time. They all enjoyed watching you, the only noise filling the room being the pornographic sucking and gagging noises.

"Does it feel good?" Soonyoung asked quietly.

Jeonghan opened his eyes, looking at Soonyoung with half-lidded eyes. "God, yes. She always does." He took his lip between his teeth, looking back down at you.

You bobbed your head quick on Jeonghan's cock, slowing down when you started pulling off. An advantage of Jeonghan being completely whipped for you? Being able to get him off quicker than the average man because he enjoys what you do to him that much.

Jeonghan's moans started getting higher and more frequent, signaling that he was getting close. You took your hand and gently played with his balls, making him moan loudly. As best as you could, you took all of him in your mouth until his length hit the back of your throat. "Kitten," he rasped. "I'm gonna cum." Jeonghan threw his head back and his mouth opened, releasing a long, loud whine—cumming in your mouth.

You released his length with a pop noise and swallowed his cum, knowing it would please him even more. Jeonghan said and ran his fingers through your hair. "Such a good kitten for me." He smirked and leaned down to kiss you.

You whimpered as Jeonghan bit your lip and stood up straight, looking at the boys who were pleasing themselves. He walked over beside the couch they were on, in all of his naked glory. "How does another show sound, guys?"

They all glanced over at him.

"Another show?" Soonyoung questioned.

Jeonghan gave you a look and you nodded, knowing what he meant.

You unbuttoned your pants, slowly moving them down your legs. You thanked the Gods that you had shaved only a day beforehand. Making sure to keep eye contact with each of them for a few seconds, you stripped yourself of your clothes. Wonwoo kept stroking himself, feeling his cock get even harder as each piece of clothing landed on the floor. Mingyu wouldn't admit it to anyone, but he's had the biggest crush on you since you began working. And he's always admired the way you looked, even in work clothes. But seeing you like this, would be something he wouldn't forget for a very long time.

After you had stripped yourself of your clothes, you stood there only in your undergarments. You crossed your arms, feeling slightly self conscious in front of everyone.

"Can I touch her, Jeonghan?" Wonwoo asked suddenly.

"Yes, you can. You guys can do whatever you want with her, I know she'll enjoy it. Isn't that right, kitten?"

You gulped and hummed an approval, feeling like just a toy for them all to play with yet also a piece of art for them to worship. It made you feel a bit powerful also knowing that all of them were hard because of you and wanted to touch you, use you.

Wonwoo stood up, his cock against his stomach. You couldn't help but stare for a while, take note of the veins, length and his girth—which surprised you. "You like what you see, babygirl?" Wonwoo's voice sent a shiver up your spine and back down to your core. You crossed your legs, giving yourself a bit of friction between your thighs. He noticed and smirked, "Is that a yes?"

Wonwoo walked closer to you, intimidating you with his piercing eyes and dark stare. You nodded and he put his hand behind your neck, his mouth by your ear. "That's not an answer, sweetheart." His breath fanned your ear and neck, making you moan quietly. "She's easily flustered, yeah?" Wonwoo asked Jeonghan, yet still facing you.

"Oh yeah, definitely. Little kitten gets so shy whenever anyone does anything to her."

Wonwoo trailed his fingertip along your body, down your arm and down the front of your chest, creating goosebumps in its wake. "Is that so?"

"Wonwoo," you breathed out. "Please touch me." Your body was screaming and so was your pussy. You ached and wanted to be touched, badly. You weren't sure how much longer you could last without bursting.

"Needy, babygirl?" Wonwoo smirked and walked even closer to you that you could feel his hard-on pressing against your core.

You whined, slightly moving your hips to create more friction.

"Did your little pussy get wet from sucking off Jeonghan?" Before you could respond, Wonwoo's hand dipped between the two of you, between your thighs. His middle finger ran between your clothed folds, and he hummed. "You're soaked babygirl, you ruined your pretty underwear."

You whimpered at the feeling of Wonwoo's light touch, and also the way he talked to you—as if this wasn't his first time doing this with you. He seemed so natural and nonchalant about it all.

"You like it when your boyfriend watches other boys touch you?" His finger began rubbing you, stimulating your swollen clit. Wonwoo lowered his voice so only you were able to hear him, "Makes you feel like a slut, right?" Your eyebrows furrowed and you had to hold onto Wonwoo's shoulder. Lust clouded your mind and your knees grew weak, making him smirk at your reaction. "Go sit on the couch, babygirl."

You did, and it was then when you realized just how intently the other guys were looking at you. Mingyu's hair stuck to his forehead, Soonyoung's face was flushed and Jeonghan was, Jeonghan. All of the head of their cocks were red and you took a quick moment to admire the size difference, and girth difference. You were excited to say the least.

"Can you guys get on with it please? My boner is starting to hurt." Mingyu suddenly blurted out.

Wonwoo pushed you down on the couch, making you lay down. "Come join us then, little Gyu," he teased. Wonwoo's fingers hooked the band of your underwear and slowly pulled them down your legs.

"Fuck you." The latter retorted back while walking towards the both of you.

Wonwoo stood up, discarding your stained, damp underwear on the floor. "I mean, if you really want to." He got closer to Mingyu's face, challenging him.

Your clit throbbed at the scene. Wonwoo was more cocky and confident then you ever thought he was capable of, despite Mingyu having a couple inches on him. They both stared each other down, before Mingyu grabbed the side of Wonwoo's neck and slammed their lips together.

"Oh shit," You heard Soonyoung say on the side. Everyone's eyes widened as the two began making out roughly.

Gulping, you couldn't wait any longer and began touching yourself. You ran a finger up your folds, gathering your wetness and slowly inserting one inside of you. You bit your lip as you watched Mingyu and Wonwoo as best as you could before your eyes fluttered shut.

"Here, let me help you," a voice whispered next to you.

"Please," you mewled, whining, needing to cum soon.

Soonyoung grabbed your hips and turned you. He sat on the floor in front of your legs and lifted them over his shoulders. Without warning, Soonyoung's tongue entered you, making your back arch and cry out his name. He moaned against you, sending vibrations up your body. "Fuck angel, you taste so good." Soonyoung's tongue thrusted in and out of you, curling and poking. He sucked on your clit expertly and all you could do was spill out curses and chants of his name.

Wonwoo and Mingyu had stopped their harsh kissing once they heard you. Jeonghan, still sitting on the opposite couch, had his cock in his fist. He slowly stroked his length while watching how your face contorted and mouth open from how good Soonyoung ate you out. It turned him on to no end seeing all of them enjoy you so much. That was his girl.

Mingyu sat on the couch next to you and he couldn't help but smile darkly. You looked like a mess—a pretty mess, to him. He leaned in and kissed you, muffling your cries of pleasure. Mingyu sucked on your lower lip as a request of entrance and you accepted. His and your tongues rolled together in a way that had both of your heads spinning. You tried focusing on his tongue in your mouth but failed, only paying attention to Soonyoung's tongue in your heat.

Wonwoo felt left out and joined the three of you, sitting on the opposite side of you and beginning to massage your breasts through your bra. You moaned inside of Mingyu's mouth loudly, feeling Wonwoo's fingers slip into your bra and pinch your nipples.

"F-Fuck, I'm gonna cum." You gasped when you pulled away from Mingyu.

"Go ahead princess," Mingyu said, pausing, "let go." He whispered in your ear, sending a tingle down your back and throwing you off the edge. You came on Soonyoung's tongue with a shout that had your back arching off the couch and mouth dropping open.

Soonyoung looked up at you from between your legs. "Good girl." He gave you a kiss on your clit, making you jolt.

You laid on the couch, your core feeling numb and mind clouded.

"Hey," Mingyu said, bringing you out of your ecstasy filled trance. "Think you can help me out now?"

Giggling slightly, you nodded and stood up. "You want me to ride you, Mingyu?"

"Fuck yeah." He gasped, gripping your hips tightly and bringing you closer to him.

Fulfilling his wish, you held onto his shoulders and balanced yourself, getting ready to straddle him. He laid down on the couch and you climbed on top of him.

Mingyu moaned when you rubbed your folds against his cock. "Oh my god, t-that feels so good," he purred. He placed his arms behind his head, watching your movements on his dick. You and Mingyu's moans mixed together in harmony along with the sounds of how wet you were.

"You two look so good," Jeonghan teased, walking towards the couch.

You looked back at him, hips still moving. "Do we?" Humming, you smirked at him and gave him a look.

Jeonghan bent his knee, leaning into the couch while his other leg stood planted on the ground. He tugged your hair back, "Yes you do, kitten. Are you enjoying the boys?"

You gulped as you looked up at him. "I-I am," you replied.

He hummed in response and let go of your hair, letting his hand wrap around your throat. "Ride him now kitten, stop torturing him."

Mingyu smirked, looking at the scene unfold above him while you nodded and did as Jeonghan ordered. Jeonghan kept his hand around your throat as you grabbed Mingyu's length and lined it up at your entrance. You moved his head against your pussy, making the both of you moan. Finally, you sank onto Mingyu's cock while Jeonghan watched from behind you. Mingyu groaned at the feeling of your walls around him. "Y-You're so tight," he said breathlessly.

You whimpered, "You're so big." Your hips began moving against his slowly. Mingyu was big. Bigger than Jeonghan and definitely the thickest among the group.

"Yeah? Is my cock filling you up, princess?" You moaned at Mingyu's dirty words—you always loved it when Jeonghan talked like that, but hearing it from Mingyu's mouth turned you on even more. "You like that, don't you princess? I felt your little pussy clench around my dick when I said that."

"M-Mingyu," your loins felt like they were on fire. Mingyu's words were so lewd and uncensored—and you fucking loved it. You didn't want him to stop at any moment. Pleading, you gripped his shoulders tight—fingernails beginning to dig into his skin.

"What's wrong, princess?" Mingyu asked when you started whimpering over and over again.

Your walls hugged his cock, the sounds of you riding him present throughout the room. You felt Jeonghan's weight on the couch disappear and be replaced. A hand pushed your back down, making you hunch over Mingyu's chest. That same hand trailed up your neck and his finger slid into your mouth. You sucked on it, muffling your whines as it swirled around, gathering your saliva.

"Good girl," the voice whispered by your ear. Suddenly, that finger prodded at your hole, pulling a yelp out of you.

"Soonyoung," you gasped as his finger entered you and you halted your movements on Mingyu's cock.

He laughed slightly, "Jeonghan told me you don't mind this, is that right?" You turned to find your boyfriend sitting on the couch, his cock in his hand and a shit-eating grin on his face. As you were about to respond, Soonyoung thrusted his finger deeper in you, cutting off your sentence with a loud moan. "I said, is that right?"

You nodded, your mouth agape as Mingyu slowly fucked up into your pussy. "Oh my god," you breathed shakily. "Y-Yes, i-it's true." That ball in your stomach began to heat up, feeling Soonyoung's finger curl in you and Mingyu's cock hit the deepest parts of you and stretching you out in the most delicious way.

"You better not cum yet, princess." Mingyu growled from under you.

"Please," you begged. Soonyoung added another finger inside you, making you yell that you were sure the neighbor's would hear.

Whilst trying your best to hold back your orgasm, Mingyu snapped his hips up in you. You screamed and accidentally came around him. Your thighs and body shook as your hands desperately grasped onto Mingyu so that you didn't fall on top of him. Your eyes rolled back, pleasure overtaking every single vein in your body.

Mingyu tsked, "Bad princess." He suddenly spanked you and fucked into you again, not giving you anytime to come down from your high. You moaned loudly as Soonyoung smirked and began fucking your ass whilst Mingyu abused your walls.

You couldn't even process what was happening, your mind elsewhere while you were merely getting fucked in each holes. You couldn't speak at all, even if you tried only pathetic whines would come out. Jeonghan and Wonwoo cooed at you, enjoying your desperate cries as you were being overstimulated.

"She's okay, right?" Wonwoo whispered to the older male.

He nodded his head, "She's had worse done to her." Jeonghan winked at Wonwoo and they both turned their attention back towards you, touching themselves.

"What's wrong, angel? Can't handle being stuffed so much?" Soonyoung teased, making fun of you—not caring that you weren't prepared to cum again.

You felt another orgasm gearing up quickly and you warned the two.

Mingyu caught Soonyoung's eye and inaudibly told him to stop when he said so without your knowledge. When he felt your walls pulse around him a second time, he looked at Soonyoung. Before you were able to release, both of the men stopped. Soonyoung's fingers slipped out of you while Mingyu stilled.

"W-Why did you stop?" You whined. Neither of them answered. You turned around to see Soonyoung dripping lube from a small bottle onto his cock. Gulping, you mentally prepared for Soonyoung to fuck you from behind while Mingyu fucked your pussy. The thought of having both of their cocks in you at once had your head spinning.

"Ready, angel?" Soonyoung asked you, holding onto your shoulder with one hand while his other guided his length. When you nodded, he slowly but surely eased his cock inside of you. You winced at the feeling and told Soonyoung to wait.

Rather than feeling Soonyoung move, Mingyu began to slide his cock in your heat to distract you and help you relax. When Soonyoung thought you were okay enough, he pulled out of you almost all the way and slid back in a bit quicker. "God, you feel so fucking good." Soonyoung hissed. He grabbed your hips and began to fasten his pace. The three of you all moaned in sync, when Soonyoung pulled back, Mingyu thrusted his hips up into you.

"I'm close," Mingyu said, moans gradually getting higher. He sped up his thrusts as Soonyoung kept his pace.

You felt your orgasm quickly approaching once again, the pleasure mixed with the pain of being stretched out made it all too much for you. You couldn't remember the last time you had experienced such euphoria coursing through your body and you loved it; you wanted more and more. You threw your head back, shamelessly moaning out both of the men's names.

Mingyu bit his lip, as he pushed his head back into the couch. With a loud, long moan, he came inside you, triggering your own orgasm. The both of you came while Soonyoung slowed down slightly. Mingyu smirked as he pulled out of you and watched his cum began to seep out as well. He shuffled from under you, moving to stand next to Wonwoo and Jeonghan.

"My turn?" Wonwoo questioned.

"She's all yours," Jeonghan replied, moaning slightly as he stroked himself quicker.

Wonwoo smiled as he sprinted over to you and Soonyoung. "Hey babygirl, ready to give me a hand?" He said, bent over to look at you face to face.

You merely nodded, whining every time Soonyoung thrusted all the way inside of you. You turned your head and opened your mouth, waiting for Wonwoo's cock.

"Tongue out." He ordered, touching himself as he got closer to you.

With your tongue out—as told—you waited and closed your eyes, feeling Wonwoo's length finally make contact with your mouth. Wonwoo ran his fingers through your hair, pushing you further onto himself. He groaned lowly, biting his lip and watching you from above.

"Don't forget I'm here too, angel," Soonyoung said from behind you. He gripped your shoulder and held your hip, fastening his pace.

You moaned around Wonwoo before releasing him, "I-I don't think I'd be able to," you replied.

"Yeah? Does it feel good, angel?" Soonyoung licked his lips, feeling himself getting close.

You hummed before continuing to suck off Wonwoo. You took as much as you could, the tip of his cock brushing the back of your throat, making you gag slightly and pull off. A trail of saliva connecting your mouth to the head of his cock.

"You're so good at this, babygirl," he leaned in closer to your ear. "How many cocks you think have been in that slutty mouth of yours? Hm?"

Soonyoung hissed when he felt you clench around him, capturing Wonwoo's attention. "You like being degraded, babygirl?"

You looked up at him with an innocent look. Hell yes.

Wonwoo stroked your cheek, pulling a piece of loose hair behind your ear before grabbing your face. "You like being treated a bit rough, don't you?"

Gulping, you nodded. You cried out when you heard a loud smack and felt a sharp sting on your ass. You glanced behind you, seeing Soonyoung staring you down, his eyes the darkest they've ever been.

"I asked you a question," Wonwoo said in a serious tone. He made you look at him in the eyes.

"Y-Yes I do. I-I like being degraded a-and treated rough," you managed to get out, holding back your moans in between your words.

"Good girl," he petted your hair. "Now, you're gonna take Soonyoung like a good slut while you suck me off. Okay?" Wonwoo informed you, feigning a soft voice, despite having entire control over you.

"Okay," you breathed.

Wonwoo's mouth opened, signaling you to do the same. He slid his cock back inside of your mouth the second you followed his action. He bit his lip and pushed your head all the way onto his dick, holding you in place.

Your eyes squeezed shut, tears pricking the corners as you tried to relax your throat and breathe through your nose. You looked up at Wonwoo, making him laugh mercilessly. "What's the matter? Can't take all of my cock in that little mouth of yours?"

Your clit pulsed with pleasure, his words flipping your stomach and making your pussy wet with need.

Soonyoung's cock twitched inside of you, getting turned on by how slutty you really are for every one of them. He looked at what was happening in front of him, building his orgasm up quickly. "You look so pretty with your mouth stuffed, angel." He cooed.

Wonwoo finally released his grip on the back of your hair again, and you pulled back, gasping for air. You coughed slightly, spit dripping down the corner of your mouth and a teardrop rolling down your cheek. "Such a good whore for us, aren't you, babygirl?" He purred, wiping away your stray tear with his thumb.

You quivered, feeling your own orgasm beginning to approach. "I'm gonna cum soon," you shuddered.

"Me too," Soonyoung panted, his breath hitching in his throat as he began to fuck into you faster than before.

"S-Soonyoung, fuck!" You cried out, gripping the arm of the couch and letting your body fall onto the cushion.

He slipped his hand between your thighs and found your clit, rubbing it harshly.

A moan ripped out of you, your back arching. You whined over and over again, feeling overstimulated but at the same time desperate for your release.

"Come on," Soonyoung huffed. "Cum for me angel." He slipped two of his fingers inside of you and began curling them, scavenging for your sweet spot.

You began to cry from how overstimulated you were, the ball in your stomach unraveling all over the place. You came hard on Soonyoung's fingers, eventually squirting onto—not only his fingers, but the couch as well. You screamed as Soonyoung halted, cumming inside of you shortly after.

The three watching stood silently, mouths agape as they witnessed you squirt.

"I haven't seen her cum like that in a long time," Jeonghan rasped.

Soonyoung pulled his cock out of you, his cum dripping out and down the back of your leg.

You laid there, ass in the air and completely sensitive and worn out.

"Wonwoo, did you cum in her yet?" Mingyu asked suddenly.

"No, but, I think I'll give her a break." Wonwoo replied. "Maybe next time."

"Next time?" Jeonghan quirked his eyebrow. "You think I'm just gonna let you fuck my girlfriend again?" He said sternly.

"Well, I quite enjoyed my time here. I know they did and I'm certain she did as well. So, I'm only assuming we can make another arrangement sometime soon."

Jeonghan looked over towards you. You got up from the couch, limping to the group of men. "I would love to do this again. Please Jeonghan?" You cooed, pursing your bottom lip and holding onto his bicep.

He growled slightly, "Anything for my kitten." He kissed the top of your head. "Alright boys, you had your fun. Get your clothes and go, I gotta clean her up."

The other boys slightly cheered, happy there will be another time. They all took turns going in and out of your bathroom, cleaning up and pulling their clothes back on

Eventually, one by one, they all left you and Jeonghan's house, leaving the two of you to clean up.

...

Jeonghan ran a hot shower for both of you, allowing you to enter first. You moaned as the water hit your back.

"Have fun tonight, kitten?" Jeonghan asked, stepping in behind you.

You let out a soft "mhm," giving him a big grin.

"I'm glad, you were very good for all of them." He pulled you close to him, giving you a tight hug.

You giggled into his chest, "But Jeonghan, you didn't get to cum in me." You pouted.

Jeonghan chuckled, "Who said I wasn't going to?" He pushed you against the wall and grabbed your legs.

[alukaforyou]

and ALSO sry to post bs on main im mostly just talking to myself in my personal tag half the time so yolo, no need to respond to this or reassure me or whatever but these days i licherally question how much of my - sry to sound like a broken record - bs is dépression or just my shité mentality, like i rly was not designed to last, huh? physically or mentally? lol. like who gets motion sickness on swings lmao anyways. i think i give up too easily. theres a bunch of reasons y but i dont feel like saying. its a different thing to kind of kno something, and to admit / speak it (confront it). i could psychoanalyze myself all day and tell u exactly why some things are the way they are but its too unpleasant to neatly state stuff like that u kno?? like... *i kno* but im not gonna say i kno. anywho, i digress. so i give up easily and kind of have a defeatist mentality too, its so exhausting lool. actually its weird cuz duality of man, i'll be rly determined / stubborn abt doing some stuff and not care abt fear of failure with certain things but when it comes to My Life / My Future i just think i cant rly do anything? i mean that literally like i got no skillz *laugh crying emoji* not particularly good at anything, and art - the only thing im maybe arguably ok at - i dont wanna do as a career, that is art therapy for me i dont feel like commercializing it. not interested in working in my major, maybe things wouldve been different if i went to culinary or cosmetology school?? that sounds fun. or if i majored in bio cuz i was so good at that, or even if i majored in japanese language or literature or idk. but no regrets tho cuz i learned a lot abt drawing in art school which i can use for myself. and hmm i like staying home and not rly going out of my way to meet new ppl so connections what? i h8 hearing how most opportunities come through the ppl u kno cuz its true and ik like 10 ppl tops so hm very sexi of me :^) i just feel like im p much f*cked and it rly doesnt help that i have no functional dreams, goals, or aspirations nor the confidence and drive to work towards anything so ah ok cool. u kno suga's songs "the last" and "so far away" ? that p much sums up my feels minus the part abt having to deal w fame obviously LOL. its so easy being a student (for me at least) but being a good student isnt really worth a whole lot in the """""real world""""" and the current education system doesnt even rly prepare u for reality or w.e like Deep Sigh also the political climate rly lookin like shité out there like hmmmmm do i even wanna try so hard to be here anymore tho??? also going back to the self confidence thing, ya idk her LOOOOL like it doesnt very much bother me tho? i really, honest to god have no idea what my redeeming qualities even are. being nice? and my mindset re - tolerance and compassion for others, etc, ya im rly proud of that actually but besides that i mean like what can i Do tho like hm im not particularly good at anything also im hideous like uglee but thats ok too like none of this Bothers me, thats just literally how i Am so ok fine, but i feel like it makes it hard for me to exist in the world i happen to be in??? and i realize im speaking with a huge bias here cuz my brain is totally out of whack im p sure if some1 saw me / read this they would lit be like um u literally do not have it hard girl, which is fair ur kinda right actually from an objective pov, probably? its amazing how um. hard? of a time my brain is having given my relatively ok circumstances but thats just how it is ig. and if i may quote shakespeare - o full of scorpions is my mind. and its weird cuz duality of man - i actually have a lot of good times w friends and whatever i have a lot of fun, im not even very Sad or in Agony its all very a mild? sensation? but that might be because my plan b is to simply *** so nothing rly fazes me anymore lool.

its usually a v confusing emotion, im either feeling happy, or if not that, very ???? im literally that duwang quote get a feeling so complicated its just "ajdjsjsja" idk its not overly repulsive and upsetting im like :s LOL u kno wat at this point idek what im even saying anymore but its good that im writing whatever cuz im gonna need to look back on this later and organize my thoughts for presentation cuz remember i have a s.o now???? i wanna let them kno so we r on the same page, and i dont feel like im tricking them, i thought it over more and there are like 4? major cards i wanna lay out on the table early on and they are 1. im not that close w my family emotionally so do not seek their approval or expect to deal with them much. 2. personal ideology / political views like im bi lmao and pro lgbt if that wasnt obvious also i dont rly wanna be around racists / terfs etc and if ur right wing or not on that respect women juice uhhh bye.. 3. my weak ass mentality how i might Maybe *** in the future like no promise but errrr theres one more but its a little more negotiable and also too early to discuss so i wont mention it but i already got the first two outta the way so ya. theres the most troublesome of all, #3. the last thing i wanna do is traumatize someone that loves me (and i love back) with that kinda thing, its too late for my dear friends whom i love, sorry i didnt kno i was gonna be like this LOL yall already got attached but its a little different with my s.o cuz i feel like its not too late to uh.... stop getting as attached LMAO like dam i've known my girls for almost 10 years whereas i've only known my s.o for like a month.

and this is totally not gonna come across right but if my s.o very understandably desides to dump me id be SO RELIEVED LIKE WOOOO ok cool cuz like essentially what i'd be saying is you are getting attached to someone who's future is not as stable as other people, including u. *huge exhale* from the bottom of my heart, my bad lol. and then i probs wont ever get involved w. a s.o again, sorry to reference snk in 2020 but remember how e*win smith is single cuz he doesnt kno when he will ***? big mood. i have never acted out on my interests before but i was like ok for once lets go off the shits and do smth ooc, i uh... didnt expect for it to actually go anywhere tho so now im like ???? i shouldve thought it through more tho, like i felt low key irresponsible af and selfish and dumb for getting involved w. someone even tho i Know how I Am like...... Also i just lov being single and staying home and chilling alone lmao like i seriously...... never get loney....

ok so what was i talking abt? how the passage of time makes me nervous cuz idk how i can manage to keep up w it??? how i feel like i cant do jack shit???? that life is hard???? and maybe a bih just wants to rest? permanently?????? i think the most irritating part of all for me, like what i am most mad about at myself is that i have no dream. yikes. naruto, do u think thats sad? well yoongi said its okay, and what counts is just being happy, so i will console myself and forgive her and idk just try my best for the time being??

[juliankinney]

━━ ( alex fitzalan + cis male + twenty-two ) oi , have you seen julian kinney around ? he lives in flat 14 in bedroom 4 ? i was meant to meet them this morning at bean me up before our lecture but he didn’t show . no ? well , shit . if you do see them , can you tell them i’m looking for them ? they’re a 4th year computer science student from madrid , spain & you’ll know it’s them because they might just remind you of a stack of unread books , the sound of keyboard typing at three in the morning , coffee creamer in every flavor , & unprescribed pills if that helps at all . just be careful , he can be a little distant , critical , & compulsive sometimes . —- oh don’t look like that , they’re usually ingenious , reliable , & confident most of the time . ✏ y! , 22 , she/her , cst

alright whats up guys, as jd once said, greetings and salutations!! im y and this here is julian, who i’ve known for two hours but adore already anyway. i usually play dumbass boys and he’s no exception, but i like to think he might just be a little less dumb than the rest of them. so lets jump into it!!! ♡

for starters here is his messy pinterest board that i made.. like i said... it is a mess, and still a work in progress but y’all can have it anyway!! (fun fact: was gonna make him texan but pepper called him country boy and i was triggered!!!!!!!!!!)

backstory:

 julian was the conception of two teenagers in love during the 90′s in spain; a local and a tourist. the pair were just seventeen when they became parents but it was a whole ordeal at the time because his father’s side of the family did not want anything to do with this impregnated nobody. it wasn’t his grandfather’s vision!!! his son was supposed to go into adulthood unscathed by his mistakes!!! as you can guess julian’s mom side of the family were your blue-collared society while his father’s side was more white-collared. at the time his mother was a student and helped her own mom with the family tailor shop while her father worked as a cook in a restaurant. on the other end of the spectrum, the kinney’s were in the film industry and of old money. needless to say, the two families had little in common.

the kinney’s tried to pay this girl off but her family was 100% not having it and after many arguments and empty threats they came to an agreement. said agreement was that julian would have his rightful surname and would stay in spain and the family would receive a weekly stipend for his expenses. in return no one would say a thing to the press— which, honestly was only ever a threat because the kinney’s wanted to pretend like nothing had happened. 

and so julian grew up in madrid with a single mother and the help of his grandparents. as far as he knew his father had died shortly after he had been born and had been madly in love with his mother (that part was true). the only reason he didn’t share a name with the rest of his family was because the pair had never married, which, would have been the truth regardless. everything was fine; he grew up working at the family shop, attended school, skipped school, maintained amazing grades while simultaneously spending 1/3rd of the time in detention, lost his virginity to marisol cordova in her lilac colored room, etc. he had the most basic upbringing a kid could have.

then his father died. his real father. and suddenly, on paper, he was well off. it wasn’t easy for his mother to tell him the truth when his grandfather stepped foot into the one story home like he had seventeen years ago with that sour look on his face, but she was forced to. she had no other choice. devastated as she was (and she was truly heartbroken), she told him the story of how one day during the summer of 96′ she met james kinney, and how the next year he came back. then, his grandfather informed him of his father’s will and how he’d have access to his inheritance once he turned eighteen.

it was... a lot to process, and as julian does when he feels overwhelmed, he got angry. he was very upset with his mother and even more so with this old man he was meeting for the first time who kept calling him shit like ‘his only grandson’ and ‘a kinney by blood’. it was infuriating for julian, and his mother further telling him about their weekly allowance among other expenses over the years did not help. at all.

that is how julian found out his father was a successful actor turned director, generally known for an action packed franchise released in the 2000′s. it was mind boggling— he’d turn on the tv only to see a picture of his now dead father on screen, news coverage of the deadly car accident that occurred during en route to manchester on every channel. it just didn’t make any sense and was very hard to feel sad for. besides, his mother had enough sadness for the both of them. at his funeral, the two had to stay in the back while the family tried to come up with a game plan of how things were going to move forward; james’ widow was not happy to see her husbands former lover and child at the scene. 

anyways in spite the fact that julian wanted nothing to do with the kinney’s, his grandfather had other plans. a vision of his own for the only grandchild his son had brought into the world, and that started with schooling. julian graduated and had no plans for college until his grandfather threatened to contest the will if he chose to stray from the path, and they needed the money; so college it was. a college of his grandfather’s choice of course, and what better place than somewhere closed off enough to distance julian from the outer world but elite in its own right? 

his grandfather’s plan basically is to make him successful, and being that julian has no interest in their world, he’s had to compromise and just live with the fact that julian is just going to be your regular everyday man. he’s only really doing all of this because he feels guilt over the years but not guilty enough to tell the world that there’s an extra kinney lying around (last names are so common right!?!??!) . however, he still wants him to be in the family. as in everyone in the direct family knows of him and he gets to be involved in all family affairs, etc, but julian just does not give a fuck about them fksdhjfs specially because of how they fucked over his mom and how james’ widow is so fucking bitter about the will.

ANYWAYS he’s been at the school for four years now, gets his schooling paid by his grandfather but still has a job because pride or whatever, and will hack into your shit!

personality/hc’s

i love him, he’s sweet but also not annoyingly sweet. as in yeah he’s nice and polite but has no problem squaring up due to his short temper. kind of blunt sometimes though, and either is dumb or acts dumb if he says something that might hurt someones feelings. like oh.. sorry you feel that way ksjfsdkln

super smart???? has amazing grades and constantly does his work; knows how to multitask and balance his life out (for the most part... at least until he burns himself out). an intellectual™ . not an eboy but i guess u could say a little bit of a gamer,, has tik tok downloaded on his phone, the dad friend i guess

is either in one end of the spectrum or the other when it comes to socializing. most of the time though he finds it exhausting,, talking is hard but once he does start talking it’s like shut up dude no one cares about javascript 

has a small pill problem,, he’s got to be successful somehow right !! also drinks lots of coffee and is a fan of coffee creamer, does not like the strawberry shortcake creamer though because ew. only tea he will drink is matcha green tea, anything else can suck it. 

has also developed some ~anxious~ feelings , why ? idk, light trauma i guess. his pill usage sure doesn’t help though! loser! ... tbh maybe his anxiousness has grown over the years because he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do after school like he has money (that he tries not to use if i’m being honest, would rather use the money he gains from his job which i haven’t decided what should be. leave me alone), and will have a degree, but he’s still just questioning everything?? things have just been weird

sometime during middle school years (idk whats the equivalent of this in spain, shut up) he got into computers and... i’m not proud of this but his first hack was into this girls account that he liked and bro all he wanted to do was see some titties man thats it i promise. that crush did not work out, obvs.

anyways yes he continued down this computer path and made an app during high school!!! it wasn’t successful at all and he eventually deleted it but good for him coding and shit!!! 

would hack into school systems to help out his buds and their grades. yeah they could have just copied off of him but... where is the fun in that lads 

sometime he be just looking up ‘james kinney interviews’ on youtube just to see who this dude was dshjkg poor lad

can speak english and spanish ,, has that lisp thingy spaniards have i hate it but i guess whatever 

kind of messy honestly, can someone clean his desk 

connections

literally anything just hmu i can’t come up with these things tbh

[jul-bilant]

Prince!Seungcheol

prince seungcheol

he was always the buzz around the whole kingdom *i mean y wouldnt he?? have you sEEN the guy????*

he’s always going around town, supervising incase any dumbass decided to sell drugs around the block or smth

(he once caught one and he didnt kno seungcheol was the prince and offered him marijuana and got arrested bc of tht and bc seungcheol got offended lmao)

and whenever he passes by, theres always gonna be some thirstyass girls staring at him like

“oMF SAMANTHA ITS PRINCE SEUNGCHEOL”

“SHUT UP JESS HE’S GONNA HEAR YOU DIMWIT”

or like

*runs up to him* “cAN I BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND??”

and tbh seungcheol just deadass rejects her but like,,, politely bc pRINCE MANNERS

and thats why he has two bodyguards with him at all times outside the palace now

anyways;;; prince seungcheol’s rlly rlly rLLY polite and well-mannered

he’s also a smart boi like

8 yr old seungcheol can solve 10th grade algebra, write a whole 10+ paged essay abt cytology and find the cure for cancer

kidding lol *nOT*

but srsly, this boi is smarter than yo algebra teachers like bi h

and he’s also sort of leader-like, so people already know he’ll be a great king one day

but he also has a kind heart and cares for everyone he loves and the whole kingdom

a 5 yr old girl once tripped over a rock infront of him and he took her to a bench, bought a bandage and aided her scraped knee ;-;

you can tell im soft for seungcheol hhhh

anyways, he’s been stressing out for a while because his coronation as king is nearing and it’s in a few months since his father died a year ago

and he needs to find a suitable partner

thats where you come in

you’re a maid in the palace

the maids have a thing where they check on seungcheol every two or three hours to see if he’s hungry, needs smth, or anything like tht

and this time, you were assigned to check on him

tbh you’ve never been assigned because it’s always the head maid that checks on him or that one maid thats always been the head maid’s fave

but not today

it was 10 pm and you went to see if seungcheol needed anything so you go to his study room

but before you knock, you hear something from inside his study room

it sounds like crying

and you know for a fact that thats seungcheol’s voice thats crying

you were at a loss of what to do, so it took you a while to do anything, but you decided to go down and tell the chefs that he was hungry just so you could bring him his favourite food to cheer him up

when you went back to the study room, you knocked

but he didn’t answer

it was quiet now, no more sobbing

so you opened the door

and saw seungcheol with his head down on the desk

you quietly wheeled the food towards his study table and put the tray on the other desk near the couch

you carefully approached seungcheol out of curiosity

his cheeks were stained with dried tears, but other than that, he still looked as handsome as ever

you grew concerned and took of the blankets from the bigass closet near the prince’s room and draped it over him

i mean, you were already there so why not lol

the next morning, seungcheol awoke to the smell food and a blanket around him

he grew confused but shrugged it off, he expected one of the maids to do these things

but he smiled knowing someone cares

meanwhile, the head maid came up to you and told you that you’ll be the maid who’ll regularly check up on seungcheol from now on since she was, quote-on-quote, “busy”, and her favourite maid had to retire for god knows what

you didn’t know why but you felt a sense of happiness and anxiety at the same time

so in the afternoon, you go to check on seungcheol as he’s in the study room, sorting out papers

when you enter the room after knocking, seungcheol kinda stares at you

not in the bad, offending way, nah m8

but like

‘holy shit this woman looks better than a grilled cheese sandwich’

which roughly translates to “prince seungcheol is making googly-eyes at maid y/n” ty v much

and he blushed a bit but hid it well when you approached him

“good afternoon, prince seungcheol.. i am maid y/n, i’ll be the new maid who’ll check on you from time to time from now on..” you inform him

he smiles

s m i l  e s

“thank you for informing me, miss y/n,” he replied

“may i ask you a small favor?”

you were like

‘w8 boi whut-’

but you just replied with an “ok”

“please tell the maid who draped a blanket over me and brought me food last night 'thank you’, and tell her it’s from me.” he smiled

you contemplated on telling him whether or not it was you,

which would be odd for other people, since they would of cOURSE take the chance and say that they did

but you had a sense of not taking credibility in most cases bc you like being humble and shiet so you nod and telling him you’ll inform her

“thank you, it means a lot to me..” seungcheol smiles

a few months after, you hear his royal adviser, which no one rlly likes tbh (tht includes seungcheol), scolding him because he has yet to find a partner

so you go check on him in his bedroom after knocking, and he let you in

you two had, undoubtedly, grown close

which is weird bc he doesnt really make friends w/ workers in the palace, much less be best friends with them

but thats what happened

he basically tells you everything from his dreams, to when his father passed, to how his cat scratched the curtain of the theatre room and etc.

so naturally, you started liking him

but of course, why’d the prince like a maid like you????

yall were just best friends

(like any other ff pfft)

you sat down on his bed, a concerned look on your face as he was on the verge of tears

“whats wrong?” you asked, even if you already knew what dampened his mood

“Mr. Song is pressuring me into getting married again, but this time he told me other things..”

you watch as a tear or two falls from his eyes

its really painful to watch him cry

“its okay… you dont have to tell me if you dont want to..” you reassured seungcheol but he just shakes his head

“no.. i think you deserve to know”

and he told you about how his adviser called him a worthless prince for not being able to even court a girl, telling him that if he was this indecisive, the kingdom would fall, and other hurtful things like that

at this point, he was crying the whole waterfall somewhere in the deep woods near the kingdom

“cheol.. i’m sorry you had to endure that…”

without thinking, you gently pulled him into your arms, pulling him into a warm hug

both of you were surprised, but didn’t waver away from the hug

for a second you thought 'omf why the fu c  k did i do that’

but you just shook the thought away, telling yourself that your best friend is in emotional pain and you did that for moral support

(which wasnt the only reason but you wanted to deny the others hhh)

but seungcheol on the other hand was lo si  n g his shit

on the inside, of course

he’s like 'omg omg omg she’s hugging me mOM-’

but thats where it dawned on him

he likes you

the next day, you knocked on the door of his study room

but it was silent, just like that one night when he cried himself to sleep

so you opened the door,

but he wasnt there

you panicked a little, thinking about where on palace grounds he couldve gone to

so you checked his bedroom, the kitchen, the theatre room, the throne room, the royal gardens, everywhere

but aside from finding his cat scratching the theatre room curtains, they were all empty

you asked the head maid where he was and she answered you with a shocked expression before replying

“you mean to tell me you didn’t know he was in the neighboring kingdom, meeting up with his arranged fiancee?”

fiancee

arranged or not, it still hurt to know that he was with the woman who he was going to marry

and that was not you

the head maid gave you the day off, since seungcheol wasnt here for the day

you dressed casually, a white, plain, sleeveless dress that goes to your knees, instead of the regular, convervative, longsleeved maid uniform you were obliged to wear when you had work

you took a walk around the palace grounds, eventaully stopping when you reach the rooftop balcony

the moon was already making an appearance, the night ready to take over the sky

you stay there for the time being, finding the night sky, stars and a few blobs of clouds enticing to the human eye

moments later, you find yourself holding back tears

you let out a few stray tears drip down your cheeks as you sniff, not bothering to wipe them away

you were surprised when a blanket was wrapped around you, and a familiar pair of arms pulling into a hug

“its cold, you shouldn’t be out here at this ti- ….why are you crying?” you heard him voice out the last part in a soft whisper, contrasting his normal tone of speech like how he talked a few moments ago

“n-nothing… its dumb..” you tell him, dismissively

but he wasnt having it

“come on, i’ll listen to you.. tell me whats bothering you to the point where you’re crying..” seungcheol wiped a few of your tears away

“i’ll be fine, cheol.. and.. aren’t you supposed to be in the neighboring kingdom until tomorrow?..” you asked

“yes.. but there was no reason to stay if i rejected the marriage.”

what

w h a  t

“you- what?!” you turned to him, dumbfounded

he chuckled

“yeah, i rejected the marriage. i have my eyes on another girl..” he confessed, not breaking the eye contact you both shared

“…quite literally..” he grinned

“she was there for me through everything, comforted me at the toughest of times, and brought me food and a blanket when i fell asleep at my study room..”

so he knew

you blushed, knowing exactly what he meant

he approached you slowly, and once he had you in his field of reach, he cupped your face and pulled you closer to him

“would you…” he paused

“…marry me?”

you smiled a gentle, assuring smile

“..of course.”

and in a fit of smiles and small laughs, seungcheol kissed you

[missl19]

Night mare Highschool

Night mare highschool

Jimin angst , smut etc

Jimin x reader

Please don’t take this seriously it’s just a story.

  You walked down the empty hallway with your back back perched on your shoulder and continued to walk to class. The hallway seemed to go on for ages as you made your way step by step. You got to the end of the hallway when you saw the group of bitches as you called them  but were really known as the dumb dumb crew not very nice people who also made fun of you because of the way you looked your glasses your long hair you weren’t stick thin like everyone else  and there for it was something people could bully you for. The girls were all made up of people that were in your class and they always found a way to bully you or embarrass you today was no different. You walked pass them only for them to smirk and start laughing after you had past which made your heart hurt. You didn’t have any friends here and meant you were on your own all day,no one wanted to be friends with the girl who everyone hates so people stayed away from you.

You made your way to the class only to reach up for the door handle to open it when you suddenly got harshly pushed to the ground.

“Bitch only important people go in the class first useless and pathetic people like you go last” said seulgi the main leader of the crew sniggered and smirk as she saw your face go bright red with embarrassment.

“Yeah” everyone else in the corridor chimed in and howled as they stepped over you to get to class.

“Stay down bitch” Seulgi pushed you back down causing you to hurt your leg as you did so.

You gathered your courage and made your way back in to the class with everyone laughing as you did so, you made your way back to the back of the class were no one sat and there for it was the only place where you could sit. You wanted to cry you were fed up with this all the time she would say something to you and you didn’t know why she hated you.

Suddenly the open burst open with 7 guys laughing and pushing there way in to class. The guys were made up of all popular guys the leader being your crush Park Jimin.he was kind and sweet he was very popular and everyone wanted him but you still like him. They made their way in and sat down at the front of the class.

He was very popular being known for his body his rock-hard abs. He was a dancer and captain of the football team. You had a crush on him but so did seulgi she was always around him and stuck to him like a lost puppy only for him to ditch her in response. He never really had a girlfriend so she kept trying wearing short skirts and  always sitting on his knee and making sexual moves to him.

He always was nice to you and talked to you and asked you about your day even stuck up for you a few times. He was always kind and sweet with you even walked you home last week when the group of bitches pushed you down some stairs and you hurt yourself.

*Flashback*

"Stay the hell away from JIMIN bitch"screamed seulgi and her and her friends pushed you down the stairs.

"Why would you do that?"Jimin said as he made his way over to you.

*End *

“Hi baby” seulgi said in a seductive tone as she sexual straddled jimins thigh making you want to be sick and the site. Only for him to push her of and go back to what J-Hope was saying that had everyone in fits of laughter.

She looked at you with disgrace and made we way back to the group and whispered something in the groups ear that had everyone turn around at laugh at you including jimins group but not jimin.

You turn away and kept your head down they were still laughing about it and all making gagging noices and laughing at your body. They did that often make fun of your body so much that you cut down and work out a lot to try and lose some weight. But it didn’t matter they still hated you and you knew that.

The lesson was over soon and everyone left leaving you there all alone you packed up your things as made your way to the exit. As you did so you saw seulgi part ways with the group of girls and made her way to her daddy’s car.

“Hi daddy” she said in a polite and cute way he didn’t know that his daughter spread rumours about you and bully you he thought she was the best thing on earth and so did everyone else . even your parents one time you came running through the door in tears after she spilled hot coffee all down your shirt and put rats in your locker but your parents just blamed you and you got in to trouble for it but you knew her true colours.

You made your way home and open the door to silence you made your way upstairs and fell on your bed and let your fresh tears out.

But luckily today was the end of the term so you had 2 months off.

You woke up to a noise outside the sounded like someone was having car trouble , you sat up in bed and made your way over to the window pulling the curtains open slightly to try and get a look of what was happening. Only to see jimin hunched over the car trying to get it working you stepped back and went to look in the mirror and checked your self out you cleaned your teeth and re brushed your hair once happy you made your way down stairs to see if he needed any help.

You approached jimin to see he was alone and had taken of his shirt and was showing his rock-hard abs and toned body which he was known for.

“Hi jimin do, you need any help “you questioned your voice shaky and nervous you gave him a drink of coke you grabbed from the fridge only for him to look in your way and smile in response.

“Oh hi love actually I could do you mind if I used your phone?” he said wiping some of the sweat of his face and chest and open the can .

“Sure” you smiled and lead the way inside to the kitchen.

You sat down and waited for him to finish the call when you over heard what he was saying.

“ I’m at Y/N can you pick me up I don’t care what seulgi says about her she is a slut and a bitch and Y/N hasn’t done anything wrong just come and pick me up”. And with that he slammed the phone down and made his way to the living room and took a seat next to you.

“You don’t mind me waiting right?” he said as he mopped his wet hair back and laughed.

“no no” you said and gave him a smile.

After a few minutes of silence jimin spoke up

“I’m sorry love” he said and looked down to his lap in shame.

“Why” you said .

“Seulgi is a proper bitch and im sorry for everything she does to you and says. I don’t hang around with her cause I seriously hate her”He gave you a genuine small smile.

“Its okay” you lied

“Wanna go out on a date?”

“What” you screamed and jumped up from your chair.

Omg is he serious? Was this is a joke?

“Jimin please don’t use me or do this as a joke” You said as a tear ran down your eye. Only for jimin to jump up and look down with shame.

“Its not a joke I want to be with you”

“okay “ you said still hesitant of the idea but hugged him anyway your first date was at the movies he brought you flowers and held your hand as you watched the movie. It was perfect the days after were as well he was kind and caring and always took you on cute little dates.

4 months later!

you both had been dating for 4 months now and everything had been great he had been taking you on lots of dates and treating you like a princess the only thing you hadn’t done was sex. Jimin said he wanted to wait and it would be more special which you agreed no one at school new but every time seulgi said something he could say something back and everyone laughed at her instead of you. Today was the first day you were going as boyfriend and girlfriend and you were beyond nervous. Your heart began to jump in your chest and you pulled up in jimins car outside the gates only for people to gash and whisper when he grabbed your hand and made his way to the school with you next to him.

 “WHY ARE YOU DATING THIS SLUT ”seulgi screamed causing everyone to turn around an look at you both.

“She isn’t the slut you are you slept with your teacher to get an A  cause you’re too stupid to do it on your own” Jimin replayed.

“You weren’t saying that when we had sex were you baby”Seulgi smirked and look at you with a cocky grin on her face.

      You were about to cry when jimin burst in to laughter  making everyone look at him.

“Sex you think I would sleep with a slut like you? We never did that only thing you did was send me nude photos and videos of you playing with yourself while moaning my name” he laughed causing seulgi to go bright red

“Oh, and by the way they are on the internet now all those dirty photos of what you were doing to yourself while thinking of me are now on the internet think of it as pay back for bulling my girl here” he said a kissed your cheek and grab your hand and you made your way to class leaving everyone speechless and it didn’t take long for seulgi to burst in to tears and run to the bathroom.

Jimin held your hand all day and made you laugh all day he was truly perfect you were very happy together.

2months later

You made your way home from the date you had to day you went out for lunch and jimin spoiled you with buying you clothes you were walking hand in hand until seulgi walked up to you with  a huge smirk on her face. You haven’t seen her since the day jimin humiliated her causing her to be kicked out and lose all her friends.

“What do you want ”Jimin said as he  rolled his eyes at her.

She smirked at your before saying words what made your stomach drop

“I’m pregnant … and its yours jimin”

[dudeboyyyy]

I should make a vent blog for this shit JDKDKKFKDKD sorry y'all have to listen to this

I have been overthinking WAY too much. Ive been thinking about the person I like and just how amazing they are and how great a relationship with them would be, and the more I think about it the more I realize that I don't bring anything to the relationship. There's nothing valuable about me in a relationship context; like I don't bring anything valuable; theres no reason for them to like me/to reciprocate the feelings. This sounds so self-deprecating but it's true. They're so smart and capable and well-mannered and they have so much going for them, but I'm the opposite. I'm dumb. We've been over this. me and them make jokes about it all the time, and I know we're joking but it's really true. I'm loud and I'm annoying. When they come over to my house they're very polite and they are quiet and dont cause any problems. When I go places, I'm too loud and I can't read a room and even though Im polite, I can be way too much and ruin an evening. we've been talking recently about practical life skills, like cooking and cleaning and doing laundry and being intelligent/street-smart etc. The more we talk about it, the more I realize that if we were together like hypothetically in the future, they would be carrying the household on their back. they can cook. They can do laundry without putting the soap in the wrong goddamn compartment. They know so many things about functioning as a human in adult society that I dont. And it's not just about what they can do, either, it's about who they are as a person. They have so many good qualities and there are so many good things that they bring to the relationship, and i'm just. Loud. Extroverted. Decent-looking.

im not expecting you to make me feel better. You guys don't know me; you don't know who I am as a person in real life. Yes, I'm very similar to who I am here. But you don't know the things (or rather, lack thereof) that I actually contribute.

I just can't seem to find things about me that are valuable, and the more I think about it the more I realize that they have no reason to like me and that they deserve better.

[like-sands-of-time]

so this is something I sorta come to terms with in every fandom im in with a closeted ship but it's literally always relevant, and always kinda weird to think about as a stan but it's still so so important to mention...

as shippers it doesn't matter how much we love them, how loyal we are to them as individuals and as a couple, our #1 needs to be their happiness not ours. what I mean by that so this doesn't sound wayyy out of context is if they don't wanna ever come out, if they just don't want/feel they can't/etc. to come out now but maybe they might change their mind, if they feel pressured either by themselves, by those around them, or even by hollywood in general to make choices regarding pr relationships that they look absolutely miserable in then all we can do is support them. sure you can leave the fandom any time you want, there's no contract or obligation or anything but if you can see past the fact that they're not living out their lives the way you want them and the way they feel they need to(and let's just think about it, how content do you think your idols actually are that they even think they have to do something like that because they're worried what their fans might think, what directors, costars etc. might think, how their career might not make it very far because Hollywood is so fake progressive about things) im sure you can see that that choice doesn't make them any happier ultimately. maybe it was an obligation one made for a project. or maybe their teams both were like hey we should do a mutually beneficial pr relationship.. IDK and we won't ever 100% know cos we're not in the meeting rooms w them.

ANYWAY I got sidetracked a bit. the point of this whole thing is yeah you can get frustrated with them, I'm sure they're very frustrated with the choices they make too at times, but that doesn't change their values or who they are, that doesn't mean they're a liar and everything they might have said about political, religious, personal, etc. views is a lie bc this one part of Hollywood that absolutely sucks.

just.. realize that you're not always gonna be 100% happy with the person you stan or the ship you like because they're real ppl who have to make decisions that have more reasons behind them than we could possibly begin to speculate given we don't actually know everything. our whole blogs are dedicated to summarizing what we see and what we think it means based on other ships, based on them, and based on how much we respect them honestly cos some of you guys assume the absolute worst of your idols when any sort of headline or anything appears.

just, remember that they make mistakes just like you, except their entire lives are blown up so people like you who make proportional mistakes can analyze literally everything and make assumptions about them based on those choices, those .001 second flashes to get picture perfect moments.

also I saw this in someone else's post so im not trying to steal but it was really accurate imo.. specifically regarding this fandom, charmie: Timmy's motivation to do this stuff isn't for the attention or fame, that much seems crystal clear to me. he embraces the awkwardness and sort of self deprication that's very real for our generation. he embraces the fact that he is who he is, I don't think he's ever thought he was that cool popular guy, nor do I think he wants to be. he seems far too introspective and wise for his age to get too close to that kind of thing.

Timmy's motivation is more to not be the minor/side role his whole career. he loves what he does, he doesn't care what genre the movie is, what work he has to put into himself physically or mentally bc he likes the challenge.(he's said all of that). he just wants to be the lead role imo. he wants to be a main actor not stuck on the sidelines or forgotten about and there's nothing wrong with that. ESPECIALLY because he truly does have the talent, the dedication and hard work, the love of what he does to bring all his characters to life even if they are the farthest thing from his irl personality. he seems to make friends with everyone he works with, seems genuinely happy to be where he is even if he's really nervous.

unfortunately for that goal you have to be seen a certain way and Timmy is not some buff, masculine, manly dude bro guy. I'm pretty sure from the beginning of cmbyn promo there has been name calling about his sexuality based on his body type/looks and it's absolutely not cool but yet nothing really new.. that type of "based on what you look like you must be like x" is what drives so much of that industry to work out and diet til their unhealthy, to change their personalities to seem more likeable, etc.

I really hope with the roles he's done so far it's enough to show that you don't have to be that guy to be lead material but i genuinely don't know... I don't think it's something he even wants to do long term, he seems v happy to have a close honest relationship with fans no matter where in the world he goes and he doesn't seem to be losing his love for his job and anywhere it takes him so if The King and Dune go well let's hope he's allowed more freedom to be who he truly is bts.

I really dont think he's some manipulative guy and I never have been one to change lots of ppls opinions but honestly I'm not a hardcore stan. I saw the movie (cmbyn) and gushed a bit for a little bit in the beginning of 2018 but ive literally only just come back bc I saw he was doing some more cool stuff.

I've been in fandoms where the two ppl in the ship haven't even been seen together in years, everytime fans comment about the things they say or how close they might be there's an article about how they hate each other. ive seen ppl I stan struggle to get respect in such a tough/unfeeling industry with their hard work and fear being honest and sabotaging their hard work. it's a real thing and almost any now-out actor/musician/etc. that I've seen talk about it talks about just how traumatic it truly is. even if you aren't internally homophobic, even if you were cool with yourself and your life before, anxiety, self doubt and the fear of judgement and career sabotage seriously messes w artists. i don't know that everyone out there is as strong-willed as we think we are.

THATS ALL I HAVE TO SAY FOR NOW sorry for rambling and pls bring on the comments about how dumb and ignorant I am it's really great seeing how ppl handle differences in opinion. (: