#like ill get attached to someone theyll betray me or hurt me really deeply and ill fall into a spiral | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

kethabali · 11 months ago

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i feel like such a bad person i ghosted so many people because i couldn't bring myself to communicate a problem and decided they probably have other red flags and i should just stop talking altogether to avoid conflict.. i feel so bad about this bc some of them reached out unknowing i did it on purpose and it feels like i really keep misjudging people bc of my trauma and its stopping me from having genuine friendship because i no longer know how to open up and trust people wholeheartedly

#actually audhd #🧃#on the other hand i doubt myself again bc what if im right for ghosting them #cant tell if its trauma or reasonable thinking at this point #most likely trauma bc #at the very least you can communicate problem with them...#at least then i can say i tried right #but no #bc last time i tried it went the worst it can and ive been scared ever since #bc it was the first time i decided to try in a long time #and it went so awful i got scared again #but maybe this time ill try one more time #i have to keep trying right #its just hard bc im so sensitive and scared of falling into a spiral #like ill get attached to someone theyll betray me or hurt me really deeply and ill fall into a spiral #which happened twice so far #but that happened bc i put everything on those people and like #idk i put all my expectations and standards onto one person instead of making multiple friends #i honestly do not know how to have multiple friends #or have friends that we aren't compatible in everything but we enjoy the time we spend together #its like i can only do all or nothing #i wish this could change right now #but i think this takes time #ok bye im done ranting #i just feel sick in my stomach bc i hate confrontation and conflict #SO MUCH #UGH ok fine i have to stop doing this to people its too mean #ok bye #im still feeling guilty

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