#like if you're 15 and tell me youre confused and nervous about your identity i will adopt you. its been seen before

[nosygay]

idea for a series: every episode is a different twilight AU where Bella gets with a different girl instead of Edward, BUT - and this is crucial - Kristen Stewart is still starring in all of them

[underthevveather]

Coming Out: My Story + Advice

*CW: Mentions of internalized transphobia, transphobic interactions, dysphoria, etc.*

*Please DNI if you're anti-LGBT, a terf, or a general asshole. This blog isn't for you.*

Hello, friends. So I know I don't have the biggest blog out there, but it's continuously growing and I figured I should make a post about this. I don't usually talk about myself or my identity too much on here, even though it's literally an LGBT-related account. So I'm very nervous to post this, but here we go:

I'm coming out to all of you as a trans man.

This is most likely not shocking (because this is Tumblr and everyone is trans or queer in some way), but I wanted to clarify because I'm so tired of hiding who I am. I've had so many people doubt me, be hateful, be disrespectful, be judgemental, and be utterly horrible to me for being trans. But honestly, I'm slowly coming to a point where I want to be authentic with people.

So, when I was 13, my therapist was the first person that I came out to. I told her, without being able to look at her in the eyes, that I thought I might be transgender. I remember she smiled, asked me a little bit about it, and was generally so supportive and handled it amazingly.

On my 14th birthday, I came out to my mom as trans. She was also very supportive, though more surprised and a little confused than anything else. Slowly, over the next year, I began coming out to all of my friends and family.

I had negative experiences along the way. One of my closest family members called me selfish for wanting to change my name and pronouns because it would be "too difficult" for everyone else. I was told that I was "being childish" for asking for support and love from certain family members. I even experienced a lot of hate from my partner's parents at the time (my partner being cis with transphobic parents).

Regardless, I had a supportive single mother that believed in me and supported me and let me start testosterone when I was 15 (yes, I was young and no, I don't regret any of it). Despite T being a very powerful hormone for most AFAB people that go on it, it took a very long time for it to fully kick in.

I had a lot of difficulties with T. My voice, for example, never fully dropped and it's something I've always been dysphoric about. I even remember being told by random people that I "sound like a girl" or that they "can tell" that I'm trans because of my voice.

About 2 years on T, with very little changes, I decided to get top surgery and my mom allowed it because she could tell how much this meant to me. She saw all the struggles that I was going through and she could tell how much my chest bothered me, considering I would wear binders an unhealthy amount of the time.

So I got top surgery and I'm currently 4 years post-OP. Though I received top surgery at a fairly young age, there is not a single part of me that regrets it and not a day goes by where I'm ungrateful for it.

Although my transition has been a struggle (due to external forces and a lot of internalized transphobia), I'm still slowly learning how to appreciate who I am. I've been out for 7 years now, transitioning for almost 6 years, and although I still get misgendered occasionally, it's nowhere near as bad as it used to be and that's something I'm very thankful for.

Now that I've shared all of this, I'd like to be a tiny voice amongst the many different trans people that've given advice on this (or any other) platform before.

To Any Closeted Trans or Gender-Questioning People Out There:

Please be kind to yourself. Please take care of yourself. Please be patient and take your time figuring out who you are. Please only come out when you are safe to do so.

Remember that it gets easier, even when it's just a little bit at a time. Every day gets a little easier. Remember your strengths. Remember that you are who you are, and that is enough. The right people will know it, too.

And never let anyone tell you who you are. Only you can determine that.

If you've read this far, I would like to say thank you and that I hope you have a wonderful day. Remember to be kind to yourself and others :)

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

Vol. XCVII

It was a love story from the very beginning.

The Great Pretender

(12x07/12x08)

Hi there!!! We' ll be talking about two episodes in this meta. I was thinking about the title here, I wanted to named it Glued, but then I realized there was more of AU! Michael possessing Dean foreshadows that actually Dean glued to his husband... So I decided to change the title.

Let's start!

The mind intruder and glued worried Dean

At the beginning of episode 13x07 we have flashbacks to the introduction of two narcissist characters: Asmodeus and AU!Michal, Asmodeus as a big pretender and AU!Michael the one that will use different faces.

The difference between them is Michael is a mind intruder, just like we saw in that doctor ghost in episode 13x05, and just like we will see the big manipulation of Dean's mind in episode 14x10.

MICHAEL: While I was in your head, I saw what you're afraid of– being locked up again, like you were in the Cage. So after I'm done, you'll be left here, alone, in agony, forever.

Michael manipulates Lucifer! With his own fears, just like he will do with Dean at first, knowing that it won't work, he will find another way to control him.

After this, we have a worried Dean scene, in which Castiel had pictures different possible and worsts scenarios for Jack. One of his theories is, the kid being dragged to Heaven.

DEAN: Yeah, but isn't he too fast and furious for angels?

CASTIEL: Maybe. Maybe not. That's what I'm gonna find out.

SAM: Find out from who? From – from the angels?

CASTIEL: Yes.

[Dean stands up]

DEAN: All right. Well, let's go.

Look at this boy in love who doesn't want to lost the love of his life again. So he will follow the angel to the end of the world and keep an eye on him. This time is an angel, but when CAS wants to go to Heaven, a place where Dean knows he can't follow him and it makes him always so nervous and anxious. As we will see in another episode from this season.

CASTIEL: Dean, you can't accompany me. My contact is already anxious about meeting and won't speak in the presence of a stranger.

DEAN: So introduce me. Then I'm not a stranger. I'll bring a six-pack.

Dean insists, he can't let go Cas that easy. Not after loosing him.

CASTIEL: Dean, I swore I would protect this boy. Let me do this.

The promise to Kelly means the first mission to Castiel.

DEAN: Don't do anything stupid.

This time this quote takes another color than on season 12, this times talks about fears. Dean is afraid of Cas dying again.

Coming back to the AU world, there's something that Lucifer said that caught my attention:

LUCIFER: (...) Where I come from, God is a paradox. He's everywhere, in your mind. In reality, he's nowhere.(...)

This is parallel to Jack's last words in episode 15x19, the real definition of the New God.

After this, we have another great pretender... Ketch, lying about his identity. A foreshadow of Asmodeus pretending being Castiel.

This time the one suspecting is Dean, and not Sam. But when Asmodeus will be one pretending being Castiel, the oblivious one will be Dean.

Focused Cowboy Angel

Castiel at the gates to Heaven facing Dinah is a very interesting exchange of words.

CASTIEL: So you're planning to enslave him for some kind of experiment?

DUMAH: Castiel, he's not your pet. He belongs to all of us.

As a premonition of Jack's finale mission as the New God.

But the focus change towards Castiel, Jack's first protector. They know Jack trusts him, so the one that can have Cas, will have Jack. The angel's saw this, and also Lucifer.

Castiel rejects Heaven's plans, as always, but this time is because he is focused on his mission: to protect Jack.

Luci comes to the rescue, and there's this funny way he calls Cas a "cowboy", funny because the previous episode Cas was playing cowboys with Dean.

And then, the another awkward Destiel phone chat for our collection...

DEAN (over the phone): Cas, any news on Jack? We need to find him fast.

CASTIEL: Nothing yet, but... interesting things are happening. We...

DEAN: What?

CASTIEL (noticing Lucifer is standing beside him): Yes, [cut to the bunker, as Dean makes a face of surprise and confusion as Cas suddenly changes subject] I would like to see you, too, the sooner the better.

That for sure something Cas is not used to say to Dean Because Dean got more confused. What kind of cheesy lovers end of a conversation is that? So Dean is nervous and anxious again...

DEAN: Yeah. How we looking? You still got a lock on Cas's signal?

SAM: Sure do. I nailed down his location. He's not much further, so... Don't worry. You did tell him not to do anything stupid.

DEAN: Right. When's the last time that's worked?

Worried husband is worried, hehehe.

More foreshadows and symbolisms in episode 13x08

Okay, all the things I found in this episode I wrote it enthusiastically in this meta here.

But, what I can add related to Ma'lak box is, Dean trying to get his hand inside a vault, as a reference to him being locked inside his own mind and trying to locked himself inside the Ma'lak box.

But we had a huge parallel here with Smash dressed with Destiel color and the demon dressed in black as the Empty. I will put here the things I wrote in the other meta...

Gif credit @mothdean

All the characters in this episode were telling us one future story, talking about the end, talking about Destiel and how Cas will end too. I truly believed Dean would rescue CAS at the end of the show, but it didn't happen, even so, the evidences were there!

The title of the episode: "The Scorpion and the Frog" is a fable that talks about how the Scorpion can't go against his nature and ends up killing the frog that was helping him to cross the river, and both died.

This can be taken as a foreshadow to Billie asking for help and by nature ( she wanted just the equilibrium, at any cost) ends dying together with Castiel.

Also, it can be taken as the writers trying to tell us that, he will end up killing us all at the end, because that's their nature, even when Destiel shippers were helping the show to reach 15 seasons. Hahahaaha too romantic for this shitty ending they gave us, but well. Can't stop analyzing all the symbolism here...

To Conclude:

These two episode talked about impostors and mind introducers and gave us a lot of foreshadows about Dean being possesed, being locked inside his head and the end of season 15.

Also, it showed us a very worried Dean, and how we will see throughout the r st of the season how he lives struggling with his own fears of loosing Castiel again, and Because of it, he will remain almost glued to his angel.

Hope you liked this meta! See you in the next one!

Tagging @gneisscastiel @emblue-sparks @magnificent-winged-beast @weird-dorky-little-d @michyribeiro @maleansu @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @mybonsai1976 @anarchiana @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @feathered-castiel @bre95611 @zoerayne2426 @justmeand-myinsight @that-one-fandom-chick @proccastination @studio-hatter @pepevons @poorreputation @mrsaquaman187 @dizzypinwheel @jawnlockwinchester @dwstiel @ladygon @shippsblog @la-random-fangirl @lets-try-this-again-please @mychemicalobsession514 @destiel-shipper-11

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @teddybeardoctor @pepevons @helevetica @isthisdestiel @dizzypinwheel @jawnlockwinchester @horsez2002 @qanelyytha

@destielle @spnsmile @shippsblog @robot-feels @superlock-in-the-tardis @superduckbatrebel @2musiclover2 @madronasky @anon-non2 @cea1996 @lisafu02 @asphodelesauvage @destiels-canonahhhhhhhhhh

If you wanna be added or removed from this list, just let me know!

If you wanna read the previous metas from season 13, here you have the links:

Vol. XCIII, XCIV, XCV, XCVI.

Buenos Aires, January 24th 2021 12:59 PM

[wonkookiemon]

Receiving  (Yoongi x Reader)

Receiving (Yoongi x Reader)

MASTERLIST

◄Favorite works: Hush, little baby  

◄Member(s): Yoongi

◄Word Count: 1k+

◄Warnings: Mature language, mature content, oral receiving,  humor.

a/n: light plot.

It was bright and sunny outside as you looked at the clock beside Yoongi’s bed which read in bold bright red letters “2:18 PM”.

“well shit” you sat up slightly looking over at Yoongi who was busy curled up on his phone beside you. Rolling your eyes, you laid back down and stared at the ceiling.

Most couples In, the morning greet each other with kisses or have morning sex. You and Yoongi on the other hand exchanged brief looks, brief ‘hellos’, and just went right back to sleep. Seeing that it was two P.M. In the afternoon you decided to show some common decency. Peeling off the warm covers from your heated skin you grabbed on of Yoongi’s various hoodies lying around considering you were nude and didn’t want to scare anyone’s life. Quickly you placed it over your head and made you way to the bathroom to freshen up a bit.

 Once you finished you returned to Yoongi’s bedroom. Yoongi hadn’t moved an inch, as expected. You made your way back under the covers, scooting a little closer to Yoongi wanting to feel more of his body heat.

“You sleep well?” you asked looking up at Yoongi. He grunted in reply with a slight nod.

“that’s good..” you trailed looking up at the ceiling.

The quality of both your physical and emotional chemistry was a mystery to all. His members never got how Yoongi ended up dating someone as vibrant as you. Yet when your together he seems to have you just as calmed as he was at times. You both vibe on the same wave link. Understanding each other’s minds and how to communicate. It wasn’t easy at first when the two of you got together but through time you took pleasure in the simplicity of your relationship with Yoongi. He was by far the best thing that's ever happened to you. He made your life so much easier. So, fucking what people say you have been in the best opposite relationship for 3 years.

 When it came to the physical aspect of your relationship if words could describe the sex it would be ‘mind blowing.’ The intimacy between the both of you was like electricity flowing throughout each of your bodies. Every touch, kiss, caress, thrust it was all just do much. The way Yoongi would make love to you was different from when he fucked you. Not many people have the pleasure of differentiating the two but you’re dating a man with fifty/fifty duality. Some nights you lose yourself deeply In the pleasure he gives you, and other nights he’ll let you drive the wheel and pleasure him for a change, but Yoongi’s a giver, a dominant giver with switch tendencies. If he was to relinquish that control he’ll do so every now and then.

Now that you're thinking of sex as you stare at the ceiling you noticed a small detail that neither you or Yoongi have ever bothered to discuss. Oral giving and receiving. For as long as you remember, you’ve always been the one giving. Not that it bugged you, it was just something that you noticed now.

“Honey, do you think I should buy this-“ Yoongi scooted closer to you holding out his phone to show you a full online shopping cart.

“Damn Yoongi, 15 items” you whined looking up at him.

“Pay attention, should I get This shirt, or this one” he asked swiping between to identical black shirts. One of the many reasons you love about Yoongi, is that he was a shopper. The man had a problem, you did as well so it’s such a perfect fit.

“well for starters, they're both black and secondly they look the same. Lastly you have about fifty black shirts in the closet. I kid you not I saw you wear a shirt exactly like that two weeks ago-“

“-but that one had a patch on it” he argued back with an amused glint in his eyes.

“Yoongi” you sighed laughing under your breath.

“WHATTTTT” He whined.

“get the one on the right” You said giving up. If you didn’t choose, Yoongi would probably end up getting both.

Going back to staring at the ceiling you continued your racing thoughts about your sex life. Not thinking twice, you look over at Yoongi and bit your lip nervously. There would really be no harm in asking Yoongi why he never ate you out.

“Yoongi?” you asked softly. He immediately put his phone down noticing the change in your tone of voice. Reason number 98 of why you love Yoongi. He’s receptive of your every emotion.

“what is it honey” Yoongi asked giving you his full attention.

“Is there a reason why you’ve never….. Uh ate me out?” you winced after the words left your mouth and looked back at the ceiling. Silence loomed among the both of you. You turned your head back to face him and saw how deep in thought he was. It was better to know his silence was because he was thinking of what to say versus him just completely ignoring you in such a slightly vulnerable state.

“To be quite honest I didn’t k ow if you’d be into that or not. I know it's dumb of me to just assume that.” Yoongi finally answered studying your face.

“understandable” you answered simply. Returning to your previous state you continued to stare at the ceiling.

Moments pass and Yoongi gets out of the bed and heads out the room. ‘shit, now you felt awkward’ you thought cringing inwardly. It was probably not the best time to ask such a question, but your curiosity got the better of you.

Interrupting your slight freak out moment Yoongi returned. His back turned to you as you heard the click of the lock. Without saying a word, he made his way to the bed, but instead of going to your side he pulled the covers off your body confusing the fuck out of you. Crouching Down he made his way to your body, his soft hands gripped your bare legs as he spread them apart. You looked up at him in shock when he meet your eyes.

“uh-Yoongi what are you doing”

“how do you want me to eat you out? Hmm?” He asked biting his plush lips. You could tell by the way he gripped your thighs that he was passed the point of turned on. His eyes slightly glazed over with lust as he waited for your reply. Still shocked it took you a minute to gather yourself at what Yoongi just offered.

“Gently please” You said breathlessly.

“Okay, take off the hoodie, I want to see you” Yoongi sat back on his heels and waited patiently as you removed his hoodie and laid back down on the bed.

“try not to be too loud okay honey?” Yoongi gently rubbed his hands on your thighs affectionally.

You have been naked to many times in front of Yoongi to be nervous when he placed his hands underneath your thighs and pushed them up, spreading you open for him.

“you're so fucking beautiful” Yoongi husked out eyeing your pussy as if it was the last meal. Your lip got caught in your mouth as you watched him lay in front of you, his face directly above your pussy so close you could feel his cool breath fan your exposed sex.

Without another word a Yoongi’s mouth was on you. It was such a foreign feeling at first, the feeling of his wet mouth gently placed over you slightly wet pussy. That was until he started to suck in gently. Your head slammed back against the pillows as you moaned softly. Not wanting to miss the view you Looked back down at Yoongi who already had his eyes on you, watching him as his ate you out. He eased up the pressure and added his wet tongue, moving it back and forth from your clit to your pulsating entrance. You squirmed in pleasure when he flicked his tongue on your clit. This new-found euphoric feeling of Yoongi’s mouth on you was becoming too much the more he sensually combined the rubbing of his tongue and the suction of his lips.

“Yoongi” you let out a guttural moan as he switch up the pace, lazily eating your pussy as you squirmed. His head following the motion of his tongue the faster he got. All the while he was keeping his word as his mouth sensually yet gently pleasured you.

“you like that baby?” Yoongi asked using hid head to spread your wet pussy apart before he dove back in and wrapped his lips around your clit. Dropping your thighs he let your legs fall over his shoulders as he softly sucked on your pulsing clit. Losing your grip on reality you grabbed a fistful of Yoongi’s auburn hair and pressed his head into your pussy wanting him to apply more pressure. Your hips began to grind against his mouth as he licked a strip from your clit to your entrance once more. Without warning Yoongi thrusted his tongue directing into your entrance and began to tongue fuck you.

“fuck me” you moaned shaking in pleasure as your body went lax. You were such a moaning mess by the time Yoongi got up for air. Your arousal dripped on his chin as he looked up at you hungrily.

“You gonna come for me?” He asked licking his bruised lips, not leaving you without any contact Yoongi’s hand gently caressed your slick pussy making your tremble whenever his finger brushed your clit.

“gosh I wanna cum so fucking bad” You cried out when he pinched your clit softly. Smirking devilishly Yoongi dove back in upping the pace of his tongue. Your back arched off the bed the harder he sucked. You could practically feel your orgasm nearing as you used your hips to grind onto his mouth.

“Yoongi, fuck-“ before you could say another word your body exploded in earth shattering pleasure. Your body shaking at the after shocks of your orgasm as Yoongi continued to gently suck your pussy. Soon your body became sensitive, you pushed his head away from your clit and curled up still shaking from pleasure. Yoongi started placing wet kissing all over your body affectionately, and whispered sweet nothings praising you for doing so well.

Laying back down Yoongi brought the covers back up and wrapped his arms around you.

“was that good huh?” Yoongi chuckled when you still haven’t said anything due to your post orgasm.

You nodded in his bare chest. “that was wow” you said dumbly.

“I was holding back just a tad bit. I won't go so easy on you next time” he smirked kissing your lips gently.

“I look forward to it”

MASTERLIST

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

(Vol. XXVIII)

It was a love story from the very beginning.

Remember me

(7x17)

Hello my dears!! Well... Welcome to this volume and I'm so happy because CAS IS BACK! 👏👏

And the most beautiful of all is ... Sera ... She had to write it. She had to write Castiel coming back and not just that, she being a Bro-only Stan, had to make it VERY VERY DESTIEL. And she made a great job. Thank you Serita.

Okay! I want to say thanks to my friend @agusvedder she made the gifs for this meta and discussed the scenes with me.

Well, what are we waiting for? Let's talk about Destiel.

Cas! You're back! But wait.. who's she?

We are going to talk just about episode 7x17 The Born Again Identity... Because it has a lot of Destiel on it, and we need an entire meta for that.

Remember my last chronicle, Dean was in bad shape, depressed and suicidal because Castiel was gone? Okay... Keep that in mind, and watch this reaction when Dean finds Castiel...

He was mourning Cas, and Bobby, and his brother was about to die too, and suddenly, he found his faith back, his best friend, that person who changed his entire existence, was alive. In front of his eyes. So yeah, in Dean's face we can see the shock.

But then, the happiness to find his friend vanished, because Castiel doesn't remember him, and worst. He's married!

The whole scene in Daphne's place is very heartbreaking for Dean.

Do we need to repeat the similitude between Dean and Daphne, the similarities in their names and the green eyes and light brown hair? Because that something very known in the fandom, so yes.

Now... This will be a travel through Dean sad facial expressions... First of all, when Emmanuel presents Daphne as his wife... Dean's face is like...

"Your wife, right."

Dean is shocked, and sad, and confused. Cas has a wife? My Cas? When this happened? And he can't remember me?

And then, the hand shake as if they were strangers, another daga in Dean's heart...

He's trying to swallow Cas doesn't remember, he's like disoriented, and even so, Cas is watching him with his typical questioning eyes. Is Cas feeling he knows this man from somewhere? Or is just curious about Dean's awkward reaction.

And I can't stop noticing the tremble in Dean's lips before articulate any word on these two gifs... Jensen played it deliciously. The nervousness, the pain and the confusion in his eyes, the brokenheart.

The name Emmanuel means the God's sent one. Cas was sent to save Sam this time?

But... The thing is... Dean is still in shock, and when he had to make some conversation in the car with Emmanuel he just threw the matter that got him in awe (and nervous, and mad, and heartbroken... Remember Jeffrey in episode 15 when the demon came back... But possesed another man? Well this is the parallel I told you... Who's she, Cas?)

DEAN: So, Daphne – is that, uh, your wife?

EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: She found me and cared for me.

DEAN: Meaning?

EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: Oh, it's a...strange story. You may not like it.

DEAN: Believe me, I will.

So yes, Dean is intrigued... But hurted too, there's a pause between naming Dahpne and your wife, and is the first thing he wants to speak about with CAS. Is something that's bothering him. And also he wants to know how is that Cas is alive. (I just wanted to point here... When they're in the car talking, outside the windows, there's green and blue lights passing by only... Destiel coded color... Sigh...)

When Emmanuel said it's a strange story, and maybe Dean wouldn't like it, Dean is very sure he needs to know badly what happened to his Cas that ended like this...

EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: A few months ago, she was hiking by the river, and I wandered into her path, drenched and confused, and... unclothed. I had no memory. She said... God wanted her to find me.

DEAN: So who named you Emmanuel?

EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: Bouncybabynames.com.

DEAN: Well, it's working for you. Must be weird not knowing who you are.

EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: Well, it's my life. And it's a good life.

So maybe knowing Emmanuel name meaning, Dean said it works for you. Because Castiel is an angel. But... Keeping the "identity" topic, Dean had his issues still with Cas, his grudges... and he can't talk about it with him, because Castiel doesn't remember what he did. So yes, Dean needs to say something about those grudges he has with Cas, so he said this...

What if you were... A bad guy?

Why is Dean asking this? Because he needs to get something in return. You were bad with us, Cas.

Even if Cas tried to apologize before he died, Dean couldn't heal that wound. Because it was Cas.

And Emmanuel answer is similar to what Cas thought was doing right... I feel I'm a good person. Of course he is. He did everything thinking he was doing right. Till everything went wrong.

Dean can't forget what Cas did to him

We're in one very angsty point here. This chat in the car, is Dean trying so hard to not explode with these so many months of suffering and ruminating his best friend (and something else) betrayal. And his lost. And now he's there, with him. But he can't discuss, or talk, or threw at him his anger, because he doesn't remember.

So... The conversation gets weird...

EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: So, your brother...

DEAN: Sam.

EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: Sam. What's his diagnosis?

DEAN: Well, it's not exactly medical.

EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: That should be fine. I can cure illness of a spiritual origin.

DEAN: Spiritual? Okay. Someone did this to him.

Okay, Emmanuel talked first about spiritual origin, so Dean should feel worst there... Yeah, spiritual is something Cas did with Sam. The anger again. The remembrance...

EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: You're angry.

DEAN: Well, yeah. Dude broke my brother's head.

Emmanuel saw through those words, the tone in Dean's voice and his face. He saw Dean was angry. So Dean couldn't say these words directly to CAS, so he will say it to Emmanuel anyway, he needed to say, to vomit everything there...

And he's not just angry because of what Cas did to Sam, but ... Everything behind that action. The betrayal... His death... The talk to solve things between them that never happened...

EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: He betrayed you, this dude. He was your friend?

DEAN: Yeah, well, he's gone.

EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: Did you kill him? I sense that you kill a lot of people.

Two things in Emmanuel observation: he named betrayal and friend and that's the wound that didn't heal in Dean.

The hunter said HE'S GONE. Because that Cas isn't there. That's Emmanuel. So, his Cas, is gone. And that's heartbreaking too.

And Emmanuel doing his "reading minds" stuff... By the end... Dean had to vomit again more things...

Pay attention to Dean's words and the way he talks... He doesn't name "things that may hurt him" that people does... Like lying, or die. Betrayal. He didn't name it. He just says wherever it was, In one way he's avoiding those words... is hard for him to talk about this, after being depressed because of that. He confesses he always could endure those things then he repeats I always could with sorrow, because that was before Cas. Cas would be always different to him, in every aspect.

When he says... What Cas did he makes a pause... And his face is showing the pain, because what Cas did, that... He couldn't endure it. And here my friends, we have the confirmation, from Dean's mouth itself, he was in bad shape, depressed, suicidal, because of Castiel.

And he finished with a I don't know why, but we do, because we learned Cas is more than family. He's in love with Castel. And he'll discover this in season 8.

Remember Me

When Meg appears, Dean is worried she can tell the truth about Emmanuel's true identity, but it isn't just that... He really gets jealous...

This scene is a classic but check out Dean's facial expression, he IS jealous. He remembers Castiel kissed her. And he remembers she was flirting with him, just like now. This confirm that if he was jealous of Meg, who get a hot kiss from CAS, how jealous he had felt for Daphne? Who actually was Emmanuel/Castiel's wife? Is just logic, my friends. Beacuse being a wife gets more benefits that just a kiss... Well we don't actually know if Emmanuel and her... You know what I mean, but Dean can imagine that they were a real couple... Ergo, yes. Dean was jealous of Daphne too.

Now... Let's talk about that scene that always makes me sigh... Damn...

EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: This silence is very uncomfortable. Is there something I should know?

MEG: I don't know. Dean?

DEAN: No. Meg has that effect. Awkward. You know?

EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: That must be difficult for you.

MEG: Dean's making a joke, Emmanuel.

I wanted to put the previous dialogue to give context... I think this is one of my fav angsty Destiel looks watching when he's not watching.

Each time I see it, my heart beats fast. Beacuse... This is Emmanuel, right? But Emmanuel is behaving like old Cas, not understanding the joke. Being literal and all of that. And he even chuckled a little when Meg explained to him it was a joke... So... Look at Dean... He's side eyeing him... Because that's his Cas, the clueless, and cute Cas. And I'm certainly sure this is one of the things he missed of him. The clueless and cute angel. I'm sure is one of the most beautiful and innocent characteristics of CAS that enchanted Dean. So... He watched him, secretly, in silence, Cas is there... But he doesn't remember. He doesn't remember him. He missed him, besides the pain of his betrayal, and the rage that doesn't let him forgive him easily... Besides of that... He missed him. His Cas. That's the look, a sad, longing, and melancholic look in Dean's face.

Then... It was time for Revelations...

EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: Why wouldn't you tell me? Being an angel – it sounds pleasant.

DEAN: It's not, trust me. It's bloody, it's corrupt. It's not pleasant.

Dean was protecting him? Trying not to loose Cas by telling him the truth? He needed him to heal his brother, so... It could be. But it was also true that... Knowing what he had done... Will be devastating for the angel. Dean knew it. Maybe he was trying to protect him.

MEG: He would know. You used to fight together. 

Meg said it, they were bestest friends, Emmanuel is in awe, and immediately he asks Am I Cas? And ashamed because he can't remember Dean, he averted his eyes to the ground. But those words are like dagas in Dean's heart. He doesn't remember him.

I understand why you did what you did

When Cas went to smite those demons, he began to recover his memories, and most of them were of Dean. When he comes back, he's puzzled, because he doesn't know why is he alive and the whole Godstiel mess kicked him hard, and most of all... Because he knew Dean's words in the car, full of anger and resentment, and pain were for him. He knows Dean can't forgive him. That's the worst for him.

So he tries to run away...

CASTIEL: What I did. What I became. Why didn't you tell me?

DEAN: Because Sam is dying in there.

CASTIEL: Because of me. Everything. All these people. I shouldn't be here.

The guilt in Case is huge, and Dean's words are knives for his heart.

DEAN: If you remember, then you know you did the best you could at the time.

This could be desperation because the only hope to save his brother was running away, but it also is because Dean didn't want to lose Castiel again. So, he threw this desperate quote, is kind of what his brain maybe was telling him the whole time to help him forgive Cas.

CASTIEL: Don't defend me. Do you have any idea the death toll in Heaven? On Earth?

Castiel's regrets and guilt again.

CASTIEL: We didn't part friends, Dean.

DEAN: So what?

Castiel recalls, he tried to fix things, but he couldn't, he couldn't apologize or even make Dean to forgive him. He remembers the break up of their friendship.

But Dean is willing to forget all of that, he needs him now, and he doesn't want to lose him. Is like what Cas did, it doesn't matter anymore, because... He doesn't want Cas to go away from him again.

CASTIEL: I deserved to die. Now, I can't possibly fix it... So why did I even walk out of that river?

That's the idea will remain in Castiel's mind for a long time from now. He thinks he deserves the biggest of the punishment. Death. For what he did. He killed angels, innocent people, he broke Sam's mind wall and he betrayed Dean.

DEAN: Maybe to fix it. Wait.

Dean wants him to know this could be a second chance for them.

And then...

Dean kept Castiel's trenchcoat with him, he even moved from car to car. Why? Because he couldn't forget him. Because he needed to remember h. Because he was CAS, more than just family to him, and because (from the deleted dialogue) he felt inside he'll be back... Inside of his heart... Because he couldn't believe that was the end for them, their special friendship or wherever that was. It couldn't end like that.

And Cas is amazed, look at his face. He can't believe Dean kept that for him. And he can't say no to him. As always. His human weakness.

To Conclude:

This episode is huge in Destiel content. Each dialogue and facia expression in Case and Dean talks about the pain and angst, recalling their break up, and trying to fix something, little by little.

Dean was heartbroken, because he did find Cas, but he couldn't talk with him because he didn't remember him.

Dean missed Cas badly, and when he saw the angel was about to leave, he tried to convince not to go away again from him.

When Dean gave him back his trenchcoat, Cas couldn't say no. And we couldn't believe the hunter had kept the trenchcoat all this time! 😱

I hope you like this chronicle, it was very large!

See you in the next one!

Tagging @metafest @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weirddorkylittlediana @michyribeiro @whyjm @koshisekisen @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @angelneedshunter @trickster-archangel @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @mishka-the-angel-of-saturday @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @foxyroxe-art @authorsararayne @anonymoustitans @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @wildligia @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-is--endgame @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname

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If you want to read the previous metas from season 7, here are the links... Vol. XXV, XXVI y XXVII

Buenos Aires September 12nd 2019 1:46 AM