#like if the mentality behind writing this show was Truly just 'bad ppl do bad things' the show would suck ass

[cardo-de-comer]

Hi Cardo, I've just read on twitter that you've been ill lately and struggling with depression. I wanted to send you strength and I hope things get better for you soon.

I love your art so much and it always brings me joy to see your illustrations on my timeline. you're truly one of my favourite artists and I love your use of colour, I love your compositions, how intriguing your characters are... I don't know how to explain it, but it feels like there's an entire mythology behind every single one of your illustrations, and I find that fascinating.

I've had one of your illustrations as a wallpaper for my latpop for like a month now, and everytime I switch my laptop on to do work, it brings me joy because I see your beautiful art, even if I'm not motivated to do work. A few people sitting next to me in the library/other places have seen my screen and they've told me the illustration is really cool. Someone even asked me where I the illustration is from, so I know I'm not the only one who enjoys it.

Anyway, I truly hope you feel better soon. I struggle with anxiety myself, so I know those things don't magically go away, but at least I hope you can have easier days —more tolerable ones.

Stay safe and thank you for creating your art and sharing it with the world. Some of us really enjoy seeing it and it does make a difference :)

hey! well this kinda hit me like a truck but in a positive way. :_)

i don't even know how to thank you properly in a way that shows my gratitude, like i want to thank you for reaching out and writing all this and i still cannot wrap my head around the fact that. there's people who look at my art like daily or it makes them feel things... it means a lot to me really, that's one of the reasons to try and not give up just yet. i don't like sharing my mental problems online bc i figured that's not what ppl wanna see but sometimes it's getting so bad i stop caring for a moment. it was a rough month and idk if it's getting better but i always find some escape in art. as i said before, i won't stop drawing until the end and i feel like it's worth it when i hear from someone that they really like what i do. idk where i'm going with this, my brain is fried today with meds and i start to ramble but once again thank you for your words and i hope you have a nice week <3

[woodchipp]

Hi there! I came across your post dissecting Omocat's Motivational Speech. I decided to read it with a friend of mine and holy crap-HOW did ANYONE read that and NOT see this person as a horrible jerkhole?! Seriously, we saw WAY more red flags in this writing BESIDES the ones you pointed out?! I usually don't say anything, but I couldn't keep quiet with what was put here:

"the stress will be there. you can overcome it but it will not go away"

Why are they making stress as something that can never leave after encountering something that causes it??? It CAN go away! One simply just TAKE A BREAK FROM IT, or STOP DOING WHAT'S STRESSING THEM OUT! There's no reason to make stress out as this force that permanently looms over a person after introduction. If that's the case, more human beings would be dying from that (it's one of the aiding factors to a lot of serious health problems and a lethal one on its own)!

"The next thing is to know you are not alone on this. We have a team of, I don't now, 10 ppl here everyday working. I can vouch that you are all, for the most part, nice people."

For the MOST part??? So Omocat doesn't truly believe that the people slaving away in making their game, and are considered as FRIENDS by them, are nice people??? Guess that makes sense considering how Omocat treated them behind the scenes. Why show kindness to people if one doesn't believe that they deserve it, right?

"There are some people who have more work than others, so I ask for those who have a bit less on their shoulders to remain courteous. It's distracting and feels really bad to hear laughter or people enjoying themselves when you have so much wor to do."

This MAY sound reasonable at first glance, but my friend immediately point out that this is manipulative language to shame and guilt trip employees into not complaining about mistreatment or taking much needed breaks from working. Coporate companies LOVE to use this kind of talk to keep employees in line by playing on their sympathy to help their fellow man, and the fear of being singled out and hated by everyone in the workforce.

"Thinking of all the choices I made down the line could have led to a different possible worse situation. This kind of thinking needs a certain level of humility"

Oh really? Cause Melonkid DID suffer the worse situation from not only not being paid royalties, was mistreated while working on this game, but is being ganged up by former coworkers AND most fans of the game! On top of being lied on to be painted as mentally unstable! So uh...way to make this line moot, Omocat.

"Another thing that helps is the way I view deadlines. Deadlines are deadlines. They are immovable. They are above me, like higher beings."

THIS shocked us. Not only is it unprofessional to say such a thing to employees, but...WHY??? I'm not joking when my friend asked if Omocat's studio is stationed outside of America, because to portray deadlines as a deity when this is a LITERAL talk to a literal dev team? Yeah, that's cult talk.

"Think of deadlines as a demon you have to continually give nourishment and sacrifice to or else it will destroy our game/ And everytime you work on the game, finish something. you're saying fuck you to that demon"

Okay, these are no longer red flags anymore, these lines are just Omocat conditioning employees with cultist mentality to have control over them as they work on the game. Moving the deadline is impossible because it's a being higher than our existence, so stop asking to have it moved so you can rest. Don't you dare take anymore breaks than the limited amount I am allowing YOU to have, or else the "demon" destroys all our hard work and you will be to blame for it. That's what these lines are actually saying. In what way is this suppose to be motivating? In what way is this NOT evoking an ominous sense of danger from this person?

"It actually means so much to me that I have to pull back on a lot of emothons since I have a natural tendency to take everything to do with this game really personally."

Yet that's exactly what Omocat did with the Melonkid situation. Instead of handling the whole thing professionally, like a person who owns a business is SUPPOSE to do, they instead acted like this employee had ruined their life with handling financial affairs over royalties. Goodness, out of the many speeches I had read online out of controversies, THIS one was the most blatant in the person's true colors. The fact that none of the fans see this is beyond disturbing, it just shows the growing trend of victim blaming that is putting actual victims in danger. Yet, allow horrible people to take advantage of the narrative as long as they play things right.

holy shit I absolutely did NOT catch that "for the most part" part. that's peak passive-aggressiveness

Given that she apparently also mistreated her ex-manager (who was a friend of hers as well), I'm not surprised that this is the way she seems to treat people she considers "friends". It's still immensely disgusting, sure, but it's not all that surprising.

Personally, I wouldn't go as far as to claim that her equating deadlines with a demon is "cult talk", but yeah, I can't possibly see how such rhetoric is supposed to be even remotely motivational. "nourishment and sacrifice" Jesse what the fuck are you talking about

Also... how is giving the "demon" nourishment saying "fuck you" to it?what a thoughtful metaphor

my joke theory that the devs exhausted the Kickstarter money on huge amounts of weed is seeming more and more plausible by the day huh

The fact that none of the fans see this is beyond disturbing

As I've mentioned before, this kind of controversy would've completely erased any other developer off the face of the Internet by now. But since Omocat is responsible for making a game specifically tailored to appeal to the sensibilities of Tumblr/Twitter users, she's pretty much inviolable :)

[cutemeat]

some of the criticism of Roller Rink has such an annoying pattern of being like “but!!! but they r Bad PPl!!! :((” when like... no thats not the fuckin point lmao!! like no one starts out inherently evil that has litrlly BEEN a running theme/commentary of the show. it is all about showing the how and why ... if ur not a fan of that kind of thing, whatever. but this IS that kind of show. the whole show has been that... this episode was just a break from our usual programming of seeing the gang as they are, rather than how they were. Even an adjusted version of Roller Rink i think still would’ve gotten a similar reaction purely because of that.

like the HS Reunion eps were easier to stomach i think bc again we’re getting a retrospective from the current gang that we’re used to. the breaking of that narrative is not as abrupt.

yes the way Roller Rink was handled honestly leaned too hard into the satire/making fun of tropes in general to a point where it felt very out of touch with its characters... n dee’s plot line was esp clumsy (which i think was partially intentional, but that doesn’t make it good etc etc). But if u think the takeaway of sunny is ‘these characters were Never good or had Any morals, n thats what the show’s saying right??’ ... it’s just Not n so the eps arent gonna follow that n you are gonna be left severely disappointed LOL

good comedy and satire can offer a way to reflect on these relatable aspects of the characters and their experiences, and how (when gone unchecked) these things can spiral dangerously out of control. like even smth like charlie innocently huffing the cleaning spray inside the skate... whether that was a truly realistic depiction or not isn’t fully relevant, cuz it still is a kind of sad foreshadowing of what we as the audience know will come of that seemingly innocuous moment.

like to me part of the joke of Roller Rink (whether intended by the writers or not) is that it’s futile to have an episode where we try to cram in all these ‘foreshadowing’ moments or whatever into One Night and a slice of one afternoon from 1998... like Mac’s excessive ‘mark my words!’ comments about things that obviously don’t become true in the future... the funny part is that sunny has already been showing us the progressions of these behaviors and even insight into who these characters used to be in subtle but effective ways. It’s told a story right along, whether people follow it or not. Sunny could’ve easily gotten away with never doing a flashback episode because of that so, again whether that was intended or not, that’s what made the ep funny to me lol.

[the-acid-pear]

Scarface was too fucking boring, didn't make it past chapter 3, but that's good, because that means Baki-Dou time 😍

Time to read the fourth book in this series! Excited to see Musashi <3

Chapter 1

COLORS

Baki please stop flexing

A FELLA SAYING THE SAME I SAID WHEN YUJIRO PULLED HIS SOB STORY, FR GO TRY SOMETHING ELSE! What happened with that whole "i don't care about fighting" eh Baki?!

Chapter 2

HOHO ALI JR???

ah no :/

HOLY FUCK is this quality bad!

He wants to taste defeat i see

TOKUGAWA PLEASE STOP SMOKING

Oh they removed the... Egg in the back of the neck, nice

God this guy's tits so fat 🥵

FINALLYYY HOW LONG SINCE WE SAW A FIGHT IN THE ARENA? A PROPER FIGHT I MEAN

Chapter 3

He doesn't even know 🐍

DON'T BRING THAT FELLA HERE RETSU KICKED HIS ASS IN TIME. RECORD

Oh i saw fanart of this scene

Baki, it's your fault that you are bored, you fucking teen

This shit boring ME

Chapter 4

Oh, goroukou is a title

I like how the prime minister is becoming a recurrent character

I thought he said babe for a sec-

That little "oh~" is a bit sus, are the old men... No, it can't be 😳😳😳

I'm fucking choking fuck

GOD ALMOST READ THAT AS JOHN CENA 😭

"yes <3"

These ppl never learn

Chapter 5

What a way to go, a la gamzee /j

This dude so weird lmao

FAHDGAHDH king

Dude he has huge round eyes tf you talking bout?

IGDUFSUEASEUURSS he's such a freakkk 😭😭😭

This is the most wtf thing Baki has pulled, remember when this was about fighters fighting? I don't know enough about science for this shit either man

Okay so their hug wasn't Tokugawa being touchy like he is, this guy is even worse, se juntaron el hambre y las ganas de comer HSHAFSFG

Chapter 6

Baki's dead

Katsumi about to kill get killed by my grandpa i see

ALSO KATSUMI OG HAIR WOOO

Katsumi bro don't be so happy over nearly killing him-

I love seeing him get better tho

Uwaadgsgsjdga 😍😳🤤 twisting my hair irl,,, 🥴

Finally Motobe remembered he was a character here 😐

FSGSHDAHDA KOSHO PLS

I LOVE that they got dark lips again

IM SORRY GOUKI HOW DO YOU KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT EVERYONE?! LTDKFsjyrd 😭

Jack's scar looks cool ngl

Retsu living the good life lmao

AND HOW DO YOU KNOW, GRANDPA?

Hana just doesn't care, smartest Baki character lmao

Idk what they talking bout but good for em <3

Cum basement

Chapter 7

SHOW US MUSASHI'S COCK

Obsessed he thought his heart was failing 😭

Dude you can just hear the heart beat of your friends/opponents just like that? 🤨

Notice Gaia in the top left 🥴

WHY CAN HE RECOGNIZE EACH OF THEIR HEARTBEATS AAHSGA

Thick 🥵

Unironically built different

Chronic back pain if you ask me, that's how I stand to relieve my agony

Did. Did you just call him a femb-

STOP SHOWING ME PANELS FROM VAGAMOND

I love John sm lmao

Mr Musashi has 2 (3?) dads

Chapter 8

HAIRY LEGS 🥴

Those things look like boobs

Bet you would know eh SHAFADB

They jerked off the mummy?

Reminds me of eye surgery

AFjshAFDGAJAHAF

Mf came out the tube ripped af 😭

Chapter 9

Everyone is so feminine lately good ol Kureha fell behind 😭

I like his bandana tho it's cute

OH HE TOO? AND HE'S NOT EVEN THAT STRONG

Fat tits 🥴

Eheojeudkshs 😖😳👉👈

JACK STOP YOU ARE BIG ENOUGH ALREADY

HOLY FUCK

You know like i understand Baki, he is at the highest he can be rn, NO ONE can defeat him, but the rest? Like c'mon y'all just beat each other up or something

Ah, the miracle of birth 😍

Chapter 10

I love how all these two do is hang out together in bars, boybosses

TF IS UP WITH THAT ICE? AHDHS

I love what they have

Hana thinking of getting his 4 limbs broken again i see

WOOO!! Nice cock Mr Musashi 😳

HANAYAMA PLEASE 😐

Chapter 11

I love those freaks

I just now I'm seeing the little scars on his cheeks from the fight with Spec ☺️

I love the fact that Musashi has hair in his legs BUT not his arms like ??? Okay king

Heated scientist moment

HOHO POGGERS 👀

Chapter 12

UTSURAARSDFAFA sibling goals

GIRLBOSS 😍

URAURUSYRSAESGA IN LOVE???

Holy shit she's amazing

Chapter 13

And his ass is very thick too 😳

Those fucking sunglasses, obsessed

Debatable, he got struck by lightning :/

HE WAXES HIS HAIR? OMFG OBSESSED

WHY IS HE WEARING THAT LMAO 😭

Nooo they censored the cock again 😔😔😔

DO IT QWEEN 💅

STOP SAYING SHE'S GONNA FUCK THE CLONE

"I'm exciteddddd" "ok."

Chapter 14

You just hate seeing a girlboss win

She truly is amaizing

Also i just realized spirits have been showing up since the first book so this isn't so crazy lol

MF HOW IS THAT GONNA HELP 😭😭😭

THE LITTLE BUBBLES AND SPARKLES... I BET HE DID 🥺

Chapter 15

WHY ARE HIS TITS SO ROUND AND FAT GODDAMN IT,,, 😳😖

Glad seeing some things never change

He looks so much like Jun

IGSITSURAURZES EPICCC

Someone question if Yujiro knew how too write obsessed,,,

Chapter 16

Goddamn it you got even older in the past 3 or so chapters bro

Mouth to mouth soul transference

OHHH

HIS EYEBROWS FELL HOW IGDUTSITDIYDIGD

Some mf got turned on by this HELP 😭

Chapter 17

I love how Yujiro and Hana are still getting ready to throw hands while this happens lol

Okay yeah that was super disrespectful honestly, guy is having a chat :/

HAHAGSJAHA obsessed

God i thought it was Hana the one grabbing some random lady for a second AFDJSJSSJS

He cute af ngl

POOR GUY MUST BE SO CONFUSED OMFG,,,

Fsr I'm surprised he can talk, like it should be obvious but in all the fanart i saw he never said a word, also, he's so damn respectful 😍

Chapter 18

Idk he was never that clever /hj

Hehehe blood

I love how John can only sit that way

The size of his balls lmao

Coward won't even fight with his dick out smh :/

God he mad cute-

Chapter 19

I MISS THE DEATH ROW FELLAS FUCKKK

Hm i think this random tiny bald man is not Tokugawa but someone that looks awfully similar to him

YEAH NO SHIT I FEEL SO BAD FOR HIM, HE MUST BE SO DAMN OVERWHELMED

Apparently there was a cameo, i don't know enough about anime to know or care

Chapter 20

He's tripping balls

Tokugawa should have gone a bit slower with this poor guy, this is like a lot to process at once <:/

Nvm he's doing better than me

Oydirsusefs look at himmm

WAIT A FUCKING SECOND OMFG DIDN'T DOPPO FIGHT THIS GUY?!

SOMEONE ELSE RECOGNIZED HIM HE ISSS

Chapter 21

OHDIRAYEASURRSUURS HE DOESN'T KNOWWW FFS

Musashi be like °_°

LOOK AT THAT SMILE LMAO

He's just chilling, mentally killing this dude

Murder baby

Chapter 21

The way his eyes are drawn is so cool

YRAURSUFSIDTGA

And he jokes too! Wow I'm in love 😍

(nsfw) CAN YOU HANDLE DICK LIKE THAT TOO? 😍

WOW

I TAKE BACK THAT QUESTION

I remember a show where you would bring your own knives and swords and go thru a bunch of test, Musashi should have been one of them

Mf truly is like :]

I love how he didn't buy it

I can't wait for him to fight Yujiro 😍

Chapter 23

He truly is 😌

ATFJAIDQYSF OBSESSED

He was happy this time at least, 5 times he lost already btw

Tokugawa truly in unhateable lmao

Chapter 24

IM SORRY, HIS LEG???

Oh I forgot Musashi does that

JAGSKSGSKSGS HIS FUCKING FACE I CAN'T 😭

I miss when translators would add notes i don't want to google shit myself :/

"I'm hard as rock" /j

Chapter 25

Look how happy he issss

MUSASHI POG MUSASHI POG-

I love how Tokugawa can't believe he got it first try and it's trying to lie now sjdakdyv

This mf is actually making me insane what the actual fuck i don't know what he has but he's gonna make me act up 😳

Mf be shadow boxing too dammit /j

Baki please

Chapter 26

OLD MAN JUST WANTS A PUBLIC TO SEE THIS LMAO

Look at the size of Baki's eyes holy fuck lmao

He's gonna yeet him!

OH NOOOO

FIRST HIS DAD NOW MUSASHI, THIS GUY CANT CATCH A BREAK LMAO

Chapter 27

How little time passed? They have barely moved

Yeah you did it last book too Baki

King shit

Chapter 28

AKSGSKGSJSGS KING

I love how he only now realized

Okay no he has a point

I love how he just calls him boy

Look at that smug face

I trust Musashi but at the same time he, really should be walking around this new world alone. Now, if i were to accompany him... 🥴/j

Baki please

Chapter 29

I love how soft the artstyle suddenly got, like if done big a big brush

Yujiro you just insulted every single anime character in history

Baby Baki's just like "Ok."

I like how Yujiro looks here

AUGHHJF HE'S SO BABY 🥺

HOHO badass

Chapter 30

He died 😔

Idiot hasn't even beat he 0.5 reaction seconds lmao 🤣

HOHOOOOO?!? 👁️👁️

"my curiosity exceed my fear!!" I RESPECT THIS MAN SO MUCH??

Chapter 31

AMAIZING HONESTLY

Fighter to fighter communication

SHIT LOOK AT THE STATE OF THAT HAND

He's just gone now LMAO

I honestly don't mind Baki being weak against this, he never fought against a two handed swordman, this is new territory

Chapter 32

Oh his really tripping balls now this is why he shouldn't be alone

NVM HE'S STILL DOING BETTER THAN ME ON A DAILY BASIS, I HAVE A LOT TO LEARN FROM THIS MAN

I just now realized he's barefoot

Nice ass king

The policemen are quite nice

He's very cooperative but i can't blame the cops either

Chapter 33

Yeah no shit that must be so insane

IF YOU HADN'T DROPPED OFF SCHOOL THEN...

That's kinda funny but idk man he's right i think

He's just like :3

I love how he isn't picking up a fight out of malice but rather just instinct like, he can't understand shit that is going on

YOU ARE SO RIGHT BAKI IT ISN'T BORING FOR ME EITHER

Chapter 34

Don't you fucking dare shave him Itagaki

It's funny how it took 2 books and a half for Baki to start being a protagonist

Holy fuck did Baki add height or is Miyamoto that big?

Wow how perfect i ran out of space just now!! Having fun with this book ngl :]

[very-sleepy-wizard]

Broken Pieces

pairing: Sam x Gabriel (platonic)

word count: 1254

summary: Sam takes care of Gabriel once Dean and Ketch leave

warnings: mentions of torture and blood

A/N: Coda for 13x17, I hope this is good cause I'm never really happy with my writing but ppl seem to like it for some reason so here you go. Dedicated to all the Sabriel shippers

Sam stared at the golden rift recapping everything that had happened that day: battled an ancient tentacle goddess, Ketch was back -again- and claiming to be on their side, which he wasn't buying for one second, and Dean was in the apocalypse world with him of all people. But last and not least the archangel Gabriel, who they believed was dead for years, was back and sitting in a chair a few feet away from him, or at least the broken pieces left behind by Asmodeus. Sam wondered what happened to him, where he was all these years, what Asmodeus did to him that was so bad it broke him so much, how long he was in hell for. He wasn't sure if Gabriel remembered him that well, or even at all. He had many questions but the last thing he wanted to do right now was overwhelm him. They weren't so different if he thought about it, both were tortured in hell for long periods of time, assuming the state Gabriel was in he had to be there for a while, and Sam knows how that feels. How something like that changes you, what it does to you mentally, how you can recover but never truly be the same again.

 Sam also knew Gabriel would want some peace, not interrogation. He was in no state for that. The poor guy wasn't even talking but you can't blame him, he needs time to heal and Sam will offer him all the time he needs. The trickster God who loved sweets he once knew was most likely gone, hopefully not forever, but Sam could tell just by looking into his eyes. The beautiful hazel showed so much fear and pain, it was heartbreaking. And he wanted nothing more but to help him, give him a safe space, let him talk about his trauma. Give him everything Sam wished he could have had with his own experience. The worst thing you could do is bottle it all up, and that's what Sam did, so he will make sure Gabe doesn't.

After snapping out of his thoughts and giving the rift one more wary glance praying nothing would come through other than his brother, his attention was back on the angel behind him. Sam could feel the stare on his back but as he turned Gabriel averted it, not moving out of the chair, or much at all "Guess it's just you and me for now." he said softly and sat down in the chair across from him with a tired sigh. Surprisingly Gabriel didn't flinch nor did he seem frightened like Sam had expected, but that was a good thing. Gabriel wasn't scared of him, maybe even felt safe around him, Sam thought. To be honest he no longer looked scared, like he was when Ketch pulled him into the room. The possibility that he made Gabe feel safe after all that he's been through made Sam proud. His eyes were calmer, looking around the bunker, taking in his surroundings, or looking at Sam. But then they landed on the archangel blade still on the table, and the fear rushed back in. Sam immediately felt bad, hating the way his eyes changed, hating the fear in them, wanting to get rid of it. It had no place in the eyes of one of God's and heavens most divine creature. Sam stood up and grabbed the blade. Which caused Gabriel to instantly jump back as a response, panicking once again like he had when Sam mentioned they needed his grace for the spell. Great, now Sam was the one to put the fear in him. His hands went into the air, scared eyes following the weapon Sam was holding. "I'm just putting this away, Gabe." Sam tried with the nickname. "I'm not going to hurt you, Dean won't either. You're safe here. Asmodeus cannot find you because this place is heavily warded, he can't get you again,you're free. And I don’t know what that bastard did to you but i promise I will make him pay for it." That statement seemed to soothe Gabriel a little but it was obvious the blade was unnerving him. "I'll be right back," he promised and left, putting the archangel blade safely and far away from Gabriel.

When he was back Sam once again sat across from him. "Can I?" he asked, gesturing to the med kit he had brought out, wanting to continue what he started by taking out the stitches. Gabe was in a fragile state right now so Sam wanted his full approval before doing anything, wanting to let him know he has control over what happens to him now, no longer a prisoner.

Gabriel looked at the contents of the box for a bit before nodding ever so slightly. Still not saying a word even though his stitches were cut. Sam got the cleanest cloth from the kitchen that he could find. Even though it had blood stains on it from older cases it had been washed so, technically, clean. Then he dipped it in the bowl of water he had brought out as well so he could clean all the blood and wounds on the angel's face. "This might hurt a little." he warned, the damp cloth in one hand hovering over his face, the other hand gently cupping his cheek. Sam looked into his eyes that were still avoiding contact. But once they finally met, Gabriel didn't look away, instead giving Sam another nod, this time more confident. That's a good first step, Sam thought.  He started at one of the cuts on his cheek, then the one across his nose, the one on his forehead and so on, being as gentle as he could. Finally getting rid of the blood on his face,neck and chest too, all that was left were his lips where the thread of the stitches was left behind. "Guess I should pull those out." he pointed to Gabriel's lips. Sam noticed Gabe's eyes were now on him, not the table around the bunker or his hands, no, just him. No longer averted. He grabbed the tweezers and started, Gabriel flinching and making little sounds of pain but overall he seemed quite calm. When there was no thread left, he cleaned the blood there as well then put a bit of disinfectant on the cloth just to clean the wounds a little better. Seeing Gabriel wasn't healing like an archangel should meant he was really low on grace so it might take a while before it got fully restored, and in that while Sam didn't want his wounds to get infected. Once Sam got him as clean as a washcloth and some water disinfectant mix could he figured Gabe really just needed a shower. It might help him relax a bit too hopefully. "Alright then my job here's done, I'm gonna get you some clean clothes and you can shower alright?" Another nod. "Alright, let's get you a room too so you can rest." As Sam got up he heard a quick, soft 'thank you' escape past the angels wounded lips. Sam smiled down at him. Those were the first words Gabriel said in probably a long time, how long he still didn't know. Sam responded with "You're welcome Gabe" and a gentle smile before guiding the archangel to find a room. Whatever Asmodeus did to him, Sam swore to help him heal, help Gabe put his broken pieces back together.

tags: @reading-greek  @onewholoveslokigabriellotor  @galaxylemonade  @floral--mess  @sillyyjackie  @eris0  @kydrogen-monoxide @ultra-danielle-impala  @clinsane  @resting-rage-face  @monstacatz   @starsearcherxiii 

[parkjmini]

Outlier | 01

poly!au: park jimin x reader x kim jennie while your lovers said they needed you, you wondered if they knew how much you needed them. word count: 4696 genre: angst, fluff ? SMUT !! warnings: explicit language, threesome, girl on girl 

[an]: thank you for all the positive feedback on this ff bc like i said before i was super hesitant but im glad ppl like it !! thank u for waiting patiently, but hopefully once i drop my classes, ill have more time to write !! 

prologue . 01 . 02 .

                         18 Months Later 

You walked home with groceries pulling down at your arm and droplets dribbling down your forehead. Hot days were never nice to you. Some days you’d faint unknowingly because of dehydration. Those days were the scariest.

Lately, Jimin and Jennie have been going to a lot of social events together because of their internship. Nowadays, you were often alone mentally and physically. 

The year with your boyfriend and girlfriend had been amazing. You were all infatuated with each other and so in love. However, after your anniversary, things were beginning to change. 

The two started to spend more alone time together due to the new internship and schedule differences. As much as they tried to remember you, they often forgot you at home, during intimate moments, and at night.

They were subconsciously squeezing you out of the equation and your differences started to surface. Jennie liked to party, you did not. Jimin liked to cuddle, you did not. You liked to sleep in, they did not. They liked to work out, you did not. 

And while everyone talked out their problems, every resolution made things heavier. Kisses were empty. The sex became one-on-one, mostly being Jennie and Jimin. 

The first time you discovered it without you, it broke you. The sex was not something that you all did just to get off. It was a beautiful way for all of you to connect and appreciate each other. Them singling you out made you doubt everything. 

Their excuse was that it was only quick and was because one of them was sexually frustrated. That became their regular excuse. 

It also didn’t help that none of your families knew about the three-way relationship. So, it meant that the holidays meant one of you weren’t invited and it was mainly you. 

The neglect affected you tremendously, but you were afraid that if you spoke up that you’d lose them forever. As much as their actions hurt, they were still very special people to you.

“I’m back.” Their shoes were sprawled next to door and heard the water stop running. You eventually moved in with them so you can all be closer. However, Jennie’s bed wasn’t big enough for all three of you and there had to be a compromise. Jimin and you would switch between the guest room and Jennie’s room every night, but progressively, you ended up in the guest room to simplify things.

Jimin came from the hallway and his eyes widen at the amount of bags in your hand, “babygirl, let me get that for you.” He gathered the heavy bags and placed them in the kitchen. You slumped into your room to remove your purse and to catch your breath. Jennie walked in with her silky black robe and her hair in a towel. Her worried expression fell upon your tired face.

“Honey, you’re drenched.” She ran to grab a washcloth and sat down on your bed to help wipe the sweat from your face. She pushed your hair back gently, her eyebrows remain creased with concern. Her brown eyes scanning for any loose droplets before they landed on yours watching her.

There was a brief spark when your eyes met and the annoying thud in your chest started up. She smelled like the sweet fragrance of your body wash and her skin looked so soft. Her robe did a poor job to conceal much because she never liked to wear it properly. You hated how just looking at her made your heart race. You fought the urge to kiss her. You fought the urge to have her swim in your eyes, in your thoughts, in your heart.  

“Thank you.” You said simply and grabbed her hand to stop her from proceeding any further, for making your heart pound so aggressively against your chest, for making every neglectful moment hurt more. You got up to leave the room, but her warm body hurried to stop you. Her arms wrapped you from behind and her cheek pressed against your shoulder.

“Can we talk?” Her voice was muffled by your shirt.

Jimin appeared at the door in front of you and his expression soften at the sight of how Jennie was desperately trying to hold onto you. “I need to put the groceries in the fridge.” Your voice remained blank.

“I already did that for you.” Jimin’s voice caused Jennie’s head to pop up. You had no other excuse for you to leave.

“So when did you come back?” You asked passively as the bed sank underneath your weight. The two had gone to a banquet the previous night and didn’t come home, nor did they bother to contact you about their whereabouts.

Jennie crawled up next to you, her hand intertwining with yours, her guilt seeping through her eyes that were already pleading for you to forgive her. “This morning. We saw that you were gone and we were so panicked.”

“Why?” You asked.

Jimin sighed and joined you on your other side. “We thought you packed your things and left us, completely. We were so worried and you weren’t answering your phone.”

“My phone ran out of battery, I was only going to be out for a little bit so I didn’t bother to charge it. Why would I just leave?” Confusion set as your eyes darted between your boyfriend and your girlfriend.

“Because we’ve been such horrible significant others to you.” Jennie sounded surprise to how you were unaware of their actions. “Babygirl, we leave you almost every day. We sleep in separate rooms. We don’t call you enough. We don’t have date nights anymore. We don’t fuck together anymore! If you don’t hate us, I hate us for you. We don’t deserve you.”

“You leave me because you have to, not because you want to… I hope.. and I chose to sleep in the separate rooms because your mattress isn’t big enough, sweetheart. You don’t call me and us not having date nights are because you two are busy, I get that. I just don’t have a life to keep me preoccupied, so it seems like I’m always alone. And the whole intercourse thing is whatever, I have a low libido anyways.” You explained all her points, but her cute pout stayed on her face.

“You were upset about it when you first found out we did it without you.” Jimin held onto your other hand.

“Yeah, but I got over it.” You shrugged, staring at the ground.

“But throughout all of it, you take it. You don’t complain or say anything. You just take it and I’m worried. Talk to us, (Y/N). I want you to know that we’re here for you. Everyone has a limit and we don’t want you to reach yours.” Jennie rested her head on your shoulder.

Jimin kissed your knuckles, “like she said, we don’t deserve you.”

“Sure.. I get hurt when I’m alone, but what can you guys do about it? Nothing. You’re both stuck at your internship, so me voicing things out won’t change much.”

Jimin frowned, “let us make things up to you.”

“What are you guys going to do?..” They were never up to good when their devilish smiles appeared on their faces. Jennie pulled you up and unbuttoned your jeans. “Jen!” You yelped and held onto your pants.

She chuckled and Jimin reached for a box underneath your bed. “We’re trying to get you out of these clothes, so you can get into these.” Opening the box, a neatly folded dress stared back at you.

It was a rich wine color, the color that they both said you looked the best in. Pulling the dress up, it was a soft, stretching blend. It was cinched at the waist as the bottom flared out nicely. The sweetheart cut added a sensual touch. It was truly marvelous, simple, but still marvelous.

The lingerie under the dress really got your attention. It was a matching set of lacy bra and underwear. Rubbing the crimson fabric between your fingers, the material felt expensive and very sturdy.

“I’ll draw you a bath and when you come out, you can try it on.” Jimin gave your arms a small squeeze before walking into the bathroom.

“We’ll make sure we’ll be there to watch.” Jennie winked and picked up your chin. “Then, we can go out for dinner. I made reservations at your favorite place.”

The happiness filled every crevice in your body, causing you to explode into tears. “You guys don’t have to do this for me. I don’t need this.”

“We want to.” She kissed your wet cheeks.

“Princess, we don’t do this enough. We should be doing this everyday for you, not once in a blue moon.” Jimin hugged you from behind and kissed the top of your head. “Don’t cry.. the fact that you’re crying makes me feel worse because you should be use to the love we show, but you’re still surprised at everything. We’re doing such a bad job at this, so this is our apology.”

“Come on, the water is going to get cold.” Jennie pulled you into the bathroom and helped you out of your clothes. She placed the dress and the lingerie against the door. Your girlfriend gave you a small kiss on your forehead before lightly closing the door. 

“I don’t think it looks right on me.” Your head peeked from around the bathroom door and your lovers shared a similar gaze. 

“Babygirl, let us see.” Jimin leaned coolly against the adjacent wall. Jennie was eager to push the door further to see more of her beautiful girl.

“Is it suppose to make my butt look big?” Still hiding behind the door, your averted eyes and shy pout made them chuckle sweetly.

“Your butt is already big on it’s own, kitten.” Jennie smiled and winked at Jimin, who nodded in agreement. 

You took a deep breath and walked out of the bathroom. Jimin sucked in his breath at how the lace hugged your curves. Jennie’s eyes widen at how the fabric wasn’t covering as much as it should. The pink warmth danced across your cheeks as you felt their eyes travel to all the exposed parts of your body.

You’ve been naked plenty of times in front of them, but to be in sexy lingerie was a different story. Jimin cleared his throat and peered over at his other girlfriend, who couldn’t keep her eyes off of you. He laughed, and closed her mouth for her by pushing her chin up. “You’ll catch flies, babe.”

“Sorry–I’m – Jimin, just look – that’s our baby! Do you see her?! Like all of her?” Jennie tripped over her words as she gestured to your stunning appearance.

You fiddled with your thumbs, “it barely covers my ass…”

“Oh you know we gotta see that.” Jennie blurted out before Jimin playfully slapped her arm. 

“Give us a twirl, sweetcheeks.” Jimin suggested and watched you with dark pools flooding his eyes. 

You spun around slowly, “Oh my god, (Y/N).. we might have to skip the dinner and just go straight for dessert.” Jimin choked. 

You turned your head to look at their faces, and while they tried to look at your face, they were too busy gawking at something else. “..does it look okay on me?”

“Stunning.. absolutely breathtaking.” Jennie covered her hot cheeks. 

“Are you kidding me? (Y/N), you look perfect.” Jimin couldn’t hold back from touching you any longer. He wrapped his arms around your torso, his hands roaming over your smooth, hot skin. His mouth sucking softly at your neck.

His hands traveled down your stomach to the waistband of the underwear, abruptly shoving it off your hips. “Okay! No more..” You laughed and gently pushed him off. His face filled with disappointment. “We’re going to dinner.” 

“You’re such a tease, baby.” Jennie chuckled and kissed at the hickey Jimin left you.

“She just knows how to play her cards.” Jimin watched you with hungry eyes, but he remained off of you. Slipping on the dress, you took their breath away once again.

“I’m so lucky..” Jennie whispered as you touched up your make up. “..to have such a beautiful girlfriend.”

“Can you guys stop staring me down for three seconds and go change?” You laughed at your statues and they both rolled their eyes before proceeding to change.

“How did you manage to book this place?” You played with the pasta on your plate. 

“I have my connections.” Jimin cleared his throat, cutting his steak with the lightest glide. 

“Plus, you’re special. They know us.” Jennie smiled and fed you a piece of her ravioli. All three of you always ordered the same things at your favorite restaurant. It became your fancier spots to go to when you all came to be one.

“How’s the food?” The chef came out to greet you all, a towel thrown on his shoulder. 

Jimin smiled and beckoned his fork, “delicious as usual.”

“What’s the special night?” 

Jennie and Jimin exchanged glances, and they both swallowed hard. Jennie’s fake smile plastered uncomfortably on her face, “it’s to appreciate our girl tonight.”

“We’ve been gone for so long, it was time to reconnect with our beautiful girlfriend.” Jimin reached over to hold your hand, his being much colder than usual.

“Young love, it’s great. Wish me and my wife still had that. Enjoy the food and I hope to see you for your birthday.” He tapped your nose and you nodded.

Jennie darted towards Jimin with large worried eyes. “Birthday.” She mouthed discreetly. 

Jimin’s head fell back in frustration. “Can we talk, Jen?” He got up and Jennie looked over at you with a sad expression.

“Don’t worry about it, baby. It’s nothing bad.” She said, but her voice was laced with absolute concern. 

Your head rested on your palm, afraid of knowing, yet growing tired of understanding. “Don’t be surprised if I’m gone before you two are back.” You sighed sarcastically.

“You won’t.” Jennie pushed in her chair and hurried after Jimin to the front door.

“I might.” You shrugged, knowing that she was too far to hear. Your phone buzzed, the reminder of your next doctor’s appointment in the next couple of days. 

You’ve been feeling really weak lately. It takes you forever to walk up the stairs and you’ve been fainting a lot more frequently. At random points, you’d get excruciating pain in upper abdomen that goes into your back. You called your doctor about your weird symptoms, and she wanted you to come in immediately.

While she sounded anxious, you didn’t really bother to care. You also kept it from Jennie and Jimin, you didn’t want them to freak out. Their lives were on a raising path and they’d drop everything in a heartbeat to care for you, even when you had the common flu. It was probably nothing major anyways.

“Is something wrong?” You asked, not looking up from your full plate of food.

“Nothing is wrong.”  Jennie aggressively pulled out her chair.

“Are you not hungry?” Jimin asked and you looked up to see how upset they both seemed.

“Not really. I haven’t had an appetite in a while.” You wiped your mouth of any extra sauce and grabbed your things. “I’ll wait for you in the car.” 

Jimin paused before handing you the car keys, a sigh escaping his plump lips. You walked out of the restaurant and hurried to the empty vehicle. You sat in the back because it was usually Jennie and Jimin who sat together. His hand resting on her thigh. Their delicate voices harmoniously mixing with one another. Jennie’s dreamy stares. Jimin’s intense focus. It was always them.

You closed your eyes for a while, waiting. Contemplating. You didn’t want to leave them, everything felt wrong without them there. 

The door opened at your side and Jennie joined you in the back. “Hey baby.” She cooed softly.

You rolled your eyes, ignoring her. 

“Why are you upset?” Jennie’s smooth hand rubbed your exposed thigh.

“Because I thought we were in a relationship.” You crossed your arms. 

“We are.” Jimin opened the door right on cue. It was never fun when arguments became 2 to 1.

“So why are you keeping secrets from me? Why the fuck do you two always do this to me? You’ve always been great at it before we were together, and I never called you out on it because – I guess – I didn’t have the right to know. But I’m your girlfriend now. I thought we’d stop the childish hiding.” You groaned, almost moaning the last part when Jennie pressed you through your panties.

“We’ll tell you tonight.” Jennie was mesmerized by what was between your thighs. Jimin’s eyes darted from his middle mirror back to the front.

“You two are not doing this right now.” Jimin groaned, frustrated that he wasn’t allowed any piece of the action.

“Just drive, babe. The more you talk the less you’ll get to experience it.” Jennie stared you down with beautiful, hypnotizing eyes. Her fingers rubbing aggressively against your lingerie. 

Any other time, you would’ve stopped her. But they haven’t been intimate with you for an incredibly long time. The sensations felt too good, that you had forgotten how nice it felt. “Jen.. I’m – uh - suppose to be – angry at – you —mmhm – two!” Your head fell back in the seat, her hand spreading your legs wider.

“Let’s fuck out your anger, babygirl.” She batted her long, heavy eyelashes at you. Her slender fingers slipping into your underwear, coating them in your juices. “Or let Jimin and I make it up to you.” She stuck two fingers in you, drinking in your gasps.

“I hate this..” Jimin groaned as he kept trying to peek at the back.

“Focus on driving, Jimin.” Jennie laughed.

“I can’t when I can hear my babygirl moaning like that.” You blushed at his comment and Jennie kissed each blossoming cheek.

“She liked that.” Jennie winked at you and you leaned over to kiss her gently. 

“I like the both of you.” You smiled, Jennie removed her fingers. She licked them, and hummed sweetly.

“How are you still the cutest person even when I had my fingers shoved inside of you?” She giggled, pushing you back onto the cushion. She moved your panties to the side, and kissed your clit.

“Baby!” You yelped, static running down your arms and legs. Her tongue being super soft and warm. You being wet. She knew all the right spots of pleasure. You loved when Jennie ate you out because she could relate to which places felt best. Jimin was great at it too, but not knowing the secret spots.

Her mouth was buried into your pussy, devouring your sensitive bud. Her tongue fitting into your tight hole, feeling it swirl and dip in. Your back arched up, everything taking over your tiny body.

“Okay, we’re home now. You two can stop.” Jimin rolled his eyes as the car came to a halt. 

Your clit popped right out of Jennie’s mouth, her chin glistening. She fixed your underwear and helped you up. Pulling her in, your lips attacked her’s passionately. She pushed you away softly, chuckling in the process. “I know you’re eager, but Jimin just washed the car.”

“Thank babe. Can we hurry? It’s getting cold. I want to get upstairs as fast as possible.” Jimin whined as he escorted you and Jennie from his sleek, black Mercedes. 

“We all know you’re not cold.” Jennie intertwined your fingers with hers.

“Yeah, okay. I want to fuck the shit out of my lovely girlfriends, is that bad?” Jimin wrapped his with your other free hand.

“Patience is key.” 

“We’re taking the elevator, I’m done with patience.” Jimin pressed the golden button until one of the doors open and hurriedly pulled you and Jennie inside.

Jimin gently pushed you onto the bed, leaning down to give you inconsistent kisses. You wanted to grab his chiseled face, he didn't allow it. He kept pulling and teasing. Smirking and playing.

"Give her a real kiss, Jimin." Jennie laughed and Jimin listened. His lips were graciously waltzing with your own. His hands were roaming up and down your body, trying to push your dress up. Jimin pulled away and came face to face with your clothed privates.

You were preoccupied by Jennie and how sensual her panties fell from her legs. You heard a ripping noise and you peered down to see the culprit at hand. Jimin was tearing your sweet lace that they bought you, "I liked those..."

"We'll get you another one, honey." He kissed your inner thighs and dove in for a few licks.

"Come here.." You gestured to the naked Jennie, who was rubbing herself to the sight of her boyfriend and girlfriend enjoying themselves. She sat on top of your face, her being already soaked.

You sucked at her clit until she started to grip onto your hair. "Fuck.. That's -- I forget how good you are at this, (Y/N)."

Jimin poked at your entrance, catching you off guard. He entered, slow at first because he knew you had to adjust. His length filled you up impressively, and Jennie leaned down to smack your hard clit. Her tongue traced around your hood before she dove straight for the exposed bud.

“.. this..” Jimin huffed, grabbing your hips aggressively as he began pounding into you, “.. is so hot..”

“You say that every time we all fuck.” You hummed against Jennie and she moaned back to the vibrations. 

“Because it never fails to astonish me.” He groaned, his hips gyrating to the point where your skin was tender from the friction. “How good you feel. How much you both turn me on. How beautiful our love is for each other.”

Jimin often spoke a lot during sex. The more he talked, the faster he pounded. The less coherent he was, the closer he was to his high. He had so much love to vocalize and Jennie was a little more of the dominate keen. You were always their precious princess that they needed to please. 

“Baby, you’re getting me soft.” Jennie said with a small smile and gave Jimin a small peck. “I love the both of you.” She moaned and planted her hands on Jimin’s ass. She pulled him closer to you, and you felt more stuffed than ever.

She gripped his firm cheeks as she was peaking her high. Hooking onto her thighs, you made sure to keep the same pace as you were before. “Oh kitten, I’m cumming--” Her eyes were closed, breathless as she was. Her back arched, yet she remained holding on.

Her hips were grinding on your face as she cried out, a volcano erupting inside of her. Her tight ball coming undone. You sucked and licked so hard that it was hurting your jaw, but you wanted to milk everything out of her, until she reached her limits.

Her whines become more high pitched as she begged to get off of your face, but you kept her down. Jimin went quicker with the help of Jennie guiding him. “You mean so much to me.. I’m.. wow .. just, -- who would’ve thought -- “

“Baby, okay! I can’t take it anymore.” Jennie chuckled, needing to catch her breath as her legs quivered and squeezed next to your head. She had to push you away and you let go, knowing that she wouldn’t stop shaking for a while.

She kissed your plump, wet lips and brushed away the hair that stuck to your face. “I love you, I love you.”

“Babygirl, you feel--” Jimin gave several final thrusts and Jennie rubbed you in the processes. Her warm fingers caused your back to come off of the bed and your bubble to pop. 

“I’m cumming, baby!” You screamed and held onto Jennie’s free hand as she soaked in your weak expression, as it contoured in ecstasy. Jimin kissed up your neck as you squeezed around him.

“Me --” Jimin began, and his final slam caused you to shift upward onto the bed, “--too.” 

“That was beautiful.” Jennie smiled and kissed your’s and Jimin’s cheeks. “It’s always the best to watch the final climax.” 

“Let’s get you cleaned up, okay?” Jimin helped you off the bed and your legs almost broke down.

You wobbled to the bathroom with the support from your boyfriend. “I love you.” You smiled, unaware of what consequences were going to follow later into the night.

“So this.. secret.. that you two were going to tell me..” You started your sentence as Jennie played with your silky bath robe. Her eyes peered up, panicked, and Jimin caught her expression. “What is it?”

“It’s nothing bad.” Jennie sat up on the mattress that you had managed to fit. Her lights were off and after care was always a big thing for the three of you. 

Jimin got up too, his face showing signs of distress. “We’re going away.” 

“What?” You asked, anger boiling in your system.

“It’s for our internship. We’re leaving tomorrow afternoon.” Jimin was blunt with the truth.

“For.. how long?” You avoided eye contact, knowing how they were looking at you with their puppy dog eyes. Their innocent, loving eyes.

“For a week.” Jennie wasn’t saying anything, because she knew that she was going to break down. It was your birthday this week and they were going to miss it. 

“So.. you spent this entire day with me.. not because you wanted to appreciate me, but because you wanted to pamper me up to tell me bad news?” You got up from the bed to head to the guest room.

Jennie held onto your wrist to stop you, “we did it because we didn’t want you to feel more hurt than you already were. We knew how much we left you, so we thought that we would spend this entire day to make things up for this week.”

You peeled her tight fingers off, “how long were you aware of this trip?”

Jimin and Jennie shared shameful eye contact, and Jimin sighed, “four days ago.”

“So... both of you knew for four days that you were going on a week long trip and didn’t bother to tell me until the day before you two leave? I’m not even mad that you’re missing my birthday, I’m upset because you had so much time to tell me.” You ran into the guest room and locked them out. Their loud footsteps stopped at your door and Jennie’s voice was quivering.

“We were scared that you’d resent us and we’d feel guilty, then end up deciding not to go.” 

“When have I ever stopped you two from doing anything?” Hot tears stained your cheeks as you sat with your back against the door. “It’s not the best feeling in the world knowing that you don’t fit into something. That you’re the odd one out. The one left behind. I want to belong in this relationship too.”

“And you do. We love you, (Y/N).” Jimin desperately tried to console you.

“It’s getting harder to believe.” Sniffling, you crawled into your empty bed. Jennie and Jimin’s shadows remained pacing outside.

“Please open up, baby.” Jennie was sobbing, her tears dripping onto the floor.

“You should go to bed, I wouldn’t want you two to miss your flight tomorrow.” Your hit the pillow softly, soaking the cloth with sorrow.

“We’re going to Las Vegas, we’re not flying.” Jimin said and you rolled your eyes.

“I honestly don’t care where you two go at this point!” You shouted, streams falling faster. “I -- let me -- I just want to be alone tonight.”

“I’m sorry, (Y/N). Please don’t be mad at us, we need you, darling.” Jimin whispered, taking over the conversation due to Jennie’s heavy sobs.

You shut them out, not wanting to hear anymore of what they had to say. Closing your eyes, you wondered how everything had gone so terribly wrong. How you started to lose them. How you became the outlier. 

[peekiesblog]

Happy New Year 2018—A  Love Letter to 2017, With Love <3

“The Worst and Best Year of My Life”

This is just a normal reflection/rant about Year 2017--it’s not at all bad towards anything or anybody so relax. Also doing this yearly is very therapeutic.

Warning: If you don’t want to hear other opinions about 2017 then stop reading. Have a nice day and Happy New Year. ;D

Another warning: This is a general observation. We’re not shading anyone. If you think so then that’s all on you. ;)

PS: I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING. CREDITS TO OWNERS.

Last warning: I will be tackling VERY sensitive subjects so if you can’t handle those then stop reading because it’s very sensitive. Also I am not in a dark place—this is just how I think back on 2017. :)

               My now annual year-end annoying rant about how the year was; take note this is just ‘our’ viewpoint not the general public. As a little crab in a big ocean of anything but shy—I’ll be “honest”(Waste. People see what they want to see.) and even have a say on sensitive trends this year. Bear in mind that I have Shane Dawson’s voice in my head while writing this. HashtagNotSpons.

               Coming into 2017—we’ve been more open to the idea of having depression and anxiety,adhd and even ocd and there’s nothing wrong with that. It is coincidental that it’s becoming a “trend” or news started to shed light about mental illnesses at the beginning of the year. I shouldn’t even call myself as someone with “depression” because I definitely did had a very dark phase somewhere in the summer but when life started to kick-in again—I didn’t wake-up feeling sad for no apparent reason, or just feeling useless and numb every morning(was that depression? I don’t really know). But since it has finally been talked about—believe me even I shrugged away the ‘mental illnesses’ articles I used to scroll down to just because I’ve never been in a phase similar to what that felt like or just not open to admitting I have. People talk about depression A LOT and they don’t even know a single ounce of what it is—it is ignorance of just BS but that’s alright I guess? At least it is being talked about with the “Keep Going” movement or all the support and all that.

Also to the hoes(again Shane’s voice talking) who thinks it’s ‘easy’ to turn-off depression just like that? Then why wouldn’t they have done that? You think musicians or comedians wanted to have depression all their lives?—nope.

               I never wanted to make an essay about this because issues like this is deemed taboo and society here doesn’t really take it seriously and they look at you differently like you’re not “normal”(What really is normal?). So people who are suffering from depression, or anxiety, adhd, ocd or any other mental issues; I want you to know that it’s okay to be different, yes it’s hard and makes life more challenging and all that but you all don’t owe society anything other than kindness. You don’t owe them to turn-off your depression just cuz they want you to. And let’s be real—I’m quiet, shy, and very weird(sry just me) so bullying has definitely happened to me; yes embarrassed to admit that when I was younger but 2017 has been very eye-opening. So bullying is a norm—it happens everywhere at any time. I personally don’t think ’13 Reasons Why’(I haven’t watched it sry) as impactful as it is won’t fully make bullying disappear or anything in protest of bullying would but at least it is being talked about and acknowledged and you only hope for the best. I brought-up bullying because as much as how I was bullied growing-up—I NEVER(take note) thought of suicide because as much as how I was that kid who kind of hated life and felt no self-love AT ALL…I always deep down loved my life and wanted to succeed and build something with myself and maybe change the world someday. But I DO understand people who are so stuck in a dark phase that they can’t get-out of and feel the only answer is suicide—it’s not that hard to imagine why they would ultimately come to that conclusion. And I understand people who say that people who commit suicide are ‘selfish’ because they are leaving behind people who love them and a world for them but also I understand why they would snap(It’s a cruel world out there). This isn’t a letter to people who are in a dark place because this would be a HORRIBLE letter to them but just an observation of how majority of society sees things that are happening. But I do want people in a dark place right now to know that as cheesy as it sounds—It really does get better. Believe me it does. I’m rooting for you all and you’re all loved. :)

               Now let’s talk about Hollywood—I’m just a dumb 20 year old girl and have no say in the world in any matter but THIS year it was a lot to take-in. The continued Hollywood name-drops and MeToo movement was so overwhelming as the second-half of 2017 tackles more suppression and hurt. I’m just very fascinated by Hollywood—and no I’m not talking about the TV shows or Movies but the actual Hollywood that’s had so many conspiracy theories and all that sheyt(I am slowly becoming more open to this fascination bcuz Shane Dawson is Kween). They always say sex and money go together and I did always visualized Hollywood as a kinda gross place because it is all rooted in power. Now tbh I never knew who HW was before all this sheyt but hoe I surely know him now—and this flood-gated to all these name-drops every-single day and we’re all SHOOKT(well some aren’t) but either ways it had to take someone to speak-out to FINALLY have this issue talked about which is apparently just a normal thing. Now sexual harassment; I don’t know why I’m talking about this and I definitely don’t know how those people feel…just to be clear. But you can’t talk about 2017 without talking about this—and honestly how can you NOT talk about it? I’ve read few articles and all but not the full details so I’m still blurred with all of it but I will say that my biased self was VERY affected by the ‘Kevin Spacey’ one because let me tell you that “American Beauty” is and still is my most beloved movie of my whole existence. Funny story when I was young we bought a local disc filled with random movies—now we thought we clicked on “American Pie”(don’t judge me with your Fifty Shades of Grey minds) but we ended-up sitting there watching “American Beauty” on a random rainy afternoon and I was dumb and I didn’t care about films back then but THAT exact day changed the way we see everything—it was the day I fell in love with filmmaking and ultimately my TV Show obsession started(How can you judge me but not the kdrama ppl? I never judge them?). I love films(GREAT ones) and TV shows that makes you fall in love to the point of binging the whole series in about a few days. It’s this passion for this art that makes us forget about our anxiety and serves as an escape from reality for a while. But going back to the Kevin Spacey allegations—I’d be lying if I said it didn’t sting a little bit but he did handled it poorly and as an actor I still honestly do love him…as a human being maybe not so much anymore but oh wells. And I recently just watched Dustin Hoffman being grilled by John Oliver and it was amazing—this issue makes me so conflicted on SO MANY aspects. I understand that most of them happened decades ago but I also understand how these women/or men feel when those they alleged doesn’t acknowledge it happened—I get the anger and frustration and need to feel empowered. Also the “people who knew”—this one conflicts me the most. Now I won’t say that saying something is big act of bravery but I will say that not saying anything is a great act of cowardice. I don’t think that shunning them away from the rest of the world is the way to go though and also as much as how most of them are men—I do not at all support hate on men in general. Because they can be a bunch of sexist hoes but there are good men out there. This issue makes me overthink so many aspects of every situation and that’s why this is all over the place because there’s too much to say really. So I’ll just say that I live very far away from Hollywood but this break in silence and movement has personally made me love myself a little bit more. I don’t know what the connection of this to my journey of self-love but for some unearthly reason—we ended-up loving our self by the end of 2017. I love them, I’m happy for them and I support them. I never think we’ll fully achieve that “perfect” society; it’s impossible but we are moving forward and that’s what’s important. Hollywood should clean up a bit for a while. I truly believe this shifted society and made people think—so Keep Moving Forward Kweens. <3

               *Also “Ally McBeal” would have had one hell of a ‘MeToo” episode but then I realized they already did. (Season 2, Episode 12 “Love Unlimited”. YOU’RE WELCOME).

               Also I forgot to mention they still have an orange for President. Very consistent BS literally every single day on my timeline—Yea…orange should be imPEACH(get it? LOL I’ll stop).

               And not to mention that I’m very late on this fandom but watching Youtubers this year definitely change my life. Too many on the list to name but honestly I’m very thankful I randomly clicked on one video one day and opened-up a whole world for me. :D <3

              I wanted to tackle so many things but I just realized that it would take A LOT of time to even process everything that has happened this year. I wanted to tackle every episode of Black Mirror S4 and how much it’s connected to reality but that would take-up a whole book so nope. I believe that Charlie Brooker said that 2016 was like a long episode of Black Mirror but 2017 definitely takes that title now. I will say that people online are .0000000001% of who they truly are. Human beings is a very complex species that would take a lifetime to decipher. That’s all.

               As I write this I didn’t realize how long-a*s it was gonna be but then again A LOT happened in 2017—honestly the worst and best year of my life. It started off very dark and feeling lost and useless but slowly believe me it got better—for someone like me who always wanted everyone to like me even though honestly they could give a rat’s a*s about you…well young dumb me realized to f*ck that and give myself self-love finally after 20 years. I still overthink some things and I have gotten into public breakdown this year—NEVER thought that would ever happen but hear me out; a man who you don’t even know being a sexist chauvinistic waste of a person exposing all his power and D*ckhood everytime you come by DESERVES a little shouting back in his life. Dear man, I don’t hate you but you did need a little ultimatum even once in your life—I wanted to grow from that and I wish you will too. Anyways ultimately the biggest learning from this year is growth, development and self-love(this feels amazing I promise you). I still got flaws and I will always have flaws—I have failed so many times in my life and a biggest lie is to say I won’t fail again but you do good and you be better in the process. Don’t be afraid to be imperfect. I also want to thank my patient family for putting-up with me—they are everything to me plus our dog makes me instantly happy to be alive.

               I’m very preachy but last message to humanity—continue to evolve where people don’t have to “come-out” anymore because it’s 2017(or 2018?) it shouldn’t be an issue anymore right? Plus people from the LGBTQ+ are like any one of us—and if your argument is because you’re “Catholic” then your reason is invalid and ignorance. The color of your pigment shouldn’t matter. Having no make-up shouldn’t matter. Being a plus size shouldn’t be something to be ashamed of. Being different is beautiful. And having a different outlook on life shouldn’t be deemed indifferent. LoveWins. Always.

And with…thank you 2017. Cheers 2018! <3

Happy New Year y’all!!!

My quote every New Year’s Eve:

“If you think back, and replay your year - if it doesn’t bring you tears of joy or sadness, consider the year wasted.”–by Biscuit <3

And Don’t You Forget. That Life is Beautiful.

*inserts VERY random things that makes me happy and think Life is Beautiful*

*inserts every episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S.*

*inserts every taste test, Kween Trisha Paytas’ Mukbangs, and worthy gaming videos*

and this.....

Happy New Year, I love and miss you Granny :’)

Love,