#like if the 3-slash-4 of them just sat down and had an honest conversation

[rororow]

I’ve decided Sparrow is AroAce, Rebecca is AroHet, and Lark is PanPoly and I’m writing them all (+ Nick) into a sitcom/soap opera. In my head.

[thefloorisbalaclava]

Wayward - Part 6

A/N: You find yourself at another dinner that goes a little better this time but still leaves you with conflicting and confusing feelings.

Jacob is in this chapter ;)

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 7

Warnings: none

You stood in the middle of your living room trying to figure out what the hell just happened. You just had a normal conversation with John Seed, the man that had tattooed you with your sins. He apologized. He had clearly punished himself and atoned for what he did to you. You weren’t sure if you forgave him, but it was a start.

Wait. No. You shouldn’t be forgiving that man at all.

He was so sincere though and—

“No!” you shouted at yourself. You weren’t all about that forgive and forget stuff and he wasn’t about to turn you into one of his Peggies. “Fuck that…” You stomped upstairs and got ready for bed. You'd deal with the rest of your thoughts tomorrow.

The doorbell rang and you groaned, rolling over to check the clock. 7 AM. Who could that possibly be? If your mind hadn’t been so foggy from sleep you would have figured it out before making your way downstairs to answer the door only to find The Father himself standing there.

“Holy sh—I mean…what are you doing here, Joseph?!” You hid your body behind the door and blushed—he really didn’t need to see what you wore to bed.

“Are you joining us this morning?” he asked with a soft smile.

“I, uh, I don't know.”

“I will walk with you if you like.” You looked him up and down, glad that he decided to wear a shirt today.

“Joseph…I’m not even showered and dressed yet.”

“I see that.” He chuckled and…was he being cheeky?

“Um…do you mind waiting?” you asked.

“Not at all. Would you like me to wait out here or…?”

“Oh…please, come in.” You made your way to the stairs. “I'll be back down as soon as possible.” You ran upstairs and undressed to get in the shower. Joseph Seed was in your house, sitting on your sofa. The Father was waiting for you. You showered quickly and found a comfortable dress to put on then slipped your favorite flats on.

“Ready,” you called as you bounded down the stairs. Joseph stood and looked at you. You could see he was about to speak but the words got caught in his throat as he took you in. “Is everything okay?”

“Y-yes…fine.” You both looked at each other a little longer then your phone rang and you were happy for the distraction.

Staci. You turned around and answered the phone quietly. “I’ll call you back later, Stace.” You hung up and walked to the door with Joseph following closely behind.

“I hope I didn’t interrupt anything,” he said sincerely.

“No…just a friend. I’ll call him back later.” You walked to the door and opened it. “Shall we?”

He nodded once and walked to you. “After you,” he said, holding his arm out the open door.

“Thanks.”

“My pleasure.” He walked slowly beside you which you were thankful for. “Beautiful day is it not?”

“It’s a lovely day.” You closed your eyes and turned your face to the sun, spinning a few times. You hadn’t seen the way Joseph looked at you as if you were the most perfect thing on earth. “I prefer the weather here,” you said opening your eyes again.

“Winter can get pretty bad,” he told you, walking with his hands clasped behind his back.

“I'd just stay inside with a nice book and a cup of cocoa then.”

“Sounds like a dream.”

“Don’t tell me you’ve never done that before?” You looked up at him and he looked straight ahead.

“A very long time ago before…” he trailed off and you didn't push the matter any further. “I want to ask you something. You have every right to say no.”

“Um…okay.”

“I would like to invite you to dinner again…with all of my siblings this time.” He looked at you nervously as you chewed on your lip.

“Can I think about it and give you an answer after the service?”

He nodded. “Of course you can.”

It was hard to believe a man this kind, this soft spoken, led a cult. You had read the Book of Joseph to familiarize yourself with him and his family but you knew it wouldn't tell you everything. The man walking beside you was capable of killing just as well as you, if not better.

“Are you okay?” he asked and you noticed you had stopped walking. He walked back to you, his brow wrinkled in concern. “Are you unwell?”

“No…no. I just get lost in thought sometimes. Sorry.” You smiled and started walking again, spotting the church. “Thanks for walking with me.”

“It was my pleasure. I’ll see you inside.” He bowed slightly before walking off.

You watched people file into the church, greeting Joseph, the Father, enthusiastically. As you walked closer, you saw his family happily greeting their flock though Jacob looked as though he really didn’t want to be there.

“Hello!” Faith said happily, floating over to you. “We're so happy you’re here with us.” She linked arms with you and walked into the church, leading you to the front row before letting go and standing with her brothers at the altar. You sat down and tried your best to ignore John who couldn't keep his eyes off you. You looked at Jacob instead who happened to be watching you as well. His face gave nothing away and he eventually looked away only to give John a strange look.

Joseph spoke of lies and not being true to oneself and you felt as though you were being called out with every word. You had lied to him, to all of them, and the lies wouldn't stop any time soon.

“God will forgive you no matter what.” He looked directly at you and your heart stopped for a moment until he smiled and addressed the rest of the congregation.

After the service, you were allowed a small reprieve while Joseph and his siblings greeted and spoke to a few of the members. You made your way outside and stood under a tree for shade, fanning yourself.

“Hot?” someone asked and you turned to them. It was Jacob Seed himself.

“Yeah…can’t any I'm used to it. Not yet at least.” You smiled but his face never changed.

“That's why I prefer being up in the mountains. The air is fresher up there too.”

“I bet,” you said, unsure of why he had decided to speak to you now out of all times when he had never spoken to you before.

“There you are,” Joseph said making his way over and ending the awkward tension between you and his older brother. “So, have you thought about my question?”

You hadn’t really been thinking about much at all but now that he had put you on the spot you had to answer. “Yes and…I'd love to have dinner with you….and your family!” you added quickly.

He clasped his hands together and smiled. “Oh, just the answer I was looking for.” You turned down his offer to walk you home. You needed space and time to think.

For the next few hours, you busied yourself with housework then found yourself a nice dress to wear to dinner. Would heels be too much? You decided against them and put on comfortable shoes…just in case.

No sooner than you put your shoes on the doorbell rang and you opened the door to find John smoothing his hair. He smiled charmingly and put his hands behind his back. “Ready for dinner?” He looked you up and down then nodded. “Looks like I got here right on time.”

“You did. I’m ready to go.” He moved back so you could step outside and close the door then walked you to his car in silence. You rolled your eyes when he opened the door for you with a flourish. He certainly seemed like a new man compared to when he came to see you a day ago. “Thank you.”

When he got in the car and started it, you nearly burst into laughter at what you heard. Was he really listening to his own song? It was quite good if you were being honest. You hadn’t realized you were tapping your leg along to the music until he pointed it out. “Do you like it?” he asked and you looked at him. “The song?”

“Oh…um…yeah it’s good.”

“I wrote it,” he said proudly. Of course he did.

“Oh, you’re a songwriter too. Is there anything you don't do?” you asked jokingly but he looked as though he was seriously considering an answer. Instead he began talking about himself some more and you let him. The more you knew about this family the easier it would be to take them down.

Remember your goal.

“I’m a pilot. I'd love to take you flying one day.” He grinned like a child when you told him you'd like that. You were quiet for awhile until you looked over and realized he was looking at you out the corner of his eye.

“Is there something you want to say?” you asked but you weren’t so sure you wanted to hear the answer.

“What I did to you…”

“John…” You shifted in the chair and looked down at the tattoo on your chest. “Don’t. We've talked about this already.”

“I did it because sin must be exposed so it may be absolved.” You thought back to all the tattoos on him specifically the sins tattooed on his hand. You eyed the SLOTH slashed across his chest—it had been crossed out but you wondered…

“What happens when my sins are absolved?” You continued staring at his scar. “Will you just…cross it out? I mean, it’s not like you can remove it…”

“There are many ways to remove a tattoo.” He said it so plainly, so nonchalantly, that it scared you. How many tattoos had he removed in his life? How much blood had he spilled? Those hands of his looked gentle enough to caress but were rough enough to kill.

…but so were yours.

He pulled in front of his ranch house and you stayed in the car even as he walked around to open the door for you. “I know what you're thinking. I know you’re afraid but I promise you nothing will happen to you. We're past that.” You looked up at him and his smirk immediately irritated you.

“Past it? John…you’ve marked me permanently.” You got out of the car thinking that he would move away to give you room but he only trapped you against the car, his arms on either side of you.

“I thought you forgave me…”

“…I think we-”

“John!” Joseph's gentle voice called and John looked away nervously. He moved away from you stiffly and you smoothed your dress down, forcing yourself to smile.

“Hello Joseph,” you greeted, avoiding John's gaze.

“Good evening, child. I do hope my brother behaved himself bringing you here.” He eyed John then looked back at you with a warm smile. He put his forehead against yours and inhaled as if he were smelling a flower. John shifted his weight to his other leg uncomfortably then cleared his throat.

“We shouldn’t keep the others waiting.” He looked down as Joseph took your hand.

“John is right. Let us go inside.” He led you inside and when his hand left yours you almost reached out to take it back. Faith walked over to you happily and hugged you while Jacob nodded once, looking you over. When John walked in, he and Jacob shared a look that you were sure you weren’t supposed to see.

After a prayer, you all ate quietly for a time but soon Faith couldn't stop talking to you. You looked up and Joseph watched you two from the head of the table, smiling when your eyes met. He eventually looked away to speak with his brothers and you wished you were closer to pick up on what they were saying.

Suddenly, your phone began to buzz and you excused yourself, walking outside to take the call.

“Hey Staci,” you said, taking a deep breath. Your voice sounded different and he would be able to tell.

“Rook…what’s wrong?” Yup.

“I'm, uh, I’m with the Seeds right now.” You scrunched up your face, preparing to get scolded.

“You what?! By yourself? Please tell me you brought something with you.”

You tapped the holster on your thigh that was hidden by the flowy material of your dress. “Of course. I don’t think they want to hurt me though. They’re treating me as though I’m part of their family.”

“I never though I'd say this but that could be worse than them trying to hurt you. They could be brainwashing you and you don’t even know it!” Staci talked in a nervous whisper and he was making you nervous…as if you went already.

“They're not brainwashing me. Don’t be ridiculous. I won’t let that happen.”

“You won’t know when it's happening. Joseph Seed and his family are more powerful than you think…” You could imagine him sitting at his desk and twirling a pen between his fingers nervously.

“Stace…I'll be fine, okay? You know I have you on speed dial if anything does go down anyway.” You smiled at the little chuckle you heard on the other end.

“You better. Just…take care of yourself, Rook. I…miss you. We all do even though Whitehorse pretends not to.”

“I miss you too. This will be over before you know it. Promise.” You said your goodbyes and blinked back tears before turning to the door and walking inside. They all went silent when you walked into the dining room.

“Is everything okay?” Joseph asked, studying your face.

“Yes.” You smiled and he smiled back, something that you were becoming fond of and should stop right away. You looked away and sat back down still feeling eyes on you.

“Boyfriend?” Jacob asked suddenly and everyone looked at you.

“No. Friend.”

“Hm.” He looked as though he had more to say but kept his mouth closed.

“Where is the bathroom?” you asked before things got more awkward. John only pointed up the stairs. “I'll find it!” you said before going up two steps at a time. You wandered around a bit eventually finding the huge bathroom and your mouth dropped open. “Jesus…I mean-" You slapped your hand over your mouth and looked behind you as if Joseph would appear out of nowhere.

The bath was big enough to swim in and you could probably get lost in the shower. You walked over to the sinks (yes, plural) and the large mirror and looked at yourself.

“Calm down, Rook. Get yourself together.” You wet your face then lifted your dress to check your holster. Good. You had a feeling in the pit of your stomach and it usually ended up being right. After one last look, you made your way out of the bathroom. You closed the door and turned around to find Jacob standing against the banister, arms crossed. “Oh!”

“Didn’t mean to scare you,” he said, smirking at your reaction. “I have a question for you.”

“Um…okay…”

“You think you’re gonna need that?” he asked and you looked at him, confused. He pointed to your thigh and repeated himself. “That.”

“How did you…?”

He was in front of you faster than you expected. “You won’t need it.” He trailed his hand up your thigh and stopped at your holster. “Even under this dress I can tell.” You backed away from him and he let you, putting his hands up. “I can see why my brothers like you…”

“Thanks?”

“Not sure if I trust you as much but give it some time.” He stared you down and you had no choice but to look at him. His presence demanded it. “Are you any good with that gun?”

“I think so.” Your voice cracked and you clasped your hands together to stop them from shaking.

“If you’re worried about me telling my family, don't. It'll be our little secret.” He winked and walked down the stairs. You gave yourself some time to breathe before following him down.

“Are you okay?” Joseph asked, standing quickly as soon as you walked back into the room. He looked at Jacob then back at you.

“I’m fine, Joseph. Thank you.” He cupped your face with his large hand. “Really. I am.”

“Would you like dessert? Faith baked a cake,” John said and you turned to him though Joseph didn’t let you move too far away from him.

“Chocolate!” Faith chirped proudly.

“I love chocolate cake,” you said and she lit up even more. “I’ll help you.” She smiled brightly as you followed her into the kitchen. You could hear the brothers discussing something as you grabbed plates and utensils.

“The Father thinks very highly of you,” Faith said.

“I can’t see why but I am grateful.”

“Are you afraid?” she asked.

“I—”

“You don’t have to be afraid of us, of him. He is kind and gentle and will treat you well.” Why was she talking as if he was going to marry you? “He made me the person I am today.” You could only smile and nod. How were you supposed to respond to that?

“The cake looks delicious,” you said and her demeanor quickly changed. She beamed at you again.

“I hope it tastes as good as it looks,” she joked and you both laughed. “Let’s not keep them waiting.” You followed her back into the dining room and the brothers stopped talking immediately though you were sure you heard something along the lines of ‘she is mine’ and it came from Joseph.

“Ah, there they are,” Joseph said. He pulled the chair out for you to sit down and cut the cake. You all ate silently then he stood and asked for you to join him outside.

“Beautiful night isn’t it?” He stood close to you, so close you could feel his warmth.

“Yes, Joseph.” You looked up at the sky amazed at how many stars you were able to see out here. “Beautiful,” you whispered.

“I would like for you to come and stay with me. At my compound.” It was so sudden, so unexpected that you could only look at him, eyes wide.

“Why? Why me?”

“God wants it.” He looked up at the sky just as you had. “You belong there.”

“Joseph…I need time to think. I…don’t…”

“Take your time. Soon you will know what is right. God will let you know.” He turned you towards him and leaned in. You were sure he was going to place his forehead against yours instead he kissed you. You tried to fight it at first but soon found yourself kissing him back. Why? This shouldn’t be happening.

But it felt so right.

You reached up grabbed the back of his neck and deepened the kiss knowing that this was wrong.

Stop. Stop. STOP!

“Joseph, we…” John stopped short as you pulled away from Joseph quickly but not soon enough. You wiped your lips as Joseph looked at his brother angrily.

“Yes John?”

“I was just going to say that we should get out guest home before it gets too late. I can take her now,” John offered.

“I’ll take her,” Joseph said and John lowered his head.

“Yes…Joseph.”

“Shall we?” He said, turning to you.

“Okay…” You looked behind you as Joseph lead you away from the ranch house. “Goodnight John.” He only nodded and walked back into the house.

Your wayward soul had found itself in the middle of a dangerous game.

[laurent-ofvere]

soulmate au | part 5

part 1 | part 2  | part 3 | part 4

There were thousands of things Laurent could have said, and just as many that he could have done, countless ways for this conversation to unfold. They had been running towards it, inevitably, and Laurent had anticipated it as much as he had avoided it, some blistering, cynical part of him brimming with the opportunity to look into his eyes and throw everything down. Like the tattered banner he threw between them, fragments of his uncle’s symbol.

Nothing else mattered, not anymore. It couldn’t. Not the impending alliance or the bared skin or the mud and blood caked man standing before him, somehow still believing in Laurent’s honor despite everything. All of that was gone, burned and blown away like the ashes of all the men that had fallen that day, like the ashes of his brother that would always lie between their feet.

“I’ve come to tell you who I am,” said Damianos of Akielos, his soulmate, the man who killed his brother.

He was surprised to find out that Laurent knew who he was all along, idiotically, as if anyone with a fraction of sense would look at the way he held himself or regarded Laurent and not guessed within a minute that he was born nobility.

“I knew in the palace, when they dragged you in front of me,” Laurent said, relishing in the widening of his eyes. “I knew in the baths when I ordered you flayed. I knew-“

“At Ravenel?” Damianos said, and there was a throbbing silence in which neither of them spoke, in which both of them were aware of the one thing that had been clear to Laurent in each of those events, in every singular event that had transpired between them since.

Laurent had seen Damianos wearing less, he had seen him wearing nothing, yet seeing the letters on his wrist on such clear display when he was in his current state of dress was worse than anything Laurent could have imagined, and for a moment Laurent wished he had kept both cuffs on rather the one.

They continued to speak, Damianos continuing to search for a spark of light in what would only ever be bottomless darkness. Everything he said only managed to scrape at what was raw beyond of repair, and yet it was all incomparable to the moment he said, “Laurent, six years ago, when I fought Auguste, I-“

“Don’t you say his name,” Laurent said, and the words might have been torn from his throat. “Don’t you ever say his name, you killed my brother.”

Damianos tried to convince Laurent that he had been his slave, that he had been the good, honest man that Laurent had deluded himself into believing, into being with. It was all too much, all tearing into parts of Laurent that were far too jagged to be mended, and so he set his foot before Damianos and said, “kneel then. Kiss my boot.”

He couldn’t. Of course he couldn’t. The act was too far beneath him, and they were equals. They had been equals since fate had decided that the two of them would wear a crown, since it had decided that they would belong to each other.

Later, as Laurent stood with a hand pressed against his shoulder in an attempt to staunch the blood flow, he wondered if Damianos’ mark had flared as well the night he had met his brother.

-

The night carried secrets. Emptiness and vulnerability, a longing that could be felt without carrying over into the morning. Laurent’s tent was dark, cold. Empty, apart for himself, a notable difference from the past few weeks.

He sat on the edge of his pallet, both hands on his lap with his palms up, sleeves unlaced. He wondered if he was the only one that night looking down at the word that promised lovers, at the cuff that binded them.

His wrists were warm.

-

Like everything else between them, like every other occurrence and confrontation and exchange, this one was unavoidable. However, there was no hesitancy here, no unsurety or paradox as he leaned a shoulder in the doorway to the training arena and watched Damianos put everything he had been feeling, a ripple suppressed into a tremor that Laurent could see each time they locked eyes, all translated into his lone training, going at the props lining the dust filled room like he could slash the past away.

There was no indecision here. Laurent had been waiting for this moment since he was thirteen years old, on his knees on the grass soaked by his brother’s blood with his wrist flaming like a Vaskian bonfire.

They went round after round, each one proving more infuriating, each one aiding in turning the barely repressed anger Laurent felt inside into a breathing, ferocious thing. At first it was at not being taken seriously, as if all the years he had dedicated to this were not even worth a serious fight, simply a friendly go around like childhood companions, sparring with wooden swords.

It grew from that, altered into something more, sinking its claws and teeth into Laurent’s veins and infusing him with rage as he realized that all those years truly weren’t worth a serious match, because he wasn’t good enough. It was all for naught, because he was never going to be good enough.

The sullen, acrid realization did nothing to stop Laurent, only amped up his attempts so that he began to utilize everything within arms reach. Sawdust, armory, a bench. At one point he had lost track, the only registering thought was that he must win.

His back was thrust into the wall. Damianos’ body was pressed against his, his forearm to his neck with their faces inches apart. Laurent reached for a dagger, only to result in his wrist to be grabbed, the reflex quick and immediate as Damianos banged it against the wall so that Laurent’s grip would release. Laurent thought, no.

Vision darkened with gut wrenching desperation, Laurent drove his fist in, followed by his knee. Damianos stilled for a gratifying second, only to grab onto Laurent and throw him to the ground, the breath knocking out of him as Damianos followed him down and drove his own knee into his stomach, holding him in place. As Laurent began to thrash Damianos caught his wrist again and held it above his head. Laurent thought, not there.

Distance was a necessity, bitterness an inevitability. As they stood feet apart with both of their chests heaving, Laurent tried to ignore the words that were coming at him, the thoughts that were coming to him, but it was all a sudden, blinding rush.

No, you couldn’t have, you’re not good enough.

Auguste was the stronger man, the greatest fighter to have ever wielded a sword. You only had to be half as good as him to be ten times better than anyone else. No one could beat him in a fair fight, it wasn’t possible.

Neither was your brother.

The only way someone could beat Auguste was with dishonor. There was no other way- nothing else was-

You’re wrong, he was-

What?

Better than I am. He would have-

The words cut off mid sentence, mid word, and Laurent felt his thoughts come to a standstill like a sword driven into a wall, like a soldier’s march halting so that all that was around them was a deafening silence, everything inside Laurent slowly coming to the surface.

Damianos was stepping forward, and Laurent nearly stepped back, his understanding of what this meant, what this all meant making his head spin, making his insides ache like there was a hammering, like some filter of light was trying to break its way in. Pounding, separating, slipping in through the cracks-

Laurent opened his eyes. He expected his vision to be blurred, but instead found Damianos stepping forward with the retrieved dagger in his hand, and nothing had ever been clearer.

It was placed in Laurent’s hand, the tip drawn to Damianos’ stomach, a stance that was familiar for them, for they had been there before.

But they hadn’t, exactly, because it was different. Or Laurent’s understanding was different. He knew now what he hadn’t known then. He understood now what he had never understood.

“Stop me,” Damianos said. His hand was gripping Laurent’s wrist again, holding him in place, and a part of Laurent accredited the fact that his legs had not given out to the fact hat he was being held up.

“You’re unarmed,” Laurent said, and he was fracturing.

Laurent felt the moment Damianos’ grip on him changed, the touch shifting so that his fingers spanned out softly, like each one could touch each letter on Laurent’s wrist, on Laurent’s heart, that he could see on Damianos’ own skin, inches, millimeters away from him. The knife thudded to the ground.

Laurent didn’t know how long he had stood there after Damianos had left the hall with his sword gripped in his hand. The only thing Laurent managed to do was sweep his fingers around the curves of each individual letter like he was a little boy again, sitting in front of the fire and thinking of the future.

[humanistauno]

A Journal by: Paola Marie Zuniga

December 16, 2019

A community blast!

Exactly 5:45 AM, I jumped out of my bed and prepared myself up. Today’s the day for our community visitation and survey. I will not deny that I kinda got excited with the thought of going out for a community immersion in a place I have never been visited.

All set! We had so much fun (or maybe only me) riding the trike to Brgy. Paraiso’s Sitio Salkan. I loved how the trike go up and down because of the rocky kind of road there – although, a part of me is kinda worried since I sat at the back part and I am undeniably heavy so, I was thinking about our tricycle getting stuck because of me. I was so excited about the ‘hiking part’ but it all disappeared when I felt my body getting heavier than it was used to be. I got tired easily and I can only think of two reasons why did that thing happened; first, because of how high the place is and second, that was the day I had my exercise ever since December started.

Everything went well, fortunately. We had interviewed 3 participants from different houses and we also had a chance to stay up on a hill and watch those eye-warming trees surrounding the whole place. We even took our lunch there and of course did some photoshoots. That is something we cannot forget, to be honest. Oh well, so much for this day. I am kinda tired with all the hiking and walking and running and stuffs and now, your little girl here needs her sleep. Ciao!

December 18, 2019

“Happy another-step-in-reaching-death Day slash legality day”

To be very honest, I wanted not to open my eyes. I mean, I know it’s my birthday and I have to be thankful for this another year being added but, who would like to celebrate their birthday without their mother? But oh well, my body betrayed me and it moved on its own plus I still need to open the boutique and do kinds of stuff there.

Tons of ‘Happy birthdays’ and such were received both personally and In social media. I am thankful for those people because I felt special with their birthday greetings and all. It made me soft and think, maybe it’s not that bad to celebrate my birthday after all, even with the absence of my mother. Also, speaking of which, my mom called me and I tried not to cry. I joked around while she cried on the other line. Ah, it hurts to hear your mom cry aye?

To be very honest, I cried while I was in the boutique – cleaning and arranging dresses. This was supposed to be a very happy and special day since I just turned 18 and here I am, doing work and just spend the entire day watching anime. Nothing special, really.

Ps: my churchmates and my tita prepared foods at the church. It lifted my spirit a little and I do appreciate the effort.

December 20, 2019

“Church thanksgiving and Christmas party!”

So far, this is the most awaited day for me. I am just ready to receive gifts and stuff from peeps in the church. Also, I am kinda excited about the prepared foods. The party started with a blast! We had the victory got talent and it was epic I must say! Every participant did a very good job and that includes my sister and two cousins who won first place in the said event.

After that segment, the most awaited part had arrived and it was EATING TIME! I only ate meat at that time and avoided rice hehe – I did not even touch the cake but then I kept on eating the fried chicken. I honestly can not stop myself at that time since I was craving for that and I know we need to feed up that craving and be happy for the rest of our lives with the help of these foods!

Receiving gifts for me is the highlight of the party- I received gifts from my Ates and Kuyas and also from my Ninongs and Ninangs. So for those who posted on Facebook about their godparents who were missing in action, I really can’t relate to your posts as of the moment (ooh, arrogance at its finest oho).

It was a great night actually, although, after the party, we went straight to the wake of my grandmother who passed away just right before my birthday. We stayed up late until 4 AM just to play lucky 9 and Bingo. I am kinda new to the card game (Lucky 9) and don’t even know a single thing so my cousin had to teach and guide me from time to time just for me to participate in the game. It was fun actually.

December 24, 2019

“A Happy Christmas”

We started this day with a dawn service in our church which for me is the best thing to do. I mean, it would be nice to start your day worshipping and praying to our creator. After the service, we had hot Choco and suman prepared by our pastor and we had fellowship with our co-members in church.

The moment we reached home from church, I found myself sleeping on my bed again. I woke up at 3PM actually and I took a bath immediately – after hours of sleeping and enjoying the dream I was having, back to the same routine again. Do some household chores then indulged myself to anime.

As the darkness finally took over, we started to become busy preparing food for the Christmas Eve. We don’t have much food for the celebration but being together, eating in one table is so much better than having lots of food but there’s no one to talk too. I kind of like being alone but I love being with my family.

Our house was filled with my music and shouts from my cousins the moment the clock struck 12. Exchanging of ‘Merry Christmas’ were heard inside our house as the 8 of us gathered around the table. We prayed and did a video call with my mom who was celebrating Christmas alone in her dorm in Cebu. ‘Twas sad honestly, seeing your mom on the screen of your phone, alone, while you’re with the rest of the family, eating together. I kind of felt sorry that she had to go somewhere far from us just for the sake of our future. But hey! It’s Christmas, we obviously does not want to break the joy we were having in our hearts, and so, we still laughed and joked around as we have our small celebration.

It was indeed, a happy Christmas.

December 29. 2019

“Mini reunion”

Every family gathering, I have always felt uninvited. Maybe because our family was known as one of the most problematic among the others and that made me feel uncomfortable every occasion.

Early in the morning as we prepare ourselves for church, my tita told me that we will be attending the reunion after church. At first, I said I am not going to show up in that gathering because I am pretty sure I will be left out, yeah – I am that negative. But after our church service, my cousins did convince me to attend the said reunion and even blackmailed me and left me no choice but attend the reunion.

The world seemed so dark to me at that time, sitting on the corner, frowning while I watch my titas and titos laugh and do crazy stuffs. At first, I really am not in the mood but when they called us out because we are about to eat, my mood changed a bit. Food can really change the world, yes. Well, I ate a lot. One thing I liked when we have gatherings is that the food being prepared are way too delicious that it made me forget how grumpy I am earlier. And since the food enlightened me up – after eating, I started to mingle with my younger cousins, they would kiss me in the cheek then we’ll sing along at the karaoke. It made me think that it wasn’t really a bad idea joining this mini reunion. The kids had their parlor games which was facilitated by me (lol) and it made me realize, kids can really wash away those negative cells you have in your body.

Guilt was slowly eating me at that time. How can I enjoy listening to their funny talks and even enjoy the presence of the kids where in the first place I was so negative about this gathering and even talked bad things about them inside my head. But here’s what I had realized like really.. I may talk bad about them but now, I will try my best to repay the goodness they were showing which I had failed to recognize through hard work in school and make them proud. Somehow, I want to be a good relative for them despite of how bad my thoughts about them are.

January 1, 2020

“2020”

To be honest, I did not started 2020 with a ‘good morning world’ since I did not sleep last night and I spent the whole night talking over the phone with my friend who was living in Makati. We talked about stuffs like our favorite anime series and of course, our cringey new year’s resolutions.

The whole first day of 2020 was not spent wisely. Body was still glued on the bed, eyes were still darted on the screen of the laptop. Productivity was nowhere to be found. I am pretty sure everyone wanted to be productive in the first day of 2020 but look who’s lazing around and let the whole world go crazy on its own as long as she get to finish her favorite anime, it’s me your girl.

6:15PM in the evening, we went to church for our midweek service. It’s kind of cool to start up 2020 with God’s words yeah? The whole preach was about reminders and of course it gave blessing to every listeners. Who wouldn’t be blessed by his words right?

The first day of 2020 ended up semi-good and semi-not. Semi-good because we went to church and heard wonderful messages and reminders and semi-not because I was not productive, I only fed up my anime desires and finished a whole series. Ugh.

January 3, 2020

“A man in green”

When boredom hits you, you sure do things just to make yourself busy and entertained. As for me, I’m clinging up unto omegle at times like that and I wasn’t really expecting to meet someone who just became my crush in just a snap.

So okay, here it goes. Every time I do omegle, my interest were always ‘bnha’ ‘mha’ and ‘anime’ and so I started the chat and words such as ‘you both like anime’ had appeared. The stranger did messaged me first with a hello with plenty of letter Os and was followed by ‘M20’. When I receive replies like that, I always end the conversation right away because I think they were just some horny dudes trying to get some nudes from girls they met in omegle but at that time, since I was bored and all, I replied ‘F18’ and did not end the conversation. Betraying my own rules, yeah the power of boredom and curiosity.

And so the guy once again replied and asked me about my favorite anime series. I did answered him that I have a lot of favorites but I then told him my favorites among the favorites which are One Punch Man and Boku no hero Academia. I was really expecting for him to freak out and end the conversation since many peeps in the anime community doesn’t like both series for its plot and both series are overrated animes but this guy replied “OMG YES SAME” and was followed by “I LIKE DEKU” “WHO’S YOUR BEST BOI” and such which I find funny so I tag along and replied him with ALL CAPS.

The whole duration of our conversation was fun and all, until we decided to exchange our instagram accounts. And there I saw a green eyed human with green hair. He is a good looking man who like rats and is obsessed with my hero Academia. While me, just a rotten potato who assumed he was a horny guy who asks nudes from girls. It was really fun and all since we are both born-again Christians and we are also both musicians in our church, he play the electric guitar in their fellowship while I play the bass guitar.

We were really having fun fanboying and fangirling over the series until he replied a.. “Let’s get married”

PS: I said yes and we are now happily living as anime couple in instagram.