#like if someone has a breakdown over the work they’re forced to do she’ll send them home early but she will expect them to get back to it

[animeyanderelover]

What’s good everyone? After writing headcannons for so many Naruto characters, I think it’s only fair if I do the same for Black Butler and Hunter x Hunter as well. Let’s start with Black Butler.

Yandere Phantomhive manor Hc’s

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessiveness, obsessiveness, delusions, manipulation, sabotage, controlling behavior, blackmailing, bribing, Yandere being mean, mentions of kidnapping, mentions of killing

Ciel Phantomhive

☕️I’m going with the scenario that he’s still a human in this one. Possessive for sure, I mean he lost his parents and had only his revenge in mind before he met the s/o. He’s aware of his not normal emotions, but does he care? Nope. Consider Elizabeth as done, he’ll break off the engagement immediately.

☕️He’s also an obsessive Yandere mixed together with the strict and manipulative type. He’s fascinated with how obsessed he is with his darling and wants to know why. That’s why he’ll find all available informations about them. Strict because he always needs to be in control and manipulative because...do I even need to tell? Surprisingly clingy, he always needs his s/o near him.

☕️Ciel is possessive and will get jealous fast. When he’s jealous he’ll give the other person a cold and harsh look whilst squeezing his s/o’s hand tightly. He’ll most likely will tell the person something with an underlying threat in it. The other person might not get it, but his darling will and is quick to finish the interaction.

☕️He couldn’t care less about who he has to kill, but as you might have expected he won’t kill them personally. He’ll send Sebastian to take care of whoever is a thorn in his eyes. He’ll kill people who’re too close to you, who flirted with you, who insulted you...The list is long.

☕️As soon as this guy forms his obsession with you he’ll, or to be clear Sebastian will kidnap you. Don’t expect to see the world outside the mansion anytime soon again. He hates taking his darling out, but when he’s invited to balls he needs to take them with him. Better behave or he’ll punish you.

☕️From this list he’s one of the worse ones. He’s cunning and sly what makes him a very dangerous Yandere. However, if you behave he’ll fulfill you every wish you have. If you don’t behave expect to be locked up in your room without food for a few days. But in my opinion the worst is when Ciel uses his words to break you and make you feel like trash.

Sebastian Michaelis

🐈‍⬛Sebastian is a demon which makes him naturally possessive. He’s also the aware Yandere, he might not understand human feelings that well, but he’s sure that they aren’t that strong. He’s probably annoyed and surprised when he discovered his unnatural feelings for you. How did you, a human, manage to make a demon fall in love with you?

🐈‍⬛Just like Ciel he’s also an obsessive and manipulative one mixed with a little bit of the clingy side. He wants to find out what is so different about the s/o that makes his nonexisting heart fluttering in his chest. He’s charming and knows that and you can bet that he’s going to use this on his darling. He’ll wrap them up in sweet lies to make them become more distant from others and to spend their whole time with him. This feeling is new to him and it’s rare for demons to find true love so you can bet your ass that he’ll clinge to your side as often and long as possible. He’s extremely overprotective over you, his mate.

🐈‍⬛He’s terribly possessive of his darling and gets jealous fast, but since he’s very composed he can hold out for quite some time with a smile on his face which might look just a little bit forced. But if his patience is over it will become scary. The air suddenly turns heavy and...did Sebastian’s eyes just turn pink and did his teeth look sharper than usual or was that just an imagination? This will scare anyone away.

🐈‍⬛He’s more careful with the killing because if his master finds out about it he’ll have a huge problem, but he definitely kills for the s/o. He kills everyone who takes a liking to the s/o, touches the s/o, tries to take them away from him and much more. But the most horrible deaths are given to the people who hurt and/or made his darling cry. This people will see the true rage of a demon.

🐈‍⬛He would definitely kidnap his darling, but I think he will at first try to do it differently. He’ll offer them a job in the manor and will convince Ciel to accept them, after all Ciel trusts Sebastian and will agree. If only this guy knew what Sebastian’s true intentions are. When the s/o agrees Sebastian will nearly spend every minute with them together and if they struggle with a task he’s more than happy to help. If the s/o refuses the job then he’ll resort to kidnapping. He’ll take them to a small cottage at a secure place and will lock them up in there. But don’t worry too much he makes sure that your every need is taken care off.

🐈‍⬛Sebastian is in a yellow zone. He’s heartless to anyone he thinks as a threat of, but to you he’ll be a true gentleman. It’s hard to anger this guy enough to become angry with you, but even then he would never hurt you. He’ll most likely let some parts of his demon form appear and will tower over you with glowing eyes, scaring the living shit out of you.

Finny

🌻One of the most delusional Yanderes on this planet. He is completely sure that his s/o loves him just as much as he loves them, no matter what anyone tells him. Also a worshipper and lovestruck one. He thinks of his darling as some kind of god/goddess and loves them more than anything else. But due to his delusions he sees his s/o as someone weak who needs his protection which he is more than happy to give them.

🌻Also a clingy Yandere, he treasures every moment with the s/o and whenever he doesn’t need to work he immediately hurries to his s/o to smoother them in affection and love. Obsessive and wants to know everything about his darling.

🌻He is someone who gets jealous easily. He thinks of the s/o as some kind of god/goddess and in this boy’s delusional mind it’s clear that anyone else wants his darling for theirselves. And there’s no chance he’ll let that happen.

🌻Finny is incredibly strong and is not afraid to hurt others. He thinks that everyone wants to take you away from him and is willing to leave a bloodbath behind if it means keeping you safe from any harm.

🌻Kidnapping depends on his darling’s acting towards him. If they love him as well, or at least pretend to do it, then he won’t lock them up, but if they resist him he’ll take them.

🌻He’s very delusional and that makes this whole situation very dangerous. In his mind every horrific thing he does is justified by his love for you. He’ll isolate you from other humans if you resist him to make you understand his love for you and might even break your legs if triggered enough. He’ll tell you that he did it because you would get hurt if he isn’t there to protect you. But because of his delusion he’s also very easy to manipulate. Pretend to love him and you’re free to walk around the mansion. It all depends on his darling’s behavior.

Bardroy

🚬Bardroy is harder to imagine as a Yandere, but I’ll give it a try. I think he’s an overprotective one given his past. He’ll always keep a close eye on his s/o and if they’re about to do something that in his mind might be dangerous for them he’ll stop them and asks them to let him do it for them. His darling is always within his reach. Due to his overprotectiveness I can see him as a manipulative Yandere, he does feel guilty when lying, but justifies it by saying that it will keep them safe in the end.

🚬Also the lovestruck Yandere. In this guy’s eyes you’re perfect and beautiful from every angle. He’s aware of his feelings and I can see him as someone who’s ashamed of them.

🚬He is a really impatient guy and that counts for his darling’s interaction with other persons too. But his reaction wouldn’t be that bad like some others. He would openly show his jealousy and dislike for the other persons whilst pulling the s/o closer to him. But a few soft spoken words from his s/o would be enough to calm him down and let them continue.

🚬This guy was a soldier so he’s used to killing people, but he has some honor so he won’t kill everyone. He only kills someone when that person hurts his darling or tries to take them away from him. Then he’ll grab a gun and ends that person’s life with a few shots.

🚬He doesn’t like the thought of kidnapping you at first, but then again he saw some bad stuff and will get paranoid quickly. If his s/o gets hurt then he’ll nearly have a mental breakdown before grabbing his darling and taking them with him, making sure that they can never be harmed again.

🚬Baldroy is overall one of the better Yanderes from this list, he treats you good and will try to spoil you as good as he can. All he really wants is your love and he would be over the moon if you would give it to him.

Mey-Rin

👓Mey-Rin is very shy about approaching her darling so she just watches them most of the time from the distance which makes her a stalker. Also a lovestruck Yandere. She supports you in whatever you do and if someone says something against the s/o or their work she’ll quickly defend them.

👓She’s an overprotective one. She didn’t have a pretty past either, no one from the servants had, so it’s only logical that she watches you like a hawk. Also clingy and manipulative. She wants her darling’s attention on her all the time and will somehow always end up near them. Might also use her clumsiness to get her darling to spend more time with her, making sure to stumble over her own feet more often than normally just to see her s/o rushing towards her and asking if she’s alright.

👓Clingy Yanderes are more easily jealous because they want their s/o’s attention on them. That counts for Mey-Rin as well. She’ll give the person a glare, but no one will see it because her glasses hide her eyes. Will most likely pretend to trip over the air and pretend to be hurt so her s/o’s attention shifts towards her.

👓She is a sniper and has killed people before and she’ll do it again for her darling’s sake. But only if someone gives her a good reason to, for example causing her darling pain or confessing to them.

👓Due to her clumsiness she’ll convince you to start working in the manor and her s/o will most likely agree, thinking that they can take care of her like this better. But if they think like this they’ll just do what Mey-Rin wants them to. If her darling refuses the job Mey-Rin will guilt trip them. She’s good at this, believe me, and after some time her darling will agree, feeling horrible for her.

👓She’s really cute for you, but don’t let yourself get fooled from this. She can be really cruel if she wants to be. This girl has two faces to her and makes sure you only see the clumsy one.

Bonus: Elizabeth Midford

🎀Elizabeth is a clingy and obsessive Yandere. She loves nothing more than when you give her your attention and makes sure that she can spend every single moment with her darling. Expect a lot cute parties where she’ll dress you up like a china doll. She loves her s/o and wants to know every little detail of them, wanting to make sure that everything is towards their liking because if you think this girl won’t shower you with gifts you’re dead wrong.

🎀She’s also a manipulative type. Like Mey-Rin she has two different sides to her and will use that. She really hates manipulating her darling and only does it if she has no other options left.

🎀As mentioned before she loves it when her darling’s attention is on her and feels sour whenever they give it to someone else. She’ll clinge onto her s/o’s arm and tries to make them pay attention to her. If that doesn’t work she’ll shortly drop her cute facade, of course without the s/o seeing, and will give the other person a glare. This’ll be unsettling for everyone because this is so out of character for Lizzy.

🎀She would never kill someone. She uses other ways. Her family is from a really high status and she’ll use that for her advantage to give every person that did wrong to her darling a hard time.

🎀Kidnapping is out of option too. She’s basically all the time with the s/o so there’s no need for kidnapping. But if her darling wants to spend some time without her she might use her manipulation to change their mind. But that’s all.

🎀Overall one of the better Yanderes from this list. She wants her darling to be happy and nothing will stop her from making them. But keep in mind that a coin has two sides.

[akkermans]

( madelyn cline / cis woman ) PHILIPPA ‘PIP’ AKKERMANS is 22 years old and is a JUNIOR at thales university. SHE is majoring in JOURNALISM and is known for being THE DESPONDENT as SHE can be CURIOUS and INSIGHTFUL as well as SELF-PUNISHING and MOODY. every time i see HER, SHE reminds me of SMOKE RISING FROM A CIGARETTE, THE CRUNCH OF LEAVES UNDERFOOT, INCOHERENT SCRIBBLINGS IN A NOTEBOOK.

hi hello hi i’m hero, i’m 22, she/they and i live in the est tz! i’m a recentish graduate who likes horror, my cat, and a damn fine cup of coffee!! i’m so excited to be here w/ pip!! if u wld like to plot, give this a like or hmu on my discord @ ‘garlic bed #3345′!!

full name: philippa ‘pip’ akkermans 

birthdate: june 24, 1998 

age: 22 

gender: cisgender woman 

pronouns: she/her 

zodiac: cancer 

nationality: dutch-american 

ethnicity: white

hometown: utrecht, the netherlands

languages: dutch, german, english 

family: 

julian akkermans, father 

lotte de vries, stepmother

amelia akkermans, mother (deceased)

sophie akkermans, twin sister (deceased)

orientation: bisexual biromantic 

religion: atheist (formerly catholic) 

height: 5 ft 6 in 

distinguishing features: thin scar from crown of head to right eyebrow, eyes, lips 

character inspo: theo crain, alaska young, shane and ryan from buzzfeed unsolved, camille preaker

𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃

TRIGGERS: death, car accident, alcohol and drug use, mental illness (depression, ptsd)

born in utrecht, the netherlands to a dutch father and american mother, pip akkermans’ life has been marked with tragedy since she was born. it seems to follow her. she was born five minutes before her twin sister, sophie, but as the two girls took their first breath, their mother took her last, leaving julian akkermans a single father. 

growing up without a mother, pip and sophie found solace in each other, forming a bond akin to many twins, one so close, so dependent, it was like they were in their own little bubble. sophie was always the bright one, the one who walked into a room and immediately lit it up. pip was always the quieter of the two, her energy more dour, more withdrawn. but together they were a team, causing trouble left and right, getting out of it with sophie’s sweet smile. 

their father was never the same after their mother died, but the coldness that possessed julian was all they’ve ever known. often times he was out of the house, unable to properly step up in the role of father to girls that were the spitting image of his lost love and the sole reason she’s gone. he drank. a lot. but he was never violent, simply sad. 

he starts going out a lot, and eventually, brings home a woman that he says is going to become their step mother. a wedding quickly ensues. there’s a meanness in her, a clear disdain for the twins. but they don’t care, they don’t need to. they have each other. they’ll always have each other. 

they’re fourteen and visiting amsterdam for the weekend when their car is hit head on by another, there’s enough momentum to flip them twice. the driver and pip are fine, minor injuries, but sophie passes away before anyone arrives, her hand in her sister’s as she takes her last breath. 

pip is distraught, and for obvious reasons, she’s lost the better part of herself, even though she promised she wouldn’t go away. if her dad is heartbroken, he doesn’t show it. he simply continues to pull away. eventually sending pip to live with her aunt in america, rhode island to be specific. 

she doesn’t exactly adjust well, not only is she still reeling from the death of her sister, but she’s experiencing intense feelings of detachment and nightmares of sophie every night, among other symptoms. her aunt eventually takes her to a psychologist, where she’s eventually diagnosed with depression and ptsd. 

thus begins her long journey into managing her mental health, her aunt showing a surprising amount of support. she wishes on some level, that she had always grown up with her, that her father sent them away when they were children, maybe she wouldn’t feel so alone. maybe sophie would still be here. 

for the first year in america, she doesn’t quite have friends, because she prefers her usual solitude. but eventually, she finds her group of friends, within her soccer team, her clubs, anything to get her mind off of her old life. 

she tries to be normal, she really does, but she knows something is off– she feels empty, all the time, and her medication makes her feel like a zombie. eventually she falls into a crowd that is prone to partying, drinking, smoking. she’s sneaking out most nights to join them at their spot. 

her senior year, she spins out, has a very public breakdown, that ends up leading to her taking a leave of absence from school, and essentially once again, returning to pariah status. 

she does manage to graduate and get into thales university, by sheer force and extracurriculars, where she begins majoring in journalism, because it’s always been something she’s interested in, having been a part of her school’s newspaper before, well, everything. 

she meets nana in one of their gen eds, and they hit it off immediately. they’re practically inseparable for a few years, until there’s an incident of pip being caught in a compromising position with one of nana’s flings at the time (it wasn’t what it looked like) and before she has a chance to explain, they’re no longer speaking.

 nana goes missing a few weeks afterwards, and the emptiness comes back, feeling guilty as if it was her fault. as if everything that has happened has been a result of knowing pip and her general trail of misery. she was going to apologize, too. she just never got the chance. 

now with the death of steven, her curiosity is piqued, her journalistic instinct triggered by the mystery afoot, and focusing on that means she doesn’t have to think about herself, because by god, she does not want to think about herself. 

TL;DR: pip and her twin sister, sophie, are born in utrecht, the netherlands– their mother dies when they’re born. their father withdraws, eventually remarrying a bitter woman. when pip and sophie are 14, they’re involved in an accident that takes sophie’s life, and leaves pip alone, a bit traumatized. she moves to america to live with her maternal aunt, and goes to high school there, until she essentially has a breakdown her senior year. she meets nana her first year of thales, and they’re inseparable until a misunderstanding a month or two before she disappeared. now with steven’s death, she’s using her journalism skills to investigate it all. 

𝐏𝐄𝐑��𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘

between the melancholy is a very bright girl. she’s always been rather inquisitive and observant, the quieter one of the akkermans twins. as she grows older, learns to live without her sister, learns to live alone, she grows into her own voice. she becomes someone unafraid to speak her mind, simply because she has nothing left to lose. she’s a bit dry, a bit sarcastic, and her humor can border morbid on occasion because she’s gotta laugh or else she’ll cry. she has a bit of trouble sticking her nose in places it shouldn’t be. she’s rather loyal, but it takes a lot for her to trust you– she trusted nana, and look where that got her. that being said, she has long bouts of depression, and detachment, which she’s been trying to manage for years now, but still, in the quiet moments, there’s a feeling the girl is rather– haunted. 

𝐓𝐈𝐃𝐁𝐈𝐓𝐒

she has pretty good investigative skills! she works on the newspaper at the school, so she’s kind of all over the place

explores a lot, likes to wander because it clears her head, though it also means she’ll probably enter places she’s not usually allowed (i.e. abandoned buildings, etc.) 

also a soccer player! she’s played soccer for a good amount of her life, except her senior year of high school when she withdrew, she’s debating quitting the team here though 

has a slight dutch accent, it’s noticeable mostly on specific words 

disaster bi….. disaster bisexual…. usually stumbles into relationships and they never last due to her own shortcomings 

can’t drive fr shit never learned how, fr some… obvious reasons, has some anxiety getting 

has a few tattoos! her first and favorite was two butterflies on her wrist for sophie 

has two piercings in each ear, a daith piercing in her right, and a upper cartilege piercing on her left

doesn’t really talk about her sister, however, claims she sees her/feels her sometimes 

a skeptical believer of ghosts and spirits, mostly likes the stories that comes with her 

speaks to her father once every two years, their relationship is nonexistent 

likes to have a beer every so often but doesn’t exactly party, if u do see her at parties she’s prob lounging on a couch chatting with someone who’s name she’ll never remember 

lived on campus for the first two years but this year got her own apartment, has an esa, a two year old scottish fold named noodle 

has an extensive collection of sweaters and cardigans

kind of an old lady……. just learning about tiktok now

𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒

partner in crime – the ryan to her shane, the trixie to her katya, maybe they’re not the best of friends but they get into a LOT of trouble together

the reason nana and her stopped talking – pretty much nana walked in on a situation and misread it entirely and her drama loving ass cut pip off until her disappearance

friends 

former friends – pip pulls away a lot, she is the undoer in a lot of relationships… or maybe it was your muse…. 

roommates (2-3) – new girl-esque shenanigans to be had!

newspaper coworkers 

soccer teammates 

someone she’s been helping with a case

fwb (f/m/nb) – girl has got needs, and doesn’t always like to be alone so

exes (f/m/nb) – prob broke up because pip’s inability to ever truly connect to other’s… haha! or it could be on good terms, and they’re pals now

crush (f/m/nb) – either way, reciprocated or unreciprocated, but it’s weird and you’re both kinda hot?

people she has Hooked Up w/ and now it’s awkard (f/m/nb) 

rivals, but are we? 

only likes her because her cat – noodle rights, babey!

‘she accidentally stole your coffee order once, but hey, she’s pretty cool’ – prob bought u a new one after she drank a bit of it…. now you see each other around fondly

‘she stuck her nose in your business for the Scoop’

hate-to-love friendship – i want to k*ll you to hey you’re pretty alright but don’t tell anybody i said that

‘you sent her an anonymous tip, but she accidentally figured out it was you’ 

someone who gets her out of her shell – takes her to parties! out with friends! 

anything in my wanted tag!

[gothic-safari-clown]

The Mind’s Power Over the Body

Part 21: The Mind’s Power Over the Body

Story summary: They only ever had each other. It had been that way since high school, ever since Elianna transferred to dreary Arlen and took Jonathan under her wing. They go separate ways for college, and when they're reunited at Arkham Asylum professionally, Elianna comes to find that they've both changed during their time separated. Can she look past the promise of danger and stay by Jonathan's side as they slide further and further into the darkness while she grapples to come to terms with the truth about herself? Can she accept what needs to be done in order to hold onto the only person who holds any meaning in her life? This is a very self-indulgent AU that draws from several different canons of the DCU and ignoring others, starting in the Batman Begins Nolanverse. This will follow the plot of the movie, although the timeline has been very slightly tweaked.

Word count: 1522

Ooh, the chapter title is the same as the fic title 

Elianna could not have been more proud of her mask. She had spent every second of her free time measuring and adjusting and sewing and sending Jonathan to the store to get what she needed: something he found tedious, she was sure.

Either way, she had gotten it finished with one day to spare, and she was positively giddy. Even Jonathan had seemed impressed, and from what she could tell by what he had said, Scarecrow was thrilled with her dedication to the fear project. When she had finished, Jonathan had surprised her with a fear gas sleeve rig like his, and she was aching for the chance to use both of her new toys.

It was getting dark out when Jonathan came into her office, looking annoyed.

"Rachel Dawes is on her way here," he monotoned, making her frown. She had yet to meet Dawes, but she had been causing trouble for them from the start.

"Why?"

"Apparently," he began with a sigh, removing the doorstopper to let it swing closed, "she disagrees with the fact that Falcone got moved here. She finds his mental break suspicious."

"She's really up on her white horse, huh?" Jonathan scoffed in response.

"Either way, she might back off if she thinks I have a second opinion on this case. Are you up for a little acting?"

"Absolutely. What's the plan for if she doesn't buy it?"

"You have your mask on you?" El nodded, fondly remembering Jonathan talking her through making the false bottom of her briefcase.

"We match now!"

"Yes, we do. Just make sure it closes all the way when you're done with it."

"Good, she'll be here in a little under an hour. And we're the only ones here besides the orderlies, so I just got Falcone's men downstairs to supervise. Hopefully, everything will be able to go smoothly tomorrow."

"I'm sure it will just focus on the task at hand."

El had been surprised when Jonathan told her that he had managed to pay off some of Falcone's thugs to be loyal to them, and more than a little suspicious. But after meeting them and working with them for a few days, she was actually very grateful that she and Jonathan had people to delegate to for the last few days of work.

.xXx.

Dawes ended up arriving much earlier than projected, which only served to irritate Jonathan further. The entire walk to Falcone's cell was spent with him practically fuming and El becoming more and more curious about just how annoying one person could actually be.

"Miss Dawes, this is most irregular," Jonathan spoke as they approached, not giving the woman a chance to get the first word in. El caught on to the energy and jumped in before the other woman could get a word out.

"I'm Doctor Montgomery, I've been consulting on this case, and I speak for both of us when I say that we have nothing further to add to the report we filed with the judge."

"I have some questions about your report."

"Such as?" Jonathan challenged while El arranged her face into what she hoped was something patient and expectant. God, she really is tiresome.

"Isn't it convenient for a fifty-two-year-old man who had no history of mental illness to suddenly have a complete psychotic breakdown just when he's about to be indicted?" She had a fair point, but El made sure to keep her face impassive.

"Well, as you can see for yourself, there's nothing convenient about his symptoms." Oh dear, he's getting pissed. The woman didn't have a response planned for that, so she turned her attention stubbornly back to the man behind the glass, who was muttering to himself.

"What's 'scarecrow?'" The brunette fired off. El took it upon herself to reply so that Jonathan wouldn't snap.

"Patients suffering from delusional episodes often focus their paranoia on an external tormentor," she explained, doing her best to keep her voice pleasant and collegial. "Usually one conforming to Jungian archetypes. In this case," she gestured to the glass, "a scarecrow."

"And he's drugged?" This question seemed to amuse Jonathan.

"Psychopharmacology is my primary field. I'm a strong advocate." The thought of Jonathan being an 'advocate' for anything nearly made El laugh. "Outside, he was a giant. In here, only the mind can grant you power." Dawes shifted her eyes between the pair through narrowed eyes.

"You two enjoy the reversal." Jonathan allowed himself a mildly amused smile if only for a second.

"Doctor Montgomery and I respect the mind's power over the body." El nodded in agreement.

"It's why we do what we do," she smiled, keeping up her friendly persona. She was hoping that if she did her part properly, maybe it would lessen the suspicion on Jonathan, but it didn't seem to work. In fact, Dawes sent a scowl in her direction.

"I do what I do to keep thugs like Falcone behind bars, not in therapy." With that, she breezed past them toward the elevator. Jonathan and El shared a look, knowing what had to happen next. She was still talking as they turned to catch up with her. "I want my own psychiatric consultant to have full access to Falcone, including bloodwork. Find out exactly what you two put him on." El rolled her eyes, thankful that the Dawes's back was still turned to her.

"First thing tomorrow then," Jonathan sighed as they flanked her at the elevator doors, knowing what had to come next.

"Tonight," she charged into the elevator ahead of them, and El suddenly understood very well why Jonathan and Scarecrow seemed to hate the brunette so much. She herself was struggling not to choke her out right there in the elevator. "I've already paged Doctor Lehmann at County General" as if they were supposed to know who that was. Maybe Jonathan did, but judging by his lack of reaction, probably not.

Jonathan inserting his key to take them to the basement didn't go unnoticed by the redhead, but Dawes didn't seem to catch it. "As you wish," he forced out through gritted teeth as the door closed behind them.

Dawes gave Elianna a questioning look when the doors opened to reveal the basement, to which El replied with a reassuring smile.

"This way, please," Jonathan directed, leading them into the hallway. "There's something I think you should see."

The one thing that El didn't understand was how they would get her through the secret panel in the closet. She was going over different scenarios in her head when Jonathan passed the door and instead approached a larger one at the end of the hallway where it turned and pushed the double doors open dramatically.

They all came forward to stand on a balcony overlooking the workroom that El had grown familiar with, one level above where the secret panel led out. She understood now why they took the other way: the stairs going from the level they were standing on to the next level down had been taken out.

The redhead watched the dawning horror on the attorney's face as she took in what was happening as Jonathan spoke again.

"This is where we make the medicine." No, not Jonathan. It was subtle, but once she heard it, it was unmistakable. That was Scarecrow mimicking Jonathan's voice. Dawes was too shocked to notice the slight change in cadence, and her gaze was affixed to an inmate pouring a drum of the toxin directly into a busted open water pipe.

Not just any inmate either. Zsasz. Feeling someone watching him, he looked up in curiosity; when he saw El standing there, he shuddered and quickly turned back to what he was doing, his breath coming in broken gasps as he remembered something he would rather not. Elianna grinned when she saw Rachel make the connection and snap her head to look at her. "You-!" she managed to gasp out.

"Me," El confirmed with a wink. A low chuckle drew their attention back to the bespectacled man beside them.

"Perhaps you should have some, Miss Dawes. Clear your head." The brunette woman bolted for the elevator, and the two leftover partners in crime shared a look. Scarecrow smiled at El, a full smile; something she had never seen from Jonathan. It was sort of nice to see, and she smiled back as Scarecrow produced his face fluidly from their briefcase.

Rachel had reached the elevator. Luckily for the scheming pair, it wouldn't budge without the basement key. All Rachel managed to see when the elevator doors opened again were two masks, one burlap and one that seemed to be lined on the outside with faux leather, fashioned into a long, sleek beak.

Then, a cloud of gas—fired at the same time that she gasped in fear—and she coughed as the gas entered her lungs. When she looked back up, the masks had been distorted and twisted, oozing from the holes and crawling with...god, something. It didn't matter because they each seized an arm and dragged her back out of the elevator before her thoughts dissolved completely.

[sid471]

I’m doing these out of order 😊

Oopsie. Hello friends I watched episode 3 and I’m gonna talk about it :3 TL;DR: ... Fuck >_> Spoilers in bound. Don’t want, go away thnk yoooou 😗

So the whole squad got into the academy ^_^ That’s good :3 I think one of Blake’s shadows hit the button 🤔 But yeah they made it and the reactions were funny XD Started off with a bit of comic relief. That’s good ^__^

Buuuuuuuuuuuuut then we see Watts. And..... Of course Ironwood is working with him <_< We all knew he was going to but that doesn’t make it any less annoying >_> He’s not getting off my “Please die soon >_>” list with this kinda behavior <_> Watts is hacking shit around the academy and the final goal is to hack Penny 🙄 We all knew >_< But I hope it doesn’t work. Penny is still robot, but she’s more human than anyone in Atlas. Maybe her humanity will make it impossible to hack her? Or at least impossible to take complete control of her. Or maybe this is just wishful thinking. Aaaaand as a cherry on top of the cake, Watts finds out that they’re in the academy and Ironwood sends a whole buncha reinforcements after them

Anyway next we see more of RNBW(P) and we get an official breakdown of how Ruby’s Semblance works ^_^ complete with a cute graphic :3 

So they use Ruby’s Semblance to get to the room they’re looking for and Penny gives Pietro control of her body, which is very interesting that she can do, and Pietro gets to work doing his thing. 

While that happens, Nora, Blake, and Weiss actually have a very sweet and needed conversation. Blake says that she hopes the others are okay and expresses concern over Yang and Ruby’s relationship, me too girl, and Weiss says “Of course they’ll be okay. Sometimes sisters just have different ideas of what’s right. And that’s okay. They’ll work it out.” not verbatim, but that’s the message. And Nora says “Yeah don’t worry! Oscar’s improved a ton, Yang’s strong enough to protect everyone, and Jaune’s new upgrades are awesome! ^_^” Again not verbatim, god I just watched it I already forgot I have the memory of a dead goldfish >_> And then Blake and Weiss look at her like ‘Forgetting someone? 🤨’ and then she adds on “Oh! And Ren is... Ren is... *sigh* I don’t know what he is anymore. Every time it seems like we’re making progress something always just... pushes us back 😔” We get some Nora vulnerability I was surprised and pleased. And Blake says “When you spend so much time with someone... They can become a part of you. But that’s just it. They’re one part of you. You can’t forget about the whole.” Very good advice from our favorite cat girl. And Nora says something, again that needed to be said, “I don’t know who I am... without Ren. How sad is that...?” And Weiss says “Well... You can use this as your chance to find out. Do something only Nora can do! 😄” And Nora says, sarcastically, and sadly “Like what? Be strong and hit stuff?” I LOVED that whole talk. It was very needed for us and the characters.

But that part with RNBW isn’t done yet Pietro finishes what he’s doing, I forgot because fish brain >_>, and relinquishes control back to Penny. He also reveals that he wants Penny to stay in Amity with Pietro and Maria. Which... makes a bad bad thought come to me that I’ll talk about at the end <_<. Penny says “No but they need me here... Right?” and Ruby says “Well... If you’re up there Salem can’t reach you. She’ll never get the Relic.” Which only amplifies my bad bad thought >_<. But that comes later <_< 

The quintet go the leave the room only to find the Ace Ops there. Wonderful >_>. But Weiss, sassy queen she is, says “Losing to us once wasn’t enough?” And Marrow says “We were just holding back on you guys! >_>” Which... Why would they if they were serious about arresting them? More proof to my “Ace Ops didn’t WANT to fight RWBY” Theory :3 anyways they all gang up on Penny and try to guilt trip her into coming back with them, Marrow, again <_>, saying “You have the power to stop this. Just take the Relic and give it to Salem and everything will be over.” which I find interesting that that’s what Ironwood wants to do because that just gets Salem that much closer to winning <_< God Ironwood is delusional >_>. But Ruby, Queen, says “Until Ironwood changes his mind about Mantle nothing is going to change!” and she’s right, why is a 17 year old girl smarter than 4 people in their late 20s, maybe early 20s for Marrow, who are higher ups in the military, and the leader of said military <_<

Congratulations it’s not just Ironwood I hate now. It’s everyone in Atlas, except Winter who we haven’t seen since last episode, but I know wouldn’t blame Penny for her condition. She’d blame Cinder. You know... The person’s who’s fault it is? Something the FNDM and Ironwood have in common: Blaming the heroes for something Cinder caused 😊 I know not everyone but still 

So Harriet mocks Ruby and the others and Penny steps in front of her friends, and outside of the room they’re in, and says “Leave her alone” and before Ruby can warn her, the door closes behind her. Which ALSO adds to my they don’t wanna fight RWBY theory .-. I mean I get that they wanted to isolate Penny and take her by force. But I mean hey... If you’re “The best huntsman in Atlas” you should able to take all 5 of’em probably right?  😊. ANYWAY, Then....... WE SEE PENNY USE THE MAIDEN POWERS! 😱😁 Penny fights the Ace Ops, by herself, QUEEN, and actually holds her own rather well considering it was 1v4. Vine gets close to the door but Penny says “You’re not hurting my friends!”, showing her loyalty to her new team ^_^. She holds her own, but y’can’t expect her to completely destroy them because, it seems like, the rest of the Ace Ops, Team HAZE as I’ve seen it called, has worked on their coordination since ‘holding back’ against RWBY.

While Penny fights the camera switches to the other side of the door with the rest of the team to see them trying to open the door, Weiss using her Arma Gigus to try and destroy the lock but it doesn’t work and Weiss calls the Ace Ops cowards, which they are, and the door won’t budge because of the electricity field around it. Electricity. Hmm... Who there likes lightning 🤔. Total mystery. 

Anyway while they’re trying to figure out how to open the door it goes back to the fight, with Penny more than holding her own with the Floating Array in conjunction with Maiden powers, but she’s still taking a lot of hits. Back in the room, Nora has a moment, repeating what she said before but with more confidence, “Be strong, and hit stuff.” before she sticks Magnhild into the lighting and takes ALL of it into her body, causing her body to actually get scars from the sheer amount of electricity she’s absorbing, and blows the door off, hitting the Ace Ops and getting them trapped under it. She says “That was pretty awesome.” before her Aura immediately depletes and she passes out. Penny rushes to her side worried as the Ace Ops push the door off of them. And then they all fight together, but something weird happens. Ironwood says something to HAZE that we don’t hear, and they say understood. And the fight continues, but it abruptly ends once Harriet grabs one of Penny’s swords. The Ace Ops leave afterward and Ruby and Weiss are like “That was suspicious 🤨”. Their attention immediately goes back to Nora though as May shows up with a plane to get them out of there.

Penny and Ruby talk on the plane and we finally see the famous hug that was in all the trailers :3 Penny says “It’s time for me to go isn’t it...” And is clearly upset about it. Ruby hugs her and tells her not to worry and they’ll see each other again. After another moment, Penny gets out of the plane and flies up to amity.

The episode ends with the Ace Ops giving Watts Penny’s sword that they took and Watts saying “If you can’t beat them... Make them join you.” and then credits.

Remember that bad bad thought I mentioned a few paragraphs ago? Well..... What if Watts makes Penny kill Pietro >_< Pietro and Maria are alone in Amity so they don’t have protection it’d be Penny with her Maiden powers vs 1 old man with a very damaged aura and one old woman who’s very out of practice >_> I don’t want it to happen >_< But it’s a possibility....... And Iiiiiiiii hate it <_<

Phew even if you have seen the episode I wouldn’t blame you if you stopped at the Tl;DR .-.

[desiree-harding-fic]

That’s a Candlenights to Me

Also known as: Four Single Idiots Who Could Have Avoided All This If They Just Talked to Anyone Like an Adult: the movie.

So @fandomsnstuff and I were chatting and we came up with our very own Taakitz/Blupjeans Hallmark Christmas Movie “Thats a Christmas to me” style.

The classic is, of course, the busy working character who doesn’t care for Christmas incidentally finds love when they’re forced to spend Christmas in a small, folksy town, but we realized quickly that all of our main leads are so smart and capable they would all be the ultra-successful first act character. And then we added a splash of fake dating to spice it all up. So this is what we came up with. I like to call it Four Uptight Singles in New York, Probably.

Strap in and strap on everybody, this isn’t your average au:

So all of our four characters need dates for the holiday season desperately. Their circumstances are as follows:

Taako: is a famous successful chef and is honestly doing pretty good, got out of a bad relationship a few years ago and hasn’t really dated since. The problem is his sister. She hovers. And it’s because she worries about him being lonely. She spends all her time with him, looking after him even though he doesn’t need it, Lup, and Taako know’s she’s the lonely one, really. He thinks that if he can only find a date for Candlenights, someone he can show around and then ditch, Lup will be convinced enough that he’s fine to start pursuing her own romance. Plus he’s about to show up to a lot of fancy Candlenights parties alone. A date couldn’t hurt.

Lup: Lup’s worried about Taako. The poor guy needs someone in his life, and what better way than to lead by example? She’ll see someone for the holiday season, go on a couple “dates,” then let him go quick. Easy peasy. Taako will be back onto dating in no time.

Barry: Barry’s mom has been on his back for years about getting a significant other in his life, and Barry’s... look he’s happy with his work, really. He doesn’t have all that many friends right now but he’s productive. The problem is he maybe was talking to his mom on the phone a couple of months ago, and she maybe asked him if he was seeing anyone, and, just to make her happy, he maybe said yes. And then she was so happy he just couldn’t bear to be caught in the lie. She’s expecting someone for Candlenights when he goes home to visit. He’s gotta find someone quick.

Kravitz: Kravitz is a starving musician trying to make his way in the city, and the music gigs only pay so much. He’s playing two Messiah’s a day when his doctor diagnoses him with tendonitis and he’s shit out of luck. No more playing all holiday season, or at least less, and it’s his best season for gigs all year, and he needs another source of income quick. While drunk one night, a fellow musician friend suggests he put out an ad about being someone’s fake boyfriend for Candlenights as a joke, and he does. He doesn’t expect anyone to answer.

And we’re off to the races.

Taako’s giving a guest talk at Barry’s university when he hears the man having a minor breakdown in the hallway about his predicament. And well, he’s Taako. And this man is human oatmeal. There’s no danger of anything happening here. Taako proposes an arrangement that could suit them both.

Lup answers Kravitz’s ad. He’s gay, but that’s fine; he said it wasn’t a problem. She can offer a pretty handsome amount too, and the guy, though he seems initially surprised, also seems like he needs the money. It’ll serve them both, and there’s no danger of entanglements, because Kravitz is very gay. They’ll have no trouble breaking it off. 

Barry thinks Taako’s a bit strange, but he’s offering Barry the easiest out possible for his problem, and he says if Barry really wants, Taako will pay him, but that’s not necessary. It’s only until Candlenights. And Taako says he’ll be great at press events. The cameras will hardly touch him. Barry’s not sure that’s a compliment but Taako seems to mean it as one.

Kravitz’s ad is responded to quicker than he thinks. And Lup seems plenty respectful. And the amount she’s willing to pay him is nothing to turn up his nose at, especially with his hand in the condition it is. He accepts the transaction. (Plus, he’s not strictly out to his mom, and maybe bringing home a girlfriend will keep things happy at home (and before we imagine that Raven is homophobic, she is not; she’s known her son is gay as the fourth of july since he was a kid, and just assumed he knew she knew (you see we have a theme of people not talking))).

This is Act 1.

Act 2 goes as follows:

The couples are introduced. They do some Candlenights-y things together, and it’s supposed to end there, but here’s the thing: 

Taako really plays up how happy he is that Lup’s found someone she likes. He wants her to feel safe in the knowledge that she can move away from him a little bit. He wants to show her she can be free to do her own thing. So he’s just gushing over how great it is she found Kravitz. Even if he thinks, secretly, that Kravitz is really hot.

Lup’s in deep shit. Because she meant for the thing with Kravitz to be casual and quick, but Taako seems so happy for her. And he’s so happy with Barry (how could he not be? Barry’s amazing, he really hit the jackpot) and Barry’s nothing like Taako’s usual type but Lup thinks he’s great, and she’s afraid if she regresses romantically, Taako will withdraw too. She can’t have that. She offers Kravitz more cash.

Barry thinks that Taako’s sister is actually really beautiful. But Kravitz is awesome. He can’t get anywhere near that. And his contract with Taako is until Candlenights.

Kravitz is making bank. And maybe if he sticks around Lup even more, he can talk more with her brother, who is entirely unreasonably too beautiful.

These issues only snowball (ha) as we go along, and the 4 spend more time together. There’s probably a scene where they all go Candlenights shopping and the couples split off into the ones that are supposed to be (Taakitz and Blupjeans) because like Barry and Lup both need to get Taako a gift haha and they can help each other and the same with Taako and Kravitz needing to buy Lup presents and the fake boyfriends have to pretend they know the twins well enough for that, in front of their sibling, and shenanigans ensue but so does genuine heartfelt bonding.

Act Two just generally looks a lot like the following:

Taako: oh god he’s perfect I can’t believe he’s STRAIGHT and he’s dating my SISTER the universe HATES ME

Krav: lup is paying my bills and even if she wasn’t, how can i compete with barry, barry's great and he's so in love with taako its obvious :(((

Barry: *is staring at taako imagining it's lup*

Lup: IM IN LOVE WITH HUMAN OATMEAL WHO ALSO HAPPENS TO BE MY BROTHER'S BOYFRIEND SEND HELP

Act two comes to a head when the family visits happen.

The twins feel obligated to spend Candlenights proper with their respective “boyfriend” and his family, because of all the shit they’ve put them through. So they split off and go to the respective mom’s house.

It’s... not good. Each of the four misses the one they’re in love with who isn’t their boyfriend so much. The pining is intense, and now that they’re not all four together, it’s unbearable. The mom’s like each boy’s respective “partner” (Raven cuts some of the tension with a funny section where she goes  ??????? internally when Kravitz arrives at her door with a girlfriend of all things), and we even get the “oh god there’s only one bed” trope but terrible because they’re all in love with the person who isn’t there. It’s a whole thing.

Act 3:

What else could Act 3 be but the fancy New Years’ gala where everything finally comes out. Where all these idiots finally burst and spill their feelings. It’s messy and weird and all very much covered by the media (Taako is in the tabloids for weeks). But needless to say there’s drama and silly-times and each one leaves the paty not with the one they started with. 

And then of course they get to explain everything and Barry’s mom takes to Lup even better than Taako (she thought that he and Taako had a strange vibe and now she knows why). And Raven rests secure in the knowledge that she does know her son and introduces him to her girlfriend, Istus after they have a long talk. Lup adores Barry, more than is reasonable, and he feels the same way about her. Taako adores Kravitz, and he loves Taako back, and is never a starving musician again, with a chef boyfriend on the one hand, and a famous boyfriend on the other (networking for music jobs has never been easier). 

And They All Lived Happily Ever After The End.

[mtvswatches]

Jane the Virgin 1x21 Chapter Twenty-One

Spoilers disclaimer (please read before sending messages or writing comments.)

Click here for previous recaps!

Stray thoughts

1) Why did they have to make Xiomara the reason someone disliked Jane…?

2) So, Jane decided to plan the reunion when she was doing great in her life. I’m sorry, but everything that has happened is basically karma…

3) I still think she might be Rose…

4) OMFG ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS???!!! ARE WE BACK TO THIS SHIT???!!!

Will the show continue to be like this? I’m so exhausted! On and off, on and off, on and off! I can’t watch this anymore, it’s boring and fucking redundant!

5) I love Rogelio, but he really needs to stop trying so hard…

6) I hope that rehearsing together will help Rogelio and Xiomara smooth things over. But of course, I expect a lot of #drama.

7) I really don’t like what being “in love” with Rafael does to Petra. She devolves into the mean girl, which I thought she was done with. She’ll always be cunning, I think, but she was kind of over her mean streak, and this seems like a step backward.

8) Well, at least that whole “I want primary custody” put a damper on the whole let’s-get-back-together-oh-no-let’s-break-up thing.

9) So, Michael is basically asking Jane out… and I have this feeling that the season finale will have Jane being torn between Rafael and Michael, and I’m already booooooooored.

10) They make a great couple…

11) Michael is feeling guilty about letting Nadine go… And if he is the good guy the show has made him to be, he’ll probably come clean about it.

12) Is the Marbella the only venue in Miami? Seriously, every single event in town is held there!

13) Now, this is ambition…

14) I really liked this bit…

It felt like the type of joke a show like this wouldn’t make, and yet.

15) Why did this guy react as if he’s seen the Antichrist?

Chill out, dude, she’s just pregnant.

16) WTF

This was so random!

17) Oh, damn, I really wish Jane’s breakdown on stage had really happened…

18) So it wasn’t Xiomara’s fault that Jane got picked on…

19) Well…

And she was right about the leprechauns.

20) Look, I’m not saying I’m Team Michael, but… that whole scene of them just talking about their daily lives and how they’re feeling and Michael giving her advice because he actually knows her? That’s what I always felt was missing from the whole Jane/Rafael thing. They had the raw attraction thing going on, but there was no substance. And with Michael and Jane, they have the substance, but I don’t see the appeal. So I don’t ship either?

21) But I guess Jane has had a change of heart…

22) I truly hope she ends up being a writer… I kind of hate how shows usually give their female leads a big ambition or a big goal and then it sort of fizzles and by season 10 the only thing their character has going on is their love interests and/or kids…

JANE: I want to apply to a graduate program for writing. Well, if I'm serious about writing a book which I am I need to give myself realistic goals. Plus, I like being in school, and I'm…

XIOMARA: I think that's a great idea. It'll help keep you sane, too, with the whole mommy thing.

JANE: Exactly. I'll know that I'm working towards something for me.

23) The baby will arrive while Rafael is away, right?

24) Awwww, Xiomara!!!

There was much less drama than I expected between these two, and they ended up in a really good place.

25) MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

This is not good for Petra, at all. I don’t like it.

26) It’s really sad that the only reason Petra wants to do the right thing is to get Rafael back and not because it’s the right thing to do… I just really hope she gets to that place someday…

PETRA: Mother, do you remember how you said you'd do anything for me?

MAGDA: Yes, of course.

PETRA: Well here's what I want. You're going to call Detective Cordero and you're going to tell him that, while I was showering, the night of the Palomas, you ran after Alba and pushed her down the stairs.

MAGDA: What?

PETRA: You’re going to tell them that I had no idea, and that when you told me the truth, I forced you to confess.

MAGDA: Petra, are you insane?

PETRA: I'll be the hero. Jane will drop her custody play. Mother, I am so close to getting him back. You know that's all I want.

27) So, Jane really did learn her mean-girl lesson after all…

JANE: I still want her mother in jail. And I think I know how we can do it. You're Petra's vulnerability, because she's still in love with you.

RAFAEL: Wait, she's not, though.

JANE: Trust me. She is. And I think that she'd do anything, even turn in her own mother, if she thought she had a chance with you.

Petra thought she was playing them, but she was getting played all along. Which makes everything extra sad for her.

28) So, Rafael’s been friend-zoned, and Michael is celebrating with the Villanuevas… I wonder where this is heading...

29) Oh, I’m really glad Rafael decided to stay in case the baby is born. I really thought he was going to be a douche about it.

30) Oh, that’s not cool, Xiomara, that’s not cool at all…

It’s not as if Jane won’t see the missed call, right?

31) Did I mention that I really hate love triangles?

I’m really torn here. On the one hand, I’ve really come to enjoy this show even if I’m not exactly blown away by it yet. On the other hand, one of the main plots of the show is Jane’s love life and her love triangle, and I cannot express how much I’m put off by that. I’m at a point where I really hope this is not what the whole show will be about, because I honestly don’t think I’ll make it through the whole run…

32)  Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi.Thanks!

[hermionesterrier]

More Than Human: Chapter 9 Liveblog Pt. 2!

Something about it made her look very feminine, and Butch held his breath a little longer before exhaling. He stared at her awhile, then realized she had just asked him something. 

He lets her playfully shove him. He's not even high but he's letting her think he is. He thinks it's the only way she'll open up to him. But he's watching her and observing her and he's focusing on every little move she makes. He's so painfully aware of her presence, of her proximity. He's thinking about how easy it would be to kiss her right then and there and he's careful enough not to blow the smoke he knows she doesn't like in her face. Oh Butch....he's so head over heels for her that it's just painfully obvious at this point.

Those quiet Green moments are part of the reason why I'm so in love with this ship. It doesn't need big love gestures to be epic. The text just lets them...be. The writing for them specifically is so unique that they make every scene they're in comforting yet electrifying. Kudos to SBJ 💚 PLEASE DON'T TAKE THEM AWAY FROM ME

BOOMER WANTS BUBBLES TO SING AND PLAY FOR THE BOTH OF THEM I'M C R Y I N G

Protective Brick, battling the creeps away, one glare at a time xD

AHAHAHAHAHAHA BLOSSOM WANTS TO LICK BRICK OMG

BRICK AND BLOSSOM KISSING. HE. KISSED. HER. KISSSING. I CAN'T. DEAD. SEND. HELP. I REPEAT. BRICK AND BLOSSOM K I S S I N G!!!!!!!!

I am commenting from the grave kbye

Brick's gonna be very upset the guys ate his cereal

Despite the length, her hair still curled in circular, wavy patterns against the carpet, like black ink on a blank canvas. Butch is very artisty when it comes to his Buttercup thoughts isn't he xD

This scene KILLS ME I AM TALKING FROM THE GRAVE RN OKAY I CAN'T WITH THIS DAMN CHAPTER

Butch completely fascinated with Buttercup like wow too fucking cute

Mitch had said that they'd never done anything worth mentioning, which sounded stupid to Butch. He didn't understand how any guy could stand to keep his hands off her when Buttercup looked like this. Except him. But Butch was different. He didn't know how, but he was different. Uh huh sure Butch. It's definitely not you who can't stop staring at her and you're tooootally not attracted to her that you actually have to force yourself to stop looking nopppe not at alllll

Reds are a mess...more so Brick tho hehehehe 

Fuck it begins...watch as I curl into a ball and wrench my own heart out...

SHE IS SO HAPPY SO FUCKING HAPPY I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS NOPE SORRY NO

Buttercup, after a horrified moment's contemplation, reached for Blossom's glass of milk and sniffed it. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Smooth Bubbles lol xD

"No part of my brain is in that girl's body, I swear." The suspicion is real tho hahahahahaha

Awww @ the boys showing genuine concern over Brick ❤

Yea sure Brick because hormonal kissing totally normally shifts the earth like something heavenly and puts puzzle pieces into place like duh ofc....fucking idiot gives me headaches why are boys so stupid?

Boomer & Butch barged into Brick's room to keep him company and cheer him up with some weed even though they don't know what's wrong with him SINCERE BROTHERLY MOMENTS ARE MY BREAD AND BUTTER OKAY

Oh my god Blossom is so hopeful and waiting and making excuses for him and it's breaking my fucking heart 

This part is so triggering for me ngl I fucking hate it

FUCK YOU BRICK FUCK YOU AND YOUR STUPID PLAN HOW DARE YOU GIVE HER HOPE JUST TO CRUSH IT LIKE THAT YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE

SOMEONE HOLD BLOSSOM PLEASE THIS IS TOO PAINFUL I'M NOT OKAY

Crying does help

How could he ask her to just forget a moment in her life that was one of the happiest she'd ever experienced? I thought, she started, and then tried to stop, but it finished itself. I thought he liked me. FUCK MY LIFE I AM BAWLING

Oh man Buttercup's so concerned and Blossom's trying to get herself together and fuck I can't handle this

Stop stop STOP THIS FUCKING HURTS PLEASE STOP

Is it wrong that I feel just as betrayed and excluded as Buttercup? I feel so much for Blossom but that's her sister! And it's really unfair to exclude her like that especially since she knows she went through her own emotional breakdown after Mitch so she would understand....she IS her sister too :/ i'm very protective shhh

"...Okay. Is she okay?" Both of his brothers looked up at him. "Who?" Butch said sharply. "Is who okay?" Brick stared at Boomer, wide-eyed, one hand still on the doorknob. Can we just take a moment to deduce that Butch was definitely asking if Buttercup's okay? He got worried about Buttercup and no one can convince me otherwise nope na uh....AND BRICK YOU FUCK YOU BETTER BE WORRIED ABOUT BLOSSOM

And the first person Buttercup chooses to go vent to is....? #besties

Butch's "Whoa, whoa, whoa" totally reminded me of Noah Centineo, that's like his catchphrase! Anyone else think he'd make an awesome Butch? I already casted him in my head sorry not sorry xD

Buttercupppp :'(

Brick suddenly hated himself, more than anything. GOOD YOU SHOULD

IT'S THE ASTEROID SCENES I AM CHOKING GREENS WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME I SWEAR I LOVE THEM AND THESE SCENES SO FUCKING MUCHHHHH

Oh he's pissing her off real good oh god

A+ to Butch for instinctively knowing exactly what she needed 💚

"No boys are smart when it comes to girls." Truer words have never been spoken

"Why doesn't he like me?" Blossom mumbled, her tone childlike, plaintive. / Instead she kissed her sister on the forehead and whispered, "To Hell with him. I like you." I AM FUCKING C R Y I N G this is one of my absolute F A V O R I T E sister moments it is FUCKING PAINFUL AND BEAUTIFUL AND BUBBLES LET ME LOVE YOU FOREVER AND EVER ❤❤❤

Buttercup panted for breath, her muscles aching and joints sore. Butch was draped on top of her, his elbows shaking as he propped himself up; he, too, was panting. Her fist opened against his stomach, skimming along the tense muscle before gliding over that chest of his, rising and falling in an incessant, almost calming pattern of movement. She bumped her forehead against his shoulder as she pressed her cheek to his sweaty neck and whispered, "Thanks. I needed that." I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE SBJ I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE :D this totally threw me off the first time I read it ahahahahahaha panting sweaty touching muscle aching greeeeens *_*

I love how after they beat the shit out of each other they still have to make sure the other's okay xD

A small, slow smile worked its way onto his face. She watched it form, almost mesmerized at the gradualness with which it appeared. Like how Butch stared at her smile in those photos and videos? Is this his head over heels in love smile? :D

"Don't see your bra showing." "I like to let it all hang out there, you know." That cracked me up hehehehe

Butch actually apologizing for staring at a pretty girl's boobs? That's a first xD

SHE SAW THE STARS REFLECTED IN HIS DEEP GREEN EYES LIKE WHO THINKS THAT ABOUT SOMEONE THEY CONSIDER "ONLY A FRIEND" HUH???

Butch reeeeeally doesn't like her hair long...and what it represents to him.

This whole scene is everything okay like they're just (ironically considering what they'd just finished doing) so fucking gentle with each other and so quietly comfortably touchy and total comfort zone like I LOVE EVERY LITTLE THING ABOUT THIS SCENE E V E R Y T H I N G greeeeeens 💚💚💚

Yup Buttercup knows, Blossom. She gets it. She understands

I'm better than that, she thought again, jaw set and face hard. I'm stronger. DAMN STRAIGHT LEADER GIRL!

Oh my god Brick fuck off and grow up! You chose to reject the best thing that's ever happened to you so deal with the consequences....idiot.

I still feel bad for him even though I harp on him so much ngl xD BUT WTF IS WRONG WITH HIM LIKE HE'S ACTUALLY UPSET THAT SHE DOESN'T LOOK MORE UPSET WHAT DO YOU EXPECT YOU EGOTISTICAL MORON WTFFFF

Only Blossom would use the 3 day rule to force her sisters into doing their homework hehehehe

Brick you grinch, leave the Blues alone not everyone has to be as miserable as you are.

Brick almost went after him, ready to beat some God damn sense into him, because fuck, what did Boomer know? What did he know about anything? He didn't get that this was all his stupid teenage emotions getting in the way of rational thought, that he was blinded by affection for her, and she had no idea, she wasn't looking at him, she wasn't talking to him, no matter if she was only doing exactly what Brick had suggested they do— STOP PROJECTING YOUR ISSUES ONTO THE BLUES YOU ASSHOLE YOU DID THIS TO YOURSELF AND BROKE MY BABY'S HEART....this was so well done and human though kudos sbj :D

Wait is that the first time Boomer's said the L word seriously? B A B I E S

"Something tells me Brick's not going to get a lot of things," Bubbles said cheerfully. Like a girlfriend. Shots fired :D

Oh my god Boomer is KILLING MEEEEEE LITTLE BOY BLUE LET ME HUG YOU

He's so insecure and he feels like not even Bubbles trusts him to be strong enough to handle shit. I see where he's coming from and him being so upset is making me so upset :'(

She hadn't realized how much of a little boy Boomer was, how much he bought into this idea that he was the dumb one who couldn't do anything, to the point where he assumed everyone thought that of him and resented them for it. :'(((

He is a little boy who actually doesn't know any better. Man the boys' upbringing was so messed up and they're still teenagers.

BUT SHE DIDN'T TELL HIM TO GO HOME AND HE FOLLOWED HER ANYWAY AWWWW BUTCH YOU BIG SOFTIE 💚

Aaaand Boomer told Bubbles. Now the only one who doesn't know about JS Inc. is the one who probably shouldn't know....I feel like this is gonna blow up when she finally finds out.

SAY BYE TO YOUR MULLET BRICK AHAHAHAHAHAHA

All the haircuts though...symbol for the boys' character evolution or a big change coming up?

ROBIN WEARING MIKE'S JACKET!!! I love these little throwaways for them. THOSE TWOOO ❤

Sidenote: 3 guesses who Mike was looking for in the prom chapter :D

Watch as Brick turns into a big baby craving attention *rolls eyes*

"I'd rather kiss Brick than you," Butch sniped at Boomer. "Holy crap, I'd pay twice as much to see that happen!" Buttercup shouted, raising both hands, and the rest of the girls whooped and hollered. HOLY SHIT YESSSS PLEEEEASE GIMME *_*

I would also pay to see Butch and Buttercup kiss just putting that out there...

Buttercup's inner panic at the possibility that Butch might kiss her tho xD

HER SHOULDERS GOT TENSE WHEN BUTCH KISSED ANOTHER GIRL TELL ME THAT ISN'T A SIGN OF JEALOUSY I FUCKING DARE YOU

Butch licked his lips thoughtfully. "Cherry soda." He winked at Julie as he sat down, and as Buttercup stared furtively at him it seemed to her that he was avoiding meeting her eyes. Hmmm am I overthinking or is Butch feeling kind of...guilty or ashamed that he kissed someone else?

Coincidence or use of powers that Butch's spin landed squarely on Buttercup?

SHE'S DOING IT! SHE'S ACTUALLY FUCKING DOING IT OH MY GODDDD THAT'S SO LIT HOLY SHIT

A few of the other guys voiced their hearty thanks to him. Butch, meanwhile, stared at the full bowl, the image of Buttercup's jaw, open wide and with her cheeks slightly sucked in, playing over and over again in his memory. He suddenly felt a strong, strong craving for cherries. SCREAMS INCOHERENTLY!!!!!!!

Buttercup kisses Brick. Was talking about Brick contemplating the kiss with my best friend (shoutout! 💚). She was saying she's hoping it doesn't turn into a cheesy love triangle or some shit like that but I really don't think SBJ will travel down that road....hopefully xD

Butch is pisssssed af hehehe...wonder if this will come back later.

Let Him come, Bubbles thought, her face hardening for a second, for one brief moment where she forgot to keep it inside, to herself. He can bring it. Let Him try. She focused on Boomer's bright expression, on that happy smile, and summoned up a cheer. Let Him come, she thought again. Her hands tensed, gripping the cushion of the couch. He won't take Boomer from me. I won't let Him. I swear to God, I swear, if He lays a hand on Boomer, if He so much as touches a single hair on his head, I swear I will make Him regret it. I am very much looking forward to that point in the future where Bubbles goes all ~haaardcooore on Him's ass to protect Boomer :D

TEENAGERS HAVING FUN YAYYY

That ended on a pretty depressing note though :(

AND NOW COMES THE NEWEST CHAPTER THAT I HAVEN'T READ YET

God help me when I'm done with it because I will probably be a m e s s

Time for you to join the dark side!

[hitchell-mope]

Descendants 1 and 2 but....

Zendaya is mal

They have a cinematic budget

The magic works like that in once upon a time (IE the smoke travel heart ripping and force choking) but there no price

There is magic on the island but the only way out apart from how the rotten four leave is the fairy godmothers wand

It’s also part jukebox musical and they swear (except ben and gil they too nice)

Zendaya!mal doesn’t use a potion on ben instead she uses a truth gummies on herselfand tells him what her mother wants her to do and ben helps them get out from their parents influence

Bens allowed to get a word in edgewise and breaks up with Audrey at the lockers then goes to ask mal out

The xenophobia angle is more prelevant

Carlos and mal call out Leah on her bullshitting saying just cause they were raised by villains doesn’t mean they’re carbon copies of their parents and tell them exactly what cruella did to Carlos (insert horrifying theories here)

In the sequel a subplot is ben trying to get the councils support in bringing more kids to auradon but for six months they’ve been denying him because they don’t believe lightning can strike twice

Carlos listens to mal when Evie doesn’t and tells her to talk to ben and she tells him to try the bandaid solution and tell jay how he feels cause if she has to tell her guy he has to tell his guy

So she goes to try to talk to Ben but the press finds them and they give chase back to where the films started and they keep trying to ward them off but the press don’t take no for an answer and keep asking questions mal doesn’t know the answer to. That’s when it happens

Mal screams in pain her eyes glowing bright green and she rises off the ground until he hands level with bens forehead buildings disintergrate trees and statues get ripped up all the while she’s in the middle of green tornado her hair changing from dark brown to its original dark purple. She’s screaming in pain because she’s never felt this much power before. After all it’s what happens when you try and deny yourself your inborn magic coupled with stress and pent up evil over six months

She is incredibly lucky bens there. Anyone remember the last air bender episode where they’re in the desert and aanf almost eviscerates the sandbenders once he finds out they stole appa? And katara talks him and and calms him? Yeah that’s exactlywhat ben does. He talks her down gently and just holds her as she collapses sobbing in his arms. Then she passes out

She wakes up Velcroed to a hospital bed to the sounds of ben arguing with his father about why magic should be reintroduced to auradon so something like what happened mal doesn’t ever to someone else. Beast says no stating that’s unfair advantage crap he used to justify retiring it in the first place to which ben yells at him to leave noticing mals awake he goes to her and apologises saying he should known she was struggling. She says it’s not his fault she never let on she had a problem in the first place. Then they see the television. 12 dead 4 injured. This causes her to breakdown again. Ben switches off the tv and continues to comfort her

That night bens in the chair next to her bed asleep. Mal removes the restraints and leave the hospital room smoke travels back to her dorm. Then she decides she can’t stay in auradon anymore because she’s now a killer so she goes back to the isle same way she did in the film when she gets to the hideout she collapses on the couch in tears saying “it’s my fault” over and over again

This time she goes to curl up and dye because she’s trying to atone and she feels the only way to do that is check in on dizzy. Then when harry arrives and starts perving on mal she does the logical thing and breaks his arm and leaves him there on the floor apologising to dizzy on her way out

When ben wakes up he has a mini break down cause hey his girlfriend who needs his help up and left in the middle of the night when she needs all the support she can get. So in a fit of panic he makes a bee line for the limo intent on going to the island to apologise and support her cause god Satan and the Olympians all know she needs it.

The Evie finds him on her way to visit mal. He’s in the limos drivers seat trying to get it to work and it isn’t and he’s crying and screaming obscenities at it and just lies his head on the wheel crying his eyes out. She takes him to the boys dorm where he lets her have saying mal tried to tell her and Evie laughed her off cause. Evie says doesn’t ben thinks she knows it’s why they’re going to the island to try and convince mal to come back cause let’s face it she needs help now more then ever

So chillin like a villain and Gil recognises ben like on the film. Then at the hideout he insists mal will get help if she comes back with them. She says can’t because she’s killed people and beast will be waiting with handcuffs the moment she steps out of the limo. Ben doesn’t but that to him she a good person who’s been under a lot stress and hasn’t been able to cut loose. Then sad song/space between happens. Mal decides she might return if ben can promise she’ll get the help she needs and she can’t be relied on as much as she has been because it’s obvious she wasn’t coping. What mal wants mal gets (within reason obviously) so of course he says yes he just wants her to be happy and if bringing magic back to auradon and being more selective in duties is what would make her happy then magics coming back to auradon and she’s getting less work to do. Council be darned (my child doesn’t swear) mal says yes she’ll go back

This time he is euphoric when he leaves to start the limo that’s when he’s jumped he tries to fight them off but gets knocked out.

Mal heard Harry talking to the others so she poofs down there and uses a taser on harry starting below the belt the the stomach aorta throat eye and brain. She then tells him it can be used as a suppository. She asks the others to restrain him while she goes to talk to uma

Mal poofs into the restaurant and riffs on her mother’s speech (well well not quite the glittering assemblage I was expecting no nobility no gentry just the rabble how quaint) uma says there’s no rabble here but mal. Mal retorts with “oh dear what an awkward situation”. Then the arm wrestle happens. Umm wants to know where harry is. Mal says if Uma returns ben unharmed then mal will return harry in one piece. If not well harry will come back in weekly instalments.

To prove she’s not kidding mal conjures up gil and Harry’s aortas and threatens to destroy them if uma doesn’t give ben back. Uma pokes the bear by saying she saw the news. “All the hard work for nothing eh? You had it all and lost it all in a pitifully short time.

This gets to mal and is when control happens. Mal spends the musical number just mentally torturing uma and gil (mostly uma) until her eyes start to glow again and she collapses in pain at umas feet. This is when uma gets the idea to bring the wand and harry in exchange for ben (attack them at their lowest point and all that)m

Mal reluctantly agrees and is about to leave when uma asks what auradon is like. Mal says it’s so much better off with out her (Mal). She then throws gils heart back to uma and leaves

Back at the hideout Harry’s trying to mess with their heads. They’re not being sucked in. He now looks like he’s been dragged face first over a cheese grater. Then Mal comes back she poofs him back to uma leaving the hook which she then burns she also leaves all his valuables.

Mal tells them the plan. Get the wand or ben dies. Evie goes in to panic mode and tries to treat mal with kid gloves. She keeps telling Mal not to panic. And then she tells Mal not to blame herself after all it’s no ones fault

Mal doesn’t blame herself she blamed Evie. Cause if Evie listened instead of laughing her off then maybe just maybe ben wouldn’t be captured. Evie says she did listen. Mal says no Evie laughed her off. CARLOS listened and gave her useful advice but she never got the chance to implement it because of the damn press. Evie tries to counteract with ben would’ve gone with or without them but she’s cut off my Mal throttling her with magic and just before the light dies from her eyes Mal poofs her back to the limo.

She asks the boys how they can get the wand cause she can’t magic up a fake because uma will sense her magic. Carlos suggests the 3D printer and Mal sends them on their way. Before they go carlos years into her. She cannot keep doing this she cannot keep pushing her pushing people away. If she keep doing that she won’t have anybody left. So yeah the boys would go make a fake wand but not for Mal, for ben cause he didn’t ask to be caught up in Mal and Uma’s childish rivalry

[zoemurph]

to have a friend, chapter 1: $20

on ao3

hey so if you've ever been told you shouldn't have two multichapter fics going at once you should listen to that advice. i'm just...really impatient. please don't expect consistent updates from me, these are longer chapters and i'm a college student

thank you to my friend family for encouraging this and by that i mean my god stop encouraging me i have a problem!! but also thank you for putting up with me sending fake dating au prompts for like 3 hours.

this first chapter is very much a rewrite of the show from the computer lab scene until the end of the scene in the principal's office. (im sorry but i had to get through this part before anything even mildly original could happen) therefore, it deals with anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, and a suicide attempt. please proceed with caution! i put a summary in the end notes if that's helpful to anyone!!

i hope you enjoy!!

Dear Evan Hansen:

It turns out, this wasn’t an amazing day after all. This isn’t going to be an amazing week or an amazing year. Because, why would it be?

Oh I know. Because there’s Zoe. And all my hope is pinned on Zoe. Who I don’t even know and who doesn’t know me. But maybe if I did, maybe if I could just talk to her, then maybe…maybe nothing would be different at all.

I wish that everything was different. I wish that I was a part of something. I wish that anything I said mattered, to anyone. I mean, face it: would anyone even notice if I disappeared tomorrow?

Sincerely, your best and most dearest friend—

Evan squeezes his eyes shut tightly.

It’s true that at the end of the day, all you’ve got left is yourself, so you should…like yourself. Or something. But calling himself his “best and most dearest friend” is…

Pathetic. It’s pathetic. It’s really sad and even if it is true, the fact still remains that his best friend hates him.

Evan rubs his temples. Thinking about this is just going to send him into a spiral of anxiety that will help exactly no one. Having a breakdown in the computer lab sounds like a horrible, yet fitting, way to finish his first day of senior year.

He signs off the letter with ‘me’, even though it makes his stomach twist, and sends it to the printer.

He just wants to be home and under a blanket and also maybe not existing.

“So…”

Evan freezes, eyes glued to the screen of his laptop. His heart is in his throat and he figures that there’s about an eighty percent chance that he dies right now. He risks a glance over his shoulder at Connor.

“What happened to your arm?” Connor asks, vaguely motioning in Evan’s direction.

Evan swallows and looks down at his cast. “Oh, I-I um…fell out of a tree. Actually.”  

Connor scoffs. “You fell out of a tree? That is just the saddest fucking thing I’ve ever heard.” He snorts and shakes his head. “Oh my god.”

Evan forces a laugh as his stomach churn. It is sad. Really sad. Sadder than anyone will ever know. “I know,” he says weakly.

Connor clears his throat and motions to Evan’s cast again. “No one’s signed your cast yet.”

Evan takes a shallow breath. He hasn’t figured out what to tell his mom about that yet. Maybe he’ll lie and say he lost the Sharpie, even though then she’ll ask if no one else had one. Maybe he can say that they weren’t writing on the cast but then if she tests it— Evan shakes his head. “N-no, I know.”

“I’ll sign it.”

Evan looks up with a start. “Oh! Um…” His mouth goes dry and his hands are definitely getting sweaty and he has no idea what to do with this information. “Y-you don’t have to.”

Connor glares at him and Evan tries not to wilt too much under his gaze. “Do you have a Sharpie?”  

Evan stares at him for a second before he fumbles with his bag. It takes him a second to find it, and in that time, he’s pretty sure Connor has successfully taken a year off his life with that glare. He holds the Sharpie out.

Connor clenches his jaw before taking it. He grabs Evan’s arm and pulls it closer, making Evan wince in pain. “Ow,” he hisses. This is exactly what his mom meant when she said he should ask people to sign his cast.

“Oh. Sorry,” Connor mutters. He scrawls his name across Evan’s cast in large, capitalized letters and then lets go of Evan’s arm.

“Oh.” Evan tries not to sound as disappointed as he is about how it looks, but he’s pretty sure he fails miserably. “Great. Thanks.” There’s probably no way of hiding Connor’s name. Jared is going to have a field day.

Connor hands Evan the Sharpie back. Evan moves to put it back in his bag, but frowns when he feels something stuck under the clip the cap. He looks down to see a folded twenty dollar bill tucked under the clip. He frowns and glances over to at Connor. “W-what?”

“Pretend to be my friend.”

Evan blinks. “I— what?”

“Pretend to be my friend,” Connor repeats, more forcefully this time.

Evan pulls the twenty out from under the clip. “Y-you’re—”

“Paying you to be my fucking friend?” Connor interrupts. “Yeah. I am.”

“But…why?”

Connor scowls. “It gets my mom off my back, now will you do it or are you giving my money back?”

“Twenty dollars to-to pretend to be your friend,” Evan says in disbelief, unfolding the bill. “That’s—”

“Per week.”

Evan almost drops the money. “What?!”

“Twenty bucks a week. Just as long as I need you to do this.” Connor crosses his arms. “I am literally offering you money you to pretend to be my friend now will you do it.”

Evan smiles weakly. “That’s…the saddest fucking thing I’ve ever heard. Oh my god.”

Connor rolls his eyes. “You’re hilarious. What’s your answer.”

Evan swallows. This could go very badly. But money… He knows his mom keeps lying about how they’re doing financially. Medicine and therapy is expensive. College is worse. Evan doesn’t have a job. There isn’t too much of a choice here.

Twenty dollars is a dinner or two when his mom isn’t home.

Pretend to be friends with Connor Murphy, who yells at people and skips class to smoke and pushes people and threw a printer in the second grade, for twenty dollars a week.

Evan closes his hand around the bill and then stuffs it into his pocket.

“I-I’ll do it.”

Connor holds out his hand and for a second, Evan thinks he’s going to take back the money and yell at him for being so pathetic that he’ll fake friendship for a measly twenty dollars, but then Connor says, “Give me the Sharpie.”

Evan hands him the Sharpie and Connor grabs his good arm. As Connor writes on his skin, the first thing Evan thinks is ‘ink poisoning’. Which is really just ridiculous, but he’s on edge.

“There,” Connor says, letting go of Evan’s arm and capping the Sharpie. “You have my number. And if you give it to anyone else, I’ll kill you.” The way he says it is so casual that Evan feels like he should be more scared by the threat than he is.

“G-got it,” Evan stutters. He glances over the numbers, hoping Connor will leave now. He needs time to process.

“Also—”

Life is never what Evan wants it to be.

“—Is this yours? I found it on the printer.” Evan feels his entire body go cold. “‘Dear Evan Hansen.’ That’s your name, right?”

If Evan wasn’t absolutely panicking right now, there might’ve been something funny about the fact that Connor paid someone he didn’t even know the name of to be his friend.

But it’s not funny.

“Oh, t-that’s just a stupid— it’s a paper I had to write for a, um, assignment…” Evan tugs on his shirt, because if he doesn’t do something with his hands, he’s going to try and grab it from Connor and there’s no way that can end except bad.

“‘Because there’s Zoe’,” Connor reads. The world tilts drastically, and everything slides toward destruction. “Is this about my sister?”

“No! Not at all!” Evan says quickly. It’s like he’s desperately trying to fix a fatal wound with Hello Kitty bandages. He’s drowning in his own worst fears and his mind is working against him and he can’t get any more words out to explain this situation because there’s no way to make this any better.

“You wrote this because you knew that I would find it.”

“What?”

“You saw that I was the only other person in the computer lab, so you wrote this and printed it out, so that I would find that.”

Evan almost starts laughing out of panic and a feeling of ‘oh god that sounds like something I would think’, but he’s so overwhelmed with everything that he can only get out a strangled, “Why—”

“So I would—”

“—would I do that?”

“—read some creepy shit you wrote about my sister, and freak out, right?” Connor snaps. “And then you can tell everyone that I’m crazy, right?” he yells.

“No. Wait— I don’t even, what?”

“Fuck you,” Connor seethes. He stalks out of the room, the door to the computer lab slamming behind him.

He still has the letter.

“But I really, I need that back!” Evan shouts. “Please. Can you just— can you please give it back.” His voice goes quiet. There’s no way he’s getting that back.

He swallows hard as he turns back to his laptop. Looks like he’s printing out another copy, even though his mind is whirling all the ways this one could end in disaster too.

Evan makes his way over to the printer, legs shaking and knees wobbly as he waits for the page to print. He stuffs his hands in his pockets and locks his knees in an attempt to stop shaking and calm down even a fraction of a percent.

His fingers brush against the twenty dollar bill in his pocket.

It burns.

—«·»—

When Evan gets home, he scrubs his arm until his skin is red and irritated and Connor’s number has vanished.

Not that the numbers aren’t branded in his mind.

He writes them down on a sticky note and hides it deep within a book that he shoves to the back of his bookshelf. Doctor Sherman keeps telling him that if something is worrying him before bed, he should write it down so he doesn’t have to think about it as much. This is the first time Evan has tried.

He keeps thinking about Connor.

Connor isn’t in school the next day and Evan feels a strange sort of relief.

He isn’t in school the next day either. Evan tells himself that it’s probably a good thing. Maybe he can reach a point where this is all just a bad memory that he only remembers the vague feeling of.

He can’t convince himself.

Connor’s name is bold on his arm like a brand.

Evan tries to convince himself that it’s nothing when he gets called down to the principal’s office. No emergency of any kind. Maybe it’s something to do with paperwork. Maybe it’s actually a good thing, which seems a little far fetched, but it gets him through the hallways.

When he opens the door, the principal isn’t there. Just two people he doesn’t know, a man who turns to look at him with blank eyes and a woman who looks like she’s about to have a breakdown.

He swallows. “Good morning. Is Mr. Howard…?” he trails off as they give him confused looks. “I-I just— sorry, they said on the loudspeaker for me to go to the principal’s office…”

“Mr. Howard is, uh, he stepped outside,” the man explains.

“Oh.” Well that’s fine, Evan can just go find him then. Leave these two to the breakdown that he can see coming from the woman in almost slow motion because he’s been there before and he doesn’t want to be present—

“We wanted to speak with you in private,” the man says. Evan stares at him. “If you’d like to maybe…” He gestures to a chair.

Evan hesitates before he sits down. He frantically searches his mind, desperate to find some sort of memory of these two, to know if they have any connection to him at all whatsoever, if they’re supposed to be people he knows and remembers.

“We’re, uh…we’re Connor’s parents.”

“Oh.” Evan is back in the computer lab as Connor reads the letter, anxiety building and crushing him into pieces. This can’t be about that, Connor wouldn’t have told his parents about it, his parents wouldn’t come to school and call him out of class because of it, it doesn’t make sense it doesn’t make sense it doesn’t make—

The woman pulls a folded piece of paper out of her purse, holding it carefully.

Evan stares at it. There’s no way…

“Why don’t you go ahead, honey, and…?”

“I’m going as fast as I can,” the woman says, her voice trembling. It sounds like she’s about to burst into tears.  

Evan grips the arms of the chair.

“That’s not what I said, is it?” the man asks sharply.

The silence weighs down on Evan like an anchor. Or like his anxiety. Everything feels like anxiety, the air, the silence, the room…

Connor’s mother holds the paper out to Evan. “This is… Connor…he wants you to have this.” Her voice is shaking more now and Evan wants to be anywhere else.

Evan takes the paper. He wants to rip it up into shreds, set it on fire, and flush the ashes down the toilet.

“We didn’t,” the man starts, “we’d never heard your name before, Connor never…but then we saw… ‘Dear Evan Hansen’.”

Evan resists the urge to crumple the letter up in his hands. “He, um, he gave this to you?” he asks carefully. He still doesn’t understand. How could one pathetic letter bring the Murphys here?

“We didn’t know that you two were friends.”

Evan inhales sharply. “F-friends?”

“We didn’t think that Connor had any friends,” the man continues. “And then we see this note and it’s— this seems to suggest pretty clearly that you and Connor are, or at least for Connor, he thinks of you as…” He points to the letter, struggling through his words. “I mean, it’s right there. ‘Dear Evan Hansen’. It’s addressed to you. He wrote it to you.”

Oh. Oh no. Oh no. “You think this is— you think that Connor wrote this to me.”

The woman nods. “These are the words he wanted to share with you.”

“He wanted them to be his last words,” the man adds.

Whatever Evan wanted to say vanishes from his mind. “I-I’m sorry. What do you mean, last words?”

Connor’s parents exchange a glance.

Evan doesn’t need them to say it outloud. He already knows.

“Connor, uh, Connor tried to take his own life,” the man says slowly. “He’s in the hospital right now.”

“He…what?” Evan knows. He knows he knows he knows he knows but the words aren’t processing and everything is turning to static.

“This is all we found with him. He had it folded up in his pocket.” Evan scrambles for words, for anything that will stop this. “You can see that he’s… He probably wanted to explain it, why he tried to…” Evan shakes his head, but Connor’s father keeps going and Evan feels sick. “‘I wish that everything was different. I wish that I were part of something. I wish that what I said mattered to anyone.’”

“Please stop it, Larry,” Connor’s mother interrupts.

Evan wipes his palms on his pants. This is bad this is so bad. “But, that’s, this isn’t—” Those are his words. His. Connor never would’ve wanted— ”I’m sorry. Connor, um, Connor d-didn’t write this.”

“What does that mean?” Cynthia asks, voice on the edge of hysterical.

“Connor didn’t— he didn’t write this,” Evan stutters. He doesn’t know how much clearer he can get, but Connor — their son — tried to commit suicide and here he is telling them that what they think isn’t true because really, it would be just like Evan to become the villain in a story he didn’t even realize he was a part of.

“What does he mean?” Cynthia repeats, louder as she grabs her husband’s hand.

“He’s obviously in shock,” Larry says in such a matter-of-fact way that part of Evan almost believes him.

“N-no,” Evan protests. “I just, he didn’t—”

“It’s right here!” Cynthia points at the letter aggressively.

Evan can’t do this. He can’t breathe. “I-I’m sorry, but I should probably just— can I please go now?”

“If this isn’t— if Connor didn’t write this, then—”

“Cynthia,” Larry says sharply. “Please. Calm down.”

Evan grabs for his backpack. “I should go now.”

“But did he say anything to you?” Cynthia asks desperately. “Did you see anything—?”

“I really should go,” Evan interrupts. Because she’s grasping at straws and trying to understand and she can’t and won’t and he doesn’t want to be here for that.

“Cynthia, honey this is not the time.”

“This is all we have!” she wails. “Conor won’t tell us, he’ll never tell us!”

“Honey. Listen to me. Please.” Larry puts a hand over Cynthia’s. She pulls away and buries her face in her hands, sobbing.

Evan needs to leave.

“Cynthia.”

Evan holds out the letter, hand shaking. “You should just— you should take it. Please.” He doesn’t know what he’ll do if he keeps it. He doesn’t want to be near it anymore.

Cynthia looks up at him, cheeks tearstained and eyes overflowing, and gasps. “Larry, look!” She points to Evan’s arm. “His cast.”

Connor’s name.

Evan glances down at his cast. He’d forgotten, somehow, amidst all of this, he had forgotten— 

Twenty dollars.

For as long as Connor needed him to be his friend.

“His best and most dearest friend,” Cynthia recites.

The ground opens up and swallows Evan whole.

—«·»—

They try to get him to go to the hospital. Try to get him to visit Connor. He keeps shaking his head and tripping over his words.

He can’t.

He can’t be there and see Connor in a hospital bed and pretend. He can’t keep that up. He can’t keep this up.

He feels like he’s going to be sick.

Eventually Larry got it. “He’s processing,” he had said to Cynthia.

Cynthia grabbed Evan’s hand and said, “He should be out in a day or two. But you can visit him whenever you’re ready.” And she’d smiled.

And Evan had smiled back.

Because he’s a liar.

—«·»—

When Evan gets home, he tears apart his bookshelf until he finds the book he hid the sticky note in. He pulls it out of the book and stares at it, the numbers swimming before his eyes. He’s managed not to have a panic attack yet but— 

He puts the sticky note on the his laptop and finds the twenty he had stuffed in a drawer.

It’s just a bill. There are millions like it. It’s just a twenty dollar bill.

Evan swallows back bile.

He feels gross. Bad. Anxious (that’s not new). Uncomfortable.

He scratches his cast. If only this were off his arm. If only he hadn’t let Connor sign it. If only he hadn’t fallen out of that tree. If only he had.

If only he’d been higher.

His phone rings loudly from where it’s sitting on his bed and snaps him out of his trance. He doesn’t know how long he just stood there, staring at a bill, but he feels weirdly out of place now that he realizes he hasn’t moved for what was probably a strangely long period of time. Now he’s too aware of himself and his body.

It’s just a text from Jared, asking about something for class. Jared doesn’t text unless it’s related to schoolwork.

Evan puts the money down on his desk.

How the hell does he do this?

Evan doesn’t know what standard protocol for these types of things is, but he doesn’t really know what to do with himself when he sees Connor in the halls eight days later.

His first thought is ‘he’s back?’

His second thought is ‘oh no he’s back.’

Evan has been avoiding Zoe for eight days. He takes alternate routes when he sees her in the hallways, he doesn’t pass her locker if he can help it. They made eye contact once and he felt his insides shrivel up. He doesn’t know if her parents told her about the letter, he doesn’t know if they questioned Connor about it, he doesn’t know anything. He just doesn’t want to be a piece in some game that they’re playing.  

It’s a bad day.

He gets through a class and a half before he stumbles into the bathroom, hands shaking and breaths shallow.

Evan doesn’t like confrontation. It makes him feel nauseous and dizzy and there’s no way this can end without confrontation.

He doesn’t know if he’s going to make it through the rest of the day.

—«·»—

Evan makes it through the rest of the day. Barely. The ‘barely’ is important. He didn’t pay much attention and when he did, he didn’t retain much of the information, but he didn’t have a meltdown in class and for now that has to be good enough.

He goes to the computer lab to print his letter for the day because it’s normal and part of his schedule. And because he’s still pretending he can do this assignment. That he can pretend that everything is okay when nothing is okay at all. That he can find some optimism in a world that’s permanently gray.

Connor Murphy is sitting at one of the computers.

He has his feet kicked up on the table and his hood pulled down over his eyes.

Evan decides the best thing to do is leave. He can print the letter tomorrow. Change his schedule to do it before school. Be anywhere other than here.

Connor sits up as soon as he turns to leave.

“Evan, right?” Connor asks, tugging on his hoody.

“Y-yeah.” Evan grips the straps of his backpack. He needs to ground himself. Somehow.

Connor sighs. “Sorry about…” He gestures vaguely with a hand. “My parents. I heard they jumped you.”

“Not ex-exactly,” Evan mumbles. He’s trying to form an exit strategy but his mind isn’t working right.

“Yeah well Larry is a piece of shit and my mom hasn’t really stopped crying in days.” Connor pulls his legs down and stands up from the chair and oh god Evan forgot how tall he was. “Good job getting out of visiting. It was the fucking worst.”

Evan glances at the ground. He sees Connor’s name on his cast out of the corner of his eye. He tightens his grip on his backpack. “W-was it planned?”

Connor shrugs. “This is like the fourth time I’ve tried, why does it fucking matter anymore?”

Evan grits his teeth. “Was it planned?”

Connor scoffs. “Why do you care?”

Evan looks up at him. “B-because you paid me!” He lifts his cast toward Connor. “You signed this cast and made it look like we were—”

“Oh my god,” Connor murmurs.

“What was I supposed to do?!” Because that’s the question. What did Connor want from him?! Why him?

Connor tore at his hair. “Are you fucking serious—”

“What was I supposed to do if you died?” Evan interrupts. “What then? Y-your family already thinks we’re best friends—”

“I can’t believe I tried to kill myself and you—”

“— Was I just supposed to lie?! Lie about being best friends with the dead kid? Was that your plan, Connor?!”

“Oh fuck off!” Connor shouts.

Evan shakes his head. His mind is spinning and there are all these possibilities and he feels like he’s going to fall over. “Because it sure feels like you were using me and I know what it’s like to— I know what it feels like and I’ve been there but I never thought ‘oh man I should drag this other person down with me’, I just jumped out of a fucking tree!”

Evan breathes heavily as Connor stares at him, eyes wide.

“…you what?” Connor asks. There’s no anger in his voice, just—

Evan reruns his last words in his mind.

Oh no.

“N-no no I-I just meant—” Evan holds his hands out in front of him and shakes his head. “I di-didn’t—” He steps backward and stumbles over himself. “I-I need— I have to go.”

He twists around, tripping as he runs out of the computer lab, slamming his shoulder against the door to open it as he flees.

He thinks Connor might call after him.

He doesn’t care.

[traumaticexperiences]

I'm starting to think my parents are possibly abusive?

Before I start, let me just explain that my house hold is way diffrent from others in regards of stress. My mother is dying of brain cancer, has dificulties speaking and my brother has a rare disability and is non verbal.

I don’t really remeber when my dad started to call me names? Recently though he’s been calling me pig, slob, lazy, and a little while back called me feed troft for a bit. (This only stopped after I called him beer belly and alcoholic multiple times aswell) I used to have an eating disorder, so it’s pretty obvious why feed troft and pig don’t sit with me well. When I ask him to stop he’ll just say “but that’s what you are, a pig”. He also is forcing me to do sports, and yells at me when I try to tell him I don’t want to do any. I can play 4 instruments, speak 2 languages, learning a 3rd and have a 92 average, but I still feel as if I’m not good enough for him because I’m not as active as he’d like me to be. We’ve gotten into countless arguments over it, that I almost slipped back into my eating disorder because I thought that if I was skinnier my dad wouldn’t be like this. I’ve had messy, crying breakdowns over this, and my mom’s just told me I’m being ridiculous and nothing has changed. One time while a friend was over, she looked really scarred and asked me “is your dad mad at you” and I just went “No he’s not mad, he’s always like that, that’s how he normally is”.

My mom has only physically abused me once. I don’t know if it counts as physical abuse though. I left my water bottle at school, and she called me pathetic, grabbed me around my collar (she wasn’t choking me basically) and shoved me up against the door. When I tried to run out of the house, she wouldn’t let me. She blocked the door and tried to apologize in which I ran out of the garage door without saying a word. I had anxiety the whole day about coming home, and when I did my dad just told me “your mother couldn’t get her words out fast enough,” to justify why she had slammed me against a wall that morning. She’ll also tell me all the time that “my day was so peaceful until you came home” “the house was so clean until you showed up” “my day was lovely until now” (if I’m arguing with her abt simething)

They’re also really brutal about my chores. I now have an hourly log to write them down it because they don’t belive I helped clean when I did. If I don’t do something or don’t do it properly I get yelled at. If my parents don’t feel like cleaning the kitchen then they’ll make me do it all, which isn’t alot of work but it’s still frustrating to have to spend 50 minutes a night cleaning the kitchen with no help. If I try to get out of doing it all, my dad will just bring up all the things he’s payed for for me like camps and my schooling and sports and say that I need to work it off. He also at one point threatened to take my door off its hinges to my room and change my phone to a flip phone because he didn’t think I was doing enough.

They invalidate all my emotions and breakdowns, my mom laughed in my face when I told her I had a mental illness, and they treat my mental health like it’s nothing.

But at the same time they’ve so loving and supportive, and they buy me things every now and then and they send me to all these incredible summer camps and tell me how proud they are of me and sometimes they’re so wonderful. I wonder if it’s only like this cause my mother is ill and that my dad is just really stressed. Most of the time I think that’s what normal families are like.

///

what you’re going thru is torture, i can’t even imagine something more hateful and abusive than what your parents are doing to you. All of the things you wrote about are abuse, even the buying presents and summer camps, they’re doing the seemingly nice things just to manipulate you into being confused about them, so you can’t say clearly they’re being abusive. Non abusive person is non abusive full time, not only sometimes. Someone who does all these cruel, hateful and brutal things to you is not someone who could possibly care about you, they do not care about your well being, or your feelings, or you growing into a healthy person. My heart hurting just imagining what you’re going thru. You shouldn’t be going thru all that. You did nothing to deserve to be pushed down when you’re hurt and struggling, you didn’t deserve any of their insults, lack of trust, demands that you write a log, demanding that you take the abuse without even complaining. These people actually justify hurting you by claiming that you deserved to be hurt, that you really are as awful as they insult you!That is hatred and abuse, and has little to do with them being stressed, someone who cares about you doesn't take their stress out on you. Only if they see you as an emotional outlet, that means, someone who is less than a person, but a toy for them to play with, could do such a cruel thing to you. I’m really sorry to have to write to you that your parents are awful abusers, and that you’re going thru hell you never deserved to go thru. Normal families aren’t like this. You’re going thru abuse.

[puckish-saint]

May I Request Symmetra, Hanzo and D.VA reacting to being told their s/o died when their last interaction was a fight that ended badly? I need the angst

Symmetra

She follows you out of the kitchen anddown to the landing pad, refusing to end this conversation before shehas said her piece.“You always take their side-”“Idon’t - what? You know that’s not true.” You pinch the bridgeof your nose, wishing you could just make up and part in peace.

“Do I? Because whenever we discusssomething I am alone and you … you gang up on me.”

Fareeha meets you at the landing pad,throwing a glance to Satya and back to you, asking without words ifyou have a handle on this. You nod and wave her away, turning aroundto face your girlfriend in the same motion.

“We’re not ganging up on you, butI’m entitled to my own opinions and in this case I think you arewrong about yours.” The aircraft’s engines roar, a not so subtlecue for you to get a move on and leave the relationship troubles athome. She opens her mouth but you cut her off before she can sayanother word. “We can discuss this after I return. Okay? I stilllove you.”Satya doesn’t say it back. She crosses her armsover her chest and turns away, stubbornly refusing to meet your eyesuntil your shoulders drop and you leave.

Twelve hours later she gets told youwon’t return.

She listens to Fareeha’s report,filled with static and barely comprehensible, talking aboutcomplications, superior force, bad luck. She requests backup andLúcio and Mei are out of the door the second Winston gives theorder. For you every help comes too late. Winston offers her time offwork, counseling, a shoulder to cry on. She declines all three, findsherself thinking of the argument, hanging in the air like a noose,unfinished business that makes her skin itch and her eyes burn.

If you hadn’t gone away like thatthis wouldn’t have happened. Fareeha spoke of you being distracted,didn’t want to pass blame to the dead and it wasn’t your faultthat you died, she never said that, but Satya knows she thought itand everyone else in the room did as well.

She can’t shake the irrationalthought you did it on purpose, died to get out of an argument becauseyou knew you were wrong. You left her hanging, a dozen arguments onher tongue she’ll never get to say.

McCree is the first to approach her andoffer his condolences. He’s unkempt and unshaven when he knocks ather door, and the hat pulled down so deep into his eyes she nearlymisses the red rim around his eyes.

“You, ah, wanna talk? Know you didn’texactly part on friendly terms-”“There is no need fordiscussion.” Satya says primly. If she tells him about the argumentyou had he will take your side even if he thinks you’re wrong.You’ve made absolutely certain no one would take her side.

“Y’sound angry.”

She is. Through his meekness she seesyour arrogance, your conviction that you were right and she was wrongand now you’ve done and gotten the last word in.

“I am not.” she lies and forgetsthat even if he acts like a blundering buffoon sometimes, he stillused to be an agent of Blackwatch, trained to detect a lie a hundredmiles away.

“Listen, I know it’s not my place,but it’s happened before and maybe I can help ya deal withthat-”“There is nothing to deal with.” she snaps,pushes him away to leave but he grabs her arm, light enough for herto pull free, hard enough to urge her to stay. Her hair falls intoher face when she says, very quietly: “I was correct. If thatmission hadn’t come I could have proven I was- I …”

Jesse says what has sat at the back ofher mind ever since the news came, when she searched forjustifications, arguments, anything to prove she would have won theargument: “Does it matter who’s right?”

It doesn’t and that’s the hardestlesson to learn.

Hanzo

The argument drags on long into thenight and by the end of it you’re both going to bed angry. He lieswith his back turned to yours, frowning at the wall, too agitated tofall asleep although you don’t seem to have that problem, judgingby your peaceful breathing. Although, to be fair, he would have beenjust as irritated had you been tossing and turning. There’s nothingright to be done or said, not after the shouting match from earlier.Part of him wonders if it’s his fault, if his own stubborn pride isthe cause for this. That’s the part he carries with him into sleepand that sticks with him when he gets up the next morning and seesyour side of the bed empty and cold. Not even a note, and although heknows where you are and when you will return, it stings that there isnothing. No hearts drawn on a note stuck to a plate of breakfastyou’re always leaving him when you can’t eat together. Just thecold, empty side of the bed and McCree’s frantic call on theemergency comm. Ambush, he says, and Hanzo runs like his life dependson it because there’s only one team out there and his life doesdepend on you getting home safely.

The aircraft is being prepped foremergency departure, Jesse shouts orders like he’s done nothingelse, serape fluttering wildly in the gust of engines starting up.Hanzo doesn’t ask to be on the relief team, he simply boards theaircraft and stares at Jesse, just daring him to say a word. Hedoesn’t and shuts the doors behind them.

The aircraft’s in the air less thanthree minutes when communications to your team break off. As hard asshe tries, Satya can’t reestablish the link.

“Try again.” Hanzo orders. Shetells him it’s no use, there’s nothing to link to, and sheflinches when he punches the wall in frustration. She tries againeven though she knows it won’t work and he waits by her side, praysto every god that will listen that he gets one more chance to talk toyou. Just a few seconds, he’s not asking for more. Just the lengthof time it takes to say ‘I’m sorry’.

They land on the site of a massacre.Dozens of dead and wounded, most of them civilians. Between lawenforcement hunting for Overwatch’s vigilantes and the generalchaos it takes four hours to find your remains. Fareeha, who’s ledthe team and is the only one of it still conscious and alive, criesand the sight is more jarring than the blood and destruction aroundhim. He sits by your side, the white sheet covering up your mangledbody, and apologises. Again, and again, whispered assurances thathe’s sorry, that he was stupid to argue, that his points were mootand you were right. He should have listened to you, and he’s sorry.

He repeats it like you’ll come backif he somehow gets you to understand.

He’s still whispering it - I’msorry, please, I’m sorry, I never meant to hurt you - when theothers lead him away. He tells them to let him be, that you won’thear him and then he realises what he said. Fareeha is the one tohold him through his breakdown.

D.Va

You argue over the phone, angry textsriddled with typos and accusations flung back and forth. Neither ofyou will wait until the other has finished their texts but neither doyou want to call and scream at each other over the phone. Ihave to go and do my job, you write, try to act like an adultwhen I’m back.

It’s a low blow, using her age andyou both know it. She writes something equally stinging back andnever gets the confirmation you received the text. She hopes youdidn’t.

Orisa is the one to carry your bodyback to base, unable to call ahead with the broken communicationssystem. She stands in front of the gates, your lifeless body slungover hers and that’s how the team learns of your death.

Hana takes it with professional grace.It’s not the first time she’s lost people in battle and you meanmuch more to her than any of her friends and comrades but at the endof the day, she knows the drill. She cleans out your locker and yourroom, all your belongings carefully set aside in boxes that now takeup half of her room. She manages your affairs, sends out messages tofriends and family outside Overwatch, and organises the funeral.Through it all she doesn’t allow herself to grief. Everytimesomething like this happens she’s afraid if she breaks down shewon’t get up again. People already tell her the war is no place forsomeone like her. In times like these, losing the first person she’sever loved, it would be so easy to agree with them, knowing they’llbe lost without her skills but not caring either way.

Aleksandra doesn’t offer her earlyretirement. She doesn’t say much at all, but the first chance shegets she drags her out of her room and into the common room, pushinga controller in her hand and taking up the other one. She looks downat it, knows that just a few weeks ago she would have somersaulted inexcitement that she got Aleksandra to play with her. She hates videogames, thinks they’re a waste of time. Now Hana agrees to playbecause she knows it will make her feel as if she helped.

They play a round, Aleksandra wins.They play another one and Hana wins, putting in just as much effortas she needs to. Her thoughts are elsewhere.

“I’m beginning to miss trash talk.”Aleksandra says casually and offers her a lopsided smile. She shrugs.

“Not feeling it.”“Is therereason?”

The only reason there is lately.Whatever she does since you died, it feels like she does it becauseor in spite of your death. Aleksandra pauses the video game, turnsaround to face her. Expecting but patient.

“What if ... “ Hana pauses, clearsher throat. She won’t cry. She doesn’t need to give the othersmore ammunition to treat her like a child. “What if you go outthere and die and the last thing I ever said to you was that yousuck?”

What if you read the last text she sentyou and died believing that’s what she thinks of you?

Aleksandra doesn’t have an answer forher. She offers consolations, that everyone knows she doesn’treally mean what she says, that you knew she loved you even if youargued. It’s all true but it doesn’t help.

You still died and the last thing shesaid to you she meant to hurt. And that’s the knowledge she’llhave to live with for the rest of her life.