#like if i go *too* cartoonish and draw bean faces

[dzpenumbra]

5/24/23

4AM again. Something always distracts me around these hours. Usually creative stuff. And I just go into that trance-like state, The Zone...

No complaints on that today, I decided to do another abstract ink drawing. It's been a while since I've done one. I'm not really minding this rotation from skull to ink drawing to beads. It works for me.

I strung the yellow beads onto the original hemp string I had reserved for them, but it's too short. I'm gonna prep another one tomorrow. But I also ran into another issue... the beads are kinda... tacky. Like...not like aesthetically tacky, I'm sure someone will like them... but like... physically tacky. Like... sticky. And I know it's the Mod Podge. So... I gotta figure out what to do about that, because that's gonna be a hard sell and doesn't really make me look good. I'll do some research tomorrow.

I woke up to a super vivid image today. It was just a dog's face, staring directly into my eyes, big pupils, big grin. And it was very dreamlike. If you've ever done acid... well, I only did once, but I remember vividly that peoples' faces started to look really cartoonish and... almost clown-like. It was very memorable, very unique and distinct, and this distortion of features felt very similar to that. And I'm like 90% sure it was my dog. And that was really tough. A year ago, this was the last... two weeks of her life. It still blows my mind that it's been an entire year. I still haven't adjusted. I feel bad because like... so much of my journal here has been talking about my cat. And I love her very much too, don't get me wrong. But I feel like my cat getting sick and dying kinda... I haven't given my dog's memory enough attention. And I miss the fuck out of her. My lock screen on my phone is still this picture I took when I was at the retreat place trying to get off of meds... and we were out in the driveway walking in the snow, and our footprint paths crossed, and I took a picture of that. My skate shoe imprints and her paw prints.

Again... it's that... I wish I could be nostalgic. I haven't looked backwards in time nostalgically in so long. In fact, I met someone on here a while back that was like... all about nostalgia. Which I envied, honestly. For the better half of a decade, I haven't really been able to look backwards in time without this deep feeling of dread and doom and shame cropping up. I can barely look through my photos on my phone. It's tough. And... I think it's just emotional overload. It started once I got off of meds. I think I just got really used to living without emotions, or with deeply subdued emotions... and then I had to completely re-learn how to be a sensitive person again. I don't know, it's my best theory so far.

So yeah, I don't want to dwell on grieving too much tonight. I will be doing plenty next week. I just wanted to bring that up because it was really resonant, to start your day with such a vividly powerful spirit staring you directly in the eyes. It was literally the second I woke up, like... I have really bad eyesight, and this like... static overlay on my vision... so like... when I woke up it was just this insanely vivid dog staring me in the eyes and then my eyes opened and there was the blurry fuzzy backdrop of the wood ceiling and windows with the afterimage of this dog over it and it faded. Like afterimages from looking at a light or something. It was really surreal, a very powerful moment to start the day with.

I was planning on doing groceries today, but I fucked around on Risk of Rain 2 while eating breakfast for too long and I missed the delivery window. I am still kinda kicking myself over that, but I have the delivery placed for tomorrow afternoon, so I'll just do it then. All's well that ends well. I put basil and green bean seeds on the shopping list, no clue if they'll actually get them, but it'd be chill if they did.

My plants are doing really well. My tomato is huge, almost a foot and a half tall now. The chili isn't that far behind. My philodendrons are finally starting to grow roots, and some are coming in pretty quick. The transplanted moss is in the terracotta Zen garden thing, and it's doing fine.

I got some granola and yogurt for breakfast and thawed some frozen mixed berries to have with it in the sun on the windowsill. When I finally bit into one of the blackberries, I got a mouthful of seeds. And I was just like... "oh... this gives me a very interesting idea." I know I've run across blackberries in the wild before, and they're very tasty. I know they live in my climate, and they grow like weeds. I was curious if the seeds could survive being frozen. And I searched online, and not only can blackberry seeds survive being frozen, they actually require being frozen and thawed to trigger germination. So... I spent a good chunk of the morning spitting seeds into a jar. I took the plastic grubhub container that had the moss growing in it, I poked some drainage holes and added a layer of potting soil. I put about half the seeds in there, and soaked the other half in water overnight - because some sites were suggesting soaking, some weren't. So... I guess we'll see if that turns into anything! If it does work, I likely won't get any fruit this year, but it's an investment in the future, you know?

I've got a nice little garden coming along here. :)

And... I think that's pretty much it.

OH. I was going to do a Tarot reading today. God, I keep forgetting shit lately. -_- Might as well do that now. I kinda fell out of the habit, but I honestly would really like to have that in my arsenal of things to offer people. Let's give it a whirl.

The question I'm asking is... "where am I going with my social life?" I'm doing a 3-card spread. The first position - Past - is: VIII - Strength, upright. (Overcoming fear, mastery of emotions through equilibrium and inner strength) The second position - Present - is: Page of Swords, inverted. (Childlike awe and wonder, epiphany. Encountering wisdom but unable to process it.  Keen intellect, strong will, but lacks context and experience.) The third position - Future - is: XVIII - The Moon, upright. (Fluctuation, change.  Ambiguity, inability to clearly distinguish things.  Easy to misperceive objects or intentions. Easy to lose your step and be deceived.)

So... not all good news, but very helpful all-in-all. Let me try to stitch this together. So... in the Past... I had relied on my composure, my control of my emotions, in social endeavors - either through naïve bravery, a self-imposed "I'm cool, I don't care" attitude, or benzodiazepines. Often a mixture of several.

And, following that thread to Present... I hit disfunction... chaos... through deep realizations and insights, through my pursuit of knowledge and inspiration. Which is very true. My social life completely fell apart when I was swan-diving into the abyss of the Unconscious and deeply struggled to process or apply what I was discovering, and when I reached out for support socially... it destroyed my social network outright.

And... following that thread to the potential Future... change is coming. A-doyyy. Change is always coming... But Moon-change can be... reality bending, in my experience. Dream-like, surreal. So... this feels... cautionary. Maybe I'm being anxious? Maybe this is illuminating exactly what my anxieties are? I am very cautious of misperceiving situations or misreading people who do not mean me well, as in... assuming the best of those who mean me harm. I have been destroyed by that in the past several times, and Strength had me bullheadedly just look right past it, or try to "suck it up" and "be a good guy and immediately forgive and pretend it never happened". Being deceived. Ugh. Yeah, the Moon looks cool in concept, like... ooOOOooOo the Moooon, spooky, how cooool. But... as much as I like the mind-bendy psychological horror shit in theory... when it starts happening in real life... not a fan...

Sooo, stitching it all together... In the past, I relied on my inner strength, my willpower and emotional centering, to make me a rock for people. And when I reached a point where I shifted into a new phase of life, and unlocked a wealth of insight about myself and the world, this turned my social life upside down. And moving forward, I'm heading toward a world that is often not what it seems. My lack of trust... while hindering... may be well-founded. My guide on this recommends not making any big life changes when The Moon is present, because things in moonlight often look very different in daylight.

And my history, even recent history, has proven this very correct. I tend to idealize and see the very best in everyone... and then end up with two giant buckets of goat bones in my house that I don't know what to do with, a week after my dog died. You know, shit like that. And... I don't really know what to do to get better at reading those situations and reacting properly, so... I guess that's what I could be focusing on.

Cool, that actually gives me some direction, and a lot of insight. Glad I took the time to do that. It's definitely time to go to bed now, it's already light out.

Better vibes to end on? The yellow beads are done! (ish... i need to research the stickiness.) And I also have a batch of orange-red ones that are ready to work on, too!

[year2000electronics]

I can’t put into words how much I love your style something about it just gives me infinite serotonin

thank you!!!!!

[a-crows-companion]

I decided to give another shot at doodleing on the iPad.

I tried ages ago, and figured I’d try again, considering that my current style, which is more cartoonish now than it was then, would be better suited for it.

This was my first layer, a sketch that took a while. I had been playing around with a creepier look, hence the spindle-y arms. I also wanted to emphasize the cartoonish look, so I made her head a bit big on a thin neck.

I’m actually really proud of the face. Usually faces take me a lot of tries when I’m doing them digitally, and recently I’ve been having a hard time with them even with the old fashioned paper and pencil. It only took me one try (on the sketch) which made me really happy, since faces (and people) are what I do best.

This is where I’m going to leave it for now, as it’s currently 12:20. I’m going to add the pentacle into the color layer.

I also swapped the cat for a bird. Just because I suck at drawing cats. Seriously they end up looking like a weird rodent-thing that a toddler made of of play doh.

I had a tough time with the bird, because after I did the line art (in black) I decided I wanted the bird to be in a negative color way (idk the actual words cause I’ve taught myself - wish I had the money for a class tho - but basically I wanted the bird black and the lines white). I use a regular iPad (I think it’s a mini? Idk it’s my mom’s) and a stylus (the ones with the squishy ends- this IPad is too old for one of the new apple pencils or whatever they’re called) and a free app, called sketches (it was either free or five bucks, I don’t remember. There’s a version of it that’s free) so I have pretty basic tools to use.

Took me way too long and way too much work, but the bird finally looked decent so there’s that.

I’m hoping to color it tomorrow.

Lol if you’ve actually read this far then thanks.

All the best,

Bean

[papercastledevs]

How to draw: Masked Kids!

We have received a lot of awesome fan art lately, and some of you asked for reference pictures to draw the Masked Kid and other characters. So we thought, why not go a step further and make a little tutorial thingie!

So here it is, a step by step how to draw tutorial for the Masked Kid, let’s get started!

(Follow the image from left to right!)

Step one, draw a good’ol circle. Doesn’t have to be perfect, as you can see I made a very sketchy one and it works just fine! I added a faint vertical line as a guide for the face.

Next we add the horns, I usually draw two smaller circles on the top there for reference and continue with the shape. The horns are usually tricky (and I’m guilty of not keeping them very consistent) but as long as you remember not to make them too huge or thin it should look good.

Now I add three strands of hair between the horns, the middle one is usually longer. And two more on the sides (sideburns?).

For the eyes make two oval shapes first, then strike through the ovals with the saddest of lines. Now erase the unnecessary parts and there you go! Remember, the eyes are more like tear drops than perfect circles.

For the mouth I go with a straight horizontal line first, then make “c” shapes around the edge of the line for the thickness.  

Hair is a bit messy, but I usually start with a basic round shape for the hair, add the mask strap and continue with the spiky strands of hair. They have a bit of anime hair going on in there, so don’t sweat it if the spiky hair is not very consistent through different views.

And now the head is ready!

Here is a bit more reference for the Masked Kid’s head looking in different directions.

The basic shape of the body is a circle and a curvy rectangle for the lower part of the clothes (If you were to see this from the side it would look more like a bean, you’ll notice it later).

For the shoulders, make an inclined bell shape (as you can see, it starts off a circle too).

And resting on the shoulders add the neck of the hoodie, it has a V shape. And then we clean the guidelines.

I’m personally bad with hands, but like everything else you get better with practice. For the MK I just make them circles and add details later. The fingers are very noodle-like and cartoonish. I always leave the ring of the globes for last. Also, the MK arms are usually very thin and noodly too.

Shoes I do love to draw!

First the thin legs.

Then, square-ish shapes for the heels and work your way from there for the rest of the foot. The shape is similar to a bean too.

Add the circles on top of the shoe, and the ring shape for the hole of the shoe.

Clean it!

Here you’ll notice I added more details for the shoes, like the soles.

Plus more reference for the shoes in side and front view.

We are almost done here, we now add the little strings of the hoodie with a little ball on the lower end.

And now we add the characteristic long hood of the Masked Kid’s hoodie, but as you can see in this view it wouldn’t  show much :(

But hey! Don’t be afraid to break the rules a little bit and make the hoodie appear anyway. Let’s say it was windy…

And we are done!

I shaded the dark parts and added a side view of the full body for reference. Plus you can see the shape of the hood better now :)

But wait, something is missing.

Let’s throw some color in there! (I inked the drawing for this by the by)

And if you were wondering about the colors, here’s a quick chart for color picking in your preferred drawing program.

And that’s it!

Wow that was long

If you want to send some fan art our way don’t forget to join our discord! We have a channel just for that.

Have fun!

[ask-the-hatbox-ghost]

REALLY LONG CHARACTER SURVEY

RULES: Repost, don’t reblog ! Tag 11 ! Good luck !

TAGGED: By @theheadlessgroom

TAGGING: Hmmm… @hitchhikinghaunts maybe?

BASICS:

FULL NAME: Thomas Ernest Topper

NICKNAMES: The Hatbox Ghost, Hattie

AGE: At least 200. He lost count somewhere down the line.

BIRTHDAY: May the 9th

ETHNIC GROUP: Skeletal Ghost (in life, Caucasian)

NATIONALITY: Resident of the Haunted Mansio (in life, American )

LANGUAGES: English, with a wee bit of French that is much less advanced that he thinks it is;

ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: Heteroromantic.

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: ‘Engaged’ to Emily Cavanaugh Gracey, alias the Beating Heart Bride. 

CLASS: Lowerclassish. Technically, he was a haberdasher, but his being related to the Graceys in two different ways (by his mother Annabelle and his bride Emily) kind of muddies the waters a bit.

HOME TOWN: New Orleans, Louisiana

CURRENT HOME: The Haunted Mansion, in Disneyland Park.

PROFESSION: Mortal scarer and Disney icon (hatter in life). Member of the Ghost Council.

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE:

HAIR: Pale grey, long and dishevelled.

EYES: Black on yellowish white (they were almost the same in life, but dark brown rather than outright black).

NOSE: Large and slightly hooked in life, Hattie’s noise is now nothing but a memory.

FACE: Very angular.

LIPS: He basically doesn’t have any.

COMPLEXION: Used to be a pale grey until the Ghost Host decided to repaint him green for some reason. (In life, pale, but not sickly so)

SCARS: It’s tough to determine whether the cut on his neck can be called a scar, inasmuch as his head isn’t attached to his body at all and he just holds it in place thanks to spiritual energy most of the time.

HEIGHT: Refuses to be measured.

WEIGHT: Very light, but bathroom scales weren’t exactly common when he was alive, and determining a ghost’s mass is the same as trying to weigh a hologram.

BUILD: Thin and bony with a hunch.

FEATURES: Bony frame, skull-like head surrounded by messy hair, large round eyes and a grin bigger than a Cheshire Cat’s.

ALLERGIES: Constance Hatchaway.

USUAL HAIR STYLE: Dishevelled and long, hanging on both sides of his face.

USUAL CLOTHING: A black cape with so high a collar that it would make Dracula jealous, a dark grey vest with four circular buttons with a dark shirt underneath, tight grey pants and featureless leather shoes.

PSYCHOLOGY:

FEARS: Fears banishment, obviously. He also has an irrational fear of geese, for some inscrutable reason, but the case rarely presents itself. Like many spirits in the Mansion, Hattie would also freak out if he saw the One-Eyed Black Cat roaming free, but let’s be honest, who wouldn’t?

ASPIRATIONS: Kick Constance out of his Attic, reinstall his bride in her place, and become the Ghost Host.

POSITIVE TRAITS: Intelligent, talented, loyal, generous (when nobody’s looking).

NEGATIVE TRAITS: Grumpy, megalomaniac.

TEMPERAMENT: Prone to frequent mood-swings.

SOUL TYPE: The Hunter

VICE HABITS: Prone to overwork himself badly.

FAITH: Used to be a Christian, but (due to being so full of himself he literally couldn’t imagine being sent anywhere else than Heaven) his beliefs were thoroughly shattered by becoming a ghost.

GHOSTS: Well, what do you think.

AFTERLIFE: Obviously, denying the existence of a beyond when you’re undead yourself would be rather stupid. Though he’s not sure there’s anything else than becoming a ghost, contrary to some ghosts who think there is a Heaven that only a select few can reach, distinct from the ghosts’ fate.

REINCARNATION: Madame Leota dismisses the notion as superstition. Hattie may not like her very much, but when Necromancy is concerned, he’s not going to go against Leota’s expertise.

ALIENS: He doesn’t really understand the concept, much less has any clear opinion on the matter.

POLITICAL ALIGNMENT: He didn’t care for politics as a mortal. As a happy haunt, he sided with the Graceys during the War agains the One-Eyed Black Cat, in the 1950′s, but now would very much like to become the Ghost Host.

ECONOMIC PREFERENCES: Hattie would very much like to have a fortune in gold.

EDUCATION LEVEL: Hard to tell. Hattie knows a lot of things, but a lot of it is wrong and he’s too stubborn to change his mind about any of it. He mostly learnt them on his own.

FAMILY: 

FATHER: Gregorius Topper, a stern hatter who, in death, has become even more of a stickler for traditional ghosting than Hattie himself. And that’s saying something.

MOTHER: Annabelle Gracey, an aunt of the Ghost Host. Very sweet. Unfortunately does not appear to have become a ghost, though Hattie hasn’t lost hope that she’ll turn up one day.

SIBLINGS: He’s unfortunately stuck with his brother Ezra Topper, who loathed his father so much he changed his name to Beane and hitchhiked his way out of New-Orleans the day after Gregorius died.

EXTENDED FAMILY: Hattie is sometimes visited by his first cousin Reginald, alias the Mad Hatter. He is also related to all the Graceys, though the Graceys themselvs didn’t remember that until after leaving their corruptible mortal state; the Ghost Host is his first cousin, and Emily is actually his first cousin’s daughter.

FAVOURITES:

BOOK: His own autobiography (which is still in progress).

MOVIE: He never forgave cinematography on the whole for never devoting a movie to him, and has refused to see any film ever since, with the exception of Disney cartoons (the Imagineers celebrated the Mansion’s arrival by organizing a ghost-only screening of all Disney movies since Snow White for the Happy Haunts, and Hattie was talked into going by Emily).

DEITY: Frankly, Hattie would declare himself a deity if the Statue fo Spectral Secrecy didn’t prevent him from doing so.

HOLIDAY: He would have said Halloween, if not for the fact that since his return, he has to associate it with the Mansion being invaded by the Halloween Town crew and having to share the attic with a giant snake.

MONTH: May, due to being the date of his birthday and of his return to the Mansion in 2015.

SEASON: Autumn, probably. He never gave it much thought.

PLACE: Either his Attic or the Endless Staircases.

WEATHER: He likes the rain, as soon as he hears it drumming on his roof, rather than on his head.

SOUND: Emily’s voice.

SCENT: Roses, old leather, wax.

FEELS: Hugging Emily.

ANIMALS: He has a group of pet bats, whom he used to make little hats for. The hats had to be tight fits, lest they fall when his little friends hung upside down, so it was excellent practice.

NUMBER: What kind of an odd question is that?

COLOR: He’s most comfortable with brown or grey, but due to being “Emily’s color”, pure white has positive mental associations with him as well.

EXTRA:

TALENTS: Hat-making, mostly.

BAD AT: Dancing, unfortunately for Emily’s feet.

HOBBIES: Writing (he has been writing his own autobiography for decades, and he obviously has this very tumblr); lobbying to become the Ghost Host.

FC INFO:

VOICE CLAIMS: My own voicework on Hattie, mostly. The voice I use is a mix of French actor Roger Carel’s voice, and Scar’s voice in the Lion King musical. I know, it seems a bit random, but it fits oddly well.

MUN QUESTION:

Q1: If  you  could  write  your  character  your  way  in  their  own  movie ,   what  would  it  be  called ,  what  style  would  it  be  filmed  in ,  and  what  would  it  be  about ?  

A1: More than a single movie, I’d love a series of animated films based on the Haunted Mansion — not quite feature-length, but about 30 minutes-long each. I’d see no reason to call it anything else than The Haunted Mansion. The animation would be classical 2D animation, ideally based on @officialhappyhaunt and @whatwouldwaltdo’s drawing styles. They could progress from the backstories of various characters to the War of the One-Eyed Black Cat, Opening Day, the Hatbox Ghost’s banishment and finally to the ‘Present Day’ where all sorts of hijinx can take place.

Q2: What  would  the score  sound  like ?

A2: An orchestral soundtrack in the style of Phantom Manor, flirting between grand and moving pieces to jazzy, cartoonish one. There could obviously be songs. 

Q3: Why did you start writing this character?

A3: I absolutely loved @officialhappyhaunt ‘s Hatbox Ghost comics on DeviantArt. When I came to tumblr, I discovered that the existing Hatbox Ghost blog, @askthehatboxghost, while very good, used a completely different characterization from the grumpy old Hattie I’d come to love from these comics. So I started this blog.

Q4: What first attracted you to this character?

A4: Mostly his hilarious personality.

Q5: What is the main thing you dislike about your muse?

A5: I don’t really like the new color scheme Disney gave him in 2015.

Q6: What do you have in common with your muse?

A6: I share some of his artistic and culinary tastes (it’d be fairer to say I gave them to him) and a general dislike for change and modernization. 

Q7: How would your muse feel about you?

A7: Not sure, he’d probably be happy to see a dedicated fan in me, then move on to more interesting things, such as hats.

Q8: What character does your muse have interesting interactions with?

A8: Everyone. Of course, he’s at his funniest when trying to bother Constance, I think.

Q9: What gives you inspiration to write your muse?

A9: That’s… kind of redundant with Question 3, I think.

Q10: How long did this take you to complete?

A10: Oops, didn’t record my time. Long enough.

[peanutdracolich]

Peanut Dracolich Watches Horror: Poltergeist (1982)

So first things first I have in fact seen this film before. I might have missed the very beginning but I have seen it in pieces and in most of its entirety at least once as a child between the ages of the youngest two in the film. As it did not scare me then, I didn’t expect to be scared now even though it would probably be easier (due to willing buy in with the scary instead of child-like obliviousness).

That said intestinal issues had me pausing the film for about 2 hours during its 2 hour length, and was having some level of distracting physical sensation throughout. As a horror film, like a short story, is made with delicate pacing, and direct single sitting consumption this hurt the film a lot and yet it was still a fun enough movie to be enjoyable, and one that I don’t think hit my horror buttons well so much as fun buttons. It was a film I didn’t mind watching in this state and a functional distraction.

I’d guess at it being worse than The Omen, at least as a horror movie; it’s just not scary, but ghosts are a hard sell for me (not because they’re unbelievable, but because as a kid I fervently believed in them and that they were highly likely to be good). Still the use of music struck me as worse than The Omen, the lighting was, well it used the bright and cheering lighting for a purpose, the cast was worse. Where The Omen was solidly B all around (with grah protagonist being a C-), Poltergeist was C+. I’ve not watched enough Horror movies while paying full attention to form a top 100 (I mean I haven’t counted, I might have watched 100 but ordering them wouldn’t be my cup of tea) but I’d not guess at Poltergeist coming in above 60. Still it is a fun film, and the reason it sank into the American subconscious is evident; in fact as it plays on the horror laying beneath the skin of the idealized America of the time (which we’re more jaded about now) it was probably a better film then.

Play by play and a shrunken Good/Bad/Ugly below the cut.

The Good:

The Special Effects: While rudimentary by today’s standards they’re good enough for the purposes of weaving the spell (just require a little imagination on the viewer’s part) and have some nice ones.

The Bad:

Putting the children back in that bedroom: I don’t care if it was only for 1 hour, I don’t care if it was only for 1 minute. I don’t care if the psychic lady said the house is cleansed. You do not put your children back in that room. You do not let them in that room. It was stupid and sort of feels out of character and forced.

The Ugly:

The Tree: While the special effects are basically good throughout the film, this scene looked goofy.

The Play by Play:

Poltergeist (1982)

 So I started this earlier but comp crashed losing my writing, had to update. Things went poorly. Let's give this a take 2. Since I'll be giving the basic intro of what I know when I write an overview tomorrow or whenever I do it, I'm not going to here, I'm going to go straight into the film.

 The start with the American Anthem is neat in that it's that all-American sound that really sets it at home in the American suburb. It is not a story of horror on merely the personal level, but of the rot in the American people. It also starts with blurry images in a TV screen, including the flag raising at Iwo Jima which from there gives way to static.

 Quiet start with a dog seeing if it can wake people up or not by stealing the food they're sleeping on. Disgusting people by the way. Dog likes potato chips, not that I can completely blame him. Husband does not like embracing his wife, having chosen to sleep in the chair watching TV instead. I mean the little girl is being drawn to the flashing TV, and talking to the static fairies that live within, but really of the four bothersome things this is the most normal. Small children talk to the static fairies, the ones in my TV as a child told me to play video games, and this girl seems to have trouble hearing them. Play video games. The fairies love Mario. Still this is normal. The TV flickering and flashing that brightly is not, you might want to have that checked on. But the big problems are: You're using potato chips as a pillow, and dude you prefer the cold embrace of a chair to your wife. One of you might need some help with eating habits and the parents might just need marital counseling.

 We get to see the suburbs, and the little shits of kids who live there. They send RC cars out to crash the bike of a guy carrying a load of six packs. They're little shits, and no one reprimands them. The guy is in too much of a rush and just carries spraying beer cans into the house for fear of missing one extra moment of fools' ball.

 A bird has died in one of the children's Star Wars themed rooms and the mom wishes it'd have waited till a school day and flushes it hoping the daughter won't see. I'm going to say the bird died from negligence.

 We also get more 'people are obsessed with TV' and a show that these people have much better TV remotes, through 2 walls, and 10+ ft while not directly pointed at the set. This is a much better remote than I ever had.

 They bury the bird instead of flushing it since the little girl caught her. More important than the TV but less funny. The girl gets over the bird quickly and wants a gold fish. There's also a creepy tree. I do not remember the creepy tree, but conservation of detail promises me it is an important thing so I am noting it.

 And we see that the young boy and young girl share a room and the Star Wars themed part is the boys and he reads Captain America comics. He's an all American boy and excepting his creepy clown doll has good taste; Star Wars is awesome, and classic Cap (before Marvel decided to play around with the idiot ball) is awesome. Boy also has an Alien poster. This implies he has seen Alien.

 We see the parents have a TV in the bedroom. WHY WAS THE DAD SLEEPING IN A CHAIR WATCHING IT INSTEAD OF WITH HIS WIFE? I'm not sure what they're watching, it could be a war movie, or it could be Twilight Zone. I feel I might be missing something by missing the reference; I'm thinking I've seen it and as I don't watch war movies, but have marathoned the Twilight Zone I'm guessing it's an episode of Twilight Zone. Apparently the daughter sleep walks, which is not what we saw, and the mom did as a kid, which makes getting a diving board problematic. Bits of middle aged man yearning for the glories of youth, and kids' room. And actually I think it's a war movie; I don't know why it's familiar.

 The boy is scared of flashes of thunder outside, and his clown doll. This is weird. Kid's clown doll is implied to have been there, and same with the tree, yeah stormy night makes it worse, but the kid has a night light. This bothered me as a kid. He seems mostly bothered by the thunder, but that's after he covers the clown. I found the clown logically bothersome as a child and remembered bother is bothering me now. The tree bothers me less. It's a new house, maybe it's the first thunderstorm, and the boy thinks the tree wants to kill him. Trees have faces sometimes. Trees watch you. Old trees grow wicked and cruel. They can hate you. Most trees are friendly spirits. They are normally protective and kind. Loving and caring things. This is an evil looking tree. The little kids end up in their parents' bed; the tree is conspiring against their marriage.

 We get a non-blurry version of what the dad was watching last time, images of the Lincoln Memorial, the Iwo Jima flag raising pose (really a statue). AMERICA (Fuck yeah), and then the TV becomes much brighter as it begins to flicker with static, drawing the girl in. She has become its creature. The TV controls her. There are actual static fairies, flickering lights which reach out for her as a skeletal and spectral hand, and then move as cartoonish ghost spirits over the bed, before causing the room to bounce and leap. "They're here." It's a happy, cheerful, little line. The presentation sells it, and the movie goes from vaguely toxic suburb to something is wrong.

 As a note I'm pretty sure my make believe of static fairies as a child was me mocking this movie having seen most of it. Oh and a glass spontaneously drops its bottom, that's a bad sign, a fork and spoon are twisted that weren't moments earlier... and the girl is watching the static.

 The elder daughter is hit on by the pool digging construction crew, who also do thigs like taste the cooking beans(?) and put the spoon back into the beans, and steal the mom's coffee through the window. Chairs move themselves, and dog sees people where there are none. The chairs have stacked themselves. There's a ghost, and the mom believes something is up.

 We get a scene of the father trying to sell a house that is either the house earlier or more likely an identical house. And it's Phase 4, where the family is in the first Phase 1 house. There's a comment about how all the houses are the same, and the dad tries to sell their customizability. He arrives home to an excited wife, who wants to show him how the magic chairs work. She's not cooked any dinner because she's been playing with them all day (understandable, but the little girl complains). We get to see the magic chairs moving on their own.

 The dad and the mom go to the neighbors and... are awkward. As they stand outside getting bit by mosquitoes, they eventually ask if they've had anything of that sort. Neighbors think they're crazy; a good use of showing through implication as opposed to directly doing...

 How the hell did I forget the scene with the tree reaching through the window and abducting the boy. I might have missed it. Some bad 80s effect show up. Oh and before I forget we got some of the dad thinking about the safety of his family first in saying everyone should stay out of the kitchen, and the mom just being excited. Still there's a tree eating a child and it's exciting. Though the parents are there to save him... unlike the daughter who is getting sucked into the bright light in the closet. The father saves the son, as the tree is pulled into Arthurian times by the Necronomicon, and they realize no one is watching their baby girl and... she's missing. Adult fear is real, and having seen the film before I know the film would do something to a small child.

 They look for the girl, and there's just a gnawing knot of worry in my stomach... though that might be my intestines being a pain as a stomach bug and too much wheat has left me with some intestinal rebellion. Still they start to look everywhere, and the boy, covered in ketchup and mustard (I think it's supposed to be blood and mud from the tree attack but it looks like someone just squirted ketchup and mustard on him), finds her in the tv behind the static.

 And the knot was intestinal. So while things are paused let's look at the tree scene in more detail, since the purity of pacing is wrecked anyway, and my lack of memory of it is bothering me. It's not scary enough for me to believe I blocked it out. I was never one to be scared of trees as a child, though the cartoon scenes like this were creepier and scarier. Maybe it's just the lack of fear made it not stick. It's supposed to be scary, though, but... maybe it just failed that hard. Maybe there's the instinctive trust that the parents would get him safe at work. I mean right now being distracted with my stomach going angry at me definitely didn't help, the boy's counting build up to it was theoretically good. Hands reaching in and grabbing him, but looking a little phony. I don't know. Maybe it's just that the creepy whispering of something trying to lure the little girl is more terrifying, and the look of everything being pulled it. It is definitely overshadowed by the creepier but less immediately dangerous events, and its special effects are just not all that. Maybe, though, I just deeply trusted most trees as a child. I can't say. Whatever it is I wasn't scared as a child and I'm not scared now... though again part of that might be that stomach gives a more immediate and dominant visceral reaction.

 Either way back to continuing. The girl is now in the TV and the mother reaches for it to try and push into the Darkside, and pull her daughter from the Mirror Universe. Yes I know this came before Prince of Darkness. Still they go get parapsychologists to investigate what's going on. They're talking about how much paranormal energy is involved in moving a matchbox car 7 ft in 7 hours, and the dad is just giving them a look of 'yeah that's impressive hurry up' and opens the children's room to them and despite bad special effects you get a fun scene where things are flying about and the parapsychologist lady's just shocked.

 Still they start talking about the difference in a haunting and a poltergeist. Hauntings are about places, poltergeists are about people. Hauntings last years, poltergeists are short term. Given the film's name...

 We get a good scene of the mom talking to the missing little girl, and the parapsychologists watching. Good reactions, good creep with the girl's voice, stuff to make us feel for the family. It's a good scene, a good combination of pathos and creep, and the parapsychologist's warning to stay away from the light helps sell the lady as a character. The relief of the mom as 'smelling' her daughter after she 'moves through her soul' is... well the acting isn't good enough to really get past the cheese and it comes off a little melodramatic but is touching with a mother's desperation sense, and adult fear. And then something dark drives her off... and something bit a dude.

 Dad wants them all out before night, he doesn't trust the house (reasonable), mom doesn't want to leave it as long as her daughter is stuck in it (also reasonable). The older daughter wants out (Also reasonable). And we cut to the night with them all still in the house, and the parapsychologists having a little freak out in private (also reasonable). It's reasonable in they're trying not to freak out the family, and she actually does confide in the mom that she doesn't perfectly understand and is scared, that she's out of her depth. It's an example of hiding thing because on the same side that makes sense; after watching Saw yesterday and Adam this is nice to see.

 The boy child (Robby) makes things creepy, though, by being morbid. 1) He thinks his little sister is dead and a ghost (reasonable). 2) He thinks that if he died he would have the same thing happen (he's a small child this is reasonable). 3) He thinks they could tie a rope around him to pull him and Carol Anne out (sort of odd; like if I wasn't writing it I'd not question it, but weird thought for a small child). 4) The dad gets an idea lightbulb from this (and remembering they do that in the end, sort of odd).

 Parapsych lady tells how ghosts happen and it's mostly a good, sort of chilling scene, except that the 'they stay around to watch TV' line is a little too... I get it the film is about TVs. Still it's a nice scene.

 So I've mentioned being in the midst of some stomach issues. I am eating because by Hades I need to eat. Watching the meat begin to rupture from within, the chicken leg drop from his mouth crawling with maggots, and then the parapsych aide guy dig his own face apart was not what I needed with food in my mouth. Good job movie. Good job. Nah the scene was legit good, creepy, and gross, but wasn't what I need with my stomach at the moment.

 Other parapsych aide is slacking and listening to rock music (drawing the stairway to heaven with a girl's head at the bottom), and ignoring that the machines are saying 'shit's about to go down'. Good going watch dude. Good job. And yes this time it is sarcastic.

 Movie is sparing with the music but it begins to rise to emotional effect as a ghost arrives. Now in Saw I complained about laugh track of horror, and to an extent that is common to horror movies. Sound is an extremely important part of horror movies. Music can make things many times creepier. This film has been doing not the best on music, band that makes it more obvious that this is 'be creeped now music' but it's effective, it's not a sudden jarring sound, but a building one that builds with the scene. It is not an auditory jump scare, it is not a laugh track of horror, but your standard horror music. It works, even if I do find that The Omen and anything John Carpenter made has better music.

 The kids are shipped off. Aide #1 has fled. Aide #2 is staying. Parapsych lady is taking the tapes, leaving, and will be coming back with help. Get the feeling that she cares about the family. And the dad's boss arrives to see why the dad hasn't shown up for work; the excuse is the flu but... well they try and rush him from the house. The boss drags him away to show him something, and we learn Carol Anne was born in that house. We also learn that the house was built on a relocated cemetery.

 Music tells me to be scared. Not the most effective. I'm going to say that is largely because the purity of effect of the film has been shattered by stomach and pausing. More than any genre I find horror suffers when you break it up (this is movies, and short stories, and others intended to be taken in with a single sitting; novels and series are traditionally exempt). So it does hurt my enjoyment of the film, that said despite feeling much worse than yesterday (but not the day before where I didn't watch anything) I am enjoying the film. I am not scared by the film, but the fact that I wasn't scared by the film as a child (I believed in ghosts as a child, but held no fear of them) sort of sabotaged it anyway.

 The vaguely creepy (she scared me as a child), Southern old psychic lady has arrived. The father doesn't believe in her, the mother does. The father has not generally been the disbeliever, but he has been cautious. Still she earns some points by... hearing him whisper? I'll accept that it's supposed to be quieter in comparison to the rest than it seems, everything is vaguely whisper in this film. The psychic lady (I have not caught her name if it's been said) begins to explain what's happening, the daughter is a light that the ghosts want, and distracts them from the other light. There is an evil presence, the beast, that is perceived as a child by Carol Anne and is keeping her, using her to keep the others from moving on. Still Lady Van Helsing gives the call to arms and preparations begin.

 The father has to threaten the daughter into coming, using her fear of discipline (he threatens a spanking after making it clear he has never spanked her in her life), and she begins to pull from the beast and... Lady van Helsing makes the mom tell the girl to run towards the light (the true afterlife instead of limbo) and lie about being in the light waiting for her. It's a painful scene to watch (in a good way). The mother pained to do it, but doing it trusting that it is for her daughter's own good.

 They establish that the closet it linked to the living room ceiling, a wormhole that passes through the limbo realm. The mother then tells the small girl not to go into the light, making it almost certainly confusing to the small child who they keep telling 'avoid the light' 'go into the light' 'avoid the light'.

 One of them will have to be tied to the rope and go into the Limbo Realm. The mom, the dad, and Lady Van Helsing fight over who gets to go, but the mom wins because she's the best choice. I want to say you know that the mom will be alright, that she'll get the child, but ... I want to say I was certain as a child, and my foreknowledge makes it hard. Still the psychic lady starts to try and encourage the souls to pass over and the father pulls them back early, drawing the Beast to attack... Still when he drops the rope, the mom and daughter fall out. Despite lacking real worry it's a good scene.

 The psychic lady declares the house clean, and we see the family beginning to move. A conversation with the elder daughter highlights that the mom's hair has gone gray in places and that the daughter is family with the motel they're going to because... she's gone there for sex. I didn't catch that as a child.

 Husband is quitting his job, they're moving, and they're going to sleep in a motel tonight, but... the children's bed time is before he gets home, they go to bed in the house. In that room. Sleep on a sofa. This is just... Worrisome. And the mom knows it and... Gah.

 And there's the scene of the creepy clown trying to kill the boy! I've been waiting. I remembered that one. It's an effective use of a... well there's build up and it's not 'remove a sheet from something HORROR MUSIC' to generate horror, it builds and grasps. A ghost attacks the mom, the closet turns evil, and the bedroom door locks itself. Fungus grows from one door, a strange four legged ghost-skeleton with weirdly long front legs appears in front of the other. It looks sort of cool.

 We learn they didn't relocate the graveyard. Skeletons are floating up out of the pool, coffins rising from the ground. This movie is not going to have skeletons kill the mom or do anything that bad to her. It's child friendly horror, but for a moment you almost feel it might, and the scene works regardless. The neighbors arrive and save the mom (who had been calling for their help), but are freaked out by the strange sounds and lights.

 We get a lot of nice effects in this part. Some nice momma bear too. She manages to pull them free as the husband arrives home... with the boss? And the graveyard erupts preventing him from getting in two help. The mom and children are calling for the dad. He ends up screaming at the boss about 'you left the bodies behind and only faked moving them' and the family escapes the house. They get in the car and the older daughter arrives, but won't get into the car (she's having a freak out)... Her extended freak out there is a bit... Get in the car already. The house implodes into the portal and the boss doesn't seem to have gotten any comeuppance which disappoints me. I mean he's breaking down and crying, but 'lost his best employee' doesn't sting enough.

 They arrive at the holiday inn, battered, bruised, scared, but whole and a family. The father immediately pushes the TV out, they have escaped its curse. I for some reason thought there was an ending of it trying to call the young daughter out again. I guess not, childhood memories playing with me. I wash the credits just in case of course. After all if it's a poltergeist it's tied to a person not a place, but there's nothing.