#like idk what to call it but the internal dialogue/thoughts are literally so well written

[mxsticmess]

this is literally so good i love this!!!!!! it’s such a new and unique concept for seven that i absolutely love 🥺❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Dye

Saeyoung Choi is sick of having red hair. 

It’s three in the morning as the redhead stands in front of the mirror in his bathroom, golden eyes tired and body covered in nothing but a black tank-top and matching boxer shorts. He’s exhausted and should really be in bed considering that he has to take Saeran to therapy at eight, but his dreams have rendered him unable to sleep yet again. He drums his fingers against the edge of the marble that lines the counter, his eyes on the two boxes of bleach and the box of toner that are sat there. 

There’s a shower cap over his hair, that of which is soaking in a copious amount of coconut oil. It’s been that way for a few hours, just as the tutorial he googled at 12AM told him. As he follows the instructions on the first bottle of bleach to develop it before pulling out his phone and logging into the RFA chatroom. 

707 has entered the chatroom.

Keep reading

[pepperpottes]

i think i've figured out that my problem with writing fic is actually... reading other fic

i mean, my problem is a multitude of things, particularly perfectionism and a serious lack of self-esteem and confidence in my abilities to do a good job with literally anything, but lemme tell you, reading a bunch of absolute bangers on ao3 lately has NOT helped me in that department lol

like. i've read a few lately that are just SO GOOD. the kind of good that you can't stop thinking about it for days. and that's wonderful! i love when something is so well done that i can't get it out of my head. however, i really need it to get out of my head when i sit down to write my own shit, because then this starts:

"that author characterized [insert character] here so well; I can't do that! do i even understand this character at all?"

"their prose was so beautiful and poetic and had such a strong voice; mine doesn't! it's boring and lifeless and basic and there's nothing special about it to even call it a style!"

"their dialogue was so snappy and smart and realistic; mine isn't!" (re: do I even understand this character?)

"that story was so incredibly creative and well-thought out; my ideas are just lame and i don't have the mental capacity to come up with something that good!"

and most of all:

"that piece of work made me actually feel things; there's no way i could ever manage that!"

and then i end up staring at a blank page, internally screaming at myself: COMPARISON IS THE THIEF OF JOY

and i let it steal my joy, every time.

i do this with everything, by the way. not just writing. i have this terrible vice where i always think to myself, why is this worth doing if there's so many other people out there who are better at it than me? why would someone want to look at my pictures when they could look at something prettier? why would someone want to spend time reading my writing, when much better, more creative, more well-written stories exist? why would this company want to hire me, when they can hire someone smarter and more experienced?

i know a lot of this too is that i am so wildly out of practice with anything and everything creative, and that writing is like a muscle, and if you don't use it enough it grows weak again. i know that the more i do it, the better it will be. but just. ugh. i just get mad at myself sometimes for being this way. i'm mad at myself for letting my experiences in college make me hate writing SO MUCH that i didn't do it for eight years. nearly a decade of honing my skills, nearly a decade of ideas and stories, just lost.

(which is kinda silly, because i'm not even a... serious writer? i'm writing fanfiction. like who the fuck cares)

(but perhaps i could be a serious writer someday, like i always wanted.)

(circle back to, "but why would they hire me when they could hire someone better and more talented?")

idk. i'm just tired. i'm tired of being in my own head and not allowing myself the grace to say hey, it's okay if your writing isn't Pulitzer Prize worthy. it's okay if it's not as good as someone else's. it's okay if no one reads it or no one likes it, cause its yours and you should like it, and that's all that really matters in the end.

i'm also just physically and mentally tired from life and work and society and i imagine that's a much bigger factor in all of this than i'm giving it credit for. i punch out after 8+ hours of staring at medical records on a giant, blinding screen and i'm like, what are words? what are thoughts? i don't have any

(side note, i really feel like that job in particular has sucked the life out of me entirely. i used to be creative. i used to do things i liked, even if they weren't particularly good. i used to be... well, smart. i feel like i've regressed. or maybe i was never actually that smart or creative to begin with. BUT that's another rant for another time) (can you tell i'm a former "gifted student")

anyway, this turned into a really long and unnecessary rant about my deepest insecurities, but moral of the story: maybe i should stop reading fic for a while if i actually want to get something done without feeling terrible about myself in the process.

excuse me while i go, well... not write, probably.

[bettsfic]

Hello i hope you are doing well! I was just wondering if you had any advice re: writing kissing/sex/etc scenes effectively without making it sound super clinical and "insert tab x into slot y"? I know there's a balance to be struck between writing out all the physical bits vs what your audience actually needs to get the gist of the scene, and you do it so well in your writing.

sorry for the delay answering this! first i’d like to direct you to @star-sky-earth‘s tips for good sex writing. truly, she is the master of smut, and her breakdown is better than anything i can tell you. 

here are some big-picture thoughts i have about sex writing, in no particular order:

recently i’ve been asking myself of the purpose and function of sex scenes. when i started writing, every sex scene de facto had to be pornographic, with the intention of reader arousal. over the last several years i’ve really stepped down from that idea, because most of the time i’m writing sex scenes to 

unveil character 

increase or release romantic/sexual tension

explore some facet of sexual identity and intimacy.

with that in mind, i haven’t necessarily been artfully describing throbbing cocks or slick folds lately. i’m more interested in the lead-up and consequences of a sexual interaction between characters. i’ve been practicing what i call the gloss-over and fade-to-black, where i either summarize the scene or skip it entirely. it felt a little bit like a self-betrayal the first time i did it, because i always like to read sex scenes even if i’m not reading them as porn. i’ve been playing with a “less is more” approach to sex. 

in original writing, particularly literary writing, i think smut can sometimes be a hard sell (see: taking years to publish my short stories, which are all very, uh, porny). i had to practice writing sex as exactly how you put it, insert tab x into slot y. i think there’s something to be said for sex writing that is the opposite of pornographic, but also isn’t cringe, you know? like writing sex that is an honest and loving portrayal of the act. sometimes i think that’s hotter than throbbing cocks and slick folds. by that i mean, keeping the sex scene exactly the same sort of narration as the rest of the story, just another thing that happens in a greater conflict (pwp notwithstanding). 

in a romance, sex or the first kiss is the highest-stakes moment. it’s the scene where characters are the most vulnerable. the greatest stakes most stories are capable of are creation and destruction. creation being sex, in either a literal baby-making way, or a metaphorical “creating a relationship together” kind of way. destruction being, of course, death. romances and comedies tend to end in creation; tragedies in destruction. so the first kiss, the first time having sex, and the wedding are all narratively emblematic of one of the greatest possible stakes. death and failure fall at the opposite end of the spectrum.

so, with all that said, i think sex writing very much comes down to the sentence-level construction. here are some smaller-scale thoughts:

in terms of genitalia epithets, personally i’m not fond of any words other than cock, cunt, and clit, with the occasional dick thrown in. i don’t mind other epithets when i read, but i just don’t like them for my own writing. let’s use “cock” as an example. “cock” is a noun, which means it’s either the subject or object of a sentence, which in turn means it’s the thing doing the action or receiving the action (pun, sorry). as the subject, it would be “his cock throbbed.” as the object, it would be, “he touched his cock.” navigating the naming of genitalia is i think one of the hardest (sorry) thing about porn writing. i try to use “cock” et al very sparingly, because when it comes up (sorry) it’s more jarring/surprising. that means i have to construct sentences around nouns which, as you might imagine, is difficult. often, when cock is the object, i’ll refer to it as “himself” instead, which i’m sure has a fancy rhetorical term i can’t think of right now (update: metonym. it’s called a metonym). (and i’m sure some linguist or rhetorician has probably written a whole paper on how problematic it is to refer to genitalia as one’s entire person). for example, “he stroked himself.” out of porn context, you get a very ambiguous image. one can stroke any part of one’s body. however in context, even though it’s not directly stated, we can assume he is, in fact, jerking it. 

generally speaking, in non-porn narration, i’m not fond of adjectives. again, i’m speaking to my own style here, and not prescribing it for others. but it’s taken me a lot of time and thinking to figure out how to construct my own writing style and i made the executive decision to use adjectives somewhat minimally (explaining why is probably a separate post). however, when it comes to sex scenes, i let myself use them a lot, as a treat. adjectives can concisely develop and complicate images. “cock” doesn’t tell me much about what image to conjure. “red, swollen cock wet at the tip” tells me a whole lot about what said cock looks like. here, red and swollen are adjectives and “wet at the tip” is an adjectival phrase. developing images is key to an arousing sex scene. imagery establishes physical response without resorting to “it felt good.” there’s nothing wrong with “it felt good” but if you’re trying to get your reader off, “red, swollen cock wet at the tip” is going to do a better job of it.

now to verbs. verbs are my favorite because they neatly package (sorry) action and imagery together. the word “thrust” conjures a different image than “grind.” both, however, push the scene along. once you establish that the fuckening is happening, you don’t really have to do much else. when you watch porn proper, you get however many minutes of said thrusting, and that’s what, for some people, is alluring. however, in writing, you can’t really write that exactly as it happens. it would be “he thrust. he pulled out. he thrust. he pulled out.” and nobody wants to read that. presumably. maybe someone would dig that, idk.

so instead of “he thrust x100″ or whatever, you use verbs to notate changes in the scene. on a big scale, it would involve changing position. on a smaller scale, it might be, colloquially speaking, “hit the spot that made him see stars.” each change, or verb, is usually increasing the tension to lead to the (literal) climax of the scene. the number and scale of the changes dictates the explicitness and pacing of the scene. the bigger the change in a single verb, the less explicit and shorter your scene will be; the smaller the verbs, the longer and more explicit it becomes. for example, “he got undressed” is different than describing an entire paragraph of removing each article of clothing. “she came” is different than describing each wave of orgasm, etc. which you choose depends entirely on, as i mentioned earlier, the purpose and function of the scene. 

okay so that’s enough about the nitty gritty of sex writing. i’d be remiss to spend so much time theorizing about sentence-level construction without giving you an activity or exercise as practice. so here’s how you might start out writing a sex scene if you’re totally lost. please note, this is not a rule, or even a guideline. it’s an experiment to help you get words on a page so you can revise it into something better.

try out a paragraph with a sentence of each of the following, in this order:

action: character A does something to character B 

reaction: character B reacts (moan, crying out, etc.)

image: dependent on what POV character is seeing, but the point is to pause in the action to describe something

repeat

if you stick to this too closely, you’ll definitely sound clinical, but also if you keep this pattern in mind, at least you’ll get a scene down. when you go to revise, you can move things around, throw in some dialogue, and most importantly, internal narration. internal narration during the sex scene is the key to moving forward whatever the actual plot of the story is (if applicable). 

god i hope this makes sense. if it doesn’t, feel free to drop back in and ask for clarification. anyway, happy porning! 

[south-park-meta]

Hey, sorry if this ask is annoying since you specialize in Stan meta. But what are your thoughts on Kenny's character? Do you think he's well-written?

I don't think Kenny's badly written. I think he's mostly an internally-consistent character, but I do think he's underdeveloped. A lot of that comes down to the gimmicks of his character. I mean, his speech is permanently muffled, he dies a lot, and particularly in earlier seasons he was super into dirty jokes. All of these things, but particularly the first two, get in the way of him having like, good, deep discussions. The first makes him less intelligible, the second actually physically stops him from being able to talk for the rest of the episode unless it's to like, Satan, or he's revived. For a while he was semi-permanently dead. And actually notable, important statements are relayed from Kenny secondhand after he's dead (like saying he dislikes and pities Cartman, or asking Where's Stan?). That means that there's been a pretty huge chunk of the show where it's really hard to develop Kenny when contrasted with the other three main characters. A lot of it hinges less on Kenny and waaay more on how characters perceive Kenny.

That means most of what you're going to get is typically stuff like when he's pissed at Stan being upset over Kyle being sick and dying, because the point of it-- 'Kenny is pissed because he dies a lot and Stan doesn't gaf but does care about Kyle'-- is clear even with no subtitles and muffled dialogue. Even without understanding a single word you'd know why he's mad. To get more character driven moments calls on them to cut out Kenny's 'thing' and make him more able to have clear conversations, like with Mysterion, or to make his SITUATION a focal point like with The Poor Kid, to compensate for anything that would undercut the characterization.

I do think with that in mind he's had development. He's been angrier and more aggressive with not understanding who he is, why his friends don't care when he dies, etc, than he was in earlier seasons. He's been put in more positions to show that he is protective. I think his relationship with Stan is probably one of the best-developed Kenny relationships and shows a lot of tit-for-tat in their understanding each other's parents being addicts and wanting to take care of each other's childhoods, while ALSO wanting to have some degree of control. For instance, Kenny explicitly defers to Stan in Band in China and lets him be in charge, but puts in a LOT of effort to learn guitar specifically to help Stan vent his frustrations.

Stan defers to Kenny/Mysterion being leader (and Stan basically ALWAYS opts out of being leader when the kids play together, and arguably is doing it to let them lead in a 'safer' environment), and has an honestly odd reaction (basically just 'lol what') when Kenny's deeply upset, because he tends to make other kids a proxy for himself when it comes to defending childhood and wants OTHER kids to have a childhood where they AREN'T upset. They both get in this weird parental role with each other in different ways even outside of the Vaccination Special where all three kids take on this role with Kenny. And it's HAVING this control that lets Kenny vent his frustrations more than he's typically able to when in his parka. There's a lot to be said about Mysterion really helping him find his voice even outside of the literal sense of just...being able to understand him.

So idk. I think Kenny's written fine for the most part. I don't think he has huge OOC moments or anything, anyway. But I think he's underdeveloped and I think the reasons for that are pretty hard to break out of without changing how his character is done completely. The moments he DOES have are good, but I do think his characterization's harder for me to get than his friends because of it being Kenny.

[prince-liest]

fic writer interview!

How many works do you have on AO3?

37, though another one is going up tomorrow because haunted AO3 hours started and I don't want to post it in the middle of the night on a Monday. Also like 4 or 5 more in reserve from zines/bangs. I'm kinda impressed with myself, but also, side-eyeing y'all with fic counts in the 100s. Phenomenal. Effervescent.

What's your total AO3 word count?

257,246

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

In chronological order of first fic on AO3: Percy Jackson, Soul Eater, Steven Universe, My Hero Academia, Dragalia Lost, Avater: the Last Airbender, the Witcher, and Genshin Impact! That's 7 fandoms and I'm not counting Homestuck (I only wrote OC stuff) or D&D (same thing).

I also have works from Axis Powers: Hetalia and Katekyo Hitman Reborn! on Fanfiction dot hell that none of you will ever see. I definitely posted and deleted a Twilight OC fic once.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Dish Duty | ATLA

The Sword of Damocles is Swinging | MHA

The Ancient Art of Jerkbending | ATLA

Dishabille | MHA

Summer Break | MHA

ATLA is a powerful fandom so I'm not surprised both my ATLA fics made top five. Dishabille's popularity continues to pleasantly surprise me. Damocles is only surprising because it isn't first. I am so proud of Summer Break and that entire Shinsou series, I'm glad it made top 5 and is gonna break 1k kudos soon. <3

(Now get Dog-Tired up there, I fucking love that story. q^q)

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

To quote Mido: I do, but not consistently. Q^Q I read them all and I really want to reply to them all, but I very frequently simply to not have the energy. I have it posted on my AO3 profile, though, so hopefully it doesn't hurt anyone's feelings... I have recently been trying to at least answer all new incoming comments and not let the backlog increase! (That said, the backlog is over 100.)

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I don't tend to do angsty endings (I am a hard lover of angst with a happy ending), but I've written some questionable and bittersweet ones. I think arguably the best contendor for angstiest ending is probably Kindred Spirit. I wrote it to low key revenge myself on @thegc4life for insisting that Shinsou gets a hug (he does! technically!) and it certainly ended ominously.

Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

As much as I love "Edward Elric gets transported into X universe and proceeds to kick everyone's ass" crossovers, I don't relaly write any. I do enjoy full transplant AUs, though, and the one I recently posted on AO3 is an MHA-at-Hogwards AU called the Birds and the Mares that I wrote for the HP/BNHA Zine!

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Deeeeepends on what you mean by 'hate.' :X has gotten two comments (one much politer than the other, haha) complaining about my use of the r-slur in Shinsou's internal narrative in one of the chapters, but one person backpedaled and said they understood the purpose of it while the other (more vehement) one never replied to my explanation. That's all, though!

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Yeah. It's never going on my main AO3 (and the one time it did, I orphaned the fic). I have a side account I might post it on once I get over the fact that people who know me also know about the account. It's all 100% PWP of stuff I personally am into, and I have a very specific set of things I'm into, so... idk, feels a little personal! ^^"

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No, but I've had people adopt general concepts I used (fabulous!) and steal my RP OCs back in ye olde fantroll days (not at all fabulous! incredibly hurtful, actually). I am vehemently opposed to plagiarism, even of concepts. It feels so gross.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Someone in the comments mentioned that they are translating Bloodied Hound into Russian and I am SO EXCITED. I desperately want to read it. Of all the languages, it happened to be the only other one I'm decently literate in! I also want to show my grandparents. I really hope the person follows through. <3

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I've roleplayed a lot, but I can't see myself ever co-writing a fic. I'm not even sure how it works, to be honest!

What’s your all time favourite ship?

Urgh. Pass. I can't pick one. Perils of a multishipper.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I was going to proudly say "I never post things I don't plan on finishing!" but in reality that is a lie, because Falling Down A Rabbit Hole exists from back in 2015 and is in fact the reason I made that rule for myself. ^^" Honestly, what's there still holds up, but the reality is that I didn't actually come up with a plot, so there's nowhere for it to go.

What are your writing strengths?

Interesting/relatable/funny dialogue, and also writing feelings in a 'show, don't tell!' kind of way that leaves strong impressions with people!

What are your writing weaknesses?

Plotting out long stories with good pacing! People thought Damocles had a plot, apparently? Joke's on you, it was a series of "I wanna see this happen" scenarios that I made Hawks suffer through and subsequently strung together like a haphazard multicolor plastic bead necklace that I told everyone was actually pearls.

That's why all my stories after Damocles are either short or split into a series. Shinsou's Bad Days is my attempt at proper pacing, hence it being so episodic.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I'll do it if I know the language well enough (so, Russian and ASL, I don't trust my casual Japanese), but I'm generally a stickler for making things come off naturally, so I otherwise will instead try to find the closest tonal equivalent in English (such as having Childe call Zhongli "professor" instead of "xiansheng"). Sometimes there just isn't one (like Kazuha calling Beidou 'big sis' but in a way that doesn't sound kiddish and overly casual for him), though, which sucks. :( Language is cool!

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

T. Twilight. QUQ I wish that fic still existed, it was like a single chapter of two multicolored hair OCs befriending Alice Cullen and being cool. I deleted it but I SHOULDN'T HAVE. IT WAS HISTORY.

What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

This totally changes with each new slew of fics I post. I think currently it is Dog-Tired because despite being unsatisfied with the title, I think the story itself turned out amazing. I also am extremely happy with the entire Shinsou's Bad Days series (including upcoming installments).

Tagged by: @touchmycoat (THANK U LOVE <3)

Tagging: anyone who's read this far, LOL. seriously, though, I have a lot of writer moots and I don't have the time to tag them all but PLEASE do this and tag me so I can read it if you are so inclined! <3

[whoslaurapalmer]

finished rereading the raven cycle and you know how last year i said i could be pickier about the raven king but didn’t want to? this year i did want to! 

-i mean, i love the raven cycle. interesting magic, very comfy, would sell my soul for the gangsey.  -but most of this post is gonna be me complaining about the raven king  -the tl;dr of it all is ‘the pacing of the raven king is too fast and too slow at the same time. it’s not that i think it was terrible, but i don’t think it was written as successfully as the previous books. i think, because the pacing of the book is so uneven, that the balance between events, and perhaps the balance between the magic and the characters own inherent internal coming of age power, is off. oh btw i am considering reading call down the hawk but Have Concerns’ 

-noticed the ‘blue is calling gansey from the phone/sewing/cat room and gansey is calling blue from the bathroom-kitchen-laundry’ parallel which i thought was very, very cute. that has my whole heart  -also noticed a lot more of gansey’s whole person just constantly thinking about (or not-thinking about) his death  -BUT THEN THE PROLOGUE TO THE RAVEN KING SMACKED ME IN THE FACE AGAIN HOW COULD I FORGET THAT GANSEY LIKE. LITERALLY KNOWS HE’S GONNA DIE AND THE RAVEN KING IS HIM TRYING MAKE SURE EVERYONE WILL BE OKAY AFTER HE’S DEAD -I CANNOT HANDLE RICHARD CAMPBELL GANSEY THE THIRD MY GOD THIS BOY 

-canNOT overstate how much i really do love gwenllian.  -i love her so much. i love her so much  -same with malory. still love him. 

-okay i guess i appreciated artemus a little more -i think my thing is like. do i have a problem with blue being part tree? no not necessarily. but the pacing in the raven king is so uneven that i think what i dislike is how the reveal happened  -no i don’t know what i’d do differently!!  -every time i disagree with a writing choice in a book i try and think ‘now lulu, as someone with a Literal Degree In Putting Words Together, what would you do differently?’ which is a REALLY good writing exercise but mostly just ends up with me going ‘uhhhh. idk. probably have to backtrack a couple plot points and restart from there. no i will not elaborate.’

-last time i thought the raven king moved too fast and this time i agree but also thought it moved too slow?? -i devoured the first three books every time and then both times i read the raven king i kept putting it down because i thought the pacing was so off, so i was simultaneously interested and not interested in what was going on -too fast re: there were A LOT of characters going on, laumonier and piper and henry and neeve and plot points were just piling up and more like slamming together than converging (piper being laumonier’s daughter and henry’s mother being seondeok especially feel less like pieces falling into place than, oh look! ~a thing!!~), ALSO GOD NOAH NEEDED TO SHOW UP MORE (just like. a smidge more noah. would’ve put a lot together), and the speed of finding glendower/driving back/gansey dying/the epilogue -too slow re: somehow so many things are happening but nothing is happening in some parts, some parts dragged, people are just moving around with no real direct sense of working towards the end, blue and gansey were at lunch while adam and ronan were in cabeswater that one time?????????????  (-not that they can’t get lunch. but they had time to get lunch???????)  -oh i think the four of them maybe felt the most disjointed as a group in this book, which is again not necessarily terrible, but a thing  -and these things are just so disappointing because i thought the pacing of the first three books was so GOOD!! things take their time to happen but HAPPEN and i love that so much!!!!  -i do feel bad criticizing the raven king bc i know maggiestief was going through health problems at the time and it took longer than she wanted to finish. but i am still criticizing it because it’s still a very unsatisfying ending 

-reading this time i felt EVEN MORE FIRMLY that gansey should’ve been glendower, and even went so far as to consider, is the text saying he’s glendower, it’s just not explicitly stated?? because of all the parallels??? of gansey being old and young at the same time, gansey + his own magicians, the parallel between glendower shoving that guy in a tree and gansey wanting to do the same to ronan over the pig, the timelessness of the things gansey loves, the Power of command in his voice, a resurrection in the first place  -and i was going to just say, yeah, it’s there, until i got to noah’s chapter again. -i think noah deserved at least one chapter per book (and maybe more during the raven king) and that would’ve made an already tight plot even tighter, especially in the raven king.  (-i was also thinking that if gansey was glendower then something else would’ve happened when they found him, no i still do not know what) 

-big respect though to maggiestief saying glendower had to either be dead or evil and by that page number there wasn’t enough room for him to be evil -and big respect to the fact that, of course it’s not about teens finding a hero, it’s about teens becoming heroes (these thoughts also pulled from her twitter reread), finding glendower (alive) would never have been narratively good or satisfying  (-especially because it makes sense that glendower was dead all along -- if gwenllian was put to sleep wrong, who’s to say that glendower wasn’t, too?) -BUT, IT ALSO MAKES SENSE IF IT’S GANSEY  -but then you have like. the whole time it wasn’t even glendower. it was noah  -which is why i wanted more noah!!! to better lead to that!!!!!!! cause i feel like that kinda comes out of nowhere!!!!!  -the balance of the magical and the real is just off in the reveal i think  -man i don’t know. this is a lot of words. 

-i also appreciated adam’s character arc better this time, which was really nice. -but i still feel no great attachment to ronan and adam’s relationship  

-you know what. i want more mr. gray and maura -idk if i agree with him leaving henrietta. much like the previous paragraphs and my whole gripe with the raven king, it’s not terrible but i don’t think it’s done well, as well as it could’ve been, as well as the previous books  -also! more adam and persephone would’ve been good 

-i was rereading maggiestief’s tweets where she reread the books and i forget which thread this was in but she picked out one of the ‘character x says something that makes character y reevaluate every single interaction previously’ lines and she was like ‘that’s all these books are’ and i was like ‘YEAH MAGGIE. I FEEL LIKE I SEE THIS LINE EVERY SINGLE SECOND.’ and not necessarily in a good way  -sometimes you can reuse a line and it is a parallel or a connection. sometimes you are just reusing a line over and over. 

-she also mentions writing arguments from a point of, both characters are right, or think they’re right, or as right as they can be or something to that effect  -which i really like, and i absolutely 100% see in her writing  -and so i don’t know if this is just a me thing, because i have this obsessive need to backtrack through even the tiniest disagreements after the fact to calmly figure out where i’m coming from and acknowledge where the other person’s coming from, so while i like that every character comes from a place of ‘i’m right’ i feel like it leads to a lot of arguments left unresolved  -but i think that’s just me feeling like everybody should always talk everything out as much as possible so  -and like resolution doesn’t have to be a big dialogue acknowledgement  -but i still didn’t feel like it left a lot of room for these characters to really work towards change -they do change! but i wanted to see it more 

-oh hey so. did gansey successfully sell of monmouth? did ronan get a diploma anyway? 

-me: ‘thing’ is ultimately a vague, unspecific word and should be used sparingly in a narration, much like ‘interesting’  maggiestief: /flinging out ‘thing’ all the time me: you know what, though???? sure, good for her 

-i like henry. but he’s written terribly, the poor guy comes OUT OF NOWHERE too and should’ve shown up earlier more than his two times in blue lily lily blue, and adam and ronan’s super casual racism towards him is like..................................................................mostly unchallenged and really unnecessary  -if a racist comment is going to remain unchecked and unchallenged by the narrative and the characters, what does it accomplish? -especially because it never ever shows up again or showed up before -and gansey just kind of scoffs it aside and blue doesn’t even really truly call it out which is like, the amount of other things gansey will call out???? the amount of stuff blue will call out??????? AND THEY JUST LET THAT GO?????? -so, again! it’s not necessary!! it does nothing!!! it just adds unchallenged racism that has no place!!!!!!!!!!!!

-also reading this time i felt like maggiestief went out of her way to just not say what race blue was  -that shouldn’t be a thing you just repeatedly dance around and never confirm for your main character 

-so my library still does not have the ebook for call down the hawk but i am vaguely considering buying it to read it but also....................i don’t know -i did read the first eight chapters because they were online and i’m like. Intrigued but also?????? Concerned. idk. idk

-looking at it from a distance i have the same concern with it that i do with king of scars.  -do i think dreamer trilogy is necessary in the way that it explores things that are set up in the raven cycle and have big potential consequences? yes. the hunt for the ‘greywaren’, kavinsky proving that there are other dreamers, trying to make sure a dreamed thing can still exist if something happens to the dreamer, the possibilities and limits of dreamers, ronan trying to dream another cabeswater, ronan’s fear about what’s real and what isn’t/what he dreamed and what he didn’t dream, and maggiestief clearly loving writing ronan and wanting to write more of him -do i think those things are executed well in the dreamer trilogy? from what i’ve read about it, maybe not????  -especially re: ronan and adam’s character arcs????? -which i feel like, stupid and bitchy being picky about. -change and recovery do not happen in straight lines. but i think this kind of cycles back to the way she writes arguments with like, is it too unresolved to the point that no change, either positive or negative, is happening?  -ugggg also makes me worry that i just wasn’t Reading it enough or thinking about it enough  -my additional concern is that maggiestief should’ve maybe had firmer rules for what can and can’t be taken out of a dream  (-yes i suppose that limiting the very nature of a dream goes against the power of ‘the dream’ so it makes sense for it to be limitless BUT i feel like especially the dreaming of people is gonna paint you into a corner if you’re not careful)  -but i am also BIG worried re: the character arcs.  -also where ronan’s character arc is after the raven king, do i think he would do the reveal in mr. impossible?? i...........do not know  -well i didn’t think so AND THEN I READ OPAL which i kind of enjoyed, with reservations, which is mostly back to ‘is no change happening’  (-i love that opal is like, ‘ronan’s inner child’ or whatever it was and i liked her more this time around but last year when i read the raven cycle i was like ‘but what’s the point of taking opal out cause they just kind of shuffle her around?’ now, what was the point of taking opal out if they’re gonna put her back??? and actually almost COMPLETELY IGNORE HER in the short story????? there was so much potential there for her and ronan and it didn’t happen...........) -nightwash kinda just happened too, huh.  (-in general ronan bringing his nightmares back with him is like. God Perfect) -but this all really takes me back to maybe there should’ve been limits on dreaming -also after reading the first eight chapters, i’m like -i 100% respect maggiestief for not wanting to rewrite the raven cycle and not wanting to just write about henrietta, i absolutely do -but it feels so strange to read about ronan and adam and not read about gansey and blue as well?  -which isn’t TERRIBLE, but.  -but when i see like, single lines from or little sections i’m like ‘oh that looks like a good time’ because i do like the way maggiestief writes because a great deal of it is so rhythmically poetic and beautiful, but so is a great deal of the raven king while still being disappointing.  -i feel like i’m just gonna feel about it like how i feel about the raven king honestly -and well king of scars.......

-ANYWAY -might read it. might not. still going back and forth on this a lot. i was leaning towards, i’m gonna do it, but now i’m leaning more towards, i don’t want to, i want to keep the image of these characters where i like them, and right now i am aggressively combing through fanfic because i care a great deal about post-raven king trauma discussion and that’s mostly what i want at the current time

[myherogroundzero]

‘til we meet again (hawks x reader)

A/N: i literally DIED bc like idk school is stressful but im back and im in LOVE with Hawks. i’m gonna be writing more parts to saving grace, but i needed to show my birdy some love. and let me freakin tell y’all, there’s so much dialogue and it’s all written so bad but i hope you love me regardless LMAO i’m just a bad writer. also i’m so bad at writing like angst and shit bc my heart can’t handle it so it went from pain to not really wanting to talk about pain bc pain is bad and bad makes me sad and sad means not happy and thats not good. but anyway, hope you enjoy and i’m gonna try to be more consistent but,,, no promises. the summer tho? that’s gonna be my prime. have a great day!!!

word count: 1.1k

warnings: language, blood

•••••

the moon was rising and the stars were twinkling. the sky was such a beautiful ombré of blues and black. it was peaceful, quiet. though when you took a look down, there was chaos among the streets. the roof of the hospital building was where you went to unravel. after a long day of being second to an arrogant surgeon, it was the only way to relax.

though relaxation didn’t come easy when you knew that people were being attacked and heroes were risking their lives in the very town you call home. from the looks of it, it seemed you wouldn't be getting the rest of the night off. your eyes, however, went from the trainwreck of a town to the beautifully jeweled sky. it somehow still shone, even when bad things were happening. perhaps it was a sign that, although things got bad, there was still a light.

your thoughts had quickly disappeared when you heard a rather loud thud and a painful grunt come from behind you. you turned and immediately recognised the bright red wings of the number two hero, Hawks. he pushed himself up slightly, gripping his side as he tried to catch his breath. you rushed to his side to help him, though panic began to set in when you saw the blood that covered his entire left side, drenching his clothes.

“oh my God! are you okay? wait, that’s a stupid question, you’re clearly not— let me help you, yeah?” you panicked. you did your best to help him stand, making him drape his arm around your shoulders while you gently held his torso. his quiet pants and pained expressions were making you uneasy.

“thank you,” he managed to breathe out, hugging his side tighter with his right arm.

“i should be thanking you. after all, you’ve saved so many people. but i suppose that’s to be expected from the number two hero, right?” you smiled softly at him, attempting to take his mind off the pain in his side.

“i guess so, but people like you save others as well. what do you do exactly?”

“i’m actually an intern. i’m going to school to be a surgeon, but that won’t be for awhile. take a seat in that room, okay? i’ll be in to help in just a moment.”

⋆⋆⋆⋆⋆

“i’m going to be honest with you, that blood is not going to come out of these clothes. would you mind if i just cut it open?”

“do what you need to,”

you nodded and cut through his stained clothes, revealing a rather large gash. your stomach turned at the sight. sure, you wanted to be a surgeon, but you weren’t quite used to the bleeding and gruesome looking cuts just yet.

“you okay there?”

“huh? oh, yeah! i’m just… not used to this yet,” you muttered.

“well, tell me the news, doc. am i gonna make it?”

you laughed quietly as you began cleaning the wound.

“i don’t know, sir. that’s a pretty nasty cut you got there,”

he chuckled before hissing at the sting from the disinfectant you used.

“sorry… gotta clean it. it would suck if this thing got infected. you’re gonna need stitches, too.”

he nodded as he watched your hands. it was amazing how still and gentle you were. though he was in searing pain, your softness made it easier. you were kind and you joked in order to make the situation more lighthearted even if you were panicking, he appreciated that. he leaned back gently when you went to grab the things you needed to start the stitches, his head spinning. he tried to focus on his breathing to make the pounding in his head dissipate.

“Hawks? are you alright? what hurts?”

“fuck… everything,”

“are you saying ‘fuck everything’ or ‘fuck, everything’?”

“my head is killing me.”

“i’m gonna guess you said the second one, then. hold on, i’ll get you some medicine.”

you grabbed some water and painkillers for him to take while you stitch up his side.

“here, maybe this will help with your side, too. what’s your favourite colour?”

“what does that matter?”

“just some small talk to get your mind off the fact i just pushed a needle into your skin to stitch up the gaping laceration on your side. ooh! winter of autumn?”

“autumn, easier to fly. what about you?”

you stood still for a moment as you thought.

“well, autumn is gorgeous, but the snow is too. hard to say, honestly. probably autumn, though. your turn to ask a question!”

your fingers worked quickly as you tried to ignore his soft groans. you felt bad putting him in more pain, and the sounds he made were making you more worried.

“what’s your name?” he asked quietly.

“that’s your question? pretty boring, if you ask me. but it’s l/n. l/n y/n. and we’re done! that wasn’t too bad, yeah?” you beamed at him as you put your tools back where they belong. it hit you hard when you realised he'd have to pay for everything you did tonight if anyone else found out. it’d be kind of hard to sneak someone with giant wings out of a building, not including the security tapes.

“do you think you can fly?” you asked.

“yeah, i think so. why?”

“i don’t want you to have to pay for this. if you fly off the roof to your house, it’d be like you were never here. but you need to rest when you get home, which means no flying unless absolutely necessary!”

he laughed lightly and nodded.

“yes, ma’am. thank you for all your help, l/n.”

you grinned as you put a sticker on his hand, giggling softly at yourself.

“no problem, mr. pro-hero! now go home so you can get better and keep kicking ass.”

you walked him up to the roof, the two of you talking about yourselves to fill the silence. it was going to take awhile for him to heal, and it’d likely take longer if he decided to disobey you.

“can i see you again?” he looked at you, waiting for your response.

you got a funny feeling in your stomach when he asked you that.

“i’d like it. you know, if we saw each other again. maybe under less… intense circumstances. like a drink, for example. if that’s alright with you,” his voice was soft and inviting, and it made your heart jump.

“yeah, i’d love to! i come up here every night. meet me here whenever you’d like. i can’t guarantee i’ll be free, but you’d still get to see me.”

“it’s a date, then. ‘til we meet again?”

you smiled softly as you watched him fly off the roof.

“‘til we meet again.”

[momestuck]

Epilogues: Meat ch 18-27 [Epilogue 4]

So that happened.

In this chapter: a struggle over narration itself.

Dirk Strider has assumed control of the narration. Not unprecedented - Homestuck loves to put its narration in-voice for various characters - but in this case he’s making out that it was him all along, which has like, consequences I guess?

chapter 18

Dirk is narrating, and John actually notices sometimes - when Dirk uses words like ‘functional necessity’. But because Dirk has control over his internal monologue, the plot presses on.

It seems that just about the entire Furthest Ring has gone into the black hole, except for John maybe? Dirk narrates that John starts to blame himself for all this, and thereby decides not to go back to Earth C. He then directs John to find his dad’s wallet, floating in the void.

Despite what Dirk has said, he certainly has a different narrative voice to the preceding narration.

It’s notable that John seems to have some independence from Dirk’s narration. He can directly respond in dialogue to Dirk’s declarations, including to challenge them. Dirk’s power as narrator seems to be limited, not equivalent to the full powers of the ‘author’.

chapter 19

Dirk continues to narrate Jade giving an economic presentation to Roxy and Callie, on the subject of how Jane wants to basically recreate capitalist hierarchy, but on the new world, and that’s a pretty dreadful idea. She actually says the words “capitalist hierarchy”, and declares “none of that stuff works”... Homestuck’s politics seem to have changed, at least somewhat. (Perhaps due to Cephied’s influence..?)

Roxy is reluctant to get involved in politics, and concerned for Jane... and Dirk says something which I think will be important.

In the spirit of full disclosure, Roxy’s the only one left I haven’t been able to crack. Her mind remains a total enigma to me, just like it always has. If I had to guess, it’s her Void powers that make her invisible, even to increasingly omniscient parties such as myself. For all intents and purposes, it’s like her thoughts don’t exist. She’s the same person, as far as I can tell. She still wears her heart on her sleeve. But the bottom line remains: Roxy Lalonde is still utterly fucking inscrutable.

Anyway, then something else significant happens... Callie says they’re nonbinary.

CALLIOPE: yoU are absolUtely not an asshole!

CALLIOPE: i didn’t mind being called a girl. i still don’t really mind, it’s jUst not exactly... accUrate.

CALLIOPE: bUt i did take comfort in “being a girl” for a very long time. this is something i’ve only recently decided.

Roxy likewise says they’re enby too... this causes Dirk to have a bit of a meltdown.

I never would have guessed. Not that I’ve spent much time contemplating issues related to gender. I’m pretty secure in my expression of masculinity, and...

You know what? Fuck this. I don’t owe anyone an explanation of any sort on this topic. I’m confident with who I am, what I am, my gender, as well as my understanding of the concept. You want my honest opinion? It’s fucking fantastic. Good for them. Both of them, I mean, but also, both of them in a singular fashion, since each one can now individually be referred to by the conventionally plural word “them.” I’m ecstatic for this personal development they’ve embraced, for the people they are, the lack of gender they identify with, and the pronouns they prefer. I’ve got no problem with it whatsoever, and frankly, it’s fucking insulting anyone would ever imagine otherwise.

So yeah, I’m gonna allow it.

‘secure in his expression of masculinity’ was not the impression I had of Dirk personally, but I guess we’re going with this characterisation here.

For the rest of this chapter, Dirk keeps misgendering Roxy and Callie in narration - seemingly not deliberately, he swears and corrects himself shortly after.

There’s another interesting conversation where Calliope talks about how ideas of gender were, ‘circuitously’, transmitted to Calliope/Caliborn from watching Earth, and how these shaped Alternia (ok this one’s a little confusing because they didn’t make Alternia? though of course Doc Scratch did affect Alternia). So the system of gendered social relations is literally a “copy without an original” - Baudrillard was more right than he knew!

Anyway Dirk interrupts this discussion to narrate that Jade has a sudden vision of the black hole, and passes out...

chapter 20

Jade ‘wakes up’ in the furthest ring - was there a Dream Jade out here? i thought all the dream selves died but I don’t really remember anymore. Over here, she’s injured - she’s got a big piece of ‘the absence of a future’ skewering her.

Dirk narrates how she’s drawn towards the black hole - ‘the dead cherub is making her move’. At one point, his orange narration is interrupted by red text - the word ‘come’.

Of course, we now know that this dead Jade will fall into the Candy universe, where it will be inhabited by alt-Calliope. I am rather confused about how this came about though. Who’s this almost-dead Jade floating in the Furthest Ring? Why did Jade’s consciousness get shunted into her body?

chapter 21

Dave and Karkat are witnessing the first brood from the Mother Grub. Dave figures it’s kind of gross... and Karkat agrees after ribbing Dave a bit for being insensitive.

Anyway they’re here to try and win over Rose and Kanaya to the election campaign, only, they’re being predictably very Dave and Karkat about it, which is fun. Dirk’s narration is almost taking a backseat here... though occasionally stepping in to point to a trait of characterisation as why he’s going to win.

It’s nice to have Kanaya give some proper dialogue! She talks a bit about troll reproduction, the latent potential for fascism in both Jane and... Feferi. Which, fair.

Anyway Kanaya is rightly pissed about Jane’s plans for troll eugenics.

Dirk occasionally editorialises. Morality, he declares, is a cultural construct (complicatedly true so far as it goes) - it’s “pure ego” for them to think their morality will guide them to the “most effective” laws (that’s also a cultural construct you fucking idiot!)

Dave, continuing in his capacity to make everything as maximally awkward as possible, starts speculating about ectobiological ‘Rosemary babies’ (Kanaya has apparently not considered the term ‘Rosemary’ before, and declares that she hates it).

Kanaya gets concerned and calls Rose - and Dirk reminds us that she’s unconscious on his floor, and answers for her, but explains nothing. Because “John’s doing something important to the plot again” - and Dirk has to be there to narrate, I guess.

chapter 22

Keen to complete his full assumption of the role of ‘anime villain’, Dirk’s narration starts talking about breaking down the boundaries between people to become gods - to become ‘one god’.

Anyway, in this chapter, John bumps into Meenah’s ghost. She steals the Ring of Life that he previously took from Aranea while performing his current spate of retcons, and jumps into a ‘server’. (What did the servers do again? I don’t remember... ok apparently they’re just there in the Furthest Ring, as places people can store such things as wizard fiction and ~ATH programs on them...)

anyway it seems that Meenah can go through the door in the server somehow. presumably ending up in the Candy universe? idk. The wiki didn’t say a lot about what these servers do.

chapter 23

Not much narration, just dialogue. Kanaya arguing with Dirk, specifically. She’s not impressed by Dirk’s excuses (Dirk briefly interrupts to declare that she doesn’t really ‘understand’ Rose, even though she loves her) and sets out to retrieve Rose. Dirk keeps this a secret from Rose...

chapter 24

Minimum editorialising from Dirk this time. John floats around endlessly, and runs into... Terezi! Sure am glad to have her back :D

chapter 25

Dirk and Rose have an argument about... intimacy, identity, and other such philosophical things. Kirkegaard is name-dropped, and it comes out that Dirk (like me lol) gets most of his knowledge from Wikipedia, because obviously he grew up in a post-apocalyptic world...

ROSE: Who exactly were the academic cognoscenti of your era to determine which sources were deemed respectable?

DIRK: That would be me, obviously.

ROSE: Ok.

DIRK: I suppose you’re going to tell me you haven’t read enough Wikipedia articles on loads of scholarly shit to fancy yourself an elite academic by 25th century standards as well?

ROSE: No, I guess I have.

ROSE: I’d be one of the top intellectuals by that measure.

ROSE: A measure set by, I guess, literally one solitary self-absorbed teen boy for the express purpose of making himself feel clever.

DIRK: Absolutely correct.

They agree to have an ‘amateur philosophical debate’, which comes around to whether ‘free will’ exists. Oh boy. Dirk gets Rose to try to stand up, but then doesn’t ‘narratively allow’ it.

Dirk lectures her on the origin of her condition: the disappearance of boundaries in the ‘ultimate self’ amounts to an ‘unbundling’ of experiences (subjectivity, I guess) and the physical processes connecting to it. Dirk, supposedly, is strong enough to withstand this - so he offers to support Rose as she opens her ‘other eyes’, seeing what Dirk sees - presumably the ‘entire story’ that they’re in?

In this state, Rose is also able to see across into the Candy story. She describes both branches as a kind of ‘gross conceptual clumping’, comparing it to congealed sugar in a drink.

Dirk invites her to ascend - that she won’t be ‘her’ anymore, but ‘better’. This is described as an intimate process of perfect knowledge of the other person... and leads Dirk to start speaking possessively of Rose, his daughter in every respect, including ‘soul’.

Oh no Rose... this isn’t ideal :/

it’s funny, I have written before about such a ‘coming together’ of people, of ‘ascension’ in a similar sense, in my story ‘hacker’. but that wasn’t about assuming an ‘ultimate’, godlike form - the gestalt was a different person with different concerns, but not a ‘perfect’ person. here it’s a much more negative thing - a way for Dirk to take control over the ‘ultimate’ Rose.

chapter 26

Dirk’s narration seems to be perceptible, at least in some sense of inner monologue, to Jade. He’s trying to persuade her not to descend into the Black Hole (which, we now know to mean, the Candy universe) through his ‘metatexual’ messaging.

But he’s not succeeding. Alt-Calliope once again interrupts the narration at one point - and Dirk previously did not seem to recognise that it’s her doing it, but now he does.

In Dirk’s eyes, what he’s trying to prevent is a suicide. We know that going into the black hole is not suicide, but going to the Candy universe.

Notably when Dirk has the narration outright declare that something happens, that does not mean it takes effect in the way he describes. He is literally an unreliable narrator.

chapter 27

At this point, alt-Calliope and Dirk are outright fighting to contradict each other in the narration. (i’m gonna keep using ‘she’ pronouns for alt-Calliope, since to my understanding she’s a different person than Calliope)

alt-Calliope’s descriptions are adorably alien - referring to the ‘layers of flesh over her skull’ that maker her ‘expressive’, for example.

Apparently it’s not Jade occupying Jade’s body back on Earth C - the Meat!Earth C that is - but alt-Calliope. Alt-Calliope starts lecturing Dirk in the narration of the corrosive effect of his ‘megalomaniacal’ intentions. Somehow, she pretty much entirely shunts Dirk out of the narrator role. Dirk’s text - complaining rather than narrating - shrinks, and ultimately disappears.

There’s a fucking amazing moment when alt-Calliope gets Dirk going on a whole rant about katanas and how she’s supposedly metaphorically using them wrong.

But ultimately, what she’s going to do is just... ignore him. Or rather, talk about him like he isn’t in the room; use his metaphors, but do not allow him the dignity of response.

experiences such as the sensation of presiding over a vast, empty ocean. his ocean, which terminates with his horizon. it is a barrier, not real, but psychological, symbolic. no matter how much power he achieves as a man, he knows there are horizons he perceived as a boy which he may never cross. and yet i have crossed mine, with the express purpose of perpetually and eternally reminding him of his limits, and of enforcing them. limits, which like his vast, empty ocean, serve to remind him that he is phenomenologically, if not literally, alone. that he has experienced loneliness intimately and absolutely, just like i have. but unlike me, he is terrified by it. and i, unlike him, understand all too well that the children left alone are those who most despair at being ignored.

Epilogue 4, in summary

Damn. I can see why they call this the ‘meat’ route.

So.

Dirk has found some way to assert control of the narrative voice. In this capacity, he’s run roughshod over the various events trying to mechanically arrange them to achieve... some kind of end. But his carelessness in attending to the specific characterisations, instead of relating everything back to himself, somehow left him vulnerable to be excluded from the narration by alt-Calliope.

Whatever Dirk’s plan is, it seems to require... Jane and him to assume rulership of Earth C, and... what else? Well he wanted Jade to go into the Furthest Ring, but not to enter the black hole (because ultimately that allowed alt-Calliope to enter the narrative). He wanted John to do various ‘plot relevant’ things, like... presumably hand over the ring to Meenah, acquire the wallet, and meet Terezi.

Where’s all this going? Fuck knows lol!

We can try and talk about all the issues of identity, ‘free will’ and so forth towards the end, and the interesting attempt to connect that to gendered subjectivity, once we’ve taken in the story as a whole.

[less-than-three-3]

lots of thoughts on ff7 remake (base game + intermission)

I played this a while ago and I’m just copying and pasting a writeup I had- I promise as I get through games it’ll be fully original content lol

obviously spoilers I should start with that I do overall like the game, but I don't like love it and I don't really think it's a best of all time or anything, maybe when the whole trilogy comes out it'll end up like that but for now it's just pretty good. Speaking of the trilogy, I'll just address that first - I don't really think this game is badly paced... storywise at least. It's badly paced in other ways but let's put a pin in that. I think that yeah it's a 30 hour game that covers like barely the first disk of the original ff7 but like I think this argument is pretty disingenuous and misses a lot of huge differences just between generations. Being fully 3D, fully voice acted, and more in-depth (for better or worse) just generally makes the scale much larger and theatrical and that's a good thing for immersion and experience, but having to run around in a fully 3D space as opposed to a 2.5D space means you're spending a lot of time just running around and you're spending a lot of time doing those theatrical things and it just builds up. Overall the story I felt was fairly engaging, at least once it got going, and I can't in good faith say that the story was badly paced, it is about as well paced as the original ff7 just in a much grander medium that deserves more attention to detail (rightfully). So I liked the story, right? Well... I do but I also wished a lot of the characters didn't suck. Ok honestly in the last like 30% of the game the character writing did get a lot lot better but that does not mean I liked the characters and dialogue for the other 70%. Jessie literally has no character she is the biggest offender (doesnt mean her death wasn't sad lol until pizza time). Aerith is sort of annoying and feels stiffly written but at least has decent rapport with Tifa. Aerith just suddenly talking about how sephiroth is gonna fuck up the world and stuff is like a weird sudden exposition dump at the end of the game. I get that Cloud is supposed to be edgy boy merc guy who's been hardened by war but like.... the bit only works for so long. Wedge is like the thin line between annoying and "a character I liked", his arc is neat and despite everything the plot ghosts killed him (?). Tifa is the most normal girl in the main cast and she has a good internal conflict and isn't endlessly horny for Cloud so she's fine. Barret and Biggs are fucking chads I love them, I was genuinely devastated at Biggs' death scene and popped off when he was alive (which is bullshit but hey plot ghosts or whatever). Barret I feel like people probably find annoying but I love his conviction, call it one-note but dude stands by his message and loves his daughter, absolute king shit. I hate the triangle with Tifa/Aerith/Jessie. I imagine it's why a lot of people like this game (they won't admit it) but like no it doesn't work stop lmao. Keep it to persona I should mention that I do kinda like the plot ghosts like yeah they are pretty much just plot armor but you know no one's gonna die until the funny spoiler moment anyways lmao and even then with the events at the end of this game who knows maybe the funny spoiler moment won't happen. I think it is cool that you don't know what will happen in this remake of perhaps the most spoiled game in history. It reminds me of like the ticktockers from DQXI (even though I hated the time travel of that game). Besides characters the writing at least in the first half just feels so off sometimes, like I genuinely don't understand sometimes if people thought this is how people talk. Obviously funny "you owe me a pizza" which... honestly I think it was the voice actor's delivery and really odd sound mixing. But also just a few back and forths between various main characters throughout the "exposition" just felt sorta stunted but idk it definitely got better over time. On the other hand there's a lot of parts that I did find funny like people do shit on the "Mayor." part of the game but I thought that shit was hilarious. Big shoutouts to the cameos of Cait Sith, the timing of which felt like a complete shitpost, and zack crisis core, who felt like a DC cameo. Not a Marvel cameo, but like you know the cameos from BvS foreshadowing the justice league or whatever lmao. More of that shitpost energy and less of the serious shit please. Though I guess they do want people to take it seriously so idk Music I have to admit is incredible. Nobuo Uematsu is a pretty good composer. Same with visuals.  Gameplay I did genuinely enjoy the combat. It has good mashy energy but it didn't overstay its welcome or get tedious like I felt Tales of Arise did. Materia management and skill trees were fun to manage even if ultimately I do not really think it mattered much lmao. But my GOD the start of this game is slow, not story-wise but LITERALLY slow. There are so many sections where you just hold forwards and WALK SLOWLY and talk to people and then watch cutscenes and you do not fight many things in the early game between reactor missions and then the battles early game are piss easy too (for more or less tutorial purposes I get it). I just want to beat people up, can you tell me the exposition while I beat people up thanks Which is where I go back to that pin about pacing- I really don't think the story or world was introduced at a slow pace, even by jrpg standards. But when you account for the amount of "downtime" it is so much time that I just feel bored. Like I don't think things really pick up action-wise until like 10 hours in and in a 30 hour game I think that is just literally inexcusable. Why does crawling/shimmying take so long why am I not allowed to run all the time why does the game force me to walk to follow this npc i just want to run around please let me run my god Not being able to like click through dialogue also kinda sucks, I get why they didn't want to let you because they paid good money for voice over but like Tales did it and like yeah the cutscenes sounded stilted when you "mash" through dialogue but like I am reading the text at double the pace that they say it I could save so much time lmao idk. With the main game I can see the hype but I think it really needs the next 2 installments to really be considered a modern classic. I am genuinely intrigued by it though and I'm looking forward to where the story goes.

all that said intermission is way better lmao yuffie is fun and fun to play as, there’s a ton of goofy shit and the serious parts still hit hard. granted the world has been built from main story but still a banger compared to main game you get to play clash royale!! CLASH ROYALE!!!  the fact that literally all the hold forward to parkour stuff is actually not slow and makes you feel sorta cool is just a cherry on top lol

if intermission is a sign of the direction of the next games I’m all on board. 

petition to just replace cloud with yuffie going forwards 

and let sephiroth kill aerith still

[kieren-fucking-walker]

1-15 for ur big bang fic please ily

Omg I’m so sorry for how long this is going to be but thank you! ily too

1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?

It just seemed to fit the flow of the fic best. I wanted to keep it light-hearted for the most part, but also keep the tension and the knowledge of what he’s doing remaining as an undercurrent through all the fun.

2: What scene did you first put down?

The scene where they’re sat drinking and watching the moon, and Todd asks Dirk if he’s a bad person.

3: What’s your favorite line of narration? 

I like a lot of little bits and pieces. Things like this:

“He shouldn’t have smoked up last night. He’s being paranoid.

He’s not being paranoid.”

Most of Todd’s internal monologue and anything where he’s in flat out denial were some of my fave parts to write, just because he’s an idiot and that’s fun to write. 

I have a soft spot for this as well:

“He curls into him a little more, taking comfort where he knows he shouldn’t.”

4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

God, I can’t even pick one, and it’s hard for me to read through and find one but I’m very proud of all the dialogue in this fic, actually. My favourites are probably any time they’re bickering or Dirk says something highly inappropriate to the situation (see: Telling Todd it’s too early to threaten him with a gun), and the entire conversation they have when they’re cry-yelling at each other in the alley and Todd is trying to get Dirk to hit him. Idiots.

5: What part was hardest to write?

Phone calls! There were two phone calls in this fic that almost take up entire scenes on their own and I always struggle to write them. The balance between it being dialogue heavy and keeping it present in the scene is really hard but I think I managed it.

6: What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics?

How goddamn long it is. 36k actually came pretty easy once I managed to find a good way to write the damn thing, but aside from my series it’s the longest fic I’ve written for this fandom (idk about ever because I have a lot of old fic floating around on other sites). Also the fact that it’s an actual AU. A lot of my fics exist at least in some way in the main universe of the show, but this one is a proper AU. 

7: Where did the title come from?

Literally just thought of it and decided it sounded cool. It took quite a while to get to it, the title is usually the last thing I write when I’m writing a fic, but aside from one or two song titles I just write something I think sounds cool and/or gets across the right vibe for the fic. 

8: Did any real people or events inspire any part of it?

Yes, actually! There’s a part where Todd mentions having travelled with a large group of people to a concert and because he was the smallest they put him in the boot because they couldn’t all fit in the car. That happened to me on multiple occasions as a teen. 

9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?

No. A few scenes were rewritten, but nothing as much as there being an alternate version.

10: Why did you choose this pairing for this particular story?

It’s more like why I chose the story for the pairing, I was always going to be writing brotzly. But honestly the idea just came to me one day and wouldn’t leave me alone. I thought it was a situation that would fit them, and could be quite funny, so I wrote it.

11: What do you like best about this fic?

That I wrote it! I didn’t think I would for a while, and to be honest if I hadn’t done it as a Big Bang it probably wouldn’t ever have been written. That and the dialogue, I think I got their bickering down quite well.

12: What do you like least about this fic?

The end part. I might go back and rewrite it at some point. It’s very very close to what I wanted but there’s just something I can’t quite put my finger on that doesn’t sit right. 

13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

Here’s a link to my Big Bang inspirations playlist (it’s not in any real order.)

14: Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?

Not really? It wasn’t as exploratory as my other fics, it was more of a fun (mildly traumatic) romp. But I guess you could learn that there’s always a chance to do the right thing? That sometimes all of your options suck and you’ve just gotta pick the one you can live with? That you should always check the boot of your car?

15: What did you learn from writing this fic?

A lot about my writing process, actually. That I find it incredibly easy to write when I give myself space to do it without getting too hung up on what it is I’m writing. This is one of the first times I’ve actually let myself write how best made sense to me, rather than how I felt I should be writing, and it made the whole process so much easier and it meant the fic actually got written so I can’t fault it. 

Thank you!! This was super awesome and I had fun answering these

If you haven’t already, go read it here.